#most of these are pre-crisis but the past 2 are post. and i think the titans crossovers are still canon to post crisis?? idk

[daisybell-on-a-carousel]

Jason Todd, the second Robin

[moonstruckme]

Hey! I LOVE the comic you posted of the reader going to a club pre-relationship! I was wondering if you could write a part 2 to that of all of them going to a club together. With some jealousy, like when the reader goes to the bathroom on her way back she is getting flirted with by a random guy and the marauders reaction. Feel free to ignore

(Also I adore you comic that make my day every time I have re-read all of them at least 3 times!)

Hi lovely, thank you so much ! This took me forever to get to sorry, hope you enjoy it <3

part 1

cw: alcohol, unwanted/nonconsensual touch

roommate!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

Your shriek cuts through the loud music, and you turn to Remus with an open-mouthed grin. 

“This is my favorite song!” you shout. 

He laughs. In the past half hour, four songs have been your favorite. “Yeah?” he asks. 

You nod happily, throwing your hands above your head as you spin. You’re tipsy twirly, surprisingly sprightly considering you’ve downed enough shots to get Remus hammered, and he’s got several inches on you and has been drinking since he was thirteen. 

Sirius is in a similar state. Remus and James have been steering the two of you around for most of the night, but now James has put himself in charge of crisis prevention, playing goalie between either of you and the bar. 

“Oh be fun, Prongsie,” Sirius wheedles after getting spun around by the shoulders for the upteenth time. “I know you can be fun.” 

“I am fun,” James agrees. “I have my most fun when I’m not cleaning up your vomit. Go dance with y/n.” 

You’re game for this plan, giving Sirius an enticing smile and moving your hips to the music in a way that makes Remus’ mouth go completely dry. He knows he’s not the only person in this club who’s noticed, but thankfully the little circle the four of you have made in the dance floor stays clear of intruders. Thus far, your prediction has proved correct; no other men have come up to you with your roommates around. He’s not particularly distraught about it. 

You seem oblivious to your own allure, laughing when Sirius hurries toward you like a called puppy. You take his hands, letting him twirl you around and then holding your arms up to twirl him in return, and at the chorus, you both jump around so that your hair flies all about. Your laughter is loud and sparkling. Remus sips his drink, entranced. 

There are two more favorite songs before you careen towards him, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. He hastily grips you by the elbow, wary of a fall, but you seem to have done this intentionally. You beam up at him, your smile lopsided and far less shy than anything he’s ever seen from you. 

“M’gonna go to the toilet,” you tell him, one word leading into the next like they’ve been sloppily tied together with string. 

“Oh, okay.” Of its own volition, Remus’ hand coasts up the back of your upper arm, then down to your elbow again. “Do you think you’re gonna be sick, honey?” 

Your face screws up as if this is taboo to mention. “What? No.” You make a funny pffting sound. “I’m miles off from that, I’m fantastic, it’s just,” you lower your voice, expression turning grave, “I think it’s time to break the seal,” you tell him meaningfully. 

This time it’s entirely intentional, but he also can’t help it. You’re just too cute. Remus sets his hand on the top of your head affectionately, grinning at you. “Alright, love, sounds good.” He looks around for the women’s bathroom, locating it a short distance away. “Want one of us to go with and wait outside for you?” It’s not like he can’t see it from here, but a girl as intoxicated as you probably shouldn’t be going anywhere by herself. 

“No, no, I’ve got it,” you say, patting his chest lightly. “Back soon.” 

It’s like you’ve disappeared into a mist, the way you fade into the crowd so quickly. It takes Remus a moment to spot the top of your head moving towards the bathroom. You turn around just before you go in, giving him a dazzling smile paired with a dorky thumbs-up. 

“Where’d she go?” James asks, holding his drink aloft while Sirius grabs for it. “And what has made you smile like that, Moony?” 

Remus makes a dismissive sound, but he feels his face heat as he takes a long sip of his own drink. James’ grin widens. 

“Ooh,” Sirius catches on. “What’d she say to you?” 

“Nothing. She’s gone to the toilet.”

Sirius’ kohl-rimmed eyes bulge, and James laughs, following his train of thought immediately. “Did she ask you to follow her? I didn’t think that was your style, you rake.” 

Remus rolls his eyes. “You’re depraved.” 

It’s not long before you reappear, catching Remus’ eye on your way out of the bathroom like you knew he’d be looking. You give him another of those heart-stuttering smiles and head his way, weaving your way through the crowd with a drunken expertise. 

A happy glow of anticipation starts up in his chest, but you’re intercepted on the way. Another head, taller, steps in front of you, blocking Remus’ view. He cranes his neck, but he can’t see you. 

He must make some sound or simply be emanating discontent, because James is back at his side in an instant. “What’s wrong?” 

“Someone’s talking to her. I can’t see her anymore.” He sounds ridiculous, like an overprotective douche, but he can’t imagine one can be too cautious when a drunk girl is surrounded by guys in a place like this. Remus is being purely practical. 

“Let’s go get her.” James is on board immediately, taking Sirius by the elbow and beginning to bulldoze his way through the crowd. Sirius grabs Remus’ hand just before the gap closes behind them, dragging him along. 

Remus hears you before he sees you. 

“Really, I appreciate it, but I’m not looking for anything.” Your voice sounds slightly tight, and Remus knows you well enough to tell by the sound of it that you’re giving whoever you’re talking to one of your big, fake smiles. 

A man’s voice says, low and sure, “You don’t mean that—” and that’s as far as he gets, because you interrupt to exclaim, with no small amount of relief, “My friends!” 

“Hi, sweetheart,” James says, and you’re right in front of them. You’ve cleaned up your makeup in the bathroom, the eyeliner that had transferred sweatily under your eyes now pristine again, and your smile is indeed giant and thin-lipped as you look between them and the man in front of you, subtly flaring your eyes. He reads the look clearly: Help, please!

Remus looks you over. The man has his hands on your hips and one of yours is around his wrist, a cautious touch. Sirius takes care of that quickly, wrapping his forefinger and thumb around the wrist closest to him and removing it like it’s a piece of trash he found on the street. 

“Do you two know each other?” Remus asks. Without permission, his voice comes out gruff and accusatory. 

“No,” you say speedily, taking a step towards Sirius. Towards them. “I was just on my way back to you guys, actually.” 

“We were talking.” The man looks between the three of them scrutinously, like they’re threats. Remus doesn’t hate the thought of being a threat to this guy. 

“Sounded like you were done talking, mate.” James smiles easily. You’d have to really know him to hear the sharpness in his tone. 

Sirius snakes an arm around your waist, but you don’t shy from the bold touch. In fact, you lean into him, your smile slowly beginning to resemble the genuine article. “Wanna get another drink, baby?” Sirius asks you, gaze salacious. 

“Mhm.” You bob your head eagerly, and he leads you off, James and Remus following. “Thanks for the help,” you tell them as soon as you’re away. “He didn’t, like, do anything, but it was a bit intimidating.” 

“Anytime, sweetheart,” James replies, expression going a bit stormy now that he’s done feigning lightness. “And I wouldn’t say he didn’t do anything, he shouldn’t have put his hands on you like that.” 

“It’s whatever,” you wave it off so easily Remus’ heart gives a little throb. “What’re we drinking?” 

“Oh, that was a ploy,” Remus says. “We’re done drinking, remember?” 

You pout, and Sirius hugs your side sympathetically (entirely for your benefit, Remus is certain). “You mean we’re done,” he sneers. “You and Prongs get to have however much you want. Who made you king of the beer?” 

“I think you did, actually,” Remus says thoughtfully. “At Mary’s New Year’s party, remember?” 

Sirius sniffs, presumably because he does not.

[hello-there]

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[tomwambsgans]

part 2 to this post

so, i think it's already a common understanding that tom won succession in part through his deep understanding of everything laid out in that original post. hierarchies. he knows his place very well, ie he knows whom he's under.

-and because he knows how to utilize his position on the ladder, he's also able to climb it. particularly through shiv.

...which i feel begs the question: why? why is tom ultimately more intuitive with this system than the roy siblings?

there are multiple answers, including 1) class - tom has lifelong experience climbing up whereas the sibs were born at the top and only have experience flipping between 3 or 4 rungs; and 2) tom specifically has lived outside of logan's world and in the end is contending with those other than logan anyway, meanwhile the sibs are lost with their dad gone; but what i want to talk about most of all is the answer that factors masculinity back into it, and which concerns tom as a whole person rather than simply a corporate agent:

3) tom's innate desire for other men and repression of that desire, having grown up in the midwest during the peak of the AIDS crisis, has made him only capable of functioning within a hierarchy. he has long since carved a space for himself in the framework of heterosexual masculinity and is incredibly vulnerable without it.

what i mean by this is that tom, like many men in hypermasculine environments, recontextualizes expressions of desire into displays of power as well as ritualistic displays of submission. this is common even in outright homosexual environments due to how many men spent their lives beforehand with these hierarchies being 1) the most intimate that they ever got with other men, and/or 2) the safest way to be close with men at all. within hierarchies, there are pre-established rules, and if you touch or are touched by men in ways that follow those rules - as in, you're either exerting power or knowing your place, then you're safe from the notions of true desire. the existence of the hierarchy also implies that you will do both, once you're past the absolute bottom rung. experiencing the control of other men is simply a trial that you endure in order to be in their place one day.

and once you do this for a long time, you become blind to what desires even are. you become essentially a high-functioning depressive.

but tom also snaps on occasion, effectively utilizing his power at those times... and what's interesting is that in spite of his need to not be vulnerable, and in spite of his need to have the power in the situation, we see him shaken by his own actions. we see him not only apologetic for going too far, but on top of that, a consistent willingness to break the rules of the hierarchy and make someone else his equal. that someone, of course, being greg.

tom is clearly a romantic to his core, and this definitely extends to greg despite there being no formal romance between them, with his consistent efforts to bring greg up to his level. or rather, as close to his level as he can before he starts panicking. because as much as he clearly craves that partnership of equals, tom literally does not know how to comfortably exist in intimacy with another man unless he has those rules.

on multiple occasions he's shown to panic at the end of an otherwise equal (and therefore vulnerable) interaction and bring up notions of his position over greg to feel safe. what's notable is that even as he does so, they are simultaneously expressions of love and desire that get progressively undeniable as the show goes on:

and finally, for the whole of season 4 i think tom is in a constant state of panic that is partly due to how high up he's taken greg. there's the factor of not feeling certain that greg will stay once he no longer needs him (which i also would say is, itself, a factor in tom's comfort within a hierarchy), but also a general sort of uneasiness because he's just broken down a wall that was previously keeping him safe from his own desires. he's got to look greg in the eyes now, basically. the more power and mobility he hands to greg, the more tom has to acknowledge that being around him is just what he wants.

...and he's been keeping greg at this level for at least 3 months, so it's also definitely circumstances that tom wanted to keep nevermind the discomfort. we obviously don't know much of what happened between them offscreen but we do have those vague allusions to the disgusting brothers - evidently nights together at the bar, aka a place where businessmen can get drunk enough that it's appropriate to become equals. this gets more into headcanon territory but i gotta imagine that alcohol is a big factor in how tom grows to cope with the change. in the same way that you still take pain medication after an elective surgery.

of course, not only is tom still in the process of accepting the changes to his dynamic with greg, but season 4 also takes place over an extremely hectic and stressful one-and-a-half weeks, so it's all-around reasonable that tom continues to lash out to reinforce the hierarchy.

but once again, even moreso now, the way that he lashes out is an undeniable expression of attachment, of a desperate need to keep him close... of love. so undeniable that in the end, even greg fully understands.

[aboutzatanna]

can we get a summary of Zatanna’s interactions with Swamp Thing? And/or Madame Xanadu?

(Sorry it took a while to answer to this. Not being able to answer this has been bugging me for a while)

Outside of JLD, the most notable interactions I can think are:

-For Swamp Thing:

Although her Dad died as a guest star in a Swamp Thing, Zatanna and Swamp Thing never really interacted in that specific arc.

There was a Swamp Thing mini series in 2011 by Len Wein (Swamp Thing's other Dad) and artist Kelly Jones (perfect fit for the title) which revolved around Swamp Thing/Alec Holland looking for a cure for his condition with his friend, Matt Cable which leads the two of them to Zatanna's place.

Continuity wise, it a bit of a mess. What with Matthew Cable being...well....alive...human and...not one one of Morpheus's crows. Plus references to Alan Moore's Swamp Thing run but ST is a human turned to swamp creature instead of a swamp creature who thought it was human. That said, Alec Holland was brought back to life thanks to the events of Brightest Day so that's not as egregious as Matthew Cable.

Zatanna is the magician who gets the biggest focus. Her characterization is the same as her preNu52, same goes for Phantom Stranger and Etrigan. But this mini fits neither the Pre Nu52 continuity nor the Post Nu52 continuity. I think it can be enjoyed and read on it's own. It's just stuck in a weird middle ground continuity wise because it was published in a time when nobody at DC was sure if the Nu52 was a full, clean slate reboot or partial reboot and no one could decided what should remain in continuity and what shouldn't.

-For Madame Xanadu:

The first major story to have Zatanna and Xanadu interact with each other was Spectre Vol 2 #7-8 titled 'Pieces of Zatanna'. It's a rare body horror story involving Zatanna where she finds her limbs and other parts of her body disappearing and returning but she knows they are not her original limbs.

So Zatanna quickly runs to Madame Xanadu for help. Although this is the first time readers see Zatanna and Xanadu interact, the two are already aware of each other.

The story is meant to resolve loose ends from Zatanna's final appearance in Justice League of America Vol 1 #257 as well as give Zatanna some closure for her fathers death in Swamp Thing #50.

Zatanna later appeared in Spectre Vol 2 #11, this time, of all things, the limo driver who chaueffer's Xanadu, Bronze Tiger and June Moon to a meeting arranged by the Spectre involving all the magical beings so they can discuss their roles in the human world. Not sure why Zee couldn't have just teleported them there, but then again, maybe they just wanted to enjoy a nice drive and limo is implied to be Zatanna's.

Years later, in Madame Xanadu's own series Madame Xanadu #9 we learn that Xanadu and John Zatara had dated in the past which goes a long way towards explaining how Zatanna knows her.

In Spectre Vol 3, around #16, there was a story arc where an Eclipso possessed Spectre went on a rampage. Zatanna appeared in the story arc but didn't get to interact with Xanadu as she was recruited to by Phantom Stranger to be on his team alongside Etrigan and the Inza Nelson Doctor Fate. Xanadu made her own team with Father Creamer and Ramban. Notably it's Xanadu's team that ends up succeeding at stopping the Spectre's rampage but cutting to the heart of the issue and confronting Corrigan's spiritual crisis directly.

Aside from that, Xanadu and Zatanna often appear together in ensembles during events like Obsidian Age and Day of Vengeance but they are not always notable.

I always thought that Xanadu could be a cool step mom figure for Zee since the latter operates in a male dominated world.

I haven't read Bendis Justice League in full yet but around the time the JLD back up feature was getting cancelled we did get to see Zatanna and Xanadu team up to fight a possessed Black Adam in Justice League Vol 4 #73:

[luvo27]

behind the scenes of stress vs love

because i am going insane working on this fic. i am losing it. have a little behind the scenes of the outlines copy pasted from my brainstorm doc for the first couple of chapters of my fic, on the stress of being seventeen vs the immutable law of love on ao3!!

first concept outline: kristen through adaine's chapters

Start with kristen pov? Struggles academically, stress baking, study session with fig? Both of them are bad at studying, possible lofi night at seacaster? 

Insecurity about riz, little heist with fig to get sklondas number starts texting sklona

Stress baking: accidental corn muffin

Goes into figs pov: studying with kristen? Disguise self? Body modification and not recognizing herself and identity crisis and missing ayda- piercings?

Kristen stress baking? Lets something slip to adaine, adaine starts worrying? Leads to her boiling and boiling-maybe talking to either fabian or gorgug-maybe fabian makes the most sense, leads to the confrontation 

Maybe has a conversation with aelwyn about it instead of kristen? Maybe kristen makes her think she should talk to aelwyn?

Adaine confrontation goes bad. She feels bad. Everyone feels bad. Boils and boils until breakdown at basrars. Jawbone and fear of academic failure as a result of financial troubles

second outline: kristen through adaine's chapters

Kristen’s section:

Opens with cafeteria scene

Scene with kristen struggling to do work- solved by Riz! Yay riz!

Kristen texting riz because they haven’t study sessioned

Kristen struggling pt 2

Kristen texting sklonda

Kristen stress baking scene

Kristen confrontation with riz- post? Pre? Rejection! Sadness!

Struggle pt 3? Lead into

Jawbone and kristen academic help? Kristen texts riz to let him know she’s doing okay. She’s starting to get worried!!

Fig’s section

Gradual worry about riz. Has anyone seen riz? Fig is going to look for riz!!

Rogue class search shenanigans. Finds riz first? Conversation with riz?

Cafeteria talk pt 2: tells the bad kids what happened

Rogue class search shenanigans pt 2: maybe a scene where fig disguises self as riz? Finds ayda carving and cries about it

Everyone’s getting more worried about riz. Tension! Fig disguise self scenes, identity crisis!

Mistaken identity? Maybe sees someone she was friends with when she was younger pre tiefling? Triggers the diy piercing scene

Diy piercing scene! - maybe have sandralynn try to say something

Scene where fig is crying by ayda carving

Scene where kristen heals fig’s piercings

Adaine’s section

Adaine is worried about her friends. Adaine walks in on kristen stress baking, thinks about figs new piercings. Nightmare king revelation

Texts aelwyn about it? Gets 0 help

Observes riz. Observes friends. Stressed in class because of her materials. B+. panicking

Decides that things are bad: maybe show her saying things are bad to fabian. Confrontation. Panic post confrontation

Has to go to work post confrontation. Feels bad the entire time. Work panic attack scene! Jawbone comes, jawbone comforts! Yay!

[inevitably-johnlocked]

You have all the best lists, I think that is what I need? I want to read fluff, fluff that makes me laugh out loud, could be long, could be short, doesn't matter, just intelligent funny fluff (which doesn't even have to be that intelligent if it makes me laugh).

Do you have a listicle for me?

Hi Lovely!!

AWW, you're so kind, thank you!! I'm so happy you enjoy my fic rec lists :)

OKAY I have a TONNE of fluff fics, all of which can be accessed from my most recent All Fluff Fics (Oct. 2021) Masterpost (I do concede that it is a bit outdated so will make a new masterpost with the next ask I get for them), and because I don't have an ask-list ready this week, I'm going to use your list to release another list I've already got done without any asks attached! :)

EDIT: Just realized you asked for Funny Fics (sorry my brain tends to filter out words)... AHHHHH I hope this list is still okay? I do have lists you can check out:

Funny, Crack and Humour Pt. 1

Funny, Crack and Humour Pt. 2

Let's update the Domestics list, since it's got a lot of fics on it :)

Hope you enjoy this list anyway! Apologies for the abundance of FFNet fics, this list was built while I was sorting through some old links I had. All the links are working at the time of posting.

DOMESTIC JOHNLOCK Pt. 6

See also:

Long Domestic Johnlock (50K+ w.) (March 2023)

Platonics and Domestics

Platonics & Domestics Pt 2 / .../

Platonics & Domestics / Bromance / Friendship Pt. 3

Domestic Johnlock Pt. 4

Domestic Johnlock Pt. 5

A Perfect Figure by ecb327 (K, 622 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, First Person POV Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Introspection, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Light Angst) – Sherlock build a spot in his mind palace for John.

Octopus by glass_rose_paperweight (G, 705 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Fluff, Bed Sharing, Limpet Sherlock) – A week after Sherlock and John finally get together, and John is finding sharing a bed with Sherlock Holmes to be ... difficult, sometimes. If not downright suffocating.

Tidying Up by mattsloved1 (K+, 951 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – John comes home to a thoroughly cleaned flat. Or so it seems.

Texts and Tea by JillianWatson1058 (K, 959 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Texting, Humour, Fluff, POV John, Cranky John) – A John who is woken up at 2:30 in the morning is not a happy John. Sherlock, frankly, doesn’t care. He just wants his tea.

My Unfortunately Average Sized Cranium by Haelia (K+, 996 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Headache, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Drug Use, Doctor John) – In which Sherlock has a migraine. ALMOST Johnlock. Not quite.

Poppies For John by grannysknitting (T, 1,102 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship) – Rememberance Sunday fic - John notices a discrepancy between Sherlock's stated intent and his actions. Sherlock, for once, explains himself. Friendship or pre-slash, your choice. Intended in honour of those who defend us.

Peacock by ClassyGirlsWearPearls (T, 1,189 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Cranky Sherlock, Soft John, Hand Holding, Soft Sherlock) – A study in Sherlock and John.

Our Bodies Bend Light by lovetincture (G, 1,211 w., 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Beekeeping, Retirement) – They got married. Of course they got married. Snapshots in a relationship. There's a jar of bees in the bookstore and a cottage in Sussex. Sherlock's not the marrying kind, and John's tried this once before, but they're Sherlock and John. Of course.

Mizzle by MrsNoggin (K, 1,233 w., 1 Ch || Friendship, Fluff, Platonic Johnlock, Humour, Slice of Life) – John can't decide if it's raining or not. Sherlock doesn't understand.

A Better Fate Than Wisdom by flawedamythyst (G, 1,339 w., 1 Ch. || First Kiss, John’s Sexuality Crisis, Pining Sherlock, Happy Ending, Fluff) – Nearly four hours pass between their first kiss and their second.

Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock's first day home, John wakes with a migraine.

Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4,  5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music

The Imminent Danger of a Tumblr-Night by Loveismyrevolution (T, 2,135 w., 1 Ch. || Tumblr Fics, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock is Out of His Depth, Humour, Fluff, Pining Sherlock, Military Kink, POV Sherlock) – Sherlock gets into trouble when he pretends to know all about John's favourite social media site - tumblr. To save face he seeks help from one of the bloggers and gains more answers than he had aimed for.

Living Musical by VeeTheRee (G, 4,149 w. 1 Ch. || Established Relationship, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Hobbies, Summer, Song Fic, POV Sherlock, Painting, Play Fighting, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Love Declarations, Hair Petting, Promise of Forever) – A one-shot of John and Sherlock being domestic during summer. There is paint, fluff, and music from Imagine Dragons, namely from the album 'Speak To Me', specific song in this one-shot is 'Living Musical'. Part 1 of the Happy Fluffy Johnlock Time series

Date Night by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 4,451 w., 1 Ch. || Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Caring John, Schmoopy Fluff, Fidget Cube, Baking / Cooking, Date Night, Established Relationship, POV Sherlock Holmes, Understanding John, Grumpy Sherlock, John’s Bum, Kisses, Hugs, Domestic Fluff, Touching, Hair Petting, Light Humour) – It's John and Sherlock's first Date Night as an official couple and Sherlock needs it to be PERFECT. Mrs Hudson helps. Part 7 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

What John Doesn't Know (Won't Hurt Him) by blueink3 (NR [T], 4,392 w., 1 Ch, || S3 Fix It, Pining Sherlock, Snippets of Life, Hurt/Comfort, Scars, Fluff and Angst, Five and One, Hopeful Ending, POV Sherlock) – Five people who see Sherlock's scars before John Watson. But Sherlock's secrets were never something he could keep from his blogger for long.

Storytelling by amythedork (T, 5,126 w., 1 Ch. || John’s Past, Friendship, Humour) – Five times John Watson opens up to Sherlock Holmes, and one time Sherlock Holmes opens up to John Watson. Gen, though could easily be read as pre-slash. 

This Year by DiscordantWords (T, 6,283 w., 2 Ch. || TEH Divergence / No Mary, New Year’s Eve, John’s A Mess, Jealous John, Awkward Conversations, Trapped in a Closet, Estranged After Return, John POV, Semi-Reunion, Angry John, First Kiss, Reconciliation, Clueless Sherlock, Happy Ending) – Last year, Sherlock Holmes showed up at the Landmark with a fake moustache and a bad French accent and threw John's entire life into disarray with two words: "Not dead." This year, there are more surprises in store.

Cabin Fever by A Wandering Minstrel (K+, 6,343 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Friendship) – A massive storm keeps John trapped in Baker Street with a half-blind (for science!), very bored Sherlock Holmes.

Bridges by sussexbound (M, 6,602 w., 1 Ch || Post-TLD / S4 Fix It, Love Confessions, Mending Relationships, Moving Back In, Pining Sherlock, POV Sherlock, Past Abuse, Shaving) – The silence between them is deafening, interrupted only by the hum of the traffic outside, and the soft click-clunk of the plastic cups Rosie is playing with on the floor beside them. It is the first time they have been alone together, since Sherlock’s birthday. It’s only been two days, but it feels huge, important, like there is a precarious bridge stretched out before them both that they need to at least attempt to traverse.

A Study in Linguistics by rizandace (T, 12,425 w., 1 Ch. || S1 Canon Compliant/S2 Divergence, Friendship, Slices of Life, Communication, Cranky Sherlock, Hospitals, Sherlock Whump, Pet Cat, Jealous John, Sherlock’s Violin, Anxious Sherlock, John Whump) – Sherlock Holmes and John Watson had their own language. It was a language of few words and minute facial expressions, and John had learned that it was nearly the only way to have an honest conversation with his eccentric flat mate.

holding steady by darcylindbergh (E, 12,724 w., 4 Ch. || Post S4, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Growing Old, Gone Fishing, Mood without Plot, Soft Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, POV John Third Person, Anxious Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Feeling Old, Sherlock Worship, Crying Sherlock, Cuddles, Comforting, Introspection, Retirement, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Caring John, Bed Sharing, Emotional Love Making) – Sitting on a thick wool blanket at the end of a rickety dock side-by-side, legs dangling over the edge, a styrofoam container of wet, dark dirt between them, they’re fishing. John knows what this is about. This is about finally figuring it out.

On The Fence by BeautifulFiction (T, 13,770 w., 1 Ch. || Fencing, Case Fic, First Kiss, Insecure John, Pining John, Hug, Greg Finds Out) – The murder of the King's College fencing champion leads to revelations about Sherlock's past. Will it be the point that tips them from friends to lovers, or will they remain on the fence?

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier. 

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

Domestic Matters by ohlooktheresabee (M, 29,404 w., 6 Ch. || Fantasy AU || First Meetings, Developing Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, BAMF Sherlock, BAMF John, Idiots in Love, Misunderstandings, Supernatural Elements, Implied / Referenced Child Abuse, Elf Sherlock, Human/Elf Politics, Emotional Abuse, Possessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Buddy Greg) – All flatmates need to work out domestic matters between them - who does the dishes, who takes out the rubbish, how often does the carpet need to be vacuumed - these are part and parcel of sharing a living space together. However, when you’re an elf and your flatmate is going to be a human you just met, this rather complicates things…Very loosely inspired by 'The Elves and The Shoemaker' by The Brothers Grimm.

Deck the Halls by itsalwaysyou_jw (T, 31,018 w., 24 Ch. || Advent Fic / Multiple One-Shots, Assorted Tags) – One Johnlock ficlet for every day leading up to Christmas. Who is ready for pining, first kisses, established Johnlock, and everything in between? This collection of stand-alone ficlets will have it all. 

A Study Of Living With Sherlock Holmes by  AllesandraQuartermaine (T, 50,234 w., 22 Ch. || Post-ASiP/Pre-TAB, Domestics, Friendship, POV John) – Learn about what happened between John and Sherlock January 31st and March 22. From John's pov on how to survive and learn to live with one eccentric mad genius known as Sherlock Holmes. 

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (E, 109,272 w., 60 Ch. || S4 Compliant to TLD / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock’s Italian Adventure, Sherlock/OC and Johnlock, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, First Kiss/Time, Idiots in Love, 3 Part Story, Slow Burn, Inexperienced Sherlock, Bottom Sherlock, Introspection, Alternating First and Third Person POV, Separation and Reconciliation, Emotional Love Making, Love Confessions via Letters, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.  Part 1 of the Drawn to Stars series

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) –Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

[summerinbali]

I am so lucky. Everything works out in my favor. Even when something is not good, something better will come for me with it. Also, the Universe always got my back. Yes, I am so grateful because I am lucky.

It's February 2023 and I haven't write anything in here.

Anyhow, I welcomed this new year happily. For the first time ever. But for the first time ever also, I had to go to ER on 2nd Jan, by my own self, which was painfully sad. Life is great, but my body could not handle such a big energy of greatness coming on the new year. Also, my body couldn't handle the coffee I took on the new year's eve. Funny, ha-ha. But not funny ha-ha.

With that tragedy, I came up with my new year's resolution short and simple: healthy body. What is this healthy body that I'm going for? Glad you ask!

With my frontal lobe has fully developed, I am now able to elaborate this healthy body. It is not only eating healthy food (well, whatever that is!) or running until I passed out. It is finding balance in life. I healed my inner self for the past 2 years, which took a lot of myself. Quarter life crisis did it all well. But for just an update, I think I feel a lot better now. Hopefully, it's for good. Life is a rollercoaster, I know. But I hope I can always find the peace, forgiveness, and love I need within myself.

In matter of health, it is my body turn! She has to heal herself from GERD, vertigo, and all kinds of painful painful things that happened.

My goal is (i) to find exercise that effective, enjoyable, and doable most of the time, and (ii) to find balance of eating.

So this year, I am exploring. I said to my body that I will take time to relearn about myself and my body. The last time I did those two was when I was 17-18. And those information are now invalid. I mean, who take only 1 apple and 1 gum per day then call themselves all fueled up for the day?? Also, I don't think I am fully capable of forcing this body to run 5k immediately, she needs to take small baby steps to do that. Hence, I am exploring everything. All food, all exercises (as long as it is not a high intensity).

I also take mindful walking now, which not requiring any earphones with songs blasting my ears. I listened to the universe. Most of the time it's honking sounds of the traffic. But sometimes, it is me screaming that I am tired, but at the same time believing that I am capable.

I will definitely do Pilates Reformer, I heard that it's good for the spine. And yes, I had some issues with my shoulders and spine as well. I am also down to try more fun exercise, like Poundfit. Girl, I cannot imagine the amount of adventures this year.

One of the resources for my growth, especially with food, is @barrewithmich on Instagram. She is a great barre teacher, I followed her class few times during the pandemic. And I followed her immediately because she said something about growth. In a nutshell, healthy living is not a journey, not a marathon - so there's no need to rush. Her posts intrigued me to take slow steps, finding my own balance, exploring my limits, especially when it comes to food.

I used to label food with good food, bad food, guilty pleasure, cheating food, et cetera. I did not do me good. I was stuck with diet issues. I was on unhealthy diet for years and thought that 700cal per day was a lot. I was either binge eating or not eating at all. Boy, was I wrong.

Due to all the mistakes that I did in the past, I am now willing to take the road of the unknown and explore the wild wild world of the meaning of living itself - finding my balance and understanding my limit.

This could also mean me living with a full-time job, taking master's degree with 7 courses this semester, being a mom to a pre-schooler (WHAT), and being a wife to an amazing husband (who also has a not only full-time, but life-time, job while taking master's degree, being a father to a pre-schoolder, and a caretaker to the parents).

((side note: To B, I am proud of who you are now. I cannot believe we are here. Would you take the road to find the meaning of healthy living itself?))

Well, 2023. What a year. I've been here since 2008, I think? CRAZY. And been doing this new year shit posting since 2016 or 2017? Cannot remember. But hey. Another year to live, blessed. Super grateful and thankful. Let's do it.

[5five5five5five5five5five]

thank you for this addition. I'm sorry that my wording was harmful and that i typed this post very impulsively with not much thought. You are right that his queerness in his fashion is very important and it shouldn't have been watered down or that i should have made a 1 for 1 connection to only his drug addiction. that is not true, I'm well aware he is genderfluid and pan and that it plays a big part of his character. I apologize for my wording and i admit my negative feelings towards my sister and my own trauma effects how i talk about such topics but i really need to correct myself when it comes to public spaces. it wasn't okay. i need to be more aware that my sister is an outlier, not the norm and i shouldn't be speaking so generally about a crisis that has impacted me and many others as much as it has. it was careless. (i currently have 2 homeless sisters + i was homeless for most of my teen years. its something i know all too well. i think to the point where i talk about it in a very numb and uncaring manner to cope. that is not an excuse.) the only thing i disagree on is "nail polish and eyeliner cost money, so his choice to use those as part of his style coinciding with homelessness does not make any sense." i feel like that's very much removing the community aspect of homelessness and drug addiction. and tbh feels a little dehumanizing. as someone around homeless people my whole life with make up, nails and flamboyant clothes, it makes sense to me? people can get all those things fairly easily from other homeless friends. Klaus is showed knowing who to get drugs from and a past of partying. those crowds form communities. those communities help each other. Klaus is a person who needs "stealables" (his own words) to get money for drugs, he doesn't fully have the luxury to 100% dress that way all on his own accord. Yes, its the style he chooses to wear and his queerness plays a factor but he is very much NOT just a flamboyant queer with a unique fashion sense. hes also a struggling, homeless, drug addict flamboyant queer. and a lot of his fashion reflects that and will be downplayed when recovering. his fashion is his queerness AND signs of a man who doesn't have much to him but tries to elevate his self expression with what he has. its BOTH. people who don't see the struggle in his attire and ONLY see the queerness are who i was pointing to. there is struggle in s1 Klaus's fashion. (pre war) that's a man who isn't JUST wearing what he's wearing because he's queer. he's not a celebrity who hand picks his attire at whim with luxury and 100% freewill. he's also an addict that elevates his personality, mannerisms and style to fit his surroundings. we see this in s2 with his cult and in Vietnam. he has a habit of easily forming to what life throws to him. Klaus is queer but also dresses with what he can get. it being a flamboyant style is him being queer. but removing drugs from the equation WILL change that. yes, recovery shouldn't just remove his queerness and i do wish they added a bit more queerness into him in s4 but we see him in a very transitional state in his recovery. some people don't know WHO they are after 3 years sober. Klaus really made drugs his personality. drugs can make you more boastful. that doesn't remove his queerness but i think people really only see his queerness and complaining are not seeing the fact that a addict is there too. without drugs and this pattern of behavior he's had since he was teen, he's going to feel different for a long time. he's going to change. s1 Klaus was not a happy man and people who act like he should go back to suffering bc he was "more stylish" are missing the point. that's what i meant by this post. i wasn't trying to remove one for the other. i just feel like some ignore his addiction in favor of him being a queer icon when he's both and they do overlap a LOT.

Thank you again for this addition, the resources and for calling me out, i honestly made this post then threw it to the wind without much thought, witch was a thoughtless thing to do. i hope i got my words out better here then before. i not trying to double down. i just really want people to understand that his drug addiction was a big part of him for a long time and his fashion very much reflects that ON TOP OF being queer and flamboyant. both can co exist in one man.

idk why but everyone going "the decuntification of Klaus is so sad" "why is Klaus's fashion always a downgrade each season??" really bugs me. like. that was the drugs. he dressed like that bc street life drug life. as someone with a homeless druggie sister (who LOVES KLAUS) and is straight as a nail, she dresses the same way. him being pan / queer had very little to do with how he dressed in s1. that's the drugs.

and its sad that i have a first hand look at the same type of person to know this. maybe I'm projecting but give rehab, softer germaphobe Klaus some fucking respect. THAT'S Klaus.

[the-amber-fox]

Young Royals Fic Rec List 2022 Edition

To tide you over the last four weeks of waiting for season 2 I have been making my way through the last months on AO3 and recommendations to bring you this part 2 of my fic rec list. All fanfics in this list have been published in 2022. 

Categories for this list are:

Canon

Canon-divergent

Post-canon (pre season 2)

Fix-Its

AUs

Slightly Unhinged but worth it

E-Rated

The dark stuff.

So there should be one for everyone here

Canon

My Youth is Yours (Not Rated) by evakayaki Simon wants to give Wille "firsts" that every kid should experience, but missed out on because he was prince. OR: Five times Simon gives Wille a first experience and one time Wille surprises Simon.

Canon-Divergent

Hope Against Hope (M) by demeterfics What happens when Simon doesn't follow Wille after his panic during Horror Movie Night? Simon has regrets, Simon frets, Simon thinks that was his one chance. Wille has a bit more of a sexual crisis, but luckily Erik is there to give some brotherly advice. Boys need to figure out how to communicate. Screwed (T) (WIP) by fandom_commitment_issues Erik lived, but things are still Royally screwed up.

Post Canon (maybe)

Wilhelm & Simon: An Interview with Sweden's Young Royal Couple by cali-chan (girls_are_weird) On the heels of Queen Kristina's announcement that she will be stepping down as monarch once her son and heir turns 35, Crown Prince Wilhelm and his longtime partner, Simon Eriksson, sit down with SVT's Signe Karlsson, for the first time since the future King publicly came out as queer and confirmed their relationship, to discuss their future and dispel any lingering misconceptions about their romance. His Royal Fucking Highness Prince Simon of Sweden (he will take none of your shit) (T) by notalotgoingonatthisinstant Simon had gone through most stages of grief over the past two days since that meeting, and his head would split open if he didn't sit down with his family and friends to let it out. He should be jumping at the opportunity to refuse the titles, so why was he so conflicted? whenever we're together (M) by waitingstar He does yoga, then shirtless yoga. He times his downward dogs for when Wilhelm is passing the lounge room, pretends he doesn’t smirk at Wilhelm's strangled “Morning”.

My Youth is Yours (Not Rated) by evakayaki                      Simon wants to give Wille "firsts" that every kid should experience, but missed out on because he was prince. OR: Five times Simon gives Wille a first experience and one time Wille surprises Simon.

Fix Its

always something left behind (T) by eleanna99That’s what love is, after all, he thinks. Always leaving something behind. or All the times Simon and Wilhelm almost call each other through the years, and one time they do.

A Royal Intervention (T) by AnxiousAnaconda Erik has made it his mission to call Wilhelm regularly and check up on him. The whole family seems to be in agreement that he is in a tumultuous and dangerous phase, that he could easily be steered in the wrong direction and cause perhaps unforeseen levels of PR damage, but Erik wonders whether his parents truly grasp how sensitive this life phase is for Wilhelm. It is a gut feeling, an inkling, that tells him to watch out for his little brother. Now more than ever. That broken piece, let go (T) by cali-chan (girls_are_weird), TheAmberFox Or five times Simon didn't communicate his true feelings + one time he did. OR Therapy Fic.

AUs

The greatest story never written (T) by NerdGirl07 writer! simon and reader wille: simon always has to try to not spontaneously combust whenever wille rambles about HIS OWN book to him

Play my song (G) by Elin98 It is 12.15 am and you’re listening to Late night Vibes with Simon on The Vibe FM, 104.6. I’m your host Simon Eriksson and I will be here with you all night. So for all you night owls, insomniacs, night shift workers, let me keep you company. I promise to only play good music and that we’ll have a good time.

Bloom where you are planted (T) by Cl0udyM1lk Wille is a plant boy, Simon has a black thumb. They both run semi-popular Instas.

There's a song in my heart (I feel like I belong) (M) by cali-chan (girls_are_weird) Concert pianist Wilhelm Berwald had no idea his entire life would change when he was paired up with pop star Simon Eriksson for a charity concert.

the way you look at me (T) by strummerjoe After spending his whole life in Bjärstad, Simon is excited to go to university. He wants to embrace all aspects of student life and he's ready for anything.Anything, except finding a disgruntled crown prince in his new bedroom.

Dancing Through Life (M) by pagegirlintraining After getting into a club fight that paints him in a less than ideal light, Wilhelm is forced into a living nightmare: being a contestant on Swedish reality tv. As if that wasn’t bad enough already, he’s supposed to dance on national television.Aka Wilhelm goes full Dancing with the Stars with Simon as his pro partner.

yellow paper daisy (T) by darlingdreamer21 Or: Wille and Simon meet in Bjärstad, under the most unnatural circumstances. Wille, who seeks solace in the sleepy town. Simon, who once escaped from the suffocating town.But with Simon's face plastered everywhere around the world in association with his successful music career, and Wille's own internal conflict and blissful solitude, they don't know how to deal with their mutual attraction.Inspired by the movie Notting Hill because these two dorks deserve their cheesy romcom story.

The Boy and the Bartender (M) by Spidaya Simon is a bartender at a local bar with a sunny smile and confident attitude that hide the darker side of his life he wishes to keep hidden. Wilhelm, the prince of Sweden, is a lonely boy with too much love to give and not getting much love in return.After they meet at a bar in not the most Prince-Charming way, their hearts are forever intertwined with each other, but not before going through the hurt, trials, and love that come with both of their lives.

Slightly unhinged - but worth it

Through Felle’s eyes (G) by crownedmoon Wille & Simon’s love story, witnessed by one of Simon’s fishes.

The Sound of you, an outlasting vibration (T) by TheAmberFox What if Wille joins the choir to be close to Simon? Only problem - he can’t sing to safe his life.

a whole new scandal (T) by EngelK Post? Wilhelm thought. He then remembers the notifications from his phone. Shakingly, he unlocks it. He saw tons of messages. Tons from Minou. He doesn’t even know what he has gotten into.

Open heart open mind never know who you will find (E) by simonscrown Wille deliberated whether he should be thanking the universe or cursing at it that a literal angel was standing in front of him, while his testicles were being tortured by a pair of objectively horrible booty shorts.

E - Rated

i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this (E) by cl0udy_mi1k Simon is Wilhelm's best friend, so when he confesses that he's insecure about his lack of experience Wille offers to help him. After all, it's what any good friend would do, isn't it?

Addicted to You (E) by yr_bb Simon missed him, of course he did. He knew nothing had really changed. But this forced separation was a new kind of torture, and he hated it. Hated that he wanted him still, but even in his whole setting boundaries thing, he hadn’t actually wanted to move on. He didn’t, he couldn’t, not if there was still a chance. Being this close was only bringing that all up again.

sorry about the blood in your mouth (i wish it was mine) (E) by witchjeons In the aftermath of the video, Simon falls apart. Wilhelm is there to put him back together.

There all along (E) by stretchoutandwait Kristina's death brings Simon back into Wilhelm's life after years apart. Wilhelm has to negotiate learning to become king and starting (or restarting?) a relationship at the same time.

The dark stuff

The spare (T) by Hannakin Erik can’t imagine anything worse than losing his little brother. He lives through his worst nightmare when Wille is horribly injured.

right where you left me. (M) by YourDemiurge When Crown Prince Wilhelm died at the early age of 18, he left three legacies behind: a video that he'd denied being in; a precautionary tale of young love; and a statue outside an otherwise unknown public school. **** Auhtors mentioned: @girls-are-weird @pagegirlintraining @simons-purplehoodie

@cl0udy-mi1k @ishotforthestars @cinnamoncoffees  @hanna-kin  @zee-has-commitment-issues @yourdemiurge

*** If you want to re-read the fic rec list part 1, you can find it here.

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

Timeline: Batman

google doc / ao3

This is my best attempt at a post-crisis timeline based on age-- specifically Bruce’s age every time he adopted and/or met one of his children. 

List of events:

Bruce’s parents die

Bruce becomes Batman

Dick’s parents die

Dick becomes Robin

Jason becomes Robin and is adopted

Jason dies

Tim becomes Robin

Cass appears

Dick is adopted

Tim is adopted

Cass is adopted

Damian becomes Robin

I’ll be citing my work by issue and panel. This isn’t my most organized work, and I don’t know how well tumblr will let me translate it, so I do recommend the google doc. I imagine the image quality here won’t be great. 

Notes:

This is a post-crisis timeline (1986-2011). I’ll be referencing a few pre-crisis panels, but I won’t be touching the New 52 or anything after it. That’s a different game of ball with its own, extremely bad, timeline.

Crisis on Infinite Earths is a 1985-1986 series that rebooted the DC timeline and altered some backstories, including Jason’s. Pre-crisis, his backstory was almost identical to Dick’s. Post-crisis, he changed to the “steal the wheels off the Batmobile” origin. Anything written before 1986 is a weak source for my purposes. 

My original question centered around Bruce’s age through the process of meeting and acquiring his children. In this timeline, those children are (1) Dick Grayson, (2) Jason Todd, (3) Cassandra Cain, (4) Tim Drake, and (5) Damian Wayne. I was envisioning an interview where the kids explain their family timeline to outsiders. I did not anticipate the project taking this long. 

We’re talking about 72 years of content here, which means decades of contradiction, conflation, and rewrites. I’m pretty satisfied with my work product, but please understand that there are no perfect answers. I’m going to cite my sources, and I’ll do my best to explain why I chose those sources specifically, but it’s pretty likely that for every panel I pull, there will be others with different numbers. We’re all going to have to live with that. 

Event timeline

*I’m defining Jason’s age by the time elapsed since his birth, but you could make an argument for using time he has been alive, which is, of course, different. That’s why the parentheses are there. 

Age differences

As Robin

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Bruce’s parents die

Pretty consistently, Bruce is written as eight years old the night his parents died. 

Detective Comics #0 (1994)

This is a zero issue where Bruce thinks back on his origin story. It was written long after Crisis on Infinite Earths (1986), and I tend to give a lot of weight to ages written in summaries of past plot lines, my reasoning being that it’s easier to be consistent in one issue than it is to be consistent through a month to month story. 

Bruce first appeared as an adult in Detective Comics #27 (1939), and the Waynes were already dead at that point, so flashbacks are the only available material anyway. 

Gotham Knights #6 (2000)

The text is Hugo Strange talking about Bruce, and the image is Tim and Dick playing at Wayne Enterprises. 

I’ll take a second here to note that I did find at least one alternate age for Bruce— in Superman/Batman Secret Files & Origins (2003), Bruce was 10 when his parents died. I’m disregarding that in favor of the stronger 8 year old timeline, especially in light of Batman #404 (1987).

Batman #404 is the beginning of Batman: Year One, which was explicitly written to clarify the Batman timeline post-crisis, and it’s the basis of most of my calculations for Bruce and Dick’s ages.

----------

Bruce becomes Batman

According to Year One, Bruce was 26 years old when he became Batman. I’m using his age at his parents’ deaths, his age when he returned to Gotham, and his 18 year timeline.

Batman #404 puts Bruce at age 25 when he returned to Gotham in January. 

Batman #404 (1987)

Bruce gives his dramatic, “Yes, Father, I will become a bat,” line in March. In the same scene, he says that it has been 18 years since his parents’ deaths. Knowing that they died when Bruce was eight, that puts Bruce at 26 years old the day he became Batman, which makes sense considering Bruce’s birthday is usually set at February 19th. 

He was 25 in January, turned 26 in February, and became Batman at 26, 18 years after his parents’ death. 

Batman #404 (1987)

Post-crisis, DC built timelines off the “Year” model. Year One is Batman’s beginning, and events after that are measured by how far away they are from the year Bruce became Batman. I’ll be using the Year model for Dick’s life events next. 

----------

Dick’s parents die

The Graysons died in Year Two. Using the Year Model, Dick was 12 when his parents died, and Bruce was 37. 

Year timelines appear a fair amount, especially in issues titled “Secret Files & Origins.” I pulled this bit from Batman Secret Files & Origins (1997) because it was the easiest to screenshot. 

Batman Secret Files & Origins (1997)

Year Two would place Bruce at 27 years old. I’m calculating Dick’s age backwards, based on him being 13 years old during Year Three. 

Batman Secret Files & Origins (1997) 

----------

Dick becomes Robin

Dick became Robin in Year Three, when he was 13 years old and Bruce was 28. I’m using two different issues to calculate the number. 

Batman #441 (1989)

Batman #441 is from Tim’s introduction story. It takes place “months” after Jason’s death. We’ll get to that part. In Batman #441, Tim asked Dick to be Robin again in order to help Bruce, who was visibly unstable after Jason’s death. Dick says that he can’t go back to being Robin, just like he can’t go back to being 13 years old. The strong implication there is that Dick became Robin at 13, which corresponds to Dick’s statements in Batman #416 (1988). 

In Batman #416, Dick as Nightwing returns to confront Bruce about Jason becoming Robin. He says that he was Robin for six years, and he stopped being Robin at 19.

Batman #416 (1988)

If Dick stopped being Robin at 19, after 6 years, that would put him at 13 when he debuted as Robin, the same number from Batman #441 (1989).

Dick was 13 during Year Three, so 12 during Year Two, the year his parents died. Those numbers answer the first bit of my original question. I wanted to know how old Dick and Bruce were when Dick became his child. It’s a bit more of a complicated question for Dick, since he was originally Bruce’s ward, then adopted as an adult. 

Based on the timeline so far, Dick became Bruce’s ward at 12 years old, while Bruce was 27.  

----------

Jason becomes Robin and is adopted

As previously discussed (see Notes), Jason’s timeline is complicated by Crisis on Infinite Earths (1985-1986). Pre-crisis, Jason first appeared in Batman #336 (1983) as a former circus acrobat very similar to Dick.

Jason’s origin story reboots at Batman #408 (1987), which describes the switch-off between Dick and Jason. I’m building a lot of my timeline off of that issue. At the beginning, Dick gets shot by the Joker, and as Bruce carries him away, the media ask if Robin is dead. Dick isn’t dead, but back at the manor, Bruce decides to retire Robin as a role, based on the idea that crimefighting is too dangerous for a child. 

Batman #408 (1987)

This version is more or less from Bruce’s point of view, but there’s a contrasting version from Dick’s point of view later, in Batman #416 (1987). That one has a significantly different tone, and I already cited it once (page 13) because Dick talks about his age and the amount of time he was Robin.  

Batman #408 (1987)

The second part of the issue takes place “weeks” later. Bruce goes to Crime Alley to mourn his parents on the anniversary of their death. He comes back to find that somebody stole the wheels off the Batmobile. The somebody was Jason, and by the end of Batman #409 (1987), Bruce is calling Jason “Robin.”

Batman #408 (1987) seems to divide Dick’s departure and Jason’s introduction by only “weeks,” in the post-crisis reboot. Dick’s version of the story in Batman #416 (1987) is much less charitable to Bruce— instead of ending on a panel of Bruce smiling, it shows the aftermath of Dick in tears as Bruce walks away. Dick goes on to describe leaving the house, going to college for a semester, then dropping out. According to Dick, Bruce didn’t even say goodbye. 

Batman #416 (1987)

I don’t think the stories are contradictory; they’re just different experiences of the same events, separated by only eight issues. Dick tells us that he was 19 when he left Wayne Manor, and Bruce chooses his new Robin “weeks” later. 

As a summary, we know that Bruce’s parents died when he was eight, and that 18 years passed before he became Batman at 26. One year later, Dick’s parents died while Bruce was 27. One year after that, Dick became Robin at the age of 13. From those facts, Bruce is 15 years older than Dick. 

All of my calculations of Bruce’s age are based off of the age gap between him and Dick. Dick was 19 when Jason became Robin, so we know that at that time, Bruce was 34. We also know that at that time, Jason was 12. 

I can’t show a source for that number because it appears on the letter page of Batman #408 (1987), Jason’s introduction.

Even after a significant amount of investigation, I can’t find a copy of the letter page, but it’s cited by enough secondary sources for me to be comfortable using it. That issue is specifically written to show Jason’s origin, so it makes sense that it would contain Jason’s age at inception, even if the number wasn’t in the actual exposition. 

From Jason being 12, we can establish a seven-year age gap between Jason and Dick, who was 19 at the time. Now we know Bruce, Dick, and Jason’s ages, and the age differences between them.

Back to my original question— when did Bruce acquire Jason? We know that Bruce was 34 when Jason became his ward, and Jason was 12. The next question, however, is when did Bruce adopt Jason? On this one, I’m making an educated guess. 

Again we have to differentiate between pre-crisis and post-crisis timelines. Pre-crisis, there’s a full storyline about the fact that Bruce did not adopt Jason, although not for lack of trying. In Batman #374 (1984), the Child Welfare Bureau investigates Bruce when it notices that Bruce has not adopted Jason— and is not even, in fact, his legal guardian. 

Batman #374 (1984)

The rest of the storyline is about Jason’s custody. A villain named Natalia Knight (Nocturna) adopts Jason in an attempt to get Bruce to marry her in order to become Jason’s father. In the court scene in Batman #377 (1984), Bruce says that he filed to adopt Jason sometime beforehand, although it’s unclear to me whether he means he filed between those issues or the CWB documents were incomplete.

Natalia does adopt Jason in Batman #378 (1984), and he briefly lives with her before returning to Wayne Manor in Batman #381 (1985), directly before the reboot. 

I’m including all of that for two reasons: first, I do think it’s important to clarify both this version and the post-crisis version I’m about to address. Second, I spent years under the impression that Bruce adopted Jason pre-crisis because of one, well-known scene. 

Batman #377 (1984)

Batman #378 (1984)

Batman #381 (1985)

Donna Troy gets married in Tales of the Teen Titans #50 (1985). At the wedding, Bruce and Dick have a conversation about Jason and about their own relationship. A few of those panels get spread around because they contain what I would consider a defining moment between Dick and Bruce. 

I’m certainly not complaining about the amount of times I’ve seen the wedding conversation, but I think that, in regards to Jason, seeing just those panels has created a misconception.

Tales of the Teen Titans #50 (1985)

Without context, it looks, at least to me, like Dick is saying that Bruce has adopted Jason pre-crisis, which isn’t true. This issue takes place between the Natalia adoption in Batman #378 (1984) and Jason’s return to the manor in Batman #381 (1985), and the panels directly before the exchange make that clear. I just didn’t see those panels until I looked through the whole issue for this project. 

I’m reasonably certain that in the past, I publicly cited this issue as evidence of Jason’s adoption, and I was wrong about that. [Note: As it turns out, I was only partially wrong. See section Correction.]

Tales of the Teen Titans #50 (1985)

As we see, the wedding conversation is in the context of the Natalia adoption. With that cleared up, and with the pre-crisis timeline filled out, let’s move to post-crisis. 

In my brief read-through of Batman #404-427 (1987-1988), I didn’t find any direct references to Jason’s status. Those issues begin at the reboot and end at Jason’s death. However, Dick and Jason’s statements after the fact do tell us that post-crisis, Bruce did adopt Jason. 

In Batman #436 (1989), Dick returns to the manor in the direct aftermath of Jason’s death, and while he is there, he sees that Bruce removed any trace of Jason from the house. There aren’t any trophies in the Batcave, and there aren’t any pictures of Jason on the nightstand displaying Bruce’s family photos. 

Dick says that Jason was Bruce’s son.

Batman #436 (1989)

I think it’s fair to ask whether Dick is being literal here, because even if Bruce hadn’t legally adopted Jason, it would still be more than appropriate to call them father and son. I’m not going to place my opinion solely on this kind of statement, even if it does appear pretty regularly from 1988 to the end of the timeline.

Green Arrow/Black Canary #4 (2007)

We get a more definite answer later, during Tim’s first appearance. In Tim’s origin story, he deduces Batman and Robin’s secret identities after he sees footage of Robin doing a type of flip that only the Flying Graysons could do. Tim was at the circus the night Dick’s parents died, so he saw Dick do the flip there, then saw Dick become an orphan. 

Because Tim knew that Dick was the first Robin, he correctly identified Bruce as Batman and Jason as the second Robin. He tells Dick all of this in Batman #441 (1989).

Batman #441 (1989)

Tim does specifically use the word “adopts” here, and that’s good enough for me. The last part is guesswork�� I don’t know for certain how old Jason and Bruce were when the adoption took place, but I’m electing to say Jason was 12, the same age as he was when he became Robin. 

I picked that number both out of convenience and because Tim seems to be putting Jason’s adoption and the second Robin’s appearance at around the same time. With that in mind, I think that Jason was 12 years old both when he became Robin and when Bruce adopted him. Using the age gap we already established, that would put Bruce at age 34. 

Circling back to my original question, Dick became Bruce’s ward when Dick was 12 and Bruce was 27. Jason became Bruce’s ward, then adoptive son when Jason was 12 and Bruce was 34. 

At this point in the timeline, Bruce is 34 with one former ward and one adopted son. 

----------

Correction 

A few days after I wrote my section about Jason’s appearance and adoption, I realized that I was missing a panel citation in my discussion of Jason’s death. The panel is from New Titan #55 (1989), and you’ll see me cite it when I talk about Jason’s death certificate. 

New Titans #55 (1989) is the issue where Dick, who is with the Teen Titans,  finds out about Jason’s death. While I was combing through the issue for the panels I wanted, I reread a scene I had completely forgotten about. Dick goes back to the manor to speak to Bruce, and it doesn’t go well.

New Titans #55 (1989)

I have three comments here. First, I do think this scene is inconsistent with the simultaneous story in the Batman title. In this version, Dick and Bruce have a very aggressive confrontation, but in Batman #436 (1989), Dick appears to be returning to the manor for the first time since Jason died, and there isn’t any reference to a prior fight. 

Putting that aside, Bruce does explicitly say that he adopted Jason, and that’s more, stronger verification of a post-crisis adoption. Lastly, it’s pretty clear that Bruce and Dick are talking about the wedding scene. 

I already explained that the wedding scene is pre-crisis, and in the original text, that conversation is about Bruce wanting to, but not being able to, adopt Jason. New Titans #55 (1989) carries the wedding scene into post-crisis canon, changing the language in the process. In this version, Bruce has adopted Jason. 

I was still wrong about the wedding scene because in the past, I used it as evidence of a pre-crisis adoption. It isn’t pre-crisis evidence, but it is, in a roundabout way, evidence of the post-crisis adoption. I wanted to clear that up before I move on to Jason’s death. 

----------

Jason dies

Jason’s death is by far the shakiest point on my timeline, but I’ve chosen to put him at 15 the day he died in Batman #427 (1988). 

I think it’s safe to say that Jason was either 14 or 15 when he died, and my basic conclusion is that running numbers doesn’t give me a definite answer. There’s a cop-out option based on an extraordinarily poor source, and I’m taking the cop-out. 

The general consensus seems to be that Jason was 15 at his death, citation to Jason’s death certificate. Jason’s death certificate appears in two different places, and I think most folks conflate the two. 

To my knowledge, the only copy of Jason’s death certificate in full appears in The Batman Files (2011), where it does list Jason’s age as 15. 

The Batman Files (2011)

Now there is a partial copy in Batman Annual #25 (2006), which I would argue is a very reliable reference when it comes to Jason. That issue is part of the Under the Red Hood story, the one where Jason returns to Gotham for the first time after his resurrection. In fact, the specific annual issue has a timeline for Jason’s events counting forward from his death. 

Here’s the problem: the issue doesn’t say his age at death. The partial copy of his death certificate looks like this. 

Batman Annual #25 (2006) 

I think that when most folks remember a death certificate, they think of this one, the one from a very important issue, instead of The Batman Files (2011) which, as noted, is a very bad source. 

I have three issues with The Batman Files (2011): the format, the publishing date, and the other information on the certificate. First, The Batman Files (2011) isn’t a comic book at all. It’s a commemorative book published in collaboration with DC in 2011. Now I don’t think that fact completely removes the book as a source, but it certainly damages its value as one. 

My problem with that date, 2011, is that it’s the year the New 52 premiered. I called it a commemorative book because it’s meant to be a look back at a fully complete timeline, a kind of “this is us saying goodbye” product. The date and format alone make me hesitant to cite the certificate, but on top of that, the certificate is inconsistent with prior canon. 

I am intimately familiar with retcons and conflicting numbers in the DC timeline. I made a point at the beginning of this paper to tell you that although this is my best attempt to make a cohesive timeline, assuming that I can carve out a cohesive timeline is fundamentally flawed. 

I’m not saying that a single contradictory number is enough to make me disregard a source. I am saying that in this particular conversation about an already suspect source, I’m going to take inconsistency into account. 

In New Titans #55 (1989), the issue from Corrections, Dick finds out about Jason’s death because a team member notices Jason’s status is set at “unknown.” Dick uses Bruce’s passcode to access restricted information, and he and the Titans see that Jason’s real status is “deceased.” 

The death certificate in The Batman Files (2011) marks Jason’s height at 4’6 and his age at 15. In contrast, Dick’s scene puts Jason at 5’4, and its only reference to Jason’s age is a very relatable question from Donna. “How old was he, anyway?”

New Titans #55 (1989)

There’s a substantial difference between the two heights, and I think it’s also worth noting that for a 15 year old American male, 4’6 is in the 0.1 height percentile. In the past, I and many others have tried to justify that height along the lines of Jason being malnourished or similarly afflicted. Personally, I liked the parallel between this height for Jason and Damian’s height at his own death in 2013, and I know I’ve talked about that in the past.

I’m not criticizing anyone for using the 4’6 number, but I do think the unlikelihood of a 15 year old that size is worth bringing up. 

In summary, The Batman Files (2011) is so bad of a source that I’m only willing to use it as a last resort. Unfortunately, it’s time for a last resort. 

I mentioned a timeline in Batman Annual #25 (2006) that counts forward from Jason’s death. I’m not going to use image cites here because they’re just isolated text boxes labeled either “six months later” or “one year later.”

Using that timeline, we know that Jason’s resurrection took place six months after his death. He spent one year in a coma, then one year on the street, then one year with the League of Assassins. Finally, he spent a nebulous time training before he returned to Gotham. 

We know that Jason was gone for a minimum of three and a half years, then whatever time “training” includes. Personally, I’m applying my best attempt at comic logic to say he was missing for somewhere between three and four years. 

To understand the next bit, I need to point out that from Jason’s death on, I’m going to be using Tim’s age to track time in the same way I’ve been using Dick’s so far. 

As a reminder, I know what age Bruce was when Dick became Robin (28), and I know Dick’s age at the same point (13), so I know there’s a 15 year age difference. As I track Dick’s age through the timeline, I add 15 to get Bruce’s. 

In the same way, I know what age Dick was when Jason became Robin (19), and I know Jason’s age at the same point (12), so I know there’s a 7 year age difference. I can use that number ongoing. 

I know that Tim was 13 when he made his first appearance as Robin, and I’ll get into that in the next section. After that, I’m placing Dick, Tim, and Cass’s adoptions based on Tim’s age. 

To do that, I need to know how much older Dick is than Tim, and I can only get that by knowing Jason’s age at his death, sort of. 

How long was Jason Robin? If I had that information, I could establish Jason’s age by counting up from 12, the age when he became Robin, then establish Tim’s age from there.  

I can’t really answer that question. There is a panel from Batman #436 where Dick, apparently in his first time at the manor since Jason’s death says the following. 

Batman #436 (1989)

My instinctual interpretation is it’s been two years since he stopped being Robin at 19, making Dick 21 and Jason 14. In my opinion, that’s straightforward plain language, but it seems like I’m in the minority on that one, and most folks read it as Dick saying it’s been two years since he was last at the manor. We know from Batman #416 (1988) that Dick’s last visit to the manor was 18 months after Dick left home. 

Batman #136 (1988)

I think the most honest thing to say is that Jason was Robin for an indeterminate amount of time that was somewhere between two and three years. I don’t know which number is closer. I also, if you remember, think that Jason was gone from Gotham for somewhere between three and four years, but I don’t know where in that range the real number is. 

Here’s why absolutely nothing I’ve said in the past seven pages matters: I need to build my timeline based on the age gap between Jason and Tim. 

I don’t know how old Tim was when Jason died. 

I know how old Tim was at his first appearance as Robin, and that’s a different number. 

We’ll finish this conversation in a moment.

----------

Tim becomes Robin

We begin, thankfully, with a straightforward fact. Tim’s first storyline spans Batman #440-442 (1989). The arc is called A Lonely Place of Dying, and we already talked about it. Tim, having watched Batman and Robin from the shadows for years, comes forwards in the aftermath of Jason’s death in an attempt to convince Dick to become Robin for a second time.

Batman #441 (1989)

We know that Tim was 13 years old at the time, but I do need to clarify exactly what time that was— an indeterminate amount of time after Jason’s death. 

The word that pops up a couple of time in Tim’s first arc is “months,” from Tim and Two-Face. How many months? Who’s to say. 

Batman #442 (1989)

So, from the top. We know that Bruce was eight when his parents died, 26 when he became Batman, 27 when he met Dick, 28 when Dick became Robin, and 34 when he met Jason.

Dick was 12 when he met Bruce, 13 when he became Robin, 19 when he left home and Jason became Robin. 

Jason was 12 when he became Robin.

Bruce is 15 years older than Dick. Bruce is 22 years older than Jason. 

Dick is 7 years older than Jason.

How long was Jason Robin? Unknown, but somewhere between two and three years. At that point, he died. “Months” after that, Tim was 13. 

Here, we need to acknowledge that Jason could have been either 14 or 15 at his death, and at the same time, Tim was either 12 or 13. We need to know how far they are apart to calculate Tim’s age in relation to Jason, Dick, and Bruce— ongoing, we will always know exactly how old Tim is, so (if we know how far apart Jason and Tim are) we will always know Bruce, Dick, and Jason’s age from there. 

How much older than Tim is Jason? Somewhere between one and three years, I guess, but I can’t really go beyond a well-researched guess. In my opinion, there isn’t a straightforward answer for this one.

Having presented my facts, here is my conclusion. Jason was 15 when he died. At the same time, Tim was 13. They are two years apart. 

Why? To begin, I’m more comfortable using the number we already have for Tim, 13, than I am dropping him to 12 on the mere possibility that he could have been 12. 

Second, even though The Batman Files (2011) is a terrible source, it does at least sort of indicate that the official DC position is a Jason who was 15 years old at his death. 

Third, visually speaking, Jason looks closer to 15 than 14 at his death. Is that good evidence? No, absolutely not. Comic book art is definitionally variable, but I am going to pull a few panels for you to look over. 

Batman #427 (1988)

Finally, I feel that Jason and Tim are, in later works, treated as if they are different ages. I’m not going to go into much detail on that one because it is purely a personal reaction, but I would refer to Teen Titans #29 (2005) as an example. That issue has Jason and Tim’s first meeting, after Jason comes to the tower specifically to attack Tim. 

Teen Titans #27 (2005)

Another well-known issue to check out is Teen Titans #47 (2007).

My basic position is that there are so many ways, all uncertain, to slice Jason and Tim’s ages that I can take my pick. I chose the ones that most closely mirror later canon, fall most squarely into the possible range, and feel the most intuitively right. 

They also have the benefit of simplicity, which was very much a factor. 

Don’t agree with me? Fair enough. I think I’ve given you enough information to make an educated judgment, and I’ve also gone ahead and made a timeline in the alternative. In this one, Jason was 14 at death, and he and Tim are only one year apart. 

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In the Alternative

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Cass appears

Having progressed beyond Jason and Tim’s age gap, we reenter simple canon. I hope you’re as pleased as I am. 

Cass was 17 years old at her first appearance, which we can establish easily based on two different issues. Cass first appears in Batman #567 (1999), during an arc called No Man’s Land. At the time, she is working for Barbara Gordon in the aftermath of an earthquake that destroyed most of Gotham. We learn Cass’s backstory through that issue. 

Cass’s biological father is David Cain, a villain, who raised Cass in isolation, never exposing her to a verbal language or allowing any kind of socialization. By comic book logic, her upbringing gave her a near-superhuman ability to understand and anticipate physical actions, as those actions are her only form of communication. 

Cain trained her as a child assassin, then took her to her first kill. Cass murdered a man and experienced, through his body language, the pain he felt at his death. Immediately afterward, she ran away from her father.

Batgirl #62 (2005)

We know that Cass was eight years old when she killed and ran. We also know that her first appearance in Gotham was nine years after she ran, thanks to Barbara Gordon’s file. 

Batgirl #1 (2000)

Simple enough. She was 17. How old was everybody else? We find out from Tim’s timeline. 

This next bit will come up a few times. We know that Tim was 15 from at least 1993 to 2003, established by three different issues. We know from Detective Comics #668 (1993) that Tim was 15 during Knightquest, the arc where Jean-Paul Valley was briefly Batman. Barbara tells us in 2002 that Tim is still 15, and Tim turns 16 on-panel in 2003. 

In Knightquest, Tim gets his driver’s license early, at age 15, because Jack Drake is in a wheelchair. I suppose the wording here is ambiguous on a technicality, but I don’t think there’s any significant argument against Tim being 15; if he was only 14, the language would be different.  

Detective Comics #668 (1993)

Next, in Batgirl #24 (2002), Barbara says she’s “sending a 15 year old” as she reaches for Tim’s com line.

Batgirl #24 (2002)

We could stop here for Cassandra’s appearance, since that happened in 1999, between the 1993 issue and the 2002 reference. For completion’s sake, however, let’s note that Robin #116 (2003) is about Tim’s 16th birthday. He forgets about it, so his step-mother throws a surprise party. 

Robin #116 (2003)

Okay, so Tim was 15 when Cass appeared at age 17. That puts Bruce at 39, Dick at 24, and Jason at 17 if you’re counting by years elapsed since his birth. 

Bruce met his daughter when he was 39 and she was 17, in reference to my original question. Cass is 22 years younger than Bruce, seven years younger than Dick, the same age as Jason, and two years older than Tim. 

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Dick is adopted

This one, having already established Tim’s timeline, is very simple. Dick was adopted in Gotham Knights #17 (2001).

Gotham Knights #17 (2001)

Again, Tim was 15 from 1993 to 2003, and 2001 falls within that range. Tim was 15, which makes Dick 24 and Bruce 39. 

At this point in the timeline, Bruce, a 39 year old, has two adopted children, one of whom is deceased as far as Bruce is concerned. His adopted children are (17) and 24. He has already met two of his future children, Cass and Tim. 

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This is PART ONE. I’ll reblog Part Two onto this post when I wake up, which should be around the same time this posts. 

[firstofficerwiggles]

Interview with the Mandalorian

Pairing: Mandalorian x Female Reader

Rating: T (future parts will be Mature/Explicit)

Warnings: Mild swearing, mentions of prior violence against the reader (not described in detail)

Summary: The Mandalorian has placed a want ad for childcare and you decide to answer it. Despite having a questionable past, he decides to hire you.

Word Count: ~5400

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter in a multi-part story of Mando and childcare reader. I love romance so expect lots of fluff, but there will also be some humor, action, and angst, and eventually smut. I’m going for more of a slow burn here -- or at least trying to if I don’t get too impatient.

Link to Chpt. 2

Gif by @bestintheparsec (Thank you! You're awesome 😁)

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Wanted: Childcare Professional

Caregiver needed for toddler for all basic baby needs. Single father with demanding job, odd hours. Position requires living on starship. Looking for someone not squeamish and good in a crisis. Preferred skills: cooking, pre-school teaching, and first aid. Bonus skills: combat training or ability to repair pre-Imperial tech. Interviews at Cantina Manolita, ask for the Mandalorian.

You re-read the want ad as you headed out to the cantina. It started out normal enough, not squeamish was a little odd, yet understandable, but then, good in a crisis and combat training as a bonus skill? Exactly what type of toddler does this Mandalorian have? Still, it’s not like you can afford to be picky, what with your past. You’d been bouncing around from odd job to odd job, each one more terrible than the last. Your most recent job had been cleaning rooms at a very seedy no-tell hotel and after that, you’d rather change 1000 poopy diapers than go back there. Despite your education and years of experience, no one wants to hire someone with the stain of the Empire on their resume. Your only hope is that the Mandalorian who placed this ad will be willing to hear you out and with a bit of luck you won’t have too much competition for the job. Many people are wary of Mandalorians, so perhaps that will keep the candidate pool small. You’re secretly intrigued by the idea of working for one, as all you really know is that they are respected warriors who either stick together in tight groups with other Mandalorians or they work alone. You wonder why this Mandalorian is seeking outside help, must be a special circumstance.

Din watches as a woman in a short red cocktail dress, platform heels, and quite a lot of makeup saunters through the cantina. It’s a lot of look for mid-morning and he’s surprised when she heads straight to his table, leans down to give him a generous view of her cleavage, and coos at him, “You must be the Mando who placed the ad.”

“The ad for childcare? Yes.” Din emphasizes the word to be certain she’s answering the correct posting.

“Yep! That’s why I’m here, baby.” She winks at him and plops herself down in his booth, ignoring the chair placed directly across from him. Baby? He’s a bit taken aback, but he figures he should at least ask her some questions about the job.

“Do you have any experience caring for children?” He begins.

“Well, not exactly for children, but I am very, very caring. I’m sure I can take really good care of you… both.” She flutters her eyelashes at Din.

“So, if you don’t have any experience, why are interested in this job?” He feels like this is a fair question, especially since he was hoping to find someone more knowledgeable than he is when it comes to younglings.

“I just have so much love and I want to share it. Especially for someone who needs me, hot stuff.” The woman has been sliding closer to Din as she speaks. He tries to move away from her to keep some space between them, but with the child napping on the end of the booth next to him, he really has nowhere to go.

“Uh, ok, do you have any experience with teaching?” This interview is not off to a good start, but what if she’s the only one who shows up?

“Oh, I’m a real good teacher,” the woman replies, and then drops her hand onto his thigh just above the beskar plate and gives it a squeeze, “I’m sure I could teach you a few things,” she says suggestively.

“We’re done here. I need childcare, not, whatever it is you’re offering.” Din lifts her hand off his leg abruptly, scoops up the child, and quickly moves himself across the cantina to another table. Who shows up to a childcare interview to hit on the father? He’s annoyed at her for wasting his time. He sees the woman pouting and then watches as she gets up with a little stumble, calls out, “Your loss” in his direction and heads to the bar. Under the helmet he rolls his eyes; the next person has to be better than her.

Din has become increasing fatigued and desperate for some help as he takes care of his foundling and searches for information on the Jedi. That alone would be plenty to keep him occupied, but he’s still hunting down bounties too in order to keep them in credits for all the fuel they’re burning up as they traverse the galaxy. Although he’s been able to keep the kid with him all the time so far, it’s not easy to hunt with a baby along for the ride, and he wishes he had someone he could trust to stay with the little one on the ship, keeping him safe and hidden away. After all, they’re still on the run from the ex-Imps and other hunters. Oh, and not to mention, Din is still dodging New Republic officers for that mess on the prison ship. No wonder he’s exhausted.

Sighing lightly, he reminds himself that he’s going to find the help he needs today when he sees a young woman, much more conservatively dressed, giving him furtive glances across the cantina. Din gives her a little nod, and she makes her way over to the table, but she barely takes her eyes off the ground as she does so.

“Are you interested in the childcare job?” Din asks, hopefully.

“Y-yes, I’m h-here to interview.” She seems extremely nervous and can’t seem to bring herself to look at his visor for more than a moment. “I l-like children, um, I have done, um, a lot of b-babysitting.”

“That’s good,” Din says softly, trying to put her at ease, “Can you tell me more about what you did as a babysitter?”

Looking down at the table, she replies shakily, “W-watching them, um oh, I don’t know, uh playing games, making snacks, um just, um, helping, I guess?”

Maker, she’s so uncomfortable, Din wonders what he can say to help her calm down or if it’s worth it to continue the interview. How is she going to handle their situation, if she’s this nervous at the interview? Before he can think of anything to say, the baby pops his head up suddenly to investigate what’s going on, startling the poor woman so badly she jumps up from her chair.

“Aah!” She lets out a little cry and then stammers, “I-I- I think this was a bad idea. I c- can’t do this.” and runs off.

Din sighs; maybe the third time will be the charm, isn’t that what they say?

“Don’t worry, buddy, we’ll find someone.” He says to the child’s inquisitive expression.

Din has the feeling of being watched and turns to see a well-dressed man hovering near the cantina’s entrance. He seems to be in his mid-fifties, with sort-of a schoolteacher aura about him, but he doesn’t look particularly pleased to see Din. The man stares at him for a moment over a pair of owlish spectacles as if assessing the situation and then finally approaches Din’s table.

“I am here to interview for the childcare position, but I want to be very clear that I am an experienced and sought-after professional.” The man declares to Din in a stern voice.

“I’m looking for a childcare professional, please sit down.” At least this one is experienced and looks like he understands the position.

“I must tell you I am a strict believer in order and discipline when it comes to children, and I do not abide any shenanigans.” The way this man speaks makes Din feel like he’s back in school and he’s been caught doing something naughty.

Din clears his throat, “Perhaps you can tell me about your experience.” The man rattles off a list of schools and families where he has worked; stressing certain names as if Din should be impressed, which perhaps he would if he recognized any of them. Din doesn’t care for the fact that this man keeps emphasizing words like prominent or respected as he speaks of his past, it sounds haughty and snobbish. This guy may have a lot of experience, but his frosty demeanor is off-putting. Still, Din can’t deny that he’s the best candidate so far.

“How do you feel about living on a starship?” Din asks him.

“If the ship is in good working order and the facilities are well maintained, I am sure it will be adequate.” He says the last word as if adequate means appalling, indicating that Din’s home is not an ideal living situation. Din feels his optimism dwindle yet again, as this fussy man will likely turn his nose up at the Razor Crest before he even has a look inside.

“What is that?” The man asks brusquely. Din follows his line of sight and realizes the child has climbed up on his chair again wanting to be a part of the conversation. The man’s tone of voice is irritating, but Din restrains himself as he says, “That is the child.”

“That thing is your child?” He has a look of mild disgust on his face. Suddenly this man’s illustrious qualifications don’t matter to Din at all.

“Thank you for coming, but I don’t believe you’re suited for this position.” Din tells the man, trying to match his haughty tone from before. The man lets out a little ‘hmpf’ but then gets up and leaves the table.

“I’m sorry, kid, I know he was bad.” Din sighs again, “We’ll keep trying.” He despairs that he’s in for a full day of bad meetings, when he glances across the cantina to see a beautiful woman looking in his direction. He gives her a nod in greeting, but he’s afraid to hope that she might actually be here for him. However, she smiles warmly at him and starts towards their table. He feels his heart skip a beat; damn, she’s pretty. He watches her as she moves confidently through the crowd noting that she appears courteous to the others around her and Din thinks maybe his luck is turning.

“Good morning! Are you the Mandalorian who placed the want ad for childcare?” You ask with what you hope is a winning smile on your face.

“Ah, yes, I am. Are you here to interview?” Din feels a surge of optimism; you seem composed and he already likes you much better than the other people he’s spoken to today.

“Yes, I hope you haven’t filled the position yet?” you ask him.

“No, not yet. Please sit down.” He gestures to the open chair across from him. “Can you tell me a little about yourself and why you’re interested in the job?”

You start to introduce yourself expressing a keen interest in children and briefly mention your training and experience as a teacher, when you notice two little green hands gripping the edge of the table next to the Mandalorian. Slowly a small green head covered in soft white peach fuzz lifts up to reveal two shining dark eyes and a pair of giant pointy ears.

“Oh my goodness,” you breathe out in delight, “aren’t you the most adorable child in all the galaxy?” You cannot control yourself from fussing over this little one. You really are a pushover for cute kids, but this one is beyond precious. The child smiles at your words and lets out a happy cooing sound. Totally entranced, you make goofy smiley faces back at him causing him to giggle while you completely forget that you are supposed to be doing an interview right now.

Din watches your face as it transforms itself from an expression of polite professional interest to a look of absolute adoration. Your eyes are sparkling as you look at the child, your smile is positively beaming, and you’ve clasped your hands together at your chest in utter delight. It’s like watching someone fall in love all in one instance. He feels that he could ask you to do anything for the child and you would. He reaches over and picks up the little one drawing your attention back to himself.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just, he’s so cute, um, what was I saying?” You quickly turn your head back to look at the Mandalorian, trying to remind yourself that you’re supposed to be impressing him with your childcare skills not going ga-ga over his son.

“It’s ok, he is cute.” Din responds amiably, this interview is already off to a better start than the others. You seem like a genuine person to him, someone who makes friends easily, who would be pleasant to have around. “You were telling me about your teaching experience.”

“Yes, yes, so my most applicable experience is my time as a pre-school assistant teacher. I worked there when I was earning my degree in Linguistics and Language Teaching at the main university on Riosa. I always loved that job so much and have really wanted to work with children again.” Oops, first mistake, mentioning Riosa is risky, he has to know of the Empire’s former presence there.

“So did you work with many toddlers at the pre-school?”

“Oh yes, so many toddlers. I’m very good at keeping them entertained with games and stories. I know how to set limits and help them learn about rules. Oh, and I also know how to make many snacks and meals that little children love.”

“He does seem to always want to eat, so that would be helpful.” The Mandalorian chuckles a little at that and gives the child a pat on his head.

“I also understand that children can be messy and I’m really good at cleaning and doing laundry too.” You try to think of what else you can say to show that you’re a good option for him. But before you can, he changes the topic.

“So Linguistics? That’s an impressive choice of studies.” He nods his head as if he approves.

“Thank you, I specialized in language structure and syntax. I speak Rodian, Naboo, Sy Bisti, and some Ubese too.” You hope you don’t sound like you’re bragging but none of your recent employers have been interested in your language skills in the slightest. It’s nice to hear that he thinks it’s notable and you do want to impress him if you can.

“Also impressive. All languages of commerce or politics. That’s very practical.” Again, he sounds like he values these skills. “But you don’t have a career in linguistics now? I would think someone with that background wouldn’t be interested in taking care of a toddler.”

“I truly do love children, and well, things don’t always go as you plan, do they?” You were really hoping to answer more questions about childcare or first aid or really anything else, but it looks like you’re going to have to get to the touchy part of the interview. The Mandalorian doesn’t say anything, and you can tell he’s waiting for you to explain.

“When I finished my degree, I was invited to join a prestigious research group. I thought it was an incredible opportunity, a chance to work with professors and other academics. I had to take several difficult qualifying exams before they even offered me the position, and when I did so well on them, everyone I knew was very impressed. I really thought I was going to do something fantastic. I found out too late that the research group was just a front and really it was part of Imperial Intelligence. I had been living in my happy academic bubble, I knew the Empire was on Riosa but they never paid any attention to the university, and I was too naïve to realize I had been recruited to be a code-breaker.”

You pause there, internally cringing again at your stupidity, and wondering if you should continue or if he is going to end the interview right now. While he’s sitting more rigidly than before, he gives no indication that he wants you to stop, so you decide to plow ahead with your story.

“For a while, I tried to be terrible at the job, pretending that I couldn’t break the codes, that they were too complex for me. I hoped they would think they made a mistake and let me leave, but they saw through the ruse. They punished me, and I knew I had to start doing better or they would likely kill me. So I did what I was told, but only about a third of the time. The rest of the time, I would purposely leave out crucial information from the messages I broke. Or sometimes I would just change it completely. I tried to be strategic and do it without a pattern so they wouldn’t catch on to what I was doing. Eventually though one of the other code-breakers figured out my secret and he turned me in.”

You pause again at the memory of that betrayal. You had thought that Kerrick cared for you. You quickly look up to avoid any tears springing to your eyes and take a calming breath.

“What happened next?” The Mandalorian asks you.

“I was punished again, more severely than the first time. I suppose I was fortunate though, because they deemed I was too valuable an asset to terminate. They didn’t send me back to code-breaking. Instead, they forced me to teach Sy Bisti to a class of officers. It’s one of the languages their droids couldn’t translate. I didn’t try to make trouble again. I didn’t think they would give me a third chance.”

Din watches you carefully as you tell him of your experience with the Imperials. The expression on your face and the way your shoulders have slumped tell him that you’re ashamed of what happened to you. That you feel responsible and likely blame yourself for having been tricked by them. Din doesn’t see it that way though. From his perspective, you were simply a young woman who was manipulated and then abused by a corrupt system.

��Can you start today?” You snap your head up in surprise.

“What? I- I mean yes, I can, but-” you stumble over your words, “You- you want to hire me?”

“Yes. The child likes you and you’re the best person for the job.” He’s very straightforward about it.

“You’re sure? Even with the Empire stuff?” Your words sound lame to your own ears, but you need to be certain he won’t hold it against you.

He gives you a brisk nod. “You were brave to try to sabotage their intelligence, but also not too much of a fool to get yourself killed.” He’s blunt but his words are a comfort to you in a way.

That seems to be all he is going to say on the matter, as next he tells you about the living conditions on his ship. He explains carefully about his creed and the fact that you can never see him without his helmet. That isn’t a surprise though as it’s one of the only other facts you already knew about the Mandalorians. Besides, after spending time with so many helmeted Imps, it honestly doesn’t seem that odd to you. At least you’ll know this helmet doesn’t plan to kill you. You arrange to meet him in a couple hours at his ship after you’ve had a chance to pack your things. You’re so elated to find someone who wants to hire you for a decent job and who doesn’t loathe you for your past that you completely forget to ask him about the need for combat training.

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As you’re packing up your meagre belongings it occurs to you that you didn’t ask him anything about himself or really much about the child at all. You realize you don’t even know their names. Maybe you should slow down and find out more about this Mandalorian and his son, but honestly you’re willing to take the risk. You’re sick of this awful city and the terrible jobs you’ve been forced to take here. At least you know that the Mandalorians were enemies of the Empire, so that’s a bonus in your eyes. Besides from the job description in the ad, it seems like this Mandalorian has to be at work a lot so you’ll probably be alone with the child most of the time. You’ve never seen a species like the child before, but you’re willing to learn all about him so you can be successful at this job. You gather up your bags, leave a few credits for the landlord, and head to the hanger, enthusiastic about a new life.

Din is watching as crates of supplies are loaded onto the Razor Crest, and he thinks about his new hire. From the moment he saw your reaction to the kid, he knew he was going to offer you the job. His only concern is his own attraction to you, and, he has a little nagging guilt that he didn’t explain anything to you about the dangerous aspects of the job. If you knew the Imps were after the child, would you still be willing to take the job? Din knows he’ll have to tell you about that, but maybe he’ll wait until the Crest is in hyperspace before he does. Yeah, it’s underhanded, but he doesn’t have the time or the patience, quite frankly, to try to find other childcare. Plus, there’s a good chance your knowledge of the Empire will be helpful to him. Din hopes you won’t hate him too much for withholding information. He sees you enter the hanger, and once again you smile when you see him. Din’s pleased that you don’t seem intimidated or fearful. So many people look at him with trepidation or dislike, and although he’s learned to ignore it, when someone actually smiles at him, it’s such a pleasant change. Besides, you have a pretty smile.

“Hello again!” You call out to the Mandalorian, as you make your way towards him. Seeing him standing next to his ship, you’re suddenly struck by what an imposing figure he is in all that armor. He’s quite tall and obviously very strong. A whisper of an emotion runs through you, almost like desire, but it’s been so long since you’ve felt anything like that you can’t really place it. You forget all about it though when the little green toddler spies you and immediately runs right for you with a happy face. You drop your bags and crouch down, holding your arms out to him and scoop him up when he reaches you.

“Hello, buddy! Are you excited to have a new nanny? I’m excited to be here.” You tell him cheerfully as you give him a hug. You stand up again to address the Mandalorian, who’s come over to help with your bags. “I’m sorry, I was so happy to get the job earlier, I completely forgot to ask the child’s name.”

“That’s ok.” He tells you. “I don’t, um, I don’t actually know his name.”

“Beg your pardon?” He doesn’t know his son’s name. You try to keep your expression neutral, but you can’t help but give him an odd look.

“He’s a foundling. I rescued him.” The Mandalorian doesn’t elaborate. You remind yourself that you don’t know much about Mandalorian culture, so maybe that is typical for them. He hasn’t told you his name either.

“Well, what do you call him?” You look down at the little one in your arms.

He shrugs as if it isn’t important, “Kid, pal, womp rat,” he supplies, and in anticipation of your next question he says, “You can call me Mando.”

“Alright.” So, no names then, that’s different, but whatever works for him.

“C’mon, I’ll show you around.” Mando offers picking up your bags.

“Oh, you don’t have to carry those, I can get them.” He just gestures with his helmet for you to go ahead, so you head up the ramp into your new home.

The child babbles to you as if explaining things as you look around the hull of the spacecraft. It’s very utilitarian, but you figured it would be, Mandalorians don’t strike you as the types to think of creature comforts as a priority. The little one babbles at you again and extends an arm towards a section of the hull where you can see what looks like a mattress covered with a blanket and pillows that look new and unused. The Mandalorian comes up behind you and says, “Like I said before there’s only one bunk in the ship, but I thought this would work for you?” He sets your bags down next to the bed.

“This will be fine.” You’ve slept in much worse places, your cell in the Imperial Intelligence compound springs to mind. In any case, it’s nice to know that he’s thought to provide this for you. Other employers you’ve had would probably just make you sleep on the floor.

Din takes you on a brief tour of the ship, mostly making sure you know where the essentials are. He keeps waiting for you to make a comment about the ship’s age or make a joke about it being a clunker like everyone else does. But you surprise him, as you simply take it all in with a pleasant expression on your face. Although when he gets to the weapons locker, he sees your eyes widen in surprise. He realizes that he hasn’t told you what he does for a living, “I’m a bounty hunter, and weapons are part of my religion.”

“Ah, I see. Well, it makes sense you’d have a cache like this then.” You give him a nod, as if to say this seems completely normal, even though you’ve never seen so many weapons outside of a military facility. However, if it’s part of his religion the last you thing you want to do is insult him about it.

“Do you know how to shoot?” Mando inquires.

“Yes, I do. I had to take a course on marksmanship at the university.” You wince again at your innocence back then. A college that requires a course on shooting? No wonder it had been a recruitment ground for the Empire.

“Did you pass?” Mando wants to know.

“With high marks,” you reply, ever the top-notch student.

“Good. Do you have a blaster?”

“Uh no.”

Mando turns back to the locker and considers it before choosing one of the smaller guns in there. He hands it to you saying, “Here, this one should be good for you. But let me know if you think something else would be better suited for you.”

“You think I’m going to need a blaster to care for the child?” You try to keep from sounding incredulous as you stare down at the gun that he’s placed in your hand and then back at the sweet toddler who’s currently propped up against your hip.

“No, of course not, but you’ll need to be prepared when we’re off the ship.” He seems very matter-of-fact about it.

“Prepared for what?” Where does this man plan on taking you?

“Just, prepared.” Is all he says in response.

The baby makes grabby hands towards the blaster and you carefully hold it away from him. “Can I keep it in the locker for now?” you ask feeling a little uneasy. You might know how to shoot, but you’ve only ever aimed at targets in a shooting range and the idea of having to use a blaster for protection is frankly terrifying. What have I gotten myself into? Will I never learn?

“Yes, just remember to take it with you whenever you leave the ship.” Din stows the blaster away again and then says, “We should get going now,” and motions for you to head up the ladder to the cockpit. He probably should have waited to give you the blaster until later. He can see the questions and the anxiety in your eyes and he knows he’s going to have to come clean about the danger he’s putting you in. But sticking to his plan, Din says nothing and focuses on taking off and setting coordinates to Dantooine, the last known position of his next quarry.

You try to stay focused on the child in your arms, but you can’t keep yourself from staring back at Mando. The need for a blaster has brought your original question back to the forefront of your mind, and although it’s pretty much too late to ask now, you figure you should.

“So in your ad, you said, combat training was a plus. Why exactly did you put that in there?”  

You watch as he puts the ship into hyperspace, before he turns to you. You’re just starting at the black visor in his helmet, waiting for him to speak, when he finally says, “There are Imps after the kid.”

“Excuse me, what?” You hope you heard him wrong.

“I rescued the child from some ex-Imperials. They have a bounty out on him.” Din decides to leave out the part where he originally collected on that bounty, delivering the child right to them. He’s doesn’t want you to despise him so he figures he’ll keep that part of the story to himself.

“What do they want with him?” You’re still holding the little one tight, and you look down into his big, dark eyes and wonder what those terrible people could possible want from this adorable child.

“He has some kind of powers, like uh, like a sorcerer, or something.” He tells you sheepishly.

“Like a sorcerer?” You repeat, o-kay.

“I know it sounds strange. But, have you ever heard of the Jedi?”

“Oh, yes, I know a little about the Jedi. Wait, can the child use the force?”

“You know about the Jedi?” He seems excited to hear that. “What do you know? Do you know any of them?”

“I know the Jedi were once an order of knights and they had the ability to wield the force. Have you ever heard New Republic people say ‘May the force be with you’?” That phrase has been everywhere, so you feel like he must have heard it.

“Yeah, but I really have no idea what they mean by it.” Din feels a little embarrassed to finally admit that to someone. He hopes you don’t think him dumb for not knowing.

“From what I understand the force is like this invisible energy that lets the Jedi manipulate things with their minds. The phrase is meant to give you hope, sort of ‘May the positive energy be with you and bring you good things’. It’s a bit ironic though because for such an optimistic phrase it’s actually how Imperial Intelligence successfully broke several Rebel codes since they put it at the end of so many messages.” As much as your viewpoints aligned with the Rebellion, you had wished someone in their command had been intelligent enough to realize that you shouldn’t put a known saying into your coded messages. You look over to Mando and he gives you a nod in response, so you continue.

“I also know there were some Imperial commanders, very high up, who were pretty obsessed with the Jedi. They were always looking for any information about them. They thought there was a Jedi working with the Rebellion and any messages we decoded about him were supposed to be flagged as extreme priority. But, I never saw anything about him. So, that’s all I know.”

“That’s the most anyone has been able to tell me so far, so it’s very helpful.” Mando replies. He’s silent again for a bit and he seems to be looking down at the child. “It is my task to bring the child to the Jedi, he’s one of their kind. I’ve seen him do things I can’t explain. He- He’s special.”

Looking down at the little toddler in your arms, you remember how the Imperials treated you, and the years of damage, fear, and violence that they rained throughout the galaxy. You can’t possibly let them get their hands on this innocent one. “I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe,” you tell the child. And then you look at Mando, “I promise.”

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Thank you for reading! If you’d like to be tagged for Chapter 2, please let me know. Link to Chpt. 2

Tag list: @im-the-nerdiest-of-them-a11​ @theravenreads​ @nicotinebirds​ @boomtownboy @sleepwithacommunist @mackycat11 @som3thingcr3ative

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

@la-criatura here's a followup that I think is interesting. It gives a handful of speculative reasons why people are miserable, not all of which I find compelling, but I think the two suggestions offered that best align with my anecdotal experience--and that I'm going to integrate into my personal belief system until I get a good reason otherwise--are that Americans gauge the health of the economy mainly by inflation and housing. The full article is below:

Earlier this month, a Financial Times poll of about 1,000 registered voters found that most Americans believe their financial situation has gotten worse since Joe Biden became president. The economist Claudia Sahm tweeted that the results were “impossible,” adding, “The vast majority of Americans are better off financially. Full stop”—before receiving so much pushback for her statement that she deleted the post. This online drama was part of a larger debate among economists, policy makers, and commentators who have different explanations for why Americans report negative assessments of the economy despite some objective positive measures.

Economists who agree with Sahm are heavily influenced by low unemployment, often considered the standard metric for how the economy is performing. Last month the unemployment rate was down to 3.9 percent. But it’s not just unemployment that’s headed in the right direction. The Consumer Price Index was unchanged. A new paper shows that wage inequality has fallen over the past three years, driven by workers leaving their old jobs for better-paying ones. The U.S. has been adding jobs at a record clip. And wages—adjusted for inflation—may have finally surpassed pre-pandemic levels.

Despite these positive signs, the Financial Times poll was hardly the only survey to find widespread economic gloom. The Conference Board’s Consumer Confidence Index indicated in October that people remain “pessimistic” about the future. And an August CNN poll found that 75 percent of respondents rated economic conditions as very or somewhat poor.

Here are seven possible explanations for what’s going on.

1. People need a second to adjust.

COVID-19 caused an unprecedented social and economic crisis, including job loss for lots of people. In May 2020, roughly 60 million people reported that they had been unable to work in the preceding month because their employer had closed or lost business due to the pandemic. Then inflation kicked in, raising food, energy, rent, and housing prices.

Although price jumps are leveling off, it’s important to appreciate that economic conditions changed really fast in both directions, and people may need time to register what’s going on. One researcher found that although public opinion has “historically followed the business cycle” (it declines during recessions and improves during expansions), the difference now is that pay hasn’t been keeping up with inflation. That’s only just beginning to change. If job growth, wage growth, and low inflation all continue apace, people may well start to feel better about the economy.

Many of these polls, moreover, are not simply asking whether the economy is good; they’re asking whether Joe Biden’s economy is good. Even if respondents think conditions are improving, they’re rating the Joe Biden Economy based on the past two years, not just last month, and their perceptions may be baked in.

2. Inflation is just really that bad.

People seem to be more sensitive to inflation than to unemployment. The Financial Times poll found that 60 percent think avoiding inflation is more important than keeping good-paying jobs; just 30 percent favor the latter. Economists tend to think a good economy is one with a low unemployment rate, but for the public, that’s not enough.

One explanation for inflation sensitivity is that it hits everyone. Whether you’re a billionaire or a minimum-wage worker, you can see that prices have changed over the past few years. Conversely, even in periods of high unemployment, just a fraction of people lose their jobs. And although of course high unemployment has ripple effects beyond those laid off or fired, those effects are, by definition, indirect. Further, people may view raises or new jobs as fruits of their own labor, whereas inflation is out of their control, as the economist J. W. Mason argued last year. If someone has a good-paying job in an inflationary environment, they may tell a pollster that they’re doing well—but the economy is doing poorly.

3. Expectations are high.

During the pandemic, the federal government provided Americans unprecedented support. It stopped evictions; it dropped thousands of dollars into personal bank accounts; it paused student-loan repayments; it gave aid to unemployed workers; it provided tax breaks to parents of young children, and billions in aid to state and local governments. In doing so, the government may have raised expectations for what a “good economy” is supposed to feel like.

Given all of those supports, many people actually are doing worse on some measures than they were a few years ago: Real disposable personal income reached a high in March 2021 and has declined since then. In May, the economics writer Joey Politano noted that Americans had spent nearly all of the money they’d set aside during the pandemic. Put another way: In 2020 and 2021, Americans acquired new sources of income, which have since disappeared. If I found $10,000 on the ground one year, and was not so fortunate the next, I would be correct in telling a pollster that I’m worse off, even if I got a $5,000 raise.

Real wages are above where they were in January 2020, but they are below where they were in mid-2020. An added wrinkle is that most of the wage growth is accruing to low-income workers, which could explain why middle- and high-income workers don’t believe that the economy is doing better.

4. The rent is too damn high.

Housing affordability hit a historic low in August as high interest rates have meant that the typical family cannot afford to buy. Although inflation overall is slowing, shelter inflation is still rising.

If renters who want to own are frustrated, so are some of the so-called winners—those who have already bought their homes—because they feel locked in place by their low mortgage rate. Moving now comes with the high penalty of giving up that rate.

When asked about current conditions for buying a home, survey respondents are utterly despondent, and that could be coloring their overall perception of the economy. And of course, the main federal response to inflation has been to raise interest rates, which actually increases housing prices as mortgages and the cost of construction rise.

5. The biggest winners are at the bottom.

A new study showing declining inequality found that Americans whose incomes rank in the bottom 10 percent have seen their inflation-adjusted wages rise to new heights since the pandemic. Neither the 50th nor 90th percentile has seen similar real-wage growth. Perhaps that’s why a long-running index out of the University of Michigan found that those in the top third of the income distribution have seen the largest decline in consumer confidence, down 24 points in 2023 versus the 2000-to-2020 average. Consumer confidence among the bottom third has declined only 15 points.

Although in absolute terms, high-income people are doing better than low-income people, they may be more sensitive to the “costs” of a tight labor market.

Low unemployment—which is obviously good—does come with side effects. In a tight labor market, employers have a hard time finding workers for low pay, and a hard time retaining trained employees; customers experience worse service because of understaffed restaurants and retail establishments. These downsides may be felt more broadly than the benefits: Almost everyone with disposable income goes to restaurants or orders items online and interacts with customer-service representatives; not everyone has a new, better-paying job.

6. The media loves bad news.

When asked last month why “most people still don’t feel positive or feel good news about the economy,” Biden responded in part:

You all are not the happiest people in the world—what you report …You get more legs when you’re reporting something that’s negative. I don’t mean, I don’t mean you’re picking on me or I’m—just the nature of things. You turn on the television, and there’s not a whole lot about “boy saves dog as he swims in the lake.” You know?

Those who blame the media tend to emphasize the apparent gap between how people discuss their own financial situation and how they describe their feelings about the broader economy. According to the progressive economist Dean Baker, this gap “must be attributable to things that [people] are hearing about the economy from places like Fox News and the New York Times.” The media does have a negativity bias, which has some effect on how Americans perceive the state of the world. But when people are asked about the amount of negative or positive news they’ve heard about the economy, survey responses look relatively stable since 2020.

7. Democrats are bad cheerleaders.

A recent paper on partisanship and the economy finds that, going back to the Reagan administration, “individuals who affiliate with the party that controls the White House have systematically more optimistic economic expectations” than those who affiliate with the other party. That is, Democrats think the economy is good under Democratic presidents, Republicans under Republican presidents.

But Democrats may benefit less and suffer more from partisan cheerleading than Republicans, suggest two former Biden-administration economists. “When a Republican is in the White House, Republican survey respondents feel about 15 index points better than predicted about the economy, whereas Democrats feel around 6 index points worse,” they wrote recently. But when a Democrat is in the White House? Republicans feel 15 points worse and Democrats feel only six points better.

Beyond the question of why Americans’ feelings about the economy may have diverged from the actual economy is another, perhaps equally important question: Why are policy makers and commentators so eager to explain it—or explain it away?

I attribute all of this energy to a mad dash to set the narrative following the pandemic recession. Some believe that the government’s robust response to the crisis proves that we could stabilize working- and middle-class family finances in perpetuity. Others believe that ensuing inflation was too high a price to pay for those social supports. Yet others wish that policy makers would focus more on how their ideas and victories are translated through a fragmented media ecosystem.

Narrowly, this debate is about whether voters think the economy is good or bad, and why; the bigger issue is what lesson future politicians will draw about how to respond to recessions. Will they cower at the potential inflationary effects of fiscal stimulus? Will they require that any new social supports remain permanent rather than risk voters’ wrath when they are removed? Policy makers tend to overlearn the lessons from the last war, and every side is fighting to say what, exactly, those lessons are.

I will be curious to read the vituperative denials of the validity of this article's analysis, which is pasted below the cutoff:

“Are you better off today than you were four years ago?” That question, first posed by Ronald Reagan in a 1980 presidential-campaign debate with Jimmy Carter, has become the quintessential political question about the economy. And most Americans today, it seems, would say their answer is no. In a new survey by Bankrate published on Wednesday, only 21 percent of those surveyed said their financial situation had improved since Joe Biden was elected president in 2020, against 50 percent who said it had gotten worse. That echoed the results of an ABC News/Washington Post poll from September, in which 44 percent of those surveyed said they were worse off financially since Biden’s election. And in a New York Times/Siena College poll released last week, 53 percent of registered voters said that Biden’s policies had hurt them personally.

As has been much commented on (including by me), this gloom is striking when contrasted with the actual performance of the U.S. economy, which grew at an annual rate of 4.9 percent in the most recent quarter, and which has seen unemployment holding below 4 percent for more than 18 months. But the downbeat mood is perhaps even more striking when contrasted with the picture offered by the Federal Reserve’s recently released Survey of Consumer

The survey provides an in-depth analysis of the financial condition of American households, conducted for the Fed by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Published every three years, it’s the proverbial gold standard of household research. The latest survey looked at Americans’ net worth as of mid-to-late 2022 and Americans’ income in 2021, comparing them with equivalent data from three years earlier. It found that despite the severe disruption to the economy caused by the pandemic and the recovery from it, Americans across the spectrum saw their incomes and wealth rise over the survey period.

The rise in median household net worth was the most notable improvement: It jumped by 37 percent from 2019 to 2022, rising to $192,000. (All numbers are adjusted for inflation.) Americans in every income bracket saw substantial gains, with the biggest gains registered by people in the middle and upper-middle brackets, which suggests that a slight narrowing of wealth inequality occurred during this time. In particular, Black and Latino households saw their median net worth rise faster than white households did—though the racial wealth gap is so wide that it narrowed only slightly as a result of this change.

A big driver of this increase was the rising value of people’s homes—and a higher percentage of Americans owned homes in 2022 than did in 2019. But households’ financial position improved in other ways too. The amount of money that the median household had in bank accounts and retirement accounts rose substantially. The percentage of Americans owning stocks directly (that is, not in retirement accounts) jumped by more than a third, from about 15 to 21 percent. The percentage of Americans with retirement accounts went from 50.5 to 54.3 percent, a notable improvement. And a fifth of Americans reported owning a business, the highest proportion since the survey began in its current form (in 1989).

Americans also reduced their debt loads during the pandemic. The median credit-card balance dropped by 14 percent, and the share of people with car loans fell. More significantly still, Americans’ median debt-to-asset, debt-to-income, and debt-payment-to-income ratios all fell, meaning that U.S. households had lower debt burdens, on average, in 2022 than they’d had three years earlier.

The gains in real income (in this case, measured from 2018 to 2021) were small—median household income rose 3 percent, with every income bracket seeing gains. But that was better than one might have expected, given that this period included a pandemic-induced recession and only a single year of recovery.

The picture the survey paints, then, is one of American households not only weathering the pandemic in surprisingly good shape, but ultimately also emerging from it in better financial shape than they were going in. And that, in turn, points to the effect of the U.S. policy response to the crisis: Stimulus payments, enhanced unemployment benefits, the child-care tax credit, and the moratorium on student-loan payments boosted household income and balance sheets, helping people pay down debt and increase their savings. In the process, these policies mildly narrowed inequality.

The U.S. government’s aggressive response to the pandemic, including Biden’s stimulus spending, also helped the job market recover all its pandemic-related losses—and add millions of jobs on top. The resulting tight labor market has been a huge boon to lower-wage workers. In fact, because the Fed survey’s income data end in 2021, it understates the income gains for the bottom half of the workforce, and the shrinking income inequality they’ve produced.

Hourly wages for production and nonsupervisory workers (who make up about 80 percent of the American workforce) rose 4.4 percent year-on-year in the third quarter of 2023, for instance, ahead of the pace of inflation. And this was not anomalous: Arindrajit Dube, an economist at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, crunched the numbers and found that real wages for that same sector of workers are not just higher than they were in 2019, but are now roughly where they would have been if we’d continued on the upward pre-pandemic trend.

The reason for this is simple: Low unemployment has translated into higher wages. As a recent working paper by Dube, David Autor, and Annie McGrew shows, the tight labor markets of the past few years have given lower-wage workers more bargaining power than in the past, leading to a compression in the wage gap between higher-paid and lower-paid workers. Of course, that gap is still immense, but the three scholars found that the wage gains for lower-paid workers have rolled back about a quarter of the rise in inequality that has occurred since the 1980s.

So what should we take away from the Survey of Consumer Finances data, and from Dube, Autor, and McGrew’s work? Not that everything is fine, but that public policy and macroeconomic management matter a lot. Enhanced unemployment benefits, the child-care tax credit, the stimulus payments—these things materially improved the lives of Americans and helped set the economy up for a strong recovery. If the policy response had been less aggressive, the U.S. economy would be in worse shape now. This is something you can see by looking at Europe, where economies are growing far more slowly and unemployment is higher, while inflation is no lower.

Key to this story is the fact that lower-wage workers in particular would be worse off, because they have been among the chief beneficiaries of the low unemployment created by the robust recovery. It’s a useful reminder that stagnant wages are not an inevitable result of American capitalism: When labor markets are tight, and employers have to compete with one another for employees, workers get paid more.

So, even allowing for the high inflation we saw in 2022, no one could really look at the U.S. economy today and say that the policy choices of the past three years made us poorer. Yet that, of course, is precisely how many Americans feel.

Although that pessimism does not bode well for Biden’s reelection prospects, the real problem with it is even more far-reaching: If voters think that policies that helped them actually hurt them, that makes it much less likely that politicians will embrace similar policies in the future. The U.S. got a lot right in its macroeconomic approach over the past three years. Too bad that voters think it got so much wrong.

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“Police Response Slowed. The Community Stepped In.”

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In Minneapolis this summer, 911 response times increased as officers left the force. Instead of asking for more police, some residents reimagined public safety for themselves.

By Sarah Holder, Rachael Dottle, and Marie Patino, 

October 30, 2020, 11:14 AM EDT; Updated on October 30, 2020, 1:17 PM EDT                                       

Every night for the past several months, pairs of bicyclists in high-visibility vests fanned across Minneapolis’s Powderhorn neighborhood after sunset, and stayed out until 2 or 3 in the morning. They were there to keep watch over the neighborhood, but they don’t have any affiliation with the police or city government. Instead they’re residents of the community, there to de-escalate or monitor incidents they hear about by scanning their social media and group chats.

The team, which calls itself the Powderhorn Safety Collective, is one of a handful of ad hoc community safety groups that have emerged in the city’s south side after a police officer killed George Floyd in May. They’re taking an unconventional approach to answering the question echoing in cities across the country: What would a community that was less reliant on police look like?

Minneapolis City Council members started asking that question in earnest this June, pledging to dismantle the existing police department and start from the ground up. Activists, reformers and abolitionists have been exploring the path to a police-free future for decades. But in the Ninth Ward, says Pouya Najmaie, an environmental lobbyist and a founding member of the Powderhorn Safety Collective, creating an alternative to traditional law enforcement wasn’t a thought experiment. It was a necessity.

For many Black and brown Minneapolitans, calling 911 had never been an impulse, and watching Floyd die under the knee of an Minneapolis Police Department officer further eroded trust in the institution. This summer, however, residents also observed that even for those who did call 911, the police were responding more slowly. In some cases, it seemed they might not be responding at all. “People are very distrustful that [police] can actually do their job, and they're just not doing their job,” said Oluchi Omeoga, an organizer with Minnesota’s Black Visions Collective, a queer-led group that’s become a leading voice in the movement to remake policing in Minneapolis. “It's both, and.” A Bloomberg CityLab analysis puts numbers to that emerging dynamic. In June, the average time it took for the police to assign a unit to 911 calls — the first step to dispatching officers — had slowed by 88% across all five precincts compared to the average from 2019 to early 2020. By August, it was still about 40% slower than before May. A previous CityLab report found that traffic stops were down 80% from the period before May 25, the day of George Floyd’s death. Not all these trends appear destined to stick. As protests die down, the colder winter months arrive, and the calls to disband the police department soften, response times have begun recalibrating back to pre-May levels. But the department may end the year with at least one longer-term change in resources: There are about 130 fewer officers than there were a year ago, Police Chief Medaria Arradondo told MPR News. Many of them are retiring early, and more are likely in the process of leaving; hundreds have reportedly applied for medical leave, citing post-traumatic stress disorder. An MPD spokesperson said there were 830 sworn officers as of Oct. 15, but didn’t respond to any other requests for comment. Locals have debated any number of reasons why such a slowdown in 911 response time might be happening, from an act of political retaliation in the face of scrutiny, to a reflection of depleted morale, to the aforementioned lack of personnel. Whatever the reasons, with rates for some violent crimes spiking in the city amid economic devastation from Covid-19, the trend illuminates another dimension of police accountability: Just as over-policing can have disproportionate adverse consequences for Black people, the impacts of withholding police response from communities can be harmful, too. “Despite our name, we have always considered lack of police service to be the flip side of police brutality, and sometimes just as damaging,” says Dave Bicking, an organizer with Minneapolis’s Communities United Against Police Brutality.

A Minneapolis Star-Tribune analysis of rising crime rates found that while the trend has been observed citywide, “in terms of raw numbers, the increase in violence that intensified after the unrest over the police killing of George Floyd is exacting a heavier toll on neighborhoods already suffering the effects of trauma, poverty and lack of access to adequate health care.” Slowed response times have happened before; so have crime spikes that disproportionately affect already-burdened neighborhoods. What’s different this year, in this city, is how the community and the reform-minded council have reacted to the reports of insufficient police service. The mayor has released a proposal for next year’s budget ahead of a December vote, and demands to substantially reduce funding for the department are not reflected. Several members of the city council have walked back earlier sweeping pledges to disband the department. But as calls grow to divert some non-violent incidents from the police to crisis intervention teams or mental health responders, the department’s disengagement has also been taken as more evidence that the public safety models that exist aren’t working — and as motivation to create new ones, faster. “Previously, I would get really angry calls that say, hey, why aren't you funding the police more?” said Steve Fletcher, a Minneapolis Council member who represents the city’s Third Ward and has proposed reforms unpopular with the police department in the past. “And now the calls I'm getting are much more reflective of the moment we’re in, I think, where they’re saying: ‘What are we paying them for at all? They’re saying they can’t help, they’re saying they don’t have a strategy. Why the hell do we have them?’”

For some residents, the city’s response hasn’t been fast enough. And they’re starting to fill what they see as a void on their own.

‘The phones could ring forever’

In January, before the pandemic threw a wrench in daily activities, Minneapolis police would take an average of 23 minutes to arrive at the scene after responding to the average 911 call. Priority 1 calls, which concern the most urgent issues — shots fired, threats to life or assaults, along with suspicious vehicles or domestic disturbances — took the shortest, at 10 minutes, and Priority 3 calls, like parking problems, road hazards, loud music and thefts reported after the fact took the longest on average, at 40 minutes.

On May 25, it took one minute for the call about Floyd’s alleged forged bill to be assigned to a unit, and four minutes for the officers to arrive at the scene. After that day, police started taking a lot longer to arrive when called.

CityLab data shows that average response times this summer went up about 40% from January to more than 14 minutes for the most urgent calls, Priority 1. They also went up 43% for Priority 2, and 28%, to about a 51-minute response time, for Priority 3.

This slowdown was especially apparent in the city’s 3rd Precinct, where Floyd was killed.

Source: Minneapolis Police Department

During the same period, the volume of 911 calls has risen only marginally, and doesn’t match the spike in response times Minneapolis saw in June and July. That suggests that the police were not experiencing an increase in demand for their services commensurate to their more sluggish response. Aside from volumes of calls, there were other factors: The precinct's headquarters, which serves several wards including 8 and 9, was burned down completely and relocated to a downtown convention center farther away from the neighborhoods it was meant to serve. With potentially hundreds of fewer officers and a frayed relationship with citizens, the department was under greater strain.

“They’re getting worn out. They’ve been working non-stop with limited resources,” Minneapolis Police Federation President Bob Kroll told the Minnesota Reformer this summer.

“My own sense is that this isn’t retaliation as much as it is just everybody’s humanity in this moment,” said council member Linea Palmisano, who represents Ward 13, the southwest corner of Minneapolis. She’s advocated for more mental health support and coaching for police officers who she says have experienced trauma. As the head of the city’s budget committee, Palmisano will also have a say in department funding this winter and has said that more resources, not fewer, will be needed for reform.

Some say changed policing in the zone was intentional. Reports from residents and local news have described the area around the Floyd memorial as a “no-go zone,” where police appear to be unwilling to engage — and unwelcome by many residents.

Especially in cases of enforcing minor infractions, “not every decision to not engage in something is a bad decision,” said council member Fletcher. But even in dangerous instances, residents say something changed.

“In the period directly after George Floyd was killed, during the uprising, the service from 911 was essentially nonexistent,” said Bicking. “People had the feeling that everybody must have just gone home. The phones could ring forever, you could call 20 times and never get an answer.”

‘No Man’s Land’

Minneapolis’s Eighth and Ninth Wards have been ground zero for the city’s season of change. Their border is marked by the corner of 38th and Chicago, where a clerk working at a store called in a forged $20 bill, and where then-Officer Derek Chauvin knelt on Floyd’s neck for 8 minutes and 46 seconds on May 25. Now a memorial to Floyd, the intersection draws visitors from across the city and country, who come to pay tribute to his memory.

Over the summer, the area felt like “a disaster zone,” said Alondra Cano, the city council member who represents the Ninth Ward. Lake Street, a thoroughfare that bisects the district, was overtaken by peaceful protesters marching for Black lives, but also by fire and chaos. New reporting from the Minneapolis Star Tribune indicates that some of the destruction was caused by far-right agitators, like the Boogaloo Boys. Residents felt abandoned. “There weren't any firefighters that were readily available. And there weren't any police that were readily available,” said Cano. “A lot of residents took it upon themselves to put out fires and to engage with folks who might be doing some harm out on the street.”

Members of Agape in downtown Minneapolis, after they were called to help respond to looting. Steve Floyd

It was out of that “no-man’s land” that five resident-led safety groups were born, she said, each covering different Ninth Ward neighborhoods, none of them officially designated by the city. In the months following the height of the protests, the groups got more organized and centralized. There’s the Little Earth Protectors, a group of American Indians who patrol the neighborhood around their federally-subsidized housing complex in the East Phillips neighborhood, and the Rock Steady Alliance, which Najmaie describes as a citywide coalition of racial justice activists and harm reduction workers who emerged to provide aid at protests. Agape, a group of 25 to 30 men, many of whom are former gang members, post up near the George Floyd memorial and respond to issues in the 40-block radius around it; they sometimes combine efforts with the Brown Berets, a group of Hispanic and Latino residents. The Powderhorn Safety Collective is run by a loose group of neighbors living in the Powderhorn Park neighborhood, a diverse but majority-white enclave historically home to leftists, artists and working class folks. They patrol the Powderhorn neighborhood by bike and on foot.

The demographics, tactics and territories of each collective vary, but a shared mission appears to unite them: to take elements of public safety out of the hands of the police, and into the hands of the community.

The Powderhorn neighborhood was profiled in the New York Times in June for its residents’ pledge to “check their privilege” after Floyd’s killing. Part of their reckoning was choosing not to call 911 for incidents large and small, out of a fear that the police would inflict more violence on the communities they pledged to protect. When unhoused residents started building a tent encampment down the street, the community resisted the city’s initial push to evict them, instead assigning volunteers to offer food, support and security. Later, when several volunteers pulled out of the area, Najmaie and a few other neighbors decided to start informal patrols that became the Safety Collective, to “make the housed people feel safe, so that they will hopefully not be calling 911 on the unhoused,” he said. (At the end of July, the city removed the encampment.)

The homeless encampment at Powderhorn Park in July, which was later cleared by the city. Photographer: Aaron Lavinsky/Star Tribune via Getty Images

Since they started patrolling in July, Powderhorn volunteers receive reports of incidents through the app Discord, where their neighborhood group chat has had between 1,000 and 1,300 active members. They also proactively monitor activity through the Citizen app, which culls 911 logs for geo-located crimes-in-action, and another older-fashioned tool: the police scanner. Often, what they’re responding to is the sound of gunshots. Their intervention is “full-service,” Najmaie says: they arrive at the scene of the incident, assist in whatever way they can, and report back with updates.

Agape, another one of the patrol groups, formed after young men who lived near 38th and Chicago observed what they saw as opportunistic vendors and gang violence take over the George Floyd memorial, says Steve Floyd, who’s lived in the area for 40 years and acts as an adviser to Agape. “What happened when George Floyd was killed, it made them change their lives and find a different direction,” says Steve Floyd. The group members put up barricades, and started a security patrol.

They aim to “let people understand that we have to protect our own community even if police are not going to be here,” says Floyd, “and then how it would look if we didn’t have police.”

The group has gone through several trainings on mental health, mediation and de-escalation training, and by now they’ve become a visible presence in the neighborhood, there to break up assaults and relieve tension on the street. “A lot of us don’t wear bulletproof vests, and so it just has to depend on the situation,” said Floyd. “Most of the time we can intervene with our voice.”

The groups often work together. For altercations that Powderhorn residents feel unequipped to handle, they seek out other groups like Agape for reinforcement. But even for incidents when neighbors might want to call 911, Najmaie says it hasn’t always felt like a viable option. “During the uprisings, you probably had a 30% chance to 20% chance of any kind of police answering to anything,” said Najmaie. “By mid-summer, it was up to a 50% to 60% chance, if I was to guess, and then slowly rising. Now, we're at a much higher percent chance.”

Because the Powderhorn Safety Collective is embedded within the community, the collective will often show up before police squad cars do, Najmaie says. “Other times when they do show up, what we've noticed is a very quick drive by and if you're lucky, you'll get a searchlight,” he said. “And then that's it.”

A New Playbook

Fletcher believes that some individual officers have actually exaggerated the impression among residents that police are unresponsive. “I have a lot of instances of officers telling businesses, telling residents, ‘I don’t know if we’d be able to get to you if you called and something happened,’” Fletcher said. “That kind of building cynicism and building doubt and building fear has a political impact.”   The MPD did not respond to requests for comment on this allegation.

The time it takes for the police to answer Priority 1 calls did not slow as much as the total average did this summer, indicating that the most urgent calls continued to be answered in a timely fashion. This could be partially thanks to actions by the police department to recalibrate its work: After complaints, the department has triaged its depleted number of officers to prioritize answering 911 calls and pursue investigations of serious incidents.

“In these very challenging times of COVID, budget cuts and retirements, the MPD continues to evaluate and reallocate the resources that we currently have to best serve the City of Minneapolis, focusing on the core responsibilities of a police department; responding to 911 calls and investigations,” the MPD told CBS Minnesota in a statement.  

Using fears about unanswered 911 calls as a justification for increasing police resources has been a familiar playbook in Minneapolis in the lead-up to budget processes, said Fletcher and Bicking, the community activist. “It works to the advantage of the police department, as propaganda: you need us, and there aren't enough of us,” said Bicking. In fact, it’s a familiar playbook in many American cities.

This time, it’s not having the same effect as it used to in Minneapolis, says Fletcher.

“The answer used to be we need 200 more cops and now people are like, we need a whole new division that handles this a different way that’s a non-police approach, if policing is not solving the problem,” he said. “That’s a really important political shift and it’s a potentially really generative moment, because I think people are thinking more critically than they have.”

Andrea Jenkins, vice president of the Minneapolis City Council, during a meeting in which council members declared they would disband the police. Rhetoric on that plan has softened since. Photographer: Star Tribune via Getty Images/Star Tribune

The mayor’s proposed budget includes a suggested $2.5 million in funding for alternative violence prevention programs, and a 7.4% cut to the police — far smaller than proposed cuts to other departments. Many of the city council members who once vowed to abolish the police have since clarified that they’ll focus on systemic reforms — though not all of them agree on what those should look like.

But there are signs that the community safety monitors and the city's efforts may start to converge as both groups explore what future policing might look like.

As of September, there’s yet another group of community members patrolling some of the same neighborhoods in South Minneapolis, but these individuals are paid by a new city “violence interrupter” program with $1.1 million in funding. Participants and leadership in the Office of Violence Prevention program are clear that they do not want to replace police, but instead focus on long-term relationship building. In many cases, they use their community connections to try to defuse tensions before they turn violent.

“We don't want to wait for it to get worse to address it, when we can see the writing on the wall,” said Sasha Cotton, the director of the Office of Violence Prevention, referring to concerns about gun violence. Agape recently started conducting regular nighttime patrols alongside the violence interrupters.

At a meeting with the Office of Violence Prevention and city council members, several of the community safety groups gathered to discuss how they could support each other, and whether they could receive city resources to buy tools like walkie talkies. Cano has given Agape members access to an office on 37th and Chicago, which they use as a “safe house and hotspot,” says Floyd. Cotton, of the city’s Office of Violence Prevention, says “there’s more than enough work” to keep both city and civilian efforts busy so long as gun violence remains a top concern.

Still, there’s debate about whether the community groups that coalesced in the immediate aftermath of Floyd’s death are sustainable in their current form. “Nobody’s getting paid, there’s not a lot of structure, accountability,” said Fletcher. In one indication of potential safety risks, Cano said a member of the Little Earth Collective had been shot while out on patrol, bringing up questions of liability and insurance. (The group was not available for an interview before publication.)

Kaitlin Wolfgram-Gunderson of the Powderhorn Collective hangs signs in the neighborhood about a meeting to seek community feedback on the group’s model. Photographer: Emilie Richardson/Bloomberg

In the Powderhorn neighborhood, Najmaie says that even as the upheaval of the summer dissipates, and the group stops its nightly patrols for the coldest winter months, he wants the collective to live on. They’re readying for Election Day and night, and for potential protests in the lead-up to Inauguration Day. There’s a trial for Derek Chauvin coming up next year. Unrest aside, the mission statement of the Powderhorn Collective describes its end goal as something broader than safety or security: "strengthening the social fabric of the neighborhood."

“People need to be involved in their communities,” said Najmaie. “People need to feel like they have a stake in things, and that they can change things.”

   (Corrects the date of Floyd’s death in paragraph 16. )

[hello-that-happened]

How She-Ra, Wrong Hordak, and I Deconverted in Six Steps

Alright y'all, it's time for my fourth essay exploring how She-Ra and the Princess of Power (SPOP) used Christian themes and parallels to provide a humanist message.

My first post named 9 major messages of SPOP that contradict Christian fundamentalism.

My second gave the historical context of how our generation and Noelle's are growing up to overthrow Christian fundamentalism after it became such a powerful enemy in the U.S.

My third discussed the parallel between Horde Prime’s rage at Hordak’s self-naming and the Christian idea that everyone is an instrument of God’s will.

Now I want to discuss how Adora's and Wrong Hordak's journeys defections from the Horde parallel my story, and potentially others', of leaving Christianity. Adora and Wrong Hordak experience many of the same stages in his journey out of the Horde as many ex-Christians experience leaving Christianity.

My own experience leaving Christianity was a journey into atheism, so I will interpret Adora's and Wrong Hordak's stories through that lens. Plenty of people who left toxic/conservative Christianity behind still believe in God, in heaven, and/or in the value of Christian communities. I do not want to minimize or dismiss their experiences, and I welcome progressive Christians as allies in the fight for LGBT+ rights and social justice generally. But when I watched Adora and Wrong Hordak leave their belief in The Horde behind, I saw myself leaving Christianity behind. I want to tell my story through/alongside theirs. I hope some of you can relate, but it is okay if you cannot, regardless of your religious beliefs or lack thereof.

Deconversion in Fast-Forward

Adora, Wrong Hordak, and I escaped from the organizations that raised us and its worldview in six somewhat-distinct stages:

Multiple major characters' arcs in She-Ra begin with rethinking their loyalty to The Horde. Wrong Hordak and Adora both lose their faith in The Horde after a lifetime of indoctrination into its ideals and goals. Their journey away from The Horde mirrors many young Americans' away from Christianity, with at least one notable exception: time. Deconversion takes multiple years for most ex-Christians, but only takes a few days for Adora and Wrong Hordak. Their de-conversion basically represents a speed run of most ex-Christians'.

Full Breakdown of Each Stage

(tw: mention of depression and suicidal ideation)

Adora takes delight in pretending to beat up an imaginary princess in the show's first scene, and later calls princesses "violent instigators who don't even know how to control their powers." She believes in the ideals of The Horde, and feels excited to rise through the ranks to become Force Captain. Obedience to Horde authorities comes fairly naturally to her, and she even chides Catra for being "disrespectful."

Wrong Hordak consistently repeats his loyalty to Horde Prime throughout his first episode and beyond. Even while being attacked by his fellow clones, Wrong Hordak affirms that "We serve Horde Prime's will." Unprompted in the next episode he happily announces, "I believe in Horde Prime!"

I felt proud, as a kid in Sunday School, that I could answer more questions about the Bible than any of the other kids. My church's youth group was the most enjoyable part of my middle school years especially because I got to hang out with the guy I only recently realized I'd had a huge gay crush on. I started viewing "feeling happy" and "feeling the presence of God" as identical. I wrote in my 2011 "Faith Statement" for my church's Confirmation that "I fell in love with God," and that "I thank God that I was born into a good Christian family and was raised to honor God."

Adora is kidnapped by the Horde's enemies and taken away from her home, separated from all of the voices reassuring her that The Horde is a good organization with a just mission. Shadow Weaver is not around to give her orders or map out her future anymore, leaving her alone with her enemies and her thoughts.

Wrong Hordak's connection to the hive-mind he knew for all of his life is severed. "I am…alone?" he asks in shock, then breaks down and cries, "I am alone!" For someone who grew up living in the same mind as his entire communal "family," suddenly losing that connection to everyone he knew would be traumatizingly shocking. The best equivalent I can think of in human experience is being suddenly ripped away from your family and community and then never seeing them again.

I kept conflating happiness with my faith in God for years, even after my crush moving away drove me into suicidal ideation for a couple weeks in 2011. My mental health recovered for a year before settling into a long-term depression in 2012. Because I conflated happiness with the presence of God, my depression felt like something had taken away the presence of God.

Adora defends the organization that raised her by quoting her highest authority: "Hordak says we're doing what's best for Etheria. We're trying to make things better. More orderly." Glimmer argues against Adora's worldview by showing her (1) that princesses are just people instead of dangerous violent monsters, and (2) what The Horde has done: first the ruins of a village destroyed by The Horde, and then that the village of Thaymor which she was told to attack was peaceful, innocent, and happy.

Wrong Hordak grabs Entrapta by the hair for the crime of "trespassing," and enjoys saying, "Prime shall hear of this, and his punishment shall be merciless." But once Bow’s arrow disconnects him from the Horde’s hivemind, he is simultaneously stranded away from the people who constantly reinforced his belief in Horde Prime’s goodness and stuck with a group of people opposing Prime. For a long time, Wrong Hordak simply pretends that the Best Friend Squad™ serve Horde Prime just like everyone else he ever knew. Every line of his dialogue in “Taking Control” is a quick, snappy motto he took from Horde propaganda, like “I believe…in Horde Prime” and “True nourishment comes from the favor of Horde Prime.” [see footnote 1]

I was well aware, growing up in a progressive suburb, that plenty of my high school friends were nonreligious. After my depression sunk in, I found myself arguing about religion with a brilliant but very smug British friend who consistently refuted my arguments in ways I could not dispute. Searching for arguments to support my pre-existing beliefs, I started reading Christian apologetics, but found nothing my friends could not easily refute. [see footnote 2]

Adora sees the ruins of the site of a Horde attack while with Glimmer and Bow, and at first rejects what Glimmer tells her about what she sees to preserve her worldview: "This doesn't make any sense. The Horde would never do something like this…You don't know them like I do." But when she sees The Horde attack Thaymor, the belief system painstakingly constructed by The Horde and drilled into her over 15 (or so) years comes crashing down. At first she can rationalize away her experiences to preserve her beliefs, but when the evidence of her own senses becomes overwhelming she cannot resolve the cognitive dissonance between her belief in The Horde's goodness and her direct experience of The Horde attacking the innocent town of Thaymor. Her worldview cannot explain what she experienced.

Wrong Hordak keeps his belief in Horde Prime's all-powerful nature for a long time after joining the Best Friend Squad. However, when until the Best Friend Squad catches him in a contradiction. He tells them what he was told: that Krytis does not exist. As soon as they start questioning the contradiction he was fed, he becomes extremely uncomfortable. He maintains his denial of Krytis' existence even after they land on the planet, until he can no longer deny the evidence that Horde Prime is not all-powerful.

I grew up, like many of you, on the Internet. My depression began during the heyday of the online atheist movement—and by “heyday,” I mean “seemingly inescapable presence,” especially on YouTube where I hung out. I kept running into comments asking questions that I could not answer: Why does Christianity seem to promote belief based on internal feelings instead of observable evidence? Why would an all-loving god send anyone to hell forever? Why did I believe claims from Christian doctrine and doubt claims from every other religion? Why has Christianity seemed to cling to the past instead of embracing a progressive future? The questions overwhelmed me. I found myself terrified of my own growing doubts. Eventually, my belief was based entirely on two emotions: nostalgia for past happy experiences I associated with Christianity, and a fear of losing the vague hope those experiences gave me.

The first time that Bow and Glimmer met Adora, they immediately labeled her “Horde soldier!,” and the label stuck through the first three episodes. Adora has always identified herself primarily as a soldier serving The Horde, echoing the messages she has heard for her whole life: “Shadow Weaver said it didn't matter who I was before, that—that I was nothing before Hordak took me in.” The language of “I was nothing” reflects cult dynamics where a group tries to retain someone permanently by making them think of themself as nothing more than their worshipful loyalty to the group. Similarly, it is a common Christian belief that “without Jesus we are nothing.”

After realizing that Horde Prime fes him lies, Wrong Hordak collapsed into a sobbing mess. “Who am I if not an exalted brother of Prime?,” he bawled, still thinking that the only legitimate kind of identity is one based on fully devoted worship of an all-powerful authority. Per Entrapta, “It seem[ed] that Wrong Hordak has begun to question the meaning of life.” She later described Wrong Hordak’s breakdown as an “existential crisis,” which happens “when individuals question whether their lives have meaning, purpose, or value, and are negatively impacted by the contemplation.” Without an all-powerful father figure to value him, Wrong Hordak thought, who would?

I identified myself fundamentally as a Christian for my entire childhood and teen years. I found joy, purpose, and a sense of self in my religion. Leaving my religion behind felt like burning the bridge to who I was behind me. When I de-converted from Christianity, I felt like I was standing at the brink of a void. I thought that without finding goodness in God, I might find no goodness at all. [see footnote 3]

When Wrong Hordak finishes (digitally, but also emotionally) processing the Krytis data logs of Horde Prime leaving in defeat, he explicitly renounces his old loyalties and declares his opposition to the organization and beliefs that he used to believe in with all his heart: "Brothers! Horde Prime lied to us. He is a false ruler. We must rise up against him, and free the universe from his unjust reign!"

After Adora betrays the Horde at the Battle of Thaymor, she pledges her loyalty to Bright Moon in her battle against the Horde: "I’ve seen for myself the atrocities the Horde has committed against the people of Etheria, and I’m ready to fight to stop them. If you give me the chance, I know I can help the Rebellion turn the tide of the war."

I didn't have an explicit declaration statement like Wrong Hordak or Adora. However, on 5/5/15 I arranged a meeting with my very friendly and understanding youth pastor as a last-ditch effort to save my faith. I hoped that he would crush my worrying doubts. Instead, actually encouraged me to become agnostic and to look into non-Christian beliefs on the subject of religion. Rather than feeling terrified of what I might find and wishing that someone could indoctrinate me into my old belief system, I started on a path to discover the truth wherever it might lead me.

Footnotes for Context

Christian fundamentalists’ similarly simplistic snappy phrases have been labeled by ex-Christians as “thought-terminating clichés… brief, highly reductive, definitive-sounding phrases” where “Simple labels are attached to something you like or dislike, and they are the start and finish of all thought on the subject.” Such black-and-white “totalistic” thinking is common in Christian fundamentalism, especially how it labels complex political topics as somehow being merely a cover for “spiritual warfare” between the totally good/Godly side and the totally evil/demonic side.

Specifically, I started reading an “Intelligent Design” propaganda apologetics book by Lee Strobel called The Case For A Creator. A self-proclaimed former atheist, Strobel wrote his The Case For series using my same research strategy: Only do research using sources that already agree with you. Whereas Strobel exclusively talked to other Christian apologists, though, I at least tried talking to atheists. Anyway, I walked into school one day with a confident smile and a copy of Strobel’s book and sat down with some friends. One of them, another brilliant atheist but with a far subtler and humbler personality, noticed it and his face immediately sunk into the expression of someone exhausted by the topic as he braced himself for my bullshit. When I confidently asserted a creationist talking point trying to dismiss the findings of some old experiment, he not only knew the experiment but immediately dismantled my talking point. I had no reply. What struck me most was not just his swift rebuttal, but his weary tone: My arguments were not only bad, but so bad that he was genuinely tired of them.

Around the same time, I became obsessed with the character of Kefka from Final Fantasy 6. To me, Kefka represented what I feared most about leaving Christianity behind — that I would lose any sense of meaning, purpose, or morality in my life. ("Life… Dreams… Hope…Where do they come from? And where are they headed? Such meaningless things!") Edgy, I know, but in my mind that kind of absurdism seemed to be an inevitable result of abandoning my religious beliefs. Fortunately, I came to understand that there is plenty of meaning, purpose, beauty, and goodness outside of the particular religion that I happened to be born into.

[themoontaxi]

hi hanna, I'm finally stepping in the cafe after days of window shopping. sadly, I can't stay long so I would like to grab an order to-go for two 🥠s: distant past - everything everything and fresh laundry - allie X with an order of 🍵 for either the weeknd or bmth (both whom I have some albums I really like and don't lol)

hi jules! :) not sure if you still remember this because it’s been so long… i just found this in my in box again and thought better late than never 😬

your 🥠s:

i am actually so upset i’m only listening to these songs now because wow! they are so good. at first i thought “distant past” would be a nice chill song and then suddenly the rap part came hahaha. and damn, he was spitting those lines, what a nice rhythm! also the pre-chorus? the way the baby can you leave it in the and the girl i’m from the very very were just distant in the background and then the distant past more audible- i see what they did there hehe. overall the song was very disco elysium of them lol.

i have to say that “fresh laundry” is a very valid topic to make a song about, there is nothing better. but also this song was so hauntingly beautiful and i could identify with the lyrics very much. didn’t know loneliness can sound so good. also the way she belts the no??? chills man. you said you were always on my side, but what if my side has changed too much? yes. genius. thanks for showing me this! <3 (i only knew her from “susie save your love” with mitski til now)

your 🍵:

so happy you’re asking about bring me the horizon, because they are actually one of my favorite (i’d even say currently favorite) bands! it’s truly amazing how they changed their sound so much in the course of every album. i can see why not everyone likes every single one, but from what i saw and heard most of their fans are interested to see what they did when they release something new, because it’s always original and fresh, even when they end up not liking it. i’d be interested to hear which ones you don’t like! i have to admit i never listened to the first two, but maybe one day i will. not really sure where i’m going with this and if i start gushing over every detail i like now then i’ll likely never stop. so here’s a more general evaluation: sempiternal, that’s the spirit and post human are albums with no-skip songs for me! (and the doesn’t happen too often) only reason i do sometimes skip one is because some are so embedded in my memory that i get annoyed by myself with the amount of times i listened to them ahahah. i do think some are also a bit repetitive, but the choruses are mostly so nice that i don’t mind that. i’d say amo is overall their weakest lyric-wise, because there are some lines where i cringed a bit, but it still has some absolute bangers. for the follow up music to listen to… etc etc i have to be in the mood to enjoy it. but once i start it, i’m not getting out before i listened to the last song. also can we please appreciate their videos for a second? they are always so creative and dark. even from the lyric videos i can’t tear my eyes away. and i just wanted to mention that the reason they are my current favorite band is that they perfectly encapsulate the feeling of living in this crazy world in this crazy time. they are having an existential crisis in almost every song and i. love. to. see. it.

current favorites:

& everything from post human: survival horror. (also currently chilling in the merch hoodie lmao)

thank you for your order and i hope you enjoyed my ramblings! :)

[thecanadianowl]

BLACK WIDOW REVIEW

It's a movie that just...exists. I mean, yeah I would have been hype for this movie if this came out a few years ago pre-endgame. I probably would be on the same boat as most people but now, It seems too little too late.

The movie has Natasha being sent a red cloud gas from her surrogate sister, Yelena that helps other widow spies break control of their brainwash from the red room, while being hunted by a secret assassin known as the Taskmaster and its leader of the red room, Dreykov.

I will say that this movie has some good action sequences and the chemistry between the characters was really good. That is where my praise for this movie stops.

Because the villains in this movie as well as the third act in general was a mess. Let's start with Dreykov. He is presented as someone who is uber powerful capable of starting and ending conflicts and pushing the world into a crisis. Yet somehow he loses his composure and goes into a meltdown once Natasha attacks his ego as well as reveal the database (even revealing how to unlock it through his ring). Which brings me to my next issue, how tf did that secret base in the sky not get noticed/recognized by anyone for so long? Especially in a post-winter soldier period. Like this guy was pathetic and not in the way the movie wants it to be.

The Taskmaster twist I saw coming a mile away. But my question is why? If they wanted to have a female villain so badly, why not use someone like Snapdragon or Iron Maiden? You already had Melina Vostokoff in the movie, you could have made it work displaying both her intellect and her combat skills, especially  with her past relationship with Natasha. Why go through the trouble of marketing and promoting Taskmaster when at the end of the day, the character is almost nothing like TM apart from copying/replicating moves? The character is in the same group as characters like Ultron or the Mandarin in IM 3 in wasted potential. And I would be okay with this alteration if it improved or did something better but it didn't. She was the weakest part of the movie. The second time they fight for some reason, Nat gets the drop on her even though by the rules laid out by this movie and what TM can do there is no reason for her to get incapacitated. She was a diet Winter Soldier.

In fact the more I think about it, this whole movie just feels like Diet-Winter Soldier. I know people are tired regarding the circle jerk of that movie, but that's what this entire movie feels like espcially with the climax happening in a floating base in the sky.

There were other issues in the film, like Yelena using the RPG and causing an avalanche at the prison, or the widows fighting Natasha at the end for some reason using only staffs/batons and not their guns, knives or those electric wrist gauntlets (which Nat uses against them), the unintentionally funny scene of Yelena falling from the impact of the explosion or the fact that Red Guardian was useless throughout the movie apart from a narrative reason.

The biggest problem for this movie is that it has nothing going for it other than a studio just doing it because so many wanted it from early on. Like they slapped it all together by borrowing plots from their other movies. It's a remnant of phase 2/3 and it shows.