#men can be abused too

[vintagepresley]

This girl who was a mutual of mine on IG and TikTok really pissed me a few other Elvis besties off. First off it’s crazy because I accidentally went into her live on TikTok and didn’t know what was going on and then exited from it. Then suddenly maybe an hour later an Elvis bestie and I were talking about the Menendez brothers and sends me screenshots of this girl in her live laughing with her stupid friends and making fun of them. Making fun of their trauma and calling them liars.

I was fuming. I feel so protective over these two people because I feel for them and what they went through. She really was laughing. Then saying if they went through that then why are they in prison?? The law doesn’t lie… BITCH WHAT. The law lies all the time. The justice system in this country is complete shit. The brothers didn’t get a fair second trial because the homophobia judge did not allow any of the sexual abuse evidence or their witnesses in the second trial. That’s not fair. When you take a case to trial you need to have all the evidence. But because OJ Simpson made them look like a fool they wanted a win anyway they could get it. That was giving Erik and Lyle LWOP. Complete bullshit. On top of that it was the 90’s, no one believed men could be raped. The prosecution literally said so herself. The men on the jury didn’t believe it either. Only the women believed them.

What really pissed me off is when she started making fun of Lyle and the fact that he was losing his hair at 14 and had to wear a hairpiece. Something that made him very insecure. What we’re not gonna do is make fun of him. That man protected his little brother. He had no one protecting him when he was being abused. He was losing his hair because of the crazy amount of stress he was under in that damn house.

I just.. this girl had some nerve. Then to say she had been abused herself. So then why don’t you believe them?? Because they’re men??? If they were women you wouldn’t have a problem believing them. Fucking crazy. Like please stick to talking about Elvis and keep the Menendez brothers out of your mouth if you won’t do research on the case.

[trans-androgyne]

“Me hating men isn’t radfem behavior! TERFs don’t even actually hate men, they just hate trans women.” Radfems would beg to fucking differ!! They most certainly hate men, and they will tell you so with pride. Have you ever actually heard from a radfem? They think all men are inherently predatory and dangerous and should be kept as far away from women as humanly possible if not outright be killed. Yes, they hate trans women the most—because they conceptualize them as men mocking and harming “real” women. That doesn’t mean they aren’t also misogynistic towards trans women; they are. That also doesn’t mean they don’t team up with cis men against trans people sometimes; they do. But if you look into it literally at all you will immediately see that radical feminist ideology hinges on blaming not just the structure of patriarchy but individual men for the oppression of women. If coming to terms with that makes you uncomfortable, sit with that for a while and figure out just how comfortable you are with bio- and gender-essentialism.

[aishabellasbigblogofeverything]

I love it when women hate men. I love it when women are allowed to vent to each other about how horrible and creepy men are. I love it when women form friendships with and prioritize each other over relationships with men(whether they're attracted to them or not). I love it when women put men dni in their bios and on their nude photos and on posts on their blogs. I love it when women refuse to mollycoddle and accommodate entitled male feelings with "but this doesn't mean I hate all men, I know a few men who are great, I love my father/sons/brothers/uncles/male cousins/guy friends" I love it when women complain about men WITHOUT "not all men" being a disclaimer. I love it when women avoid socializing with/refuse to be around/befriend/get close to men because they know men can't be trusted. I love it when women make "kill all men" jokes. I love it when women offer absolutely no concern or care for men's feelings and if their misandry offends men whatsoever because why should we, men are the oppressor class who have raped and killed and abused us and kept us as subjugated as second-class citizens for millennia, they regularly mistreat us and the women in their own marginalized communities still every single day and make this world so much harder and more awful for us to be in, and if we choose to hate them and not spare them any sympathy then so be it, and I don't just mean "men as a class" either, you can be a woman who doesn't want to have anything to do with any man on an individual basis and completely cuts off men from her personal life too and ykw I will love and fucking support you in that because men deserve absolutely NOTHING from us. If they're so tough and strong then they can handle it just like they can handle being lonely. If you are a woman who hates men, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE A LESBIAN AND/OR A TRANS WOMAN, then just know that I love you. I love you, I support you, and you are safe here.

[normalbrothers]

TOMMY: The war is done! Shut the door on it like I did.

[egalitarianchica]

Support for Male Survivors

Since today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Men and Boys, here are some resources for male survivors.

Male Sexual Assault Survivors

- 1in6

- MaleSurvivor

- Jim Hopper

- MenHealing

- O’Brien Dennis Initiative

Male Domestic Violence Survivors

- National Domestic Violence Hotline

[lightofraye]

A Little Perspective

This may be lengthy and detailed and potentially triggering for some. I will be covering a number of possible points of view about things covering why Jensen hasn't left--and may never. (A prospective I'm not thrilled about, to be honest.)

So. Let's begin.

1) Abuse: This is double issue for Jensen. Potentially a triple. How do I mean? For instance, Jensen himself admitted his father beat him with a belt--and from the sound of it, a lot, while he was growing up, as Jensen knew thinner belts hurt more. Worse, his father said he did it "out of love", so there's that bad, unpleasant association right out the bat.

Plus, his mother... this is only speculation, an assumption. She either looked the other way and accepted the abuse, or she was a participant of the abuse and thought it was normal/acceptable. That too may color Jensen's perspective and not a good way either.

Then Jensen became a model... and the modeling industry is/was rife on abuse. A lot of stories come out later where those who quit the industry or endured it suffered a great deal of sexual harassment, sexual assault, sexual abuse.... A "pretty boy" like Jensen likely would've suffered as well. I don't believe he's ever shared stories and he likely may never.

(Hi, toxic perception of men as victims again.)

I can't even begin about the sexual abuse that is rampant in Hollywood itself. Yes, women were largely targets, but as we've heard the last few years,... so have been men.

Hell, Jensen was sexually assaulted by Misha! It was used in a fucking gag reel! It's not funny! Jensen even said if he had known they were going to put it in the gag reel, he would've asked them not to. That to me speaks volumes.

There are brief stories out there. A PA witnessed Danneel slapping Jensen when she thought Jensen was flirting with the PA. (He wasn't; he's just that sweet.) There's another story of some restaurant goer who saw how harsh Danneel was bullying Jensen outside the restaurant.

He's... diminished. His baseline for normal is not the baseline for normal for non-abused people. His self-esteem, confidence, and ability to stand up for himself is heavily damaged. He doesn't know how to stand up for himself. Every time he has, he's been smacked down.

Yes, he can stand up for others time to time, but there are instances when he didn't and gave up in face of authority. (Mark Sheppard being demoted to guest star and losing pay and choosing to quit instead... only had Jared standing up for him in the end. Misha caved instantly and Jensen gave up as well.)

So what then does it mean for him and Danneel? Did she become abusive off the bat? No. That's not how abusers work. There were likely instances where she slipped and he mentally made excuses, ignored the red flags because that's how it tends to happen. Hindsight is ever perfect. Being in the heat of it, we tend to try and excuse, defend, or otherwise rewrite it in our minds. We don't want to think of it as normal.

Then once they were married, Danneel began to let that completely slip and fall, and he was "trapped". The cycle continues. By now he thinks of it as normal, acceptable, maybe impossible to escape. He has likely been told no one would want him. He's "middle-aged", damaged goods. This has also been told to female victims and it's hard to break that mindset too. It's hard to find strength to completely break free when you've been fed insidious lies since childhood.

It's a trap. A difficult trap to break. Can it happen? Yes. But it's very, very hard.

2. Blackmail: This one can fall under two very different categories. One, the abuse one. Where the children (I've mentioned this before) are being used as hostages to guarantee Jensen's continued marriage to Danneel. As in, "If you divorce me, I'll make sure you never see the kids again!" It's a common threat, to boot.

Despite what some people have said, I believe Jensen loves his children. Yes, "especially" JJ, but I believe he loves all three. He may not be home a lot to see them, but he loves them. He would like to keep that access to them. It may be he believes Danneel's threat, and I'm sure there's some who believe it'd be "easy" for a woman to make such a threat and keep it.

Here's a hint, folks. The truth to that lie. If a father asks for full custody of the children in a divorce, they usually get that request granted, no matter what. But most of them don't ask for that, and so, the parent that does ask gets it granted. So... if a husband and wife vie against each other and both ask, guess who wins? The father.

Most fathers don't think to ask because of the perception of mothers always win. Mothers are the ones who should be responsible for children. And so forth.

Regardless... Jensen likely might believe that threat and feels some access is better than none.

Then the other kind of blackmail. Note: I do not believe nearly all that I'm about to write. This is purely speculative and a number of possible blackmail that Danneel might have over him.

There's the J2 tinhat rumors. I could see why those rumors lasted as long as they have. I've seen the stories, the posts, photos, watched them in conventions. It's entirely possible that Jared and Jensen did have some romantic/sexual relationship for a time. Maybe even after they got married to Genevieve and Danneel, it might have continued.

It could be Genevieve just accepted it and when it ended (as there was a gradual separation even before the whole The Winchesters/Prequelgate debacle), Jared and Gen were okay. Danneel... however... might not have been as okay with it as she indicated. Her posts over the years, where she tried to make it seem she and Jensen were together when fan photos and such came out at the same time of Jensen and Jared together, might've been wildly embarrassed by it all. She might not have been as okay with it as Genevieve was and just collected evidence to hold over Jensen's head.

After all, sadly, Hollywood still isn't as accepting of LGBTQ as we'd like. When actors come out, their careers usually don't continue, out of the weird perception that gay men can't act straight. (When I hear that, I look at Matt Bomer and go "Are you sure?!" I believed Bomer was a charming straight man even after he came out--his character on White Collar was awesome!)

So there's that possibility.

Then there's the orgies rumor we've heard about in the past. Or rather that one tweet that led to a threat of a lawsuit--which sadly made it valid and legitimate. Danneel really didn't know how to let a rumor die. It might make her look weird and bad too, but her career has been nonexistent for a long time and her reputation has already been destroyed by her own actions. It wouldn't hurt her nearly as much as it might hurt Jensen.

Then there's other possible vices. Alcoholism seems to be the more... "acceptable" of vices. As is smoking. If an actor is an alcoholic, they just go to rehab, get help, and be fine. But for someone who is self-conscious about their image, it might be more difficult to accept. Being seen drunk time to time is not the same as being an alcoholic, after all.

The same goes for drugs. Not that rumor has been very well-known, but it can exist.

Then there's the blackmail of affairs. In Hollywood, affairs and flings are considered a part of the life. They happen. Couples that are apart for a while time to time may dabble in affairs and flings. Even with co-stars. This happens too. More than most would like. (The more infamous one would be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Others have happened too. It's just common and accepted. Anyone saying otherwise is just wrong.)

Again, image-conscious and wanting to push the solid love marriage, this could be damaging. Even if Danneel hadn't really made it much of a secret that she's been having an on-and-off affair with Steve... it's still different. I repeat: she has no career or reputation to destroy. Jensen does.

Even if Hollywood wouldn't give that big of a damn about it.

3. PR Marriage: Now I know this has been pushed by other antis, and even suggested to me, but I find myself... hesitating on it. If it was in fact a PR marriage, why would he tolerate the abuse at all? Surely there'd be something in the contract about demeaning him and belittling him? It doesn't fit.

And there should have been protection over mistreatment or not fulfilling parts of it. I don't know... it doesn't quite fit. Not for me.

--

This was a long, long essay. I knew it would be, and it was still hard to write parts of it.

I want to end it with another point.

Female on male violence is often portrayed as a joke. Wedding Crashers had a female on male rape and it was a joke, a comedy bit. The one time I remember seeing such a scenario used on Law and Order: SVU, the male victim wasn't believed because he was a man and should have been able to overpower the woman.

Like it's expected of men to be able to just beat the shit out of their abusive partners... as though no one realized that if come upon by the police, any bruises on her would be taken more seriously than over him! Even if he had bruises too! Unless there's video evidence of physical abuse on him, anything else is considered... a joke. Impossible.

What's sad is that this too is an aspect of misogyny. Men are expected to be able to overpower women, so when a man is "taking" abuse and not fighting back, it's another part of misogyny. Because he's "lesser" than a woman, and that's shameful.

We have a lot of growing to do as a society. We need to realize that just because one person is making the money does not mean they hold all the power. We've only begun to see the problems of abuse, and all the areas it covers.

There's physical abuse, the one most commonly known. Then sexual, the second commonly known. The lesser recognized are financial (unless a person is a senior citizen, then it's considered a legitimate crime), and mental and emotional being the least known or recognized (only considered legitimate if done on a child and with proof).

Until we end the toxic expectations of men, and yes, women, and realize anyone can be a victim, and that we all, as a whole, deserve respect... we have a long way to go.

Just remember: It begins with you. It begins with us.

[winterspellsfrozenkit]

So I saw a reblog of my gripes about "There Are Other Ways" in Epic: The Musical from @nerdygirl2023 where they mentioned how they get annoyed by Calypso's song, but mentioned they haven't read the Odyssey yet, but I HAVE and I'm about to REALLY RUIN "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" and I am NOT going to mince words! So, Trigger Warnings for Rape and Sexual Abuse.

So, why this song, despite being pretty is the WORST SONG EVER? I have MANY reasons. I'll start with the context in the story and then I'll dissect her song lyrics. It's going to be a LONG POST and I'm going to get salty so I'll add a TLDR at the end.

First, while Odysseus was on Calypso's island, she RAPED him. To prove my point, I'll give you six (double the amount I did for Circe's Coercion) and I'll bold the part that proves it was rape.

"So saying, the strong Argeiphontes departed, and the queenly nymph went to the great-hearted Odysseus, when she had heard the message of Zeus. Him she found sitting on the shore, and his eyes were never dry of tears, and his sweet life was ebbing away, as he longed mournfully for his return, for the nymph was no longer pleasing in his sight. By night indeed he would sleep by her side perforce in the hollow caves, unwilling beside the willing nymph, but by day he would sit on the rocks and the sands, racking his soul with tears and groans and griefs, and he would look over the unresting sea, shedding tears."

2. "On this he took his leave, and Calypso went out to look for Odysseus, for she had heard Zeus' message. She found him sitting upon the beach with his eyes ever filled with tears, and dying of sheer home sickness; for he had got tired of Calypso, and though he was forced to sleep with her in the cave by night, it was she, not he, that would have it so. As for the day time, he spent it on the rocks and on the sea shore, weeping, crying aloud for his despair, and always looking out upon the sea."

3. "With this the mighty slayer of Argus departed, and the lovely Nymph, mindful of Zeus’ command, looked for valiant Odysseus. She found him sitting on the shore, his eyes as ever wet with tears, life’s sweetness ebbing from him in longing for his home, since the Nymph no longer pleased him. He was forced to sleep with her in the hollow cave at night, as she wished though he did not, but by day he sat among rocks or sand, tormenting himself with tears, groans and anguish, gazing with wet eyes at the restless sea."

4. "And in a moment vanished from her eye, The nymph, obedient to divine command, To seek Ulysses, paced along the sand, Him pensive on the lonely beach she found, With streaming eyes in briny torrents drown’d, And inly pining for his native shore; For now the soft enchantress pleased no more; For now, reluctant, and constrained by charms, Absent he lay in her desiring arms, In slumber wore the heavy night away, On rocks and shores consumed the tedious day; There sate all desolate, and sighed alone, With echoing sorrows made the mountains groan. And roll’d his eyes o’er all the restless main, Till, dimmed with rising grief, they streamed again."

5."The killer of Argus, the gods’ great messenger, said these words and left. The regal nymph Calypso, once she heard Zeus’s message, went away to find  great-hearted Odysseus. She met him on the shore, sitting by the sea, his eyes always full of tears,  because he was squandering his sweet life, mourning for his return. The nymph no longer gave him joy. At night he slept beside her in the hollow cave, as he was forced to do—not of his own free will, though she was keen enough. But in the daylight hours he’d sit down on the rocks along the beach, his heart straining with tears and groans and sorrow, as he gazed, through his tears, over the restless sea."

6. "The strong god glittering left her as he spoke, and now her ladyship, having given heed to Zeus’s mandate, went to find Odysseus in his stone seat to seaward—tear on tear brimming in his eyes. The sweet days of his life time were running out in anguish over his exile, for long ago the nymph had ceased to please. Though he fought shy of her and her desire, he lay with her each night, for she compelled him. But when day came he sat on the rocky shore and broke his own heart groaning, with eyes wet scanning the bare horizon of the sea."

Every translation I can find, says Odysseus was NOT WILLING to sleep with her, but SHE FORCED HIM. Now, tell me, dear reader: If Odysseus was the woman and Calypso was the man, what would we immediately call this? Oh, that's right. RAPE. That's RAPE. But far, far too often, I see posts claiming Odysseus doesn't deserve Penelope because she was faithful to him, while he slept with Circe (who he was COERCED to do so with) and Calypso (who RAPED him).

Now, onto the lyrics. These lyrics. I hate these lyrics so much that they put my disgust and disdain for "There Are Other Ways" TO SHAME. First verse, not so iffy, but the Chorus? OH, I HATE THIS CHORUS.

[CALYPSO] And if I pushed you Or if I came on too strong Or if I ambushed you For that, I'll say I was wrong And if you hate me Then I am sorry my love's too much for you But I'm not sorry for loving you

"Came on too strong"? "TOO STRONG"?! Calypso RAPED him and these lyrics downplay so hard what she did to him. Then she goes, "Well, if you hate me, I'm sorry my love's too much for you to handle." EXCUSE ME? That is so MANIPULATIVE that it makes my stomach curl. I've had toxic platonic relationships and this is a COMMON TACTIC. Instead of acknowledging, the abuse is downplayed as just Calypso was being a bit clingy or too forward with her feelings, surprising Odysseus, rather than her sexually assaulting the poor man and if he hates her, well he just couldn't handle her, so it's his fault. She just loved him sooooo much, so she doesn't have to be apologize for that. EUGH.

Onto the next verse!

[ODYSSEUS] Calypso

[CALYPSO] Let me speak I spent my whole life here Was cast away when I was young Alone for a hundred years I had no friends but the sky and sun So when you washed ashore I thought for sure that you were my dream come true I thought I knew

So before Odysseus can even get a word in edgewise, she cuts him off. She doesn't let him say ANYTHING about how he felt about what she did to him before she starts telling him how awful her life was before he washed up on her island. That's also a manipulation tactic: Look, my life was so sad and it was just awful before you came into my life and you made it so much better, so doesn't it excuse my actions and the harm I caused you? NO. NO, IT DOES NOT.

Onto the last part (I'm cutting the Ensemble because it's just repeating her lines):

[CALYPSO] I'm not sorry I'm angry and tired and restless and sad I'm stuck in the moments I swore that we had I wish you would chase me Or try to embrace me For once, I wish you would lie and say

[ODYSSEUS] I love you

[CALYPSO] You do?

[ODYSSEUS] But not in the way that you want me to

[CALYPSO] I hate that I fell in love with you Why did I fall in love with you? What do I do with this love for you? How am I supposed to get over you? Why in the world won't you love me too?

In the verse, she says "I wish you would chase me, or try to embrace me. For once, I wish you would lie and say" which is Calypso acknowledging that she knows Odysseus doesn't love her and never has. He was kind to her and never lied to her about how he felt, but she used her feelings and his kindness to pursue her wants and desires over Odysseus's health and happiness.

Then, Odysseus finally tells her what she wants to hear, but he admits that it's not how she wants. He loves her as a friend or as someone who helped him when he was at his lowest, but he does not view her as a romantic partner. She gets angry, but it's that last line that makes me so furious. "Why in the world won't you love me too?"

Odysseus was raped. He was violated. His consent was thrown out the window and he was still polite to her; the person that took away his consent nightly to the point that he would sit on the beach EVERY DAY and cry, just wishing he could GO HOME where he can feel SAFE. And Calypso can't even comprehend that she harmed him so badly that he was wasting away from the grief and pain. She just complains that he won't love her back and it sucks.

"I'm Not Sorry For Loving You"? SHE SHOULD BE, BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LOVE HIM ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HIM. Loving someone, really loving someone, means you care about that person and even if it emotionally hurts you because you know they won't love you in the way you want, you still want them to be happy and you do what you can to be a positive influence in their life, without trodding on their agency. You may not agree with their choices, but you still are kind and respectful, and you don't use your feelings as an excuse to force your wants/will on them or harm them.

TLDR: Calypso is Odysseus's rapist and "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" is an abusive, manipulative song that isn't a proper apology to him in any sense of the word. It shows that, above all else, while Calypso says she loves Odysseus, she still values herself and her feelings over him.

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

[jabeur]

all the wta singles matches in a slam being during the day is evil many people have jobs and why would i spend my evening watching a domestic abuser instead of paolini rybakina

[lightofraye]

Food For Thought

Fear not, I am still working on the next review of Wales Comic Con. I'm wishing there were close-ups of the convention so I could have a better look of faces, but it may have to be what it is.

But that's not what this post is about.

AustinCon--SPNAustin/SPNAus/Whatever the acronym--is already starting and we've heard and seen some rather inappropriate commentary from Kim and Briana (dear gods, please, develop some class!), Matt Cohen... being peculiar... a group karaoke that largely consisted of the "extras" (as they're often called), and the BBQ with Jensen and Steve (aka Radio Company).

It's been a trip watching the photos and commentary by fans. Or stans. Or is it both?

Of course, I didn't forget Jared and his book event with Genevieve (well, her book event). They were cute together! I keep forgetting just how freaking tall he is until I saw that full length photo and just stared. I'm above average for a woman myself--5'9"--and something tells me he'd give me a crick in my neck just to talk to him.

Out of all of that, the one that disappointed me a bit was hearing the BBQ with Radio Company lasted only an hour. For more than $300, I'd expect it to last at least a couple of hours.

Not for the first time, I wonder about the financial problems that may or may not be plaguing the Ackles. There's a lot of things not adding up and the BBQ event was a "last minute" addition (like just a month ago). Unfortunately, it's all speculation and I have so many theories spinning through my mind. Pieces of a whole, missing key points that may never be answered.

However, as I've been musing, I recalled a conversation with a follower. A quick message, a comment. They mentioned a recent Meet and Greet with Jensen. Of course, with the Non-Disclosure Agreement, they couldn't go into details. But could, at least, give me a general gist:

"In a recent meet and greet, Jensen shared information that convinced me that he is home often. Little things, but also one main piece unrelated to kids or wife that proved he spends significant amount of time at home."

This may be true. The mansion has three floors plus a basement. It's certainly huge enough that he could quite literally have a whole wing to himself, an aspect of separation without the legalese involved. The blueprints of the mansion showed it was entirely possible.

But... it still niggled at me.

In discussing it with a few others, one person chimed in. "That basement is large enough to fit a bedroom, office, gym, and so much more!"

And it hit me.

They had the equipment of a gym back in Austin, when Jensen was trying to bulk up for Soldier Boy back then for Season 3 of The Boys. We saw the videos, the photos. I imagine they moved the equipment with them. So why did we see several photos of Jensen at an outside gym?

It's not for a trainer, though the exclusive gym he went to could've provided one. Or, with his money, he could hire a private one to attend to him at the mansion!

So why outside the mansion?

The answer is altogether too heartbreaking: he can't abide to be at home.

It's safer, and healthier, to be away.

Then I remembered a discussion I had with one of my... I'll call them 'industry experts'. Meet and Greets are where actors 'test' stories, see how they land and then use the 'successful' stories in later conventions. With the NDAs, fans wouldn't be able to say anything without risking a lawsuit, expensive ones at that.

It'd certainly explain the weird shifting of stories that don't always ring true or change too fast. Like when he was in Rome, Jensen said Danneel liked cooking Italian food. Later, in France, it was French food and French music. How many fans would listen to every single one of those conventions and match stories? Or even care that it changed too much, too fast, and with gaping holes that felt awkward?

Pieces of a whole. Generic stories, nothing specific. Not of Danneel asking him to try something new that tasted incredible. Or a burnt food accident that smoked out their kitchen. Or the kids enjoying one of the songs.

Get what I mean?

The pieces don't fit. He says one thing here, another thing there, and it doesn't match.

If he's still persistently trying to build the Family Man Image... if Gersh has someone monitoring keywords (GERSH! GERSH! GERSH! Does it work like Beetlejuice?), I'd advise them to tell Jensen to stop. It's not working. Maybe for a small section of a dying fandom (oh god, please don't kill me), but for the rest? We're not buying it.

And for his mental and emotional--and hell, physical!--health, I'd say he should try to go for the divorced dad image.

Lots of things stirring in my mind. Far too much.

This week was hard. Seeing the ongoing put down from people who don't understand the mindset of someone in the middle of abuse, the insults, the demeaning comments ("weak", "pussy", "not a man", and so forth) really got to me. Broke my heart.

Then there's the controversy surrounding the movie, "It Ends With Us", and the inaccuracy of the ending that had me headdesking repeatedly.

It seemed the theme of the week is Domestic Violence.

For survivors, who got away. For the victims, who are still trapped. For those who think it's normal, because they don't know any better (yes, this is a thing; if a person's baseline is well below what should be considered okay, what makes you think they'd know differently?).

It's emotionally draining. It's exhausting.

But every so often I get a message of support, of people who are grateful for me speaking out.

And then there's my son, who I am desperate to keep safe.

Breaking of cycles have to begin somewhere.

Let it start with me.

[constantvariations]

Watching RWBY Chibi for the first time for this essay and I'm in absolute agony. Do people actually find this funny?

[envolvenuances]

as the masculine woman who wasn't allowed to use the girl's bathroom in school and to this day have straight women prefer to stand than sit next to me at the bus or question if it's "appropriate" to have me in school staff teaching teenagers. the only "gaslighting" in this is the pretense that it is either a new phenomena or increasing because of The Trans Question being divisive in current gringo politics. when it's classic lesbophobia that always existed and honestly if you ask me things have been improving. but then I do feel like transphobia itself is a restriction of homo/lesbophobia against the mostly visibly gender non conforming of us.

[egalitarianchica]

Men and boys can be victims of these things too.

[wronggalaxy]

We need to talk about the absolutely shitty way male presenting people are treated when raped, especially when it was a female presenting person who did it.

1) Most feminists need to shut up about how they "support male rape victims when men don't". If your support doesn't start until the rape happens, it's not support. If you only put support line cards in women's spaces, it's not support. If you always use she/her pronouns for victims and he/him for abusers, it's not support.

2) It's a lot harder for people presenting as men to come out about being assaulted because of the way they're sexualized, the lack of emotional support they receive, and the idea that all men are big and strong and aggressive.

3) All though female presenting people aren't taken nearly serious enough when raped, it's much easier for them to make it seem like their victim was the abuser than you think it is. Even when the victim is a child and the abuser an adult.

4) If a little girl starts sexualizing herself or others it's more likely people will recognize the signs of assault than if a little boy does.

And a billion other things to.

And BTW, I'm an AFAB female presenting genderqueer feminist who has been sexually assaulted by boys(my age and older), so don't even try and tell me it's just my gender or sex or political beliefs or lack of experience clouding my judgment. I know what I'm talking about.

[slowlyshamelesscolor]

To male victims of abuse

You are valid

Don't let others put you down just because you're a man.

You did not deserve to be abused; do not believe those who think you do.

You are wonderful, and you deserve a lot of love and good encouragement.

Don't let the Radfems get to you; they just want to promote negativity.

What happened to you matters. Don't believe people who say what happened to you is meaningless.

💙 You are amazing! and you deserve to be loved! :) 💙