#maybe people can be honest
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maybe it's the like npd/aspd but my brain automatically categorizes people into like little classes. like I meet a person and as I get to know them they get sorted. like there's a class for younger female sibling type friend, a class for older male person who I like but barely speak to, a class for doctors and medical professionals, a class for people my age who are like me, a class for people my age who are nothing like me, etc. and my brain has a predetermined set of mannerisms and vocabulary for interacting with each one
#words !!?#strange observation maybe#aspd is weird#you don't really see people as people#you kinda just see people as patterns and try to use those patterns to figure out how to treat them#use them to figure out how safe you are around any given person#how honest you can be#hm#does anyone else do this?#cluster b#aspd#aspd thoughts#actually aspd#npd#npd traits#npd thoughts#actually npd
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Fit: You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Fit: I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen.
I know Fit probably said this as a joke and it wasn't meant to be that deep, but I've got a shovel and I'm ready to dig, because this comment fits his QSMP cubito way too well.
[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
–
Fit: I had nothing to do with any of this! I had nothing to do with any of this! [He notices the Allays trapped in a room and gasps] Ohhh– C'mon, get out of here– You're gonna burn to death! Get out of here.
Fit: This is why I don't walk into churches. This is why I don't walk into churches, for this reason. You know– 'cuz it- it would just burn down. It would just burn down if I walked right in. This is what happens. I'm an unholy man.
[The sound of villagers dying]
Fit: Oh yeah, they're all dead. They're f- they're doomed. They are DOOMED.
Dono: You showed up and the mansion burned itself down, made a crack about never walking into churches, then thunder happened? Your manifestation skills are too damn high dude.
Fit: You know– ok, I'm a little cursed. I'm a little cursed, as you can clearly see. You know... There's a reason I'm a loner, in Minecraft, that I'm a nomad, that I go from place to place. 'Cuz everywhere I go, people die. Ehh... you know? I'm just- I'm a walking bad omen. I'm a walking bad omen. Look at this sht. It's- it- ugh...
Fit: These things happen.
#FitMC#Fit#March 6 2024#QSMP#He was actually playing on his personal MC server at the time#but he's made the church burning down joke before while on QSMP#so I'm like ''🤔 How can I turn this into lore? 🤔''#Spitballing here but I think it would be very interesting if q!Fit felt like he was cursed because all this bad luck kept happening to him#and the people around him#and people kept dying#So maybe that's one of the reasons he wound up in 2b2t#Either by choice or by force#edited#sorry for the back to back Fit clips#I have others I want to post but these were shorter and relevant to current events#not this one though this one I'm just posting for my own sake if I'm being honest#banger lines#subtitles
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it’s kinda funny to me how that dumb scene in kiwami 1 of majima getting shot and left for dead in the harbor was basically just added as a half-assed way to explain majima not being around for a bit of the plot, but they accidentally(?) just made it seem like start of a chain reaction where majima ended up feeling slighted and heartbroken after being abandoned like that and then lashed out about it via smashing a big truck into the building kiryu was in. and yeah that isn’t inherently a romantic thing as-is but then they go and add the part where majima grabs a hostess and performatively hits on her as in-kiryu’s-face as possible, she says she’s already in love with someone, and majima lets her go immediately, no questions asked, making a big fucking point of it just to say see THAT kiryu? I appreciate when people are HONEST about their FEELINGS. people who won’t just BACKSTAB someone who CARES about them to save themselves. is that so crazy kiryu?? huh??? anyway make it up to me get down here and fight me right fucking now
#I think on another level he was sorta saying like ‘hey kiryu. you’re making it extremely clear that you don’t trust me and my intentions#and I’ve been trying to show you- over and over again- that I’d do just about anything for you and your safety#but I can’t just let my mask fall off in front of everyone- I need to keep up the unpredictable morally grey wildcard act for both my sake#AND yours. because disguising my helping you as crazy random violent outbursts and weird stalker behavior#is the only way I CAN help you. do you think it would go over well with shimano or literally anyone else if I was outright helping you out#of the kindness of my heart and fondness for you? stop being so fucking dense and look past the crazy wacky nonsense for a second and#maybe you’ll realize that all I do at the end of the day- really- is help you and put my own life and reputation on the line for you.#I am an honest guy when it comes to my real values and when I told you I wouldn’t let anyone kill you unelss it was myself- I meant it.#I’ve taken a knife and a bullet for you now. can you REALLY not see through the act yet? am I REALLY that unpredictable when you think about#it?’#that was a longer explanation than i intended but. it was difficult to put into words#I basically feel like it could be read as him implying kiryu shouldn’t backstab the people who put themselves on the line to help him#and/or pointing out that he’s never actually done kiryu dirty and has stuck to his word protecting him in the ways he can#trying to say yeah all this is a crazy act and all but when it comes down to it you Can trust me#it really makes sense when you think about it that he’d have to help kiryu/show affection towards kiryu in unpredictable convoluted ways#at that point in time because. I mean. there’s a reason he was the only person who showed up to welcome kiryu when he got out of prison#and that’s because A) he sticks to his word and his loyalty to people he cares about and B) no one else had the balls or the batshit insane#mask to wear to ward off anyone asking real questions like majima did. because ANYONE associating themselves with the supposed#patriarch-killer was a HUGE NO-NO at the time. someone important showing up for kiryu and welcoming him back outright could’ve caused#all-out warfare probably. except majima. because majima was dedicated and smart enough to use his widely-feared wildcard persona#(that everyone tended to view as incapable of having any Real agenda to worry about) to his And kiryu’s advantage#does that make sense??? I feel like it makes a lot of sense if you get it to click in your head#kazumaji#majima#kiryu#yakuza#kiwami 1#yk1#rambling
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Rewatching succession it really is wild to see Kendall and Shiv convince themselves over and over again that they can "fix ATN/Waystar from the inside" only to completely abandon their morals the minute it gives them a strategic advantage.
When they're on the outside it's an endless diatribe about how evil and rotten the company is to its core, but the second they get the slightest whiff of power they suddenly decide the problems are actually really manageable and that with the right leadership it could be a force for good, and like...the saddest part is that they genuinely seem to believe that.
#where's that crime and punishment quote about how the worst thing is that you've betrayed yourself for nothing...#and they really seem to think its true! they genuinely believe that they can turn it around and make it good! it's not an act!#kendall really thinks he's a feminist and 'one of the good ones' and shiv really does think she stands with/for women and liberal#ideals and the truth is that no matter how much they might care about those things they will always love power more and they#are infinitely more invested in the power structures that keep injustice alive than they are in actually trying to stop injustice#roman is the only one who's actually aware and honest about how fucked it all is but he thinks that means everything's bullshit and#therefore nothing matters. which can be just as dangerous as convincing yourself you're the good guy (see: america decides)#that's one of the things i like so much about the ending for shiv and kendall bc they're finally forced to confront the lies they've been#telling themselves. and like. maybe that'll go nowhere. maybe they won't change. but they might. and the only hope they have#of actually growing as people and maybe doing something good is if that illusion gets shattered#idk man i just have so many thoughts about succession#succession#shiv roy#kendall roy
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#my art#trans#side note: following tags are a pretty long thought dump#ugh okay i'm going to be honest#i didn't know anything about predstrogen until she was banned and many people started talking about her#also looked through photomatt's blog very briefly#to me he sounds callous- if that's the right word. he just didn't seem to care about what happened to predstrogen prior to her being banned#also? car with hammers that explodes multiple times feels far from being a serious death threat to me#yes predstrogen explicitly mentioned death wishes#but i don't know. what she said is more cartoonish than serious#also something i noticed from photomatt: where is the evidence that predstrogen threatened other users?#i haven't been looking into all this that deeply#but that photomatt stating that as part of the reason for predstrogen's ban and then not elaborating is. weird. for lack of better words#on a slightly different note: i love tumblr and how i can be my silly queer self and nobody cares#but if we don't stand up for each other — especially those who are constant targets for harrassment and other crappy things#tumblr will eventually die or bear no resemblance to the site i enjoy so much#maybe i'm privileged! being a trans masc guy#or maybe i'm ignorant#but i guess i have a tendency to say a lot. and i hate staying silent when i have the opportunity to speak out#so i'm going to scream#and i hope y'all are going to speak in support of trans women too
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Dear silm fandom, concerning Fandom meta. Might be provocative for some.
‘The silm fandom is misogynistic’ ‘Feanorian fans are misunderstanding the characters’ ‘Silm fans hate Elwing’ And so on.
Can we stop? Your opinions are not better if you like feanorians. Your opinions are not better if you like peredhil. This is not black and white. I won’t argue ‘not all silm fans’, because I recognise that we have problems. But condescension will not fix them. Thank you.
#Okay#I tried to keep this post as neutral and concise as I could#Because I’m having a lot of thoughts about it#and I’m going to get very opinionated in the tags.#I am sick of feeling hated by online strangers because they think I’m a misogynist#or they think I haven’t read the text#Or they think I’m not as clever#not as understanding as they are#Yes#I am fifteen.#Maybe you do understand the text more than me.#or maybe we both have valid opinions and you can stop telling me I belong in a category that isn’t mine.#I like celegorm#i accept that Celegorm has done vile things#i am still compelled by his character#I am not fucking reading him wrong#I am trying so hard to read him right#People will say ‘I am a feanorian stan but-‘ and proceed to insult all feanorian stans#Be nice#please stop acting all high and mighty#and I get it! It’s hard!#it’s hard to have opinions and be kind about them#Because not everyone’s opinions are the same#But for god’s sake you better think so hard about what you’re saying before you post it#because you sound like you are ignoring fandom discourse and the concept of ‘morally grey’ because of woke#And I know the very things I’m saying are exactly what I’m trying to stop#But I would like some counter-representation out there#I would like some honest conversation that doesn’t involve immediate side-taking#I also love arguing#i am also very hot-headed
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i can't say i really care if someone dislikes a certain character from a game like it doesn't irk me too much bc... they're not real BUT i will say that people who just pay attention to what chloe puts out n not why she does what she does and refuse to try and understand her irk me juuuuuust a tiny bit
#a lotta bit#bc what#like chloe may not be real (so unfortunately 💔) but what she's feeling is#as in like it actually happens#people actually go through her mindset and it's not fun#maybe i'm biased bc i can relate to her and some of her ways of thinking#not the illegal ones but#it's just really fucking annoying to be completely honest#she's not a great person but the LEAST you could do is try and understand her character#bc it's insane to me that people can see what chloe went through and be confused as to why she's not the most sane person ever#like would YOU be ????#i wouldn't#but i mean that's just me#people seem to forget that chloe was literally only 14 when everything went to shit#like that is so young#but no just call her a villain and call it a day#maybe i do care about who people dislike#only if it's chloe though#just kidding#kinda#life is strange#chloe price#lis#life is strange before the storm
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i Love the library and i think they should have all the books including the bad books, but i don't think they should have a t*rf book in their pride display... i asked a librarian if they Intended to put a transphobic work up there, and they removed For Now to discuss it with the other librarians. better than nothing (or flipping it over and upside down like i did at first before i realised i absolutely can't not say anything) i suppose!
#doing my part etc etc#pride week is over and i wish i had caught it sooner but maybe the display was gonna stay all month#'maybe the idea was to have more sides to the debate'#'well i don't really think it's an appropriate debate to have about whether or not we get to exist'#or at least i hope i managed to say that but i was shaking a bit i will be honest.#transphobia cw#maybe tomorrow i can ask about books on clock towers. that was all the people interaction spoons i had left before dinner
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sorry if idk this but what do you think about Wordgirl now in 2024 do you still like it do you still want to make art or talk about it or are you just done with all of it forever and plus i seen that you haven't made art of it since 2022 so you just done with all of it oh yeah and what about The Magnus Archives + Wordgirl ao3 fic too like is that just going to be and i know that your working on 2 au's now just wanting to know that's all
My interests tend to come in intense bursts and then fade. Unless something like, big happens like it gets a reboot its unlikely I'll be coming back to it anytime soon. As for the fic I don't have any current plans to finish it unfortunately.
#Its so shocking whenever anybody mentions that fic to me#like its just such a specific combo of interests how are there this many people interested in it...#I have some fragments of unfinished chapters for it laying around but I was struggling to get them to work#and I definitely dont have the motivation to finish them now#If youre curious the chapters were going to be Slaughter avatar miss Power and Web avatar Mr Big#and possibly Flesh avatar Butcher but I never got around to starting that one#The Miss Power chapter was basically going to be about her having kind of lost her thread#I wanted to leave a lot of ambiguity as to what happened with her home planet#but she hadnt been in contact with them for agessssss and her radio is damaged and her ship is in bad shape#the chapter was just going to be her being like 'pfff I dont interpersonal connection Im doing great out here. Murdering. All on my own'#Well she has her little squirl thing but she treats him like an animal#mr giggle cheeks or whatever#anyway I wanted it to imply that whatever happened her bloodthirst was destroying her#The Mr Big chapter was from Lesley's perspective#She would have been one in a long long line of assistants that Mr Big went through like candy#Lesley is his favorite though because. while she is terrified of him. shes still willing to push him. to be honest with him#but she also knows exactly when to step off. when to lie to appease him#( its always a tossup as to whether he wants a sweet lie or the harsh truth that day. He can always tell either way#its a gamble he does to be cruel. She always picks right though. or maybe he's more lenient with her than he should be)#He likes that she knows exactly how to push him without ever stepping over the line#He likes that her guilt and revulsion are slowly eating her up inside but shes too selfish to leave#She likes being special. She likes the idea of ruling the world alongside him#She'll always be second in command but shell be so much higher than everyone else#and shes willing to do anything to get that#Mr big doesnt think shell ever make it that far#but he likes her anyway#shes the one assistant he'll be sad about dying#OK damn apparently I did still have things to say about this old fic DAMN#still not gonna finish it tho. they call me the struggler becaus.e writing is a struggle...
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Read "Infinity welcomes careful drivers" and "Better than life". And I don't regret it for a second, it was a worthwhile experience.
But. Who on Earth recommends them as comedy books. They do have some funny and even hilarious moments, but overall it's such an upsetting read. Genuinely.
Like sure, it's absurdist and some weird/dumb shit happens and there's some quirky narration, but evidently my brain is very good at suspension of disbelief, so those bits don't really give a tonal whiplash, and it has the full ability to focus on the parts where the main characters are going through some kind of torture carousel of horrors and have horrible things happening to them constantly.
And I heard the next books are even worse in that regard, especially Last Human. I'm still gonna read them, probably, but maybe like a few months down the line, I don't think I would be able to handle them right now.
Maybe I should have listened to the audiobooks, maybe hearing human voice would have offset some psychological damage.
#infinity welcomes careful drivers#better than life#red dwarf#I'm kind of embarrassed that they got me so bad lol#if I'm honest#I'm sure when I reread them in five years time I would be wondering why that happened & find them absolutely hilarious#but rn this is the most genuine reaction that I have#I mean I *could* try reading Last Human rn. Maybe it'll actually make me throw up. That'll at least create an anecdote I can tell people#EDIT: I hope it's obvious that even though the books had upset me I don't think it makes them bad. Can't even say I didn't like them#I just happened to have experienced an emotion
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good for her.
#i still think that was such a weird and nasty grievance that worsley had with the casting lol#and so unkind to single kate out when she was at the time fresh out of acting school and this was her first big role#and suddenly she was included in headlines about this incredibly famous/successful book's adaptation#with her appearance being scrutinised with the implication she was miscast according to a historian/expert#it's good that kate says she feels it didn't impact her performance. but she should not have to give a statement like that.#did nobody think it weird that kate had to dedicate a portion of her time in this interview to giving lucy worsley a pass?#i wonder how the actress who played jane in worsley's documentary felt...#wolf hall#and. well. it must be said: if the daily mail & the times published stories about ab’s inherent ugliness#citing her ‘bulbous forehead’ etc.#well… i have to wonder what the reaction would have been from the same crowd who insist we should ‘be honest’ and accept jane was ugly#and accept this kind of language — and how INGRAINED it is — as normal and healthy#well i think it’s dishonest (i think jane looks lovely in her portrait) and i think this fandom has an unhealthy relationship with beauty#and i can only assume that that's the message we are intended to take away from this headline: that jane's ugliness is important abt her#maybe she was. i don't really care.#but i'm not sure why lucy (& journalists) are clinging SOOO tightly to the idea that she was a 'plain jane' archetype…#('mortified' oh my god... kate is a better woman than me)#it just continues to reduce jane down to a nonperson... rendering her merely an amalgamation of hollow tropes.#people aren't actually 'plain jane's in real life.
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Perhaps this is just a matter of me taking things a little bit too seriously but in a way I don't really understand "hating things as a joke". What does that mean? You're saying mean things about something.. but you don't really mean them..? Why say them in the first place then? I'm not talking about like, criticism to a piece of media, I'm talking about instances like saying that geese are soulless monsters and horrible. You're still saying that geese are horrible soulless monsters?? Like even if you don't really mean it you're still saying those very exact words???
Ehh, maybe this is just another case of me not really understanding insult humour, plenty people vibe with it and find it funny
#maybe there is the added value of criticising your favourite thing before others can get to it and do it first? a defence for people -#pointing out the so-called cons. “you cant tell me this sucks because i said it first! so i am aware of the cons but i still like it! see!”#that is pretty understandable to me. i think ive done it myself even!#to soften the blow when talking about my problematic faves (seagulls and dolphins)#maybe the cons are a part of why people like the thing too? maybe they want a fave that is perceived to be a soulless monster#thats pretty valid to be honest
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From 'Dream of a woman' By Cacey Plett.
This sums up exactly how I feel about most transition timelines. As much as they reflect people's experiences, they are also a narrative. And the narratives that get shared the most tell a lot about what our values are. The timelines that get the most attention are the ones where people go from sad, loser, nothing boys into beautiful women.
But if you go to /r/transitiontimelines or a similar place, and sort by controversial or look at what has the least likes, its people who made timelines when they still don't 'pass' yet. Even if they're happy as can be, that's not what people are looking for.
I think it says a lot about what people expect from trans women, that they only want to see us be beautiful. In some cases, that they want to believe they can be beautiful. So there is no value in trans life if you're not beautiful.
#i dont know if this is exactly what the narrative was trying to convey here but it is something i felt while reading it#and i hope thats meaningful to others when shared#i know he's kind of a chucklefuck but i so think 'the queer art of failure' by J. Halberstam has a lot to say about the impetus to he happy#and its conditions#a lot of the time i feel like i have to perform positivity as a trans woman because its whats expected both from women#and from people lucky enough to transition#while at the same time social conditions are worsening and even personally#there arent solutions to much of my dysphoria#regardless of all that you're expected to just be happy even though the conditions for that don't exist#i think being honest about those things#that negativity#can bring its own happiness#and i think thats also valuable#i guess what im trying to say is that i think ugly trannies can be happy and should be valued#i think sad trannies are wonderful and ought to be cherished#and i think people shouldnt have to pretend to be happy in the same way a woman shouldn't have to pretend to be a man#maybe that doesnt make full sense and i need to think harder to communicate my feelings#but thats the vibe rn#anyways#i really like this book and yall should check it out#dream of a woman#cacey plett#trans women#transgender#trans#transmisogyny#transition timeline#i dont mean this post to denigrate timelines btw#just the way that we give certain ones attention and the teleology of transition that follows#books
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it is so vitally important to me that aziraphale and crowley not only love each other but choose to love each other.
i don’t want it to be fate. i don’t want it to be god’s will. i want it to be a conscious and continuous choice.
i want aziraphale choosing every day of his goddamn existence to love crowley and all that he is. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley not in spite of being a demon, but because he is a demon. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s curiosity and creative wonder. i want aziraphale choosing to love crowley’s love of plants and gardening.
i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s passion for books. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s desire to do things the human way even if he could just miracle it. i want crowley choosing to love aziraphale’s angel-ness because it is a fundamental part of him.
i want aziraphale choosing to love everything about crowley and vise versa. and i want it to be a very conscious and intentional choice.
it being fate negates the entire point of the story. good omens is a love story between an angel and a demon, yes. but that’s not all that it is. it’s a story about two occult/ethereal beings who choose humanity over the great plan. two beings who choose the world over armageddon. and they make those choices because despite it all they have chosen to fall in love with the world and with humanity.
it only makes sense that they choose each other. that they choose their love. it being fate or god’s will ruins the foundational pillar of their relationship. that they choose each other over and over and over again. year after year, century after century, time and time again. they always choose. they choose the arrangement, they choose saving the other from harm, they choose lying to protect the other.
it is always a choice. and it better stay a choice or i am going to be so devastated.
#look i’m good with most anything for s3#as long as they end up in the south downs & hug at least once i will be happy#but this is one thing that isn’t necessarily a need but more like a deep rooted desire that will break me if not met#like if it’s all ‘haha this was god’s plan all along’ i will be so upset#disappointed even#because neil can do better than that#he’s a better writer than that#not to mention it makes absolutely no sense in the context of the story#like i understand how it’s fun to play around with ‘they were made for each other’#but i really want them to choose each other despite everything#because if i’m being honest it’s one of the things about aziracrow that feels fundamentally queer#to say ‘yeah fuck that’ to what the systems in power tell you you should act like#or who you should love and care for#and instead say ‘i choose this’ ‘i choose you’ to the people and things that actually fulfill you#that is powerful and that is foundational to queerness and queer liberation in my opinion#it’s not about fate or being made for whatever#it’s saying ‘i don’t care if it’s fate or the divine plan or not. it just is and you can’t change the fact that it simply /is/.’#and maybe that’s just me#but it sure as hell makes sense in my mind#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#crowley#aziraphale#good omens 2#ineffable wives#neil gaiman#good omens meta#aziracrow meta#gomens meta
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Yes-Man resents a lot of things but I feel like he kinda liked Benny. It’s never implied Benny had the knowledge to continuously upgrade or update him after Emily so I like to think Yes-Man respected Benny enough to adopt some of his opinions willingly.
Like personality wise, Yes-Man is like if Benny was forced to be a kiss ass; he’s equally pointed and jerky even if unendingly helpful. No matter if you spare the Great Khans, Yes-Man dislikes them and is kinda violent about things. What this says about Benny and the way he talked about things behind the scenes is one thing but the other is Yes-Man ingrained it enough to keep it.
I can imagine Benny mentioning Vegas was for them and while Yes-Man is logical, as any machine would be, I think it’s sweet if the personable part of his programming was looking forward to running Vegas with his “creator”.
#Benny would be a bad dad but not a bad whatever he is to yes man#cause like Benny was like You’re it pal the key to a better swankier Vegas >:) and if I was yesman I’d be like yep#Benny is my dad and I can’t wait to shoot a khan and Mr house for our future#next post probably about the WGS cause god I love them for some reason#fallout#fallout new vegas#yes man#yes man fnv#benny gecko#benny fnv#also can we talk I about how violent the chairmen were when roaming the Mojave????#like Benny is just like I stabbed a dude in the next is willing to shoot you point blank and swank mentions how they scalped people#which is a horrifying experience and not inherently lethal and they did that for fun like????#and they are the less unhinged of the families as the WGS were eating people and seem to see it as an embarrassing past experience#and the Omertas being violent pimps who are planning to like violently overtake Vegas in a way that makes you want to root for Benny#like I know the only other options were the fiends and khans but lord house no wonder you can’t trust them with heavy fire power to guard#the streets like look at these track records#to think I thought Yes Man was gonna be my fav#maybe he will be I have not gotten far into end game quests I’m on a dlc run#fuck honest hearts and Dean domino
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hai hello oughhh sniff sniff
#i keep going “i don't know if it's very gimmick-y to be nice like that”/“is this an ok post for the death penalty” but i keep deciding that#ultimately at heart i am a nice person and death penalty is like a further reach of me that is whatever it is and i think if you all knew m#as a person we'd all have a laugh and a beer or a cig or maybe even just a soda. so. i think death penalty is a nice guy who is just poorly#misled as a person and deep down isn't all that bad just very obsessed with the death penalty..#you know insi'de we are all nice people when we push aside a lot of our inhibitions you just run into so many already evil tainted people#online because it's easier that way. it's such a tiny space we all share! i've ran into so many people i've known through out the years a#second time around where they apologized for how they treated me.#but to be honest. people are more often either deep down nice/deep down a fucking freak/evil/deep down more normal than you thought. that's#the truth i've learned. you can never be too sure. but i know i've lived so many lives that i can say that to you now and smile and nod.#fuck ok sorry i mean death penalty ghhhh eelectric chair gggghghghg
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