#what about my state of mind??
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pov: you asked junhui if he's still at work since he hasn't texted you after his usual "good morning, sunshine" message and you got kind of worried. and few minutes later, he sent these two photos with the text that says "I'll be home soon. Here's a little treat. ☺️" and then you let out the ugliest screech ever and spend the next few hours staring at his photos...
#you here is me as well#fudge wen junhui#what about my state of mind??#the outfit is 🫠 i'm inlove#oh i can write all sorts of scenarios with the photos 😌#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#wen junhui x reader
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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day 15: haunting ♡
(femslashfeb prompt list)
#HALFWAY THROUGH??!#minifemslashfeb2024#ace attorney#lanamia#lana skye#mia fey#rotating them in my head#what if ghost mia DIDN'T agree with lana#I should add that my original concept for this was#that ghost mia is just a projection and lana is just imagining her spite post-mortem#as one does when they are not in a good state of mind#but I also think if mia genuinely disapproved of her actions... that would be so interesting#either way I think it should haunt lana#I just think that would be interesting#like what if mia asked about it when she was alive and investigating corruption#and lana deliberately lied to her#those kinds of regrets...#I love ghost stories...#me wanting mia to actually haunt the narrative...
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Michael Afton's intrusive FNAF thoughts..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf fanart#fnaf movie#michael afton#freddy fazbear#vanessa afton#Michael just bored during work#what else is he gonna do than consider the possibility#phone guy traumatized my man BAHAH#Vanessa and Michael moment a meeting of the minds pff#Vanessa never not gonna be worried about his state of being
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It's honestly frustrating that I've seen non-Russian queer people almost bragging about how they would be illegal in Russia, labeled an extremist or terrorist. Russian queers are in danger, their government has made it clear where it stands, and it's made this effort for the better part of a decade (even longer, perhaps). This will kill people, don't mistake this for a quirky little proclamation from a government, akin to somebody saying the sky is pink. Russian queer people were already expressing their fear, and the least we can do now is express our love for them, and advocate with them.
Russian queer people, I love you. I love you all so much. I am so sorry, I cannot begin to express the grief that I feel, and I hope that you are safe. Words cannot encapsulate how I feel as a non-Russian, and I cannot hope to comprehend how it feels to actually be in this situation.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ofc this has been brewing for a long time and it has been really troubling to say the very LEAST#honestly i have seen russian queers joke about the situation which feels different. honestly it's almost admirable#i just can't find it funny to see non-Russians do it simply because the threat of prosecution or death for people is too high in my mind#it feels almost voyeuristic when non-russians joke like that to me#like i've joked about the state of (us)american queer rights when it feels too bleak but i live here#i guess when people only joke about it it tells me they don't think it's a big deal or that it won't affect queer people...#...because it won't affect them as an outsider likely#it's just shitty. all around. and it's the type of thing that i'm not sure what to do#queerphobia#queerphobia tw
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My less popular opinion (and what I believe to be implied by the art in Lost Days) is that rather than waking up in a fully grown body Jason didn’t actually complete his puberty until after his Lazarus pit dip while he was on his murder tour. Imagine you’re tied up in a basement in Berlin getting interrogated by a teenager and his voice is cracking the entire time and if you laugh he’s going to shoot you
#Late puberty Jason truthers rise#Egon calling up Talia like ‘did you send me a middle schooler what is this’. ‘He’s technically high school aged actually’#he would’ve been like 18 when he finally regained consciousness but the way he’s drawn could easily be mistaken for 15#I know people love the body dysmorphia angst of Jason waking up big but I offer you this: Jason wakes up looking basically the same to a#world that has moved on without him and is unrecognizable. His death/injuries stunted him he existed for years in a state of suspension#while the world passed him by. He was on pause while everyone kept moving on and he didn’t get unpaused until the Lazarus pit and he has#to scramble to catch up. He’s actually 18 but the last thing he remembers is being 15 and his body reflects this state#and then once his mind is finally back online puberty hits him like a truck. Just look at the difference between how Jason is drawn#immediately after his dip in the Lazarus pit vs the end of lost days when his training arc is over#It implies it could’ve been multiple years but in order to fit with the timeline of other comics I personally don’t think it#would’ve been that long. I think he just sprouted up like a weed#Jason Todd#dc#I think Jason is technically still growing by the time he’s red hood. In my personal mindscape he doesn’t reach his peak buffness/height#he’s like 21 and he’s 19 in utrh#Sorry for my 1538283th post about red hood lost days I’m obsessed with his little fucked up coming of age story#Red hood lost days
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#insane choices being made 👀
Loki 1x04 // 2x02
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#loki spoilers#took me this long to recover from the 'and he knows' scene to gif it bc y'all what even was that 😭😭#how many more times can we get confirmation mobius will ALWAYS be there no matter what god i'm so unwell over them!!#and don't get me started on loki being able to confidently state mobius knows and accepts everything about them...#can you BELIEVE#(btw this doesn't matter but in my mind there's always clapping and cheering when mobius walks around the corner 😅)#loki s2 spoilers#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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can’t look him in the eye
#was pondering on how afraid ford and fidds must have been of each other even before the portal test incident#like fiddleford most definitely knew something was seriously off with ford#and ford knew fiddleford was using the memory gun on him#but what were they going to do about it? they were all each other had#one doomed toxic yaoi drawing coming right up!#and i know they both really started loosing their minds later but it’s just more fun to draw them in that state#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#standford pines#ford pines#fiddauthor#fordsquared#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#old man mcgucket#bill cipher#the book of bill#tbob#society of the blind eye#journal 3#my art#faded kat
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'should i add this f/o?' yes literally the answer is always yes
whats stopping you? who can stop you
do whatever you want forever
#proselfship#proship selfship#been seeing this a lot on my dash the past few days and literally just do it who cares we have fun here#'but what if i end up changing my mind about it later?' nobody lives in a state of permanence we live in the moment its literally okay
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KEANU REEVES as NEO The Matrix (1999)
#Keanu Reeves#The Matrix#kreevesedit#moviegifs#junkfooddaily#userstream#dailyflicks#cinemapix#filmedit#*#Neo#cypher saying Neo has pretty eyes was the realest thing#neo you're doing amazing sweetie#get him some noodles#*all those posts about not arguing with a man with brown eyes*#did i need the version so HD i can see the stray chest hairs???#yes and frankly i'd worry about my state of mind if that wasn't the case#*my hard drive crying in the distance*#coloring this was......yeah wow#sure he can dodge bullets or whatever but he's also a gangly nerd and that's what i need#okie dokie#hacker bf 💚#god what a face#is this seat taken?#pls don't hurt me Trinity#you're under arrest#put your hands where i can hold them#me if i was agent smith#thank you to who decided on the thigh holsters#they are supremely important
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Bungou Stray Dogs: Dead Apple and how “ability users” (opposite to “normal people”) learning to accept themselves through the acceptance of their own abilities is a queer metaphor of acceptance of own's sexual orientation and gender: an essay by me
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#About: Dead Apple. Watched this a while ago with a friend and it was a lot of fun!!!#If you're reading this: thank you so much for hanging out with me I had such a good time (ㅅ´ ˘ )♡#Next to general considerations: wow they were right that Bungou Stray Dogs movie sure can Bungou Stray Dogs#It's always nice to see the detailed animation and elaborate backgrounds of movies. The animation quality compared to the manga is–#definitely noticeable and it's nice to see. That said... I still like the season 2 art style more? And I'm speaking strictly of art style.#The s2 one looks more soft and smooth while the da one is so much more rough.#The plot is... Very bsd-esque I don't think there's anything to add.#In my opinion Kyouka's arc is the one that turned out best tbh. I really like her narrative development and personal growth in this movie.#I like the complexity of her state of mind. how full of contradiction she is. I especially appreciate the recurring small changes of–#expression that indicate how she thinks differently from Atsushi even if she doesn't voice them. The fight between her cynicism and her–#kind nature. It's all very interesting.#Atsushi's development is interesting too. Although all the open questions about his ability we still have kind of leave me frustrated#I don't feel very strongly about Akutagawa in this movie? I mean‚ he's there. The ss/kk scenes are always great and in character and a joy–#to witness no matter what they do. He just doesn't shine particularly? Or at least personally I dont find the “proving my strength against–#myself” narrative arc to be particularly interesting. Imo it was a lot better flashed out in the da stage play! With the complexity that–#the dialogues with Chuuya added to the character. Dazai attacking him. And especially Aktgw understanding that Rashomon wasn't testing Aktg#but rather only expressing that unstoppable rage that is also Aktgw's own. About that I checked out the play and I really liked it!!#I only watched highlights (aka: ss/kk and chuu/aku scenes) but there's some stuff I really like. I like the conflict between Aktgw and–#Chuuya and how Chuuya messes up with Aktgw at first maliciously and then amiably. It's interesting how Atsushi himself observes that Kyouka#and Akutagawa get along. And especially the sskk almost-handholding and Atsushi saying Akutagawa has a nice profile were cute akjdhbsawhjb#Next. Da really is shipping paradise (╥﹏╥) Sorry but... It is. oda/zai. daz/atsu. ss/kk. s/kk. fuku/mori. chuu/aku. It really has everythin#and the moments are so good!!!! What else. Wish we'd see more of Tsujimura. And Christie. And women in general tbh.#Also‚‚‚‚‚ Atsushi's tiger form in this movie is ATROCIOUS. I've said it before but it's crazy how a franchises that relies so heavily on–#fanservice came up with something this hideous. Man the movie overall was pretty but Atsushi sure wasn't. Firmly stand by the belief–#that only Akutagawa would find that form attractive.#Oh last note. honestly if we're ready to accept a movie where an antidote has effect AFTER the person has effectively died then we really–#can't complain about any kind of insanity the manga brings up#random rambles
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i'm realizing how much tapping into the void is just... not difficult. and ig i knew this conceptually, and anytime i've gotten close to or briefly tapped into the void state, it's always "just happened." but this understanding is sinking in on a new level.
the degree to which i've released judgments during my meditations has allowed me to "go deeper" so much faster because i'm not trying to accomplish anything through force, will, or intellect. instead of trying to master my awareness, i'm just being mindful of my awareness and where it's placed, therefore putting the concept of mastery in action.
we think we need a crowbar to pry the doors of consciousness open when we are actually the door itself. it's about a feather light touch, gently tapping your awareness back to where you desire it to be. because the moment you start trying, you're intellectualizing, and as the ancient one said in doctor strange, "your intellect has taken you far in life, but it can take you no further."
consciousness defies all reason because it's beyond all reason. the mind will never be satisfied, so stop trying to satisfy it. as jesus said in the chosen when healing the paralytic at the pool of bethesda, "you only need me." you only need your awareness to continue staying on your desired end. instead of trying harder or looking for another new method or technique, soften your touch and see what happens. be a shepherd to your awareness and gently herd it home.
#void state#mindfulness & transcendental meditations have been really helping me recently!#just in terms of identifying more with my awareness and not the body.#and also not reacting to every thought. sensation. or thing i see.#i know meditating sounds gross at first. xD but i'm glad i stuck it out.#what if you went about this experience like you loved yourself??? yknow?? what then!
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I am always thinking TimJay thoughts related to the fact that they have matching scars from getting their throats slit, and not only that, but Jason slit Tim's throat first in an attempt to threaten Bruce, where Tim was nothing more than a pawn for Jason to use to emotionally manipulate Bruce.
batman (1940) #618
And then, just a little while later when Jason is trying to confront Bruce and do his whole dramatic moment with Joker in UTRH, and Bruce slits Jason's throat to stop Jason from killing the Joker.
batman (1940) #650
It makes me so Unwell. They have literal matching scars. When do you think Jason realizes it? When do you think, while running his fingers over the scar he has to always remind himself that Bruce was willing to jeopardize Jason's own life just to save the Joker, Jason realized it was the same scar *he* gave Tim? And does it click for him too, that he and Tim are a lot alike? Being used as pawns in Bruce's game? And for the first time he maybe understands Tim Drake, just another kid trying to get Bruce's attention and approval? And Jason did to Tim exactly what Bruce did to Jason? And that's part of what spurns on Jason's obsession with Tim, trying to "save" Tim from Bruce's ideology?
When they finally get together does it make Jason even more possessive? He put that mark on Tim and now he has his own to match. It's the closest to being understood and loved he's ever felt when Tim runs his fingers over Jason's scar at the same time Jason touches Tim's. Mirrors of each other, in a fun, fucked up little way.
#jaytim#timjay#batcest#tim drake x jason todd#jason todd x tim drake#necrotic festerings#i would've included the proper panel where the batarang slits jasons throat but i've gotta be so honest with you#i can't fucking take that panel seriously. the art is *so* bad. why does jason's face look like that.#it ruins what should be one of the most important moments in jason and bruce's history. everytime i look at it i either laugh or cry#anyway it makes me unwell that jason scars tim first bc i usually see ppl mix this moment up with the titans tower moment#which would make it post-utrh#but no it's from batman: hush which comes first which is so much more fun for me when it comes to jason coping#like first you have to handle knowing the man you saw as a father bataranged your throat to save the guy who killed you#and then you realized he incidently gave you a scar that now matches the scar you gave the replacement you fucking hate?#i'd also be so unwell about it i'd go beat tim's ass at titans tower.#in my timjay little mind this is the true state of jason's complicated weird feelings about tim#the realization they have the same scar forces him to reevaluate his gut reaction to tim's existence#and thus his spiral into obsession and testing tim then trying to recruit tim begins.#i did in fact post this instead of writing fanfic don't mind it. i'm having a time. i'm also avoiding doing dishes.#i like ships besides timjay i SWEAR they're just on the mind as of recent
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No desire to convert to catholicism but the desire to kind of pretend that no schisms ever happened.
#[sigh] and we'll pray that our unity will one day be restored and they'll know we are christians by our love#txt#It's the bi-monthly angst about denominations don't mind me#whichever church I'm attending I know it's better than my very bleak new age era so it's not worth getting too upset over I suppose#what do you do when the UCC is too reformed and not litergical enough but catholics don't like gays or ordain women and episcopalians#make me angry because they like to ignore the atrocities they orchestrated in the southern united states and honestly every single#denomination has blood on their hands from various atrocities and ugh#too transgender for orthodoxy also#the eastern orthodox church in my city says that women can't wear pants that aren't obviously pants meant for women#so I can't check it out#I will keep going to my UCC church
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Wymack is the type of coach to label the trash can ‘Suggestion Box’ and point to it when the Foxes start spouting too much bullshit
#wymack: what is this nicky?#nicky: a trash can. are you losing your sight already coach?#wymack (tapping the label): i’m about to lose my mind if I listen to any more of your bullcrap. what’s this say?#nicky: suggestion box?#wymack (slipping in earbuds): suggest away#david wymack#nicky hemmick#palmetto state university#aftg#all for the game#palmetto state foxes#psu foxes#ash has thoughts
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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