#from when i started working on this to now this thing has changed so much

[screamlet]

27 for cuddle prompts? 🥺😍

aaah this is for first cuddle (27). set immediately after s07e06 aka maddie and chimney's wedding/the hospital kiss (can't resist the link). about 1.8k.

---

Buck was trying not to look too much like a cartoon dog that had its tongue lolling out onto the hospital parking lot, but he was probably failing. Even as he leaned against the side of his Jeep, super super cool with his arms crossed over his chest while Tommy stripped out of his turnouts, he was—he wasn't cool, not even a little.

"And you're sure you don't mind that the back of your Jeep is going to smell like a wildfire for a while?" Tommy's in his LAFD t-shirt and pants, glaring down at himself with an annoyed huff. "Sorry that I look—"

"No, you—"

They'd stopped in a bathroom before they left the hospital to wash the dirt and ash off their faces, and they shared a quick kiss when they were clean again. Tommy looked beautiful when he showed up in the ER, beautiful as he tried to eat a piece of cake but was literally too tired to chew, beautiful when he scrubbed the grime off his face and ran his wet hands through his hair, beautiful in the parking lot with dust all over his t-shirt and slacks and sweat stains where his shirt was sticking, and these were all things that Buck wasn't stupid enough to say to the guy he'd been on 0.5 dates with (-1 pizza date, 1 coffee date, 0.5 making out in the ER at his sister's wedding before bailing).

"You look fine," Buck says, like a moron who doesn't want to learn how to suck dick at Tommy's knees, and a moron who didn't look up the website for Maddie and Chim's original venue and didn't linger on a wedding video called Bernardo and Jake's Magical Journey.

Tommy arches an eyebrow at him. His hair's still damp and starting to curl and Buck can lie all he wants, but he can't hide the way he's stopped breathing as he stares at Tommy, who's staring right back.

"Just fine?" Tommy asks, finding the strength to smirk but not eat a piece of wedding cake. Priorities? Maybe.

"Get in the car," Buck laughs, hoping his laugh sounds more normal than it did inside his head.

---

Tommy's showering downstairs and Buck is staring at his bed trying to see what it looks like to a gay guy. Is this a straight guy's bed? Not anymore, he says to himself. He's been on some journeys with his phone and laptop up here since he kissed Tommy, but that doesn't mean that he's like. In it.

He's changed the sheets. They smell sensitive skin fragrance-free fresh. He brought a couple of waters up here. The lube is in his nightstand, not hanging out somewhere under the pillows. Tommy's a cool guy and maybe he would fuck Buck's brains out the first time they were anything close to horizontal, but he's been working and too tired for cake so the lube can hang out in its usual home for now.

"Evan?"

Buck almost trips on his foot. He was standing still. "Yeah?"

"Sorry if this is too forward, but can I borrow a pair of shorts or something? I don't know which is more forward: borrowing some clothes or just walking out of here naked."

"That's why I came up here, ha ha," Buck calls back. "Sorry, I was—I'm coming down now."

Buck grabs a sleeveless shirt and a pair of shorts, and a pair of pants in case Tommy runs cold, he doesn't know, then starts down the staircase. He's almost to the bottom when Tommy comes out, a towel wrapped around his hips and barely hanging on. "Holy shit," Buck says, then slips on the last two steps of his staircase and bounces down to the bottom.

"Jesus, are you—"

"Your towel," Buck stammers as it slips even lower.

Tommy gives him a look so wry and slick it makes Buck sweat even more. "Did you hit your head? How many towels do you see in front of you?"

Buck pouts at him from the bottom step. "You're making fun of me."

Tommy looks relieved for a beat before he switches easily into the coolest, hottest guy Buck has ever had in his apartment (sorry Bobby, wait who said that). "A little bit," Tommy admits. "Are you okay?"

He holds out a hand and helps Buck back onto his feet. Buck's not used to someone helping him up actually having the strength to help him up, so he lands a little clumsily on his feet and a little too close to Tommy. "Wow," Buck says. "How much do you bench?"

"Around 250. Is that a no to the concussion?"

"What? Yeah, I didn't hit my head or anything."

"Okay. Good." Their eyes are locked on each other until Tommy looks down and then at Buck again. "Are those for me?"

"Clothes, yeah, uh, I. Hope they fit?"

"Don't laugh if I look a little funny," Tommy says as he heads back into the bathroom. He stops so he can thoroughly look Buck up and down. "You're a lot of leg."

"Yep," Buck says. "I've got 'em."

Tommy shakes his head and laughs as he goes back into the bathroom. Buck takes several deep breaths, then says, "I'm gonna be upstairs, if you wanna come up. I've got water and, uh, I brought your phone up here. And I've got—"

Tommy's already out of the bathroom in Buck's clothes, his oversized shirt and his shorts that look a little long on Tommy. "Do I look okay?" He's fucking around with Buck so much and Buck can't fight back or do anything about it, he's so gone.

"Not bad," Buck says. "You wanna come up and see the rest of the wardrobe?"

"Very smooth, 10/10. Be careful on these steps. You really need runners or something on them. How long have you been here?"

"Uh, long enough that I definitely should have put runners down earlier," Buck admits. "One of those things you forget about until you fall on your ass in front of—"

They're upstairs, at Buck's bed, and. Yep. This is his bed.

"In front of your super hot wedding date who just… really wants to sleep for a while?" Tommy lets out a huge yawn, all of him stretching and flexing in the most distracting way. "Sorry I'm not a lot of fun right now. Firefighting, it'll do it."

"No, let's." Buck pulls the covers back and climbs in, changed into his own clean outfit, too. "It's been like, 36 hours straight of adrenaline looking for Chimney, our parents being here, trying to keep Jee-yun calm, encephalitis? I'm—I'm ready to crash, too."

Tommy doesn't kneel on the bed until Buck smiles at him and pats the mattress. "Did you really need an invitation?"

"No, no, of course not."

"Do I need to say or do something else that's dumb so you're comfortable in here?"

Tommy laughs, surprised. "No, it's just." He climbs in, then, and lies on his side. Buck does, too, then takes some comforter and throws it over him. Tommy should enjoy this; Buck hogs the covers so it's probably the last time he'll let him have any. "You'd never been on a date with a guy before. Does that mean you'd never been… with a guy before?"

Buck hopes it's not too obvious when he swallows the giant lump in his throat. "Not my first cuddle with a guy, if that's what you're asking."

Tommy laughs so brightly at that, the crinkles at the edges of his eyes taking Buck out. "That's exactly what I was asking because every other part of me? Way too tired."

"So cuddle me," Buck says, feeling so brave and terrified because what if he cuddles wrong? What if he cuddles like a straight guy? Oh, he probably does. Tommy reaches out a hand and rests it on Buck's waist, which is enough for Buck to edge closer and blurt out, "I'm sorry if I cuddle like a straight guy."

Tommy looks surprised. "Is that a thing? I wouldn't know."

"Really? I know you weren't out while you were at the 118 but like, didn't you have friends—"

"No, my model came fueled with repression, not an ounce of heterosexuality in the tank." Tommy half-smiles at his joke, then moves his hand from Buck's waist to his arm. "This okay?"

"So okay," Buck says, edging closer. "I don't know what cuddling like a straight guy is, either, but I don't know if it's different with—with other guys."

"Well," Tommy says. "Turns out you're not so straight anymore. So maybe it's whatever you want it to be."

Buck nods. "What do you want it to be?"

"Hmm, right now?"

He carefully, so carefully, wraps an arm around Buck's chest and rests his head on Buck's shoulder. Buck lets him lie there for a beat, then turns a little, too, trying to fit his body to Tommy's. It's—it's not that it's different from women, but. But Tommy's different.

As Buck shifts, he sees that Tommy has his eyes closed, but he's grinning so wide. "I'm not gonna bite. Maybe later, if that's your thing."

Buck laughs and feels a little better settling against Tommy. He's so solid and so—wow, he really could bench Buck without breaking a sweat. He really could hold him like this in bed, smelling like Buck's hair product and body wash and detergent.

He reaches tentatively and finds Tommy's hand, links them together under the sheets. Tommy grins again and his eyelashes flutter, a little slow like he's falling asleep already. "God, you're cute."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Tommy says. "And not straight, unless you want to be."

"Um. Nah. I'm good."

He's cute, Buck thinks. He is cute. He's been called cute before, but—this—he's cute. A guy thinks he's cute.

"You keep smiling like that, it's never gonna be dark enough to sleep."

"Oh, shit, I can get the blackout curtains if—"

Suddenly Tommy kisses him, more like the kitchen than the ER, now that Buck has all of two kisses with a man (this man) to compare. He's on his back and then Tommy's pressed against his side, an arm around his waist and a leg slung over one of his own. "Just push me away if this is—you know, if it's too much," Tommy says.

"It won't be," Buck says, his voice thick. He finds a place for his hand, his arm, his leg, his head practically off his pillow and on Tommy's. "This is good."

Tommy's already drifting off; Buck doesn't mind saying it again, here between them, under his breath to himself: "This is good."

[8gyus]

ln vol 5

"three hundred silver would be cheap at the price of this girl"

can i just talk about this specific arc in volume 5 of the apothecary diaries T—T

so this is the part where they’re investigating the village of the quack doctor and i just want to HIGHLIGHT how insane it is how quickly jinshi picks up on whatever maomao is thinking.

to be loved is to be known.

he doesn’t need the full explanation. he doesn’t ask questions. he sees her in action, understands the direction she’s taking, and silently backs her up.

i fully believe jinshi is constantly amazed by maomao’s mind. he’s in AWE of her. her intelligence? her skills? her way of thinking? he watches her work and his eyes practically sparkle. he is the poster boy of “supportive malewife who lets the girlboss thrive.” and the best part?? he’s never once felt threatened by it.

never once has he been insecure about how smart she is. never once did he try to downplay her. never once been dismissive. never once been competitive. in fact, he actually tries to learn from her. remember when maomao was kidnapped and jinshi tried to think like her, to figure out where she might be and how she’d act? THAT’S HIM APPLYING WHAT HE’S LEARNED. that’s him treating her intelligence as something worth listening to, learning from, protecting. this man said “wow she’s incredible, i’m gonna start doing that too.” 😭

also can we talk about how at this point, jinshi is literally jus there to make sure maomao can do whatever she wants 😭😭 he is using his position to create space for maomao to move freely. ane he does it silently, without demanding recognition or credit. like. she has the freedom to act, investigate, speak out—because jinshi has the status and he uses that power so SHE can keep doing what she loves.

he’s not the type to put her in a cage and call it love—he’s the type to open the door wider.

maomao’s a low-born woman in a rigid society, and yet she’s moving through rooms she shouldn’t be allowed in, questioning people way above her rank, throwing herself into danger—and she gets away with it. because jinshi is behind her.

and the beauty of it is he never rubs that in her face. he never says “you can only do this because of me.”

NO. he simply uses his status to create space for her—a safe space where she can be brilliant, reckless, clever, infuriatingly blunt, and still be protected.

we love a supportive malewife who’s just out here empowering his genius goblin girlfriend 😭

he’s not just in love—he respects her.

SEE WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT 😭😭 he just lets her do stuff.

LET PEOPLE ENJOY THEIR INTERESTS!!!!!!! even if it’s borderline unhinged, even if it involves starting a drinking bet with 5 men and other maomao-coded behavior.

jinshi has so much faith in her. he doesn’t hover. he doesn’t interrupt. he just trusts that she knows what she’s doing—even when literally no one else does.

and GOD. may this love find me.

the kind of love that doesn’t try to change you or dim you down.

just watches you go feral in your weird little field of expertise and thinks, “yeah. that’s them. that’s the person I trust.”

jinshi NEVER holds her back. (okay, MAYBE sometimes he takes away her mushrooms and poison samples but THATS BECAUSE SHES INSANE. that’s not control, that’s just him trying to keep her from dying LMAO 😭)

but even then, he never tells her to stop being herself. he just wants her alive long enough to keep being brilliant. like… imagine someone believing in you that much. not just tolerating your interests. not romanticizing them either. but respecting them, supporting them, helping make sure you get the space to keep doing what you love.

and now as the scene progresses, all that “trust her” energy?? YEAH. it’s still there. but he’s also 1000% ready to step in the moment she crosses the line.

because like… let’s be real. maomao?? out of her mind sometimes LMAO 😭 she’ll do unhinged things without flinching. she’ll walk headfirst into danger with zero self-preservation and just go “yeah it’s fine <3” GIRL. STOP.

and jinshi??? he knows this. he respects her intellect, he trusts her judgment— but he also knows she needs someone to pull her back when she goes too far.

so the moment it gets tense? the moment the landlord starts getting pissed?

he stands.

his chair SCRAPES BACK.

everyone else is still sitting there stunned, but jinshi’s already up—because if anything happens to her, he’s already decided he won’t just watch.

this is what I love about them so much.

they balance each other perfectly. she pulls him out of his perfect palace persona. he pulls her back from the edge of self-destruction she’s the chaotic gremlin genius with zero self-preservation. he’s the calm, composed, high-ranking disaster with a soft spot the size of the moon, and together they function like one complete human being 😭😭😭

they are the definition of equal and opposite.

not trying to change each other—just naturally falling into place like two puzzle pieces.

they just fit.

he is her stability. she is his clarity. and neither of them asks the other to change.

okay but can we TALK about how maomao literally just accepts pain?? like. “yeah i’m probably gonna get punched but whatever, i need that info.” GIRL. what do you MEAN "its fine" 😭😭 this woman treats her own life like a tool. like a thing she can offer up to science or logic or knowledge or whatever cause she’s chasing at the moment. she was READY to get beat up if it meant getting closer to an answer. and this isn’t even the first time!!!

this girl has literally:

tested poisons on herself

walked around with reopened stitches like it’s no big deal

been punched in the face and brushed it off

was ABOUT TO CUT OFF HER PINKY

AND SHE THOUGHT THAT WAS FINE. she didn’t flinch. no hesitation. because that’s how little she thinks her body matters. to her, pain is just another step in the process. if she has to bleed for the answer, then so be it.

but Jinshi? Jinshi sees that. and it kills him.

he's the only one who stops her. he’s the one who sees her sacrificing herself over and over and goes “no. not like this.” the way he literally won’t let her hurt herself, even when she’s convinced it’s necessary.

like that one last scene in season 2— she’s about to CUT OFF HER OWN PINKY to test a medicine (she hasn’t seen jinshi in a while, she’s not in the rear palace anymore, she’s fully gone goblin mode with no one to stop her)

and then??? jinshi walks in. and she STOPS.

she doesn’t even argue. she just stops. because he’s there again. and he’s always been the one to keep her grounded.

girlie’s ready to bleed for her answers and this man is out here being like “no you are NOT cutting off your damn pinky, are you INSANE—”

jinshi is the reason maomao doesn’t self-destruct completely.

he takes care of her like she’s breakable—not because he thinks she’s weak, but because he loves her that much.

he treats her like she’s fragile. like she’s precious. like she’s someone who deserves to be protected—even from herself.

he’s the only one who reminds her she’s not disposable. he’s the one keeping her grounded. keeping her alive. she pushes herself too far and he pulls her back every. single. time.

they balance each other in the most painfully beautiful way.

maomao brings out his true self—the silly, unfiltered, messy version of him that no one else gets to see. and jinshi brings out the part of maomao that still wants to be human. to be cared for. to be held.

when he’s stuck being the perfect, composed, unreachable official, she’s the only one who treats him like a human being.

she calls him out. makes him sulk. brings out his bratty, petty, real self.

she gives him space to breathe.

they balance each other in every way.

they are each other's anchors and i am LOSING IT

"three hundred silver would be cheap at the price of this girl" that’s it. that’s the whole thesis. that’s the line.

you can write entire essays about their dynamic but THIS. RIGHT. HERE. is the mic drop.

maomao, who would willingly slice her own finger off in the name of science, who shrugs off bruises and reopened stitches like they’re part of the process, who thinks her value is in what she can do, not who she is.

and then there’s jinshi, saying with his whole chest that even 300 silver would be a bargain. even that wouldn't be enough. like he’s not just protecting her anymore, he’s putting worth on her in front of a whole room of people. redefining her value out loud.

and the way he says it so casually, brushing away the hand of the man holding her, like “don’t touch her. she’s not for you. she’s not for harm.”

that level of possessive protection??? ARE YOU KIDDING???

she risks herself like she doesn’t matter.

he guards her like she’s everything.

HE VALUES HER MORE THAN SHE VALUES HERSELF.

[mili12maisol]

P.S. Русская версия в самом низу. Transferred via DeepL

*looking at my last post * oh. I did a lot. I'll try to tell it short. Let's go.

Tweaking the water for above-ground

I lost a bit of Swerve's animations, but he now floats on the water to the shore (there's a bug though, yes). And also the enemy can swim behind Swerve in the water if chasing him. Also added a small detail that if Swerve was holding Blurr when he fell into the water, he throws Blurr into the water.

Enemies

Added enemy animations. Also added a spike enemy. Started to wonder if I needed an under- and overwater enemy at once. Maybe I'll make the water snake a just water-enemy. Mmmm, I'll think about it some more.

HP system

Blurr and Swerve are now able to take damage from enemies (no damage taking animation yet). They are also able to restore HP via a health kit. If Swerve approaches alone, he only restores to himself. If he is with Blurr, he restores Blurr if he has less HP

Game Over and Main Menu

I added a main menu to the game (simple. Just "Start Game" and "Quit"). I didn't come up with a name for the game. I'm having trouble with that. I also added a simple game over. Probably I'll change it, but for now.

Small bonus. Disappearing Walls

Sometimes there will be buildings that you can enter. And then they'll have a wall disappear so we can see what's inside them. If you switch to another character who is not in the building, the wall will appear. And likewise, if another player was in a different building, the wall will appear in the previous building and will disappear in the new one.

Okay, I tried not to talk too much so it wouldn't get bored. But I have a couple of funny moments below. You don't have to read them. They're just little things that aren't already in the game or will be in the future.

I'll start with the funny things that came before.

The first version of the enemy for ground and water. It was some kind of wild mermaid with a jaw halfway up his head. But I couldn't animate and draw him normally.

2. Blurr used to have two collision. A collision is an area that makes the object and player a physical object rather than a body-less picture. My brain thought that if I made the collision invisible, it would go away. Apparently it doesn't.

There are still a couple of quirks that still work, but I'll fix them:

Blurr can get out of the water and fly into the sky. This is because he can go through collision. I'll fix this, um, later.

When you change a character, the past character freezes. That is, Swerve can freeze in mid-air.

I tried a very long to got a full health kit. And when I got it, my Swerve got stuck in the water and I didn't have time to save him XD

And future plans:

Add save mechanics.

Add a mini game, along the lines of Among Us (that's the first game that came to my mind), while interacting with the generator.

Add the ability to open and close doors (for Swerve)

Make Blurr useful. I think he should be given the ability to move objects underwater. This sounds ridiculous, because Blurr is fast and I'll force him to carry heavy weight

Also I want to practice with procedural generation for another game for the same AU

Aaaaaaaaaand… that's the end of it. I'll see you in… after a while. Idn

*смотрит свой прошлый пост* ох. Я чёт многовато сделала. Постараюсь кратко рассказать. Начинаем.

Доработка воды для наземных

Я немного потеряла анимации Сверва, но он теперь плывёт по воде до берега (правда есть баг, да). А так же враг может плыть за Свервом по воде, если преследует его. Так же добавила маленькую деталь, что если Сверв держал Блёрра, когда упал в воду, то он бросает Блёрра в воду.

Враги

Добавила врагу анимации. Так же добавила врага шипа. Начала сомневаться, а нужен ли был враг сразу подводный и надводный? Возможно, я сделаю водную змею чисто водным врагом. Мммм, я ещё подумаю.

Система HP

Теперь Блёрр и Сверв способны получать урон от врагов (анимации получения урона пока нет). Так же они способны восстановить HP через аптечку. Если Сверв подходит один, то он восстанавливает только себе. Если он с Блёрр, то восстанавливает Блёрру, если у того меньше HP

Экран смерти и Главное меню

Я добавила главное меню в игру (простое. Чисто "Начать игру" и "Выйти"). Я не придумала название игры. У меня с этим проблемы. Так же появился простенький экран смерти. Скорее всего я его изменю, но пока так.

Маленький бонус. Исчезающие стены

Иногда будут попадаться здания, в которые можно будет войти. И тогда у них пропадёт стена, чтобы мы могли видеть, что внутри них. Если переключиться на другого персонажа, который не в здании, то стена снова появится. И так же, если другой игрок был в другом здании, то в прошлом здании появится стена, а в новом пропадёт.

Окей, я старалась не болтать слишком много, чтобы не было скучно. Но у меня есть пара забавных моментов ниже. Вы не обязаны их читать. Это просто мелочи, которые уже не входят в игру или войдут в будущем.

Начну с забавных вещей, которые были раньше. 1. Первые варианты врага для земли и воды. Это был какой-то дикий русал с челюстью на половину головы. Но я не смогла его нормально анимировать и нарисовать.

2. У Блёрра раньше было две коллизии. Коллизия это область, благодаря которой объект и игрок не прозрачная картинка, а физический объект. Мой мозг думал, что если я сделаю коллизию невидимой, то она пропадёт. Очевидно, что нет.

Ещё есть пара приколов, которые до сих пор работают, но я их исправлю: 1. Блёрр может выбраться из воды и полететь в небо. Это из-за того, что он может проходить сквозь коллизию. Я исправлю это, эм, позже. 2. Когда меняешь персонажа, то прошлый персонаж замирает. То есть, Сверв может застыть в воздухе. 3. Я очень долго пыталась получить полную аптечку. А когда получила, то у меня Сверв застрял в воде и я не успела его спасти XD

И планы на будущее: 1. Добавить механику сохранений. 2. Добавить мини игру, по типу из Among Us (это первое, что пришло ко мне в голову), во время взаимодействия с генератором. 3. Добавить возможность открывать и закрывать двери (за Сверва) 4. Сделать Блёрра полезным. Думаю ему дать возможность перемещать объекты под водой. Это звучит смешно, так как Блёрр быстрый, а я его заставлю носить тяжесть

Так же хочу потренироваться с процедурной генерации для другой игры для этого же АУ

Ииииииииииииииии... на этом всё! Увидимся через... какое-то время. Я хз

[etirabys]

Being a parent (who is having a great time with it) has made me more interested in "parental horror" as a literary genre.

I'm trying to write a weird mythopoeic short story with lot of this – I'm stuck on writing it so why don't I just tell you how the whole thing goes.

A minor character is the only adult survivor of a weird advanced civilization and had to raise ~10000 children in a time loop. They had to batch the kids in groups of ten and do that a thousand times. At the end of this, they are borderline insane. They live at the periphery of the civilization that arose from those 10000 people. They're called the Greatmother and they live at the source of a river of milk.

Every first gen kid raised by the Greatmother experiences their childhood as abusive and neglectful, but they wouldn't describe it in those terms because there's no other baseline. This sets the tone for their whole culture in ensuing generations.

The protagonist is a young woman whose family was cursed with infertility by a clan they're feuding with. (All the characters can be rounded off as Greek demigods, by the way.) She wants a baby.

The only authority powerful enough to override the curse is the Greatmother. The protagonist goes up the river of milk to find them – possibly meeting a series of increasingly powerful and dangerous mothers, each of whom says "I can't do it, but maybe my mother can, go upriver".

The Greatmother overrides the infertility curse, but one of the princes of the rival family catches wind of it and is like, you are NOT having a baby that you're happy with on our watch. I'm going to reincarnate myself as the baby and make you miserable.

The name of my text file is EVIL BABY.

Babies vary on a number of axes. The prince hits the worst-for-the-parent extreme on every single one of them. He won't sleep. He screams and will not be consoled. Or he pretends her latest attempt to make him stop crying worked, watches for when she thinks she's got it, and then starts up again. He bites during feeding, gets genuinely hungry, which makes him genuinely cranky, which makes being an evil baby even easier.

He's having a lot of fun with this.

After some time he's pretty sure he's got it. The woman is exhausted and depressed. Her family wants to boot the baby into the wilderness to be eaten by wolves. He's going to be abandoned now, he can change shape and go home to his old life.

She does not abandon him! She goes, this is insane, but I'm locked in now. This is my kid. If my family won't have us anymore, I'm going to leave home and make it work somehow.

The guy's like, oh shit. What's this feeling? Do I feel… bad? She has been awfully nice to me. It's kind of nice being sung to. Sometimes after a long hard day of being difficult, I do like to snuggle. I think... that this person... is my mom?? But not in the way my normal mom (who wasn't around much) is my mom? idk, all of this is weird.

But it's going to be Not Right to just swap myself out with a random baby. She likes this baby, the baby that I am. (Which is nuts.)

Also, being her baby is nicer than being home with my original family in a way I wasn't capable of imagining before… so… I'll wipe my memory and be a baby for real.

With the implication that the change he works on himself is not permanent – upon adulthood he'll regain his memories and titles. In this world, there is no permanent escape from himself or his clan.

After fifteen years or so, his family notices he's been gone for a while, but it's too late! He created an interfamilial bond deeper than adoption, maybe deeper than marriage. She gave birth to him! The feud ends. The more major gods preside over the reconciliation ritual.

Most people from the two families are confused and annoyed. They were sorta ready to catch Romeo and Juliet shenanigans but they weren't genre-savvy enough to nip whatever the fuck this was in the bud.

And uh, (embarrassed voice) love wins. Thanks for coming to my Pixar movie.

[vaneezasangels]

master the subjects you hate: a how-to guide (from someone who has done it) ˖ ࣪ ·͜·♡ 𝜗𝜚˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡ 📔🎀

have you ever had that one subject which has always been your problem subject? where every time you study it or sit in class and see others succeeding effortlessly, all you find yourself wishing is that you could just master it and move on with your life?

well, this was me my entire life, up until a few years ago. the dreaded subject? mathematics. but instead of suffering endlessly under the torture of its reign over me - I decided to take a different approach. what if i could master it? no longer have it haunt my shoulder in life?

well, that's exactly what i did.

and now? i'm a biomedical engineering major.

okay, okay. am i saying you will now become a famous philosopher, writer, mathematician, historian, artist, etc. by following these tips? of course not. it can happen though. or at minimum, that subject won't be an enormous pain in your side anymore. which is very much worth it, in my opinion <3

♡ step 1: get clear about your goals.

first, you need to outline how you envision yourself. back when I was in grade 10, there was a moment when I realized just how annoyed I was with not understanding math. i took out my journal and started writing out my goals for the subject. what did I want? i wanted to be able to solve problems effortlessly and get my homework done. i wanted to truly understand the subject - not just enough to finish the homework but enough that I could write any test and ace it.

back when i changed my study game, it was all during covid, when we all went online during school. i was in grade 9, and with those last few months of school online and with the summer, I decided to change my life.

if anyone remembers 2020/2021, im sure you remember the craze over bullet journalling. that's what I used for all this. i used it to plan out my days, which let to me planning out different things I visualized myself as I changed my life, and that included mastering my subjects and becoming that studious it girl.

write out these goals. figure out exactly what you want. make a vision board, use Pinterest, use your notes app. figure out who you want to be.

♡ step 2: romanticize (but not in the way you think).

if you've made it this far, you may be like "this is such generic advice for general goal planning. what is so revolutionary about journalling ?" stick with me. trust. this is the step that revolutionized my study game. it made me go from someone considered a pretty good student to someone that teachers would talk about, someone who was not just pretty good but excellent.

so what did i do? its not "romanticize" the way everyone uses the word these days, exactly. and its not really a very pretty or aesthetic method. but it works.

see everything with a different lens.

take math, for example. the way i always viewed the subject was basically just something I would probably never understand, something I just wasn't gifted in. i was always a really good writer, remember? i was going to do a bachelor of arts in psychology and go to med school and be a doctor. so math? wasn't my thing. i never understood it the way my friends seemed to so effortlessly do. but that still bothered me greatly.

and it had to change.

instead of viewing it as this enigma, I took a more pragmatic approach. what if I simply broke every single concept down to its most simple parts? and what if... i changed the narrative? instead of it being hard, difficult, not naturally gifted at, impossible... what if I just pretended I loved everything?

i call this "romanticizing", or more accurately probably, gaslighting. i kept telling myself over and over and over again that I loved this subject. specifically, I repeated these a million times and deliberately in my head:

✧ i love math so much!!!!

✧ math has and always comes so naturally to me

✧ math is my favourite subject

✧ math is actually really easy, all I have to do is break down the topics

✧ i can understand every single thing I learn

✧ i am a math prodigy

years later, manifestation and the law of affirmation really started gaining traction in social media. but its funny, I accidentally invented this strategy for myself when I was 15. I didn't even know what manifestation was; I just decided that I wanted to no longer struggle. and look, here's an important fact to remember: I did not do all of this so I could become an engineer. i literally wanted to be a doctor, and becoming an engineer was a funny side-effect of becoming so good at math and wanting to pursue it more than other subjects. with this method, which I still use, I actually, genuinely fell in love. It taught me where my true interests lie.

some other essential things i did?

✧ inspire myself with history and context. i always loved history and research. if I wanted to inspire myself into a topic, I researched the history behind the mathematical subject. for example, for trig, I researched where the original trig functions, cosine, sine and tangent came from, learning the history behind mathematics and Egypt. and let me tell you, I never forgot my trig functions after that.

✧ ask the teacher for help every single time I had even the smallest, most insignificant question. and if still no good answer i google, and then, only then, do i ask my friends for help. teachers are literally paid to help you. so many students forget this and get intimidated. don't let this be you. what sets top and stellar students apart is doing uncomfortable things. i literally don't care if you sit with the teacher the entire class, lunch, after school etc to understand that topic. you do what needs to be done.

✧ master every single small detail. i started realizing that all the small details of misunderstanding were what were hindering my understanding. you know when you do a problem and there's this baby question you have that stops your understanding at like 85% instead of 100%, and you're too lazy to ask the teacher or a friend or you just don't get a good answer and drop it? don't do this. i became obsessive about ensuring I understood a concept literally 110% before moving on. the history research helped so much with this. i remember even for chemistry, I would read university-level pages on topics so by the time the test came, I would be such a master at the topic I felt like I could teach the teacher, or write and mark the test. true understanding and passion made me not just a master of a topic but genuinely intelligent and able to come up with my own interpretations, opinions and shortcuts in my subjects. you would think opinions and interpretations are only in the arts. you would be mistaken.

now this point all might be a little controversial since it may seem a little obsessive and time-consuming, but anything worth it takes resources. and I never said it was a pretty method. but it does work.

✧ stopped viewing teachers in a negative light. you know how when you have a teacher and everyone says, "this is the worst teacher ever, you will hate them" or "I feel so bad for you, no one has ever passed in their class"? danger, danger, danger. never let others form opinions for you. i started ignoring absolutely every single thing a person said about a teacher. i started gaslighting myself into beliveivg every single teacher was amazing and would help me and I have no issues with them whatsoever. now of course this doesn't count if there is a serious issue with a teacher where they are doing things that need to be reported. I'm talking about when everyone hates a teacher for being a hard marker or a bad explainer. don't view your teachers in that way. and it won't make you a teacher's pet, trust me. after I did this, teacher's were so warm towards me and I really became memorable to them, especially since I would ask so many questions (helpful for letters of reccomendation). i remember there was this one teacher we had where literally no one, in all his years of teaching, would ever get more than a 60% on a paper. everyone hated this man. but I focused on what he wanted from us: and delivered. which no one ever did. i realized he was pushing us to write the best papers we ever could. and I got 100s in his class. people literally had no idea how I did it. i simply smiled. and my writing skills after being taught by him and listening? insane.

♡ step 3: watch your life change.

okay, here's the part where things really come together. once you start with one subject, watch the effect spread to your other ones. once i mastered math, you better believe i did the same thing with physics. this subject especially i ignored everyone's perceptions and focused on myself and my own learning. i didn't care what other's thought at all. this expanded to chemistry, and biology.

what was interesting what its effect on english and history. i mentioned that i was already a pretty decent writer and was doing well in these subjects. but all of this? i subconsciously started applying these principals to these subjects, too. it made me a phenomenal writer. and i started reading more, more advanced books, asking more questions, thinking more deeply, writing more complexly, all applying these principals.

♡ conclusions.

once you become passionate about something, replace negative thoughts/phrases with positive ones, watch your life change. that passion? it will show you what you are actually, truly interested in. i was always an ambitious child, i always wanted to be a doctor. not because my parents wanted me to but because i had an interest in medicine, though i was always on the fence about dealing with patients everyday since its not really my thing exactly. but once i started realizing i am the master of my fate, and i can master anything i want, i realized that i was very interested, talented and passionate about the intersection of technology and medicine. i went from ambitious.... to driven, sharp, laser-focused, a force to be reckoned with.

i could talk endlessly about this. its something i am very proud of and has genuinely, sincerely changed my life.

if you have any questions, let me know below. and if you want to learn more about biomedical engineering, let me know and i will consider making a separate post about it ! thanks for reading <3

[boybandbaby]

Want Me Back

ex-husband/dad!Eddie Munson x ex-wife/mom!reader

I was inspired by this post and this song and wrote a little something but it turned pretty angsty lmao

word count: 1907

warnings/tags: divorce, mentions of fighting, mentions of therapy/counseling, mentions of prior suggestive/sexual events, mention of bodily fluid from sexual event, kids

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

“Hey?” Eddie answers his phone, hands dripping with dish water as he cleans the pot he used to make Mac n cheese.

“Hey, Eddie.” You chirp back in a mousy tone.

Eddie hears the nerves in your voice immediately. After years of being together he believes he’s gotten pretty good at knowing when you’re anything but happy. Or so he thought. Thought you were happy until you suggested couples counseling. And when that didn’t seem to work (possibly making things worse), you’d provided the divorce papers.

Now, the only time you guys talk is when it has to do with the kids.

Three beautiful kids who are currently eating Eddie’s crap dinner of boxed Mac n cheese and oven cooked bagel bites and chicken nuggets. You sharp witted, sassy 15 year old girl, Stevie (inspired by Wonder, Nicks, and Harrington), a shy twelve year old boy, Lennox (Lenny for short), and an adventurous 6 year old girl, Jett, who changes her own name every other week depending on the show she’s watching. He’s talked to you a bit more recently in planning a small birthday party for Stevie’s 16th. It’s not only made things much easier for him because he knows absolutely nothing about a sweet 16 but it’s also made him miss you even more.

Eddie had missed you always though. The separation came almost 2 years ago. It started with living in separate rooms, avoiding each other aside from dinnertime. It wasn’t until your two eldest kids had cornered the two of you about the tension that you had to tell them the news.

It only got harder once Eddie had moved out, found a small two bedroom apartment. You’d been amicable enough to avoid any custody battles, letting the kids decide their own visitation and living schedules.

When the divorced finalized just earlier this year, Eddie hadn’t had time to wallow. Being a dad and living in a small two bedroom apartment wouldn’t allow for that, so he carried on as usual (as usual as he could do considering he not only lost his wife but lost his best friend.)

You were no better despite being the one to initiate the divorce. You’d asked Eddie for years to communicate better, spend more time with you, and ultimately you had enough of waiting. Of hoping he’d get it together and be a better husband. Even when he was a shit husband, he’d never been a shit dad.

He’d always made them his number one priority but somehow let his wife slip down his list, after his work and even after his friends and band sometimes. He shouldn’t have been shocked when it came but he never thought he’d have to bare losing you.

Selfishly enough, he loved that having kids meant he’d always be in your life, even if it wasn’t a choice. He missed you everyday and had hoped you’d get back together someday.

He didn’t know much about your life anymore, the kids knowing it hurt too much to talk about things that happened with mom and at mom’s house (and vice versa.)

Plus, he’d heard from Robin that you’d been asked on a date while you two were out shopping. Whether you accepted and went on the date, he never knew. He didn’t dare bring it up either, it wasn’t his place anymore.

He could disguise it as a want to know who would be around his kids but he knew you wouldn’t appreciate his interrogation and he knew he shouldn’t use his kids in his schemes to find out information about you.

“Hello? Eddie?” He startles, jumping and gripping the counter top. “You there?”

“Oh! Yes, yeah sorry.” You can picture him biting his lip, his sheepish smile, cheeks tinted a dark shade of pink. He shakes his head, clears his thoughts.

You sigh, one indicating you’ve slumped into the couch or bed, settling in for the night. “What are you doing?”

HUH!? “What am I doing?” His voices raises higher, brows furrowed. He takes a glance at the kids, both eldest seemingly deep in their phones at the opposite side of the counter. “The kids are finishing up dinner. Wayne brought some meatloaf but they didn’t like it so I-“

“Not the kids, Eddie. You.”

“Me?” He actually physically points to himself, though you can’t see. The kids take a glance at each other, little smirks (almost identical to Eddie).

“Yes, you.” You chuckle, “what are you up to?” He can hear you fluffing your pillow, probably turning it over to get the cold side.

“Oh… well waiting for the kids to finish dinner so I can clean up. Then we’re going to watch a movie.”

“Yeah? Did you like the meatloaf or did Wayne fuck it up by putting too much ketchup?”

“You know me, I always love Wayne’s cooking, too much ketchup or not.” His fingers tight against the edges of the counter, pale white splotches on his knuckles instead of his silver rings. “Is everything okay? I’m surprised you’re calling.”

“Yeah, I just wanted to say good night.”

“Right… let me get Jett. She’s in the room playing with some nerd game Dustin got her.” He stands straight, hands releasing the counter, already prepared to head to the room.

“I already said goodnight to the kids. I was just calling to say goodnight to you. That’s all.” He can see you shrugging in his head as you say it.

Eddie spares a glance at the kids who are smiling at him, completely unsurprised by what’s going on. They must be involved in this. He turns around, leaning back against the counter edge.

“You’re calling me to say goodnight? Are you sure everything’s okay?” His voice is softer, less on edge.

“Yes, Eddie!” You groan, laughing. “Can’t I call to say good night?”

“Is that allowed? Like-“

“Allowed? We’re adults, Eddie. This isn’t like the one time uncle Wayne caught us on the couch and made us go no contact for a week.”

Eddie smiles, “he was so pissed, made me use my savings to buy a new couch. When I think about it now, we really shouldn’t have,”He lowers his voice. “Have done that where my uncle sleeps.” Eddie holds the phone to his ear, his other hand scratching at the back of his neck.

“I’m pretty sure Stevie was conceived on that couch.” You tease.

“Actually, I think it was on the new couch. We said we were christening it.” His hand slips down his neck, holding onto a strand and twirling it around his pointer finger.

“I definitely think Wayne knew we did. He started putting a sheet over the couch after that.”

Eddie nearly giggles, reminiscing on the horror of you two trying to scrub out a small patch of bodily fluid and drying the soapy puddle with a fan.

“Wow, dad.” Stevie shakes her head. “You’re acting like a teenage girl.” She whispers.

Eddie pulls the phone from his ear, covering the speaker. He points at the kids and shoos them out of the kitchen. “You’re both not even eating anymore. Go brush your teeth and make sure Jett uses the bathroom before bed. Shoo.” He flicks his hand rapidly, ushering them away.

The kids hop off the bar stools, giggling. “Goodnight dad.” Lenny hugs Eddie’s waist before he follows Stevie to the room. “Jesus.” He breathes, chuckling.

“I hope the kids are behaving. Not giving you too much of a hard time.” You bring him back.

“Never. We have some pretty great kids.” He sighs, gently. He presses the phone between his shoulder and ear as he collects the dishes, letting them clang into the sink. He doesn’t even bother washing.

“We do.” You say, quieter now.

Eddie trudges to the couch, kitchen light shut off as he passes. His usual sleeping arrangement when the kids are over is for Stevie to take his room so the two littler ones get the bunk beds in the other room. It’s not ideal but he manages. Eddie sits on the couch, slipping his socks off and placing them on the coffee table. He remembers you scolding him for that, takes them off and puts them on the arm of the couch. He thinks that maybe if he’d just done it instead of complaining that you nag him too much, that maybe you’d still be his. He knows the socks lying around isn’t the only thing or even the main catalyst for the divorce but it might’ve helped him keep you, even for just a bit longer.

“Eddie, you fall asleep on me?”

“No, I’m sorry. Just getting ready for bed.” He lies.

“I should let you get to that. It was nice talking to you, Eddie. Like I said, I was just calling to say goodnight. I didn’t mean to keep you for so long.” You’re rambling, more so to keep him on the line, to keep you from not feeling lonely or even guilty of calling.

“It’s no problem. I’m always here if you need a listening ear or even if you just want to chat.” He reassures. He throws his legs onto the couch, lying back and propping one hand behind his head. “It’s nice to hear your voice.”

“You sure about that? I remember you saying my voice was aggravating.” You hiccup, recalling the very big fight in the last therapy session. Your words have a bite to them, more hurt than any anger.

“Y/n-“

“No Eddie, it’s okay. I’m sorry for calling.”

“Don’t be. Seriously. I miss this.”

“Goodnight, Eddie.” He hears a tinge of oncoming tears from your end, his own eyes watering at the thought.

“Goodnight…” he trails, one of the many cringey, lovey dovey, pet names he used to call you, at the tip of his tongue.

“I love-“ You choke on your words. “Tell the kids I love them.”

“I will.” He says, honestly, earnestly. The line is silent, a quiet low buzz where neither of you hang up just yet.

He can hear you breathing, maybe even sniffling. Before he can say anything else, three beeps ring harshly into his ear. He looks at the screen, call ended and the wallpaper of the home screen reminding him of what he lost. He’s glad all his disorganized apps cover the picture of the two of you, young and first child on the way, grainy and low quality. He locks his phone, setting it onto his chest as he turns to face the window, moonlight cast along his face.

You’re nearly in the same position, staring at the faint stars and streetlights through your sheer curtain.

Maybe on another night, a night where you were feeling more bold, you would have gotten up and went to his apartment. Would have attempted to mend things, try again. But tonight, feeling a bit pathetic for calling, even if your kids encouraged it as a TikTok trend. Feeling vulnerable and lonely and wishing you’d never given up on him, on both of you, you decide it’s better to not push it. You decide that maybe calling him wasn’t the best idea and definitely set you back on your journey to get over him, to move on. But you can’t move on, can’t get over him because he’s not only the father of your kids and will always be in your life. He’s your first and only love, he’s Eddie Munson.

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───

[jeromesankara]

Higgs is an Abuse Victim and I'm Tired

Hi. I think I'm about to make people mad with a hot take.

Spoilers under the cut for Death Stranding 2, as well as discussion of abuse and victims and assault.

Higgs is a male abuse victim. And I think if Higgs was a woman, he'd have been treated much differently.

And I know what you're gonna say. "Isn't this the 'you'd like Amelie if she was a guy' but in reverse?" No, actually! Because I hate the President in DS2 and he is basically having the same purpose as Amelie but that's not what this is about.

Higgs has been abused his entire life. From his Uncle to Amelie to the Beach. We know in his journals he was beaten regularly, there's even evidence of sexual abuse as well, but that part isn't as concrete as the fact that Higgs was raised in a living hell in a shoe box he could not escape from. So what did he yearn for above anything else? Power. Control. He took power back in violence to save himself, and I think that's really all Higgs has done after.

He knows violence keeps himself safe. It keeps himself safe when his DOOMS weakens and he has to kill to 'recharge' it. People liked him, though. Veteran Porter looked up to him. He started finding purpose. Maybe could have let the violence go if he didn't meet his next abuser, Coffin, who used him in her terrorist activism against Bridges and further poisoned the well.

Higgs was abused and he was left to rot in his abuse his entire life. He was a male abuse victim who was not expected to be savable. Fragile, meanwhile, was literally healed of the physical scars of Higgs, even. She will never completely recover from what Higgs had done to her, but she has the support to help her become a better person.

"But he abused Fragile!"

Yes! Which brings me to my next point. Fragile is ALSO an abuse victim under Higgs. He took away her youth, basically assaulted her and tortured her, and soiled her company and made everyone think she was a monster. But y'know what? Fragile was allowed help. Higgs, though, only spiraled deeper and deeper.

Higgs is still an abuse victim. And even in the shallowest of times where he was allowed to grow past being a victim, it wasn't for long. And it's because he had power to protect himself from being a victim again that he's seen as worse than the devil.

Now, Higgs did awful things in DS2 too. He killed Fragile. He tried to kill a baby. He brought violence into the world. I don't think DS2 Higgs could have been saved. I think he was past saving at that rate, as painful as it is for myself to admit. But he wasn't always past saving.

Higgs just walked on broken legs ever since he could crawl.

Higgs never had the chance to heal. This is even BEFORE the fact that we talk about this man constantly drowning in chiralium that drives people insane. And do you think being stranded on a beach that is so soaked in chiralium it can keep an eternal fire burning... for eternity is a great place for your mental health?

He didn't give weakness because he wasn't expected to. He wasn't allowed to break down when Extinction depends on his work, when God is in his ear telling him that he's finally achieved power to end the suffering he had endured. Higgs was given power he always craved and he was going to use it to stop suffering. Meanwhile Fragile just existed licking her wounds and waiting for someone else to get Higgs on his knees for her.

Fragile had Sam. Had Bridges. Higgs did not. Higgs had abuse. And maybe it's because Higgs is a man that he was expected to carry the pain of a lifetime of being used. Because his abuse also came from women. But I don't think anyone's really willing to talk about that, nor how Higgs has never had a figure he could trust to even begin healing.

And I'm fucking tired of people treating Higgs like he's a demon because DS2 forgot about his entire history and turned him into a one dimensional cackling monster. Higgs was not allowed to change because the story didn't want him to. The story only wanted a villain.

"But what does this do with Higgs being treated differently as a woman?"

Because women in this universe in general are treated differently. I know that's a blatant Kojima thing, but look at all the female characters and tell me that if they did what Higgs did that they wouldn't be forgiven in some way.

Amelie is just as abused in what is expected out of her as Higgs is. But she gets protected because she didn't have a choice. And yet Tomorrow clearly made the choice to not follow the path of Extinction at the end of the game after the fucking baby vore. So apparently. The choice has always been there. Thanks for that, Kojima.

Just look at Amelie.

Amelie. A fucking. Extinction Entity. Is forgiven. She started the Homo Demens. Not Coffin. Everything began with her. She strung Sam and Higgs along in a game to reconnect the UCA so she had a proper foothold to begin extinction. Even more than that, her being an extinction entity is a closely guarded secret throughout the entire world. No one breathes her name. But Higgs? Nah. Fucker tried to blow up the world all on his own. He's a boogeyman.

I could keep going. I want to keep going. But I'm just tired.

Edit: I'm adding one last note about how this game loved to string around the idea of trying to stop cycles of violence by supporting one another. People being brought into the Magellan crew to be supported. Even if Higgs couldn't be saved, it would have been nice for a single person to be like: "...Hold on." And really thought about what causes a person to be too far gone. No one speaks Higgs' name outside of venom.

He's just a Boogeyman. A monster. He is only evil.

[dirtyl0ver]

I love your work so much 💕 if your interested would you share your headcanons on how the creeps would be like pinning after their crush? I’m hoping for EJ, Masky, and Hoodie but feel free doing what you are comfortable with!

I just love your characterization of them and curious in how they would flirt, attract their crushes attention, act around them. Would Masky be even MORE jealous than usual with the fact he doesn’t have a say in who you’d talk to since he’s not in a relationship therefore has less control? How would quiet men like Hoodie and EJ gain their crushes attention, through their skills? Would they attempt in being slightly more talkative towards them or would they clam up even more in nervousness? What little things would the men do differently when pinning after someone?

Thank you! Ughhh this is such a perfect question, I love it. Let's dive right in! 💗

Includes: EJ, Tim/Masky, Brian/Hoodie, Jeff, Ben, Toby

How the Creeps Flirt and Pin After Their Crush

Eyeless Jack

Jack is precise, in how he thinks, how he moves, how he feels. When he develops feelings, it’s not casual or fleeting. He doesn’t pine in a romantic sense, he likes to analyze. Watches the way you walk, the cadence of your voice, the micro expressions on your face. He’ll know when your scent changes around him. When your pulse quickens. When you hesitate before touching him. These are the things he studies, hoping they’ll tell him if you want him back.

He’s not one to flirt or make advances. Jack waits for you to come to him. If you’re patient and consistent he may start to let you into his world. He might invite you to the infirmary under the excuse of needing help, then just… sit there, quietly asking you to pass him tools while you watch him work. He likes your presence. Your scent. Likes when you're still next to him. He may ask you to read to him, or tell him stories while he works. Not necessarily because he’s interested, but because he finds your voice calming.

Jack doesn’t trust easily. He doesn’t move quickly. You won’t get grand romantic gestures from him, but if you notice how close he sits to you now compared to before, how long his gloved fingers linger when passing something, how he doesn’t flinch when you touch his arm, that is his form of affection, his version of pinning. And once he decides you’re safe to want? He won’t rush. He’ll let it build slowly and patiently, because you’re worth doing it right.

Tim/Masky

Tim carries himself like he’s the full package, and honestly? He kind of is. He’s confident, capable, rugged in a way that doesn’t feel forced. He knows how to turn on the charm when he wants to, flashing that sharp smile of his and saying the right thing in the right tone to make your stomach flip. He’s the type to flex just a little - lifting something heavy with ease, fixing something for you without being asked, lighting your cigarette with a smirk. He thrives on being seen as strong, dependable, the kind of man who handles things.

He’s a gentleman when he’s pinning - pays for your dinner, holds doors open, offers you his jacket when it’s cold. He wants to impress you, not just with looks or words but with action. That’s how he earns affection. That’s how he expects to be loved in return.

That said… Tim is jealous. The moment he realizes he’s into you, he wants a level of loyalty that most people don’t ask for during the talking stage. He’ll be pretty upfront about his interest, makes it clear he wants to take you out, that he sees you as his girl. And while it might be framed with charm and confidence, there's an underlying possessiveness that’s hard to miss. He won’t hide how much he dislikes seeing you talk to other guys, and he will tell you, either directly or with a cold glance and a sharp shift in tone. He doesn’t do casual. Once he wants you, it’s serious.

Brian/Hoodie

Brian, when crushing, defaults to a more traditional mindset - in another life, he'd be the type to court you - bring flowers to your door, fix your car, and walk you home just to make sure you’re safe. But the life he lives now doesn’t really allow for soft courtship, and that conflict weighs on him. He wants to pursue you with care, but the world he lives in is far from gentle, so instead, he hesitates. Waits. Observes.

When he’s into you, Brian becomes curious. Not just in a romantic way, but curious about you as a person. What you like. What makes you tick. What your routines are. He appreciates when you ask about him, too - when you take an interest in his truck, his guns, the kind of gear he uses. Those small things matter. They tell him you’re paying attention.

He’s not overly talkative, but he’s definitely not shy either. His affection is quiet, confident, very restrained. And when he’s ready to act on it, he doesn’t waste time. There’s no flirtation game, no drawn-out lead-in, he’ll simply ask, “Want to go for a ride with me?” or “You free later?” It might feel abrupt, but it’s honest. Brian doesn’t chase unless he’s sure, but once he is, he’s intentional. Steady. The kind of man who won’t speak often, but when he does, you listen.

Jeff the Killer

Jeff doesn’t pine. The second he decides he wants you, he’ll let you know, bluntly, inappropriately, and probably in public. Expect something like, “You wanna fuck or what?” before you’ve even figured out if you like him yet.

Subtlety? Nope, not in his vocabulary. If he’s trying to impress you, he might pull some ridiculous knife tricks, flash a cocky smile, maybe do something reckless just to get your attention. He feeds off reactions, he wants you flustered, shocked, laughing, annoyed. Anything but indifferent.

He’s not romantic, definitely not sweet. But he is direct. You’ll always know where you stand with Jeff, even if where you stand is against a wall with him licking your neck just to piss someone else off.

BEN Drowned

Ben is a chaotic little shit and knows it. When he’s into someone, there’s no filter. He texts you at 2AM with “u up?” or “netflix and chill?” and means it. He’s quick to suggest hanging out, whether that be playing games, smoking or watching dumb horror movies, and doesn’t really beat around the bush when it comes to what he wants.

He’s touchy, flirty and inappropriate. But he’s not totally heartless, he just doesn’t have much patience for the slow burn. If you’re into him, great. If you’re not, he’ll act like it doesn’t bother him (even if it kinda does).

Ben gets attached fast. You’ll probably notice how often he’s online right when you are, how he always seems to be hovering nearby, how he starts sharing music and inside jokes and memes like you're already his girlfriend. He moves fast, both emotionally and physically, sometimes too recklessly, but there’s sincerity buried under all the dick jokes and weed smoke.

Ticci Toby

Toby is a mess of nerves, desire, and self-doubt when he has a crush. He probably thinks you’re too good for him and spends way too long admiring you from a distance before working up the nerve to do anything about it. He hovers, lingers near wherever you are, listens carefully when you talk, steals glances like he’s trying not to get caught.

He’s not great at flirting - his “moves” might involve handing you a rock he thinks looks cool, or telling you some weird fact he read online that he thought you’d find interesting. His attempts at connection are strange but sweet, a little clumsy, very earnest.

Once he gets more comfortable, he might try to be funny, cracking a joke or teasing you, just to hear you laugh. He touches you more when he’s feeling braver, a hand on your shoulder, a brush of fingers when he walks by. And when he really likes you? Expect some unexpected bluntness. He might suddenly tell you your throat is pretty, or let his hand linger too long on your thigh without quite realizing what he's doing.

Toby doesn’t always know how to act “normal” in romantic situations, but his feelings are genuine. His version of pinning is awkward and intense but ultimately deeply loyal, the kind of attention that feels odd at first but turns into something strangely grounding once you see how real it is.

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi! Are there any more snek Alec hidden in your stash?

hi! i did not so i wrote some! last part here!

it took longer than expected because it took me two hours for my writing program to start working. including several resets and restarts and reinstalling. (and now that i can use my preferred program, it's really hard to use a different one. the 'tism is like 'no program. no write.')

hope you enjoy!

<3 lumine

Alec really can’t compare the few days he’s been with Magnus to anything he’s experienced in the entirety of his life yet.

Magnus seems to understand Alec’s needs and instincts with an intuitiveness and genuine care that Alec’s never been met with before.  He doesn’t mind Alec coiling around him while he sleeps, understands that Alec prefers to soak in the tub as a snake rather than take a shower as human, and seems entirely unbothered by the fact that Alec can eat a grizzly bear shifter without hesitation or it bothering his digestion.

Beyond that, he’s genuinely admiring of how Alec looks at all times.  Compliments and flattering aren’t things Alec ever thought he would be susceptible to, but when Magnus croons to him and calls him beautiful. Or runs frame-wreathed fingers down his scales and remakes on his gorgeous patterning and smooth his scales are. Or when Magnus fingertips press unhesitatingly to Alec’s fangs, uncaring of how sharp they and the venom there.

Alec doesn’t want to go back to the Institute.

There is a part of him that would be content to stay here, with Magnus like this.  Especially because guarding Magnus is both relaxing and intriguing and better yet, Alec rarely has to be in human form.  There have currently been no disadvantages and considering that Magnus has just stepped from the showering to scoop Alec up — from where he’s been submerged in a bath with snake-safe potions — Alec can’t think of there being any issues he would truly care about.

Not when Magnus is drying him off with magic and warm hands and then letting Alec coil around his naked torso until Alec’s head rests on the hollow of Magnus’ neck and Magnus summons a robe to cover himself and Alec.  It’s hardly uncommon is the thing and Magnus doesn’t seem to care that Alec is leeching away all his warmth. Instead he’s continually rewarding Alec with pets full of warm, magical heat and not only that, he’s changed his nail polish to match the shimmering colors of Alec’s scales.

It’s the kind of a claim that Alec is pleased by, but wouldn’t exactly know how to ask for himself.  That Magnus simply did it has him blushing beneath his scales. His cheeks would be completed covered by scales along with the bridge of his nose if he were human. Thankfully it’s much easier to hide away shyness and delight as a snake.

Even if somethings can’t be completely hidden.

—

Having Alexander snug and coiled around him is more comforting than Magnus would care to admit.  There is an intimacy about it that reassures him and soothes him.  Alexander seems to be well… he’s hardly slow on the romancing.  But Magnus is aware that some need things taken in different times and that’s fine with him.

As long as the message is made.

Magnus will not react pleasantly if someone else tries to stake a claim on what is already his.  There isn’t enough information on shadowhunter mating and courting rituals or gestures.  Otherwise Magnus would ensure he completed every single one he could.

Just to make a point.

However from the way Alexander coils about him with ease — yet clearly finding out himself what is and isn’t comfortable and what does or doesn’t work — Magnus doesn’t think his boy does this with just anyone.

Yet Magnus hesitates to ask, because on the rare occasions that Alexander can converse with him, Magnus is focused on other, more important things.

Like ways to get Alexander to stay human for longer.

Alexander has been absolutely no help in the matter.  There isn’t a single thing he can think of that he prefers to do as a human compared to a snake.  Magnus has asked him. Multiple times. Even going so far as to try guessing things that Alexander might not have thought of or tried.

Nothing has worked.

Until this morning when Magnus — fed up with a lack of contact — reached out while they discussed Institute protocol and forcibly tugged Alexander completely into his lap.

He’d been pressing close but Magnus is going to take what he can get, while there’s still time.

“Continue.” Magnus says, as if nothing has changed and then he finally gets one hand under Alexander’s shirt — pressing his palm and fingers against deliciously cool flesh — and curling the other one through thick, soft hair that he’s been wanting to touch for days.

Alexander doesn’t continue.

He seems slightly stunned, but that’s not why he’s quiet. He’s swaying slightly in place, not enough to dislodge Magnus’ touch, but as if he’s both overwhelmed and pleased at the same time.  Magnus continues, scratching his hand over Alexander’s torso and lower belly and then pausing there, letting heat gather in his palm until Alexander gives a very human sigh and slumps against him.

“Saaa nice.”

Magnus is told on a hissing exhale and Alexander’s double eyelids blink at him in contentment. Alexander seems blissed out by the touch and Magnus dares to nuzzle Alexander’s cheek and receives a cheek rubbing against his own casually.

It’s the most contact he’s had with Alexander as a human and it lasts for nearly half an hour before Alexander falls asleep… turning into a snake draped over Magnus when he does.

AN:

magnus: wait all he needs is cuddles? don't mind if i do... why is he a snake? why couldn't he stay human to sleep? WHAT DO I NEED TO UNLOCK TO GET THAT?

alec: wow. this is. amazing. better than heated rocks. or heated blankets. or heating runes. or...

magnus: thank you darling, wonderful compliments. have truly never had such eloquent comparisons before

alec: *happy hissing* (i realize snakes don't hiss when happy but someone with more varied emotions would definitely find a way to hiss happily)

Alec does go back to the Institute. Mirai would drag him back. Izzy would rat him out. There are so many reasons why he has to go back. And he is sad. He would love the Clave to kick him out. then he could be snake with magnus always and sometimes human for cuddles.

Alec is aware that sex exists as a form of procreation and recreation and since he's not interested in either form atm, has not yet realized sex can be a thing he and magnus do for intimacy and cuddles and warmth and etc.

Alec is just: sounds messy

at this point

also unreliable narrators.

alec has no idea that magnus would love for him to be human more. because magnus isn't making it alec's problem or guilt tripping him etc. he's going to bribe alec into being human and get him to want it naturally or he know it won't to anything helpful.

magnus: i'm going to make him want to be human

izzy: ... if you accomplish that you're a god

later izzy: i worship at the altar of magnus

Magnus: no thank you, your brother worships me enough just fine. and i don't think he's the sharing type.

izzy: ... yeah. now that you mention it. i'd rather not get eaten. i humbly excommunicate myself from your worship. good luck with ser noodle.

alec getting tipsy for the first time and just... falling down.

Magnus: ... alexander?

alec: stupid legs. want tail.

Magnus: ... are you too drunk to shift?

Alec wriggling on the ground angrily glaring at magnus who cannot possibly be expected to take any of this seriously: tail. legs wrong. bad. *lots of unintelligible hissing*

Magnus: and we're going to bed. immediately. tucks a very human and very angry about it alexander in bed.

Alec trying to bite his blanket to pull it up and magnus is just watching going: this is what hands are for darling

Alec: *hissing* except it turns into tired grumbling and Magnus just, pulls him close and tucks him against himself and pulls the comforter over them both and Alec is all pleased happy content.

Magnus: i can't believe two glasses of champagne dropped him like a fainting goat

-

later someone compliments alec and alec is just like 'only magnus is allowed to compliment me!'

he's definitely the kind to, when he realizes he likes flattery (from one specific person) hate ever getting it from anyone else. like before he just ignored it. now he actively loathes it.

how dare you.

complimenting me belongs to magnus.

i will eat you.

also magnus doesn't understand alec's instincts 100%, but he does get them to a degree most don't and he also is happy to indulge them. which no one else is willing.

Mirai: Commander it made sense for you to exchange protection for services for this one incident. it does not make sense for you to become his permanent entourage and protection. the clave would riot.

Alec: but

Magnus: i'll just come visit you darling.

Alec who wants to just be able to coil around Magnus and be a snake and doesn't care where it happens or who it happens in front of.

Alec: sure. anytime. all the time. every time. right now?

[pushinpieta]

heyyaaa! ｡𖦹°‧⭑.ᐟ

Was wondering if I could req a angst to fluff fanfic for go hyuntak, if thats ok with you. Ur my fave writer oat and i look forward to see more of your works 🤭

-𐙚˙✧˖°🍮 ༘ ⋆｡ ˚

"I'll be on your side each time" - Gotak x gn! reader angst to fluff

synopsis: Gotak always said his leg injury was just an accident, and you never pushed him on it—until baku let something slip about union guys and a darker story. Things get tense, and you walk away, hurt that he couldn’t trust you. After days of silence, Gotak shows up at your door, ready to finally be honest and fix things, because he realizes losing you hurts more than facing the past.

a/n: thank you sooo much for the request. sorry it took so long! i really hope you like it. warnings: violence, kissing, past trauma, 1.5k words.

In your relationship with Gotak, there was a silent understanding, a promise to never talk about his leg injury. The one that took away his taekwondo career, his lifelong dream since the day he learned how to kick and spin around. You always thought it was something that he didn’t want to discuss because it made him grieve a version of himself he never got to be. However, as time passed, you began to notice that there was something hidden deeper in his memory of getting injured. Something so dark, he couldn’t tell the person closest to him— you. 

Gotak has always told you that it was an accident, stripping away his ability to perform as he once did. He always avoided your eye when speaking of it. You thought, maybe, it was because he felt too vulnerable opening up.

 Everything changed when his best friend, Park Humin, brought it up during a conversation. 

“Y’know, this bastard Gotak never got over his injured legs, right? Dude, give yourself a break. Those union guys—” Humin blabbered on only to get interrupted by Gotak.

“Shut it.” Gotak hissed, smacking Humin on the shoulder.

Humin chuckled, turning his attention to you, “No way, did he not tell you?”

“Tell me what?” You raised a brow, “And what union guys?”

“Humin. That’s enough.” Gotak warned, dropping his tone an octave, the warmth in his eyes cooling over as he glared at his friend. 

“Alright, alright, but you should probably tell them.” Humin shrugged, turning his attention back to the food in front of him. 

During the walk home, you decided to finally crack the question. Feeling the tension get sticky, sticking to your limbs and mind with the questions of everything. What really happened? Why did Humin keep mentioning the guys from the union? And most of all, why was Gotak running away from telling you? 

“Gotak, what was Humin saying earlier?” You started, your hands still holding his, “The stuff about the union guys and all.”

“He was speaking nonsense, babe, don’t worry about it.” He answered, looking ahead as if to avoid looking into your eyes. 

“C’mon, now, do you think I’m stupid? I always respected not asking you about your leg injury because you told me it was an accident, and I thought it was better that I never brought it up, but I feel like you’re hiding something from me.” You sighed in frustration, letting go of his hands.

“You don’t need to know about this.” He answered, feeling the memories of that very day creep up on him like a dark, towering entity. 

“Why? Why can’t you tell me? Do you not trust me or something?” You raised your voice, turning him to face you with a hand on his arm, “This is unfair. How come Humin knows everything and I don’t?”

“Like I said, y/n, this is just one of those things you don’t need to know.” Regret scarred Gotak so deeply upon seeing your frown grow deeper as you stared up at him, disappointed and broken.

“There are too many secrets between us.” Your voice was low, almost a whisper, “I see the way you grow small when the guys from the union show up around the neighbourhood. You just never tell me anything.”

“It’s because they’re jerks who beat people up for no reason. You know that!” He protested.

“Did they beat you too?!” You shouted, pointing a finger at his injured leg, “Did they do this to your leg?”

Gotak groaned, feeling frustrated, and the bitterness of his past clouded his mind. He rubbed his temple, looking down at the ground. Once again, looking away from your eyes. You hated it. 

“If you’re not gonna tell me, that’s fine, but I hope you know, it hurts not being able to know the things that bother you. I’m only saying this because I want to help. I want to understand.” Your voice quivered, lips trembling as you tried your best to swallow a cry. 

And with that, you turned your back on him, walking away, “I need to be away from you…for a little.” 

“Don’t do this, please,” Gotak called out, but it was too late; you were out of his sight. 

─── ❤︎ ── დ ── ❤︎ ────── ❤︎ ── დ ── ❤︎ ─

Gotak grew anxious on the fifth day of not hearing from you, regret gnawing at his chest. The look of disappointment in your eyes haunted him every time he blinked or closed his eyes in the shower. He could not stop thinking about you and how badly he missed you. The guilt of not being able to speak to you about his injury swirled in his mind. He wanted nothing more to leave it all in the past and move on but he had realized how upsetting it was for you to not have answers. It was more important for him to have you than hide away from his past, and he’d do anything if it meant having you back in his arms— even tell you about what had happened the day he lost his dreams.

 He straightened his back, clearing his throat, preparing himself to face you and take you back where you belong: by him. Gotak gathered all the bits and pieces of confidence left in him to knock at your door, readying himself with a smile on his face. The door swung open, and you appeared in front of him, arms crossed over your chest. You shot him an annoyed look, expression unimpressed and irritated, almost like you were silently scolding him as you always did when he did something idiotic. Warmth crept over him, a sort of relief knowing you weren’t entirely on the verge of fading away from him. 

“What do you want, Go Hyuntak?” You glared, although you tried to act tough, you couldn’t help but feel giddy and relieved seeing your boyfriend at your doorstep. You opened the door wider for him to enter, and he did so happily. 

“Well, essentially, I want you, but before that, I want to  fix things and explain myself.” He answered, stepping closer to you, the cramped foyer of your home felt as if the walls were squeezing in on you and Gotak. He was close enough for you to be able to smell him and feel his warm breath travel down your face. 

“Go on, fix it, then.” You answered, urging him on. You ignored the pumping heartbeat within your chest, fighting the urge to tug him close and smother his handsome face with kisses from the deprived days of not seeing him. 

“To start off, I want to apologize for not being transparent with you about everything. I wasn’t honest with you, and I avoided telling you the truth. I just— I just hate talking about what happened. But, I promise, soon, I’ll tell you everything.” He took a step forward, inching closer. 

“Next, I never intended to keep it from you for long, but it's just that the memory makes me feel sick. It's hard to swallow. Humin only knows about this because he was there. I don’t want any secrets between us, like you said.” He continued, taking another step closer to you. He was close enough for you to be able to grab him, but you held back, taking in his words, and guilt pricked at you, realizing you must have been too pushy and hard on him. A frown made its way on your face, eyes solemn and remorseful.

“Lastly,” He lowered his face closer to yours, your eyes fluttered shut, feeling the heat course through you from his body, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too…” You answered breathily, feeling the tip of his nose graze the tip of yours.

“Yeah?” He asked, his voice baritone. He spoke so slowly, it felt as if you were getting lulled to sleep. You nodded in response, closing your eyes as he pressed a soft, phantom-like kiss to your lips, it was prolonged with a need. Your lips parted open, allowing him to press on further, backing you against the wall while his hand slithered to your waist and the other went up to hold your cheek.

“I’m sorry I was so harsh, Gotak.” You said between each breath you took, “I just want to help.”

He pulled away, bringing his hands up to place them on both your shoulders, his eyes softened, rounded, and warm, “You have no idea how much you help just by being around.” 

“Pfft. A little sentimental now, are we?” You giggled, draping your arms around his shoulders to bring him into a hug. A type of hug you couldn’t untangle yourself from.

“I want you to be able to talk to me about everything. I don’t want you to suffer in silence and have a war in your mind, okay?” You asked, pulling away enough to be able to meet his eyes. 

“Okay.” He smiled, nodding, “I’ll be honest and tell you everything, moving forward.”

“And, I’ll be on your side each time.” You answered, cheekily kissing him on the forehead.

[iznyangwoni]

DEMON HUNTERS | enhypen smau !

chapter four

For the first time in your life you’re glad the staff took your phone. You tried to not let it show too much, but it was getting harder and harder to not focus on the hate and overall cheating from fans. It was making you go insane, actually.

So, having a full day just for you and the girls was so, so therapeutic. It started with you three going on some rides, then the sauna, then you got great food and now it is time for Rei to film her own part of the video. You wanted to take this time to go and skate with Liz, but she’s already sleeping in the car. You decided to not disturb her, after all you all have been working nonstop, both as idols and hunters.

Its been so long since you’ve actually skated, its not like you’re the best at it, but it has always been something that helped you take your mind off things for the time being. You don’t expect anyone to be inside the skating ring, since your company actually rented the place for the whole day, so you get surprised when you see a guy going for some rounds.

You don’t think too much about it, its probably someone who entered by mistake. You sit down just to change your shoes, after all this time you still find yourself smiling at the memories going through your head, you always used to go skating with your mother when you were little. You sit there for a while, waiting for the young man to finish, or at least notice your presence, but he also seems in his own world.

You subconsciously stare at him, he’s mesmerizing, in a sense. You’ve never had the talent, but you have seen enough competitions to recognize it, and this guy is surely a skating genius. Even this far you can tell he’s handsome, the pale skin almost shines inside the ring, and then he’s tall and the dark hair frame his face so neatly even though he’s been moving for a while.

It hits you when he finally looks your way, you’ve seen him before, of course you did. He’s one of them, one of those demons. The revelation stuns you, demons can’t have talents, or hobbies, that’s for sure. When he smiles you notice how his fangs are a little pronounced, and you hate yourself for thinking of that as attractive.

You don’t know what to do, you’ve been staring at a demon for at least fifteen minutes and didn’t even know. Before he can get closer, you hide behind the plastic wall of the ring, which isnt the smartest thing to do anyway. You find it hard to breathe, these demons are making all of your beliefs sound like lies. You thought they only acted according to gwima, you know they do.

His laugh takes you by surprise, he’s standing on the other side of the ring, his arms crossed and resting on the half wall, staring down at you. From this distance he looks even more attractive, and once again you want to slap that thought out of your brain. “So you’re the type to stare? Kinda creepy.” Are you blushing? You sure hope you aren’t.

“I’m not- I wasn’t staring I just…” For god’s sake, you’ve never felt more embarrassed your whole life. You clear your throat, and awkwardly get up from that awful hiding spot. Even face to face he’s too tall for you. “What’s a demon doing here, exactly?” You try your best to get your confidence back, even if you’re way too embarrassed right now, he doesnt have to know that.

“Sunghoon.” He says it so simply that it takes you a moment to process. “My name is Sunghoon, so you can stop calling me ‘demon’, it’s not so polite.” He’s calm, way too calm and with that smile still on his face, you don’t even realize you havent summoned your weapon to fight him. And honestly, it doesn’t look like he wants to fight either. But then the thought of Liz sleeping in the van all alone and Rei filming on her own hits you. If he’s here then that must mean the others are too.

“Where are your friends? I swear if they touch Liz or-“ Before you can spiral and summon your sword, his voice cuts through. “They’re just filming. They won’t hurt your friends.” Once again, something in his demeanor makes you want to believe him and relax. It makes you wonder, just a couple of nights ago Heeseung was telling you about winning and taking over, but now they’re just… filming? Like a normal group?

You’ll fry your brain trying to figure out their plan, and to think that you went here just to relax. Still, Sunghoon might sound truthful, but you don’t have the gut to trust him. You sit down again, feeling the need to change your shoes back and go find the others. “C’mon.. you don’t trust me?”

“It’d be dumb of me to trust a demon like you.” You hear him sigh, then he jumps out of the ring, you don’t look up when he sits besides you, you can feel your whole body stiffen. You don’t know why you’re reacting this way, if it were Heeseung or Jungwon you would’ve already slit his throat already. Maybe he has some sort of magic? Nah, Seulgi would’ve warned you about it that when training you. “You and your friends are not our goal. If any of you were to die we wouldn’t have any fans to steal.”

As much as you hate to admit it, that sounds about right. They want your fans, your popularity, and judging by how the honmoon has been breaking day by day, they’re succeeding. Maybe you haven’t been thinking about this the right way, and right now you can barely even think when he’s sitting so close to you. When you finally look up, he’s smiling genuinely. “So? Do you still want to skate?”

Surprisingly, you nod.

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[mlkt35925]

lovesick

𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈!

𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆 - 병 (𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒌)

he loved you then, he loves you now, and he will continue to love you, because you're all he'll ever want.

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 1123 (150-170 per member)

𝒂/𝒏: hiii! my first time writing for enha so i hope you enjoy!! inspired by one of my fav songs of all time lovesick 🫶 unedited so forgive me for any mistakes lol

disclaimer: this is purely fictional.

heeseung used to love taking nightly strolls, especially when they were with you.

he remembers it all like it was yesterday, the cool breeze gently blowing, the lights from the cars and buildings sparkling, people going about their nights as he smiled and laughed with you, your hands always linked with his as if you couldn't bear not being connected to him in some way.

the only thing that has changed is that now, he's all alone, with no one to hold his hand.

has the sky always been so dark? not a single star was in sight. you always loved to point out the stars for him, but he was never looking at them, not when the brightest star of all stood next to him.

it's been months since you've said goodbye, and heeseung's starting to think that he'll never be able to love anyone else if they aren't you.

(rest of the members under the cut!)

jay always knew that you would be the only one for him from the first day he met you. unfortunately, life works in ways unbeknownst to him and now, he finds himself alone in his apartment, the silence overwhelming most days, drowning in his longing for you.

he still remembers the echoes of your laughter, the way your voice would take an ever so slightly higher pitch whenever you were talking about something you were interested in, and most of all, the way your eyes looked at him, filled with so much love and adoration he thought you'd be together forever.

those moments however, are long gone, the only evidence of their existence in his inability to let go of the past, of all his most cherished memories with you.

he misses you, he wants to see you again, but he knows you'll never be his ever again.

you loved taking layla for walks together with jake. the three of you were like a family, almost, a couple deeply in love and their beloved fur-baby.

then it all fell apart, and he's left with a gaping hole in his heart.

layla is far more perceptive than he gives her credit for. she realised sometime down the line that you weren't coming back, and that jake wasn't quite the same anymore.

taking layla on her walk doesn't feel half as refreshing as it used to. he's annoyed by the sound of the cars, the blistering heat, and all the couples that hang around the same park. he wishes it was him and you again.

the sun sets and paints the sky a brilliant orange, and he's unable to look away. the sky is particularly clear, he thinks.

he wishes he could share this moment with you.

emotions were never sunghoon's strong suit, and yet you still loved him all the same. where he lacked in emotional expression you made up for by learning his body language, and he knew from then onwards that his fate was sealed, and he would be yours forever.

his forever wasn't one that was meant to last, he soon came to learn.

he couldn't blame you for leaving, not really. he knew where he lacked and still, he hardly changed. if he were you, he would've left him too.

the day you left him, he cried long after you said goodbye, reality crashing down on him far too late. it was his fault for getting too comfortable, too accustomed to your constant presence, that he took you for granted.

months later, the night sky and its countless twinkling stars seem to shine down at him. sunghoon can't help the tears that gather and fall down his cheeks, and in a favour to himself, he lets himself mourn, whispers of an i love you lost to the four walls of his apartment.

sunoo always believed that you would be together for the rest of time, even beyond death. he believed that if soulmates existed, you were undoubtedly his, and he was yours.

that was, until he was awoken from his sweet dream, and thrown into the harsh nightmare of reality.

time passes and people change, that is a natural fact of life. what hurts him most isn't that you or he changed, but that you were both still the same as he remembered. if you or he had changed, he thinks, maybe this break up wouldn't have hurt as much as it did.

his life feels empty without you, the days all melting into a blur as he repeats the same routine of thinking about you and what could've been. his heart still yearns for you, and it's a yearning that he knows in his soul will never disappear.

sat outside in the windy night, sunoo hears whispers of your name, and so he closes his eyes and dreams of you again.

jungwon was good, exceptional even, at hiding things behind a carefully crafted mask. he knew all the right words to say, how to be a shoulder to lean on, but never how to be there for himself. then you came along, and for once, jungwon felt like he could be himself.

you knew every side of him, especially his imperfections. even at his worst, when he was so tired and irritable he even snapped at you, you still stayed by him and offered your shoulder for him to lean on.

when you walked out of his life, for the first time, he didn't have any words to say, his mask and his heart shattered into a million pieces.

still, he smiles and helps people and offers his own shoulder for them to lean on, but the ache in his heart always reminds him of what he'll never have again.

ni-ki didn't really believe in soulmates until he found you. he remembers vividly the day of your first meeting, of warm smiles and even warmer feelings, and the realisation that falling in love didn't have to be a dive but a gentle glide.

he loved, and still loves, you, that much he knows. he could never say those three words, and you never made him. you always waited for him, never a complaint, and always a smile.

but now? now, he's alone again, and he thinks it might kill him.

he can barely stand to look at all the rings and hoodie in his collection because he's reminded of you at every turn. he remembers how you'd always steal a hoodie or two after he wore them, returning them covered in your scent. he still hasn't found it in him to wash the last ones you gave back.

before he knows it, tears stream down his face as he feels like he's drowning in his memories of you.

but if it's you, he'd happily drown in your ocean.

[shaysplanet]

hi shay,

ive gotten to the point with shifting where i know the moment i change my assumption to im in my DR my 3D will change instantly and im lowkey shaking in my boots LMAOO

now that i know how within my reach it is im kinda just procrastinating actually changing my assumptions bc i'm so comfortable with assuming im in my CR and im scared of the change, even when its something ive always wanted?

its so easy to just daydream about your DR in your mind where you control everything but its so much different when its reality

If you have any advice pls share!

you gotta do it scared. the way the brain works is, if it senses something you’ve labeled as a threat—even if it’s not actually dangerous—it’ll still send signals like “DANGER! DANGER!” to protect you from it. it’s just the brain doing what the brain’s been trained to do.

but if the thing you’re afraid of isn’t truly harmful (like shifting), the way to retrain those pathways is to show your brain you’re not in danger. it’s exposure therapy. over time, it stops sending those panic signals because you’ve proven through consistency that there is no danger.

so simply starting is the key component in getting yourself to shift and self soothing is the thing that’s gonna keep you from bringing on panic when you’re in the midst of an attempt. one thing i love is talking directly to my inner child or inner self—telling my brain, “i’m safe now. it’s okay to let go. i know you were protecting me, but i’ve got it from here”. sometimes just having a simple conversation with yourself is enough.

other times (like when my heart is pounding out of my chest) i do deep belly breaths, listen to calming music or asmr, or even just start chanting affirmations like “i am safe to shift” or “nothing bad is happening”. just reminding my body of the truth.

you don’t have to erase the fear to shift. you don’t have to pretend it’s not there. shifting has never and will never require you to be fearless—it just requires you to be brave enough to try anyway. trying = intention and intention = doing.

you got this!!

[hadesoftheladies]

“your dreams were dead before they named you, baby girl”

i'm baffled by how you think this post contradicts my separatist sentiments, many of which i have outlined on this blog in recent months. i have disagreed with users who have refused to deconstruct the construct of het-marriage and dating or use lesbophobic/generally poor arguments against separatism. i have also consistently called out the gross, vulgar language some radblr users have thrown on het-partnered users. i can do both. also, my personal rants and opinions on dating and marriage have also been labelled as such on this blog. you can be a separatist and not a radfem the same way you can be not a separatist and a radfem. there is nothing in radical feminist theory that excludes het-partnered women from using that label. that is a fact. separatism is a subculture of radical feminism. it is not itself radical feminism. i am a proponent of both.

not only that, but i have called marrying men "non-feminist." that doesn't mean the women who do can't be feminist. it means feminists can do non-feminist actions. i've made at least two posts saying that.

A handful of angry young women talking shit about women who date men cannot come close to the damage it does to have the whole of society telling straight teenage girls “yeah, you have to be careful not to get raped, yeah you have to be careful not to end up with a man who’ll beat you up and then kill you when you try to leave, but it’s up to you to Pick Well! No one likes a spinster!”

okay? again, i fail to see how this is relevant to this post. women are allowed to be angry and messy. even feminists. but being bitter isn't a feminist strategy. being hostile toward women who make different choices is not furthering feminism or raising female-consciousness. i'm not saying women hating on het-culture are immoral. i'm saying it isn't activism, lol. i do, however, draw the line at bullying. as for me personally, while i do rant and make space for other non-het-partnered women to rant, i don't actually believe my rants are somehow feminist action. bc they're not. they're just rants.

Oooooooh, you’ll take away my radfem card! Good thing my radfem card isn’t where my voice lives.

you're the one who inserted yourself into this post. if you feel called out by it, then that's that i guess. i can't take anything from you, lol. i'm literally just talking theory.

As for socialism, while I support it, it sure would be nice if you’d tell socialists to clean up their misogyny too.

now see, this is where socfems and marxfems gag y'all. quite a number of you have started talking about politics like you're ordering off of amazon. "i want my socialism less misogynist please." "i want my pride events less misogynist, thank you." if you want political movements to be less misogynistic, guess what? you have to join them and get more women to join them. you have to be a part of it to change it. you have to fight for it yourself. you have to actually BE a socialist working with other socialists and teaching them how to work with WOMEN. it has to be YOU. but y'all don't like that. so you'll just keep complaining about how misogynistic this and that political party is. this whole world is misogynistic. it only got less misogynistic when women threw themselves into the mess and fought like hell for change. they didn't tut online about how they deserved better.

and let me say this. as much as i believe i've been mostly consistent in terms of my values and beliefs in what i blog about, i definitely come across some of my old posts and disagree with them. some i've deleted, some i've been deconstructing or choose to leave up as proof of my journey and imperfections. because i am constantly growing, and i'm happy to change and mature for the better. i've been reading more theory and learning more about how to involve myself with irl activism. i'm not perfect, but i'm serious about it, and that's why i keep trying and keep learning and keep pushing. i've also talked to women different from me and tried to understand their perspectives, and they've definitely influenced my journey. (shout-out to @djuvlipen, @paleo-violet and @not-yet-so-broken and many more who have unfortunately left tumblr for their insights and callouts!)

so if my tone seems different, then i'm glad for it. i feel more level-headed about things than i used to be.

it's so funny seeing "radfems" call themselves that and claim a need to "gatekeep the movement from corruption" when they don't even believe in feminism: the collective political action that furthers women's liberation beccause they a) don't believe in women's liberation as like a real thing that can happen, or feminist progress as real or evident and b) have zero intersectionality or socialist political views. i promise the women who do a and b but are married to men are more in line with radical feminism on here than these doomers. radical feminism isn't a "correct opinion." it's political action that benefits the collective. if you're just a separatist that yells on the internet and nothing else, you're neither radical nor a feminist. so many radblr users these days are radicalized instead of radical. like i promise you there's a difference.

[shineforthee]

Polar Province is one year old today and I will be crying about it...

So I'm sharing it around again as an excuse to get wildly emotional about the impact writing this fic has had on me. If you just want to know about the fic feel free to skip to the cut.

Since publishing this fic, so much about my confidence as a writer has changed. I'm moving. Pursuing writing in a serious way. More certain than I ever was that I can, in fact, write well enough to create things of my own. A huge part of that comes from the people who read it, who commented, who made sure I knew it was appreciated.

A fic like this is a labor of love but it is a labor nonetheless. My wrists aren't thanking me for writing it, and my heart on more than one occasion didn't thank me either, but I'm a better writer for it. When I look back I think about how close I was to not writing it, to counting myself out before I ever got started just because it really flexed my skillset beyond where I thought I could go.

I'm so grateful to the folks who hold my hand through every fic I write and assure me that I do get these characters and I do have something worth saying about them (and also attempting to convince me that I can in fact be funny... though I've yet to believe it). I'm equally grateful to the talented people who have made art inspired by this fic, or any fic I've written.

And last, of course, as is so often the case with fandom, there are friends I have today that I never would have had without this story, these characters.

in the deafening polar province called You

Pairing: Armand/Daniel Molloy

Length: 150k

Rating: E

Summary: Daniel is sprawled out across the bed, loose-limbed and lazy, somehow filling all the open space it has to offer and leaving Armand to nestle into the gaps. His cheeks are flushed, blood pooling like it knows what comes next. Maybe it does. Armand was reading about classical conditioning the other day. About dogs who become accustomed to getting food when their handler rings a bell.

Perhaps Daniel is the dog, Armand’s teeth sharp bells reverberating in his veins. Or perhaps Armand is the dog, Daniel’s blood a song rattling in his ears. He has been a dog before. He runs his tongue along the bow of Daniel’s collarbone, gathers the salt-sweat there and imagines what it tastes like because Daniel does.

Armand remembers he loved Daniel, once, and that Daniel loved him. Or a version of them did, at least. It isn't his intention to go back to that, but it's not not his intention, either. Such is the prerogative of an immortal: to hold two contradicting desires simultaneously. If nothing else, it passes the time while he waits for this miserable interview to end.

You might like this fic if: You're looking for a vague mixture of book canon and show speculation, You like Armand POV, You enjoy flashbacks and memory fuckery, you like when character's are imperfect but also love each other

Excerpt:

Daniel wakes sometime past four in the morning. Armand has enough warning before his eyes open that he could look away. Hears the change in his breathing, the shifting of his weight, and could pretend he hasn’t spent the better part of the night with his head on his arm, watching Daniel sleep. He doesn’t bother.

“Creepy,” Daniel croaks when he sees him, clearing his throat with a cough into the closed fist of his left hand. He stretches, spine arching, neck rolling with a loud crack. Armand can’t bring himself to blink, let alone turn his head. Daniel eyes the blanket on his lap with a strange expression, picking at the fabric between thumb and finger as if it will tell him how it got there.

“Apologies,” Armand says, a dry and transparent lie. “I did not mean to frighten you.”

They both know Daniel isn’t afraid, not really. Not the way he should be. If he ever had been he would probably have been dead long before now. He rubs at his temple and Armand wants–

He stands, makes his way to the kitchen and returns to Daniel with a palm full of pills and a glass of water. Daniel doesn’t immediately reach out to take either, instead looking from them to Armand with transparent suspicion.

Armand breathes an annoyed sigh. “I’m not going to poison you, Daniel.”

“I know that,” Daniel snaps. His fingers brush Armand’s palm when he takes the pills, little shocks bringing Armand’s nerves to attention as if they have been waiting for a sign to wake. No use telling them not to bother. “Poison is too detached for you. You’d probably go for strangling or something.”

He waits for Daniel to drink, to swallow the pills, to lift the glass to take another sip, and then says, “I’d simply drain you, Daniel.”

Daniel chokes, coughs into his elbow while Armand pries the glass from his fingers to set it on the coffee table. When Daniel recovers he looks up with a scowl and a sharp, “fuck you,” and it’s almost convincing but now he smells like desire. A short journey, always. Shorter now that Daniel can remember how good it felt to get what he wanted.

“You could, if you wanted. Would that help, do you think?” Armand cocks his head to the side, curious. Hungry, too. He should have eaten but it’s nothing he has not supressed a thousand times before. “You don’t know what you want, but your body does. It always does.”

“It doesn’t know shit. It’s seventy years old,” Daniel huffs, folding arms across his chest as if they can muffle the sound of his heartbeat.

Armand sinks to his knees, crowded into the narrow space between the coffee table and Daniel’s legs, careful not to touch him. Not now, not yet. The edge of the coffee table bites into his spine. “I can smell it on you. How much you want to say yes, how badly you’d like to be close, how you wish you could taste again. Say the word and–”

“No,” Daniel chews out. A half-beat of pause, enough space to ache but not quite enough to truly wound before he adds, “I don’t think it would help.”

Heat radiates from Daniel and Armand wants to feel it. His hands press hard to his own thighs and Daniel looks at him with that sharklike curiosity, circling and circling and circling.

“You’re not fucking with me,” Daniel finally says.

“No. Why would I?”

“Because that’s pretty much all you do with people?” Daniel asks it like a question, like he’s not sure of the answer. “Fuck these memories, I can’t keep track of what I know and what–”

“It’s all what you know.” It comes out gentler than he means it to. It’s not that he wants to be harsh with Daniel, though he often is. It’s more the look Daniel gives him when he’s anything but the purely violent creature Daniel wants to imagine he is. Like he’s caught up somewhere between pain and anger and his own tucked away tenderness. Betrayal too, like Armand is trying to complicate things further.

Daniel exhales, long and loud. “Yeah. That’s the problem.”

Reaching out to Daniel’s mind is careful work, in this moment. It’s not closed to him now, less because he’s welcome there and more because Daniel is too tired to keep it shut forever. Armand feels tired just brushing up against it, feels the mess of uncertainty, the never-ending spiral in and in and in.

“Okay,” he says. “I’m not fucking with you now. In this moment. Stay there.”

This earns him a glare, “Yeah. Easy for you to say. You’re not–”

“Five hundred years of the past, Daniel. I think I know a little bit about surviving the flood of memory.”

[nebulablakemurphy]

how would the scenario in in which y/n was sent into the quarter quell in m&c play out?

like if somehow someway she was forced back into the games- like if snow had specifically disallowed volunteering for the 75th or something? maybe

anyways, whether you choose to explore this or not i do wanna say how much i love ur writing- i think i messed up my sleep schedule because i’ve just stayed up late for the past few days reading and re-reading all ur moves and countermoves writing <3

Thank you so much and get some rest 🫶 I might explore this more, but I think it would begin with a deal between Y/N and President Snow to settle the unrest from the reaping.

From start to finish, people of the Capitol and districts alike are not thrilled by the prospect of throwing a woman into the arena.

“They are prepared to go to war for you.” President Snow tells Y/N after her interview. The broadcast was abruptly ended as their ��kind’ and ‘merciful’ President weighs his options.

“I don’t want that any more than you do.” Y/N tells him. “But if they see me like this in that arena, that’s exactly what will happen. There’s no way to stop it.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Snow grins, “so what do you propose?”

“You can’t cancel the games. Not during a Quarter Quell.” Y/N mulls it over, besides, they need to be in the arena for Plutarch’s plan to work. A plan that is bigger than all of them combined. Promising freedom worth risking everything for. “We could postpone them.”

“For how long?”

“A week at least, preferably two.”

“What will change?” Coriolanus leans forward.

“Induce me tonight, let me have the baby.” Y/N decides. “The time after that is just to heal. Recover.”

“We have medical experts here who could have you ready in a week.”

Yet you allow your own people to suffer and die? Starve to death? “It’ll look bad to anyone who doesn’t know what Capitol medicine can do.”

“You’re just out to save your own skin.”

“Of course I am.” Y/N murmurs, “same as you.”

“You had it all, you know? Parties in the Capitol, jewels, wealth beyond your wildest dreams, a list of suitors a mile long; the favor of every Capitol citizen. Manipulated the system better than my most trusted confidants. If you hadn’t been born in the districts, I would’ve made you one of my advisors. Yet you chose to remain loyal to your impoverished nature, trading bread and scraps to survive. Sparing a reckless girl like Katniss Everdeen, who will surely destroy us all.” Snow cocks his head to the side. “Why?”

“Because I never wanted any of that. I wanted to disappear with my husband and children, never to be seen again. But you wouldn’t let me.”

“I know what you are.” Snow tells her, “you were either going to work for or against me. I wished for us to be friends.”

“My friend wouldn’t toss me into the arena.”

“I can’t cancel the games, you’ve said so yourself.” President Snow remarks, “but I will afford you a kindness. A truce, of sorts.”

“Alright.”

“You will deliver your child and begin treatment immediately. You will recover within the week and the child will be given to your next of kin.”

“Madge,” Y/N says, “my sister Madge. That’s where she goes.”

“Is that your only demand?”

“Yes.”

“Very well.” He nods. “The child will remain in the care of Madge Undersee.”

“Where do I sign?” Y/N asks.

“I take your word for it.”

“May I go now?” Y/N clears her throat, “I’m sure my husband is anxious to hear what you’ve decided.”

“Curious thing, how you’ve come to care for him. I didn’t think you could.”

“I love Haymitch.”

“Pity.”

Y/N moves to stand. “I do have one piece of advice, if you’re interested.”

“The floor is yours.”

“The answer to unrest in the districts has never been to take more from them. If they have nothing to gain, they have nothing to lose. If they stop caring whether they live or die, there’s no telling what they’ll do. But historically, when people are starving…they eat the rich.”