#i know my friends love me but i feel like such a burden and such a bore when im always like this

[steddieas-shegoes]

i don’t know why i can’t take my eyes off of you

for @steddielovemonth day one using You and Me by Lifehouse

rated t | 1186 words | no cw | tags: future fic, second chances, mutual pining, idiots in love, songwriter Eddie, teacher Steve

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Steve’s walking down the frozen section of Melvald’s when time stops.

Not literally. The watch on his wrist is still ticking. The clock on the wall at the front of the store is still moving. People around him are still grabbing their groceries.

But Eddie Munson is standing in front of the ice cream section like he belongs there.

Eddie left Hawkins five years ago.

He kissed Steve on the lips, then the forehead, and left.

Steve’s thought about it, about him, every day since.

Eddie hasn’t noticed him yet. Maybe Steve should leave before he does. Last he’d heard, Eddie was working at a recording studio as a songwriter, halfway making his dreams come true.

He’s happy, or at least that’s what all the kids have said when he’s brought up. They don’t know about the kiss, at least Steve doesn’t think they do. He’s never told them.

It’s busy enough in the store that Steve’s pretty sure he can sneak away before Eddie sees him. He starts to back away, but immediately bumps into an old woman.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” He’s asking, and she’s brushing him off and saying she’s fine. He feels terrible.

“Steve?” Eddie’s voice is like music, always has been a melody made specifically for Steve.

“Eddie,” Steve says as the old woman walks away. “Hey.”

Steve forgets he’s in public as the world around him fades and all he sees, smells, wants, is Eddie.

“I didn’t know you were still in Hawkins,” Eddie says quietly, leaning forward on his toes. He’s got a new battle vest, though it looks well-worn. Steve wonders if he knows that his old vest is hanging in his closet, if he knows that Steve pulls it out every once in a while so he can put it on and feel a little less alone.

“Yeah. Never left.” It sounds worse than it is. Steve always said he’d leave when all the kids left, but once they did, he didn’t know where to go. It’s not like he could follow them around, couch-surfing across the country a month or two at a time, burdening them with his self-imposed loneliness.

“You look good,” Eddie says, changing the subject.

Leaving Hawkins was a touchy subject for Steve the last time he’d seen Eddie. It still is. Eddie must sense that.

“So do you,” Steve breathes out. He does. He looks healthy and happy, something Hawkins had completely drained from him before. “What are you doing back?”

“Just visiting Wayne. Usually he comes to see me, but he insisted he didn’t wanna deal with the ‘big city’ this time. And I’m the best nephew, so I said ‘sure, old man, I’ll go back to the town that hates my guts!’ And here I am trying to find my favorite ice cream at the store. They don’t have it,” Eddie shrugs. He rambles when he’s nervous, still. “He hasn’t mentioned seeing you around or anything, though.”

“Yeah, I guess we don’t cross paths much,” Steve laughs awkwardly. He can’t remember the last time he saw Wayne. Must’ve been around Christmas, when Steve was helping Joyce with her decorations while Hopper worked overtime and Wayne stopped by to drop off some lights. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s good. Stubborn as hell. Won’t retire even though he could,” Eddie shakes his head. “Think he’s scared of being bored.”

“Or lonely.”

The words escape Steve before he can hold them back.

Eddie’s face softens, but it’s not full of pity. Everyone always gives Steve this look, like they know he’s putting on a brave face. Not Eddie.

“Wayne’s always been content alone. He’s got friends, and he calls me when he has something new to argue about,” Eddie leans in closer. “I don’t really worry about Wayne. Other people, sure.”

“Like who?” Steve swallows.

“You settle down yet?” Eddie asks in response.

Steve’s so shocked by the question, he doesn’t answer.

“I figured the kids were just being nice by not telling me if you did, but you’re not wearing a ring and you’re grocery shopping alone, so…” Eddie rambles again. Steve feels his heart flutter in his chest.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Are you dating someone?”

Steve shakes his head. “Haven’t really found anyone interesting.”

“Interesting? Since when does Steve Harrington want someone interesting?”

Since the most interesting person he knows kissed him and then left. Since everyone else is boring in comparison to you. Since he realized he was dumb to let you go.

“I guess what I thought I wanted is different now. Has been for a while,” Steve shrugs.

It’s strange how easily Steve becomes wrapped up in Eddie’s orbit, how quickly everything else didn’t matter the moment Eddie started talking to him. It’s just the two of them.

“Excuse me,” a man says to their left. Steve jumps back and apologizes for blocking where he needed to be. Eddie’s eyes never leave Steve.

When the man walks away, Steve clears his throat.

“How long are you in town?”

“How long will it take me to convince you to come back with me?”

Steve chokes on his next breath. “What? Come back with you? To…”

“New York or Chicago. I’m getting a promotion and they’ll let me pick where I wanna go. I’ve been leaning towards Chicago because more of the music I enjoy is making a mark there,” Eddie explains. “And there’s plenty of options for you there, too. Dustin said you just finished your teaching degree.”

“Dustin talks about me?”

“Only when unprovoked,” Eddie grins. “Have you been waiting for me?”

It’s blunt, but Eddie always has been. Steve can hide a lot of emotions from people; It’s been a survival tactic for most of his life.

He’s never been able to hide shit from Eddie.

“Not on purpose.”

Eddie looks at his basket of items. He was really only here for a few things, but he saw his favorite cookies were on sale and he couldn’t resist stocking up. He looks between the basket and Eddie’s eyes.

“You wanna come to mine for dinner?”

“Is dinner cookies?” Eddie laughs, poking at the package closest to the top.

“That’s dessert,” Steve laughs, too. He finds it easy. He never thought it could be this easy after the time that’s passed, the distance they had between them.

“First dessert.”

“What are we, hobbits?” Steve asks.

Eddie’s jaw drops open. “Steve, please. Not in public.”

“What?”

“I didn’t know you read it!” Eddie groans, but he’s smiling, so Steve’s not actually worried.

“I’ve read a lot of things! I’ve been waiting for you, remember?”

An announcement starts in the store— someone’s car is blocking a delivery truck entrance— and they both take a step away from each other. They were much closer than they should be in the grocery store.

This is still Hawkins, and people already don’t like Eddie. Looking cozier than two dudes normally would might be dangerous for both of them.

“So. Dinner?” Steve asks again. It’s easier to remember there are other people around with some distance between them.

“Sure. Dinner.”

Time starts again.

[promptedwordsmith]

Poems based on them...

Caleb

The morning breaks with empty sheets, Where once your warmth, your breath, would meet. Gone in silence, like the night’s last breath, A shadow slipped, too soft, too swift.

Your scent lingers, familiar, near— Cherries and home, both sweet and dear. Yet in the air, there’s something new, A weight, a pull, that I can’t undo.

You were my anchor, steady, kind, But somewhere lost, you left behind A version of you I can’t erase— The Colonel, cold, with no embrace.

I trace the silence where you stood, Wondering if you ever could Return to me, the one you knew— Before the walls of distance grew.

You never said goodbye, no word, no sign, Just the quiet of a love that’s mine, And yet not mine—possessed, confined, A love that chokes, but still reminds.

In the stillness, I wait for you, The brother, the friend, the love so true, But in your eyes, I see the change, A heart once open now locked, estranged.

Rafayel

We were like the moon and tide, You, the pull of my every breath, A force unseen, yet deep inside, Your currents moved me—left, then death.

I, the silent pull of ink and paint, A restless, stubborn art I made, Longing to be still, to bear no weight, Yet to you, the endless waves, I swayed.

You were the storm, the wind, the light, Your fingers tugged at every seam, You shaped my colors, dark to bright, Like fleeting hues within a dream.

I, a canvas left to dry, Chasing the traces of your hands, Though I ached to be a stillened sky, You drew me back into your sands.

We were like the moon and tide, Unseen, unspoken, yet alive— I longed for the calm you couldn't find, And yet, with you, I’d always dive.

Sylus

I cannot say if his path is light, Or if his shadows darken the sky, But by his side, I’d walk through night, With every cost, no question why.

His hands may tremble, though never show, A heart of iron, wrapped in gold, I cannot grasp the depth below, Yet still, I follow, still, I’m bold.

For what he seeks, I cannot name, A thirst unquenched, a fire untamed, But in the chaos, wild and cold, I stand with him, unbent, unchained.

No right, no wrong, no truth or lie, Just fire’s touch beneath his eye, What fate he weaves, I do not know, But in this storm, I’ll let it flow.

For what he is, both fierce and flawed, I take his burden, with no applause. Should all the world fall to ash and bone, I’ll stand by him, though none will know.

Xavier

Meet me where the falling stars live, Where shadows curl beneath the sky, In places where the night is still, And quiet whispers never die.

I’ll wait for you, day and night, Where moonlight tints the silver sea, A world where time itself feels light, And we are just what we choose to be.

In fields where fireflies dance and play, I’ll be the hand you’ll hold so tight, No battle, no darkness, will sway The path we walk beneath the night.

Meet me where the stars descend, Where dreams and silence softly blend, A place where even broken things Are mended by the light they bring.

I’ll wait for you, as shadows fall, In spaces that are ours, and all, For though the world may turn and spin, I’ll wait, I’ll wait, until you’re in.

Meet me where the falling stars live, In peace where we need no disguise, I’ll be here, just as I give, My heart, my soul, beneath your eyes.

Zayne

If only I could, I would take your pain, Fold it in my hands Like delicate gauze, And hold it close, Until the weight of it is mine alone.

I’d wear your hurt like armor, Shielding you from what you cannot bear, Turning each silent wound Into a quiet act of love— A touch that doesn’t ask for thanks, But simply exists, For your peace.

If only I could, I would absorb your sorrow, Turn the sting of it Into something warm, Wrap it in the amber of my care, Until it no longer burns, But rests gently in the space between us.

No words would be needed, No grand gestures— Just a presence that absorbs All you can’t say, And returns it to you, Not as burden, But as something lighter, Wrapped in quiet love.

[pansyfemme]

i have been a ball of depression lately as well as my physical health worsening pretty severly this past week due to stress and so my friends have been. trying so hard to get me to get out and do things and its very sweet but i feel bad because the whole time i’m just a total mess

[tpup]

I need to curl up in a ball and cry like I'm purging a poison and have someone hold me through it and run their hands through my hair, rub my back and hug me close. I don't think I want to talk about it. I just want comfort that doesn't come with strings attached. I want to be held and not have them make me feel like I owe them sex in return. I don't want to think they're just putting up with me so they can use me after.

[hadesoftheladies]

hate going for christian weddings sometimes because i always see the prettiest women with the ugliest men, the sermon is always some shit about wives being slaves (but not like bad slavery, mutual slavery except the husband is a benevolent master which makes it okay) and making babies for their husband, the music is always lame, the mc is always weird and obnoxious, and older women keep fucking asking me when it's gonna be my turn and never take no for an answer.

[musical-chick-13]

I mean. I guess the good news is that I am now 100% sure I'm not in love with Her™ even a little bit at all anymore, but like. At what cost.

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[narcissaea]

bff moving out and across the country in 3 weeks, friends hanging out without me after saying they're too tired to come over/see me this afternoon, no one talked to me at mass, no partner, feeling alone and insane

[irrelevaantidiot]

This is the first time I've actually wanted someone. My last two relationships just kind of felt.. I dunno. They just kind of happened with no prior feelings. No wonder those felt so wrong. Now I actually have feelings and for someone who's way out of my.. clique?? Very different people. I hate it. This hurts so fucking much man.

[bluestjayy]

.

[littlest-bugz]

Man, socializing today has been so fucking hard. My communication skills went out of the window with everyone I talk to, I feel like a puppy with it's tail tucked.

[rainbowangel110]

Guys how do I help a friend who's not doing too mentally well ATM when I literally have no clue on their situation and my only go to response is a stupid "Do you need a hug?" or something like that.

[secretsofthewilde]

When ur normal distractions don't seem to be stopping the depressive episode:

[parasitic-saint]

wasting a whole week by sleeping is making me want to cry

[void-tiger]

I don’t know how to not either mold myself into a shape that makes it easier for others to stay, or let myself slip through a drain discarded instead.

[rustbeltbabey]

boo hoo sad pity party posting hours LMAO but I rlly truly don't think I will ever be in another relationship again. I don't feel that I will every b desirable or deserving enough, and I don't feel like I will ever even b seen as a guy n idk. I just don't know.