#minerva mcgonagall incorrect quotes

[abouttimeoc]

[jmwdoesthings]

(staff room, afternoon)

McGonagall: ... Why does Filius keep looking at you in such a strange manner, Severus?

Snape: (sipping coffee whilst marking) I don't know what you mean.

McGonagall: Why, he keeps glancing at you, as though he's afraid you're about to drop dead any moment.

Snape:

Snape: ...I may or may not have informed Filius about the function of the liver and lungs yesterday evening.

McGonagall:

McGonagall: ...I don't see how that-

Snape: I told him that my organs must be practically decomposed from myself breathing in toxic fumes and testing potions since an adolescent. Then, of course, as Potion's Master. I suspect that from that moment onwards, Filius wholeheartedly believes that I am mortally ill.

McGonagall:

Snape: What? Did you really think repeatedly making poisons and draughts of living death isn't going to have consequences on my health?

Snape: *coughs loudly*

Flitwick: (watery sniffling from behind piles of marking at the other table)

Snape: *smirks*

McGonagall:

McGonagall: You are despicable.

Snape: I am completely and utterly hilarious, Minerva.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Sirius , to the Marauders , lying facedown on his bed, regretting everything: and then I called her Mom

McGonagall, talking to Poppy, on the verge of tears: and then he called me Mom

[hpseeker99]

The Daily Prophet: Three people have reportedly broken into the Gringotts. McGonagall, scoffing: What idiots *Front cover on the daily prophet, showing Harry, Ron, and Hermione riding a dragon out of the building* McGonagall: Wait, those are my idiots

[daddiesdrarryy]

Sirius, James, Peter: Hey! Moony!

Remus: Hey, you’re here!

McGonagall: Merlin. Mr. Lupin, I said you could invite one friend to Professor Slughorn’s party. Only one

Remus: Professor, you know they don’t come separately

Sirius: Yeah, we’re pack animals, Professor

[toujoursincorrect]

McGonagall: Alright, how are you two gonna explain yourselves?!

James: Um…

Sirius: Well I’m going to say verbally, because judging by your tone you might not be in the mood for the dance we’ve prepared.

[rudamaruda520]

[the prefects meeting]

McGonagall: and most importantly- prevent any prohibited activities. Can I count on you?

Remus, 'the drug dealer' Lupin: Of course.

Lily, 'the quick snuck out to muggle London' Evans: Of course.

Pandora, 'the explosive constructor' Rosier: Of course.

Evan, 'the drug buyer' Rosier: Of course.

Emmeline, 'the beat the shit out of every bully' Vance: Of course.

[sayssnape]

minerva: i love watching severus when I'm having a bad day because no matter what kind of day I'm having, severus is having a worse one.

[moutainrusing]

McGonagall: I want to remind you that Hogwarts provides mental support to those of you who need it.

Sirius: Why does she always look at me when she says that?

James: She looks at me too.

Remus: Like a hawk.

Peter:

Peter: Because all of you are mentally fucked!!

Peter: And yes, in my experience, her gaze is rather intense.

[severussnapemylove]

Severus; “I give up. I am so tired.”

Minerva; “Get the emergency supply!”

Albus; *carries in Y/N and places you in front of Severus *

Y/N; *smiles*

Severus; “AND I AM BACK! LET’S GO!”

[kathryn-maraudersversion]

Remus: *commentating quidditch* WHO THE FUCK JUST HIT SIRIUS WITH A BLUDGER

McGonagall: language Mr lupin

Remus: but you saw that professor

McGonagall: I know how you are worried about Mr black but I assure you it will just give him a bruise

Remus: a bruise I'm going to have to hear about for the next fucking week

Sirius: *holds up the middle finger towards Remus*

[percyweasleyapologist]

Mcgonagall, rubbing her temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette.

Penelope: But Professor, we don't smoke.

McGonagall: Cut the crap, Penelope. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke.

McGonagall: *points at Percy* One! *points at Marcus* Two! *points at Oliver* Three! *points at Audrey* Four! *points at Penelope* Five!

McGonagall: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers!

Percy: *puts a cigarette in McGonagall's hand*

McGonagall: Thank you. ...Light?

Academic Disaster: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

[jmwdoesthings]

(Valentine's Day, as orchestrated by Lockhart)

Lockhart: (smugly) So, tell me, Professor Snape. What are your plans?

Snape: Plans.

Lockhart: Yes, for this evening. Surely, you must have a date.

Snape: I do.

McGonagall: ...???

Lockhart: Oh, really? Marvellous! I'll bet you've got quite a few things planned. Perhaps a candle-lit dinner, some music, all working up to a spectacular show of affection and ... passion?

Snape: (calmly) Not quite. I won't say the evening won't be eventful, though.

Lockhart: Indeed! My, you must be more experienced than you look, professor. Eventful... who would have thought? Not me.

McGonagall:

Snape: *sips wine*

Lockhart: ...So who is this date of yours you'll be so... "occupied" with?

Snape: *puts down goblet and swallows* Your mother.

[moonyswarmsweaters]

Sirius: did you get my assignment? Sorry it was late again

McGonagall: uh yeah, I looked it over nice work

Sirius: thanks mum

McGonagall:

Everyone in the class:

Sirius: why is everyone staring at me

James: you called Minnie mum

Remus: you said 'thanks mum'

Sirius: no I didn't. If anything I said thanks man

McGonagall: do you see me as a mother figure, Sirius?

Sirius: no! If anything I see you as a bother figure because you're always bothering me!

Marlene: hey! Show your mother some respect!

[hpseeker99]

McGonagall: Ok so you hate Potter, now you hate Weasley. How many enemies do you have exactly? Snape, without hesitation: 37 Snape: It was 36, but then my bitch neighbor had a baby

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: What happened in detention? Did Professor McGonagall say anything to you?

Sirius: Yeah, a lot, actually. Apparently, I’m “irresponsible” and “reckless” and “Mr Black”

Sirius: The last one is just my name, but you should hear her tone