#meaningless rambles

[blindinghope]

the budget for tracker is too noticeably high for the cringe writing and mediocre acting. only on ep 3 and there is already a pattern of colter flirting with a pretty lady in a helpful position who can read how traumatized he is. oh and a pretty ex who was upset with his lack of respect and communication but he apologized when he needed her help so all is well<3 also how many states are open carry/stand your ground?? always shocks me to see him run around with a gun like this cannot be real... the older lesbian couple are very cute but i need more gay ppl like colter should be bi idk make him meet a cute and shy teacher

[azoosepted]

last night i had a dream that someone asked me what my thoughts on meursault x hong lu were

anyways opinions on meursault x hong lu

[ritzy-dream-boy]

this is directly linked to my last reblog

this here

and it makes me so happy and so not-sad-but-yes-sad (i do not understand or recognise the majority of human emotions) when these connections are made through things that are largely considered silly by society

but the specific part that makes me feel that way is people in general referring to people and themselves by their tags. on discord i had my name in a server set as ‘nameless’ as a joke because i hoard names for gender purposes and that joke is still running, but the people in that server have called me that for so long that they genuinely don’t know me as anything else. calling people their gamer tags or their display names or usernames outsider of the places and purposes those things were created for just makes me feel a very specific way.

[cyanideshawty]

I depress myself

[foldingfittedsheets]

My folks took me and my beloved wife out to dinner last night for my birthday.

My mom offered to get my wife and I tickets to go see Wicked which I’m absolutely delighted by. I haven’t seen it since 2008 in London and we got great seats. We also invited my dad along because he actually likes musicals unlike my mom.

I tried to tell my folks I have a book that got printed and my mom talked over me to show the table her earring instead. I subsided in disappointment that my achievement was less important to her than showing off her earring.

Later she texted me apologizing and asking to hear more about it, and that was really nice but my feelings are still a bit hurt. On the whole though between Wicked tickets and the apology I’m calling it a net positive dinner.

[xxacidnekoxx]

if you get kicked out of a friend group of people that call themselves freak does that make you a double-freak or does someone take your freak card and now you're a boring normie

[malaierba]

Thoughts on Toshiro’s eating behavior, restrictive ed/disordered eating habits, and ARFID (obvious warnings apply).

Been thinking about how Toshiro’s eating is described in the manga. Especially when you consider the context within which he snaps — which is jokingly referred to as “he has hangry”. Interestingly enough, emotional deregulation IS a common symptom of EDs. That, alongside all the symptoms that Ryoko Koi chooses to illustrate in him… it’s done too accurately for it to be dismissed as him simply choosing not to eat and starve, as if it were that easy.

Basically, I think Toshiro’s inability to eat is ARFID-coded, and that’s symbolism in itself. I also think food is one of the few areas in his life where he exerts control effectively.

Assuming that he was under the influence of the dungeon (not necessary for this analysis to work tbh), his behavior is a quite accurate depiction of how desire works for people who are chronic ascetics in general, and ED'd in particular:

According to Maizuru, he’s a person who's denied themselves all their life (“saving Falyn was his first selfish request“),

Who seems to only experience a sort of self-agency when it's linked to deprivation (not really eating food from anyone who wasn’t Maizuru as a child, turning down her food as an adult even though he’s otherwise easy to pull around),

Who's actively reaching towards something for the first time in their lives (so he doesn’t know how to work towards it without burning himself out).

A common trigger (perhaps the main one) in EDs is the desire for control. The logic often goes, what's easier to control than what you eat? what do you own more fully than your body? It tracks in Toshiro’s case: when he is picky that's one thing he can fully control, no one could force him to eat not when he was a child nor as an adult. Toshiro's “whims” are most indulged when he restricts or rejects food, rather than when he reaches for it.

The reason why I’m getting ARFID vibes from him is Maizuru’s wording. On the screenshot I shared, she said “he never ate much, but he ate plenty of what I made”, making it sound like he’d try stuff made by other people, but in the end, Maizuru was the only one who could tailor it to his tastes the best (and made it with love). Rather than fighting him or forcing him, he worked with him, which is the best course of action for parents with kids who are being picky eaters.

There’s also the wording used by Maizuru: I think he's ARFID and perhaps ortho coded, or some other restrictive ED. Here we have to note that EDs aren't exclusively or even always about weight, weight is often a secondary effect of the behaviors that are motivated by the ED. In layman terms, they're eating disorders not weight disorders.

With the established, I do see a narrative relevance to giving Toshiro this type of relationship with food:

It sets him in obvious opposition to Laios: You need to eat and take care of yourself to succeed, neglecting yourself equals not taking your goals seriously vs. I’ll sacrifice everything recklessly, myself included, in the pursuit of my goals.

Tangentially related but lol, can’t help but think of Laios getting SO mad when Toshiro’s reaction to his plan (admittedly thought of on the spot) to get back Falyn is “you aren’t even EATING” which, SO fair, you can strategize and make detailed long term plans all you want, but as they say the secret to your future lies within your daily habits.

It makes him a mirror of Falyn, her passiveness reflecting Toshiro’s own. Falyn explicitly says at the end of her adventure, while she’s turning down Toshiro’s marriage proposal, “I’ve always wanted to travel; I’ve always just done what my bother and Marcille want, I want to try doing what I want now”, which is reminiscent of Maizuru saying “He was always such a well-behaved, reasonable boy, so much so that it worried me sometimes. The only time he ever made a personal request was for this task” <- person disconnected from their desires. (More on this idea here, I love it as a narrative choice).

And then (here’s where I get suppositional). It could be an extrapolation of the way his upbringing has permeated so deep within himself that he overtly controls what he eats even under normal circumstances. This extreme exertion of self-control, this constant self-monitoring, would be unsurprising in the guy who’s a little too good at following social scripts and masking (fun fact, did you know that ARFID is often co-morbid with autism?).

I often think of him in this scene, where he seems to be telling Senshi that he’s had enough / he doesn’t want something (featuring the other Weird With Food character, my beloved Kabru, maybe trying to help him? or maybe hassling him too lol):

Looks like some habits are hard to break. But, Laios does get through to him when he kicks his ass, and Falyn seems to have reached him too with his words, so perhaps there’s hope.

Look at him forcing himself to eat a burger while holding so much distaste in his heart. Did he and Laios order for each other? At least Laios seems to like his meal.

[gingermintpepper]

I think a lot about the depictions of Troilus' death that feature Achilles trying to prise him with a gift of doves instead of the immediate promise of death.

I've alluded to it before, but I tend to look at Achilles and Apollo as comparison cases - maybe not explicitly foils because I'm petty and that would imply that Achilles is narratively equal to Apollo and I don't want to give him that kind of honour even in a bit of casual analysis - but certainly as characters who gain a great deal of complexity when their actions are contextualised in context of each other's. The ambush of Troilus is just one of those funny little things that gets my mind a-whirring.

Because to me, Apollo's 'Troilus' so to speak is Kassandra. Kassandra, who Apollo coveted and wished to court. Kassandra, who was offered a great gift that would have undoubtedly forever marked her as one of Apollo's if she had accepted. Kassandra, who takes the gift but rejects the god and is cursed for her deception. Kassandra, whose curse makes her experience a thousand deaths over and over with no way of communicating such disaster to those around her.

The Achilles who falls in love with Troilus upon seeing his beauty and wishes to make a conquest of him is much the same to me. The biggest difference between Troilus and Kassandra though is that Troilus' rejection is much more physical. Those doves are nothing more than a symbol of the type of sacrifice Troilus would be; if he accepted them, he would die a docile death, sweet and quiet, a necessary casualty to turn the winds like Iphigenia. Except Achilles' love is nothing like Agamemnon's and it is nothing like Apollo's.

In the face of rejection, Achilles' instinct is to maim, it is to destroy. He was always going to kill Troilus - for the sake of the campaign, the boy had to die - but there was no dove's death, no quick and easy knife through the heart, no spit into an open mouth. Troilus' death is a brutal, drawn-out thing, a chase through the sand, a dragging that bruises his skin, a ripping of his hair, a violation of his flesh, a maiming of his corpse. As far as sacrifices go, it's an apalling one. None would dare to treat an animal set to be sacrificed before a god with that kind of brutality, sacrifices were meant to be blemishless and beautiful, something the gods would find appealing. Iphigenia was given away in her wedding finery, Kassandra was dressed as though to seduce a god. Troilus was a dove with his wings broken and his feathers pulled, whose death cries must've been like the terrible hollering of all birds when they try to alert their kind to a predator.

And as fucked as that is, I love it. It sets Achilles' love as this stormy, squallish thing that bleeds into his rage, it establishes that for him, love and wrath are but two sides of the same blade. Troilus was a necessary sacrifice, but he is in no way given even a modicum of the same dignity his contemporaries are and a part of me is just continually intrigued by this.

[marquisdeglad]

They should bring back the Beetlejuice cartoon, but instead of coyly implying the relationship between him and Lydia, just go all in. Make it an adult cartoon, and quadruple down on BJ's characterization as a disgusting sexual harasser

There is an audience for this

Trust me

[gorgynei]

so weird to me that seed plants have kind of just reduced their diplohaplontic life cycles into "diplontic with an unnecessarily complicated lead-up to the gametes" like if your sporophytes have sexes i think thats too far

[ladyinsertnamehere]

This edit was requested by @gooey2

[azoosepted]

why cant hells chicken come sooner :’) please save me from LoR mod hell

[archer-fb]

Just imagining katsuki and ejirou coming home from a stressful patrol and just taking it out on you in bed.

Saying stuff like "god, you were fucking made for us, made for us to destroy your slutty holes"

And constantly degrading you but ofc giving the best aftercare with a massage and a bubble bath

God these 2 have a some sort of hold over me, I have a problem

[cyanideshawty]

I’m trapped inside

[astrolotte]

what if Timmy wasn't allowed to remember his fairies faces in any way so instead he associates his childhood with the colors of their clothes: yellow, white, and purple

[marshmellowtea]

i change my mind aleheather can be yaoi too cuz if alejandro is a gay man then heather is a trans guy/transmasc in the same way that if heather is a lesbian alejandro is a trans girl/transfem. Do Not Separate Them