#loveless aro feels

[aroworlds]

This is something of a sequel to my original essay on being loveless.

It's also a discussion of the ways love is wielded against allo-aros, the a-spec community's ongoing conflation of love and attraction, and the impact allosexual aromanticism has on my lovelessness.

Because too often, unfortunately, I see loveless aromantic identity communicated and celebrated so as to exclude me, and other allosexual aros, from it.

I hope that's something we can begin to change this Aro Week.

[zephyr-heart]

[infiniteorangethethird]

it's aro week so here's a quick reminder to all my fellow aros that you don't have to "make up" for being aromantic. You don't have to love your friends twice as much to "make up" for romantic attraction you don't have to have a wide family you don't have to find The One in a qpr instead. If those things are something you want, go for it! But you shouldn't have to feel forced to go into any relationship just to make your aromanticism more palatable to outsiders.

Aromanticism isn't a hole that you need to fill. Sure it's a lack of romantic attraction but it's not a lack of self. You're already full and complete, whether or not you have more or less love in other areas of life. Do what you feel is right for you, not what others expect of you.

[roses-are-repulsed]

You can be repulsed by QPRs btw. That's a valid form of repulsion. it doesn't matter if it's "not sexual or romantic tho!!!" because repulsion doesn't start and stop at only romance and sex.

Not every aspec has to like the idea of being in a QPR. being repulsed by QPRs is not an anti-QPR stance. it's just a kind of relationship that people can have a multitude of feelings on like any other.

[cosmicredcadet]

Some of you people need to stop acting so shitty over aspec stereotypes because it's starting to get to a point that you are just shitting on the people who experiences match the stereotypes and it's hurting a lot more aspects than it's helping.

[purplereadingenthusiast]

I don’t think people realize how wonderful and freeing a loveless life can be. You can just vibe with yourself in your own little world without needing anyone else’s validation to make you feel happy

[lovelessrage]

An aroallo canon event is walking into a space designated as friendly and safe to "all of the aspectrum" [awesome, sounds good, I like being able to talk to people about issues that affect all of us] and realizing very quickly that you are not included in "all". It's the constant need to stick up for yourself in what is supposed to be a safe space that burns aroallos out of your community spaces. If you have a stark lack of aroallos in an all-inclusive zone, ask yourself if the environment is actually safe and welcoming, or if they are expected to constantly be their own advocate with no safety net. It's immensely common and underdiscussed.

Are you sticking up for the aroallos around you? Are you asking how you can be better? Are you expecting to rely on being "called out" rather than learning for yourself? Do you know what aroallophobia looks like? What sex negativity actually is? Please don't let aroallos fade away into the background of so many boundaries crossed and lines drawn that they have to go. We need bridges between the community now more than ever, and that means making it a two way street on each one.

[flora-tea]

Not feeling love is not a moral failing.

No matter how your feelings work, you matter!!

⋆ ˚｡ This is a shoutout to loveless aros! You are appreciated! ˚｡ ⋆

[arowitharrows]

loveless aromanticism is like taking a look at societies concept of love and then unpacking it very thoroughly and carefully but just getting more and more frustrated with it so you end up shoving it all back in so you can throw away the entire suitcase.

[infiniteorangethethird]

I don't know where this "if you don't feel love/empathy you're evil" idea comes from like if you can only be decent towards people if you love them/feel empathy towards them then I'm pretty sure I'm not the one mistreating more people of the two of us

[fun-k-boards]

'love is magical and everybody should experience it'

Pipe Bomb 🫶🫶

[papercranesandpride]

Begging my fellow aros to realize that "x kind of love is so much better and more special than romantic love" is not actually fixing any of the problems with amatonormativity. That's just replacing one hierarchy for another. And you're screwing over atertiary alloromantics by saying that their preferred kind of relationship is lesser. You know, that thing alloromantics do to you all the time and you hate.

And of course God forbid anyone just doesn't do that whole love thing at all. We can't have that. Even if you're aro, love and relationships must be the most important thing.

[knifearo]

starting by saying that i think loveless aros are the coolest people ever. i think a lot about lovelessness and how it might apply to me and,,, well. to start. a few years ago it was not a word that fit because i felt at the time that i felt love in nonromantic ways. right now, though, my feelings are tied up a lot in semantics, and no matter how large my feelings might be and how similar they might be to what other people would categorize as love, i don't feel that i have access to the concept of love as society presents it. to me, love is a word/concept that is currently inextricable from the romantic aspect of things: not that all love is romantic, but that love is always expected to include romance as one of its forms. there are obviously many many ways to love someone but my aromanticism makes me feel as if my feelings for people aren't love as conceived of by society at large. so. in that way. i Don't feel love. which i think is what the technical definition of lovelessness is. the longer answer is to say that i don't believe in the societal construct of love but that gets me looks that are just as weird haha. anyway. no matter what lovelessness is awesome and i will always treasure loveless aros. keeping that word alongside me like a little companion for company and assistance in my times of need

[our-alterous-experience]

i love being explicitly alterous. I love keeping convential attraction I don’t feel textually out of the conversation. I love seeing loveless aros explicitly reject love. I love seeing asexuals deliberately represent their separations from their feelings and what they wish to do with themselves. I love writing out what everyone has assumed of us for so long. There is soooo many ways allonormativity gets pressed on in culture but there are so many ways it has exceeded that as well. I love people talking about this non sexual attraction driven sex life. I love aros talking about their non romantic love life. I love the fucking spectrum of different ways we find being most comfortable for ourselves that is different than what many people have assumed or judged for even passively. Friends, family, strangers, they go out of their way to say weird stuff about these experiences or labels or life choices sometimes and they don’t even know people are living full lives. I love seeing even a fraction of a look into those full lives. Because honestly, not everyone needs to know or hear the labels that fit me in order for me to explain my experience and have it be something that works for me. And I love every single person in the queer community that is able to find themselves through these things in queer subcultures. It’s existed within many trans, lesbian, and gay spaces as well, and it’s one of my favorite things about the larger lgbtqia+ model. lesbians talking about specifically lesbian love. trans people talking about t4t love. same with many others. there are big umbrella terms that fit within have many of these labels. It’s beautiful, it’s individual, and it’s what so much of our modern history has been built on. Going outside the norm, conforming to our hearts instead of with being told it isn’t natural. It is. It really is.

[cosmicredcadet]

Fandoms can be so blatantly aphobic and the moment any aspec person points this out it's "stop ruining our fun!"

Fandom erasing an aspec character and it's "The character didn't have a canon sexuality" "People have different headcanons!" "let people have fun!"

Fandom ships an aro/aroace character and erasing their aromanticism and it's "some aro people date!" "it's actually a QPR (lie)" "You're homophobic!" "Who cares? let people have fun!" "It's not hurting anyone!!!" "You're just hating on my ship!!! you're starting ship discourse!!!" "It's just a ship it's not real!!!"

Fandom will purposefully make characters they dont like "Heartless" "Unlovable" "they dont feel love" and justify it with "They're awful and terrible and evil" and "no it's not aphobic! you're aphobic actually for assuming these are connected to aspec people at all uwu"

Fandom will create soulmate AUs and when aspec people express how aphobic those AUs tend to be they throw a fit and say "it's just fiction! it doesn't hurt anyone!" "Platonic soulmates exist!!!" "You're just a hater!!!"

it's always "Stop ruining OUR fun" ignoring the fact that the are actively hurting aspec communities by consistently pushing and normalizing aphobia and amatonormativity within fandom spaces. Because aphobia is their fun. They don't want us in their spaces unless we conform to their comforts.

[aroacepagans]

Questions for religious aros:

Does your aromantic identity impact how you conceptualize agape/ holy and divine love?

Has the idea of divine love driven you away from certain spiritual practices?

Do you find the idea of divine love comforting when considering what it means to be loved/experience love as an aro person?

How does being a loveless aro impact your understanding of divine love?

How does being a lovequeer aro impact your understanding of divine love?