#mind fudge

[ruminate88]

Healing From Emotional Abuse: Signs and Synchronizations

12/30/24 I’m NOT crazy lol

This year in 2024 I’ve seen more repeated numbers and signs giving me a feeling of “closure” but idk what else to make of it all…🤷🏻‍♀️

Since at least end of October, I’ve seen the number 44 all the time. Now of course once you see something, you COULD be looking for it unknowingly or just it’s easier to spot??? I’m a realist but also believe in the spiritual world cuz how else do you explain certain things without them being “out of this world”??

Most days I open my phone in the morning and have the weather widget at top which AGAIN today, the weather was 44 degrees 🤣 So saw “44” as usual first thing…. BUT throughout the day, I saw 1111 and 777 all day. I NEVER see 777. Or I also saw a lot of just “77” … I know it’s so random and maybe means nothing at all or means something. I also keep seeing cardinal birds a lot lately.

Later today I look out into my backyard and there is AT LEAST 5 cardinal birds and they’re eating on the ground and I wanted to cry but couldn’t… like happy cry tho, not sad cry. Lately I have thought of my grandma who passed away more! I took care of her for 7 years. She had dementia AND I believe she had trauma because of her lack of openness in conversation about her childhood but also dementia makes you forgetful so that helps you to dissociate but so does trauma. Dementia can also make you revert back to a certain thinking in your mind so was my grandma reverting back to her childhood trauma ??? Idk….

but as I have thought about her, I think of seeing all these cardinal birds which at first, I connected the birds to my ex Andrew cuz his school mascot was the cardinal when we were “together” but maybe seeing the bird is more about peace and resting in the prayers I believe in my heart my grandma prayed for me when she was alive. Idk

I’ve been comparing myself to her cuz I never really understood why she was soooo quiet and fearful about so many things. She just acted so funny towards me all the time and refused to talk about herself. She would only talk about others ANNNNND I do the same thing 😳 I can’t seem to wanna open up. People ask, “so what have you been up to?” And i always talk about family and friends but im uncomfortable to talk about myself mostly cuz ive spent so much alone time this year just writing and reading. It’s not like I have a lot of exciting things to talk about 🙃 ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 (I have thousands of notes on my phone of song lyrics and thoughts about my past)

Everywhere I read, it says to “talk to trusted friends and family” OKAY I trust my family but I don’t believe they’ll understand me. Judging from conversations where I tried to subtly say things to get their reactions and not sure they would be gentle with me and understanding. I feel like everyone is “so tough” and I just feel like they would say “you gotta forgive and forget” OR I feel they would say “this is why we didn’t like you being on dating apps” etc…..

whatever. I don’t need approval to be upset or hurt. I know how I feel in my heart. I know the truth I’ve found, the things I’ve read and I see similar situations with other people around me. My bro in law is in a abusive/toxic relationship now and not everyone seems to see it or care. So I guess everyone just ignores it or they really can’t see what I see. Sucks. I don’t talk to him cuz he’s never alone without his gf plus I’m not sure he’s ready to leave that relationship at all.

I know from experience you will defend your abuser as long as you believe that you love them but WAKE UP! There’s no “love” in a toxic relationship…. 💔💔💔 I wanted to have love with my ex Andrew sooo badly. I stood up for him and protected him against my own friends who only wanted me to be happy 😢 I pushed those friends away too… my friend Bri passed away in 2019 and I never forgave her ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 I was angry at her for exposing Andrew and causing the breakup truthfully. She was right and I was lying to myself about Andrew. All because he kept giving me false promises/hope yet continued to push me away. I was tired of being confused over him … my friend Bri said she was only trying to help me but I was so confused over Drew, I trusted no one. Not even my friends. I can’t forgive Bri but I try to forgive myself …. It all sucks and I get so sad over Andrew just like “I miss him” but I miss when he was love bombing me. I KNOW that was not who he really is. I have to constantly remind myself he fooled me. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🥺

Sure Andrew said “sorry” but anyone can say it… he never said like truly why he is sorry or how he can make it better. He can’t change the past unfortunately and I’m not sure he really believed he did anything wrong back then… idk I’ve blocked his number and physically moved on. I’ve not bothered him in years but I think of him at least every day and dream of him STILL ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[ruminate88]

Always ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[freezebobs]

DBFZ Yamcha and Ten cookies...done!!!

Soo I've been on a mission to recreate the Yamcha and Ten cookies from dragon ball fighterz because they're adorable...and they're finally real!! :'D process and info below! (kind of long lol)

I saw someone share these screencaps from the game a while ago and as someone who never played DBFZ I was so charmed at how cute these things are. I wondered if anyone had ever made cookie cutters for them, did a quick search and didn't really find anything, so just kind of moved on.

A few months later I remembered them again and was like, man, I really would love to see these brought to life lol. And I searched again and actually found someone who made them!!... But they weren't selling them anymore. 😭💔

^Reddit post from user ShadowLord898.

So in the next few days I went into the DBFZ game files, figured out how to navigate them and locate/open the proprietary file types (took...a lot of googling), and eventually found the cookie textures!!! Which I then painstakingly traced over to create vectors.

I thought once I had the vectors, it would be easy to drop them into a 3D program and extrude them to make the cookie cutters. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! It's probably just my inexperience working with vectors in 3D programs, but I tried Blender, Fusion 360, and Tinkercad and had problems in each one before finally figuring out the right approach. (I really almost gave up 🤧 but I hadn't realized that your geometry/topology don't need to be perfect when 3D modeling for print as opposed to, like, something you plan to create a texture for.)

Tinkercad and its extremely user friendly interface, plus SVG import functionality, saved me.

Oh then I realized I forgot to reverse the design, which you have to do for a cookie cutter because of how they work. I thought I would need to flip all the vectors and re-import them, recreate the models... but thankfully there's a "flip" button in Tinkercad. Fixed.

I sent the files over to my friend @.theprocrastinatingengineer on Instagram, who has a 3D printing service, and he was able to print them out for me!

While I was waiting for them to ship I downloaded Cura ("slicer" program for preparing 3D files for print) just for fun. (I was really eager...)

And here's when I finally got them!!!

Despite choosing all the dimensions carefully, I was still surprised how dainty they were when I actually held them in my hand. I wasn't sure if they would work...

So I made the dough and everything, used some 5mm thick chopsticks as guides to roll out the dough to the thickness I wanted. I put plastic wrap over the dough to prevent the cutters from directly touching the dough due to food safety concerns. Here is my first attempt to use them:

After this my mindset quickly shifted from caring about food safety to "what's a little more plastic in my system?" / "I'm here for a good time, not a long time!!" / "welll the dough gets baked anyway so that kills the germs it should be fiiine" **I Do Not recommend others to be so careless... also important note: I was the only one eating these so I didn't have to worry about others' safety 🥴

^The difference between using the cutters with and without the plastic wrap.

This first rolling out of the dough was actually a little too thick; in my design I hadn't accounted for the way the dough squishes up when you press the cutter into it. There wasn't enough vertical space at all, and the dough kept getting stuck in the cutter. It was a bad time!!! (didn't get a lot of photos of the failures here because my hands were covered in flour)

After lots of broken cookie cutouts, re-flouring the surface/cutters/rolling pin, and re-rolling the dough to be a bit thinner, I managed to get these out. I had to support Ten's head like a newborn when moving the dough onto the cookie sheet because the connection to the body was so delicate 😢

AND HERE THEY ARE...fully baked and ready 🥹

For the most part I was going to leave them undecorated like how they are in the game. But @.lamichicuenta made this really cute drawing of the cookies where Yamcha had chocolate decorations and Ten was a salty cracker, and I really wanted to try decorating some to resemble those!! Here are the photos of both versions of the cookies the next day once I was able to get some natural light for nicer pics.

(I meant to poke some holes in Ten's cookie to look more like a cracker but I forgot about it until they were already baking.)

They tasted fine...yamcha was better thanks to the chocolate. 🤭

If you read all this, thank you for following my cookie cutter journey... 😌🙏💖

Oh yeah and I made the vectors, 3D print files, and specs/info all available in a google drive folder here for anyone to use if they want! https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1hQ7uq3leYPK64pGgt3LhFw-70IZnkYzh?usp=drive_link

OH and one last thing, i ended up revising the 3D models to hopefully fix the issue of not enough vertical space. ...turns out I hit the maximum for photos and videos in this post, but you can see it on my twitter here! https://twitter.com/freezebobs/status/1875720926840680678

I didn't get to try these revised models, but they are the ones I put in the drive folder. 😊👍

[book--brackets]

Summaries under the cut

Gallagher Girls by Ally Carter

Cammie Morgan is a student at the Gallagher Academy for Exceptional Young Women, a fairly typical all-girls school—that is, if every school taught advanced martial arts in PE and the latest in chemical warfare in science, and students received extra credit for breaking CIA codes in computer class. The Gallagher Academy might claim to be a school for geniuses, but it's really a school for spies. Even though Cammie is fluent in fourteen languages and capable of killing a man in seven different ways, she has no idea what to do when she meets an ordinary boy who thinks she's an ordinary girl. Sure, she can tap his phone, hack into his computer, or track him through town with the skill of a real "pavement artist"—but can she maneuver a relationship with someone who can never know the truth about her?

Fablehaven by Brandon Mull

Trespassers will be turned to stone

For centuries, mystical creatures of all description were gathered to a hidden refuge called Fablehaven to prevent their extinction. The sanctuary is one of the last strongholds of true magic. Enchanting? Absolutely. Exciting? You bet. Safe? Well, actually, quite the opposite . . .

Kendra and her brother, Seth, have no idea their grandfather is the current caretaker of Fablehaven. Inside the gated woods, ancient laws keep order among greedy trolls, mischievous satyrs, plotting witches, spiteful imps, and jealous fairies. However, when the rules get broken, powerful forces of evil are unleashed, forcing Kendra and Seth to face the greatest challenge of their lives, to save their family, Fablehaven, and perhaps even the world.

The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott

Nicholas Flamel was born in Paris on 28 September 1330. Nearly seven hundred years later, he is acknowledged as the greatest Alchemyst of his day. It is said that he discovered the secret of eternal life. The records show that he died in 1418. But his tomb is empty and Nicholas Flamel lives. The secret of eternal life is hidden within the book he protects—the Book of Abraham the Mage. It's the most powerful book that has ever existed. In the wrong hands, it will destroy the world. And that's exactly what Dr. John Dee plans to do when he steals it. Humankind won't know what's happening until it's too late. And if the prophecy is right, Sophie and Josh Newman are the only ones with the power to save the world as we know it. Sometimes legends are true. And Sophie and Josh Newman are about to find themselves in the middle of the greatest legend of all time.

Out of My Mind by Shannon Draper

Melody is not like most people. She cannot walk or talk, but she has a photographic memory; she can remember every detail of everything she has ever experienced. She is smarter than most of the adults who try to diagnose her and smarter than her classmates in her integrated classroom - the very same classmates who dismiss her as mentally challenged because she cannot tell them otherwise. But Melody refuses to be defined by cerebral palsy. And she's determined to let everyone know it - somehow.

The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare

Orphaned Kit Tyler knows, as she gazes for the first time at the cold, bleak shores of Connecticut Colony, that her new home will never be like the shimmering Caribbean island she left behind. In her relatives' stern Puritan community, she feels like a tropical bird that has flown to the wrong part of the world, a bird that is now caged and lonely. The only place where Kit feels completely free is in the meadows, where she enjoys the company of the old Quaker woman known as the Witch of Blackbird Pond, and on occasion, her young sailor friend Nat. But when Kit's friendship with the "witch" is discovered, Kit is faced with suspicion, fear, and anger. She herself is accused of witchcraft!

Books of Bayern by Shannon Hale

She was born with her eyes closed and a word on her tongue, a word she could not taste.

Her name was Anidori-Kiladra Talianna Isilee, Crown Princess of Kildenree, and she spent the first years of her life listening to her aunt’s stories and learning the language of the birds, especially the swans. And when she was older, she watched as a colt was born, and she heard the first word on his tongue, his name, Falada.

From the Grimm’s fairy tale of the princess who became a goose girl before she could become queen, Shannon Hale has woven an incredible, original, and magical tale of a girl who must find her own unusual talents before she can lead the people she has made her own.

Fudge by Judy Blume

Life with his little brother, Fudge, makes Peter Hatcher feel like a fourth grade nothing. Whether Fudge is throwing a temper tantrum in a shoe store, smearing mashed potatoes on the walls at Hamburger Heaven, or trying to fly, he's never far from trouble. He's an almost three-year-old terror who gets away with everything, and Peter's had it up to here! When Fudge walks off with Dribble, Peter's pet turtle, it's the last straw. Peter has put up with Fudge for too long. Way too long! How can he get his parents to pay attention to him for a change?

Bartimaeus by Jonathan Stroud

Nathaniel is a boy magician-in-training, sold to the government by his birth parents at the age of five and sent to live as an apprentice to a master. Powerful magicians rule Britain, and its empire, and Nathaniel is told his is the "ultimate sacrifice" for a "noble destiny."

If leaving his parents and erasing his past life isn't tough enough, Nathaniel's master, Arthur Underwood, is a cold, condescending, and cruel middle-ranking magician in the Ministry of Internal Affairs. The boy's only saving grace is the master's wife, Martha Underwood, who shows him genuine affection that he rewards with fierce devotion. Nathaniel gets along tolerably well over the years in the Underwood household until the summer before his eleventh birthday. Everything changes when he is publicly humiliated by the ruthless magician Simon Lovelace and betrayed by his cowardly master who does not defend him.

Nathaniel vows revenge. In a Faustian fever, he devours magical texts and hones his magic skills, all the while trying to appear subservient to his master. When he musters the strength to summon the 5,000-year-old djinni Bartimaeus to avenge Lovelace by stealing the powerful Amulet of Samarkand, the boy magician plunges into a situation more dangerous and deadly than anything he could ever imagine.

Shadow Children by Margaret Peterson Haddix

Luke has never been to school. He's never had a birthday party, or gone to a friend's house for an overnight. In fact, Luke has never had a friend.

Luke is one of the shadow children, a third child forbidden by the Population Police. He's lived his entire life in hiding, and now, with a new housing development replacing the woods next to his family's farm, he is no longer even allowed to go outside.

Then, one day Luke sees a girl's face in the window of a house where he knows two other children already live. Finally, he's met a shadow child like himself. Jen is willing to risk everything to come out of the shadows - does Luke dare to become involved in her dangerous plan? Can he afford not to?

Princess Academy by Shannon Hale

Miri lives on a mountain where, for generations, her ancestors have quarried stone and lived a simple life. Then word comes that the king's priests have divined her small village the home of the future princess. In a year's time, the prince himself will come and choose his bride from among the girls of the village. The king's ministers set up an academy on the mountain, and every teenage girl must attend and learn how to become a princess.

Miri soon finds herself confronted with a harsh academy mistress, bitter competition among the girls, and her own conflicting desires to be chosen and win the heart of her childhood best friend. But when bandits seek out the academy to kidnap the future princess, Miri must rally the girls together and use a power unique to the mountain dwellers to save herself and her classmates.

[botanikos]

❝I really need to get ▬▬. It has been quite some time since I've had good ▬▬ ! ❞

[ingravinoveritas]

You know what's kind of wild to me? Anna just confirmed they've been together for 6 years. People forget she's still 29, and isn't 30 yet. So they met when she was still 23. Not hugely different from 25, but notable I think. Idk where the narrative that she was 25 came from and how that stuck.

Hi there! So I am still catching up on Asks, and I wanted to make sure I addressed these (grouped together due to similar themes). For those who might not have seen, what is being referred to are two separate incidents that occurred in the days after Anna posted the t-shirt story on Instagram. On Tuesday, she posted this story lashing out at a Swedish publication for sharing a story originally from a UK publication (The Independent) about Michael's answer to the age gap question on The Assembly. The story was originally in Swedish, but the English translation is on the right:

Then on Wednesday, she did the same thing again, this time with another Swedish paper:

Since so much of this hinges on what Michael said in his response, I will post a short clip of that here, so we have the visual:

When AL's stories were first posted, I noticed a few comments on a post from @nightgoodomens from someone who speaks Swedish, and after reading the article, their observation was that all the magazines did was literally translate what Michael said, word for word (which we can then also further confirm by watching the video above).

So Michael's words were translated directly, and on top of that, Anna was not tagged by these papers, or contacted by reporters "for comment"--she seemingly sought out these news stories and shared them on her own social media. What's strange is that most of us would never have even seen them otherwise, and yet she chose to draw attention to them. And if these articles truly are meaningless clickbait, I'm confused as to why Anna would lash out so hard at them, especially if she feels as secure in her and Michael's relationship as she has wanted us to believe.

The other thing for me is that the one voice that is (again) noticeably absent here is Michael's. Nearly every post Michael has responded to/shared in relation to The Assembly was about a moment between him and one of the interviewers, Leo. Not only has the clip of Michael's answer to the age gap question gotten much less circulation/attention than the initial clip of the girl asking him the question, he has not said a single word about it since the show aired on April 5th.

He has especially not said anything about being misquoted (either in UK magazines/newspapers or international ones). And this becomes even more glaring when you realize that Michael immediately jumped on someone Twitter the day before AL shared that first story and corrected them for misquoting him (in regard to his comments about Welsh actors and Welsh roles). So it's very clear that if Michael thought he was being misquoted, there is no reason why he wouldn't speak up about it. And yet...complete silence.

I also find it interesting that for months, Michael was being attacked on social media, first in the aftermath of his comments about the situation in the Middle East, then more recently after recording a video saying hello to Good Omens fans in Russia. In both cases, he was defamed over and over again, accused of supporting war and genocide, and in general had his comments twisted and distorted beyond recognition--in other words, he was repeatedly misquoted (to put it mildly). Not once did Anna defend him against any of this. Not once was there an Insta story or anything speaking up in support of Michael. But as soon as it was something about her/their relationship, here she was posting these stories and letting us know exactly what her priorities are.

To your comments @lookforthelight97 about AL inadvertently saying the quiet parts out loud, that was also something that caught my attention. We could be here all day talking about the narrative and who is trying to change what, but for those who don't know, the narrative of her being 25 came from every media outlet stating that Michael and AL met in May of 2019...despite the fact that she gave birth to Lyra just four months later, in September.

It was this discrepancy that gave a lot of us the feeling that something was off even back in 2019 (and I would urge folks to check out @problematicwelshman, who covered a lot more of this at the time). In actuality, Michael and AL would have had to have met in late 2018 (when Anna was actually 24, as her birthday is in August) for her to then become pregnant and have the baby in September. All of this to say that if the official PR line for the last five years has been that they met in 2019, it makes you wonder why AL is suddenly publicly contradicting it, especially to show the lack of contentment she seems to feel about the relationship even after five (pardon me, six) years.

In any case, my incredulity is and continues to be at AL so readily showing her insecurities in this way, because all these two Insta stories have done is to draw more attention to her response than to the articles that are mentioned. Articles that again, none of us would have known about if she hadn't shared them. Yet as was said above, I don't think there is anything that anyone could post or write that casts doubt on Michael and AL's relationship the way her own social media posts do.

And to what you @vaguelyomens and @angelsadvocate96 said about Michael mentioning that his greatest fear is being alone, I feel like maybe Michael has such a fear of being alone because he already knows what it's like to feel alone. To know deep down that you are not remotely on the same page as the person you're in a relationship with. To know that they don't understand you and never will, but feeling responsible for them nonetheless, and not knowing how to reconcile those two things. It's difficult to imagine anything that would make someone feel more alone than that.

So, those are my thoughts on the Insta stories AL shared earlier this week. As I have said before, I know that I could be completely wrong, and I'm happy for folks to share their perspective, whether you agree or disagree. A heck of a lot to think about, for sure...

[thecrowsart]

👁️🦎🎯

(crops under cut)

[shoot-i-messed-up]

trying to figure out the logistics of a Superlantern arranged marriage AU

[sinkat-arts]

That fish was THI--------------IS big. And here’s the proof. 

Just some timeskip Asahi and Noya catching up after Noya’s latest adventures. I love that Asahi became a fashion designer. Almost as much as I love the fact that Noya just decided to go take on the whole damn world. It’s very him. 

Also matching bracelets and (kind of) tattoos because why not. I may or may not clean this up in the future, but in case I don’t... here you go. 

[ruminate88]

idk how to say what my needs are or ask for help ❤️‍🩹

12/28/24

Being the family caretaker in my teens and young 20’s, the fam was depending on me for help. I always was making a sandwich for someone, giving someone a bath or entertaining them. Just always taking care of everyone. My mom throughout the years had different surgeries or health issues and I always took care of her during those times too…… she really needed me so much ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🌹

for years I didn’t go to a Dr, a dentist or didn’t have my own life cuz I was focused on others.

I never knew how to say what my own needs are and I struggle to say I need help 😢 my first bf at 18 was a taker. He was using me and my parents so he had a free place to eat and sleep at. I did get bitter from him I believe that…. Yet because I never had a healthy relationship where I can share my feelings for real, be totally vulnerable or be 110% my weirdo self, wow….. I tried to be a weirdo with that first bf. I even taught him my made up fake language I created as a kid. I dated toxic men after him one after the other. Men who are super critical, jealous and obsessive one minute but then irritated at me the next and they drop me on my face, (one even ghosted me)

yet I’m not super independent I very much lean on my mom and my husband. If I had to ask for money I would ask my mom not my husband. I know what it’s like for a partner to use you and I will NEVER use my spouse like that yet I have no motivation to do stuff for myself…. I must be in freeze mode. I got out of “flight or fight” and now I’m in a mode where I’m doing the necessary things I have to like clean, cook, laundry, eat and shower but eh…. I’m not living my life right now. Just functioning.

the only pleasure I have on this earth is coffee hahahaha I’m like yessssss give me Starbucks all freakin day. I have a Keurig and I get the big giant box of pikes place k-cups 😋😋😋 I drink it all day and then force myself to drink water cuz I’m thirsty but I’ve had a bad toxic habit most of my life where I deprive myself from things on purpose as if “you don’t need this” annnnnd I believe the deprivation comes from being labeled as a kid, not feeling smart and then being emotionally abused. Like…. “You’re a bad person” cuz my exes treated me so badly that I subconsciously feel like a bad person as if I did something wrong 😑

this is total honestly and harsh reality of the impact from how people treat you. You can’t unfortunately control how people treat you BUT you can heal and find worth in yourself. You can be humble but still love yourself and be loved, just gotta not give up. I mean…. Gotta have hope and faith. One day at a time ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹🌹

[greenfrogartist]

Batman looking a little red there, isn't he @the-stove-is-divorced ? Must be a trick of the light

[book--brackets]

[captain039]

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE

[fudge24-7]

Wondering if tumblr is really good for me

[shinescape]

pov: you asked junhui if he's still at work since he hasn't texted you after his usual "good morning, sunshine" message and you got kind of worried. and few minutes later, he sent these two photos with the text that says "I'll be home soon. Here's a little treat. ☺️" and then you let out the ugliest screech ever and spend the next few hours staring at his photos...