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#might cry myself to sleep idk
linonyang · 1 year
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just watched barbie brb i'm gonna cry the whole night (the tags has some spoilers there ig)
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deoidesign · 4 months
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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the picnic table scene
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kimetsu-chan · 12 days
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
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orange-cheetah · 7 months
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i do not want to be here for kuroshitsuji 209 i do not want to be here
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entirelysein-e · 16 days
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It's missing bestie hours
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parasitic-saint · 9 months
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wasting a whole week by sleeping is making me want to cry
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reggieblk · 1 year
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Epilogue : For a long life to be called happy, it must find fulfilment in death of equals in life (partners in death) is out! 
Fic summary : 
When Sirius died Harry's whole world crumbled.
Amidst grief and anger, one may find that hope and love can be found in the most unexpected places.
For Harry, that came in the form of Voldemort offering him a home.
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A story of grief, healing, learning and magic. But most importantly, this is a love story.
Well, it’s over. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy the epilogue xx
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martianbugsbunny · 1 year
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Speaking of hair, does anybody have advice for maybe dyeing parts of it yourself? If there's a good way to put streaks of color in randomly just for the vibe does anybody have tricks or tips?
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💗 slow kiss / gentle kiss / inevitable / soft
Hiya Middy! Long time no see!! I hope life has been kind to you 💜💜💜
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lol we're thinking on the same wavelength today @coldshrugs 😂 :>
anyway. This was supposed to be a snippet. It...did not end up being a snippet omg, it really got away from me kdlfhgjkfdhgk. It's 3:40 in the morning and this is the first piece I've (more or less) finished in like 3 or 4 months. It's just under 1,300 words. Set a few weeks after the big Endwalker finale, so vague mentions of what happened there.
[prompt meme]
nascent hope & new beginnings
The uneven rhythm of O’ravi’s cane tapping on the cobblestone announces her presence before she emerges from the early morning fog that blankets Sharlayan, and Aymeric sets aside the report he was reading, its contents immediately forgotten.
She’s starting to look like herself again, a clarity in her eyes now that’s been absent since her return from Ultima Thule. The silver and teal shawl she’s wrapped around her shoulders clashes somewhat oddly with the dark red tunic dress she wears, which in turn contrasts with the royal blue ribbon that holds her hair in a loose ponytail. It’s a far cry from the well-coordinated outfits she wears for business and battle, but it suits her.
O’ravi smiles, a little lopsidedly, a little shyly, and waves. “Hey.”
“Good morning, Ravi.” He can’t help it—he runs to meet her, and offers his arm. “You’re up early.”
“The pain was too great to stay in bed. So I thought I might as well seek you out, enjoy the fresh air.” She moves to link her arm through his but pauses, a strange look on her face. Instead, she reaches up to grasp his collar and tugs.
Wordlessly, and with no small amount of confusion, he acquiesces to her wish and leans down.
And softly, sweetly, feather-lightly, she presses a kiss to his lips.
She withdraws before he realizes what happened, content. His heart lurches like a wounded animal within his chest, his breath suddenly shaky, and she winds her arm through his as if she didn’t just send him reeling.
He can’t bear to look at her, he can’t bear to look away. The kiss in Ala Mhigo, before she set out for Garlemald—when she’d kissed him like her survival depended on it only to flee for the airship. That was moons ago, and they’d not spoken of it yet. It was never the right time.
Now, this. Against all the odds she defeated Meteion and Zenos and made it home alive, and she could’ve gone to anyone—could’ve sought out anyone she wished—but she chose to be here. With him.
Halone have mercy.
They walk together down the garden path back to the pavilion. Her gait is unsteady and torpid, but between him and the cane she’s at no risk of falling. It frustrates and distresses her to be so robbed of strength, but he’s just glad to see her up and about and alive. Safe, and free.
There’s a chill on the breeze, carrying the promise of snow and the memory of home. The long walks they took through the Pillars on the eve of battles she didn’t believe she’d return from. He lays a hand over hers, letting her clammy hands soak up his warmth. Soon, they’d go home together, and never again would she need to leave fearing what fate awaited her in far-off lands. Not if he had anything to say about it.
They make their way to the bench where Aymeric left the report, and O’ravi attempts to fold her legs beneath her only to cringe and hiss when the motion aggravates some half-dozen different wounds.
“Careful,” Aymeric says, settling down beside her.
“It never gets easier.” She leans the handle of her cane into the corner of the pavilion wall, careful not to knock it over lest its clattering disrupt the morning quiet. Her tail swishes placidly as she shifts to close the distance between them, ensuring that her arm rests against his and her leg likewise touches his.
He raises his hand slightly in silent offering; without hesitation, she twines her fingers through his.
“Aymeric,” she says, so softly it’s almost a whisper, “what do you think happens now that the Final Days are over? No more Ascians, no more Garlean expansionism, no more Hydaelyn and Zodiark…”
“Years of rebuilding, to start with. No nation was spared the destruction the blasphemies and towers wrought—in every corner of the world, entire communities were wiped out, the population slaughtered or turned, to say nothing of the state of Garlemald. We must needs—”
O’ravi laughs. “No, no, no, I meant: duty and the wider world be damned, what do you want for your future?”
Ah.
He blinks stupidly, trying to cobble together an answer. “I’ve not put much thought into it, to tell you the truth.”
In truth, that is a flat-out lie. Of course he’s thought about it. But what he wants, what he longs for above all else—he cannot ask that of her. What if the request hurts her? And, perhaps it’s selfish, but what if her answer hurts him? Their friendship is too important to take the risk. No, he will hold his tongue.
“You don’t have to have it all figured out right now,” she says, and while her smile is tender there’s a knowing look in her eye that he can’t withstand. “Just think about it for a while.”
He never has been good at lying to her. His one consolation is that she’s just as bad at lying to him.
“What of you? The world is yours now, your life is your own again. What will you do with it?”
“Well.” She straightens her spine, ears twitching excitedly, and her smile takes on a mischievous edge. “After all I’ve done, I have more than earned the right to live as I see fit. I’ve earned the right to put duty and responsibility and reputation aside—and I know someone else who has earned the same.”
“We do owe much to your fellow Scions and Warriors of Light.”
“No, Aymeric, I mean you.” She takes his other hand in her own and squeezes. “The future is ours now. Ours to shape, ours to live. After all we’ve bled and suffered and sacrificed, we need to do something for ourselves. Just this much at least.” She leans towards him, and he has no choice but to meet her gaze. “You give and you give and you give of yourself until you have nothing left. The world takes and it never gives back, and before you know it you’ve lost yourself. I know this is happening to you because it happened to me, too. You have to draw a line in the sand somewhere and say, this is mine, this belongs to me, and the world can’t touch it. Aymeric, may I tell you what I want for the future?”
The light is glinting off the gold veins that mar her eyes. Her sincerity is painful to behold.
“Of course.”
“I want you to find yourself again. I want to find me again…and I want us to do it together. I want us to walk into the future together, hand in hand, side by side. Whatever paths we walk going forward, I want us to walk them together until the end of our days.”
“I…”
By the Fury, how is he supposed to answer that? How is he meant to—?
His heart is racing, and she’s watching him with such an innocence, a kindness that’s driving him mad.
Her wish answers the question he couldn’t voice. Yet it still leaves some things up in the air, namely: will they continue to keep a distance between them? Pretend Ala Mhigo never happened and remain friends and naught more?
A deeply foolish thought—he knows what the answer to that is, even if he won’t admit it—but nonetheless…
O’ravi raises an inquisitive eyebrow. “What say you, my brilliant blue knight?” His thoughts are spinning too rapidly to be trusted now, so despite the fact he’ll likely regret it later, he follows the impulse of his heart and kisses the scar that cuts across the bridge of her nose. Let that be answer enough.
#i slammed this out in one night so it is nowhere near as polished as what i usually post#if i allowed myself to edit it it would never get posted SO#no editing we die like dragoons using elusive jump during the titan boss fight#well i mean. i'll probably edit it tomorrow afternoon but. for now we're not playing that game GKJHDFLGKJ#don't judge me don't look at me it's 3am and this held me hostage even as my brain's ability to words sputtered out T^T#we are NOT main tagging this it is TOO SILLY#i might be cringe but i am freeeeeee baybee#i will probably rewrite the end later but for now it is good enough#i decided not to let the perfectionism win and prevent me from writing + posting this so if it's messy that would be why lmao#i will fix it later for now we are floating in the goofy pool and crying into our hands !!!#o'ravi soltholia#rogue writes#o'ravmeric#OKAY BYE IM GONNA SLEEP NOW BEFORE THE ANXIETY CAN CATCH ME 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️#endwalker spoilers#really really vaguely??? idk but just to be safe#HELPPPPP#is this even coherent? idk but i had fun writing it. that's the important part#and considering the migraines and pain and brain fog I've been in lately im amazed i was able to write at all#so. even if this sucks i created something so MISSION ACCOMPLISHED#thank u for the asks besties 💕 it really did help clear the brain fog a lil#also for the record this is my first time writing shippy stuff that isn't pre relationship or It's Complicated so. yay!!!!!#the only other shippy stuff ive written was shepard and kaidan angsting about shepard's death so this is new territory for me 😂
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emypony · 10 months
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#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more#this self conscious catgirl is so tired#sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok#i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment#genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me#and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media#in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end#YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!!#i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months#which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me#it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us#i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place#like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances?#anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically#idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i#personal#sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually#me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl#bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow#im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit#i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy#the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob#which i am feeling like right now!#vent#emy rambles#ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM#k really am#sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon#and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them#but yknow one can yearn
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scattered-winter · 1 year
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woe another tag vent session be upon ye
#one of the girls in my class looks just like her. oh my god.#like im not being dramatic i literally thought it was her in my peripheral vision.#literally almost burst into tears in the middle of the room lmaooooooo#and then for the rest of the day every time i saw someone with her hair color i just saw her.#this shit sucks fr y'all i have never almost cried in public this much#and then i had to drive to pick up some groceries and fuck.#ive never been an anxious driver. i quite enjoy driving actually.#but i literally almost had a panic attack when i first pulled onto the road. i was so fucking anxious the entire time i was behind the whee#someone came up behind me pretty fast and i legit had to pull over to calm down it was so bad#so uh. not gonna be driving for a while lol. gonna kill myself or someone else doing that.#idk. idk i think this has me pretty messed up and i probably will be for a while. idk#my roommates and i finally decorated our living room and it was . fun. we laughed and made jokes and it was fun#but well. predictably i am feeling guilty over having fun now. which sucks ass from every angle#should i probably maybe make an appointment for therapy ???? probably ???????????#idk. might be good to talk all this out out loud yk. but also i Know i will cry and i dont want to do that.#sigh. anyway.#also predictably i cannot sleep. couldnt last night either.#i might go paint in the living room. i dont know.#anyway if u read this whole rant ily ur earning the veteran's pass to Winter's Breakdown Sessions#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- once again if u need to blacklist. will not hold it against anybody i prommy#tw death#tw panic attack
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wallowing in self pity as an after work activity.
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peapod20001 · 2 years
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Haha don’t pay me any mind oho
#vent#ok. so#I was! fine for the most part today! but then! idk what happened!#I’m like sad now! depressed? like. I kinda don’t feel real#I think I was giving myself anxiety over thoughts. got really clammy. literally shoveled goldfish crackers into my face#now don’t judge me but#I’ve been looking at things that make me feel bad for like. at least 4 hours now haha..#I dunno man it’s the adhd I got one thought about thing that made me upset and now I’m hours in and my emotions are fried#and. shh don’t tell anyone I feel things but I know have a fantasy of someone I can cry around#whehe how pathetic is that. scraping the bottom of the barrel here looking for another human just let me cry @ you#hmm. how did I go from thinking up poems for valentines only to. feel so cold and alone#I’m not crying. but. I definitely need to later haha maybe this all kickstarted from my two whole hours of sleep last night 😎#mhm so uh. if your reading this with the most cold unfeeling monotone voice then you are exceptionally accurate!i am currently not all here#can’t sleep now tho gotta. do other shit I guess#I’m laying in bed for a second though. my legs were very cold to the touch. unfeeling unhuman#oh and I might be balding potentially but that’s still just a theory. my dad noticed and pointed it out#haha what would I be withought my hair? another germ just populating this Earth?#oho ahh. hm. I’m just a trying to say I don’t fell right now if that makes sense. anyways
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camscendants · 2 years
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Had a meltdown :/
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greenscreen-dress · 1 year
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I HAVE FINISHED THE OWL HOUSE IT IS 6:30 A.M I HAVE NOT SLEPT I HAVE JUST BEEN SOBBING CONTINUOUSLY FOR THE PAST 6 HOURS. AUOUAHOGHHH. FUCK.
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