#realizing just how Small my world is
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
US Tumblr user growth rate is estimated to slow down to 4.1%.
Text
I don’t know how to not either mold myself into a shape that makes it easier for others to stay, or let myself slip through a drain discarded instead.
#tiger’s roar#poetry? kinda?#…anyway just. feeling in a mood again.#brought on by the bone weary loneliness for people Here#realizing just how Small my world is#and how utterly Trapped my disability makes me feel#with even simple mobility aids to just TRY and see if it helps me have SOME semblance of a LIFE again#essentially and perpetually kept out of reach. because capitalism#even if I’m despairing I’ll never escape medical limbo. forget in time#just. insurance will not cover it. I can’t even try. because I cannot afford to try.#and…yeah. it’s hard to believe IRL friends would WANT to basically carry me around. slow down so I can keep up. do things less taxing#and just. forget a romantic partner. I don’t KNOW what’s wrong and will I ever know?#but I’m forced to accept that it’s Bad. I don’t WANT someone to take care of me. feel they have to#I definitely couldn’t bear their obligation and resentment. or using it to control me#feeling like when I do feel and crave love and companionship that. I’m doomed to swallow it. never express it. never explore it#and yeah I know it’s a distortion. something I’d never hold anyone else to. but it’s still damn strong#and I don’t particularly want to be ‘reassured’ that I’ll ‘find someone.’ I want to not be a burden.#(I definitely don’t want to be told I’m beautiful ‘inside and out.’ I want to not be objectified. seen as a person.#(and beauty doesn’t make me feel human. not at all. especially not while I feel like I might as well be rotting#(and shoved into a glass coffin if all I’m good for is to be Pretty and Kind and Sing like a fucking music box ballerina)
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
armand + a few offhand lines that give some insight into how he thinks (imho)
#iwtvedit#iwtv#interview with the vampire#armand#please ignore the absolutely terrible coloring on these. photoshop was being my enemy today 😞#anyway this probably fully incoherent to anyone who is not me.#but there are so many inconsequential things armand says that make me go 'what is even going on in your brain that you would say that'#or small moments where he's revealing way more about how he thinks of the world and himself than he might realize#lowkey just fascinated by all these moments and wanting to talk about them and see others' thoughts 👀
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Wonder what it's like to feel grass under your feet for the first time in your life. Wonder how it feels knowing you'll be the one to destroy it.
#seconds later shadow discovered mosquitos and his resolve hardened once more#but YEAH still thinking about The Island and it's Implications#lotta good shit on that island man#so you wanna destroy the world cool let's start small and see how it feels#shadow the hedgehog#sonic#sth#is a tag I've also seen?#don't worry done with more serious stuff for now haha I just wanted to practice backgrounds a bit more (need to practice more tbh got lazy)#I have a couple shitposts I've been meaning to get to <- my constant state of being#comic#kinda#my art#doodles#just realized how well this parallels maria's little naming monologue in sxsg lmaO#unintentional I promise but very apt regardless#anyways next time I do this I should pull up more references I get so hand wavy without them haha
632 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
1K notes
·
View notes
Note
walter white from breaking bad
Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
49 notes
·
View notes
Text
smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
106 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous
Running Gag: "What Are You Doing?"
#jurassic world: camp cretaceous#jwcc#yasmina fadoula#do you understand my hyperfixation level#do you know what it was like when I reflected on the last one at work#and pieced it together with three and four?#do you know what happened when I remembered that she asks that to Sammy?#do you know how upright I sat as I watched Ben and Yaz's conversations the next time around???#I finally gave up#and then I realized the truth:#she was SUPPOSED to ask him what he was doing with the hand sanitizer but they decided it worked better without the question#thus you can see her development: quietly judging and being confused to having to handle the small ones to just chatting casually#all five of them#and you can't tell me this wasn't deliberate#...I may have to sound out the others too#other things I'm picking up are that Kenji may have a verbal tic#Sammy corrects people#already compiling Ben's Toro obsession#but this one hit me and I seriously feel like this was a fun game the writers had#again I'll have to see if I can pull it off with the others#I know Darius yells it at Ben#but also I feel like Yaz isn't impulsive enough to be yelled at by the group#so I think it's just her#ben pincus#sammy gutierrez#darius bowman#brooklynn#kenji kon
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
big climb, big fall
#dark souls#chosen undead#gwynevere#gwyndolin#darkstalker kaathe#i guess thats all the important ones#had the realization that just like how i can make a sketch without ever making it a full art piece#i can just make small bits of animatics without doing the whole song#reaching the top of the world n being told a lie.... n afterwards descending to the bottom of the world n then being told the truth...#that was my thought process. hope u enjoy#draws#art#animatic#peppyrony#<- my chosen undead
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
silly idea time
idk how this idea even started but the outfit i had in mind was way back from a doodle in 2021 or 2022, basically my 'what if' for temperance ending only instead of being wildly ooc and wearing a collared button up johnny becomes a cowboy. and because i was listening to vagrant song from wtwtlw (that whole ost really, and hardspace shipbreaker) i had the bright idea that johnny would finally become what his class in the ttrpg was an homage to and wander around collecting stories n telling them n kind of being a dead man walking/ghost story/witness/helper-bard r smthn but having been extremely tempered by the experience of v choosing to die for him, being shocked enough into actually thinking about his beleifs n what have you, humbled enough now to want to listen to others hed choose this path of wandering the continent of na, maybe for the first time in a long time actually taking in life around him yadda yadda. in my little scenario i also had it that even if/when the next corpo war broke out or the nusa annexed more free states, he wouldnt get involved like he used to, cause i think its interesting to muse on how a profound experience would greatly change someone so stuck in their ways like johnny. i think hed still be motivated by guilt and avoidance at first, but it would evolve into something more like a calling/altruism as he takes more seriously and uses more intentionally the time he was given as a dead man walking
also i realize how much of this 'outfit' is just putting v in a hat and calling them johnny like its some perry the platypus thing (also idk how to draw hats)
#plus i think itd be cool to see how johnny comes to the realization he can make small changes and that those matter#and that he was a little erroneously trying to move too many mountains at once in his first life#and that he was a little too much there just for the destructive violence and maybe not for better reasons#cyberpunk 2077#my v#johnny silverhand#yeah and morality pet steve guy would not be a thing its far too cliche im sorry johnny would not fucking do all that#my doodles#plus i think he was a bit disconnected as a rockstar/edgerunner from like... the toils#even tho he liked to talk about the grander toils and lived some specific toils but like getting more connected with the peoples toils#in a psuedo americana esque wasteland that is the middle of the former nusa#ghost story in the sense he doesnt leave much anything behind that ppl could follow or really describe n such things#besides like stories or conversations or helping out where its needed#also think itd be interesting for him to completely reevaluate what justice means in a world like this#fun stuff! i should draw out that sketch of him sitting with a coyote sometime...#nomad but like not in the clan way
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Pen tests....
#i had a bit of a crisis when i realized my signature 01 prismacolor finepoint In Blue is. on its last legs it seems.#that alone wouldn't be so bad IF THEY WEREN'T IMPOSSIBLE??? TO FIND????? LIKE ANYWHERE?????? GOT SO SCARED AND UPSET ABOUT IT#i went on a whole ass journey about it. my sister came in clutch to save me. also gave me a few dif options to try!#and the smallest prisma in blue i could find was 03. insane. is this my fault somehow. did i use up the last ones on earth.....#LIKE. cannot stress enough how much Blue Ink is important to me. i have never been able to make solid black ink Work in my art.#LIKE... only exceptions being a black and white piece. but as soon as i add color it just does NOT work...#it is. such a specific thing. that combined w the fact that i purposely Have to draw small scale or i get lost in the sauce forever#i really am. the epitome of new type of guy just dropped. guy who only inks in blue and needs to draw as small as humanly possible.#i feel like with time i can get used to the 03s though!!! and i have. multiple of them. all the blue 03s in the world are MINE now 😤#hopefully. this will last me a lifetime.#moe tag#thank you moe for being a very easy model to work with. unlike Somebody Else who has Stupid Hair....#my art
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
“you insolent little bitch.”
-ansem, seeker of darkness (he definitely said this)
#beep boop you want fries with that#kingdom hearts#ansem#sora#i love how ansem becomes HUGE during his world of chaos phase#after finishing this i realized that this looks like its about to become the jerma clip#where he pretends to find a bird and then eat it#or the clip of scar holding up a mouse to his face#i know sora isnt THAT small in comparison to ansem in this phase but how much more funny would it be if ansem got this big.#i just wanted the silly visual of ansem picking up sora like Listen here you dumb little shit. (ansem’s calling him dumb not me#because he literally does this the whole game its super cute and funny)#idk why i feel the need to clarify. i guess im trying to say that im not ensnared by the fandom notion that sora is dumb or whatever#he isnt. dont let the fandom or dream drops (and maybe beyond but i havent checked) awful writing convince you that he is#seriously what the fuck is up with modern kh and being mean to sora. i guess the writers are into mean spirited humor nowadays.#SORRY THIS WASNT SUPPOSED TO BE A RANT#anyway. like always i cant draw hands and my anatomy is dogshit.#what else do you want me to say? [my lawyer has advised me to omit this part]
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've been doing a casual second lob corp playthrough for fun and one thing that I've really come to adore is how the different success rates can paint a pretty cool image of how work with it looks like at different levels of each work type and while I think it's kind of sad that base game you can't see the work percentages I also think it in a way adds a fun game of is this marginally harder at level five than four or is my guy just being bad at their job
#rat rambles#lonotomy posting#like one of my favorite details is how dimensional refraction variant has its three less preferred works as 0% for the first two levels and#then 40% for the rest because it rly paints the image of a low level employee being completely unable to do those work types due to not#being able to see it but higher level employees being able to better work around feeding or talking to or whatever to smth they can't see#I also enjoy how the first two attachment work levels of scorched girl aren't dead zero while everything higher is#again its just small things that just sorta make sense with the abnormality even if the work types will still almost never be used#although I don't consider 40% a complete deal breaker if you have high level guys and are desperate lol#oh also shout out to der freischütz for being an absolute bro I love repression trainers 🎉🎉🎉#ofc he has a prerequisite but once you reach level three you can easily grind out to level five in like one work day#plus good gear and good ego gift and you have an abno worth taking as early as you can handle it#which if youre lucky with your teths should be as soon as hes available#still dont care abt him as an abnormality but hes a nice asset to have#also one thing thats been fun to remember is how comically easy most the upper layer sephirah missions are#like especially nezatch's worlds hardest quest play the game#might as well be asking me to finish the day dude we're in the early game#like I know its early game and these might as well just be a tutorial but its still funny to me#tbf the lower layers also have their fair share of piss baby missions#which heavily contrast miss 'suppress a billion abnormalities' gebura lol#I know some ppl have problems with chesed missions but I think yall just need to learn to minmax better <3#I jest but I struggle to see myself having any problems with them during this playthrough#rly the biggest thing Ive learnt this playthrough is that I was fucking robbed during my first playthrough like I did not realize how easy#it is to actually get decent gear early game when the game actually gives you he and waws to chew on#like dude the first day waws were available I got given three waws to choose from where was this my first playthrough#like I wont complain too much since my first ever waw was king of greed and thats a pretty decent first waw but still#anyways Im kind of endeared to some of my nuggets in this save but I dont rly feel like doing anything with them atm#I mightttt give throw them a bone and semi canonize them to my main facility or give them a spin off story but Im not sure rn#again none of them are rly calling to me in the way my main nuggets did so Im not feeling especially obligated to throw that bone#but if I ever start yapping abt a guy called noah know what happened
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
You guys ever feel trapped? Yea I'm well-acquainted with the feeling of being trapped.
#*text#talk about unpleasant#sorry for only posting textposts here lately. I Forgot how I use this blog.#Also I'm gonna use this as an excuse to vent in the tags about something that's been bothering me today.#I hate days where it feels like I can't be the same person for even. idk. an hour?#I was gonna say just a general statement of 'I hate how I can't feel like the same person for more than an hour' but then I realized it onl#particularly bothered me today so maybe it's just a sometimes thing. throws hands up in the air I WOUDLN'T KNOW#It's just...nothing I do throughout the day matches. i keep starting new things only to forget about them (or forget how much I cared#about them) and try something else later. resulting in a long line of unfinished stuff and frustration.#I keep trying to come up with new conclusions/solutions to problems I've run through my head a million times already.#problems I didn't know I had or forgot about pop up etc.#I'll be doing fine and then I'll just feel stranded out of nowhere with no idea why and trying to figure out if this is normal for me.#I've felt stranded all day.#it's just ugh. i'm so confused. it's been a day i guess.#all the words i write feel kinda foreign to me sometimes. short term memory problems I guess. ✌️#but also I feel very very locked in a really limited worldview. or just like. my world feels very small like tunnel vision kind of thing an#for that reason it just feels like it'll go on the same forever and ever and ever. which is a very scary thought.#idk if my logical 'well that obviously isn't the case. things will change eventually' rebuttal is good enough to go against it.#so there you go I wrapped it all back to the point of the post: feeling trapped. yayyy#i don't mean to make myself sound so sad and pitiful. usually i'm doing fine and bad things kinda just don't register in my brain#but there are Secret Evil Feelings inside me that I don't even know about and sometimes I like to poke them with a stick.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
why does everything i get really into always end up being so god damn niche. by the year 2035 i am going to be blogging exclusively about the interpersonal relationships between the pillbugs and snails hiding underneath the bricks lining the flowerbeds in my parent's garden.
#im falling hard into the virvox guys rn sowwy. i like em a lot hee hee. i didnt realize just how small the fanbase for em was tho#actually i didnt realize how small the company that makes them were either. i got so used to the yamahas and cryptons of the vsynth world#that i forgot that like honestly. a lot of the voicebank makers and some of the software makers themselves#theyre like companies of like maybe 5 employees with like no funding LOL not a bad thing but i forgor#but yeah i was looking up to see if there was like. a fanon reason why people shipped takehiro and ryusei? not judging because i get it#i like took one look at the virvox guys and immediately slotted them as a very strange boyband (a catboy and a middle aged dragon man....)#and also took a second look at takehiro and ryusei and assumed they were childhood friends. i saw the doujin flash before my eyes#but also looking into it it seems the fanbase is also like. 20 people. and like 3 of them ship that#and at least one person ships whiteCUL and ryusei? why not LOL when it comes to vsynths sometimes a ship can be spearheaded by like#one very prolific artist HGDJKDFSHDJK which actually reminds me. honestly i dont really have many vsynth ships#i guess i dont really partake in a lot of shipping stuff deeply but i like romance!! you know i like love stories. you know this#i mean i keep calling the eclipsed sounds characters the celestial polycule for a reason tho. im not joking around about this#this is serious to me. they are stars and moons and suns and together they hang out and kiss. in the sky. this is serious to me#also i do like solaria x eleanor forte actually. its a bit random but i understand it. i understand it#and of course the aformentioned takehiro x ryusei. and also the whole virvox polycule. get that old man in here too#(what do they call people like me. a multishipper? i do that a lot. you know this from my otome game fanart LOL)#OH and i dont remember either of their names rn but i like that the cevio bank anju inami voiced has like a big fat crush on like#that girl with the brown hair. i like that theyre like. besties (turning into something more wink wonk)#thinks with all my brain. i think thats it. i dont know why theres so little. i think its because i think of them as like#audio sample libraries first and foremost and i forget about their characters and relationships LOL#but im not against the idea of making some audio sample libraries kiss...... not at all#picks up a guitar sampler and a sound effect cd. presses them together.#hee hee. they kiss
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
I want you to know that you infected me with Dadnoir. Oh my god. Oh my god I love their dynamic so much. He’s afraid of his own mortality yet he wants to go and have the Hero and Partner live. And that fear is holding him back from truly helping them and turning against Dialga. Anyways, I’m going to sob now.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME.
#HONESTLY DADNOIR AS A CONCEPT IS JUST. built off how dusknoir saves these two pokemon#(kids in my specific au)#MULTIPLE times despite knowing he’s gonna leave that world in ruin anyways.#AND THE FACT HE STILL SAVES THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN#SOME SMALL PART OF HIM CARED. BUT HE HAD TO PUSH THOSE FEELINGS AWAY. HE HAS TO FOCUS ON THE MISSION.#is it ooc? YEAH KINDA.#DO I CARE? HELL NO. I LOVE PLAYING WITH THIS CONCEPT SO MUCH.#the idea alone of just. this intimidating 7ft ghost accidentally becoming a pseudo father to these two without realizing it.#just makes me so insane.#ANYWAYS IM GLAD I GOT TO INFECT YOU WITH MY BRAINROT DEAR ANON. YOU WILL SEE MORE ART OF THESE THREE IN THE FUTURE :] I PROMISE#dadnoir#asks
50 notes
·
View notes
Text
It’s funny that I can only read/write AT fanfic that’s both (a) canon compliant and (b) not too sad by my (very sensitive baby) standards, bc ofc those things contradict each other a lot
#OH and throw in there no smut#my library is so small 😭#some of my fics are definitely too sad but I wrote them so its different?#blah I did a lot of writing abt how I can’t write today abdbsbndnsb it’s making me mad#mostly just that I like to write until I realize that what I’m writing is horrible terrible disgusting shit trash#jus talkin#adventure time#I just love canon and especially post canon!!!!! it’s so good there’s so much there#I do have a draft of a regular world modern day au and it’s fun to think abt but .. canon is more fun#also I think things feel less sad in the canon universe bc they by nature can’t be 100% exactly like our universe#plus I love my girls being immortal (ish?)…. bubbline ♾️#sorry I’m so sleepy today I’m just sayin stuff how is it like almost early evening rn what’s hallenjng#I hate that I can’t write anything that has like. grit or whatever. like I feel like no one wants to read this elmo baby shit but me#(& i don’t like the way I execute it)#like I wish I could write stuff that’s idk. cool.#that’s it ahdbbdndn
17 notes
·
View notes