#medicine exists for a reason i never take it anyway

[navramanan]

:/

[rabbitrah]

A continuation on my post about unloved foods, specifically this is my in-depth defense of root beer.

Root Beer isn't inherently gross, it's just one of those weird local flavors that's off-putting to people who didn't grow up with it. We all like different things and also we all tend to like flavors that are similar to what we grew up with. That's okay! But honestly root beer is pretty unique and, in my opinion, delicious.

One of the main complaints against root beer is that it tastes like medicine. Funnily enough, it was originally marketed as medicinal! This is true for most OG sodas actually. Pretty much as soon as carbonated water was invented, people were drinking it to soothe various ailments. A lot of the original soft drinks were actually invented by pharmacists. I just think that root beer is especially cool because the main flavor came from the root bark of sassafras, a common North American shrub. Because it's so widespread and aromatic, all parts of the sassafras plant have been used in food and medicine by many different Native American tribes throughout history and was subsequently picked up and used by European colonists. In the 1960s, some studies indicated that that safrole oil, which is produced by the plant, can cause liver damage. Whether or not this would actually remain true after it had been boiled and added to root beer is unclear, but it was really easy to replicate the flavor, so the sassafras in commercial root beer these days is artificial. Another fun fact about safrole is that it's a precursor in the synthesis of MDMA. None of this information has stopped my childhood habit of eating sassfras leaves right off the shrub whenever I walk past it on a hike. I'm like 85% sure it's safe and also mmmm yummy leafs go crunch.

Another root beer complaint is that it tastes like toothpaste. I think this is probably because another key flavor in most root beer recipes is wintergreen. I'm assuming that the people who think this are the same people who think mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste. I can understand and even respect that some people don't like mint and associate it only with brushing their teeth, but like. Mint is a pretty common flavor. I mean I think it's safe to say that humans have been eating mint flavored stuff for longer than toothpaste has existed... anyway!

Other common flavors in root beer (real or artificial) are caramel, vanilla, black cherry bark, sarsaparilla root, ginger, and many more! There's not one official recipe, and root beer enthusiasts often have strong opinions about different brands. Some root beer is sharper, with more strong aromatic flavors, and others are mild and creamier.

Another thing I think is cool about root beer is that it's foamier than most sodas. This was originally because sassafras is a natural surfactant (and why sassafras is also a common thickening agent in Louisiana Creole cooking.) These days, other plant starches or similar ingredients are added to keep the distinctive foam. Root beer foam > all other soft drink foams. That's why root beer floats kick more ass than like, coke floats.

If you've never had root beer before, imagine if a sweetened herbal tea was turned into a soda, because that's basically what it is. If your first response to that is a cringe, fair enough. That's why lots of people don't like it. If your first response to that is "interesting... I might actually like it, though" then I encourage you to track down a can of root beer today, hard as that might be outside the US and Canada. Next time you see an "ew, root beer tastes like medicine/tooth paste" take, know that there's a reason for that, but also the same could be said for literally any herbal or minty food/drink.

My final take on root beer is that it would be the soda of choice for gnomes. Thank you and good night.

[taiyeoki]

Kashimo Headcanons

↳ Husband!Kashimo x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Pregnancy

Synopsis: Kashimo being a man being from the Edo period doesn't change the fact that he's a loving husband and a soon to be father for y/n and their upcoming child.

A/N: I am so madly in love with him that I had to make a whole Tumblr account just to put this out there. This is a new account but I've been using Tumblr for years so I know how things work 💀 Except I use chrome so I never had an account. This is just for a personal idea but anyone's free to read! This one doesn't have any smut so it's just a wholesome thing but I'd like to put a warning anyway.

Husband!Kashimo who couldn't believe what he had heard when you announced that you were pregnant. You were sure he'd gone deaf when he needed you to repeat it like four times.

Husband!Kashimo opens the present you gave him. Inside was an adorable baby outfit with a little lightning crochet on the chest. "What's this for?" Instead, you just stared at him with excitement as if you were about to explode into a firework of happiness. With no reply from you, he decided to look back down into the gift box then noticed the pregnancy test with two pink lines on it next to the clothing. Immediately he looked back up at you and you announce, "Hajime guess what?! I'm pregnant!! Uh... Hajime?" He gave no response. He looked so dumbfounded and shocked at the same time you had to take a picture of his reaction.

Husband!Kashimo who finally registers the news and immediately his expression changes to one of absolute happiness. You swear you've never seen him express this much emotion before considering he usually kept an unamused or an angry resting face. His smile is so genuine, smiling ear to ear as he's about to burst into disbelief.

"I'm gonna be a dad?! Are you serious?! It took me 400 years just for this moment!"

Husband!Kashimo immediately tackles you into a hug, both of you laughing in excitement from the news. He snakes his arms around your waist as he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck. Despite having large hands he uses for fights, they're actually pretty soft and gentle as he brings his hand around your belly and caresses it.

"Y/n," he murmurs softly, "love you so much..."

It took forever for him to let go. It's as if you would disappear if he lets go of the hug. You better believe he's gonna watch over you 24/7.

Husband!Kashimo refuses to let you out of his sight. You knew he was protective but now that you were pregnant he'd grown even more protective over you than he already was. You try to reassure him, "Hajime I'm fine! I'm just going to the bathroom okay?" But he just finds reasons to stay with you. "But what if you get your morning sickness again? At least let me accompany you in case anything happens." Or he pulls the "there are curses everywhere" card on you to let him watch over you.

You couldn't deny his requests of staying with you especially after he gave the softest look. Wrapping his muscular arms around you in a loving hug, he nuzzles close into you making sure to warm you up. Eventually you gave in...

Husband!Kashimo feels bad whenever you actually do get the morning sickness. He tries his best to find comfort in anything at all just for your sake. "Y/n are you okay? How are you feeling now? Do you want some tea?" At first he's too old to understand which medicine he should give you. After all, modern medicine never existed back in the 1600. Instead, he tried to soothe you with tea, herbal soups and warm bathes. Eventually though he does manage to understand what medication you should take and provides you with them but he still prefers it the old fashion way.

Husband!Kashimo dotes on you all the time. He makes sure you're always healthy and happy and whenever you're not, he'd be worried sick. "What's wrong? Are you feeling sick again? Hey how about I buy you some snacks okay. What are you craving for?" Eventually though you actually do cheer up with how much he keeps spoiling you.

Husband!Kashimo is constantly asking you questions to check in on you, making sure you feel loved and appreciated all the time. "Are you hungry?", "What do you wanna eat?", "do you wanna go out? The sunshine will do you good." "Do you want me to make you some tea?"

Husband!Kashimo refuses to let you get hungry or dehydrated. He makes sure to have you well fed everytime. The food he'd prepare are nutritious and healthy with all the right amounts of everything your body needs. Not too much and not too little. Grabbing a cup of water, he hands it to you, "y/n you need to drink lots. I don't want you or the baby getting sick because you aren't eating or drinking well. You both need all the nutrients and vitamins you can get." If you're planning to diet, be prepared for him to scold you.

"Are you crazy?! Dieting during your pregnancy?! You know what- c'mere. You need to eat now."

Believe it or not, despite being a traditional man from the 1600 Edo period he actually knows how to cook. Husband!Kashimo makes the most comforting food you've ever tasted. Although his cooking style is different, it's because of that which makes his food taste uniquely great. It has a delicious smokey aroma to it. At first he wasn't used to the stove and oven so he'd just cook by the log and fire. He started learning how to operate the stove though because you laughed at him for cooking like a caveman squatting down next to the fire like that.

"Pfft Hajime! You don't know how to use the stove?!" He gives you an unamused pout which you honestly found adorable so you decided to teach him how to cook from the stove. Almost immediately he seemed even better than you do in cooking which has his smug face putting you in shame. He's the one laughing at you now because you forgot you were cooking and burnt the food.

"SHIT," you came back panicking from the smell of smoke coming from the kitchen to see him giving you an unimpressed look as if he's about to lecture you. He already had the kitchen under control the moment you arrive. Giving him a sheepish smile, Kashimo doesn't want you near the fire until the baby is out. "Y/n, I'll do all the cooking now. I don't want you burning anything again. What if you get hurt? Right, that goes for the knives too. Let me do all the work."

Husband!Kashimo reassures you everyday that he loves you. It doesn't matter how you look, whether you get stretch marks or leaking breasts. "Y/n, trust me when I say this. In 400 years of my life you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." He caresses your growing belly, keeping you in a warm hug as he nuzzles into you and takes in your scent which he always found to be soothing.

"Nothing you do is embarrassing. I love every single part of you. These stretch marks are a reminder of my love for you; our child. I'm happy to know that you're the one carrying my child."

Husband!Kashimo prefers for you to give birth at home because he thinks it's safer there rather than the hospital. He makes sure to hire the best OBGYN, doctors and midwives to check up on you. He looks at you with genuine care and concern, "Y/n the hospital is full of curses. I don't want you getting into any trouble there. What if our baby gets hurt from them?"

Husband!Kashimo instantly gets alert, sitting straight up and checking on you when you told him your water broke in the middle of the night while you two slept in each other's arms.

"Shit- Hajime wake up! My water broke!"

Good thing he hired the midwives. They were already prepared in advance knowing you were going to give birth soon so neither of you needed to panic into the hospital especially since he couldn't drive. He does try to get a license just for you though so he could help with transportation. Hakari helped Kashimo out too, not trusting him to be completely sane with a car and a driving instructor he might end up beating.

Husband!Kashimo is worried sick and upset that he can't do anything to stop the labour pain. The most he could do now is to try and relieve your pain and stress. Giving you a warm towel, a heating pad, making you some soothing tea, anything at all. It still hurts him though to see you like this.

Husband!Kashimo holds you close to him the moment your delivery is about to arrive. If he's being honest here, he's actually quite scared for you, afraid that anything might go wrong. He stays by your side the entire process, reassuring and motivating you.

"Keep pushing y/n, you're almost there."

"You're doing so well!"

"I'm proud of you and our son/daughter"

Husband!Kashimo lets you use him as a stress reliever. Crushing his arm and hands, he didn't expect you to have this much strength. He tries to calm you down, caressing you reassuringly or wiping sweat off.

The moment your childbirth finally ended, both of you are so happy and exhausted. Husband!Kashimo praises you for doing so good and being so strong. He caresses you, keeping you in a hug wrapped in his loving arms as you feel his tense muscles calm down. For a moment you even forgot about the delivery pain as you got distracted by his muscular body. His large veiny hands pull you close into the crook of his neck all snug, "Hah.. I think you broke my bones."

Well your crushing grip didn't break his bones but he definitely woke up with a bruise the next day.

Husband!Kashimo showers you and your son/daughter with so much love and attention. If he wasn't protective enough before, he definitely was now. In fact he'd be considered as overprotective at this point.

Husband!Kashimo doesn't hire anyone to do the confinement for you. Instead he does it himself, making sure to get you the best natural ingredients. He uses the freshest meat, the highest quality herbs and the finest tea. Surprisingly this ancient man knows a lot about women's healthcare, their pregnancy and confinement. Although he uses the 1600 Edo style rather than the modern one but it gives a unique treatment.

Husband!Kashimo gives you a baby shower consisting of practically everyone you knew from Jujutsu High. Gojo, Nanami, Shoko, Hakari, Kirara, and even the first and second years were there. He's not too fond of people and neither does he really call them friends but he does it just for you. Also he wants to show off his brand new family. It was a sweet heartfelt action which has you falling head over heels for him all over again.

Husband!Kashimo makes sure you get all the rest you need. He knows parenting isn't easy especially for the person who gave birth. Anytime you looked tired to him at all, he'll jump in and tell you he'll watch over your son/daughter even though he was already by your side to take care of the baby. Luckily this man has insane stamina, speed and efficiency to be keeping up with the baby's needs although he does tire out.

Husband!Kashimo showers you both with all his love and attention to the point he forgets he was looking for Sukuna. For a moment he even stops fighting just to take care of you both and make time for his family. The man is a fighter but he knows his priorities. Plus he'd rather leave his family out of his fighting business or he'll never forgive himself if anything were to happen to either you or your son/daughter.

Hugging you close and the baby safely on his lap between you two, Kashimo gives your son/daughter a sweet peck on their forehead as they fall asleep. He then leans in close to you and goes in for a kiss. His gentle, soft and warm lips intertwine with your own as you both share a loving, passionate kiss. Pulling away, he brings you closer to him and you rest your head on his chest. Sighing, he asks just in case, "is anything wrong?"

"Nah. I'm just happy that's all," you reply with an angelic smile looking up at him. His gentle expression smiling down at you with all the love in the world as you bring your hand up to caress his soft cheeks and the lightning marks under his eye which you always found beautiful. He leans into your loving touch, closing his eyes momentarily. Slight sparks of electricity sounded and you know it was a clear indicator of how happy he is right now. Being attached to you and your baby, you could see electricity go from one bun to the other in a mesmerizing pattern.

"Waiting 400 years for this was totally worth it."

Overall husband!Kashimo is a very protective father and husband to you and your baby. He'll do anything it takes to keep you both safe, happy and healthy. If anyone were to even lay a finger on the wife and son/daughter of Edo period's strongest sorcerer, you better believe they won't even get a chance to see their life flash before their eyes with Kashimo's lightning speed ending everything in an instant.

[anistarrose]

So I have only my two cents to give on the "curing disabilities in fantasy/sci-fi stories" trope, as just one disabled person among many disabled people, but here are my two cents nonetheless.

One defense of the trope is that it's simply a form of escapism, and moreover, a fantasy that disabled people themselves can quite reasonably find joy in — as a feel-good story, a break from all the pain of real life. Many — not all by a long shot, but many — of us would jump at the chance for a cure, after all, and it's not like we're not valid to do so. Lots of us take pride in being disabled, but nevertheless, sometimes it really fucking sucks.

The counterargument to the above is this: that this isn't a realistic trope, and that particularly in combination with the suffocating frequency that this trope is used, this becomes the opposite of a hopeful fantasy. When you have an incurable condition, and the only happy endings you see represented for people like you in fiction are inevitably only achieved once the characters stop being like you — that can be indescribably upsetting.

Disabled characters do not get happy endings while remaining disabled — and fiction is fiction and all, but I'm not going to pretend like this doesn't have gradual, accumulative real-life effects on the amount of effort people/society are willing to put into accessibility and acceptance, because of beliefs like "aren't you going to be cured someday anyway?" Or "isn't this disability just going to stop existing, someday? one way or another?"

I hope I don't have to explain how damaging it is to think the above way, or to imagine a future where disability doesn't exist. (Yes, even though disability is partially socially constructed. That's a load-bearing "partially".)

So, if you couldn't tell, I do generally relate a lot more to the harsher, more critical view of this trope — but I certainly don't want to judge actual disabled people for writing it either (and especially not people with progressive conditions), not when there is genuine catharsis and escapist joy that can be wrung from it. I obviously don't trust non-disabled folks with writing "cure" stories any further than I could throw them, due to a long fucking history of non-disabled people fucking it up — but also, no one should be forced to reveal personal details, let alone medical history, to justify their choice to write something.

This is the paradox that I am willing to come to terms with, by throwing up my hands and saying, "okay, so some of the time I sure don't like it, but it's technically none of my business."

That said: if you're non-disabled, or you're writing about a disability much different from your own (a physical disability when you're autistic, for example), and you want to write an escapist feel-good story featuring disabled characters: I also want to stress that "escapist themes" versus "no one's disability gets cured ever" is very much a false binary. You can have both.

I've never written a "curing a disability" story. But I've both written and enjoyed some extremely escapist, unashamedly hopeful stories revolving around disabled characters — and it's all about accommodation.

A story of any genre where society is more accepting of — and willing to collectively help care for — chronic illnesses and chronic pain? That's escapist, and if it's something that characters once fought tooth and nail for, it's pretty damn cathartic. A fantasy or sci-fi story where medicines are still required to treat a condition, but the medicines are more accessible, more effective, et cetera, may also be escapist depending on the context.

Fantasy service animals, high-tech service robots, magical or indistinguishable-from-magic mobility devices? They're all possibly escapist too. (Just note that a lot of disabled people may still maintain a personal preference for seeing the "real world" versions, and that's that's also perfectly reasonable. Remember that the gripe with the original trope has a lot to do with a lack of variety in representation, justified by arbitrary rules about how fantasy/sci-fi "should" look, and the goal should be not to replicate that.)

So, in conclusion: if you find yourself writing a disabled character, and want to give them a happy ending, I urge you not to jump to "their disability is cured now" without at least thinking through the alternatives. Do your research regardless, and accept that disabled people will likely have a wide range of opinions on whatever you decide to go with — but accept that disabilities themselves are varied, and should not inherently have to consign either characters or real human beings to tragic lives by their mere existence.

[ideas-4-stories]

Cross guild idea-

Devil Fruits were named as such because of the story of being crafted by the Sea Devil. But that story is only partially true. They were created by the Sea herself AGAINST the devil. His powers were stripped and warped and cursed into Fruits to avoid Him ever regaining the powers. He dwells in a place deeper than even the deepest of trenches, hidden below the Sea itself.

Devil Fruits grant their users miraculous abilities, but the Sea hates them - She fears them, She blessed them. They are heralds of Her will and as such, All Of Them have a longing for the blue waves. The reason they cannot swim is because She refuses to allow them to reach the entry way to where He is hidden and sealed away - no way to risk Him being revived or awakened.

Since the fruits were made by taking the abilities and powers of an ACTUAL demon/devil, they have some... side effects.

Paramecias are affected in a PHYSICAL manner.

Logias are affected in a MOLECULAR manner.

Zoans are affected in a GENETIC manner.

As a result, depending on the type of devil fruit, the users will have a sort of side effect depending on their fruit. This is where the stories of monsters and such came from.

Zoans often have cycles where they NEED to change, humanity bleeding into their animal form, animalistic instincts bleeding into their human side, but they are required to change regularly. Typically it can be equated to lunar cycles (hence: werewolves).

Logias have become one with their element. They need to utilize it often, and most do so in a creationist way, or manipulate existing material. They can even, with practice, make little "puppets" out of their element. (Hence: witches and golums)

Paramecias have been changed physically in a way different from the other two. There is no element to shape or craft, no forms to change, so they feed. It is smth physical to ingest or consume to align with their own abilities. Cravings can vary, but often it is blood or energy. (Hence: Vampires)

Mihawk is distantly aware of Devil Fruits, but not of the secondary requirements for them.

Crocodile uses his Sand often and without much consideration, never making more than is needed, blending his needs with his wants rather seamlessly.

Both have met Devil Fruit users before, have met Paramecia type users as well, have worked with them or above them. They've met people who feed on energies before.

Buggy does not.

So in addition to trying to balance the Guild, the business, the crews and his life, Buggy must also keep his need to drink blood from his lieutenants.

This is made especially hard when an attack from the Navy hits their medical tents, destroying supplies, bandages, medicines... and their blood bank.

Oooooo this is really interesting!

Now I'm curious and wants to know about Luffy's devil fruit, because it was stated that it was a Paramecia until Wano, would Luffy be acting like the Paramecia's until Wano or not? Anyway, going back to Buggy and the Cross Guild, with Buggy's blood drinking.

What will Crocodile and Mihawk's reaction, Buggy would have told his other lieutenants (I believe that's what Alvida, Galdino, Cabaji, and Mohji are as well, just lower in status) I want to know more, I would definitely read a fic about this

[khunyuki]

I'm very love your stories about Kaiju no 8 and I have an idea that I wonder if you could do it. English isn't my first language so I hope you could forgive me if some words I write go wrong. Imagine Kagami go on a misson with Gen and Soshiro and she's got attack by a Honju and got in a serious injured that make her almost lost her life and fall into a comatose for a few months I think, and their react about that situation. I hope you have a wonderful day!

Thank you for loving my stories!!! Also, your English is fine hehe

To be honest, your idea is actually what I planned for the main story of my series. If you've read the manga, it will take place in the second wave arc, where more numbered kaijus got introduced from 11-15! I will give you a slight spoiler for what I had in mind!

Now I am actually planning on creating a kaiju no. 16 specifically made to combat Kagami! If you've read my post OC: Uzui Kagami, it's stated there that she's inspired by Uzui Tengen from Kimetsu no Yaiba thus she knows of Total Concentration Breathing and is immune to most poisons. So to combat her, the kaiju will be inspired by Gyuutaro that works with poisons and sickle (might change the weapon but it's essentially like this)

This is just a summary for my future work which will answer your question but it goes like this...

=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=•=

Kagami is a strong woman who became a platoon leader for her skills and mostly due to her hard work. Being surrounded by people who underestimate her and kept on calling her weak has impacted the way she thinks of herself, hence she doesn't believe she's strong nor had the talent as it took an even longer time for her to be promoted. Kagami can definitely survive a honju attack as she can neutralize kaijus no matter the size with her special weapon.

To be seriously injured, a tough opponent is needed which is kaiju no. 16 who can match evenly with her, maybe even stronger. It would be a battle of endurance between them as poison immunity doesn't mean it combats all poisons. (This is heavily inspired by Uzui vs Gyuutaro okay!)

Anyways, I won't say much as it would be a major spoiler but to give you an answer, her injuries are indeed severe. Her right lung has been punctured making it hard to breathe and use TCB so she had to rely on her suit. The small and big wounds on her body contains poison which is hard to combat making her almost die (like really die). Not even medicines are working because her body is also immune to it. Medicines and poisons are two sides of the same coin.

After declaring her critical condition, Soshiro tries incredibly hard to get to her despite his own injuries. Their locations are distant to each other so he would really need help even if he overuse his suit to get there. He begged, begged for her not to sleep and to wait for him to come. She's already saying her goodbyes as all she thinks about in her last moments was him. She's sorry for she can't wait for him and told him she loves him. Soshiro is definitely ooc for he openly begs and cries for her, breaking the hearts of those listening to their convo.

Gen is also one of them. He's already accepted the fact that he'll never have a place on her heart. Especially as she's never really mentioned him during her last words. As he's the one closest to her, he was the one that took her in his arms and hurried to the base where she would get treatment faster and better than the medic on field. By then, her pulse is almost non-existent and she's getting colder by the second. He also wanted to cry and beg for her not to die but he shut his feelings up.

For miraculous reasons, she's saved but in a coma. She doesn't hear any words they're saying as she's occupied by her dream. Soshiro doesn't want to leave her side even after they defeated kaiju no. 9. For the first few days, he'd cry and not leave her side. No amount of persuasion can get him to leave. Not from his captain, his comrades, his family nor hers. It was only Narumi Gen who got to get him away from there and get him back on track.

Ever since then, he'd visit her everyday after his work that he's practically lived there now. Most medical staff told him that it might be impossible for her to wake up but none of them listens nor believes it. Soshiro has faith that Kagami will wake up for him and their promise.

For the first few days, Gen also didn't want to leave her side but gave way to Soshiro who was more broken than him. He kept most of his feelings to himself despite being crushed as well. The only time he cried was when he confronted Soshiro that make him come to his senses. Amongst all the people, he's the most in denial as he speaks to her everyday like she's just sleeping. He'd actually be the most delusional aside from Soshiro with her coma.

As in all, Gen's more or less accepted everything. The question is...

Will Kagami lose her memories or not once she wakes up? HAHAHAHA

Memory loss is not an issue but Gen can definitely try!

I'll tag you once I've made the main story okay😁🤞

[yikimiki]

I feel like requesting for some CEO erwin who traps reader?

The how, the when, iss all on you

Took me a while to think about the concept of “trapping” here — so I basically went in every possible direction known to man

⚠️ warnings: toxic/dark content!!, vague smut, erwin is very narcissistic and sadistic, CEO!Erwin x MedStudent!Reader, 20 year age gap (25 and 45), manipulation, abusive relationship (emotional, psychological, financial), mentions of pregnancy and baby trapping

—

Erwin’s victory started with a small suggestion — something so bland and unimportant that you didn’t even pay attention to it, but now you deeply wish you could take back. “Why don’t you spend some time away from school? Take less classes. You can stay with me, darling, live a little.”

It was spoken over a glass of wine, in between silly giggles and stupid jokes, lost in the warmth of the candle lights and the dinner in front of you. You and Erwin had been going strong for some time then, almost seven months together, and you had no reason to suspect ill will. So you said yes.

The change was actually very kind to your mental health and, even if you were a semester away from graduating, you decided to step back. Erwin asked you to move in with him, into his beautiful penthouse facing the bay, and you accepted. He suggested that you take the entire rest of the year of to travel with him, and you did. And, when you come back, your education has practically vanished from the forefront of your mind.

You have the intention of coming back to med school, and you tell him so thousands of time — which Erwin politely agrees with. But, at the same time, it is like he always has this great new opportunity for you that stands in the way. “Why don’t we move? You can decorate however you want, darling, I’ll just pay,” or maybe, “Don’t you think going out with your friends has been a little draining? Why don’t we stay together more often, just the two of us?”

To make things worse, Erwin works all the time. He leaves you alone in this humongous, empty, pseudo-modernist house that you can’t stand, doing things you can’t stand — all day long, every day. You clean, you get everything in order, you watch stupid TV shows and you put some pre cooked meal in the oven a little before he comes come. You hate being a housewife, you miss your freedom, your intellectual pursuits in medicine. And, most of all, you miss doing something else.

“I think I’m going back to school,” you say one night over dinner. “I already submitted my information. Just waiting for them to get back to me.”

Erwin places his knife down. And, just like that, it’s like your previous years together never existed.

“To do what, get more debt? Like I’m not paying enough?” He asks — cold, calculated. The room feels like it’s tilting a little. “Do you know how much I spend on you? How much I spent on this house, on everything you bought, and now you want me to just accept another load of cash just… out of my wallet?”

“I’m… I’m not asking you to pay for anything,” it’s all you can say.

He sneers. “Oh, you never ask. But I always do.” Erwin leans back again the chair. “Besides, it’s not like you have the money anyways. So let’s not kid ourselves here — you know I work hard, extra fucking hard, to make you happy. So what is it? Am I not making you happy?”

You blink, not recognizing the man before you anymore. “You make me happy, Erwin. But I need more than this. I miss my life, my friends…”

“Oh, so I’m not enough, is that it?” He gives you this wicked smile that has your stomach clenching. Erwin sighs, disappointed, and gets up from the table. “Let’s do it like this: I’ll leave you alone tonight so you can think about what is it that you want—“

“Wait, no that’s not…”

“—And, tomorrow, when I come back, we can talk better about it,” he finishes. “If you want to go to med school, we can figure it out.”

The night passes in a blur of tears and cries, confused thoughts coming and going in your head. All you can think is that you were raised better than this — better than to lower your expectations for someone else, better than to let someone else dictate your future. But, at the same time, you’re so hurt. Erwin has been your everything for so long now that you don’t even know what you’ll do without him. You don’t have a job, you’re away from family and friends, and you wouldn’t even know where to start he were to kick you out. He is everything you have.

So, next morning, when he shows up with a bouquet at your door, you forgive him. And you swallow your pride and tell him you can wait another year or so to get on your feet.

Erwin seems blissful, and even creates a job at his company for you to make your own money… which he pockets, to take better care of it — because “you don’t know how to invest”. He loves seeing you around every day at work, and you like it too, but you can’t help to feel a little claustrophobic at the way your life has turned into a pendulum between your house and your work. And Erwin. Erwin is always there.

You get tired of suggesting dates with him. Erwin has turned every single comment of yours into an episode of self flagellation — he isn’t good enough, you don’t love him, there’s someone else, you don’t want to be with him. And so you retreat, afraid of more conflict, and let things accumulate.

Erwin’s victory concludes one autumn night, before you even realize there was a game being played. He kisses you like the world is about to end, worships your body like a temple and, at the last minute, suggests that you change just one last thing for him: “what do you think about not taking the pill anymore?”

You hesitate this time, but accept superficially. You keep taking it until it’s over, and you realize that there isn’t a way for you to buy more of it without Erwin realizing it — it’s his card, and he doesn’t give you any extra money. He takes you to and from work. There’s no free time.

So you pray that it won’t happen. For three months after your pause your period doesn’t come, then it resumes, thin and painful, then strong. Erwin fills you up with cum every night, more often than before, because there’s a mission now, there’s a plan in his mind. And you are afraid to say anything else, afraid to sadden him or make him mad, because you feel like without him, you’re nothing. Without him, you don’t even know how you are.

“It’s positive? Why didn’t you tell me?” Erwin walks into the living room one day, test in hand. You had thrown it in the trash earlier.

You force a smile, but there are tears in your eyes. “I wanted to make a surprise,” you lie. “Are you happy?”

Erwin smiles. “The happiest I’ve ever been.”

[hellaversity]

It really says something that the Helluva Boss fandom is willing to excuse every evil action Stella does and every evil thing she says, especially her abuse towards Stolas and begging for her to have sympathetic traits, yet not once have I ever seen an HB fan desperately wishing for Crimson or Mammon to be portrayed more sympathetically than they are in the show and call it bad writing when they don't show any redeeming qualities. The fandom just accepts the fact that those guys are pure evil without batting an eye. Nobody asks why they're the way they are. But Stella? Nope, there MUST be a sympathetic reason for her being an abusive bitch to Stolas because it's apparently "unrealistic" for a woman to abuse her husband out of spite never mind the fact that those kinds of women actually exist in real life.

These images pretty much speak for themselves.

Crimson, Striker, Mammon, Andrealphus and Valentino are no less two-dimensionally evil than Stella is. What reason did Crimson have to murder his own wife and make his son experience it? Just to traumatize him? The show never really says why he does it, he just does it so the audience can have a reason to hate him. What reason does Striker have to help Stella try to kill Stolas? None, as far as we know. What is there to Mammon's character other than abusing Fizzarolli and being a greedy asshole in general? Why does Andrealphus flirt with his own sister and participate in her scheme to have Stolas murdered by Striker? Because reasons. Why is Valentino a rapist who takes advantage of Angel Dust and sexually abuses him? Just because he can. What makes Stella any different from these guys other than being female?

Fans are just asking for her to be more sympathetic because she's a woman and they can't accept the fact that women are capable of abuse without trying to justify it. The whole "behind every bad bitch is a man who made her that way" bullshit. People who see a woman beating her husband in public and automatically assume he did something to deserve it even if they have no evidence or context for what actually happened. Even though Stella has been treating Stolas like shit before he cheated on her, and he likely wouldn't be sleeping with Blitzø if she wasn't so horrible to him in the first place. He never even puts his hands on her and allowed her to abuse him so that Octavia could live and grow up with normal parents. (As normal as Stella and Stolas could possibly get with each other, anyway.)

Stella made fun of Stolas for not participating in sex with her and laughed about it while he was standing 2 feet away from her, and knew he was there. Whether or not she raped him to produce Octavia is a discussion for another day. If anything, Stolas cheating on her was revenge for treating him like garbage for so many years. She humiliated and embarassed him in public before getting a taste of her own medicine when Stolas does the same to her in return. She wouldn't even let him divorce her because she enjoys being mean to him. I wouldn't mind if Stella was given more charaterization outside of "abusive wife" but honestly? I don't really care if she's given sympathy or not. I don't want to sympathize with her. If Valentino isn't gonna change his ways any time soon, I have no reason to believe that Stella can. FFS Stella apologists make me mad. Even if you type in the "anti stella" tag on tumblr there are more posts defending and excusing her actions than those actually opposing her and saying "uh, no, she's just a cruel bitch" meanwhile if you type "anti Stolas" that's exactly what you're gonna get, pretty much exclusively.

Goes to show how hyper-sensitive tumblrinas are over female characters rightfully being portrayed as in the wrong when they fucking are.

[roseapprentice]

Look At It, It's Got Depression

Content Warnings: depression, ed, suicidal reasoning, ideas that could prod you toward fascism or the murder-y kind of socialism if you aren't thinking critically

I feel steadily more sure that depression evolved as a strategy to cope with times of famine & plague.

Source: I have depression and I've thought about this too much

Hear me out: What caused most premature deaths for most of history? Infectious disease. When did infections kill the most people? While we were starvation-weak.

We think of evolution as a process that refines survival skills, and that's mostly right. But the drive of natural selection is more precisely, "Make sure something with similar genes exists in the future." And our standard for similarity can get wonky.

Humans' top priority is usually offspring, and next up is a messy mashup of ourselves and whichever other humans we know and like best.

So imagine we're a group of early humans, trying to keep our loved ones alive in hungry plague times. What strategies will help? Eat rarely to keep food available. Scarf down calorie-dense food before it spoils, especially if there's a lot or there's no one around to share with. Be lethargic & pessimistic about adventures to conserve calories.

If we feel extra bad, shun the people we love for their protection. Distrust the outgroup because they're here to either spread disease or take our food. Reconcile ourselves to thoughts of death in case wandering off to die with our contagion/empty stomach becomes the best shot at survival for our friends.

What cues could our bodies rely on to trigger this response? Lack of plant life in our surroundings. Worrying mainly about how to manage limited resources. Lack of exercise because there's no food to hunt & gather. Shortage of contact with other humans because the ones that rely on us most are already dead or deathly ill.

If you're a human living in the 21st century, these cues are probably sounding awfully familiar.

Of course the strategies are useless now. Advances like motor equipment & modern fertilizer turned starvation into a purely political phenomenon; quietly fading away doesn't help your people survive politicial oppression. Cross-cultural cooperation gets more feasible and necessary with just about every new technology. Physical isolation can still block disease sometimes, but a lack of social support does the opposite. It's now possible to isolate with tools & careful timing instead of instinctive exile; and anyway medicine & sanitation have made that need a lot rarer.

If I'm right about the cause, modern human life contains a wild excess of depression triggers and a stark lack of uses for depression. It's an outmoded strategy with a stuck "on" button.

I've never seen scientific literature bring up this hypothesis (though it has to be out there somewhere). But here's why I want to tell people about my weird pet theory despite my having no research behind it:

In the worst part of my depression, I came across a post that helped me hugely. It said, "Depression is when your body wants to die but your heart wants to live."

I didn't feel at all like my heart wanted to live, but the words hit so hard that I started to wonder if it was true somewhere deep down under all the numb misery.

Any moments when I did want to live just fed directly into my desire to die; the wanting hurt so much that making it stop felt like the ultimate priority. The force of my survival instinct was twisting back on itself as if my brain was caught in some weird paper finger trap of death.

This illness was vast and insidious and frustrating and pointless.

But if depression is an adaptive trait, then my experience makes sense. My body is intermittently trying to incapacitate, starve, or kill me in order to protect the people I love. (In some cases that includes incapacitating/starving me short-term to provide for my long-term survival.)

That's a depression I can accept and outmaneuver.

I can say, "Yes, I want to protect us/them too! These people are my heart, and I want my heart to live. Thank you for also wanting that. But your methods stink."

Then I can use all possible cunning to remind my body that my presence is a blessing to my loved ones, that adventures can yeild satisfying rewards, and that there is more than enough food around for all of us to thrive if only some jerks weren't holding it hostage.

When I've laid out this idea in the past to other people with depression, they tend to eventually find it intuitive and empowering in a similar way. (Or else they start humoring me ����)

So here's me offering it up to the internet in general to see what y'all make of it.

Final note: for the gazillionth time I'm linking to the interactive self-care website, You Feel Like Shit. I find it's an effective tool for precisely resisting this intricate self-sabatage contingency that's been stupidly built into my stupidly overcomplicated brain by stupid evolution.

(At least I think that's what happened)

[bonefall]

Renamings in the Bonefall Rewrite

So if you’re familiar with my rewrite, you’re probably aware that I try to avoid renaming warriors and creating OCs. This is because I tend to find it confusing, and I want to stick with either reworking existing characters or saving cats that unceremoniously died.

But I do have a few renamings! There tend to be four reasons why I’ll rename a warrior;

1. They had a duplicate name. I’m eliminating repeats, and the more important warrior keeps theirs. (Mudclaw WindClan > Mudclaw ShadowClan, ergo Mudclaw ShC = Mudfoot.)

2. They are being combined with another character. I want to preserve the ‘roles‘ of certain characters while eliminating redundancy, so the name will be combined so it’s easier to keep track of who was who. (Hollytuft + Larksong = Hollylark)

3. Their canon name is an ‘honor title’. Respected warriors can take new names (an “honor title”) after a great achievement, shedding their old one. Unless there’s a conflict, the FINAL name will match their CANON name. (Hoprunner = Deadfoot, Crowfoot = Crowfeather)

4. A previously dead apprentice/kit survives, OR they achieve a new title in StarClan. I’ve saved certain characters and allowed them to live long enough to get their warrior names (Marshkit = Marshwing), and additionally, I follow the Code of the Clans “Smallstar” logic and allow kits and apprentices to appear as adults in StarClan if they so choose (Petalkit, Patchkit, Larchkit = Petalstar, Patchpool, Larchface).

I’ll be updating this post as I decide on new names. I won’t be mentioning a rename in this post until it has become relevant in the rewrite though, to avoid bloat (and also so I don’t have to bang out every single CotC conflict yet, as a lot of stories are being overhauled)

Duplicate Names

Mudclaw (ShC) = Mudfoot. Mate of Lizardstripe, father of Deerfoot, Tangleburr, and Runningnose.

Applefur (TF) = Appledapple Mother of Ratscar, Snowbird. Renamed to avoid conflict with Applefur (OotS)

Flowerstem (AVoS) = Flowerscar Child of Grassheart and Stonewing. Getting an honor title to avoid conflict with Flowerstem (CotC) though she will be named after her.

Cloudberry (TC) = Cloudbelly Goosefeather’s mentor, and the medicine cat who joins ThunderClan after the death of Ravenwing during Mapleshade’s Vengeance. Renamed to avoid conflict with Cloudberry (CotC), now a Dark Forest spirit out of conscious objection to StarClan. Cloudbelly’s mentor Echosnout named both of her apprentices with the -belly suffix.

Frecklewish (SkC) = Frecklewing SkyClan’s current medicine cat. Renamed to avoid conflict with Frecklewish (MV)

Ivytail (RC) = Ivytuft. Renamed to avoid conflict with Ivytail (ShC)

The Three Milkfurs (MV, YS, WC) Mother = Milkfur Daughter = Milkbelly Holy Ghost Ancient WindClan Deputy = Milktooth

The FOUR Robinwings (TC, RC, WC, SkC) ThunderClan = Robinwing RiverClan = Robinwish WindClan = Robinflight Code of the Clans = Robinspot/Robinstar

The Three Darkstars (MV, CotC, SkC) and their Codes Mapleshade’s Vengeance = Darkstar. Being reduxed to have invented the Protecting Kittens law of the Code. Code of the Clans = Eliminated. The story behind the 3rd law of the Code (feeding elders and kits before warriors) is being completely redone. SkyClan = Dalestar. Creator of the 13th law, to never question your leader

Combined Characters

Larksong + Hollytuft = Hollylark Plus a ton of family tree fixes; Hollylark becomes the mate of Sparkpelt and was the grandson of Firestar through Lionblaze.

Ashfur (ShC) + Ashheart = Ashheart More of a fix than a combination. Ashfur is completely unconnected to any other cats (no parents, no children) and Ashheart is closer in age to be Yellowfang’s ‘old friend‘ anyway.

Scorchbreeze + Raggedstar = Raggedpelt is an honor title. No need for Ragged to have a brother. Scorchbreeze was his name before Raggedpelt became deputy, named after the many well-earned scars on his pelt.

Thornclaw + Spiderleg = Spiderthorn Frostfur’s kits are too prevalent and prevented other characters from developing. Spiderleg will be mentored by Thornclaw, and take on his role as an argumentative traditionalist after Thornclaw’s death in the Great Battle.

Honor Titles

Raggedstar, Darkstar, and Flowerstem (AVoS) were previously mentioned; see above.

Deadfoot = Hoprunner Earns an honor title after inventing a battle move called “Deadfooting“ which involves clubbing an enemy with a raised paw.

Crookedjaw = Stormpaw, Stormkit Spent months away from the clan at the barn, developing unique hunting and fighting techniques. His warrior name is an honor title to acknowledge this impressive feat, ergo he was never cruelly renamed as a child.

Crowfeather = Crowfoot Was a warrior on the great journey, fixing the timeline discrepancy where Deadfoot would have been dead before he was conceived. He hated his old name because BOTH of his parents were -foot named; requesting the honor title in memorial for Feathertail.

Ratscar = Meltpelt Literally buried in angry rats at the carrionplace, surviving the worst infection ShadowClan had ever seen.

Clawface = Daylight Renamed by Brokenstar after a very bloody battle with WindClan. Clawface always thought his old name was too soft, reminding him of his weak brother Nightpelt.

Survival Names + StarClan names

Marshkit = Marshwing The Tallpoppy kit saved by Brackenfur during the Great Journey, survives to adulthood, mentors Tigerheart.

Smokepaw = Smokefall The ShadowClan apprentice who fell during the Great Journey, surviving because of the Tribecats being better guides. (This character is also being merged with Smokefoot, whose name was a writer oversight.)

Talonpaw = Talonclaw Rowanclaw’s apprentice in TNP who died to the vicious kittypets, surviving because of Smokefall being around to save him.

Elderkit = Elderberry

Fixing some age gap problems by making Ashfur younger than Ferncloud, but preserving apprenticeship situations and giving myself more ‘bodies‘ to work with in TNP by saving one of Ferncloud’s other littermates.

Perchpaw = Perchshine Leaves RiverClan for the barn following Mapleshade’s Vengeance, but Darkstar honorably bestows a warrior name on him before he departs.

Mapleshade’s Litter Petalkit = Petalstar Larchkit = Larchface Patchkit = Patchpool

Mosskit = Mosslight

Shrewpaw = Shrewface

[frogspawned]

this is such incredibly poor reasoning. biden is actively alienating his own party, you know, the thing he needs to have behind him to win, the people who want him to win this fucked up binary of bad options, to appeal to people who absolutely will not vote for him. who cares if they are stirred up! they don't like him anyways! they were never going to be swayed to the left, particularly in the current extremely polarized political climate in the united states. you're alienating your base for ZERO return. why are mainstream democrats always pulling this same tired routine? it has NEVER worked! you're just cutting away your own support, like some idiot sawing at his own rope while dangling over a cliff, because some of the other guy's might slip loose (spoiler they won't).

if trump wants to be the most pro-israel president in history, why are you competing with him for it? let him fucking die on that hill. your actual voters, your staff, the whole fucking world world are all BEGGING you to get off the hill.

"my opponent wants to wear the shit crown, but gosh, his followers -- who hate me viscerally and will never support me under any circumstances -- won't like it if i don't fight for the shit crown. oh well! guess i better wear it first!"

i'm already holding my fucking nose knowing i'm going to have to vote for this joke, because the alternative is the the same but worse! at least i can try to shame biden, and pressure him! we've moved the needle incrementally, and the momentum is building. too slow, but it is. the us abstained for the last UN vote for ceasefire. which is not enough, laughably paltry by any stretch, but at least it's creeping in the right direction. trump's going to continue to fund israel's war machine gleefully, with no hold's barred, if not ramp it up. he will actively enjoy any protest as red meat for his followers. because then he can whinge and posture and puff himself up. biden has an emotional attachment to the idea of israel? who gives a shit joe! maybe one should care more about the reality than the idea, and the reality is undeniable at this point. it's standing stark and naked before the world.

the reality is the united states has poured BILLIONS into a genocide machine who openly celebrates ethnic cleansing. idf soldiers put up selfies and funny tiktoks, and loot the homes of the palestinians they've slaughtered for the crime of existing on land they want. idf snipers target aid workers and doctors and children. they block food and medicine. they blow up trucks of flour. this is not speculation -- even if someone doesn't believe what their own eyes can see, every day, of the horrors pouring out of palestine, then take israel's word for it. they're proud of what their doing. they celebrate it. they snipe old women and beat old men to death, use children as bait for ambulance drivers, tear down homes and temples and mosques and centuries old olive groves then post it for their friends and family to see. they actively corroborate their own war crimes on tiktok.

but because it's easy, because the us has always done it, because it makes money for contractors and makes evangelicals giddy about the apocalypse, we'll just continue to pour anti tank rounds into their hands, missiles, drones, whatever tools they need to """mow the grass"""" in gaza. the military industrial complex has the us in an inescapable chokehold, in every facet of our lives, and god forbid we stop throwing lives and money and blood down the endless money hole. they might stop bombing people if we stop sending them bombs! and then how will israel sell that prime beach front property?

and in a decade we'll wring our hands and coo about what a tragedy it was, how sad, how inevitable, and throw up a fucking memorial in some park so we'll never forget.

[eltramuffinz]

Zhongli X Reader Fluff Brainrot

Surprisingly this is about Zhongli for once, but essentially I thought of the basic outline for a cute and fluffy Zhongli x Reader fic like… last year or something lmao. I would never formally write it though because that’s not where my interests really are, but I do love Zhongli’s character and voice haha… Anyway I thought I’d share it here since the few people I have shared it with thought it was nice. This isn’t really a formal fic or headcanon list, just my thoughts for a cute little story under the cut. I know some of these ideas exist already in Zhongli fanfiction, but I don’t think I’ve seen them mashed together with my own touch like this (but if this is like any Zhongli fics already published let me know ‘cause I’d love to read them).

Word count below the cut: 3.5k, uses they/them pronouns and then switches to second person POV

Reader would have no Vision, lives in Liyue, and works at Bubu Pharmacy. They often chat and share the workload with Herbalist Gui (I like Herbalist Gui okay). They also are friendly and have a soft spot for Qiqi (I don’t see her enough in fics and I wish we could explore her story more in-game). Baizhu would make some appearances, but usually it’s just Reader and Qiqi or Gui holding down the fort.

Reader is knowledgeable enough in the pharmacy field to handle most day-to-day requests and problems, although they do get the occasional tough customer who forgets their prescription or gets annoyed when they are out of stock… ah, pharmacy worker life.

Reader’s life is quiet and uneventful for the most part, and they are content with their job. They always had an interest in healing and studying how different plants and medicines can cure ailments. When they’re on the clock but Gui has the counter covered, Reader may be tasked with doing other jobs such as: taking stock, delivering medicine around the town to sickly people who cannot make it to the pharmacy, going down to the docks to receive medicine deliveries from other nations, and sometimes they’ll go to the countryside around the city themselves to collect plants or supplies within reason.

Now, one thing Reader loves besides medicine… is tea! They find it a comforting drink and the process of brewing it after a long day of work helps to relax their mind. They find great comfort in having a cup and listening to the atmosphere of the city.

One day while on shift a customer mentions idly that a new tea stall has made itself known in town, a little business trying to gain a foothold in the Liyuean market. A bold venture for sure considering the existing competitors. After their shift Reader gets home they’re ready to unwind, only to find they themselves are out of tea leaves! It seems like a good enough sign as any to venture to this new tea vendor and examine the goods.

So, the next day, when they have their half-an-hour break, they dash off to find the stall, bringing some Mora with them. It is a tranquil afternoon, but trying to find this little stall in peak activity is a job in itself, and they’re conscious of the time ticking down.

Finally they locate the little stall, tucked away from the main crowds. They almost missed it, for there were no customers browsing the wares. The seller looks a little deflated, but they perk right up when Reader approaches. Feeling a little pity for the vendor, Reader examines the choices of tea leaves for sale. The vendor, eager to have someone to talk to, tells them about the different leaves and the flavors they should produce. Reader thought they knew a decent amount about tea, but a lot of these types of leaves were completely new to them!

They’re completely torn between which leaves to choose, so enthralled and looking down, they don’t notice the vendor look behind them and beam even bigger. Reader jumps comically when out of nowhere, a voice they had never heard before speaks up.

“Pardon me, but I couldn’t help but note an indecisive expression on your face. Are you unsure of which tea from this collection to purchase?”

Heart still pounding from the shock, Reader looks to the person they now register is standing next to them. They glance upwards, and a small part of their brain notes how formally and neatly dressed this man is. He looks quite regal in fact, hardly dressed for a casual stroll to an out-of-the-way tea stall. He is looking at them with nothing except curiosity, and they hurry to nod in affirmation.

They hurry to stand aside since they now felt they were holding this man up, but he simply looks from them to the choices and puts a finger under his chin, eyes squinting, as if he was scrutinizing and thinking deeply.

The vendor went to repeat the same spiels to him, but the man spoke first. Reader’s eyebrows slowly rose the longer the man talked. He proceeded to name each of the tea leaves by their proper name which the vendor had just told you, the leaves’ native growing sites, their current popularity in the tea market, random history trivia about tea, the differences between preparing each kind of tea, and the flavor the leaves would produce. The vendor had only been able to recite a fraction of that information, and the two of you stared in awe at the man. Along the way Reader almost zoned out to the words the man is saying, the deep and smooth pitch of his voice starting to capture their attention instead. Oh, he would be the perfect man to be a storyteller…

After a while his eyes relaxed, like he had finished reading through a book of information inside his head, looking at Reader once again and lowered his hand. He asked if that had helped Reader in choosing which tea to buy, and surprisingly after a second of collecting their thoughts, they find that they do know which one they’ll buy. When they smile at him, nodding and asking how he possibly knows so much about tea, the man smiles warmly back and replies he simply enjoys the drink and its history.

Reader purchases their chosen tea leaves and the man then steps forward to make his own choice. Reader is just putting the leaves away for later when they hear the man speak again.

“...Ah. My sincerest apologies. It appears I have… er, forgotten to carry sufficient funds.”

The vendor chuckles and waves a hand. “For all the new information you gave me, I’ll give you a discount!”

By this point Reader has faced the two again, and they watch how the man clears his throat and appears slightly embarrassed. “... By sufficient funds, I am referring to any funds.”

The vendor is gobsmacked. “Ehhh?! You came here with intention to buy something but you didn’t bring any mora!?”

The man is visibly flustered, a soft flush coming to his cheeks and he makes to move away, apologizing once again.

Before they know what they’re doing, Reader is placing the required sum of mora on the counter. “Here.” They look at the man and smile again. “For the information, from one tea-lover to another.”

The man starts shaking his head, insisting they don’t need to cover him, even grabbing the coins and moving to give them back. It was at that moment Reader remembers something, and they gasp.

“W-wait, what time is it…?”

The man tilts his head, eyes darting to the sun in the sky, and tells them his estimate. Reader makes a noise and immediately panics, having a realization.

“Oh no, oh no, my break ended half an hour ago! I’m so late, I-” They bow their head and smile at the man. “Please keep it, I have to go, goodbye!” And they all but sprint away, leaving the man stunned, his hand still outstretched with the mora Reader donated in it.

The vendor coughs into their fist, asking if he’s going to buy the tea or not. He blinks at the coins in his palm, and then makes his purchase. 

Later that evening, as he is drinking the tea in his home, he notes two things: The tea is rather lovely, and that he never got that generous person’s name…

In another part of town at the same time, looking out a window, Reader notes the tea is particularly delicious as well, all the while thinking of the knowledgeable stranger with gleaming amber eyes…

Skiiiiip forward some time. Reader is low on tea again! They could have gone back to the main stores, but being honest, they wanted to try the tea from the little stall again. So, like last time, they use their break to get some shopping done. Now that they know where it is, they get to the stall quickly this time.

They didn’t expect the vendor to cheer when they arrived. “Yay, a repeat customer! Ah finally, you two can talk again!”

Reader asks what the vendor means, but they gasp when that calming voice speaks next to them as the pair stand in front of the tea leaves.

“I’m so glad you have returned. I was beginning to worry I may never possess the chance to converse with you again.”

Of course, upon looking to their side, they meet the amber eyes of the man from last time they were here. The vendor makes a noise and nods at you and then to him. “Mr Zhongli here has been coming to my stall this time every day since you were last here!”

Reader looks in shock from the vendor to the man. “Zhongli?”

He extends a gloved hand out, and reflexively they take it, his fingers curling gently to hold theirs.

“I would take great pleasure in introducing myself in proper fashion, as our first meeting ended before I could do so. My name is Zhongli, and I am indebted to you for purchasing the tea from our last meeting on my behalf.”

The whole time he was gazing warmly and sincerely into their eyes, and suddenly they felt both underdressed for the occasion and overwhelmed with his formality.

The feeling of his amber eyes on them and their hand resting in his was… something. Like they weren’t standing in front of a tea shop and that they weren’t basically strangers. Instead they felt like the moment all of a sudden became so much more rich in detail, that only Zhongli and themself existed in this sleepy corner of the harbour town.

They managed to stutter out their own name, and he repeats it in his own rich voice.

“That is an exquisite name, worthy for someone such as yourself, who has an exquisite heart.”

Oh boy, it had to be the warm seasonal sun making their face feel so warm. Zhongli was certainly a gentleman.

They laugh airily and carefully slide their hand out of his, if only so their sweaty palms wouldn’t ruin his gloves. They then address what the vendor said, looking at Zhongli.

“You came here every day since then? That was weeks ago! And why did you come the same time every day?”

He explains that he wished to thank them properly for generously buying the tea for him, but they ran off before he could do so. He didn’t even know their name, nor knew anything about them, other than they had a break from their job at that time in the day, and that they liked tea. Having no other option and refusing to let a debt go unpaid, Zhongli returned to the stall daily since then, hoping to catch sight of them. The dedication and commitment was astounding, all for a cheap sum of mora… (I’m switching to second person POV here because it’s more natural for me and it’s getting tiring saying Reader LOL)

You insisted it was alright and it really wasn’t anything troublesome, but Zhongli shook his head and gestured to the tea leaves.

“Please, allow me to return the favour. I have made sure to bring sufficient funds this time, and I would like to purchase tea leaves of your choice for you.”

You were both grateful and a little exasperated at how insistent he was about it, but caved since it seemed like it would make him happy. The vendor was just looking between the two of you for the whole exchange, sipping a cup of tea of their own.

After thanking him, you picked out another flavour you were thinking of trying. True to his word, Zhongli swiftly stepped forward and almost proudly produced the sum of mora from a surprisingly cute coin purse.

Pocketing the tea leaves, you watched as Zhongli pondered the choices and then looked at you. “Could you tell me, what were your feelings about the variety of tea you purchased last time we met?”

You responded that you thought he was an expert in tea, and that surely he didn’t need your opinion in order to decide which to choose. He merely gazed at the teas, that finger once more resting under his chin. He proceeded to tell you about how a large part of the joy of drinking tea for him came from knowing others too found it enjoyable, for it created a sense of closeness and connectedness when the memory of drinking the tea was formed.

It was all rather deep and philosophical, at times making your head spin from the level of thought Zhongli talked at. But you liked listening to him all the same. So you told him what you thought of the tea, how your thoughts weren’t as nearly as profound as his, but you liked the taste, and it was relaxing.

He nodded at this, and bought the tea you had last time. You don’t know what came over you, but as he reached once more for his purse, you were quicker and slammed the required mora down before the vendor. Zhongli was still, lips parted slightly as his eyes slowly ran from the mora up your arm to your face.

You cleared your throat and spoke a little defensively. “You have mora this time and I wanted to do this, so it’s not some kind of debt you need to repay Zhongli!”

The vendor took the coins and squawked for the two of you to take your little stare-off away from the teas, as more customers were coming in and needed room.

You moved first, thankful for the distraction since any longer and you would have looked away from those amber eyes first, for their gaze was unwavering and intense.

As you left the stall, you glanced at the sky and noted the time. “Oh, it’s time for me to leave if I want to get back on time.” You glanced at Zhongli who had followed behind you. “Goodbye Zhongli, it was nice to see you-” You were already turning and beginning to walk away when you felt a warm hand softly land on your shoulder. You could have kept walking, but turned back to look at him.

His brows were furrowed, looking somehow wistful as he called your name.

“Please, wait a moment before you depart.” Seeing that you were indeed waiting, he spoke to you with all the sincerity you could imagine. “May I know if or when you will return to this location?”

You blinked. “Well… I run out of tea ingredients about once a month. That was when I came here last time. But, my longer break is at this time in the day each shift.”

As nice as Zhongli was, you were still wary of letting a practical stranger know where you worked. He either noticed your subtle avoidance of the topic or had no plans to ask, since that was not what he asked next despite it being a somewhat obvious question to want an answer to.

“Then, I hope it is not a troublesome request, but may I ask that I meet you again here once a week during your break?”

You scrunched your brows at him and couldn’t stop yourself, unintentionally using many young children’s favourite word. 

“Why?”

You hadn’t seen the expression he displayed next, but after witnessing it you briefly had a thought you’d never forget it even if you tried, for your mind snatched the memory with an iron grip as soon as it formed.

His eyes practically glowed as the sunlight hit them, and his lips curled into a thoroughly amused smirk, coupled with a deep and rumbling chuckle.

“Because, despite your fervid insistence, I am now once again indebted to you. One can adorn a contractual clause with colourful and extensive descriptors, emphasise and redirect its readers, but remove said language, and the factual core of the matter becomes apparent.”

His smirk softened back into a small grin as he addressed you by name.

“Of course, while Liyue Harbour is a city of trade and contracts, I will not treat this matter as such. I suppose if I were to expose the core of this matter, as my previous words referred to, it would be that I desire to converse with you again, and learn more of your character.”

Well damn, if that wasn’t the most eloquent way of being told by someone they wanted to get to know you better.

All you could do was blink at him dumbly, your cheeks feeling warm again. Dumb warm season sunlight. “O-okay. We can do that. How about…” 

You suggested a day you figured would work, and Zhongli smiled happily. The swaying of his long ponytail and brown locks in the cool breeze were the subject of your attention until he moved. You looked down as he reached out to you, his palm up.

“May I take your hand for a moment?”

You took his hand, regarding him with curious eyes as he held your fingers in a soft grip, his thumb resting on your knuckles.

“Then, until we meet again. I shall await our next time together with much anticipation, for I am eager to hear your thoughts of the tea you purchased today. Concerning your last critique, you were certain your opinion held less value than mine on the basis you could say no more other than it possessed a pleasant taste. From my experience, while words themselves in their purest form can determine the bindings of a contract or the foundations of order and law, the sincerity and strength with which we voice such words can transform a pebble into a mountain.”

The amber-eyed man took a step closer, and your nose picked up on the faintest hint of tea leaves as he squeezed your fingers.

“When you spoke of your enjoyment, I saw brightness that could illuminate the darkest of caverns and clarity that could polish the roughest of stone. In the eyes of a fair judge, your words, while few in number, hold equal weight as mine.”

You were speechless, clueless on what to do other than gulp and scramble to find a response.

Yeah, your heart was definitely beating faster than normal.

Zhongli released your hand, bowing his head slightly. “Please, I do not wish to hold you from returning any longer. I will wait for you here at our agreed time. I look forward to seeing you again.”

You don’t really remember what you said, your mind only catching up to you once you were long gone and walking up the steps to the pharmacy.

Two things were definitely for certain. 

First, Zhongli was one of a kind. Secondly, you suddenly couldn’t wait for this time next week.

AND THAT’S ALL I’M GONNA WRITE PROPERLY FOR HIM BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY GOTTEN CARRIED AWAY 😭. This post was meant to take 15 mins to write, not hours… Carried away yet again. The rest of my thoughts are remaining general dotpoints

- After that, you and Zhongli would meet at the tea stand and take turns covering each other’s tea costs

- You went on many walks with Zhongli where he told you amazing stories

- You eventually told him where you worked, and a few weeks later he showed up asking for pain medication (He assured you it was not for himself at your voiced concerns, rather for a friend (Read: Xiao).

- Eventually Zhongli asks if they can spend Reader’s days off together now and then rather than just their 30 minute breaks, and they say yes because they too were craving to spend more time with him

- They learn of his own job and sometimes end up helping with his own work tasks, like handing out coffin coupons or fetching supplies

- Zhongli takes them to opera and theatre performances and shares knowledge and stories with them, and they enjoy the outings very much

- He saves up and treats you to a nicer and more expensive dinner, insisting this was all on him and he wants to enjoy the food with you.

Other more general points of brainrot:

- You and Zhongli ending up going to one of Xinyan’s concerts

- You would inevitably end up meeting and figuring out how to approach Childe, oh joy

- Zhongli made a habit of holding your hand and voicing his parting words to you each time you meet up, and then one day instead of letting go, he ducked his head and pressed a kiss to the back of it (a gentleman I tell you).

- He would probably use his knowledge to spoil some plot about pharmacy supplies being shipped in from another nation at an outrageous price or something

- While he can talk for hours, he highly enjoys listening to Reader talk about their own interests and sharing their pharmacy knowledge

- They would at least be aware he has a geo ‘Vision’ and find it fun when he boosts them up high using geo constructs

- Peaceful times and vibes all round (except for when it’s not but oh well)

AAAAND that’s all! Other concepts like an actual plot line or source of conflict or the whole god x mortal dynamic and that associated angst I haven’t thought of, and I’m not really going to either. I just wanted to get all this Zhongli brainrot out there into the world for people to enjoy. He’s prob not perfectly characterised in this but oh well. Like I said, I know similar concepts exist I think already, but this is how I would go about having their meet-cute. I might have played up his gentleman-ness, but I do think he’s got a damn way with words…

Anyway, if you liked this I’d love to know!

[curioussubjects]

in which i revisit black market and it's worse somehow

for reasons even i find elusive, i read the transcript for rdm's podcast episode on "black market" (i know i know), but i really do appreciate the spirit behind this particular pod episode. i just. it's just. y'all....you cannot make this stuff up:

"there is no socioeconomic structure beyond the Rag Tag Fleet. There's no government. There's no social system. There's no nothing. Other than these particular ships. Isn't everything black market? Isn't everything to be bartered?" there's so much going on here. like. what do you mean there's no government or social system. the fleet literally has an executive and legislative branch. the executive literally has an enforcement arm through the military. ron please. 😭😭 the idea there's no social system is also bizarre when there's no indication the colonial social system wasn't reproduced down to caprican hegemony. also love the implication that the presence of a barter system nearly if not completely equates to the existence of a black market. that's. that-. hm. what i do think is interesting here though is that a black market existing isn't actually, imo, a foregone conclusion. that it exists at all suggests: 1. there seems to be no enforcement of the rule of law, 2. no regulation of trade, and 3. the government isn't adequately meeting the needs of the fleet with supply distribution.

sometimes i remember rdm has a polisci degree and i want to jump into a river.

but anyway, some of this stuff is discussed in the writer's room and all i can think about is how in the world did anybody think a topic this huge could fit into one standard episode of television. a lot of the bulk could be done in one episode, but you'd be returning to this as subplots and background commentary in future episodes.

"I was really disappointed in the show and myself and what we had done and didn't feel like the episode really had anything going for it." yeah man no fucking shit. you can't build a story out of vibes alone 😭

"You never quite get at the satisfaction of truly having gone through a plot that you had no idea where it was gonna go and you're shocked where it ended up. And you're not really sitting back and going, "My God. Lee Adama is nothing like I thought he was." It just doesn't- it falls in between. It's classically standing on the two chairs and falling in between both of them." the problem you're having is that you never connect what's going on with the black market plot with what's going on with lee. there's no line there beyond right place right time. clearly there's an ethical issue here in that lee is complicit with the black market. THAT'S what's interesting. our ethical center character, who values justice and the law is complicit in something that is happening outside of legal purview and also harms and exploits people. and then culminates with lee doing some light extrajudicial killing. but we never sit with any of it. much less see it play out in future episodes.

which is why this following bit kills me : "Tigh and Ellen and Ellen's involvement in the black market and she's getting things for Tigh, who is a senior officer in Galactica. There's a whiff of corruption here and what does it mean? We're not gonna- we don't take the easy way out. Tigh isn't shocked at what his wife is doing and promises never to do it again. He understands what she's doing. There is an implication that, "Who knows what else Ellen Tigh is doing with Commander Fisk?" I'm not sure that's a picture I want in my mind, but, ok. And Lee is also a bit dirty in this scene. Lee is also engaged in things that are probably not that above-board. There's an implication that Lee helped get the medicine for the little girl and probably went outside official channels. And it's a personal, emotional, confrontation with people with conflicted and conflicting motivations." THAT'S THE EPISODE! RIGHT THERE! YOU HAD IT!

the episode is about ethics, a government failing its people, and complacency. you want an episode of television without having to make a mini arc out of it? those are your themes.

then there's the clusterfuck that is the gianne/shevon/dee portion of the episode, which makes no gd sense AND HERE'S WHY LMAO: "It's not really getting to a place where we're explaining, or at least hinting, or making you think about what is the nature of the relationship between Dualla and Lee. Why is Lee interested in her and vice versa? What does it mean to him as a character? We had conversations in the writers' room that dealt with things like, "Well, Lee's got the girl he left behind on Caprica, he's seeing the prostitute, and then there's Dualla." So there's the classic- there's three women in Lee's life. One dead, two not. What does Dualla represent in that? What is- what is Dualla to Lee in juxtaposition to the dead woman and to the hooker with the little girl? Is she the hope? Is she the future? Is she something more realistic? Is the hooker the hope? There's a lot of ways you can just sit and talk about it endlessly about what it all represents, and it was all fascinating conversation. Unfortunately it just doesn't quite sync-in to what we have. You don't ever- you never quite get to a place where you're rooting for Lee and Dualla. I think that's might be the central problem with it. You're never quite rooting for her."

truly mysterious why this doesn't work rdm. boggles the mind.

he offers no explanation as to why it doesn't work, btw, it's all just "???"

we're not rooting for dee because lee doesn't actually want her. just like he didn't actually want gianne.

meanwhile shevon is the epitome of lee playing it safe. he's obviously lonely and in need of talking to someone, and having emotional and physical intimacy. he wants it without the possibility of being too vulnerable or hurting someone else when he runs. through shevon we understand some of the reasons why lee left gianne. through his relationship with shevon and gianne, we can begin to see what might underlie lee's budding relationship with dee.

and then perhaps we remember lee's behavior during the miniseries. and then maybe we watch scar next and a couple more things become clear.

we're not rooting for dee because we're rooting for someone else entirely. (kara. it's kara.)

i am in the tantrum hole.

"we're playing that Zarek needs to tell Lee about Phelan and about this ship out there where you can get anything you want that's the hub or the nexus of the black market. And yet everybody else seems to know about it. It's clearly the place where all this activity is going, but somehow Lee needs to be told by Zarek that it even exists, which tends to undercut Lee's role as an investigator and the procedural aspect starts to feel a bit weak because you feel like he should've- Lee should've known all that on his own and again, it's an element that doesn't work"

OR it could be something about complacency, a failure in governance, and how out much the Galactica is actually a bubble. very interesting concept for lee who feels disconnected after RS2.

it's not that lee's obliviousness doesn't work, it's that he has the privilege of not needing to think about it. he could even already be seeing shevon and thinking it's all above board like it was back in the colonies, not realizing there's a criminal enterprise going on that is exploiting desperate people.

what happens when lee does learn about how bad it is out there in the fleet?

that's your episode set up.

"When Lee shoots him, you should feel that he shoots him because, "Oh my God! I'm realizing that he is like Bill Duke and oh! Woah! I'm like shocked. And that's- I don't know how I feel about Lee, but I'm really surprised because he's more like Bill Duke than I thought." I don't think the show really says that. I don't think we've accomplished that mission. And that should have been the mission here, is if you're going to predicate a whole show on this concept, about this central confrontation it should pay off that idea." that should not have been the mission there omfg. lee shoots this man because he's doing fucked up shit. the shocking moment isn't that lee is like the bad guy, the shocking thing is that mr. articles of colonization did an extrajudicial killing. he executed a man without due process.

the question here is: is lee more like his father and laura roslin than he'd like to admit? if so, what is he going to do about it?

and btw, is lee like his father completely ties back to a possible reason why he runs from gianne: he saw himself marrying a woman he got pregnant, thus repeating the story of his parents. and it doesn't need to be 1:1 exactly, but there are too many similarities for his comfort. so he runs.

and another theme: lee doing what he knows is the right thing to do vs. lee doing what he thinks is the Right thing to do. and to what extent does lee hide behind duty because he's scared of going after what he wants. (and oh look at that we're back to kara)

this scene is interesting because lee does something he felt in the moment to be right (and he does it on impulse, which is another bit of tension with his character in other episodes), but he also acted against his ethical code. what are the effects of that? how does lee grapple with that? WE JUST DON'T KNOW

i am still in the tantrum hole.

"I think if I had to sum up what's wrong with this episode in my opinion, it's that this time we went for a much more tv, conventional tale and execution." narrator: that's not what was wrong with the episode. "So again it's a grab bag of things we're trying to do." narrator: that's more like it.

incredible podcast though it's like 10/10 reflection 0/10 insight. showrunner of all time this guy.

[dhaaruni]

i'm curious to hear your thoughts on the demisexual podcast

So we're talking about this article, and its corresponding podcast.

Here's my response under the cut.

I read the article and listened to the podcast and I still honestly think demisexuality is fake lmao. It doesn't make you queer or otherwise ~unique that you wait to have sex until you know and trust the person, especially as a woman where there are substantial risks to casual sex, and I don't just mean pregnancy and STIs. I said this a while ago but for the first month or so when I'm seeing a guy or going on a first date, I always let someone know, whether it's a friend or my parents, because the reality is that many men are violent, and having sex with someone you don't know puts you in a vulnerable state where it's easy to be victimized. The way I frame it to men, namely those who'd never dream of being violent to women, is that 1/4 of women are victims of sexual violence but 1/4 men are not sexually violent since most predators are serial assaulters. Does that make sense?

I totally agree with the idea that it's really cringe and even harmful that we're encouraging teenagers to construct permanent identities to temporary feelings. Plenty of young teenagers are uncomfortable about sex, and claiming that state is permanent will only mess with their minds as they grow older and more comfortable with their sexualities. If you're 14 and uncomfortable with the idea of sex, you aren't demisexual, you're just 14 lol. I think parents should validate their children's identities obviously but allowing them to define themselves on things they may not even feel in a few years is detrimental to their development.

I think that there is kind of a tie between demisexuals and incels, both male and female. There's been a lot of focus on male incels, who want to have sex with women but can't do so for a number of reasons, but I think that female incels do exist although of course, a major difference is that male incels traditionally blame women while female incels blame themselves. It's not female incels who are shooting up colleges over not getting laid, it's the Elliot Rodgers of the world. But that said, I almost feel like female incels will cling onto demisexuality or even asexuality in a way to detract from the pain of social rejection. Like, if they're demisexual or asexual, they can rationalize their not being considered sexually attractive by others as a moot point since they only feel sexually attracted to those they have emotional connections with anyways or not at all. It's kind of a coping mechanism, you know?

There's also something to be said about adults who still identify as demisexual like it begs the question: why? Why do you need a unique identity that literally means "I only have sex when I feel comfortable with my partner?" That doesn't make you unique, that makes you a normal person. I think there's something to be said where women are uncomfortable being like, sexual adults but not sexually available like it's almost as if women are conditioned to feel apologetic for not being sexually available at the beck and all of men, so they construct this whole silly identity so they have an excuse to say no so to speak.

Speaking anecdotally, I've honestly a lot of hate for being selectively sexually available like I 100% got more slander (so to speak) in college than either women that were celibate or women that were very promiscuous because I always had agency. It was my choice, and I don't mean that as a feminist statement or anything, I just was conditioned to not do anything unless I felt like it, and that carried over from not taking my medicine as a little kid and ending up in the hospital with pneumonia as a result to refusing to have sex with people in college unless I felt like it in which case I'd have sex with them 2 hours after meeting them lmao.

Sorry for rambling but I hope this was interesting to you! Let me know what you guys think as well.

[proheromidoriyashouto]

witcher modern au where witchers have to put those colorful claw caps over their toe nails so they don't tear their work boots, floors and carpets, and blankets up by walking or instinct based kneading and they all absolutely hate it.

its their version of humans not wanting to touch their eyes even for medical reasons. melitele forbid they need to trim a hangnail or treatment for archspore fungus under their nails.

they will Ignore The Problem. this infection is for the job. i have too many toes anyway. i will just buy news boots more often. i did not stub my toe on the coffee table and start to cry. i am a Powerful Mutant.

Jaskier is sneaking the caps on Geralt when he's in a post-hunt potions crashnap. Ciri gets Geralt to trim them during 'spa day' pretend play because he can't deny his precious daughter anything, but always escapes before she can even glance at the glue because its so smelly, so Jaskier takes his turn to strike in the wee morning hours. (these ofieri rugs were a gift from the prince, geralt! you animal!)

Aiden is a fastidious groomer and forces himself into a salon chair because the smell of neglect is especially foul for a witcher and getting ahead of problems makes for an easier existence, but he's also not a complete degenerate like some Cats--read: Gaetan.

Lambert "happily" goes along with Aiden because he wants to make a good impression, and he likes to think he is the smartest of his brothers which would make destroying things he pays money for in a gig economy monumentally stupid, but his inner wolf is howling with misery the songs of his people the entire time a stranger is putting their hands on his pawsfeet. Aiden knows how much of a brave face he's actually putting on for his sake so rewards Lambert accordingly at home. (they have so many in-tact kneading blankets the other Cats think Something Is Up when they poke around)

Eskel grits his teeth and does the work himself often enough he doesn't have to wear the nail caps. The glue stench is overwhelmingly bad even after its cured, he can't imagine how Geralt's twice-mutated nose handles it. (he doesn't know Geralt doesn't do it himself and has to be "dog medicine pill wrapped in cheese and ham"-ed about it until after Jaskier goes an a rant after a particular tiff they've had. Eskel never lets Pretty Boy live it down.) People already don't like his face, the last thing he needs is people assuming he's as much a beast as they think witchers are by neglecting basic hygiene and the state of one's home.

Vesemir is an old dog of a witcher living in his mountain keep. He doesn't bother with that city-slicker nonsense and walks around barefoot. He only wears boots for jobs which he doesn't do much anymore, and if they rip, well, he can blame a monster. The floors of the keep were built with hard stone they'd be pressed to scatch if they tried so whats it matter. Until an old flame, the dignified and ever as lovely Countess Mignole, buys a home at the base of the mountain and suddenly it matters so much to be presentable. It is difficult to be a charming old man when your feet smell of neglected archspore infection strongly enough a human can be offput by it and you don't have boots that might last a day walking through town with a woman on his arm. (the boys and Aiden have to hold him down as he fights like a dying bear while Jaskier and Eskel Do Something about his horrible old wolf paws.) in the end, Mignole finds the assorted colors of the nail caps very charming indeed. Vesemir complains about it for the rest of his days when she's visiting the grandchildren out of town.

[feech-phylicia]

Last year around this time my mom asked me if halloween was my favorite holiday (it is) and why. My dad jokingly answered that it's the only widely celebrated holiday in the US That doesn't have Christian roots (cue conversation about Christianity adopting/stealing celebrations and traditions from other cultures) which yeah true and fair and probably a small part but my actual reasoning (at the time i was thinking about how autism affects my life and always has) was that its a time when we celebrate the weird and different and macabre we embrace the other at halloween and as someone who always felt very other it was nice to not have to work as hard to fit in because the weirdness was celebrated

Anyway I had a horrible day of pain and brain fog and began thinking about it in the similar but different lens of chronic illness or disability and wrote this little piece. The first draft was close to unintelligible due to the aforementioned brain fog but has been edited and is brought to you now by insomnia

Why do i love halloween?

Maybe its because

I could be a zombie

The way my body falls apart beneath me. no thoughts push through the fog in my head. no feelings exist but a resigned numbness as my shambling limbs fail to go through even the most basic of functions.

I could be a vampire

The way i sleep all day in an attempt to regain energy i never had to begin with and because of the blood i drink when my lips dry and crack. what does it matter if its my own?

I could be a witch

The way my medicine cabinet looks like it should belong to someone 3 or 4 times my age and how i keep trying potion after potion and pill after pill hoping something will help.

I could be a corpse

The way my skins pales and hands freeze and cheeks hollow because i cant eat and how my joints ache in protest to even the slightest movements.

I could be a werewolf

The way my body changes so quickly and so completely because of factors i cannot control. I dont recognize myself in a mirror and my abilities are miles away from what they might've been before. I can barely remember before.

I could be a ghost

The way i hover transparent barely able to interact with my surroundings. never fully there even on my best days. how i wail and moan through the night when i cant sleep because of the pain.

Maybe i love halloween because I fit in here, with all the other monsters.

Is this a poem?

A love letter?

A rant?

I dont know.

You decide.

Everyone from doctors to strangers get to judge and make decisions about my body .

You might as well have my writing too.

While we're at it,

When i die,

Take my bones.

They can be the skeleton on your front porch steps.