#must I go to school and get a day job and all that stuff

[slushycoookie]

Between Two Worlds ~ Loser! Miguel O'Hara x Stripper! Reader (Pt.10)

★ Word Count: 4.3k

★ Content: Big reveal alert. Miguel meets Reader's entire family (finally). Mentions of bullying. Miguel will worry a LOT. A bit of making out is mentioned. Dana shows up again btw.

★ A/N: Had to let this sit in the oven a bit longer so sorry for the late post. I hope you all enjoy!

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The car ride back to New York is silent.

Monday came around, and Miguel and you packed up. He gave generous tips to the staff and thanked them for their hospitality. Then, after another delicious breakfast, you two were on the road.

Nothing was said because Miguel was waiting. You promised to tell him what was going on after the trip. He didn’t want to go all out and jump to conclusions about what’s wrong with you. Maybe you meant when he dropped you off, not right after leaving the hotel.

Now he's seeing why Gabriel said he can be literal.

He tries to take his mind off it by listening to pop music and mentally rehearsing his order at the gas station. He should get another milkshake. Strawberry caramel with whipped cream on top. That can be his treat for the day.

“So…” You start, holding your hands, “Kron is my regular.”

Miguel swerves, accidentally switching lanes on the highway. You shriek while gripping the door handle to keep steady. His heart pounds against his chest for a brief moment when he easily returns to the lane he’s supposed to be in.

“Miguel, what the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He quickly apologizes, wiping the sweat from his palms on his pants. “That surprised me.”

“That surprised you? Note to self, I’m not telling you anymore serious stuff when you’re driving.”

“Sorry…” He shifts in his seat. Your words replaying in his mind.

Kron Stone, Tyler’s son, Miguel’s half-brother, is your regular.

What are the odds that your other regular, who’s been tormenting you, is a man Miguel despises? He was never on good terms with Kron; they never saw eye to eye, even in school. Kron displayed all the traits of a typical bully: rough, strong, and mean. And he never lost any of those traits when he got older.

This must be his punishment for handling the news that Dana is dating his biological father. Tyler’s son had to come in and ruin the good thing Miguel had with you.

“Say something.” You say while looking at him.

Miguel didn’t know what to say. Should he tell you that he’s related to your other regular? Would that make the entire situation weirder than it is?

“How long has he been your regular?”

“Since I started at The Weave. He was my first.”

His face twists at that, “Does that mean…did you…?”

“If you’re asking if I fucked him, no, I didn’t. But…” You hum, biting your lip. “Actually, maybe I shouldn’t tell you all the details.”

“No, no, I can take it.”

“I don’t want you to crash the car if I tell you.”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Miguel holds out his pinky, smiling at your snort. You wrap your own around his to solidify the promise.

“Okay, well… I did give him a few handy’s.”

He promised you he wouldn’t crash the car. His hands grip the steering wheel, knuckles getting lighter. He doesn’t want to think about the idea of Kron enjoying a hand job from you. His girlfriend.

“Are you…planning to give him more when he comes back?”

“No!” You gag, “I have a man now. That means no hand jobs or kissing. Unless its you.”

Miguel beams, “Good. I mean…if you did have to do that for him, I understand.”

“Don’t say that. I like you, I don’t like that asshole.” Out of the corner of his eye, you fold your arms, an annoyed look on your face. “He just shows up out of the blue. I’d be okay with not seeing him for six months, but he suddenly arrives! Always at the worst times too.”

“I’m sorry.” He reaches for your hand to hold. “Do you have to see him? You can always decline, right?”

“Yeah, but he’s one of my biggest moneymakers at the club. The man practically gave me ten grand one night. And that’s with Jess taking her portion.”

Miguel frowns at that. Even Kron can supply you with more than he could. The man is related to one of the richest CEOs in the world, so of course, he could help contribute to your goal of buying a house.

“I see…”

You sigh, intertwining your fingers with his. “The good news is that Kron visits the club for about two weeks before he goes to do rich guy stuff. We can handle that.”

“Yes, yes we can.”

Two weeks is doable. Obviously, Miguel would have to deal with Kron being around during that time, but if that means you get more money for your house, that’s fine with him.

“So, are you good now?”

“Hm? Why are you asking that?”

“Do I need to remind you of how you were acting the other night?”

He thumbs the steering wheel while focusing on the road. Miguel knows that he didn’t act his best that night, despite it being out of concern. But it showed how much he didn’t trust you.

“I didn’t mean to be like that I…” He bites his bottom lip. “I don’t like being lied to.”

“Oh…I didn’t know that.”

Miguel shrugs, trying to play it off as not a big deal. “It’s okay. It’s what I noticed recently. That’s no excuse for how I was acting though…”

“It’s not.” He grimaces at your side eye, “But now I know why. I won’t lie to you, Mig. You know that, right?”

He wants to say he does, but a small part of him can’t fully agree. He knew Dana for years, and she lied to him and broke his heart. Who’s to say the same won’t happen to you? It’s a horrible way to think.

Miguel ends up nodding, and that’s enough to make you relax. Besides that, the rest of the journey goes well.

He gets his shake, you get yours, and some more snacks. It's not until he’s five minutes away from your house that he notices how much you need to carry inside. Your luggage, shake, bags from the gas station, your purse. He couldn't bear to see you struggle like that.

You're going to say something about how you're fine and that there's not much to carry. You're still not big on him, seeing your entire family. Miguel understands your qualms, but he's a gentleman first.

That's why he's not looking at you when he stands at the door; every bag you own is in his possession. Your mother opens it and immediately sees your annoyed face and Miguel’s gentle smile.

“Hello.”

“Hi Miguel!”

Miguel wishes he could hug your mom, but quickly comes in, not walking too far into the house to your discomfort. The front of the house puts him directly in the kitchen. Fruity scents hit his nostrils as he’s graced with an elderly woman sitting on the counter, brushing her hair by a younger woman with features similar to yours.

Everything feels lived in, as if a family has been here for generations. The low R&B music playing on the TV in the background, the cluttered but still neat space in the kitchen and living room—it was comforting.

“Oooh, someone’s back from their getaway.”

You led Miguel to put your bags beside the entrance. He wants to put your things in your room, but stays quiet.

“Trust me, if I could stay even longer, then I would’ve.” You say, “Alicia, Grandma, you’ve seen Miguel before, right?”

He gives a shy wave due to their attention, “Nice to meet you.”

“I need to put on my glasses.” Your grandma stops your sister from playing hairdresser for a moment. Her eyes under the lenses get bigger at the sight of Miguel standing awkwardly by the doorway, “Oh, you’re handsome up close.”

“T-Thank you.”

“You did not need to put your glasses on for that.” You shake your head, offering a silent apology, which Miguel doesn’t mind.

“How was the banquet?” Your mom asks.

“It was nice.” Miguel starts, “The hotel was accommodating and the event was well coordinated.”

“The food was amazing too.” You add when your sister snorts.

“Of course you would say that.”

“Shut up, before I hit you with this shake.”

Alicia gets indifferent to the threat, “So you’re giving me a free drink?”

“Girl, please.” You roll your eyes. We saw so many people there. I swear I never thought I would see them past our TV.”

“Did you take pictures?” Your grandma asks.

“Yeah, I'll show them later.”

“Good, I wanna see that dress you wore. And I bet Miguel looked fine in that suit.”

Miguel bashfully smiles at the oohs from your family. “My appearance was okay.”

“Okay, my ass-sorry. You're just saying that. And don’t you need to go? You did a long drive.”

He wasn’t tired. Actually, he wanted to spend a bit more time with your family. You hardly talk about them, besides the general stuff. He knows how many people you live with, but he doesn’t know much about what they do. Who they are to you. How you view them.

Miguel doesn’t want to think that maybe it’s on purpose that you don't go into detail about your family, but that inkling in the back of his mind makes him think otherwise.

“Wait,” Your mom interrupts, “Miguel didn’t see the twins yet.”

“He doesn’t need to meet those idiots.”

“Be nice.”

You open the front door, ready to see Miguel out, when two sets of feet rumble down the stairs. The sound of an avalanche in the form of two young men.

“Is that my big sis’ boyfriend?”

Miguel could barely get a hi out when they hugged him on both sides. They are very strong boys, and their combined strength almost enabled them to pick him up if they could. It was easy to tell them apart, though.

“Whoa, he’s tall!”

“Looks like we got some competition.”

“You treating our sister well? We don’t want to beat you up.”

“You’re not beating anyone up.” You step in front of Miguel, pushing your twin brothers away. “You two couldn't even kill the spider in my room last week.”

One of the boys suck his teeth, “Now why did you have to go there?”

Miguel snickers when you stick your tongue out at them.

“Baby, this is Chris and Michael. Idiot 1 and 2. They’re finishing up high school right now.”

“Oh? This will be a busy year for you two, then.”

“Yeah, but we got this.” The boys fist-bump each other, making you shake your head.

“College is very stressful, I can always help out if you want me to.”

Chris wraps an arm over Miguel, leaning forward, “How good are you at writing essays?”

“I'm…pretty decent.”

“Nice. We'll keep in touch.”

He's not sure if he wants to know what your brother meant by that.

“Okay,” You push your brother away once more, “Everyone say goodbye to Miguel. He has to go.”

A collective groan from your family soothes Miguel’s heart. Maybe he can spend time with them again, if you allow it.

The goodbyes didn’t stop until you closed the door behind you. Your goodbye was a sweet kiss that made him want more once you parted.

“Get home safe.”

“I will.”

Before Miguel could relax in the sanctuary of his apartment, he went to his mother’s house. He needed to take care of something. At the stoplight, the message from Dana was pulled up. And he stared at it.

‘Hope your weekend went well!’

It was simple. She sent that last night while you were in his arms. He didn’t see it until the morning while you were getting ready, which left him wondering on what to say. Maybe Dana is trying to reconcile. Sure, the relationship didn’t end on good terms, but this message attempted to fix that. At least that’s what he’s thinking.

What’s the harm of sending a friendly text back?

‘It did. Hope yours did too.’

He left it at that.

Walking inside his mother’s house, he notices the mess. Multiple dining room chairs almost block the front door. Tarp and plastic were laid out from the entranceway all the way to the living and dining rooms. Blue strips of painter’s tape covered various outlets and parts of the ceiling. Half of the dining room was painted blue, while the other half remained white.

Conchata came around the corner, her reading glasses on her head while she sported her floral apron, “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“I forgot to send a text, sorry.” He kisses his mother’s cheek in greeting. “I got you those macarons you wanted.”

His mother’s eyes light up at the pink colored box. To his relief, they divert to the kitchen, which looks the same. He smells a pot roast in the oven and comments on the scent.

“It’s for the painter when he comes in tomorrow. Did you see the living room? What do you think?”

“Isn’t it not done yet?”

“It's not, but do you see what I’m going for? I sent you and Gabri my vision board.”

Miguel remembered the sophisticated images your mother sent of what she wanted the dining room to look like: cool colors, combined with all white furniture and a mini golden chandelier. He’s having a hard time seeing that with the half-painted walls.

“Yeah, yeah I can see it.”

With a nod of approval from Conchata, she starts nibbling on one of the macarons. There, Miguel asks how long the house renovations will take. His mother spewed about her plans of getting a new sofa, a larger TV for the family, and even painting the walls blue to fit the dining room. All Miguel heard was that he might need to get more paint for her.

She aimed to get everything completed by Thanksgiving so she could host dinner as she usually does.

“I think it’ll be extra good with all that’s happened so far this year. You know…with your father and Dana.”

Miguel didn’t express how much he didn’t care about his father’s death. Not when it happened a week after New Year's. All he could remember was the lack of tears coming from his mother as the casket was lowered with George in it.

“We’ll be okay.”

He knew she didn’t believe him, but didn’t press it further. “How was your trip? I know this was your first time being alone this year.”

“It was fine. I still had a good time.”

“Good.” She squeezes his hand in support. “Was Dana there?”

The ends of Miguel’s lips curl down, “I don’t want to talk about her anymore right now.”

“That was a yes.”

“It doesn’t matter if she was there or not. I still stand by what I said.”

“I know, but I want to know. I’m sure she was on Tyler’s arm like a leech. A gold-digging leech.”

He stays silent while he straightens his posture. “I’m leaving, Mami.”

“But you just got here!”

“I wanted to drop off the macaroons. That’s all.”

Miguel felt her footsteps nearby when he made his way to the door. Now he was tired. He should've known his mother would ask about her. He just wanted to go home and relax for tomorrow.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

After a small wave and his mother watching him from the entrance, he finally went home.

“Wait a minute, hold on…Kron is your girlfriend’s other regular?” Gabriel asks, jaw still on the floor at the reveal.

“Yes.” Miguel exhales, putting the phone on speaker as he’s making dinner. “I almost crashed the car when I found out.”

“I would too. I thought that asshole was in jail by now.”

“No, Tyler just keeps him hidden. It’s why he’s always taking trips.”

The son of Alchamex’s CEO is hardly in New York unless it’s for a special occasion. In that case, it’s the yearly holidays, and to see you apparently. Kron’s appearance is sporadic that even tabloids stop taking note of his whereabouts. The last time Kron was really seen in the spotlight was rumors of a bad mental breakdown, where his mother, Nancy, went with him to get help. That was four years ago.

Miguel didn’t care for him, and he never will. Not after the time in middle school when Kron fought him in the hallways after cutting Xina’s hair as a “prank.” The black eye he got that day never left his mind.

He wasn’t going to let him do anything to you.

“How long does Kron stay when he comes back from trips?”

“I was told at most two weeks.”

“Plenty of time to…you know…”

Miguel rolled his eyes at his brother's screeching sound. “You know the government listens to our calls?”

“Yeah, but what will they do? Jack shit.”

“Anyway…” He starts while straining spaghetti, “I can hold out for two weeks. Nothing is going to change much at The Weave. Kron will be there, that’s it.”

That’s what he wants to believe.

What Miguel says and does when he hears of Kron’s arrival are opposites of the same coin. He says everything will be fine when Kron shows up, but when he comes back to work the next day, he’s in Tyler’s office, trying to gather information on when his son will show up.

But Tyler doesn’t give him any hints. He’s too focused on Project Rapture, not bothered by his son possibly showing up at any minute. If he is worried, he’s hiding it well.

Dana was better with this kind of information.

The smile on her face is apparent when she sits across from him in the break room, clutching her coffee mug. Miguel hopes the slight grin on his face shows that he’s remaining cordial.

“Kron’s currently with Nancy.” Dana whispers. “The mama’s boy in him can’t resist spending time with her. I don’t know how he can be around her. That woman is insufferable.”

“You’ve met her before?”

She nods, “When I spent dinner at her house with Tyler, you know as a mutual affair. She couldn’t stop talking about how I’m not capable of being with him. That Tyler is a picky man and such. Ugh.”

Miguel’s lips form a straight line, “What does this have to do with Kron?”

“I’m applying context! You know I do that sometimes.”

He held his tongue on how he thought that was irrelevant.

“All I’m saying is that he won’t be with her long. I’ll give it two more days before he starts going out.”

Miguel ignores his stomach twisting. He has two days before Kron comes. Well, the sooner he comes, the faster he can leave. And then you’re all his once again.

“You know, this is nice.” Dana says, stirring her coffee.

“What?”

“You know…us talking again. Like old times.”

“Oh,” Miguel shifts in his seat. “It is…nice.” When she smiles, he gets up, hitting his knee on the table. The loud bang is heard throughout the room, making his exit faster. His face gets warm out of embarrassment.

Back at The Weave, Miguel is on high alert.

While you’re getting ready to do your dance, he’s constantly looking over from the bar whenever anyone walks in, waiting for the devil himself. Whenever he doesn’t see Kron walking in, his shoulders relax despite his heartbeat rising. The music doesn’t reach his ears, or when Ben is asking him a question.

It took him three tries to snap Miguel out of watch dog mode.

“Whoa, man, you alright?”

“Yes.” Miguel sits up straighter and fixes his glasses, “My apologies, what were you saying?”

“Pick your poison.” Ben shows him the various non-alcoholic drinks he has to offer on the menu. “I got this new pear apple cocktail that you might like. Of course, there’s a no booze version.”

Miguel takes it before his eyes fall right back to the front door.

He doesn’t have a clue what he’s going to say when Kron walks through that door. If he should be polite or punch him out right. For what he did to Xina, for the whispers he’s heard from your colleagues about what happens when he is here. Sure, Kaine and Noir are there to protect you when things goes awry, but Kron is a rich man. What are the things he can get away with when you’re in that room with him? That will even make Jess turn a blind eye?

His worry increases when you walk up to him. His eyes lock onto your open torso, the way your purple one-piece outfit holds up your breasts while most of your stomach is bare. Your back and legs match, and he can’t stop staring at those small shorts. Miguel wants to ask you to turn around so he can see how your shorts hold your ass that well.

You kiss him in greeting, and he shyly catches it with his hand before stuffing it in his pocket.

“How long have you been watching that door?”

Miguel perks up, frantically grabbing his drink for security. “I-I haven’t been looking at it…”

“Uh-huh. You can’t fool me.” He jumps at the light scratch on his back. Tempest walks by with a wink as she takes her customer to one of the private rooms. “It’s okay, you know? This isn’t my first run-in with Kron.”

“I know.” But it is his. “I’m…worried for you.”

“You’re gonna worry yourself to death.”

Miguel prepares to rebut when the front door opens. Your head immediately turns to see who it is, only for another dancer to walk in. So he’s not the only one worrying.

You play it off by forcing a laugh, running a hand through your wavy hair. “Guess I can’t talk.”

He reaches for your hand to hold. It’s the most he can do right now to reassure you that he’ll protect you. That Kron won’t bother you while he’s there. The circles you rub on his hand soothe his nerves in return, hoping that’s enough.

“Don’t take your eyes off me, okay?”

“Okay.”

His heart flutters at your air kiss when you leave to go on stage. Any semblance of being worried is gone when you touch the pole. Your eyes are looking at no one except Miguel. Your lack of eye contact adds to the allure, while money repaints the floor green.

Miguel knows worrying about Kron will get him nowhere. He doesn’t want his worries to add to yours, and he wants to keep you happy.

Neither of you notices the time flying by. After two days, Kron never showed up, so you decided to wait it out and try to act normal.

Miguel enjoys his time with you in the private room on his days at the club. He never tires of your hips swaying to the slow beat, your hair following your every move. He doesn’t hide when you sit on his lap and make out with him for 45 minutes. Your tongue teasing his mouth to leave him begging for more. A tent constantly forming in his pants that invites you to keep going.

If only he could make love to you in the club.

The car isn’t comfortable, so you don't accept his offer anyway. It’s almost as if you want to torture him. You weren’t scared of his forward actions back at the hotel, and he didn’t want to rush you into having sex with him again. He didn’t want to admit how he thinks about getting back into your warm, soaked cunt. Staying inside until he couldn’t anymore.

So he swallows his whimpers when you grind against his pants, sucking his bottom lip like a lifeline.

He’s struggling to fix himself when his time is up. You giggle at the 5th time rearranging his pants when you place your hand on his.

“Actually…is that quickie in the car still available?”

“Yes.” Miguel doesn’t try to hide the stars in his eyes. You’re laughing, pulling him out of the room, and speed walking past club goers. He succeeds in keeping up with your fast pace. He won’t waste any time with you, or Jess would try to look for you in a heartbeat.

You stop in your tracks. Miguel stumbles into you, spewing a million apologies for his lack of awareness. Then he sees why you halt.

A tall, broad man enters the front of the club. The scent of smoke attacks Miguel’s nostrils, almost giving him the urge to cough. The man’s eyes immediately lock onto you. His gaze is hungry, fueling Miguel with an emotion he hasn’t felt since discovering why Dana broke off the engagement.

Anger.

“Hey, baby.” Kron slicks back his stark, white hair. “You miss me?”

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[goatgoesmbe]

You're a medic at Taskforce 141.

Except. you're still in medical school, at the final year, and must complete an elective rotation.

You applied for a specialized field elective, which is why you're here.

So expect more stress and sleep deprivation. finals. thesis. reports. all that on top of your work.

No time to care about yourself, messy hair, crumpled uniform worn to sleep, eyebags.

Of course, you work under supervision- a decent man really. He was just doing his job, but it pissed you off how he diminished you sometimes- making you feel like you can't do your job with many stuff on your plate already (which is true I guess, but- come on, you're here for the experience)

Fortunately, there are an odd four that somehow always made your day better.

Like how the Captain stepped in every time your supervisor not acknowledging you.

Or a certain sergeant with a mohawk who for some reason always needed something to patch up. He's probably just wreckless- but you like to think it's because he wanted to see you

Another sergeant- which was the kindest of the bunch. Will sometimes get you a cup of coffee how you like it, even accompany you during lunch- handfeeding you as you are busy studying for finals.

And the lieutenant cared about you in his own way.

Like that one time you were proof-reading your thesis late at night (or early morning) in the rec room..

"Your methodology is weak."

You jumped so hard that your laptop nearly toppled over.

Lieutenant Ghost stood behind you, arms crossed over his broad chest, silent as a ghost as he glanced at your screen, unimpressed.

"What-"

He ignored the question and nodded at your laptop. "You're making assumptions about patient stabilization times. Your sample size is too small. And your survival rate data is incomplete."

You frowned, feeling offended. "Excuse me-?"

Ghost exhaled, the closest thing to a sigh you'd ever heard from him.

He reached over, scrolling through your document with annoying precision, stopping at a paragraph.

"Here. You said field tourniquet applications reduce fatality rates by 60%, but you didn’t specify by mechanism—exsanguination control or delayed shock treatment?"

You stared. Not at the screen. At him.

This man—this cold, intimidating, emotionally-unavailable lieutenant—was critiquing her thesis at one in the morning.

"You… you read this?" You asked, incredulous.

He didn’t look at her. "You left your notes unsecured last week. I glanced through them."

"Glanced? You just ripped apart my entire methodology!"

He finally met your eyes, gaze sharp, unwavering.

"If you’re going to write a thesis based on field medicine, do it right. I won’t have you publishing half-baked conclusions based on incomplete data."

You blinked. Once. Twice.

He straightened, arms still crossed. "Rewrite them all tomorrow, get some sleep, or you’ll make more mistakes."

And just like that, he turned, heading toward the exit.

You called after him. "Lieutenant."

He paused.

"…Thanks," You mumbled with a smile.

He said nothing, but in the dim light, you swore you saw the faintest blush at the high of his cheeks- peeking behind his balaclava. And then he turned to walk away, disappearing into the night.

i like making reader to be miserable but loved, so- because let's be real, we read fics because we're miserable and wanted to be loved

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…��� its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[specialgradefckr]

it's been a long day for you, nerd gojo's personal bully.

shoving gojo into a locker. him getting a boner because he's a freak. locking him in there and having to pull him out.

by the time you arrive at your part-time job, you're already ready for the shift to be over. scan some items, restock some stuff, sweep and clean and clock right out.

unfortunately, today, you have a visitor.

a familiar voice saying your name. which you still haven't told him he could use.

you try not to make eye contact. it's so uncomfortable, so cringey.

why did a rich kid like him even go to shitty convenience stores like this? was his private chef taking a 15 minute break?

you feel heat rising in your cheeks. desperately you wish for him to just leave, to not talk at all, but even if he did he'd probably talk to you at school about it -

"earth to - AHEM! hello! it's nice to see you, i didn't know you worked here!" gojo chirps, lounging in front of your cash register.

he's dumped a giant pile of treats on there. knowing him, he'd eat all of them, too.

you notice one of your favorites in the pile... now you're even more hungry. the last thing you ate was the lunch you normally steal from gojo, because he screwed up getting you a snack from a vending machine.

there's nothing at home, and you're saving money to go to college, you can't waste money on premade food.

he notices your scowl and giggles. not a chuckle, a giggle. god, he's so lame.

"what's wroooong?" gojo drawls, or tries to. but he's so lame he just looks stupid. then again, he always looks stupid.

leaning over the counter, he tries to lower his head enough to look up at your face as you scan the items. "heheh... you're mad 'cause you can't bully me?"

you're struck by the unpleasant sight of his stupid weird face staring up at you with his big weird eyes. his stupid sunglasses (it's night time. loser.) sliding down his nose.

it must show on your face. "come on! you gotta be nice to me! i'm a paying customer!"

gojo's face has always had this really punchable quality to it, one that made it hard to look away from. but he's never been quite as punchable as he is right now.

you feel your cheeks heat up. from the proximity, of course.

"your total is-" you begin very loudly, enough for him to jump back suddenly.

he twists his mouth, handing you his card, "come ooooon. you don't wanna talk? you're free right now!" he gestures to the completely empty store, "wanna come snack with me?"

you do, actually, but that would require spending time with his insufferable ass, and also agreeing with him.

"i'm on the clock, you moron," you snap, scanning his card and handing him his receipt, "get lost. and don't come here again."

you put his things in a bag and hand them to him. he sighs, pulling something out - coincidentally, the treat you'd been eyeing earlier.

"come on, really?" he whines, like the whiner he is. you don't respond.

he takes a long moment biting into it. making eye contact with you.

(well, he's trying to. you aren't willing to torment yourself with the sight of his ugly mug any longer.)

he starts sort of. side-stepping his way out, in the lamest way possible, shuffling so he can keep looking at you until he's at the door.

freak.

when he's at the door, he sighs as if greatly put upon. "see you tomorrow!" he calls out, which you ignore, "same place, same time~"

you ignore this too. right up until you see him discard his half-eaten treat straight into the garbage while he pushes the door open to exit.

and, well. maybe it's because you're hungry. maybe it's because he says he'll come again.

maybe it's just your natural killer instincts as a bully.

you dart past the counter, snatching satoru by the arm and yanking him back into the store. right next to the trash can.

"whoa, whOA, what - "

"pick it back up."

gojo blinks his big blue dumb eyes at you. "what?"

"you didn't finish eating it," you shove him so he's leaning over the trash can, "pick it up."

"you can't be seri-"

you shove his head straight into the trash can, and gojo yelps, muffled.

"hey! hey! let me out, let me out, i'll get it-"

you hold his head down as he struggles against you (weakly, like the lanky nerd loser he is), until his crying starts to grate on your nerves.

"pick it up with your mouth."

"what?" he's still muffled, "with my mouth? that's so gross-"

"do it, nerd," you seethe, shoving his face further into the trash until you hear a crushing sound.

"okay okay! let me up a little, i'll do it, i'll do it!"

you barely hear him through the trash his face is now buried in. huh, you did need to empty the trash can soon. you'll have him do that next.

so much for being nice to your customer.

...no one will check the security cameras, right?

giving gojo just barely enough room to move around, you wait a moment until he starts to grunt and pull his head back up.

when you let him go, he's got the half-eaten snack in his mouth, like a dog with a treat.

he is kind of like a dog, isn't he?

gojo quickly takes it out of his mouth to complain, but you shove it right back in.

"finish it." you glower.

he doesn't argue with you anymore, quietly eating while his face is red and sticky. he sniffles a little, like a pathetic puppy digging for sympathy.

"what's the big deal," he mutters, "it's just cheap junk food."

you can almost feel your stomach growling. you try to pretend you don't hear-

"oh, are you hungry?" gojo brightens noticeably, "we can go out, my treat-"

the fury of a thousand suns rains upon him in the form of your glare. "finish it."

he swallows. quickly eats the rest of the treat. "there! do you wanna-"

"and take the trash out," you say, striding back to the desk, looking for the trash bags.

"what? isn't that your job?" gojo whines as he obediently pulls the bag out.

for once in his worthless existence, he is correct, but this is immaterial, because he is also stupid, and annoying, and the least he can do is make up for it by taking this task off your hands.

"do. it." gojo rushes out with the trash. he's back in just a few seconds.

by then you've put the new bag in, and you put a hand on his chest as he tries to enter through the door.

"okay, good enough. get lost, nerd."

gojo's face reddens, his eyes flicking down to your hand on his chest, and then your eyes.

what's up with him? his shoulders shift and for a moment you feel his chest flex, like there's any muscle on his scrawny -

shoving him back, you turn straight around, darting right to the counter and quickly grabbing some random items from underneath the front desk to stock.

you don't look up from under the table until you hear the door close.

...

...

...ugh. it's warm in here.

"i'm telling you. suguru, it's SUPER EFFECTIVE!" "dude, there's no way this lame ass flexing impressed her." "what do you mean lame? not every girl likes muscles that are huge, suguru! they're noticeable, but not overt. very mindful, very demure." "this is why she bullies you, satoru." "i'm lean. elegant. gracefu- WHOA!" "heh. graceful, right?" "you literally tripped me! anyways. she was blushing! it was the cutest thing ever! she put her hand on my chest-" "willingly? i doubt it." "she DID! and then i flexed for her and she turned around immediately-" "now that i believe." "but before she did, i swear i saw her blush! i'm getting through to her, suguru! our relationship is getting closer by the day!" "ugh... you could start a cult with this level of delusion." "oh my god, should i? i could dedicate it entirely to her! do you think she'd be into that? i think she would, but she's too tsundere to admit it, hehe... i could build a shrine." (suguru is starting to think satoru is not the victim in this relationship.)

[andjsjfks]

my redacted height headcanons because i’m tired and bored (not everyone, although i may one day to a part two with those i missed)

shaw pack + mates

david: 6’6 • he used to be worried that his height would make him look too intimidating to the members of the pack, until one day someone admitted to him that his tall (and let’s be real, wide) stature allowed for people to feel safe around him. plus the kids in the pack love using him as a climbing frame

angel: 5’7 • we know angel is canonically shorter than david but i don’t think they’re actually short short, i think they just are in comparison to a lot of the pack. david likes to comment about how he’s a whole foot taller and angel will immediately correct him that ‘it’s actually only 11”.’

asher: 6’3 • ash is one of those kids that was like 5’7 all throughout high school then the summer before senior year he shot up to 6’3 and that was it. i just know he had a really awkward phase where none of his pants reached his ankles.

babe: 6’0 • there’s something about babe that screams they’re the tallest out of themselves, angel and sweetheart. when the three go out shopping together their job is to grab the stuff on higher shelves.

milo: 5’7 • he saw what happened with asher in high school and was so convinced the same would happen to him only for it to … not. hc that marie is like 5’3 and colm 5’8 so i don’t know where he got the idea from that he’d magically become 6’.

sweetheart: 5’10 • 70% leg for sure, so when sat down themselves and milo look the same height but standing up is another story. they sometimes appear taller just because of the grace they hold themselves with

darlin’: 6’4 • they have been above 6 foot since they were 15. they’ve always been taller than the other kids in school which didn’t aid in them wanting to fit in and keep a low profile. so when david started to get taller than them they were secretly happy. if david’s tall then being tall must be cool right? not weird like they thought.

sam: 6’5 • just a wisp taller then darlin’ and they love it. he was the tallest member of the solaire clan, towering over even william. he has never been the type to try and make himself appear smaller, even in front of a king.

the vamps

vincent: 5’11 • he 100% lies and tells people he’s six foot. sam never lets him get away with it when he does though, i can imagine sam leaning an elbow on vince’s head just to rile him up.

lovely: 5’5 • one of the shortest characters. there was a spell of time (after adam) were they were upset by their height, feeling as if it makes them appear as meek and easy. that’s until they met darlin, who offered to teach them some hand to hand combat. because height doesn’t matter as much when you know how to throw a punch.

porter: 6’0 • is actually the six foot vincent likes to say he is and he relishes in it.

treasure: 5’4 • lovely was so happy when they met and saw they were also on the short side. cue lovely having to explain that the majority of their friends (the shaw pack) are giants so they need more short people to balance out the scales.

d.a.m.n. crew

freelancer: 5’9 • a nice respectable average.

caelum: 4’3 • just a little guy idk what to say.

gavin: 6’1 • but if you ask him he’s 6’5 at least. despite how he’s shorter than huxley who is actually that tall. he’ll just say that huxley must be at least 6’8 obviously

huxley: 6’5 • gavin doesn’t know what he’s talking about

damien: 5’10 • he pretends to not care about height and insists that hes ‘happy with 5’10 that’s taller than average’ but sometimes he wishes he had a those extra inches. that becomes less so after he starts dating huxley and realises he’s the perfect height to fit comfortably in his arms.

lasko: 6’1 • maybe a controversial take having him and gavin the same height but i really do think he’s on the taller side. maybe im just also so against the notion that anyone on the submissive side has to be short so i went the opposite way

dear: 6’2 • just a little bit taller than lasko to the point where it’s barely noticeable and lasko loves it. he found it a lot less intimidating to talk to them at first because they didn’t tower over him or vice versa. it felt like a nice even playing field between the two

non empowered + elliott (lmao)

elliott: 5’11 • growing up he was always taller than aaron despite being younger and never let aaron forget it. until they got older and aaron hit puberty first and shot up, gaining the upper hand.

sunshine: 5’5 • i always think about that audio were they and elliot share a deck chair and think there’s no way they could be tall if they’re doing that.

aaron: 6’2 • as soon as he got taller than elliot he immediately turned all of the jokes he had to grow up hearing as a kid right back onto elliot.

smartass: 6’0 • they used to hate the fact they’re taller than were shorter than aaron, who of which would take that and run with it during their workplace arguments. but not they’re dating they actually love being a little bit shorter. not that they’d admit it.

ollie: 5’6 • the shortest of the spoken adult characters and he has no issues with being on the shorter side for guys his age. it’s never been something that bothers him

baby: 5’3 • and folks we have our shortest redacted character (excluding caelum). they exude short energy in the sense they could comfortably curl up on an armchair in the sun and fall asleep.

guy: 5’8 • i refuse to give this fuck (affectionately) anything more than 5’8. i will not explain further.

honey: 5’11 • i just know guy loves the fact they’re taller than him because that means their hoodies will always be just the right amount of oversized to be comfy.

[chloecouture]

Public speaking and keeping and audience interested

Hey there it’s Chloé here, for today’s topic I decided on public speaking and how to keep an audience interested.

Why am I discussing this topic? My presentations and public speaking skills always get praised and I get asked for tips by people all the time, so I feel qualified to give you guys some tips.

Let’s not waste anymore unnecessary time.

These tips will be perfect for presentations, especially if you are in school or your job requires presentations. (This is specifically about talking to an audience, a post about how to have conversations will come later)

1. Naturalness.

You need to be able to keep people interested and talk about a topic without having to look at a cheat sheet.

Try and remember as much as you can but talk about it in your own words. That’s how you make it interesting and natural.

However if “uhmms” are natural to you obviously try and avoid that.

2. Eye contact and using your hands.

This will be a hard for a lot of people but you need to look at the audience, look around while talking and use your hands to explain stuff, that way when you are slowing down or forgetting something you keep them distracted.

Eye contact is a must in a lot of situations, it shows that you are confident.

Keeping your hands visible also builds trust with the audience.

3. Pace.

Do not speak too fast or too slow keep a calm pace.

Make slight pauses when you ask a question so the audience will want to know what you are going to say. For example (staying on theme): “But how do you actually stay calm while giving a presentation?” short 1-2 second pause and make eye contact with the audience, then move on to the next sentence.

The audience will start to really question it and want to know the answer as well. This will become more natural the more you do it.

Practice it in the mirror if you want to.

4. Intonation, emotion and emphasis .

Going back to the sentence from the last tip: “But how do you actually stay calm while giving a presentation?”. If you say this in an even tone with no emotion, people will not care what you say.

Speak with better intonation, learn when to have a more serious tone or when to have a more happy tone.

Now onto emphasis: “But how do you actually stay calm while giving a presentation?”.

In this situation emphasizing ‘actually’ while speaking would be ideal. It shows that you know the answer to that question, that you thought about it.

5. Expression.

Facial expressions, the audience loves that.

When you’re speaking match your facial expression with what you’re talking about.

Don’t overdo it, it won’t look natural.

6. Posture and body language.

Have relaxed body language but keep a good and straight posture.

Good posture will show that you are confident and will make you feel more confident.

People will also take you more serious if you carry yourself in a serious way.

7. Interesting presentation.

If you are a creative person, make a creative presentation. This surely helps if you aren’t good at public speaking since it will be a distraction.

My latest presentation was for a fashion class I had, I made it in the form of an online magazine.

If you combine good public speaking with interesting presentations there is nothing to worry about.

Here we have our public speaking tips, the tips mentioned above are ones that I use and have helped me immensely. Every time i do a presentation on anything people always ask me how I do it, so I thought I’d share.

Thank you for reading.

Hope you have an awesome day if it’s still starting, if it already ended I hope you had a great day. Tomorrow is always a brand new day, making mistakes is fine.

Au revoir

-Xoxo Chloé C.

[actualbird]

who do you think makes the most money amongst the NXX men. we have luke with three sources of income (NSB, antique shop & private detective gig), marius whose a literal CEO of the biggest corporation, vyn who has his own research centre + is a psychiatrist + nobility (not sure if that counts tbh given his complicated relationship with his haspran lineage) and artem whose a lawyer. i feel like marius makes the most, and then it’s kinda debatable between vyn and luke, but artem’s for sure last, and that’s wild because he makes BANK. he’s only in fourth place because someone has to be there 🧍‍♀️

anon, i need you to know this simple question sent me into a spiral. it had me googling things like "How much does James Bond make annually???? (adjusted to present day inflation)" and wondering things like "hold on, what currency do we use for this, because Stellis uses their currency of Stellins and the income will definitely depend as well on the strength Stellin as a currency and the cost of living within Stellis, but oh god we don't really have any good information on how much Stellin is in comparison to IRL currencies, but fuck, i do need to pick a currency to base this off of or else we're not getting ANYWHERE [PULLS AT MY FUCKING HAIR]---"

okay. all that said, this question sent me through so many tabs of googling, but after all that research and my own headcanons and views, here is my answer.

1ST PLACE = marius von hagen

obviously. he's the CEO of one of the most powerful and influential corporations in the country of Stellis. he makes like a gazillion bajillion fuckoff-illion Stellin annually, we dont even have to find a number for him because he's definitely at the top.

did you know canonically, marius never checks the price tag of any of the things he buys? yeah. i think that says enough

2ND PLACE = vyn richter

im not going to do any numbers or math for vyn either because i agree with you that vyn is at second place. vyn technically has the following sources of income

psychologist/psychiatrist

owner/co-founder of Giannovyn Mental Health Research Center

visiting professor at the School of Psychology of Stellis University

being Royalty (but this is...complicated)

being a visiting professor is basically negligible, income-wise. i come from a family of teachers so i know teachers, even at a university level, are paid horrendously. but his practice as a psychiatrist and the income he gets as the owner and co-founder of his research center must be Big Bucks

as for the being Royalty part.....i dont think thats Income, per se, but vyn definitely doesnt need to WORRY about money tbh. worst comes to worst, shitbag dad eirik haspran will throw svartish currency at vyn's face, which vyn will ABSOLUTELY HATE, but that doesnt get rid of the fact that it Is money that he's got access to.

in terms of attitudes and behaviors in regards to spending, his placement of 2nd place seems to align here: vyn lives with many fancy luxuries!! nowhere near as extravagant and out-of-this-world as marius, but it's There: the clear see-through grand piano in his pre-moving-in-together bedroom, the upper class hobbies and interests like wine tasting and horse riding, that kind of stuff. so i think he fits here in 2nd place.

INTERMISSION = i need to take you through my process, methodology, and struggle here (so you understand what i WENT THROUGH)

okay now it was artem and luke that tripped me up the most for this response. my gut instinct when you said artem was last place just made me go "that can't be right...."

i originally tried to solve this conundrum by doing actual math and conversion. my process was:

search the job's annual salary in China (because Stellis is based on Chinese cities in general. this would mean we would be working under Chinese living costs and the Chinese Yuan)

convert those values into Philippine Peso simply so that i can comprehend the numbers

compare who's higher!!

but then that made me realize a big issue with this process.....artem's job is easy, he's a Senior Attorney. but luke....what the FUCK is his actual job title for the NSB??????

in Main Story 05-01, he describes himself as part of the "Financial and Technological Crime Section" of the NSB, and he joins the NXX Investigation Team as a "special investigator" but like....WHATS HIS TITLE. WHATS HIS POSITION. WHATS HIS JOB DESCRIPTION AND WHAT ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITIES???

on NSB missions or during his NSB era, luke has been seen doing undercover work, hacking (idk a more formal term for this), combat training for new recruits, AND THE LIST GOES ON. essentially, searching for his "job" in the first place tripped me up

hence why i landed at this reddit page

it seemed like a lost fucking cause to use actual IRL sources for luke's job so i went into the realm of fictional secret agents, james bond being the most known and, well, luke pearce is basically james bond at this point, what with everything he's had to do already.

HOWEVER, i won't be using the exact numbers that the above reddit thread came up with, because those numbers are based on the living costs and culture of Europe. that fucked up all the numbers ONCE MORE

SO WHAT I INSTEAD DECIDED TO DO WAS extrapolate the answer based on Vibes and Living Conditions

"zak why did you tell us all of this if you were gonna disregard it anyway" because you all need to know how much i wENT THROUGH, FOR THIS ASK SKJFBDLSKFJSD.

3RD PLACE = artem wing

he may have a normal job but consider the fact that he bought a penthouse apartment straight out of college.

additionally, after consulting an Artem Knower, she mentioned and reminded me of the fact that Pax is Themis' client. so artem is getting them BIG PAX BUCKS.

his living conditions are sleek, elegant, and luxurious. not at the same level as vyn and marius, but it is very swanky. in his pre-moving-in-together apartment, he literally had his own private cinema room. his kitchen had two ovens. these are signs that he makes BANK.

4th PLACE = luke pearce

"but zak!! luke literally has THREE SOURCES OF INCOME!! AND ONE OF THOSE IS BEING A GOVERNMENT AGENT!!!" to that i say:

the income from Time's Antiquities is honestly negligible because 1) its main purpose, canonically, isn't actually to be an establishment but instead a front for his PI business. yes, he does do restorations and make sales, but that's not his priority. and 2) HE DOES SO MUCH SHIT FOR FREE. LUKE, THIS IS NO WAY TO RUN A BUSINESS!!! KBSLFBLDS

the income from his Pearce Private Investigations is also somewhat negligible because, again, HE ALSO DOES CASES FOR FREEEEEE or at the very least is very flexible about payment

as for being a government agent........the government does Not Pay Its Employees Well

"but unlike artem, who has an apartment, luke has an entire 3-floor building to himself!!" yes he does! but he did not buy that. it was canonically left to him by his deceased parents

with those matters out of the way, i wanna say that luke making the least among the boys (WHICH DOESNT MEAN HE MAKES LITTLE. he definitely still makes Money, just not as much as the other three) makes sense given his Vibes and Living Conditions

in terms of vibes, luke is a very simple boy. he tends for "low-brow" hobbies and indulgences and food. in terms of living conditions, his pre-moving-in-together living space, which was just one floor of his 3-floor building, was very simple as well, even cramped. his bed was on a palette on the FLOOR. LUKE, FOR GOD'S SAKE, SURELY YOU MAKE ENOUGH TO GET A PROPER BEDFRAME //SHAKES HIM

-

conclusion = never make me do this again

i went through a crisis trying to answer this ask. people are allowed to have different opinions of course, but this is My View. i hope this response was at the very least entertaining. KBKSJFSDF

[ariasakka]

Flames of Fate

Most of you followed me from my Viktor arcane smut…I have a feeling you won’t be interested in my Enji works so please just pretend you don’t see these ones thank you 😊

Your Fuyumi’s new work best friend you go to her house one night to drink and talk boys that’s when you meet her dad…

Female reader, age gap, daddy kink, size difference, smut with plot, fluff, etc

MDNI

Yeah so for some reason my Enji obsession always gets so bad when I’m ovulating…I had to give in and write Enji again for my own guilty pleasure. Hope you like the fic!

Fuyumi is 25, Enji is 45, you are around the same as as them in this story. (In my head y/n is 23-25 but you can make the reader whatever age you wish)

Song I was thinking of while writing “guys my age” by hey Violet

Fuyumi work’s at a hero day care. It’s nothing too special but it pays really good and it’s secure. Her dad gave her a good recommendation so she knows for sure they’d never dare fire Endeavor’s daughter.

She’s been working there since she was 20. Fuyumi went to college for about a year then dropped out. Enji didn’t mind as long as she was able to find a good job which she did. She hasn’t been able to make friends at day care because most of the women working there are far older and have little to nothing in common other than good cooking skills. That was until you started working there a few months ago.

Fuyumi was so happy to have someone close to her age working there with her! You are a bit shy so it took a few months for you guys to start being close. Finally you both got close enough for her to ask you over for drinks.

Fuyumi wanted to talk boy problems. She didn’t have anyone to vent to about stuff like this. She definitely couldn’t talk to her brothers about this sort of thing. You honestly found it amusing you had always thought Fuyumi was the innocent type you were eager to learn more about her.

Fuyumi had picked you up from your apartment to bring you over to her house.

When she had parked outside a massive house you were confused. You didn’t know she was Endeavors daughter. She doesn’t ever talk about her family aside from her brothers. You had thought she lived alone. You felt a little underdressed now. You were wearing a black fitted long sleeve shirt with a long skirt, still a nice choice but still.

You “Hey um, this is where you live?”

Fuyumi “Yeah! Sorry I forgot to mention. I still live with my brothers and dad! Though my brothers all live in school dorms so mostly just my dad.”

You “No worries. I now feel a bit underdressed for such a nice house haha”

Fuyumi “Don’t worry about it, you always look great y/n! If anything you always make me feel underdressed at work with all your natural beauty. Well here we are! Do you have any drink preferences?”

You “Nothing too strong I can’t handle alcohol that well.”

You both walk into the house. It’s absolutely beautiful and spotless. You wonder if her father hires a cleaner or if Fuyumi does this all herself. She leads you to the living room, it’s almost the size of your apartment. You can imagine she must get lonely being in such a big house all the time with her brothers at school.

Fuyumi comes back with a few bottles of wine and some glasses.

Fuyumi “Stealing some of my dad’s fancy wine tonight. But don’t worry he won’t mind. It’ll be just us for a while dad doesn’t get back till late.”

You smirk while pouring a glass “So…what are these so called boy problems you were so eager to tell me about mm?”

You both spend a few hours chatting about boys. Turns out Fuyumi had been sleeping with two men at the same time. They found out and now she doesn’t know who to choose. She’s considering being polygamous with them. So unexpected but you figure she needs some excitement in her life. After all working at a daycare isn’t really all that exciting even if they do all have quirks.

Endeavor had arrived back home from work earlier than his daughter expected. It’s around 7 she wasn’t expecting him till 10 especially since it’s a Friday. Fuyumi was laughing so loudly talking about the sex she had last night neither one of you heard Endeavor come in. He knew when his daughter was laughing so loudly she had to be drinking again. Enji knew whenever she drank she forgot to eat he wouldn’t let her go to bed on an empty stomach. Trying his best to Ignore the topic she was talking about he walked up to the living room and knocked gently on the already half open sliding door.

Enji teases “Fuyumi are you stealing my wine again?”

Fuyumi “Oh my god dad! I- I thought you’d be home later.”

Enji “Oh, hello, I am Fuyumi’s father. Sorry I didn’t know anyone else was here. I’m Mister Todoroki. Have either of you girls eaten? If not I’ll order something. What do you both want?”

As soon as he walks through the door you lock eyes with him. He’s the largest man you’ve ever seen. He looked so sexy and intimidating at the same time. Then when he opened his mouth, oh my god. You’d never known someone could speak that low. His voice had too big of an effect on you. You had to gently press your legs together hoping no one would notice since the table was in the way. You shouldn’t be thinking this way about your best friend’s father. She’d probably hate you if she found out. It’s even worse that both of you hadn’t broken eye contact since he walked in. You were desperately waiting for Fuyumi to answer. The only thing you wanted to eat right now was her dad.

Fuyumi “No not yet, Chinese takeout is good. Is that okay for you y/n?”

You smile and nod at Enji “Yes thats fine. Thank you sir.” before turning your gaze back to Fuyumi.

You were the first thing Enji noticed when he came in the living room. You were striking. He knew Fuyumi had mentioned making a new friend at work but he never thought she would be this breathtaking. He couldn’t take his eyes off you. You were smaller than most women. A little smaller than Fuyumi who was also already small. He wanted you to look up at him like that forever. Enji was going to call to get a pickup order but instead heads right out to get it himself. He needs time to wash those thoughts out of his head. It didn’t help the whole time he was gone he thought about how beautiful your hair looked. How cute your flushed face was when you weren’t expecting anyone to come home. He figured he just needed to get fucked. Though it hadn’t been that long since he had a one night stand. Something about you was different, more intriguing. It didn’t help that he knew he probably wouldn’t think anything was more beautiful than you. He shouldn’t be thinking about his daughters only friend like this.

As soon as Enji left the awkward tension left and the two of you got back to chatting as if he was never there.

Fuyumi “I’m sorry i should’ve told you who my dad was! I didn’t think he’d be home at all he usually works really late Fridays. I didn’t want you to just be my friend because of my dad a lot of girls in college used to talk to me only because of him.”

Oh, you hadn’t even realized it was Endeavor for a few minutes the only thing you could think about was how attractive that man was. He looked so different out of his Hero costume.

You “I guess it explains the house haha. It’s alright Fuyumi don’t feel bad for not telling me. I get it, I do. When I was younger both of my parents were drunks. They left me to fend for myself. I had to live out of random guys houses until I had enough money for my own rent. I never told anyone that because I knew they wouldn’t want to be my friend. They’d think I was too troubled. Some people found out in highschool and well let’s just say that’s the reason you’re my only friend right now.”

Fuyumi “I would never judge you for that. I’m glad we both know eachother better now. You could probably already tell but you’re my only friend too. I was so happy when you started working at the daycare!”

Fuyumi “So tell me about your boy life now, I’ve basically told you all of mine. It’s only fair y/n”

You “Well about those “guys” I used to live with in highschool. I guess those were sort of relationships if you want to call it that. I didn’t have any money so they asked me to sleep with them to “make up for it” I didn’t really enjoy it. None of them could make me cum but it was fine at least I had a roof over my head. Thank god for this job now. Pays for a decent apartment.”

Fuyumi had no idea why you lived in such a small apartment with your job. It was the size of her bedroom. Granted her bedroom was bigger than average and due to her dad being Endeavor she gets payed more than everyone else but she doesn’t know that.

Fuyumi “Very glad you have an apartment now. Were there better guys after that?”

You “Well I dated two guys after that who were our age. The first one, horrible in bed, and had such a major cheating problem. Fuck that many girls and you still don’t know how to make one finish? Funny because he was the one that left actually. The second guy was so sweet. I tried to like him I really did. I figured if I was with someone nice then I’d actually be treated well and able to finish for once. No luck there. He was so boring he couldn’t even make me laugh once. I felt bad because I knew he was a good person but after two years I just had to end it. I thought the relationship would get better as it aged but I only grew more tired. Recently I started talking to someone new. We aren’t dating yet. Still the talking stages. He can’t seem to remember a single thing about me though. He even called me the wrong name last night. But I’m bored so I guess I’ll date him. It’s not like there’s any other better men out there right now for me. Maybe he can be useful and go down on me. Speaking of, why are so many men so scared to do that nowadays as if they don’t shove themselves down our mouths not caring if we like it? So annoying!”

Fuyumi smirks “Can’t finish? I can give you some toys later to help with that. Maybe plastic can treat you better than a man.”

You “Fuyumi!”

You both laugh so loud after that. Both of you even more drunk now and unaware that Enji had been back to hear that conversation. He shouldn’t have been listening but he couldn’t help it. You seemed so sweet with the way Fuyumi always talks about you. You’re drop dead gorgeous too he couldn’t believe you’ve had such bad luck with men. Before he waits too long that someone awkwardly sees him he makes his way to the living room. He walks a little heavier so you both can hear him.

Enji “Hi girls. Here’s your food. Don’t drink too much you’ll make yourselfs sick.”

You were so embarrassed hoping he didn’t hear any of the conversation. Fuyumi was too drunk to care she started filling her face with the food immediately.

You “Thank you so much Mister Todoroki sir, you didn’t have to. I really appreciate the food.”

Enji “You’re welcome y/n, I hope you like the food.” He points to Fuyumi “Did she drink too much?”

You chuckle “Yeah i think a little.”

Fuck her laugh is cute

Why is he looking at me like that did I do something?

Enji “I’ll leave both of you be, I’ll be in my office if you need something.”

I hope I didn’t stare too long I don’t want her thinking Fuyumi’s dad is a creep.

A little while after eating it’s midnight now. Fuyumi was supposed to drive you home but she’s passed out on the couch now. You loudly stumble your way all to the front door. You’re going to call a late night cab once you’re outside. Enji hears the noise of your heels walking about. Right before you can open the front door you feel a strong heat radiating behind you and feel a hard push on the door. Oh fuck. Endeavor is standing behind me isn’t he. You look up and see his hand pressed against the door. You turn around to look up at his face. “I was going to call a cab sir-“

Enji “It’s far too late and you’re far too drunk to go home. We have spare rooms. I’ll make you a bed. Don’t try to argue I won’t take no for an answer. I know Fuyumi will be happy to talk more with you in the morning. Now let me show you to your room.”

Was he always this hot when he was stern? All you can do is nod and follow him. Just as you thought the house couldn’t get any bigger the upstairs was even more beautiful. There were so many rooms you wondered what they were all for. He couldn’t stop thinking about what you were telling Fuyumi about men. He should be more nervous to say anything but he feels like he has to.

Enji “I know it’s not my place but I overheard a little. A nice respectable young woman like you should not settle for awful men. You should drop that fool who can’t remember simple things about you. Y/n you can find much better.”

You “oh- I um. Thanks I will.”

You had just met did he really think that highly of you?

Enji “Here’s the bathroom. Please brush your teeth while I bring you something to wear to sleep.”

He would’ve got something of Fuyumi’s for you to wear but he wasn’t sure what clothes she was okay having borrowed. He got one of his sons old sweatshirts and instead.

Enji “Here’s a sweatshirt it should be comfortable enough for tonight.”

Without thinking you start to undress infront of him to put the sweatshirt on. He should really look away but you don’t seem to notice. You’re too drunk to care. He can’t bring himself to look away anyways. Your breasts look so soft. He could fit both of them in one hand. You’re even shorter without your heels on. And the sweatshirt, oh god. The sweatshirt goes down long enough that he can’t see anything more as you undo your skirt from under the sweatshirt.

You looked so small in it. It came above your knees. He wants to see what you look like in one of his shirts next. Maybe next time you sleep over he can lend you one of his.

Enji “I’ll wash your clothes tomorrow morning. I brought some of Fuyumi’s makeup remover too-“

You wine in protest “Ew no! I don’t want you to see me without makeup you already are seeing me drunk!”

Enji “Come on, don’t be bad. It’s not good to sleep in your makeup.”

The way he said that so sternly yet so calm is making you feel more wet than you want to admit. You immediately submit and grab the makeup wipes away from him to wipe off the makeup yourself. As you do you are a bit wobbly standing up, you feel so dizzy. Your reflection in the mirror is fuzzy from a mix of wine, makeup in your eyes, and tiredness.

Enji sits down and pats his lap. “Here let me. You’re too drunk. I’ll help you.”

You sit in his lap. He immediately praises you with a “good girl” thinking nothing of it. His touch was so warm. If only he knew what he was doing to you.

You’re soft, so small in his lap. Much smaller than his ex wife ever was. Fuck the thought of splitting your little cunt open on his cock..no wait why is he still thinking that. He can’t think that. Not about his daughter’s friend. Why did Fuyumi have to make friends with someone so tempting?!

Enji helps take off your makeup as you sit in his lap. The way he wipes it off so soft despite being so strong was surprising. It was nice. Maybe he’s helped Fuyumi with her makeup when she’s been drunk before or maybe..a wife? Fuyumi didn’t mention a mom, does she have a mom? Oh no if you’re feeling this way about your best friend’s dad AND a married man that’s awful.

Enji finishes removing your makeup. Fuck, I really didn’t think someone could be more beautiful without makeup he thinks to himself.

“You’re just as beautiful without makeup. Now, don’t drink as much next time please. It’s bad for your health.”

He gently brushes your messy hair with his fingers after setting the makeup wipes aside. You’re too far gone and sleepy to have any more self control over your words. You drunkly say “Why didn’t Fuyumi ever tell me her dad was so hot?”

Before he can even say anything like he would anyways he’s too stunned to speak, you fall asleep in his chest. He gently lifts you up and lays you down on the spare bed. He places some blankets over you so you won’t fall cold. He stays there for a moment watching you sleep. He questions your words. Could she really find me attractive? An old man like me, I’m a pro hero yes but women only ever want me for my wealth not my looks? Maybe if I touch myself tonight thinking of her I’ll get over it. She’s probably just drunk. Yeah that’s it, she’s just drunk. She won’t even remember it tomorrow. It definitely didn’t mean anything.

When he goes to his room he’s already hard. He touches himself to the thought of you. Little did he know it would only make him want you more.

When you wake up you shower before putting on the sweatshirt again. You go downstairs to see if Fuyumi is awake yet. When you go down stairs you instantly lock eyes with Enji in the kitchen. He’s sitting down drinking coffee. Somehow he seems hotter than last night. His hair is slightly damp from a shower you want to run your fingers through it. You don’t remember anything from last night after he started to take your makeup off.

Enji “Good morning. I heard you showering and made you some coffee. Fuyumi just got in the shower she should be out shortly with some spare clothes. Your clothes are outside hanging to dry.”

You take a sip of the coffee. Your head is aching. “Thank you Mister Todoroki and thank you again for letting me stay the night.”

You expected he would have Fuyumi wash your clothes. You think it’s sweet he took the time to do that. You wonder why she never talks about her dad when he’s such a gentlemen.

Fuyumi lended you some clothes to wear shortly after. You’re a different bra size than her so that was the only thing you couldn’t share of hers. Unfortunately for Enji he would be able to see your hard nipples perfectly in that tight sweater. The second he saw them he nearly choked on his coffee. You were too nervous to look at his face much with worry you’d get too obviously flustered so you didn’t notice much his gazes. Anytime you did notice you just assumed he was observing you and Fuyumi talking like any dad would. Fuyumi on the other hand noticed exactly what her father was choking at. She assumed it was just because he was more old fashioned. After all he did always used to make Rei dress proper when they were still together. She didn’t want to embarrass you by explaining to her dad why you were without a bra especially since you didn’t seem to notice he was looking so she decided to change the subject.

Fuyumi “Um dad. Have you eaten yet? I was going to start breakfest what would you like?”

Enji “You can make whatever you wish. I have some work to do so please put it in the refrigerator. Thank you Fuyumi.”

He quickly gets up and rushes off to his office locking the door behind him. He was suppressing himself from getting hard just long enough until he left the kitchen. Why were you having this effect on him? He’s not a teenager anymore. Once again he touches himself to the thought of you. It would be so fun to fuck you on his office table. Or even have you soaking on his cock while he’s working.

While Enji is away Fuyumi takes this opportunity to give you the sex toys she mentioned last night before making breakfast.

Fuyumi giggles “While dad’s gone come up to my room let me give you some things.”

You “Oh god girl why do you have so many?”

Fuyumi “Some guys I slept with before bought me some but since i already had so many I figured you could use the ones I haven’t opened. Can’t let them go to waste. Here I’ll give you a bag to hide it in so dad doesn’t see. Have you really never used them before?”

You “No but I guess it doesn’t hurt to try. Most guys got insecure anytime I even suggested them.”

You knew exactly what you were going to think about next time you used them. Maybe once you came to Mister Todoroki you’d stop thinking about him so foully and could get under someone else.

While the two of you are eating together Fuyumi says “So what did you think of my dad I know he can be a little intimidating.”

You “Well at first i thought he looked a little scary but I think he’s sweet actually. He helped me take my makeup off last night.”

Fuyumi “Oh good! I was worried you’d get scared and never come over again.”

You “Fuyumi definitely not even if he was awful you’re still my only friend and I’d still find a way to hangout with you.”

A bit later Enji walks up to the both of you. “Whenever you’re ready to go home y/n I can drive you.”

Fuyumi “Dad I-“

Enji teases “Don’t let Fuyumi drive you home when she’s hungover she’d end up driving you to a random house or getting my car crashed.”

Fuyumi “Finee dad. Well are you ready to go home then? I can text you a few dates I was thinking we could hang out next.”

You “Okay yeah, that’s great thanks.”

Enji walks away for a moment bringing back a coat. He gently places it over you. “Alright let’s go y/n. I’ll hold your bag.” It’s one of his coats he definitely did that to see how small you’d be in something of his. It did not disappoint.

You were expecting Fuyumi to come with you even though she wasn’t going to be driving. To your surprise she stayed perfectly still enjoying whatever she was looking at on her phone. She hadn’t thought about going with you not after you told her you thought her dad was sweet. You’re just hoping more alone time with her dad can help you find one ick about him. So you can stop thinking about your best friend’s father like this.

Unfortunately the more time you spend alone with him the more charming he gets. First he asked your music preferences for the ride back. Then when he saw how small your apartment was he told you a job at his agency was always welcome. Not just so he could see you more but also so his daughter’s friend could have a good life. He knows how caring she can be about people close to her for better or for worse. Then when he saw nearly all your light bulbs were either flickering or out in your apartment he changed them all without being asked. The second he left you immediately headed straight for the sex toys. How the hell was just thinking of him getting you off more than being with an actual man. You’re definitely cutting off that new guy you’re talking too, thinking about Fuyumi’s dad having his way with you is much better.

Enji comes back from driving you home.

Fuyumi “Heyy dad y/n called you sweet. Thanks for taking care of her last night. She’s my first friend I’ve had in a while. Most of my friends were usually scared of you. I’m glad she isn’t. She’ll definitely be coming over more.”

Oh she thinks I’m sweet? Could she be thinking about me too? No. No, definitely not. She’s just being a kind young lady.

Enji “All your old friends thought I was scary?”

Fuyumi “I- oh um- sorry! It’s just, you can be intimidating but I’m not saying it’s a bad thing it’s just-“

Enji “It’s alright I’d rather them not think I’m too inviting. I don’t want people all over me like they are with Toshinori. I’m glad you have a good friend now. Although I didn’t realize that job pays most of their employees so poorly her apartment is quite small.”

Fuyumi “Is it? I haven’t been yet but she’s told me about it. My pay is good…wait..that’s not because of you is it?”

Enji “I’m sorry I-“

Fuyumi “it’s fine, thank you dad.”

Fuyumi looks over at the clothing rack “Oh are those her clothes? Are they dry yet? I’ll text her to come get them tomorrow. You could’ve asked me to wash them”

Enji “It’s alright I didn’t mind.”

Mainly because he wanted to use your panties last night. Sucking on them while he got himself off. He could wash away any evidence of his own saliva on them himself. No one would know, no one would get hurt.

Tomorrow you come over to get your clothes. You’re expecting Fuyumi but Enji answers the door.

You “Oh hi Mister Todoroki, where’s Fuyumi?”Enji “She’s out getting groceries for this week she won’t be back for a couple more hours.”

You “Oh alright. I brought Fuyumi her clothes back too.”

She just loved leaving the two of you alone didn’t she. It’s so awkward being alone after you practically came to the thought of him last night. Maybe you should’ve told her you were scared of him. His bright blue eyes nearly blind you everytime you look at them. It doesn’t help that looking at the rest of him also makes you flustered as well too.

Enji “Your clothes are laying on the bed in the spare room upstairs. Fuyumi also left out a few clothes she didn’t want anymore on the bed too. I can discard whatever you don’t want.”

You follow him upstairs to the spare room. He stands behind you giving you space to look over the clothes.

You “Thank you again for washing my clothes Mister Todoroki.”

You bend over on the bed to fold your clothes, your skirt rides up a bit. Your thong is showing. Enji was going to do the right thing and look away until he noticed it was wet. You were soaking wet. You weren’t trying to be but the more he talks, the more you’re around him, the wetter you get.

You were wet. Did he do that? He groans quietly “fuck” oh he didn’t mean to say that out loud

You turn your head around “Sorry?”

Against his better judgment he says “Your skirt is awfully short. Paired with those panties as well? I can see how wet you are that’s awfully naughty. Did you do it on purpose?”

You “No! Sir I’m sorry. I just saw Fuyumi’s text this morning and I didn’t have anything else to wear I need to do laundry. It won’t happen again.”

Is he mad at me? He talks way too sexy for being so mad.

He shouldn’t go further but he does.

Enji “Do you want to feel what it’s like to cum?”

You “Mister Todoroki- What about your wife?”

Enji “Divorced. Yes or no.”

You should be saying no but the only thing that can come out of your mouth is “Yes please.”

He pushes your stomach back down on the bed harshly. Leaving you ass up forcing you to arch your back. “Good girl” he says before he rips your thong off completely. It took such little force for him to break the fabric it makes you weak. He uses the broken fabric to tie your hands behind your back. Who knew Endeavor was so kinky?

Enji “Fuyumi would hate me if she found out can you keep that pretty mouth of yours shut?”

You “Yes sir, I won’t tell. Promise!”

He moans so loud it sends shivers down your spine. Oh? Does sir turn him on?

He pushes your back to the bed harder making you arch. He puts two fingers inside you he knows with how tight you feel on him now you wouldn’t be able to comfortably take his cock but this is enough for him today.

You gasp forgetting how to breathe. You’re drooling onto your clothes. Two of this man’s fingers are thicker and longer than any dick you’ve ever had inside you before.

Enji growls “Fuck so tight for me! Let daddy rub your pretty pussy so you can take it better okay?”

Oh fuck, he likes a lot more than just sir. You whimper at his touch. You can tell he’s doing his best to be gentle. If you could take any more you’d be on your knees begging him not to hold back. You feel closer to cumming from his voice than you ever have from anyone or anything else.

Enji “Pretty girl likes when her pussy gets rubbed? I can tell you just opened up for my fingers so nicely. They’re all the way inside now. I can feel you pulsing all over them baby. Does it feel good, does daddy make your pussy feel good?”

All you can manage to get out in response are nods and soft moans. He suddenly increases the pace he’s rubbing your clit.

Enji “Be a good girl use your words.”

You “Yes, d-daddy it feels so good. I think I’m going to- oh my god.”

Enji “That’s it cum for me sweetheart. Let go for me.”

You’ve never came so hard in your life. He doesn’t stop thrusting his fingers despite your body shaking uncontrollably. Nobody will ever be able to satisfy you after this.

Enji “Say thank you daddy”

You “Oh fuck- thank you daddy!”

Enji “Good girl”

He licks his fingers clean. “tastey”

He grabs your ass spreading you apart before kneeling on the ground below you, eating your pussy out from behind. With his deep groans and thick tongue you’re so overstimulated you feel like you could cum again. He’s eating you out like he’s starved. It only took two minutes of Enji working your folds with his tongue for you to cum all over his face. The moans he lets out while lapping up your juices sound like he’s getting high off your taste. Your only hope is that Fuyumi doesn’t come home and walk in on this.

When he’s finished he grabs a warm towel to clean you up. Then unties your hands. He puts the broken thong in his pocket. What is he going to do with it?

Enji “Next time I want you stretched out on my cock. Would you be alright with that?”

You “Yes, Mister Todoroki I would be more than okay with that.”

He grabs your phone to give you his number. he puts his contact in as the letter E. He places his phone in your hand for you to do the same.

Enji “You can call me Enji outside of the bedroom, text me if you want to feel good again.”

I might make another part but I suck at being consistent so don’t take my word for it.

Chapter 2

https://www.tumblr.com/ariasakka/773827348723318784/flames-of-fate-chapter-2-things-with-you

Chapter 3

Notes:

Endeavor is such a guilty pleasure I need to sort the daddy issues out but i don’t want to. I hope you guys enjoyed! Sorry I know I’m not the best at grammar or spelling I hope you still like my works regardless. Comment down below any future endeavor fic ideas you’d like to see from me in the future.

Help?

I’ve resorted back to using apple notes to write all my work ahh. I was using google docs but people I know keep getting their accounts closed for writing fan fiction it was scaring me. Do you guys know any free things I could use to write on for my work? I was thinking about maybe trying word. Not sure if it’s good! I’m really bad with computers which is why I still use my phone haha. It’s so much easier to copy and paste my work than try to figure out how to use files or whatever. I need to start writing on the computer eventually though.

[moonstruckme]

Hey! I know you wanted more requests for people besides the marauders so you can do this for anyone you like but maybe reader who is just soooo in love with them that anytime they do something nice for her she starts crying? Like happy tears because she's just so in love and she doesn't know how to express that. If you don't want to that's fine!

Hi, thank you! I decided to go with Sirius anyway because I felt like he'd be the most fun. (This is gonna be me btw, the first time I experience romantic love there's no way I'm gonna be able to handle it)

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

“Do you think it’s a bad idea to show off my tattoos on the first day?”

“Mm, maybe,” you muse, looking longingly at the way Sirius’ inked-up forearms pair with his black dress shirt. “I feel like after the interview it won’t matter, but today you probably want to present your straightest-laced self.” 

“Gross,” he grunts, but starts rolling down his sleeves. 

It’s a rare sight, Sirius up before noon, but his job interview is scheduled for ten and he doesn’t feel in a position to negotiate. The frail morning light bounces off the full length mirror he’s standing in front of and illuminates the room as he purses his lips and starts unbuttoning his shirt. You’re lying on the bed watching him get ready, trying your very best not to look enthralled and wanton (it is a constant effort). 

“My most gorgeous, radiant angel, could I ask you for a favor?” 

You grin, warmth flooding your chest. “You don’t have to butter me up. What is it?” 

“Grab the bigger version of this shirt? I think I may want a baggier tuck.” 

You hum and get up, padding into the closet. Sirius’ clothes are all strewn over the floor and dresser, but miraculously the shirt you’re looking for is on a hanger. As you reach for it, you nearly trip over a small box on the floor. It looks like the shell of something Sirius was sent in the mail, plain cardboard with the shipping label torn off. You bring it back out with you. 

“Thanks, lovely,” Sirius says as he takes the hanger from you. 

“No problem,” you reply. “Want me to recycle this for you?” 

He turns to look, blinks, then looks harder. “No. Where’d you find that?” 

“On the floor.” 

“Must have fallen off its shelf.” He discards the smaller shirt on the bed and starts doing up the buttons of this new one, smirking when your eyes track the deft movements of his fingers. “Don’t throw it out, it’s got important stuff in it.” 

You weigh the box in your hand. “It feels empty.” 

“Important, lightweight stuff.” 

You eye the barely-open flap of the box, intrigued. “Can I look inside?” 

You think you catch a flicker of hesitation across Sirius’ features, but it’s quickly schooled into insouciance. A vine of nervousness winds around your gut. “Sure,” he says, “go ahead.” 

You look at him a bit longer before slowly peeling back the cardboard flap. Inside is a mishmash of things. Paper, mostly, but you recognize one item immediately. It’s a flimsy, neon orange paper wristband, a venue’s name stamped haphazardly onto one side. At the first concert you’d gone to together, Sirius had griped endlessly about how the orange contrasted with his outfit horribly and brought out all the ugliest hues of his skin (there aren’t any, but you were too timid to tell him that at the time). He’d seemed desperate to be rid of it. But here it is, carefully clipped off instead of torn and preserved like something special. Something warm and weighty blooms in your chest. 

You take out one of the pieces of paper, unfolding it. It’s your handwriting, thoughtless scribbling you’d left for him to find on the fridge one day after you’d left for work. Have a great day, love you. 

Another is a bar napkin, containing a whole back-and-forth exchange between you and Sirius from the first time you’d met his friends. You’d kept passing it to him under the table, asking Do they like me? Are they just being nice? Is Remus always so frowny? and he’d passed it back saying Yes. Yes, they love you. James is this nice to everyone, but I can tell he likes you. Remus is being a sourpuss because he hasn’t eaten yet. You’re perfect. 

By the time you come upon a polaroid you’d forgotten he’d taken of you in his kitchen, you’re pressing your lips together to keep them from wobbling and your entire being feels warmed by incandescent, aching fondness. Your heart feels so big you can’t breathe around it. You’re not sure you have room for this much love, but you’ll happily carry it around like a weight in your chest for the rest of your life. 

You’re all too aware that Sirius is watching you now, so you try to keep it together for his sake, but when you blink a tear slides down the side of your nose. 

“Hey,” he chides lightly, amusement inlaid with a bit of panic. “Don’t.” 

You sniffle, then laugh wetly. “Can I hug you?” 

Normally he might make a joke (Not if you’re going to get snot all over my interview shirt) but something in your expression must sway him. Sirius’ eyes go soft. “Yeah, baby. Of course, c’mere.” 

He doesn’t make you get up, crossing the distance to the bed and wrapping you up in his arms. You let out a little sob at the contact. 

“I’m gonna clean off your shirt once we’re done,” you promise, gripping his shoulders. 

“Okay.” He sounds amused. 

“I just—I didn’t know you kept this stuff.” 

“It’s cheesy.” 

“It’s not,” you insist, hugging him tighter. It makes you happy beyond words, to know you’re bringing this out in him. To see, with your own eyes, how much he loves you back. You can check in with yourself at any time and know you’re happy in your relationship with Sirius, but you never could have imagined how spectacular it would feel to know that you make him this happy in return. “It’s special, Sirius. You’re special.” 

“You sound like James’ mum.” 

“Oh, shut up.” You smack his arm, pulling back with a huff. You’re smiling, though, and he sees, taking your wet, blotchy face between his palms and grinning at you. Honestly, if he weren’t Sirius Black, he’d be such a dork. 

“I love you,” he says, a significance in his tone that contradicts the playfulness in his expression. “Do I let you forget it?” 

“No,” you tell him. “You don’t, it’s just…I just really love you too, you know?” 

His smile spreads, flashing canines the second before he pulls you in for a kiss. It’s firm and spirited, and Sirius holds you there until you’re laughing into his mouth. 

“I know,” he says, pecking you once more on the lips before letting you go with a swipe of his thumbs across your cheeks. “Alright, gorgeous, clean me up, would you? I’ve got other people to go impress.”

[thisrandomstuff]

Unlike some people, I actually DO blame families (and general audiences) who take their kids to watch live-action slop.

In the 21st century they have the option to:

Wait for something that's not a live-action remake to come out;

Watch something at home;

Search for indie animation online and watch that;

Buy popcorn, milkshakes, sodas, etc. outside of theaters/cinemas and just consume it at home while watching something at home

Wait for a screening of the older films in theaters, because those DO return to the big screen every now and again.

Adults aren't helpless children with no options; least of all those who can afford to go to the cinemas for this shit. Y'all just need to let go of your learned helplessness and start putting some respect on the creative process and animators.

Elio is coming out soon. So if you so badly want to watch something in theaters... there you go.

And DreamWorks movies DO return to the big screen from time to time. I've seen it happen with Kung Fu Panda 2 years back.

I also never got to watch the animated How to Train Your Dragon in cinemas when I was a kid. My family were also varying levels of broke back then. But I'm not here going to see the live-action remake just because "this might be the only time I get to do watch httyd in the cinemas".

This isn't a MUST. This isn't like needing to buy clothes, or food, or anything like that. You can go without watching movies in the cinema. That's a privilege, one some people are clearly keen on abusing to support this soulless plague of live-action remakes.

You know, there are people out there that went to school for animation in hopes it'd be their full-time job one day.

It's bad enough that these studios far too often underpay or exploit people. But for them to completely cut them out, or stomp over their works, or barely include animation so they can avoid paying for it?

Those of you who pay to see this sort of live-action stuff that only pushed studios away from animation pay to encourage studios to keep avoiding better treatment and more respect for their animators. You pay to keep the disrespect going and you pay to keep this a thing...

Remember how 2D got phased out of studios like Disney and DreamWorks?

So, no, you don't get to keep making cheap excuses. Learn from history, learn from the other remakes, and learn to control your urge to see everything on the big screen.

The great thing about those animated movies that got remade (not because there was much to be "improved", but because they were a commercial success, therefore presumed "safe") is that you could come out of it loving it without that cinema hype to build them up. You could fall in love with them long after they've stopped being the IT thing, because they're THAT good.

For the record: I DO also blame corporations. But you support these corporations when you don't HAVE to. You're all acting like Disney/DreamWorks has a gun to your head and is whispering "watch the live-action remake or you'll never get to see another movie again" into your ear.

[pro-sipper]

Had such a fun conversation with my therapist today. Honestly I'd been wanting to bring up the whole pro/anti debacle with her just to see what she'd say and how it would stack up against what proshippers and antishippers have to say about therapy online. No points for correctly guessing which side she agreed with

I talked about my job for about 3/5ths of the time there, then segued into The Discourse by telling her about how I'd been writing daily during the first two weeks of my new job, but hadn't been as active lately

And I even asked her if she had any other chronically online clients she talked to and she reassured me that she had plenty, and even one who had kind of explained this whole debate to her before (from a proshipper stance, and how she lost a friend over it)

I explained my whole issue with her about how fandom is so deep into purity culture these days. And how reckless and raunchy it was in the 00s and how I don't want to go back to that, but there's got to be some middle ground somewhere.

I told her about some of the stuff I've written and all the weird or nasty comments I've gotten on it and how that can be discouraging. And I told her that most of my works are smut, and of those smut works, all of them have at least a little sprinkling of trauma in them. And she said that can be a good way to look at things. And used a real life example of how something could be awful but there could be good things about it too. Specifically saying that nothing is just black and white, everything has shades of grey. And that digging the little good out of the big bad is a positive thing, actually

And I told her about being a young teen and reading a fic with incest in it and having the sense not to immediately jump to "I want to recreate this in real life" and she was like "Yes, exactly. It's like this one book I read, umm..." and I was like "Flowers In The Attic?" just as a guess and she was like "Yes!" and said just because you read about something doesn't mean you want it to be your reality

And I did my best to explain the whole concept of how some people seem to think that everyone engages with fiction by putting themselves in the shoes of the main character, so if the main character is doing awful things then you must want to do awful things too. Which of course she said was in no way true

And she told me that she was such a big fan of horror movies and loved to watch those as a way to relax and unwind bc it gets her mind off her work, but that doesn't mean she wants to be a killer lol. And I had to be like "Oh no you don't understand. They think killing and torture and cannibalism is totally fine, it's just when you bring sex into the equation that people start freaking out" and she was confused at that lol

And of course she thought it was ridiculous that people can get called a pedo or a groomer or whatever other awful things over fictional stories.

So yeah it was a fun and reassuring conversation. I know I'm leaving some stuff out but I can't remember any more specifics of what was said. Plus I was talking a mile a minute bc I wanted to say everything on my mind before time was up asfdsfs it was a monumental task.

OH and I even brought up how people will literally say "well my therapist said..." just for some other people to accuse them of lying or saying their therapist is corrupt or some other bullshit which she was understandably aghast at. Because she is a licensed therapist who went to Therapy School and knows better, and is not a magical villain promoting propaganda fed to her by Big Proship to corrupt her clients. You know how it is <3

[erwinsvow]

omg stoppppp

my brain and my pussy can’t handle thoughts of stepbro!pope 😵‍💫🫣

no. because let's do a little deep dive shall we. i have been thinking about this because every story with julia it's something where andrew had to save her or he beat someone up who was bothering her and she was the only person who was ever nice to him and i just !!!! i have many thoughts about over protective guard dog pope but over protective guard dog big brother pope!!!! so idk how she ends up interwined with smurf's family since she hates any girls being closer to them than she is but we have to expand our minds outside of the canon here temporarily. trust me it will be so worth it. so it must be some daughter of an old associate and maybe her parents are gonna snitch on smurf or something and she comes to tell her demonstrating loyalty (which is the only thing that might overshadow the fact that she's a girl) so then obviously she gets to be taken care of. my readers are always nice sweet girls so i think in this reader's world like she can be as nice and sweet as she wants but no one is feeling like any sort of protective urges over her (no one meaning baz, craig, or deran). like as nice as she is and as much as she tries to help (she can't help much since i don't think she'd be in on jobs. but maybe she helps canvas or plan jobs or has some kind of a job that gets them the resources they need. imagine like her working as a secretary or something in town hall so she can get blue prints and files and stuff like that? idk doesn't make much sense but all i know is that she has to be useful and smurf definitely isn't letting her out of her control (going to school or something). the other thing that always works in their world is if she's a nurse and she's always there to help patch up when things get messy (maybe she proved her worth by taking out a bullet that would have required a drive to tijuana or something. idk i gotta stop building her lore that's not even the most important part.) so she helps a lot where she can and she's a sweet girl who is under smurf's thumb ands somehow in the you-can-pick-how-many years before the show starts and before pope goes to jail, she is already in there lives.

that's where i'd start the lore for her. her routine is work, helping smurf make dinner and dessert, requesting days off from work when they have jobs, going inside to canvas if they need it. not stupid—keeps a gun in her car and doesn't trust anyone very much but maybe she has an unwavering trust in smurf since she saved her life or parents were shit anyways or whatever (similar to the baz relationship but not copying it because for reasons). and maybe she tries to get close to the others but it just never happens. except for, of course, andrew. andrew who blames himself at some point for what happened to julia. who despite protecting her as much as he could, didn't do enough. who let her get sucked up into their terrible life when he should have been getting her away from it. how many times do you think he blamed himself for losing the one person who was ever nice to him to drugs and letting baz take whatever he wanted and the weirdos that smurf had around?

i don't know where the story starts but if it's before he went to prison, he starts by just. watching. when you're home alone he's a few steps behind you all the time. and you've grown up with this maybe so you're used to it but now it's very different. now you're one of them, so he needs to protect you. no one else seems to be stepping up to the job and you're not particularly strong and though you seem like a good girl (something he likes very much—you don't drink too much and you don't do any drugs with the others and you go to bed early and lock your door every night. he knows. he makes sure. like clockwork ten minutes after you get into bed, andrew stops by your door and makes sure it's locked and says good night quietly from outside. and you say goodnight from inside.) and he has a very basic, primal urge to protect you. so it manifests in making sure when you leave the house, that he drives you. during parties he stays by your side, doesn't let you drink something unless he got it himself, walks you to your bedroom at the end of the night. can imagine some random drunk stranger at one of smurf's parties not leaving you alone. he had stepped away for a second before the predators lept in for the deer. wants to beat him up until he's bleeding all over the tile but you bring your hand to his arm and say quietly "it's okay, andrew, let's just go" and he listens. maybe smurf doesn't exactly know the effect you have on him—that he listens to you. she doesn't know every single thing he's doing so this is something that maybe stays off her radar? i mean a pretty girl her in house with her boys is definitely on her radar but she thinks, like everyone else, you're too scared of andrew to actually do anything not to mention that it's a whole "your brothers now" vibe. there's more too—like after a job when he gets hurt and the other are off drinking, celebrating and it's just you and him in the bathroom as you stitch up his arm and clean the cuts on his forehead. just silence and heavy breathing. he grabs your wrist and says "thank you" and you kind of stop breathing for a second. "of course. anything for my brother." and i think it's a little tip toeing the line like you trying to be a good girl who is not trying to get on smurf's bad side, maybe a little dumb and ignorant that this is andrew's way of taking care of you. it's just a heavy and foggy big brother protecting his sister vibe but it just turns into something more!!!

if he went to prison, you'd be the one writing him letters and visiting every week and telling him how it's not the same without him. he asks if you're okay one day during a visit, seeing a bruise on your wrist, and you lie through your teeth but he knows some guy was probably bothering you and grabbed you and he wasn't there to protect you. which bothers him so much his skin feels like it's on fire. but then if it's after, you're both still living in smurf's house and it turns into knocking on his door because you can't sleep. had a nightmare he had to go back to prison and you really don't like this house without him. turns into sleeping in his bed. he says that's okay, that can be normal for siblings. at some point you have to say "but it's okay. we're not really related, so it's okay, right?" and maybe [shea here. i'm freaking out] he goes "i'm still your big brother." eventually it does turn into something obvious that others can see—smurf is gonna notice your clothes in his room and how only one bed is messed up the next day. how andrew seems better when you're around, how his jaw clenches and fist tightens when your name is mentioned. he defends you when you're not there and you defend him when he's not there. no one maybe cares enough to say anything but then smurf has to drag you aside and have a terrible painful conversation with you about how she took you in and made you part of this family and you wouldn't repay that by messing around with one of your brothers, would you? good thing she dies because then it's really. something. playing house and you two get caught making out on countertops and naked on the couch and just doing everything you couldn't do before. just. yeah <3 sorry i have more for another day!!

[motorsportbarbie13]

What's A Soulmate? Part 4

In which you finally come back home.

Warnings: alcohol use. angst. Pairing: Lando Norris X SainzSister!Reader Word count: 1.9k plus social media posts

- What's A Soulmate? - Part 1 - What's A Soulmate? - Part 2 - What's A Soulmate? - Part 2.5 - What's a Soulmate - Part 3 - Master List

LittlestSainzSis honey, i'm home. user433 isn't it weird she's working for McLaren and not Ferrari??? >>>user3928 nope! hope this helps! user2918 press officer job right out of school? must be nice being a nepo baby >>>user328 she literally worked for Carlos and Lando for two years before going to uni at NYU??? And she has a double degree in PR and business??? >>>usesr322 just say you're jealous next time, it'll be quicker. McLaren So glad to have you back in the paddock!!

LittlestSainzSis fast cars go vroom OscarPiastri so you're who Zak was yelling at to get behind the barrier over the radio??? >>>LittlestSainzSis oops!

LittlestSainzSis that feeling when you wake up and realize it's race day!! user3928: face card never declines user298: blah blah, proper name, place name, back story stuff LandoNorris: don't let that cute face fool you, she was yelling at Oscar and I ten seconds after I took this. >>>LittlestSainzSis neither of you were listening!!! God, this is 2019 all over again, isn't it? >>>user992 ariana what are you doing hereeeeee??? >>>user9383 seriously the first time Lando's in the comments in literal years. tf??? >>>user938 so we're all just going to ignore him calling her cute??? okay???

LittlestSainzSis the boys are ready for race day!!! McLaren best press officer award goes to you bby! >>>user382 admin is unhinged today, I see user0392 i just love seeing Lando back on her feed. >>>user3938 seriously. i feel like mom and dad are back together again. >>>user3844 i'm so glad i don't have to be a child of divorce anymore.

LittlestSainzSis caught someone being a grumpy gills today during the presser. LandoNorris i was probably hungry >>>LittlestSainzSis i think oscar had just told you he was getting sushi with Lily tonight and you got all pouty >>>user948 not her selling out Lando in the comments user938 Chaos Gremlins back to terrorizing paddock! war is over!

Miami May 2024

“Fifteen times Lando Norris has stood on the podium, but never on the top step, until now! It’s a landmark day for Lando! Lando Norris wins for the first time in Formula One! It’s victory in Miami for Norris and McLaren! The British drivers dream is realized and at the 110th attempt, he’s done it! He’s won it! Look what it means to Zak Brown! At long last, Lando is your winner!” 

Tears stream down your face as you listen to Alex Jacques call the end of the race in your headphones, his voice filled with glee and excitement that matches the feeling in the McLaren garage. After yesterday’s DNF for Lando, it had been pretty doom and gloom on his side of the garage. 

Your heart had ached when you caught sight of him that afternoon, sitting in the glass enclosed conference room that the team used to go over race data. He had been all alone, spinning aimlessly in one of the chairs, face drawn and shuttered. You had wanted to go to him then but hadn’t worked up the courage. 

Things were still…delicate between the two of you. After that first night in Australia, Lando had kept his promise to win your friendship back. You more often than not found your morning coffee order sitting at your desk waiting for you during the week with a silly note written hastily on a posit in his chicken scratch writing that only you seemed to be able to decipher. 

A few treats and free coffee weren’t going to be enough to bring back that casual intimacy that you and Lando had though, you both knew that. The walls you had built up so high around your heart designed specifically for the British driver were still solidly in place and you refused to go running back into his arms so easily. 

And then, Miami happens.

The hot sticky humidity clings to your skin as you watch Lando climb out of the car behind the black and white number 1 sign, the first time he’s been able to park his Formula 1 car right in the middle of parc fermi. You’re not entirely sure where the humidity of Florida ends and the tears still falling from your eyes begins, you’re such a mess. 

If you were to think too hard about it, the fact that you were a complete puddle of jumbled up emotion would surely scare you a little. Those walls, they couldn’t be crumbling now, could they? They couldn’t be slowly tumbling down, allowing for the while possibility of allowing Lando back into your life like he had been before? 

You don’t have time to get too lost in those dangerous kinds of thoughts though because soon after he hops off the car, he’s running straight over to the garage crew and leaping into their waiting arms. He’s waited for so long for this, so many poor performances, so many mistakes and problems with the car had sent him spiraling for so many years. There had been too many nights you had spent with him when he was barely more than a teenager, sat on the floor lamenting about how shit his car was, how shit his driving was, and if he was destined to be one of those midfield drivers that never won anything in their career. 

All of those doubts are erased now and your tears are falling again as the weight of what he’s done settles over the paddock. His engineers and mechanics eventually place him back down on the ground and he’s hugging Zak next, the CEO of McLaren more of a father figure to him by now. Will gets a hug too, his engineer since he joined the team five years ago. 

And then, icy blue green eyes snag yours and everything else falls away in a muted hush. He’s smiling at you, that megawatt grin making his eyes crinkle up at the corners. It’s one of those genuine Lando smiles that you haven’t been on the receiving end of for far too long. Your heart stutters to a stop when you realize you’re his next target. What is he doing? You think frantically, mortified that you’re about to be the center of attention if he does what you think he’s going to do. 

And he does. He throws his arms around your shoulders and buries his head deep into the crook of your neck, a move that has camera shutters clicking furiously all around you. You, of course, instantly find your arms wrapped around his shoulders, squeezing him to you despite the metal barrier between you. 

“You’re here.” He sounds surprised that you’d miss this moment. 

“Of course I am. My best friend just won his first Grand Prix.” You whisper into his ear as the crowd continues to grow louder. 

Lando pulls back then, tears shining in his eyes. The weight of your words settle on his shoulders and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look at you the way he is now. He tucks a strand of hair that’s fallen out of your pony tail behind your ear, looking at you like you’ve hung both the moon and the stars in the sky just for him. “I’m so glad you got to be here for this, pretty girl.” 

God, that nickname. It’s the first time you’ve heard it in years and it does significant damage to those carefully constructed walls. 

You smile up at Lando, a little bashful that everyone is watching you two talk so closely together. He returns the smile before turning around to answer a question from one of the officials. He needs to take care of post race inspections, which he does but not before turning back and tossing a wink at you over his shoulder. 

LittleSainzSis It has been a pleasure and privlidge watching you grow over all these years. Life may have taken us in different directions over the last few years but when I say there is no place I would have rather been this afternoon, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Your friendship means the entire world to me, Mr. Norris. I'm so proud of you. One win down, so many more to go. LandoNorris so glad you got to be there today, pretty girl xo >>>user948 WE GOT A PRETTY GIRL COMMENT. >>>user0383 i can die happy now user0832 i'm sorry but guys, she literally just friendzoned him so hard in that caption. >>>user9383 yeah, poor lando

LittlestSainzSis You're going to smell like champagne for weeks LandoNorris worth it user948 EXCUSE ME WHAT IS THAT FACE. explain yourself lando norris. user928 did we mean to post this on main ma'am??? user9482 @/littlestsainzsis giving us what we all crave: lando thirst traps. >>>littlestsainzsis don't say i never give you guys anything ever again ;) >>>user9482 omg hi queen

LittlestSainzSis find yourself a man that looks at you like Lan looks at that trophy user0382 LANNNN??? >>>user9484 I am unwell CarlosSainz He's sleeping with it tonight, isn't he? >>>LandoNorris who told you that??? user9383 i feel like i'm interrupting something here... user0309 this picture is...a choice...

The music of the Miami night club pulses through your body as you sink deeper and deeper into the VIP booth later that night. Lando hadn’t given you any room for arguments after all the media duties were done. You were coming out with him and the rest of the team to celebrate. You had barely tried to refuse, not giving him much of a fight because you secretly wanted nothing more. 

Now you sat in the leather booth situated high up in the dark Miami Beach night club that had invited Lando out the moment he had crossed the finish line earlier in the day. There were what felt like thousands of people, most of them were there to celebrate with Lando, hoping to get a glimpse of the driver. 

Alcohol burns at the back of your throat, blurring your vision nicely as you wait for Lando to return from the bar. You had insisted that he wasn’t the one who should be making drink runs tonight but he had insisted on getting you another one and hadn’t taken no for an answer. Carlos is sat next to you, nursing a drink while talking to Charles on his other side.

A small glass is set down in front of you, drawing your attention away from the DJ booth, where you had been starting. 

“Vodka sprite for my pretty girl.” Lando murmurs in your ear, the words sending a cool shiver up your spine.  

You desperately tamp down the way that being called his makes you feel. You cannot be going down that road. Not now when the friendship between the two of you is so fragile. You knew what it was like to lose him in your life and you weren’t sure if you were willing to risk losing him again. 

The same worries you had back before it all went sideways worm their way back into your consciousness. He was too important to you, too integrated into your soul that when he disappeared, it left you broken in a million pieces. You couldn’t risk that again. This had to be strictly platonic between you if it was going to work. You couldn’t afford to lose your best friend again. Those walls around your heart needed to be reinforced and brought back into working order because there was no way you could let this happen. 

“Dance with me?” The question is a husky one, whispered in your ear so no one else is privy to it. 

You know it’s dangerous. You should say no. But the vodka already in your system convinces you that it’s fine. It’s just Lando. So against your what your sober self would consider the best judgement, you feel yourself nodding, allowing Lando to tangle his fingers with yours and pull you out onto the dance floor. 

If you had been paying better attention, you would have seen the looks Carlos and Charles exchanged behind your back. They were well aware of the frosty relationship that Lando and you had over the last few years and this was a development no one had seen coming but everyone had been hoping for all the same. 

The EDM beats are strong and sensual as Lando leads you out onto the floor, hand firmly gripping yours. He finds an open spot and pulls you towards him, the heat of his body radiating off of him in waves. His hands land on your hips, fingertips gripping at your skirt a little harder than really necessary. You shouldn’t want this. Shouldn’t want his hands on your hips, his breath mingling with yours, his curls so dangerously close that you could easily rake your fingers through them. You shouldn’t and you can’t because he’s left you before and he could do it all over again. He’s abandoned you and didn’t come back and every sane thought in your body is screaming at you that this man is dangerous. He is dangerous to your heart and your head is thrashing around so loudly but it’s drowned out by the music. 

You simply can’t fight it when he pulls you impossibly closer, hands sliding from your hips lower, lower, lower until it’s almost indecent. The alcohol blurs the edges of your usually sharp judgement and it’s not helped by the fact that this man seems to have cast a spell over you. You can’t want this. Can’t love how the weight of his hands feel on your skin. Can’t adore how his lips tick up at the edges when he sees you walk into the garage during a race weekend. 

This is Lando after all. Your best friend. Your best friend who abandoned you once and had only barely just come back begging for forgiveness. You can’t allow him to knock down those walls so quickly, can you? 

His lips flutter over the damp skin at your temple, dusting the slightest kiss there, almost as if it’s a test. A test to see if you push him away or allow him in. 

A test that you fail. 

Because the moment his lips touch your skin, it feels like a bucked of ice water has been splashed over your head and you realize what the fuck you’re doing. Its too hot. Too close. Too much and you simply can’t have him touching you anymore. No, this isn’t how it’s supposed to happen. Panic races through you as you stumble back out of his arms, logic finally winning out over your own heart’s stupidity. 

The delicate balance you had struck with him shatters in an instant because you both knew there was supposed to be more between you but you’re desperately scared and Lando is so wretchedly full of regret he can’t stand it. 

“I’m sorry.” Is all you manage to choke out before fleeing. 

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[firewalkzwit]

chemical world || simon / john q. x reader (dinner in america)

just a blurb because im up the ass with school and the one-shot i wrote was rubbish sorry. "x reader" might be a stretch its just hqs and stuff i think of simon with song sneaks in the middle coz when do i not

Chemical World - Blur

Simon of extreme hedonistic beliefs above all prioritises nothing other than pleasure, and takes pride in the aesthetic disruption this signifies. Having a shower around won't be enough to pinch his personal hygiene urges, even if it is for the sake of others. He'll bathe if he can and if he wants to.

This obviously extends to his deliberately controversial haircut. It amuses him to watch the discomfort and confusion it creates in those who see him. It's neither a mullet nor a mohawk (matter of fact, he despises either of the groups who wear such hairstyles), but rather his own third thing.

Obviously he's slightly taken aback when you fancy him for it. Not that it has ever prevented him from getting laid (he would have eventually buzzed it if it did), but the occasional compliments and caresses on his greasy hair from your tender hands never fail to remind him that he too is just a mere mortal beneath things like female affection.

Saints - The Breeders

He praises womanhood just as much as he teases it. There is an adolescent air in the way he speaks derogatorily about your mother, or even when he gets turned on out of insulting you in bed. Still, slurs that come and go only wind up humiliating him when he kneels before you, eyes wide open and hungry.

He's very versatile in that department, he'll take any place in bed as long you ask. Nothing is more arousing than your gratitude. He won't be picky about how you express it, but he has favourites; the scratching of nails in a useless attempt of grabbing the wall makes him feel like he really did his job well.

I Am the Resurrection - The Stone Roses

Not having to be functional to work timings or tedious 9 to 5-s allows Simon to have an ample disposition to, what he calls, "fuck around" any day, anytime. Although he resents the fact that you occasionally choose your adult responsibilities above him, he'll hardly hold you to it for too long. Instead, decompression is highly recreational and experimental. A wide range of psychedelics, psychotropics, psycholeptics... all to be found in some dubious corner of his backpack.

Frankly, open-mindedness is one of the few must-have traits to date him. He wont tolerate uptight or rigorous personalities. This does not imply that it was ever a requirement for you to be an avid drug consumer, but he'll take no reprimands if he chooses to pop a Percocet.

Simon's open-mindedness policy is fairly restricted when it comes to music. Not that he only listens to one genre, as his enthusiasm for punk has inevitably derived in enjoying all of those that influenced or derivate from it, but he believes most are acquired tastes. Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., Melvins and Fugazi sit around in his record collection.

He loves it when you ask about his records, and far from judging you if you ever don't know, he'll sit down on the floor with his back rested against the bed and his records in hand. Encyclopedic narrations of the socio-cultural context of the origin of most of his favourite bands could be biography-worth if it weren't for all the "fuck"s between them.

"Fuckin' Christ, Pink Flag? That fuckin' invented post-punk. Would I care for that shit if it didn't? Probably not, but because of fuckin' Wire now I have to give a fuck about these snobby fucks from Bauhaus and the idiots in PiL."

Strange - Galaxie 500

The record player in your room is mostly crowded around by his own collection, which was homeless up until recently. There's many things Simon likes about you, but taking in his records was to him what to others is a ring on their finger.

In a relationship with someone who thinks music is sacred, you cannot miss his gigs, they are mass. He loves to parade you around backstage to his bandmates and sing to you when they play, loves that you take your friends with you; so they can see you seeing him. Nothing makes him feel more desired than spotting you in the crowd mouthing his lyrics.

Post-shows getting wrecked in a local bar until they kick you out is his favourite thing to do, but he'll take backseat sex if he sees you're in the mood for it, subtly letting everyone know as he guides you holding you by the wrist. On colder seasons, the night dew will curtain the windows of the pick-up truck he borrows just in hopes that you'll give him the special look, inviting him for a quickie before heading home letting you pick the radio station.

Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain

[kaliforniahigh]

Hello! I come with angst ideas for Ex Husband!Noah.

So.

For context they’re still married at this point.

Ezra’s school is putting on a show (like an end of the school year or a Christmas show?) and he’s like SUUUPER excited about it.

He’s been practicing his lines every day. He only has a small part but he doesn’t care.

Noah promises he’s going to be there but he’s not home yet when it’s time to leave to head to the school to watch it.

You take your seat and there’s an empty one beside you.

The show starts and Noah still isn’t there.

You can’t help but notice the devastation in Ezra’s face that’s mixed with hope as he watches the door at the back just in case he comes in.

You confront Noah when you’re home.

LOVE YOU! And love this au!

Wow, you really came through with this angst!!! I love this so much. I feel like even though Noah is a great dad, sometimes, parents just slip and end up doing not nice things. I'd say this is definitely something that haunts Noah to this day. Especially because he's had to miss more school plays and events due to his job.

Anyway, here's a little something about how this went down when they were still married. Thanks agains for sending this in <3 Love ya!!!!

Warnings: me not knowing how school plays work lol angst, exwife is a little angry, but things end as well as they can.

WC: 2.5k words. (not proofread, so sorry for any mistakes!)

Exhusband!Noah and Exwife!Reader masterlist.

You were honestly grateful Ezra's school play was happening today. Even though you loved how excited and happy he was about it, getting to hear a play by play on how theater practice is going kind of took a toll on you. You'd never tell him this, though, so you'd just let the kid ramble on for hours on end.

"And that's because he's the tree. Which is unmovable and has no lines. Imagine if he gets a main role one day", Noah pointed out once, as you were laying in bed at the end of the day.

"At least he's dedicated. Main role or not", you said. "I bet he's gonna be the best unmovable tree, though"

"Of course he is. He's my son and we don't do things half assed", you snorted at this because it's absolutely true. Noah went above and beyond even for things with little significance at the and of the day, and you expected your son to be no different.

Right now, you were getting ready to attend the school play. You had dropped off Ezra early at school, so him, the other kids, and the teachers could get everything ready on time, and make sure all the kids were set.

You had agreed with Noah to meet him there, since he had band practice and it would run a little bit late and he wouldn't have time to come home and get ready with you.

It was nearing 6pm and you texted him saying you'd leave in about twenty minutes, and you'd save him a seat beside you for when he arrived.

When you got no answer, you thought it was odd, but didn't dwell on it too much. He must be busy at the moment and couldn't check his phone.

You grabbed your stuff and headed out, texting him on the way to the school once again.

Still no answer.

You waited until you were parked at the school parking lot to call him, instead of texting, but it just went straight to voicemail. You decided to leave him a message.

"Hey, just wanted to let you know I'm already here. Are you on your way? Text me when you can"

Hanging up the phone, you had a strange feeling pooling in your belly, but you pushed it aside. He was gonna be here. He had to be here. Ezra was talking about this school play for weeks, there's no way Noah wouldn't be here for it.

Locking your car, you made your way to the school theater. Finding a place towards the front, you sat down and placed your bag on the seat beside you.

The play would start in about forty minutes, and during that time, you guess you've called Noah more than ten times. At this point, you were getting agitated, a nervousness settled deep in your stomach, and you started to get antsy.

When the lights dimmed, and the music started to play, it dawned on you. Noah wasn't coming.

Trying one more time, and still without success, you decided you wouldn't call him again.

Your mind went a hundred miles a minute, thinking about all of the things that could've happened that would prevent Noah from being here. You even though about the worst case scenarios, but brushed it off as soon as it came to your mind. Bad new traveled fast, and if something had happened to him, you'd surely know by now.

Ezra came into play, his little face poking through a hole in the tree costume, and you smiled when he spotted you in the crowd. You could see his face turn into a frown though, when he noticed his father was not sitting beside you. You just waved at him, trying to act nonchalant.

Throughout the play, you'd be lying to say you were paying attention. You didn't know if you felt anger, concern or disappointment. You guess it was a mixture of all three.

About thirty minutes into the play, you turned your phone brightness all the way down, so people wouldn't notice you on your phone, and decided to text Ruffilo.

You: Hey, Nick. You know where Noah is?

You waited a few minutes for his replay. Heart beating fast.

Ruff: Hey, Y/N.

Ruff: Yeah, we're hanging at Matt's place. I think Noah's phone is dead, though.

Ruff: You wanna talk to him?

You stared at the text messages in complete disbelief. He was hanging at Matt's place? Hanging with his buddies instead of being here for his son?

You'd love to know what excuse he'd come up with.

You: Not really. Just let him know he's missing his son's school play.

You locked your phone, and you could tell the play was about to wrap up, as the main characters delivered the last lines, and in a couple of minutes, everyone was standing up and clapping, as the kids bowed on stage.

You felt your phone vibrate and looked at the screen.

Ruff: Shit.

Shit indeed, you thought to yourself, as you sat down once again to wait for Ezra to come and find you. He just had to take his costume off and change back into his clothes.

It didn't take long before he appeared on the side of the stage, one of the teachers holding his hand as he looked for you. Standing up, you waved, and he came walking towards you as soon as he spot you.

He came walking. Not running, as you expected.

"Where's daddy?", he asked you, as you crouched down to his level. He had a deep frown on his face.

"Hi, baby", you greeted him, smoothing his hair that was growing to be long like his father's. "Daddy got sick, sweetheart. He couldn't be here. I'm sorry"

You hated lying to Ezra, and you didn't do it often at all, if ever. But, this time, you guess it would be better to not tell him the truth, instead of saying his father completely forgot about his school play.

"What does daddy have?", Ezra asked.

"I think it's just a stomach bug, buddy. He'll be fine soon, don't worry", you reassured him, but his demeanor didn't change, or get better.

"Can we go home? I'm tired", he said, reaching his arms up for you, and you picked him up. You couldn't help but notice he was getting too big for you to carry him, and you'd soon had to stop.

"Of course we can", you said, threading your fingers through his hair, as he laid his head down on your shoulder.

You wanted to cry. You hated seeing your son sad.

Walking with him to the parking lot, a bunch of parents were walking to their own cars with their kids, and you greeted some of them on the way, recognizing them as parents from Ezra's class.

Strapping him in his booster seat, you got in the driver's seat yourself and started the drive home.

Observing him through the inside rearview mirror, you noticed that halfway home, Ezra dozed off and took a nap.

There's no way he'd eat something, or take a bath, before going to bed today.

Arriving home, you took him in your arms once again, struggling with the key to the door a little, but finally able to get it open. You walked with him to his bedroom, setting him on his bed, where he sat, rubbing his eyes and looking extra sleepy.

"You wanna eat something?", you asked, and he shook his head no. "A warm bath?", he shook his head no once again. "Ok, then, I know you're tired, so tonight, you can go straight to bed"

Walking towards his dresser, you opened the pajama drawer.

"You want the dinosaur, or the robots pajama?"

"Dinosaur"

You nodded and grabbed the dinosaur pajama and helped him into them, and in no time, he was snuggled under the blanket. You waited a few minutes, until his breaths evened out and you were sure he had fallen asleep.

While you waited, you heard the front door open, so you got up from your spot on the bed, closed the door behind you, and made your way to the living room.

You stopped in your tracks when you spotted Noah locking the door behind him. Turning around to face you, you swear you've never seen a guiltier face in you entire life.

"Y/N...", he started, but you cut him off. Much to his dismay, you had a lot of time to simmer in your anger on the drive back home.

"I honestly don't even wanna look at you right now. Let alone hear whatever stupid excuse you're gonna come up with", you told him, coldness and a tinge of anger seeping into your voice. He can tell you're holding back on him.

"I don't have an excuse", he said, looking down, and when he looked back at you, you could see his watery eyes reflecting in the lights coming from outside the window.

"I don't know if that's better or worse", you pointed out.

"I just", he said, taking a long breath. "I just forgot. I don't know what happened, but I just forgot"

You don't know if you should feel any better about his honesty and the fact that he didn't try to come up with a false reason for not being there.

"You forgot about the play he's been telling us about for the past, I don't know, month?", you question him, incredulous.

"I just forgot, ok? I don't know what else to say", he told you, visibly getting frustrated at the situation and at himself.

"You don't get to be fucking angry and pissy here, alright?", you say, trying not to raise your voice, pointing a finger at him. "You're lucky I'm even giving you the time of day so you can explain yourself"

You don't give him a chance to reply, as you start to make your way to the kitchen to grab your nightly glass of water. You can hear him trailing behind you, though.

"I'm really sorry. I really didn't mean to forget about it", his voice was meek and a little shaky.

"It's not me you should be apologizing for. It's your son", you grab your glass of water and start to make your way to your shared bedroom, when you stop in your tracks and turn back to him. "I told him you were sick. So, when he asks, just go with the story"

This time, you disappear down the hallway to your bedroom.

You go through you nighttime routine and Noah doesn't come in the bathroom, or in the bedroom. He knows to give you some space and time when you're angry. Especially when you're angry at him.

You turn off the lamp and slip under the blankets, but sleep doesn't find you so easily. Instead, you toss and turn in bed, and, as you lay there, you slowly start to feel the anger slipping away from your bones.

Tomorrow is gonna be a new day, and you couldn't hold this over his head forever, anyway.

After ten more minutes, the door opens and Noah comes into the bedroom. He quietly does his thing in the bathroom, and changes into his sleep clothes. He doesn't say anything, even though he can tell you're awake.

It's when he lays down in bed with you, that it all comes crashing down.

It starts off with quiet sniffles, that soon turn into full body sobs, as he tries to even out his breath and wipe the tears from his eyes.

You come out of mom mode, and instead, you decide to be the partner he needs right now.

Turning on your side, you wrap your arms around him, and he rests his head on your shoulder, his cries not letting up.

"I'm such a shitty father. How can I fucking forget my son's school play?"

"You're not a shitty father. What happened today wasn't nice, but it doesn't define you as a father", you tell him, honestly, but you can tell it's gonna take more for him to understand that.

"Yes, I am. I try so hard to not fuck up but it happens anyways. Maybe it runs in the family, and you're probably wondering why you even had a kid with me in the first place"

This time, you sit up in bed, and you prompt him to sit up with you. Taking his head in your hands, you make him look you in the eye. His tear-stained face looks back at you, as fresh tears still slip down his cheeks.

"That's something I won't tolerate", you tell him, with a firm, but gentle tone. You needed him to understand this. "I never thought twice about having a baby with you, and I wouldn't think twice about having another one", you said, taking a few seconds for him to comprehend your words. "Again, this does not define you as a father, and, honestly? This is not the only shitty thing that'll happen. We have Ezra's whole life ahead of us, and we're bound to mess up from time to time. But what matters is that we're trying. And we're doing damn well so far"

He's calmed down by now, as he listens to what you're saying. You've always had the ability to ease his nerves, even in situations like this.

"Ezra is so loved by both of us, this was just a little bump on the road, ok?", you asked and he nodded.

"Thank you", he said, voice low and throat raspy from the force of his cries.

"You don't have to thank me. You know I love you forever, right? And we're doing this together"

"I love you so much", he intertwined his hands with yours and kissed the back of your hand. "Can Ezra sleep with us tonight?", he asks and you nod in agreement.

"Go get him. He'll love to see you"

As Noah left the bedroom to get Ezra, you thought over the events of today.

You knew what happened was far from ideal, but like you told Noah, it does not reflect who he is as a father. Besides, shit is bound to happen, and you're sure you're going to mess up as well sometime in the future. It was all about how you decided to handle it. And you handled it like you and Noah always did. Together.

A few minutes later, Noah comes back with a drowsy, but happy looking Ezra in his arms. And, as they both lay down, with the little on in the middle, Ezra turns to you and whispers.

"Daddy's not feeling so great tonight, mommy. So I'll cuddle him with him instead of you, ok?", he asks, and you get a little amused.

"That's fine, baby", you agree, heart swelling with pride at how considerate and kind your son is.

And that's how you fall asleep. Ezra tucked under Noah's arm that is stretched under his son's head, caressing your hair softly, a silent apology, as you look at him, giving a smile and a little nod, telling him you're accepting it.

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[lovebillyhargrove]

***

"Heey. I uhmm .. I know it's ass o'clock but uh .. can you pick me up?"

It's Harrington, and he's drunk, and Billy knew it was him calling before he even touched the phone, cause whenever Steve calls Billy always gets this weird twist in his belly, or his chest, or somewhere in between — call it the sixth sense or whatever

It is indeed the middle of the night.

"Where are you?"

"At this club .."

Okay.

"Which one?"

"The one we went together to .. a couple of months ago? .. Can't remember the name."

Cause you're wasted, Harrington. It's your drunk slurring voice and the way you're breathing into the receiver

"Yeah, I know, give me ten."

..

When Steve's coming out of the club, he sees it right away — you always somehow notice this car, even in a bigger place than Hawkins — a place where muscle cars aren't a sight to gawk at. It just draws your attention. It's standing on the opposite side of the road, smoke coming out of its exhaust pipe, engine running smoothly

And ..

Steve knows he will open the door and there will be Billy.

Billy. In a plain t-shirt and jeans and maybe a leather jacket, and Steve will slip into the passenger's seat and inhale the smell of him

God he loves this smell, there's something about it that makes Harrington all fuzzy and .. wistful.

Wasted days, and sleepless nights

An' I can't wait to see you again

Is quietly playing on the radio

"Had a fun night?"

The voice, too, dammit, the voice

"Was okay."

"Home?"

Let's go to yours. Harrington catches it on the tip of his tongue.

Why the hell not? They can totally do it. He'll crash on Billy's couch and all is gonna be fine, and in the morning Steve, too lazy to open his barely slitted eye, will watch through his eyelashes how Hargrove moves around the place, doing his morning stuff. Billy will probably be in his underwear or shorts or sweats, and Steve's not yet fully focused gaze will slide over his tanned naked back, and his ass, and his tousled hair and Harrington would want to linger in this very moment

This must be love

Cause it's really got a hold on me

"Why do you keep picking me up?"

Billy doesn't look surprised at the question. He never looks surprised at anything anymore, after what went down a couple of years ago.

Steve hates remembering that night, the whole time around that night, including those months of Billy's staying in hospital hanging onto life by a thread thinner than a cobweb

"I dunno." The cigarette smoke rolls out between his lips

Steve's watching for it's a beautiful thing to look at — Hargrove smoking. He doesn't smoke much though, not anymore. A pack of Marlboros usually lasts him a week.

"Why did you risk your life for me?"

"Is it always a thank you then?"

"You'd prefer I wasn't grateful, Harrington? People should be .. grateful. Don't you think?"

The camaro takes off, and Steve's watching the night city fly by.

Hargrove's changed so much. He's still himself, but he's quieter .. less edgy, more confident, and it's not the loud bravado, it's deeper, calmer. He's like this .. boulder, molded by the flow of time and water. Like a substance that knows its core, is sure of it.

Billy has this whole life here. The job that he likes and evening school and friends and .. The ocean he's crazy about.

Steve, on the other hand, feels so uncertain. About everything. He's always wanted to move to California —

He did. And Hargrove helped him, to find a place, a job, people to hang out with, helped him to fit in.

Steve turns his head, looks at Billy's sure hands on the steering wheel.

How can I tell you, babe

My back's against the wall

When will Steve tell him?

Hargrove doesn't do relationships. Steve knew that, back in Hawkins when Vicky cried on Tina's shoulder, and then Amy cried on Carol's shoulder, and a couple of more girls joined the Broken Hearts Club,

It didn't bother him much, back in Hawkins. Steve couldn't care less.

Here, he gets new confirmations of Billy's non-relationship material status on the regular. A couple of weeks ago Steve heard it again — from a girl, sitting in Hargrove's kitchen early in the morning. Cheryl .. yeah her name was Cheryl and she was drunk and crying and telling Steve how unattainable that guy is

He'll be all over you like he's in love and you'll end up in his bed, and if you're lucky you'll date for a couple of weeks or a month but that's it

That's when Billy's gonna stop calling and that's when you'll understand

He doesn't care.

However, he'll stop everything before it gets too far. He thinks it's fair like that, and he's trying to be, fair.

Either way, it sucks.

An' I can't wait too see you again

So I can hold you in my arms

Cheryl is like Steve. She also wants to be in love and she wants a relationship, a family in the long run and .. and everything that comes with it.

Steve actually felt sorry for the girl that night.

He stopped feeling sorry for himself a long time ago, after Nancy.

Now he's just yearning. Constantly.

And Steve is so better off that Cheryl. She's gonna be gone, she is already gone, but Steve will stay here, in Billy's kitchen,

They are friends now. More than friends. Harrington saved Billy's life, risking his own, spilling his blood for the guy. They've been through hell.

Billy is grateful.

Steve doesn't want his gratitude. What he wants, is so different from gratitude.

Is this the love that I've been searching for

Is this love or am I dreaming

"Hey I don't wanna go home now. Let's go to yours."

***

Lyrics from a song by Whitesnake "Is this love" (released 1987)