#maybe the community will accept a murder idk

[troublesomefreak]

REAL

every time i see that stupid mvk is homophobic headcanon this is what plays in my head

[astolfofo]

deja vu, Jamis vu

BSD beast au x reader. Based on the end of the beast movie.  AUTHORS NOTE: SO. ITS FINALLY DONE. ITS 4AM I AM ON IPAD TUMBLR AND UHHHH… I tried to edit this. but. TUMBLR WAS BEING AN ASS. and the two hours I spent editing this went down the drain. Mere words could not describe the grief I felt at 3:37 in the morning. I would have screamed if I weren’t so zombieified. Then, I tried to be paitent and edit it another time, but tumblr was like: haha no. so it didn’t save. I swear it’s not my fault if you have a stroke while reading this. I sacrificed my sleep for an entire week to do write this. Please give me some credit for my suffering. /lh

Also keep in mind. I have watched the DA movie and the beast movie a whopping total of 1 time. It’s probably very off from what I was trying to communicate, cause I legit have no clue what goes on in the light novels... spare me the slander. 

Last thing, I tried something new with this one, so there’s weird ahh switches between first person and 2nd person in this. Idk how good it is, lmk if i should never do it again.

Tw: head injury, murder, blood, suicide, yeah I think that’s about it.

word count: 6.8k  

To all the Chuuya enjoyers out there, I’m sorry for being a disappointment.

Tags: @redeemingmygloryintopurgatory

I’m wet.

Im standing outside his door, knocking as it rains outside, without an umbrella, cold, and of course, drenched.

Helplessly, I knock on his door, hoping for a response from him. I know it’s pointless, by now. I should cut him out of my life by now, I should… leave him. He’s not a good person, he’s part of the Port Mafia, for the love of god… I’m scared of him. He could crush me at any moment. Hell, he breaks into my house so frequently, and even though he’s done no harm… he could kill me at any moment. So why am I here? Shouldn’t I be relieved that he hasn’t shown up at my apartment for over a month now? I… just can’t…

Lightening splits the sky in half and the sound of thunder cracks in the air.

Your fist slides down the window pane of the door. It makes a terrible sound, and you wince in pain from the sting of the friction. You should just go home. It was obvious Chuuya wasn’t even home, he never was. And if he wasn’t even home, how would he even answer the door? You regret coming here in the first place, you didn’t even know why you chose to. Was it out of worry? Was it because you had to say something to him? You couldn’t remember by now, it was all on impulse. 

Chuuya had broken into your apartment countless times. Still, no matter how many times you’d snap at him, how many times you’d emptily threaten him, or try to push him off the balcony, he still came back the next day, unphased. You couldn’t get rid of him, no matter how hard you tried. And after many days, you had learned to accept that someone could break into your home at any given moment.

And you had no knowledge of how he knew you, let alone knowledge of how he even got your house key. Or maybe he picked your lock. You couldn’t be sure and you really did not want to know. 

Every day, you’d come back home from work, and Chuuya would be sitting on your couch, drinking your wine (much to your own distaste). You’d usually give him a dirty look, and he’d glare in return but you’d say nothing. You preferred not to talk to him, and Chuuya wouldn’t raise conversations by himself. He always sat in the corner of the room, observing… scrutinizing every move you made. On the rare occasions when you had managed to start a conversation with him, it was always painfully awkward.

You once remember asking him why he was here, what he wanted from you, and his true intentions. Chuuya looked at you in an amused manner and stared out the window. 

“Why I’m doing this? You’ll find out yourself when the time is right.”

By the time you had woken up, he was always gone. As if he was never there in the first place. The only thing he’d leave was the wine glass he’d drink out of, and your clothes you had hauled back from the laundromat messily folded, in your drawer. Occasionally, when it warm out, he’d leave the window open. They were small actions. Meant to be noticed, but not returned.

The splashing of rain intensifies, as you stand on Chuuya’s porch. He’s not home. You can’t stand here forever. You have to get back home before it’s too late.

What a great way to spend my time off work.

But you wanted to try one last thing before you left. Maybe his door was unlocked the entire time. Although you would doubt it, it was worth a try. It was so stupid to do this, all of it was. But your curiosity is getting the best of you, and you desperately wanted answers. Answers only Chuuya could give.

So, you grip the door handle and twist the doorknob. Much to your shock, the mechanics of the door click, and the door opens.

Chuuya had left the door unlocked. He forgot to lock his own door. You take a step up, and stand in the doorway. The rain is still hitting your back, and you groan realizing that you’re dripping water onto the floor. Quickly, you step in and shut the door. You twist the lock, ensuring that no one else would come in.

You sure hope Chuuya wasn’t going to come home tonight. The thought of it made the hair on your neck stand slightly. 

You take off your shoes which are drenched in water and stare in the mirror. You’re soaked to the bone. Your clothes are completely see-through. You’d need to change them. That could wait, though. If the rain stopped, you’d go home as soon as possible.

Okay. Quick in and out it is. I need to find my spare key, and I need to find what happened to him after the explosion in the sky that day. The one that happened on the top of the… port mafia building. You shudder. I wonder what happened. It was so bright that it looked as if the sky exploded for a second. The next thing you know, everything is back to normal… except it isn’t. A dead body is found at the bottom of the building.

Followed by that, I never saw Chuuya again, but many people that were close to me have been avoiding me. When asked why, they avoided my question. There isn’t a strong connection there, but I think… that all of these events are connected somehow. Chuuya never appears again, and the fact he works for the Port Mafia, definetly does not help. 

Additionally, the Armed Dective Agency sent me a letter to be wary of Chuuya. With no additional information. There’s something going on here. Something is wrong. Something terribily wrong.

And I’m scared.

Apprehensively, you take several steps inside the house. You keep getting the feeling that you may get caught. But you don’t hear anything at the door. It’s a painful paranoia.

You inhale and exhale.

I’ll start looking for hints first. I don’t need an answer right away. One hint will be able to give me lots. I’ll start from his room, that’s where people are most likely to hide things.

You walk as quickly as possible across the empty corridor in the house. His house is eerily empty. There isn’t much in it, just a lot of furniture, a shelf of wine, messy papers and a few books placed sparsely across the rooms.

You walk up the stairs, which slightly creaks under your weight. You try your best to ignore any noises and try to stay focused. As you reach the top of the stairs, you see his bedroom, which is the first room at the end of the staircase.

You walk towards the room, you open the door and look around. Chuuya’s room is surprisingly fuller than the rest of the house. There is a dresser, with several items stacked on top of it. It has drawers, which you assume were full. His closet was also filled with clothes, with various hats on the shelf above in his closet.

Chuuya’s bed was neatly made, giving the impression that he had not been home in weeks. Unoccupied, cold, and abandoned. Yet you felt a temptation to lie in it either way. Your eyes dart to the dresser again, and you look at the various items spread out on it. None of these are of much use to you. Besides the gun that seemed unused.

Your hands move to the drawers and you begin to search them. In the first one, there was nothing. Just a bunch of stationery, and papers, some of which had blood on them. You shudder in disgust and move on.

You struggled to pull the second drawer. After a moment, it slides open and you look at the inside contents. You stare at it, wondering if you open it. There is no address on it, and it isn’t sealed. 

You have a bad feeling about this, but your hands move faster than your brain. You pull out the piece of paper and read its contents.

The letter is addressed to you. It doesn’t include much. Just A single sentence that holds an address. 

And then it hits you.

Chuuya had been planning this for a long time. He had purposely left the door unlocked, left his house empty, and left you because he knew you would try to find him one day.

It infuriates you more than you expect. But you can’t stop here. You’ll go to a specific location. 

Just to be sure, you look in the third drawer, you see your spare key, as well as a lock cutter. 

Its dark now. It’s still pouring. You have no choice to stay here for tonight. Begrudgingly, you curse yourself for dragging yourself into this. Still, you were in too deep to back out now. Whatever happens, will happen.

-

You wake up. 

You're lying on Chuuya's bed, in his clothes, begrudgingly. Your own clothes are discarded onto the floor, dried during the time you had been asleep. Still, you don't exactly feel like changing into them. It felt too gross to wear them. 

You shake your head. Now's not the time to be thinking about that. You sit up, and stretch your arms. Then, you walk towards the desk again, and look at the address. You take note of the address, and take your spare key. Before you go, you flip over the paper, ensuring that you didn't miss anything. There's another sentence scribbled on the top of the paper.

I know you're reading this. You want to know why I'm gone, and why I did this. The address that is provided will help you, but it will not give you the answer, nor will I be there. 

…What? 

You read the sentence over and over again. The words sink in, making you feel conflicted. You knew you were getting yourself into a certain kind of danger by doing this, but you didn't expect it to be this risky. Hell, you didn't even know where the man was now, and not to mention… the location…

You look at the location again.

It's on the street where the explosion happened. And you're no fool. If it was on that street, it meant it was that building. There were no other possibilities. You doubt it would be any other one of those tall skyscrapers, anyways. The one where the explosion happened was the only building Chuuya had any affiliations with.

Which was going to be incredibly difficult to get into. Let alone, to the top floor. You'd be dead even trying to set foot into the door. It wasn't worth your life for this. You should forget about it and go back home.

You look through the paper again, hoping there might be something more to help you. Sighing, you came back with nothing. I suppose I really have to go through with this, don't I? There's no turning back. 

-

The walk to the Port Mafia's building was rather short, if you were being completely honest. It was located in the heart of Yokohama, and was one of the tallest buildings there, if that told you anything. 

You stand outside the building, as the apprehension and fear build up inside you. You had never felt as much of a need to run from anything, as much as you did now. The doors, despite their grandeur size, and large glass design, looked uninviting. Almost like doors to a bank vault; the kind of doors that told you, you wouldn't be able to get out, as soon as you stepped in. And from various things people has told you throughout the years, the Port Mafia keeps people it's had come into contact with. It's more powerful beyond belief. 

It doesn't need to control you. You'll be forced into being pliant for them, simply by fear. No one can betray them. Death is almost a guarantee if you do.

And recently, they had also become violent as well. You might as well be walking yourself into a death wish.

But your feet remained rooted into the ground, and part of you remains determined to see this through. So you take a deep breath and walk into the building. 

You try to remain calm as you push through the doors, into the lobby. You pray Hou won't be swatted with bullets as soon as you enter, but much to your own surprise, there's no one in the lobby. It's completely empty.

It doesn't feel right. You wonder if what happened. Well, it's not your business anyways. You couldn't care less. You just needed to find whoever Chuuya's office is and-

"Who are you?"

shit. you curse under your breath. "I-I'm," you turn around to face the person talking g to you. As soon as you do this, the man's eyes widen, and you acknowledge away slightly. "Sorry… um… do you know where Chuuya is?"

You had never felt so idiotic and out of place in your life. You can physically feel your heart pounding inside your chest, as you pray you don't look too suspicious. You can't mess up here. Though the man you are currently talking to isn't holding any firearm. That may just as well mean he has even worse methods to kill you off.

"He's not here."

of course, he isn't. You think to yourself. He wrote that in his own letter, or whatever you call it. 

"He's been arrested." The man looks you directly into your eyes, and as on instinct, you look down, too scared to actually look at him. A few moments pass in silence.

"Can you… perhaps tell me why?"

"After the previous Port Mafia executive committed suicide, Chuuya was forced to lead the Port Mafia. He hated the job greatly, and he eventually…" He stops himself.

"Go on." You mutter.

The man tilts his head and looks at you again. "Are you sure? If you want to see him… it's better just to see for yourself." He stops for a second. 

"No… please tell me. Tell me everything that you possibly can."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Fine then. If you insist."

"Chuuya lost his control over himself. He slowly became more, deranged, if you will, as time went on. After the old executive killed himself, Chuuya had no one left. Or at least, that's what we saw. His orders became more and more irrational, often just resorting to killing everything, and slowly, he eventually broke. He went on a rampage, as you've probably seen, Yokohama is not safe with him around. He almost destroyed Yokohama in its entirety, and it took serveral organizations to stop him. I don't know the exact details after that. He remains locked up underground."

You feel as if you had been doused under cold water. You didn't only have your question answered, but that also explained several other things as well. You try to recollect your thoughts while figuring out what to do next.

"By the way, you look familiar."

"How so?"

"I don't know, to he honest. You look like someone who used to work here. Maybe my mind js tricking me, though. You look too weak to be here."

"Yeah," you force out an awkward laugh, "I could never work here for the life of me."

"Figures."

another awkward pause, as you stare at the man.

"I assume you need Chuuya's location, don't you?"

You nod.

"Here." He hands you a piece of paper, with an address messily scrawled onto it. "Although, I don't recommend going to see him, tell the guards you are a relative of his. Hopefully, it will convince them enough to let you in. Though, if you want, I'm sure you can attempt to knock the guards out. Chuuya's well… very restrained so he won't hurt you."

"Ah… thank you."

"Don't mention it."

You bow and leave.

"Hey wait-" the man calls out, his voice echoing through the empty lobby. He seems hesitant to ask something. You stop and turn around. "Yeah?"

He looks down, and awkwardly avoids eye contact for a second. It's at this moment you realize he's a man with short, white, hair, as well thick bangs that were cut into a slant. He’s rather short, and he’s wearing a long jacket.

He looks… familiar. I wonder why.

“What’s your name?” 

You stare at him for another moment before answering. “It’s Y/N.”

You could have sworn you had seen a face of surprise from him for a second, but it could have been your imagination because the next instant you blink, it’s gone. “I see,” he says slowly. “Be careful then. He’s not the same as what you may remember.”

As… I remember? What….

“Nevermind. Forget I said anything. Just go to the address, and everything will make sense.”

“Hey wait-”

He’s already turned his back and left on you. You’re left with so many more questions than you started off with, and dread creeps up you again. There was a warning tone in his voice, almost as if telling you to do this was a terrible idea. That you were going to be landing yourself in scalding hot water, and you wouldn’t be able to get out. You knew the risks from the start, but…

You quickly unfold the paper, and look for the address. Once again, the address is written in the center of the paper. You carefully look around for any other writing on the paper.

It’s completely white. Blank. Except for one sentence on the bottom: It’s never too late to back out. 

And you stare at it, and think about the several cryptic warnings you received from this man. So… you’re telling me, that after that explosion happened in the sky… a dead body, the previous executive was found. Then shortly after that, Chuuya became the executive of the Mafia. He hated it. But he had no choice and was left alone to do it. Eventually, he lost his sanity and mind and the Mafia… I guess? Because very corrupt, violent, and unsafe. It took many people to stop him, and how he was arrested in an underground cell. At this address.

It’s clear he’s cutting something out. He said to be careful. Of course, if Chuuya has lost his mind, I need to do that. But he empathized that I should be wary of him. Also, he said I looked familiar, and he also looks familiar to me. He mentioned something about… me remembering? Have I known Chuuya for longer? 

But he also said that only Chuuya has the answers to all my questions. So that means in other words, he knows what happened during the explosion, he knows that Chuuya has been breaking into my apartment and he knows more about my entire predicament now, than I do.

Just… who exactly is he? How and why?

You cut yourself off from those thoughts. 

Ugh. this is ending up being so much more complicated than it was supposed to be. You thought in bitterness. So basically, I’ll go to the address, and get the answers to my questions. Sounds simple enough. There’s no need to overthink this. Maybe i’m just being paranoid. What’s the worst that could happen?

Well, a lot. But I’ll just ignore that for now.

You turn around and walk towards the door again. To be honest, you don’t want to know what might happen once you see him. You were already nervous from the implications the man had told you moments ago, and you were coming to realize there were some things that you noticed when you were in Chuuya’s house. Things that you maybe weren’t supposed to know about or see.

In the bottom of the drawer… there were documents. Documentation of everything that happened on the day of the explosion. A bright light illumined the sky, followed by the dead body found; the previous port mafia’s executive; Dazai Osamu. The two closest people to the explosion were a member of the port mafia, Atsushi Nakajima, and a member in the training of the Armed Detective Agency, Ryounouske Akuwatagawa. They are believed to be the cause of the explosion.

No one knows the exact events inside the Port Mafia on that day, except for the individuals involved in the actions that happened. According to the Armed Detective Agency, Akuwtagawa had barged into the Port Mafia to challenge the Port Mafia Executive. He accordingly, fought many individuals in the Port Mafia, a body count is yet to be determined. Data from thereon forth is unknown until the individuals reach the top of the building, where the most notorious event stated above occurred.

Additionally, after thorough examination of the body of the previous Port Mafia Excuetive, it can be concluded that he had committed suicide by jumping off the building. 

The document ends there, and the paper is ripped in half.

-

It felt like every meter you travelled towards that location was walking towards a terrible, yet inevitable fate. The drive there, dragged on and on as if mocking you for your choices. You find yourself counting down the seconds until you can arrive at the location given.

Oh, how you wished you had stayed at home instead of seeking him out. If only your morbid curiosity hadn’t gotten the best of you.

You’ve lost track of the time you’ve spent on the train, only waiting for the loudspeaker to announce your stop. The location you figure you were given led you to a rather remote area, likely in the outskirts of Yokohama. If not further. The man had told you he was locked underground, completely isolated from everything.

You found that part the most unsettling. If they needed that many security measures to keep him in place, it was likely he was completely gone. Gone beyond saving. If he had succumbed that much to his own grief and madness, it would be a question of whether he would still remember you or not. 

You look out the window again, enjoying your last moments of peace.

This is the eerie calm before the storm, isn’t it?

Moments after you think that, the train halts to a stop at the last station in Yokohama, and you get off. Your heart is pounding wildly in your chest, and you’re not sure if you can stop it.

You try your best to remain calm. Force yourself to keep going. He’s special to you. You can’t lose him, even if you hate him. You need him. He’s the only one who still cares. 

And above all, he’s the only one who remembers you at all.

And so, you go. You take all the correct turns. You try to walk as quickly as you could, to arrive at the destination. You keep going, and going and going until…

You’re here.

It’s one of the better buildings on the outskirts of the city, yet… it looks incredibly unsettling. It’s a mundane building, one made from standard concrete, and glass. Yet. As you stand so close, you see cracks in the building. The door is partially cracked as well. 

Well, I’m here already. Whatever happens, happens. I may die in there, still, before I die, I have to know the answer. The answer… why can’t I remember? Chuuya. I want him to tell me, what he did to me. Why he came to my apartment every day. Why he’s… he’s…..

Oh. My hands are shaking. Surely I cannot be this terrified can I? I will do this even if it kills me.

You pull the door open and enter the building. The piece of paper told you that it was on the lowest floor. Your footsteps echo in the empty building, and it feels creepy no one is here.

Huh. Gives some Deja Vu, doesn’t it?

You proceed towards the elevator at the end of the hall, and press the down button. Almost instantly, the elevator makes a “ding” noise, and the doors open. You quickly step in and look for the lowest button. With a deep breath, you push the button, and the door closes.

You stare at your face in the mirror. You look terrible. Pale and your hair is completely dishevelled and a mess. If you didn’t know any better, you’d look like you were sick. You had been extremely anxious about this for an entire day, after all.

The elevator doors once again slide open. 

Here goes nothing. You sigh. I’d better hear you talking today, Chuuya. You have a lot to tell me. And you’d better tell me it all.

You step outside the elevator. There’s nothing. Absolutely nothing, and no one here. The halls are empty, and the strong scent of stale air, combined with dust fills your nostrils. You feel like coughing for a second, but you hold yourself back. You didn’t want to make any noise to give away your presence. You take another step.

Despite what the man said, it was clear that there was no one else there. No prison guards, no other cells inside. It was clearly a floor made, simply to detain one individual in particular. Isolated, and secure enough that they’d never be able to escape. Deep enough underground that they’d never even know where they were.

Your footsteps tap loudly against the concrete and echo everywhere around. As you walk down the hall, the lightbulbs behind you light up. The man had told you it was in the deepest part of the prison. However, what he didn’t account for, was that you had no idea how this floor was organized. 

Not to mention it was starting to get creepy really quickly. Although there should be nothing else in here, you were starting to get the sense that there was something dangerous that might lurk in the air. You tell yourself it’s probably just the dark and your own fatigue and you were imagining things.

The emptiness of the entire building creeps you out. It’s eerie. It feels like you were lead into the wrong location, and you were walking into a dead end. It almost felt almost like a trap that you had been lured into. And every second, the floor grew significantly more eerie. The lack of any presence and the darkness despite the very few lightbulbs attached to the ceiling enhanced that. 

I should be getting close now… right?

You were. You could see a light at the end of this hallway, which was illuminated with an orange light. It must have been where Chuuya’s cell was. There was no other place as illuminated as this, and there was no reason for it to be.

You had gotten this far. There was no reason you should be stopping now. Should you? The answer… you had always looked for, you could get it now.

Chuuya always hid something from me. He has never answered once, one of my questions. He’s never told me why he comes to my house every day, he never told me once why he was gone. For as long as I remember, I’ve been coming back from my job, and seeing him there. But one day, he disappeared. No reason why, no reason of how. He just did.

But apart from my job, there’s another piece missing to this puzzle. There’s something else that I’ve always wanted to ask him besides why he’s gone missing, and the explosion which I already had the answer to. He knows me, better than I know myself.

What was I before all of this happened?

I know there’s something before all of this. It just doesn’t add up. The man I saw in the mafia looked familiar. The building itself was in a place that I had felt I had been in at some time before. There’s deja vu there.

But when I first walked into the apartment, the first day before I saw Chuuya, I had jamais vu. A familiar place, that I didn’t know. And consequently, I couldn’t remember much before that. So what-

“I know you’re there, (Y/N). You’ve been standing there for quite some time.”

Shit.

Your thoughts are cut off by that voice you instantly knew. Chuuya was indeed, there. But his voice didn’t sound the same as you remember. There wasn’t any of the snarkiness, or egotistical attitude in his voice anymore. Instead, his voice was laced with aggression, and a malice that made you hesitant to even come forward.

You open your jaw to speak, but almost if Chuuya knew, he spoke before you. “I know what you’re thinking. You want to know why I left you, don’t you? I assume that someone has already told you about what happened on the day I stopped seeing you, and I’m sure you know all about the aftermath of that.”

You feel like you are doused in cold water. How did he know? Did he plan all of this. You want to open your mouth and tell him to slow down, but he continues, anyways.

“And you’ve been having deja vu for several days, too. You feel like you know the Port Mafia building, you feel like you recognize everything you saw, including my home.” Silence, as he pauses for a second. “So why don’t you… come and face me, and I’ll tell you what actually happened?”

“Chuuya-”

You hear no response. You sigh and walk towards his cell. You’re not ready to hear this, and you’re not sure you can face him.

He’s different. He’s not the same anymore. He sounds more violent, his composture is much less controlled than it was before. What…what happened to him?

And then you approach his cell. He’s got cuts everywhere, specifically the gash on his face. You instantly feel the need to run away, to get this image out of your mind. He was thin, his face was significantly more gaunt than it had been the last time you had seen him. And the most unsettling thing was how he was kept. Both arms were harshly chained to the ceiling and the wall. The chains were wrapped around his arms several times (you would assume most likely to stop him from breaking free), and they cut deeply into his arm. Then his body was also tightly bound to a chair, and his legs were bound to the chair’s legs. His body you noticed, was bound so tightly to the chair, you wonder how he still managed to breathe. Still, nothing would be as unnerving as to look at as his eyes. They were not dull per say, but they were empty. Not in the hopeless kind of way, but in the tormented sense that he had been tortured so badly that it would be unlikely he ever saw the light of day again.

Truly, he was a lost cause. You could only describe him as tortured and traumatized, as you couldn’t glance at him a second time.

“Hey. You done oogling yet?” His voice came out as almost an aggressive snarl, and you instantly look away. “Look at me.” You do your best to look at him, while trying to avoid looking at any part of his face in particular. You didn’t want to see it. Truly, you don’t want to look at him in any way whatsoever. So you settle on looking at a corner of his hair. The only thing that was still familiar to you.

“I said look at me. In the eyes.”

You don’t want to.

Chuuya sighs. “I know I probably look terrible right now, but please. Just do it. For the sake of me. Just look me in the eyes. It’ll probably be the last time I see someone for a long time.” He draws that last sentence out for longer than you expect, and you start to feel uneasy again, but you try to ignore that and ask him the question. The question you had been dying to ask for an undefined amount of time.

It’s a second before you can really bring yourself to ask it. “Chuuya. Where are my memories?” your mouth tightens… “Who am I? Why did you… do this?” You take a deep breath, to stop yourself. “Just tell me. Please.”

There’s another stretched-out pause before Chuuya responds again. “I knocked you out.”

“You… you what? N-no… you’re kidding right?” Your voice wavers slightly, before seeing Chuuya’s face again. He’s dead serious. “Why would you do this?”

“You were in danger. I couldn’t help it, alright?” He yelled, and you flinch. He takes a deep breath in again, slightly more calm, and continues. “Let me explain.”

“You were part of the Port Mafia, (Y/N). In fact, you, me, and Dazai used to be assigned to the same team all the time. Of course, it was always despicable working with Dazai. He never told us about anything, instead only telling us what to do, while he schemed about whatever he damn chose.”

“You can’t be serious…”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Do you think I’m joking right now? That I’m making a story and pulling it out of thin air for fun? You wanted answers. I’m giving them to you right now.”

“Right. Sorry.”

Chuuya ignores you and goes on. “Out of the three of us, you were always the weakest one, without a strong ability, nor any supportive abilities, however, we always had to drag you along anyways. To every mission gaven to us. Dazai would always make a plan, and we’d have to follow through. And if any of us ever messed up, we’d always get into trouble.”

“I bet you wanted to know how you got that bruise on your arm, that’s never healed, huh? Well, it’s cause you messed up one of the missions, and one of the higher-ups broke your arm. It never completely healed, and it was a warning that you should never mess up again.”

You look at your arm, where the ugly purple bruise marred your skin. It had never healed, and you couldn’t do anything heavy with it. Although it made a lot more sense than the reasoning you were told, you found this all too unreal. There was no way you were a mafia member. You were always weak. There would have been no reason for you to join. But even past the static buzzing in your brain, you could make out everything he said feeling familiar. As if your memories were just behind a wall you couldn’t break through.

“Still, I wasn’t able to do anything at the time, and Dazai didn’t care too much for you. The damned bastard treated everything and everyone like a chess piece, and played them as he wished. You were constantly treated as the runt of the three of us, and often used as the punching bag when missions weren’t successful. But, over time, you managed to become more ‘competent’ and not ‘drag us back’.”

“Of course, that all was, until the Dragon Head incident. All you need to know was that it was a bloody fight, and most of us were sent to deal with it.”

“As always, we were sent to deal with the mess. Dazai and I were obviously vanguards during the entire ordeal, and you were backup. When we had found the person behind it all, I used my own ability to kill him. We had won, but just barely.”

“You had managed to find the location of the man first, but you didn’t notify us. This person later told us that you actually refused to tell us. Ultimately, you botched Dazai’s plan, and almost destroyed an entire city, because you didn’t follow his instructions. Of course, Dazai was disappointed, even if he didn’t say anything. He essentially dismissed you, and planned to go back, and remove you from the Port Mafia. But, I didn’t want that.”

“So after a very long fight with Dazai, I managed to make a compromise with him. You would not be killed for betraying the Port Mafia, however, you wouldn’t be allowed to go back. But if I told you this, you would have rather accepted death, since the Port Mafia is the only thing you have ever known. You couldn’t go into the real world since you have no identity there.”

“So later that night, while you had looked like you were at least, partially asleep. I had no choice… but to give you severe head trauma, which would make you lose all your memories.”

There’s an unspoken silence between the two of you. You had always been told that your head was fragile. When you tried to think about your childhood or teenage years, your head would fill with static and it would hurt. Never had you ever expected it to be… this…

“You must be shocked. You probably think I’m not being serious, or that I’m joking. Well, I’m not done yet.”

“You were in a coma for years after that. For about two or three years, if I remember correctly. I had to make sure that you wouldn’t remember anything, so I bashed your head, pretty hard against the concrete. I brought you to the hospital after that, and told them that you had been injured badly, because you had attempted suicide. A balatant lie, but I couldn’t tell the doctors any more than that, otherwise I would have been detained.”

“For several years, you stayed in the hospital, completely unconscious. I’d visit you everyday, and see if you would wake up. At one point I had considered just giving up. But eventually, you did wake up. But, you didn’t have an identity in the real world, let alone education, or anything that would let you survive. When you were discharged, I paid a company to forge you a fake identity, which is what you live by now.”

“I’ve watched over you for so long, (Y/N). You once asked me what you needed to be protected from. I didn’t answer that question because I didn’t think it was the right time to let you know the truth. Alas, you’ve come searching for the truth yourself. The Port Mafia was after you for a long time. I had to constantly monitor you, you were constantly on my mind every day. And even when you were discharged from the hospital, I still had to watch over you while you slept. They wanted to kill you. I didn’t want you dead, in fact how could I?” Chuuya laughs in bitterness. “I loved you for a long time. I did all of this to make sure I’d be able to see you happy, for once. And you were. You moved into society rather nicely. You were simply not meant to be part of the Mafia, despite the potential in your ability.”

“You have the gun I left on my desk, didn’t you? You knew you had to take it because you might have been in danger.”

“Chuuya… stop.” You’re still in shock, but you know you’ll never properly remember any of your memories now. You can only trust him. Whatever he says, you have to believe. He’s not lying. He never was lying.

“That was Dazai’s gun. The gun he left before he killed himself.”

“No… please. Stop. Chuuya. Don’t do this please…”

He chuckles. “I have no merit in my future, I am simply left to rot and die here. You wouldn’t understand, (Y/N). I spent so much time in my life for you, that it would have been simpler to just kill you. But I can’t do that.”

“But in a life where you don’t return any of that to me isn’t worth living either…”

“CHUUYA,” you scream. “Stop this. Don’t…”

“So shoot me please. I know you’re dying to do it. You brought the gun with you, you wanted to kill me. I know you do. Why? You’ve reached into your pockets serveral times while I was telling your past. My life is hopeless, completely doomed. I’ve lost everything I once had, except for you. And I can’t even see you now.”

“So kill me. Put me out of my own misery.”

He smiles, in a twisted sort of way, expecting you to shoot.

“You won’t regret it.”

And it’s true. You were planning on killing him, but you don’t want to now. But if what he said was true, you were also ruthless as he was. You had to make a choice, quickly.

Your hands move faster than your mind, and you can’t stop yourself.

You shoot once. Once at his chest.

You can’t bear to see what you did.

But you also can’t see control what you were going to do next. You hear another gunshot being fired, and you weren’t if it was from yourself, or maybe someone else in the floor.

Your vision stops and you feel yourself falling to the ground.

[velvetvexations]

I'm answering these via text again because it would take way too long otherwise!

read the screencaps of that one really nasty transradfem you rb'd a little earlier and you know what struck me in particular is, especially as they went on (there were many) it was so interesting seeing how many of them used text like "trans women" almost exclusively for trans women but trans men/mascs got almost exclusively called 'tboys' 'they/hes' 'tmes' 'theyfabsbians (???)' and 'aidans' and not once just called trans men. and i wonder if theres some part of them that is aware of how bad that would look. how much more spiteful that would seem. or at least more obviously full of shit. or maybe its just self-righteous rage idk. it doesn't REALLY matter WHY, its just stomach-curdling dehumanization and its suuuch a bummer. anyway youre great as ever! have a good weekend :)

It's so fucking gross and weird, and blatantly transandrophobic specifically in a way that's undeniable.

The conversations around it have cooled down, but it was disconcerting seeing people act like the reaction to intersex people in athletics is purely transphobic (and only impacting intersex athletes incidentally), when one of the people actually supporting rulings against intersex women is Joanna Harper, a trans woman and scientist. She has previously testified against Caster Semenya on behalf of World Athletics. I support Harper's work in arguing for trans women's inclusion in sport. It is vitally important. I do not wish ill on her whatsoever. But she showcases the huge intersexism problem the wider trans community has, which needs to be more widely acknowledged. ("Hyperandrogenism and women vs women vs men in sport: A Q&A with Joanna Harper" is perhaps the most illustrative example of her views.)

Also, you straight-up have countless numbers of radfems and other transphobes taking the intersex argument into account wrt Imane Khelif and going "yeah well he's still a male sweetie :)" so it's not like you can even say her situation specifically was about trans women even if that was a large part of it.

this isnt a trans related thing but i know you answer asks often so apolgies in advance do you ever get so excited that you just dont do something? like, not "oh i dont have the energy/cant focus/ect" but your just so excited to do something that you literally can't? i'm having that with some videos i wanna watch and its like pleaseeee i just wanna watch themmmm but now i've been plagued with energy

sorry, anon with to much energy again, would like to add i'm not sure if i have adhd or not but i'm leaning towards no cause it would be really inconvenient if i did and also this happens with literally everything not just videos, books, youtube vids(rn), tv shows, games idk how to end this so have a good day!

My problem is definitely in the opposite direction, I never have enough energy. Would that we could switch.

So I will say iirc social murder is a legitimate concept that's typically used to describe the ways that vulnerable populations are quietly killed under the guise of "letting die" such as putting DNRs on disabled patients during covid who had no desire for and indeed no idea they had effectively been marked as "acceptable to let die". It goes along with stuff like abjectification aka a demographic is made into not simply an object or non-human but a monster worthy of being put down. The abjectification of Palestinians is what allows the state of israel to say explicitly or implicitly things like "there are no innocent civilians" Sorry if there's any typos I've missed ^^;;

Pervious anon again to also clarify that social murder is something done systematically and can be done by omission too like the way in which adoptees especially trans racial & international adoptees face higher rates of suicide, risk of harm fron caregives, and medical issues that go treated bc of a lack of family medical history bc were just seen as ungrateful for wanting contact with our families of origin even if it's SOLEY for getting our medical records

Trans ppl of all kinds experience social murder through medical neglect, domestic/caregiver/workplace violence and though omission via lack of legal protection/trans panic defense stuff. Social murder is not something one individual does to another individual though individuals do uphold the systems that allow social murder...it's very uncomfortable to be part of the demographics that are subject to these quiet "letting die" situations and fear that we'll become a statistic and then have ppl try to turn it into an interpersonal gotcha for lateral aggression / separatist purposes so like ty for trying to course correct that Again sorry if we missed any typos and we think your really cool ^^;;

I think that's just a similar name for an entirely different concept, though. I don't know to what extent "social murder" is or was used outside of transradfem circles to mean "canceling but like, evil" but it was the first time I heard either the phrase or that context.

hey as a trans man I just wanted to let you know I really really appreciate your blog and you standing with us, I hope we can all endeavour to stand by each other in times like this. we're stronger together than apart and every trans person, regardless of identity, deserves to have a voice.

It's always my pleasure, anon.

nice transandrophobic opinion, nerd. did you get it from your favorite tankie blogger?

lmao fr I need to start using that

Miss Velvet, I am unfollowing, flambéing, blocking, etc for your dragon ball takes! …just kidding. I love your posts.

I have all the right takes.

youre so cool

I knowwwwww

such a weird assumption that trans women cant be into detrans kink too?? my trans girlfriend was into it and even if i personally wasnt i like being a kink sponge so she could get it all out on me

It's especially bullshit because the coiner of transandrophobia was crucified for a indulging a trans woman with a detrans kink.

out of curiosity. any thoughts on cannibalism? hypothetically of course. fantasy only

Not my thing, although I think the metaphysical idea of incorporating what you eat into your spirit somehow is fascinating.

I checked the post and I'm not seeing ops letting terfs call trans women rapist in the replies Like its not there They were just offline and can't be online to block every shit terf that speaks every three seconds. Also love how that person remived rbs after u saw the post bc they know theyre lying and pretending they're being "dogpiled"

I relaize I might just have all the terfs blocked but my point stabds: this person probably isnt chronically online to argue with every terfs who makes up lies. i sometimes just ignore them bc yhe obly terfs i worry about are the ones who say that shit in real queer spaces an noth their pathetic little blogs

Yeah, like. The idea was that they were deleting one group of radfems and not the other and that just wasn't true. So frustrating, but them killing the reblogs is hilarious as always.

[1moreff-creator]

Happy Birthday Nico Hakobyan!

Meow meow! (Our favorite cat person's birthday has arrived!)

Mrow. (As always, small character analysis + fun facts + songs!)

CW Transphobia, bullying, blackmail, death threats, murder attempt

-Nico is the Ultimate Pet Therapist! This is because, as they've explicitly stated, they like interacting with animals more than humans. They feel as though there are many unwritten rules of human conversation they don't fully understand, while animals are a lot simpler by comparison. Mood.

-Their secret may also play into why they prefer interaction with animals. It was "No one accepted you for your identity. You were constantly mocked by your family, your peers, and everyone else." Basically, people made fun of them because they're non-binary, to the point apparently they threw rocks and mud at them :(

-Speaking of secrets, the quote on Mai's page associated to them is "Everyone confided in her." Presumably they came out to Mai out of their own will, instead of being essentially outed by David (which is one of the many morally wrong things with David's whole "sharing secrets" operation, but this ain't about him).

-And speaking of secret quotes, the one on Nico's page's source code is "Why should I own up for the mistakes that someone else made?" A bit vague, and one which will probably only make sense with future context. Although, it may actually be referencing something we already saw.

-Time to talk about The Gym Incident.

-Ace got Nico's secret at the start of CH2, and because of his own set of issues, he decided to use this power over Nico to bully them relentlessly. Now, Nico also got Ace's secret, but for one reason or another never brought it up. Possibly because they had a "better" idea for how to stop the bullying: in the heat of the moment, Nico threatened to kill Ace. I mean, killing the guy is a lot simpler than the blackmail equivalent of mutually assured destruction, and we know how Nico feels about complicated social rules and norms.

-Thankfully Hu stepped in before things escalated further, although her method might have been, uh, flawed. Giving her friend the benefit of the doubt, she blamed Ace for everything and slapped him. Which, yes, Ace was horrible to Nico. But the death threat should probably be addressed, shouldn't it? Or should they "not be forced to apologize for someone else's mistake?"

-One thing led to another, and Nico tried to kill Ace in the gym.

-To be fair, the whole situation is still surrounded in speculation, but they have admitted to it. To be clear, I don't actually think this is the situation their secret quote refers to, since they did say "I shouldn't have done that" in the trial, so they presumably feel enough remorse to feel like maybe they should apologize, even if Ace is far from blameless. Or maybe I'm wrong and this is the situation the quote refers to, who knows.

-Additionally, they never denied stealing Rose's turpentine to pull this off, so it's very possible they did.

-Oh, yeah! Nico and Rose and friends :D (or at least they were before the turpentine thing). They shared an FTE, which only had a 0,4% chance of happening apparently :O

-It's a very sweet one, where they vibe for a few minutes without talking, then call each other cats, and talk about their issues with communicating their feelings. It's revealed Nico has a pet cat named Tractor (because he meows very loudly), which is pretty old, and that they miss other cats they knew before the killing game. Also, when Rose brings up she's scared of what she knows because of her memory, Nico drops this while thinking of the killing game:

Nico [thought]: Everyone here probably is afraid of themselves and what they might end up doing.

Foreshadowing is a narrative device-

-Their numeral in the the David MV is VIII (8), which is "even if I try to think, IDK!!!". Explained at 1:58:22 in this video, though it's not too complex.

-According to Color Theory they get light blue, with the words "cry, cry, idk!!!" I don't think I need to explain why this applies to Nico, who might actually have more crying sprites than the rest of the cast combined (I don't think that's true, but you get the idea). Mood.

-Their birthday, December 19th, lands on National Hard Candy Day, National Harry (yes the name) Day, National Oatmeal Muffin Day, and National Emo Day, among others. At this point I'm no longer surprised by these things.

Fun facts!

-They like cat-themed things and dislike bathtubs. Cat behavior.

-Like most of the cast, they're American, right-handed, their sexuality is unconfirmed and their hair color is natural.

-They don't have a favorite color, as they are not interested in such things, but their least favorite is white. They find it unsettling.

-Nico cuts their own hair, as stated in their FTE.

-Their favorite ice cream flavor is "the flavor." No elaboration. Mood.

-They smell like a kitty-cat.

-Their favorite food is unprocessed and natural food.

Songs!

(I was really tempted to give them some of Muu's songs from Milgram, but whether or not they work depends on what their secret quote actually means so :p)

+The Chattering Lack of Common Sense by Ghost & Pals

+Scapeg∞at by Ghost & Pals

+God-ish by PinnochioP

+Karma by CreepP, CircusP

+Nobody Makes Sense by PinnochioP

+Monster by KIRA (listen evil Nico lives rent free in my head ok?)

+The Spider and the Kitsune-Like Lion by MASA Works Design (So about the evil Nico thing-)

+And Happy Birthday! Sung by kitties of course.

(Wow I did not have a lot for them rip)

[ryuichirou]

Replies

I have a couple of older asks that need longer replies, and I’ll try to answer at least one of them tomorrow… but today we have a bunch of shorter ones!

furubatsu asked:

In an ask you answered ages ago, you mentioned how Malleus threw off your Top/Bottom radars at first and I was curious, are there any other characters that made you go "their x! No, wait, y!"

Ooh, good question! The only other character I can think of is Lilia, but he wasn’t as confusing as Malleus: his design threw us off, but the moment Lilia opened his mouth, we figured him out lol

We really very rarely have problems with that, because it’s more about feeling the vibe of a character than anything else.

But Malleus really did confuse us for quite some time…

Anonymous asked:

are you two aware of league of legends? maybe the jhin x hwei dynamic would be interesting…

We know of it, but we aren’t even remotely closely familiar with the lore and stuff, but we actually went and read a bit about Jhin and Hwei after receiving your ask and YEP WE GET IT LOL to be honest we’re flattered that you thought that we might like them… they really do have an interesting dynamic, and the fact that it’s rooted in deep feelings about art and has some much despair and inner and outer conflict honestly makes it very spicy.

And Hwei’s design 👌💖💖💖 instantly love him.

Anonymous asked:

Even though Regina George isn't really fitting for Vil, I bet the in universe rps/rpf community loves casting him as her in Mean Girls AUs and frequently make comments about how Vil should've been cast as her in the musical version and/or remake.

Anon, I 100% agree that the in-universe fandom fancasts him as Regina all the time. He should start asking Mira who is the most “he should’ve played Regina in the musical omg” person in the world lol

But at the same time I feel like this is the reason why Vil doesn’t read comments under his posts sometimes…

Anonymous asked:

One of my favorite 'Kalim Overblots' I've read, we don't even get to see him Overblot.

He overblots after an enemy tricks him into thinking he murdered a comatose Jamil right in front of him, leading him to attacking the 'culprit' in a rage with Oasis Maker and then-

Cut to the aftermath.

There you go, another interesting way to make Kalim overblot! I like how it’s still related to him feeling responsibility + despair because of Jamil’s death, it seems like this is the main trigger for Kalim to get an emotional reaction of this magnitude.

Anonymous asked:

Najma and Jamil are basically siblings who like to mess each other but still love each other. I mean Jamil has a better family relationship to her than his parents. That doesn't mean he doesn't like how she often annoyed him.

Azul will likely try to win Najma over for her to accept her brother's relationship to her. I mean having inlaws together is worst.

Aw this is very sweet. I’m glad Jamil has a sister like that.

God I didn’t even think about the Azul-being-into-Jamil aspect of all of it, oh god this guy is going to annoy Najma too, although for some reason I get the feeling that she’s only going to be nice to Azul to annoy Jamil.

But then again, I can’t say anything concrete about her – haven’t met the girl yet.

Anonymous asked:

IDK why but I really like the idea of Ruggie unintentionally 'stealing' Azul's 'boyfriends'. Like Azul is already upset that Jamil prefers Ruggie over him and then finds Ruggie on top of Idia when he arrives at the Board Game Club room (in reality they fell over and accidentally landed in a compromising position).

Poor Azul, this is going to make him overblot again lol  I like how this is turning into a weird romcom, although with how petty Azul is, it could end up turning into an entirely different kind of anime.

Anonymous asked:

when i was starting twst i thought neige was the name of jamils sister

Jamil and his randomly French sister…

[killermochi]

I’m half convinced you’re a psyop so idk why I’m bothering but just in case you’re not

Are you aware that the Republican Party’s foundation is evangelicals? Are you aware that they think war in Palestine is a sign of end times and they think it’s a good thing, and they think it’s good for the world to end? The American Christian Right are anti Palestinian and pro Israel (despite also being antisemitic otherwise!)bc they think they live in the book of Revelations. They’re frothing at the mouth for the conflict to continue.

Telling people they shouldn’t vote blue is fucking irresponsible.

I have never told anyone how they should vote, so I have no idea where you are getting that from. I'm saying that no matter how you vote, don't whitewash the genocide that Democrats are carrying out right now. Because when you do that, you are actively choosing to normalize violence against Palestinians. (the normalization of violence against Palestinians is one of the reasons this genocide is possible)

I know people whose families are being slaughtered right now by Biden and Harris, and when they protested, begging them to stop killing their children, Biden and Harris cracked down on their free speech and sent the full force of the police state to brutalize them. Threatened them at their jobs and schools. It is unimaginably dehumanizing to lecture people going through a genocide about how "they are being irresponsible" not voting for the party you think is best for you because the other guy would also have murdered their family. It's actually so gross, that it makes my soul feel sick.

Anyways, as long as both parties are bought by corporations and special interest groups, whether or not project 2025 continues to go into action (it's already started for most people in this country, but maybe you are too privileged to know that) will be completely up to whether or not the corporations running this country want it to continue. No matter how you vote, I encourage everyone to vote down the ballot and especially in all local elections, but don't get stuck in the mindset that the ballot box is all that matters. Organizing at the community level is just as if not more important than voting.

Also, if genocide and apartheid are things you think should be accepted and brushed under the rug, then I don't think we're on the same side in the first place, so don't waste your time.

[cauldron-burn-and-fire-bubble]

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT NINA!! anything you want to share about her, i want to collect

OOH OKAY ALRIGJT. (btw sorry this took a while i wrote up most of it days ago but The Tasks. you know how it is. here's a sketch for now)

so the thing about nina is that she is a really really old oc that i decided to revive over the summer to see what i could do with my current understanding of science and techmology so she doesn't really have an actual storyline. but here's some tidbits (under the cut because I have a lot to talk about). also warning for discussion of some unethical biomedical practices

- she's from kind of a cyberpunk dystopia where extreme human genetic alteration is possible (in embryos only ofc) but very very expensive because of not only the procedures needed to make an altered zygote but the resources required to incubate it for a full gestation period and because only some will end up viable the lab will have to create and incubate a carefully calculated number of embryos often with slight differences to ensure at least one will fully develop (this will be relevant i swear)

- so the technology is basically only available to the ultra rich

- nina was intended to have superficial birdlike features (think feathers instead of hair, high visual acuity, some minor skeletal alterations) but the lab done fucked up and she's much more bird than intended. im not an expert on emerging gene editing technology maybe the targeting sequences they used were a little off due to a glitch but you can see how she turned out

- the person who commissioned her didn't accept her and culling a fully developed altered human is well. murder. so she ended up in a care facility for rejected lab kids like herself

- she took way longer than a typical human child to start actually communicating when she talked but she was able to mimic words and phrases very very early. kind of creeped a lot of her caretakers out to greet her and hear their own slightly distorted voice repeat the greeting back from the mouth of a like two month old

- she eventually settled into her own voice but you could potentially identify the person who taught her some phrases if you knew them already. she's still a great mimic since she basically has a syrinx in there

- she struggles with verbal and written communication in general, a little better with body language at least for interpreting intentions/tone but different people can have very different body language ofc

- she also tends to be hyperactive (partly due to extremely high metabolism) and sort of impulsive

- incredible vision and spatial reasoning (those big bird eyes)

- technically with how large she is (about 4'3" if she could stand up straight without falling over and 70-80 lbs?) she shouldn't be able to fly but i ignore that

- remember how i said the duplicate embryos would be relevant well she has a secret not-quite twin another survivor from the same batch. idk how they got separated (remember i came up with the bones of this when i was like 10) but her twin had a messier life

- nina herself ended up as some kind of specialized government operative (cue booing) no she gets out of it in the end i swear

- the twin is a major figure in the conflict around rights for altered humans

- at some point the two of them meet and eventually join forces idk like i said there isn't a real story to this

- she has 2 fingers and the thumb free to move on each hand but they aren't very dextrous so she mainly uses her feet for fine motor tasks

- she also has difficulty emoting in a way that most humans can interpret due to the beak

- i have also made nina as a dnd character (her human parents gave her up to a monastery as an infant having frankly no idea what to do with her which she left as a teenager and became a highwayman as her appearance leads most potential benefactors to believe she's cursed) she has +5 dex and -1 con

and here's a little portrait for anyone who read this far. my beautiful daughter who i love so much <3

[beachesgetpeaches]

I can't deal with the two extremes at this point. I've seen some act like Matty is a godsend that never did anything wrong, because it was all an "act". I've seen the other side act like he murdered someone.

There is a middle ground. He might just be an immature asshole that made shitty edgy jokes. He wouldn't be the first. He won't be the last.

More than anything, and this is just my opinion, I feel like a lot (not all) of Swifties are upset, not because of what he said or did, but because he makes Taylor look bad and it calls her activism into question. Some of them seem to think liking an activist makes them an activist or morally superior.

This is probably all over the place, but that's kind of how I feel. Matty is an ass, as always. But Taylor was never an unproblematic champion of marginalized communities.

I think at this point, fans might just need to accept that maybe they aren't amazing people, and maybe it's okay to just like their music or...stop buying it. Taylor breaking up with Matty tomorrow won't make her a better person.

Sorry, that was longer than I meant it to be.

I actually love that my ask can be a place to vent and share opinions so no apologies needed for the length. But I agree, there are two extremes which kind of just seem to feed each other... and it's not constructive at all.

It also means that if you say something that disagrees with one extreme you are likely to be treated as the other. Though in this case I've gotta admit that I've seen more of it from the "hate matty" side than the defend side - though this could just be the side of the internet I am in.

And with that kind of mindset it means that people who are in the middle (which I think is the closest to the truth, not to idk pat myself on the head or anything) and recognise that Matty has fucked up, and that we should criticise some of his actions, while also maintaining that he is not actually racist/antisemitic/islamophobic/thedevil/etc... those people are being ignored. Or worse, they just get bunched with the other extreme side and called racists, white-feminists, and yknow the rest.

Not to mention that I do think Matty in his statement to New Yorker was onto something with how he said "let me get as close to X as possible, so you can see how good I am"... kind of like, look at me calling out what everyone else is calling out to prove how moral and good and worthy I am. When, in fact, all of those reactions are doing nothing because ultimately Matty (in this case) is actually not a racist, has stood for things that need standing up for, and is actually not actively harming people. Beyond hurting feelings of people online (?).

(and I guess here I understand the wish from some fans that he addresses things or apologises, but I can't speak on t1975 fandom account since I have not been a part of it for the many years they have been active)

Either way, to me it seems that people still have not learned to listen/read for themselves instead of reiterating the things they read without forming their own opinion.

@yallcantread has made a few really well written, well documented posts about this specific topic, which I would encourage people to read through.

[reyesstrand]

So I’m not someone who thinks Carlos’s character was “ruined” by season 4… but I do also think that if we’re going to talk about how the season added depth and nuance to his character it also needs to be addressed that it was done in a way in which he was given flaws and made mistakes while not growing or learning from them. He was still hiding things and lying in the very last episode of the season and he had no consequences for any of his mistakes this season (unless you want to count now having a lizard son as a peace offering after not communicating properly 😂). And my complaint about this is 100% aimed at the writing, not the character. I loved that they gave him plots and screen time and flaws and depth and friends outside of TK and more background with his family… but he didn’t show growth as a result of those flaws at all and that bothers me.

so yeah like, i think a lot of this comes from the fact they made this the carlos season (no complaints sjfnskdn) and kind of overlayed tons of issues in one condensed season. but if you think about things like the deflection, the jokes, etc…these are all trauma responses that have been there since what? early season two? and do i think they should’ve shown him maybe having a chat with tk where he apologizes for lying? yeah. there were many moments where they could’ve shown them talking, but we’ve accepted that they have lives off-screen and talk off-screen as they have for the duration of the show. episode three alone, carlos says that they talked about giving iris time. we didn’t see that, but we go off that as the foundation for both of their reactions to iris going missing again. i also think the scenes we did get with them communicating (end of 4x02, 4x12, 4x16 etc etc) show that they’ve grown in that department, and even if it isn’t happening on screen……..it is happening. he’s initiated his fair share of the conversations. the process of growth is non-linear and we might have to sit with the uncomfortable humanness of it all. i really don’t know.

i can say that i have my own problems with the writing this season. i agree a lot of this happened all at once, and that the iris storyline was rushed, and even some non-tarlos storylines were a little sloppy, but i can also say that i enjoyed the way that grief on this show is not linear, recovery on this show is not linear, grappling with trauma is not linear. learning from past mistakes is not something that’s easily said and done. we see this in tk we see this in marjan we see this in paul we see this in judd we see this in tommy we see this in grace we see this in owen and we see this in carlos. we never on-screen saw carlos’ trauma as it happened pre-show, but we’re seeing it naturally come out as he’s grown comfortable in his life. but i still focus on the enjoyment the show brings me.

re the finale…..i think it does fit in character, and maybe that’s annoying!!! maybe that’s something they’ll deal with next season!!!! but him not telling tk because he’s literally become consumed by his grief over hearing his father die over the phone and his mother’s screams and finding out he’s been murdered….idk like he’s acting human. he doesn’t want to hurt anyone else further and sees himself as nothing but a vessel of anger and desire for revenge (again…something i think they could and should touch on next season). he acted similarly in 3x11 after he and grace were used as weapons. and tk being the one to see this in him and carlos coming home to him afterward and talking it through brings the humanity back. i agree with the points being made in general (not just you anon) about him acting violently in the finale but i also cannot blame him because he is so shrouded in grief and i think we can give him some leeway for distancing himself from tk and not wanting to talk about things. that’ll likely be touched on next season. maybe i’ll be proven wrong and it won’t be but….idk. it’s just how i could give tk some leeway for wanting to steal fentanyl from his workplace after his mom died and not telling carlos or his dad the truth until he and his dad are literally potentially facing death in a depressurized airplane. grief acts in mysterious ways and grief is such a singular, personal experience that i can’t find myself upset about a lack of growth when the whole season he was acting out of responses to pre-show trauma and the end of the season he’s faced with such a brutality. just let them all take a nap in season 5 ajdnskdns

[cyarskaren52]

When you half assed apologize for your racism then retweet your friend who is chastising the Black community for not accepting it that makes me think you were never sincere

@EuphoriTori

. If you're contrite as you say you gotta accept that some people simply won't ever forgive you

Brianna Wu stop dirty deleting your problematic tweets challenge.

Every time a ⚪ person with a large platform gets dragged for being racist her comes all the other racist ⚪ people with large platforms to defend them and Brianna Wu be the main one

Do they fire up a bat signal or something? Cuz I swear it's always the same mfs who suit up and don their capes to play captain save a racist

We the black and pocs get to decide what we can and cannot forgive and forget and no clear, no hotep, no nigpine, no biiich made HEW, and nobody else can tell us how we should feel or what we should feel

Follow up:

The more I read about the heinous shit Victoria said the more incensed I feel. She was so cold and cruel about the murders of two Black children (Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice) yet white people are falling all over themselves to forgive her and accept her apology. That's not your Place. Folks gotta stop accepting apologies not meant for them and my clear cousins need to stop doing the absolute most to sweep blatant racism under the rug. Maybe you see yourselves in her. Maybe you too have a history of racism and by forgiving her you're also forgiving Yourselves by proxy, idk. What I do know is that no one owes your acceptance or forgiveness just because you claimed you've changed. Especially not for racism and anti-Black hate.

Victoria and Brianna Wu if you’re reading this Girls fuck you! Ain’t no forgiving this!

Apology not accepted. DO NOT COME FOR OUR BLACK BABIES!!!!🤬🤬

After this Fuck that!

[liauditore]

is there any voicaloid songs you think capture bigB pretty well‽

OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR ASKING... MY SAVIOUR I CAN FINALLY RAMBLE ABT MY STUPID PLAYLISTS. ANON I LOVE YOU.

so first off bouquet garni ofc . i did a whole drawing abt it so i won't go into detail here but yeah it's so him.

in general he's very inabakumori-coded imo but especially float play i mean just. i mean come on.

A pacifist till yesterday had dawned

and lost umbrella too. this specific remix i think adds kind of a chaoticness that suits last life bigb and his whole thing with cleo rlly well.

Leaving soon, pleading with you Right before the rain will soak me through They could still try to kill me while I have no view, and there’s nothing at all I can do Letting go never came, my hands stay dripping with rain Never gained a sense of things I had to face What I’d end up dropping someday

and lagtrain. cus it's lagtrain.

this is maybe getting a bit into unhinged headcanons territory but i really like associating Like a Dog with his relationship with Ren specifically (i mayhaps have Too Many thoughts about those two). I don't expect anyone else to see what I see but um yeah something about the passive aggression Bigb has towards him in Double Life, how they always end up together every season, something about how Ren will always drag Bigb into his murderous plans etc. etc.

deathly loneliness attacks tends to be either a bigb or a jimmy song depending on the day for me. specifically mercAU!bigb but i havent even drawn him yet so i cant rlly say anything.

that nameless kisaragi station song is another one i relate to my very obscure headcanons lmao but if you squint i think the clown to clown communication might get through a little bit?? 😭😭

something something the evo players having more awareness of the time loop than the others. plus his relationship with grian. idk if u see it u see it im not a cop.

I only wanted to go meet a friend tonight But it’s over now so good night

None can see me even if they try Where the hell am I? Doomed to never truly die I tried my best to keep you safe and sound But that wasn’t quite enough to stop it was it?

but yeah!! i hope at least one of these tickled ur brain??

i feel like with bigb there's like.. this distinct flavour of angst that's not quite edgy enough to be people allergy and not quite self-loathing enough to be nonsense speaker (although if your headcanons for him land more in that territory i highly recommend those songs).

there's like this specific flavour of dulled acceptance he has with his own shortcomings that i don't see talked about often. it's not like he doesn't care, he just goes with whatever happens to him like his opinion doesn't really matter and no one listens anyway so what's the point in trying to fight it. he's like the quiet middle child who doesn't 'cause trouble' so he gets overlooked as a result even if he's technically doing everything right lol

(and he's on the edge of snapping as a result. constantly. but he would never. like im gonna do something bad-- im gonna do something REALLY bad-- and then he never does)

and sometimes that ends in disaster (him and cleo) or bottled up resentment (him and ren) and other times it provides some much-needed stability (him and grian or pearl).

i think uh 'resigned' is a good word for it. yeah he's resigned to it all.

but yeah so uh i like bigb

[echolipse]

1. What is your romantic/sexual orientation? Panromantic asexual 2. Are you out? To whom? I'm not even sure. I'm not hiding it but I haven't done a formal "hi this is what I am" lol. 3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it? I knew it was something weird with me sexually at like 13, but I didn't realize what exactly until I learned about asexuality at the age of 20. 4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with? Yes. Mainly just LGBTQ+ in general, but for more specific ones it'll be the asexual and trans/enby communities. 5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to. I came out to my mom as bisexual when I was 14, that's what I thought I was back then (I just knew I liked both binary genders), I didn't know there were more specific things than straight, bi, gay. I told her in an SMS from my bedroom lol. She replied that she loved me regardless. 6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal? I'm not sure. 7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?) David Tennant. 8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like? I mean, just celebrate pride with the general LGBTQ+ movement. 9. What does being asexual mean to you? Sexual attraction is little to non-existent. 10. What have other people said about your asexuality? Not much tbh. 11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like. Most people in my life are very accepting of LGBTQ+ as a whole. 12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site. Don't have any. 13. Your favorite asexual website. Don't have any. 14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online. Don't remember. 15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person. I like that guy on tiktok that calls himself tiktok jesus, he's asexual and pretty funny. 16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus). A good girls guide to murder. 17. Your favorite “asexual” movie. Can't decide on a favorite. 18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality. No. 19. What do relationships mean to you? Haven't been in one in 9 years, don't even remember anymore. 20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s). My best friends are great. I don't know what to say, I just think they're great and I'm happy to know them. I don't have the energy to write a lot about each of them (even tho it's just 2). 21. Your favorite asexual quote. Idk, maybe the classic "I'd rather have cake" 22. What do you believe causes asexuality? No clue. What causes gayness? 23. What is your favorite asexual pride image? Probably one with a dinosaur shape colored with the ace colors or something. 24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you. It's hard finding love... not that I tried that hard, I'm lazy and don't like people lol. 25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality? "You're not a plant" 26. Who is your biggest ally? My best friends. 27. What is your favorite types of cake? Carrot cake. 28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?) No. 29. Where did you first learn about asexuality? I think it was here on tumblr. 30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with. I'm tired of writing now.

[batsplat]

hi i started watching tennis this year and i found your blog when browsing tumblr and i really enjoyed reading your opinions about tennis!

one thing i have started being curious about though was kind of the concept of acceptable behaviour as a tennis player. in general i follow tennis news and fan opinion stuff on reddit and the general vibe seems to be that racket smashing or screaming or other tantrum-like activities is super bad and obviously the wta and atp discourage these activities by having rules in place to punish people who do them ex. giving point penalties for swearing although i'm not sure i've seen it happen so far and i have definitely witnessed players swearing so maybe it doesn't matter that much to the tennis organizations? Personally i don't think there's really anything wrong with this type of behaviour, i feel like it's part of the game, but joining fan communities like reddit made me realize it seems like stuff like breaking rackets, screaming or other things that could be displays of frustration has a very negative perception.

So i was just every wondering what your opinion on racket smashing or players throwing tantrums mid-match or other similar behaviours is and why you think that most fans view behaviour like that in a very negative light? Also whether you think the tennis organizations should be more strict about punishing things like breaking rackets, swearing etc. since i feel like i rarely see any sort of punishment given despite these behaviours being forbidden in the rule book and also how they seem to be unpopular with fans.

ah yes, a favourite topic of tennis discourse. this is proooooobably not going to come as a great shock to you, but I personally take a pretty laissez-faire approach to acceptable conduct for tennis players. I'm not completely in the 'everything goes' camp but I'm definitely more pro outbursts of emotion than the average tennis fan. idk I think my case for this is pretty straightforward - I like my athletes with emotions, I like them imperfect, I don't want them all to be perfectly composed on court at all times. playing tennis is a pretty hellish experience and tbh it does kinda drive you insane, and to me it's pretty compelling to actually see that process play out. I don't need ALL tennis players to be like this, but the point is you get a contrast in how to manage emotions. and I wouldn't want all of that to go

the reasons why tennis fans don't like it... well, first off, tennis is quite a conservative sport. it's not seen as part of the 'image' of tennis, this idea of the gentleman's sport that's somehow being tarnished. to some extent I feel like this ship has kinda sailed... mcenroe has to be one of the players who still remains most enduringly in the general public's consciousness, who was obviously infamously the opposite of that. then again, you could say the point of that kind of figure is that he's memorable because he's seen as the exception. but yeah, there's just sort of this stuffy reflexive commitment to 'traditions' or whatever... idk I don't have any such commitment so I'm probably doing quite a poor job at articulating that stance. one commonly cited issue is how players should act as role models and their impressionable young audience might copy them. and, look, sorry, but fuck them kids. I don't care! I played juniors tennis and I kinda think those little brats are going to be monsters whatever you do. while I never myself smashed a racquet because my mum would have murdered me, I did know a lot of kids who smashed raquets - and often in sizeable numbers. (obviously also a class element to this but... not as much as you'd think, some kids from pretty low income backgrounds went through quite a few racquets and somehow their parents kept shelling up.) but at this point, idk, this is also the parents' responsibility. do NOT allow your kid's role model to be a TENNIS PLAYER, that's a TERRIBLE idea. I just don't find it a reasonable expectation to curtail the emotions shown in professional sports because a few kids might be watching

but also, fan sentiment is a complicated topic... I'm hardly the only fan who is into racquet smashes, for instance. even amongst those nominally against it, you do sometimes detect a certain scandalised enjoyment of poor behaviour - something to mock but also to look out for. tennis fans do like making someone the villain. also, it's worth pointing out that tennis fans are often massive hypocrites about this. tennis MEDIA are often hypocrites - for years and years, kyrgios got a considerably lighter ride than colleagues who did stuff that was a lot less egregious, and it's only in the last few years the mood has turned against him. (though you'll still find a stray telegraph journalist willing to take up the cause and explain to us why he's What Tennis Needs.) I can also go for an example a bit closer to home and mention that... you bring up reddit, and like. hate to say it but medvedev - for all the shit he gets from live crowds - is a favourite player of much of the internet including reddit, which means he often gets a lot more leeway than his peers. it's because he's charismatic and makes for an effective pantomime villain. he behaves poorly but he's funny about it, he'll come up with a one-liner or a bit of odd behaviour that makes you laugh. he probably also benefits from some biased umpiring in that regard - he gets a pretty light touch and there's definitely times where I feel like he should have (by the rules) racked up more code violations than he had. though he is also clever about it and has a good feel for how far he can push things in terms of avoiding penalty

a memorable example of this is from his monte carlo 2023 match against zverev, where zverev broke in the second set to serve for the match. as they went to their changeover, medvedev went to the net and removed the singles stick and tossed it to the ground. the umpire went down from his chair to put it back up while exchanging some pretty light-hearted lines with medvedev. zverev laughed in a kind of bemused way, the tension of the match situation was broken and medvedev successfully broke back the next game, going on to serve for the match. medvedev wasn't even given a code violation for what he did. now, obviously I am in support of this on every level - and yes, it was creative, that's not something directly written in the rulebook. but... you could have given him a code violation for unsportsmanlike conduct. the umpire didn't. this is an even murkier zone where it does kinda cross over from outbursts of emotion to gamesmanship (something I personally like even more than the emotions)... you can push the boundaries of the rules quite successfully

and it has to be said that, like you say, application of code violations in general can be pretty arbitrary. it's not a particularly consistent system and has pretty major flaws. a lot is left to the discretion of the umpires and umpires aren't prone to changing their minds. obviously controversial officiating is hardly unique to tennis, but there really is... a lot of frustration with the system right now. disqualifications last year - one I personally felt was more justified than the other - have prompted a lot of discussion on that ground. racquet smashes get faiiiirly consistently penalised, but stuff like swearing, ball abuse and so on are way more touch-and-go. the shot clock controlling time between points is an endless source of debate. also, the system has a one size fits all approach to penalisation that like... keeps things simple but it IS an issue. you basically get one freebie and then it escalates from there in terms of penalty - except for serious offences where you get immediately disqualified. which, again, there's an argument for the simplicity, but sometimes it feels a bit weird what gets the same punishment

ofc there's also a tier of what I personally find objectionable offences. I think swearing, with the exception of slurs obviously, is like... idk man, it feels silly to penalise, it's also a bit of a pain with all the different languages and equality on THAT front and I just don't really care. racquet smashes are to me also completely unobjectionable. the only thing you are hurting is your racquet. some of these players are so obscenely rich, richer than I personally feel any individual should be, that it feels pretty silly to be talking about a racquet that costs like a hundred fifty quid. nadal needs to worry less about being respectful to his plastic sticks and worry more about paying his taxes, which to me is a considerably more important metric of moral character. also, they're funny. I like watching racquet smashes, I like rating the technique. some of them are pretty hot. I am pro-racquet smashes. ball abuse where it goes into the crowd is more ehhhhhhhhhh and if it gets near a closer target - aka part of the staff actually on the court - then like. there I DO have an issue because you are injuring someone!! how players conduct themselves with officials also exists on a spectrum - I generally am like... kinda fine with players getting feisty with chair umpires, though there too a line can be crossed, but less fine when it's for instance with a line umpire who a) is less removed from the player, and b) can't talk back. and obviously any form of physical intimidation isn't acceptable, an acapulco 2022 type situation with zverev for instance. don't do that

on penalisation, I'm not like... radically against racquet smashes and swearing being penalised, to some extent I do think it's fine that if you do those things you do get a code violation and you have to take that into account. I also think it's maybe not bad to have a few guidelines to stop things getting completely out of hand, though I would like there to maybe be room for a BIT more. if you could smash one racquet a set idk. that being said. I am not fine with those offences being placed on the same level as ball abuse for instance, I think violations that are pretty unlikely to hurt anyone should be regulated the most lightly. and what I really really REALLY don't like is that self harm is currently allowed under the rules. you aren't allowed to smash up your racquet, but you know what you are allowed to smash up? your knees. this!! feels!! insane!! to me!! it is WORSE for you to bloody yourself up as self-punishment for playing poorly than for you to break a fucking racquet!! if there's ANY instance where I'd countenance the 'won't you think of the kids' argument, then surely it's that?? like idk man, I also don't enjoy watching that, I find it pretty distressing actually - and realistically, penalising it is probably one of the best ways to stop it from happening. so like,, penalise that, get more chill about the racquets

basically I think penalisation has to be reconsidered a bit within the rules:

I think part of the issue is that... sometimes there's just offences that don't feel like they SHOULD get a proper penalty, and if it's up to the discretion of the umpire then they might just let it slide. but obviously that does lead to very unbalanced officiating. ideally I'd probably like a penalty point system that doesn't treat every offence equally, which might liberate umpires to give code violations more consistently without feeling they're having an undue impact on match outcome for something pretty minor. but also I do see how that'd be seen as unwieldy,, and I'm not sure the tennis world will be all that up for my proposal of 'four racquet smashes are fine, actually'. my argument would be: if you set up incentives that implicitly make racquet smashes less problematic than other forms of code violation, then you will make it more likely they smash their racquets than do that other stuff. you're giving them a pretty entertaining pretty safe way of releasing their emotions - and for instance ball abuse I feel would go way down. which... idk, I just think it'd be a preferable model. you're not giving them complete free reign, but you are setting up more sensible incentive structures. at the same time, I would be Fine with making penalties for ball abuse and self-harm more severe

but that's the officiating pov. in general, just as a viewer, I'm pretty fine with anything that doesn't cause physical harm. I think a lot of bad behaviour is fun to watch and spices up proceedings. I also really don't like this... conflation that goes on where tennis fans seem to equate good behaviour on the court with being a good person off it. idk man, often they really aren't related, people can be very different on the match court. just because somebody is cool and composed while playing, doesn't mean they can't be a terrible person. there's also this quasi-fetishisation of always having your feelings under control (cf nadal) which to me is just. okay congrats this is boring. again, I like it when players aren't perfect!! I also think fans are assholes sometimes - I have a complicated relationship to jeering and booing in tennis, but sometimes it's just ridiculous what kind of stuff gets an extreme negative reception. fans need to get a grip. and they need to be less judgemental... obviously this stuff becomes particularly unpleasant when it intersects with misogyny, women's emotional outbursts are always more heavily policed and stuff like the reaction to sabalenka smashing a racquet backstage post uso 2023 final is so... predictable and gross. we shouldn't even have SEEN that, give these players some privacy, but given we did see that. the reaction should have been 'good on her'. sometimes smashing a racquet... feeling an emotion, even. is fine. even in tennis

and this is what I will leave you on

toss that shit away

[lemonlyre]

I'd argue, in the context of the show and other characters this makes sense. Now, hear me out pls I spent a long time on this. :3

There's a larger core message in the show that is invariably accepting of disability, race, etc. and totally against eugenicist thinking. Viktor's whole deal, as a journey to accepting human difference and literally searching for a 'glorious final evolution' where the human race itself is replaced by robots without disability, without 'flaws', only to have his realization be that that mindset is so wrong and has caused so much pain over the course of the show.

Also, I noticed the show celebrates diversity and especially props up discriminated groups as rich in character and value as a person. Most characters attain or have some disability - seen or unseen - which doesn't denote them but is framed as a natural physical consequence to war or just a part of them. Jinx's mental health, losing a finger, Sevika's arm, Viktor's illness, etc; the show celebrates the use of mobility aids, prosthetics etc and claims in the climax "you aren't broken, your imperfections make you who you are" to the eugenicist/disabled and impoverished character. I'd argue the show is pretty fundamentally against eugenecism, esp. given the core principle of unity and acceptance.

Some misc. Examples: Zaun deserves to be equal to Piltover, Jinx finding acceptance helps her heal, shimmer and corruption blamed for addiction in the under city, never some intrinsic part of this group of people. Eg; Bush administrations' push that black communities are intrinsically criminal and drug-afflicted to justify racism, while at the same time fueling the war on drugs through opium deals in America. Not to mention the vast array of identities of all the characters are given spotlight, their own stories, flaws and strengths, etc. CaitxVi isn't originally canon to the game, yet here their queerness is celebrated, not shunned as disgusting or making them lesser than. Same with Lest and her transness; Mel, Ekko, Ambessa with their blackness. Multiculturalism and acceptance of identities is celebrated as a core Principle of Arcane.

Especially like with Viktor's arc, this show is alll about duality; "two sides of the same coin" and I believe Singed reaching a "happy ending" is sadly par for the course in life. Bad people win, Viktor still killed all those people, Caitlyn still used police brutality for her personal revenge scheme, Singed still won after everything he's done. He's made to be a foil (contrasting character) to Viktor, highlighting how eugenicist beliefs can be adopted as a manipulation of insecurity and how Singed is his mentor and a piece of shit.

I believe his surviving is pretty plot relevant, as his daughter seems like she'll be important in future media (idk if she's a legend in-game?) yet Ambessa, Jayce adn Viktor are pretty evidently gone so idk this show plays with lore to suit a comprehensive, layered and complex story but Singed is an open plot point. Who knows, maybe he'll get brutally and thematically murdered by his own creations in the next installment, I'd like that.

The more I think about it, the more I question Arcane S2's politics and themes, which were so foundational to S1. Like, a tiny example [SPOILERS AHEAD]:

Singed wins. He gets exactly what he wants in the end. All his "efforts" are rewarded. What does that say about people who share his ideology of eugenics? He is the source of nearly every horrible thing and conflict that happened (Shimmer, the factory deaths, Jinx, Vander as Warwick, the corruption of Viktor), and he gets a happier ending than any other character. Not even a 'he got what he wanted but he has become completely unrecognizable/monstrous to his daughter' tag at the end. You can say they're setting him up and need to open his daughter to future shows, but the way you end a character's story says something about what you think about that character. What does it say when the eugenicist war criminal gets the happy ending he doesn't deserve?

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

I’ll be honest, I debated not making this post because I don’t want people to just assume I’m making every single of my favourite characters autistic (although why shouldn’t I lmfao who’s gonna stop me) and also because I know some of the stuff I saw as being autistic traits could actually be in fact due to the fact he’s a serial killer. I also know that people might complain because “saying the psycho serial killer is autistic is bad for the autistic community” but Dano!Riddler is my favourite character in the film so… yeah. It’s autism acceptance month so why the hell not! I know some of the points are probably a far reach but I still wanted to put them anyway because fuck it!

Edward Nashton (The Riddler) is autistic and here’s why I think so:

Ummm, his OBSESSION WITH PUZZLES, for a start! It’s the most obvious one! In the scene with Colson, he says, “Now ever since I was a child, I always loved little puzzles - for me, they’re a retreat from the horrors of our world”. Dude literally has a special interest in puzzles and riddles, using them to escape how awful the world is

His other special interest is probably Batman, maybe the Waynes as a whole? (He did a lot of research on them and their family history) Idk, but man is obsessed with them

That man is super socially awkward - and yeah, I guess you could say that’s because he’s an incel, etc., but still. It’s obvious he has no idea how to make friends in his day to day life.

A rather black and white view on the world/the city: he thinks his murdering is justified because it’s payback for how badly he was treated. Also he has a strong sense of justice!

Attention to detail: he created a whole cipher alphabet, wraps his head in cling film because he knows he can’t shed hairs on a crime scene, has this whole carefully thought out plan etc.

Speaking of attention to detail, can we talk about the perfect map he did on his floor of Gotham??? Like it’s literally an exactly perfect overhead map of the entire city, from what the roads look like to the top of the buildings.

He has a thing about Ave Maria and I’m sorry but his love of that song to the point where it’s in his theme on the soundtrack, he was listening to it at the funeral and then he started randomly singing it is definitely pointing to an obsession with the song??? Maybe just me???

^ you just know he went to the funeral not only to a) see Bruce Wayne, b) see the result of his murder of the mayor, and c) see the calamity of him having Colson’s car crash the funeral, but also because he was 100% vibing with the choir singing Ave Maria. Literally all of the above are correct.

When he’s getting arrested and they first order him to turn around, he doesn’t and has to be asked again - which, you know, arguably could be more of an assured , “I’m unbothered and playing it cool” psychopath thing but whatever. Could be partly because of an auditory processing disorder or something that means it takes him longer to understand and do things?

Also when he’s getting arrested, the first thing he says is that he’s ordered a slice of pumpkin pie which… ???

Flat speech???? Kind of??? There’s definitely moments his speech tone is a little flat. And I know this ain’t a fail on the actor’s part because Paul Dano is one of the best actors of his generation, every part he plays is well thought out and extremely well done.

Sometimes autistic people struggle with eye contact in that they can’t often make it - but also sometimes autistic people make intensely eye contact to the point that it makes people uncomfortable??? Because we’ve been forced and conditioned to make eye contact but we’re not sure how long. And I think he falls in that category

When Batman rebuffs him and says “you’re sick”, he just starts yelling the word “No” and general yelling.

He thought he and Batman were friends before they met because he was sending him greeting cards and he viewed what Batman was doing as “helping” him - again, they didn’t meet until after they were arrested, their only communications was through Riddler leaving riddles/his videos and then they briefly spoke on video call before Riddler killed Colson. Eddie was straight up like “oh, we must be friends now! I have a friend! :)”

^Honestly I don’t think he knows how to make friends, he’s definitely lonely and very much keeps to himself, which is a huge reason I think he may be autistic

When his plan fails, he’s just crying and yelling and banging the walls of his cell and moving about restlessly :(

In general he has some… interesting reactions to things (like full on smiling while getting arrested, sudden bursts of unrestrained anger, laughing when asked which ID is his…) Sometimes mood swings can be an autistic thing, as can inappropriate reactions in social situations

When watching his bombs go off from Arkham, he’s straight up mouthing the “BOOM”s to himself and loving it

Sometimes disorganisation can be a trait of autism and his apartment is, honestly, a fucking dive. It’s disgusting. I love that.

Poor posture

He tells Batman that his strength is “up here” (meaning his mind, because he’s extremely smart) but physically he’s not adept at all and that’s why he needed Batman to bring the rat into the light for him

He does a LOT of vocal stimming both in his streaming scenes and in Arkham. And I do mean a LOT.

I’ve probably missed some but that’s just what I thought when watching the film - would be interested to know if anyone else thought the same!

[sentimental-darkness]

Yeah, a combination of both is 100% the most accurate. Except Cyn has fully merged with the Solver/Entity (probably), hence she pursues the entity's agenda, which seems to be the destruction of the universe. Although she probably done it willingly, out of revenge, plus Cyn we know may not exactly be Cyn pre-graveyard. She is clearly a broken personality, whereas Cyn that was initially abandoned was probably - originally - a working drone, before it broke and/or got discarded for other reasons. That's what the zombie part was supposed to mean, I believe. She was no longer fully functional, but still enough to make 'a pact' with the Solver and gain her powers. I think you can even see Solver communicating itself with Cyn in the graveyard scene, where the screen turns yellow. There are scrambled sentences that spell out something like 'I will never discard you,' with a bunch of "I see you X" and "we could X," plus "accept Absolute Solver, yes or no" which pretty much confirms Cyn's relationship with the Solver was... well, kinda less forceful in nature. More like a pact maybe. And you could see how they were going for lovecraftian demon vibes, so making a pact with a demon trope seems accurate. This might also explain the finale a bit, since maybe "the ideal host" in question that Solver needs is someone who goes along with it rather than being forced into it. Although... not sure if this was intended but the finale was kinda strange in the last sequence? Maybe. I don't know. Once Uzi swallows "it" and destroys Cyn, she goes all yellow with N approaching her and screaming, but next time we see the aftermath, she is just waking up alone and they only come and find her. Even though previously they were already next to her when she went yellow mode. As if something was amiss in how these two scenes connect. Unless this wasn't intentional, idk. But it does create an ominous open ending. That and how in the last scene with Uzi looking in the mirror, it briefly shifts, as if things weren't as they seem, like maybe it's all a dream. Who knows. They obviously wanted to wrap things cozy-cozy for the fans, everyone lives happy lives, but maybe the world is destroyed and Solver has won, or maybe Uzi is stuck is some limbo, with Solver gaining control, or something like that. There is also that Solver drawing in Uzi's class presentation, nothing.jpg "I'm Not Solved" which I thought was pretty ominous in itself. Anyway, that's why I meant open-ended. It might not be entirely clear. There is also the distinction between experimental drones (Uzi and Doll's parents) and drones infected/controlled by Cyn (her eldritch Murder Drones). The latter seem to host some fraction of "null"/Solver's eldritch power, like a directive to help with repairs, and they're enhanced with bio matter of the entity, given to them by Cyn, hence how the hearts look. If the host and their programming are completely off, seems like Cyn (who considers herself a Solver, since they're one) can inhabit the heart. Or maybe it's just because J is more easily controlled by her influence. In any case, Murder Drones created by Cyn don't seem to have Cyn's abilities related to the solver, if not directly inhabited by Cyn/Solver. But the experimental worker drones were something else, more like the human researchers purposefully infected them with Solver's code/bio essence to try to create their own Cyn as a weapon, or at least find a way to stop her, but that only resulted is Solver power spreading independently of Cyn, and other drones becoming potential hosts for Cyn and Solver both, making it easier to get to and destroy other planets. The entity's main host/co-conspirator was still Cyn but now there were a bunch of other drones able to tap into Solver's powers/directly suffering its virus, potential candidates for Solver possession and more successible to Cyn's influence too.

The major overheating, especially for the 'witches' seems to be a clue too. Idk, it's like the robot's processing power is at the max trying to do all the complex out-of-this-world calculations required for Solver's power to take shape and manipulate matter of the world

To make it clear, Cyn is dead, her core died when Uzi stuck it in sunlight. Uzi is now the Solver’s primary host. Nori mentioned that AS MUST have a host. Since Cyn’s heart was destroyed, she’s no longer its host.

Cyn is not the Solver, she was just the host it chose to inhabit. In the subtitles of the episode, it’s confirmed that it’s the Solver speaking and not Cyn. So Uzi and the Solver are in the same body now, NOT Uzi and Cyn.

I have this theory about it

1. When Cyn became a new host, she went mad within solver powers. She wanted revenge against humans for mistreating her and will make sure no one stops her nor will have this power. She and only her will have this power.

Cyn went mad with power, she wanted to have control like how humans did.

Absolute Solver................... was just an innocent program until Cyn curropted.

Or.....

2. Solver was possessing Cyn like it possessed Uzi in episode 7.

Which could mean that Cyn had no control like Uzi and couldn't fought back like Uzi did in episode 8

It could be either of those 2, but I'm not sure

Anyway, please share your thoughts on this theory