#loveless aro feels

[aroworlds]

This is something of a sequel to my original essay on being loveless.

It's also a discussion of the ways love is wielded against allo-aros, the a-spec community's ongoing conflation of love and attraction, and the impact allosexual aromanticism has on my lovelessness.

Because too often, unfortunately, I see loveless aromantic identity communicated and celebrated so as to exclude me, and other allosexual aros, from it.

I hope that's something we can begin to change this Aro Week.

[zephyr-heart]

[infiniteorangethethird]

I don't know where this "if you don't feel love/empathy you're evil" idea comes from like if you can only be decent towards people if you love them/feel empathy towards them then I'm pretty sure I'm not the one mistreating more people of the two of us

[mossy-aro]

ultimately i think my insistence on aro positivity honestly is as much a political stance as a personal one.

when i say aro positivity is crucial and that i dislike doomer-ist posts that express sentiments like 'I hate being aro so much I wish I was dead instead’ it's not because I don’t think there can and should be a space for negativity and acknowledging self-hate, or the many ways being aromantic can really suck sometimes. i find that to be very important!

that being said. there is smth here about how self-hate posts are sometimes just arophobia that we inflict on ourselves. and when we put that out into the ether it (intentionally or not) can become arophobia that we inflict on other members of the community. i think there absolutely needs to be a place for negativity and the expression of anger and frustration and self loathing even - these are all good things to talk about because these are things that we experience. that being said, it can also be genuinely upsetting and triggering to people to have what is essentially arophobia shown to them and then have that be validated by other aspec people. your personal thoughts can affect your wider community on a level you may not anticipate. and i understand it i truly do! it took me so long to be able to recover from accepting being aroace - it threw my entire world off kilter and made me question everything about my place in the world.

but my insistence on aro joy and positivity is because ultimately i do believe that building is at the core essence of it all. that ultimately discussions and the purpose of community should be about construction, not destruction. and this is both a personal and a political stance. talking about how much you hate yourself and cultivating online discussions/spaces where negativity about aspec identity is the main and only theme is destructive - if that’s where we let the conversation end. these thoughts can and should be used as a vehicle to look for a path forward!

joy and positivity create a space where the focus can become on forging a path forward, on construction, on community building instead of tearing ourselves and others down with negative thoughts. it’s not productive or healthy when it stops at a place of negativity - it becomes actively destructive to the essence of community.

and i do think that this is especially poignant considering the fact that being any kind of queer, but especially aromantic (and/or asexual) means forging a path for yourself and making your own happiness where there is no obvious way forward. our communities exist mostly online (right now, anyway), there is little recognition of our existence in the real world, the effects of amatonormativity are both pervasive and actively dehumanising, and there are legal, economic and social structures in place actively making our lives more difficult. yes that all sucks! it’s good to acknowledge that. we need to in order to change it. but more importantly, that’s not the end. we are still here and our happiness, our future is for us to determine. even if we can’t change the laws or society, loving yourself and understanding aromanticism as a political identity (as well as personal), as a radical worldview, and as a protest against amatonormativity is essential for both community and personal well being. the personal is political.

tldr. i guess my point is that as a community, we should focus on building, improving, and nurturing ourselves and each other (construction) as opposed to destruction. we should recognise aromanticism and asexuality as political identities as well as personal ones and rely on community and self-love in the absence of anything else as a form of protest and political power. destruction (the recognition of everything that is wrong) is essential as a starting point - but where do we go from there? we rebuild.

[roses-are-repulsed]

You can be repulsed by QPRs btw. That's a valid form of repulsion. it doesn't matter if it's "not sexual or romantic tho!!!" because repulsion doesn't start and stop at only romance and sex.

Not every aspec has to like the idea of being in a QPR. being repulsed by QPRs is not an anti-QPR stance. it's just a kind of relationship that people can have a multitude of feelings on like any other.

[redysetdare]

Some of you people need to stop acting so shitty over aspec stereotypes because it's starting to get to a point that you are just shitting on the people who experiences match the stereotypes and it's hurting a lot more aspects than it's helping.

[purplereadingenthusiast]

I don’t think people realize how wonderful and freeing a loveless life can be. You can just vibe with yourself in your own little world without needing anyone else’s validation to make you feel happy

[lovelessrage]

An aroallo canon event is walking into a space designated as friendly and safe to "all of the aspectrum" [awesome, sounds good, I like being able to talk to people about issues that affect all of us] and realizing very quickly that you are not included in "all". It's the constant need to stick up for yourself in what is supposed to be a safe space that burns aroallos out of your community spaces. If you have a stark lack of aroallos in an all-inclusive zone, ask yourself if the environment is actually safe and welcoming, or if they are expected to constantly be their own advocate with no safety net. It's immensely common and underdiscussed.

Are you sticking up for the aroallos around you? Are you asking how you can be better? Are you expecting to rely on being "called out" rather than learning for yourself? Do you know what aroallophobia looks like? What sex negativity actually is? Please don't let aroallos fade away into the background of so many boundaries crossed and lines drawn that they have to go. We need bridges between the community now more than ever, and that means making it a two way street on each one.

[arowitharrows]

loveless aromanticism is like taking a look at societies concept of love and then unpacking it very thoroughly and carefully but just getting more and more frustrated with it so you end up shoving it all back in so you can throw away the entire suitcase.

[fun-k-boards]

'love is magical and everybody should experience it'

Pipe Bomb 🫶🫶

[aroworlds]

On the fourth day of Aro Week, I’m here for my fellow loveless aros: a collection post of my short stories with either loveless aromantic protagonists or protagonists whose experiences of attraction, closeness or connection aren’t contextualised with that overly-used four-letter word.

Because I am a loveless allo-aro, many stories contain allo-aro protagonists. Likewise, as a loveless allo-aro who generally considers myself non-partnering, many stories depict the experiences of non-partnering aromantics.

(“Non-partnering” and “loveless” are, of course, no more synonymous than “loveless” and “never experiences any shape of attraction”. I’ve just been writing the stories I want to read!)

Please check the content info section for more information about advisories, references and language use.

I have more themed fiction collection posts, including:

Aromantic-focused

Allo-aro protagonists

Autistic aromantic protagonists

Transgender and non-binary aromantic protagonists

Banner description beneath keep reading:

[Image description: a handdrawn illustration of a green meadow foreground with green and yellow pine trees growing against a mint-hued sky. Scene is overlaid with the grey gradient/green/light green/green/grey gradient stripes of the loveless aromantic pride flag. The text Aro Worlds Fiction sits across the image in a black, antique handdrawn type, separated by two ornate Victorian-style black dividers.]

[knifearo]

starting by saying that i think loveless aros are the coolest people ever. i think a lot about lovelessness and how it might apply to me and,,, well. to start. a few years ago it was not a word that fit because i felt at the time that i felt love in nonromantic ways. right now, though, my feelings are tied up a lot in semantics, and no matter how large my feelings might be and how similar they might be to what other people would categorize as love, i don't feel that i have access to the concept of love as society presents it. to me, love is a word/concept that is currently inextricable from the romantic aspect of things: not that all love is romantic, but that love is always expected to include romance as one of its forms. there are obviously many many ways to love someone but my aromanticism makes me feel as if my feelings for people aren't love as conceived of by society at large. so. in that way. i Don't feel love. which i think is what the technical definition of lovelessness is. the longer answer is to say that i don't believe in the societal construct of love but that gets me looks that are just as weird haha. anyway. no matter what lovelessness is awesome and i will always treasure loveless aros. keeping that word alongside me like a little companion for company and assistance in my times of need

[infiniteorangethethird]

the loveless tag has too much negativity in it for my taste so reply to this with the things you enjoy abt being loveless!

mine is the ability to define my emotions and actions however I damn please and not having to confine myself to the labels and tiny boxes society has created just to make other ppl feel more comfortable around me

[aromanticofficial]

should I feel like. luckier that I’m both apothiromantic and apothisexual and not like. something else ig. bc isn’t it like harder for people with a lot more wiggly sexualities to find love n shit. idk I just feel bad hearing people go “I hate being aro/ace/aroace finding a partner is so hard” knowing I’m having the time of my life being aroace (I know this is an aro blog and I mention ace/aroace things a bit here but hopefully that fine??)

no, i don't think so - the aromantic and asexual spectrums contain a broad range of identities and experiences and each one comes with unique struggles and, oftentimes, discrimination. feeling 'lucky' for being one identity over another does nothing but ultimately create division within a community, by suggesting that it's somehow easier to be aspec in certain ways than it is in others, and quite frankly the only place i can see that leading is exclusionism.

[aroacepagans]

Questions for religious aros:

Does your aromantic identity impact how you conceptualize agape/ holy and divine love?

Has the idea of divine love driven you away from certain spiritual practices?

Do you find the idea of divine love comforting when considering what it means to be loved/experience love as an aro person?

How does being a loveless aro impact your understanding of divine love?

How does being a lovequeer aro impact your understanding of divine love?

[redysetdare]

Fandoms can be so blatantly aphobic and the moment any aspec person points this out it's "stop ruining our fun!"

Fandom erasing an aspec character and it's "The character didn't have a canon sexuality" "People have different headcanons!" "let people have fun!"

Fandom ships an aro/aroace character and erasing their aromanticism and it's "some aro people date!" "it's actually a QPR (lie)" "You're homophobic!" "Who cares? let people have fun!" "It's not hurting anyone!!!" "You're just hating on my ship!!! you're starting ship discourse!!!" "It's just a ship it's not real!!!"

Fandom will purposefully make characters they dont like "Heartless" "Unlovable" "they dont feel love" and justify it with "They're awful and terrible and evil" and "no it's not aphobic! you're aphobic actually for assuming these are connected to aspec people at all uwu"

Fandom will create soulmate AUs and when aspec people express how aphobic those AUs tend to be they throw a fit and say "it's just fiction! it doesn't hurt anyone!" "Platonic soulmates exist!!!" "You're just a hater!!!"

it's always "Stop ruining OUR fun" ignoring the fact that the are actively hurting aspec communities by consistently pushing and normalizing aphobia and amatonormativity within fandom spaces. Because aphobia is their fun. They don't want us in their spaces unless we conform to their comforts.