#might just pack my bags and drive to her over the weekend idk

[entirelysein-e]

It's missing bestie hours

[imagines-r-s]

sticking it

chapter 9 

a/n: idk why this chapter took so long, but here it is. for reference - in gymnastics, US Championships are the last meet before Olympic Trials, they’re a two day competition. any feedback is welcome. i’m kinda upset that this series (or at least this part) is almost done, but there is more to come with this series i promise. also had to repost bc it wasn’t showing up in the tags 

taglist: @butgilinsky @barbienoturbby @sunsetholland @lovenhlboys @sortagaysortahigh @hockey-racing-fubol @oopsiedoopsie23 @iwantahockeyhimbo @dreamsndior @itsurgirlgracie @heartshapedkissxs @lwstuff @handwrittenheroes

warnings: uh, i don’t think there’s anything, but if i miss something just let me know (the jamie mentioned is jamie oleksiak, not j b*nn)

sticking it masterlist

wc: 5.8

(not my gif)

“Are you sure that you have everything?” Joel asked for the twentieth time in the past hour, “we can run back to yours if you need anything else”

“I feel like you’re just trying to get me to stay with you longer,” you said, skeptically.

“Is it working?”

“No, Bee, I have to leave at some point,”  you said, putting another bag of yours in his car,”I won’t be gone long.”

“Yeah, but you’ll be closer to the Stars and that has me worried,” he said, causing you to chuckle. 

“You worried about Seggy? Or Roope? Or Big Rig? Or Mi-”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, I love you and only you, shawty. Besides, I can only tolerate Texas weather for so long,” you said, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek.

“I love you, too, shawty,” he paused,”Wait,- that was rude.”

After packing the last of your bags into the car, you made your way to the airport to meet Marcus and Michelle. Once you arrived at the airport, Joel parked the car before the two of you headed into the airport. The four of you caught up for a while before Marcus suggested giving you and Joel time to say goodbye. 

“Is this how it feels when me and the guys leave for the road?” Joel asked, softly. 

“Yeah,” you said, smiling sadly. 

“Well, good thing I’m the one on the road all the time, I mean, I don’t like leaving you, but when I’m leaving it’s a different feeling, you know.”

“Well glad it makes you happy, buddy.”

“Did you just buddy me?” Joel asked, incredulously. 

“Did I?” you asked, laughing as Joel gasped in shock.

“Wow, I see how it is. I’ll remember that.”

“Go ahead, babe. Remember it however you want,” you paused when you saw the sad look on his face, reaching to hold his face in your hands, “hey, I’m only a text away, I might not be right here, but I will answer as soon as I can and we’ll facetime as much as you want these next few days.”

Joel nodded before looking up and seeing Marcus and Michelle headed your way, “we hate to cut this short, but we have to get going pretty soon.”

“I know I asked, but do you really have to go?”

“Yeah, Bee, I really have to go.”

“You better kick ass out there or else you’re just leaving for nothing,” he said, jokingly, “but honestly, I wish you the best of luck - I know you don’t need it, but I’ll say it anyway. Make sure to tell Nicole I said good luck and please make sure to wipe that smug look off Kathryn's face. Okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” you said, wrapping your arms around him as he pressed kiss to the top of your head. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too, but if you don’t go, the only thing you’ll be missing is your flight.”

“Wow, Bee, you are so funny.” 

“Well, one of us has to be the funny one in the relationship. Your mom jokes only get you so far far in life, babe,” he said, causing you to elbow him in the stomach. 

“I’m leaving now. I love you and I will text you when I land,” you leaned up for a quick goodbye kiss before grabbing your carry-on bag and heading to your gate. You avoided looking back, knowing that if you did, both of you wouldn’t let the other leave. 

“I think you chose a good one,” Marcus said once the three of you had sat down. 

“What?” you asked, shocked. 

“Joel. He seems like a good guy. He clearly cares about you and I can see that you care a lot about him, too. He clearly makes you happy,” Marcus added. 

Heat rushed up your face, to which you simply looked out the window, “yeah, he’s a good guy.”

“A cute one, too,” Michelle interrupted. 

“Yes, that too. But Michelle, you better lay off,” the three of you laughed as the flight attendants started to announce the safety procedures for your flight. The three of you did your own thing the rest of the flight: Marcus planning out how podium training would go, Michelle analyzing your routines, and you sleeping.

“Alright, so as soon as we land, we get luggage and go to our hotel. There is a small media event tomorrow morning before podium training, then podium training, then probably some more media. You will have the rest of the night to do whatever, I know you’ll probably go see your Dallas friends and that’s fine, just make it back in time. Then, Friday is the first day of competition, Saturday is the second day, then we have some free time Sunday,” Marcus read off to you, even with you half asleep. 

“Sounds lovely,” you grumbled. 

…..

“So, y/n, with your injury being a top priority, how different have practices been since you are still somewhat in recovery?” one of the journalists asked. You had stayed prepared for a multitude of questions having to do with your injury, so this question had an easy response.

“I would say, it’s definitely a totally new experience. I’ve had to tailor my focus to other aspects of this sport since the start of my recovery, whether that be drills, more conditioning, or changing up my routines. My team and I definitely have figured out what things work and what doesn’t and we continue to learn as I continue training,” you answered, swiftly. 

“Now obviously, you were the highest scorer in most of your competitions, even before your injury, how has competition changed for you? And what has inspired you to train harder?” another journalist asked. 

“I have to say, competition is slightly more nerve-wracking than before. I mean getting injured at a major competition definitely changes perspective for all aspects of it. I feel that I have to be more cautious when performing, whereas before I would just go with the motions. Something that’s inspired me has been that my competitors have continued training, I have a fair amount of competition - all of which are excellent athletes - which has helped motivate me a lot, but I also have an amazing support system back home who have made sure to give me that extra motivation when I need it,” you smiled. 

“Now, having to deal with that support system at home, who and how have they influenced your decisions of your journey through recovery?” which was the first question that made you smile. 

“Well first, a huge shoutout to my family, especially my cousin, Kevin. Without his support, I wouldn’t have ever tried to get back in the gym, he’s been there this whole time and I couldn’t be more grateful. Um, my coaches were so supportive of my comeback; my physical trainor, Adrian, who told me all the doctors were wrong and gave me the reality checks I needed; the whole Philadelphia Flyers roster and their families cheered me on the whole time, especially my boyfriend, Joel Farabee. My friends, my teammates, all of them pushed me where I needed to be,” you said, gratefully. 

“Thank you for your time, y/n. We wish you the best of luck this weekend,” the main announcer said to you before you went off to podium training. 

Marcus and Michelle had both told you only to warm up simplified versions of your routine, so that you could bring shock factor when you were actually performing. You had upgraded almost all of your tumbling back to where it was before injury, but no one needed to know that besides you and those in your gym. Podium training had gone very well, better than you had anticipated, so you were looking forward to how championships would go. 

As you packed up your gym bag and grabbed your phone, you saw all the messages you had from the Flyers group chat you had somehow found your way to. 

Bee: did you guys see that too?

Tiki Bar: if we are talking about the same thing, i think we did.

Patti Lapone: did she actually say nice things about us?

Kev: i really think the texas heat is getting to her already

G: she’s probably just feeling under the weather about competition, otherwise we might want to check if she is okay

Scotty: i think i misheard or i got hit in the head and didn’t realize it

Frosty: hell has frozen over

Bee: haha. frost. frozen. get it

Tiki Bar: beezer. 

G: i’ll make you do laps if you make another frost joke

Laughing at the texts in the group chat in reaction to your interview, you simply typed up a simple response: this is what i get when i’m nice, now you know why i’m not like this all the time. 

Luckily for you, you didn’t have to do any media after podium training, so you were able to leave whenever you wanted to. After checking with Marcus and Michelle, you made sure it was alright that you went off to go see Tyler and the rest of the guys. Assuming that they would be at practice, after changing out of your leo, you took the drive to the Stars practice facility.

Having come to Fort Worth so much for gymnastics and Dallas for a few hockey games, you had run into some of the Stars roster on multiple occasions. By the third time you had ran into them, and this time ran into was a very literal statement, you had exchanged social medias and most of the roster kept an eye out for any updates in your gymnastics career. During your recovery, the whole team constantly asked for updates about how you were and how gymnastics was going. 

Once you parked, you quietly made your way inside - not wanting to interrupt the practice. There were a few officials walking around, but most either paid you no mind or recognized you from times before you had been here. Walking towards the rink, your eyes settled on the boys doing laps for the last part of practice. It wasn’t until most of the guys were only talking and about to get off the ice that they noticed you. 

Tyler was the first to notice you, smiling and waving towards you, which caused most of the team to follow where he was looking and notice you. As the team headed to the locker room to change, you simply waited on one of the benches for them.

“I feel like you only came all this way to see my dogs,” Tyler said, making his way towards you. 

“No, I would never do such a thing, I obviously came here to say hi to you,” you stood up to give him a hug. 

“Mhm, whatever you say. Didn’t you have podium training today? How’d it go?”

“Well, it went pretty well actually. I did a few of my dismounts, but kept most of my landings safe just to be careful. But other than that everything went well.”

“As long as you kick ass tomorrow, I’m fine,” he said, honestly, “do you have anything else to do for the rest of the day or did you just come to say hi?”

“Well, I have no plans for the rest of the day, but I don’t want to intrude on any team plans.”

“You know you would never be intruding on anything with us, even if you are dating a Flyer,” Jamie O said from behind you. 

“God, Jamie, what the fuck? Where’d you come from?”

“Your mom’s house,” he said, earning a fist bump from Tyler. 

“I can’t even be upset, that was a good one,” you smiled as Jamie hugged you,”and don’t bring Joel into this.”

“My condolences.”

“Condolences? No one died?” you questioned.

“You are dating someone that plays for the Flyers,” Tyler said. 

“Damn, that’s harsh,” you replied. 

“Anyways, moving on. Me and a few other guys were coming over to mine for lunch and to hangout, if you want to come you are welcome to,” Tyler said to which you simply nodded. 

“Is that who I think it is?” another familiar voice rang out, causing you to whip your head around to see Roope and Jake heading your way. 

“Well, if you thought it was me, then you would be correct, my friend,” you retaliated. 

“I’m surprised they let you in here, considering you are dating a Flyer,” Otter said, jokingly. 

“Quit bringing the fact that I’m dating Bee into the conversation.”

“At least Nicole is in the safe zone,” Roope said, causing your eyes to widen, “y/n. What was that?”

“What was what?” you questioned as Roope simply narrowed his eyes.

“You did the thing.”

“What are you talking about, bestie?” 

“Oh, you have a habit of your face changing when you know something that will ruin the whole perspective or something or if you know a secret that will change the entire story. Very entertaining and concerning that you didn’t know,” Tyler added. 

“Um, well, didn’t expect to be psychoanalyzed by a bunch of hockey players today, but here we are.”

“Ok, I think we should head to mine and then, we can continue psychoanalyzing you,” Tyler suggested to which you all agreed. Roope, who had gotten a ride from Tyler in the morning, immediately hopped into your car as soon as you unlocked it. 

“What’s up with Nicole?” he asked as soon as you started driving. 

“What happened to hello? How are you?” you joked. 

“Listen, I’m asking now because I don’t want to talk about this with the guys there. But what did you mean?” he said, causing you to take a deep breath. It wasn’t like Roope and Nicole were ever together, but it was always an unspoken fling of sorts, that they never made official. 

“Look,-”

“Please, just tell me what’s happening,” he pleaded.

“Nicole and Nolan are sort of together,” you rushed out, causing a moment of silence to break out. You didn’t know what to expect as a reaction, considering they weren’t official and hadn’t really talked since the last time you and her were in Texas.

“Is she happy?” 

“Yeah, she’s happy.”

“Okay, that’s all I care about,” he said simply, which made your heart almost break for one of your closest friends. 

…..

Being able to spend time with some of your close friends that you hadn’t seen in a while was just what you needed to destress about championships. Maybe an intense game of uno with five of the most competitive people was exactly what some might call a destressor, but here you were. 

Tyler threw down his cards as he stood up dramatically, “no, because there is no way that a.) she already has an uno and that b.) all of you used your draw two cards against me.”

“Don’t be upset, Ty, that’s just how the game of uno is sometimes,” you replied, hiding a laugh. 

“Oh, shut up. I think you guys cheated,” Tyler accused. 

“I think you just don’t know how to play uno,” Jamie mumbled.

“Oh, yeah, real funny. I think you all teamed up against me and Jake dealt that way on purpose.”

“And we all think, you just can’t accept a loss in uno,” Roope added. 

“Fine, let’s settle this like men,” Tyler grabbed all the cards, attempting to shuffle them before accepting he couldn’t shuffle and handing them over to you to shuffle, “I’m watching you.”

“Oh, wow, so scared,” quickly shuffling them, doing a little bit more than usual to get Tyler off your case, you handed them back to him, “there you go.”

Another final round of uno, which ended up with you and Roope head to head as far as who would win, while Tyler had ended up with at least 15 cards to which Jamie was the first to speak up, “I think we should end here before someone gets hurt.”

“No, no, we’re fine. It’s fine. y/n, take your turn,” he said, eyes narrowing as he watched from beside you. Even if it was your last card, you dropped the draw 4, which made Tyler draw more cards. 

“Damn, that sucks,” you said, hiding a laugh. 

“What was that, y/n?” Tyler said.

“I said, damn, that sucks,” you repeated, watching Tyler closely as he stood up quickly once again, before practically chasing you. “Tyler, it’s just uno. Stop chasing me.”

“Oh, wow, ‘damn, that sucks’” Tyler mocked. 

As the other three watched, Jamie just grabbed the bowl of popcorn as they watched their friends running around chasing each other. “I see why we don’t play uno much,” Jake said. 

“Yep. Exactly. But no one listened when I advised against it,” Jamie said, taking a drink of his beer. 

“Tyler, watch yourself,” you said, as he stood on the opposite side of the couch. He started running one way, as you ran the other to avoid him, but he quickly sidestepped and caught up to you. Practically throwing you over his shoulder, he made his way out to the pool, “Tyler, let’s not do anything crazy here.”

“Oh, you mean like hold a draw four card until the end of the game,” Tyler said, as he tossed you into the deep end of his pool. 

“Children. Literal children,” Roope said, shaking his head, going to grab you a towel. 

Rising up from the water and quickly moving the hair out of your face, you swam over to where Tyler was, “hey, can you help me out?”

“Nah, I’m not falling for that one,” he stated. 

“Seriously, I won’t do anything right now, I promise,” you said, as you saw him reach his arm out to which you quickly grabbed and stood out of the pool. Walking towards Roope, who had grabbed you a towel, you turned back around to see Tyler still walking near the pool. Using this to your advantage, you ran and pushed Tyler into the pool. “Sorry, bestie,” you said, running to get the towel from Roope and running back in the house. 

After getting changed into one of Tyler’s extra shirts he had lying around, you were just hanging out with the guys when a familiar contact flashed on the screen to FaceTime, Jake who was right next to you immediately noticed, “ooh, better go talk to your man, y/n.”

“Shut the literal fuck up,” you called back, standing up to go the kitchen for privacy. Answering, you noticed that Joel was at Nolan and Kevin’s apartment, “were you that lonely without me, babe?”

“No, well maybe, but I’m helping them set up for the watch party tomorrow,” Joel said, taking a seat at their kitchen island, “how’d podium training go?”

“It went really well actually, I didn’t work the 3.5 just so that way I have something over their heads, you know. But other than that, it was all good. How are things at home?”

“Well, I mean no one is dead, which is always good. Um, debated getting a dog, my mom called, I told her about you. Uh, already told you about the watch party. I don’t think anything else interesting happened,” he said, shrugging as if he hadn’t just mentioned bringing you up to his mom. 

“Wait, you told your mom about me?”

“Well, she does follow me on Instagram, so after seeing the post she texted me asking and then she asked while we were on the phone. She wished you good luck, by the way. She’s  also visiting here with my dad in a few weeks and I’d really love it if you would meet them,” he said, shyly.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, of course,” you rushed out, hoping you didn’t sound as nervous as you were. 

“That sounded very unsure.”

“No, it’s fine. I just have never been at the spot in a relationship where I meet the parents, I’m just nervous. I don’t want to mess it up.”

“Babe, my mom already loves you, she was getting on my case about not telling her, but she already thinks very highly of you and I definitely hyped you up a little bit. You have nothing to worry about,” he reassured you, which made you smile. 

“Hey, y/n/n,” Kevin yelled. 

“Hey, Kev.”

“You were very nice in your interview today, it had all of us worried,” Kevin said, which caused you to roll your eyes in response. 

“Hey, I can be nice sometimes.”

“On very rare occasions, yes,” Joel added. 

“Whatever.” As you talked a little while longer with the guys, eventually Roope and Tyler had come in to say hi to everyone as well, which had you dying laughing as both of them gave the ‘you hurt her, we fly to Philly and hurt you’ talk that almost everyone had given him. 

Telling Joel you would call him back whenever you made it back to your hotel, you stayed with the guys for another couple of hours before heading back to your hotel. Nicole had spent most of the day after podium training resting and had met you in the hotel lobby when you got back.  

“So,- “ she didn’t even have to finish her sentence before you knew what she was saying. 

“Roope is doing good, he said he hopes things are going well,” you said, watching as a small smile crept up her face. 

“Well, good to know. Did you know KD is also staying at this hotel?”

“Well, considering this is the host hotel and most competitors are here, I am not all that shocked.”

“Yeah, but you probably didn’t know she’s legit a few rooms away from us, did ya?”

“No, guess not,” you said, “how’d you find that one out?”

“Well, let me set the scene for you. I go to get ice and then I hear her talking with, uh, whatever her name is, Callie or Carly, it starts with a C. Anyways, they were talking about you and me and how our skills have been less than recently and all this stuff about you not catching up to where you were - which I found so fucking funny because who has won gold at the past few meets? Not her. Anyways, all is fair in the sport of gymnastics, but I’m just excited to see her reaction to you doing the 3.5.”

“Damn, no pressure there, Nic.”

“Okay, but the thing is, you have the skill,” Nicole said, as you got into the elevator. “You have it down. It’s all up here, in your cranium,” she said, pointing to your head. 

“Alright, let’s just go to bed now,” you said, slowly removing her hand and opening the door to your hotel room. 

…..

“Hello everyone and welcome to Day One of the 2021 US Gymnastics Championships. We are very excited to see how today’s competition goes as this competition will decide who makes it onto the National Team and who will qualify for Olympic Trials,” Joel heard the announcer say as he made his way to sit with everyone in the living room. 

“Did you talk to her this morning?” Claude asked from beside him. 

“Yeah, usual pre-comp anxieties. Nolan talked to her and Nicole to give the usual pep talk and then we talked for a while on their way to the arena,” Joel answered, looking back to the TV to see you prepping for bars, “she said podium training went well, but Kathryn was talking shit, so all I know is she better kick her ass.”

“You know she will, it happens everytime. She gets in her head and still does amazing, just a casual Tuesday,” Scott added. 

“It’s not Tuesday?” Travis questioned.

“Yes, I know,” Scott said, confusing everyone. 

“Alright, moving on,” Joel reiterated. 

“And starting on bars, we have y/n y/l/n. Now if you remember, less than a year ago, y/n was injured at another competition doing a beam dismount that she might be competing in today’s competition. She is definitely one to watch as she has a reputation of scoring high in these meets, before and after her return. Her teammate, Nicole Carter, will be following up.”

Joel watched as you stepped away from the chalk box to start your routine, he watched intently as you jumped from the springboard to reach the high bar. He watched intently as you went through your routine. Release skills. Giants. Pirouettes. More release skills. More giants. Dismount. Stuck landing. 

“A great start to Day 1 for y/n, who seems pretty proud of how that routine went,” the announcer said, “rotation two will be beam, where we might see that 3.5 twist, which is currently in the process of being named by Kathryn Davis, who was the first to compete it at a major competition. Now the question everyone is wondering is will we see this skill from y/n today?”

“She’s doing it. Fucking dumbass,” Joel grumbled at the announcer. 

“Damn, Beezer, tell them how you really feel,” Travis replied, as everyone else laughed at Joel’s behavior before watching Nicole compete. Nicole’s routine ended with a stuck landing, the camera following her as she made her way off the platform and hugged you before the two of you did your secret handshake.

Knowing the next event was beam, Joel waited as other competitors did their routines as you were warming up. He knew this moment would make or break how the rest of the meet went and with this only being your second event, it needed to go well. 

Everyone watched anxiously as you saluted the judges, shaking your hands out before you reached to mount the beam. You took a deep breath before actually starting your routine. Starting the beginning choreography, you kept your movements sharp and clean. All the skills in your routine were sharp - doing this so if the dismount didn’t go well, it hopefully wouldn’t affect your score too much. 

Joel had memorized your routines, knowing you were approaching your dismount, he saw your movements become slightly hesitant. Watching as you did a quick pivot on the beam to prep for the dismount, he watched you take a deep breath. 

“C’mon, babe. You got it,” he said, and by whatever power was listening he watched your lips twitch up to a smile as you started your dismount. Going for the round-off and starting the twists, you did the three and a half twists, opening up to find your landing, and stuck your dismount. Joel’s smile grew even more when he saw how happy you were with your routine.

The rest of Day 1 of Championships went well for both you and Nicole; the two of you ending in the first and place spot in all around, with Kathryn following close behind. After the competition, both of you had your media conferences before you made your way back to the hotel. As both of you checked your phone, you saw the multiple notifications from various social medias.

“Dude, did you see what Ryanne posted?” Nicole asked, a look on her face that you couldn’t easily recognize. 

“No, hold on,” you opened Instagram to see she had tagged you in multiple posts on her instagram story: starting off with a picture of all the guys wearing a jersey with your and Nicole’s name on it, a picture of all the guys watching warms ups intently, a video of Joel and Travis debating the name of a skill from Nicole’s routine (Travis was right), a video of Joel watching you do your beam routine and cheering you on right as you go for your dismount, and then a video of everyone cheering as you and Nicole as they announced the end of day 1.

…..

After falling asleep with Joel on FaceTime, you woke up to your 6am alarm to get ready for Day 2 of championship, Joel - who had told you he would wake up with you - was still sound asleep. Getting you and Nicole an apple from the lobby, you talked to a few of your competitors and a few fans before heading back to yours and Nicole’s room. 

“Wake up, bitch, it’s Day 2 of Championships,” you said, jumping to lay next to Nicole on her bed.

“Leave me to die here, I don’t want to go. USAG can suck a homeless man’s dick,” she mumbled into the pillow. 

“That’s truly something, wait til the media teams hear about that one,” you joked, only to get a glare sent your way. 

“You know what? You can suck on one, too,” she responded, pulling the blanket over her head. 

“Well at least, there's less competition,” to which she quickly peaked out of the blanket.

“Oh, you wish. We’re neck and neck this time, so we’ll see who gets bragging rights.”

“Well if you don’t get out of bed, then we’ll never know,” you said, to which she only sent a glare your way. 

“Do we really have to get up and compete today? Do you think we could petition to reschedule?”

“I mean, I’m sure if we talked to people, we’d get a lot of signatures, but I don’t think it would go over well,” you said, grabbing your garment bag that held your leo for today, “I’m going to go get ready because I know if we end up talking to Joel and Nolan first, we won’t be ready in time.”

After you got ready, both you and Nicole got your pep talk from Nolan and Bee. On the way to the arena, both of you got a bunch of good luck messages - not just from your friends and family, but also from teammates and even some from most of the Stars roster. You had a feeling in your gut that today would be a good day. 

….. 

“Alright folks, Day 2 of Championships have been off to a great start and are about to come to a close. With Nicole Carter in first with a 57.605 All-Around score and Kathryn Davis in second with a 57.1, Cassie Riley in third with a 56.2, it comes down to the final rotations. y/n y/l/n is one of the last to go on floor today, who will need a score of at least a 13.5 to get first,” the announcer said. 

“And compared to her average score, this will be easily attainable. If she scores at least a 14.5, she’ll be first overall for both days of competition. She already has a for sure spot at Trials, even when you don’t consider scores. As long as she is able to hit all elements of this routine, she’ll be fine,” another announcer said. 

“Ok, you’re good, you just have to hit this routine and there’s no doubt you’ll make it to where you want to be. Deep breaths, Twinkle Toes,” Marcus said. 

Walking up the platform to get up to the floor, you took your spot at the edge of the floor, ready to salute the judge, and get the last meet of championships out of the way. After anxiously waiting, the judge finally saluted. Entering the floor with a determined walk, you took your spot waiting for the familiar sound of your floor music to ring out.

That familiar feeling of doing the sport you loved, once again, rushed through your veins. Block everything out and complete the routine, that’s all you had to do. Going to your starting pose, the music started. Going through the familiar motions of your routine, you stuck your first tumbling pass. Then came the leaps and jump sequence and all that was in between, with the additional three tumbling passes. 

You didn’t give yourself a chance to overthink about your routine, you knew that it wouldn’t benefit you in any way, but as you stepped off the floor you knew that you did what you could. As soon as you made it back to where Marcus and Nicole were sitting, you waited to see what your score was. 

Joel and everyone watching at home watched as you sat down to see what your score was. He had this dopey grin gracing his features from the amount of pride he felt in that moment. He didn’t care what your score was, he knew you had put whatever you could out on the mat. He listened to Travis for a moment until the announcer started up again for scores and awards, “and y/n y/l/n pulled through with the score that she needed, a 14.9 on floor. She placed first in All-Around, Carter following right behind, and Davis in third. If all goes this well at trials, I’d say we have a lot of good representation for the Olympic Games.”

…..

After the meet and countless amount of interviews both you and Nicole were extremely worn out and had both passed out on the flight back. As you and Nicole stepped out of the terminal, you were met with the familiar faces of your friends and family. You smiled as you saw Bee for the first time in a few days and despite how tired you were, you couldn’t stop yourself from running to him. 

He immediately caught you and did the cliche spin (the one you swore you would never do) before pulling you into a regular hug, “I’m so proud of you, babe. You have no idea.”

“Thank you. I surprisingly missed you,” you joked, laughing harder when Joel pulled you away slightly to catch a glimpse of your face. 

“Wow, aren’t I glad I was blessed with such a nice girlfriend? It’s crazy.”

“Absolutely insane.”

“Preposterous.”

“Can the two of you shut the fuck up?” Kevin asked, coming over to give you a hug, “you did good out there, y/n/n. You also kept all your bones intact, I’m proud.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kev.”

“Okay, aside from you getting onto Kev and Bee, I missed you, too,” Karly said from beside Travis. 

“I kinda did, too. You did amazing though, y/n/n. I’m proud,” Travis said. 

“Thank you, thank you. All in a hard day's work,” you said, shrugging. 

“Dude, you might want to go back to Beezer, he looks like a lost puppy watching you talk to us,” Travis pointed out, nodding in Joel’s direction who smiled when you caught his eye. 

“Yeah, not a shocking development,” you said, before walking back in Joel’s direction, “hey, Bee.”

“Hey, honey,” he said, wrapping his arms around you again, “you ready to go home?”

“Yeah, of course,” you leaned up to kiss his cheek. 

“Ew, guys. Get a room,” Kevin called out, fake gagging. 

[deepdaleducks]

Slow Burn - Dele

Author’s Note So I got the idea for this based on a conversation @forza-atleti and I had this morning so I kinda had to write it asap. Idk if I have much else to say, I have some ideas for a second part of this so if you want more, let me know. I didn’t proof read any of it so if you see any mistakes, point them out nicely. I love getting feedback from you guys and I’m really enjoying writing at the moment so thanks for enjoying reading it!! Love you all x

“Hey erm, I kinda have to bail on tonight. I know we said we’d stay home and watch movies but, err, something’s come up and I can’t anymore. I’ll defo see you Sunday though, yeah? I’m sorry and erm have a good weekend.” You’d listened to the voicemail he’d left on your phone what felt like a million times. You knew exactly what the something that had come up was. Or who it was for that matter. His ex-girlfriend, Ruby. They’d broken up about a month ago, but it had been long and drawn out. He would still call her at night and sometimes she’d go to his place. And in the mornings, he would be at your front door, regret on his face, ranting about how he just can’t seem to leave her. How unfollowing her on Instagram didn’t seem to work because his car still knew the exact route to her house, even if he wasn’t planning to drive there. How he’d memorised her number, so deleting it was no good. How she was his biggest weakness. You would make him a cup of tea and some toast and tell him that with time and distance things will heal. That moving on to other people will help him get over her. How spending time with other people would distract him from thinking about going to her house.

That’s how your Valentine’s Day plans had come about. No boyfriends or girlfriends, no exes or drunk dials, just the two of you, friends, together with a movie and a take away pizza. It wasn’t going to be a date, and you weren’t going to tell him. Not that it didn’t hurt when you got his message. Not that it didn’t break your heart a little when you realised that he was choosing her over you. So instead of pizza and movies, its wine and Grey’s Anatomy. And if he shows up tomorrow, its ‘I’m late for work’. But from the look of her Instagram story, a fancy restaurant in the city, he won’t be showing up in the morning anyway.

Your phone buzzes with a text, pulling you from your third episode of the night.

Chlo: Soooooo, how’s your night going?? If you don’t reply I know what you’re up to😉😉 get it girl!!!

When you’d told her about your plans for Valentine’s Day she’s shrieked in excitement. She had been begging you to reveal your true feelings to Dele for weeks and when she found out about his break up, she’d called you immediately saying that this was your chance. You’d insisted that this wasn’t your chance and that if you told him now, you’d just be a rebound and everything would fall apart. Instead you went for the option of being a shoulder to cry on and letting your friendship grow. You typed in a quick reply before turning back to the tv.

Me: He bailed. Back with her, I guess.  

Her reply comes through almost instantly. You pause the tv and head into the kitchen to fill your wine, figuring that if you were gonna be texting for a while you may as well get another glass.

              Chlo: Oh babe.

              Chlo: ….

Before she has the chance to type any more, you change the subject quickly.

              Me: It’s fine. How was your night with Jesse? His leg doing okay?

The two of you had become friends at the World Cup last summer. You’d bonded in the family and friend’s area of the stands over being two of the most outraged people there. You were both yelling over the referee’s poor decision. Somehow that led to you talking and becoming friends. When you’d introduced yourself as Dele’s friend, she’d quickly joked about how she thought Dele had gotten a new girlfriend, and you could tell she’d regretted it. “She doesn’t like me, either” You’d replied, and her face was flooded with relief. Since then, you were constantly texting, meeting up in each other’s city, watching the boys at games.

Chlo: Oi oi, don’t try to change the subject. We’re just having the night in, Jess is fine. Are you okay though?

Her text flashes up and then seconds later a call is coming through. You answer, sipping on your wine before talking.

“Chlo, I’m fine honestly. It’s Valentine’s Day, of course he’s gonna go back to her, I don’t know why we didn’t see it coming.” You say before she can even begin to rant about how shitty his actions were.

“Nah, that was a shitty thing for him to do. Imma be having words, swear down.” You hear Jesse’s voice echo in, realising you were on speaker phone, you chime in a ‘hey Jess’. You laugh at his threats.

“Yeah, babe, everyone and their grandma’s cat knows that she treats him badly. I don’t get why he can’t see that.” Chloe sighs. The three of you were biased for sure, with neither of you being her biggest fan, but it wasn’t hard to deny that she did treat him badly. And you would treat him so much better.

“There’s not much I can do about it though, is there? Like hey Del, break up with your girlfriend I love you more than she ever could. He’s not exactly going to fall into my arms. He’s wrapped around her finger, for fuck’s sake.” You reply, trying to push down any feelings for him that were rising in your heart.

“What are you doing this weekend? You wanna come up and stay with us?” She asks impulsively. Despite your usual plans to see Dele on Sunday, you agree, planning to make the drive up tomorrow after work. “I know your heart is hurting right now, babe, but he’ll see the light eventually. We’ll make sure of it.” She finishes.

“Hell yeah, we will!” Jesse yells from the background. With that you hang up and head upstairs to pack a small bag for your impromptu weekend away.

 When you get out of work on Friday night, you immediately get in the car and begin the four hour drive up to Manchester. The traffic delays don’t phase you, the promise of a warm home cooked meal keeping you on.  Your car pulls into the drive of your friend’s house, the warm lights from inside welcoming you. Inside you find Chloe and Jesse, taking your bag and coat.

“Surprise!” a familiar voice yells, emerging from the living room. You turn to see Marcus walking over to you with his arms open to hug you. “Been way too long, chuck,” he says, squeezing you tightly.

“Yeah sorry, I couldn’t come to see you at Fulham the other week. Work’s been so busy recently.” You respond pulling away. “Alright, not to be rude, but I’m starving so where’s the food?”

The four of you head into the dining room, engorging on a meal prepared by Chloe. Jesse claims to have helped with the cooking but you and Marcus both return with jokes about how Jesse has absolutely no cooking ability whatsoever and that the boy couldn’t even chop a carrot if he tried.

The night passes by with ease, as you share jokes and stories. Marcus talks about the girl he’s been seeing, and Jesse teases that she’s so out of Marcus’ league. The boys tell stories from training and talk about how rough its going to be now Jesse is injured. And Dele doesn’t cross your mind once. No thought about how she was probably in his bed right now. About how things should be different.

 In the morning, Chloe takes you to brunch and then you head out for some retail therapy.  She forces you to buy a new black dress, claiming that you should find a date for next weekend and wear the dress to knock the socks of your suitor.

“You now I’ve tried dating other people, Chlo. I have. Do you not remember Jake? Or Ben? Or that guy I went out with like a month ago!” You protest. Dating other people hadn’t been successful albeit. Every time you found something that felt that it could work, Dele would show up at your door in the night, eyes puffy from crying, voice hoarse from yelling, and you would let him in again. He would fall into your bed, and you’d hold his hands whilst he slept.  He would tell you that he was never going to find anyone else like you. And then he would leave in the morning and go back to her. Like clockwork.

“Yeah but Jake was the opposite of everything you want so that was never gonna work, and Ben was a dickhead anyway. Besides, if Del sees you dating someone else it might make him a little jealous. Remind him that he’s not the only guy in your life, yeah?”  She gives you a look that says I’m right and you best believe me, so you slowly nod your head in response, convincing yourself that her plan is good one.

She’s called into work in the afternoon and you’re left at home with Jesse, who’s still resting from his injury. You flick through Sky Movies together trying to find a film that suits both of your tastes. You want romcom and he wants action which leads to the two of you bickering like siblings over the remote. Pausing as you flick past The Proposal, you turn to look at him.

“I noticed you still didn’t put a ring on Chloe’s finger this Valentine’s then.” You tease, eying his response carefully. They’d been together for a while and you and Marcus had made bets on when they’d get engaged before Christmas, with him thinking it would be in the summer and you insisting it had to happen soon.

“Nah, nah, Valentine’s proposals are cringing as fuck man. That’s so typical. I don’t want her to be expecting it, so I’m skipping Christmas, Valentine’s, her birthday, our anniversary, none of that.” He defends himself, shaking his head.

“Christ, Jess. At this rate I’m gonna be getting married before you and I’m in love with a guy who is constantly going back to his ex.” You joke, the words stinging a little as you say them.

“It’ll happen soon, I swear. Maybe next month, who knows? March is nothing important, right?” He pauses to look you over, “Do you, though? Love him?” His question puts you on edge. No one had ever asked you that before. Sure, Chloe had teased you about your crush and about the fact you liked him. But the word love had never come up. Especially not in this content. Your mind spins as you think, but quickly enough, you have one clear thought.

“How could I not?” You ask, like it’s the easiest thing in the world.

 It’s 9pm before you finally hear from him. You never replied to his voicemail on Thursday and since then the two of you hadn’t interacted.

              Del: We still on for brunch tomorrow morning? I’ll pick you up at 10 x

              Me: In Manchester so I can’t.

Your reply is blunt, but worthy. He bailed on you, so you’re bailing on him. As much as he could have you like butter in his hands, you wanted to show a little distance. The distance crumbles when his face flashes on your screen displaying an incoming call and you answer immediately.

“What the fuck are you doing in Manchester?” He asks with a tone of anger in his voice. “Were you just not planning to tell me you were cancelling on our weekly brunch?”

You scoff in response, “That’s a little rich coming from you right now, Dele. Chloe and Jesse called me on Thursday night and invited me up for the weekend, so I happily accepted.” Throwing in the detail that they invited you on Thursday was done to spite him. You were supposed to see him on Thursday, and hopefully him realising that you had other offers would hurt a little.

“Oh right,” he mutters in response. “I guess we’ll have to do it another time then.”

“Yeah maybe…” You trail off, “Look, I gotta go. I, erm, I’ll see you when I’m back sometime.” Hanging up the phone you leave it in the kitchen, heading back into the living room to watch more tv with your friends. When you retire up to bed you leave your phone downstairs, happy to not be distracted by any social media or messages. Your phone sits on the kitchen counter, 10 unread text messages and 3 missed calls unnoticed on the screen.

 You’re sound asleep when you hear a banging on the door downstairs, followed by three more rings of the doorbell. You slowly pull yourself from the comfort of your bed and throw your dressing gown on, heading out in to the hall to see what’s causing all the noise. Jesse emerges from the master throwing a t-shirt on.

“You stay here, I’ll go see what it is.” He says sleepily. Waiting at the top of the staircase, you hear him open the door and mumble a “what are you doing here, it’s the middle of the night”. Straining your ears, you try to make out the other voice. It sounds familiar and the pieces of conversation you hear help you to piece it all together.

“I need to speak to her…”

“Look bro, it’s the middle of the night.”

“No but I need to see her.”

“I don’t know if she wants to see you… Come back tomorrow maybe, man.”

“I need to tell her it’s over.”

The last thing you hear sends you down the stairs tentatively. He stands there in the entrance hall, joggers and a t-shirt, bags under his eyes, presumably from driving all night, hair a mess, eyes pleading. Jesse looks between you and notices his que to leave, heading upstairs with a whispered shout if you need me.

“It’s over?” You ask, not stepping any further in his direction. He nods weakly in reply. You feel like you’re having déjà vu, flashing back to this exact situation a few weeks ago. You remember him crying, saying those same words. Then you remember him going back to her, and again and again. A bitter taste appears on your tongue and you feel a sudden urge to get a glass of water.

“Good for you,” you mutter, walking straight past him towards the kitchen. He follows you instantly, keeping his distance on the other side of the room.

“Good for me?” He hisses quietly, careful not to make any noise. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I don’t think you’re telling the truth.” You huff, looking at him tiredly. “It means that I’ve been down this road so many times with you recently, Del, that I’m just bored of it.”

“No, I’m serious. It’s over.” He pleads with you, moving closer. You don’t respond and a silence settles between the two of you for a minute. You stare out the window into the garden and he stands behind you at a distance, facing in the same way. He eyes your reflection in the mirror and your eyes meet. “You know how I know it’s over? Friday morning, we wake up and we agree to go to dinner in the evening, right. And she calls me later saying, she’s invited to some club event and she’s gonna have to skip the dinner, am I arsed about it? No, not really. But then yesterday, hearing that you’re not coming to brunch and that you’re all the way up in Manchester and I had no idea. That broke my heart. Because I pushed you out of my life, and I don’t ever want you to not be a part of my life.” When he pauses to breath you turn around to look at him, leaning back against the counter. “I’ve been pushing you away to be with her and she’s not worth me losing you.”

Everything he’s saying sounds sweet. Perfect, in fact. But he’s still not saying the one thing you want to hear. He’s not saying he loves you, that he’s in love with you. And right now, as much as you want his attention, every second of his time isn’t worth it if he doesn’t love you back. The pain of him being your friend, but not yours, would be too much.

“Okay, well. I, um.” You stutter, lost for words. “I don’t think I can be your friend right now because…” The words are right there on your lips. Because I’m in love with you. You drop your eyes to the floor and attempt to move past him, out from where he’s trapped you in the corner of the kitchen.

“Because what? Because you’re in love with me?” His words echo your thoughts.

His words stop you in your tracks. “How do you know that?” you ask, not turning back to look at him.

“She pointed it out. Ruby. She’s the one who noticed it.” He stops for a minute, hoping you’ll lift your head, or turn around in interested. “She said she could tell by the way you looked at me, or the way your face would light up whenever you talked about me. It’s, uh, why we broke up actually. She was constantly scared I was gonna leave her for you, and I could never see it and thought she was just being jealous.”

If what he was saying was true, and he knew that you were in love with him, why was he constantly falling back into her bed. Why was he still putting her above you in his list of priorities?

“So, what? You know I’m in love with you, you break up with your girlfriend over it, cry on my shoulder and then still go back to sleep with her? None of that adds up, Dele. I don’t know what you’re doing, but whatever it is, it’s fucked up.”

He falters whilst processing your words. “I thought it wasn’t true. You never said you were in love with me and I didn’t wanna just spring it on you and ruin everything. I don’t know what I was doing, okay?” He says louder in frustration, throwing his hands in the air. “I’ve been in love with you since the day we met. But you were dating some guy, and she came along, and I just told myself to forget it. Then she goes and makes statements like that and it messes with my head.”

“You’re in love with me?” You ask, the new realisation sending excitement through your veins. Eyes finally meeting his for the first time in minutes.

“I am so fucking in love with you.” He grins cheekily. Hearing those words come out of his mouth dissipates every negative emotion that you’d been harbouring in the last few weeks. You feel the immediate pull of his gravity, drawing you across the kitchen into his arms. His lips crash against yours in an instant, lighting your entire body on fire. Its urgent and fierce and screams we’ve waited years to do this. When you part for breath, he rests his forehead against yours, and your eyes flutter open to meet his.

“What does this mean?” You ask, hesitantly.

“It means that we’re gonna go upstairs and sleep. Then tomorrow, we’re gonna wake up and I’m gonna take you on a date to get breakfast. And then I’m going to pay to get your car sent back to London, because in the afternoon I’m gonna drive you home.” He gives you another short sweet peck.

Your fingers find his and you drag him upstairs to the spare bedroom you’d been staying in. You fall into bed together, not for the first time, but when he reaches out for your hand like always, this time he uses it to pull you closer to him, and you know that tomorrow, he won’t be leaving.

READ PART TWO HERE

[shawnsorangeglasses]

Love’s Camisado - (bartender!shawn au)

.i’m enjoying the idea of Shawn being a bartender (i guess that’s his second job now idk i dig it) nobody asked for this but  🎶i don’t care🎶 3.3k words

warnings: some strong language, drinking, minor fluff at the end, and a guy who can’t hear “no”

...

Dina was still getting over a breakup that’s had her stuck in this weird state of depression for about a week now. So I called her on Friday and said we were going out on Saturday, deliberately eliminating no as an option. My homework was finished and I was ahead of schedule for once and I figured this is as good a time as any to leave my dorm for once. Fully intending on staying sober for the night, I put on the most casual outfit I could find and start packing supplies.

I almost look like a soccer mom, waiting for Dina to show up at the club doors. I had a drawstring bag full of baby wipes, snacks, water, a spare case of makeup, band-aids, some ibuprofen for her potential hangover, and whatever I normally carry every day. This is a list I’ve made over years of knowing Dina and her nightly habits. The usual pattern is she’ll get drunk off her ass and either I’ll take her home or she’ll go home with whichever guy or girl and I’ll rescue her tomorrow morning.

Our region was starting catch wind of some colder weather so I decide to drive to the bar. I didn’t wear anything more than a pair of leggings, t-shirt, and a denim jacket. She meets me just outside the doors of the Lotus Pool club around 7:00 PM. This is where most college students come on the weekend. My muted outfit bears a striking contrast to Dina’s glittery green cocktail dress. Business is perfectly slow at this time so we get in without a problem. It’s only when the sun goes down that a line starts to form.

Once inside, I immediately scan the room for Shawn, our favorite bartender. He’s also going to college with us but this is where we always come to see him on the weekend. I guess I’d call him a friend, but this is kind of the only place we really interact other than the few times I see him on campus. We went to the same high school but our circles never crossed.

He’s alternating between serving the few regulars and tidying up the behind the bar when we walk in. Dina and I quietly sneak  while his back is turned. “Shawn!,” we both shout and he turns with a start. His face slowly melts into a warm smile when he realizes it’s just us.

“Hi ladies,” he says sheepishly. “You both look lovely. How are you holding up Dina?”

“Better,” Dina says with a sigh. “I didn’t need Tess anyway. I’m finding myself a new squeeze tonight, count on it. Can I have the strongest, fruitiest drink you know how to make? Surprise me.”

“Of course, honey,” He takes a red bottle from the shelf then turns to me. “Are you having anything tonight (Y/N)?”

“No sir, I am driving. But thank you anyways.” Shawn nods and continues to make Dina’s drink. She’s such a lightweight, she’s tipsy within minutes. Soon, people start to roll in and situate themselves at the bar, forming a decent crowd. There aren’t a lot of students out tonight as midterm exams are just around the corner.

“If there’s any way I can help in tonight’s quest for love, please don’t hesitate to ask,” Shawn says before heading off to serve his next patron.

A few hours go by and I’m watching the room carefully from the comfort of my bar stool. Dina’s gone off to mingle so Shawn makes conversation with me whenever he can, sometimes even while he’s mixing.

At one point he asks me, “When are you gonna find yourself a “squeeze,’ (Y/N)?”

“I don’t know. I’m not actively searching for anything but I’m sending every offer away either. The thing is I’m not getting any offers.”

“You know it might help to actually go outside more,” he teases me. “That’s where all the people are.

“Don’t come for me, Mendes. I go out. Sometimes.”

He gives me a side eye while topping off another tray of shots. “Going to and from class doesn’t count.”

Some guy suddenly comes up and sits right next to me, despite the abundance of empty stools and single girls at the bar. “Hey, can I buy you a drink?”

“No thanks, I’m driving home tonight,” I say firmly.

He briefly touches my leg. “Come on, one drink won’t hurt.” I tense up.

“Dude, I told you I’m driving. I’m not having a drink.” I search down the line for Shawn. He’s busy with about three other people’s drinks at the moment but briefly makes eye contact.

“Well can I at least get your name?,” he asks. “I feel like I’ve seen you around campus.”

“(Y/N),” I say carefully, as if my name is made of glass.

“Wow, that’s beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” he says with a toothy grin. He’s cute I guess, but he’s frat boy cute, and that’s suspicious. They have quite the reputation around here. “What are you doing after this?,” he asks, scooting closer.

He’s not even listening to me. “I just told you I’m driving. Home probably.” Something tells me not to include Dina in this conversation. I then remember to check for her. She’s in a booth, seemingly cozied up with what seems like a nice girl.

“What do I have to do to get you to come home with me?”

Before he can lay another weak-ass line on me, Shawn appears. “Hey man, can I get you anything?,” he asks, quite aggressively.

The guy immediately says no and fades away into the crowd. I turn to Shawn, eyes wide and mouth agape. He raises his eyebrows at me in response.

“Did you see that shit?,” I yell over the noise.

“I did. I was trying to get back over here. Do you want me to have him removed?”

“No, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”

Shawn purses his lips at me and leans in closer. “I know ‘fine’ is girls’ code word for ‘not fine,’ (Y/N).”

“I mean it this time. He’s not worth the trouble, honest.”

He checks his watch, “Well my break starts now. I think I’ll sit and talk with you. Maybe deflect some more creeps.”

Shawn makes his way around the bar, a tiny carton of peanuts in hand, and sits next to me. He smells great as usual. Like soap and high-end cologne. We somehow end up back on the topic of my love life again. This time I switch it up on him.

“You know you’re always telling me how I need a date. What about you?,” I ask.

“I’m busy here and at school,” he squeaks defensively. “I don’t have the time or social skills to get a girlfriend right now.”

“Maybe in theory. All I’m saying is it shouldn’t be that hard for someone who looks the way you look.”

“Ever think that it’s maybe because I already have my eye on someone?”

“Really?” He nods, but it’s a solemn one. “Why so sad? Have you talked to her?”

He slips another peanut past his lips. “Yeah, but she doesn’t feel that way towards me.” The way he tilts his head allows a few errant curls to fall into his eye.

“Who wouldn’t feel that way about you Shawn? Look at you!” He actually has the audacity to laugh while shaking his head. There’s no doubt he’s a dreamboat with his brains and impossible good looks. All the girls on campus fawn over him.

“By that logic, it makes no sense for you to be single either,” he shoots back. I try to think of something witty to say before he can see me blush but I can’t and just go back to shelling my peanut.

“Exactly! It takes a little more than being hot, doesn’t it?”

“Whatever, Mendes. You always say embarrassing things like that. Whoever this girl is, I say you should just go ahead and shoot your shot.”

“Yeah right. I think I’d rather be shot.” I choke on my peanut.

“I don’t get it. What do you have to lose?”

That familiar grin extends across his face, amused at my lack of understanding. He simply says, “Probably everything.”

Shawn’s break ends and he’s back behind the bar again. I continue to talk to him though after most of the people there reach their legal limit and he has to slow down consumption. We spend most of the night people-watching together.

Just as I thought, that girl Dina was previously curled up with ended up becoming her impromptu date for the night. She meets me at the bar again around 11:20 and introduces her to me. I swear at first glance they seem perfect for each other, unlike when she was with Tess.

“This is Cristina,” she says with a little slur on her speech. “Rhymes with Dina. She also did not consume the alcohols tonight, so she will be driving me home.”

“I was here on an assignment,” said a clearly not drunk Cristina. She held up a tiny sketchbook. “Had to draw a nightclub scenery.” She’s a very gorgeous girl, with a periwinkle colored pixie cut and big brown eyes. Definitely Dina’s type.

“Oh okay, well it’s nice to meet you Cristina,” I say with a shake of her hand. “I think you’ll like Dina. She’s just as charismatic when she’s sober.” I turn back to Dina. “Hey, look at me. Call me when you get home. Okay?” She holds two thumbs up in front of her goofy grin.

I walk them out and say goodnight, reminding Dina to call me for a second time and thanking Cristina again for driving her. I make my way back inside and across the now thinning dance floor and back over to the bar. Shawn’s polishing glasses when I meet his eyes with mine again.

“I think Dina’s taken care of for the night,” I say as I sit back down.

“I never saw that guy leave,” he says. His serious tone catches my attention. “Are you going to be okay getting home?”

“Um,” I look around the bar. Frat boy isn’t anywhere in sight. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Well listen, my shift is over in like ten minutes. Can you wait until then so I can walk you to your car?”

“Sure. Let me just freshen up real quick.”

I make beeline for the women’s restroom and find myself strangely on edge the moment I enter. Empty beer bottles and cans litter the countertop. I take a quick look at myself in the mirror, making a few adjustments to my hair. Then the stall behind me opens up. That guy from earlier steps out, clearly sloshed with the most disgusting smirk on his face. “Thought I’d find you in here sooner or later, beautiful.”

He gets close enough to grab my wrist, definitely bruising it and tries to kiss me. I instantly snatch one of the beer bottles left in here and smash it against the countertop, quickly making a weapon. He lets me go, leaving my wrist red and sore. I’m panting like a wild animal.

Shawn comes barreling in seconds later I assume because he heard the glass breaking. He looks more than stressed. “Are you okay?,” he huffs.

“Never been better,” I say, never taking my eyes off frat boy.

The worry in his eyes swiftly turns to rage when he recognizes the guy from earlier. “Dude, just fucking leave,” says Shawn. “Don’t bother coming back here either.”

The guy slinks past him and out the door. I drop the bottle, feeling my body start to shake all over. My hands grip onto the sink for, desperate for stability. Shawn rushes to my side and wraps his arms around me. I’ve never hugged him before but this better than I imagined it. “I’m definitely taking you home. There’s no way in hell.”

“S-sorry about the mess,” I stammer. My chest feels unbelievably tight and I have to push him back just to breathe. His hands never leave my skin.

“Don’t worry I can get it cleaned up tomorrow on my morning shift. Let’s just get back to the dorms.”

Shawn is quick to get me back to my dorm room. The whole car ride there is short and quiet. Never having been in Shawn’s jeep, I take this chance to learn a little more about him. It’s cluttered, but clean. I can see some clothes is the back seat and a few schoolbooks on the floor. As we get closer to my building I fish my key card out of my pocket. He parks as close as possible to the door and he’s about to open his door before he realizes I still haven’t moved yet.

“You okay?,” he asks. That’s when the tears start to fall and I have to turn away so he can’t see. Then one loud sniffle makes it very obvious that I’m crying.

Shawn reaches over the console, embracing me again. I feel stupid for crying on his white sweater like this. “It’s okay,” he mumbles into my hair. “I wish I’d caught him go in there. I should’ve been paying better attention.”

“No you’re always paying attention. It’s not your fault.” I pull away first, feeling more than embarrassed now. “I feel so stupid.”

“Don’t say that. You protected yourself. Rather impressively, might I add. We can go report him tonight if you want.”

“I don’t even know his name. No, I just want to go to sleep.” I open my door and step out. Shawn follows closely behind as I approach the dormitory entrance. We take a beat, standing out there in the cool evening air. I check the time on my phone and it’s almost curfew. My hands are still shaking. Shawn casts his 6′3″ shadow over me and takes my cold hands into his large warm ones. His thumb traces circles over the bruise that was now forming on my wrist. I slowly started to feel okay again. More than okay actually.

“S’okay, relax. You’re safe now. God, I just-- are you going to be okay staying here tonight? Maybe you should go home.” He knows that my roommates have all gone home this weekend.

“No. My mom will just have questions and I don’t want her to worry or storm the campus tomorrow.”

Shawn’s about to scan his keycard when I stop him again. “Actually, could you stay with me? Just for tonight.”

His eyes widen a little, “You sure?”

I swallow hard. “I feel like he might know where I live.”

We take the elevator up to my floor in comfortable silence. When we reach my room I get a text from Dina.

[ im in love gn ]

I smile and show Shawn. “At least one of us is having a good night,” I murmur then unlock my door.

I head directly towards my room, kicking my shoes off, slipping out of my jacket, and flopping face down on my bed. I hear the soft thud of Shawn’s boots stop at my doorway. “I guess I’ll take the couch. You wouldn’t happen to have an extra pillow would you?”

“No,” I say patting the space next to me. “Just come lay right here.”

He moves with reluctance and sits down like the the bed will crumble underneath him. Then he lays down with even more caution, scooting closer until our noses are a only few inches apart. His legs still hang off the bed.

I roll onto my side. “You still smell like peanuts,” I whisper.

“So do you,” he whispers back.

My eyes wander around Shawn’s face this being the first time I’ve actually seen him this close. He has the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen on a boy before. That divot in his right cheek is more prominent in this proximity. I gently brush at it with my thumb.

“Shaving accident when I was little,” his mumbles.

“Of course.”

“Can I tell you something,” he blurts. I pull my hand away from his face. “You remember when I was telling you about that girl I liked?”

“You don’t have to tell me who she is.”

“I do if that girl is you.”

I wait for him to say “nah I’m kidding,” like he always does when he says something sarcastic or even remotely flirty. When he doesn’t, I prop myself up on my elbows. “Are you being serious right now?”

“A hundred percent, being serious right now.”

I’m honestly paralyzed. No one’s ever told me that before and meant it. My mind goes completely blank.

“Don’t just stare at me like that (Y/N),” he says, snapping me out of it. “You gotta say something.”

“What do I even say? I never came to terms with how I feel about you. I-- I gave up on that a long time ago.”

Shawn sits up so we’re at eye level again. Even while laying down, he’s still so much larger than me. I feel small in my own bed. His eyes catch a glint of the moonlight coming in through my window as they wander around my face only to settle on my mouth. “Okay, well, how do you feel right now?”

“Right now?” I allow his lips to steal my attention for a second. “Right now I feel like kissing you.”

“Are you waiting for an invitation?”

“Are you?”

He leans in, beckoning me to come closer. I meet him halfway, touching my nose to his. Shawn’s lips brush onto mine and it feels like an electric current is buzzing through my entire body, melting me from the inside out. I close my eyes just as his warm mouth gently presses into mine. Every inch of my skin heightens in sensitivity making me jump a little when Shawn puts his fingers on my neck. He’s slow and soft at first, but gradually gets hungrier as we go on, moving his hand to my waist to pull me closer until I’m practically on top of him. His thigh breaks the space between mine causing my hips to accidentally buck a little. The smile he makes against my lips lets me know he noticed.

It was like a movie, probably better, and I can feel myself slowly start to lose control. His tongue pushes past my lips and massages the threshold of my mouth tentatively. I dig my nails into the fabric of his shirt on his sides. This must do something to make him moan and that sound alone nearly pushes me over the edge. I pull away, hot and panicked. My arms are so numb I struggle to even sit up at first.

“A-are you okay,” Shawn asks. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, everything’s fine.” I cover my face. “I just felt a little out of control.”

Shawn inhales sharply and runs his hand through his hair then settles it on the back of his neck. “Should I go?”

“No! I mean no, I’m okay. Maybe we should stop this though, just for now.”

He bites his lip again but something feels different about watching him do it this time as opposed to the many other times I’ve seen him bite his lip. Maybe it’s how unkempt his hair looks now. I nibble at the inside of my cheek to bring myself back down to Earth.

“Well you asked me to keep you company for tonight. I still intend on doing that if you want me to.”

I do want him to stay, but not just for the original reasons anymore. We lay back down on my bed again, comfortably uncomfortable in this new atmosphere between us. The expression on his face is so tranquil. He looks younger in this light. I can feel blood rushing to my cheeks the longer I look at him. I switch my attention to my duvet. Shawn’s arms reach out to pull me into his chest, engulfing me in muscles and the scent of high-end cologne. I’ve never slept so soundly before.

[bibliophilicwitch]

Alright, enough of you would like to see my likely long rambly post about my 3-day weekend away so let’s do this.

About a month ago a friend of mine connected with me and asked if I would be interested in a girls’ weekend because there’s a loud music festival that happens practically in her backyard every year and she didn’t want to be in town for it. This friend lives in Appleton nearly 2 hours away from me and we rarely have reasons to be in each others’ neck of the woods anymore so I don’t really visit with her much anymore. So when she asked I really wanted to say yes, but she just so happened to be suggesting a 3-day trip the same month as my 6-day vacation to travel to North Dakota to see family and attend my cousin’s wedding. We planned a budget accordingly and I just gotta be conscious of money the next couple of weeks.

The music started on Thursday and ideally we would’ve left town that evening, but I ended up being scheduled to work until 9 PM closing time at the pharmacy that night… of course. We had plans already scheduled for midday on Friday, so I had to pack everything before work and then left immediately from work for my nearly 2 hour drive and arrived at her house at about 11 PM. I listened to some of the first campaign of Critical Role - time well spent.

So our Friday morning was spent running a few errands and finishing prep to leave Appleton before heading out to Milwaukee including running her pup to a friends’ house, getting groceries, and picking up coffee to fortify ourselves. We headed out around 11 AM I think and arrived early for our massage in a Milwaukee suburb with time to spare. It was my first massage and it was pretty good other than too much on my neck which led to a light headache. I really should’ve said that it was hurting too much, but I wasn’t sure if it would or would not be beneficial as I had never had a professional massage before.

Our hotel was in Wauwautosa and we arrived a good two hours before check in so we went and got food at Dave and Busters which, for those that don’t know, is an arcade for adults - meaning there is a bar. It was fun, but 3 of the 5 games we played didn’t work correctly or at all and then it was time to head out. Kinda wish we had had the opportunity to go back for another hour since I had plenty of credits still and would’ve really liked to play Mario Kart and check out one or two more games. I did play a Star Wars game with the wrap around screen which was pretty wicked cool.

That evening, after we checked into our hotel and washed off our oils from the massage, we went to a suburb to participate in a Paint and Sip class - this one was a paint your pet class and they even had little gift bags with goodies for you pet. I picked a picture of Binx that was low lighting which they oversaturated so you could see both his eyes, but since they oversaturated the picture he no longer looked like a true black and white tuxedo but like he had shades of grey and black all over which would not have been my kitty. Since I was not following the picture exactly it was proving impossible to distinguish his features, so I gave up and just used my time to fill in the areas I knew I could and plan to ask another of my friends, who works with me for the library Paint & Sip classes, to help me finish it some time. No idea when that may actually happen since she is super busy, but I have plans that meant I was okay with my experience. Not thrilled since it was a $35 class not including our wine, but eh. Meanwhile my friend was frustrated because even though she asked a few times for help with colors she never got close enough to be happy with her picture. On top of that she had chosen a picture of her goofy dog with his tongue lolling out of his mouth, but they CUT OFF HIS TONGUE and then didn’t make the picture as large as they could’ve so she had a lot of negative space. She was unimpressed to say the least. At least our wine was good. Really the class should’ve had prerequisites such as having participated in their other classes to be sure customers would get the best out of their experience. They did see that I had not finished and were offering a free session to join their free paint classes for help finishing… which we couldn’t do since we both live too far away (in my case a good 4 hours). I do really wish it had been a more standard paint class with the fast blended background and straightforward foreground. Ah well.

We finished day one at the Cheesecake Factory, a first for me! My friend commented that she was never very impressed by their food and she wasn’t surprised do be unimpressed yet again (though I didn’t mind my food at all), but we finished off with cheesecake, obviously, and that was delicious. Unfortunately I forgot my leftover cheesecake at her house in Appleton.

Saturday was our busiest day. We started at the Milwaukee Public Museum which was excellent though it really is a whole day affair not the two hour filler we planned for it. About halfway through my friend started to get anxious about her car and concerned it had a ticket or had been towed and I think she was also just getting tired of being on her feet. I think I was overall more interested in the exhibits too and she seemed to only be truly interested in specific things. I’m also a reader and wanted to actually read some of the shit while she just breezed through exhibit after exhibit. Like I said, we really didn’t have the time, but it was disappointing to be rushed so much.

Then we went downtown to The Safe House which she had wanted to check out. She did not realize it was literally right downtown and there was some anxiety, but we made it! For those that have not heard of Safe House, it’s a restaurant where the servers are in-character as secret agents and guests are also secret agents. There is a password to get in and if you don’t know it you have to prove you aren’t a spy by acting out some silliness. The interior is a wild and zany pieced together hodgepodge with references to spies in popular culture. Guests are given a list of missions (clues) to wander about and try to figure out the password. If you figure it out you are able to get a discount on their merchandise.

It was more confusing than my friend was expecting and not as engaging as she had expected either. She was pretty sure she figured it out, but neither of us were really worried about the merchandise, so we just didn’t even bother. They had a pen listed that we both kinda wanted, but they didn’t have any in stock.

After that we went to the North Point Lighthouse which is a lighthouse museum and I really enjoyed that little attraction. After that we finally headed back to the hotel for a short break and to get bandages because she wore strappy shoes that were trying to eat her feet. We discovered there was some sort of convention going on so the hotel was packed and TOO busy for only two slow elevators.

Next we went to Water2Wine, a winery in a suburb that imports their grapes and then makes their own wines in house. It was cute and pretty decent, but we weren’t overly impressed tbh. Next door to the winery was a Half Priced Books which my friend suggested instead of going to Barnes and Noble in the mall. So we wandered around, which was the first time I’d been to a Half Priced Books, but she got bored relatively quickly and dragged me out well before I would’ve like saying I could go to Barnes and Noble instead and then if she got bored she could wander the mall. So then we ended up at the mall and I was ready to settle into browsing for nearly an hour before wandering around the rest of the mall until close, but again she dragged me out likely because it isn’t that fun to wander by yourself. I did pick up a book at both places, Of Fire and Stars and Spinning Silver. I could’ve stayed in the bookstore all evening and likely only bought the one book, but nooooo, I ended up in the game store and bought an expensive gorgeous metal dice set. Pft. I also bought macarons which I had never been able to try and the ones I got were disappointingly too sweet for me to enjoy. We were both ready to be done, so we grabbed Chipotle, another first for me, and just curled up with a little TV before bed.

Sunday we got brunch at the ludicrously hipstery Cafe Hollanders. Very good and excellent atmosphere, but I couldn’t get over how chique it was being. The cafe was located in this ritzy area filled with high end stores that neither of us could afford, but we wandered around and gawped at insane prices before heading out to the Milwaukee County Zoo which I have WAAAY too many picture of to share here, so just check out my Instagram. I mentioned a few times, because I was seeing merchandise, that we hadn’t seen the red panda and my friend said she thought it might be a seasonal exhibit. After I was home I checked… it wasn’t. We literally missed it and I kinda wanna cry tbh.

We left Milwaukee around 4 and I ended up home around 7:30, but I tossed some gas in my car, washed it, and ran to the grocery store first so idk exactly how long my drive was. Though not everything was amazing I still had a pretty damn good time, my friend on the other hand seemed to get bored and/or impatient and/or disappointed/frustrated on a regular basis and I swear she didn’t enjoy the trip nearly as well as I did which just makes me sad. I also realized that since the last time we had really hung out we have both changed. Whereas I am online a lot and am fairly socially conscious she was not and she made a few borderline racist jokes (okay, not really borderline at all). Nothing nasty, just those ingrained stereotype jokes that are just not funny when you recognize how hurtful they can be. It also became more apparent that our interests do not overlap much at all. Which is another post to ramble about later. I loved the lighthouse and the zoo and wish I could’ve had just a bit more bookstore time and arcade time. It was nice to get out of town and not think about work while getting to catch up with an old friend though.

[zoesrose]

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS 

pt. 3 - April 2021 - June 2021

APRIL

yasmin puckerman

Hey, you up?

zoe rose

Yes. Is everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah yeah, everythings good I’m just up. Smoking out my window and was just thinking

zoe rose

Thinking about what?

yasmin puckerman

Thinkin bout you

wyd?

zoe rose

I just finished smoking. Laying here. Eating that candy you left here Saturday.

Exactly what about me are you thinking of?

yasmin puckerman

damn that’s where I left that

Your ass mostly

Them dimples you got right above it

zoe rose

I'm glad you mentioned the dimples because I was going to point out that my ass has nothing on yours.

I'll save you a piece.

yasmin puckerman

nah it’s cool, you can eat it. I’ll survive I do have exceptional cheeks

zoe rose

Alright.

You do.

yasmin puckerman

That’s not all I was thinking about tho

zoe rose

Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

we never talked about the night at the empire. Was that what you wanted? I’m

am I supposed to want to go on another d

Idk this shit I got is loud

I’m trippin

zoe rose

That’s not a clear answer. Tell me.

yasmin puckerman

you had a good time right? When we went out that one night

zoe rose

A very good time, yes.

Did you?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah My bad for whatever I said after. It was just more than usual. I don’t get pushed life that

zoe rose

I didn’t take it to heart, it just meant I did a good job humiliating you. I liked pushing you.

yasmin puckerman

I liked it too

zoe rose

I can’t afford the Grand Empire again but I would like to do that again

yasmin puckerman

being there was hella fun but that wasn’t what made it good so, that’s whatever

zoe rose

The dinner part deserves a redo. Something less stuffy.

yasmin puckerman

so you trying to do the whole thing again?

zoe rose

We don’t have to.

yasmin puckerman

let me plan this one?

zoe rose

This one... date?

yasmin puckerman

Saturday or whenever We don’t have to call it that

zoe rose

Saturday.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah, dope Saturday. Yessir

zoe rose

liked this

Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Night Sir

yasmin puckerman

hey wassup?

zoe rose

Hello, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

what you up too?

zoe rose

Currently? Walking around campus. Hitting that back spot that looks over the water.

yasmin puckerman

oh so you chillin chillin

zoe rose

Yes

Everything okay?

yasmin puckerman

yeah all good. I don’t got nothin to text about, I was just being nosey

zoe rose

You could always come be nosy in person.

yasmin puckerman

yeah true Drop a pin?

zoe rose

Drop a pin, what?

location

zoe rose

Do I come across as an egotistical, saditty serial killer?

yasmin puckerman

egotistical? nah wait is this a trick question?

zoe rose

But yes to the other two?

yasmin puckerman

I didn't say that are you good?

zoe rose

I've been compared to Hunter Clarington and I don't like it.

yasmin puckerman

who tf is that? you need to throw down with someone? I could be in the mood real quick

zoe rose

He's a new Dominant that's taken an extra interest in Marley. She said he reminds her of me and I don't like him, so I needed to ask.

yasmin puckerman

Oh well I can't go fighting Marley

zoe rose

I would never ask you to.

yasmin puckerman

remember this?

zoe rose

So I am that type of Dominant? You really pulled some screenshots on me.

yasmin puckerman

I'm just saying, my feelings on that still stands why you saying it like its a bad thing?

zoe rose

Fuck you're right. I don't know why I'm feeling this way.

yasmin puckerman

bro, are you dropping? wyd, Sir?

zoe rose

Laying in bed. About to smoke this bowl. You?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to roll

you got company?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

do you want some, Sir?

zoe rose

Yes. Come over.

yasmin puckerman

ok dope omw

zoe rose

Door's open.

yasmin puckerman

you feeling better?

If you got a min this week to fit a session

lemme know? (leaf) (smoke) ahead of time maybe? Gotta clear it with the boss them

zoe rose

I’ve got minutes. Tomorrow afternoon.

yasmin puckerman

aight I’ll see what I can do

yasmin puckerman

yooo

you doing shit with your partner toni

do they sleep in your bed? I got the nig

your (plug) got gummies and shit rn?

zoe rose

He always does. Should I text him? He can have it delivered in an hour tops.

yasmin puckerman

yessir, pls $25 of nerds ropes or cookies or sum and a Q of that(fire) for me

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I didn't think that was gonna cut it forever

please and thanks, Sir?

yasmin puckerman

I'm starting an escort business wait that's not how that sounds hold up does it counts as that??

zoe rose

You're going to have to elaborate.

yasmin puckerman

I'm escorting this dude to town tomorrow for a few bucks I could be doing that a couple times just on a weekend morning and bank.

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

thanks. I be thinking sometimes

zoe rose

You should charge by the hour.

yasmin puckerman

yeah, 35 the first 2 and 20 every hour after.

easy money I need to get shit in town myself tomorrow.

zoe rose

Good girl. Using this as an opportunity?

yasmin puckerman

You wanna swing by Trixie’s surprise party with me Sat?

zoe rose

Sure.

What will you be doing next week?

yasmin puckerman

Chillen Triple weeks no classes

Might pick up a few extra work shift tho, since imma be missing hours for this universal trip

zoe rose

I will also be working my ass off to rack up money.

yasmin puckerman

keepin on that grind  

zoe rose

Then maybe this Summer we can go on an actual trip. You and me.

yasmin puckerman

oh you tryin to steal my ass away for the summer??

zoe rose

Just a part of it.

yasmin puckerman

I like the sound of that.

zoe rose

I'm thinking Miami.

yasmin puckerman

dope I hear Miami jumps

zoe rose

I've been once. It does.

yasmin puckerman

theres a whole other semester to get through first

I'm really about to savor this break bc I'm hella tired of going to class

zoe rose

It's just a few more months.

yasmin puckerman

months

how did your midterm go?

zoe rose

It was fine. Yours?

yasmin puckerman

yeah good, same hb Marley?

zoe roseBOT — 04/24/2021

Hers went smoothly as well.

yasmin puckerman

Thats good no one to square up with

zoe rose

There's always next time.

yasmin puckerman

that makes me miss smight flub

zoe rose

We could go into town next week.

yasmin puckerman

yeah? I'd be down for that

zoe rose

Consider these official orders.

yasmin puckerman

Yes, Miss Sir. cool cool cool, dinner first?

zoe rose

And dessert after.

yasmin puckerman

the dessert is me right?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

knew it

zoe rose

Come over on Monday too. Since we don't have class.

yasmin puckerman

I would start and end the week with me too if I could

zoe rose

See you Monday, Yas.

zoe rose

I was thinking of renting a car to drive up to Universal. Would you like to ride with me and Marley?

yasmin puckerman

You just want a back seat roller I'm on to you

zoe rose

You could always drive and I could be the back seat roller. I'm not discriminatory.

yasmin puckerman

Aight but if I drive we getting there in 2 and a half minimum

zoe rose

No. I'll drive.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I knew you were all dry jokes

zoe rose

We'll leave Monday morning.

yasmin puckerman

You got it, Sir. I gotta remember to get my shit packed

zoe rose

Then you can pack my shit.

[ ... ]

Kidding.

yasmin puckerman

probably cause you don't want me picking all your outfits

zoe rose

All of my outfits are the same.

yasmin puckerman

Imma pack my bag and yours with my clothes

zoe rose

No. You're packing your bag and I'm packing mine.

yasmin puckerman

don’t worry. Just jokes I like your style how it is anyway

zoe rose

You're still coming over tomorrow night, correct?

yasmin puckerman

yep You planning to do anything special with me?

zoe rose

What do you want me to do to you?

yasmin puckerman

oh shit I hadn’t thought it throu No ones tied me up in a while

You wanna fuck me til I’m mad about it, Sir?

zoe rose

Wanna try that again?

yasmin puckerman

fuck, really?

I swore I had that one! Okay

Will you tie me up and fuck me til I’m mad about it pls, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better. I would love nothing more.

yasmin puckerman

You want some company now too?

I'm out on my board rn

zoe rose

I always want your company.

yasmin puckerman

So I don't gotta ask? what happens if I just start showing up?

zoe rose

My always wanting you here does not negate your need to ask for things you want.

yasmin puckerman

Do you ask for things you want? Or you always just waiting for me to do it?

zoe rose

I'm sure I've asked for you to come over on several occasions.

yasmin puckerman

when I have time I'm pulling receipts wait, that was a yes right? cause I'm already on my way

zoe rose

That was a yes.

yasmin puckerman

dope

MAY

zoe rose

Are you all packed?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I think so I suck at packing

zoe rose

I think I over packed.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah? I think I got more toys than clothes.

zoe rose

I got my clothes in one bag, my shoes in one, my make up in another, and my shit in it's own bag too.

yasmin puckerman

Damn you got four bags??

zoe rose

My make up and oiud bags are small so they barely count.

zoe rose

Before I forget, you're under my orders Friday night and Sunday.   And I would like for you to spend Sunday with me and Marley at Disney world. Please.

yasmin puckerman

I mean, since you asked so nicel Friday, yes Sir. Got it. And hell yeah I wanna go to disney. I don't wanna take your time away from Marley though so, you sure?

zoe rose

Perfect. Marley has me to herself on Friday and Saturday, so Sunday the three of us can  spend the day together before we drive back to GroveKey.

Friday is our birthday, so if you'd like to you can give Marley a present. Though I do not want anything. Just to fuck you Friday night.

yasmin puckerman

Oh shit, that's good to know

Did I known that already??

I'll definitely grab her something.

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

I'm not saying I wont get you anything tho

zoe rose

I suppose I can't stop you.

yasmin puckerman

yup

tell me more about this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I don't think you really want to know. Not asking like that.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah maybe I don't It's your birthday so, whatever you want not that it's not always whatever you want you know what I mean

zoe rose

It'll be a nice surprise for you.

yasmin puckerman

You should let me surprise you tho

zoe rose

I don't like surprises.

yasmin puckerman

not even sexy ones in the shape of me?

zoe rose

Not even those

yasmin puckerman

aight

If you say so

zoe rose

You could always tell me what you wanted to do ahead of time so it’s not a surprise

yasmin puckerman

See this why you’re the smart one between us

zoe rose

So tell me.

yasmin puckerman

how bout I just keep myself ready for friday. you could tell me when to edge over text while you're out having your day whenever you want, on the dime that way by the time your birthday sex comes around I'll already be so fucking desperate for whatever you want to do to me or not do to

if I had hit you with that friday morning you woulda been mad?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool good

zoe rose

I would also like to dress you that day and on Sunday.

Those can be my gifts.

yasmin puckerman

I'm down but thats not your gift nice try tho

zoe rose

It will be better than any material thing you could get me.

yasmin puckerman

well you can just like it more than a  legit thing, that’s fine

zoe rose

Deal.

yasmin puckerman

(laughing)

(peace) (alien) (kiss)

yasmin puckerman

heyyyooooo Happy Birthday

zoe rose

Thank you.

[ 10am ] Now edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

yeah okay. But wait, can I bring you and Marley's gift by before you leave?

zoe rose

The correct response is 'yessir'

We'll wait for you.

yasmin puckerman

aww YESSIR ok cool, thanks oh shit wait hold on. [ ... ]

(mastur.gif)

zoe rose

loved this

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

omw

zoe rose

[ 12:37pm ] Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. got you.

masturbate.gif

zoe rose

Fuck. I can't wait to fuck you tonight.

yasmin puckerman

listen YOU can't wait???

this the second time you edged today too ooor

I'm already hella ready for you, still wet since the first time

zoe rose

That's exactly how I want you. Tonight, I want you dripping.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yeah you got it what time you guys coming back? not that I'm rushing you I'm just you know, wondering

zoe rose

Around 9pm. Why? Are you desperate already?

yasmin puckerman

I'm always desperate when you say you're going to fuck me

zoe rose

Is that so? I'll keep that in mind every time I say that.

yasmin puckerman

you gonna be thinkin about me thinkin about you?

zoe rose

I can absolutely admit to that.

yasmin puckerman

dope that mean I got you wet too?

you got any hints about you're planning to enjoy this birthday sex?

zoe rose

I haven't decided yet. There will most certainly be some choking and humiliation involved. Perhaps I'll suffocate you with my pussy.

yasmin puckerman

well damn catch me making sure this seats all clean for you, Sir.

I don't even need air

zoe rose

I’ll be sure to remember that.

[ 2:54pm ] Again.

yasmin puckerman

mastur.gif

can you see how wet I am? these panties been done for, i'm gonna have to change before I head out

zoe rose

Actually, don’t even wear underwear. And wear a skirt. I’m not done with you.

yasmin puckerman

tf am I gonna get a skirt fro yes, Sir

yasmin puckerman

[ 20 minutes later ]

zero underwear, promise

zoe rose

Good girl. As soon as you get to where you’re going, you’re going to slip into the bathroom to edge for me.

yasmin puckerman

imma have to go wipe my thighs anyway so, might as well

zoe rose

Good, I like that you're dripping.

[ 7:21pm ] I'm on my way back. Edge again.

yasmin puckerman

fuck sorry, there was a line for the bathroom

(mastur.gif)

how long does it take to get back, Sir?

zoe rose

I'll be back in my room in less than thirty minutes.

yasmin puckerman

bet. I'm gonna be waiting there wait no, do you need a min?

nah i'm just gonna be waiting th

zoe rose

By the time I get to my room, I expect you kneeling in front of my door.

yasmin puckerman

oh than fu

yes, Sir. you got it. Imma be there.

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

Did you know it was mothers day?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

I didn't now I feel like a dick

zoe rose

It's not too late to call her.

yasmin puckerman

I'm waiting for my brother to finish

zoe rose

He beat you to it?

yasmin puckerman

The first time ion think either of us got through but yeah, he did

It's okay, she'll still love me

zoe rose

I'm sure you're fine.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah it was fine, she wasn't mad I told her about Disney Thanks for the invite today

zoe rose

Thank you for indulging Marley.

yasmin puckerman

Nah, that's light work she made it really fun

zoe rose

Yes but there was a lot of things I wouldn't with her that you did.

yasmin puckerman

I had a good time so, it's np did you?

zoe rose

I enjoyed you and Marley having a good time.

yasmin puckerman

I guess thats not a no

zoe rose

It doesn't matter because it wasn't for me. The person who was supposed to enjoy it did and that's all that I wanted.

yasmin puckerman

what would you do for your birthday if it was just for you? besides me, obviously

zoe rose

Sitting on the beach, drinking and smoking. Then maybe a car show or something later in the night. Before coming going home with you for birthday sex.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna do that next weekend? the retirement homies around this island are always having car shits, bet theres something

zoe rose

Yes. Please.

yasmin puckerman

dope I only work until 1 sat

zoe rose

Then you're under my orders for the rest of the weekend.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir. I mean, except I got a 6 to close sunday but beside that it'll be dope

zoe rose

We can hit the beach again before you go into work.

yasmin puckerman

you look good on the beach, so I'm down

zoe rose

I'll get the cooler ready.

yasmin puckerman

you wanna dress me?

zoe rose

For the car show? Yes.

yasmin puckerman

cool I like when you do that

zoe rose

Good. I like it too.

yasmin puckerman

loved this

yasmin puckerman

Can this be a regular thing?

zoe rose

You being mine for the weekend?

yasmin puckerman

yeah. Exactly that

zoe roseB

I want that too.

yasmin puckerman

I just might have to work sometimes. Like we did this weekend tho that’s cool, yeah?

zoe rose

I think it worked out this weekend like that.

yasmin puckerman

I think so too, Sir

it was dope

zoe rose

I think so too.

yasmin puckerman

From Saturday morning next week?

zoe rose

Yes, standing orders.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

Good girl. Goodnight, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

Goodnight

yasmin puckerman

hey

morning or whatever

zoe rose

Good morning, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

What you up to today? Besides dumbass class

zoe rose

Just that. Bored out of my fucking mind, you?

yasmin puckerman

mood. same. everyone is always like, you don’t even enjoy the kink classes? Like I’m obviously only taking kink classes. It’s still book work and listening so, I’m still

zoe rose

Especially in the intro classes.

yasmin puckerman

I joined a study group

zoe rose

For what reason?

yasmin puckerman

to copy ppls work also I like the girl running it, she’s sweet

zoe rose

I should have known there was a cute/sweet girl involved.

yasmin puckerman

at least I know what motivates me blonde and everything

zoe rose

And here I thought I was the one set in my ways

yasmin puckerman

whats your thing? brats who are full of themselves

zoe rose

That one is actually new.

yasmin puckerman

hmm, getting adventurous

zoe rose

Seems so.

yasmin puckerman

well I'm hella happy to help  

zoe rose

Send me a pic

yasmin puckerman

of me like right now?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

liked this

Good angle.

yasmin puckerman

I’m hella sexy from all angles so, thank you

zoe rose

Yes, you are.

yasmin puckerman

Send me one, Sir?

zoe rose

Say please.

yasmin puckerman

Please, Sir?

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

thanks

saves image

yasmin puckerman

Mind if I kick it with you between a class today or sum?

zoe rose

No. Bored?

yasmin puckerman

Imma see if you’ll let me ask nicely to go down on you.

zoe rose

Ask nicely and we'll see.

yasmin puckerman

If I start saying what I know you’ll say before you say it, that gonna piss you off?

zoe rose

I'm not making any promises.

yasmin puckerman

damn, cause you know I’d like it

zoe rose

So go ahead and try me. What will I say?

yasmin puckerman

hb I just count my lucky stars today and ask where I should meet you? So I can ask properly

zoe rose

My place.

yasmin puckerman

okay cool thanks, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

zoe rose

Today is my turn to ask if I can go down on you between classes.

yasmin puckerman

wait you’re ASKING me???

say pleas

Uh, hell yes I don’t gotta jump through a hoop first?

zoe rose

No. I just want your pussy on my mouth.

yasmin puckerman

fuck yes wherever you want, Sir.

zoe rose

Your room exactly three minutes after our second class ends.

yasmin puckerman

I'll be right on time

zoe rose

Good girl.

yasmin puckerman

I work til 9 tomorrow, you gonna be busy?

zoe rose

I am not. Are you wanting to start our weekend early?

yasmin puckerman

Yes please

zoe rose

Yes, come over after work.

yasmin puckerman

cool also I gotta reup pls, at least a Q

zoe rose

Alright just send me the 70

yasmin puckerman

thanks

zoe rose

liked this

[ ... ]

unliked this

What do you want to do tomorrow night?

yasmin puckerman

you wanna go out?

zoe rose

Out to a club?

yasmin puckerman

yeah, I could get changed at work, meet you back at campus?

zoe rose

Yes. I'll come by your play before you go to work. Pick out when you're going to wear for the night.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope yes, Sir How was your week?

zoe rose

It was satisfactory, no complaints. I went to class, smoked, chilled. You?

yasmin puckerman

It was good, flew by They been doing that lately

zoe rose

I like it.

yasmin puckerman

must be cause of all the relaxing I do come weekends

zoe rose

Is that what we call it? Relaxing?

yasmin puckerman

that’s what I’m calling it its relaxing for me well maybe not always in the moment, but afterward, overall, that shit

zoe rose

Yes. That makes sense.

zoe rose

You sent someone to bring me coffee?

yasmin puckerman

bomb coffee did you like it?

zoe rose

I almost slammed the door in his face.

yasmin puckerman

oh no but you didn’t?

zoe rose

His only saving grace was saying your name. Otherwise he would have gotten the coffee thrown in his face.

yasmin puckerman

damn coffee is hot

wait are you mad?

I should have told you it was coming, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that

zoe rose

I'm not mad. Just thrown off.

You should have.

yasmin puckerman

my fault, I’m sorry

did you like the coffee th

maybe I could make it up to you later?

zoe rose

You're tasked with finding a girl for both of us to fuck at the club.

yasmin puckerman

yes Sir hell yes I'm all over it, any preferences?

zoe rose

Your type. I want to watch you dom someone.

yasmin puckerman

fuck okay yup, I'll keep my eye out

zoe rose

Good. Do you like the dress I chose for you tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Imma look so fine

I like everything you pick for me

zoe rose

I like everything I pick for you too.

yasmin puckerman

[ later ] I got her

coming back rn

zoe rose

I'm in Private Room 6.

yasmin puckerman

okay damn, perfect is this gonna be a just me her thing? or like a me her... me her you?

zoe rose

I'm only watching tonight.

yasmin puckerman

cool, okay dope just give me like 5 mins, Sir?

zoe rose

5 min and not a second more.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

I know I just left but, can I come over?

zoe rose

You really should have just stayed with me the extra day.

yasmin puckerman

I thought I'd be a big girl and sleep in my own bed tonight but nah

zoe roseBOT — 05/31/2021

Come here.

yasmin puckerman

yes, Sir

zoe rose

liked this

JUNE

yasmin puckerman

do you wanna fuck me at lunch, Sir? please? I'm in a hella bad mood

zoe rose

No. I’m not in the mood.

yasmin puckerman

okay you good?

zoe rose

Yes. Why are you in a bad mood?

yasmin puckerman

because it feels like a Monday

and I'm irritating

zoe rose

You’re irritating?

yasmin puckerman

YES me.

annoying tf out of my self

zoe rose

Take a smoke break. You'll feel better.

yasmin puckerman

you're so fucking right oh shit, thats why! I slept in so I didn't have time to this morning

zoe rose

You're welcome.

yasmin puckerman

i thought I was just in a fight with me thanks, your wisdom is plentiful

zoe rose

liked this

We got this new strand, Skywalker OG. You want?

yasmin puckerman

hell yes and also yes please

zoe rose

Good girl. You'll be getting Chinese food later on tonight.

yasmin puckerman

okay dope but I might only be able to swing a 8th rn, I gotta check the funds

zoe rose

Pay me back next paycheck.

yasmin puckerman

music to my ears

zoe rose

Mhm.

yasmin puckerman

you were def right

and I hella want to kiss you

I feel better now

zoe rose

Good.

yasmin puckerman

hey

zoe rose

Hello.

yasmin puckerman

fuck I wasn’t expecting that

zoe rose

I know.

yasmin puckerman

is this an invite? or am I being teased?

zoe rose

It's always an invite.

yasmin puckerman

yeah always? I get out of work in 55 minutes.

zoe rose

Not that you're counting or anything.

yasmin puckerman

yeah I am def counting 54 minutes

zoe rose

And how long does it take you to get here?

yasmin puckerman

20 mins ish

zoe rose

Door's open. Come into the bedroom naked.

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah yes Sir.

zoe rose

liked this

yasmin puckerman

holy shit the pride tourist wave has hit grovekey it's been so fucking busy

zoe rose

Are you getting paid more?

yasmin puckerman

[ backdated ] I wish I was bout to go on a break though so I got a solid 15 mins to sit my ass down

zoe rose

Only a couple more hours. FT while I roll?

yasmin puckerman

I was just about to ask that

3 more mins and I’m headed out back.

zoe rose

Yes. Just call.

[ see here ]

yasmin puckerman

I just rolled a fatty, want me to come by?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

Orange soda?

zoe rose

Yes, please.

yasmin puckerman

Dope. I'll be there in 5

hold on munchies kicked in and I'm staring into this vending machine like it owns my life do you think I want a reeses or a kit kat?

zoe rose

I thought you were waiting to smoke with me. We both want Reeses.

yasmin puckerman

nah I said I rolled I had one ready one my way home before I showered and changed maybe I should go with skittles. that meatball sub I had at work is not sittin right, chocolate probably wont help

Or them little mini cookies

zoe rose

Mhm. Not cookies, you just said chocolate won't help.

yasmin puckerman

so I don’t work sat but there’s an alum event I want to hit up at 7, do I need to ask permission or some s that cool with you Sir?

zoe rose

Which event is that?

yasmin puckerman

poker night

well it’s a men’s only thing but I wanna see if they’d let me ride and I’m cute or whatever, I’m sure I can convince somebodies rich daddy

zoe rose

Okay. You’re still ordered to my room after.

yasmin puckerman

dope It goes to 11 but I don’t think I’ll need that long to clean up$$ and head out

zoe rose

Where is it going to be held?

yasmin puckerman

someone said it was gonna be at that oak club place

zoe rose

Will you need an escort?

yasmin puckerman

yeah I will

zoe rose

Want it to be me?

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah I was gonna just figure something out but that’d be dope I’m so mf good at poker

just gotta find out what the buy in is so I’m prepared.

zoe rose

if there's a difference you can't make, I got you

yasmin puckerman

If it come to that, I’ll give it right back after I triple it

zoe rose

Alright.

Which seminars are you signing up for?

yasmin puckerman

Just the switch one if I’m gonna be forced into an extra class this week at least it’s Miss Bakers she aight

zoe rose

That's smart.

yasmin puckerman

you pick any?

zoe rose

I'm looking now. I might just do the TPE class since it's in my wheelhouse.

yasmin puckerman

yeah might be interesting, good thinking

zoe rose

Besides me dressing you, have you ever experienced TPE in the submissive role?

yasmin puckerman

nah but, I’m taking that intro class right now

zoe rose

I want to explore that with you.

yasmin puckerman

like an all day thing?

zoe rose

Starting with a few rules. Then leading up to an all day thing.

[porkchop-ao3]

Idk if you’re taking fic requests but maybe some holiday time Christmassy Flesh Curtains Rick where he admits he has some feelings for reader and some smut??? I’m up obscenely early and this is what tired brain wants to request.

I hope this satisfies your needs :P

-

I gingerly sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, careful as to not wake up the man sleeping next to me. I stretched before getting up, rummaging through the pile of clothes on the floor to find my t-shirt and panties. Once I was semi-decent, I reached under my bed to pull out my weekend bag, and got to work packing. I’d left it to the last minute, of course. I was due to leave in a couple of hours to make the drive to my parents house, and I hadn’t even thought about packing until now. I tossed clothes into the bag haphazardly, feeling groggy and hungover from the night before.

Rick and I had attended a friend’s Christmas party, and had stumbled home together during the early hours of the morning, completely wasted, but not too drunk to screw around a little before crashing. My memories were hazy, but I had flashes of being fucked from behind up against the bathroom sink, of all places. I seemed to recall that we were gonna take a bath for some reason? Who knows. Things got crazy when Rick, alcohol and I hung out together.

I reached for my hair-dryer, figuring it might be useful to bring along just in case, and clumsily threw the thing onto the floor with a loud clatter.

“The fuck?” Rick groaned, peeling his face up from the pillow he was drooling on and looking over to me.

“Aw, shit. I’m sorry, I was trying to be quiet.” I apologized, picking the hair-dryer up with a sigh and stuffing it into the bag.

“You tyrin’a sneak out on me? Surely th-that’s my job, we’re in your house.” He chuckled, rolling onto his back to look at me. He reached for he cigarettes on the bedside table, and lit one up.

“I have to leave soon, I’m doing Christmas with my parents.” I told him, and my tone just said it all. He rose a brow at me.

“And that's… bad, right?” He asked, blowing out smoke with every word. I nodded.

“It’s just gonna be them tossing snide, passive aggressive remarks at one another all day, because they haven’t loved each other for fifteen years but are too scared to get a fucking divorce. Then my mother’s gonna get plastered, probably cry for some reason, and I’ll be stuck listening to her shit all night.” I grumbled, tossing my bag on the floor and walking back to the bed, falling onto it face first with a groan. “It’s the same every year.” I mumbled into the sheets.

“Then don’t go.” He said simply, and I lifted my head to narrow my eyes at him.

“Oh, I’ll never hear the end of it.” I said, and Rick rolled his eyes.

“Tell ‘em you made oth-other plans.” He shrugged.

“And then what? Stay at home all day, have myself a microwave dinner and get drunk on mulled fucking wine on my own?” I suggested, and Rick snorted.

“Ooor… we could do that together. Just you and me.” He countered, and I stared at him for a while, not really sure how to respond.

“I thought you were gonna spend Christmas with Birdperson and Squanchy.” I said, and he flicked the end of his cigarette into the ashtray before taking a deep drag.

“Yeah, that’s not happening anymore. Something came up.” He said, a hint of sadness in his tone that he tried to hide with indifference. I shifted my position, sitting cross legged on the bed. “Besides. They don’t even celebrate it, they only played along for my sake.”

“Well, I don’t want you to spend Christmas on your own.” I told him, and he gave me an unimpressed look.

“Yeah, I’m not looking for pity, or what-whatever. If you’d rather spend Christmas refereeing your parents’ bitching matches, then be my guest. Christmas isn’t- it’s just another day for me.” He blew smoke in my direction, then stubbed out his cigarette. “It was just an idea.”

“I’m not pitying you. I’m just surprised, spending Christmas together makes it seem like…” I paused, not really knowing where that sentence was going. Rick waited, staring at me expectantly. “Well, it’s what couples do, isn’t it?”

“And that’s weird, because?”

“It’s hardly like… we aren’t really…” I avoided his eyes, suddenly feeling exposed under his gaze.

“We just spent all night fucking.” He pointed out. “An-and that happens a lot. You- what do you think we are? Just, just buddies?”

“Fuck buddies seems a little more apt.” I said in a small voice.

“Fuck buddies.” Rick repeated, and laughed. “Alright, I guess that makes sense.”

“What, do you have a different view of what this is?”

“No. No, fuck buddies is fine.” He said, climbing out of bed and pulling on his boxer briefs. He turned to me, adjusting his junk. “I’m gonna go, I don’t mind spending tomorrow alone. It’s just a day, it’s not special.” He told me, and I stared at him in concern.

“If we aren’t fuck buddies then what are we?” I asked, and he gave me a funny look.

“I never said we weren’t.”

“No, but your face did. You aren’t happy. Talk to me.” I crawled across the bed, coming close to him. I pulled him forwards by his wrist and stared up at him. He frowned at me for a long while, before finally deciding to speak. For once, I didn’t have to plead and plead for him to open up to me.

“I don’t know, I just thought we were past that.” He shrugged. “Cause I am, at least.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked, and he groaned, looking up at the ceiling.

“Don’t make me say it. Are you really gon-gonna make me say it?” He whined, and I let him go, plopping back down onto my ass. I looked at him expectantly, and he sighed. “You aren’t just a good fuck to me; I thought I made it obvious. Y-you know, I drag you all over the goddamn universe when I’m on tour, I spend like ninety percent of my spare time with you, I haven’t fucked anyone other than you in months.”

“Really? I thought… I mean there’s so many groupies. So many gorgeous women… and men. Hell, and everything in between. You haven’t been taking advantage of that?” I gaped, honestly surprised by this revelation.

“No. How, uh, how’s the saying go? Why go out for burgers when you’ve got steak at home?” He shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. His words flattered me, and I felt my face get hot. “It gets boring anyway, fucking someone different every night. Sometimes you don’t wanna just fuck, you want-” he stopped and sighed heavily. “You want familiarity. Trust, maybe? I don’t know.”

“Oh, I see.” I whispered, staring up at him in awe. He squirmed under my gaze.

“What, that’s it? Stop staring at me like that. I don’t know what else you want me to say.” He grumbled, picking up his loose fitting tank top and pulling it over his head. “You want me to say that- that you’re special, or some bullshit like that?”

“No. I just want to hear your true feelings for once. You’re always so tight lipped.”

“Feelings? T-take your pick. Part of me wants to throttle you cause you’re never fucking satisfied with what I give you, you’re always prodding me for more, tryin'a coax it out of me.” he complained, fastening his leather choker around his neck. “And I don’t hear you- you’re not exactly forthcoming with your own 'feelings’.”

“Yeah, cause I don’t wanna make you run a mile.” I snorted.

“You’d have to try pretty hard.” He replied, pulling his tight pants on, one leg at a time as he hopped, unbalanced. Once he was dressed, he approached me and kneeled on the bed, cupping my face in his hands. “Don’t make me say it. As soon as I say it, things are gonna change and I don’t want them to.”

“I don’t want to assume what 'it’ is, Rick. Just fucking tell me. Things aren’t going to change.” I whispered. Rick leaned forward and kissed me, his tongue probing for access that I granted. He backed me up further onto the bed, his hands gently guiding me onto my back, he handled me like china; and it was very out of character. He moved his lips to my jaw, nipping and sucking as he traveled to my neck.

“Promise me.” He said into my skin, not looking up at me.

“Okay.” I whispered.

“Say it. Promise me things aren’t going to change between us. I like things exactly the way they are.”

“I do too, Rick. I promise, things won’t change.” I assured him, bringing my hands up to his hair, lacing my fingers through it. He sat up abruptly, wrenching my hands away from him. He hungrily stared down at my body, grabbing my legs and lifting them so they rested over his shoulders. I gasped at his sudden forcefulness, it was such a contrast to his previous touch. He bent down, tonguing the band of my panties into his mouth, and pulling on them with his teeth. I lifted my hips as I watched him drag my underwear down my legs with his teeth, he stared me in the eyes the whole time. I felt weak.

Once I was free of my panties, Rick ran kisses down the insides of my legs, kisses that turned to bites when he reached my thighs. He sucked on my flesh, bringing up tender little splotches. He reached a hand between my legs, parting my folds and taking moment to admire the view. His middle finger rubbed teasingly over my clit, barely any pressure. I pressed my lips together, exercising my patience and trying not to beg him.

My patience was rewarded, because soon his mouth was on me, dotting kisses over my opening, his tongue poking out and flicking fast. I shuddered and grunted; it wasn’t a particularly ladylike sound but goddamn it I couldn’t help it. Rick soon eased off though, moving his lips to my lower abdomen, kissing, tonguing, and otherwise lavishing me with affection. I mewled in disappointment, and Rick pushed my t-shirt further up, exposing my breasts. He cupped them, rolling my nipples between his thumb and forefinger as he buried his face in my stomach, moaning softly. He said something, and I couldn’t make it out because his voice was so muffled.

“What?” I asked, embarrassingly out of breath. One of his hands moved back down my body, a finger slipped inside me, easily finding my g-spot. He stroked, the stimulation direct and well practiced; he knew how to please me.

“I love you.” He said in response, his voice still muffled but clear enough that I definitely didn’t mishear him.

“You-” I started, tensing up around his finger. He stilled, before removing it altogether. “No you don’t.”

“I do.” He argued, lifting his head to look at me. He pulled my legs off of his shoulders and settled between them, sliding up my body so our faces were level. I got about four seconds of eye contact before his face was pressed into my neck and his hips were rolling. I couldn’t concentrate on how good it felt to have his clothed hard on grinding against my bare pussy.

“You’ve never said that. Don’t say that if it’s just a heat of the moment thing.” I breathed, clutching onto the back of his shirt.

“I mean it.” He said, reaching for his pants. He pulled his cock free. “That’s the thing- that’s what I didn’t wanna say. Don’t make this harder.”

“Oh my God.” I said, wrapping my legs around him when he stroked the head of his length against my opening. “Shit, Rick… I didn’t think you- I thought that wasn’t your thing. I thought this was just a bit of fun for you.”

“It was.” He huffed, dipping the head of his cock inside me, pulling back just as fast; like he was resisting the urge to fuck me. “But shit, I guess things change, huh?”

“Fuck, Rick… I feel the same.” I admitted, tightening my legs around his waist, effectively pulling him inside me. “I have for so fucking long but I never said anything, I didn’t wanna push my luck.” I laughed breathlessly, and Rick began to move. He thrust fast, not wasting any time.

“Mm, I love you.” He repeated those words, and it gave me a pleasurable burst in my gut, a fluttery, giddy feeling that had me groaning.

“I love you.” I said it back, squeezing him tight as he fucked me. His pace was relentless, it was desperate, indulgent, he wasn’t holding a damn thing back and I was glad about it. He kissed me, tonguing me with an eagerness I’d never felt from him before.

“I want you, I want- fuck. I want you to myself.” He told me. Faster and faster, I’d never been fucked so fast. My mouth hung open and I could only nod. “Forever, baby. We’re gonna- it’s just gonna be me and you.”

“Yes, yes, oh fuck… please don’t stop.” I begged, he looked me in the eye; his gaze was intense. Possessive and lustful, I gorged on that expression, soaking it in and surrendering to him.

“I’m not gonna stop, baby, I’ve got you.” He cooed, shifting his hips so he rubbed up against my clit. It sent me over the edge in a flash, my orgasm came out of nowhere and my whole body was alight. Pleasure rippled through me, and I moaned Rick’s name over and over, my climax felt never ending. “That’s it. So good, I love it when you cum on my cock like that- fuck.” He growled, his thrusts becoming erratic.

Rick finished inside me soon after, his cock throbbed and twitched inside me as he filled me, glorious animalistic grunts met my ears and I laid back and took everything from him. He pulled out and sat back on his heels, parting my lips and watching his cum drip out of me, chewing on his lip and groaning quietly.

“Rick, what does this mean for us?” I asked after the atmosphere calmed, and he looked up at me with gorgeous, soft eyes.

“That w-we’re on the same page.” He said kicking off his pants lazily as he laid down on his side next to me. “Nothing’s changing. We agreed on that.”

“Okay. Good.” I whispered.

“Except maybe we’re gonna do this even more.” He added with a deep chuckle, stroking a hand over my stomach. I turned my head and grinned at him. Silence fell, and we laid there just looking at each other for a long time. I was the one to speak first.

“Let’s spend tomorrow together.”

“We can make Christmas pizza. With turkey on it and shit.” He suggested, his face lighting up with a content smile.

“Oh man, that sounds good.” I made a sound of appreciation, my mouth watering at the idea. “I feel like I’m gonna enjoy Christmas a lot more this year.”

[canaryatlaw]

Okay, well today wasn't bad. Still kind of overall stressed, but dealing with it. I have time at least, to get all this shit done, get it spaced out over and all that, so that helps. Alarm went off at 7 and I got out of bed and made it to work and made it through the rest of the file for the permanency hearing, which was more of the parents being like "we're not alcoholics we don't need treatment fuck you" all the way to getting their damn kid removed, so I write up some normal permanency hearing questions and took that and the file over to the lawyer who gave it to me to talk to him about it. I ask if they ever made a paternity finding, because there was a whole big thing about it because apparently her "dad" her whole life isn't technically her legally-presumed dad because her mother was married to someone else when she was born, but I never found a finding, and then the lawyers like "oh yeah, well dad passed away in November, something related to his alcoholism." Oh. Well. And he goes on to add the mom is basically on her death bed in the same situation. Don't need treatment my ass. This poor child. She seems like a good kid though, so hopefully we can get her get into some post-high school training if not actual college. I'll get to meet her and interview her Monday. At that point I went back to my office and created a template for permanency hearing questions that I could just tweak for individual cases since the status based questions are largely the same. Somewhere in all of this my eyes were drooping way too much again so I took another 15 minute head on desk session, I might've actually passed out for a few minutes, but when the alarm went off I freaked out for a minute because I was expecting the wrong time for some reason and thought I accidentally passed out for like two hours lol. So I was fairly glad that didn't happen. Somewhere in here I also tried to call my psychiatrist about the whole Xanax thing I was discussing last night, only to be told he's on vacation till the end of the month.....I mean, the guy definitely deserves it, he's partially retired already and probably in his 70's, and I don't want to disturb him or anything, but like, I know him and I know he would want to hear two sentences from me on this issue but I didn't want to say it was an emergency because it wasn't, and if I did they probably would've put me on with one of the other psychiatrists that are filling in for him, and I'm sorry but there's no way I'm trusting anyone else with this shit. I think I'm gonna increase it to 3 mg a day for now at least, which is still within the normal range he said I could try so it's not a big deal. Hopefully that will make finals a bit more manageable. So that was less than ideal, but oh well. All of my events are really out of order for today so idk if any of this happened in this order, but around lunchtime I went to go see my across the hall friend who's now my across the building friend, to see if she was feeling better and if she wanted to get lunch because I, like a kindergartener, left my lunch box in the fridge yesterday (I had actually packed dinner in a brown paper bag for later but I didn't want to pack two of those). So we went to the "bakery" that has super awesome pizza an I got some of their pizza with the seriously biggest slices and ate like, half a slice lol. So good though. It was nice to talk to her though, we traded crazy stories from our courthouse and the DV one, and I was just like man, I'm so glad I have people I can share these things with without them being immediately horrified and me being like "yes I know those are terribly tragic circumstances but if you hang in there for a moment the court moment was really funny!!" Lol, it's gallows humor for sure but I mean gotten let it out somehow. I vent to my brother about crazy cases too, that's helpful since talking about the law is one of the few things we can talk about and actually have a lengthy productive discussion on without it somehow devolving into him being an asshole (mostly, anyway). So there's that at least. He appreciates my stories. So back from lunch and I spent a while organizing orders into alphabetized folders for two different lawyers haha who both apologized for the shitty work but I'm like hey whatever it's all good I know I'm the intern and I'll deal with your shitty jobs if it gets me a good in here. And then I had to show my supervisor how to send in the mid-semester evaluation my field placement supervisor wanted from him (oh, and he apparently knew my FP supervisor like 15 years ago and he was her boss in this office??? I swear he was everyone's boss at some point) because he was getting so lost in computer forms and retrieving files and saving them and electronically signing forms, so I'm just sitting there showing him how to do it and he's like "ohmygosh Rachel, you're so smart!!!" and I'm like trying not to laugh because he's just so adorably funny. And then of course I got to read more of the nice things he said about me which made my heart melt once again because he's literally so nice I can't handle it and his words are always really genuine too so it's nice. And yeah. So I didn't have anywhere to rush to right after leaving the juvenile courthouse today for the first time I can remember since, the summer, since I decided no kickboxing this week because I simply don't have the emotional or physical energy for it, so I was just gonna find a Starbucks to chill in and work on my appellate brief until small group time. So I got to like, take my time leaving and my supervisor is like "Rachel what are you still doing here, you're gonna be late to class!!" and it's like 5:01 haha so funny. So then waiting for the bus I saw the PD that was on the panel we did yesterday so we of course talked about delinquency stuff, like the spring break project from last year and of course eventually got into the whole transferring to adult court thing and I mentioned the slenderman case because that's just the most horrific case of misjudgment by the system and she'd heard of it of course but didn't know the details and she was beyond horrified to hear that they're trying two severely mentally ill 12 year old children as adults and having them face 35 years in prison. Like, we literally have an entire juvenile justice system FOR PRECISELY THESE REASONS. Bypassing it ignores all the science and research and not to mention the recidivism rate which skyrockets when you try children as adults. I'll cap it there though, not gonna go into a full rant at the moment (I know I've already done it on here). I got off the one bus to catch another and had to watch it stop and drive off while I was stuck on the other side of the crosswalk which SUCKS and it was just chilly enough to be annoying out today, but then thankfully another bus came like 2 minutes later which isn't typical but I was very grateful for. So I took that to the Starbucks area, then popped into Walgreens to buy more of their caramel chocolates that Lyft driver got me hooked on (lol) except they didn't have those exact ones, so I got what's basically the same but with toffee pieces and I tried a little and they're pretty amazing. So then I went to Starbucks and got an iced white tea lemonade and tried to surreptitiously eat my sandwiches (I mean I was facing the window so I didn't have to be all that secretive about it) and start the behemoth that is gonna be finishing my appellate brief, and I pretty much immediately felt lost, but always over like the stupid stuff I could find like whether saying "don't use the party names" meant the given names or the terms plaintiff/defendant....(it's the prior, I think anyway) but I figured as some sort of game plan I would work on fixing the argument section based on the feedback I got from our prof, since that still is the substance of the brief, and then work on adding all the extra parts. Half of the edits she gave me though we're like about ordering the arguments and shit and it just pissed me off because I like the way I order my arguments, dammit, because IT MAKES SENSE, and I'm sorry if it doesn't fit your blue book standard but my boss at my actual job where I submit actual motions to actual court seems to be quite impressed with it so you can take your argument order and shove it.....(note please that that wasn't actually directed at my prof, cuz I kind of like her, and I know it's the curriculum and not her setting the standards). But that just annoyed me cuz like, real life isn't legal writing fact patterns. You're not always gonna have an analogous case and a distinguishable case, and you're gonna have to make it work. I just....I get too worked up about all of it. But I at least made some progress on preliminary efforts, so maybe, 5% done? It's a start, at least. I walked from the Starbucks to church which is like a ten minute walk and even though it was still a little chilly I haven't done any walking for the past two days and I haven't had any chance to work out this week (I likely won't go to the gym tomorrow because I have no reason to be downtown) so it's something at least, to go with my push ups (which I think may be hurting a muscle in my side, because trying any new physical activity is basically let's see how I can piss my body off this time for me). But yeah, small group was good. This was something I meant to mention quickly on my last week's recap of it, but I think I might have a teeny tiny crush on one of the guys? Like it was in my head last week but it was barely anything, then I get in there today and we start talking about the marvel tv shows and you know I can talk above superheroes all damn day haha so that was enjoyable, and then he was being like "yeah it was cool being at my cousins wedding this weekend but it's also so weird being single at a wedding" and I'm like alright, that might have been a subtle hint, lol, and of course as soon as the idea even entered my head I spent the rest of the night pretty much planning our wedding when I haven't really decided if I even like the guy yet, lol. Physically he's not like drop dead gorgeous, but he's definitely not ugly and has a certain charming quality to his appearance, so I can work with that. The rest of small group (I almost just wrote Smallville) was good too, we talked about a passage in 1 Corinthians I was familiar with about love and of course I got to opine about my deep theories on the issue about how basically the passage is indicative of the entire problem of "religion" and what the church is facing today- that is, they have all the rules, all the right answers, but without love following through all of it it's basically useless, and I feel like that's so on point for what the church is dealing with right now. Like, no. Love meets you were you are. Love is right in there with your mess. Love doesn't require you to clean up your act before you're welcomed into our church. Jesus certainly didn't require it to be let into his presence, so how dare we even try to do it? And yeah, other random deep shit like that, lol, you get the picture. Took the train to the bus as my normal and AGAIN had to run to make the bus (this was a different stop, but same bus route) and again had to bang on the door to get let in while the driver was looking so put out by it and I'm just like....calm your tits lady we're giving your company money but being here, lol. But I got home, didn't almost get run over by a car but had the weird experience of a car stopping fully at a red light, and I started crossing, and then they suddenly started driving again and blew the light by like, a mile. They didn't even come close to wear I was crossing so I was never in danger or anything, but I was like seriously, wtf man? Who does that?!? Idiots. For home and watched Powerless, which was cute of course, then Riverdale which just left me with the comment that this is the one teen drama where all the high schoolers have it together for the most part and all their parents are going batshit crazy, lol. But I enjoyed both, and that pretty much wrapped up my night. And it's late, and I get to sleep in which I'm very glad about, but still I'm tired and want to go to sleep now, so that's what I will do. Goodnight mis amigos. Happy Friday.

[flawedinthefantasy]

so last night was my date with L. and it was...bittersweet, i guess.

in the morning i got my hair braided. i’m still struggling with insomnia so i only got a few hours of sleep the night before and was dozing off in the chair. afterwards, i wanted to take a quick nap before driving to the train station because i didn’t wanna drive when i was so sleepy. before going to sleep, he texted saying that he didn’t feel like going to a jazz club and we should just do dinner. i woke up like 20 mins before i wanted to set out and i was irritated because i’d already packed my bag and had my dress and heels and everything ready to go. i quickly chose a backup outfit and tried it on, which made me late for the train. i literally got there as it was leaving and i wasn’t happy. 

fast forward, i get to my hotel with about 45 minutes to spare and i still have to shower and put on makeup. i did all of that and honestly looked really great, i’m somewhat confident in my makeup skills now lol. i was about 10 mins late and had every intention of being a bit bitchy but as soon as i saw him, i could feel my whole face lighting up. he’s been working out and was noticeably buffer than he was in January. he’d just gotten a haircut and he looked so good. the shirt i was wearing is pink and white striped and he joked about me wearing pajamas. 

the restaurant was cool and dark, just how i like it. i got myself a drink and we sat at our table and started talking. we talked about work, he asked me about school and i mentioned having a few breakdowns since i’d seen him in january. he asked me about mental health and we talked about that a little bit. we ordered our food (really good Peruvian food btw) and he said that i only ate half of my food last time so i need to eat this time. i was touched that he remembered and laughed my ass off because little does he know that i eat like a fucking horse haha. 

anyway our convo flowed easily, he told me about work and we talked about where we were when Trump was elected, etc. all night, we kept making eye contact that was really charged. the chemistry was just insane. then the convo took a more serious turn. we were talking about how hard med school is (his older sister is a doctor) and he starts telling me about how tough it can be working on wall street. and how his friend from college is a father and husband now and he lives in the suburbs. he goes “my friend has someone calling him Daddy and it’s so crazy to me”, in this wistful voice. he then goes on to say that he wonders if that kind of life would be possible for him one day and that the way his life is right now, that can’t happen. and i was a little perplexed because as far as i knew, he didn’t even want those things. i asked him if he’d be happy living that kind of life and he said he would. that living in the city and making all of this money seems awesome but he works so hard all the time. that he’d worked from 6am to 2am on thursday and was back to work at 6am on friday. and i was like ????

i said that we didn’t have to get together and he said that he wanted to see me and that if he hadn’t, he would have cancelled. but he’s been going through a lot lately and he’s using this weekend for some R&R. he then tells me about how he and his older sister have no student debt because they both had full rides. and while his parents aren’t well off, his younger sister attends an ivy league school that only gives full rides to students whose parents make below a certain cutoff and his parents are just above that cutoff. so he pays his younger sister’s tuition!!! he told me the amount and my jaw dropped. i was like bullshit and he took his phone to show me. i told him, it was okay and i believed him because i honestly didn’t want to see that. he said that he’s in a position to help and he doesn’t want his sister to have to worry about student loans but that’s only possible because of his job. so that life of living in the suburbs with a wife and kid can’t happen because he’s providing for his family. i was like O_O.

then he goes on to say that for those who want to “get their name known” in the field, they have to work overseas. for him that would mean hong kong or singapore. i was like UHH WHAT? i asked when they would be happening and he said that if he didn’t push back, maybe 2-3 years; if he did push back, maybe 5-7. the alternative would be moving to a different investment bank. my head was reeling tbh. 

he also told me about how there’s no one on his trading floor who’s below 30 and married. how his boss is 45 dating a 27 year old and has no friends his own age. how one of the senior guys wakes up every morning at 5am and has no issue staying until 1am so sometimes he sees his wife and kids 2-3 times per week. then he says that it’s not fair to ask a spouse to accept that type of lifestyle. 

so as he’s saying all of this stuff, he’s making this really intense eye contact and watching all of my mannerisms. i have a really expressive face so it’s easy to see when i’m upset. it seemed that he was trying to explain why we can’t have a relationship. i remember him saying “there’s just not enough time”. as he was talking, i was just looking at him and in those moments, i felt so connected to him. like i could easily fall in love with him. part of me is actually in love with him but i’m just trying to ignore that. he was sharing parts of himself with me and it just didn’t feel like enough. i wanted to know everything. i could feel him restraining himself and he did seem quite sad. as the night wrapped up, he apologized multiple times for not taking me anywhere else. he said that it’d been such a long week, he’s using this weekend for some R&R and after our dinner, he was gonna go home and read a book and call his family. he then asks me for my opinion on mental health again and what i do when things aren’t going well. i asked him what was going on and he kinda shied away from answering. i told him that i journal and i’ve been in therapy on and off since college. i didn’t feel the least bit shy sharing that with him and he took it well. 

SO. the check comes and he says we should split it. and i was like WHAT. even though my food cost more than his and i had 2 drinks, i’ve never split the check with him. and i was kinda flabbergasted that he even asked. he has the money above and beyond so it’s not about that, it’s about him wanting to reinforce the fact that we’re platonic friends and nothing more. i didn’t put up much of a fight but i told him that i was irate with him. he seemed remorseful and said he’d take care of the tip but i said it didn’t matter. i didn’t like the fact that he split the check but i think he wanted that reminder for himself that we’re just platonic. obviously, i was really not pleased with that. like..at all. 

we walked back outside in silence and before parting ways, he looked at me and repeated that it was really great to see me and he apologized again for being in a bad headspace. he almost whispered that he might go up to boston today to see his sister so idk if it’s her having the breakdown or what. as he was talking, he was so close to me and i wanted so badly to kiss him and wrap my arms around him. i wanted to tell him not to leave and just be with me. but i didn’t do anything of that. i told him that he could talk to me and he said he wasn’t comfortable with that but maybe one day. he gave me a hug and left. 

so. after talking to my best friend and thinking about it all last night and this morning/afternoon, i believe that L does like me as much as i like him. but his life is just not set up to have a partner right now. before we got brunch in january, i thought he didn’t like me or wasn’t attracted to me and that’s why he wanted to be platonic friends. but that’s not the case. last night he told me repeatedly that he liked my outfit. when he was apologizing for not taking me anywhere else, he was telling me about nearby bars i could go to and i was like wtf boy i’m not going out alone. and he looked at me and said that he knew for certain that guys would be buying me drinks all night. he stared at me all night..i know when a man is attracted to me and i know that i looked good. i showed him pictures of my parents and he remembered the picture i’d showed him almost 3 YEARS AGO of them on their anniversary standing in front of our house. so i don’t think he doesn’t give a shit about me. i’m skeptical and suspicious of men but i do believe he was telling me the truth.

even still, it does hurt. i like this amazing, intelligent, sexy, generous, hardworking guy and he actually likes me back and we have chemistry but we can’t be together for very valid reasons. because he’s right. i’m the type of chick who needs constant communication and consistency. and he just can’t give me that. part of me is still holding out hope, i won’t lie about that. on my way back from the city, i was literally surrounded by couples. and i just thought why can’t i have that? why does it always have to be a struggle? why the fuck can’t i just have what i want for once? 

idk the answer to those questions. and i still have to tackle my exams so i can’t exactly devote a lot of time to thinking about this. idk if i’ll even see him again because what would be the point? it’d be like dangling delicious food over a person who can’t eat. i’ve never felt longing this way.