#maybe ill make a youtube video about this one day

[redeemed-wren]

Looking at the Last Mabelcorn from a Christian perspective is facinating and fun.

Cos on the one hand you have Mabel's annoucement that morality is relative, which IS played as a joke but even so is something I have a gut reaction to reject.

And then you have the B plot in which there's a very interesting exploration into essentially making a deal with the devil. And how Bill (arguably) never actually cared about Ford, and lied and used him. How he said he would give Ford everything he needed to make him happy, and lied that just working with Bill would fulfil him. How he doesn't care about Ford really and takes great glee in his suffering, despite pretending to be a friend. And how he preyed upon Ford's flaws and sinful nature and exasperated that for his own goals. Isolation, pretending to be a friend, lying, manipulation--its all how the devil works in real life.

And I find that fun to explore in a cartoon, despite the non-Christian origin and foundation of the show

[hollowblxxd]

[ BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE THEORY / SPECULATIONS / AU THAT FIXES SHIT ]

This time with DEVIL MAY CRY my devoted love

To those who dont know me I love DMC a lot but I have a lot of issues with the ongoing story. So fuck it here in my AU about how to make DMC a overall better storyline cuz I can do

Whatever I wanna

So this whole AU focuses a lot on Nero because this theory spawned in due to the uncertainty over Neros character and the idea that DMC was kinda over since the 4th game unfortunately "killed" the series. It also tied together when DMC2 cuz when DMC4 came out the sequel was considered non-canon cuz it was such a horrible flop.

I personally loved the game with a PASSION cuz the pile of unfortunate garbage that was DMC2 was the first game I ever played and one of the first "mature" games i ever got. I remember begging my grandmother who was baby sitting me to let me play one game and I picked the coolest looking one. Of course being this

ANYYYYWAYYY Im getting off track

My theory is Nero was in fact a clone of Sparda, and not only was he a clone of Sparda but hes ACTUALLY Dante in DMC2.

Let me explain.

The order in DMC4 was obviously an isolated group at the time that was very involved with the CREATION of demons and the worship of SPARDA.

The whole game of DMC4 is about the order trying to recreate their god and I highly doubt this was their first attempt, most likely it was more of their most extreme attempt.

Which as sad it is to say I think Nero was one of the first but messed up attempts. They wanted to bring Spardas power out of the demon world and they got it but NOT as they expected... Instead of resssurecting theyre great glorified devil god. They got a human child.

Cuz in the end Sparda had a human heart and Nero was a reflection OF that. He was a full demon but you'd never know at first glance. So he was discarded as just some abandoned baby.

Nero was luckily found by Kyries family and just seen as poor person forsaken kid. And it wasnt until Nero was SEVERALLY INJURED did Nero demonic nature reveal itself in REPLACING HIS MORTAL BODY WITH A DEMONIC ONE.

Even Nero rebellious nature could actually be a reflection of who Sparda was in the past because you dont just turn against everything youve ever known on a whim. Sparda rebelled, Nero again reflected that.

Even him FALLING IN LOVE WITH A MORTAL WOMAN, again is another REFLECTION on Sparda history. Nero following all the exact footsteps Sparda did. Rebels against his people, Falls in love with a human girl, Defeats a power hungry overlord before slapping the hell gate closed trapping the demons away with his own sword.

Nero also wears BOTH blue and red, which combined and in ORIGINAL CONCEPT ART Nero was actually dressed in PURPLE with a white scarf much like Sparda wearing coat with a white ruffle.

Other things that makes me think hes far stronger than merely a 1/4 demon.

Nero made Dante almost demon trigger from just HITTING him. Dante been stabbed, shot, burnt, thrown off building, eaten, etc. and has NEVER forcefully demon triggered the whole time and suddenly some punk punches him and Dante starts to flash? The last time thst happened is in DMC3 when the tower was drilling closer to hell and getting him closer to

You guessed it SPARDAS POWER.

On top of that, no matter how much his Holiness tried to use the sword of Sparda, the power would not be granted to him, but you know who did use it? WITH EASE? Nero.

Nero used not only Sparda, but Rebellion AND Yamato WITH EASE. And before anyone says "But Rebellions and Yamato is Dante and Vergils sword"

WRONG.

Dante and Vergil INHERITED those swords FROM their father. They were always originally SPARDAS SWORDS. ALWAYS.

The one sword that returns to Nero is the one WITHOUT AN OWNER. Vergil in DMC4 is dead. He died in DMC1 and I dont care what anyone says, Vergil. Is. Dead. He should stay dead cuz it literally ruins his whole character arc to be alive again. Let the man be dead.

In the end the overwhelming evidence that Nero is Sparda is endless and I would email Capcom myself to tell them theyre wrong If I had the power to. Cuz theyre wrong.

ONTO THE NEXT POINT

DMC2 Dante is actually Nero

The Order was revealed to be manipulating the essence of demons into ANGELIC beings that would follow there commands.

At the time theyre secrets were hidden but in the events of DMC4 their secrets could have easily been revealed. And you know what REALLY loves secrets especially when it comes to making free slaves?

Big fucking Business baby.

I believe that the methods of the Order were leaked to the public allowing Business to stsrt using their methods to produce specific demons to serve specific purposes. Taking on the angelic look already provided by the Order to make it "friendlier" to the general populace.

And big business being business it COULDNT really be stopped as they tamper with forces beyond their control...

Dante was getting older and getting overwhelmed and despite it I think the original Dante died.

How? Why? Unknown but what I believe happened is Nero took over for Dante.

Prehaps to simply honor him, Prehaps he still thought the world needed Dante. In the end Nero choice Dante name and even another Alias of "The Son of Sparda" as being a clone of Sparda still technically applies as being a "son".

Noticable the DMC2 Dante personally very muted compared to any other Dante in any other game. But you know who kinda a little quiet boy? Nero...

Also a specific thing that I LOVE about DMC2 is when Dante gets an upgrade the piece would fly towards him and try to hit his heart but DANTE ALWAYS GRABBED IT WITH HIS RIGHT HAND the SAME hand that Nero uses to grab his items and absorb! He could have just let it absorb naturally but he SPECIFICALLY grabbed it with that hand.

Whats more convincing is the fact DMC2 dante has almost the weird... arm sleeve thing that Im pretty sure was a poor render of a gun or back hustle but it honestly to me at the time looks like his sleeve could be removed. Maybe prehaps to reveal his arm? Hmm

Also going with the idea that Nero being technically a creation of the Order could easily bond well with Lucia too since she struggle with the fact SHES a creation. Not a devil hunter of this great legacy but just "some monster" something Nero HAD TO STRUGGLE WITH TOO.

The bond between them could have started a new legacy similar to Dante with Lady and Trish.

It starts all over again. A new bloodline of Sparda saving the world as it always will.

Much like the company of DMC2 being Ourboros, the snake that bites its own tail.

As long as the demon world tries it shit, a sparda one way or another will be there to stop them

THAT CONCLUDES MY TEDTALK ABOUT DMC

PLEASE EMAIL CAPCOM FOR ME AND TELL THEM MY THEORY SO THEY CAN FIX DMC AND MAKE ME HAPPY

[keefechambers]

I wanna be blunt about this ongoing James somerton suicide threat issue but I don't want to connect it to my IRL Twitter to comment on the dogshit takes I'm seeing there or the good and well meaning but maybe too kind takes I'm seeing here.

Obviously, I hope that this is a false alarm cry for help fake threat. Yes, it would reinforce that Somerton is a self-centered egomaniac who can't handle consequences but that's preferable to dead.

But I work in local news and let me tell you something. I've covered half a dozen family annihilating murder suicides and heard hundreds of men making suicide threats over police scanners and a huge swath of these don't happen because they're depressed or because people are mean to them on the Internet. They're punishment. A person with an enormous amount of entitlement towards people around them gets backed into a corner and they punish the people closest to them by killing themselves or threatening to kill themselves.

No one wants to talk about this feature of suicide because...you want to help people who are struggling and guide them away from this path and being blunt about the fact that sometimes people die of suicide as a consequence of their own shittiness towards the world does not really help actively suicidal people. But suicide rates are higher in men not just because they have higher rates of untreated mental illness (a societal issue we must address for the sake of all) but because some people, often men, use suicide (but more often the threat of suicide) as a tool of abuse and control.

I'm not saying somerton is like, an icky abuser bad guy, he's just a run of the mill grifter scumbag, but his actions in the past show a clear pattern of escalating behavior that aligns with this.

Somerton gets called out -> somerton alleges physical threats of violence against himself and his fans rally around him supportively -> Harry calls somerton out in a bigger way -> Somerton says he's hospitalized but there are inconsistencies with the story but no one wants to talk about that because you wanna be nice-ish about a guy who just tried to kill himself and now he's trying to be framed as tragic but it doesn't really stick -> somerton apologizes again but his apology is rightly called out for lies and manipulative framing as well as his continuing attempts to profit off the community he betrayed -> James posts a suicide note publicly putting the onus of his own suicide on the loss of his friend Nick who he repeatedly threw under the bus and now everyone is rallying to say nice-ish shit and wring their hands in concern over poor james -> indefinitely repeat this vicious cycle forever until he actually does die or finally gives up and gets real, intensive therapy and a day job.

Thats not to say anyone's concern is misplaced, it's 100% better for him to be a living scumbag than a dead one. He deserves the chance to grow and learn and have a life outside of youtube.

But you don't have to portray this as the action of a sad depressed man who got bullied off the Internet. It's manipulation, whether he intended to go through with it or not and whether someone intervened or not. Not denying that internet bullying is a thing, I'm sure there were some people who were shitty directly to James but he made the choice to not unplug from this and to try and keep being a public figure rather than taking care of himself. He could have deleted Twitter, blocked anyone who was an asshole, gone to therapy and tried to move on with his life but if he'd deleted his channel he'd have lost monetization... Can't have that, right? So he posts some apology videos so his channel stays active and then complains about how ruinous this is while never trying to take real accountability.

But the reality is that people would have forgotten about him so quickly and maybe his job prospects would've been impacted but...that's on him, and that's for him to figure out but it's not actually life ruining. He chose to continue to engage knowing he'd get backlash and hate and he'd feel worse and worse and things would never get better without the time and space for people to forget.

He made the choice to make a public spectacle of his own alleged suicide. That is the action of someone who wants to put the weight of their suicide on someone else's shoulders and is morally wrong. He can be held to account for that, alive or dead.

[guiltyc0nscience]

⋆˙⟡ where do broken hearts go?, matt sturniolo

matt sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis. in which matt feels like you aren’t considering his feelings and not putting as much effort into your relationship as he is, so he brings it up to you which results in conflict but was quick to be resolved.

warnings. angst. crying, resolved angst, arguing, matt’s lowkey mean in this.

word count.

you and matt had never had an argument as big as this. yous had had small disagreements and quarrels, which were solved in minutes. never huge fights. never the way it is going on right now.

you both had been trying to juggle your lives also while trying to maintain a happy, healthy relationship. which isn’t easy. with that, you were both on the brink of breaking down any moment now. but instead of that, your emotions turned into a big fight. not a good one.

today, you weren’t working in the office and matt wasnt out filming with his brothers. he wasn’t in the best of moods right now, you were too in your head. the perfect cause of a disaster. throughout the whole day, small things kept on building and building until everything went down hill after dinner.

you had been washing you and matt’s dishes, he cleaning up all the other little things. when he had made a snarky comment about how good of a sight it was seeing you finally cleaning up, had made you snap.

you had been moaning about it for a good hour, screaming at one another in the kitchen attempting to get your feelings out some sort of way.

“i just don’t fucking get it sometimes,” matt spat at you, “it’s like all you care and think about is yourself.”

“what?! what the fuck are you even saying?!” you yelled, the anger that had slightly died down was rising straight back up.

“you are the most narcissistic, self-centred, most selfish person i have ever met,” matt said through gritted teeth, “you never think about me. you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

he took a step closer to you as you slammed the dish you were cleaning down, “you’re the one that’s inconsiderate, not me” he says.

“are you fucking kidding me? don’t talk to me like that ever again, asshole!” you said squinting your eyes at him.

a bitter laugh left matt’s lips, walking right up to you and looking down at you, “i’ll say whatever i want, sweetheart. because for once i’ve reached a fucking breaking point.”

“leave then. fucking leave then, if this is such a problem!” you yell in his face.

you were telling him to leave but this was his house that he shared with his two brothers. nick and chris.

“this is my fucking house. but i will leave!” matt yelled back, “maybe i will just leave and you can spend the rest of your life being the most inconsiderate, selfish jackass on the planet! maybe ill just go find someone who actually values me!”

“are you kidding me right now? are you implying that you’ve been fucking cheating on me?!” you raise your voice in disbelief.

matt hadn’t cheated on you. you just took his words the wrong way.

“no! it was hypothetical! if you’d let me finish, you’d know that!” matt snapped back, “i wouldn’t cheat on you, i love you!”

you were taken aback by his statement, “well, the things you’re fucking saying to me right now don’t scream ‘i love you’ very much!”

“i do love you!” matt snapped, “but god! why are you so selfish, so egotistical, and so inconsiderate! how many times do i have to say it for it to go through your thick, stubborn skull?!”

you scoff, “i’m egotistical? you’re the one that thinks you’re better than everyone else because you make a bag off making shit youtube videos! you constantly think you’re one better than everyone else, matt!”

“i don’t think im better than everyone else! im proud of my work, what the fuck is wrong with that?! i’m proud that i was able to take my passion and make myself a career out of it! i get to play my favourite games and do what i love for a living and have it supported me all while i provide for you too? how is many of that wrong?!”

you furrow your brows at the last part of his sentence, “you provide for me? i’ve got my own job, that i got by myself! i don’t need your fucking money.”

“you live in my house! i pay the bills. you can’t even provide for yourself when you make chump change in a month!” matt was absolutely fuming at this point, taking another step towards you.

you felt hurt at what he said, but you didn’t let it affect the way you presented yourself, “what?! are you fucking kidding me right now? you’re the biggest shit talker and dick head i’ve ever met!”

“no, the biggest dick head you’ve ever met is you! you, with you’re self-righteous ego and narcissistic thought process! i’ve met so many assholes in my life, but no one has even come close to how much of a jerk you are!” matt spat, “i’ve put so many hours into this relationship. i’ve given you everything just for you to come back and act like i don’t care about you, and call me the dickhead?”

you sigh as you think about how much stuff you have to have done by tomorrow, “matt, i don’t have time for this right now!”

“oh, no! i think we have plenty of time for this!” matt said as he slammed his palms on the counter, “we aren’t leaving this kitchen until you can look at me and tell me you truly love me, and that you’re sorry for all the bullshit you’ve been saying!”

you stared in disbelief at what was coming out of his mouth right now, “bullshit i’ve been saying?! you’ve said so much worse than i have, so if it’s anyone that needs an apology it’s me! but i’m not fucking pathetic enough to beg someone for some half-assed apology!”

“bullshit? i’ve been telling the truth this whole entire time!” matt said, you are selfish, you are inconsiderate, you are narcissistic. everything i’ve said is true! and don’t worry, sweetheart. you wouldn’t have to beg me for an apology from me, i’d refuse to give you one, just as you’ve been doing to me this entire time!”

you felt sick to your stomach from what matt was letting fall off his tongue like venom, “why are you with me then?! and done even say ‘it’s because i love you’ because that’s bullshit, because you don’t. if you did you wouldn’t say this whether it’s true or not!”

“i do love you! i love you so fucking much, you don’t even know!” the anger on matt’s face soon gave way to sadness, “i’m just sick of your disregarding my feelings. i’m sick of you being so careless about how i feel or what i want. i’m sick of feeling like the only one that’s pouring my all into this relationship. i’m just tired… it hurts… it hurts me that you never even give me a second thought, even though i have you on my mind at all times.”

“that’s not true at all matt! i do put my all into this relationship and i will give it my last no matter what. i love you more than i can even describe so don’t even fucking doubt that! and give me two times i disregarded your feelings, because i dont!”

“every time i ask you to make dinner so i can do some planning when i come home from filming, you don’t do it! you just brush me off and say you’re too busy or tired! or what about the times i have to beg you to give me some time alone, that i haven’t gotten any privacy in forever. yet you still barge right in when i shut the door and you just start yapping to me!”

“matt you’re not the only one with problems, you know! and i do make us dinner and when i do barge in there’s always a good reason, so don’t even start that!” you spit.

“yes i know that! and i try to help you with your problems when you talk to me about them! but when i come to you with how i feel, you just say you’re too busy to listen to me and that we’ll talk later. but we never do!” matt speaks.

“because when later comes, i always find out that you’re at parties posting up with a bunch of girls. or you’re sitting in a car with nick and chris!” you let roll off your tongue.

“i’d have time for you if you weren’t such a cold, detached person!” matt fires back, “and i’m not ‘sitting in a car’ with nick and chris! we’re working!”

“don’t you ever just think, oh i’m actually in a really good work position compared to other people. because i don’t know if you’ve realised but you don’t need to deal with people constantly blaming you for everything in work because you’re the youngest and easiest to blame and degrade! that is why im always so busy and tired, im constantly cleaning up the shit that you leaving lying about while also juggling my paperwork that i have to do at home!”

“yeah, well you have no idea what it’s like to be a full-time youtuber!” matt said, “i have to keep my fans happy, make videos, do collabs with other creators, all while having my own life! and whenever i come home after being out all day, what do i come home to every time? you sitting on the sofa, on your phone, and not even thinking about what i might want or need after i’ve been busting my ass all day!”

your jaw drops slightly with a puzzled expression on your face, “are you fucking with me? you’re not a child matt, you can do things on your own. just because i’m home before you sometimes does not mean i will be your slave! and if you do, fucking think again!”

“i don’t want a slave! i want my girlfriend! i want someone who cares about me! i want the one i love to put me before anything else!” matt was getting agitated, his eyes starting to water.

“i do matt! i do put you before everything, i try my hardest! i ruin my own mental health for you!” you say with tears running down your face.

“it doesn’t feel like you do!” matt said, “you’re always so distant! you’re always so cold and you never show me any affection! and i’m not asking for much! a kiss every now and again would be nice! you don’t even say you love me unless i say to first!”

you let out a sad sigh, “what do you mean? i kiss you every day! i say i love you all the fucking time!”

“you never do it first though! i’m the only one that ever initiates anything! im the one that is always showing affection! the other day i just wanted a hug after filming and you gave me a one-armed side-hug!”

you rub your eyes out of exhaustion, “matt, i’m tired!”

“i’m tired too!” matt snapped, his voice getting louder now, “im exhausted! im working my ass off to make us money and to make you happy and i get nothing but complaints and coldness in return!”

you whined before huffing out words, “i’m not complaining, you’re the only one complaining right now!”

“yes because you never listen to me!” matt nearly yelled, “im trying to tell you how i actually feel! im opening up and being completely vulnerable with you, you just shoot down every single thing i say! all i want is for you to care!”

“matt i do! i care so fucking much it hurts. i love you more than anything! i left my life in florida to come and stay with you full-time because i knew you didn’t want a long-distance relationship. so if that’s not me considering your feelings then i don’t know what is!”

“i never asked you to move here.” matt said through clenched teeth, “yes, i asked you to move in for the summer, and i get you had a shitty family, but you never had to transfer your job and move your entire life here! you never had to put yourself in a stressful and expressive situation, you did that yourself!”

“no i didn’t! don’t get me wrong i love being here with you, nick and chris. i fucking love it! but it’s really hard sometimes! and i get you’re going through hard times too with your family being in boston but you have open arms everywhere around LA, i don’t, that’s the difference! that is why im so cold and defensive sometimes! im scared to trust!”

“why can’t you trust me?!” matt yelled, “you’ve lived here for a year now! i’ve given you everything just for you to say that you don’t trust me! after all i’ve done for you, after all i’ve given up to make you happy, i still get this kind of bullshit from you!”

you panicked since matt had took what you said the wrong way, “i didn’t say that, baby! i said it’s hard for me to trust anyone other than you!”

“so what does that mean?” matt asked, “i don’t deserve your trust? you don’t trust me when i tell you i love you?”

“it means that i’m bottling everything up inside of me because i don’t trust anyone else other than you because i don’t want to put the stress onto you! i feel like you don’t understand what im going through, which is totally fine, but you don’t ever keep that in mind! yes, you’re going through a hard time too but i am too and you need to think about that when you say things to me. you’re not the only person fucking struggling!”

“no, i get that!” matt argued back, “we’re both going through stuff, but the difference is i make time for you! i make sure that your needs are still met when i have time! you on the other hand disregard my feelings and my wants! you never even try to understand my side, while im constantly trying to get you to understand! and now that i’ve finally gotten you to listen, you’re still saying im wrong!”

“i’m sorry matt! i don’t know what else you want from me, im falling apart over here!”

“i want you! i just want you to love me the way you say you do!” matt said, “i want you to show me, physically, that you care about me! i want you to show me that im a priority in your life, just like you’re a priority in mine!”

“i do care about you! i just go through rough patches where i don’t realise that im not showing you how much i care and love you!”

“why not tell me when you’re going through rough patches? if you’re struggling, then why don’t you tell me so i can be there for you! i’d never think of you any differently, i’d never think to call you selfish or inconsiderate! all you have to do is let me in!” matt exclaims with frustration.

“and that’s one of the hardest things for me to do! it takes time to let people in when you grow up the way i did, when you were constantly told your feelings didn’t matter and if you told people that you were struggling they would think differently of you! and i’m not saying all this for you to feel sorry for me, i’m saying this so you can try and understand it from my perspective.” you explain with tears rolling down your cheeks.

“i do understand! i do understand that you’ve had a hard life and it’s hard to trust and open up, but im not asking you to tell me every single thing that’s ever happened to you and that you’ve ever felt! im asking you to just tell me you miss me, or that you’re upset, or that you’re feeling angry or sad or frustrated! i’m asking you to open up just a little bit so i can do my best and try to show you that i love you!”

you tilt your head back and place your hands over your face before whimpering and tilting your head forward again, “and i’m trying matt!”

“i know you are!” matt said, his voice losing the edge as he looked at your tear stained face with empathy. he took a step closer to you and laid his hands gingerly on your shoulders, “i know you’re trying, i do, and it’s not fair for me to expect you to just completely open up overnight, but you’re tearing me apart too! i’m so worn out and tired from trying to get you to show me that my feelings matter to you!”

you hiccup just before you begin to talk, “i’m really trying to be better matt, i am! and i know what you want from me but it takes time. a lot of time. so please, just give me time and and you’ll get what you want in this relationship. and i’ll give you it whether it wipes me out or not!”

“how much time do i have to give you?” matt sighed, “i’ve given you nearly a year of time. i’ve been trying so hard this entire time to break through whatever wall you have up, and after a year you’re still telling me to wait? i can’t keep waiting forever!”

“i know and it’s not fair on you but it also isn’t fair on me to give you something im not ready for!” you whimper before sighing sadly.

“then what am i supposed to do?” matt exclaimed, stepping backwards and running his fingers through his hair, “if you’re not at a place that you can give me what i need in a relationship, when do you foresee yourself being there? another year? two? never?!”

“i don’t know! that is what i need to figure out and you to trust me on, but it’s hard!” you cry out.

“i’m doing my best to make this easy, but you still keep pushing back when i try to get anything out of you!” matt was frowning frustrated again, taking his hands to his face and massaging his eyes, “im just so tired of trying! i’m at my wits end!”

“matt, im sorry!”

“sorry isn’t good enough anymore!” matt almost shouted, “i don’t want another half-assed apology! that’s all you’ve given me our entire relationship, and it isn’t good enough!”

you internally groan, “matt, it’s not half-assed! i’m being considerate.”

“considerate of who? me? yourself?” matt spat, the anger in his voice returning, “because it seems like you’re trying to avoid having to do any work in our relationship and just want me to accept that you’re not ready!”

“well i don’t know what else you want me to do! because im seriously trying but you’re not giving me the time i need and that just takes us back to square one, baby!” you whine, wiping the tears that is running down your chin.

“but you’re not giving me anything to go off of!” matt’s voice was reaching high octive, the anger and exhaustion on his face evident, “i’ve been trying this entire time and every single time i tell you how i’m feeling you push my away. you ask me to give you time, and what exactly am i supposed to do while i wait other than be miserable?!”

your heart drops, “matt, baby… please. don’t give up on me.” you say your voice and heart breaking all at once.

“i don’t want to give up on you… i don’t!” matt said, the anger leaving his body as he watched your own sadness. he took a step towards you before suddenly wrapping his arms tight around you and pulling you into his chest, “i’m just so tired…” he whispered into your hair.

you sniffle before replying, “me too…”

matt didn’t say anything else, he just held onto you tight and buried his face in your hair. he squeezed you as tight as he closed his eyes and tried to get himself back under control.

there was a long heavy moment of silence that fell over the kitchen before matt finally spoke again, voice low.

“i’m sorry. im sorry im putting so much pressure on you, and you’re not ready. im sorry im losing my patience. i love you so much, but i just want to feel loved too… i want to hear you say it…”

“i love you, so fucking much.” whisper into his chest as you close your eyes, tears spilling out.

matt squeezed you tighter at your words, one of his hands reaching around to touch the back of your head in a protective hold. he rested his chin on top of your head, burying his face in the top of it as he closed his eyes again and inhaled the familiar scent of your shampoo. you could feel his body relax as you spoke, the tension leaving his tired and wear muscles.

“i love you too… i love you so much, even when you drive me crazy…”

“i’m really sorry for making you feel like this… i don’t mean it. i swear. it’s just… i just fuck up everything i do.”

“shhh…” matt hushed you, his hand massaging the back of your head in a soothing manner, “you don’t have to apologise for how you feel. i’m sorry for getting angry at you, i just want you to love me the same way i love you and i got frustrated and impatient.”

“but i fucked up our relationship…” you insecurely whispered into his chest.

“you may have said or done things that weren’t the best, but you haven’t completely ruined this relationship, sweetheart.” matt said quietly, pulling back now so he can look down at your tear stained face.

one of his hands came up to your cheek, his thumb gently swiping away one of the droplets.

“but i have or else we wouldn’t be having this argument…” you whispered.

“arguments are apart of every relationship, baby. this is natural, especially for us.” matt said, his tone gentle as he spoke, “this doesn’t mean you’ve completely ruined us. i still love you, and im sure you still love me.”

“of course i do, and don’t ever doubt it” you say shaking your head and looking down to the ground in embarrassment and shame that you caused this huge argument.

“hey,” matt spoke quietly as he took one of his fingers and placed it under your chin so he could lift it up, forcing you to look at him, “look at me baby,”

“hm?” you hum as you look up at him with a saddened look on your face.

his expression was so much softer than before, the exhaustion and the anger now replaced with love and concern. matt’s eyes searched your face as he kept his hand under you chin to hold you head up.

“i want you to listen to me and really hear me, okay?” he said in a soft and calm voice.

“okay” you whisper groggily due to the waterworks from before, and licking your dry lips.

“i love you. no matter how many times i get angry, or frustrated, or exhausted, i love you more than you will ever truly know. you haven’t ruined this. i haven’t lost my love or trust for you.” matt began to say, keeping his eyes fixed on yours, “i don’t ever want you to think that i don’t love you because i do. all i want is for you to try and meet me where i am, okay?”

“i love you. and im sorry for not doing what you expected from me. thank you for giving me a second chance, i don’t deserve you.” you say as another few tears spill out of your eyes.

“i don’t expect you to be perfect, sweetheart. i know you’ve gone through things and that’s what makes you human, but i know you still love me.” he whispered calmly.

matt dropped his hand from your chin to wrap around your waist again, and he gently pulled you forward to press you against his chest once more, his chin resting on top of your head and his arms wrapped around you in a firm hold.

“i love you” you whisper into his chest for the tenth time today, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips, matt returned the kiss with gentle fervour, before burying his head in the crook of your neck and shoulder.

he held you tight, his body relaxing and conforming to your form as he held you close to him, enjoying the feeling of your body against his.

[drferox]

So I have been massively burnt out this year, partly due to illness and separation stress, but I have been trying to do all the self-care things that I encourage people to do when you’re trying to make a brain be well, and one of those is writing fiction.

Just short fiction, because my brain balks at the idea of picking up the really big, long neglected projects. But short fiction is still fiction and if I write enough of it, then maybe I’ll build up enough momentum to pick up the bigger projects again.

So I thought that maybe if I can write enough fiction, because there’s a bit of horror flavour running though these pieces, I could narrate them for YouTube and work on the momentum for yet another project that fell by the wayside between the MS, relationship breakdown and single parenting.

Which is why I searched for ‘how to run a scary stories YouTube channel’.

And boy oh boy did that induce some rage.

I genuinely hold the art of writing in high regard, and I recognise that it’s a learned skill and difficult to do. All creative pastimes are. But there are a bunch of ‘entrepreneurs’, and I use the term with a great deal of sarcasm, that have decided to use A-Bloody-I for every single part of telling a story, except one. And for that single piece that they do not outsource to a computer program, they simply copy what has worked for other people.

There are videos providing instructions for people about how to use A-Bloody-I to:

Generate a YouTube channel name, banner and profile picture

Generate a story of the desired word length

Generate a fake voice to narrate that story

Generate a background image and thumbnail

At which point why did they even bother? They don’t even listen to the story that they generate before uploading. I know it’s all about the dream of money, they think 5 minutes of work every day will earn them an income, but what they have generated is soulless garbage.

The results have all the dressings of a horror story, but they don’t have the body of one.

It is like fae realm food- looks a little too good and all the reflections are wrong if you look too close, but it won’t satisfy the way the real thing does. You can’t really live off it.

But the more I know to look for it, the more of it I find. Particularly with fake voices, that seem to have trouble with words like vague or Dalek for some reason.

My main solace here is that these ‘entrepreneurs’ seem to be employing the same strategy in their own niche, flooding themselves with endless AI generated content coming from the same one idea, so at least they get to create their own hell I suppose.

[babygirlhouse]

house md 2024 headcanons 🫡

hi loves!! jumping on this trend :^) i don't think any of these make sense but they made me laugh soooo here u go

House has a very bad pain day and (when pushed) says that he strained the muscle while riding his bike. Obviously nobody believes him, so the ducklings + Wilson spend the day trying to figure out what he did and end up finding security footage of him attempting to hit the griddy in the morgue 

Kutner has a very generic inspirational quotes tumblr blog (he’s so proud of it) and House finds it and just starts dropping quotes from it in DDXs to mess with him & then acting all innocent 

Thirteen has a secret thirst trap tiktok acc that doesn’t explicitly show her face but has her lab coat & maybe stethoscope. When Chase suggests that it’s her she doesn’t confirm or deny it and just keeps winking. Cameron definitely follows the account after this. Thirteen pretends not to realise.

Wilson takes a uquiz to find out what sort of cheese he is and is devastated when it says he’s cheddar. He then has an identity crisis because he thinks he’s too bland and tries to reinvent his aesthetic, leading to one infected eyebrow piercing and a tramp stamp that’s never mentioned again. Potential there for a sappy scene where House tells him he's anything but bland.

Cuddy starts a momblog style podcast. House sends anonymous hate. Taub guest stars. 

I think Taub would get deeply into ASMR. Like it’d start with him finding and playing a video of ASMR triggers for his daughters, then he tries it himself to see if that calms them down even more, etc etc. He starts a youtube channel and it blows up. He gets recognised by patients at the hospital. It goes to his head just a little. He unironically uses the term 'ASMRtist'

A cosplayer has a mysterious illness and the team has to go to a convention to test for environmental factors. Chase is apprehensive but House forces him to go. He’s quickly recognised at the convention and it turns out that he has a cosplay instagram account and they get stopped every 10 mins to take pictures. No one lets him live it down 

Thirteen and Cameron kiss & fall in love & babysit Taub's kids. House makes relentless jokes but is quietly very fond of them and their relationship. Pls i need this

Foreman has a twitter/X account where he posts a combination of work out tips/inspirational quotes (not as sweet as Kutner's blog, more grindset vibes yknow) but he gets mixed up in a pyramid scheme for protein powders and gets cancelled. Also potential for a sappy scene here where Foreman says he admires Kutner for not letting House's teasing about his blog get to him. They're besties now and make each other better.

Cuddy forces all of them to go on a wellness retreat. House and Wilson make a bet to see who can go the longest without speaking. It's not even a silent retreat, they're just like that. Also someone convinces Chase that the utility shed on the retreat is haunted.

The wellness retreat no speaking bet also def has potential for gay chicken. Like Wilson kisses House to see if that will get him to lose the bet. By the next morning neither of them know or care who lost the bet, they leave their room looking Extremely disheveled and return to the hospital very much together. Cuddy is not at all surprised. She planned this. Each of the ducklings hand her $100.

PPTH minecraft server. yeah

[tiniestkitty]

―୨୧⋆ ˚ tips for regressors struggling with depression and anxiety 🌧️

🧸 one thing that has helped me tremendously has been starting a therapy / mental health journal. you can find prompts online, or even come up with your own ! I find tracking my triggers (what makes me feel upset or anxious), reflecting on how I handled my day, writing my thoughts, and what I'd like to bring up in my next therapy session helps me feel a lot better. ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

-- you can take time to learn about your brain and how it makes choices; for example, learning about and researching your trauma responses, mental illnesses and how to ground yourself during panic attacks. sometimes our brain can make us feel or think things that we can't control, so its important to differentiate between what we are telling ourselves and what our brain is telling us.

�� be kind to yourself and take time to rest if you need to. Indulge in things you like and find calming activities to do after a hard day such as coloring, doing a fun craft, playing a video game or using play therapy.

🧸 distance yourself from relationships or people that make you feel uncomfortable or are harmful to your mental health. its not mean to say you need space. you can still be friends and have established boundaries, and if someone dose not respect those boundaries its okay to distance yourself from them or take a break from talking to them until you start to feel better and are more capable of saying how important those boundaries are.

🫧 make sticker charts and schedules ! I have one for brushing my teeth. I also use a fun app on my phone called Pokémon Smile that reminds me to brush and sets a timer. ૮₍ ˃ ᵕ ˂ ₎ა

🧸 find little things to look forward to, like a new movie coming out, a birthday or a Holliday you love. sometimes I order little gifts for myself in the mail after doing a big task or getting trough a hard day hehe ! ૮ ◞ ﻌ ◟ ა

🫧 clean your space, and maybe even redecorate a little to give yourself a fresh start 🤍

🧸 find ways to "work around" overwhelming tasks like running errands or going to the doctor by bringing a comfort item or stuffed animal with you. you could keep them in your bag if you are too shy to hold them, but from my experience, no one seems to mind hehe. /lh I also like to pack fidget toys to hold when I get anxious.

note: I'm not a medical professional and I'm just speaking from my experience as someone with generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression. not everything listed here might work for you, but I hope you found this helpful. 💕 /lh

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ extra recourses 🌧️

how to use agere for self care - YouTube

hotline numbers for emergencies - tumbr

inner child healing journal prompts - Silk + Sonder website ( no adds )

[schlattslonghairytoes]

watching every single barbie movie 🎀 🩷

content creator ted nivison x actress reader

a youtuber dms you asking for help with a video, do you agree and meet this overly passionate film major, or opt out and possibly never meet the man of your dreams

ted had this video planned for months.

his goal was to watch every single barbie movie before the movie came out

and it was going well

the cast had already been announced and trailers had been released

and he had always loved your work

he thought you had a great filmography, and i mean, he also thought you were really hot

so he was really excited to see what you would bring to the screen

a week into his project he noticed he was getting a lot of attention on twitter (i'm not calling that shit X.)

he ignored it as usual, until his friend tucker told him he needed to go take a look, and tucker did not mess around about that stuff.

if he told you to check something, you better look.

he opened the clip of you and jack manifold, seemingly on his you laugh you lose series

the video started and you still maintained all three lives, while jack only had one left, you two were joking around and laughing

"objects ive shoved up my ass" was the next video and you and jack recited it together, almost making you laugh, ted was starting to regret listening to tucker, i mean this had nothing to do with him

until jack told chat to send in edits of his friends, and asked you to rate them, you agreed as that shit was funny, the first few rolled in, a couple "he's cute!" one "she's hot." but nothing that people cared about.

then came an edit of a man who you didnt know the name, but lord he was good looking, you barely even noticed how quiet, and red, you got

starstruck, you finally found words "jack who is that." jack was desperately trying to not laugh, as the stream was not near how long he wanted

"ted, my friend ted nivison" jack let out as he tried to calm his breathing.

you leaned close into your mic "chat, is this man accounted for." you stared intently at chat waiting for an answer, when you saw many no's you smiled

"this is a message to ted television- wait what was his name? nivison, doesnt even matter. if you see this, i want you. dm me, you beautiful, beautiful man." the stream quickly ended as jack couldnt keep it together.

ted was sat in bed, staring at his phone, for maybe twenty minutes, he rewatched the clip countless times

he was speechless

why was his celeb crush calling him beautiful?!?

he was too scared to dm you, like what if you didnt see it

or what if you just said it cause you were live?

so decided to grow a pair and ask jack for your number, it felt more formal that way.

the day after your stream with jack you recieved a text from an unknown number

and god you really hoped it was the man from the edit

so thats what you did, and he answered your facetime within two rings. hot.

his face and dopey grin filled the screen, as well as your heart "hi ted." you smiled at him

"hi." the call was silent for a while, as you two kinda just took the other in

"i have a question." ted finally broke the scilence when you nodded and gave him the go away he began his tangent.

"well as we know you are in the upcoming barbie movie, and ive began a project to watch every single barbie movie before i go and see the movie, i was wondering if you would like to maybe, be in the video, you of course dont have to, i understand if thats weird but i rea-"

"ill be in your video ted, just tell me where you want me and ill be there." ted smiled anxiously, you could tell how much this ment to him.

you two continued talking for the coming weeks

and became very close, like it was so obvious you wanted eachother

flirting, joking, and borderline sexting became normal for the two of you

and even with very tough scheduling

and alot of sacrifices

you were going to miss one interview to drive to teds house and spend a whole day watching barbie movies with him

finding out ted only lived like 45 minutes from you was the peak of your year

on your drive to his house you thought about how fast this man made an impact on your chaos filled life

you spent most days on camera with a mic in your face, being asked questions by people who dont know you

today you were gonna watch nine movies with someone who you actually hoped would never stop asking you questions

when you arrived at teds apartment, you were filled with excitement, what should you even do when you saw him, hug him, kiss him?

you were scared you were gonna make a decision you would later regret, but the moment the door flung open you knew that wasnt possible

ted launched at you and swept you off your feet in a bone crushing hug, and you couldnt of been happier.

you stayed like that for a moment until he finally let you down and you could actually get a good look at him

his tall frame filled your view, and you felt yourself going feral

the day was spent watching movies, the occasional makeout sesh, and filming for his youtube channel

lets just say, thank jack manifold, for getting you on that grind ;)

guys im back, still a little sick, but we prevail 💪

cant stop that jack manifold grind 😉

im so sorry the ending sucks butt, im so tired and want to nap, so the 5 of yall that read this will have to live

[quibbs126]

So today I learned that apparently g1 Galvatron is just like, actually insane, as in severely mentally ill

There’s apparently an episode where one of his own men commits him to a mental hospital to get help (but the treatments don’t work and he blows the place up, and I heard it’s actually supposed to be about bad mental health institutions but idk I haven’t seen the episode)

And I don’t know, I find this fascinating. Also alongside the fact that he used to be Megatron, the powerful leader of the Decepticons, but seemingly after being remade to serve Unicron, he became a different person but also maybe not?

Admittedly I’m not the most well versed in this topic because I haven’t yet seen the 86 movie or Season 3, I’ve only heard things from YouTube videos and posts on tumblr

But back on topic, I kind of want future series to explore this with Galvatron. From what I understand, in more recent continuities, he and Megatron tend to be made separate characters, likely in part because they want to make more sympathetic Megatrons and he works as an evil alternative. But I want to see them as the same person and have this explored more

Like maybe the idea that Unicron stripped away the last semblances of Megatron from him, and he’s trying to regain it without entirely understanding how, and maybe re-evaluating the things he’s done to even get to this point in the first place

Okay to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I know exactly how I want this to play out. I’m struggling to come up with the right words here, I already deleted my first idea and I’m not sure I like the one above. What I do know is that I’m intrigued by the idea of Galvatron being genuinely mentally unwell, possibly to the point where his own comrades try to help him get better (and also maybe Optimus trying to help since he’s a lot closer to Megatron these days), as well as the potential loss of identity becoming Galvatron brings him and him trying to regain semblances of what he once was

[seasaltdevotion]

i want to learn about hellenistic polytheism but i dont even know where to start. could you please give me a base? i know about gods deities n such, i know ill need to make offerings and id like to pray to the god(s) ill worship but i feel like im about to jump in the middle of the ocean without knowing how to swim so please help

Ofc!

Ive only been practicing for a few months but i can give my two sense.

A really great video series id reccomend for some more veteran help is Hellenism 101 from Fel the Blythe’s YouTube channel! I’ll like it for you here. Shes how I got started on everything.

Prayer

First thing I’d recommend is prayer! Since it’s the easiest form of devotion/communication.

Usually you start by mentioning Hestia, Goddess of the hearth who also allows us to communicate with the gods. So I tend to start by saying “to Hestia, the first and last I pray, I thank you.” And then i start praying to the gods I worship.

This can be you just thanking them for being there or for whatever they rule over. For example I might thank Apollon for my health, the sunshine etc. When you finish you thank Hestia the first and last again and then boom, you’ve prayed!

You don’t have to be formal in your prayers or you can be super formal, the gods won’t mind either way as long as you’re polite. And just by praying you’ve started to build Kharis, which is your relationship with the gods.

Kharis

You build Kharis by praying, offerings, and by dedicating things you do to the gods, for example I will just, in my mind, tell the gods that the food I eat is for them, and that counts as an offering. Or again; Apollo as an example, you can listen to music and dedicate that time to him, or for Hermes maybe you could go on a walk or write a letter to someone or even the gods themselves.

Building Kharis all comes down to setting the intention of giving to the gods, and in return they give back. You don’t even need to do physical offerings to worship. But if you’d like to, it’s good to research your gods for ideas on what you could give them. And don’t worry about not praying enough/offering enough etc. not everyone can pray every hour of the day or offer a million offerings a week, all that matters is you’re doing what’s best for you.

Other basics

- Divination is not required, you don’t need tarot a pendulum or any of that fancy stuff!

- We don’t really have sins in Hellenism!

However, on that note, it’s also good to cleanse before approaching the gods, washing off something called Lyma or general negativity that kind of builds up on the day to day. It just happens.

And how you cleanse?

You wash your hands and/or your face. Or even shower! As long as you’re clean then you’re pretty set.

- Xenia

Xenia is hospitality, which is a major benchmark in Hellenism. It’s what the religion is really based on. Basically, love thy neighbor sort of thing. Just be kind and courteous to those who are in your home and welcome those in need no matter who they are.

- What if I want to worship two gods who dislike each other in mythology?

Don’t worry about it. You can always pray to them and preface it before hand, but the gods know this is a polytheistic religion. They know you’re going to worship more than one and may end up praying to one more than the other. We’re human, and they understand that.

They won’t be mad at you for having multiple gods or prioritizing one over another at a certain time.

So what now?

I’ve thrown a lot at you, so where do we go from here?

Take your time.

Research, research, research.

Understand the gods you’d like to pray to, know their myths, read literature surrounding them.

I cannot say this enough but Theoi.com is a great resource for learning about the gods. Find any sort of book you can get your hands on. And take your time. I can’t stress that enough. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by offerings and things.

If all you can do to stay is pray? Then pray! Or even just talk to them. Just sit and tell them gods about your day either mentally or verbally, just talk to them.

Do what’s easiest and best for you and only move on when you can.

If you need help along the way, I’m always willing and there are plenty of other Hellenic polytheists who are willing to help! Everyone also has different practices and beliefs, so what I say may be different from someone else. Plus I’m still learning myself so there’s always things that I can improve on myself!

I’m so glad you reached out and I hope you enjoy the ride!!

[azulcrescent]

Hi Azul! :) I started following your silly scribbles about a year ago, and seeing Cheryl model how she came out to her friends and family in the comic helped me articulate my gender experience better with my wife and even come out to my friends and family. Thanks for sharing your art! I also wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're experiencing poor sleep and burnout lately. :( Those can make you feel awful. I've had a chronic illness for the past six years -- and I'm fully aware that's something separate, nor do I want to equate it with your experiences -- but, at risk of giving any unsolicited advice, I do wish someone had said something to me about this when I first felt those as well. Because I was pushing myself to work for 2 hours a day as a special education paraprofessional in a wheelchair due to fatigue and systemic dysfunctions throughout my body -- so I had to quit my job since I was making my health even worse. When I stopped working, I was fully bed bound for a time but even still kept pushing myself to attempt grad school online despite only being able to sit up for 5-10% of the day. My point is that, even when our bodies are burnt out, we still push ourselves because that's generally just our human nature to do. And I wish that during that time someone had gently said it's okay to slow everything down and listen to what my body was telling me it needed.

With slowing down, I also get that finances are a thing, and I wouldn't have been able to recover from severe to moderate ME/CFS without my wife working her butt off for us to cover medical expenses by switching jobs and upskilling. (She jokes that she has no more butt anymore because of those years :'(... )

So, although this is stepping into unsolicited advice, but as someone who was burnt out and constantly eepy for years, I feel like it would be remiss of me to not try to say something and just give a bullet point list of free things that helped my nervous system not be so overstimulated and tired but wired that I couldn't sleep and even when I did it was unrefreshing and yucky to wake up the next day:

•Search for "ally boothroyd yoga nidra" on YouTube and pick a 10 minute video •Do belly breathing to expand the diaphragm (one of the few ways we can give input to our parasympathetic nervous systems -- the rest, digest, and heal system) •When breathing, breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4, repeat to tell your body it can be calm •Spinal flossing in bed: start from your lowest vertebrae you can, try to isolate it with your muscles, and shift it up down left and right, then go up to the next one •Listen to how your body responds to foods: maybe try cutting out gluten and refined sugars for a week to see if it helps in any way; a lot of our immune system is in the gut, and being in a stressed state can cause our immune systems to mistake food molecules for pathogens which then activates the immune system and turns off the parasympathetic nervous system •Drop your jaw fully open like you're going to yawn, then stretch your tongue upward outside your mouth as far as it can go and stretch it around. This is a stretch for the muscles near your vagus nerve near your ear/neck behind the jaw to help them relax •Plan a bedtime routine for the thirty minutes before you go to bed and be consistent •Brain retraining: When you feel stressed or anxious about sleep or being burnt out, compassionately tell yourself "Stop, stop, stop." Thank that part of you for bringing up its concern, then remind that part of yourself that it doesn't need to worry anymore because you are working on recovering and healing. And if the insomnia or fatigue do happen, you have plans for what to do and will be okay. •Remember the conclusion from the American TV show Mythbusters: https://www.tumblr.com/gretchensinister/678474387179077632/one-of-the-most-life-changing-things-i-ever You're still getting rest even if you just close your eyes. You've talked about having ADHD, and while I don't have it, I get that it messes up brain chemicals and can contribute to both insomnia and burn out. There might be a reddit discussion that speaks to you better about medications or deficiencies. I hope you get to rest. Cheering for you. It's always fun to see your art. Thanks for what you do! :) Sleepy cat tax:

Glad to hear you like my comics! And thank you for the very informative and helpful info on sleeping better! Ill try to put your advice to use!

[cadmium-free]

Funeral Parade of Roses (1969) - Watched on August 5, 2023

It spirals to its inevitable conclusion. We revisit a moment, a scene. A little more plays out, we step back or step forward. We live transfixed in a moment. Sometimes a scene mirrors another, it's all the same but with different details. There is no escaping fate, we can only be sucked closer and closer to our inevitable conclusion.

Stop Making Sense (1984) - Watched on October 5, 2023

I genuinely don’t think this needs any explanation or justification at all. I could watch it over and over and over and over and over.

Possession (1981) - Watched on October 17, 2023

It took me three sittings to get through this film and I wasn’t sure I liked it immediately after I finished it. And then it just simmered in my mind for days and weeks after until it finally clicked into place. I love the way Sam Neill moves in this. Everyone comments on the haunting way Isabelle Adjani looks directly into the camera, and yea. Yeah. Ok. Yeah. Yeah.

The Devils (1971) - Watched on June 26, 2023

I thought going into it with the full knowledge of Urbain Grandier would defang it, and perhaps this did soften the blow a bit, but it's audacious, frenzied, sensual. You get tangled up in its themes, its sensations, its torture.

Dog Day Afternoon (1975) - Watched on January 13, 2023

This set off a brief and ferocious obsession with Al Pacino. I have a strained relationship with films based on true crimes, but this slides past my qualms, perhaps just on the strength of the fact John Wojtowicz himself did write a review of it.

Bound (1996) - Watched on April 5 and August 19, 2023

The way Corky and Violet can come together with genuine trust so quickly. The way Ceaser can misunderstand Violet so fundamentally. The literal betrayal in realising who someone is.

Häxan (1922) - Watched on October 27, 2023

The 1922 equivalent of a Youtube video essay where a guy is like, "Guys, I just learned a bunch of fucked up facts about witches and witch trials. I think maybe we just execute women for being poor and mentally ill. Also aren't mental institutions a bit fucked up?" but like, a bit hornier than you would expect for the subject.

Cruising (1980) - Watched on January 17, 2023

It’s all about looking and being noticed. The camera is looking. Al Pacino is looking. The men are looking. And the ambiguity of the gaze and the plot.

Pontypool (2008) - Watched on October 4, 2023

It's a film about words. It's a film about broadcasting from a radio station and seeing nothing. Our imagination fills in the visual gaps. It's so much more horrifying to be piecing everything together from the safety of a recording booth.

The Lair of the White Worm (1988) - Watched on February 1, 2023

Hugh Grant—looking like a lesbian—who is a freaky little rich boy who believes in cryptids, Peter Capaldi—looking like a lesbian—sucking snake venom from a neck bite, an incredibly sexy snake woman with a house full of snake stuff, a giant snake puppet, surreal dream sequences, the coolest game of snakes and ladders ever made, snake dicks, weaponised bagpipe music, homoeroticism, and giant strap-ons.

Ravenous (1999) - Watched on October 19, 2023

This film is so offbeat and strange. It has the strange feel of a comedy, while being a really understandably grim depiction of cannibalism as manifestation of greed, expansionism, and colonization. I kept having these moments of shock that this was a studio movie, that studios were willing to make this film that so thoroughly deconstructs the American mythology.

Penda's Fen (1974) - Watched on July 6, 2023

The first movie in a long time that has made me feel as though I need to pick it apart like an essay, to rewatch multiple times and take notes and repeat sentences until I’ve done a thorough analysis. I've never had a film hit me in quite this way before.

[furiousgoldfish]

This is one of the things I'm most ashamed about, but your recent tutorial posts made me brave enough to talk about it.

Do you have any tips on cleaning a house that's completely fucked?

Clutter everywhere and maggots on occassion and gunk. I should have done something about it a long time ago, but didn't - and now it's a huge task and very intimidating.

so I've never cleaned a house in those conditions, but I feel it's exactly what auriikatarina does on youtube, so I'll link her channel, I've learned most of what I know from her!

This video is about cleaning on of the filthiest houses ever so it could be helpful! She shows you exactly how she tackles it and even what cleaning tools and products to use, to be able to clean more easily.

I think with houses like that, it's just very overwhelming and impossible to know where to start, it can put you off just to try and then not see any results or be overwhelmed and have it go too slow or too poorly. And the thing is, it doesn't matter where you start, if you're able to clean one little table, one small corner, if it looks nicer than the rest, it will give you that rush of happiness and achievement and encourage you to clean another little bit, and then another. There's absolutely no judgment on not doing anything about it sooner, I sometimes neglect my space for a long time too!

Since gunk and bacteria can be dangerous, I should advise you to wear gloves, face mask, and to use something strong enough to sterilize really bad areas. Also cleaning really messed up places is so popular on the internet lately, you could theoretically make content out of it (I'm joking, but if the idea inspires you and helps you out, who knows).

One thing that is also great to do is to take photos of it at the start, and then take photos as you're at it, so you can see visual improvements! It feels great when you change something very filthy.

It might also help to learn more about organizing, to be able to manage and organize the clutter, this alone can be even more challenging than the cleaning! If you can see some videos on organizing and get an idea on how to sort the clutter, pick what you need and maybe get rid of some, it might make it more clear in your mind how to tackle this!

I also want to tell you that you're not alone, there's many people struggling with this, and many people can't tackle this without any help. It is a big thing that you should receive help about! There's no shame in struggling because when you're mentally ill, you don't see your space, you can't concentrate, and you are just trying to make it trough the day, maintaining living space is the last thing on your mind.

I hope you manage to get trough even one part, no matter how you do it, it's fine, as long as you feel a bit better and accomplished from getting a bit of it done! It's okay to take weeks and months and slowly do it bit by bit. Nobody can do this in a day or two, and you should have no pressure on you to progress quickly. Good luck!

[schizotypalpd-culture-is]

major cw for venting abt rumination, unreality and paranoia...

questioning stpd + bpd culture is freaking out alot and never being able to keep an account for long and getting immediately suspicious as well as hella inferior to ("they're gonna find out something about me idk what but i know")/anxious of anyone who is too enthusiastic about you (and conversely trying to talk to people who are not as available at all), not being able to use youtube much anymore because u think all the videos could be talking about you even tho its just a tactic to address the viewer to watch but u feel so fucking called out by every little thing, getting angry at the screen and always typing mean shit in the search bar in case somethings watching (but still being addicted to the internet), feeling intrusive at every family function for no reason, feeling like an idiot trying to speak more than one or two words on most days bc it gets jumbled or u literally cannot remember even names or what u did 2 days ago, having the weirdest blend of disgruntled/confused/concerned stare with little response at all whenever u try to describe ur problems and mind, having breakdowns when u try to make friends irl, and really needing help but too scared of being invalidated/mistreated/laughed at and also its a big process i dont fully understand or have much help with and being watched/monitored by family is my nightmare. then ruminating for hours feeling guilty bc the other part of u knows its not all about u, negative grinch!! but u cant escape the feeling or the possibility. then u get scared somethings watching ur brain judging and u spend more hours arguing with yourself or the entity and freaking out which the stress and sleep deprivation turns into hallucinating ghosts (then u think... OMG she cursed me! im haunted! its this house! my vibes are so bad ghosts want me out of here.) and having nobody to tell abt it. so u write about it in a document cuz u literally cant verbalise delusions hoping whatever medical professional will see it wont disregard it because you are somewhat self aware/introspective (to the point that you're just obsessing over your own thoughts not really anything like ooh enlightenment. oh and then u ruminate that maybe youre not sick enough... then get angry at imaginary people who would dare think that... wait im an asshole! people can think what they want! whats my problem! im so mean! que rumination about that), post online then get paranoid about it again and tbh u dont know why u post it but it has to go somewhere, to someone. itll probably drive everyone away but i don't know where else to go. maybe ill be honest and show my true face. but do people even do that? am i something to be hidden? im so tired and cant even cope with people walking outside my window and i look creepy when i figure out what theyre doing by standing at the window then i panic thinking they think im a creep going to do bad things.

.

[kaddyssammlung]

Okay. Let's do this mister Vessel (or whoever posted this. Sometimes I think it's you hiding in the main account. Hiding in plain sight...right?! XD ) More under the cut because of mental health things and I also write down how I found "it" out. You get what I mean.

Beginning of 2023 YouTube kept showing me reactions to Sleep Token's the Summoning. So I decided to listen to that song. I had checked them out in 2020 already but I did not really get them back then. And I am still beating myself up over this. But whatever....

I recognized that name but was not really aware of the fact that I had already seen “The Offering” from them. Back then I was confused by the lyrics.

So I listened to The Summoning and also Chokehold. All of this was in January of 2023 but I don't remember an exact date.

My brother and I share the same taste in music and we both liked those two songs. I remember driving to work with him and having wild discussions about the songs and especially their sound. They do sound so different and they still sound so different then any other band that I know. I really, really, really liked their music. My obsession came online fast at that point. I preordered “Take Me Back To Eden” because I wanted to have the CD as soon as it got released. Meanwhile I started to dive into all of their all songs. I read the name “The Summoning” again and remembered that I had heard that way back. I read the lyrics again and started to kind of understand them.

Not long, only a few days after having found them, my brother was like “have you heard who is behind that band?” I did not even care that much about it, so I said no. My brother also did not really know but he just told me what he knew. The same day YouTube suggested a song to me with a thumbnail that showed a shy-looking guy with a guitar. Sometimes you only look at something and know right away. So yeah....I watched that video and read the comments....

I never really thought about that in a sense that: it makes no difference to me. It never has. I have basically always known who they were ever since finding them. It was meant to be in a way.

I started to slowly get into the fandom. I felt weird and disconnected at that time. I really liked their lyrics and their lyrics spoke to me. They also reminded me of my own mental health issues. But at the same time I noticed themes of hope and getting stronger and leaving the past behind and growing strong through suffering. Or other spiritual themes. I was hoping to find peeps in that fandom that are like me and that get what I say, even the “weird topics” such as spirituality. I read through reddit (the normal big because the “other one” did not even exist back then) and also discord and well..hmm...maybe I was a bit disappointed. All of this surface-level shallow stuff XD. I don't mean this as an offense it's just what it felt like. So I decided to share some insight and long story short: it turned ugly on discord fast.

But I always had my little tumblr. Fun fact: I've been on tumblr since its existence. I have deleted my original tumblr a long time ago. It was a “romanticizing mental illness / being pro ana” type of blog. Then I had a recovery blog, fitgirl inspiration blog, Children of Bodom fanblog (that I still have) anyway.

None of those were what this is. I don't just mean this in regards to Sleep Token but more in general.

So...Discord almost destroyed this fandom for me but I did not let it happen. I mean it's also my mental health that got in the way.

Two years back I fell into the biggest whole that I've been in since a long time. This whole childhood sa topic and I had just swallowed down. But something in the lyrics always reminded me of not resolved trauma. So...finally coming out of this. Thanks to Vessel and his lyrics and also my need to explain those lyrics. In the summer of 2023 I found Kerry. She has a video that talks about “The Gods” and Vessel sings about “The Gods” and I wanted to know who the f* “the Gods” were so I started to get into her content.

A journey.....a weird journey ever since January of 2023 and strange synchronicity and all kinds of other things have lead to where I am now. 2025.....the era of truth has begun (it has something to do with spirituality again and nothing with that fandom). Let's see what I can say in a year. I don't know yet.

So...

Thank you :)

[paikothecateater]

Literally playing farming simulator rn as you posted that, wild.

Anyway Iceland being the main animal guy is so cute it reminds me of that one small YouTube farm channel where the guy would make extra money passively raising baby goats (would sell them after) and he’d make videos where he would just sit down then all 4 baby’s would sprint to him and jump on him.

Alright, I really want to expand on this AU, so here's a branching headcanon.

I feel like Denmark has a huge no farm animals in the house rule. It upsets Iceland to no end because he always wants to be around them.

On multiple occasions, I've made the headcanon that Denmark spoils Iceland and physically can't say no to him, so why not implement that in this AU.

As much as it hurts Denmark, he has to stand firm on his rule, but he also knows that he can't keep Iceland from at least having one house pet. He decides that the only exception to this rule would be a baby goat that Iceland can raise however he likes.

So, on Iceland's birthday, he walks in with a tiny, completely snow white, baby goat with a pink ribbon tied around it's neck. Iceland immediately goes absolutely crazy over this baby goat. He runs up to hug Denmark and takes the little goat into his arms. He eventually decides to name her Pie.

This little goat is an absolute angel. Goats can be pretty mischievous, but this little angel just wants to be held. Iceland carries this baby around all day every day. Initially, Denmark would have preferred it if the goat could stay outside, but there was no way in hell Iceland would let his baby sleep outside. No, she sleeps right next to him.

But hey, that's how Denmark got rid of his problem completely. Iceland was completely content with his baby Pie and never wanted another pet ever again...

... Until one day, a pretty intense storm hits. Thankfully, Iceland manages to get all the animals safely indoors. He walks into the house last to see that Finland also seems to have been caught in the storm by surprise. He makes a casual comment about a cat he saw get absolutely drenched. Cats get into the land all the time, but there's usually plenty mice and other vermin available to keep them away from trying to eat any of the chickens, so they're usually allowed to stay. Iceland cannot stop asking about this cat. They try to assure him it'll probably be okay, but he is just inconsolable, so Norway offers to go look for it and bring it in to calm Iceland down. He walks out and comes back 20 minutes later, absolutely drenched, holding this battered, sopping, white cat. Despite the fact that it looked like it had been through the trenches, it looked well fed enough. Norway hands Iceland the cat and gets a grateful hug for his trouble. Iceland gives the cat a warm bath to get it clean, dries it up and cradles it on his lap, later discovering that this cat is in fact a girl. Denmark sees this and gets physically ill at the thought of having to make Iceland release the cat after the storm. He walks over to him, puts an arm on his shoulder and goes "yes, you can keep it." Iceland gets super excited and names this cat 'Beatrice' or Bea for short. Once dry and comfortable, the innocent grateful kitty act immediately melts away and it turns out that Beatrice is a super mean cat. Despite being the one who rescued her, Norway ended up getting the worst of it though it didn't bother him as he's not really a cat person. Bea is only the absolute sweetest around Iceland and maybe Denmark. She follows Iceland everywhere and earns her keep by hunting down rodents and bugs.

So yeah, Denmark's rule kind of fell on its ass, but he knew right from the start. Iceland loves animals too much to keep away from them for any amount of time.

I'm falling down a rabbit hole and I'm going to do nothing about it.