#many are available on Internet Archive as well

[annabolinas]

Tudor Week 2023:

Day 5: Most Used Tudor Related Resource: A Non-Comprehensive List of My Favorite Tudor Books

I know I said this wasn't comprehensive, and it really isn't; I used 63 secondary sources and 9 primary source collections for my novel alone. These are just my favs, the ones I go back to regularly, plus one surprise. Warning: this is a long post. *crying emoji*

Tudor England: A History - Genuinely the best one-volume history of Tudor England out there. If you're a Tudor buff, GET THIS BOOK!!! There's not only refreshingly balanced interpretations of every Tudor monarch, but Wooding is careful to focus on ordinary people in Tudor England, with chapters dedicated to their religion, literature, relations with the wider world, authority and dissent, and more! Plus, the footnotes and Further Reading are an absolute delight, chock-full of fascinating research. This is academic history at its absolute best.

The Tudor Chronicles - Ever forgot what important stuff happened in Tudor England in 1505? 1563? 1589? This is the book for you. It's a year-by-year look at Tudor history. This was an invaluable book while writing the novel; it really provided a chronological framework on which I could structure the story. Absolutely essential.

Henry VIII by J.J. Scarisbrick - Despite being published in 1968, this remains a classic biography of Henry VIII, one of the very best out there. While Scarisbrick has aged poorer in some areas than others (i.e. his underestimation of Anne Boleyn and Catherine Parr), his treatment of Henrician foreign policy and the struggle for the annulment has IMO never been bettered. Plus, he has a whole chapter on matrimonial canon law if you want to better understand the background to Henry's quest for an annulment from Catherine of Aragon.

Henry VIII by Lucy Wooding - I actually think Wooding is a better biography of Henry than Scarisbrick, if only because this was published in 2015. Understanding yet never excusing Henry, and with balanced and well-argued interpretations of every historiographical controversy in his reign, this is a book I keep coming back to! Plus, she manages to be sympathetic to Catherine, Anne, and Henry in the Great Matter, no small feat.

Henry VIII: The Mask of Royalty - A bit of an odd book, this is a psychological profile of Henry in his last years, 1540-7. Nevertheless, Smith is careful to never armchair diagnose Henry with anything, but rather bring out facets of his personality which are often ignored, like his obsession with honor and deep-rooted conviction in his close relationship with God as an anointed monarch. This was really helpful in fleshing out Henry as the main character in my novel.

Henry VIII: The Decline and Fall of a Tyrant - If Lacey Baldwin Smith focuses mainly on Henry's psyche from 1540-7, Robert Hutchinson provides a more general picture of these last years. He's particularly insightful on Henry's declining health, his war with France, court factionalism, and the economic woes England faced as a result. I wasn't as familiar with the non-matrimonial aspects of Henry's reign when I was writing the novel, so this book proved a godsend to me.

Six Wives - I know, I know, David Starkey is a racist POS. But he somehow managed to make the (so-far; I hope Suzannah Lipscomb will change this) best overview of the six wives. Weir is downright unreliable and Fraser repeats a number of myths and is a strong CoA partisan. It's Starkey who debunks myths and offers intriguing interpretations of everything from the dating of Anne and Percy's relationship to proof of Foxe's story of Catherine Parr's near-arrest.

Catherine of Aragon by Giles Tremlett - Why it took seventy years to supersede Gareth Mattingly's biography on Catherine, I don't know, but Tremlett did it. This is a richly detailed, fair book on Catherine, and while he is sympathetic to Catherine, he doesn't present her as a plaster saint. Still, it's hard to feel anything but admiration for her after this biography. This is the closest book we'll get to knowing her as a person.

The Life and Death of Anne Boleyn by Eric Ives - This book deserves to be called "the Anne Boleyn bible". An underrated feature of this biography is its fascinating and insightful analysis of Anne's faith, presenting convincing evidence of her evangelical beliefs, and her artistic patronage. Even if I don't agree with his theory of her fall, this is still the best Anne biography out there.

Jane Seymour and Anne of Cleves by Elizabeth Norton - In a small field of books about these two queens, Norton manages to produce the best ones. Due to the paucity of evidence, there's naturally a lot of speculation and use of "might have", but she does the best of any book at producing a picture of these two queens as actual people (with thorough citations to boot).

Young and Damned and Fair by Gareth Russell - I feel I should clarify that I don't agree with Russell's analysis of Catherine Howard's relationship with Manox and Dereham; it was not consensual (although I think Dereham groomed her into thinking it was). That being said, Russell sweeps away many of the myths and misconceptions about Catherine to present a very empathetic, yet never biased book about this tragic queen. Plus, he includes a wealth of details about court life and anecdotes about Catherine not found in other bios.

Catherine Parr by Susan James - James is practically the expert on Catherine Parr; it was James who really proved that Catherine was far more passionate and lively than popular belief has it. Thus, it's no surprise this biography is superb. James is particularly good on Catherine's 1544 regency, household, and her Protestant beliefs, really giving you a detailed picture of her faith.

Letters and Papers (L&P) of Henry VIII and the Calendar of State Papers, Spain (CSP Spain) - These two Victorian primary source collections are invaluable resources for researching Henry's reign. They're collections of summaries (and sometimes transcripts) of primary sources for Henry's reign. This is the bedrock of nearly all books about his reign, so much so that excerpts of it are part of my set texts for next term. Plus, there's so much in it; it's a never-ending-buffet for Tudor buffs.

Dress at the Court of Henry VIII - What color shoes did Catherine Parr like to wear the most? How did clothes communicate royal status and political leanings, for both Henry and his wives? How did Henry's children, courtiers, and servants dress on different occasions? This book is the one-stop shop for Henrician fashion. My only complaint is that its illustrations are B&W, but if you combine this with the drawings of gowns in Herbert Norris' Tudor Costume and Fashion, you're pretty much set.

Elizabeth I - The later Tudors aren't really my wheelhouse, but I had to include this amazing biography of Elizabeth I. Forget Weir or Plowden, this is the best biography of Elizabeth out there, and it's a masterpiece of historical biography, period. This book manages to grapple with everything that happened in Elizabeth's nearly 70-year life without getting bogged down in details and preserving a sympathetic, nuanced picture of the woman behind the queenly mask. 10/10, highly recommend!!

[mellowsaturns]

in losing grip, on sinking ships (you showed up just in time)

BUCKY BARNES X FEM!READER

summary: when the avengers pick up unusual activity, they realize that not all of hydra was destroyed. one unidentifiable face sends the team into a frenzy but bucky knows it. he could recognize those eyes anywhere.

warnings: heavy angst, one sided enemies-to-lovers-ish, hydra!assassin!reader, hurt/comfort, happy ending, brainwashing, trauma, guns & knives, fighting, implied kidnapping of reader when young, all the feels, misunderstandings, poor attempt at writing action

wc: 4.7k

a/n: sorry it’s been forever but i hope my fellow buckyluvrs are still here <3 i actually wrote this a long time ago but never got around to editing until recently so i guess you can say this is (from the vault) ? inspired by the idea: what-if there was another winter soldier and bucky finds himself in steve’s position this time trying to get you back to him. anyways, i hope you enjoy this one :)

Bucky’s life was a never ending montage of gunfire and bloodshed. It didn’t matter if he was under the clutches of someone else, he still lived through the wars—the lingering smell of smoke and tang of metallic forever ingrained in his senses.

And just when he thought it was finally over—a glimmer of peace at last—it comes and steals that dream away from him.

Like deja-vu, he’s looking at faces that were once responsible for his pain.

On the screen, three Hydra officers stare back at him. All faces identified by Tony’s system. Alive. Last seen in the outskirts of some small country in Europe. Irrelevant low ranking officials that had managed to survive the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D and have been hiding and secretly continuing Hydra’s mission underground ever since. Low officials or not, it was one too many.

Bucky freezes in his spot when Tony swipes the screen. The billionaire goes on a rant saying this particular face cannot be identified, which was according to Tony, bullshit because his face recognition system is the best in the world. The rest of the team is arguing and flipping through countless files and internet archives. But Bucky knows. He knows that face and those haunting eyes that he still sees in his dreams.

“Buck,” a voice calls out. “You know her, don’t you?”

He looks up at Steve from his spot, his best friend's face worried and all knowing.

One thing about Hydra was that they were always prepared. They had backups and multiple plans ready, or else how would two heads take its place when one was cut off? Unfortunately for the world, Hydra managed to make another deadly assassin, one whose work was so discreet and nimble that even intelligence didn't know they existed.

You were a ghost story that lived in the shadows of the Winter Soldier. You were another one of Hydra’s prize possessions—less known, but just as deadly.

With Steve’s comment, all eyes are now on Bucky. A pregnant pause fills the air and he gulps before he confesses, “I wasn’t the only one.”

The room becomes tense. The war that they thought was over suddenly looms over like an unpredicted oncoming storm. “Jesus Christ, Barnes. You couldn’t have informed us about her earlier?” says Tony.

“I thought,” he says, shifting his eyes onto the ground, “I thought she fell with S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Bucky couldn’t find you anywhere after he escaped their grasp. After he joined the Avengers, he tried once again secretly using Tony’s technology but it was to no avail—it always ended up being a dead end. And for that, he assumed Hydra had put you out of your misery the day they were caught.

But the face on the screen says otherwise. And suddenly, Bucky feels very guilty.

Steve clears his throat, “Well, they were picked up not too long ago heading north. If we leave now, we might be able to find them and stop them once and for all.”

Everyone looks at each other, debating on his proposal. “What the Captain said. Everybody, suit up. Quinjet leaves in ten,” says Tony.

On the jet, Bucky stares off into space but countless questions run through his mind.

Steve walks over and sits beside him. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks, voice quiet.

Bucky sighs, “I just… I thought she was gone.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

He looks up, wondering if he should tell Steve the truth. That he’s not brooding about the fact that he concealed you to them. After a moment, Bucky speaks up. “When we get there, let me handle her. Please.”

Steve didn’t know what kind of history Bucky had with you. But judging from the look his best-friend is giving, it’s more than what Steve could understand or even comprehend but he trusts Bucky and so, he gives him a nod. “She’s all yours.”

After scouting the area and tracing the location to a very hidden underground warehouse in the middle of nowhere, they split up. The warehouse was dark and dusty, surely abandoned, but Bucky knew better—it was their facade behind the most sinister of activities. Through the comms, Natasha announces that she has already taken care of all the troops in the West wing. Moments later, Sam reports that he has eliminated one of the Hydra officers. They wouldn’t last long. Hydra didn’t have much resources or time to rebuild—their current empire was weak, they were no match for the Avengers this time.

The only person Bucky’s truly worried about is you. The fact that he trained you, made you into what you were today already gave him the chills. He’s not the Winter Soldier anymore, but he was certain that you were still in that killer mindset that Hydra forced upon you.

Step by step, Bucky walks through the quiet hallway, the echoes of his footsteps the only noise. It’s cold here, he notices, which gives him flashbacks to those days in his dirty cell and the cryostasis chamber. Down a hallway to the next, round a corner and another, there wasn’t a single soul in the eerily Eastern wing.

But he spoke too soon, because seconds later, a garrote wire was around his neck. The swift invisible steps and the perfect pressure that was being used to quickly cut off his air supply was all too familiar. He knows this move, he taught this move. You’re here, and you’re dragging him backwards.

Before all oxygen gets cut off to his brain, he jabs his elbow backwards and hits you hard on the rib which releases the hold you have on him and sends you stumbling back. Bucky takes a moment to regain his breath but you’re on your feet again. He looks at you and for a moment he freezes, then you let out a sinister grin. “Nice to see you again, Soldat,” you taunt, before running towards him.

Bucky’s deflecting your punches one after another. Maybe he’s glad he was the one who taught you everything you know because your moves were predictable—if it were another person, there is no doubt they would’ve been on the ground with multiple concussions bleeding out already. You’re ruthless when you do a triple roundhouse kick on him. On the fourth one, he manages to catch your leg and twists it, sending you to the ground with a groan.

How familiar this scene was, Bucky thinks.

Some forty-years ago, Hydra brought a woman into the training room. There was no further instruction than to train you and that’s what he did. He could tell you were well trained already—compliant and pliable. You were good. And you were just like him, injected with a serum that made you a hundred times more efficient and stronger. In just under a year, Hydra would start sending you on missions. Sometimes with him, sometimes alone.

During training, the both of you would spar for hours, leaving each other bloody and bruised, but it didn’t matter to the overlookers, the both of you would heal in a few hours anyways.

Once you pick yourself back up, he pulls a gun out on you. “Stop this,” he commands.

You smirk, “You going to shoot me, Soldat? I want to see you try.”

He clenches his jaw. You continue to look at him, a dark look on your face that shows no sign of true recognition.

His thoughts are disrupted when you tackle him onto the ground. You kick his gun away and pin his arms down as you straddle him. “I’m going to kill you,” you declare, “I’m going to put a bullet through your head.”

When he looks up at you, your eyes are full of rage. Bucky doesn’t know whether that’s the brainwashed version of you talking or the actual you talking—maybe both.

“What are you going to do after you kill me?” he says, irritated. C’mon, please recognize me. “This is all that remains of Hydra. Half the troops are already dead. One of your new leaders is dead. In a few hours, Hydra will be no more. What will you do after that? What are you going to do after you kill me?”

“What does it matter? You’re my mission. I’m going to finish it.”

He groans at your stubbornness that was identical to his Soldier persona.

He says your name slowly. “Get off. You can walk away from this.”

You frown, but he continues, “I know how you feel. You’re feeling helpless.” He clears his throat, “There’s someone behind this version of you. I want to talk to her.”

“What are you talking about?” you utter in annoyance. “Stop stalling.”

He says that name again, with calamity and care. You want to rip out his tongue.

“Let me talk to her. Please.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about!” you shout, grabbing for the gun that’s strapped onto your waist. “Stop talkin–”

“I was in the cell next to yours. You liked the colour green. You were wearing white when we first met. You always wanted to visit Bucharest. You hated the leaky cold showers in the Siberian facility,” he rambles, trying to remember every single thing about you in a desperate attempt to get your attention so this version of you won’t shoot him in the face.

And for a moment, it works because your hand freezes on the grip of your gun. He takes that moment to flip you over, so you’re under him now, hands pinned above your head. He takes your gun and throws it behind him.

You snarl at him while trying to escape his grasp. “I know you’re under there,” he says. “Please, come through. Please talk to me.”

Your face scrunches in pain, not from him—he would never hurt you—but from the mental warfare that’s currently going on in your mind. You close your eyes as he speaks again. “Listen to my voice, you know me, don’t you? мой милая.”

My darling.

For a moment, your entire body tenses up and then you let out a painful breath. When your eyelids start to flutter open, he finally sees the eyes he came to know and rely on—eyes he came to love.

The both of you are looking at each other unblinking. A scene neither of you expected but always dreamt about.

You break the silence with a whisper of, “James?”

Bucky slowly nods at your disbelief. Finally, he thinks. But such respite doesn’t last long, because seconds later, you hook your foot under his and flip him over and escape his grasp.

There's darkness in your eyes and he can tell that the Soldate is back and the fighting resumes.

You’re chasing him down the twisting hallway and when you catch up, you grab his shoulder and throw a punch to his jaw. He stumbles back and then a voice comes through the comms.

“Just took down the second one.” Steve. “Bucky, how are you holding up? You’ve been quiet ever since we split up.”

He’s trying his best to block your hand, which now has a damn pocket knife. Your quick movements are starting to tire him out. Maybe he taught you too well, he thinks.

“Buck? Bucky. Confirm your status, right now.”

Groaning in frustration, he taps his earpiece. “I’m fine,” he grunts. A second later, “Shit!” he huffs out as you nearly slice his face.

“You don’t sound fine. Is she with you? I’m sending back up.”

“No!” he says, “Don’t send anyone. I can handle her.”

In truth, he’s struggling right now—your stamina has always been better than his—but he’s worried that you’re going to accidentally get hurt and even more agitated when people appear. His main priority was keeping you safe. Fuck the mission statement they talked about back on the Quinjet.

You’re angry—no, you’re extremely angry at him. It doesn’t take a genius to tell. It’s a mixture of pure rage from both the brainwashed and actual you.

He supposed he deserved it. You should be angry. Because for the longest time, it was you and him.

Other than turning you into a ruthless assassin just like him, an unexpected companionship also formed during those hazy in-between moments when the two of you weren’t frozen or on the metal chair getting fried by those machines—during the times when he was just Bucky and you were just you, two unfortunate innocent souls that shared the same suffering.

They weren’t pleasant moments. It was dehumanising. It was getting shoved into draughty cells with nothing but a blanket until it was time to train or time to embark on a mission. Luckily, your cells were next to each other and it made the endless nights a little more bearable. He was a little off-putting at first, but when he yelled at you to stop crying because they would torture you even more for it, you knew he meant well.

During your shared time together, glimpses of your true selves would seldom come up and you would tell each other about the little bits and pieces of a life once known. And the both of you would hold onto each other's memories and stories in case the other forgets.

And whenever they prep the two of you for the chamber due to there being no current missions for the time being, the two of you would look at each other—a look of longing with the secret squeezing of each other's hand before going under.

Despite the absolute awful situation the two of you were in at the time, the both of you were hopeful for the next shared moments together. Because even when all hope was gone, you had each other. And that was good enough for the two of you.

He misses you. So damn much.

“Shut up,” you mutter.

He didn’t even realise he said it outloud. “Well, I do,” he admits, his back hitting a wall.

“You talk too much, Soldat,” you say, creeping up on him. “I ought to cut your throat.”

“I’m sorry I left you with them.”

You halt in your steps and your jaw ticks. In a second, you pounce on him, your knife against his throat. He’s gripping your hand to stop you from continuing your job.

He says your name again. You’re pushing but he’s pushing back just as hard. “I’m sorry…” he repeats, “I’m so sorry.”

The desperation in his voice… You glance up at him slowly and he sees the pink forming in your eyes and your trembling lips. “What are you doing? What are you doing to me?” you whisper.

He sees the internal war behind your eyes once again. Bucky gulps for a moment before letting go of your hand, trusting that you won’t do any actual harm, and moves his hands so he’s cupping your face, firm enough so you’re forced to look at him. You look into his eyes for a second, then a minute, and for a moment, everything stops. Your breath hitches, because those eyes… those arctic blues… you know them. You fell in love with them many years ago.

A realisation washes over your face, one that Bucky doesn’t miss. You’re back.

The first tear falls. Then the second. “Bucky.”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispers.

You let out a small cry before you press the blade harder against his neck, your grip a vice from his betrayal. He could feel the sharp cold metal pierce through his skin ever so slightly, but he doesn’t try and stop you.

“Give me a reason to not kill you right now,” you grit through tears. “You left me. You left me behind to rot alone. You promised me. You fucking promised,” you say, voice laced with venom and so much hurt.

Bucky’s heart breaks at the sadness of your voice. Because he did promise. There wasn’t much to do in the cells other than throw around false hope. But whenever he told you he was going to escape one day and that he was going to take you with him—it didn’t feel like false promises at all because it wasn’t, and you knew it too.

Until he broke that promise and left you all alone.

“I didn’t mean to,” he says, voice breaking. “I didn’t mean to leave you there with them.”

“I waited for you,” you cry. “Day and night I waited for you to come back. Even when they relocated, I waited for you because I knew you’d find me.”

You remember that day clearly. Everyone was in a frenzy when the death of Alexander Pierce broke out and that they could not locate the Soldat. For a moment, you could taste your own freedom because government officials would come anytime now and finally arrest all these criminals. But right when they came, a few Hydra officers managed to escape and took you with them, and when you woke up, you didn’t know where the hell you were. But even then you didn’t lose hope because James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, the name you committed to memory, was going to come for you just like he promised.

Until days, months, and eventually, a year came with no sign of him.

You were angry at first, but it slowly turned into worry because what if something bad had happened to him? But what do you know? You were stuck in this building and only went out whenever they spoke those trigger words to you. And you were always under their watchful eyes, giving you no chance to even attempt an escape. Surely he would never break his promise to you so something must’ve happened to him, you told yourself multiple times.

But he was standing here right in front of you. Alive. We’re under attack, your handler said to you moments ago, Kill the Soldat before he kills you.

“You’re a liar. You never cared about me,” you hiss.

Sometimes, it got too much. But whenever reality was a bit too hard to endure, Bucky was there, always reaching his hand out to you through the metal cage, which you took and held tight. And it meant the world to you, that someone cared.

“All those moments, did it even mean anything to you?”

He uses this opportunity to pull your arms down slightly, knife finally away from his neck and his eyes start to sting from his own tears. “They meant everything to me. I care about you.”

You look up at him with a defeated expression and Bucky never wanted to punch himself in the face more. “Then why? Why didn’t you come back for me?”

“I did,” he chokes out. “When I escaped, the first thing I did was go back for you, but the facility had already been raided and there was no one there. I checked every inch of the building.”

Bucky had never felt so scared, because what if the government took you too? They would never understand—framing you as a villain even though that was far from the truth. But there was no news of your capture, so with a breath of relief, Bucky continued to look through other known Hydra facilities.

“I tried my best looking for you, but I also had to be careful because I was a wanted man at the time. When months passed by and there were no clues, I thought that maybe you had escaped. I was in Bucharest waiting for you. Remember how you said you always wanted to go there? I knew that if you escaped, you’d find me there. Even when you didn’t show, I never gave up. Steve… I think I told you about him once—he found me, he helped me and cleared my name. After that, I still searched for you but it all ended up being dead ends. And…” he pauses for a moment, “and so I thought you were dead. I should’ve tried harder. I’m sorry.”

He had mourned you and blamed himself endlessly for it.

He knows he should’ve asked for help, but instead, he took this task upon himself until it got too much—because that was the one thing he struggled with the most, asking for help.

When his side of the story finally comes to light, you break into a sob. “I don’t expect you to forgive me,” he says, “but please, drop the weapon and let me help you.”

You swallow hard at his confession. He never stopped looking for you. You didn’t even consider how hard it must’ve been for him after everything and yet you’re lashing out on him.

“How are you going to help me?” you say. “I’m a mess. All you have to do is say those words and I turn into a weapon.”

Twelve. Ember. Fragment. Nine. Academy. Order. Frigid. Yearning. Blue.

Those were your trigger words.

“I got you out of your trance, didn’t I?” he says with a gentle smile.

Hydra needed you to rebuild their empire and they relied on those nine words to do so. To them, those nine words were your greatest weakness but one of them, the last one, the one they liked to spit out in vexation, was also your greatest strength—your salvation.

Blue.

You think back, moments prior, when all he had to do was use his voice and all you had to do was look into the blues of his eyes. Hydra can repeat those words all they want, but Bucky would always be able to bring you back.

At that, your grip relaxes and the knife finally drops onto the floor, it’s noise ricocheting off the walls.

“There’s a place called Wakanda and I know someone there who can help you. Her name’s Ayo and she’s amazing. She helped me overcome my words.”

He brings his hands back up to cradle your face and you shutter at the familiar touch—at the calluses on his palms. “And I think you’ll like it there. It’s quiet and there’s so much… green.”

You let out a small laugh through your tears but doubt still fills your mind. “But… all the things I did,” you whimper, “I did such terrible unforgivable things. There’s… there’s so much blood on my hands.”

Sadness flares around his heart. It was all so familiar. He knows the feeling.

“It’s not going to be easy. God knows how long it took for me to believe that none of it was my fault. But let me be the first one to tell you,” he says, wiping your tears away with his thumb. “None of what you did was your fault. You were a victim.” He swallows a deep breath, “There are going to be days where it’ll be too much too bear and there are going to be nights where all those casualties will haunt you,” he admits. “But… but you’ll get there. Someday, you’ll learn to stop punishing yourself for something you didn’t do.”

And he vows that he’ll help you every step of the way.

You breathe out slowly, digesting all his words. “You can trust me,” he tells you, “I won’t let you down this time. I’ll be here.”

Blinking up at him, the small hesitant part of you so desperately wanted to say, “How can I trust you?” but his eyes were telling you everything you needed to know. Because it was filled with nothing but honour and truth.

He breaks away from you and reaches out his hand. An invitation. You stare at it for a while, then you slowly lift yours and brush your fingers amongst his before grabbing it tightly—a truce of sorts, a promise. He squeezes back in return, a loving smile on his face, just like all those nights many moonlights ago.

Your breath hitches when he pulls you into his embrace, your face burying perfectly into the valley of his chest. He wraps his arms around you in urgency, in fear, almost afraid you’ll slip out if he doesn’t.

“It’s over,” he mumbles into your hair.

Because two floors down an explosion erupts, finishing off the last remaining garrison of troops. Three hallways down, Natasha sets fire to a room that contained the other small red leather book that held those nine suffocating words written in Russian. Outside, the last Hydra officer attempting to flee falls to his knees from an arrow to the chest. And the only hope they had left to rebuild their regime was safely in Bucky’s arms.

He pulls away and uses his thumb to rub gently across your cheek, “It’s over. The war is finally over.”

Now that the worst is over, Bucky’s hopeful. There will be other conflicts to come, that was just how it worked, but this one, the one that held you and him underwater for years was finally over. War always took too much, but this time, it gave something back. Because among the ashes and ruins you came back to him, no more oceans in between.

“What do we do now?” you press nervously. You were taken at a young age and spent years in the Red Room before you were sold off to Hydra. Like Bucky, you’re in the wrong time period, there’s no one to go back to.

There’s so many things you could do, Bucky thinks. You can finally start living the life you deserved, the life that was taken from you too early. He’ll have to explain all this to his teammates but he knows they’ll understand. They treated him so well, there’s no doubt they’ll show the same kindness for you. Then, he’ll go with you to Wakanda, get rid of the words, maybe stay there for a while so you could heal—maybe show you the goats he took care of during his time there.

You’ll probably adjust to the 21st century better than him—you won’t need to start off with a flip phone, that’s for sure. He’ll make you listen to all the great records and watch all the movies you missed out on. There’s so many things he wanted to do with you. He knows you have no memories, no recollection. It didn’t matter, Bucky thinks, he would make new memories with you, ones worth cherishing and remembering. If you’ll have him, of course.

But first and most importantly, “Let’s get you cleaned up, okay? Then we can talk about it,” he says, rubbing the grime off your nose.

He grabs your hand and heads for the exit. But before he does, you pick up your knife from the floor and in one quick motion, you spin around and throw it. The knife embeds itself into the wall a few metres away, right next to a prying face. You stand in front of Bucky and stare at the intruder with a murderous gaze and Bucky’s heart races at the thought of you still wanting to protect him after everything.

The blond raises his arms up in surrender.

“Steve,” Bucky says from behind and you briefly recognize that name. You turn around to look at him and he meets your eyes, nodding. You relax your stance.

“Hi,” Steve says, voice slightly hoarse. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

Bucky scoffs at him, as if he wasn’t eavesdropping the whole time.

Steve looks at the both of you, then a gentle smile adorns his face. “C’mon, the rest are waiting outside for you both.”

You step forward. This is it. Freedom. A new life. Bucky notices your hesitation as you suddenly stop in your tracks. Intertwining his fingers with yours, he squeezes with reassurance. You take a deep breath, then the two of you follow Steve to the exit, leaving behind the smoke and memories of your old life.

Outside, the sun comes up slowly but surely on the horizon, painting the awakening sky a gentle warm hue of oranges and pinks.

A new beginning awaits.

[0sbrain]

here's a list of mozilla add-ons for all of you tumblrinas out there to have a better internet experience

also, if you like my post, please reblog it. Tumblr hates links but i had to put them so you adhd bitches actually download them <3 i know because i am also adhd bitches

BASIC STUFF:

AdGuard AdBlocker / uBlock Origin : adguard is a basic adblock and with origin you can also block any other element you want. for example i got rid of the shop menu on tumblr

Privacy Badger : this add on will block trackers. if an element contains a tracker it will give you the option to use it or not

Shinigami Eyes: this will highlight transphobic and trans friendly users and sites using different colors by using a moderated database. perfect to avoid terfs on any social media. i will explain how to use this and other add-ons on android as well under the read more cut

THINGS YOU TUMBLINAS WANT:

Xkit: the best tumblr related add on. with many customizable options, xkit not only enhances your experience from a visual standpoint, but provides some much needed accessibility tools

bonus: if you are into tf2 and wanna be a cool cat, you can also get the old version to add cool reblog icons

AO3 enhancer: some basic enhancements including reading time and the ability to block authors and tags

YOUTUBE

Return of the YouTube Dislike : pretty self explanatory

Youtube non-stop: gets rid of the annoying "Video paused. Continue watching?" popup when you have a video in the background

SponsorBlock: gives you options to skip either automatically or manually sponsors, videoclip non music sectors and discloses other type of sponsorships/paid partnerships

Enhancer for YouTube: adds some useful options such as custom play speed, let's you play videos in a window and most important of all, it allows you to make the youtube interface as ugly as your heart desires. I can't show a full image of what it looks like because i've been told its eye strainy and i want this post to be accessible but look at this <3

PocketTube: allows you to organize your subscriptions into groups

YouTube Comment Search: what it says

FINDING STUFF

WayBack Machine: you probably know about this site and definitely should get the add on. this allows you to save pages and access older versions with the click of a button. while you can search wayback using web archives, please get this one as well as it allows you to easily save pages and contribute to the archive.

Web Archives: it allows you to search through multiple archives and search engines including WayBack Machine, Google, Yandex and more.

Search by Image: allows you to reverse image search using multiple search engines (in my experience yandex tends to yield the best results)

Image Search Options: similar to the last one

this next section is pretty niche but... STEAM AND STEAM TRADING

SteamDB: adds some interesting and useful statistics

Augmented Steam: useful info specially for browsing and buying games

TF2 Trade Helper: an absolute godsend, lets you add items in bundles, keeps track of your keys and metal and your recent trades, displays links to the backpack tf page next to users profiles and more. look it tells me how much moneys i have and adds metal to trades without clicking one by one oh may god

IN CONCLUSION: oooooh you want to change to firefox so badly, you want to delete chrome and all the chrome clones that are actually just spyware and use firefox

HOW TO USE MOZILLA ADD-ONS ON YOUR PHONE

if you already use firefox on android, you'll know there are certain add-ons compatible with the app, some of them even being made just for the mobile version such as Video Background Play FIx. while most of them are pretty useful, some more specific ones aren't available on this version of the browser, but there's a way of getting some of them to work

you need to download the firefox nightly app, which is basically the same as the regular firefox browser but with the ability of activating developer mode. you can find how to do that here. once you've enabled it, you need to create a collection with all the add ons you want. i wouldn't recommend adding extensions if the creators haven't talked about phone compatibility, but XKit and Shinigami Eyes should work

also, don't tell the government this secret skater move, but you can try using both the regular firefox browser and nightly so you can have youtube videos in a floating box while you browse social media.

see? i can block this terf while Rick Rolling the people following this tutorial. isn't that tubular?

[undergroundbillions]

Hello!

We're noticing more people being interested in the Raggedy Ann fandom since the Amazing Digital Circus pilot released, so we thought we'd update our masterpost on where to find more Raggedy Ann media!

Books:

The first two and most well-known books are Raggedy Ann stories (1918) and Raggedy Andy stories (1920), which are in public domain and free to read online! Camel with the Wrinkled Knees (1924) (which the movie was loosely based on!) is on Internet Archive and available to read without an account. You can find many of the other books on there as well.

Cartoons:

The 1940's has Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy (1941), Suddenly It's Spring (1944), and The Enchanted Square (1947).

You've got the 1977 Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure of course.

The Chuck Jones holiday TV specials: Raggedy Ann and Andy in The Great Santa Claus Caper (1978) and Raggedy Ann and Andy in The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile (1979).

Most episodes of The Adventures of Raggedy Ann and Andy (1988-1990) are in this playlist here, and you could probably find any missing ones on Dailymotion.

From the Target crossover we have the animated Snowden: Raggedy Ann & Andy's Adventure (1998) and the live-action ice-skating special The Snowden, Raggedy Ann and Andy Holiday Show (1998).

Music:

I've also got a playlist of all the albums I've found on YouTube or were uploaded by us, and there's many more of the older ones available on Archive. The old Will Wooden and Frank Luther ones are very charming.

Musical:

You can watch recovered archival footage of the full first production of the Raggedy Ann musical (1984), listen to the demo album (~1985), or the Broadway bootleg (1986)!

If you're interested in more, I'd recommend exploring the saved playlists on the RARE YouTube channel or the media tag on the Raggedy Ann Fandom Wiki.

We're a group of Raggedy Ann enthusiasts who got together to search for Raggedy Ann lost media (specifically the musical), but now we collect and archive all sorts of things from the franchise! Our ask box is always open and we love to find things people are looking for, or even just chat about headcanons and such.

-Mod General D.

[phanchester]

since there are so many data nerd phannies i decided to make a compilation of all the spreadsheets i could find - lmk if i missed any or if you want me to add any additional details <3

last updated: 30/06/24

actively updating spreadsheets

dan and phil uploads from 2021-2024

dan and phil’s upload schedule from all their channels with days and dates

amount of days in between videos in each channel

pie charts of days of the week they upload

made by @ahappydnp 

everything dan and phil related

all of dan and phil’s video links from all their channels from all their accounts (including super amazing project, snapchat, vine, tiktok and more)

all of dan and phil’s radio shows, including reuploads and playlists, as well as the dan vs phil, fan war and internet news if available for each show with misc clips and written recaps

all of dan and phil’s liveshows, including some written recaps and the app where it was originally posted

all of dan and phil’s vyous including the question they were answering

all of dan and phil’s collaborations and video features (even if they were in the background), including the channel they were originally uploaded on 

all of dan and phil’s interviews

all of dan and phil’s merch, including originally shop links and links to the phandom wiki which has further information

all of dan and phil’s professional photos as well as some fan photos, including the event, photographer and platform

the dates and statuses of each of these videos (lost, archived, unlisted or public)

made by @stillarchivingdnp

dan and phil 2024 upload stats

each of their 2024 videos with channel, upload date, upload time in uk, length, sponsor and editor/s (if applicable) with an accompanying colour-coded calendar

(for amazingphil videos) whether dan featured and (for dapg videos) whether it was gaming/talking and who tweeted it

interactive part where you can see the time period between two videos

averages, maximums and minimums for times between uploads, upload times and runtimes with accompanying graphs

percentage of videos with other editors, with pie charts for all channels and each channel

made by @dnpbeats

all or nothing: dan vs phil season 2

all of the games for season 2, with the year they played them and the results with and without all or nothing coming into play

how often all or nothing came into play and who suggested it

the general impact of all or nothing

made by @organized-chaotic-disaster

dan and phil saying “i love you”

when dan and/or phil said ily

the video and timestamp from when they said ily and whether it was prompted

pie chart of dan or phil saying ily

made by @ahappydnp

games where one of them decides the winner

date and link for each video

overall winner with the winner for each round

breakdown of the amount of times each of them have won each round and the percentage phil has won

made by @dnpbeats

dan and phil 2024 upload schedule

upload date for each video, with the day of the week and approximate time it was uploaded in cst, including the most common and second most common upload day for dapg

days between each upload, including the longest gap, shortest gap, average gap and first and second most common gap for dapg

a colour-coded calendar displaying the upload schedule for dapg and amazingphil

made by @kat-aa

completed spreadsheets

all or nothing: dan vs phil season 1 with a great accompanying document with further details and analysis of the data

all of the games they played, with the year they played them and the results with and without all or nothing coming into play

how often all or nothing came into play and who suggested it

the general impact of all or nothing

made by @organized-chaotic-disaster 

youtuber tours

(not necessarily dnp but it includes them!)

120 different tours, including the creators, names, dates, countries, links (if available) and producers (if applicable)

each tours’ venue capacity range, average and total attendance

individual tour show breakdown with city, state, country and additional notes

data on each venue’s capacity, number of tours, and which youtuber went to each venue

data on each country’s amount of shows, broken down into states and cities

made by @stillarchivingdnp 

gamingmas 2023 schedule

all gamingmas video titles from 2023

the time each video was uploaded in gmt

made by @cactuslester

spreadsheet screenshots in posts

listening trends in all or nothing

scatter graph for the correlation between track number and number of listens

analysis of the data

made by @serendipnpipity

analysis of dnp’s letterboxd ratings and movies with part 1 and part 2

(pt 1) rating distributions for all the movies they’ve rated, including details about which movies one rated higher than the other, and which movies they rated the same

(pt 1) a list of their five-star movies

(pt 1) a list of movies one logged but not the other

(pt 1) cute little misc notes about the specific movies and dates

(pt 2) ratings broken down into genre, studio and franchise with accompanying bar charts

made by @philsrosesweatshirt

views on post-hiatus dapg videos after specific time frames

i believe this is a work of progress!

video titles with the dates and months, along with details of whether they were sponsored or had external editors

view count after 24 hours, 48 hours, 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 months and 6 months

made by @goldenpinof

favourite dnp tour song statistics

years phannies started watching vs the year they joined the phandom represented in a bar graph

favourite dnp tour song in a donut pie graph and a bar graph

favourite song vs year joined represented in a bar graph

made by @serendipnpipity

terrible influence: the tour trailer video analysis

all the videos that appear in terrible influence with additional notes

the list sorted by date, view count and channel specifics

timestamps provided for each clip, both in the video and where they appear in the trailer

made by @emojackolantern

[spirk-trek]

hii this is really random but i'm writting a paper on star trek fanfiction from the 60s/70s and i was wondering if there were any fics youd recommend? are there any like iconic, keystone fics that are really significant to the fandom? (i'm having a bit of trouble sourcing pre-internet fics)

Hi! I'll try to help the best I can but I am by no means an expert- in fact, many people who end up seeing this may have better/more information so I'll extend it to any of them to answer as well :)

Disclaimer: many of the following links contain nsfw content!!!

Here is page 1 and page 2 of what might be the first known k/s fanfic published in Grup fanzine (1974). Grup is credited as being the first Star Trek fanzine with adult content. This fic, A Fragment Out of Time by Diane Marchant was vague enough that it had to be clarified as k/s in a later edition, but the author did do so.

Spockanalia is always a good source for early fandom. It is the earliest and best preserved example of fanzine content (beginning in 1967 before the second season had even aired). I'd definitely say that makes it influential! So much more can be found on the internet archive and on fanlore. Copies of Spockanalia found their ways into the hands of many people involved in the show, including Roddenberry himself.

Gayle F is a prolific fanzine artist (one of my favorites) for k/s and is also influential to k/s writing. She was behind the Cosmic Fuck Series (yes really lol) which begins with Desert Heat (1976) in which Spock prematurely enters his second Pon Farr with only Jim available to him. This is the first mention (that I know of) of Spock's "double ridges" which are still a fanon element of his anatomy today (fanlore link here).

Alexis Fegan Black is another name to know, but is actually the pen name for author Della Van Hise. She did a lot of her work in the 80s and beyond, so I'm not sure how helpful this will be, but I think she's very influential. You may know about her licensed trek novel Killing Time (1982) because the first edition was recalled for being way too gay (changes between the two versions are best documented here imo).

Jenna Sinclair was very influential but again, a lot of her works came a little later than what you're looking for (note: ao3 does NOT have the correct dates, you'll need to find those separately).

A few more links to throw at you:

List of Star Trek Fanzines

List of Star Trek SLASH Fanzines

Captain's Log (1968)

The Crewman's Log (1967)

Spock's Showcase (1968)

Spock's Underground (1968-71)

The Sensuous Vulcan (slash zine, 1977)

Thrust (slash zine, 1978)

I hope all these links work and at least something I mentioned is helpful for you!! Good luck! I'd love to hear about your research if you're so inclined to share :)

[quetzalpapalotl]

So because IDW lost the TF license before they could finish printing the The Transformers: The IDW Collection, I made a reading guide and compiled the files to pick up where it left for someone, so might as well share.

So the IDW Collection is probably the easiest way to tackle the IDW1 continuity, it compiles all of it in a mix of chronological and publishing order. It starts with some big leaps like, the first comic is the 2007 mini series Megatron Origin, followed by two spotlights from 2008 and 2009, instead of anything from 2005 (when the continuity started), but that sort of thing lessens as it goes on. There are still some placements I wouldn't have done like that, but really, the whole thing is comprehensible, it includes everything you need, and is much easier to just read every volume in order from beginning to end that switching between however many comics. Plus, if you read a comic file in CDisplayEx, it will open on the page you were at last time you close it, so the 300+ pages per volume are not a problem.

The Internet Archive has all of Phase 1 and Phase 2 available for download as cbr files and you can download Phase 3 here. Or if you prefer to read them online (and have a good adblocker), here is Phase 1, Phase 2 and Phase 3.

As for the rest of Phase 3, on this drive link you will find a text file with the reading order (plus where to read it online) and a zip file that contains all the listed comics numbered in cbr/cbz files.

[manonamora-if]

did someone say update?

This was the last step on the Update everything because SugarCube broke everything with the last update tour: the templates. As of today, all the templates are now compatible with SugarCube 2.37.3 (passage code + APIs!).

The changes also include some fixes in the explanations, as well as reformatting the interface (a bit). The whole log of all the edits can be found by clicking on the link below:

The older versions of these templates (2.36 compatible) have been archived on my GitHub. And as of today, any new template created for SugarCube will only be available for 2.37 (too many changes).

If you liked a/some template/s, consider sharing the following posts:

User Interface Template:

Simple Book

One Page (à-la-Chapbook)

Space/Tech Double Whammy

VN-lite RPG

Title Page

Code Template:

Settings

Character creator (+ Guide/Tips)

Also, don't forget to change the IFID when using a template!

[changesforminnesota]

Molly’s Cracker Jack Collection

Cracker Jack was a popular caramel popcorn and peanut food and every box came with a prize. Molly loved to collect and trade small toys from inside these boxes. Open the Cracker Jack Box and help Molly eat the pretend popcorn. She keeps her growing collection in an old cigar box. It includes two marbles, a ring, two tiny animals, a World War II airplane and three paper toys.

Details about Cracker Jack and how I made the collection under the cut.

What are Cracker Jack prizes?

Cracker Jack is a caramel coated popcorn and peanut mix that was first sold around 1896. It is a staple of American baseball games and other sporting events. It’s even mentioned in the song that plays at every baseball game, “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”, written in 1908: “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don’t care if I never get back”. 

Cracker Jack started giving prizes in their boxes in 1912, and throughout most of the century, these prizes were highly collectable among kids. Most of the prizes are plastic animals and other trinkets, as well as many paper or cardboard items like games and collectible cards. Some even included tiny books or flipbooks or dollhouse furniture. It’s fascinating to look through the years and see how things changed, from metal to plastic, the different pop culture references, the war years, et cetera.

Frito-Lay bought the company in 1997 and changed all of the prizes to flat things like tattoos, stickers, and jokes. Not the same experience at all–that’s what I remember from growing up. And now they don’t even include anything but a QR code for an online game.

Research

To make Molly’s collection, I looked through the 1940s pages of a collector’s guide on Internet Archive to get a sense of what was available at the time. I took some things from the 1930s and 1950s too. I printed out some of the flat games and collected other items based on what I could find in a teeny tiny scale–these toys were already really small so it was hard to find things that are small on an American Girl scale. I also did some searching about how kids collected these, and someone said they were often kept in old cigar boxes, which might not be PC enough for PC, but I liked the idea so I made a cigar box out of a fancy cardboard jewelry box I had. (more on collecting and trading below).

I have ideas to add more prizes, like printing out movie star trading cards and coming up with a way to make pins–I’m picturing something like the doll Grin Pins. 

Molly Lore (head-canon)

I can imagine Molly trading away all of the warplane cards and toys to her brother Ricky for dollhouse furniture, jewelry, animals, movie star items, and so on. There were, unsurprisingly, tons of planes and other war items in Cracker Jack in the 1940s. It seemed like Molly was always getting planes and Ricky was always getting stupid doll furniture! They both liked the games, though. Molly and Ricky gave any leftover prizes they didn’t want to Brad. 

One day Jill decided she was “too mature” for Cracker Jack and gave her collection to Molly, which was more annoying than it should have been, because there’s something kind of not fun about suddenly getting things all at once that you’ve been collecting slowly. Molly invited Susan and Linda over to pick through Jill’s collection, each girl choosing one thing at a time until it was divvied up. At least sharing with her best friends and not keeping it all to herself made it a little more fun. 

Resources:

This collector’s guide was instrumental in my research. It both gave me specific ideas and a general sense of the experience and patterns of the prizes. There were a few telling editorial remarks like this one about Barrettes on page 127: “Left a lot to be desired if a little boy got it. (Then again, I’m sure that many a little girl was disappointed to get a “war” prize).” This is what gave me the image of Ricky and Molly trading their prizes and both of them being happy about it!

https://archive.org/details/crackerjacktoysc0000whit

Another resource I used was this selling website:

Although the search function is pretty awful, it is good for scans of paper prizes. 

Here is the google doc I used to collect the pictures I wanted to print in what seemed an appropriate size: https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/196ByHxFQ8G21VbtBmT5H2ZCmigQnAYsUfbzru0buivM/edit?usp=sharing 

[putschki1969]

Let's address THAT blog

Many of you might have noticed a few blog posts being shared on social media relating to the most recent Kalafina reunion drama. I've had a lot of people send links to me asking for my opinion on the matter so I thought I'd briefly talk about the whole thing myself. For those who don't know, a few days ago, following the release of the Nikkan Sports article and the subsequent official announcements about the upcoming Kalafina Anniversary Live, a Livedoor blog popped up out of nowhere titled "FictionJunction & Kalafina Behind the Scenes". Currently, there are three main blog posts available discussing a variety of topics, namely

① The truth behind Kajiura Yuki's departure from the agency ② The truth behind Kalafina's split and hiatus ③ The activities of the members and Kajiura after Kalafina's hiatus ④ The circumstances that led to Kalafina's reunion and the truth behind Kajiura's anger ⑤ Rights related to Kalafina

The contents of ① and ② are discussed in the first blog post, the second blog post is focusing on the contents of ③ and ④, and the details of ⑤ are presented in the third blog post.

UPDATE: As of October 8, the blog seems to have been deleted so the above links no longer work. If you ask me, this is even more proof that the author cannot be trusted. Thankfully, there are internet archives so nothing has been lost. Archived Post 1 Archived Post 2 Archived Post 3

I am not planning to dissect every little detail of this very long essay but I would like to provide some important context that will surely put things into perspective for many readers. Without further ado, let's get to it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

The person who runs the aforementioned blog is the same person behind the sketchy FJS YouTube Channel that uploaded the supposedly unreleased "sprinter" audio. I talked extensively about the matter in THIS as well as THIS post and together with some fellow fans, we were able to debunk that account's claim of authenticity. In an ASK from a couple of days ago, someone actually told me that they had seen weird statements in that account's YouTube Community referring to an extensive plan to summarise all the behind the scenes info of the Yuki Kajiura/Kalafina debacle. Looks like that plan has come to fruition in the past few days because we now have those three ultra-long blog posts floating around all across Twitter.

I'm gonna reiterate what I said in my response to the ASK above. This person is without a doubt a knowledgeable fan. I reckon that they are much more obsessed than a majority of fandom (including little old me) so they've surely memorised/internalised every word written or said on social media platforms, every pamphlet and FC bulletin interview, every tabloid news article, and every other notable statement that has ever been uttered by the involved parties. When it comes to information that has been shared publicly, I doubt there are many casual or even long-term fans who can claim to have such a thorough understanding of all the "facts" as this person does, especially considering that most of the relevant events have taken place over the course of several years. Thanks to the huge amounts of accumulated knowledge, this person is able to make a solid case for themselves, at face value, everything they write sounds legit and professional.

But here is the big issue. They are first and foremost an imposter aiming for attention and clout. How do I know this? Let me explain! Not only did they initially claim to be an "Official FJS" account on YouTube, they also pretended (and are still pretending) to have access to previously restricted content, such as live audio from Sony. None of those things are true of course. The "official" label was removed from the account name and handle rather quickly once people paid closer attention and started questioning the legitimacy of the account and everything it claimed to offer. As mentioned above, the seemingly exclusive "sprinter" recording turned out to be totally fake (although this person is still pretending it is legit).

With their brand new Livedoor blog, this person is going even further. They are claiming to be an "industry insider", someone who has "formerly been affiliated" with Yuki Kajiura and Kalafina. I call bullshit! Based on what we know from their YouTube activities, we have absolutely no reason to believe this person is telling the truth in this matter. That short, little intro in every single blog post is proof enough that everything that follows cannot and should not be taken too seriously. By starting out your essay with a phrase like "whether you believe it or not is up to you" you are basically diminishing the credibility of your work. The author is simply covering their back with the inclusion of this clause because they are very much aware that they are lying and masquerading as someone else. In this first paragraph, there is also talk of "nothing but facts" being included in the essay. Hardly! While I do actually believe that the basic framework is made up of "facts" that have been gathered through a lot of research referring mostly to primary sources (i.e. statements made by the involved people themselves via different media outlets), there is also a frighteningly heavy reliance on information that has only ever been published in tabloid articles so in my opinion, it is not fully trustworthy (particularly true for some of the things discussed in part ① of the essay relating to the management drama that caused YK's departure). Also, this person has the unfortunate tendency to embellish specific situations with their own little headcanons, resulting in an overly dramatic portrayal of things. This not only serves to victimise/infantalises certain involved parties (especially in the case of Keiko), it also leads to a subtle vilification of other involved parties (particularly affecting Wakana). Needless to say, this is not something I approve of because it only creates more confusion and drama among fans.

All right, this is pretty much the gist of the context I wanted to provide for you. I'm not telling you to not read those three blog posts, quite the contrary actually, go ahead and read them, put them through Google Translate if you have to, you should be fine with that. You will get a more or less solid overview of everything that has happened in the past few years (and if you've followed my blog diligently, you'll find that a lot of the things stated in the essay will align with what I've shared). The facts and timeline mostly check out so you can rest assured that you are not being fed straight-up lies (with the exception of the author's background of course). But please, do me a favour and take everything you read in there with a huge grain of salt! This person isn't an insider and they are not privy to any "exclusive" information. They are solely relying on information that is readily available online or in various publications. Also, be aware that the author is actively trying to deceive us by pretending to be someone they are most definitely not. This alone should be cause for suspicion.

I'm not sure what is prompting this person to make such claims. They could just as well admit to being an obsessed fan who has dedicated their whole life to knowing every single detail about their idol and who would even go as far as to create/come up with "new" content/information to appeal to fellow fans. By simply acknowledging that fact, this person would instantly appear to be more authentic. I mean, I know what I am talking about because I myself am very open about those things. I am aware that I am much more invested in Kalafina than your run-of-the-mill casual fan, hence, I have amassed a lot more knowledge than most other people in this fandom. But even if you are this level of hyperfixated and obsessed, it still doesn't give you the right to play pretend. Once fans start to claim that they've some sort of affiliation to their idols which gives them access to insider information, you'll know that in 99,9% of cases, they've become delusional. They get off on being seen as "special" and they know that most casual fans will not fact-check anything they say so they can just continue to expand their little fantasy. This way, they will gain the attention and validation they so desperately seek.

[olderthannetfic]

My "too old to care, too dignified to harass", line seems to have resonated with people, and it got me thinking about what "proship" even is and why I don't really identify with it despite agreeig with it.

Ultimately, "proship" describes both a philosophical stance and an online community. I share a large part of the philosophy, but I'm not a member of the community, and my "pro-ship" philosophy extends far beyond simply fanfic and fandom spaces.

In the end, I'm anti-censorship and pro-archive. The support other people shipping ships that squick me out, and this comes from the same place as my belief that things like AO3, the Internet Archive, public libraries, and university special collections should be well funded and should archive and make available a wide variety of materials that I don't like.

I've yet to see the online proship community really go to bat for a university archiving historically important but socially problematic texts, or talking in depth about the Internet Archive and copyright law, they're too busy combating a specific type of online troll.

And that's fine, they don't need to be focused on any one specific thing, and I'm sure many individual members of the proship community share my overall philosophy and do indeed support archives and libraries and freedom of speech the way I do, but it's not what the online movement and community is about.

Very simply, I call myself a metalhead and a gamer because I am a member of those communities. Someone else might share my taste in music or play the same video games as me and not describe themselves as a metalhead or gamer, because the label describes the community, not just the musical taste or hobbies the community is built around. "Proship" is the same, it's the name of a community built around a shared philosophy.

--

The thing about the community, such as it is, is that it's really a thing for the current 20-somethings. If you're old as dirt or just feel that tired and you remember Livejournal or even tumblr in 2012, fandom is about letting your freak flag fly. We were assholes to each other, but we did it by calling each other stupid, not immoral.

The current state of proship discourse is "You're wrong: this art is not 'degenerate'. Let me explain..."

The oldschool attitude is: "Fuck off, Nazi!"

[eldritchboop]

I am Angry at The Lost Book Project so please enjoy this curated list of ebooks

TL;DR: A company is trying to resell books from the Internet Archive at a markup. Here are roundups to all the free links instead.

Please donate to the Internet Archive if you find this post valuable.

42 Ancient Medicinal Plant Remedies

7 Lost Books and Texts on Meditation

The Witchcraft and Magic Collection (51 books)

11 Secret Books for Spiritual Seekers

11 Classic Numerology Books

The Lost Entrepreneurs Handbooks

21 Rare Books on Sacred Sexuality and Magick

16 Seminal Books on Law of Attraction and Manifestation

The Ancient Greece Collection - 36 Rare Books

The Ancient Key to The Tarot - 21 Books

The Definitive Demonology Book Collection

33 Rare Hidden Books on Freemasonry

The Manly P. Hall Collection

45 Rare Supernatural Books - Ghost Stories and Mysteries

37 Ancient Lost Texts on Buddhism

20 Books On Astrology, Zodiac and Horoscopes

The Lost Book of Spells - Spellbooks and Rituals

37 Lost Books on Ancient Mesopotamia

18 Lost Alchemy and Occult Science Books Works Of Sir George Ripley

The Vikings & Norse Mythology Book Collection

My angry rant as to why I am willing to do this in my spare time is below the break.

So I received a target Facebook ad for a website called the Lost Book Project (I refuse to link to them) advertising a collection of herbal books for a nice low price. Problem - the first book I saw them selling was Culpepper's Herbal from the 1600s, meaning it's well outside copyright. I own a digital copy for this reason!

So logically, I decided to check if the other books on the list, most of which are outside copyright, were also available on Archive.org. Sure enough, the whole list is available there.

Now, for starters, this makes me INCREDIBLY angry. It's not illegal to sell out-of-copyright books, but the Internet Archive is my favorite place for old books, and like Wikipedia they operate entirely on donations. Their average donation is $17 - just about the cost of this collection.

Websites that are making money off of a free service by locking them behind a paywall are anathema to everything that the Internet Archive stands for. Furthermore, if you're in the US or UK (where most of these books are sourced from), your tax dollars have already paid for these books to be stored and digitized.

EDIT: I have also noticed that two many books are still in publication and under copyright! I have sent notices to their publishers.

Things like this activate my sense of fairness to the nth degree. I hate scammers. I hate people who sell things without adding value. And I really hate it when they're taking money from good institutions that need it. Imagine if half of the people who paid for these books donated instead!?

So please help yourself to the links on each roundup. I'll continue to do the work needed to link all of the books they offer to their proper sources.

And fuck companies exploiting the work of others for their own profit.

[mariacallous]

In Hollywood, the present is the future is the past.

Twin strikes shut down production for six months last year, and with its workforce still on ice, the entertainment industry has been slow to recover. Domestic box-office revenue is expected to be 30 percent lower this year compared to 2019. By 2028, cable TV subscriptions are expected to decline by 10 million. And with the looming acquisition of Paramount Global by Skydance Media, the future of Hollywood is as it ever was: reliably uncertain. As one studio executive described it to the Los Angeles Times, it’s “something of an existential question mark.”

Of course, this isn’t Hollywood’s first—or second or third, for that matter—financial reckoning. “When we look closely at history, we realize that all the negotiations we have to make about character, about financing, about representation and all these things have been asked before,” says Maya Cade. “Ego tells us that we must be the first, but why would we want that to be true?”

This, in part, was Cade’s mission when she launched Black Film Archive in 2021. At a “moment when people were demanding the full totality of our lives to be represented in media,” she says, “they felt as if Black film could not hold the capacity for Blackness.” Cade knew better. So she got to work and built what is now the most exhaustive online database of Black cinema titles, spanning diverse, obscure, and well-known films.

A former audience development strategist at the Criterion Collection, she tells me people were missing a larger context to the issues at hand. The archive, which celebrated its third anniversary this August, features more than 300 films released between 1898 to 1999, with each title available to stream online. What Cade has accomplished is both rare and essential: She has indexed a century's worth of Black moviemaking and made it free to access.

Anxious to learn more, I reached out to Cade to help make sense of what’s happening in Hollywood. Over the phone from Los Angeles, where she recently relocated, Cade and I talked about the fate of the entertainment business, the grave implications of the Internet Archive lawsuit, and how we can better preserve history on an internet that likes to forget.

Jason Parham: Is it true that the idea for Black Film Archive sprang from a conversation on Twitter?

Maya Cade: I was on Twitter in June 2020, and I saw a lot of people talking about how racist or dramatic Black films are as a way to dismiss them. So instead of shaming people for that opinion, in my mind I was like, OK, how do I make an offering for people to discuss that belief, to contrast that belief, and also move us past it. I don't want to dismiss the truth because it's harsh. And I know there are many ways to get to the truth. I also don’t want to dismiss people who feel that way. But I want to offer another lens of how they're seeing it. Because when we talk about Black films as only being traumatic, we're reducing the art form in a very minuscule kind of way. This idea of like, “Oh, all these films are about slavery. All of these films are about trauma porn.”

Which, of course, isn’t true.

I did the calculations of how many films are about slavery—and they were quite few across time. But I understand that at the same time, what does it mean when a white decisionmaker wants to see Black people in a specific way? They have the power of how we're told in media. I also understand that film becomes the dominant narrative of how history is told. So there are multiple truths to contend with. But I think we're better prepared to contend with those things when we have a full look of what Black film’s history can offer.

The Internet Archive recently lost an appeal, which could have major ramifications to how we access information. Resources like Black Film Archive and the Wayback Machine are also part of this conversation. This is a bit of an abstract question, but how do we better hold on?

One goal of the early internet was to democratize knowledge. Whether everyone agreed with that is a different point. And the Internet Archive is one of the only things from the early internet to still exist in its same way. Wikipedia, too. These two things are constantly under attack, because to share knowledge freely means that someone wants to come in and control the free flow of knowledge. They want to profit from that.

In so many ways greed has become a default response to various public resources.

With that being known, what do we do? The world has been upended. The only truth that we know is in books. On the internet, AI has turned knowledge upside down. AI leaves out the essence of truth. For example, through summary, it assumes who you are and what you want to know quickly about something, which isn't the same as a human would do it. That process can remove layers of truth at a very basic level. With that being the foundation of the internet of the future, the Internet Archive is essential. In the last 10 years, we have moved away from the internet as a service to the internet of things. An internet as service—it was a destination. It was a place that you could freely roam, explore, and use as a guide.

Is there a way back to that?

If we want places on the internet that aren't run by AI, where knowledge is freely shared, where we can explore as we desire, then we must invest our time, our coins, we must advocate and protect as much as we possibly can. There’s so much on the internet that would crumble if the Internet Archive or Wikipedia falls. That's a threat to many people because, ultimately, when you control the flow of knowledge, you control everything.

The consequences would be extraordinary.

It's almost as if the basic concept of the library would be a pie-in-the-sky idea today, because someone would ask, well, how could I make money from that? When Black Film Archive launched, many people wanted to profit off of it. Many people asked to sponsor it. The thing is, once you create something that becomes a front line of culture, the question isn’t “How do I help sustain you?” The question is “How do I own you?” I said no because I’m firm in Black Film Archive being free.

On the subject of money and ownership: Earlier this year, following the cancellation of several Black TV shows, you wrote, “Studios and streamers no longer care about loyalty or enduring legacy.” Why does Hollywood, in 2024, still have such a difficult time aligning its legacy with its business?

Well, here's the thing, the legacy business, they feel as if that work is behind them.

But isn’t that what Hollywood is built on?

Yes, but to create new legacy and new inroads, to them, that is less important than extracting every possible dollar from existing IP. It’s more “expensive,” quote-unquote, to create something than it is to rest on existing laurels. The beginning of the end of this, to me, was when Warner Brothers and UPN merged into The CW. Now, 20 years later, the CW is a shell of itself. In mergers, you're no longer competing with someone to make the best content. With the merger of Warner Brothers and Discovery, they own, what, one-fourth of TV? That competition era of television—it's over.

Which has a direct impact on the creative side.

The legacy-driven model only happens now in vanity. So a lot of stars are using their own distribution or first-look deals to produce things. And these are the majority of people who are allowed to create. So what does Hollywood mean when the only people who are given freedom are people who have already done the taxing work—if they have at all—to become stars? Hollywood is not in the business of guarantee. Everything must be proven before it's even created.

And if that’s the case, so many people get left out.

And if everything must be proven before it's even created, then Blackness never had a chance. It doesn't have a chance. The fight for nostalgia as currency comes in a moment where some of the highest rated things are non-white. That's not an accident. It’s as if television, media, and filmmaking are becoming manifest destiny in the wrong ways. And there's nothing sadder.

Perhaps we need better frameworks.

People have upended industries to chase Netflix. And no one has caught up. Everything has fallen in this chase. What’s happening now is, people are only duplicating the best and the most watched. There is no diversity in how things are being delivered.

You once described “post-2020 Black media as akin to a modern day blaxploitation boom.” It got me thinking about platforms like Tubi and AllBlk, which are sometimes mocked as being a kind of streaming ghetto, but those same streamers have also given opportunities to young creators.

Blaxploitation, as I was saying, makes way for Spike Lee, it makes way for the '80s independent Black movement that, of course, shapes everything we know about modern Black film and modern Black media. At every valley, there is a peak. It’s the nature of life. So what do I think is ahead? We should be thinking about independent models that have existed before our current era. There are many ways to make media. With pilot season essentially dying, as the studios have announced, what are some ways that Black creators can forge together to make what they desire?

I mean, I don't know if I have the answers, but I do have the curiosity. And oftentimes curiosity and care—and leading with them—can transform how we understand history and the future.

[gallifreyanhotfive]

Do you have any recommendations on Dr. Who books/audio format things? I haven't watched the show in a bit because Moffat wasn't my thing and I can't seem to find the old stuff. (If you have any advice on where to find that too I would be very grateful) Following your blog has been a nice reminder of why I liked the show so much. Hope you have a good day!

Aw thank you! Depending on your location, you can find classic who episodes either on BBC iPlayer or Tubi (with ads).

As for books/audios, I'll try to keep this brief as I could write an essay on this.

For books, my favorite author is Kate Orman. Orman writes wonderfully, and my personal favorite is The Year of the Intelligent Tigers. I also really liked Goth Opera, Camera Obscure, History 101, Autumn Mist, Lungbarrow, Divided Loyalties, Somewhere Never etc etc etc etc (so many more but I'm forcing myself to stop here). You can often find free versions of basically every novel (at least all I've looked for) on the internet either as pdfs or epubs or whatever. The Internet Archive is particularly useful. Some examples:

And now for the audios! I personally have sold my soul to Big Finish. I have literally hundreds of recommendations. They do have some audios for free, such as those that came from the Paul Spragg Memorial Competition. You can also find a lot of them (up until Zagreus I think) for free on Spotify. There is also almost always a killer sale going on on the website on top of that too.

As for my recommendations, it's pretty dependent on what Doctor or companion you want to listen to. They even have series centered on UNIT, Romana's Gallifrey, Benny Summerfield, and a ton of other things (including a Masterful special that just had a bunch of Masters fucking around and finding out). I'll put in some of my favorites, one for each Doctor, from what I own (which is far from everything, but I do my best).

One: The Sontarans. It was the first time the Doctor had ever encountered the Sontarans, so he was unfamiliar with them. It takes place during Dalek Master Plan, so Steven and Sara are there.

Two: Lords of the Red Planet! It's a good Ice Warrior origin story and has Jamie and Zoe in it. :)

Three: Terror of the Master. I had pre-ordered it as soon as I heard about it. Three....Delgado Master....what more do you want from an audio? It's narrated by Jon Culshaw.

Four: The Wrath of the Iceni. It was a brilliant historical with Four and Leela and Boudica. Leela gets quite a lesson in this one, first being mad at Four for not helping Boudica and then at Boudica for being cruel.

Okay now we are getting into my favorite Doctors (5-8), so these decisions are going to get difficult.

Five: The Kingmaker! Shakespeare spikes Five's drink to get him absolutely wasted to sneak on the TARDIS, the TARDIS gets hiccups as a result, leading to Peri and Erimem being separated from the Doctor. Shenanigans ensue.

Six: Doctor Who and the Pirates. Six and Evelyn have a really meaningful discussion with one of her depressed students. The third part is a musical!

Seven: The Shadow of the Scourge. Benny Ace and Seven against 8th dimensional eldritch abominations. Seven gets turned into one of these insectoids, and body horror ensues.

Eight: Oh dear I can't choose. At the moment, probably the Great War from Dark Eyes 1. Eight meets Molly and is still grieving here. He is very much doomed by the narrative.

War: The Neverwhen. Lots of the War Doctor is good if you like Time War horror, but this one has a lot of time-as-a-weapon and is well written.

Nine: Battle Scars. A nice short story about that one family Nine saved from the Titanic mentioned in the episode Rose. Has a really fantastic girl in it and a Nine dripping in PTSD.

Ten: The Time Reaver. Ten and Donna! There's this gun that basically slows down time for a single person, so that a few minutes for everyone else is centuries for them. Ten is a self sacrificing dope.

Eleven: The Geronimo boxset is the best in my opinion, but I haven't been able to listen to many of these yet.

Twelve: Another one I haven't managed to buy a lot of yet, but Dead Media is amazing. It's written to sound like a podcast with adverts and everything and is set during his time at St. Luke's. And I cried at the end.

Anyway, I'll shut up now. This was so much fun! Thank you!

[centrally-unplanned]

FLCLick Noise - Archival Scan

We should be a go!

[Internet Archive Link]

FLCLick Noise is a book published in 2010 that is a deep dive into the production of and creative influences that went into the 2000 anime FLCL by Studio GAINAX. Framed as a conversation between FLCL director and series lead Kazuya Tsurumaki, and FLCL character designer Yoshiyuki Sadamoto, the two creatives watch the show together and record their thoughts episode-by-episode, alongside a prologue and a “bonus track”. It is in Japanese, with primarily text and screenshots from the show for use as conversational reference, though there is some art as well (almost all of which is available elsewhere).

FLCL is pretty infamous as a show for its free-wheeling compositional style and loose production process; everyone involved was able to throw in visual ideas, dialogue, plot concepts, and so on. Additionally, FLCL slots pretty clearly into GAINAX’s “Otaku commentary” oeuvre - it is very much anime, *extremely* anime, it would be ludicrous to suggest otherwise; but in addition to being anime it was also a vehicle for the creative team to put in ideas and influences that they believed the anime industry was not utilizing at the time, such as its rock-album concept soundtrack or its josei/seinen manga inspired-character designs.

It is this backdrop that makes a book like FLCLick Noise simultaneously more valuable for understanding FLCL than most other shows, and even possible to exist in the first place. Much of it is fun asides, many of the creative decisions are personal whims, but there is so much to those whims that it is worth reading a book about them. If you want to answer the question “why does FLCL exist the way that it does”, this book will answer that question in more detail than any other source will.

Alas this is a complex and large book - I will aim to translate it someday, but I cannot guarantee neither the timeline nor the quality of that translation as I am by no means a professional in that regard. If you want to get a sample of what the book contains, anime-youtuber-extraordinaire Hazel quasi-coincidentally just released a video essay on FLCL that has an entire section on this book and its contents (I learned of this book from her tweeting about it during research for the video, so the timeline is not pure kismet). If you want the highlights and so much more, it is an amazing video. Meanwhile, I do hope to post a “raw text” version of the different sections somewhat soon, to assist those who do want to read it themselves and would find that would help with the translation.

As always, I hope this is a valuable addition to the ‘akashic record’ of 90’s-era anime history, and gives something special to the FLCL-heads out there like me.

(I'll tag @flclarchives for the two-for-one this week, if they don't mind! And I apologize for the scan quality here - I wanted to do it non-destructively, as this is not a large print run book, which meant my typical flatbed was a no go and the new overhead setup I used was a comedy of errors. Fortunately this is a book about reading text, and despite the errors it's all perfectly readable.)

[pluraldeepdive]

I want to share this article archived by the wayback machine in 1997 and I believe to be written by Dr. John M. Grohol. Here is a link to the archived page. I feel like it's helpful to see a piece of history like this because, even almost THIRTY YEARS later, people are still called fake or have doubt cast on them for simply being open on the Internet about having DID or being a system!

_________________________

"The Prevalence of Multiples Online

Multiple Personality Disorder or DID Seems Prevalent Online

We see a growing number of individuals who visit our Web site and write us e-mail, as well as participate in mental health chats, that seem to have multiple personality disorder (MPD), or the disorder's newest name, dissociative identity disorder (DID). People with DID seem to be in many support rooms found online for mental health support. We even host a popular discussion forum for MPD/DID here on Mental Health Net.

So what's this all about? Is DID really that prevalent online?? Does the online world somehow draw more people with DID to it? Is DID being diagnosed more often because of more accurate tests? What's going on here??

From our experiences, it seems clear that a little bit of everything is involved in the greater numbers of people who suffer from this disorder showing up online. First is the greater knowledge and education amongst behavioral healthcare professionals about this disorder. If they know what to look for, which they are better trained to do more now than ever, they are more likely to be able to accurately diagnosed MPD/DID in individuals. This has been accomplished by greater research in this area in recent years as well as more information being trickled down to the clinicians who actually do most of the diagnosing and therapy of individuals with this disorder.

In addition to greater numbers of individuals being diagnosed with this disorder, many more of those people who get the diagnosis are coming online to find out more information and support for their problem. While there is still debate about how prevalent MPD/DID is within the general population, finding reliable and accurate epidemiological information about the disorder can often be difficult, if not downright impossible. Much of this is due to the political debate which has surrounded the diagnosis of MPD/DID in the past few years (Coons, 1989). Many misconceptions still exist and are even perpetrated by some mental health professionals. So information found online may fill some people's needs with this disorder.

But because it is a rare disorder, it also means there won't be any support groups available in their community for this problem. Like rare medical conditions and the popularity support groups for those have enjoyed online, so too are MPD/DID groups popular online. People with this disorder have found one another and can discuss issues that only other people with DID/MPD can understand and sympathize with.

Last, the symptoms of DID/MPD are such that there is often times an accompanying (and justified) social fear, out of concern of the ramifications of switching personalities when in the company of others (whether at work, at home, at a party, etc.). This fear is not nearly as powerful or present when in an online chat room or discussion forum. This is probably because such forums are devoid of many of the social cues and nonverbal communications which may encourage an emerging personality to present him or herself. It may be easier, in fact, for someone who suffers from MPD/DID to talk to others in such a forum because of the ability to remain present in a singular personality.

There is no clear reason why so many people seem to have this disorder in online chat rooms. It is likely a combination of factors which have resulted in this perception. This should be no need or cause for alarm, since individuals who have DID/MPD we've spoken to have overwhelmingly given high marks to the experiences they've had in online support rooms and forums. As more and more people come online, we will expect to find more rare mental disorders represented, especially those which have a social component which may be helped through an online modality of communications."