#I just happened to have experienced an emotion

[shanastoryteller]

Congrats on finishing See Something Say Something!! I checked the notification of the first AO3 email sent out and you initially planned on five chapters.

Would you say that the ending changed considerably since you started in October? Or has that stayed the same?

thank you!

it stayed the same lol. while my fics getting wildly out of control and becoming way longer than i anticipated is pretty common, i'm pretty much never changing overarching plot when this happens. the story that i become interested in telling is typically the story then i end up telling

almost every story can be made shorter or longer. it's less about what happens and more about how that information is conveyed. things that really tend to affect writing length are perspective and breathing room

the shortest fic i have on ao3 that's not part of a series is You Were (Not) Meant For Me (posted 11 years ago, jesus T_T). the premise is that claudia was a witch who intended trained stiles to be a witch and she arranged his marriage to laura hale, the future hale alpha. this is a traditional pairing as talia's husband was also a witch married to talia in service of the pact. except claudia died before she could train stiles or tell him about the engagement. stiles starts learning magic after scott is turned. derek falls for stiles and feels like he's betraying his sister by loving him, betraying stiles by not being the alpha he deserves and not telling him about the arrangement claudia made, and hates himself the entire time, but not enough to stop himself

that's a 100k fic easy

it's 1,696 words

it's extremely limited perspective (derek's) and it's made up only of limited snapshots of moments with very little context. there's no seeing what's happening, only told, which i think would quickly grow boring if it was longer and if the real point of the story wasn't derek's self hatred and how he fails to deal with it. that's the part of the story that isn't told, really - derek does think explicitly that he hates himself, but we're also seeing it in the way he talks and thinks about himself and the people around him

by contrast we have survival is a talent, which is obviously my longest fic. we're over 500k and we've got quite a bit to go

perspective doesn't just refer to character pov, but audience pov - are you being told a story, or are you experiencing the story? this is also tied into breathing room. there's no wrong way, i've done both and will do both, but one certainly requires more words than the other in my experience

siat is told only through draco and harry's perspective, but it's all happening in real time. the audience is being taken along for this story. the thing is that that things in real life don't all come tumbling one after another, not all questions have immediate answers. when depicting character growth and a plot unfurling, i think it's really important to include breathing room to give the audience time to feel that growth and change. i'm stricter about this with siat than anything else i've written, probably sometimes to its detriment. i want you and the characters to have time to feel the effects of emotional revelations and plot hints. i want you to have the time to question and wonder about things the same way the characters do

one time a friend criticized the good place for including the portion where they were alive again on earth because it wasn't as interesting as being in hell, but i disagree. we needed that breathing room both to live with the effects of character growth of going through hell and to have time for the effects of their actions on the plot to settle before they moved forward again. i stopped watching agents of shield because we weren't given enough breathing room - there was never a chance to see the characters not in crisis, the world was always ending, ect. the alchemyst book series has the first like 3 books taking place over a day and a half. i got tired of it after that. there's no breathing room

a story where i gave up on the concept of breathing room was build your wings on the way down. i liked that fic, but i wanted it finished, and to do it with i think optimal pacing would have made it twice as long as it was. so i said screw it, avalanche time, everything is happening all at once right now. there's very little breathing room there, which i think doesn't work too terribly in part because everything is so urgent and everyone is stressed so not being able to catch you breath sort of fits

See Something Say Something did not need to be 215k, although i'm not at all complaining. i feel very happy with how i told this story. but the basic premise - sam getting his powers early, getting involved in the large hunter world secretly from his family, and dean feeling misplaced and worried about how much sam needs/wants him - could have been told a hundred different ways and all would have pulled it off, so to speak

i considered doing the the entire fic from dean's pov (as a sam girl i love his pov because all he thinks about is sam and he's so insane about it) which would have effectively cut out basically the first five chapters. i thought exploring the slow realization of what's going on purely from dean's pov, with the audience having not insight would have been really interesting, just like what I did in dumb luck or good ghost with dean slowly figuring out that sam didn't die in the crash. another thing is the inclusion of all the side characters which i did to make the world feel rich and real, but we didn't need all these outsider povs to get the basic point across. very rarely is something vital being conveyed by an outsider pov, but it reinforced and adds to the main characters. i also initially didn't have wincest, which obviously added a ton of words. i loved exploring dean's self hatred and fear and sam's obliviousness, but bringing them to a place of ignorance to acceptance to happiness is a lot longer of a journey than just dealing with dean's propriety love as an unhinged co-dependent older brother. again, i'm sticking by all these choices, i made them because i thought it was the best way to the tell the story i was most interesting in telling, but my point is that you didn't need them to tell this particular story

it was also how i told the story. we spend a lot of time wallowing in character's emotions, especially dean's and sam's, but the others as well. part of this fic is convincing you that these two brothers should fuck, actually, and doing that effectively is going to take some time, especially at this point in their lives when things are pretty normal. comparatively, fucking your brother after starting the apocalypse is pretty small potatoes. i wanted you to understand these people, to feel what they were feeling, to not feel that it was inconceivable that jess would be willing to share her boyfriend with his brother, to buy all their relationships with each other in a way that isn't purely based on convenience

part of the reason i wrote dumb luck or good ghost before see something say something was that i felt i needed a firmer grasp on who the characters are before getting into who they were and who they could be - especially john, who i feel is exceptionally difficult to write without over excusing his actions or over villainizing them. the reason john doesn't get a single pov in see something say something is that while he's a motivating and underlying factor in much of the story, the story isn't about him. it's about the effect he has on those around him, and i didn't want to sully the pureness of that effect by introducing his internal dialogue, regardless of how persecutionary or absolving it would be. it's just not about him. it's how he responds to others and how they respond to him in turn

anyway! this is another example of something ending up longer than expected, but yeah. the plot of see something say something didn't change much from posting of the first chapter and my stories rarely do - i have plot points in siat that have been there since i posted the first chapter that are still relevant and happening. "harry and draco just. cut dumbledore's fucking hand off" my beloved

[turtle-paced]

Have you ever felt like Martin doesn't like Cersei? The way he writes about her made me question? I mean she is both evil and stupid and it seems like we are supposed to laugh at her.

Cersei is pretty evil, and while I don't believe she's stupid, it's hard not to laugh (incredulously or otherwise) at her many, many bad ideas over the course of the series. Especially in AFFC.

But it's also clear to me that GRRM has compassion for this villain he's created - and that he has right from the start.

Let's put this under a cut for domestic violence and sheer length.

Ned touched her cheek gently. "Has he done this before?" "Once or twice." She shied away from his hand. "Never on the face before. Jaime would have killed him, even if it meant his own life." Cersei looked at him defiantly. "My brother is worth a hundred of your friend." Eddard XII, AGoT

GRRM chooses to frame the pivotal confrontation between Ned and Cersei with the reality of the domestic violence Cersei has experienced. Whatever else happens in that scene, whatever else she's done that might or might not be justified, the author makes sure the reader knows, Ned knows, that Cersei has good reason to hate Robert.

When she hesitated, then sat, Tyrion knew she was lost, despite her loud declaration of, "I will not marry again!" "You will marry and you will breed. Every child you birth makes Stannis more a liar." Their father's eyes seemed to pin her to her chair. Tyrion III, ASoS

This is re-emphasised as Tyrion witnesses Tywin's abuse of Cersei. Even Tyrion, who also has good reason to hate Cersei, cannot help but see how their father completely ignores Cersei's desires, reduces her autonomy to rubble, and above all makes her feel small. This is quite deliberately in Tyrion's PoV to make that dissonance stronger. Cersei is awful, but Tyrion can take no satisfaction in Tywin mistreating her.

Similarly,

His sister sat in a puddle of wine, cradling her son's body. Her gown was torn and stained, her face white as chalk. A thin black dog crept up beside her, sniffing at Joffrey's corpse. "The boy is gone, Cersei," Lord Tywin said. He put his gloved hand on his daughter's shoulder as one of his guardsmen shooed away the dog. "Unhand him now. Let him go." She did not hear. It took two Kingsguard to pry loose her fingers, so the body of King Joffrey Baratheon could slide limp and lifeless to the floor. Tyrion VIII, ASoS

Cersei's grief over watching her son murdered in front of her is a key character moment for her. Is Joffrey a good person? No. Is Cersei's immediate response of demanding Tyrion's arrest a good and just idea? No. Is that grief still real? Absolutely.

It was more than Cersei could stand. I cannot let them see me cry, she thought, when she felt the tears welling in her eyes. She walked past Ser Meryn Trant and out into the back passage. Alone beneath a tallow candle, she allowed herself a shuddering sob, then another. A woman may weep, but not a queen. Cersei III, AFFC

That lasts. It's not healthy but it is genuine. The author isn't putting this in here so we laugh at her. The author is putting this here to help us remember throughout the parade of evil and stupid crap Cersei's about to do that Cersei is a human with human emotions.

And when all that crap has backfired on Cersei, the author makes sure we know that the punishment inflicted on her is not for her sins but instead for her biological sex. He shows her break from that treatment.

Words are wind, she thought, words cannot hurt me. I am beautiful, the most beautiful woman in all Westeros, Jaime says so, Jaime would never lie to me. Even Robert, Robert never loved me, but he saw that I was beautiful, he wanted me. She did not feel beautiful, though. She felt old, used, filthy, ugly. Cersei II, ADWD

The walk of shame is just misogyny, pure and simple, nothing to do with what Cersei's actually done wrong. It is deliberately not karma out to get Cersei. It is deliberately not comeuppance. It is a reminder that Cersei has a point all those times when she points out she's been treated differently because of her sex - even if it's not the whole of the reason people don't respect her.

Even if a reader doesn't think Cersei deserves mercy, even if a reader finds her political bumbling funny, there's a lot around her that shows us that the reader wants us to think carefully about what made Cersei both a horrible person and a horrible politician. She is most definitely not there just to be the butt of the author's joke. That's Victarion.

[lilylushes]

Luigi x Pregnant Reader Headcanons

-Your sex life with Luigi had always been active, but once you two decided to see what happens in terms of getting pregnant, he got baby fever BAD and it turned into a whole baby making season for him. 

-You had sex almost every day before, but now it was constantly - on the countertop, in the shower, in the pool/ocean, etc. Even when you were tired, he’d happily make love to you with gentle strokes, humming how much he loved you and wanted a baby. He’d also lay on the praise even more during baby making season. “Mmm, going to give you a baby, beautiful.” ��So good for me, taking all my cum, my good girl.” 

-He was SO excited when you both found out. The two of you both suspected you might be pregnant, so you took a test and decided to look at it at the same time. When you flipped it over and the two lines were clear as day, he was elated. He hugged you so tightly and even though he’s not an overly emotional guy, he cried tears of joy, and gave you so much praise. “You’re going to be the best mother.” “I love you.” “I can’t wait to do this with you.” Oh, and he’s thinking about how hot you’ll look pregnant.

-He immediately ordered a shit ton of books about pregnancy, fatherhood, babies, and everything.

-He thinks about different names all the time, too. He’d ask, “baby, what do you think of x as a name?”

-He goes to literally every appointment, ultrasound, and signs you up for a birthing class.

-NEEDS to find out the gender because he can’t not know. You’d do a little private thing, just the two of you. I picture one of those ones on the beach with a little cake and the wine glasses. No matter what you’d have, his reaction would be so precious. More hugs and tears, probably.

-He’s also kinda panicking because now he’s gonna be a literal father in charge of keeping another human alive. He is reading the books that he ordered religiously. He worries deep down that he’s not cut out to be a father.

-He proudly assembles all of the nursery furniture and makes sure it’s all safe.

-He takes up crocheting/knitting so that he can make socks, hats, a blanket, etc. for the baby. He goes kinda crazy with it, lol.

-He just wants to be a part of it all in any way that he can. He reads up on what you’re experiencing, is always asking how you’re feeling, wants to make sure you take all the vitamins you need, and takes part in your birthing class to ensure that he’ll be a supportive partner.

-He talks to your baby at night. “You have the best mom. She’s so pretty and so smart, you’ll see. You’re giving her kind of a hard time, though. It’s hard for her to sleep. Just keep still in there for a few hours, hm?”

-He is always encouraging you to try things out to make everything more comfortable for you, especially at the end.

-He talks about what the baby will look like and be like. You both agree on your eyes with his smile. You two take the opportunity to look at your own baby pictures. He’s a bit embarrassed at his, but he can’t get over how cute you were.

-Pregnancy sex, especially towards the end, is wild and constant. “I know you’re uncomfortable, baby. I read how we can induce labour, wanna give it a try?”

-He totally panics when you go into labour. He did pack your hospital bags long ago, but he gets all blushing and flustered.

-While you’re in labour, he gives you distance when you need it and is nearby when you need it.

-When your baby is born, he’d be crying so hard. Between your baby being here and how proud he is of you for going through labour, he’d be extremely emotional.

-He can’t believe how tiny the baby is, being totally in awe of their little hands and feet. He’s just in disbelief that you two made this sweet little baby.

-Afterwards, when you’re holding the baby, he says, “thank you for giving me him/her.”

-Even though he’s running on no sleep, he’d watch you sleep afterwards and come over to kiss your cheeks and forehead.

-He’s so proud to bring your visitors in. He’d by hyping you up to them, like, “she did such a good job, I’m so proud of her. She was so strong the whole time.”

-When you’re leaving the hospital, he’s beaming with pride to be able to look beside him and see you and your baby. 

-When you’re in the car, he’d look in the mirror at you and your baby in the backseat, and say, “There’s nobody else I’d rather do this with, y/n. love you, baby.”

[opal-owl-flight]

“…I thought…youd be happy to see me again.”

"|You promised me that you will stay away from here. Why would I be happy?|"

But its clear from the screen behind them that theyve been dreaming of her, much like she has of them.

So 3s perspective on 4s return!!

A bit of context: Part of why 3 returns to being cold on duty (and during times of stress, which Ive explained before somewhere is bc of their clan teaching them these values and "snapping back to bad habits" is just smth that happens bc of said stress) is bc they keep believing that they have to keep everything together.

They learned this in (my rewrite of) RotM. They were the only person who was diplomatic enough to make all involved teams work together.

They learned during theur first big mission as the new captain that they can only ever rely on *themself.*

Neo3 was an asshole, Neo4 can work well but is a bit of a wet towel when it comes to confrontations, Callie and Marie are actively arguing with Octavio, Deep Cut are following NO orders from anyone and also keep arguing with the Squisters,

Its madness.

3 had to multiple times fire a weapon to get everyone to shut the fuck up. Or hiss, or bark orders.

Putting on this intimidating aura of command to pull off a management save of the CENTURY to save the world.

Ever since that time, theyve stuck to the same "show no emotion. Be cold. Ruthless" Principles. Bc this is what damn worked. This is what kept everyone alive.

-------------

What Rain experienced upon her return was Tanara at the end of their rope.

They were strict with themself before, yes. But they were generally more warm and supportive to everyone else back then (Rain remembers this well). They wanted everyone to grow into their best selves. They use their team captain experience for the betterment of the platoon (even before they were promoted). A nudge here, a word of advice there. Like a cool upperclassman. A good, observant teammate.

Come promotion they...

...well, even shortly before, theyve become significantly less expressive. They continued to nod their approval, but its clear that Rain's absence is affecting them.

And then rotm happened. Their usual strategies for keeping teams together wasnt working. So they became...someone else. And then everyone fell in line.

They didnt want to become like the monsters that were their military relatives. But they were pushed to become that, for a time.

They hated it, such ruthlessness is something they knew would start doing damage if they push it for too long. but its what will keep everyone safe. As long as theyre safe, the means dont matter.

And then they hurt the one they wanted to keep safe the most, and this entire act falls apart.

------------

They became cold to 4 partially because of this mask theyve put on as a captain, but also as a means to drive her away again. The only way to keep her safe from their hands forever stained in blood is to make sure she stays away from this place. From them.

They believe so hard that they destroy everything they touch. They dont want Rain to be the next thing they destroy.

But it happened anyway.

[multiversediiva]

| COINCIDENCES WHILE MANIFESTING - Is there such thing? ...nah, there is no such thing.

-✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--

Just to provide an insight (MYYYY OPINION🤓), some people may have distinct beliefs about this but what if I told you that the words "reality shifting" and "manifestation" aren't seperate activities... like at all!? Naturally, we shift between states at all times, whether it might be a calm state, a drowsy state, or an even emotional state. Whatever it is, your consciousness is constantly in motion, identifying itself with whatever version of yourself you desire to be, including your desired reality self. Manifestation is a term established to describe a desire 'coming to life' (appearing in the outer world from your inner world).

There was a time in my journey where I manifested seeing pink cars. The first time I saw a pink car, I thought "but how do I know that's not a coincidence? What if... that car was just there and I just noticed it? Like what if it just happened and I didn't really manifest anything?" Ok well first of all that's FOOLISH to even think. All I simply did was occupy a state of consciousness where pink cars are common in my reality. This is where I am able to say I shifted to a reality where I saw a pink car. The pink car was not a coincidence once I understood that imagination is God, and the outer world is a reflection. I started to imagine pink cars in my 4D, and as a result, I saw a pink car. I didn't question how the car will manifest as I knew that I saw it in my imagination already. There are no coincidences if something you have been imagining reflects onto your outer world, as everything begins in the imagination. You experienced and persisted in finding a lost item in your imagination, so you have no choice but to find the lost item later on.

"Nothing appears or continues in being by a power of its own. Events happen because comparatively stable imaginal activities created them, and they continue in being only as long as they receive such support." - Neville Goddard. ...Yeah!

-✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--✧--

[erulasse23]

Frodo & PTSD: Definition of Trauma

As a quick introduction, I recently finished a Lord of the Rings trilogy re-read and as an adult with a psychology background, I am endlessly fascinated with Tolkien’s portrayal of trauma and its affects through Frodo in particular. This is going to be multiple parts, but I want to start with a definition of trauma and what Frodo might have found traumatic about his journey.

A simple google search suggests the following definition of trauma: “A deeply distressing or overwhelming experience that can have lasting negative effects on a person’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being.” Some deeper research highlights certain elements of the causes and effects of trauma.

- Trauma is defined by the way our brains process an experience as highly threatening or dangerous, such that it overwhelms our ability to cope. In this sense, trauma is highly subjective.

- Trauma can be one event, or repeated exposure to stressors.

- Trauma literally re-wires our brain. A prolonged or severe stress response (fight or flight) has significant physical impact on our bodies including our nervous system, hormones, cardiovascular system, etc. PTSD occurs when these systems do not go back to normal after the threat is gone, and we lose the ability to successfully regulate our attention and emotions.

What is unique about Frodo, compared to the rest of the Fellowship, is that he carried the Ring and experienced both its pressures and the presence of the Eye for an extended time. The Eye, referring to Sauron’s metaphysical presence and attention, is described in terms of a threat. Carrying the Ring feels like there is a monster around the corner at every turn, waiting in suspense for a jump scare, constantly being chased and barely staying out of reach. In short, it’s a prolonged, acute stress response happening inside Frodo’s brain for months, exhausting his physical and emotional resources.

Other research about trauma indicates that experiences which significantly alter our self-perception (ideas about who and how we are) are significantly more difficult to process and move past. Frodo giving in to the Ring and claiming it in the end certainly had a huge impact on his self-image. You can see this in how he treats Saruman and the ruffians in ‘The Scouring of the Shire’. Compared to the other hobbits, even kind Sam, Frodo is much more forgiving and empathetic. I believe that is because he identifies with these “bad guys” now. His experience changed him in a way that not even Sam’s did, who was with him to the end.

The other event which causes a PTSD-like response in Frodo (which I’ll get into in another post) is being stabbed by a Nazgûl on Weathertop. Why does this affect him just as much as the Ring and Sauron’s destruction? There are two reasons. One, the Nazgûl have a certain power over despair. We see this later in the Black Breath and particularly Merry and Eowyn’s wounds (which they recover from, perhaps unlike Frodo, but that’s another post too). Two, as soon as Frodo is revived, before he even is tended to by Elrond, he “bitterly regretted his foolishness, and reproached himself for weakness of will” in putting on the Ring. His self-image again plays a large part in his difficulty healing even after Elrond removes the splinter that was left in his shoulder.

In ‘Homeward Bound’ Frodo says to Gandalf, “The wound aches, and the memory of darkness is heavy on me… Though I may come to the Shire, it will not seem the same; for I shall not be the same. I am wounded with knife, sting, and tooth, and a long burden.”

[ghostsandfools]

Okay guys. Okay. OKAY.

I just went back and watched a couple of the astral related episodes that have released in the past few months and I have a LOT to say.

I don’t think we realize how messed up the astrals truly are. Like, they seem to have noble goals and all, but oh my goodness.

Okay, lets walk through Lunar’s entire life story real quick:

The first episode of TSAMS came out on March 24, 2022. That was a little less than three years ago now. Let’s just keep that in mind.

When Lunar was created, his entire purpose was to serve Eclipse. I’ll be honest, I’m not too familiar with early TSAMS. I joined the fandom a bit late. But Lunar underwent constant emotional and sometimes physical abuse from Eclipse. He was constantly belittled, made to feel worthless, and in the end, Eclipse killed him in front of somebody he cared about. His entire purpose was to serve Eclipse, and suddenly that purpose had been taken away from him.

Lunar was remade in space, granting him the ability to use star power. Gemini then came down to Earth to evaluate if he was a threat and train him in the ways of star power. In the very first episode they appear in, Castor asks Earth to “please leave Lunar alone and stop talking to him.” Earth obviously refuses, but this interaction is still interesting. It’s strange that their first instinct was to try isolating him from his closest family.

Castor and Pollux began training Lunar and eventually becoming closer with him. Lunar was freaked out at first, and it seems like he didn’t really enjoy his training at first, but eventually it kind of took over his life. Star power was his entire purpose. And when he began to develop feelings for Gemini, it only became a bigger part of his life. His personality and goals for the future revolved completely around star power. It was his new purpose in life.

Lunar messes up a couple of times and begins to fear what will happen if he lets his power get out of control. First he attacks Bloodmoon, then kills Eclipse. Killing Eclipse was the especially interesting event here. Afterwards, Gemini makes it very clear to him how much he’s fucked up. They tell him his life could be on the line, that the other astrals want him DEAD, and they seem to be withholding their affection. They don’t spend as much time with him, saying they’re busy with his court case. Killing someone is a bad thing to do, so it makes sense for Gemini to distance themself, but I think we should remember this.

And then, it just stops. Taurus tells him that if he can’t move on from his trauma with Eclipse, he can’t continue to train.

This is detrimental to him. He doesn’t know what to do without a purpose. Eclipse abused him, but he also gave him something to do. He gave him someone to be. His entire identity was serving Eclipse. And now, he thought he had moved on from that. He had a new purpose now, to serve Gemini, to train as an astral and make everyone proud. And now he’s suddenly being told that he can’t anymore? That if he doesn’t get over his trauma (which is exceptionally difficult to do) he won’t be able to train anymore?

And so he makes a mistake. Another very big mistake. He pursues negative star power, he hurts Earth, he’s temporarily shunned by his family. It’s a big mess, he goes to jail, he’s put on trial.

And do you know what Libra does to punish him? She finds him guilty and takes away his star power.

So… This whole time. This entire time, they could’ve taken his powers away. And yet, they didn’t. Why is that? Why is it that they let someone like him, who has been shown to lose control, keep these powers?

Alright. Let’s take a look at the astrals. Let’s take a look at what they’re really doing here, because I think it’s interesting.

I’ve talked about this before, but the astrals operate like a cult.

Lunar is traumatized. He is emotionally broken and he has no idea what to do with his life. He’s just experienced death and lost his purpose in life, and now he has no idea what to do. And all of the sudden, the astrals appear.

Cults will often prey on people who are going through a rough time, as they’re much easier to manipulate and control. Not only that, but when they did appear on Earth, as I mentioned earlier, Castor asked Earth to “stop talking to Lunar” so they could evaluate if he was a threat. Cults will often isolate their victims away from their family and friends. Obviously they didn’t go through with this step, Lunar kept in contact with his family during his training, but it’s clear the astrals will use isolation as a way to control people. Remember when Nebula tried to befriend Earth and Taurus immediately scolded her for stepping out of line?

Next, they trained Lunar. They told him he’d have to leave behind this life on Earth, that he had a bigger purpose now. He wasn’t just an Earthling anymore, he was special. He could become somebody noteworthy if he trained hard enough. And they got closer to him, went on a vacation with him, spent time with him. Eventually they even pursued a romantic relationship with him.

But during this time, it was clear that they weren’t being completely honest with him. If he asked to many questions they’d say “you aren’t far enough into your training to know that yet.” They’d withhold information from him, yet another method often used by cults. They kept him enticed with the promise of something more. If he could get his emotions under control, if he was just a bit stronger, maybe Gemini would like him then. Maybe then they could be fully honest with him. Maybe then he’d be truly worthy.

They stayed committed to him. When he was in trouble, they went to court for him. They trained him diligently, stood up for him, they were always by his side. They cared for him.

And then, of course, disaster struck. They stopped training him. Lunar felt lost, he made a mistake, he had everything taken away from him. He lost his family, his friends, his partner. His entire life fell apart.

But think about why this all happened. They could’ve taken his power away. They could’ve come down to Earth, taken his powers away immediately, and been done with it all. None of this needed to happen.

I don’t think Lunar was justified when he killed Eclipse, and I don’t think it was okay for him to attack Earth either. Trauma isn’t an excuse to hurt people. But Lunar hasn’t had a break within the last two years.

First it was Eclipse, then the astrals, Bloodmoon, Nexus. He was abused every day for years, he died, he was brought back and began spiraling into depression, and then he was indoctrinated into a cult. Now he’s messing around with dark star power and getting himself into trouble.

And even now, he’s trying to be better. He’s been torturing himself, putting himself in that machine Moon made where he listens to his loved ones berate and verbally abuse him. Why? So he can impress Gemini. So he can have a purpose again.

TSAMS is the kind of show that’s meant to go on for a long time. The action has to happen FAST! But because of all the fast paced action, Lunar has been in multiple traumatic situations with no real breaks for two straight years now, and i think it’s messed up. He’s made a lot of mistakes, but he’s trying his best. I feel bad for him.

[respectthepetty]

I love when the Black Brooders are moody.

They are like icebergs of feelings, but the only emotions we see are discomfort, hurt, and irritation.

They bury all good feelings so far deep down that they don't know what other emotions look like.

So even when they are trying to be nice, it still feels like they are slightly pissed off or trying to butter up their victim before they kill them since being nice is new to them.

They come across as judgy.

But they are actually trying to understand the sunshine character and how to be nice.

How does a person just smile? All the time? About nothing?

Like your mom died of cancer and I threatened to kill you multiple times, yet you are happy. Where is your sense of self preservation?

You have horrible nightmares that make sleep impossible, yet you talk incessantly even when I threaten you to shut the fuck up. Where do you find the energy to be kind?

So once they start lightening up because of the sunshine character, it seems like they don't even understand what is happening since they have never really explored their other feelings beyond the surface ones.

Are they laughing because they are experiencing joy or because they are going crazy? I don't think they even know.

Basic human emotions are rough for them, and it takes them a while to figure out what is happening when they feel anything beyond what they are used to.

So realizing they actually, really, and truly care for someone else can be overwhelming for them.

But once they realize it . . .

murder

happiness

(maybe both)

[phantomrose96]

Man, the way he actually had a really awful day the first time round, and just wanted to not have fucked up everything, but now he's not willing to accept any life that isn't absolutely perfect, is Such Complicated Emotions! I wonder how long he can pretend he's actually happy like this, in his serene world where he knows exactly what will make everyone around him stop bothering him and only have emotions he's comfortable with

And the way the first time round ended makes so much sense of why this specific interaction with his wife is the one he *needs* to be perfect on, feels terrified of messing up, feels so scared of ever leaving the loop and experiencing a difficult conversation with her where he doesn't know exactly what to say.

Also, I skimmed a spoilery ask about this story before reading it, thankfully didn't get the full spoiler because I looked away, but - the ask was about the car crash and somehow caused me to believe this was gonna be an absurdist story where a guy is in a timeloop because of constant car crashes happening on this day, and he has to somehow prevent them all to survive. This was a very funny misconception to come into the story with

(Before the Birds Sing)

SDdhjhjsdhjsd, story of a guy incidentally aligned to be the subject of 274 car crashes in one day and each loop he has to learn how to avoid the next car crash.

Instead it is just a fun Prison Of Your Own Construction story 🤗🤗🤗. I was just really compelled with the idea of the kind of person who would be their own warden for as long as they have access to these powers. No one can stop him but him, and the idea of stopping is far too scary now.

[melodyanqel]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐄 ── ★ h.jh. (004. no truth just lies)

love at first sight happens between the police officer and a bright, innocent woman. they shared a deep connection that meant they needed each other more than anything, even when they experienced the same nightmare.

⤷ pairing: hwang jun-ho x fem!oc

⤷ genre/tags: fluff, angst, thriller, psychological drama, established relationship, team bonding, financial issues, games, action, betrayal, foreigner!soft!oc, protective!junho

⤷ warnings: smut (18+), crying, and homesickness

⤷ wc: 2.8k words

⤷ note: things are sort of getting a bit conflicted

⤷ language key: korean, english

⤷ melodyanqel taglist: @hwallazia @rubyredish @analysisiinternet @ilovebtsomgie @aylinbsx @jsprien213 @your-writer-beta-side-piece

Great. She looks like someone attacked her. 

Lily is in the bathroom checking her face. The bruises are not prominent, but they sting. She then looks for antibiotic cream in her drawers to soothe the pain. Lucky for her, Jun-ho isn’t home yet, so she has time to cover them up with foundation and concealer. But at the same time, she asks herself, was it worth it earning the money or she played a goddamn fool of herself. The salesman appeared as a mystery but offered actual cash for some reason. 

When she came home, Lily checked it by shining a bill through a light and the print was visible. So, is this stranger doing it for the right purpose or something else? It’s not every day you’d get money from a random guy. However, it didn’t make it better that he smacked her face as a penalty. It would be counted as an assault if a cop saw it, but the people around the station didn’t interfere, which was understandable. Regardless, it doesn’t sit right with Lily. 

“My love, I’m home!”

She hears her boyfriend’s voice. 

“I’m in the bathroom!” Lily shouts back and finishes putting on the makeup. Again, she will not tell Jun-ho. But for now, she has to clear her mind and be in her love’s comforting arms. Lily turns off the bathroom light and goes to the living room. She sees Jun-ho sitting on the couch, watching T.V. with snacks on the coffee table. After the birthday party, the two cleaned the place but kept the Pochacco balloon. 

Lily joins him. She rests her head on his lap and her body is on the couch. Jun-ho grins, looking down at her lovingly. “Was it a fun date?” He asked about the girl’s day. Lily responded, “Yes, I had fun. So-eun cried when I told her about our engagement.” She tells Jun-ho about the emotional moment. 

He chuckles and says, “That’s good. I also told Han-gyul and he was surprised yet happy for us. He also wishes you the best of luck in this marriage.” Jun-ho has yet to tell his chief and other colleagues. He would share parts of his personal life at his workplace because they all know each other on a deeper level. 

“Aw, that’s sweet!” Lily feels warmth across her chest because she adores the people in her life. “I like Han-gyul. For someone at twenty-one to strive in law enforcement is impressive. I was doing the opposite of him. I found a man at a bakery.” She lets out a mirthful laugh. Jun-ho’s full lips make a smirk. He softly brushes her brunette locks with his fingers. “And now you can’t escape from that man.” His words sounded genuine yet a little daring. 

Jun-ho watches his woman sit up to straddle her legs on his hips. Lily is comfortable on his lap with a tender smile. The emotion in his warm brown eyes has her heart racing. He yearns for his angel. Lily shakes her head. “Nope, I can’t and I have zero regrets.” She stated confidently. 

The officer takes the teacher’s left hand to kiss her ring. He raises his gaze at his blushing woman. Her beauty is out of this world—silky brunette hair, snow-white flesh that looks porcelain, plump rosy lips, and his favorite of all is her enchanting russet eyes.

Jun-ho gets lost in them, even at one glance he’ll go crazy. He puts Lily’s hand down to his lap and still holds it. Jun-ho then tells more about his day. “I’m glad you accept my confession. I also told omma about the news and she screamed through the phone.” He video-called her and she burst into tears and cheered with her friends. 

Lily’s lips play a big smile, “Yay! I have yet to announce it to my family. I hope they don’t mind waking up in the middle of the night.” She snickers because the time zones are one of the issues of living in different countries. Jun-ho lets go of her hand to rub her arm. “I’m sure they don’t. I can announce it with you, whenever you’re ready.” He has the patience like a true gentleman and Lily won’t stop falling for him. 

“Thank you.” She appreciates her beautiful love. Jun-ho watches Lily move closer to him without breaking eye contact. Her soft lips are placed against his like a puzzle piece. Jun-ho uses his right hand to hold the back of her head to deepen the kiss.

He starts to feel the burning passion inside him. Jun-ho wraps his left around Lily’s petite waist to have her body flat on the couch. He hovers over Lily and the kiss gets more intense. He slips his tongue into her mouth to intertwine with her timid licks. She has her arms enveloping his neck.

His brawny hands grab her bare legs to pull her close to his hardness. Lily whimpers between the kiss and her wetness starts to form through her panty and pajama shorts. She wears a cami top which makes it more enticing for Jun-ho to see her pretty breasts nicely snugged from a thin material. 

They parted their lips to take a breather. Jun-ho grins tenderly at Lily’s flushed-out face. It makes him grow harder. “I would like to continue this somewhere else.” He puts his finger on her clothed pussy and brushes it to make her moan in pleasure. 

Lily mutters, “Okay. Can you not be gentle this time?” She sheepishly summits and requests something new. Jun-ho chuckles darkly which sends shivers to Lily’s core. He smirks when he feels her getting dripping wet. “Anything for you, my love.” The hot officer is willing to do whatever his gorgeous fianceé tells him. 

Jun-ho gently carries Lily in his arms, bridal style, to the bedroom. 

They take it slow, finding new places to kiss, lick, taste, and bite. Once taking off her clothes and underwear, Jun-ho appreciates her goddess-like body creatively, using his hands, mouth, and tongue. His lips move to her cleavage. Lily does the same to him. She runs her hands over his muscular body with sculpted abs and pecs. Her hands stopped at his sweats. She grips the hemline and looks at Jun-ho. He lifts his eyes, “Yes, you may.” He says in a low voice. 

Now they’re both naked. Jun-ho sits up and pulls Lily onto his lap. She takes the time to admire him as if she hasn’t done that before. However, she has discovered beauty in her man. She gasps when she feels his cock, rises big against her stomach. Lily feels her folds getting wetter because Jun-ho is undeniably beautiful. 

“Jun-ho!” She cried out his name when his mouth immediately sought an erected nipple, sucking greedily. 

He has been waiting to taste these adorable buds. 

Lily then moans loudly from his fingers touching her pearl. Jun-ho releases her nipple and speaks into her ear. “You’re so sensitive. I hope you can handle my cock.” He groans and continues to rub Lily’s twitching folds. She becomes a mess when his index and middle fingers slide inside. Her squeals and gasps are airy and high-pitched like a mellifluous melody. Jun-ho can feel her holding his shoulder roughly from the euphoria. His fingers move intensely. 

“I-I feel something. I-I d-don’t know.” Lily stutters as pleasure fills in her stomach. 

Jun-ho demands, “Cum. Cum, angel.” 

She does what he says. A loud, delicious moan escapes from her mouth. She can feel a cream substance explode from her cunt and onto Jun-ho’s fingers and abs. Overstimulated, Lily hugs him by wrapping her arms underneath his biceps to feel his sturdy back. Jun-ho gives her a moment to recover because she is twitching. His clean hand rubs her back. 

“Again, are you sure? I don’t have protection.” He is being cautious. Lily makes an effort to respond to him. “Yes, I’m ready. And I do have them in my nightstand drawer. Don’t ask.” Her cheeks burned and she felt his chest move up and down because he was laughing. 

Lily moves off of him as Jun-ho takes one condom and tears it open to put it on. He gently lays his woman on the bed and goes on top. “You can scratch and bite me if it’s too much,” Jun-ho reassures Lily, even though he’ll enjoy a bit of pain. 

A joyful smile graces her face. “Sure thing.” She is officially letting him have her body. 

Lily locks her legs behind his back, angling herself as he pushes through, inch by inch. She gasps, throwing her head back and whimpering in delight. Jun-ho moves with purpose, reveling in her as he gives her every bit of himself and listens to her gasps turn into throaty moans. Lily shudders against him, and he picks up her hips so he can hit that one place that’ll drive her wild. 

“Fuck, baby. You’re so fucking perfect.” Jun-ho gets to worship what’s his endlessly. 

Her walls close around Jun-ho and he grips the sheets. Lily kisses his temple, crying against his shoulder as she reaches the cusp and orgasms. 

The lovers spent the night intertwined underneath the full moon. 

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

❰ OCTOBER, 2024 ❱

A month later, things started to change. 

Jun-ho had to end his island search because there wasn’t any luck nor did he think he would succeed. Even though it was disappointing, Captain Park understood and respected Jun-ho’s choice. So, the officer continues to do his regular duties normally with Han-gyul. He also visits Lily’s place more often because his shifts are now shorter. 

Boyfie (Jun-ho): hey I can’t make it tonight. i’ll be in a meeting with the chief. 

Angel (Lily): that’s fine! make sure you have your umbrella ready for tonight.

Boyfie (Jun-ho): i’m always prepared.

A smile etches on Lily’s lips when reading the text message. Tonight’s weather will be gloomy, but it’s common for the autumn season to get colder and drippy from the rain. It’s also common for Lily to be the nagging girlfriend. She has a reason because Jun-ho forgets things easily. He once forgot about his badge in one of his dirty dress pants and Lily almost washed it. So, he better have an umbrella with him. 

The windows of the classroom are open and the sound of the tree leaves blowing creates a melody. It’s always comforting on a quiet afternoon. Lily is at her desk, grading her students’ homework. Everyone was well-behaved and in a pleasant mood as usual. She loves seeing their happy faces whenever she clocks in because they’re so precious. 

Lily checks the time on her phone to notice it’s half past five. She sighs and stretches her arms. She has been sitting for an hour and there are more tasks to do. Lily created more schedules for the following days, tutored students who were struggling, and organized the classroom. It’s a lot but anything to keep her apartment. 

Jun-ho is in his car and the content expression disappears when he reads the messages on his phone. He has yet again lied to Lily. He doesn’t have a meeting, he has a plan to do. While he was in the city with Han-gyul, they stopped a driver because they were speeding. After they drove off without a word and received a ticket, Han-gyul told Jun-ho that the driver was a man and had a collection of phones and tablets. Jun-ho thought it was suspicious and the rookie cop did run the man’s ID. 

Seong Gi-hun. No criminal record was found.

After reading the scanner, it made Jun-ho’s heart drop. His mind went back to 2020 when he met a man named Seong Gi-hun and entered the game. Jun-ho did some digging to figure out if it was the right person. His guesses became true. However, he has no idea what or how Gi-hun managed to get out of the game alive. 

Jun-ho's destination is to check the office building called “Sunshine Capital.” Supposedly, that’s where Gi-hun’s rental car comes from. He’ll be heading over there at night to avoid getting caught. Jun-ho understands he should let it go and move on because his brother is no longer the Hwang In-ho who he loves and admires. But a voice at the back of his head is telling him to keep searching because there is more to In-ho’s secrets. 

He may act and look like he has the ambition to find his brother again but deep down he is afraid. Jun-ho puts his palm over his left shoulder, the healed gunshot wound. That moment still haunts him. Jun-ho did tell himself he wouldn’t continue on his island search, but maybe there would be luck, eventually. 

For now, it’s time to reunite with Seong Gi-hun.

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ

“Hi, mama.”

“Hello, darling. How are you?”

Lily has the phone call on speaker while looking at the evening sky through the open windows. Her mother wanted to contact her because it’s been days since they’d last spoken. Lily responded, “I’m doing well. Seoul has gotten chilly, but I’ll be fine.” She tries to keep the conversation positive and not bring up her issues. 

“That’s nice to know and stay warm, my dove. I’m assuming Jun-ho is the same as you.” The woman mentions her future son-in-law. Like Mrs. Hwang, she wanted him to be part of the family and grow together. Lily’s father agreed too which was a shocker because fathers would be nervous about their daughters getting married. But her father does love Jun-ho as much as her mother and sister. 

“Yes, he is the same, but he also thought about moving into my apartment whenever he is ready. Mrs. Hwang is okay with it as long as knows how to be the man of the house.” Lily informed about Jun-ho's decision to live with her. She gets a hearty laugh from the other end. Mrs. Reed says, “She reminds me of your grandma when I told her about sharing a space with your dad when we got engaged. If so, I hope you two live happily and healthy.” She gives her words of wisdom. 

Lily begins to tear up and sob. Hearing the sound of her mother’s voice soothes her mind and erases her stress. If only she has the chance to see her in person along with the rest of her family. The young beauty uses her hands to wipe the tears away. She sniffles and clears her throat. “Thank you, mama. I’ll notify you whenever it happens.” Lily will thank her mother endlessly. 

After the much-needed phone call, she finalizes her shift by saving the cleaning for last. She also shuts the windows because when it gets completely dark, the rain starts pouring. Lily expected a light shower, but it came down hard. It seems like she’ll have to hurry her way home. Good thing she brought an umbrella. 

Sometime later, Lily packs her belongings and turns off the classroom lights. She also makes sure the door is locked. As soon as she walks out of the building, the heavy rain welcomes her. Lily shivers when a strong breeze hits her fair cheeks. “Great. The struggles are real.” She huffs, opens her pastel yellow umbrella, and heads to the subway. While walking in the streets, Lily notices people passing by, trying to get to wherever. 

Now at the station, Lily does the routine of waiting for her ride to come. Even though it’s been a month since she encountered that strange man with Ddakji, she wondered if he was still doing it. Lily hadn’t seen him in a while, and it was good because his intentions were outlandish. From that night, she almost didn’t want to return home through the subway and have Jun-ho pick her up. Of course, it would’ve been safer, but it was a one-time thing that can be forgotten. 

Lily brushes off the wonderment of the salesman and focuses on getting back to her place. She needs a nice cup of hot chocolate with sugar cookies. 

When arriving at the apartment, Lily spots an envelope in between the cracks of the door. Confused, she takes it and goes inside. She tears the item open to pull out a paper. It’s from her landlord, telling her the next payment is on October 31st with 2,144,295 won. Lily’s face is crestfallen. She carelessly throws her keys and purse on the dining table. Her body reaches the couch to sit down and calm herself. 

It gives her a headache how rent increases. Not only that but she also has to pay off her student debt because it adds more effect to her credit score. Lily borrowed money during her college years and paid little by little. However, it doesn’t cover everything. She brushes her thumb over the numbers.

Lily once told Jun-ho about needing more money but she never told him about the monthly rent payments. Even though she can ask Jun-ho and his mother for help, the burden makes her feel like she isn’t doing well financially.

series masterlist | five

[zirconpetals]

Read "Infinity welcomes careful drivers" and "Better than life". And I don't regret it for a second, it was a worthwhile experience.

But. Who on Earth recommends them as comedy books. They do have some funny and even hilarious moments, but overall it's such an upsetting read. Genuinely.

Like sure, it's absurdist and some weird/dumb shit happens and there's some quirky narration, but evidently my brain is very good at suspension of disbelief, so those bits don't really give a tonal whiplash, and it has the full ability to focus on the parts where the main characters are going through some kind of torture carousel of horrors and have horrible things happening to them constantly.

And I heard the next books are even worse in that regard, especially Last Human. I'm still gonna read them, probably, but maybe like a few months down the line, I don't think I would be able to handle them right now.

Maybe I should have listened to the audiobooks, maybe hearing human voice would have offset some psychological damage.

[lunarharp]

played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles

[vaggieslefteye]

CHARLIE MAGNE from HAZBIN HOTEL (2019): Pilot - "That's Entertainment" ↳ "So, I've been thinking: Isn't there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through... redemption?"

[youandthemountains]

so I hear you, everyone has their fanon and everyone approaches media with their own selves and that colors how they perceive the media

I've been thinking and maybe it is age, at least in terms of generations. I'm not far from Bones' age now, and basically every woman I'm attracted to is about his age in TOS, so at first reading this I was like ??? 👵💀⁉️

but maybe it's that I was lucky to grow up in this brief period of time that allows people to still have complex personhood after age 20, that at least has people questioning the idea of subsuming yourself to the role of parenthood. my last fandom was about a bunch of 60 year old parents having their own drama and emotional journeys and martial art journeys and they weren't even the oldest people being shipped in that show lmao.

Logan's Run came out in 1976 right? Maybe it really is just that there was more cultural anxiety around aging at the time, and that spread through fanworks into people now who have experienced the show primarily through the lens of those fans, and so they too continue this cycle.

on the other hand, it's easy and common to flatten any character in this way - kirk's just the boss and he's married to his ship! spock is comic relief fish out of water and completely uninterested in human emotion! uhura/chapel/rand is their mom friend! of course none of these things are actually true, it's all just a way to flatten them and pack them away.

it happens in every fandom, in every fanon, and I never fail to find it Boring but clearly it's something people love to do. To each their own - it'd be nice if people could just recognize they're doing that, continue to enjoy it, but not assume everyone agrees with their choice to do so.

no need to rb the poll again BUT I do kind of want to make an ordered list of the funniest tags on it bc one of them was like 'oh I love mcspirk but spirk is the OG' which made me laugh so much because. it's literally actually the other way around lmao. In both in the Watsonian or the Doylist sense.

[puppppppppy]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[lycandrophile]

hey i know your post about your mom was mostly just a personal vent, but i have to say, do you realize that also happens with trans girls and their fathers? literally happened to one of my friends. i’m not trying to downplay your experience or something but i found it strange that you seem to think this is something that only affects transmascs

i have one question for you: so fucking what?

i don’t doubt that trans girls have experienced similar things and yeah, that’s bad too, but what the fuck does that have to do with me and the specific things i’m facing as a result of being a trans man? i never said “look at this thing that happens to ONLY trans men and NO ONE ELSE,” i just said “hey, isn’t this thing that happens to a lot of trans men, including myself, fucked up?”

i would also like to point out that what you’re talking about is in fact a different (albeit similar) thing. the way cis people treat trans people can differ dramatically based on the cis person’s gender because their commitment to gender roles is, like, a major part of problem. the specific way a cis mother reacts to her trans son’s transition is often going to be very distinct, while a cis father will likely respond to his trans daughter in a different but equally distinct way.

what i’m talking about is a very specific kind of ownership and control and self-victimization and total lack of boundaries masquerading as love and care and maternal concern that cis women (i would argue white cis women in particular) project onto their transmasc kids when we do literally anything to our bodies. i’m talking about a phenomenon which is closely related to the way moms often pass eating disorders onto their daughters (or children they view as daughters) because they see a body that looks something like theirs and project all of their insecurities and ideals onto it. i’m talking about a form of parental transphobia and projection that’s specific to the dynamic of a cis mother and her child who was “supposed to” be her daughter.

if you’ve never felt that, you’re not even remotely qualified to tell me shit about how i should be talking about that experience, and if you couldn’t recognize that experience when you read my post, i’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced it because the replies to that post made it very clear to me that anyone who has experienced it firsthand immediately knew exactly what i meant.

like, yeah, cis dads also project onto their trans daughters, but are they likely to have a reaction like running away with actual tears streaming down their face? do you expect them to passive aggressively make comments about how sad their kid’s transition makes them, how it’s such a difficult emotional time, how it’s so tragic because their kid’s body was so beautiful before? do you think their go-to transphobic reaction will be weaponizing their emotions? i’m sure there are some dads out there who are like that, but i think we can agree they’re in the minority because that’s not how cis men are taught to react and parents like this tend to be pretty damn committed to following the gender roles they were taught.

and even if i’m wrong and our experiences are exactly the same, let me reiterate that i never said this was an experience exclusive to trans men. all i said is that it happens to us. that’s just a statement of objective fact.

this started in my life when i got my hair cut short for the first time almost a decade ago and it has not stopped since. i’ve watched my mom cry over me changing my name and respond to being asked if my happiness matters more to her than my name by saying “i care about both”, i’ve watched her melt down in a mall over me getting a suit for prom and give me the silent treatment for days after, i’ve heard her plead with me to stop t because it “looks unnatural” and she’s just so “concerned for my health”, i’ve watched her stare at me post-op and say “my poor baby” over and over like she’s looking at my corpse in a casket. i’ve watched her turn herself into the victim of every single aspect of my transition. i’ve had to live with this for 9 years and spent the early years of the pandemic literally locked in a house with it. this has been my entire adolescent and adult life, and the question of if i’ll have to cut her off someday (and maybe never see my cat or my little cousins who i love more than anything in the world ever again as a result) haunts me every single day.

who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about that?