#low blood cells.
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my blood is so shitty right now if this iron doesnt work in the next week im scared im gonna die.
#dils declares#low iron in my blood cells.#low blood cells.#and organ meat makes me want ti throw up. sobs.#edit to be clear its not the idea of eating it at least not anymore. i cannot stand the crumbly texture
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The options with the * are the ones I've already scanned, and all but the blorbo are sewing patterns (I've already shared the blorbo sewing pattern)
#I need to go back and check if I've actually shared that cat pattern#and the octopus pattern. I think I shared that? I do not remember#I seem to be doing better with the anemia tiredness#but then I had a stress-related flare up of my various health issues#handled the first one okay but the next day had a significantly worse stress#found out if I get stressed enough two days in a row while on long term steroids#I can crash really hard before it's time for my evening dose of steroids#I have learned better! I know now that if I start shaking badly and it's not low blood sugar it's 'take the next dose a little early' time#and I knew stress doses of steroids were a thing! I just though they were for physical stressors#despite me also knowing emotional stress can be an allergy trigger for me (yes I know that doesn't make sense)#(blame mast cell dysfunction)#it was only like an hour early and I have previously talked to my endocrinologist about stress doses#I just did not put two and two together lol#I'm okay now I'm just recovering and slowly hand quilting that baby quilt
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if it turns out that i’m unfit to donate blood i will actually lose it for good.
#it’s stupid but after going through the initial stages of preparing to give a stem cell donation#hyping myself up for over 3 months only to be told that i was not needed after all#my already low sense of self-worth took a pretty dramatic hit earlier this year#if i can’t even donate regular ass blood i will truly achieve worthless-on-every-level-including-physical#a lot of the requirements for donating don’t apply to me because i lead the most boring life imaginable#but i’m barely above the required minimum weight#and the constant fatigue could be anemia or it could be something entirely else that disqualifies me#also no medical professional has ever pointed out my self harm scars#but this seems like a situation where it could come up#i haven’t done anything in a while in part to fulfill the no-open-wounds-in-however-many-weeks criteria#but even if it’s not a hard exclusion criteria i might just die of shame if they ask about it#god i’m so fucking nervous…#going to an unfamiliar place for the first time and only having a vague idea of the procedure is nerve-wracking enough
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#just needed to vent for a sec but oh god am i tired of people#'friends' both irl and online got me fucked up lately#mental healths been in the shitter almost nonstop this year#familys always got me up the wall#i just feel like I'm constantly treading water and i am *tired*. like so fucking TIRED#it's never enough; it's too much; no not like that; but not that either; it's all wrong wRoNg WrOnG#ik im sleep deprived and possibly pms-y and that is most certainly not helping things rn but...#gods i see less and less of a reason to get out of bed and bother with anything ever again#wtf is the purpose#i can't keep friends to save my life bc im apparently a fuckin doormat and interesting as unflavored rice or smth#how hard is it to feel like you maybe sorta kinda matter and aren't an unlovable worthless piece of shit#years of therapy; trying meds; everything under the sun.... and nothing. lows and highs and dips of every kind and yet ..nothing#and maybe im just very much in my feelings rn and just yelling into the void.. but it hurts and im tired of pretending it doesn't.#i hate how hard it is to make friends as an adult especially irl. and how gossipy and cliquey and gross and mean ppl can be#of getting called childish and naive and boring for wanting to be a decent person and having interests outside of partying#(not attacking those traits but tired of getting attacked for *not* being 'fun' enough or 'social' enuf or 'sensitive' for having feelings)#enough*#i just want to go eat drywall and stand in the rain and let it help me pretend im not crying blood rn.#like every cell in my body isn't trying to spontaneously combust.#'it gets better' ..yeah? when. when i was 14? when i was 23? when im 37? when im 55? 82? WHEN.. bc im so sick and tired#and no this isn't me writing a final note or whatever it sounds like; i just wanted to word vomit bc ive never been good w sadness#and ive got such an overwhelming amount of it rn i can't even turn it into anger & spite & use that for productivity... i just want to rot#to lie down and be covered by plants as i sleep and just slowly fade into a cloud or smth like it's a ghibli movie or wtv.#im like shaking from how stupidly emotional i feel rn. the lack of empathy these days is fuckin astounding#common sense & empathy are lacking in absolutely droves these days. some days i hate the internet & tech for its irreparable damages sm#but here we are and here it shall remain. long after us; and *long* after us ..... *sigh*#anyway ima go try to take a nap or smth. I'll see ya when i see ya. take care my lovelies#if u read all this i prob owe you a cookie lol
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sneepy cozy....
#cats#(medical stuff mention for tags)#poasting confortable image of boye for peace and serenity and such forthe#I have little weird episodes sometimes where I get shaky (but like violently like 'would spill a drink if you were holding it beacuse#your hands are moving so much' type shaky) and weird and sick feeling but usually it passes in an hour or less. but last night I just#literally couldnt sleep I was shaking so much and my heartrate was up a ton and wouldn't go down even after like 6 hours plus super nausea#so I went to the hospital and now shall wear a heart monitor for a week. which hopefully it's just some weird drastic low blood sugar#event or something and there's nothing actually going on. ekg + ct scan for blod clots + virus panel + almost all of the blood work seems#normal so... aa.......#Though me being so privacy focused hrggh... I basically have a constantly bluetooth connected device around me#since the monitor comes with a cell phone that is constantly transmitting data to the place. which they said they'll call you#if they see anything weird which is also scary. random phone calls... but definitely better than letting an issue go unadressed lol#the phone is also not meant to be more than 10 feet away from the monitor at any time so I put on this old tactical fishing#vest thing thats like navy green with 100 pockets and im just using one of the giant pocketson the side as a phone holder#my enormous silly vest just to keep one little phone#ANYWAY... because I got up early the morning before and didn't sleep at all and spent nearly all day in waiting rooms and such#I have been awake for like 32 hours striaght. which I'm sure also does not help with an elevated heartrate lol#feeling shrimp emotions or whatever people talk about unlocking at a certain level of stress and sleep deprivation#and also no food or water. after a while they brought me like 3 saltines and some ice water but I basically also haven't eaten since 3am#last night and it's 2pm now..#thus............ bapy............. baby boye....... he will help ease all ailments with his baby powers...#And no I dont drink energy drinks or anything with caffiene really I'm afraid of all substances on the planet essentially#My body just likes to become shaky and weird randomly even when I'm not conciously anxious about anything/have had no caffiene/etc#and I guess I'm always more nervous about getting anything heart related checked out because of my arm/shoulder/chest area injury stuff#... i literally have constant chest pain all the time. it moves around but i nearly always have some sort of pain or pressure in my chest#so when people are like 'oh well a little weird heartrate is fine but watch out if you have pain!' it's like... i always do lol.. how am I#supposed to tell the Bad Pain apart from the Always Pain when the descriptions of Bad Pain are very very similar#AAAANYway.... hrghh... i wanted to be very productive and finally post drafts and wrok on things today. but alas..#I can at least post small image of soft boye.. though he recently got into stuff in the bathroom whilst left#alone and knocked things into the toilet.. So perhaps not an innocent and NICE boy.. but still.. a soft one .. beautfile....
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no ghosts in my blood. disappointing
#k talks#i was hoping that everything wrong with me was because of the Vitamin. you know#white blood cells are worryingly low tho :( as usual#imagine if that one doctor had like. treated me for steven’s johnson before it severely damaged my spleen instead of telling me it was mono#even though the test results for mono came back negative three times in a row#imagine. what kind of world would that be
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I wanna play with Legos right now :-[
#had a dream i built a crazy lego house for my people#we have a lot of legos at my parents house#maybe i should go home for spring break to play with them#also bc my mother is like dying#i mean. not terminal yet but shes now in hospital bc fever plus v low white blood cell count = no good#my parents were planning to visit this summer. will that happen now? who's to say#i dont think she can hike so like idk but a couple weeks ago it seemed like it would still happen#maybe that was before the secondary cancer diagnosis. i dont remember#ugh idk its expensive to fly out of here and i really need that time to do a lotta photosynthesis reading before my committee meeting#but i really wanna play with legos rn#unrelated
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Me to every doctor: I'm fine, I've never been finer, there is nothing wrong with me
My lab results: iron deficiency anaemia!
#well the labs didnt say that#the labs said that i have low haemoglobin red blood cell count and that i have increased platelets and low ferritin#and i dont need a doctor to confirm bc#ofc#i kind of hate that im weak ass pale woman who needs to go the seaside#i wang to be Strong!!!!
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9 Different Types of Magnesium and Their Benefits
#Why magnesium is important#All the cells in the human body need magnesium to function. An essential mineral#magnesium is a cofactor – a helper molecule – in hundreds of biochemical reactions. It performs many key roles#such as in energy production#supporting muscle and nerve function#and helping regulate blood sugar and blood pressure#to name just a few. Low magnesium levels are linked to a number of health issues#including type 2 diabetes#heart disease#mood disorders#and migraines.
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Motherfucker what is wrong with my blood this time?!?!
#Low white blood cell count#Fuck#Goddammit this better not be another leukemia scare#NGL I'm gonna be so fucking mad if it turns out I have celiac#Hopefully it's just the fact I've had to take multiple rounds of antibiotics over the past 12 months?#On the bright side my platelets are in normal range (thanks testosterone)
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had some blood work done today to check the levels of some stuff and i hope the results come back sooooon
#toast text posts#the appointment itself was rly fast#and they said ‘ok ur done’ so i just left#but now i’m anxious i should have stopped by the front desk on the way out#last time i got labs done it was just for a physical#but my white blood cell count was low????#so my doc wanted to check again after a few weeks#….and then i didn’t manage to make another appointment for a few Months#i feel like last time the results came pretty quick#i’ve also been taking vitamins/supplements again#so i hope my iron is better
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my first birthday disappointment was seeing my doctor and her saying there's nothing wrong with me even though my recent blood test says there's a lot wrong with me <3 i really need a new doctor who takes things seriously
#like my white blood cells were so low they were at 0 and she was like oh it just means they weren't being used when your blood was drawn#which means you weren't ill or having an allergic reaction#and i was like but i Was ill and reacting to pollen though#and i'm always ill like all the time#shouldn't a low white blood cell count be at least looked into? when i'm literally always tired and always sick?#and she was like babe you need to stop worrying#like i'm the least worried person you'll ever meet i would just like you to do your fucking job and at least attempt to understand#what's wrong with me#anyway. nothing new there :)
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diabetes tech is so annoying sometimes like dont get me wrong i love my dexcom & my tslim and im very very thankful that i have them and i understand its a privilege to have access to advanced medical technology
but a lot of the built-in “safeguards” are really annoying and frankly unnecessary for most adults. why is my ability to make my own medical decisions being infringed upon by the manufacturers of the devices that are supposed to be assisting us in our care? why can’t i override or change certain settings if i acknowledge the risk associated with that choice?
#why does dexcom put banners i have to swipe away on top of my maps while i drive even though i have it set to temporary banners only?#why does my tslim have an alarm i can’t turn off that overrides my vibrate setting that goes off every 5 minutes at an extremely loud volume#when my cartridge is empty?#im an adult if i determine it is not urgent to refill my cartridge i shouldnt be punished with alerts i cannot snooze for more than 5 mins.#all of my alerts are set to vibrate only. this one is apparently not affected by that setting. it goes off every 5 minutes.#my blood sugar has been low enough for the past hour that my basal would be automatically set to 0 if there was insulin in my pump 🙄🙄🙄#also its wasteful for me to change my cartridge before its empty? its expensive given the cost of insulin and pump supplies?#like i understand it’s probably to protect the company from liability and litigation if someone doesnt refill their cartridge and goes into#DKA and/or dies but as an adult i should at least have the option to snooze it for more than 5 minutes or have it set to vibrate only when#im not asleep or something?????#what if i have a work meeting and ran out of time to change it beforehand??? is my only option to turn off my pump completely until i can#refill it?#what if i was in an earthquake and my cell phone died and my reservoir was empty but i still wanted to use my pump as a dexcom reciever?#do i and everyone around me during an emergency just have to suffer?#what about school shootings. or any situation where someone needs to hide from a dangerous person?#its just inconsiderate of the REALITY of the fact that people with diabetes live real lives that dont 1000000% revolve exclusively around#their diabetes every minute of every day until we die#its condescending and paternalistic and frankly doesnt prevent harm from befalling us.
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Including pictures of blood and bone marrow for those interested
A Halloween cartoon for New Scientist
#hematopathology#work#blood#bone marrow#the blood is pretty severely low in white cells#these are different patients so don’t bother trying to diagnose#my thoughts
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im p sure i had another seizure last night, my head fucking HURTS
#but I can’t take my migraine painkillers a) bc I have work#b) bc I have a nice two punch of high liver activity and low white blood cells so tbh I shouldn’t even take aspirin#so I just get to live in pain and not really knowing wtf happened to me yesterday
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i just got my results from the blood work back and i am absolutely FUCKED bro 🙏🏻🙏🏻
#thayne yaps#neutral face :|#i have low hemoglobin low iron levels and high white blood cells what the flip 🙁🙁#i am so sick rn i feel so bad ermmm
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