#matchmaker!harry

[hp-shippy-prompts]

Prompt:

Harry is a professional matchmaker with a 100% success rate, and Tom needs a suitable spouse to aid his political aspirations.

The problem for Tom is that Harry refuses to simply pair him with the appropriate piece of eye candy, wanting to properly match his client with his perfect partner at every level - emotional, intellectual, political, physical, sexual, etc. (A perfect match not necessarily implying identical opinions and view, however.)

The problem for Harry is that Tom is unrepentantly incompatible with everyone. He fakes most of his personality with others, or treats them with such condescension and/or hostility as to drive them away. It’s only Harry he reluctantly allows himself to open himself up to (because Harry gives him no choice and drives him to real frustration responses), and Harry isn’t sure he wants Tom to meet someone else regardless. Harry’s too much of a professional to act outside of their matchmaker/client relationship though.

Luckily, Tom isn’t.

[daddiesdrarryy]

James: Okay, you guys, there’s Reg. Watch. Just watch this

Regulus: *walking past*

James: See? Still pretending he’s not interested. Oh! He’s coming over. Just pretend like we don’t know him. We’ve forgotten who he is!

Regulus: Hey guys!

Remus: Hey Regulus!

Peter: Hello!

James: …

Sirius: Hey, Reggie. You know Prongs, my best friend? He’s nice. He’s not bad to look at, right?

James: Thanks, Pads

Regulus: Well, of course

Sirius: Do you want to go out on a date with him? You got my blessing!

James: Sirius!

Regulus: Sure. Is Sunday okay?

Sirius: Sunday’s perfect. He can’t wait

Regulus: On the date, I will be able to talk to him directly, right?

Sirius: Yeah

Regulus: All right, see you Sunday, Potter *leaves*

James: Okay. What the hell was that? You know what? Don’t answer me

James, giggling: I have a date with Reggie!

[ultravioletbrit]

“shadow” - Jegulus microfic - @into-the-jeggyverse - 308 words

 

“So, you know my friend James?” Sirius says trying to sound nonchalant.  

“Ugh.” Regulus just groans as he wipes down the counter not looking at Sirius.

“Why do you always do that when I bring up James?” Sirius asks while starting to brew fresh coffee.  

“James annoys me.” Regulus tells him simply.

“You’ve never even met him.”

“Doesn’t mean he can’t annoy me.”

“Well, he needs a job.” Sirius moves on to restock the fridge with the various types of milk.

“Good for him.” Regulus says sarcastically as he’s refilling the pastries.

“I got him a job here.”

“You what?” Regulus whips around to face Sirius.

“Yeah, he’s going to be here any minute, but I have to take inventory and–” Sirius starts.

“What does that mean?” Regulus cuts him off while glaring at him.

“Means you have to train him.” Sirius says.

“Nope. He’s your friend, you train him.” Regulus tells him as he hears the bell at the door. He turns around and makes eye contact with the most beautiful man he has ever seen, and he freezes.

“Hey Prongs!”

“Hey Pads!” They greet each other and Regulus has heard Sirius talk about James enough to know that “Prongs” is, in fact, James Potter.

“James, this is Regulus. Reggie, this is James.” Sirius introduces them.

“Hi Regulus!” James says brightly reaching out his hand, but Regulus remains frozen just staring at him. Eventually, James lowers his hand but doesn’t break eye contact with Regulus.  

“Right, I was going to have you shadow Reggie this morning, but he doesn’t–”  

“Go away Sirius.” Regulus interrupts him without taking his eyes off James.  

“Yeah, I thought you might say that. I’ll be in the back.” Sirius sing-songs as he’s walking away.

James continues to smile at Regulus, and he finally unfreezes and feels himself smiling back. Suddenly Regulus is not so annoyed.

[gellertalbus]

[theserpens]

Drarry Fic Rec: Part Eleven

Find a new place to be from by @oflights 47,626 words, E

Something is wrong with Malfoy Manor, and it’s driven Draco into the Muggle world. Thankfully, Harry is now on the case. A story about houses that haunt you and homes built for two.

House Proud by @astolat 23,112 words, M

His house liked Draco Malfoy more than him.

Stately Homes of Wiltshire by @waspabi 57,582 words, E

Malfoy Manor has mould, dry rot and an infestation of unusually historical poltergeists. Harry Potter is on the case.

You guessed it: this set features magical houses. All of these stories include very mild horror and scary old homes filled to the brink with ghosts, bloody roses or creeping shadows — but also with Draco and Harry, trying to save each other and falling in love in the meantime.

'Find a new place to be from’ is hilarous and soft and just a tiny bit spooky. 'House Proud' is gorgeous and catches that old magic feeling; something creaking on the stairway, something breathing on your neck. 'Stately Homes of Wiltshire' features grumpy ghost and a grumpier Draco. Whats not to love?

Also as a final little treat: here are some magic-house-stories, but without any spooky stuff. Just Grimmauld Place setting Harry up: Etched, Curled, Stationed by @tepre 1,769 words, T

The day Draco Malfoy turned 21 was the day that 12 Grimmauld Place had decided, with all the grand and pointed fanfare that a house could manage, that it was him that was its rightful owner.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker by @firethesound 11,766 words, E

Sometimes, Harry can't help but wonder why such strange shit always happens to him.

That was it. So, Enjoy!

[theonceandfuturequeenoftarts]

It happens while he’s having a long-overdue visit with Ginny. After a night of good food and alcohol and catching up, she digs her fingers right into the bruise that is his loneliness.

“So, seeing anyone?”

The short answer is no. The long answer is, frankly, depressing. 

It’s a no, but not for lack of recent effort. He retired from professional football nearly five years ago, and he hasn’t had any luck finding a partner despite going on several dates. He’s tried to meet people; his friends keep subtly (and then not-at-all subtly) pushing him in the direction of single acquaintances or friends-of-friends, but he’s been out of the game long enough that it all feels foreign to him. He hasn’t felt a spark or connection with anyone. And if one more person mentions Tinder or Grindr to him, he might stuff his phone down their throat.

Hell, his last real relationship was… Ginny. Christ, that was almost twenty years ago. No wonder his friends think he needs to be set up. But after he and Gin broke up, he was so focused on playing better, keeping his team in the Premier League, or playing in Euro Cups or World Cups. The long hours spent training and playing and travelling didn’t exactly allow for much time to meet people or date, and a lot of the people he’d meet through club events or at the bars and parties his teammates frequented weren’t exactly looking for a committed relationship. From a couple disastrous attempts, he's well aware he doesn’t do well with one-night stands.

By the time his retirement loomed, he was more excited to spend time with his friends and family – to watch his honorary nieces and nephews grow up. He’d done his best to maintain those relationships when he could, and now he’s going to enjoy the results of that effort. 

But he’s always wanted a partner – a love like he’d heard his parents had. He’s sure there’s someone out there for him; he just wishes they’d stop hiding.

“I’m going to take that as a no,” Ginny says after an embarrassingly long pause. “Oh no, don’t get all mopey on me–”

“I’m not mopey,” Harry grumbles into his beer. Ginny gives him a look. “I’m not! I just. Maybe I’m a bit frustrated. Trying to find someone is exhausting. And demoralising.”

“If you can’t find someone, what chance do mere mortals have?” she teases.

“Oh, ha ha,” he snarks. “I know you’re taking the piss, but… I think that might actually be part of the problem? Most of them want Harry Potter, but I’m just Harry. Once you take away the sports stuff, I’m really quite boring.”

“Harry.”

“What?”

“You are not, and could never be, boring. You, my friend, are a chaos magnet. Even now that you’re not one of the highest paid football players, or on the cover of Sports Illustrated, or modelling underwear, or whatever ridiculous thing, you are plenty interesting on your own.”

“Gin,” he says, feeling a bit choked up.

“There, there.” She pats his hand before leaning back in her chair, lost in thought. “So, dating isn’t working…”

“To put it lightly.”

Ginny gives him a considering look. “Have you ever thought of finding a sugar baby?”

“A wh–” He chokes on his spit and coughs. “Sugar baby?! I’m not some creepy old letch, Gin!”

She waves off his pearl-clutching. “No, but you are rich and desperate.”

“Oi!”

“Oh, hush. Why not give it a shot? One of my rugby mates used this matchmaking service and had great luck.”

“I’m not paying someone to have sex with me,” he says flatly.

“Then don’t. Pay someone to keep your lonely arse company.”

He sighs, running a hand through his unruly hair and wincing when it snags on a knot. “That just seems so pathetic…”

“Harry,” Ginny says, looking him in the eye. “You have money you don’t need, and want someone to care about. There are many people out there who would love to have that money and someone to care about them.”

And that’s a little more enticing.

“But, since I know you, I will add: Do not try to be a hero. It should be mutually beneficial,” she stresses sternly.

“You say that like I’m going to do this, but I haven’t agreed–”

“We’re going to create a profile right now.”

“Ginnyyyyyyy,” he groans. “Noooooo–”

“None of that,” she says, grabbing his laptop. “You need to build up some relationship confidence, and since the old-fashioned way isn’t working, you’re going to give this a shot.”

He finishes his drink and goes to flop on the sofa in protest.

After a fair bit of typing, Ginny calls from across the room, “Ay, Harry – birds or blokes?”

He lifts his face from where it’s wedged into a pillow enough to shout back a bleary “Both!”

Foggy memories flicker in and out of them shouting questions and answers back and forth, with Ginny eventually migrating to the sofa and asking him to look at photos.

The next morning, Harry wakes up with a nasty hangover and a message on the sugar baby matchmaking app saying he has a date that weekend.

What.

(wake-up call)

[crimsonlovebartylus]

Oops wrong number - Chapter 10: mission get bartylus together attempt 1: click here

preview:

James: HEY WATTPAD WRITERS ARE THE CORE OF WRITING #justiceforwattpadwriters 😤

Dorcas: … who did you write for…

James: nobody

Lily: Zayn

James: LILY WHAT THE FUCK? 😃

I genuinely thought I was NEVER going to update this fic.

[inheartofwinter]

For @drarrymicrofic 's song prompt Guess Who's Back by Danko Jones. 390 | G.

My immediate though for this prompt was villain Drarry causing mayhem throughout the country. But I'm bad at writing actions and scaring Harry seemed fun, hence, this fic.

Guess Who's Back?

Harry fell off the chair before the door was fully opened. His elbow hit the floor painfully and the chair was digging his ribs but he could not care less. His eyes were glued on the man who had just stepped into the room.

“Ladies and gentlemen, guess who's back? Me!” shouted the man cheerfully, swinging a bag. He was sporting a smug grin. Along with his flashing gray eyes, it gave off the vibe of a villain in comics.

Draco Malfoy was back.

Leader of the Slytherin gang of bullies back at Hogwarts. Former Death Eater. Famous high fashion designer in the world. Harry’s ex. He was back.

Malfoy took a glance at Harry and smirked. “Happy that I'm back, Scarhead?”

Harry gulped. He didn’t think that he was happy. He wasn’t sure he wasn’t either. So he decided to ignore the question. “When—? How—?”

Malfoy, rude as he had always been, didn’t wait until he finished his sentence to throw himself on Harry’s table. “Spare me the niceties. Let’s get to the job.” Oh Gryffindor, from this perspective, Malfoy's legs looked like they were miles long. Harry could even see his milky skin through the opening of his trousers' legs— Harry needed to get up immediately. “What style do you want your robe to be?”

“My robe?” Harry blinked. Understanding descended upon him a minute later. He promptly turned to Luna. “You called him?!”

Luna smiled her familiar serene smile – the one Harry had started to dread. “Draco is the best designer and you need a nice robe for the upcoming ball.”

“But why—“ my ex? Why the man I accidentally drove out of the country with our disaster break up? The one person you know that I'm still dreaming of at night? Harry swallowed his thoughts back. As if he could ever say that.

Malfoy narrowed his eyes. “Are you doubting my ability, Potter? For your information, you will not find anyone better than me in the Continent. In the whole world, I dare say.” Then, he smiled. “Or, are you scared?”

Harry was. But there was no way he would ever admit that to Draco Malfoy of all people.

“You wish,” said Harry, standing up.

“Then I'm looking forward to working with you.” Malfoy’s eyes glinted.

...Maybe Harry should have just admitted it.

[jlhynde-insanitybrilliance]

UDLTTOM DIALOGUE DRAFT #89

*Tom in the infirmary after a duel with Harry*

Tom: You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?

Lyra Burke (a witch with the sight): I had an inkling.

Tom: And you didn’t say anything—Why?

Lyra: Because prophecies are self-fulfilling, Tom. And because you never asked until now.

Tom: Well, now I’m asking Burke. Who is Evans? What have you seen?

Lyra: It should be obvious. He’s your match, Tom. In everything that you are, he matches you move for move, spell for spell, wand for wand—It’s romantic, isn’t it?

Tom: It is not!

Lyra: Now don’t lie—I’ve caught you staring at his arse. You want him.

Tom: I do, but carnally. It has nothing to do with romance.

Lyra: …well, I still think it’s romantic. He’s good for you. He keeps you on your toes and I’m all for it. Things were getting a bit dull around here.

Tom: This isn’t one of those trashy romance novels you read. Keep those sort of girlish notions to yourself, Burke.

[ghostthewriter09]

Matchmaker James

Remus: Oh cmon, Sirius isn’t in love with me. He’s straight

Remus: I’m not even gay either! why would I care?

James, to himself: Sirius Black? Straight? Never thought I’d hear those words

Later, In the common rooms

Sirius: Have you made any progress talking to Remus? James: Well he’s definitely in love with you. But he thinks you’re straight.

Sirius: Why wouldn’t you tell him I’m not?

James: Well…he also thinks he’s straight

Sirius, spitting out his drink: Remus? Straight? I think not!

(He runs to the dorms faster than ever and kisses the shit out of that boy)

[dark-elf-writes]

Oooo what if it’s still not a thing while he’s at Hogwarts?

Harry: Can you help me get my mom’s friend to confess their feelings?

Ron: *certified Weasley translator who is sensitive to emotions* Sure.

Hermione: *just found out about Greek gods and had a freak out but is a sucker for a good romance* Yes.

Fred and George: *just here for chaos* YES.

Percy: *has a job lined up with HERA cause MC took one look and went dibs* please don’t have me loose my future job.

Neville: *happy to be there and also a closet romantic as his gran has a lot of book* What about flowers to start?

Harry being adopted at like nine and trying for two years to get Alex and and his mom together to no avail but the moment he gets to Hogwarts and puts together a fool proof plan with the help of all of his friends they get into a relationship anyway without him even there because SOMEONE decided to try to start a war with the gods.

(And honestly if Harry had known stealing from Alex was all it took to get them together he would have done it ages ago. Miss Aphrodite would have helped him he knew it.)

He convinces Percy to teach him how to make a howler so his mama and Alex both know how incredibly miffed he is but that he also told them both so and really this was all his hard work that Duke or whatever can’t be given credit for.

It finds them in the office and May laughs at their stunned and blushing faces for a solid twenty minutes.

(He still arranges the date setup he had planned because honestly it would be a waste otherwise and he and the others put in so much work for it.)

[daddiesdrarryy]

Remus: Right hand blue

James: This Twister game is so fun!

Regulus: Not that fun. Are you sure this is right, Remus? Potter is practically on top of me

Remus: Of course it is!

Sirius, whispers: Is it?

Remus: I haven’t used the spinner in half an hour

[harmonyandco]

All of their friends knew that Harry was the person Hermione called to interrupt bad dates. He'd show up with some last minute disaster or something she'd need to sign for work, etc. So when Ron and Hermione were trying to get back together again and Harry showed up during appetizers, Ron immediately thought she summoned Harry to get her out of things. (Harry would swear that he didn't make up a work emergency to sabotage their date. He'd be lying, but you'd never be able to prove it.)

@johnburtonlee

[spikybanana]

Dear Mr. Lupin,

I am Harry, Sirius's godson and son of his best friend James. So... sorry on the behalf of my family for Saturday. It was unfortunate the way we walked in on you, and as for the werewolf thing, there probably could have been better ways for Sirius to find out. Sirius is still mad at my dad for blowing up, by the way, though he's quite beaten up about it himself. For the record, I don't think you're a bad person just because you were on the wrong side of the war. I mean, what do we know about your life, right? But the way you tried to hide it wasn't great. Though, sorry, I don't mean to tell you what to do.

But. Why am I writing to you? I probably should let you and my godfather get over it between yourselves, but after careful consideration of... your mutual attachment with each other, I've reached the conclusion that I don't want it to end like this. I think there's something about you two that's worth fighting for. Therefore, I've decided to help you. I'll help you win over my dad and his friends.

(Please don't ever tell my dad about this, besides for the obvious reasons. I'm usually the first to laugh about how invested he is in my godfather's love life.)

I've included in the package a list of my dad's favourite food and sports teams (don't ask me why or what to do with it. I don't know, be creative), and some of my mum's favourite books (you should start with making friends with her. I think she'll like you). Marlene's probably the toughest to crack (she lost a lot of family in the war) but if you can get her to talk to you about muggle music she'd love you in no time, and Dorcas probably already half likes you just for the werewolf thing (sorry). I'm not giving you anything for Sirius, cause you should probably work that out yourself. But obviously I'll help if you're really stuck.

So yeah. If you have any questions, let me know. Looking forward to working with you.

Best,

Harry

@wolfstarmicrofic - prompt: attachment

[gurugirl]

Is patreon getting hallowwn fics? Or tumblr even? It's my favorite season! Hoping for something spooky!

Hi hon! Yes! Both Patreon and Tumblr will be getting some things :)

I think I'll have Tumblr's fic ready next week and it's a ghost Harry - but he's nice (it's not my evil ghost harry this time) and it's really sweet and soft (a little smutty too 🤭). Think warm cabin in the woods and Y/n gets visited by a handsome, helpful, and friendly ghost who's a little shy at first but eventually he comes around 🍂

And for Patreon, tomorrow I'm posting a smutty, dirty Halloween fic (not really spooky) (which will also be posted to Tumblr on Halloween) - it's y/n dressed as an angel in a dark underground club with devil Harry - filth. Then on Monday, I'm posting an extra for Matchmaker that's super sweet 🥰 but also really hot 😏 (they go trick-or-treating with Max before he goes to a sleepover so the adults have some fun when the kid is gone) + Patreon will get another Halloween/kinktober type fic the week of Halloween!

xoxo

[hp-fanfic-archive]

The Room Knows Something I Don't know by Robottko Pairing: Harry/Cedric Rating: G Word Count: 1k Podfic available here Read by: lalaspodfics Length: 10-30 minutes The Room of Requirement had a strange sort of magic that Cedric could never really figure out. Most of the time, the magic was helpful, conjuring things that students needed. But recently, the room seemed to have it out for him.

find the full podfic library here