#man i want to share the good stuff
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ghost car of barna road
track 2 - slop 1/2
i woke up early and stashed last night's bottle of whiskey into my backpack. the sky was a turbulent cyan, beyond the window of my childhood bedroom. aside from a single suitcase all my things were still in the car. there was no dress change until i brough the boxes in.
but coffe first.
i opened the door on a dark empty staircase, walked the 2 steps toward the creaking stairs, bumped my head on a decorative element, slipped, cussed, got to the kitchen and reached for the kettle just in time for an assault.
someone yelled and barelled towards me.
i threw the kettle at them.
glass and tiny elecrical parts scattered over the floor to my cried. “what the fuck, mom!!! what the actual fuck!!! jesus, for fuck’s sake!!!”
“fiadh?”
“yes!” i yelled, pushing my shaking hands into my hair while sampling the damage. “of course it’s me, who the fuck do you fucking think it could be?!!”
cool and collected my mother lowered the decorative giraffe statue she was armed with and smoothed out her mauve nightgown. “there are break-ins now, you know. dangerous criminal elements. the news said so.”
i glowered at her. “where would the fucking criminal element get the keys?”
“don’t cuss,’ she replied. then, turning to the stairs called up, “it’s fiadh, mark! tell the garda everything is alright, now”
i sighed, lowering my face into my palms while she stashed away her girrafe and enveloped me in a tight hug. her body felt warm and small. she used to be so much taller than me. she used to be taller than the world.
i pulled away, attempting a smile that felt short. “coffe?”
“oh, i’m afraid the kettle is busted.”
“i can use a top,” I proposed, opening a cupboard and looking in. i wondered where, among all this colourful junk, will i ever be able to stash my earless prague mug.
my mom pursed her lips. “well… they have kettles at lidl this week.”
i stopped and pulled my head back to look at her. if her face was any indication she was not fucking joking. “it’s quite early and…”
“they open in 4 minutes.”
“are you seriou…”
“yes, now that i think about it there is this one cyan option i've had my eye on…”
“mom, i didn’t have my coffee yet and this is just…”
“yes, baby,” she said in a very calming voice, pointing at a supermarket ad, ‘that is why we need the kettle, see? oh, and while you’re there maybe grab some eggs and rolls? i’ll make us a nice omellete.”
#simblr#ts4 story#s:gcbr#oc:fiadh#oc:ann marie#if you remember my writing vomit mid summer#yes it's the same writing#i started barna road in summer and got too excited#so i decided to put it out here#but also this was in my drafts because i couldn't do pics#for months#i still hate these pics but#man i want to share the good stuff#the brian stuff#so we need to push on lads#we push on ahahah#also ann marie is my mom and they should both be hospitalised lol
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Based on my favorite gif lately
#my art stuff#digital art#baldurs gate 3#bg3#astarion#batstarion#once again specifying this is a spawn astarion with some sort of wild shape thing#bat#good morning#gif#I’ve been in such a weird place mentally about art lately#I just keep stopping myself from drawing things cus I want to draw Astarion -#- but fsr my brain decided I draw him wrong and thus makes it pointless to even start#bat form is fine - I have no problems with it. But in his normal form? no can do buckaroo.#It’s one part why I haven’t shared much art lately - I don’t get happy enough about the “quality”#then just don’t share it as a result - in turn making me feel worse because I’m not posting - making me doubt myself more - etc etc#idk man - I got way too giddy earlier today cus someone could tell this was Astarion - even though this isn’t even the version of him I -#- feel insecure about#I keep seeing these artists making more realistic art and cool comics and interactions - most of which are shaded really beautifully -#- and all I can think about is how I CAN’T do that - even if it wouldn’t fuck me up mentally#I just put too much stress on my ability to create realism and I keep ��failing” at doing that (by actively avoiding it for my own health)#idk man - I just wish I felt better about Astarion’s stupid chin OTL
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Btw just want to be clear that Time and Time Again is set to, and will if I don't pause, conclude in May 2025!
Webtoon didn't want to renew or give me any extra episodes so I'm trying to work with what I have. I'm sorry it's ending sooner than I'd like, it's been difficult to come to terms with and challenging to condense my plans.
You deserve a solid conclusion, and I've spent months writing to try and reach that. If there's anything you'd really like to see before it ends, do let me know in case I can (and want to) fit it in.
I'd rather not work with them again, and I hope I won't have to! But coming off of years being overworked and underpaid does not make that easy, to say the least...
I'm doing my best, and I hope you like what I have coming up.
#years of being overworked. underpaid. and literally manipulated and gaslit lmfao#it does not feel good to beg to be treated equally. and then told to be satisfied with less than that#it has been repeatedly demoralizing and insulting#and im not doing it again#i would rather nanny again (most exhausting job ive ever had) than work with them again#but. i would rather not!#I'd rather continue to make comics#but to do it full time i would need like 500 patrons on the $5 tier minimum...#which is SO MANY PEOPLE and incomprehensible to me#ive already proven to myself i can live on 25k a year but obviously its tight (i live in socal)#this. is not what this post is about#it's so hard for me not to complain about them#i feel bad for my current patrons i only share stuff on discord as of right now#well i do the merch packages but like#it's mostly just my discord#just dont have the time or energy to manage my patreon#cause idk if yall know but patreons site is TERRIBLE from the creator side???#it takes like 5 minutes to upload a single post it's ridiculous#so i cant manage it rn. I've thought about hiring someone to help me with it but i cant afford any help#anyways ultimately this is informing people its gonna end#and is turning into a vent around all of the stress surrounding that#like i literally had to take a couple months to just be sad its gonna end and come to terms with that#its hard! it's hard feeling so tossed aside and having your stories controlled even in part by someone else#anyways yeah#i havent finished writing the last arc yet#so theres space for me to fit stuff if theres something people really want#so id like to get in what i could if i can!#text post#sorry i always turn any thoughts about comics into vents about webtoon#theyre so ass man..... it's fine. im gone in may...
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY @apiratefellinlovewithastar 🤭💜💜💜 !!!!
I hope you like it ;)
(click for better quality if you're on the mobile app. do not repost.)
#MAN. gonna ramble after the tags.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIII 🤩🤩‼️‼️‼️#You and Percy are sharing this I'm sorry SSKDBSK#pjo/hoo#percy jackson#rachel elizabeth dare#nico di angelo#percico#perachel#perachico#class of 09#class of 09 AU#my art 💙#fanart#for vi#percy jackson and the olympians#heroes of olympus#okay so. I WAS GONNA DO MORE. I SWEAR I WANTED TO DO#Like... shitposts and other stuff in here#but oh my fucking gooooddsss the style switch took up all my time 😭😫#I'm gonna go draw more for this AU i swear. or at least I hope????#also yes Rachel smokes her weed like its a cigarette okay. don't @ me.#I also totally traced the gun SSKDJSK sorry but I wasn't gonna draw it and have it end up looking good#anywayyyy 🤩#I hope you have a good birthday today 🥺🥺🥺 I love you so so so much <333#cw weed#cw gun#also. cropped pics of their faces. LOOK AT THEM 💥💥💥#forgot to say but I was low-ley thi ning I could straighten Rachel's hair and have it maybe slightly wavy-curly instead because AU reasons#but I couldn't bear to part w/ it 💔 also she covered her freckles up with make-up. no I didn't just forget to add them wdym. same w/ Percy.
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something something having a new hyperfixation and now having several new WIPs about it AND just starting to draw certain characters from it just yesterday uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah-
#something something UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I fell into the lifesmp hole#and so now I'm very attached to Scar as a character because man. Man he's got me so fucked up#also that headshot reference is very much referenced from a drawing of Ru's that the public has not seen cause I am feral over it- it was a#very good starting point of how I wanted to draw Scar and like yeah#am I saying these are 3rd life designs? I mean they're on my 3rd life doodle page and Scar definitely has a lilac soooooo#WHICH GOD LILAC SYMBOLISM IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#anywho I can be normal I swear#also vaguely Flower husbands because Jay may have gotten me a little attached to them slightly#just wait til I draw Tango and flood you all with Flower Ranchers it'll be over for everyone#the minute I draw more scar I think it'll be over for everyone#dangthatsalongname#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#goodtimeswithscar#fanart#life series#life smp#traffic smp#trafficblr#should I technically be drawing Scar shirtless? Yeah but I did not wanna deal with muscles for a base reference drawing#so like hey he gets a shirt for the moment- If I draw any canon 3rd life stuff I'll draw him shirtless#I'm also watching Bdubs's pov of the Life series because one of my friends recommended it and like god he's a little chaotic#good on him! He tried to fight a wither with Etho in last life! And died from falling! Again! This man can not stop dying from falling#someone needs to make sure he has a water bucket in his inventory at all times because he died by falling in 3rd life and died by it in las#life so if he dies by falling in double life I'll lose it#also I just like the idea of Jimmy in Overalls no one can stop me from drawing him with them okay okay#I dedicate these doodles to Ru Hatt and Jay because they have to share in my insanity of me losing my mind over this silly series#Madi's art :>#OKAY I'M STOPPING NOW I GOTTA PUT THE LAPTOP AWAY
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rarepair week day 3: studying/shopping
i thought maybe…. shopping online for computer parts?? they're just hanging out and being nerds. together <3 (i see chihiro as nonbinary and transfem, i don't mind if you have a different hc but please be respectful!!)
@dr-rarepair-week-blog
#danganronpa rarepair week 2023#danganronpa#kazuichi soda#chihiro fujisaki#chisouda#THESE TWO ARE SO CUTE AND FUNNY TO ME#chihiro being able to ramble and explain stuff and she doesn't feel awkward or annoying because kaz listens#he thinks she's cute but also they have a sorta shared interest (and seem to be friends in the utdp mode!!)#so it's not like that shallow attraction to sonia it's genuine#and they both feel loved and appreciated :] chihiro gets feeling like you have to hide who you are#and kazuichi is their number 1 hype man#i drew this as like.... nondespair au maybe they're in college or smth#wanted to give kaz a different jumpsuit color to indicate that but green looked good with chihiro
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The leaks abt the new Viktor VGU confirming they're replacing all of his old skins and designs with the Arcane version is.... So so disappointing. I want to cry in frustration. Old Lore Viktor is self made, he and Jayce clashed over a difference in morals that were still understandable and grounded in reality. Viktor left, created his new body HIMSELF and used his ingenuity to help the people of Zaun. To replace all that with a sleek iPad version where he just gets possessed by an infected magic orb and ascends to godhood or whatever is SUCH a let down.
#Arcane spoilers#Arcane#league of legends#Viktor#Imma be honest. It sours me a bit on the second season of arcane ngl#Like. I didn't enjoy it while watching the show but thought. Yknow. It makes sense since they needed a clear ending#Can't really have a machine herald whose methods may be questionable but who undoubtedly does good#And has a solid point in the piltover Zaun conflict#If you want your show to end in two seasons#But to have THIS? as CANON? INSTEAD OF WHAT WE HAD????#bro is as shallow as a street puddle#They stripped him of all nuance#All the emotions are a flaw stuff came WITHOUT SETUP OR ANYTHING he was just a completely different person after the hexcore#The only remaining trait being his wish to help people which. He and Jayce already shared#That's the whole point. They want the same thing but disagree on how to get there#To make him a cosmic threat unrelatable to humanity is.... Bad#ESPECIALLY since even in the SHOW they said it's bad#Ekko breaks him out of his herald mind break then Jayce tells him hey man I love u as a worm and viktor remembers#Oh shit humanity is necessary actually#And then they fuck off into nowhere#Arcane machine herald is literally and inarguably In The Wrong#So to take the nuance out of old lore viktor and replace it with this husk?#soso sso so upset
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sukuna and gojo use binding vows for sex, taking things like orgasm denials or touch deprivation steps further, where the other is contractually bound to not be able to do certain things, like touch themselves or touch the other etc etc
one such instance being a vow where gojo has a vibrator up his ass, but he can't touch himself or remove it, until sukuna specifically, pulls it out.
he keeps the vibe in throughout the day, with sukuna controlling it remotely, even as they both go throughout their separate days.
gojo goes to have his usual breakfast, and meets yuuji at the dining room, they greet and sit next to each other. yuuji is, as always, energetic and excited to see him
they make conversation, until gojo gives a jolt and starts twitching and huffing. sukuna has turned the vibrator up all the way. yuuji worries and panics and asks him what's wrong. gojo gives a breathy laugh and reassures him. he motions low and tells yuuji about the vibrator inside him, through sudden jolts and soft whimpers.
satoru complains about it, and yuuji advices to remove it or go and take care of himself.
except gojo states that he can’t and yuuji puzzles.
"it's... a pact—mmh!"
"a pact???" yuuji's voice rises in volume, but he visibly calms, shoulders dropping into a fond sigh. "sensei, you really are..." that's all he can manage to say. reprimand is useless. gojo likes it, yuuji is well aware, he is enjoying every second of this, even as he complains.
gojo gives a few odd jolts, undoubtedly an odd pattern of intensity from the vibe, yuuji can guess. sudden irregular ups and downs that are not taken well by the man.
satoru clicks his tongue. "what is that guy doing?" he actually looks irritated for a moment—a look yuuji doesn’t get to see often—until it’s broken with a sigh and his pleased, calm demeanor returns, mimicking the soft waves of pleasure across his thighs.
still, yuuji can see his hands crumpled at his sides, undoubtedly wishing to use them.
that's when satoru perks flares up all of a sudden.
"actually, yuuji,” he turns to look at him, grinning. “you can help me" he opens his legs and lifts the edges of his kimono, his dick peeking out the fabric. yuuji gulps at the sight. satoru motions to it, giving yuuji a wordless look. yuuji hesitates for a moment, but complies, taking his hand to the cock, and starts stroking.
satoru crumbles under the touch, immediately breathing out his nose and muffling moans. he leans into yuuji, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, fingers clasped in yuuji's kimono, nuzzling into his hair and whining in his ear.
satoru's sounds fluctuate in pitch and volume, making it known when his vibe's gotten stronger. yuuji keeps his pace and satoru spills in his hand. he twitches and sighs, soft breaths against yuuji's flushed ear.
yuuji stares at the cum in his hand.
"you can wipe it on me,” satoru tells him with a breath that's calmed much too fast. “my clothes are already soiled anyways". and yuuji feels bad for it, but he obeys nonetheless.
satoru takes a hand to yuuji's chin and turns his face to him and gives him a kiss. short and sweet.
"as a reward." he smiles at yuuji. the boy surprises but takes it happily, cheeks warm and eyes softened, albeit a bit timidly. a tinge of disappointment colors the edges of his face.
"you want more?" satoru brings his face to yuuji's again. the vibrations have reached a slight plateau, so his voice is steadier.
yuuji’s face widens a bit, but he nervously chuckles, pulling back from gojo's face. "no, it's alright," he lies. "i don't want sukuna to kill me"
but satoru’s already pulling into him, breathing into his lips. "i won't let him <3"
"that's...actually reassuring......" yuuji’s eyes flutter shut as satoru's lips meet his again.
and with that, they're kissing and slowly the vibrations and gojo’s twitching start again. satoru moves atop yuuji's lap to straddle him, and while they kiss, yuuji takes his hand between them and jerks him off again. satoru moans and gasps into his mouth, each jolt mirroring the pulses against his prostate.
they separate for gojo to bury his face in yuuji's shoulders, arms hugging his neck. he humps into yuuji's hand until he comes against him again.
he pants and huffs atop the boy, catching his breath. yuuji's gentle arms hold him, fingers rubbing slow circles at his back.
satoru's breathing calms against yuuji’s neck.
"yuuji, u're such a good boy."
yuuji's heart and dick swell.
#f.txt#scenario that has been plaguing my brain and i needed to share#just when they're done nobara and megumi come into the dining room#nobara twists her face. 'geh. itadori. taking advantage of a married man'#yuuji squints his eyes at her 'like u're one to talk'#nobara: still. at the breakfast table. could u be any more shameless#she says that but still makes her away to sit across them megumi following suit#megumi: go easy on him. it’s probably gojo-sensei’s doing anyways#gojo: oh megumi~ u know me so well#jjk#sukugo#yuugo#悠五#sukugoyuu#ns4w#the moment of random ups and downs is sukuna drawing out “satoru” in the vibrrator app bc he wants his gojo :c#meanwhile gojo's all irritated like 'what is wrong with him 😑' bby boy ur husband MISSES U#for context this is in my post-canon everyone lives au (well. one of them) where everything is good and happy and sukugo get married and#sukuna gets domesticated (?)#well more like. he's still bad and evil. but he's tamed i guess#he (begrudgingly) coexists with everyone else and behaves lmao#also everyone kinda lives together? it's a bit of a weird situation idk#anyways#this kinda made me want to write again. i havent written in so long#tho i suppose this does count as writing#i also have more stuff to add to this ill do some rbs !!
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Every now and again I wonder if maybe all trans people face roughly the same amount of bigotry and one just gets more attention, but then i have to read terf posts and.
wow.
obviously every group of trans identities faces their own struggles and unique oppression but there's this incredibly vitriolic kind of hatred reserved for transfems and its sickening.
#ramble#trans#i have a lot of thoughts about terfs i wrote them down somewhere at some point but really theyre just misogyny all the way down#transmascs are poor misled little meow meows who dont realize they just have internalized misogyny. transfems are the embodyment of all evi#nonbinaries are... not talked about. because they ruin the bioessentialism if you think about it critically#to be fair any amount of critical thinking ruins bioessentialism#if gender isnt a social construct why do different societies have different versions of gender. do you never sit down and think for a momen#and like so much of the ideology is wasted hating individuals rather than the actual systems that produce them.#the sex worker thing pisses me off so much. how can you claim to protect women while you shit on the most vulnerable.#“sex work bad because no woman actually wants to do it” like even if that were true (it isnt) the problem wouldnt be sex work#the problem would be capitalism and people having to do things they dont want to make a living.#dismantle capitalism not gender neutral bathrooms#being a man isnt genetic and neither is being evil. the former at least has a genetic predisposition.#whether some people are born evil is like a massive philosophical debate on top of the socio-biological#and like. dont you have anything better to do in your feminism?#like actual problems to fight rather than someone down the street? what progress are you hoping for here?#were losing access to reproductive rights but hoo boy good thing we get to share a scapegoat with our oppressors? really?#theyre not gonna give you equal pay just because you refuse to engage with biology past the 6th grade.#actually im pretty sure we already covered some rudimentary sex/gender stuff in 6th grade but my school mightve been an outlier#definitely compared to the us school system but whatever the point stands#crimes against the gender convention#long ramble in the tags apparently#transgender#queer
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Tips on Accessorizing for Cheap !!
this has been said to death already, but find the cheapest second-hand or thrift store you can in your area, and become a fiend. there’s a lot of great jewelry that’s hidden in there
furthermore, lots of thrift stores will have auctions to get rid of what doesn’t sell. here, you can get actual buckets of things for like,, $5 USD. you can ask the staff if they host these, and they’ll let you know! in my experience, you either have to be 18+ or be accompanied by someone who is, so if you’re young, grab your favorite trusted adult and go get some shit for dirt cheap. (this doesn’t stop at accessories, actually, i got all of my dishes and some furniture and books this way. just make sure to clean it !!)
if you’re interested in using chains and such for accessories, get them at a hardware store!! they’ll be sturdy and last you a good amount of time, while also being much cheaper than anything you’d find at a store.
ask around!! see if anyone you know has things they want to get rid of that you can snatch up
follow tutorials from punks. the entire subculture is built on rebellion, and thus relies very little on consumption. i’ve seen punks use the waistbands of old jeans as bracelets before, and look sick as fuck while doing it. even if that’s not the style you’re aiming for, you can still take the principles and practices and apply it to your own style.
get versatile!! i’ve used necklaces as pseudo-belts and bracelets before, and have wrapped bracelets around hair-ties. scarves can be ribbons or belts or hair-ties, too!! everything has a second, secret usage
things that aren’t accessories can also very easily become accessories if you try hard enough. bottle tabs can be tied together to make shapes and charms (many tutorials and patterns can be found on Pinterest!) and random pieces of thread can become charms if you learn how to tie certain knots.
diy and crafts!! save bottle caps and turn them into pins, spare ribbons as bracelets or earring charms. dollar stores and walmarts and such have supplies to craft your own jewelry, too! lobster hooks, thread, beads, earring hooks, etc.! you can even bypass this by buying sturdy enough wire and making the earring hook yourself, if that’s your only option. tie buttons together, and you end up with a bracelet, tie even more and you have a necklace or a belt or whatever the hell you want.
if you get some bobby pins and then hot glue charms or whatever onto them, you get hair clips!! just try and make sure the charm isn’t too heavy so it’ll stay in your hair.
libraries and other public services might have jewelry making or knitting or crocheting nights where you can learn how to craft and take what you create back home for free!! check that out (and also support your local library. get a library card i beg of you.)
you can prolong cheaply made jewelry (especially rings) by coating it in a layer of clear nail polish. it’ll stop it from turning your fingers green, and provide a protective layer between the metal and any sweat or water it might come into contact with
kids sections of stores. i am not even playing right now, go get yourself some hair clips meant for 6 year olds. if you figure out how to style it, it’ll be perfect.
remember that you can use and do literally whatever the fuck you want, so long as you like how you look. loop dental floss through buttons and wrap it around your wrist, or make a charm out of knots and hang it on the zipper of your jacket, or cut off the straps off of an old unusable bag and make it a choker. have fun with it
i’m American, so some of these might not translate well to other countries. if you have any advice to add, please do!!
#i’m a fashion girlie but i was raised by an incredibly frugal man so i had to learn how to be cute on a BUDGET.#i can post some examples of my crafts n such if anyone wants me to!! <3#i like showing off my jewelry hehe#fashion#jewelry#i don’t post much fashion stuff on here but i feel like sharing my cheapass knowledge is a good thing
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sending love to all head mates with complex relationships to the body, language isn’t build to adequately describe our senses of identity and that’s fucking rough sometimes! However y’all choose or opt out of labels, I respect your choices!
thank you! but i think that's the thing about it, tma/tme (from how i understand it novas a good explainer but idk if im a good rememberer) isn't opt in or out, it just describes something that exists already, and while my identity as a boy is real queer how i get treated while fronting is still more affected by how people see the body. it feels like a tma if you don't know me/don't know im fronting and tme if you do but even that seems strange (nova says: that sounds like just tme to me cuz of the opportunity to opt out but it could be more complicated). i think the language is good but i also think it matters more to me to be an ally to nova and all my transfem friends than to think forever about where i sit in a framework that wasn't made to benefit me. in the end that stuff is for trans women and as funny as the joke of boy headmate in tma body is i think my position as boy headmate makes me not the authority on actual meaningful discussion
#hihi nova tags i think it's rly good to question the language with this stuff tho#like it really is a framework based in describing experiences connected to medical gender assignment which is useful for us#but i think this question is more associated with a question about how systems work#like when a split happens do the new headmates share experiences imposed on them because of their gender assignment and tma/tme status#beforehand?#depending on how memories get divided up it can change the answer to that#like green said the language is good i think a lot of the confusion#especially from the people who used this silly point to argue against transfeminism for a bit a while back#is more an indicator that we don't know how systems really work on a wider scale#we can have idividual experiences described but i've yet to see studies that actually try to treat headmates like people and study their#social behaviors and situations#and if there are any then the knowledge isn't widespread enough for me to know about it#but i think its a really interesting question!!! less for 'whose side am i on' type stuff and more for personal understanding#greens my friend and i wanna understand him and i know he wants to understand himself so having a better theoretical framework for un system#s could help that and would probably answer a lot of these questions of intersectionality that seem like grey areas#also yea that post rules it's more of a really funny joke than a meaningful discussion so this is a lotta rambling over nothing#but that's my favorite thing ever sooo#anyway i'm gonna cry rereading what green said omg he's so lovely#getting to see him mature from when i met his has been fucking magical he's such a wonderful thoughtful person#i'm so happy to share a headspace and a life with him!!!!!#i know i don't talk abt my headmates a lot but#aaaaaaaa#love you man
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look not to be a Jew about this but actually I do not like this at all and I feel pretty strongly that it is buying into some truly weird shit about Judaism, Yom Kippur, cultural ideas of sin & repentance, and also missing some big things about the inherent and unexamined cultural Christian-ness of this genre of gothic horror to begin with
as Kuzu said: "Heine would be appropriate for the 19th century gothic mood PRECISELY BECAUSE he lived in such an antisemitic artistic context that he converted to LUTHERANISM" lol
tbh it's giving Tracate Middoth vibes which is never a good thing
my view: Literally the ONLY possible way this could work without being an antisemitic film would be if it was about some hapless Jew who somehow wandered into a world where his own religious practices for some reason keep getting transformed into shit that reflects Christian understandings of sin and repentance and he keeps trying to be normal about making amends and reflecting on having wronged people but everything keeps getting warped and twisted into This Bullshit and he's like BRO I AM. I AM LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO DROP MY PEBBLES IN THE RIVER WHY IS EVERYTHING BLEEDING
this would of course be a horror comedy though.
#unrebloggable bc old post + i do not want to start fights but man#the description written here is like oh that. is bad actually and i hate it#thats not. a good idea.#im not saying he cant have really done bad stuff either in fact its funnier if he has#and is trying to reflect#and keeps getting impeded by LOUD GOTHIC CHRISTIANITY MOTIFS#btw if u reboogged this pls dont feel bad i am simply sharing my thoughts#and multiple ppl who i follow did and thats ok YOU'RE GOOD DONT WORRY
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i have a headache
#i've been stuck scrolling instagram for the past few days#i don't even like being on there#modern ig is so overstimulating everything is either a reel or a reel in disguise or an image post that inexplicably has audio#i kept making myself go on there because i wanted to find a way to make art friends or a community or w/e#and i thought if i had more of a presence and interacted more i'd eventually get people to like. talk to me and comment stuff ig. idk#but ughhhh#i don't think insta is a good platform for that cause it's either pictures with a short caption or the worst media format known to man#like. idk i wanted to find and follow and be friends with and be Cool Artists (don't ask me to define that)#but no artist on instagram is a Cool Artist because there's no goddamn text on there#like if it makes sense i wanna find people who talk About art as well#but not in an art Discourse way#which is another thing. even if instagram had more Talking it would still be shit because the mainstream 'art community' is insufferable#art tiktok is that on steroids#and instagram is is bootleg tiktok#the same five discourse topics jokes memes advice whatever the only difference is now they're circlejerking about ai too#i wanna be Casual and Spontaenous and Mysterious and shit but IG's layout makes me feel like i can't just post whatever#i feel this pressure to give my posts all the same format and add tags and do this and do that and have good Branding or w/e#and it's just ughhh why can't I be a famous enigma (<- doesn't make or share anything)#even on tumblr the pressure is the same#and at the same time i hate looking back on my art accounts (both ig and here) because it just. doesn't align with what i wanna do#like my attempts at categorising and tagging and being consistent#it's just so. yuck#i want to have a Good Brand but i also want to be 'real' but then i look back at my disjointed messy past work and i cringe#i think i need to block my irls from my art accounts bc i feel super embarassed trying to do any typical Get Noticed on Social Media thing#cause it feels embarassing being seen doing shit that's ''influencer-y'' (idk what to call it)#cause it feels out of character to how i actually am in real life#but also why i do want to show my ''real'' character? I'm not cool#and that's another thing I've had these accounts for ages#looking at my past posts makes me fuckign cringe#I want to purge them or start over
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No more side blog, we selfship on main like the weebs we are.
(Or at least, I do. technicallynonexistent is now, well and truly, nonexistent)
#it was kind of just a ghost blog at this point anyway#and idk man I just#part of me felt weird engaging with the wider community at all 'cause I'm so old#so I may occasionally reblog a thing that appears on my dash#heck knows I'll still make and share my own content#but by and large I'm just gonna do my own thing in that regard#like a solitary practicing witch but I'm a solitary practicing selfshipper#(well ok I'm also a solitary witch but that's neither here nor there)#(and I guess I'm not completely solitary 'cause there's The Circle aka the polycule of mine and my wife's Fate f/os)#(and like I've still got friends from the selfship community whomst I'll still engage with)#(I'm just too old to keep up with all the drama)#(so I do what I want)#the adventures of usagi the rambling blogger#also for those moots who don't wanna break moots but would still rather not see my selfship content#don't worry I am good about tagging stuff
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unnormal vivilly dweller thoughts in my head
#“I'm right next to you” are we about to kiss. are you trying to kiss me right neow#i hate the chase sequence part (corny and unoriginal) but everything else is so perfect#hEeEeLP MEeEeEE#i fuckign love vivilly anyway but i think the vivilly dweller is what Really did it fr me#SERIOUSLY THOUGJ WHAT THE FUCK#i would make a palpers dweller but i dont think my computer can with how shit it is rn#like i definitely will at some point (unless someone beats me to it) but i just can't rn 😭#i csnt wait for august viv face reveal guys!!!! YAY!!!! idc what he looks like he will always be so splinkoid#plus whatever characteristics he has i can kinda just add on to my design to him behind his mask#i color his skin as dark grey just for his mc skin but seeing his snapchat n stuff makes me wanna show him off as rhe eyeblinding man he is#or not! who knows . i have a tendency to do whatever#okay speakijg of his face reveal#i have something i want to explain to the wall#a part of me is hoping he isnt generic conventionally attractive guy 38495839488#the rest of me is neutral because idrc#the reason why is most likely because i would feel a deeper connection to him if we shared similar facial features#it's a good reason i think? but still weird to have because i shouldnt really care what he looks like at all#idk what to expect really but i guess i should be open minded abt it#I JUST. a lot of how i perceive him is through his mc character#that played a big part in how i grew to like him so much#but he ISN'T emo hoodie minecraft shyguy!!!#however i can still enjoy the 'persona' he has online. chill sarcastic insane funny blocky shyguy who does a little (A LOT OF) trolling#anyway back to what i was saying#hope bro isn't majestic as fuck irl#IF IT'S ANYTHING LIKE DREAM I'M GOING TO CRY#DREAM IS MAJESTIC AS FUCK I CANT EVEN WITH THAT MAN#i will be supportive anyway ofc because 1) i dont care even though i just proved that i do 2) i can separate persona from irl person 3)...U#IM SO NORMAL#also we're not goijg toctalkcabou t the dream thing. if youre my irl yoy didnt aee this (PLEASE DONT UNFRIEND ME OELASE#DONT LEAVE JUST FORGER Iなはoops didnt mean to type thatSAID THAT OKAY
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If I started posting art I make for different fandoms would anyone look at it or should I just keep drawing and giggling at it in that dark corner over there
#bandit’s words#I ask because people (probably) follow me for my hc art#so if I just spring art of some fish man I made on you you’d probably be pretty frightened right#but also this is my blog I can post whatever I want#I do this for free I should be able to post what I want when I want#I draw for myself but also I’d like to make stuff other people like too aye#I’m happy keeping it to myself ofc#giving myself content#but on the off chance that at least one other person would like it I should probably share it yeah?#(clearly this has been an internal debate for a minute)#I don’t mean to get yappy but I’m curious what people think#ultimately it’s my choice ofc#but I post stuff for other people just as much as I post it for myself#so I’d say it’d be fair if you got some say in it right#or is that stupid of me#uhhanyways#I realize this reads like I’m done with hc which is FAR from right#but I’ve been drawing other stuff a lot and I feel like someone would like it :-)#goodness this is an unintentional tag wall uhh#that’s about it though :D
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