#...look pretty im just depressed
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parasitic-saint · 1 year ago
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wasting a whole week by sleeping is making me want to cry
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razzafrazzle · 2 months ago
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enough strong bads... time for strong sads (theres still a strong bad here)
[image description: a page of drawings of a human design of strong sad from homestar runner, where she is depicted as a fat, tan-skinned trans woman with gray and brown hair pulled into a bun and multiple piercings. she is wearing a gray sweatshirt, jeans, and steel-toed combat boots, and next to her is a note stating that she is trans and bisexual and that her pronouns are she/they. next to that is a drawing of her smiling and wearing a sloshy t-shirt, and above that is a comic of strong bad poking her in the stomach and saying "even her gender is my hand-me-downs", to which she stays silently angry at him. end id]
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5hrignold · 11 months ago
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homestars handwriting 2000 / 2005
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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"Sometimes you learn more things from the difficulties than from the celebrations"
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yellowocaballero · 9 months ago
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Been a fan of your fics for YEARS. I was just telling my friend how despite how much I read fics I never actually love them, with some of your fics (especially TMA) as the exception. Felt the need to reread some of them and saw you reblogged some ISAT fanart. So. Any thoughts on ISAT you'd like to share?
Hope you have a wonderful day!! So happy I found your fics again!!
I avoided answering this for a while because I was trying to think of a way to cohesively and coherently vocalize my thoughts on In Stars and Time. I have given up because I don't want to hold everybody here all day and I have accepted that my thoughts are just pterodactyl screeching.
I love it so much. I have so much to say on it. It drove me bonkers for like a week straight. I have AUs. It's absolute Megbait. They're just a little Snufkin and they're having the worst experience of anybody's life. Ludonarratives my fucking beloved.
I am going to talk about the prologue.
The prologue is such a fascinating experience. You crack open the game and immediately begin checking off all of the little genre boxes: mage, warrior, researcher, you're the rogue...some little kid who's there for some reason...alright, you know the score. You're in yet another indie Earthbound RPG, these are your generic characters, let's get the ball rolling.
Except then you realize that these characters are people. You feel instantly how you've entered the game at its last dungeon, at the end of the adventure. They have their own in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They get along well and they're obviously close, but not in a twee or unrealistic way. They have so much chemistry and spirit and life. I fell in love with them so quickly.
But Sif doesn't. Sif kind of hates them, because they will not stop saying the same damn thing. They walk the same paths, do the same things, make the same jokes, expect Sif to say the same lines. They keep referencing a Sif we do not see, with jokes we never see him make and heroic personality he never shows - they reference a Sif who is dead - and Sif can't handle that, so he kills them too.
They become only an exercise in tedious frustration. Sif button mashes through their dialogue, Sif mindlessly clicks the same dialogue options, Sif skips through the tutorial, Sif blows through the puzzles. Sif turns their world into a video game. Sif is playing a generic RPG. Sif forgets their names. They are no longer people with in-jokes, histories, backgrounds, adventures. They're the mage, the warrior, the researcher, and...some random kid.
I did not understand the Kid's presence at first. I had no idea what they contributed to the game. They didn't do anything. As a party member in a video game, they're a bit useless. Why is the Kid there?
Because Sif's life isn't a video game. Because the kid isn't 'the kid'. They're Bonnie. Bonnie, who the party loves. Why is Bonnie there? Because they love them. There is no room for Bonnie in the boring RPG that Sif is playing. And then you realize that Sif is wrong, and that they've lost something extremely important, and that they'll never escape without it.
Watching the prologue before watching ISAT gave ISAT the most unique air of dread and horror, because you crack open ISAT and you see the person Sif used to be. You realize that Sif used to be a person. Sif used to be the person who made jokes, who gave real smiles, who interacted with the world as if they are a part of it. And you know you are sitting down to watch Sif lose everything that made them a person, to lose everything that made them a member of this world, and turn them into a character in a video game who doesn't understand the point of Bonnie at all.
At the climax of the game, when the others realize that something is deeply wrong and that Sif physically cannot tell them, they realize that there is nothing they can do. So Bonnie declares snacktime. And for the first time they have snacktime.
What is snacktime? Classic JRPGs don't have snacktime. There's literally no point to a snacktime - not in a video game, and not in Sif's terrible life. It's not fixing this, because nothing can fix this. But Bonnie gives Sif a cookie and Sif eats it.
It's meaningless. It's a cutscene. It didn't save Sif and it didn't change a thing. It will make no difference in the end.
But it did make the difference. It made all of the difference in the world. Bonnie is a character who you really don't understand the point of before you realize that Bonnie was the entire point.
ISAT is about comfort media. Why do we play the same video games over and over again? Why do we avoid watching the finale of our favorite shows? What is truly comforting: a story with no conflict, or a story where you always know what is about to happen? Do you want to live in a scary, uncontrollable world, or do you want to play Stardew Valley? Do you want a person or a character?
When I beat Earthbound for the first time (and if you don't know, the prologue/ISAT battle system is just Mother) and watched the ending cutscene where the characters part ways and say goodbye...I felt a little bit sad. I wanted them to be together forever. But that's something only characters could ever be.
#these aren't deep or unique thoughts they're just the specific aspect of ISAT that made it one of the most interesting gaming experiences#i actually like the prologue much more than ISAT for just this reason#its honestly a video game art piece that's created to give the player a very specific experience#that makes them an aspect of the narrative that is told#it's. incredible.#in stars and time#start again start again start again#start again: a prologue#isat#god and there is so so so so much more to say here#what a rich and complex and fascinating game that made me cry like a baby#i dont even kin sif. we arent similar at all.#i cant imagine how devastating this game would have been if i did#but I do have a deep relationship with escapsim#and i write about it a lot#and video games about being video games are wonderful#as are stories about being stories#and why we consume stories. how we use them. how they save us and hurt us.#never played a video game that used its medium so well#i bet undertales also pretty good at that but this is more so i think#stories about stories have to be about why we love stories#and im not an artsy person and i roll my eyes a bit when people talk about the spiritual neccesity of art#i think people need stories because the world is sad and hard and boring and we want to think about something else for a while.#some people need to be anywhere but here#and sometimes if you're Lil Depressed-Ass Snufkin that looks like being here forever#baby cringe-ass snufkin big hat idiot
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cherries-in-wine · 7 months ago
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🦋🌿🌼
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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lilbreed1ngdoll · 10 hours ago
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getting talked over at the pediatrician ✅️
doctor addresses my sister instead of me ✅️
doctor also hands referral papers to my sister & gives her all the info as if the literal mother isnt standing right there (holding said baby, even) ✅️
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transzilla · 10 months ago
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On gender like ive always felt a little envious of trans men who transition and they find contentment in just being male, like their ambition kinda stops there like yeah I'm just some guy i love twitch streaming and jacking off. Like I'm a guy, time to stop thinking abt it. Me I'm never gonna be satisfied. like being male as default I'm still going to be a little uncomfortable and dysphoric, like I need my masculinity to be a presence, not an absence, less like a dad and more like a demon. A dark presence that needs to be appeased and endlessly exploits desire and is constantly in pursuit, either of a discernable target or in an aimless frantic search for any scent that might correct its path. People afraid to look at me like i'm the devil.
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yb-cringe · 4 months ago
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HEY FUCKIN F!FEBATISTA IS THE SAME ONE GOING ON ARKANIS TOMORROW?????? LETS GO ANGEL TIME
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 4 months ago
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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napping-sapphic · 10 months ago
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my boyfriend is trans, mtf but doesn't like that i consider my sexuality sapphic. what do i do? doesn't sapphic also apply to trans men?
Ah.
Another advice ask😓
Yall i appreciate that some of you feel comfortable asking me for relationship advice or that you might be comfortable here since im an anonymous stranger etc
HOWEVER, let me be straight up honest with you— i havent ever been in an actual relationship, im a MAJOR shut in so i’m not at all up to date with all the minutiae of the queer community, full on i have averaged leaving the house one (1) single time PER MONTH for the last FIVE months
I do not want to give you bad/naive/shortsighted advice
And i promise you do not want my bad advice
I am begging you Please do not ask me for advice i am so stressed
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death
[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]
#this is like. incredibly niche.#but also hopefully a quote one can look at without context and still feel emotional damage about#idk. i think about this quote probably at least once a week and then have to stare at it and cry a bit#its just GOD. yknow??????#theres this one paper(which i linked) that i originally read as research for the AU#but i go back to it probably twice a month to reread it bcs im so !!!! abt it#i think its cause charles vi is just not that relevant but is relevant to me so to have this paper abt his personal relationships is very !#its both nice as ref for the au but also very interesting to hear about historical queer relationships/dynamics#the sections about him and his wife are very endearing as well#but god like him and count althann. im literally so invested in this 300 year old relationship#this is obviously from his death which is incredibly depressing and heart wrenching to me#but the other things he wrote about althann in his diary are very sweet to me#they were inseparable to the point of often sleeping in the same bed and charles called him his 'eternal love'#AND ON ALTHANN'S DE WIKIPEDIA PAGE IT LITERALLY CALLS HIM THE EMPEROR'S FAVORITE#anyways literally every part of this quote absolutely destroys me but especially how he refers to althann and then the ending#and its interesting to me bcs apparently his diary entries were usually pretty to the point#but when various people in his as althann died he would write these extremely emotional entries that are so </3#if you have any questions abt their dynamic pls i will talk abt them 🥰🥰 i find it fascinating#theres a book about his diary but its in german and 500 pages and kinda hard to get hold in but maybe one day!!!#also in AU contexts: althann and charles vi would be mark and seb so take that as you will 🤭😭#as i said this is great for ref but also made me sooooo fucking invested in him#i have no idea how to tag this#historical#holy roman empire#emperor charles vi#catie.rambling.txt#historical quotes#habsburg#habsburg monarchy#ah wow if only my german prof could see me now. fucking...habsburg posting. why am i like this
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m00ngbin · 9 days ago
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Sniles. Also I know nobody cares but me buuuut I figured out how to draw them with like standard paper and pencil. After months of trial and error... So long......
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago
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...
#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before#is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things#the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the#weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad#not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a#prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country#my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for#treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad#as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain#shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing#to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird#when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk#i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach#out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like???#this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home#somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms.#but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long#term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting#whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot#i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors#i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival#unrelated
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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago
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so sad for absolutely no reason
#👆 girl who stayed up till 3 am talking to her bestfriend about how depressed and trapped we both are for about 4 hrs#it's like that gracie lyric#you have to laugh before you start to cry😭😭#like ab toh funny bhi nahi lag raha jokes bhi nahi banaye ja rahe#oh but i love her so much i absolutely LOVE people with whom i can just be sad#im tired of people who constantly try to make the sadness go away or try to cheer me up#like sometimes you just gotta sit with your feelings na#at one point she was ranting and i said mere paas kuch kehne ke liye bhi nahi hai kyunki it literally feels like im listening#to my own thoughts on my own lying in bed at 2 am like hum itna same kaise sochte hai😭#and she laughed and was like but ye sahi hai na aise sochna like it feels wrong but it's the truth and im like i don't even#know but oh it's so good to not pretend to be okay#we're so similarly hopeless and tired cause like one point mein inevitably we talked about#the future living together our apartment and then i was like mujhe bhi ye chahiye but mujhe itni umeed uth chuki hai life se#ki koi excitement bhi nahi aa rahi like i already know ye sab kuch nahi hone wala and she's like haina same like i want to say#ki we'll do this and that but im like lol not gonna happen ab i can't look forward to things in the future im like if im living it then ok#then i can accept ki oh ok this is really happening im happy now wow but usse pehle nope#and we were talking about ki like yaar future toh ab dikhta hi nahi hai kya hoga it all feels so blurry and like a dark tunnel#atleast bachpan se we knew what was next school college but now it's like now what?#i know all these thoughts and feelings are pretty common and probably everyone's facing this but bhai.#it's fucking hard i didn't know life was gonna be like a constant battle where it kicks you down#again and again and again and you're bloody and no energy can't get up but you still have to because if you don't you'll sink#soooo deep in that state ki bahar nikal hi nahi paoge#OKAY 8 hrs sleep mandatory for me what the fuck why am i writing a ventpost at freaking 11 am girl go have lunch or something 😭
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