#I think a might have a bit of autism | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bleue-flora · 1 month

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Why I think c!Dream is Autistic - Part 2

[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3]

If you haven’t read part 1 (eventhough I did try and write these as like separate things) I do recommend you go do that...

Did you do it? Hi hello, welcome back. :) Okay, now having gone over general traits, let’s talk more about the second part of my original statement [post]: “c!Dream is autistic and the consequential misunderstanding and miscommunication is a root of all the problems and conflicts” which I have covered a bit already [here].

So, because we think differently, communication and social interaction is often at the heart of a lot of our struggles (after my diagnosis at 20 I realized just how many of the conflicts in my past came down to this). Me and my therapist like to make the comparison that because autistic people’s brains are structured differently it is as if we are speaking a different language and as a result it ends with things being misinterpreted. Because as we all can recognize, when a language isn’t someone’s first, there are times when things don’t come across properly. Both because of perhaps a lack of words, different slang, tone, culture… etc. When you don’t take translation into consideration, it leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding as a lot of poor assumptions are made and conflict is often the result, especially because our inclination is to think the worst of people. [funnily enough here’s a great example between some anons about translation and communication 1 -> 2 -> 3]

As such, while autistic people have issues communicating with neurotypicals, we often don’t have issues communicating with each other - we speak the same language. So, it isn’t that we are any worse at communication in general than everyone else (in other words Dream is not the sole one to blame here), it’s that we are struggle to communicate with the neurotypical like we are speaking two different languages without even realizing it, so of course we struggle to understand each other.

I think (hopefully lol) we can all agree that the root of the dsmp conflict is miscommunication and not understanding each other. But the thing is, miscommunication in the standard sense, in our day to day life or in the climax of a romantic comedy is about the absence of communicating, like Quackity not talking to his fiances. It is to have information, an opinion, view or assumption that goes unsaid and then leads to struggle just because it was never talked out. However, in Dream’s case it isn’t that he doesn’t talk it out or not share his side of the story, because he does. He does a lot, he does communicate, how else could Dream apologists understand him even before the finale without his own pov detailing his thoughts.

He does talk about it but his autistic mind is using logic and facts against an emotional response leading to him being unheard. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether tyrant is the right word, they are just expressing their feelings of being controlled by a larger power, but Dream is too focused on pulling out the literal definition and the facts to see the real issue at hand - that they feel controlled and overshadowed by him. So they think Dream doesn’t care, and Dream thinks their points don't matter because their facts were wrong and no understanding is reached. Dream can use logic all day - Why would someone not want to escape a prison they were being tortured in? Why would someone make a prison and then plan on putting someone in an unfortified 1x1 hole in the wall? How can I be the tyrant when Eret is literally the king? How can I steal the discs if they were literally given to me after a fair duel? - but against people just spewing words out of anger, hurt, feelings of abandonment it isn’t going to make a difference.

Perhaps one of the most notable and tragic examples of this is George’s dethronement, in the aftermath of Techno’s attack and the Spirit speech, where Dream meets Sapnap’s and George’s emotions with logic and facts. (See [here] for full transcript, the following is trimmed down from two different vids)

[18:54] George: “Why—why do you think- why do you think I shouldn’t be king anymore?” Dream: “I think that… you would be safer if you were not, right?”

[23:56] Dream: “You’ll just be targeted if you’re the king, and you wanna be able to like, get revenge on Tommy and stuff, right? So, we can like work to—We can work together. Me and you.” George: “Hm. Sounds like you’re sugar-coating it.” Dream: “No, nono—I mean, it’s a little bit sugar-coated, but it’s also like… it’s just better because you don’t get attacked by everyone, and you can do whatever you want without having to worry...”

[25:37] Sapnap: “George, Dream said he didn’t care about anything on this SMP which… That just means he doesn’t care about us.” Dream: “Okay, I’ll have you say, I was—Okay, I wasn’t—I wasn’t—I didn’t actually mean I don’t care about anything.” George: “Why did you say it then?” Sapnap: “Yeah?” Dream: “Listen, listen! The reason I’m even saying George should step down as king is because I care about him. Because I—He’s been getting attacked, and I care about him, and I don’t want him to get attacked.”

[27:28] Dream: “What did you do as king? Like you didn’t do anything as king like decree or anything...” George: “I’ve been the best king this server has ever had!” Dream: “Yeah, I agree. I agree. But you’ve also been the least safe king because you just get attacked all the time because people don’t like me. And therefore, they don’t like you because you’re behind me, and you’re my friend.” Eret: “By association.” Dream: “Yeah. By association. So, like that’s the same reason, like, Sapnap’s got into some, you know, drama and stuff too, but…”—“Sap, stop pointing the damn bow at me.” George: “Just say—Just say you hate me.” Sapnap: “Yeah, just say it.” Dream: “George! *laughs in disbelief* George, I don’t—Listen to me. I care about you. That’s the reason I don’t want you to be the king.” Sapnap: “First—first—Listen to this. First, he says he doesn’t care about us, and now he’s demoting you as king.”

In this conversation over and over he reiterates how he cares and is trying to keep them safe from being targeted and attacked and yet after everything is said and done, his friends somehow leave that conversation thinking he doesn’t care about them. Why? Because what Sapnap really needed was validation for him feeling hurt, but instead Dream kept reasoning with his emotions with the concrete actions, details and facts, essentially saying that what he feels doesn’t matter because it’s not truth, which was never going to get through to them. They are listening but they aren’t hearing eachother, both think they have made their point and the other side has poor intentions for not reacting appropriately.

It took Tommy to literally experience Dream’s point of view to understand him and realize his intentions weren’t inherently malicious. Because only then could he shatter his assumptions and misconceptions about intention and motivation. Only then did he know which questions to ask Dream for him to get Dream to answer in a way that made sense to him. Before Tommy experiences Dream’s pov in limbo and after, Dream’s arguments and his answers for why don’t really change, he talks about peace and family so many different times, but it’s only after Tommy goes into his head that he’s able to actually translate what Dream was saying so he can hear him, understand him, see him.

It’s the assumption that the way you understand someone is what they meant to say that causes these issues in communication. Me missing social queues or body language that’s sending me a message and you assuming I don’t care or have a certain opinion on the matter because of my response or lack of response when in fact, no I just did not get the message after all. And as such as an autistic person it often feels like neurotypicals expect us to read their minds because they are sending messages, communicating how they feel just not in a way, not in a language we understand.

So, why do they ask that for the snake and not for people? - because people don’t speak snake, but surely people do speak people, so they assumed they don’t need to ask because they assumed that they can follow the train of thought because it's just like theirs. They assumed they understood each other but it’s like an American and a Brit arguing about jumpers without realizing they are two completely different clothing items.

#hopefully that makes sense I feel like I might be repeating myself a bit there but I try… it’s very hard for me to explain the two ways of #thinking when my brain doesn’t understand their process if that makes sense #like I completely follow dreams thought process in the dethronemenf so explaining Sapnap’s reasoning is hard lol because like it also don’t #make sense to me either XD… this is actually part of why I think neurodivergent peeps are drawn to Dream because we understand him)#dsmp #c!dream #dreblr #dream smp #dsmpblr #autistic c!dream #did someone order an essay?#no one does it like c!dream #god every time I watch the dethronement my heart breaks a little more… shout-out for punz for having dreams back per usual though…#autism #dsmp transcripts #alright so far the final essay is long I might have to do a bonus extra 4 🤦‍♀️

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philcoulsonismyhero · 10 months

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A thing I've been thinking about a lot as I've been obsessively re-listening to the Rivers of London books on a loop and putting colour coded bookmarks into my paperbacks (in short, being Extremely Autistic about the series) is just how interesting it would be to explore what it would be like to be an autistic wizard in that 'verse.

Like, take vestigia. It's a whole extra category of sensory impressions on top of everything else that you're picking up on, and you only get more sensitive to it the longer you train for. Peter wonders at one point if Nightingale isn't just straight up listening to the magic of the city in order to find out about cases, and even if he isn't doing that he's still got to be picking up on a Huge amount of sense impressions from the magic around him. Would an autistic practitioner be even more sensitive to vestigia? Just how much of a sensory overload trigger would it be, given that it's not a true smell/sound/whatever? Do really skilled practitioners like Nightingale ever get overloaded by just how much they can sense? Would an autistic wizard have to train themselves to shut out their sense of vestigia so they didn't get overwhelmed?

And then there's how you learn magic in the first place, which is a lot of repetition, doing the same thing over and over again until you produce an effect, and then continuing to repeat it until the effect becomes consistent. And you build spells by learning more and more formae, memorising them in the process. Which sounds to me like Such an autism-friendly way of learning to do anything, I fucking love repetition and memorising huge amounts of information.

Also, it's pointed out a bunch of times that Nightingale has almost scary levels of focus. In Broken Homes he spends ages watching CCTV footage, and then a full half hour just staring at the dog batteries at Skygarden. And it's pretty obvious that his level of obsessive focus is what's made him such a powerful wizard, since he's willing to put in the hours of practice, so autistic obsessiveness would be useful too.

(Sidenote, but I'm not sure if I actually think Nightingale is a character I'd read as autistic. He's definitely got a bunch of traits in the right direction, like the single-minded focus, the scary levels of concentration, the things he's very particular about and the way he can miss Peter's sarcasm sometimes, but in his case I think it's more just his personality and training and age, plus all the trauma. But I do think it would be a fun possibility/what-if to explore.)

And when it just comes down to it, I don't think I've ever encountered a magic system that appeals more to the specific way that my brain works than the RoL one, it seems like it would be So fun to learn. Even, tbh especially, the Latin and all the other studying that's also involved. So it does rather entertain me that I've gotten really autistic over a book series that has such an autism-friendly magic system, it feels Good and Correct.

Although. Ben Aaronovitch. My guy. Give me a list of all the formae and how they work, I am Begging you. I've never wanted an in-universe textbook tie-in book as much as I do for this series and Eventually I'm going to get my hands on the TTRPG book and obsess over every little detail of how they've interpreted the magic for that.

#rivers of london #it's Such a good magic system and it scratches my brain in just the right way #also i think these books might have convinced me to pick up latin again #i did five years of it in school and i'm a bit rusty #but suddenly i really want to get back into it #but yes i've been bouncing off of various type of sensory overload for a month #and it's really got me thinking about how vestigia would interact with that #so here are some Thoughts #personal stuff #wizard nonsense tag #autism stuff #actually autistic

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wormsdyke · 11 days

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3am pacing around the room in a heated debate with myself over which movie should fill the 4th slot on my letterboxd profile

#what autism does to a motherfucker #the first 3 are romeo+juliet 96/to catch a thief/scott pilgrim #rope is a STRONG contender but idk if i can justify 2 hitchcocks out of 4 slots. that’s a bit much #i might even like rope more but to catch a thief is just that important to my identity #2001 aso is also a strong contender as is contact. i haven’t seen either of them too many times but mostly bc i was too blown away #2001 is obviously That Movie but contact made me experience an entire new emotion at like 13 #i have not watched it since my dad died and i truly don’t know if i can ever watch it again. god #dead poets is also a legacy choice but like. has it truly earned it. yes it has but STILL #last candidate is portrait of a lady on fire for obvious lesbian reasons #one of the hardest i have ever cried at a film is the last like 3 minutes. deep painful sobbing i’m so serious #but again! does a particularly emotional viewing experience necessarily mean it goes in the top 4?#most importantly it does not fucking matter except for i like categorizing and making lists so it matters to me #i think the answer is i have to rewatch all the candidates but the problem is all those films make me so emotional it wipes me out for days #so watching them all is hydrogen bomb (5 fave movies) to coughing baby (me making lists)#ok. ok i’m going to try and go to bed now #if u read all of this and want to be letterboxd besties my @ is m_worm

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mikashisus · 1 month

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answering this in an ask cuz yeah it' easier anyways kaveh because (1) you're a writer /j and (2) i feel you're kinda ambitious and you seem to have a lot of creative ideas in your head i really admire

personality wise or vibes you're probs haitham ☠️ you don't give a shit HAHAHAAH + you did say you're kinda antisocial so hmmmm + you're really straightforward

watch me just accidentally straight up mischaracterise you

HAHA yeah i definitely count my creativeness as one of my best traits. i was always in an environment where i could be as wild and creative and imaginative as i wanted bc my mom always supported and nurtured that side of me.

though, i did have one teacher in middle school who tried to shut that part of me down and told me to “grow up.” i’m glad i never listened to her bs.

when kaveh went on a whole tangent abt his life falling apart, it def hit way too close to home for me, so i do see a little of myself in him + we r a bit similar! esp bc we both start projects we know we won’t be able to finish 😭

on the topic of alhaitham… the only similarities between us r that we’re both autistic LOL 💀 the headphones, the not wanting to be bothered, the bluntness, etc.

IM A FAKE IDGAFER, I AM WAYYYY TOO SENSITIVE LMAO, like i fr cant take jokes sometimes and my irls know that and r super understanding. i rlly hated middle school bc ppl would always say to me “why cant u take a joke”, so then i started masking 🙃

#this might come as a shocker but im actually not straightforward 😭#i tend to keep my thoughts to myself a lot #but that’s mostly a biproduct of consequence bc i used to be incredibly straightforward but then got told off #by my parents bc i was hurting others’ feelings (i srsly had no filter as a kid but that was bc of my autism)#so i learned to keep shit to myself and rlly think things thru before i say anything bc some things can come off as rude or insensitive #and i have to watch the way i say things sometimes (tone wise) bc ppl assume im being rude when i actually just have a monotone voice #kinda like alhaitham in that way ig. do see a bit of myself in him but that’s only cause of the autistic traits #ILL STOP RAMBLING NOW LMFAO SORRY #—mikashisus asks.#— ( ⛲️ ) visitors.

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shrimp1y · 2 months

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Bro how do you figure out healing things with like pushing (gently and nicely.) out of your comfort zones if thats what got you in burnout in the first place

#autism #fuckin autism man #like. i was reading some stuff yesterday about how we should face anxiety and stuff head on. and how doing the thing is often less bad than #worrying about the thing. but with how im built...................... doing the thing is very much Not.....................#like i can hype myself up and psyche myself to go out. im still gonna have to pay the price later. i feel anxiety not at the going out thing #but at the 'this might fuck you up' thing #and also a bit of the going out. but more so im worried being outside would be uncomfortable #hell. despair . yknow what thinking about this is only making it worse . im gonna stop my train of thoughts here

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waspsinyouryard · 4 months

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Now I'm wondering if I have autism + depression or if it's schizoid personality disorder

#autism #depression #schizoid personality disorder #← i guess this is kinda tagspam a bit but idk #when i was reading through the dsm 5 for curiosity reasons a few years ago i remember schizoid pd really standing out to me #and i was like ''holy shit that might be me'' and such #but researching what others who identify with it have to say I am not entirely sure #they seem completely uninterested in the idea of even having any sort of relationship with anyone else #where for me i think i would like it if someone wanted to be my friend and then we were friends #as long as they respect my space and such #it's just that i do not really have a desire or even much of an idea of how to form that sort if relationship with another #it's like that ''no take only throw'' comic except it's ''no connecting only connections''

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cuntstable · 11 months

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lrb is so….. good to read because like for years now ive been debating on if i have The Tism or not. like both my brothers do and compared to them my symptoms are a bit different, and for a long time i was just like oh its just adhd (while constantly doubting myself) but ive resently started to realize that its ok if i cant label it for sure since im not looking for a diagnosis anyway, im just like trying to focus on indentifying and managing the different problems and symptoms i Do have. man. whatever.

#for years i was like Well all my siblings and most of my friends are autistic so i at least have like. Honorary Autism. but uhm i think #mayhaps some of my behaviour and symptoms might be a bit beyond that. but whatever im focusing on managing etc etc #ofc also the years and years of masking and social trauma also complicate everything but man. whatever #like breaking it into smaller questions rather than the larger Do I Have X is in general such a good approach to these things.

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brainimpediment · 1 year

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while I’m here and in the spirit of the holiday season, i think I should share .my brainimpediment flag! The sounds and animation are Included!! I could not tell yoy what the colorsmean., I just like red and green a lot. Inspired by the evil autism flag. Smiley face!

#this is a gender AND sexuality flag. it encompasses All of me.#<I have no idea how pride flags ‘work’. idek if u can do that. but this is my house #my rules!!#braincore #flashing gif #cw flashing #tw flashing #strobe lights #tw strobe #just being safe #it’s just the little autism symbol in the center and it’s sort of slow #the audio is also a little silly (just clapping and other random capcut noises) so if u think that might freak u out a bit then #turn sound off. maybe

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sherlock-is-ace · 5 months

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#not having a great time today after my mom commented on my interests #i'm a person that is interested in shit i don't know this is why i'm very likely to follow disabled youtubers #in my time i have watched molly burke. multiplicityandme and a collection of autistic youtubers (guess why lol)#and my mom made a quite patronizing comment about how i ''take on causes'' by learning about stuff #and/or supporting fun and interesting youtube channels #but anyways it sucks even more because on her comment she made it clear (once again) that she doesn't believe me when i say #i might be autistic. and it fucking sucks!#because when i first talked to her about it even I didn't know much about it. i was just starting to do my research #and i was trying to make sense of things still but she dismissed it #but now that i do know more and things do make more sense #i can't even bring it up because the fact that i have been watching a lot of youtubers talk about autism will make her think #i'm just trying to be like them... which is stupid #but it's also the reason i didn't tell her that my best friend in my teens was trans. because i was trying to figure shit out myself #and telling her he was trans and then a bit later that i am as well was going to make her go ''everyone's trans now blah blah''#and dismiss that as well... but now i'm trapped in the same thing about autism lol #and her stupid loophole of a dismissal isn't just by saying ''no you're not autistic'' it's saying this like ''well MAAAAYBE you COULD be #but that doesn't mean anything and it doesn't matter and why would you want a diagnosis if it's not gonna change anything''#same thing as her whole ''sure you're a man but why do you have to look and act differently? YOU know who YOU are #who cares what others think?'' in a don't transition way #like that's so stupid!#dkfjhkdfhkdfg #i'm angry and i feel trapped #i have figured out a little bit ago that i don't stim near as enough as i need to BECAUSE i live in the same house as her #and the idea of ear defenders and other stuff like that is very appealing but i can't do that while she's around to judge #and IN PUBLIC?! that's unthinkable!!#i still remember the time she threatened with not going out with me (to the supermarket) because I commited the huge crime of #buttoning the top button of my button up shirt....#that's it. that was the whole reason.. she thought i looked ridiculous and she didn't want to be seen with me...#imagine if i wear ear defenders out...#not gonna risk it lol

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ceoofmetagala · 2 years

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Since we already did Gala, how would META express his love through physical affection? 👀

CRACKS FINGERS EXVTIDLET.

Okay welcome to my ted talk. I have a lot more to say om him atuclly. It's worth because he's not nealry as high up on my fav lists then gk (gk is like sceond/tied with moroho for fav)

I believe he inst all to lovey dovey at first . He just wnsst very sued to ya know dating and shit. But at most in the veginh phase if their dtaing he orbly (gasp!!!) Holds hands at most! How he is fine with holding hands but not kissing is beyond me. He'd so sinful. SMH....

But as he got more used to and accepting the fact he is now in a relationship he opened up a bit.

I think now he's very fine with gks tocuhy antics and seems indifrent to it but underthe mask he oebky shoudl take off more his face is very red! He also likes to surprise gk by diving into his wings. Gk screaming in surprise is just funny + soft wings

He also likes giving gk kisses on the cheek or forehead . Sometimes on the mouth ... scandalous...!

He much peters to do this in private and in public it's more obvious of his embreshemnt

Also.

Mk : verbal affection >>> physical affection.

He can come up with cheesy ass romantic lines very easily . How he does it we will never know. All we know is that he much prefers dlriting with gk this way 😭😭

When anwyss. I got distracted looking at mk mk pfp for some reason trying to figure out if his cape top collar thibgy was fucked up?? Idk i was so dirt acted and fixated on it what being a mk fan does to a mf i will south atteion to their fucker so hard for the smallest things???

#kirby #meta knight #galacta knight #metagala #mocha.txt #mocha asks #i think i might be a lil bit of autism but I HAVE NO FUCINH CLUE.#i cant even get diahkomsied by i suspeict it.#i only know i have social qnd normal anixety + depression #there might be a lil mroenmebtal illneds in me tajt just taht tho.#i mor elening to me having adhd but i can be both and i kust dont know it idk #all i knwo is my ass in neroudivergent 4sure

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