#minus Alfred

[weewoow-20706030]

Jason *not looking up*: Gullible is written on the ceiling

Tim: you think you're so funny don't you? I'm not falling for it.

Jason: seriously, it is. Look.

Tim: no. I don't know what you're getting at here. But I don't want a part in any of it.

Jason *looking up*: nope. It's written there.

Tim: fine. I will humour you... You know it's not funny if you actually write gullible on the- AHHH!

Jason *who just shot Tim in the foot*: HA! You're so gullible!

[bookwormlover10]

You know what. I like you. My bad fan art apon thee

I try to draw bat boys but I only got to the Dcau bat boys and decided to stop there. The first 3 are maybe a month old. but the last doodles are from today.

Here are bat blob and other Dcau like things. One with both batman 2 and Nightwing glitters

✨time travel shenanigans ✨ Terry meet young dick and Tim in there tnba era

[mandibugs]

pikmin 4 play through summary

[fumblingmusings]

what about François and Alfred as a couple? I think it would be the fuck you Arthur we need in our lives

Loose Ends is my favourite 'living vicariously through one thinking of the other' smut fic for those two. It's a genre unto itself in the fandom at this point...

[wyrdsistergoldenhair]

Movies Seen For the First Time in 2023

The Menu (2022)

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

Insidious (2010)

Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013)

Malignant (2021)

Ghost Ship (2002)

REC (2007)

La Llorona (2019)

Cure (1997)

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham (2023)

The Wailing (2016)

Ringu (1998)

House/Hausu (1977)

Rope (1948)

Dune (2021)

Nimona (2023)

The Lego Batman Movie (2017)

The Sea Beast (2022)

Haunted Mansion (2023)

Five Nights at Freddy's (2023)

Scream 2 (1997)

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes (2023)

Megamind (2010)

Saltburn (2023)

Shin Godzilla (2016)

The Boy and the Heron (2023)

Godzilla Minus One (2023)

[starrahcoolership]

god thanks for watching me and being my boss. I am praying that the Billy's bob tim Burton against asian people be removed

from sister jasmine avalos mom what is their problem is not here. Help her kids and angels fighting..... I know how much they multimeter stayed. Amen amen erase the demons pleaseed God remove their presence!!!!!!!()

[angstandhappiness]

LMAO YES

While funny and common having Bruce not knowing things that his kids do in fanfics, would be even funnier having him always knowing, but as long it doesn't affect him or give more work to Alfred, he just supports.

Kids planning a hidden game of paintball at the watchtower? Bruce leaves some hi tech paint gum next to the zeta and a memo saying who is there that day and a bonus to annoy someone

I mean, this person has a point! That's MY Bruce Wayne, he is the world's greatest detective after all, he knows exactly what they are doing, he just finds it funny. He took it from Alfred btw, because Alfred knows everything and if he acts like he doesn't, it's an official permission.

[cosmik-homo]

Didn't consider Leela and Andred AND Rodan wasn't everybody's obvious choice but also I've been camped out on the lawn of "semiprotag × same sex love interest with opposite skillset and temperament And opposite sex partner with more similar stuff" since. 2015 so.

[natpetersoncore]

just got all the arkham knight audio files and :(

[oncillabrigade]

Consider:

The Bats all have personalized ring tones for one another, but everyone has both a civilian and a Bat ring tone. The civilian ones are chaos, with everyone choosing whatever they want for their various family members and friends. BUT! Everyone has a single Bat tone that all other team members use for them.

The catch? Bruce forbid them from choosing their own Bat ring tones because he proposed this plan back in Dick's Robin days and he IMMEDIATELY picked "Toxic." The choice was not well received.

Bruce: Dick, I will not be alerted to the fact that you're in danger by some Britney Spears song.

Dick: First of all, it is not some Britney song, it is the Britney song. That song finally won her a Grammy.

Bruce: *sighs*

Dick: Second of all, it won't tell you when I'm in danger... it'll tell you when Robin is.

Bruce:

Bruce: I'm taking the Walkman out of the Robin kit.

Dick: *offended gasp*

(Yes, Dick is old enough for a Walkman. No, you will not change my mind. Yes, the Tim-and-on siblings all find that hilarious. Yes, Jason has to be VERY careful not to mention that he borrowed that Walkman for years because he was uncomfortable taking expensive electronics out and about with him.)

Anyway!

Dick then proposes a slew of other songs for the whole team to use, all of which are pop culture references, e.g. the Scrubs theme because they're not Superman and also they're a dysfunctional family of coworkers; the theme from the Godfather because "let's be honest, B, we are basically our own mafia"; "Where is My Mind" by the Pixies because lol identity shenanigans, etc. The list is endless. Bruce spends weeks groaning every time his son texts him.

Eventually, they compromise on the version of "The Entertainer" from The Sting because they're hiding in plain sight to enact a mission defending good people in a hard world. Bruce, Dick, and Alfred are all so pleased with this that they each take a different section of the song as their ring tone.

Then Barbara becomes Batgirl, so she gets a section... and then Jason becomes Robin and gets one, too... and then Tim, then Steph, and then Cass is taken in, and... uh oh. That's a lot of people for one song.

But it's family tradition! They can't stop now. That would be so unfair to the new kids, B!

So they start using alternate arrangements of the song. Bruce has mellowed slightly on the "no choosing your own" thing. As long as it's a version of "The Entertainer" (within reason) he'll allow it.

Tim retroactively changes his ring tone to a weird groove-ska arrangement Bart randomly sent him on YouTube because have you met Tim Drake? Of course he went for hilarious obscurity. (Bruce grits his teeth and approves it after lots of prompting from Dick and Alfred). Steph makes it her mission to find a weirder one (Bruce agrees because he's too tired to deal with accusations of favoritism).

Cass creates her own arrangement on theremin because apparently she knows how to play the theremin. No one is sure why. Upon inquiry, she just says, "spooky noises are fun," but does not elaborate further even when she's asked to do so. A Batgirl's gotta have her secrets—Babs taught her that.

When Jason starts working with his family again, he pays an aspiring music producer within Red Hood's ranks to create a minor key remix of the original Robin II ring tone. His siblings (minus Cass) are VERY jealous he has his own personalized arrangement. Dick, Tim, and Steph end up paying this goon who owns Garage Band to do ones for them, too. Duke does the same when he joins the team.

Meanwhile, in a fit of little brotherly pique, Damian steals Tim's original ring tone. He hopes to rub salt in the Robin replacement wounds. He fails! Tim finds it beyond funny that Damian's ring tone is groove-ska. So Damian quietly pays the amateur producer to make him one that's cooler than Tim's. He pays a ludicrous amount, though, because Steph paid for one cooler than Jason's and Tim paid for one cooler than Steph's.

(Dick wanted one cooler than Jason's too, but he had $63.02 in his bank account at the time and Bruce flat out refused to use the Batbudget on "a super cool ring tone that's better than Jay's." Eventually, Dick just paid himself for an averagely cool one. In installments.)

At this point, the Bats have single-handedly given this fledgling producer enough money to quit being a goon and start an indie music studio. His first customers are mostly superheroes from out of town who like what the Bats have going on and want their own team ring tones. Harley and Ivy get in on that action, too.

Then, as word spreads, every local crook/henchperson with a side band (there are many) flocks to the studio to have their stuff produced by one of their own. Gotham rogues suddenly have an unemployment problem, while the city finds itself with a flourishing indie music scene that puts Metropolis' to shame. The entire state of New Jersey is celebrating the dual victory.

Dick has never been so glad someone doesn't like Britney Spears' magnum opus.

[radiance1]

Danny, transforming into his human form but keeping some draconic features, like a tail, horns and some scales: What, never seen a dragon transform before?

Alfred, taking everything in stride: This way to the dinning room, Master Dragon.

Danny: Where's the ice cream.

Alfred, looking Danny over: Master Dragon, dessert would most certainly ruin your appetite.

Danny: But you said-

Alfred: No buts, Master Dragon.

Everyone else:

So now here they are, sitting at the dinning table eating with a dragon from who knows where. Bonus points if Danny tries to act dignified and aloof but it's ultimately ruined by being bummed out about not having said ice-cream and somewhat pouting.

Dick, trying to make conversation: So... what made you decide to drop into our backyard?

Danny, picking at his food deciding if he should eat or not: Oh, you know. Got into a fight with my uncle and he burned my scales, the usual.

Dick:

Bruce:

Tim:

Damian: A most common occurrence, yes.

Dick, trying to pick back up the conversation: So, who's the uncle-

Danny, deciding fuck it and putting the fork into his mouth, waving his hand dismissively: Phoenix, Duke of the Black Flame, enemy of ice, etc. Kind of a dick but-

Danny, pausing after tasting the food:

Danny: Shovels food into his mouth quickly as he's able, before seeing everyone's stare and remembering where exactly he was and slowing down, trying to regain the cool and aloof image he was going for.

Danny: Ahem. Kind of a dick but wouldn't even think about killing me.

The Batfam:

Danny: If it helps, I messed up his feathers just as bad as he messed up my scales.

There was a dragon in their fountain.

A giant eastern dragon in their fountain.

Most of its body is in the fountain, but a good portion of it is just resting on the ground.

Were they supposed to just, leave it there or make it shoo.

Tim didn't know, neither did Dick.

It was beautiful, scales a glowing white and a mane that looked incredibly soft, even from where they were standing.

Again, there was a dragon in their fountain. A beautiful dragon, but a dragon nonetheless.

Alfred, the unconcerned, professional, most unphased man, just, walked over to it, give it sass for growling at him, and then asked if it would like to soak in the pool instead.

And the damn thing agreed to it too.

--

Danny fucking hated the aftermath of his fights with Vlad, sure, the phoenix never tried to actually kill him or anything, but the heat just does not do it for him.

At least the fucker himself is gonna be uncomfortable from the cold.

Danny just wanted to navigate to the Far Frozen to recover from the heat, alright. Of course it would be too much to ask, because next them he knew he ran into a portal and plopped down onto some rich person's lawn.

And then took over said rich person's fountain, it was big enough for a good amount of his body at least, so he just went why the fuck not.

Then some butler came over to him, gave him of all people fucking sass, and asked him if he wanted to soak in the pool instead.

So of course, he got to the moving to said pool.

[luludeluluramblings]

Poor reader though.

She's just waiting for Alfred to pick her up and take her to the hospital when she sees the batfamily in the van.

Reader: .....

Batfamily: :)

Reader: *just starts walking to the hospital*

Alfred the stressful butler: young miss please wait!!!!

Link to the first part...

Bat Family somehow forcing Pregnant!Reader into the minivan

Bruce panik: Who’s the father? Why didn’t you tell me us? How did this happen?

Pregnant!Reader in pain: Do you really want to know the how, jackass?

Bruce: … ETA on the hospital.

Jason in the driver’s seat running red lights and stop signs also panik: 3 minutes.

Pregnant!Reader: Oh shit… Contraction, contraction!

Tim: Now remember to breathe.

Pregnant!Reader: Tim, if you tell me to breath one more goddamn time I’m gonna chop off just the tip of your dick and ship the bits to Ra’s al Ghul for him to keep beside YOUR FUCKING SPLEEN JAR!

Bat Family: …

Barbara: Contractions are at least a minute apart now.

Stephanie: Has your water broken yet?

Pregnant!Reader: Well, either that last contraction did it, or I just pissed myself.

Duke: Oh my god, how do you tell the difference?

Pregnant!Reader: I don’t know, google it!

Dick: Do you want to hold my hand?

Pregnant!Reader: I’d rather punch you in the face… Fuck, here comes another one….

*Bat Family, screaming and panik*

*Minus Alfred, Stephanie, and Cassandra kalm*

A/N: All crack, but I now realize I'm gonna have to plan on writing a delivery scene in the main and in the AU. Back to brainstorming!

[v00do-d0ll]

Ok so I have this hc that I want other ppl besides me to see, and if anybody wanted to turn this into a fic; I would be yours because I can’t write for shit

(This also might trigger some people so please proceed with caution.)

(TW: SA )

…

Anyway, I’ve always liked the idea of Bruce protecting his kids as Bruce Wayne, so hear me out.

The batfam are at a gala minus Alfred because I see it being someone else’s gala that they have to attend. The POV would start with Tim and jump to Bruce later but I digress..

So Tim is forever 17 and has just come out as Bi and this is the first gala that he attends after that and some grown man comes up to him and starts hitting on him. The man is being very inappropriate with the things he’s saying and the way he’s touching Tim

And even though Tim is Red Robin; he freezes because he’s also Tim Drake and those ideologies are still ingrained into him to not make a scene. He’s extremely uncomfortable trying to get the man to leave him alone and telling him no.

But the man is not backing down continuing to say things like “ You’re bi, so I know you want it.”, “Don’t be shy. It can be just between you and me” and crowding his space.

And Tim is trying to find a way out. Darting his eyes around looking for his siblings but can’t seem to find them.

As he’s looking around, the man starts walking him back towards the hall. Hands trailing down his stomach getting closer to his inner thigh and he forcibly kisses him. Awareness of what this man is trying to do becomes completely apparent. He tries to push the man away but his body isn’t cooperating with him.

He’s scared.

But then he turns his head and see’s Bruce making his way over to him with the deadliest look he’s ever seen him have on his face but he’s grateful because that’s his dad.. not Brucie, but Bruce, his dad is coming to get him out of this situation.

Then it switches to Bruce’s POV

It starts with Bruce in the middle of the gala crowd talking it up as Brucie Wyane and he decides to look around just to check on his kids

He glances over at Dick and Damien together by the food table

Jason and Steph look like their about to do something they shouldn’t

Dukes talking to another attendant of the gala

Cass is beside him but he’s missing one..

He can’t find Tim..

Alarm bells start ringing in his head and he starts to look for Tim more obviously, turning his head left and right. Cass picking up on his distress but not knowing why

Bruce turns his whole body to the back of the gala room and that’s where he finds Tim being crowded by a member of the gala. His immediate instinct is to go to him but stops himself because he’s trying to learn how to give his kids more freedom, and he knows Tim can handle himself. So he stops for a second and takes in the situation.

But the longer he looks he sees that Tim, his son, is completely frozen. A look on his face that says he needs help but can’t get out the words to ask for it. His eyes are darting around frantically like he’s looking for someone. As he’s about to take a step to go help Tim he freezes because the man is walking him back towards the hall way with his hands inching further and further down his stomach dangerously close to places his hands don’t need to be and forcibly kisses him.

He sees Tim squirming trying to push the man away.

and Bruce realizes this man’s intentions.

Tim, his son, is about to be assaulted. The same thing that happened to himself that he couldn’t get out of.. is about to happen to Tim. And he sees the moment Tim recognizes it to in his eyes.

Bruce wastes no more time, he completely ignores the people he was once in a conversation with as they ask him where he’s going. He’s walking quickly towards his son when they make eye contact, he sees the relief wash over his body.

He reaches the man and grabs him. The man turns his head looking like he’s about to say something but blanches from seeing who it is. He doesn’t get a chance to say anything because as soon as he faces Bruce, He gets punched so hard he falls over. The rest of the gala has frozen because Brucie Wyane is punching some random man for seemingly no reason.

And Bruce keeps going, because for once he was there in time to protect one of his kids. The rest of the batfam comes over trying to forcibly pull Bruce off the man. None of them knowing why Bruce started punching the man but knowing one thing..

There is a reason.

When they finally get Bruce off the man. Bruce instantly turns to Tim hugging his son, holding him. Tim is in shock as Bruce keeps asking him if he’s alright. Tim not responding but looks directly into Bruce’s eyes. The man’s blood on Bruce’s knuckles. The complete look of worry written on Bruce’s face as he holds Tim’s in his hands.

And Tim just.. sinks into his arms and holds on so tight to Bruce because his fathers here. His father saved him. He’s okay, He’ll be okay.

The police get called and the man is taken away and they all go home early. That night though, Bruce goes to Tim’s room to check up on him and talk.

He makes sure Tim is okay and finds Tim blaming himself for not being able to get away.

“I’m Red Robin! I have fought worse people than him and won. But all that was going through my head at the time was Jack and Janet “Don’t make a scene” and I froze. I couldn’t get away, I tried but my body wouldn’t listen. I wanted to call out but my voice closed up and I was looking around to- ”

Bruce interrupts him

“ It’s not your fault, you did what you could. This is not your fault Tim, It’s his fault for forcing himself on you. I’ve been there, I know how you feel. it’ll be okay. I promise, I’m right here.”

Tim looks at Bruce because he didn’t know that

“You’ve been.. who?”

Bruce just looks at him. He’s doesn’t need to say anything because he knows Tim will understand anyway. He’s smart like that.

“oh.. Does that mean- ”

Bruce cuts him off again

“Yes, but it was a long time ago, you don’t need to know because I’m okay now. And I want you to know I understand. But can we just keep this between us? No one else needs to know about that, especially Damien.”

“Yea B. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that happened to you.”

“Me too, but at least I got Damien from it, and I love him just as much as I love you. You are both my children and I would do anything to try to protect you.”

“Thanks B.” He leans in to hug Bruce and they just hold onto each other for a little longer.

“I’ll let you go to sleep chum. Good night Tim” he says as he kisses Tim’s head and ruffles his hair. He heads to the door and turns to look back at Tim

“Goodnight dad.” He says with a small smile

Bruce freezes for a second and sighs with a slight smile on his face. He looks at Tim one last time for the night with all his love for him shining in his eyes and closes the door to go to his room.

By the end of there talk Tim and Bruce are closer than ever because he not only learned something new about Bruce. He now feels more secure in his place in the manor, in the family, as Bruce’s son.



[raynewolferune]

Battle of the Not It

Just me pushing my personal agenda that the Battle for the Cowl makes no freaking sense once again.

I want to see the Battle of the Not It, Nose Goes, Worst out of 126+ Rounds of Rock Paper Siscors Takes It, etc. Basically, the Batfam throwing down in Bruce's absence to Not Be The One Who Inherits (TM). No one wants dear dad's emo fursona but they all agree someone has to take it. The resulting Loser Gets Batmanned sibling war throws Gotham into chaos, Oracle's keeping score of everything, the one with the lowest score at the end of every week is stuck with Batman Duty the following week.

Damian hates loosing his swords everytime he gets stuck doing Batman. Tim can't stand losing his tech. Jason misses his guns. Cass hates having to talk on can't use words days. Staphanie hates doing the voice. Dick can't tolerate being unable to smile. Duke needs his freaking sleep. The list goes on because they've all agreed they hate to embody Bruce's Batman, no one can put their own flare on it (Gun!Batman will not happen on their watch and they won't risk any other equally horrible variation either.) The resulting sibling war takes place 24/7 in the masks and the criminals and citizens of Gotham are as awed as they are horrified by it.

The strangest alliances form and disolve week to week. Dick cheats whenever he gets close to loosing and dips out because "Bludhaven needs him." Cass flits off to China on a last minute mission when too many of her siblings start forming up an alliance against her. Steph breaks her leg (she says it's an accident but Tim has very vocal doubts about that). Tim, Duke, and Damien start teaming up against Jason frequently and Red Hood gets stuck doing Batman practically every other week. Other weeks, Jason picks one of them as Robin for his Batman week (rotating between them as revenge) and forces a temporary alliance to make another of them Batman for the next week. Alfred encourages the four's little rivalry and manages to finagle them into all staying in the manor full time with him.

Just Batfam bonding shenanigans over how much they all Do Not want to be Batman.

And when Bruce comes back Babs naturally has a highlight reel waiting for him. Some of the gems include: Steph in a cast with crutches say "oh no, I broke my leg, however will I be Batman now" in the most deadpan voice. Dick 'answering' an obviously turned off cell phone pretending it's an emergency calling him back to Bludhaven. Cass saluting the security camera as she leaves with a full duffle bag in the dead of night. Jason in the Batsuit, minus cowl, storming into the kitchen shouting "you little shits are conspiring against me!" As Tim, Duke, and Damien are crowded around the island with a bunch of documents clearing planning something. A heated game of Rock Paper Scissors between Dick, Jason, and Tim with the rest of the batkids watching (having already won their freedom from the cowl for the following week). Duke wearing the cowl and asking Oracle repeatedly over coms if it's time for bed yet. Damien throwing a full on tantrum trying to get out of wearing the physical cowl "it's unnecessary and impractical!"

Oracle sends him the reel a day after his return during the standard Justice League team meeting, helpfully projecting it so everyone can see. The reels starts with an argument in the Bat Cave between all of Batman's (previously unknown to the Justice League) children:

"Well, Dickhead, I guess this means you're it now." The clip starts with a red helmeted man speaking.

"The fuck?" Nightwing asks on screen.

"You're Batman now." The teenager with yellow bandoliers replies from where he sits in front of an enormous computer. A girl in purple and another in black both nod. (At this point, it begins to dawn on members of the Justice League that this is footage from the fabled Bat Cave they're seeing.)

"Oh, fuck that!" Nightwing answers. "Not it!" He shouts. The boy with the bandoliers jolts and then says seemingly reflexively.

"Nose goes!" Bandolier boy calls out hand shooting up and touching his nose as he speaks. Both girls and Nightwing react immediately following suit. A smaller boy with a sword copies them a half second later. The red helmeted man sputters.

"Wha-that-NO! NO NO NO NO NO! I am not the one! Fuck no!"

"You snooze you loose, Bro." Nightwings tells him.

There's a pause, red helmet starts laughing, pulls the helmet off slowly to reveal a red domino underneath, and lazily touches his nose with a sharp grin.

"You're right, Bro." He says teasingly. "And Signal's still sleeping." A short pause and then all the people on screen are laughing.

"Oh," bandoliers gasps out between giggles. "He is gonna be so pissed in the morning."

[gotham-daydreams]

How would the yan batfam celebrate reader's birthday after they got them back?

Well, it can go a few ways, but I'll try to keep it short and simple for now!

First, the family will 100% fight over if they should throw a party now or actually wait until your birthday, because they definitely don't want to try and make up for all the one's they've missed, along with some other occasions that they absolutely want to celebrate with you.

It's a real mess, but what could one really expect from such a dysfunctional family? Though no matter what they settle on, it really depends on how long you've been with them.

If you've just 'gotten back' then it's probably something small, as they don't want to overwhelm you and want this to be another piece that eases you into your new way or life. Yet it definitely seems like some didn't get the memo as you are overflowed with gifts. You don't understand how they picked half of this stuff out, let alone why they bought it for you, but that's probably because they're guilt got to them and suddenly they had five times the amount of gifts they were originally going to get you. If the amount of gifts in the room pisses you off or you generally have a negative reaction to it, no one will let you go into the hall for a good portion of that day.

Besides that, you get some breakfast in bed, and maybe even lunch too if you didn't like the gifts- but expect a family dinner at the end of the day. They'll find ways to spend time with you, and most of the activities are either games that require multiple people, or the others will just... watch. Which may not have been so bad if you were in this particular situation.

Overall, while it is a little toned down they do still find ways to 'sneak' themselves into your birthday, and try to have fun all throughout the day. Though if you want to keep things more lowkey, then that's fine! But you'll still have to deal with them hanging around. You won't get a single moment to yourself.

If you've been 'staying' for a while, then they go all out and have the biggest celebration they can without any outside eyes peeking in. It may not be necessarily loud or anything but it's... a lot.

The moment you wake up (to which, you're most likely woken up by someone), your dragged out of bed and just about everyone is up and about like it's Christmas (and maybe it is, but I digress). Every meal of the day feels like some kind of feast, and they aren't trying to even hide the amount of gifts they've gotten you, which somehow all pertain to your interests one way or another. If anyone gets the same thing then you get to see a bit of a fight- so at least there's that, but unfortunately it's unlikely to last very long as everyone wants today to be a good day for you (and a great day for them).

Every activity/game is a family activity or deals with multiple players. They all take turns if there isn't enough for all of them to play with you all at once, but they work around it one way or another. If you want things to tone down, then you're either stuck watching a movie with everyone, or in a cuddle pile with most of the Batkids. If you couldn't get rid of them before- you absolutely cannot now. They make it near impossible to do so.

If you'd like to keep up your tradition with Alfred and bake with him, then you're more than welcome to!

If you 'just arrived' then you may be able to bake with Alfred in peace, minus the new observers that are a little too keen on watching you, and all too eager to taste test what you and Alfred end up making.

If you've been there for a while, then the family will try to turn the tradition from just you and Alfred, to you and the whole family. Even if it means turning the whole things into a game of some kind, or using other methods to get you to bake with them, they'll find a way to change it eventually... unless Alfred gets in the way of things. Though sometimes he may get sick and can't help you with the rest of the Batfam :[[

All in all, it's a mess! Who could've guessed? Ah, but really, it goes just about as well as you'd think. Very overwhelming and them justing to shove and further include themselves into your life by using your birthday to enhance that force. If you've just arrived, the force is lighter, and if not? It's heavier. Much, much heaver.

[paradoxcase]

This poll has probably been done before, but I need to know how unpopular my opinions are

Excluded from this poll:

Perfectly (or at least mostly) fine and normal relationships, like Magnus/Abigail, Palamedes/Camilla/Dulcinea, or Nona and almost everyone she ever met

Probably/possibly toxic relationships that we don't really get a lot of details about, like whatever Alfred and Cristabel had going on, or Wake grooming Pash to be a child soldier

John and Harrow probably deserves to be on this list, but I ran out of options. Sorry

Please reblog for an increased sample size!