#mibingo did

[mental-illness-bingo]

Me: I have no amnesia, I must not be a system

Also me, while watching a video on DID: why are all these comments liked I've never seen this youtube is broken

[mental-illness-bingo]

-H

[mental-illness-bingo]

Listen my DID has caused both a lot of pain and stress (and saved me a million times over) so insert disclaimer about not romanticizing/glorifying here

BUT you can pry my “well at least I get to date the fictional characters I fall for” out of my COLD. DEAD. HANDS.

Thank you that will be all we now return you to your regularly scheduled trauma posting.

Endos fuck off this post in particular please. I’m not comfortable seeing you make light of a trauma disorder by using my post for it. Generally I get that chances are you actually do have trauma you don’t remember because that’s literally what DID is supposed to do but in this case I do not have it in me to see endo stuff on this. I can be playful and pretend this disorder is fun for a moment because I know that I still struggle and that I fought to survive so much for so long that my goddamn brain stopped developing into a single person and never fused the personality from ego states like it was meant to - forced to stay in pieces because it couldn’t manage to live that way, and at least what you say is that you got this without any of that. I know you’re probably not trying to cherry-pick and take the good and leave the actual disorder part of systemhood behind but that’s how it would feel to see you reblogging this particular post. Thanks./gen /nm

Edit: added color bc I feel like it helps put attention on the point of the post above the annoying disclaimer

[mental-illness-bingo]

Wake up babe new in-system lore just dropped

[mental-illness-bingo]

Signed, every protector alter ever.

[mental-illness-bingo]

No but listen as a trauma holder whose protector (who eventually saved me from having to be host anymore) is a demon, this image is so comforting to me. I know it isn't supposed to be, but those clawed hands held me tight and told me he would save me before he knew anything about me besides that a child was crying and hiding inside a cave in her own mind.

-B

[mental-illness-bingo]

Another one from us protectors.

☕️

[mental-illness-bingo]

Next step in the mental health journey - hopefully the last step involving moving self diagnoses to professional ones - is trying to either get a DID/OSDD/UDD diagnosis or finding out what's causing this if my professionals are sure it isn't that.

However, being that at my appointment where I mentioned this my psych said it seems like it might be DID, I would say it's a solid chance I'm right. Although, I did think it was OSDD, but as I learn more I'm thinking maybe we just have *less* amnesia than is common, not none.

Advice and/or info on what evals look like from those who have been diagnosed professionally would be appreciated!

[mental-illness-bingo]

The??? DID rep??? In House??? Seems?? So good??? God I love House, MD.

[mental-illness-bingo]

I don’t mind these questions personally but this post is simply too good to pass up

”I want to know your headcount” “I want to know who’s fronting” so do I, get in line

[mental-illness-bingo]

Introjects of abusers are your brain going "dude you're slacking I could do so much better than this".

And then they DO do so much better than the original. Because, ya know, unlimited access.

[mental-illness-bingo]

🌈🔥🌙 (the ask game)

Aaaaa thank you!

🌈 What are some common hobbies?

We pretty much all can find some sort of video game we like, and weirdly literally all of us like bowling specifically? I couldn't tell you why for either of these considering we vary so much in age and personality, but you haven't lived until you see the 60 something year old very stoic man get really into Hollow Knight.

🔥 Current hyperfixations?

Art is a big one right now, specifically for me (the host), but I can't bring myself to actually draw? Just create sketches for cool ideas I hope I'll draw sometime. And Monster High for me and B, except it isn't streaming anywhere 😭 so I'm living vicariously through tiktok clips and of course the dolls themselves.

🌙 Who is the oldest?

This one is tricky lol, so if you count "basically ancient despite acting and looking to be in his 30s", then it's 👼 who's a literal angel. If you count technically over 100 but is an introject of someone who more or less found the "pool of life" and both acts and looks more like a man in his late 20's, you get ☕️. If you count by internal body age only, you get HB, who is in his 60s.

[mental-illness-bingo]

Waiting for results is undoubtedly my least favorite part of the evaluation process. Sometimes, if they're shorter, I find out same day. Mostly though, I have to wait. Not super long this time, but still : /

[mental-illness-bingo]

THIS explains why from quite the young age we enjoyed let’s plays, actually. Sitting and joking around together about what we were playing was normal for us in the head, in retrospect, but that’s extremely odd to have that interaction in your own head and the system is still trying to hide itself from me and my family so rather than make and laugh at my own jokes in a way that is definitely normal singlet behavior (/s), I was doing it with the YouTubers instead. My parents even commented on how much it seemed like they could hear me, bc the comedic timing was juuuuuust right to where I’d say something and it would sound like Jack or Mark was responding to me. This definitely did NOT end in me having alters of those YouTubers and you can’t prove it did.

being plural is crazy because you do the most mundane shit and have a bunch of people making live commentary on it like they’re streamers making reaction content

- 🦇

[mental-illness-bingo]

The next DID eval appointment comes ever closer and I just... really hope this is the last one and we get a definitive answer as to if we are a DID system, and if not what exactly is the cause of our experience.

I do not know how I will emotionally handle if we need another one/waiting for results.

I mean, I'll get through it and all it won't get me to crisis points, but it will seriously emotionally exhaust me and I have already felt that way since we started this process. It's just really taxing on us.

[mental-illness-bingo]

I'm sorry but the whole song "The Mirror (Angel of Music)" from The Phantom of the Opera is system culture imo. Tell me this is not a protector speaking to the host:

Angel! I hear you! Speak, I listen Stay by my side, guide me!

...

Flattering child, you shall know me See why in shadow I hide Look at your face in the mirror I am there inside!