#male victims

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Bernadette Allen

Published Nov 10, 2024

Around 30 women gathered in Belfast on Saturday to highlight concerns about a lack of support for male victims of domestic violence.

The march was made up of women wearing fluorescent pink and included relatives of men who have been the victims.

The twin daughters of west Belfast man Tony Browne, who was murdered by his girlfriend in 2022, were among those who attended.

Bobbi-Leigh and Shannon McIlwaine say there “isn’t enough support services for men” who are going through domestic abuse relationships.

'Extremely hard for a man to come forward'

Mr Browne, 54, was at his home when he was stabbed to death by Wiktoria Maksymowicz.

Bobbi-Leigh said her dad didn’t tell any of his family members what was happening.

“He told one of his closest friends but made his friend promise not to tell me and my sister because he didn’t want anyone to know,” she added.

The death of her father has had a "huge impact" on her, said Bobbi-Leigh.

"There is not one day I’m not thinking about my dad and what he went through and thinking if it could have been prevented," she said.

“It’s extremely hard for a man to come forward and say that he is being abused. There is a chance he won’t be believed, he will be laughed at.

“Women coming out today to speak for men, that’s sending a powerful message. It shows we believe them and support them. There needs to be more support from Stormont.”

[ West Belfast man Tony Browne was murdered by his girlfriend Wiktoria Maksymowicz in 2022 ]

The march was facilitated by the Men’s Alliance NI who are calling for a men’s refuge in Northern Ireland and more support from Stormont.

In a statement, Stormont ministers said they have made it clear that domestic and sexual abuse transcends boundaries of gender, age, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.

They have stressed their commitment to creating a society in Northern Ireland where domestic and sexual abuse are not tolerated, and where victims receive the support they need and where those responsible are held to account.

The Department of Health also said it provides funding for a 24-hour Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline, which is a confidential, freephone service available to any person impacted by domestic and sexual abuse in NI.

[ Around 30 women gathered in Belfast calling for more support ]

Shannon feels a men’s refuge is needed.

“If my dad had have been able to go somewhere it may have given him the courage to leave,” she said.

“It’s important that people come out today and show their support because domestic abuse isn’t a gendered issue and it needs to stop being stigmatised as a gendered issue.”

'Nowhere to go'

Carey Baxter from Men’s Alliance says domestic violence is a societal issue.

“Today is a women’s only march and women are doing this on behalf of men.

“We speak to men who are living in their cars or sofa surfing because they have nowhere to go."

Mr Baxter said there is a huge gap in funding and services for men.

“It’s not about taking services away from women, it’s about finding something extra for the men because those services are needed and we hear it every single day of the week in our support groups, but there is nothing there for them.”

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

I found a reddit sub called SurviveHer

A support subreddit for survivors of sexual assault by female perpetrators. ANY survivor of female perpetrated sexual assault has a place here regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity etc. However old you were when it happened, and whether your assaulter was a family member, acquaintance, authority figure, intimate partner, or stranger, you are welcome here.

[licorice-and-rum]

Currently re-watching the Depp v. Heard case and realizing I could easily write pages and pages of why I think what I think, and about male victims of domestic violence and abuse, and how we're not morally prepared to deal with them.

[trenchcoat-dino]

i hate that abuse is always spoken about with female language. not all victims are women.

[clothedtiedupguys]

[miss-skinnybones]

I hate Ryan Murphy and his new show. He did ts with the Jeffrey Dahmer thing. He never talks to the victims now he's trying to potray the menendez brothers as the monsters when it's so fucking clear the monster are their parents. Also let's not forget how this egg head looking ass said he has "no interest" in talking to them. Like wtf? If your gonna profit off of someone's story AT LEAST ask the people for permission.

There is so much evidence that proves of the a@use these men went through and people still call them liars. Actually fuck off. Because I know for a fact if they were women they would be freed.

Stop supporting people like Ryan Murphy please for the love of fucking god. Please if you care about male victims do NOT watch this show.

[lightofraye]

MEN CAN BE VICTIMS TOO

Gender stereotypes lead to problems when it comes to abuse. Many abuse survivors will be overlooked, ignored, because of that problem. We would like to think that a man, who is usually physically dominant and likely more aggressive, is impossible to be abused.

However, they’re more common than one would think. The way they’re abused also varies greatly.

I know. The question that comes up is: if a man is being abused, wouldn’t we know it? Wouldn’t we see it?

The answer? Nope. You wouldn’t.

Men in abusive relationships is kind of like a dirty secret. People, especially the victims who are living with it, don’t talk about it—if they even realize it’s happening.

Here’s the reason why: Societally, we see it as impossible for a man to be abused. Because if he is, that must mean he’s weak and easily manipulated if the abuser is controlling him or abusing him. Right?

No. Not one bit.

But that impression, that perception, persists, and that keeps the victims from opening up about their abuse and seeking help when it’s needed. Of course, that assumes the man even recognizes he’s being abused. It’s sadly common for the victim to have trouble seeing it and be resistant to admit it.

For a man, admitting he’s being abused can be emasculating, making him feel he’s not a real man. He may decide to develop patterns of behaviors or thoughts to help minimize and explain what he’s experiencing. They may also have a narrower definition of what is considered abuse in a relationship.

Abuse isn’t just physical. If you ask a man if he’s experiencing abuse, he may automatically assume you’re talking about physical abuse, if he’s being hit by his partner. It’s more likely that the man experiencing abuse is dealing with emotional, psychological, verbal, or even sexual abuse.

Many male victims will ignore any other kind of abuse that isn’t overtly physical and fail to recognize what’s happening to them.

This is a huge blind spot in society for the relationship abuse men can experience means we fail to notice how much more common it is than we want to believe.

A woman who is abusive to her male partner, however, may exploit the general restraint men are taught to never use their physical advantage over women in an abusive manner. So she may give into her own anger issues or manipulative instincts and become verbally or emotionally abusive toward her partner. This kind of “you can’t touch me” approach leaves a man unsure of what to do, other than to take it and live with it.

Men are also prone to sexual coercion by women. Rather than forcible sexual abuse, a woman may use sex as a weapon to try to control a man. This may come in forms of withholding sex, promising sex or sexual acts in order to get what she wants, using sexual flirtation to control or outright hurt him.

There is also covert forms of sexual acts—such as forcing fellatio or grabbing genitalia—that can be seen as a form of sexual abuse.

Because some men are responsive to acts of a sexual nature, they may not recognize this manipulation as a form of sexual abuse. However, using anything as a means of trying to control your partner, including sex, can be seen as a form of abuse.

Psychological abuse can also be used. This can include demeaning the man in their life, undermining his confidence, causing the man to feel isolated and dependent. These can manifest in a few ways, such as being socially cut off from friends and normal activities; being called names or intimidated; interfering with family relationships; making unfounded accusations of infidelity; constantly monitoring calls, texts, and social media; and exerting financial control and manipulating or undermining behavior—such as overspending.

In addition, the man’s children may be used against him. They may threaten a man’s access to his children.

SIGNS A MAN MAY BE EXPERIENCING ABUSE

So if men don’t want to talk about it and may not even recognize it—and there are no physical signs—how can you tell if a man is being abused?

There are signs to look for.

• Changes in personality. This may not signal abuse, but it means something is going on. Such as an outgoing person becoming withdrawn or a responsible or steady man acting in angry, wild, or irresponsible ways.

• Being anxious or fearful about his partner’s response. Being regularly and overly concerned or anxious about how you partner will respond to you isn’t healthy. It may be a sign of fear that failure to please will result in punitive or abusive measures.

• Becoming overly apologetic. A person experiencing abuse may become accustomed to unnecessarily apologizing or overexplaining their behavior.

• Needing to check in with his partner repeatedly. Along with becoming fearful of his partner’s response may come the need to check in with his partner constantly. Or the partner’s needs to keep tabs on him and know his whereabouts at all times.

• Depression. In men, depression can manifest as anger more so than in a despondent mood.

• Alcohol or substance use. Men are prone to using alcohol as a method of self-medicating. They use it or other substances as a means of managing emotions and escaping. So if a man begins drinking more than usual or starts smoking, consider it a warning sign something may be off.

• Seeming generally unwell. Men are notorious for their inability to express feelings. If a man is experiencing abuse, he may not know how to talk about it, feel ashamed of his situation, or stuff his feelings. This can result in outwardly observable illness. In essence, the abuse is making him sick.

THE NEXT STEPS

Stopping abuse in any relationship is difficult and complicated. It’d be nice if it were as easy as just saying stop or leaving, but it’s not.

Ending abuse is not something that’s easily done alone. Many people experiencing abuse find that the support of family or friends, and likely a mental health professional, can help them make the needed changes.

It can be done.

But the hardest step for a man is the initial step, which is admitting the abuse exists.

Be there for them. Let them know they’re not alone. Above all, believe them.

Sources:

Dutton DG, et al. (2013). Male victims of domestic violence. (Opens a PDF)

Friendly C. (2018). The victimization of heterosexual males.

General statistics. (n.d.).

Hine B, et al. (2020). "I have guys call me and say 'I can't be the victim of domestic abuse'": Exploring the experiences of telephone support providers for male victims of domestic violence and abuse.

Mathias T. (2019). Male victims of domestic abuse struggle to disclose abuse.

Male victims of domestic abuse face barriers to accessing support services – new study

Coercive control: Male victims say they aren't believed

The Truth About Abusers, Abuse, and What to Do

Abused Men: Five Painful Issues They Face

[hellaversity]

It really says something that the Helluva Boss fandom is willing to excuse every evil action Stella does and every evil thing she says, especially her abuse towards Stolas and begging for her to have sympathetic traits, yet not once have I ever seen an HB fan desperately wishing for Crimson or Mammon to be portrayed more sympathetically than they are in the show and call it bad writing when they don't show any redeeming qualities. The fandom just accepts the fact that those guys are pure evil without batting an eye. Nobody asks why they're the way they are. But Stella? Nope, there MUST be a sympathetic reason for her being an abusive bitch to Stolas because it's apparently "unrealistic" for a woman to abuse her husband out of spite never mind the fact that those kinds of women actually exist in real life.

These images pretty much speak for themselves.

Crimson, Striker, Mammon, Andrealphus and Valentino are no less two-dimensionally evil than Stella is. What reason did Crimson have to murder his own wife and make his son experience it? Just to traumatize him? The show never really says why he does it, he just does it so the audience can have a reason to hate him. What reason does Striker have to help Stella try to kill Stolas? None, as far as we know. What is there to Mammon's character other than abusing Fizzarolli and being a greedy asshole in general? Why does Andrealphus flirt with his own sister and participate in her scheme to have Stolas murdered by Striker? Because reasons. Why is Valentino a rapist who takes advantage of Angel Dust and sexually abuses him? Just because he can. What makes Stella any different from these guys other than being female?

Fans are just asking for her to be more sympathetic because she's a woman and they can't accept the fact that women are capable of abuse without trying to justify it. The whole "behind every bad bitch is a man who made her that way" bullshit. People who see a woman beating her husband in public and automatically assume he did something to deserve it even if they have no evidence or context for what actually happened. Even though Stella has been treating Stolas like shit before he cheated on her, and he likely wouldn't be sleeping with Blitzø if she wasn't so horrible to him in the first place. He never even puts his hands on her and allowed her to abuse him so that Octavia could live and grow up with normal parents. (As normal as Stella and Stolas could possibly get with each other, anyway.)

Stella made fun of Stolas for not participating in sex with her and laughed about it while he was standing 2 feet away from her, and knew he was there. Whether or not she raped him to produce Octavia is a discussion for another day. If anything, Stolas cheating on her was revenge for treating him like garbage for so many years. She humiliated and embarassed him in public before getting a taste of her own medicine when Stolas does the same to her in return. She wouldn't even let him divorce her because she enjoys being mean to him. I wouldn't mind if Stella was given more charaterization outside of "abusive wife" but honestly? I don't really care if she's given sympathy or not. I don't want to sympathize with her. If Valentino isn't gonna change his ways any time soon, I have no reason to believe that Stella can. FFS Stella apologists make me mad. Even if you type in the "anti stella" tag on tumblr there are more posts defending and excusing her actions than those actually opposing her and saying "uh, no, she's just a cruel bitch" meanwhile if you type "anti Stolas" that's exactly what you're gonna get, pretty much exclusively.

Goes to show how hyper-sensitive tumblrinas are over female characters rightfully being portrayed as in the wrong when they fucking are.

[schizoid-hikikomori]

I don't understand the need to sanitize everything we talk about, to skirt around language and pretend like certain things aren't unavoidable realities.

There's things that are hard to talk about, but they're not any less real than the ground beneath your feet.

In my specific upbringing, there was never a time I was ever truly blissfully unaware of how horrible the world was. It would've been particularly difficult anyway, my family being not white and mostly women.

Unlike the white experience, learning not to trust police officers was an early part of my upbringing, as one of many examples. Many white individuals don't learn these things until later on.

The nonwhite experience is often discounted from the diagnosis of trauma disorders. Merely the experience of having to live as non white in a world catered to white supremacy is traumatic on its own.

Not to mention abuse by women not being considered in assessing a traumatic history. Having so many of my experiences dismissed as sibling rivalry with my emotionally volatile older sister kept me from admitting it was abuse for so long.

It's hard to talk about, but it's real. And still, I'm certain that I would have people not believing me.

"You must've upset her", "My younger siblings are annoying all the time, you were probably the same",

Etc. Etc.

But people don't question women when they say they were abused by a male family member. At least, not in the same way.

My mind is such a tangled up mess I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.

I'm not going to censor my thoughts here or put forth any content warnings. Real life isn't kind enough to put a trigger warning when your drunk sister is trying to climb into bed with you.

[delicateinnocentrottenporcelain]

The Sexualization of Male Teen Idols

So, I'm currently making an article on how many male celebrities who were teens when they became famous (like Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Taylor Lautner, etc.) were extremely sexualized and violated by grown adults and fans at a young age. I want to talk about the effects that kind of exposure took on the men and how (or more so, why) was this behavior seen as acceptable for so long.

Did you know that Taylor Lautner was only 16/17 years old when the first Twilight released in 2008? Do you remember how crazy women were acting around him?

Have you ever seen this video of teenage Justin Bieber being groped by actress Jenny McCarthy? Or listened to the radio interview of a grown woman asking 15 year old JB if she can have the "sex talk" with him?

Recently, this topic has been talked about on platforms like Tiktok and Twitter, but I think its need a bit more spotlight. Male victimhood in the entertainment industry should be speak about more often. Why was it normal to make teenager boys uncomfortable? Why was it percieved as a funny bit and not predatory?

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Mane Kara-Yakoubian

Published: Dec 13, 2024

A review published in Biology Letters highlights that harm toward women is perceived as more severe than similar harm toward men, a disparity rooted in evolutionary, cognitive, and cultural factors.

Maja Graso and Tania Reynolds explore this “feminine advantage” in harm perception, examining how societal responses prioritize harm against women while often minimizing harm against men.

The authors trace this bias to evolutionary pressures. Women’s reproductive roles historically made their survival critical for group continuity, fostering norms that prioritized their protection. These norms persist today, shaping moral judgments. For instance, experiments reveal that people are less willing to sacrifice women than men in hypothetical moral dilemmas, particularly when the women are of reproductive age. This tendency diminishes for older women, reinforcing its evolutionary roots.

Cognitive biases, such as moral typecasting, further reinforce the asymmetry. Typecasting associates women with victimhood and men with agency, making women more likely to be seen as vulnerable and men as perpetrators. This cognitive shortcut leads to systemic blind spots: male victimization is often ignored or trivialized, while female perpetration of harm remains under-recognized. For example, women’s use of indirect aggression, such as social exclusion, is perceived as less harmful, while male victims of intimate partner violence are frequently dismissed or ridiculed.

Cultural shifts, including feminist movements and the push for gender equality, have heightened societal sensitivity to harm against women. While addressing critical issues like workplace harassment, these changes have also perpetuated an imbalance in harm perception. For example, men face harsher judgments for workplace misconduct, even when the behavior is identical to that of women. Similarly, judicial data reveal that men are more likely to be convicted and receive harsher sentences for comparable offenses, reflecting stereotypes of men as aggressors and women as victims.

At a broader level, societal concern is more readily directed toward women’s challenges. For instance, underrepresentation of women in male-dominated fields like engineering is often attributed to discrimination and addressed through intervention, while men’s underrepresentation in female-dominated fields like nursing receives less attention. This disparity reflects assumptions that women need protection and support, while men are expected to endure harm with resilience.

Graso and Reynolds emphasize that these biases are context-dependent, shaped by historical, cultural, and psychological forces. However, failing to address them perpetuates harm against men in areas such as legal systems, workplace dynamics, and social support structures.

The authors call for a balanced discourse that acknowledges the unique challenges faced by both men and women. By addressing existing asymmetries and generating discussions, the authors aim to reduce gender-based conflicts and promote a more holistic understanding of harm perception.

The paper, “A Feminine Advantage in the Domain of Harm: A Review and Path Forward,” was authored by Maja Graso and Tania Reynolds.

--

Abstract

Despite well-documented disparities disadvantaging women (e.g. discrepancies between men and women in salaries and leadership roles), we argue that there are contexts in which disparities disadvantage men. We review the literature suggesting harm to women is perceived as more severe and unacceptable than identical harm to men, a bias potentially rooted in evolutionary, base rate, stereotype-based and cultural shift explanations. We explore how these biases manifest in protective responses toward women and harsher judgements toward men, particularly in contexts of victimization and perpetration. Our review aims to complement the existing literature on gender biases by presenting a balanced view that acknowledges men and women face unique challenges. By understanding these biases, we hope to foster a more equitable discourse on gender and harm, encouraging empathy and validation of suffering irrespective of gender. This holistic approach aims to de-escalate gender-based conflicts and promote effective interventions for both men and women.

--

By the same authors:

Abstract

Scientific and organizational interventions often involve trade-offs whereby they benefit some but entail costs to others (i.e., instrumental harm; IH). We hypothesized that the gender of the persons incurring those costs would influence intervention endorsement, such that people would more readily support interventions inflicting IH onto men than onto women. We also hypothesized that women would exhibit greater asymmetries in their acceptance of IH to men versus women. Three experimental studies (two pre-registered) tested these hypotheses. Studies 1 and 2 granted support for these predictions using a variety of interventions and contexts. Study 3 tested a possible boundary condition of these asymmetries using contexts in which women have traditionally been expected to sacrifice more than men: caring for infants, children, the elderly, and the ill. Even in these traditionally female contexts, participants still more readily accepted IH to men than women. Findings indicate people (especially women) are less willing to accept instrumental harm befalling women (vs. men). We discuss the theoretical and practical implications and limitations of our findings.

--

Also:

Abstract

Little is known about implicit evaluations of complex, multiply categorizable social targets. Across five studies (N = 5,204), we investigated implicit evaluations of targets varying in race, gender, social class, and age. Overall, the largest and most consistent evaluative bias was pro-women/anti-men bias, followed by smaller but nonetheless consistent pro-upper-class/anti-lower-class biases. By contrast, we observed less consistent effects of targets' race, no effects of targets' age, and no consistent interactions between target-level categories. An integrative data analysis highlighted a number of moderating factors, but a stable pro-women/anti-men and pro-upper-class/anti-lower-class bias across demographic groups. Overall, these results suggest that implicit biases compound across multiple categories asymmetrically, with a dominant category (here, gender) largely driving evaluations, and ancillary categories (here, social class and race) exerting relatively smaller additional effects. We discuss potential implications of this work for understanding how implicit biases operate in real-world social settings. (PsycInfo Database Record (c) 2022 APA, all rights reserved).

==

Those who claim to champions of "equality" somehow manage to simultaneously deny that this is a problem at all or insist that it's essentially self-inflicted, using presupposition, denial and circular reasoning that would make any evolution-denying creationist proud.

Here is a practical example.

https://apnews.com/article/mexico-migrants-killed-bus-crash-ec24efef78ae7aa1caed3a1b4b53829e

MEXICO CITY (AP) — At least 16 migrants from Venezuela and Haiti died early Friday in a bus crash in southern Mexico, authorities said.

Mexico’s National Immigration Institute originally reported 18 dead, but later lowered that figure. Prosecutors in the southern state of Oaxaca later said there had been an overcount due to some of the bodies being dismembered, and that the real death toll was 16.

Both sources said the dead include two women and three children, and that 29 people were injured. There was no immediate information on their condition.

That's a weird way to say, "11 men died." Here's a tip: when a report says "people," it means mostly - or exclusively - men.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

Woman who poisoned husband’s coffee gets probation

The woman caught on camera trying to systematically poison her husband will serve three years’ probation and undergo a mental health evaluation.

Melody Felicano Johnson accepted a plea agreement and admitted to poisoning her U.S. Air Force husband’s food and drink, including spiking his coffee with bleach.

Airman Roby Johnson, however, suspected something was wrong. He planted cameras in the couple’s kitchen and caught her on video. Johnson believes his wife was trying to kill him to collect death benefits.

According to court documents, Roby Johnson noticed the odd-tasting coffee in March of 2023 when the couple was living in Germany. He pretended to drink the coffee.

He set up cameras in their kitchen once they moved to Tucson, Arizona, last summer. After tests of the coffee showed traces of chlorine, he notified police.

Melody Johnson was arrested in July and jailed. Roby Johnson asked the judge for leniency for his wife because they have a child together.

So I first saw this on instagram and (some of) the comments were disappointing

First of all, to go back to what was mentioned in the article, I'm sorry but it's kind of baffling to me to that the husband wants leniency for her. Why? I would hope she's never around that child again because you never know what might happen

Besides, the fact that she's having no real consequences is just...I don't even know. It's crazy

People really need to understand how inappropriate these well what did he do comments are. You see these when men are getting abused, too. If she snaps and gets physical, you have people wondering what he did to make her mad and to get to that point

It's disgusting and it's victim blaming

[the-fruit-tea-devil]

A monster witch who murderer her poor husband: This story makes me sick to my stomach

⚠️Trigger warning: violence, murder, torture, strong language⚠️

I was looking up murder stories because I was bored and I found this. When I read it, I actually cried. It made so mad and so sad. The psychological and physical torture this man had to go through is just horrific and this woman got a pleasure out of it. This worthless fucking whore beat and tortured her poor husband and starved him. If someone did that to brother/cousins/whatever, I’m LITERALLY ripping their teeth out.

Edit: she was given a 32 year minimum sentence in 2010 when she was 28 and IIRC she could possibly be eligible for parole when she’s 60 (though hopefully she never leaves prison)

[queeraliensposts]

TW: mention of rape and grooming

"Jason had sex with his father's rapist"

No Talia raped Bruce and then groomed his son.

[slowlyshamelesscolor]

To male victims of abuse

You are valid

Don't let others put you down just because you're a man.

You did not deserve to be abused; do not believe those who think you do.

You are wonderful, and you deserve a lot of love and good encouragement.

Don't let the Radfems get to you; they just want to promote negativity.

What happened to you matters. Don't believe people who say what happened to you is meaningless.

💙 You are amazing! and you deserve to be loved! :) 💙

[clothedtiedupguys]