#ultimately at heart i am a nice person and death penalty is like a further reach of me that is whatever it is and i think if you all knew m

[i-support-the-death-penalty]

hai hello oughhh sniff sniff

[little-bunny-luv]

We’re All Mad Here

The fear, the panic, and the gruesome thoughts of the mourning, the cold avenging heart screaming to be heard, to be let loose. Murder. That’s all that was on my mind. Kill the man who did this, kill the people who let this happen, kill, kill, kill. Daddy, where did you go? Why did he have to take you from us Daddy? Mommy’s drinking in the kitchen and all she can do is yell, yell, and yell. She used to scream for you at night when the worst of the nightmares got to her she used to plead with God to bring you back, and when that didn’t work she begged the Devil. Nothing can bring you back she knows this now so all she can do is stumble around aimlessly looking for that last bit of you she can hold onto. She no longer washes her dark brown hair and her green eyes are always filled with the tears she's yet to shed. She doesn’t like me anymore, Daddy. She says she loves me but all I can see in her eyes is the blind loathing of the lost. Mommy looks at me like she's scared of me. She thinks I'll kill her too, just like I did the man who did this to us doesn’t she, Daddy? She doesn’t love me and she never ever will.                                                                                        ...

   He came to apologize to us to say he regretted choosing to drink that night and to get behind the wheel. I just got so angry and I grabbed Mommy's kitchen knife. I just kept stabbing him just wanting to kill him, wanting him and his family to experience this loss. He stopped screaming and eventually he stopped moving too. Mommy called the people with the happy faces on their arms, they told me that everything would be okay and it was; I got what I wanted, to see that man dead on the ground. They took me away to a building that the inside walls were white but smudged from dirt, that even months of scrubbing wouldn't get out.

   "Hey little guy," A nice looking woman said when we walked in, "I'm going to show you to your room, okay?" She was too cheery, Daddy. I hated that smile, and I hated her. She led me to a door that locked from the outside with a card swipe and led me down the long corridor to room, 162. She let me inside and proceeded to stand at the doorway smiling like an overweight imbecile.    "You can leave this room anytime you want after 7:00 AM and before 10:00 PM, the schedule for activities including meals is taped to the back of this door. I could read it to you if you'd like?" She asked with that annoying smile still plastered onto her equally stupid face.

   "I'm twelve lady, and I'm not illiterate so please get out I prefer to be alone." I said in an emotionless voice I've taken on since your death. Her smile faded some and she turned, walking out of the room swiftly. Good I wasn't here to play nice I was here until the courts decide to send me to death row. I glanced over the schedule seeing it was Recreation Hour. I walked out of the small white room and down the corridor toward the Rec Room. A shriek came from within, it sounded to be a girl in pain. I peeked curiously around the giant double doors propped against the wall, and saw a teenaged girl sitting in the corner trying to keep as much distance between her and the “happy police”. She was shaking and holding her right hand to her chest, her left hand laid over it showing off a bandage that made it look as if she had no thumb. The “happy police” finally gave up and had a doctor come in with a syringe filled with a dark blue liquid.  The doctor swiftly injected the serum into her neck; the girl instantly started to relax and slumped against the wall blankly staring ahead. The doctor had the two men still standing there carry her out of the room. When they picked up her limp body her head lolled to side, her eyes caught mine and she smiled, not as lucid as I once thought. Whatever the doctor injected her with didn’t seem to have the usual affects, but the girl just let them carry her out. I caught a better look at her as she was carried past, her hair was white, and she had bright redish eyes that were blown wide with the insanity that must’ve been trapped within her mind. She had a small figure, not malnourished but just dainty, and her left hand, that I originally thought that the bandage just made it look like she had no thumb, actually did not have a thumb attached to it. I continued to watch curiously until they disappeared around the corner. When they were well out of view I wandered into the Rec Room and found a bookshelf packed by paperbacks, I guess they didn’t trust the patients with hard objects they might try to kill themselves or others around them with. I pulled out a book that you once enjoyed, Daddy. Remember you used to read Of Mice and Men to me before bed every night I enjoyed it so much that we’d restart it. I carried the book back to my room preferring the solitude.

…

   The next morning arrived and as I checked the time I realize I slept through both breakfast and lunch. I slipped on a pair of sweats pants with out the chord and a t-shirt almost too big for me I also tucked Of Mice and Men into the waistband of the sweats. I started walking towards the Rec Room, I was curious to see if that girl from yesterday was anywhere to be seen, and just my luck when I peered around the double doors she was sitting right there in the same corner I saw her in the previous day.

Without looking at me she said, “Your body builds up an immune system towards that stuff if you get injected enough.” I immediately thought she was talking to a person I couldn’t see but a further examination of the room showed that she was alone.

“If you can build up the immune system without them noticing, their guard will be lowered when they think that you can’t move.” She said looking at me now with a pointed look as if to say think about it. She had a plan up her sleeve and she was sharing it with me. Why?

“And why are you sharing this with me?” I asked settling into a spot close to her and opening the book making it look like I was just reading and not conspiring with this insane but genius girl.

“Because when I looked at you, you had the same evil glint in your eye that I have in my heart and even if you don’t want to be apart of this ‘plan’,” she stated putting air quotes around plan, “you wouldn’t sell me out.”

I nodded agreeing with her, I wasn’t a snitch. She smiled at me and held up her left hand, the one without a thumb.

“The cooks don’t like me,” she said and then threw back her head and started to belly laugh.

“The cooks cut off your thumb?” I asked, horrified. What the heck was this place?

She looked at me, giggling because of my expression, “No, I bit it off,” She continued to chuckle at me making me think that this reason was false as well. She glanced at the book in my lap and spoke in a soft voice, “Maybe everybody in the whole dang* world is scared of each other.” I looked at her incredulously. She gestured towards the book, “It’s my favorite quote,” she whispered.

She suddenly stood up and said loudly, “I’m taking a nap see you later, kid.” She then strolled out of the room and down the hall. She is a weird character, Daddy, but I like her. Maybe I’ll make just one friend here. (*emphasis mine)

…

About a month passed and the girl had told me how she came up with plans sometimes to pass the time, and sometimes like with the serum she put it into action a little bit but never enough to raise the alarm. It kept her entertained and now that she involved me in her little plans it kept me entertained as well. We never did much but build up my immune system to the serum by having little attacks from time to time and now all it did to me was make me a little groggy. She told me her name, which was as unique as her, Winter. She was an odd character, and constantly told me scenarios in which she had lost her thumb none of them seemed true though. She also told me she was here for a similar reason people had bullied her at her school and she finally snapped and trapped a couple girls in the bathroom and attacked them with a blade she had hidden in her pocket. The girls suffered horrific wounds but were ultimately okay except two girls lost their lives. Winter was sentenced here after they determined it was insanity that made her do it which was half the truth. The courts were still processing her case too though and the parents want to press charges and make her suffer the death penalty. Her chances were slimmer than mine of staying here and just living peacefully with the insane, I don’t know what’d I do, Daddy, if I lost her I’d probably never gain my mind back.

Winter and I were inseparable, and sometimes we even slept out in the hall together since girls and boys weren’t allowed to share rooms. The nurses thought it was adorable because Winter took me under her wing and treated me as an equal in intelligence but also treated me as a little brother. We were happy, well as happy as you can be in an asylum. We were happy for another year, until they came for her she was sentenced to death and nothing I could do could stop them from taking her that day. The nurses tried to fight them too tried to tell the parents to stop but they were more malicious than Winter and I could ever be and they wanted her dead. Five days later they told me she was gone, I had moved into her room after that, and I truly lost my mind I missed her so much I got rid of my own left thumb. I attacked anyone who came near me, I was so consumed with grief I didn’t care anymore I wanted them all dead. Eventually the doctors had to put me down I was too far gone to even try to be rehabilitated no one could help me then, no one but Winter and she’s gone, along with her plans and her odd stories of how she came to be, how she lost her thumb, and how she was her. I’m dead and gone now too so I’ll see you soon, Daddy, along with you too Winter.