#male victims

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernadette Allen

Published Nov 10, 2024

Around 30 women gathered in Belfast on Saturday to highlight concerns about a lack of support for male victims of domestic violence.

The march was made up of women wearing fluorescent pink and included relatives of men who have been the victims.

The twin daughters of west Belfast man Tony Browne, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

Bobbi-Leigh and Shannon McIlwaine say there “isn’t enough support services for men” who are going through domestic abuse relationships.

'Extremely hard for a man to come forward'

Mr Browne, 54, was at his home when he was stabbed to death by Wiktoria Maksymowicz.

Bobbi-Leigh said her dad didn’t tell any of his family members what was happening.

“He told one of his closest friends but made his friend promise not to tell me and my sister because he didn’t want anyone to know,” she added.

The death of her father has had a "huge impact" on her, said Bobbi-Leigh.

"There is not one day I’m not thinking about my dad and what he went through and thinking if it could have been prevented," she said.

“It’s extremely hard for a man to come forward and say that he is being abused. There is a chance he won’t be believed, he will be laughed at.

“Women coming out today to speak for men, that’s sending a powerful message. It shows we believe them and support them. There needs to be more support from Stormont.”

[ West Belfast man Tony Browne was murdered by his girlfriend Wiktoria Maksymowicz in 2022 ]

The march was facilitated by the Men’s Alliance NI who are calling for a men’s refuge in Northern Ireland and more support from Stormont.

In a statement, Stormont ministers said they have made it clear that domestic and sexual abuse transcends boundaries of gender, age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.

They have stressed their commitment to creating a society in Northern Ireland where domestic and sexual abuse are not tolerated, and where victims receive the support they need and where those responsible are held to account.

The Department of Health also said it provides funding for a 24-hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is a confidential, freephone service available to any person impacted by domestic and sexual abuse in NI.

[ Around 30 women gathered in Belfast calling for more support ]

Shannon feels a men’s refuge is needed.

“If my dad had have been able to go somewhere it may have given him the courage to leave,” she said.

“It’s important that people come out today and show their support because domestic abuse isn’t a gendered issue and it needs to stop being stigmatised as a gendered issue.”

'Nowhere to go'

Carey Baxter from Men’s Alliance says domestic violence is a societal issue.

“Today is a women’s only march and women are doing this on behalf of men.

“We speak to men who are living in their cars or sofa surfing because they have nowhere to go."

Mr Baxter said there is a huge gap in funding and services for men.

“It’s not about taking services away from women, it’s about finding something extra for the men because those services are needed and we hear it every single day of the week in our support groups, but there is nothing there for them.”

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

I found a reddit sub called SurviveHer

A support subreddit for survivors of sexual assault by female perpetrators. ANY survivor of female perpetrated sexual assault has a place here regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity etc. However old you were when it happened, and whether your assaulter was a family member, acquaintance, authority figure, intimate partner, or stranger, you are welcome here.

[licorice-and-rum]

Currently re-watching the Depp v. Heard case and realizing I could easily write pages and pages of why I think what I think, and about male victims of domestic violence and abuse, and how we're not morally prepared to deal with them.

[trenchcoat-dino]

i hate that abuse is always spoken about with female language. not all victims are women.

[clothedtiedupguys]

[lightofraye]

MEN CAN BE VICTIMS TOO

Gender stereotypes lead to problems when it comes to abuse. Many abuse survivors will be overlooked, ignored, because of that problem. We would like to think that a man, who is usually physically dominant and likely more aggressive, is impossible to be abused.

However, they’re more common than one would think. The way they’re abused also varies greatly.

I know. The question that comes up is: if a man is being abused, wouldn’t we know it? Wouldn’t we see it?

The answer? Nope. You wouldn’t.

Men in abusive relationships is kind of like a dirty secret. People, especially the victims who are living with it, don’t talk about it—if they even realize it’s happening.

Here’s the reason why: Societally, we see it as impossible for a man to be abused. Because if he is, that must mean he’s weak and easily manipulated if the abuser is controlling him or abusing him. Right?

No. Not one bit.

But that impression, that perception, persists, and that keeps the victims from opening up about their abuse and seeking help when it’s needed. Of course, that assumes the man even recognizes he’s being abused. It’s sadly common for the victim to have trouble seeing it and be resistant to admit it.

For a man, admitting he’s being abused can be emasculating, making him feel he’s not a real man. He may decide to develop patterns of behaviors or thoughts to help minimize and explain what he’s experiencing. They may also have a narrower definition of what is considered abuse in a relationship.

Abuse isn’t just physical. If you ask a man if he’s experiencing abuse, he may automatically assume you’re talking about physical abuse, if he’s being hit by his partner. It’s more likely that the man experiencing abuse is dealing with emotional, psychological, verbal, or even sexual abuse.

Many male victims will ignore any other kind of abuse that isn’t overtly physical and fail to recognize what’s happening to them.

This is a huge blind spot in society for the relationship abuse men can experience means we fail to notice how much more common it is than we want to believe.

A woman who is abusive to her male partner, however, may exploit the general restraint men are taught to never use their physical advantage over women in an abusive manner. So she may give into her own anger issues or manipulative instincts and become verbally or emotionally abusive toward her partner. This kind of “you can’t touch me” approach leaves a man unsure of what to do, other than to take it and live with it.

Men are also prone to sexual coercion by women. Rather than forcible sexual abuse, a woman may use sex as a weapon to try to control a man. This may come in forms of withholding sex, promising sex or sexual acts in order to get what she wants, using sexual flirtation to control or outright hurt him.

There is also covert forms of sexual acts—such as forcing fellatio or grabbing genitalia—that can be seen as a form of sexual abuse.

Because some men are responsive to acts of a sexual nature, they may not recognize this manipulation as a form of sexual abuse. However, using anything as a means of trying to control your partner, including sex, can be seen as a form of abuse.

Psychological abuse can also be used. This can include demeaning the man in their life, undermining his confidence, causing the man to feel isolated and dependent. These can manifest in a few ways, such as being socially cut off from friends and normal activities; being called names or intimidated; interfering with family relationships; making unfounded accusations of infidelity; constantly monitoring calls, texts, and social media; and exerting financial control and manipulating or undermining behavior—such as overspending.

In addition, the man’s children may be used against him. They may threaten a man’s access to his children.

SIGNS A MAN MAY BE EXPERIENCING ABUSE

So if men don’t want to talk about it and may not even recognize it—and there are no physical signs—how can you tell if a man is being abused?

There are signs to look for.

• Changes in personality. This may not signal abuse, but it means something is going on. Such as an outgoing person becoming withdrawn or a responsible or steady man acting in angry, wild, or irresponsible ways.

• Being anxious or fearful about his partner’s response. Being regularly and overly concerned or anxious about how you partner will respond to you isn’t healthy. It may be a sign of fear that failure to please will result in punitive or abusive measures.

• Becoming overly apologetic. A person experiencing abuse may become accustomed to unnecessarily apologizing or overexplaining their behavior.

• Needing to check in with his partner repeatedly. Along with becoming fearful of his partner’s response may come the need to check in with his partner constantly. Or the partner’s needs to keep tabs on him and know his whereabouts at all times.

• Depression. In men, depression can manifest as anger more so than in a despondent mood.

• Alcohol or substance use. Men are prone to using alcohol as a method of self-medicating. They use it or other substances as a means of managing emotions and escaping. So if a man begins drinking more than usual or starts smoking, consider it a warning sign something may be off.

• Seeming generally unwell. Men are notorious for their inability to express feelings. If a man is experiencing abuse, he may not know how to talk about it, feel ashamed of his situation, or stuff his feelings. This can result in outwardly observable illness. In essence, the abuse is making him sick.

THE NEXT STEPS

Stopping abuse in any relationship is difficult and complicated. It’d be nice if it were as easy as just saying stop or leaving, but it’s not.

Ending abuse is not something that’s easily done alone. Many people experiencing abuse find that the support of family or friends, and likely a mental health professional, can help them make the needed changes.

It can be done.

But the hardest step for a man is the initial step, which is admitting the abuse exists.

Be there for them. Let them know they’re not alone. Above all, believe them.

Sources:

Dutton DG, et al. (2013). Male victims of domestic violence. (Opens a PDF)

Friendly C. (2018). The victimization of heterosexual males.

General statistics. (n.d.).

Hine B, et al. (2020). "I have guys call me and say 'I can't be the victim of domestic abuse'": Exploring the experiences of telephone support providers for male victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Mathias T. (2019). Male victims of domestic abuse struggle to disclose abuse.

Male victims of domestic abuse face barriers to accessing support services – new study

Coercive control: Male victims say they aren't believed

The Truth About Abusers, Abuse, and What to Do

Abused Men: Five Painful Issues They Face

[hellaversity]

It really says something that the Helluva Boss fandom is willing to excuse every evil action Stella does and every evil thing she says, especially her abuse towards Stolas and begging for her to have sympathetic traits, yet not once have I ever seen an HB fan desperately wishing for Crimson or Mammon to be portrayed more sympathetically than they are in the show and call it bad writing when they don't show any redeeming qualities. The fandom just accepts the fact that those guys are pure evil without batting an eye. Nobody asks why they're the way they are. But Stella? Nope, there MUST be a sympathetic reason for her being an abusive bitch to Stolas because it's apparently "unrealistic" for a woman to abuse her husband out of spite never mind the fact that those kinds of women actually exist in real life.

These images pretty much speak for themselves.

Crimson, Striker, Mammon, Andrealphus and Valentino are no less two-dimensionally evil than Stella is. What reason did Crimson have to murder his own wife and make his son experience it? Just to traumatize him? The show never really says why he does it, he just does it so the audience can have a reason to hate him. What reason does Striker have to help Stella try to kill Stolas? None, as far as we know. What is there to Mammon's character other than abusing Fizzarolli and being a greedy asshole in general? Why does Andrealphus flirt with his own sister and participate in her scheme to have Stolas murdered by Striker? Because reasons. Why is Valentino a rapist who takes advantage of Angel Dust and sexually abuses him? Just because he can. What makes Stella any different from these guys other than being female?

Fans are just asking for her to be more sympathetic because she's a woman and they can't accept the fact that women are capable of abuse without trying to justify it. The whole "behind every bad bitch is a man who made her that way" bullshit. People who see a woman beating her husband in public and automatically assume he did something to deserve it even if they have no evidence or context for what actually happened. Even though Stella has been treating Stolas like shit before he cheated on her, and he likely wouldn't be sleeping with Blitzø if she wasn't so horrible to him in the first place. He never even puts his hands on her and allowed her to abuse him so that Octavia could live and grow up with normal parents. (As normal as Stella and Stolas could possibly get with each other, anyway.)

Stella made fun of Stolas for not participating in sex with her and laughed about it while he was standing 2 feet away from her, and knew he was there. Whether or not she raped him to produce Octavia is a discussion for another day. If anything, Stolas cheating on her was revenge for treating him like garbage for so many years. She humiliated and embarassed him in public before getting a taste of her own medicine when Stolas does the same to her in return. She wouldn't even let him divorce her because she enjoys being mean to him. I wouldn't mind if Stella was given more charaterization outside of "abusive wife" but honestly? I don't really care if she's given sympathy or not. I don't want to sympathize with her. If Valentino isn't gonna change his ways any time soon, I have no reason to believe that Stella can. FFS Stella apologists make me mad. Even if you type in the "anti stella" tag on tumblr there are more posts defending and excusing her actions than those actually opposing her and saying "uh, no, she's just a cruel bitch" meanwhile if you type "anti Stolas" that's exactly what you're gonna get, pretty much exclusively.

Goes to show how hyper-sensitive tumblrinas are over female characters rightfully being portrayed as in the wrong when they fucking are.

[nerdylilpeebee]

Turning off reblogs, really? @skepticalpigeon

Rape is not about physical strength. Most rapes do not happen because someone was overpowered. Women also tend to use weapons when they physically abuse, rendering this "lack of strength" argument moot.

And yes, actually, if women can rape a man and still sue him for child support (even if that man is a child) then the law absolutely fucking favors them. XD you cannot look at the law allowing women to charge the men and boys they rape money for the experience if she gets pregnant and claim the law does not favor women when it comes to rape! Just because, yes, there is very sexist assumption men can defend themselves (leading to shit like male victims being asked why they didn't push her off, which again is very fucking sexist and lacks understanding of how rape works) that does not erase the law allows women to sue for child support regardless of how she made that child or with whom!

[schizoid-hikikomori]

I don't understand the need to sanitize everything we talk about, to skirt around language and pretend like certain things aren't unavoidable realities.

There's things that are hard to talk about, but they're not any less real than the ground beneath your feet.

In my specific upbringing, there was never a time I was ever truly blissfully unaware of how horrible the world was. It would've been particularly difficult anyway, my family being not white and mostly women.

Unlike the white experience, learning not to trust police officers was an early part of my upbringing, as one of many examples. Many white individuals don't learn these things until later on.

The nonwhite experience is often discounted from the diagnosis of trauma disorders. Merely the experience of having to live as non white in a world catered to white supremacy is traumatic on its own.

Not to mention abuse by women not being considered in assessing a traumatic history. Having so many of my experiences dismissed as sibling rivalry with my emotionally volatile older sister kept me from admitting it was abuse for so long.

It's hard to talk about, but it's real. And still, I'm certain that I would have people not believing me.

"You must've upset her", "My younger siblings are annoying all the time, you were probably the same",

Etc. Etc.

But people don't question women when they say they were abused by a male family member. At least, not in the same way.

My mind is such a tangled up mess I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.

I'm not going to censor my thoughts here or put forth any content warnings. Real life isn't kind enough to put a trigger warning when your drunk sister is trying to climb into bed with you.

[delicateinnocentrottenporcelain]

The Sexualization of Male Teen Idols

So, I'm currently making an article on how many male celebrities who were teens when they became famous (like Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Taylor Lautner, etc.) were extremely sexualized and violated by grown adults and fans at a young age. I want to talk about the effects that kind of exposure took on the men and how (or more so, why) was this behavior seen as acceptable for so long.

Did you know that Taylor Lautner was only 16/17 years old when the first Twilight released in 2008? Do you remember how crazy women were acting around him?

Have you ever seen this video of teenage Justin Bieber being groped by actress Jenny McCarthy? Or listened to the radio interview of a grown woman asking 15 year old JB if she can have the "sex talk" with him?

Recently, this topic has been talked about on platforms like Tiktok and Twitter, but I think its need a bit more spotlight. Male victimhood in the entertainment industry should be speak about more often. Why was it normal to make teenager boys uncomfortable? Why was it percieved as a funny bit and not predatory?

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

The simple truth is, a woman can do anything a man can.

There’s no doubt that a woman is no less capable of running a Fortune 500 company, of leading a nation, innovating, breaking records, or reshaping the world for the better.

I’ve seen women do it.

I’ve witnessed the wondrous power of womanhood; as visionaries, as pioneers, CEO’s and commanders-in-chief.

The world is forever changed, in incalculable ways, by countless many, and we are all the better for it.

I am not alone in feeling this way.

But why do so many limit women’s capacity when it cuts the other way?

Why do so many deny women the full gamut of human behaviour…

Are women, like men, not capable of abuse?

Are they not capable of violence, coercion, and malevolence?

Why do so many recognise a woman’s autonomy, but only when she does the things we like and admire?

As iconic feminist Margaret Atwood once said –

‘My fundamental position is that women are human beings, with the full range of saintly and demonic behaviours this entails, including criminal ones. They’re not angels, incapable of wrongdoing.’

And she’s right.

So let’s take a look at the other half of women’s autonomy. The ugly side, that nobody wants to acknowledge.

So, to the men who were abused by their female partner, what was the final straw?

-

More here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/comments/ei2kov/men_abused_by_their_female_partners_when_did_you/

==

It doesn't seem to be so much denying that women can be abusive or violent, rather it's claims that:

Men do it far more often. Which is false. 50% of IPV is bidirectional, 70% of unidirectional IPV is perpetrated by women.

Men are stronger, so it doesn't matter, it's less of an issue. That is, "quit complaining, shut up and take it."

He probably deserved it, good on her. That is, "she he was asking for it" has been rehabilitated.

She did it in self-defence. False. Studies show the motivations are similar for men and women, and "self-defence" is not even in the top 10.

[miss-skinnybones]

I hate Ryan Murphy and his new show. He did ts with the Jeffrey Dahmer thing. He never talks to the victims now he's trying to potray the menendez brothers as the monsters when it's so fucking clear the monster are their parents. Also let's not forget how this egg head looking ass said he has "no interest" in talking to them. Like wtf? If your gonna profit off of someone's story AT LEAST ask the people for permission.

There is so much evidence that proves of the a@use these men went through and people still call them liars. Actually fuck off. Because I know for a fact if they were women they would be freed.

Stop supporting people like Ryan Murphy please for the love of fucking god. Please if you care about male victims do NOT watch this show.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Woman who poisoned husband’s coffee gets probation

The woman caught on camera trying to systematically poison her husband will serve three years’ probation and undergo a mental health evaluation.

Melody Felicano Johnson accepted a plea agreement and admitted to poisoning her U.S. Air Force husband’s food and drink, including spiking his coffee with bleach.

Airman Roby Johnson, however, suspected something was wrong. He planted cameras in the couple’s kitchen and caught her on video. Johnson believes his wife was trying to kill him to collect death benefits.

According to court documents, Roby Johnson noticed the odd-tasting coffee in March of 2023 when the couple was living in Germany. He pretended to drink the coffee.

He set up cameras in their kitchen once they moved to Tucson, Arizona, last summer. After tests of the coffee showed traces of chlorine, he notified police.

Melody Johnson was arrested in July and jailed. Roby Johnson asked the judge for leniency for his wife because they have a child together.

So I first saw this on instagram and (some of) the comments were disappointing

First of all, to go back to what was mentioned in the article, I'm sorry but it's kind of baffling to me to that the husband wants leniency for her. Why? I would hope she's never around that child again because you never know what might happen

Besides, the fact that she's having no real consequences is just...I don't even know. It's crazy

People really need to understand how inappropriate these well what did he do comments are. You see these when men are getting abused, too. If she snaps and gets physical, you have people wondering what he did to make her mad and to get to that point

It's disgusting and it's victim blaming

[queeraliensposts]

TW: mention of rape and grooming

"Jason had sex with his father's rapist"

No Talia raped Bruce and then groomed his son.

[the-fruit-tea-devil]

A monster witch who murderer her poor husband: This story makes me sick to my stomach

⚠️Trigger warning: violence, murder, torture, strong language⚠️

I was looking up murder stories because I was bored and I found this. When I read it, I actually cried. It made so mad and so sad. The psychological and physical torture this man had to go through is just horrific and this woman got a pleasure out of it. This worthless fucking whore beat and tortured her poor husband and starved him. If someone did that to brother/cousins/whatever, I’m LITERALLY ripping their teeth out.

Edit: she was given a 32 year minimum sentence in 2010 when she was 28 and IIRC she could possibly be eligible for parole when she’s 60 (though hopefully she never leaves prison)

[abearinthewoods]

From reddit (post deleted) This is what happens when men share their experience.

They get banned.

https://www.reddit.com/r/comics/comments/1dpptkk/talk <this is the comic of pizzacake they were responding to.