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obsessedwhyyes · 17 days

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A Sound Hypothesis

Summary: Inexperienced in the ways of love, you often find yourself labelled an overthinker. But then again, you are a scientist. When your incredibly beautiful travelling companion proposes a night you'll never forget, suddenly you're left wondering, are you really ready for this? Ever the scientist, you propose an experiment, and get more than you bargained for.

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4762 Pairing: Astarion x Fem!Reader Content: Act 1, smut with plot, inexperienced nerd reader, making out, oral sex (giving and receiving), hand job, cock worship, blowjob and handjob instruction (ie. Astarion teaches you how to pleasure him).

A/N: Can't believe this got to nearly 5k words, good lord. Actual smut comes in half way through, but it's still rather spicy before then. Also, writing handjobs is hard.

The events of the night prior felt like a dream, yet you remembered each moment vividly.

“I’m beginning to like the whole package, honestly,” he had purred, “and you clearly like me too, so I was thinking…”

You looked into his eyes as he gazed confidently, hungrily into yours. There was only him in this moment. Well, him and the quickened pulse of your heart pounding in your ears. You were certain he could hear it.

“We could take an evening to ourselves. Get to know each other a little more intimately.”

But you were struck with a hit of nerves then. You had lived a sheltered life before your abduction. A wizard and a scholar, your pursuits had been in the sciences and that of perfecting your craft, rather than in stolen moments of lust with beautiful strangers. Not to say you hadn’t experienced a few stolen kisses, however. But to give oneself entirely to another - that was a very different, much more intimidating affair. Yet there was no denying the spark that flickered between the two of you as you spent your days and evenings together, and that spark ignited a growing ache within you that lingered each night you retreated to your bedroll.

“I want to, Astarion. Gods, I really want to, but I’m…”

You hesitated and tore your eyes from him; fiddled with your fingers for a moment.

“You’ve never done this before,” he finished, causing you to look up suddenly from your busying hands.

“I had my suspicions. I’d have already bedded you twice over otherwise.”

You could only laugh, not only at the sheer audacity of his remark, but because of course he knew. Gods, he could probably smell the inexperience on you from a mile away.

“It’s your decision, of course. Should you wish to keep things light between us, we’ll end our evenings together as friends. If you decide you want a little more, however–”

He stepped closer to you - close enough to feel his cool breath on your skin and smell the freshness of his cologne.

“I’ll give you a night you’ll never forget.”

He brushed a strand of hair from your face, his hand lingering delicately where your neck meets the line of your jaw. He was playing you like a fiddle, and you knew it. But gods, if his tune wasn’t a siren’s song in the night. You wanted nothing more than to dance to it.

And then he kissed you.

Gods, the way he kissed you.

There was need, yes; a hunger not unknown to you even in your limited experience. But it was a hunger wrapped in a velvet blanket of familiarity, as though he had known your lips as long as his own. He was certainly skilled, there was no denying that.

The chill of the night air felt like a splash of cold water to your senses once his lips left yours, and you found yourself mourning the loss of his touch.

“Think about it,” he had said that night, before retreating back to his tent.

–

And here you are, wrapped in your bedroll, thinking about it. Ceaselessly.

About his voice, laced with the sweetest honey, speaking promises of nights wanton and dripping with ecstasy. About his smile, teasing and rakish, and the feel of his lips against yours which you missed like home.

You think about the times you let him feed from you; the gentle way he held you, one hand cradling your head. The soft, pleasured noises that would rumble from his chest as he grazed over the soft flesh of your throat - and sunk his teeth into it. Then, greedy, he would begin to pull you close, your chest flush against his own. Every time he fed, it was as though the gates holding back the flood of every primal vampiric instinct within him were unleashed at the taste of you; the ambrosia that is your life essence which you willingly gift to him. And every time he fed, before you reached the point of no return, you would break him out of his trance - a simple series of taps on his shoulder - and he would release you from his predatorial embrace.

It was in those moments, you would see the look in his eyes: ravenous, pupils blown, boring down into you as you lay there beneath him, vulnerable. Your gazes would linger and gods, how you imagined what it would feel like to be entangled with him; for him to take his pleasure from you.

No, you tell yourself. This has been going so fast. Your time together has been so short in the grand scheme of things yet, with the threat of ceremorphosis looming over you, your time on this mortal plane may be fleeting. One might argue that now is surely the time to experience that which you have not… isn’t it?

But what if this isn’t what you actually want and this aching need within you is simply a manifestation of the stress your increasingly bizarre situation has brought you? It is not unknown for one to develop bouts of hypersexuality in times of stress, or so you have read in books detailing such occurrences.

Suddenly, an idea presents itself. A scientist such as yourself requires a chance to gather all available evidence before coming to a conclusion. A little experimentation, perhaps. Then, you’ll know for certain if your attraction runs deeper than you give your body credit for. Your honed mind will not be governed by a set of primitive bodily urges - you’re better than that. You won’t allow it.

For now, sleep beckons. Tomorrow, you shall put your idea into practice.

–

The next day passes as swiftly as you had hoped. You’re eager to welcome the night. You and your companions had seemingly settled into a predictable routine when it came to your evening endeavours: your fellow wizard and friendly rival, Gale, would slave over the cook pot with the limited items you had procured over your journey, while the Blade of Frontiers himself regaled your group with stories of his adventures, punctuated with commentary from your remaining companions, ranging from crude to complimentary. Food would be eaten and domestic duties fulfilled, after which, everyone would begin their journeys to their bedrolls. Well, everyone bar you and Astarion. As the resident elves, you require far less rest than that of your travelling companions. It was in these moments, where the camp lay dormant and the two of you sit against a fallen log by the campfire, that you had developed something resembling a rapport with Astarion. You have become rather fond of your night time talks.

Tonight, however, you have plans beyond repartee.

You feel emboldened by your plan. Where before, you were thrown into territory unknown, unprepared and anxious, now you have the comfort of scientific method on your side. You know exactly what to say - you’ve thought of every possibility after all.

Sitting side-by-side, you turn to him, determined.

“I was thinking about your little proposition last night.”

“Were you now?” Astarion replies with a smirk on his lips and a gleam in his eyes.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself just yet. I always imagined that the first time I, um…”

“Did the horizontal dance with an esteemed companion? Engaged in amorous congress? Fucked?”

“Had sex,” you quickly correct, halting his attempts to fluster you further. “I always imagined the first time I had sex would be under slightly less unusual circumstances. We’ve been under nothing but stress ever since we got off that damned Nautiloid. I can’t tell if this desire I’m feeling is because I truly want to spend the night with you, or because my body just wants a distraction.”

“Is that such a bad thing? We’ve worms in our brains and danger is lurking around every corner. Our time is short, darling. If I can provide our dear leader a little respite in these tumultuous times; offer up my services in her time of need, that sounds like time well spent, does it not?”

He shuffles closer to you, resting his arm behind you on the log which you both lean against.

“Besides,” he continues, his voice low and close to your ear, “you’ve been so good to me, offering up your neck for me to savour. It’s only fitting that I offer you a little distraction in return.”

“I don’t want to just… use you as a distraction, Astarion. Gods, I offered you my blood because I wanted to help you, not because I expected a favour.”

For a fleeting moment, his expression shifts. And just as quickly, his smirk returns, embodying a practised sultriness that has surely wrapped many a soul around his fingers.

“No,” you continue, “if I have sex, it will be because it’s something I truly want to do; that I’m ready for. Not just a fanciful distraction. I hope you feel the same.”

That expression again, barely noticeable. You can’t quite decipher it.

“So, darling,” he purrs, “what do you suggest?”

“I was wondering if I could kiss you.”

“Ha! Can’t get enough, eh?”

“I just think that, with a little more evidence, I might be able to see if this is something I’m truly ready for; to discern whether this desire is real, or simply a physical response to this gods-awful situation we find ourselves in.”

He laughs, seemingly amused by your reasoning, and your heart flutters at the sound. Unexpected.

“Gods, are you always such an overthinker?”

“I just think it would help me come to a decision.”

“Is that what this is then? Your little experiment?”

“I’m nothing if not a scientist,” you tease back.

“Alright, my dear. Your terms are acceptable. A kiss, for scientific reasons, of course.”

Of course, you say to yourself. That… is what this is, isn’t it? Simple evidence gathering?

You have no time to consider this as Astarion places a finger under your chin, lifting your gaze fully to his, and suddenly, you hear your pulse pounding loudly in your ears once more. Gods, his eyes are beautiful.

An easy smile, a tilt of his head, and he presses his lips to yours, delicate and familiar. He’s gentle, at first: his lips linger on yours a moment before kissing you again, a tender sensation. As you close your eyes and immerse yourself in the feeling, the world around you quietens. No longer do you hear the crackling of the fire as it dies, the chirps of insects, or the rustle of leaves in the breeze.

At this moment, all you know is him.

You succumb to the coolness of his touch, the smoothness of his skin, the freshness of his scent - sensations so overwhelming that your body responds of its own accord, letting free a soft moan into his mouth.

As though in response, Astarion’s hand lowers from your cheek and trails from your neck, your shoulder, to your waist, as though committing each dip of your body to memory, before pulling you closer to him. Your hands, in return, plant themselves against his chest. His body feels hard and angular against the softness of your own.

As his tongue seeks permission to dance with yours, there is a hunger; a fieriness that threatens to engulf you. The kiss deepens, and you realise with a start that your legs have entangled themselves with his.

Pull yourself together, your mind screams. You’re meant to be in control of your body, not the other way around.

Or so you think, when suddenly, Astarion’s hand moves to your arse - the cheeky sod - and he skillfully, seamlessly rolls you onto his lap, taking advantage of your entangled legs, purposefully positioning you so that you’re straddling him.

Shit.

You gasp. You had forgotten to breathe. He notices and, gods, the smug look on his face. He knows he’s taken you off guard, and worse still…

He knows the effect he’s having on you.

The wall you had carefully constructed between your mind and body begins to collapse, brick by brick. As you kiss, the final fragments fall away, and everything that was once separated threatens to come together in a powerful, unified surge of desire if not for the final threads of your self-restraint.

His body desires this as much as yours, it would seem. As you straddle him, his hands caressing you as they drag up and down your back, you notice a distinct hardness digging into you, oh so close to your core. It takes more willpower than you’ve ever known to not grind into that hardness, seeking the release which you ache for. You are a tautly drawn bow, the tension between your mental focus and physical yearning almost unbearable.

Noticing how stiff you become, Astarion retreats from your lips, tilting his head in playful curiosity.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, darling?”

“I… I…” You barely recognise your own voice as it strains to come out of you.

The bowstring snaps.

You yield.

Your mind and body merge into a mess of lust and desire, and you kiss him hard and greedily. He returns the enthusiasm in kind, releasing a groan into your mouth as he does so. You want this. You want him.

Astarion pulls himself from your lips and turns his attentions to your neck, leaving a trail of kisses where, other nights, he had sunk his fangs. As he does so, you hear his voice, husky in lust.

“You know, if you still need a little more “experimentation,” I have a couple more ideas for you…”

His voice gives you goosebumps.

“... I’m particularly skilled with my tongue, after all.”

You nod.

“Your tent or mine?”

–

As you’re pushed against the bedroll within the privacy of your tent, you’re overwhelmed by a desire to feel every inch of Astarion’s cool, hard body on yours. It was such a primal need, to be enveloped by him; an urge beyond anything you’ve experienced, causing you to wrap your arms greedily behind his neck as you kiss each other, pulling him closer, but never close enough. His hips grind against you slowly, deliberately, granting you a brief, delicious friction which sends shivers up your body and fuels the incredible ache between your legs.

Astarion sits back up on his knees, admiring the mess of you, a smile on his pretty lips. You can only imagine the state you must be in: hair wild, eyes wide and hungry, clothes dishevelled. But your appearance is a distant notion in the back of your mind as Astarion lifts the hem of your skirt and removes your undergarments, sopping wet from your arousal.

You feel vulnerable, exposed to him like this, your desire on full display in front of the very man who you spent nights dreaming about. While his lustful gaze lights a flush of red across your cheeks, it doesn’t cause you to recoil; instead, you find yourself emboldened as he lowers himself between your legs, holding your gaze with eyes hungry and hooded.

He drags his lips up your thighs, leaving kisses so teasing that brings forth the neediest of sounds from your chest. When he reaches your core, he slides a tongue up the slit of you, agonisingly slowly, painfully gently.

Head rolling back, you anticipate the feeling of his tongue within you, but then…

He diverts his attention back to your thighs.

Bastard.

“Astarion..!”

“Eager little pup, aren’t you? Don’t you worry, darling - you’ll get what you desire. Once I have my fun with you, of course.”

He shifts, propping your legs over his shoulders as he grants you an audacious glance and grazes his tongue over you once more, sending a wave of tingles radiating across your body.

You begin to pout at his teasing action, and–

His tongue enters you.

He glides it firmly from your entrance to your clit, lapping you up in one motion, releasing the most wondrous groan, as though the nectar of your arousal is sweeter than any honey.

And so, like a man starved, he devours you, gauging quickly the sensations you prefer, alternating skillfully between firm strokes of his tongue, and the most teasing of flickers across your clit.

Your back arches, and you can do nothing but grasp at the edges of your bedroll as he works at you, leaving you in a state so blissful that you don’t notice the wanton sounds being cried from your lips.

“Easy, love,” he purrs, the loss of his tongue against you causing you to whimper. “As much as I enjoy hearing those delectable sounds of yours, let’s not wake the others, hm?”

You can only cover your mouth with your hands in a feeble attempt to hush yourself as he continues his ministrations. As your eyes meet and the pleasant ache in your core begins to swell into an all-encompassing warmth across your body, you wonder if this is what it feels to be revered as a deity would, your every sensation treated with the kind of awe that only a god might know.

It is when he enters you with his fingers - first one, then two, thrusting in rhythm with his tongue - that the warmth, now an inferno, reaches its peak. It surges through you like a divine crescendo, each wave of your climax a new blessing that floods your senses with a celestial rapture, singing his name like the sweetest hymn.

He caresses your thighs as he brings you down slowly from your high, grounding you.

As you return once again to this mortal plane, the lingering euphoria elicits a fit of giggles from you.

“Well,” Astarion smiles in return, removing himself from the home he has made between your legs, “you certainly seemed to enjoy yourself.”

“I did. I really did. Thank you.”

As you both sit yourselves upright once more, he presses another kiss to your lips. You taste yourself on him.

“I hope our little experiment was very informative for you,” he says with a wink. His words are teasing, but spoken with a gentleness that surprises you.

The truth is, you do have one more idea.

“Can I, um… Can I do the same for you?”

“What?” He says a little too quickly. Noticing this, he brushes his hair back with his hand to a more presentable condition, regains his composure, and continues. “I mean, you don’t have to. To see you squirm under my touch, that’s pleasure enough for me.”

“I want to make you feel good too.”

“You want to?”

That same indecipherable expression. A man with as many notches on his bedpost as he claims must have had some less than favourable conquests every now and then… Perhaps he’s had some bad experiences when receiving too? You suddenly find yourself cursing your lack of experience in these matters. You’re not exactly brimming with social expertise either.

“I probably won’t be the best - not as good as you - but I want to try. I always find that the best way to develop one’s skills is to practise under the guidance of a trusted expert. So… could you teach me how to make you feel good?”

Your gazes linger for a moment as he seems to assess your resolve.

Seemingly satisfied, he smirks, a well-practised aura of sultriness fitting back into place once more. All traces of that mysterious expression dissipate before your eyes.

“Well, darling, if you’re so eager to please me, who am I to stop you?”

You slide up to sit next to him as he begins to unlace his trousers, and suddenly you find yourself unsure of where to look. You’ve a scholar’s knowledge of the physical form; men’s anatomy is no stranger to you from an analytical perspective. And yes, you’ve fantasised about Astarion’s… parts before, as much as you have tried to deceive yourself into believing it was nothing more than a passing, intrusive thought. Yet, now that you’re here, about to perform the most intimate of acts to your beautiful travelling companion for the first time, you become bashful. You can’t quite believe the situation you’ve gotten yourself into tonight.

Yet, as he lowers his trousers and underwear to his thighs, revealing himself to you, all thoughts of bashfulness, of anxiety, cease to be for a moment.

“Hells, Astarion.” You look upon his hardened member with disbelief, measuring its girth against your arm. “How is that going to fit inside me, exactly?”

A slip of the tongue.

He grins, very pleased with himself. “Getting ahead of ourselves, are we?”

… And there returns that familiar flush of heat to your cheeks. Shit.

His chuckling lets you know that he has, in fact, noticed your embarrassment.

Seeking to swiftly change the subject to the much more pressing matter at hand, you ask, “can I touch you?”

In wordless agreement, Astarion guides your hand to his cock, which glistens slightly from the beads of precum elicited from the head. As you hold it, his hand remains over yours, coaxing you to move up and down the shaft.

His cock isn’t warm as you would imagine a regular man’s to be, owing to his vampiric nature, but you note its hardness; the way it pulses beneath your touch; the way his foreskin glides over the head so seamlessly. You squeeze him, fascinated.

“Gently, love. Like this.” He demonstrates by applying a light pressure to your hand and twisting ever so slightly as you both reach the tip, then loosening his grip as he slides you back down his length. You repeat the motion, tentatively. Gods, you hope you're doing this right. He made you feel incredible. You want him to feel incredible too. But oh, what if you hurt him, what if you–

“A-ah…”

The softest sigh of pleasure from your companion interrupts your thoughts. It sends wonderful shivers throughout your body. You find yourself eager to coax more of those little sounds from him.

A newfound confidence flares within you, and you gradually increase your pace, up and down and up and down the shaft, squeezing and twisting lightly as your beautiful instructor taught. In a sudden bout of curiosity, you glide your thumb over the head on your way back down and–

“Ah!”

There it is again. That most delicious sound.

“Exactly like that, darling. Exactly like that.”

He removes his hand from yours as you continue to pump him - you are a fast learner, it would seem - and moves it to reach your cheek, turning you to face him. As he leans his forehead against yours, you notice his breathing has become heavier, just ever so slightly. Instinctively, your breathing begins to match his, and you feel an intensity in the air that gives you goosebumps. Then he kisses you, and it is hungry. Ravenous. Greedy. His hand moves from your cheek to the back of your head, gripping your hair lightly, pressing your lips firmly against his.

As you continue to pleasure him, you find yourself becoming greedy too.

You want to taste him.

Between gasps for air, you ask him, “can I use my mouth on you? The way you did for me?”

“Mmhm,” he says into your kiss. It feels almost a shame to remove yourself from his lips, but you have greater plans yet.

You both reposition yourselves. He turns to lie himself back on the bedroll, and you crawl down his body to position yourself between his legs. So close to his cock, you find yourself admiring it, taking in every detail: the thick vein on the underside of the shaft, the way the head throbs a colour darker than the rest, eager for release.

You're overwhelmed with a primal desire - a need - to please, to give.

To worship.

“Gods, it's beautiful,” you think aloud.

“I know,” he remarks confidently in return. You roll your eyes at his arrogance, but in this moment, in your eyes, even you can't deny that his cock is perfection. Your mouth waters at what is to come.

You hold his member delicately, like a jewel most precious, planting kisses up his length. A soft sound escapes from Astarion’s lips and suddenly you are emboldened, determined to gift him with bliss as he had gifted you. To do so, however, you would need a little instruction.

“Tell me how to please you,” you plead, and you feel him twitch at your words.

“You are eager,” he purrs, propping himself up with his hands to gaze down at you. You notice a shiver and a sigh, ever so slight, when you trail a line of wetness from base to tip with your tongue.

“In that case,” he continues, brushing a strand of hair from your face, granting him a better view of you, “lick your lips and hold it at the base. Then I want you to get to know it a little, so to speak. Use your mouth around the head and start slowly - there's no point in rushing in, eh?”

You obey, shaking off the lingering feelings of bashfulness at the directness of his words, and wrap your lips around him. Out of curiosity, you swirl a flattened tongue around the head and gods, his skin is so smooth, still slightly salty from precum. His cock twitches and you hear him gasp above you - he’s especially sensitive there, it would seem.

Where are his other sensitive spots, you wonder.

Time to experiment. You are nothing if not a scientist.

You bob your head and relax your jaw to the best of your abilities, taking in just a little bit more of him each time your mouth glides up and down, keeping your tongue flat against him to flick against the sensitive tip each time you glide back up the length. The sounds he makes - oh, those sounds. His moans are like velvet, a soft, deep timbre that caresses your senses and makes your loins ache once more. Every murmur seeps into your being, igniting your senses and fuelling your need to explore every inch of him. You continue your journey down and down his length, savouring the taste and the texture and–

You gag as his cock touches your throat.

Astarion recomposes himself. “Easy, darling. Use your hand where your mouth can’t reach.”

“Like this?” Your hand pumps the shaft in rhythm with the motions of your mouth and tongue, and Astarion’s head rolls back for a moment.

“Like that,” he exhales heavily, “and suck gently.”

There’s a certain sense of empowerment, unravelling him like this. You relish in every moan that escapes his lips, every twitch and pulse of his cock as you attend to him. The lewd, wet sounds emitted as your hollowed cheeks suck his length. His hand finds its way to your hair, fingers weaving through the strands with a gentle authority, pushing you hard enough to guide you to an ever-quickening rhythm, but gentle enough not to force himself down your throat.

“Use your other hand,” he says between breaths, “hold the balls softly.”

You do as he says, giving them the gentlest of squeezes as you attend to him, and his breaths grow deeper, uneven. You sense the rising tension in him, a tide gathering strength beneath the surface.

He gives one final instruction.

“Look at me.”

Your eyes meet with a stormy intensity and, as you pump up and down with your lips and fingers at a dizzying pace, the intensity seems to surge through him with the force of an ocean swell, powerful and all-encompassing.

With a tremor and a groan so delicious that you find yourself moaning instinctively in response, his cum fills your mouth. Your eyes water, taken by surprise by the force of his release, but you do your best to swallow each wave, releasing him with a wet pop as his climax subsides.

Some moments pass and, in the afterglow, the tent is filled with a comfortable, profound stillness, and only the sounds of heavy breathing - yours and his - as you both return to your senses.

“Did you just..?” He asks, breaking the silence.

“I did,” you reply with a grin, showing him your tongue to reveal that not a drop went to waste.

He laughs warmly, and your heart flutters.

“You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” He kisses you deeply as he sits up, seemingly undeterred by the taste of himself.

“I think I’ve gathered enough evidence to consider your proposition,” you say teasingly.

“Tomorrow night then, darling?”

Bastard.

But yes, you think to yourself. Tomorrow night. You’re ready.

Masterlist can be found here.

#astarion x reader #astarion x tav #astarion smut #astarion fanfiction #bg3 fanfiction #astarion ancunin #baldur's gate 3 fanfiction

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onlyswan · 9 months

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summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.

idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k

playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers

content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(

in which masterlist!

note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺

—

the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.

with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.

he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.

“what?”

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”

jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?

it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.

he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.

“is there anything else you want to eat?”

you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.

a kiss is granted to your forehead.

when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.

“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.

you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.

jungkook thinks you’re so cool.

you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.

you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.

there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.

his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.

because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.

“juwon?”

the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.

and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.

the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.

the slap thins out into a ringing noise.

“are you insane?!”

it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.

it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.

“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”

you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”

“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”

“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”

he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”

the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.

“jungkook!”

before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.

your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?

“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”

“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”

“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.

“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”

your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.

“stop it! you’re scaring me!”

that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.

“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.

“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”

he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…

“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”

he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.

“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”

your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.

“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”

and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.

you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?

“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.

but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”

“dude, how are you still speaking?!”

it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.

“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”

—

jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.

and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.

“baby, let’s go back.”

he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.

“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”

“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”

his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.

“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”

“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”

“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”

that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.

“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”

oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.

jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.

“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”

“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“

he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.

so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.

he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.

“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”

you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.

ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.

“get in, ____.”

and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.

you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?

you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change.

—

“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.

“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”

“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”

“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”

you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.

you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.

“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”

“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.

“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”

for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.

“a sofa?”

“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.

he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”

“quiet!”

he winces. “sorry, hyung!”

—

you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.

“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.

“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”

“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”

your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.

“he’s not worth it.”

“you are to me.” he declares.

it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.

“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”

he gazes at you with longing.

you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.

“are we really not going to talk about this?”

“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”

“baby…”

“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”

foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.

“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”

—

jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.

he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?

wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.

shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.

he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.

“you loved me too. once.”

however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.

and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.

—

you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.

you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.

“yah! why are doing just standing there?”

the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.

“i told you to stop doing that!”

jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.

“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”

“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”

that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.

the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.

“what happened to your face?”

fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.

“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.

“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”

“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”

your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.

“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”

“it’s for jungkook,” you add.

“doesn’t he have that?”

“it’s not here,”

your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.

“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.

he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”

“anywhere else?”

“nope!”

“sooo, do you have it or not?”

“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”

he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.

“thank you!”

“you’re welcome!”

—

despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.

a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.

how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.

stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.

you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.

you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?

you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.

“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”

“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”

“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”

you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.

“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”

it does hurt.

“thank you…” you reply shyly.

you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.

—

“baby, where did you go?”

jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.

he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.

“nowhere,”

you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.

his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.

a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.

he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.

your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.

for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”

“let’s go,”

he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.

“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”

“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

—

eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.

you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.

the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.

no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.

you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?

…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.

you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.

“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”

incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.

“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”

you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.

echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.

—

it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.

jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.

you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.

“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”

“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend’s too pretty.”

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”

“did you box again?”

the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.

“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”

he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”

“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”

you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.

you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.

you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.

“why are you trying so hard?”

your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.

jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.

“there’s no one to fight.”

“turns out there is,” he argues.

he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.

“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”

stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.

but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.

they almost sound like a plead.

“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”

strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.

“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”

—

jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.

“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”

“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”

“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”

“three-”

“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”

“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”

he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.

“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”

you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.

“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.

“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”

jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.

you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”

he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.

“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”

“that’s what you took away from the story?”

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”

you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”

“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.

“you’re crazy!”

“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.

the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.

“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”

your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”

“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”

“because you’re crazy about me.”

the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”

fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.

“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”

“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”

and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.

you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”

he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.

“jungkook?”

“yes, baby?” he coos.

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”

goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.

“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”

“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”

“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”

—

although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.

your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.

“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”

“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”

and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.

“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”

“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.

“let’s just turn on this one then.”

“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.

“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”

“who’s the other one for?”

jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.

“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”

“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”

“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”

—

“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”

“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”

he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.

“thank you!”

you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.

“aigoo, are you that hungry?”

“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”

“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”

“sorry, sorry!”

your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.

“how’s your cheek?”

“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”

“that means it’s healing well.”

“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”

“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”

that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.

“thank you,”

“huh? for what?”

“being jungkook’s happiness.”

from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.

“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”

he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”

you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.

“…or something like that.”

uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.

“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”

“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”

“what’s with the noise?”

you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”

jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.

“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”

—

“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”

and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”

jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”

“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”

“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”

“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”

“right? so we should protect it… maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”

the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.

jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

#jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook drabble #jungkook scenario #jungkook one shot #jungkook imagine #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fluff #bts reaction #jungkook smut

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jhdyuiee · 13 days

Text

die with a smile

༯ pairing: soloist!jaehyun x fem!reader

༯ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, protected sex (reader is on pill), multiple positions & orgasms, kissing/making out, nipple/breast play, oral (f&m receiving), spanking, marking, hair pulling, name calling (good girl), pet names (my love, darling, baby), memory loss, minor drinking, cursing, stranger-to-lovers-to-strangers, car accident/crash, indication of blood, hidden relationship

༯ w.c: 14.3k!

༯ a.n: hi! i’m backs woohoo. this one came to me through hearing bruno mars & lady gaga’s new song “die with a smile” & with the great help of one of my mutals we made it possible! i’m not gonna lie this one was hard because i felt like in order to make it sad enough i had to put myself in that position. nonetheless i hope u all enjoy this one, probably one of my favorite writes. thank u for too for the continuous love and support, i love u all, take care, and stay safe! jiji out 🤍

༯ taglist! @dokyriu 🤍

you hummed the song playing overhead the store speakers as you stood behind the counter, waiting. for the most part, the store was empty, only garnering around 10 people since opening time. you quickly grew bored again, deciding to walk around the store. you fixed some records that were outta place, organized the booth where customers could listen to the records— heck you even swept the place. as you swept the door chimed, a customer. “hello! welcome, please feel free to browse around,” you put on your best employee voice and smile. the individual however didn’t respond, in fact he looked rather suspicious.

he was a tall man, with a black hoodie, face mask, cap, baggy jeans, and some—unusual–shoes. your eyes lingered on him a while longer while he sported straight to the indie records. however your curiosity soon died down, when you remembered you were still on the job.

as you went back to the register, you noticed the man walking towards you. he had a record in hand, you couldn’t make it out just yet until he stood just a couple inches apart. “would this be all?” you asked as he handed you the record.

cigarettes after sex, x’s

before he could even respond you bursted out in excitement. “wow! no way, you’re a fan too!?” if there was one thing about you, it was that you not only adored music in general, but a big fan of cigarettes after sex and their songs.

you kept looking at the man, watching as he brought his mask down. “yeah, i take it you’re one as well by the looks of it,” he says. you’re amazed, with his mask down you notice how attractive the once suspicious man was. not to mention his voice, it was a sweet melody of its own.

you nod shyly, “i’ve been a fan since like, ever.” a small smile touches his lips, “that’s impressive,” he says before taking a brief pause. you noticed as he observed you before asking, “you got any other recommendations?”

before you knew it, you quickly lost yourself in his question and the ones that followed. there wasn’t anything you loved more but to express your love for music, i mean after all this job was the whole reason you applied for it. being in a record store meant being surrounded by music, by your love and admiration. and if there was one thing you learned during your conversation with the man in front of you, it was that you two surprisingly had a lot in common. there were no words to explain how you felt, but you felt drawn to him. looking at it, you probably shouldn’t i mean you still didn’t even know his name!

a laugh came out of him as you blabbered about some crazy experience you had while attending a concert, until a phone started ringing. his phone. he reached for it from his back pocket where he excused himself to answer it.

you rang up his record, waiting for him to return so he could pay. when he did, he apologized for taking up so much of your time. “i-it’s alright, i was in need of a distraction,” you say as you look around the store. “it gets quite lonely here sometimes.”

he takes out a card from his wallet, tapping it on the card reader and when it reads it through, you hand him his record. “i had fun talking, i hope you have a gr-” you had started to bid him goodbye when he interrupted you.

“my names jaehyun. uhm, and if it’s alright can we- can we meet up again sometime?” he asks, noting as his ears turned red. how cute, you thought. also thinking how this was only supposed to be a one-time interaction. however you mind was already set even before you could tell what he was trying to say.

“of course, how about i give you my number so we can keep in touch?” you then proceed to ask. jaehyun nods his head, retrieving his phone and then handing it to you. he looks at you as you typed your number onto his phone, writing your name in the contact.

“my names y/n, y/l/n by the way. i’ll look forward to your call, or message.” jaehyun smiled, putting his phone away and grabbing the record. “i’ll see you then, y/n.”

your heart skipped, at either hearing him say your name or at his dimpled-smile he gave you as he walked out of the store. your eyes lingering on him as he disappeared.

“jaehyun,” you mumble to yourself. his name sounds a bit familiar, but no matter how long you searched you’d neve be able to find out why.

and when you finished your shift, grabbing your stuff from the employee lockers, you looked at your phone. one particular notification capturing you attention, and making your heart skip another beat.

unknown: how does this weekend sound?

you smiled, remembering him again. his smile, his voice, his everything. quickly saving his number, you then replied.

you: it sounds perfect

you: guess i’ll see you this weekend, jaehyun :)

walking out of the store and to your home, you couldn’t help but recount your interaction with him, smiling like a child. oblivious to the change that was about to come into your life.

you sighed, tossing another piece of clothing onto your bed. jaehyun was supposed to come pick you up in a couple of hours and you still couldn’t decide what to wear. you didn’t even know where he was taking you, he refused to tell you. this makes picking out an outfit for a date- wait a moment… was it a date?

you paused to think. he never explicitly said it was, you just sort of assumed it was. oh great… what if this wasn’t even a date and you’re over here trying to dress to the nines.

“ah fuck it,” you curse as you just grab an outfit you’d previously tossed onto your bed. i mean this would be fine right? it wasn’t a date, just two acquaintances meeting up to spark some friendship?

as you did your finishing touches, you glance over at your phone which had just begun to ring. you looked at the caller id, a smile plastered on your face.

“hello?” you hear the deep-dreamy–voice that you couldn’t get out of your head, on the other line.

a beat passes before you realize you have yet to answer. “h-hi!” you stumbled on your words and voice slightly too loud. though you couldn’t see it, your face felt hot with embarrassment.

on the other line a slight chuckle erupts from their throat. “everything alright? you’re not gonna cancel on me are you?” he asks.

“y-yes, sorry about that… just nervous,” you mutter the last words. “that’s a relief then since i’m already outside your home,” he responds.

you felt yourself slightly freeze. jaehyun was outside your home, like right now. when the thought registers in your mind, you quickly fumble, grabbing everything you needed before heading out.

“i’m going out right now,” you say, voice slightly panting at the speed you’re going. something within you didn’t even want to spend a second apart from him, a part of you needed to be in his company again. you couldn’t explain these indescribable feelings, however they didn’t bother you either.

as you make your way outside, you notice a black car parked in front of your home. soon after jaehyun comes out in all his glory. unlike the first time you saw him, he wore a white long-sleeved shirt, green cargo pants, and black shoes. nothing suspicious to the man.

“hey,” he says smiling so hard his dimples pop out. really, really cute, you thought. you fidget your hands before responding with a simple, “hi.”

the atmosphere felt a little awkward, but not uncomfortable. in a way it truly seemed like a date of a newly formed couple. however you squashed such thoughts; it’s not a date and you’re not a couple, you repeated in your head.

“shall we?” jaehyun asks, opening the passenger door. you nod before heading inside. after shutting the door, he makes his way to the driver’s side and begins to drive. plus points for being quite the gentleman, you thought.

the car was silent throughout the ride. in truth, this silence was killing you so you decided to speak up. “you’re not taking me to some place to murder me right?” you light-heartedly joked. you’d hoped it really is just a joke. jaehyun sighed, “you caught me.” you smiled, “well ain’t that too bad, you’ll have to postpone it for another day.”

“are you saying you’ll say yes if i ask to take you out again?” jaehyun says. it was a good thing you had your face to the window because you could’ve sworn your cheeks were pink.

“depends on how today will go,” you respond later. “speaking of which, you still won’t tell me where we’re going right?” you ask, finally gaining the courage to glance at him. to your surprise his eyes were already on yours. that darn red light, you cursed inside your head. a small smile appears on his face, “hm, nope.” he pops the word out as if to tease you.

“you’ll find out soon either way, we’re almost there,” he says, hitting the road again when the light turns green. the chatter between you two doesn’t die down, talking about just anything in the time it takes to arrive at the mysterious location.

looking out you recognized where this was. “a m-movie theater?” you questioned. i mean there was nothing wrong with it but it was definitely not at the top of your list of potential spots.

“i hope you like movies,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt as he gets ready to get out of the car. following suit, you unbuckle your seatbelt and head out. the theater was quite empty as there weren’t many cars parked. when the two of your began walking you spoke up, “what movie are we watching?”

he faintly smiles, “it’s a surprise.” god, him and his surprises. “you know i think i might be the one to murder you first,” you say, earning you a genuine laugh out of the man. a smile touches your own face at the sound of his laughter, your heart too feeling warm.

you follow him, side-by-side, as you two enter the theater. you watched as jaehyun whips his phone out to present the tickets to the employee up front. when you two made it through he stops to ask, “want anything?” you ponder for a minute, “i guess some popcorn and a drink would be nice.” jaehyun nods before heading off to get the things you asked for. in the meantime, you fished out your wallet.

when he came back with one popcorn, two drinks, and some candy in hand you asked, “how much was it?” you’re not sure if he didn’t hear you or he chose to ignore you, but he began walking to the direction of the theater where the movie was going to be shown.

when you attempt to help him with the drinks, your fingers graze his. in just that small contact you could still feel the burning warmth of him spread throughout you. and of course being the gentleman he was he opened the theater door for you. “t-thank you,” you shyly thanked jaehyun as you stepped into the theater. you briefly waited for him to go inside before you followed him to your seats. located smack dab in the middle was how you found yourself. however curiosity still returned to you, what movie could th- wait, wait, wait.

you glance at jaehyun, only one popcorn. one popcorn and two people. oh god... “u-um, i-is that for the two of us to share?” you asked, hoping it doesn’t rub off the wrong way. “y-yeah, is that alright? i figured this would be most convenient,” jaehyun responded, you noted the slight stumble at the beginning. jaehyun has never once stumbled on his words.

you sink into your seat, god this was making it harder to not think it’s not a date. fortunately, you didn’t have any more time to worry about things as the movie soon started.

a tragic romance.

beautiful was an understatement for the film. you balled your eyes nearly the whole film. two lovers, madly in love until one dies. it might’ve seemed cliche but it was so beautifully written and executed that none of that mattered.

“wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow.”

the last line the female lead mutters as she places a singular white flower on her lover's grave.

when the ending credits roll around and the lights turn on you suddenly remember you weren’t alone, jaehyun. you whip your head to your side, there he was. he turns his head a moment later. “i’m guessing you enjoyed it by the tears on your face.”

fuck, you forgot to wipe my tears away. you quickly get up from your seat, wiping the tears away talking to jaehyun as he walks behind you. “th-that’s n-not f-fair,” you stuttered on your words as the crying made you unable to talk. “what’s not fair?” he says in a playful tone. “t-taking me to watch a sad romance movie!” you slightly raise your voice as you turn around to face the man who caused these tears.

however your breath was caught. jaehyun only stood a few inches away from you. your eyes widened, face feeling hotter as he inches just a bit closer. you stood there frozen as jaehyun leaned down to your ear. “if i apologize, will you still agree to see me again?” he whispers. jaehyun’s hot breath burning your ear. you could’ve sworn your hearts thumping could be heard throughout the theater.

“we-well th-that’s not- you don’t need to do that… i was just kidding,” you say, your last words sounding more breathless. why, why, why… why were you feeling this way, feeling this way about jaehyun nonetheless?

“that’s a relief then,” jaehyun responds, moving from his spot in front of you to walk outside the movie theater. you stood there for a moment or two later before you rushed to his side again. the burn in your ear neverending.

on the ride back home the car was silent. you were too afraid to speak up, trying to gather your feelings. and before you knew it, you both were outside your home. yet before you could open the door to get out, jaehyun stops you with a call to your name. you turn around, eyes on his. “y-yes?” fuck, the constant stuttering was starting to piss you off. “so what’s your answer, will you go on another date with me?” he asks, so smoothly and calmly it shocks you.

d-date!? wait, so this actually was a date… “uh, uhm, this was a date?” you stupidly asked. jaehyun nods his head, “yes, at least that’s what i thought.”

“i- i tried telling myself it wasn’t…” you admit. “ah, it seems i should’ve made it clear. y/n, i asked you out on a date and i hope you would be open to going on another one with me,” he says so kindly it melts your heart.

god, you’re a fool for him. god, you li…

“i will, i’ll go on as many dates with you until you get tired,” you replied. jaehyun’s dimples popped out when he smiled widely, “you’ll probably be the one who gets tired of me first.” you too are smiling, “well then i hope neither of us ends up tired.”

“i hope so too,” jaehyun says, noting as he brings his hand to the back of your head. with his thumb he caresses your cheek, smiling at you so sweet like a lover does to their most beloved. it stayed like that for a good while before you snapped out of it. he wasn’t your lover… not yet.

“well then, i’ll see you next time. i’ll look forward to where you’ll take me next, just make sure i don’t cry again,” you start bidding him farewell. he retracts his arm, “i’ll keep that in mind. take care y/n,” jaehyun says.

opening the door you get out of the car, but before you leave you decide to give jaehyun a final farewell. “the date was actually really beautiful, i enjoyed it a lot. well then, drive back safely jaehyun,” you said smiling when you see his surprised face. you shut the door however, not letting him get a word in.

walking to the apartment complex’s door, you’re about to open it when you decide to take one final look. jaehyun’s car, unmoved. a small smile taints your face when you use one arm to wave goodbye. you were sure he must’ve seen, though you wished you would’ve seen his reaction.

on the way to your apartment, thoughts of jaehyun and your date today wouldn’t go away. it was the only thing you could think about and the only thing you could look forward to. you missed jaehyun already. it was thoughts like this and others that you finally were able to confirm.

you like jaehyun. The same man you met just a few days ago. no, you’ve been liking him since that day. you weren’t one to believe in that cliche, love-at-first-sight, but that day everything changed. jaehyun was able to do that, bringing you change.

every skip of your heart, every smile, laugh, tear, stutter; everything was a clear indication of your feelings towards jaehyun. and now that you’ve discovered this, you wanted more. you wanted to make jaehyun fall in love with you as well. it doesn’t matter how many dates you’ll have to go on, as long as he’s by your side that’s all that matters.

jaehyun, the man you like- no, love.

it took about a little over a month for you to quickly regret ever liking jaehyun, much less loving the man. thus you’ve spent the day ignoring his calls and messages, your upset and furry being in control for the day.

this all happened yesterday when he took you to the aquarium. there was nothing unusual about this date, well minus the part where he wore a mask and a cap. that was actually the first red flag.

the date was going good, great, superb. however when you were coming back from using the restroom you noticed two girls surrounding jaehyun. you watched as they excitedly talked to the man you were in the middle of date with. from the looks of it they were taking pictures with him before asking for his autograph. ok, red flag two.

a bit more chatter later before they excused themselves, noting the way jaehyun quickly brings up his mask and lowers his cap a little lower. this was your cue to go to him. though when you arrived he acted like nothing had just happened. ok… red flag 3?

fortunately, but unfortunately, the date continued as normal. the two of you exploring the aquarium, looking at the various species of fishes, going under the water bridge, touching stingray, everything.

you even thought maybe he would’ve brought something up on the car ride, but no, nothing. it wasn’t until after you finally reached your home that you decided to take matters into your own hands.

it truly was fascinating just how handy, dandy the internet was. a quick search to the name, jaehyun, and you were presented with just about every fact about the man you’d been seeing.

his name is jeong jaehyun, the same man you love, a celebrity. not just any, a soloist whose album had just come out a month prior to your first meeting with him. the more you scrolled, the more baffled you became because you had to find out his birthday, age, and everything else through the goddamn internet. not through jaehyun, the thought made you sad.

were you not trustworthy? why would he keep such a secret for you so long? was it intentional, or not?

you realized just how different you’re lives were. you a record store employee, he a global star who everyone had their eyes on. it was surprising how no one had discovered the two of you until now. heck, you didn’t even know either. then it clicked, you remembered why his name sounded so familiar. you recounted how some girls just a couple days before your meeting with him were mentioning his name, jaehyun.

and as you laid in bed last night, you couldn’t stop your brain from wandering, presenting various scenarios. what are you gonna do now? continue whatever you two had? end things?

you felt your heart ache a little, since a part deep down inside you didn’t want that. you selfishly still desired the man the world watched, you selfishly loved the man, the star they called jeong jaehyun.

as you continued recounting the events of last night, your doorbell rang. you got up, you weren’t really expecting anyone. however you still went to open it, only to be met with the one person you didn’t want to see.

as you tried shutting the door, you heard his hand bang against the door, stopping it from closing. this man is strong, you thought. succeeding in opening the door again, jaehyun steps in. the more he stepped in, the more steps you took back. neither of you said a word to each other until you almost stumbled. jaehyun quickly reaches for you, stopping you from falling.

what was this? a k-drama? you thought, shooing his arm that was around your waist away. you refused to talk first, so jaehyun did. “is everything alright? you weren’t answering my calls or texts so i thought i’d come over to check if you were still alive,” he says looking straight at you.

you decided it was best to be frank with him, no need to beat around the bush. “i don't know jeong jaehyun, you tell me.”

you note his eyes widen, his lips slightly parting when you said his name. “i- wh- jeong jaehyun?” he says as he stumbles on his words. you roll your eyes, was he really acting dumb right now, you thought.

“yes! you, jeong jaehyun! mr. singer!” you say, practically yelling everything. his mouth opens as if to say something before he shuts it back up again. this was infuriating you, he was infuriating you.

“h- how did you find out?” he decides to ask. “yesterday,” you replied, followed by the recounting of events you saw at aquarium.

“i- i see,” he just says as he turns his head to the floor. “were you planning to keep this from me?” you ask, biting on your lip.

he looks back up, “n-no! no- that wasn’t what i was trying to do.” he gets closer, and when you don’t move back he continues. “that was never my intention, i was going to tell you… though i never found the right opportunity to.”

his face turned soft, almost as if he were pleading with you to believe him. “it’s the truth y/n… please believe me. you know i would never lie to you, you know how hard i’ve been trying to get to know you, to spend time with you.”

“i- i believe you jaehyun but,” you start to say before you pause to find the right words. “you’re a star jaehyun, you and i both know this will not work out. i don’t want to ruin your reputation, your dream you’ve worked so hard to reach.” you felt your eyes begin to blur but you push the tears back. not right now, not in front of him, you thought.

he takes his hands and places them on your cheeks. “n- no y/n, my love… this is why i didn’t want to tell you, i didn’t want this. i didn’t want you like this, i could care less what the world would think about us. all that would matter in the end are my feelings for y-” he stops himself.

my love? my feeling for…? no, you’re lying. this has to be a dream right?

“fuck,” he curses lowly, taking one hand to rub his face. “pretend you didn’t hear that last part, i don’t want to tell you that to you just yet. could you wait a little longer for that?”

you slowly nod your head, “are you sure things would work out? between us?” you question, needing more reassurance before it’s too late to go back. jaehyun looks at you, taking your body into his. he wraps his arms around you, you fit perfectly around him. both of you feeling pleasant with each other's bodies, so warm, so perfect.

“it’ll be more than alright, i’ll make sure of it,” jaehyun says in a tone so reassuring that your worries are instantly washed away in an instant, long forgotten.

you two stay like that for a while, the time seeming to slow down. it was just so warm and comfortable that neither of you wanted to pull away. it was like you two were engulfed in your own worlds. that was until a phone started ringing, causing the warmth to leave you both. jaehyun let’s go of you, just clinging onto your hand as he reaches for his phone.

“it’s my manager,” he whispers. “yo-you should answer it then, i’ll go sit down,” you say but he tells you, it’s fine. you hear a male on the other line, and you were only able to hear him because of how loud he was screaming into jaehyun’s ear. from the looks of it, it seems he was scolding jaehyun for not being at his home so he could pick him up for a schedule.

you glance at jaehyun, the man drove all the way to see you despite having such a busy schedule. the action warmed your heart. you unconsciously, but consciously inched forward, tippy-toeing and placing a kiss on his cheek. the sudden action causing jaehyun to freeze mid-sentence.

“i-i’ll be there soon, bye,” he says, not bothering to wait for his manager to respond before he hangs up. “w-what was that for?” he asks, touching the place where your lips touched. you suddenly felt your face getting warm with embarrassment.

and when you didn’t say anything, jaehyun just smiled, this time he inched towards you. you close your eyes, only to feel his lips touch your forehead. you flutter them open, bringing your hand to touch where his lips touched. however before you could say anything, he started walking to your door.

“our next date, friday. i’ll see you then,” he says, leaving before you could even bid him goodbye. and when the door shuts, your legs give in, falling to the floor. you kissed him, he kissed you. oh god, this has to be a dream!

now than ever before you were wishing a day came sooner. friday. the day your dreams and wishes came true.

friday. the long awaited day. you stood outside your apartment complex, waiting for his car to arrive. this time you were the early one.

you were just too excited for today, too nervous to fall asleep last night. as you thought of the possibilities of today, you notice his car pulling up. a smile spreads across your face.

you begin walking as jaehyun gets out of his car. “you’re early,” jaehyun comments. “and you’re late,” you replied back even though there were still a couple minutes left until your official meet up time.

jaehyun smiles, as his eyes begin to wander your body. noting the way his eyes looked at you, up and down, down and up. and noting the way his tongue darts out to lick his lips, like a predator looking down on its prey.

“you look gorgeous today,” he comments when his lustful state leaves him. unlike the other dates, you dressed fancier as jaehyun recommended you to. so you’re wearing a long white, spaghetti strap silk dress. your heels hidden underneath. not to mention your make-up and hair were also top notch today.

“thank you,” you shyly said, pink adorning your cheeks. “you look handsome as well.” on the other hand, jaehyun abandoned the baggy jeans for some black dress pants and a designer top. his outfit eliciting obscene thoughts to run through your head. god, what if you were the predator…

“thank you, are you ready to go now? i don’t know how much longer i could wait,” he says as he holds your hand to drag you to the passenger seat of his car. “well, i can’t wait either,” you reply, smiling as you sit down.

as he begins to drive, you, like you’ve always done, ask him where he was taking you. however just like the first date, he is insistent on keeping it a surprise, and you know he won’t budge one bit. changing the topic, you ask jaehyun on how his week has gone. in which he talks about a photoshoot he had the other day for a well-known magazine. “i’ll make sure to buy your magazine,” you tease. “oh god, no, no… they’re not very… friendly,” he says as he tries looking for the right word.

you raise a brow at his comment, inquiring him more but he just tells you, “you’ll see.” before you knew it you’d arrived at the date destination. “where are we?” you ask as you look out the window. you were at a house, a big two-story house.

“my home,” he says, getting out of the car. his home?! you thought. “why are we here?” you ask, taking the hand he offered you. “on a date of course,” jaehyun says enthusiastically. “wh-what do you mean?”

“you’ll see,” jaehyun said, smirking as he began to drag you into his home. you very briefly take a look around his home. the vibe befitting of jaehyun, his home almost feeling like your home. you then crash into a hard wall, causing you to wince. however it wasn’t a wall, it was jaehyun’s back. “s-sorry!” you apologized, you were too distracted looking around his home that you didn’t notice he had come to a halt.

he turns around, no distance separating you two. “close your eyes,” he whispers. you obliged, closing them shut. your ears helped map out what was happening. you hear his footsteps going behind you until you feel his hands on both your shoulders. “i got you,” he whispers into your ear, his hot breath distributing throughout your body. jaehyun helps you walk forward, stopping you and you feel his hands disappear, his footsteps getting further away.

you call him, “j-jaehyun?”

“open your eyes, my love,” you hear him yell.

you begin to open your eyes slowly, your breath stopping as you take in the view in front of you. dimly lit lights scattered around the middle of his yard, with cushions and a small table in the middle with all sorts of foods and beverages. to others it might’ve seemed simple, but to you it meant everything.

you descend the steps until your feet touch the grass. no wonder he asked me to dress nicely, you thought. when you reach jaehyun, he takes your hand to walk you to your seat. you sit down on your cushion, watching as jaehyun walks to his.

“so, do you like it?” jaehyun says, a hint of nervousness evident in his tone. “like it? i love it!” you replied excitedly. jaehyun lets out a relieved sigh, his hand going on top of yours as his thumb caresses it gently. “that’s a relief, i spent all day trying to perfect it,” he says. you smile, “you did an excellent job, jae.”

“j-jae?” he asks. you nod, “you’re nickname, you don’t like it?” “n-no! i do, just caught me by surprise is all,” he continues as he smiles widely. “want something to drink?” he then asks. when you nod he then asks, “would you like some wine, or something else?”

“hmm, i’ll take you up on the wine,” you respond. his hand lets go of yours, to get the wine as he tries to open it and pour it in both glasses. “cheers,” you raise your glass, clinking with jaehyun’s. the taste of the wine was smooth, you liked it.

as you two continued downing the wine, the talk continued. making each other laugh and smile, enjoying each other's company. “are you hungry?” he asks mid-conversation. “a little,” you reply. “i got us some take out from this italian restaurant, i hope you like it,” he says as he serves you the food.

you take a bite of the pasta, moaning in delight. “it’s delicious,” you say, stuffing yourself in more pasta. jaehyun smiles, watching you enjoy yourself with the food. just looking at you made him full. however the noises you were making… that elicited explicit images across his mind. he felt his pants tighten.

“jaehyun?” you call out for him when he seems to zone out. “y-yes,” he says, coughing. “are you not going to eat?” you ask as you note he doesn’t have food on his plate. he shakes his head, “too nervous to eat, help yourself.”

oh and you do, the food being the most delicious italian food you’d ever tried. when no more could be eaten, jaehyun takes your hand again. “can you follow me for a moment,” he asks, almost hesitant and nervous. “yes, of course.”

both of you get up, hand in hand as you follow him. you walk a couple of steps before he stops. turning to face you, he grabs both your hands. now you’re nervous.

“y/n,” he calls your name, softly. “yes, jae?” the anticipation killing you. he squeezes your hands, “i love you.” your heart stops.

“i’ve loved you since the first time we met. and every moment we’ve spent since then has been the greatest gift to my life, you are my greatest gift. there isn’t a moment where i don’t think about you, desire you, love you. it’s gotten to the point where i can’t handle it anymore,” jaehyun confesses.

you’re at a loss of words, speechless at the words coming out of his mouth. your vision blurs, “i-i love you too,” you weakly say as tears begin streaming down your face. he lets go of your hands to bring his to wipe your tears away. his heart melts at the sight, you’re just too beautiful, too perfect for him. how could he ever let you go?

“y/n… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow. i’ma love you every night like it’s the last night. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. and if our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you for a while, and die with a smile.”

his words only made you cry all the more. you lunged on him, arms wrapping around him as you cried. he whispers to you so gently, so softly, “my love, will you be my girlfriend?”

you clutched him tighter, “yes! i’ll be your girlfriend, i’ll be your everything and anything. just as you’ve helped me, i want to do the same for you. i love you, i love you jaehyun.”

jaehyun too hugged you tighter, “i love you more, and i promise to protect you from now on… i’ll shield you from those who hurt you.” he lets go to get ahold of your face, cupping it. “after all my love, you’re the woman i fell for.”

you melt at his words, tippy-toeing on your feet as you wrap your arms around his neck. you didn’t need to think twice before your lips found themselves on his. what was supposed to just be a delicate and gentle kiss evolved into something deeper, intense, and passionate.

jaehyun’s hands held you as if to not let go. his lips molding into yours so perfectly, you’ve never felt this way about a kiss before. however before it could get even more heated, he departs. both of you panting, eyes lustful, hungry.

“let’s go inside,” jaehyun says breathlessly, picking you up so easily. your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you inside and onto the second floor.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

in a blink of an eye, you’d made it into jaehyun's room and onto his bed with your dress, heels, panties, and bra scattered somewhere inside. you two, too eager, began tearing each other's clothes off, craving for one another.

his hands couldn’t resist your curves, your soft skin. “you’re even more beautiful underneath,” jaehyun comments as he traces random patterns on your stomach. your legs closed, but your cunt needy. “you gonna be a good girl and let me touch you?” he asks in a low, deep voice. his hands coming to your knees, his lips kissing your legs.

“open up for me, my love,” he says as he looks up at you whilst he kisses your leg. this was so hot, you couldn’t resist. you slowly open your legs, your aching cunt coming into full display. you watch as jaehyun’s eyes get darker, something washing over him. he tugs on your thighs, pulling you closer. your breath hitched as you felt his fingers ghost around your pussy, you clenched around nothing.

“p-please,” you whimper, not being able to take this any longer. jaehyun’s eyes landing on you, “please what darling?” he asks as if to test you. “yo-your fingers… please put them… in-inside,” you shyly asked, pleading to feel him finally touch you where you most needed it.

jaehyun smirks, finding you so fucking adorable as you begged him to practically finger-fuck you. he reaches over, smashing his lips onto yours. you tasted so delicious, already becoming so addicted to you. however you had no time to focus on the kiss as you felt his fingers teasingly stroke your pussy. you moan into his mouth when his thumb rubbed on your clit.

his lips leave yours, making their way down. biting, sucking, kissing, and licking all the way from your jaw to the valley of your breast. trailing his lips to one of your tits, he sucks around your nipple, tongue flickering as he bites down. it wasn’t until he marked your tit up before he moved to the other one, repeating his actions. all the while you tried to keep your voice down by biting roughly onto your bottom lip.

“it’s alright darling, let your voice out. there ain’t no one here besides you and me, and you best believe i wanna hear my name coming out of that sweet mouth of yours,” he says before departing from your tit with a pop. satisfied seeing the marks on your tits, he moves his head to where his fingers continue to tease you.

he watches your face twist when his fingers finally enter you. two digits, inside you fitting so snug around your gummy walls. “well would you look at that,” jaehyun groans, taking his fingers out. “look at how wet you are just from some kissing and tit sucking.” you watch him, eyes-on-eyes, as he brings those two fingers to his mouth. he eats your essence off his fingers, groaning in satisfaction at your taste.

“you taste so sweet, so delicious i could eat you all night- no, all my life long.” once he feels he’s gotten every drop of you off his fingers he shoves them back inside you. the sudden intrusion, shocking you that you arch your back. he scissors his fingers inside you, trying to open your tight cunt up but to no use. you still clench around his fingers, the pleasure fulfilling. he reaches you so deep as he fucks his fingers into you, trying to learn and find your pleasure points. you became a map, one he must find his way around in order to find the prized treasure.

“s-so deep!” you yell out when you feel his fingers grasp at your g-spot. he’s got you now, increasing his pace as he continues hitting that spot. your pussy’s squelching noises echoing throughout the room along with your moans. feeling yourself grow closer to coming, your walls clench around his fingers that weren’t stopping their ruthless fucking. adding his other thumb into the mix, he shoved it into your mouth. “suck,” he says roughly and a bit impatiently.

your eyes look at him, as you sucked on his thumb and swirled your tongue around it. a low curse leaves his lips as he takes his thumb out of your mouth to bring it to your clit. using the wet thumb to freely rub against your clit, sometimes bringing his other finger into the mix so he could pinch the bud.

“f-fuck, y-yes! just- just like that j-jae, ye-yes baby~” you moan, the pleasure consuming you, so close to bringing you crumbling down.

“cum on my fingers my love, i know you could do it, i feel you,” jaehyun says, trying to get his words to send you tipping over the edge. and god does it work, you came hard around his hand, arching your back and rolling your eyes til you almost saw white. nonetheless jaehyun didn’t stop, continuing to fuck his fingers in knuckles deep into your pussy. the over-stimulation, erupting smaller orgasms from you.

“s-so good,” you breathlessly say when he finally stops. his fingers coming back to his mouth where he licked his fingers, swirling his tongue around. jaehyun truly couldn’t get enough of the taste of you. “you’re so good,” he says, bringing his lips onto yours again. you can faintly taste yourself on his lips as he kisses you. his tongue, wanting to enter in which you let it. heatedly kissing, you find yourself beginning to grind against his boxers. you feel the hard, thick cock against your wet cunt.

“w-want you,” you say in between the kiss. jaehyun halts, “me or my cock?” you stay quiet, not knowing what to say. “b-both,” you decide on truthfully answering. jaehyun smirks at this response, leaning back and getting off the bed. you sit up, watching the man as he takes his boxers off. your mouth falling slightly open, nearly drooling at the sight.

he was big, girthy, and aching. you note the residue of pre-cum coming out of his red tip. “don’t stare too much, it’ll be yours soon,” jaehyun says as he comes back onto the bed. your breath hitches when he’s only a couple inches away. he slides his cock between your folds, rubbing himself on you, gathering your juices around his cock.

“i forgot to buy condoms, so we’ll just need to do this for now-” jaehyun explains before you interrupt him. “i-it’s fi-fine! i-i’m on the pill,” you say, getting rather shy at the end.

“shit, i swear you're going to be the death of me,” jaehyun says before grabbing onto his cock. his tip almost enters you before he stops, “ready?” you nod, needing him to enter you now. jaehyun slowly pushes his tip inside, feeling as you tightly wrap around him. “re-relax a bit for me baby,” he softly says. however his words didn’t help, you couldn’t relax around his cock so he decided to distract you by kissing you once more. getting so engulfed in the kiss, you don’t worry and start loosening up, allowing his cock to slowly but surely enter you.

when he parts a string of saliva connects both your mouths. jaehyun looks at your cunt which has now swallowed him. “s-so hot, so tight, fuck,” he curses when he sees the bulge in your stomach. reaching to grab your hand so you could feel him. “fe-feel me? right here,” he says. your eyes widened, he was reaching you deep.

“i’m gonna start moving, hold on,” he warns you. you take up on his warning, wrapping your arms around his neck. he plants a kiss on your forehead before he slides out only to then slide back in. it starts off slow, getting adjusted to one another, testing the waters. however, you had other plans.

“f-faster… please jae, fuck me faster~”

this knocks every last bit of jaehyun’s self control, logic, gentleness, and everything sweet out the window. replaced with a rougher, uncontrollable jaehyun. lifting one of your legs over his shoulder, while the other is pressed down against your chest he starts pounding into you. in the way you begged him to, his cock reaching you even deeper than his fingers. you could almost feel yourself close to coming already. you clench tightly around his cock, jaehyun taking this as a signal you were close to coming.

“it’s al–fuck--alright my-my love, cum around my cock. let me feel you whither around me,” he moans as he feels you clench around him when he ruthlessly thrusts into you. the fucking was so intense, your mind became dazed. all you could think about was his cock, the way he looked down at you with those eyes of his.

“ev-ever since i saw you in th-that dress, i’d wanted to bend y-you over and devour you, my love,” jaehyun says. the slapping of his balls against your ass echoing the room, along with the moaning of both of you. he tightens his grip on your thigh, pulling you body closer, deeper. maneuvering his thumb back onto your clit he starts abusing the now swollen bud again, whispering praises. you felt his cock twitch as your orgasm came crashing out of you.

your body shuddering, gasping for air as you were completely spent. his cock still fucking into you, his hands no longer on your legs or clit but on your waist. gripping onto the flesh tightly, fucking your body onto his cock. your voice loud, moaning as he overstimulated you. he leaned down, capturing your lips as his cock twitched before releasing his warmth. your walls painted white, womb filling up with all of him.

thrusting slower into you now before slipping out. your pussy feeling empty, dripping with cum. jaehyun couldn’t get enough of the sight in front of him, he wanted more. he needed you once more, you needed him once more.

“one more round, please my love,” jaehyun grunts. your fucked state, making him hard again. “p-please,” you beg. he groans before taking your body to gently and swiftly flip you around, your stomach against the mattress. “up baby, on your hands and knees,” his low, deep voice commands.

you weakly do as he says, your body is practically like jelly. from behind, jaehyun feels your ass. he fondles it, loving the way it feels. slap. “ah-“ you shout in shock. the harsh slap against your ass, causing you to stumble forward.

“you like that? what a dirty girl,” jaehyun teases, feeling as his cock rubs against your slit again. his hands traveled to your hips, gripping them and slamming himself into your cunt. both of you letting out moans as you felt one another again. “still so tight for me, aren’t i luck?” you muttered back something incoherent, your brain scrambed as he fucks his cock into you faster, harder, intensely. he reached you so beautifully and effortlessly from behind.

you ached for more so you began throwing yourself back against him. jaehyun watches, stopping his thrusting to watch you cutely fuck back onto his cock. he curses himself, feeling his cock twitch, aching for its release.

you were oblivious to him not thrusting into you, finding yourself enthralled by the pleasure you were giving yourself. his cock, was made for you; he was made for you, the two of you made for one another. you continued for a while longer, turning your head behind to look at the man you love. your thrusting comes to a halt when you notice him just looking at you dangerously.

“wh-what?” you ask confused. drool escaping your lips, tears adorned your eyes. he leans in, “my baby so needy she doesn’t notice the show she’s been giving me,” he whispers before departing. his hands coming to slap your ass again on both sides. his action weakening your arms, you flop on the bed, your ass still sticking up. you hear a low, tsk, come out of his mouth before grabbing your arms, bringing them behind you. you’re lifted, he uses your arms to push you onto his cock.

jaehyun’s thrusting starts again, going insane whilst he also uses you to fuck agaisnt him. and with one brutal thrust of his cock inside you, you’re tipped over the edge. your third orgasm of the night exploding over you. you faintly hear jaehyun groan then curse in the background before he comes inside you once more, filling you all the more.

letting go of your arms, you instantly flop onto the bed. you’re spent, utterly fucked out of your mind. your body still trembling after all the aftermath of the mind-blowing sex you’d just had with jaehyun.

jaehyun too, collapsed onto your side. his arms wrapping around your body as he pulls you against him. he turns you to face him. using his hands to move the hairs stuck on your face. “good job baby, you did good,” he praises you. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, my love, just rest for now.” you feel his lips gently place a kiss on your forehead, fluttering your eyes shut. your breath calms, lulled into a deep sleep.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you feel something hard pressing against your back. the feeling waking you up, the sun shining through the windows. you attempt getting up when you suddenly feel trapped by something heavy. you travel your eyes down to that something, an arm. you're confused for a brief moment before flashbacks of last night flow through your head. your face heating up, your cunt twitching.

in your attempt to lift jaehyun’s arm you feel the man stir behind you. “mmm, stay in bed for a while longer,” you hear him mumble against your ear. he sounded asleep, but his cock was not. his cock stood proudly against both your bodies. you feel his pre-cum wetting your back. this made your pussy ache, growing wetter. fuck. it only morning and you already want to get dicked down.

biting your lip, you hesitate whether or not to wake jaehyun up so he could help fulfill your desire. fuck it, you thought. using all your might, you get out of his embrace. turning him onto his back, you straddle him. the change in position, waking jaehyun up. he almost believes he’s still dreaming.

neither of you say a word, instead you crawl behind, in between his legs as you hold his cock. it felt rock hard in your hands, hot even. “fu-fuck,” jaehyun curses as you start jerking his cock. you watch his expressions carefully, eyes still on him as you lick up the tip. you dart your tongue around his tip, licking up his pre-cum.

your hands gripping the base, as you began taking him in slowly into your mouth. he was so big and girthy that you struggled in getting him fully inside your mouth, trying your hardest to breathe. you let out a moan around his cock when you feel his hand fist your hair. the moan sending pleasure throughout jaehyun’s body. your mouth was just as perfect as your sweet cunt.

you look up, eyes blurry with tears from taking his cock so deep. you kept your eyes on him as you continued bobbing your head, running your tongue along the shaft. his eyes close, throwing his head back. he fists your hair tighter, finding yourself enjoying it. your wet cunt dripping down your thighs. you increased your pace, hands working in tandem with your mouth as you continued bobbing your head. you felt him twitch inside your warm mouth. however, just as you thought you’d have him cum inside your mouth, he pulled your head back with the fisted hair he had around his hand.

you let out a whine, upset at the loss of having him cum inside your mouth. yet before he could say anything you hovered over his cock, rubbing his tip along your wet cunt. grabbing his cock, you begin sinking it inside you. the stretch feeling so good for both parties. neither of you getting accustomed to each other. your mouth falls open when you feel that he’s all inside, eyes wandering to his.

jaehyun was completely lost in the sight in front of him. the way he felt your sweet cunt felt around him was unbelievable. he grasps onto your hips, finger tips digging into your skin. he watches as you lift yourself up before slamming back down into him. jaehyun enjoyed watching his cock disappearing inside you, turning him on all the more.

“f-fuck, just like that,” jaehyun grunts. your hands on his chest, leaning forward as you throw your ass onto his cock, grinding your clit on him to get some stimulation. his hands travel to your ass, digging into the flesh before slapping one of your ass cheeks. then another, slap. slap. slap. the constant slapping of his hands on your ass could be heard around the room.

“keep riding my cock, my love,” jaehyun said, in a low sultry tone. igniting you, you continue. when he feels your pace falter, he helps you out. digging his fingers into your hips to dive you back on his cock. faster, faster; deeper, deeper.

a rough thrust or two later before you’re a trembling mess on top of him as your orgasm hits you. your lips attaching themselves onto his neck, lightly sucking on his skin. jaehyun still hasn't cum yet, spreading your ass as he dives into you roughly. his lips finding yours, moaning into your mouth when he finally came. his cock twitching inside you, making you feel all warm again.

“fuck, what a way to start the morning,” jaehyun says softly, pecking you on your temple. you giggle, “sorry, just can’t seem to get enough of you.” a chuckle erupted from his throat, “neither could i, it’s almost as if we’re made for one another.” to this you nod, resting yourself on his chest.

the two of you spending the day in bed together, not being able to keep your hands off each other. you two only get up to eat and use the bathroom. even showering didn’t stop him from taking you from behind. orgasm after orgasm, the two of you are completely inseparable. loving one another to the fullest.

“i love you so much my love,” jaehyun whispers when you two find yourselves collapsed on his bed again. you gently place a kiss on his lips, i love you so much more jae,” you muttered before falling asleep again in his warm embrace.

it’s been just over a week since you and jaehyun had officially started dating. not a single moment goes by where he doesn’t show his adoration for you, you two completely smitten with one another. he always makes time in his schedule for you, and you too try being considerate. after all, your boyfriend was a star, not just your star, but a world star.

today however was an important day, a day you and jaehyun have been dreading. the day you meet his manager. although jaehyun made sure to come clean to his company about your relationship with him, they insisted his manager meet up with you. jaehyun agreed under the condition he was there as well.

the date was set for today, so now you’re waiting on jaehyun’s couch for the two of them to come bursting in. the other day jaehyun had given you a key to his home so you could come inside whenever you wanted. your leg shook from nervousness, your mind wandering to stupid scenarios like him kicking you to the curb.

however you reassured yourself nothing of the sort was going to happen, after all they hadn’t told jaehyun he was to break-up with you the day he came clean to them. you take a deep breath in when you hear the door open. fuck. your stomach getting nervous, the food you’d aten wanting to make an appearance on jaehyun’s black fur rug.

you stand up just in time as jaehyun and a male besides him come walking in. he was slightly shorter than jaehyun, clad in casual clothes. “h-hello,” you nervously greet, bowing at the man.

“hello ms. l/n,” he greets you back. you're a bit puzzled at how he knew your last name. perhaps jaehyun told them, you thought as you tried shoving the useless thought aside. “no need to be so nervous my love,” jaehyun says, walking to your side. he’s oddly calm, sitting down. his manager takes a seat across from the two of you, you too take a seat besides jaehyun.

“i already said hello, but i have yet to introduce myself properly. hello, i’m jaehyun’s manager, lee dohwa,” his manager finally introduces himself. “nice to meet you mr. lee, i’m y/l/n,” you introduce yourself as well even if he already knew your name. “my girlfriend,” jaehyun adds, both you and his manager glare at him.

mr. lee clears his throat before speaking, “well it’s finally nice to meet you ms. l/n, your name has gone around the company quite a lot as of late.” you tense, growing nervous. “ah, no need to be so nervous. i’m not here to make you guys end things, nor is the company. we’re in understanding of the situation, jaehyun made that clear a few days ago when he told us,” his manager talks. you listen intently, nervousness washing away at the fact they really aren’t going to break you up from jaehyun.

“which led to the company asking jaehyun whether he wanted to go public, but the guy told us it was up to you to decide.” up for me to decide? you thought, turning to face jaehyun who just listened to the conversation. he looks up at you, bringing his hand to caress your cheek. “it’s true baby, it’s your word. if you want to go public, we’ll go public but if you don’t then we won’t,” he assures you. your heart melting at how much he cared for you, treasured you. it was a big decision to make, you thought long and hard about it. you tried finding pros and cons, eventually scrapping those off. you thought it’d be best to listen to what your heart wanted.

“i- i don’t want to go public,” you say with a bit of hesitation. you glance over at jaehyun to see his reaction only to find him smiling and mouthing, good job. “alright,” his manager says before continuing, “if that’s what you want, we’ll respect both your wishes. however you must still try and keep things under wraps and not get caught because then we’ll have no choice but to confirm the rumors.”

you nod, understanding the situation. “and if you ever change your mind, let jaehyun know and we’ll figure something out,” the manager clarifies. “got it, thank you so much mr. lee,” you sincerely thanked the man. he got up from his seat, “well, then since that’s out the way i have to get going.”

“leaving so soon?” you asked, following him as he walks to the door, jaehyun too follows. “yeah, i still gotta go back and report to the company. don’t worry jaehyun’s all yours for the day,” he says. you slightly blush at his comment, knowing what will happen once his manager leaves. as he grabs the doorknob he stops, turning back around. “ah, i almost forgot, could you get me water jaehyun?” he asks. jaehyun sighs, going back into his house to retrieve a water bottle for his manager.

in the meantime his manager takes the opportunity to get your contact information. “figured i’d ask you now that jaehyun isn’t around since i’d doubt he’d let you exchange information with me,” his manager explains as you type in your phone number. you hand him back his phone, “i’ll have you send me your email later too, the company will probably need it.” you nod as jaehyun comes back. he hands him the water bottle before he finally opens the door. mr. lee bids you both a final goodbye before leaving.

you close the door as jaehyun’s arms wrap around your waist. he tenderly kisses an exposed part of your neck. “what do you want to do now?” you ask. you feel him smile against your neck, “i know of a couple ways to spend the rest of the day, maybe even night.” god, this guy was going to drive you even more insane.

and so for the rest of the entire day you spent it with one another entangled, desiring one another. unable to let the other go, the two of you feeling at home.

“our love’s being the only war worth fighting for.”

10 months later.

d-day. the long awaited encore concert, jaehyun’s encore concert. after almost 10 months of touring the world, it’d finally come to an end today. it felt like it was just yesterday when his company announced he’d be touring. not to mention it was almost a month after you two started dating, that he would start his tour. as a consequence, you two refused to leave each other’s embrace, he devoured you whenever he could as he wouldn’t be able to see you for weeks on end. however you still encouraged him whenever you could, time difference being the only thing making things hard. at times it’d resort to the two of you having phone sex, you two truly were unable to live without the other.

nevertheless, whenever he’d be back, he would make time in his schedule to take you out on dates. the two of you putting up quite the disguise of face masks and caps every time. throughout the months you felt the relationship grow stronger with each passing day. you were the happiest you’d ever been and it was all because of jaehyun, your star.

today however finally marked the final of his tour and his manager encouraged you to come and watch again. you were hesitant at first, fearful of being found out. yet he had the genius idea of disguising you as staff. and so now here you were, entering the building with a staff badge hanging around your neck. you perfectly blended in, going unsuspected. mr. lee finds you, greeting you and walking you to where you were going to reside.

a vip lounge.

when you got there you noticed two familiar faces, jaehyun’s parents. you’d met them not too long after you met with his manager. they welcomed you so openly and warmly it almost made you cry. they treated you as if you were their own daughter.

“y/n!” his mother excitedly says your name when she sees you. you call for her too, being embraced into a hug. when you let go you bow to his father who stood beside his wife. “y/n, nice seeing you again,” he greets you. “you as well mr. jeong,” you politely greet.

“y/n,” jaehyun’s manager calls your name behind you, stopping the joyful reunion. “you’ll stay here, pose as staff and guide them backstage when the concert is concluded,” he explains. you nod, understanding the responsibility you now bear. he bids you three a goodbye before quickly exiting. being a manager sure it tuff, you thought.

“how are you!” jaehyun’s mother continues. and as you answer her the two of your converse into some deep conversations. the hour went by quickly while being in the company of his parents since before you knew it the lights turned off, fans screamed and stood up with their phones out, trying to get a glimpse of the star who was about to go onstage.

you watch intently, seeing him, your boyfriend, being lifted up stage. his presence radiating, illuminating, you almost didn’t wanna blink, afraid you’d miss even just a second of him. he starts singing, you hear as his fans sing along and wave their lightsticks. It warmed your heart, you secretly thanked them for supporting your beloved.

it wasn’t your first time seeing jaehyun in a concert, but you still couldn’t get over the fact that the stage seemed like jaehyun’s home. it was a place where he stood out so beautifully, belonged in. he made you so goddamn proud. and as you continued watching the concert, you found yourself singing along, yelling, and crying— you resembled a fangirl. you honestly didn’t mind, after all you were his number one fan.

as the concert was coming to a close, jaehyun was giving his ending ment. he continuously thanked everyone and everything. however that wasn’t what captured your attention, it was what he said last that not only captured yours but the fans attention as well.

“and very soon, i have an announcement to make. i can’t spoil anything yet but just know i hope that you all can continue to support me,” jaehyun said, smiling so wide his dimples were on full display on the screens. to the fans, they might’ve thought it was an announcement of a comeback, but to you, you knew it was something entirely different.

it all happened a couple months ago during one of the times jaehyun had taken you out. you felt the urge to talk to him about this pending thought. “wh-what if we go public?” you abruptly say in the car as he drove you two to his house. he’s stopped at a red light, the perfect opportunity. he glances over at you, his hand squeezing yours. “it’s whatever you want darling, i’ve told you… wherever you go, that’s where i’ll follow,” he reassures you, taking your hand to kiss your knuckles. “i-i want to go public, well not now but maybe soon, perhaps when we make a year,” you say, his eyes tearing away from yours when the light turns to green. “alright my love, we’ll do that,” he replied back, a smile tainting his face.

though you two haven’t talked about it since then, you both know that your two year anniversary is right around the corner. it made you happy knowing he still remembered. he always seemed to know everything, he truly was the perfect man you could’ve ever asked for.

he sings two more songs before the concert officially comes to an end, his tour finalizing. once he’s off that stage, you and his parents hurry backstage as you try avoiding running into any fans. luckily you two made it without a hitch. you find his manager in the halls, waiting for you three. he then guides you to the lounge area where jaehyun later arrives in. he instantly bursts out smiling seeing all his beloved people gathered. he starts off by greeting his parents, hugging them and kissing them. jaehyun moves along to you, in which you immediately wrap your arms around his neck.

“you did amazing out there jae,” you whisper into his ear. “thank you my love, i could feel your presence and felt all the more motivated,” he says. you two depart from each other's embrace and instead give one another a loving peck on the lips.

the four of you relaxed for a while, until food and a cake came inside. “to celebrate,” mr. lee announces. everyone in there having a good time, you were having an amazing time. although the touch of jaehyun’s fingers on your thigh elicited you to think of other things. your mind goes off the rails. however you knew what jaehyun was doing here, what he was trying to tell you. you glances over at him beside you, only to catch him doing the same. a small smirk spreads across his face, your panties growing wet.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

you two made it to his car before he began tearing your pants off you. earlier as the, congrats-on-a-good-tour, party had been wrapping up, jaehyun decided to excuse you two. he insisted on driving you two back home, which his manager allowed. he knew he wouldn’t win against jaehyun. and so when you two said your final goodbyes to his parents, he practically had you running to the parking garage underneath the venue. he told you to get into the backseat in which he then joined you as well.

now you find him tearing your clothes away from your body, throwing it to the passenger seat. you laid in the backseat, naked with nothing but your cute red panties. jaehyun licked his lips before going in between your legs. he pries them open, each leg on one of his shoulders. he kisses your you inner thighs, nibbling on the skin.

when he comes face-to-face with your pussy he darts out his tongue where he kitty licks you through your underwear. you bite down on your bottom lip as he plays with your clit. your panties growing even wetter, mixing along with him, eventually he finally removes your panties, stuffing them in his pocket before going back down.

with both his thumbs, he spreads your pussy lips apart. tongue licking you up so slowly you felt yourself clench around nothing, you ached. he flicked your clit before suddenly intruding his tongue inside you.

you moaned loudly, arching your back off the car seat as his tongue fucked itself in you. opening you up against your gummy walls, reaching you so deep. the wet noises infiltrated the car. your hips began grinding against him, one of your hands flying to his hair. you urge him deeper, he moaned from the action, sending sensations of pleasure to course throughout your body.

jaehyun kept going at it with his tongue, his pace quick. he travels a hand to your tit. jaehyun groped it as he used his fingers to play with your nipple, pinching the bud hard, and causing you to moan. whilst he used his other hand to start playing with your clit. abusing the poor thing, and not too long after he takes his tongue out of you. you whine at the loss of sensation.

“it’s alright my love, i’ll let you cum soon,” he says before getting up and sitting against the car seat. “come here,” he says, eyes looking at you like a predator.

you waste no time in straddling his lap, his lips coming onto your to engulf you into a steamy kiss. tongues fighting one another, teeth clashing, and a little tug on your bottom lip. “ride me. take me like a good girl right here,” he says in a sultry tone.

you couldn’t afford to waste time, you quickly sunk yourself into his cock. you still couldn’t get used to his length, it took a bit for you to get accustomed. his hands gripped your hips, guiding you into his cock. he plowed you in and out, watching his cock disappear inside of you, exciting him. “shit, good girl. you’re my good girl aren’t yo—fuck—you,” he grunts when he feels you tightening around his cock. an indication you were close to reaching your high. from getting tongue-fucked, it left you desperate for your release.

jaehyun was no cruel man, he helped you reach your high with a pleasurable play on your clit. he pounded into you once before you’re orgams came washing over you. you throw your head back, tongue lolling out.

“fuck, so beautiful,” jaehyun mutters, his high not too far away. as he continues fucking into you, you cling onto him. your arms wrapped around him, your lips sucking on his neck, marking him. and with a slap to your ass, he came inside you. panting heavily, he finally stops. the windows fogging up, you’d hoped no one had seen you two. yet there was something so hot about being seen, the thought turning you on.

jaehyun felt you clench, he knew what you were thinking about, he always did. “you dirty girl, wishing everyone saw you being fucked by me,” he smirks. god, something about the way he talked to you, ignited you even more.

you whisper into his ear, “yes, so fuck me more jae~ let everyone see how much i love you.”

jaehyun felt as though he could die right now, by you and your words. he wastes no time giving you a nice good fucking, round after round until your two couldn’t no more, needing a bigger space. he finally decides to drive off, driving while he had his fingers in your sweet pussy, fucking their way inside you until you saw stars.

even as you made it through the front door he took you from behind, moving to the living room, kitchen, bathroom, and his bedroom. he took you wherever and whenever around his home. and once both you have had enough of one another, you’re lulled into a deep sleep.

jaehyun’s pov.

today was the day, our one year anniversary. i’d planned a big day for the both of us today, and right now i’m heading to pick her up. i’m stopped at a red light, my thoughts infiltrated with her and the year we’ve spent together.

not only was it our one year, but today i’d planned to propose to her. i clutched my unoccupied hand around the velvet box. i purchased the ring a while back, i knew i’d wanted to marry her. she was my everything, i couldn’t live without her, her smile, her laugh, her eyes, her beauty, her personality, her everything, the flaws. at times it felt like she and i were specially made for one another. destined beings meant to be with one another. she had become my greatest gift, and from that day a year ago, i knew i wanted to marry her, build a family with her, and be with her during my last dying breath.

and once i’d propose to her, i’d like to officially announce our relationship and marriage. today was going to be the perfect day. even the weather was in my favor, i couldn’t wait to see her reaction to the ring, her face when she-

crash. bang. slam.

red, my vision was painted red. glass scattered on the floor, i was paralyzed. my car had been flipped over. shit.

no, no, no this couldn't be happening right now. no, please god not now, not today. my mind thought of y/n, she was still waiting for me to arrive. i clenched my hand on the box, it still was in my hand. today was suppose to be our one year, the day i asked for her hand in marriage, the day we’d spend eternity today.

as if a twist of events, droplets of rain began dripping down my face. i could feel my eyes wanting to close. no, fuck, jaehyun stay awake, i thought. y/n is waiting for you, she is-

black, i saw black. the noises stopped, everything became silent. the last thing i saw was y/n, my love, my beloved, my soulmate. i wished i could’ve spent one last time with her, "right next to you y/n, right next to you."

you grew worried. jaehyun hadn’t arrived yet, he hadn’t even messaged or called you to tell you he was going to run late. not to mention something your gut told you something wrong happened. you couldn’t shake off this feeling. you even tried calling him, but to no avail. he wasn’t answering. and so you resorted to calling his manager, but he too did not answer.

you impatiently waited for something, but nothing came until the afternoon arrived. your phone begins to ring, you immediately retrieve it. it was jaehyun’s manager. you quickly answered, not bothering to let him talk first. “mr. lee, hi! have you heard from jaehyun? he hasn’t answered any of my calls or texts, please le-” you rant quickly, wanting to seek answers but are interrupted by a distraught mr. lee.

“y/n, i’ma need you to hear my carefully,” he starts off. your worry increasing and your gut twisting. “j-jaehyun’s in the hospital right now, if you can you should come before his surgery finishes.”

“s-surgery?” you ask, voice wobbling. “y-yes, this morning, i’m guessing on his way to pick you up, he was involved in a car accident, it was bad. jaehyun was unresponsive when paramedics arrived, but was still breathing. he had a pretty nasty cut to his head and the doctor advised to quickly operate on him,” mr. lee explained the situation.

you don’t even remember much after that. you screamed in agony, tears nonstop as they roll down your face. you quickly head over to the hospital, ignoring the herds of news stations reporting. it disgusted you, how could they when your beloved was barely holding up.

you rush to the front of the hospital, asking to let you see jaehyun but that’s when mr. lee steps in to let you go with him. you rush together outside the operating room where jaehyun was at. you shook as mr. lee continued telling you details of what had happened earlier that morning. it hurt you, you couldn’t believe it. today was supposed to be your one year anniversary, the day you two celebrated in harmony, in love, with one another. yet here you were, in a hospital, awaiting news of the conclusion of his surgery. you’d never cried this much in your life.

in the midst of it all, jaehyun’s parents had arrived as well. his mother completely distraught, embracing you as you two prayed for jaehyun’s successful surgery. it felt neverending, like years had been passing by. why were they taking so long, why, why, why. you couldn’t take this anymore, what if he… what if he didn’t… you couldn’t even finish the thought. no, you thought. he was going to make it, he was the strongest person you knew. he was the brightest star that shunned.

“i, i just woke up from a dream. where you and i had to say goodbye.”

an hour or two passed by again before the operating sign turned off and a doctor came out. you and mrs. jeong stood up from the floor. all of you greeting the doctor, standing around him as he started to explain in detail jaehyun’s injuries.

“luckily, nothing life-threatning, the surgery was able to go about successfully. though we’re not sure when he’ll wake up, i can guarantee everything went well. it’s a miracle he made it out alive, he truly is a strong one,” the doctor said as he glanced over at jaehyun's parents during the last part. you sighed in relief, finally being able to breath after getting confirmation he truly was alright.

you all thanked the doctor, and thanked the heavens above that jaehyun had survived everything.

soon, a nurse came out informing you four that he’d been moved to a room and you all quickly rushed over there. your eyes watered again seeing the state he was in. it horrified you seeing all his injuries, small ones and most notably his head injury. you rush to his side, gently taking your hand in his. and you didn't know if it was just your imagination, but you swore you felt him tighten his hand around yours.

⋆⁺✧˚ · .₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆₊˚ෆ

it’s now been a little over a week since jaehyun’s accident and surgery. you’ve spent everyday by his side, sometimes staying the night. however his mother was growing worried for you and insisted you’d get some rest as well. you just didn’t want to not be by his side when he woke up. and so the days went on, you sat beside his bed. your hand on his, you stared at his face. you prayed and prayed for him to finally awaken, to open those eyes of his you adore so much.

the media was in a disaster the first couple of days, fans and nonfans too praying for his recovery. it came as a shock to everyone. they also arrested the person responsible, he had been under the influence when he crashed into jaehyun’s car. he was the one who ran the red light as jaehyun had just begun to drive.

you continue watching jaehyun when you notice his eyes move, they weren’t opening but they’d twitch. it was almost as if he was trying to open them. you got up, calling his name. your breath got caught in your system when you see him finally pry them open. he mutters something, but you don’t hear as you try calling for a nurse. when you come back you see him looking at you.

“j-jaehyun, is everything alright,” you ask. he doesn’t respond, he just looks at you as if he was trying to recognize you. “don’t worry, i already called a nurse the-” he interrupts you. the words coming out of his mouth, shocking. destroying you, changing your life.

“w-who a-are yo-you?” he asks, voice coming out a bit dry.

“wh-what do yo-you mean? jaehyun, it’s me, y/n… god, no. jaehyun please,” you begin to cry out. you’re refusing to believe what was unfolding, wishing it was some joke. the nurse comes in, seeing an awoken jaehyun and you crying.

you turn to her whisper so jaehyun wouldn’t hear, “h-he doesn’t remember me, wh-what’s wrong. pl-please.” she looks at you then at jaehyun. “ma’am, please calm down for a moment, i’ll go talk to the doctor first,” she says, but you already knew what was happening.

jaehyun had lost his memory, there was no denying that.

you don’t say a word to jaehyun anymore, instead you call mr. lee to inform him of what had just transpired. he tells you he’ll be there in no time. when he arrives, your still a crying mess. however another discovery was made.

“do-dohwa?” jaehyun asks, calling out for his manager. the two of you were shocked, none of this making sense. he remembered his manager, but not you. no, god this was worse. your heart broke to a million pieces. you could feel your world ending, right here, right now.

the nurse came back in, she informed you two that the doctor wanted to conduct a study on jaehyun to see what was going on. you two watched him being transported away. and your tears flowed more.

“h-he doesn’t re-remember me,” you cry out. his manager sits beside you, trying to reassure you, telling you perhaps this was just a temporary thing. that perhaps jaehyun was going to recover his memory soon, it wasn’t going to be anything serious.

yet all your hopes were crushed when the doctor came inside the room to talk to you both. jaehyun had fallen asleep. “he’s lost his memory, precisely memory of around 3 years,” the doctor informs. “is there a chance he could get it back?” mr. lee asks when you can’t even speak up anymore. “it’s hard to say, in most cases they do but there are also those other half who don’t,” the doctor answered. he asked you two if there were any more questions but you both didn’t ask anything more, too shocked by this new discovery.

when the doctor leaves, mr. lee gets up. he walks over to his backpack, opening it and retrieving a small bag. as he walks back to where you sat he hands you the bag. “wh-what’s this? you ask. “open it and you’ll find out,” he just says, it sounded so mysterious. however you do just that, opening the small bag, taking the object outside and into your hands.

a small velvet box.

your heart stops. could this be, you thought. you look up at mr. lee. “they found it in his hand when paramedics arrived, they told they had a hard time removing it from his hand,” mr. lee explained when you open the box. in the middle was the most gorgeous ring you’d ever seen. you couldn’t see anymore.

“it seems he was planning to propose to you,” mr. lee comments. you stayed silent, clutching the box tightly. a beat or two passes before you ask, “co-could you give us a minute.” mr. lee nods his head, stepping out to give you two some space. you get up from your seat and walk over to jaehyun. he was still fast asleep.

you grab onto his hand, tears continuously spilling out as you try gathering what to say to him. “th-thank you jaehyun. thank you for showing me love. thank you for allowing me to love you, for loving me. thank you for thinking of me even as you were dying. thank you for staying strong. thank you for existing. thank you for everything, my beloved.” you had so much to thank him for. “in the course of the year i spent with you, there was never a day i felt sad or regretful because i was with you, in fact that year was the best year of the entirety of my life.”

you let out a choked sob. “i don’t wanna say goodbye to you, goodbye to us. i wished we could’ve spent more time together, be right next to you. and if you ever get your memory back, just know i’d be waiting for you. but until then, our story will have to end here jaehyun.” you lean in to his kiss his cheek before departing. “i’ll love you for all eternity.”

you look at him for one last time before turning around. you’re about to open the door when you turn around again. “and jaehyun, yes i’ll marry you.”

+ + +

“if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you. if the party was over and our time on earth was through, i’d wanna hold you just for a while and die with a smile. if the world was ending, i’d wanna be next to you.” - die with a smile, bruno mars & lady gaga.

+ + +

2024. 09. 15

final a.n: hey! you've reached the end of die with a smile, it was an emotional roller coaster. i cried writing the ending, it was truly heartbreaking. the story ended up being longer than i had anticipated, but nonetheless i felt it was necessary to include the falling in love to get a better understanding of the loving relationship. unfortunately though i’ve decided to make this a oneshot, so i won’t be making a part two as i feel it’d be best to leave it this way (sorry i have to leave it angsty). anyhow, i hope to all my readers you’ve enjoyed it, cried, and felt a whirlwind of emotions. thank you for your continuous support, i’ll be back in 2 weeks with my next release! look forward to what i have next! thank you once more & i love you all, stay safe out there! jiji out 🤍

357 notes · View notes

huexuri · 4 months

Text

!! keep talking ⋆ — k.th

NSFW, MDNI!!!

summary: smut w little plot, taehyun likes ur voice like a bit too much

warnings: fem!reader, switch!reader, switch!tyun, lots of dirty talk, pillow humping, masturbating, video call mutual masturbating

wc: 1.9k

taehyun misses your voice. a lot.

the both of you used to live in the same apartment to accommodate transportation to your designated campuses. until, taehyun had found a more convenient place to stay for a while before he would come back to live with you.

it was supposed to be just a few months, but those few months felt like years to taehyun. he missed the way you would come home and talk to him about things that happened that day, ramble to him about useless things. he never really paid attention to your silly stories; he only ever really enjoyed listening to the tone of your voice, the way the words roll off your tongue like butter. it's like music to his ears, the way your voice sounds like silk to him. he'd listen to you ramble on forever if he could.

especially when you sing your favorite songs over and over again, bustling around in the kitchen for any snacks, taehyun always thought of you as a smart girl with a pretty face and the voice of an angel.

he never expected he'd miss your voice so much.

so much so, he'd simply grow hard listening to your voicemails — feeling as if he's deprived of your voice, he's replaying them over and over again, wishing it was whatever you said whispered in his ear, even better if that voice of yours is put to use, moaning in his ear and calling out his name as you grind down on him; making sure all that rings in his puny head for the rest of his life are your moans.

my god, your voice. it's dizzying to him, hypnotizing even. he doesn't know what it is in your voice that he loves so much. like some type of drug. he loves everything about you as his best friend — but your voice,, it's everything to him.

so, imagine the guilt that washes over him when you ask if you could video call with him and play games. he's going to hear your voice for the first time in forever. shouldn't he be ecstatic?

no, because he knows he's going to fucking bust the moment you start to speak.

“taehyun? why isn't your camera on?” you spoke through the phone, half your face in frame.

“no, nothing. if i turn on my camera it'll be very laggy.” taehyun chuckled, a tinge of fluster behind his words.

“okay then! you should join me now, i'm already in game. i sent you the code earlier.” you said before putting your phone down so your camera faces the ceiling.

“o-okay.”

you guys played for a few rounds before talking again, and taehyun doesn't know how he survived listening to you yap for the entire time the both of you were playing. not in a bad way, but in a way where he's surprised and relieved he didn't make a mess of his shorts.

"anyways, finals are killing me. i feel like i've been living in the library," you complained like you usually would.

"ugh, tell me about it!” taehyun scoffed as he waited for you to continue the conversation.

"organic chem is so hard. it's like a bunch of nonsense i'm looking at.” you continued.

"at least you're not doing what i'm doing. it's like a different language. i keep questioning my life choices every time i open the textbook," taehyun said, his voice slightly shaky, but you thought nothing of it.

you nod at the camera. “uh huh, i get you. these days i think i've been okay though? i hung out with sumin and yeeun at karaoke recently. you know, we sang till our throats were hoarse. and also—”

your words go in one of taehyun's ears and come out the other. no, to him that's not important, not as important as the sound of you talking. all he can think of is how he's filled with guilt as he slips a fist beneath his boxers, grabbing onto his already leaking erection and jerking off… to your voice.

i'm really sorry, the thought rings in his head over and over again as his cock springs out of his boxers the more he pulls his waistband down to his thighs, leaning back against his gaming chair.

the tip of his cock glossy and starting to become a pinkish hue, he pleasures himself, free hand clutching his headphones to listen to your voice clearer, increasing the volume of the call.

he bites his lips as he closes his eyes as he starts to near his high.

“—she literally bumped into me and didn't say anything! she looked at me up and down with a dirty look, like i swear i would've—” you go silent. “taehyun?” you suddenly ask.

taehyun jolts from his seat, letting go of his cock as he readjusts his position.

“y-yeah? what?” he responds, throat dry as his adam's apple bobs up and down.

“are you even listening?” you frown at him through the camera.

“yeah,, uh, of course i am.” taehyun clears his throat.

you sigh. “okay, because you're awfully quiet. anyways, so she hit me—”

fuck, that was close. he thinks. his hand slowly picks up it's pace and he's stroking his cock again, back arching against the backrest of the chair as he throws his head back, mouth slightly agape and huffing.

“i don't even know what's her problem! right, tae??” you ask for his approval.

“r-right, ss—aah, keep talking, ‘m so close,” he whispers, his voice cracking. he doesn't register why you went quiet for an awkward 10 seconds before it finally clicks and he clasps a hand over his mouth.

“taehyun.. are you touching yourself ...?” you realize why his camera is off and why he seemed like he wasn't listening. then, silence. “taehyu—”

“i'm so sorry, y/n!!” taehyun blurts out desperately, with nothing else to say, he goes quiet again. guilt travels all over his body in the form of goosebumps as he thinks of what kind of stupid pervert he is, when all you wanted to do with him was chat.

“fuck, dude. if you just wanted to jerk off to my voice you should've told me.”

“huh? wait what?” taehyun's eyes soften.

“it’s kinda hot.” you mumbled as you shifted your camera down to your chest, touching it and rubbing the plushness. “come on, turn on your camera. don't be shy.” you said in a more demanding tone, testing the waters on what he liked the most.

“fuck, y/n, don't do this to me. your voice is…” taehyun sighed as he turned on his camera, showing his fucked out face, hazy eyes and swollen pink lips, glossy with drool all over them.

“you have a thing for my voice?” you asked as you smiled, positioning your camera slightly far away from your chair so he could see you fully.

“i've loved your voice since the beginning of time, i just… i-i don't know. ever since i moved out i realized i collapsed at the sound of your voice just so much more easily..” taehyun also adjusts his camera perfectly so that the frame cuts at his lower abdomen. you can see his shirt ride up above his pecs and his abs slightly moist with sweat.

“tell me what you want me to say then, this is your chance.” you fondle with your clothed breasts in front of the camera, nipples perking up and visible on the cloth, and taehyun slightly flinches at the sight.

“sssshit, i can't focus when you look and sound like that, stop doing that.” taehyun trembles under his breath as he fists his cock again. you can see his hand moving but you can't see his cock out. for some reason, the excitement turned you on way more.

“it's okay, take your time.” you said gently as your hands traveled under your shirt.

“fuck, need you to moan so badly. just whatever, fucking need you to use that voice of yours. please.” taehyun begged, his voice raspy and out of it.

“really?” you grabbed a pillow nearby and placed it beneath you. wearing nothing but a pair of dolphin shorts, you held on to the chair as you rocked your hips back and forth, arching your back to find the angle, starting slow and throwing your head back.

“p-please watch me, tae. i'd grind on your cock like this if you were—aah, mmfh~” you found your pace, looking at your phone screen with dazed eyes. you see taehyun running his fingers through his disheveled hair, holding on to the headphones as he bites his lips and fists his cock at unimaginable speeds.

“talk,” he breathily orders as his hips jitter in his hands.

“show me you're jerking off first,” you said, and taehyun sits slightly further away from the camera, showing an angle of him fisting himself.

“yeah, stroking that cock because my voice turns you on that bad, huh?” you chuckle as you increase your pace, your cunt rubbing onto the surface of the silk pillowcase. “f-fuuuck, tyunnie. a-aah—feels so goddamn good, just wish you were here so badly—!”

“yeah? i'll fuck your ability to walk out of you if i were there right now, holy shit.” taehyun pants and groans as he spits onto his cockhead. “does it feel good? does my cock rubbing against your cunt feel good?” taehyun fists his shaft to simulate the pillow you're humping.

“yeah, oh fuck, fuckfuck—” your mouth is wide open and your head is thrown back as you ride the pillow at incomprehensible speeds, your pussy throbbing and pulsing against the fabric as your slick begins to stain the cover. “you'd feel even better inside me, mmh~”

“keep talking like that and i'll actually go insane, spewing nothing but filth out of that pretty mouth of yours.” taehyun's hips thrust upwards into his fist as he watches you reach your high.

“isn't that what you wanted, taehyun? got off of my voice because you wanted me to moan and whimper in your ear?” you continued to hump the pillow as you felt yourself go dizzy. “gonna cum, a-aah–!”

“you're gonna make me— holy shit,” taehyun's moans became irregular and gradually louder. eventually after you came back from seeing stars, you could see his load splattered all over his fist and abs.

you stared at the screen blankly, mind barely able to function as the both of you pant heavily.

“i'm coming back tomorrow, i don't care.” taehyun remarks as he puts his pants back on and wipes the stripes of cum off of his abdomen.

“isn't it inconvenie—”

“i don't care about conveniency as long as i get to fuck you immediately after i see you again.” taehyun firmly said with a shit-eating grin plastered all over his fucked out face.

“promise?” you said, smiling at the camera.

“promise.”

later that night, you're shocked to see taehyun standing at your door with a bunch of huge ass bags and a pair of his favorite sneakers.

“you're still holding on to what you said?” you asked him as you let him in with a giggle. “come, i'll help you put these things down first.”

“i don't make promises i can't keep, love. i missed that voice of yours so fucking much, you have no idea… over the phone was clearly not enough.”

you cleared your throat. “i think i do have an idea, after what happened this afternoon..”

#taehyun x reader smut #taehyun scenarios #taehyun x reader #taehyun smut #taehyun #kang taehyun #taehyun hard thoughts #taehyun hard hours #txt smut #xuri writes

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arijackz · 7 months

Text

PICK A CARD: What Era Is Your Beauty From?

☯︎ “A man should hear a little music, read a little poetry, and see a fine picture every day of his life, in order that worldly cares may not obliterate the sense of the beautiful which God has implanted in the human soul.” ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Disclaimer: This is a general reading, take what resonates. I am not suggesting any of these descriptions are cannon to your ancestral history, these are just how my intuition perceived, and then presented your beauty’s energy.

p1 → p2 ↙︎ p3 → p4

🂽 Pile One 🂽 (the devil, 2oC rev., ace of cups rev., 4oW, 3oC, king of swords, the tower, the world)

❖ Pile one, I feel like I’m watching the Game of Thrones out of context. Just flashes of people from around the Medieval 1400s living their day-to-day; singing, dancing, eating together, and then… not.

❖ The imagery I got when I asked what era your beauty came from, was very longing in nature. There was a lot of joy and celebration but it felt like I was watching the film through teary eyes and a heavy heart.

❖ The “movie” flashed between a thriving culture sharing tales of triumph and having happy, drunk sing-song moments together; and then those same people under a war-torn regime of a very cruel but powerful man. I sense themes of religious persecution, nationwide government-forced famine, and general desecration of the once-peaceful way of life. The population was going through collective mourning.

❖ People lamented over their unfulfillable desire to reconnect with their homeland and all of their loved ones. With the World card at the end of the spread and the Empress at the bottom of the deck, I get the clear image that your beauty is the physical embodiment of a large collective’s longing for the sanctity of their community. You invoke that feeling people get when they remember a bitter-sweet memory that hums fervor in their chest and gives them the fire they need to push forward.

❖ Your beauty comes from an era where the genuine smile and cheer of a pretty girl sparked a nation’s hope for reformation. You are the last remaining connection to long-lost celebration and the heart of a forgotten city.

How Do You Paint The Divine Image of Hope?

🂽 Pile Two 🂽 (7oC rev., 4oP rev., full moon, leo, sacral chakra)

❖ WHOOOAAaaaaa Ammberrr is the collluuhhhhh of ya enneergyyy!! WHOoaaA, shades of gaawwllddd displayyy naturraalllyyyyyy…..

❖ Just know I was HOLLERING that. This is my hippie pile. My people. Yea that’s right, I’m talking the late 1960s - early 1970s.

❖ Your beauty arose at a time when society desperately needed color (specifically seeing some of you wearing a lot of bright colors or eye-catching jewelry or hairstyles). The world was bleak and the war’s aftermath on the overall mental and emotional welfare of the general public pushed people to radical ideals and birthed a revolution centered around liberation, pleasure, and community.

❖ Your beauty is all sunshine and rainbows. Psychedelics and organic food. The best music in human history (feel free to argue with me, but know that it is going straight out the other ear, mama) and week-long outdoor festivals full of peace, love, and vulnerability with total strangers.

❖ Your beauty brushes people with the chilling winds of shameless pleasure. The taste of unadulterated personal freedom that is almost a societal taboo. Your beauty is so purely liberating.

❖ Lmao, I imagine a guitar riff going off everytime you walk into a room.

❖ You are the physical embodiment of eccentric love and vivacious rebellion.

Play That Funky Music

🂽 Pile Three 🂽 (The lovers rev., the High Priestess rev., Ace of Swords., 4oC. 7)

❖ Revolution is a running theme for all of the piles. This collective’s beauty awakens people.

❖ I’m seeing a brilliant man going mad at the lack of creative intelligence around him and pushing for societal rebirth. A complete cultural shift from the Dark Ages (pile one), to modernity. This is my Renaissance pile.

❖ You embody the mystical fusion of art, religion, architecture, and science. You are all the world’s intrinsic beauty rolled up into one figure. You are the art that attracts painters, inventors, and philosophers alike.

❖ You have the beauty of an all-around muse. You invoke the spirit of creative passion. It is like people see you and get a stroke of inspiration. Something that kicks them in the ass and tells them to go outside and create.

❖ This pile is very romantic. A classical beauty, like red roses and bottle poems. The universal innate desire to dream big.

❖ Shoutout to my Aquarians, 11th housers, and Shatabhisha natives.

The Medieval-Modern Muse

🂽 Pile Four 🂽 (king of pentacles, 2oP, 5oP rev., 9oP)

❖ OKAY PLOTWIST?? I don’t know what era this pile’s beauty is from because it’s set in the future.

❖ It’s funny how the last piles were all set in periods of revolution (putting in the WORK) and your pile, the final pile, is set in a better world full of financial stability, the end of inequality, economic fairness, and universal abundance (the fruits of the labor).

❖ Dude, I was trying to read the message at first and was just scratching my head. I was like, “When has anywhere, literally ever been this good???” Then I saw the ace of wands reversed at the bottom of the deck and saw impending change and it clicked.

❖ I also saw some star semblance, and see that your beauty is a reminder to mankind that the “impossible” is already set in motion. The hell we have created will crumble.

❖ You are a physical embodiment of society’s future triumph. You radiate wealth and fairness. My Venusians, especially Libra. You also look regal, something about you makes people want to stand taller.

❖ You got the pride card, I see that you give people the feeling of victory. You are living proof of future triumph in a better world where greed and sorrow are eradicated.

❖ You are the harbinger of the next era.

Introducing The First Titanium Man On The Moon!

#pac #pick a card #tarot #tarot reading #arijackz #astrology observations #pick a pile #beauty #eras

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palioom · 1 year

Text

stuffing

summary: javier has never been able to get enough of you, but it's only gotten worse ever since you've become pregnant.

pairing: javier peña x f!reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: 18+ content; no use of y/n; unprotected p in v; oral (f receiving); fingering; established relationship; pregnancy sex/kink; squirting; cum eating; cum play; creampie; some dirty talk

• masterlist •

Life in Laredo was boring.

Boring people, boring houses, hell, even the birds singing here seemed boring.

But that’s how Javier liked it.

The biggest news here was barely worth a mention compared to what he had seen in Colombia.

He was more than fine with this boring life, no more chases, no more heavy protection tact vests. No looking over the shoulder, no suspicious staring.

Though, he still did that from time to time.

Couldn’t quite shake the habit of suspecting people planned something bad, occasionally checking his car for bombs.

He’d probably never lose these things, it was too deeply embedded into his being now, had become a part of him.

But that’s why he loved this boring life.

Coming home to the little plot of land they had purchased right next to his father’s, staying close to Chucho and helping out whenever they could.

Coming home to a warm home, decorated with silly little trinkets, pretty paintings.

Everything neatly organized but with a certain chaos to it. He didn’t like things too neat, and while their home was tidy and clean, it looked lived in.

Maybe a little wild at times.

Not bare or sparsely decorated like safehouses or his apartment back in Medellín.

He loved coming home to the smell of food wafting to the front door.

Loved coming home to her.

His lovely wife, her back turned towards him as she worked on something, hair up and out of her face.

Moving her pretty hips and ass as she hummed along to whatever song the radio was playing. Completely in her own world.

He smiled when he saw her, walking up to her and pressing himself close, hands on her hip and kissing the back of her head before pressing one against her exposed neck.

She was warm and inviting, letting out a small sigh when she felt him, leaning back while still working on whatever food she was making.

“Looks good, cariño.” He said, kissing that spot behind her ear that let her sigh even deeper before resting his chin on her shoulder to watch.

“Thank you, it’s the stuffing for the poblano peppers I wanna make at the cookout tomorrow.” She said, her skilled hands cutting vegetables into small portions. “I know I could whip it up tomorrow, but I have so many things still planned and I don’t know how I’ll feel.”

A smirk stretched his lips wide, his hands roaming to her large, round belly. Just letting his hands smooth over it for a moment, they wandered to the underside of it, gently lifting it.

The sigh of relief that spilled over her lips echoed loudly in the kitchen and he watched how she put down the knife, just leaning back into him, hands gripping the counter.

It was a heavy weight in his hands and he couldn’t imagine carrying that around every day.

But she was such a champ, despite her swearing and complaints. And she had never looked more beautiful.

“We could make a different kind of stuffing.” He suggested, tone teasing. “Together.”

A small laugh bubbled in her chest, and fuck, how he loved hearing it.

“Pretty sure there’s enough stuffing inside of me already.”

Javier had always been pretty insatiable when it came to her, whether it was for the basic need of wanting to fuck his beautiful wife or because his past was plaguing him and he needed a respite, seeking comfort in her body rather than his usual vices.

But ever since she had become pregnant, he truly couldn’t get enough of her, hands all over her round belly and swollen breasts, needing some part of himself buried inside her pussy.

Not that she minded, he always made sure to make her feel good.

“C’mon, nena.” He said, letting her belly down again gently, taking notice of how she slumped a little. “There can never be enough stuffing inside of you.”

She rolled her eyes with a groan, partially from the heavy weight returning, partially because he was ridiculous. In the best way, of course.

“Better keep that talk to a minimum tomorrow.” She warned with a grin, turning around in his arms and leaning back against the counter.

“Yes ma’am.”

His lips on hers were gentle at first, moulding languidly together, his hand roaming up and down her side. Moustache tickling her upper lip.

Letting his tongue find hers, he could taste some of the vegetables she had chopped up, smiling at that. She tasted amazing and Javier couldn’t wait to have whatever she was making tomorrow.

But first, he wanted her.

Deepening the kiss, his hands wandered down to her ass, squeezing hard which made her moan.

The most beautiful sound he knew, soft and already high-pitched, a song no one else would ever know.

“C’mon, nena” He rasped against her lips, a small groan leaving him when her hands wandered into his hair. “Let me take care of you.”

She chuckled at his words.

“Take care of me or of your dick?”

Javier had to laugh at that as well, forehead coming to rest against hers, looking into her eyes.

“Is that what you think of me?”

She shrugged her shoulders, upside down smile on her lips.

Her hands moved to his cheeks, squishing them just lightly. She really wanted him, feeling wet already at the thought of him inside her.

But she needed to finish chopping the vegetables first, knowing she wouldn’t come back here once he had her in bed. And he wouldn’t do it.

“Can I finish this first, Javi?” She placed a kiss on the bridge of his nose, right over the small scar there. “I know you won’t let me out of bed once you get me there.”

Javier sighed but nodded. Anything for his wife.

Kissing her forehead, he let his lips linger there as she hummed. “I’ll help you, cariño.”

It took them longer than expected to land in their bedroom, with Javier trying to get things done the fast way and getting reprimanded by her more than just once for how sloppily he diced the vegetables.

But, they had managed somehow, leaving the mess to get cleaned up in the morning.

She giggled when he pushed her onto the bed, gently, before kneeling before her.

Hands on her belly, lips back on hers.

“Wanna taste that pussy so bad.” He said, one hand sliding to her thigh and slowly pushing up the hem of her dress. “Wet and sweet for me.”

Kissing down her jaw to her neck, he could feel the moan vibrating in her throat, her hand at the back of his neck.

“Please, Javi.” She sighed, enjoying the way his lips felt against her skin, how tantalisingly slow he moved his calloused hand up her thigh.

Her legs spread further, allowing him to trace his fingers up the inside of her thigh before reaching the hem of her panties, already wet.

A soft gasp echoed between them when he pressed a knuckle over her clit, applying just a little bit of pressure.

Her fingers curled into his neck, eyes closed.

She was much more sensitive now, every little touch so much more intense as he languidly dragged his knuckle over the damp material.

“Feels good, huh, nena?” He asked, leaning back to look at her face, drinking in her pleasure as he pressed a little harder.

She nodded, humming, biting her lip when he brushed over her clit again.

“Take them off, Javi.”

He grinned, fingers hooking under the waistband and tugging them down her legs when she lifted her hips to help him.

Both his hands were back on her immediately, bunching up her summer dress so he could look at her soaking pussy when she leaned back on one arm. The other caressed the back of his head still.

No matter how often he saw her, he always looked mesmerised somehow, like this was his first time.

Made her feel special, the low, quiet whistle and grin on his face making her giggle.

“Pretty pussy all soaked for me.” He said, eyes still on her middle as he used his thumbs to spread her open, the air chilly against her. “You're stunning, cariño.”

She couldn’t quite see, her belly too big already, but she felt the rough pad of one thumb press into her clit, making her hips jerk forward.

“Always for you, Javi.” She smiled, nails scratching against his scalp.

His dark eyes found hers, sparkling and so loving and he leaned up towards her face, pressing a long kiss to her lips.

“Let me taste you, nena.” He said.

Just a few years back, when she had met him between his stays in Colombia, he would have just dived in without even asking, merely announcing it.

It made her happy that he had settled a little, had found enough rest to allow himself to change just a bit.

Just a little though, still falling into his old ways more often than not.

Exactly how she liked it.

“‘Course, Javi, you fucking know that.” She chuckled, kissing him again before he settled back down, grinning like he’d just won the damn lottery.

In his mind, he did.

With a woman so stunning, so perfect with her charm and wits and that round belly only making her angelic.

He felt like he had done something right for once when he put a ring on her, just them in a tiny ceremony.

Only Chucho with them.

They never liked the big celebrations, just them was enough.

“Scootch back and lay down, cariño.” He said, helping her to move back on the bed, making it easier for both of them.

That growing stomach of hers had made it just a little harder to do all this, but they found a way.

She hummed when he kissed down the insides of her thighs, occasionally biting her while his hands kept them spread for him.

Her hand in his hair tugged weakly on his dark locks, making him hum in return.

“So fucking pretty.” He murmured, right before finding her middle, tongue twisting around her clit, seeing how her back arched off the bed, her fingers curling tighter into his hair. “So fucking sensitive, cariño.”

Licking a broad stripe up her folds, he focused solely on her clit, tongue flicking over it before he sucked on it, making her moan and whimper.

“Javi, fuck, that feels good, baby.” She whined loudly, writhing on the bed already, one hand twisted in the sheets while the other still gripped his hair tightly.

She wished she could watch him, watch his face as he ate her out. He always looked so pretty when he did.

So she closed her eyes and imagined his staring up at hers, brows furrowed in concentration. The wet sounds growing louder, mingling with her moans.

Her hips bucked against his mouth and he laid one of his hands on her hip to keep her still, the other finding her wet entrance, two fingers teasing her and making her whine.

“Oh- Baby, please, fuck me with your fingers, please.” She rushed out, trying to inch closer to him but he kept teasing her, letting them glide over her aching hole but not pushing inside. “You’re a mean man, Javi.”

He hummed against her, the vibrations running up her spine and pushed his fingers in, taking her by surprise.

She clenched around him, moaning loudly and throwing her head back as he slowly started pumping in and out of her, fingers curling against that spongy sweet spot inside of her.

“That’s my girl.” He mumbled, grabbing her hip harder as he continued to lick and suck at her clit. “Sweet pussy gripping me so tight, nena.”

Her orgasm was building rapidly, feeling so sensitive as he touched all the right spots.

A different, unfamiliar sensation built alongside it, faster and faster as she writhed below him, whines growing louder.

“Baby- I’m gonna-” She choked out, unable to finish her sentence as her orgasm crashed into her so suddenly and so violently that she couldn’t even make more sounds.

Then she felt it, a warm, wet gush, her hand in his hair managing to tug him away as he kept pumping his fingers, fucking her through her orgasm as she soaked his shirt.

He just looked stunned. This was the first time this had ever happened and seeing her body tremble, legs shaking and her thighs and the sheets wet…

Could he possibly be more in love and crazy for her?

“‘M sorry, Javier.” She gasped out when he removed his fingers once she had calmed down again, breathing hard. “I don’t know-”

“Stop.” He cut her off, rising to his feet so he could crawl over her. “That was fucking hot, cariño.”

His eyes were hungry when he looked down at her, lips crashing into hers.

His moustache was wet, as was his chin and she could taste herself on him when he pushed his tongue into her mouth.

She could practically feel how excited he was, not that he ever wasn’t, but all the shame she might have felt at what she did was melting away as he kissed her so roughly and passionately, his hands moving to push down the straps of her dress.

Quickly his fingers unclasped her bra and she helped him take it off, groaning when his rough hands cupped her sensitive breasts.

“God, I love you pregnant.” He said, kissing down her neck to her chest.

She giggled, the sound broken by a gasp when his mouth closed around one nipple.

“Just ‘cause my tits get bigger?”

Javier had to laugh at that. “Exactly, and you’re fucking sexy like this.”

She rolled her eyes, moaning again when his tongue curled around her nipple, back arching into him.

“Can you finally fuck me?” She asked, hands in his hair. “Please, baby, it hurts.”

He sat up, taking off his soaked shirt and throwing it to the side, revealing his toned chest and soft stomach.

“Hurts for me, nena?” He said, brow raised as his fingers fumbled with his belt buckle. “Gonna need my dick to help you feel better?”

She nodded, biting her lip as she watched him take off his jeans, then his underwear, his hard cock springing free.

“Say it.”

Her legs wrapped around his waist, trying to coax him closer.

“Need your cock in my aching pussy, Javi. Want you to fuck me.”

His hands wandered to her dress, still bunched around her hips and pulled it off of her.

“My pretty little wife.” He chuckled, lining himself up with her, her legs draped over his hips. “You sound so sweet, you’re always so good to me.”

Slowly he pushed in, watching for her reactions as he pushed in deeper, until he was settled all the way.

She moaned, eyes closing and her hands reaching for his thighs, needing to hold onto him in some way.

“Feels good?” He asked, running his hands over her legs, then placed them over hers.

A low hum left her and she nodded. “Move, baby. Wanna feel you.”

Javier obliged almost immediately, rolling his hips slowly, pulling out before pushing himself all the way in again.

Dragging low moans from her, short gasps and pants.

Watching her face contort in pleasure when one of her hands left his leg to squeeze her own breast.

“Fuck, you’re so gorgeous, cariño.” He groaned, feeling her clench around him. “My dirty, little wife.”

A new orgasm built rapidly, his dick hitting all the right places inside of her, his groans and moans only helping the waves of pleasure grow.

She opened her eyes to look at him, watching his muscles flex as he slammed his hips against hers, when he lifted her legs to lay them against his shoulders, changing the angle and moving faster.

“Oh- Javi, fuck!” She gasped, feeling herself so close already as he kept fucking her. “You feel so good!”

“I know, nena.” He rasped, his eyes moving back and forth between her face and her bouncing breasts. “Be a good girl for me and let go, yeah? Wanna feel that pussy all tight, you’re so fucking gorgeous like this, cariño.”

Just a few more thrusts, looking at his face, teeth bared and brows furrowed, her second orgasm crashed into her, making her tense up and moan his name, squeezing him so tightly he had to stop for a moment.

“Just like that, nena, yes.” He breathed out, picking up his speed as he fucked her through it, rhythm faltering. “That’s my girl, fuck-”

His hips pressed into her, a guttural groan ripped from him as he came, fingers curling into her thighs.

“So fucking pretty with your belly, fuck- Gotta give you more.”

She barely understood his rambling over the blood rushing in her ears, struggling to breathe as she still felt the pleasure running through her.

But something about it was just incredibly hot.

He let her legs down gently before pulling out carefully, spreading her legs to watch his cum leak out of her.

She felt hot under his gaze and watched as he used his fingers to push it back into her, making her groan and roll her eyes.

“Javi, I am already pregnant.” She said, watching his face closely.

He hummed in response, still pushing more back into her.

“Just gotta make sure.” He said, hearing her laugh at that. “Love seeing my cum inside you, cariño, you know that.”

“Just gotta make sure…” She mumbled under her breath with a chuckle. “You’re ridiculous.”

Happy with what he’d done, he leaned forward to kiss her belly before leaning over her again, putting his fingers to her mouth.

“Open.”

She did, sucking his fingers into her mouth and humming at the salty taste, both of them together.

When he pulled them out again, he kissed her, soft and tender now, his hand smoothing over her belly.

“We do make good stuffing.” She said, trying not to laugh but feeling herself unable to when he started grinning.

He laughed too, loving her laugh and kissing her forehead.

“We do, and I’ll make sure there’s more where that came from.” He said, eyes twinkling.

“Not tomorrow.” She warned.

He kissed her cheek.

“I won’t have to mention it, everyone can already see how well I stuffed you.”

That earned him a playful swat on the arm, pushing him off of her with a laugh.

Yeah, she really loved this Javier.

And she could imagine letting him stuff her just once or twice more.

He was pretty good at this, after all.

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vilhelios · 8 months

Text

— WAIT FOR ME / I'M STILL SOMEWHERE ;

( you're getting older without me and i'm getting scared ) ; in which rafayel still hopes that there's a life where this works — where you do not crush his bleeding heart in your hands, & he still loves you despite, despite, despite.

cw: not beta read; spoilers for abysswalker rafayel's "sea of golden sand" myth, "fragrant dreams" card, "siren's song" anecdote, & main story ch. 7; angst ; some fluff ; mentions of blood, injury & death ; theories + headcanons about mc & rafayel's past lives ; kinda pretentious rafayel lore analysis ( can't help it, i just love him a lot! )

"RAFAYEL, do you think we're lovers in every universe?"

in the stillness of the night, as he mindlessly draws designs on your skin with his thumb, rafayel lies through his teeth: "yeah. i'm sure we are."

it's all he can manage. how do you tell your lover—your dear, sweet muse, whose presence makes the sea of your heart ebb and swell—that you've wondered the same thing lifetimes ago, and know the answer with bittersweet certainty? you continue talking about an article you read, in the morning—something about "consciousness energy fluctuations" and "that feeling of deja vu" and "soulmates."

and rafayel wonders, humming along to your rambling, if that's what you two are: soulmates.

"i wonder what we're like." you sigh, burrowing your head into the warmth of his chest. surely you can hear the rapid thrumming of his heart—he can't help it, the organ so helplessly weak in your presence. "you're the most creative man i know; got any ideas?"

"i think," rafayel starts, runs his fingers through your hair, "there's a life where i'm a merman, you're the human i've fallen deeply in love with, and the barrier between the waves and the shoreline is all that's stopping us."

rafayel remembers being younger, lifetimes ago. he remembers swimming upstream, through a little river that becomes a smaller creek, settling by your quaint home. he remembers playing you a song on his flute, an elegy for lemuria that became your song. he still remembers your head peeking out from the window and the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen staring down at him. you were like sunflecks dancing upon the water's surface—dazzling—and he, denizen of the deep dark sea, couldn't help but fall in love. he gave you his heart, his blood, his voice.

"hmm... reminds me of an old fairy tale." you press a kiss to the beauty mark on his chest, your lips curving into a smile against his skin. right above where his heart is, where the proof of your pact would shine bright. "do you think you'd have gotten a pair of legs and we'd live happily ever after on land?"

"of course i would've." rafayel smiles.

(he does not think about the way his voice grew hoarse as he sung lemuria's elegy. he does not think about the dagger he'd clutched so tightly in his hidden hand, as you approached him on the shore. he does not think about the hug, the warmth of your body making his resolve flutter. the warm blood on his hands, in the water, seeping from the heart he once loved and now carved out and cradled. he does not think about returning to a ruined lemuria, everything he's ever loved ripped away from him in a night.)

"then i like that one. what about another? knowing how we quarrel, do you think we were royalty hailing from opposing kingdoms?"

"hmm, close. i'd say that i'm an assassin, sneaking into your lovely highness's bedroom window."

"hah! i can see that." his heart flutters when he hears you giggle. rafayel wishes he could trap that beautiful sound inside a conch shell, it almost seemed possible, the way it felt like molten gold—sunlight. "i'd leave the windows open just so you'd have an easier time coming in."

"glad to know you'd still fall for my charms." he finds it in himself to smile, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "even if it might not be the brightest idea, dummy."

"hmph, but if we still loved each other then, you wouldn't kill me." your hand reaches upwards to cup his cheek, a thumb aimlessly stroking comforting lines across his skin. his breath hitches at how naturally it comes to you. "you'd fall for my charms too."

(why wouldn't it? you've done it so many times before, as you—dear highness of philos—gingerly removed his mask. he, who was destined to carve out your heart; and he, who could not bear to do so, who fell apart in the warmth of your hold. any hatred he'd held in his heart for the humans that desecrated his home —beautiful, sacred lemuria— dissolved with each ripple of the lake you both had danced across on that silent night. how could he ever hurt his beloved, who in another life he'd devoted entire oceans to?)

"yeah." he breathes out, almost a chuckle. "yeah, i guess i would, your highness."

"rafa?" you murmur, words slurred with the call of sleep, ushered in by him running a hand through your hair. "i really hope that we're soulmates even if it's in the silliest lives you could ever think up. do you?"

(and he hopes for more, a case study in greed. he hopes for the most blissful lives with you—where he's the receding sea and you are the sands of the shore, or you are an anemone polyp and he is the rock you've decided to settle upon, or he is the deepsea fish that looks longingly upon the warmth of the sunflecks that dance upon the water. he hopes there's a life where this whole thing works: where you do not crush his bleeding heart in your hands, & he still loves you despite, despite, despite.)

and rafayel smiles, presses the umpteenth kiss tonight to your forehead, watches you draw closer into his hold. and then he whispers his little wish against your skin, as soft as a siren singing lullabies to a sailor:

"yeah. i hope so too."

a/n: on this lovely valentine's day i offer the rafa stans: angst 🤩 the ending was a bit rushed because i... was no longer in an angsty mood. this fic is very much so a product of a time where i knew less of rafa's lore (see: did not finish the myth) so there may be some lore inaccuracies ... please do listen to berenstein by the band camino!!! l&ds' plot feels like an amalgamation of some of my favourite songs (berenstein, heartbeat by bts, isohel by EDEN)... and it's just such a good plot so far. please send me rafa lore stuff/general thoughts bc i'd love to try and play around with some of them (i have an idea for his birthday fic already) ,,, i'd love and appreciate you immensely ♡

#love and deepspace x reader #love and deepspace headcanons #love and deepspace angst #rafayel headcanons #rafayel x reader #rafayel angst #qi yu headcanons #qi yu x reader

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honeytonedhottie · 2 months

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HONEYS IT GIRL MAGAZINE july edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the july catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion. a magazine for it girls ✨ and now please enjoy, the it girl magazine.

in this addition i've experimented with new sections (like the horoscope section) so i hope that u guys look forward to it and if u have any more suggestions for the magazine feel free to share and without further ado, lets get into it with some beauty talk…💬🎀

BEAUTY SHOPPING LIST ;

♡ kiko milano lipgloss

♡ L.A girl glitter spray

♡ cotton candy baby lipgloss from victorias secret

i've gone for more tubes of cotton candy baby because its just SUCH a good lipgloss but i recently lost mine and its been on my list to get next time i go to the mall…💬🎀

♡ crispy marshmallow bars body wash from philosophy

ugh just the NAME of this soap sounds absolutely delicious and im dying to try it out. im a big fan of the philosophy body washes anyways because of the quality and scents…💬🎀

♡ coconut craze lipgloss from victorias secret

♡ pink mimosa lipgloss from victorias secret

another thing that i wanted to talk about in this months beauty column is the DIFFERENCE that blush placement makes. so i was scrolling on pinterest when i came across this chart that talked about blush placement.

when you apply blush a certain way it balances out ur beautiful features and plays around with proportions in such a way that can make ur features more prominent. also the way that u apply ur blush totally changes the way that ur makeup looks.

for example when u apply blush to the apples of ur cheeks it gives a more youthful and glowy effect. when u put blush high on ur cheekbones it gives a more lifted and sculpted look which is where the blush chart comes in. depending on ur face shape u can determine which style of blush placement complements ur pretty face the best 💗

WHAT R WE LISTENING TO? ;

the most listened to album i've listened to all month has been butterfly by mariah carey. it was released in 1997 and every single song on that album is a total MASTER PIECE. some of my favorites include

♡ honey (DUH)

♡ babydoll

however that album is from 1997 so lets talk about some new music that i LOVED that also dropped this month…💬🎀

♡ brat- charli xcx

♡ muse - jimin

another album that has been gathering lots of attention on lots of social media platforms is ice spice's Y2K album and i've seen a lot of mixed reviews about it. personally im not a fan of the album, my favorite song on the album is did it first but im not a fan of the album as a whole. im curious though to hear what your thoughts on the album are…💬🎀

FASHION FLOPS VS FASHION BOPS ;

in this column, lets look at some old and new fashion trends and see which trends are flops and which ones are bops. my sources include vogue, and glamour magazine…💬🎀

according to vogue, statement gowns are OUT and discreet chics are IN. discreet chic is mixing basics in minimalist yet compelling ways. this includes things like trench coats, pencil skirts, trouser suits and good jeans.

according to glamour magazine, crisp whites and butter yellows are trending this summer. along with sequins and basics like denim pants and white t-shirts, polished kitten heels and mary jane flats also. the styles that are trending for this summer are boho 3.0 and little white dresses.

something i can DEF get behind is little white dresses. its like a blank canvas on which u can make the outfit into whatever you want. personally i would style a tiny white dress with chunky bracelets and wedges/kitten heels…💬🎀

LETS TALK MANIFESTATION ;

manifestation techniques are overrated - all you have to do to manifest is affirm -> persist. thats essentially all you have to do and when i first started i was so caught up in techniques and routines that i wasn't even affirming/persisting. i was doing anything and everything and i saw manifestation as a process and manifestation is NOT a process. when i shifted that and realized that manifesting is instant and all techniques are for funsies, the pressure was taken off.

this is an excerpt from my manifestation opinions post and i've released this poll to talk about what manifestation topic you guys would like me to talk about and the winner was saturation so lets talk about it. so what does it mean to saturate? i got this question a while ago in my inbox so im just gonna copy and paste my response.

saturating is simply soaking ur mind in the fact that u already have what u want. i do this with affirming, some people do other things to saturate but affirming is the most simple for me. just think as if u have it over and over and over again…💬🎀

you can saturate for hours at a time or a little bit everyday it doesnt rly matter its just thinking over and over again. i saturate while listening to music, playing video games, doing mundane tasks etc. all i do is think my affirmations and thats all! if theres something specific that u guys are curious about with saturation lemme know in the comments but its super simple bcuz MANIFESTING is super simple.

JENNIE KIM STYLE DISSECTION ;

jennie kim is a fashion ICON. i swear every photo that i see of her, her outfit, hair, face, everything is absolutely perfect. jennie's style is very posh and feminine. and a rly great example of this would be her look below. i love how she color coordinated her hair accessories to her outfit and the black and pink is so ICONIC cuz she was a black pink member.

shes rocking her trademark chanel in the form of a waist chain and everything just goes together beautifully. jennie knows how to mix posh and hyper femininity in her outfits super well and we can see that in her next outfit…💬🎀

THE CHANEL CHAIN AHHH IM OBSESSED. in the next outfit shes rocking a red two piece with buttons that just add that very chic and posh look. her chanel chain is such a statement piece and her matching chanel purse, shes literally chanels princess atp.

WHATS MY HOROSCOPE (JULY 22-29) ;

♡ its leo season and leo season is all about TIMING. you will receive ur answer very soon, listen to ur intuition and notice how everything is coming together for you. while you’re shining in the moment, remember to think about the future when mercury enters virgo and your value zone on thursday. you’ll want to go over details with a fine-tooth comb, so take your time making decisions. don’t rush into anything!

♡ for aries the next four weeks are ideal for enjoying entertainment, starting hobbies, and expressing yourself. indulge in the pleasures that summer has to offer without burning your life down.however, while you enjoy the rest of your summer, consider getting your life in order when mercury enters virgo and your productivity zone on thursday. the retrograde will be here shortly, aries, so take this time to get your ducks in a row.

♡ for taurus, start the week by practicing self-care when the sun enters leo and your home zone on monday. the next few weeks could be a little hectic, so try to spend as much time as you can with your loved ones. be generous with your time by hosting family dinners and small parties.despite the upcoming retrograde, you’ll still have plenty of opportunities for some fun when mercury enters virgo and your creativity zone on thursday. this is a great time to busy yourself with creative projects, flirt with people, and entertain yourself with concerts and movies. have fun!

♡ for gemini, you’ll have a flair for the dramatic over the next few weeks once the sun enters leo and your communication zone on monday. everything you do and say will be bold and vibrant. your social calendar will be full of summer activities, so enjoy yourself without getting exhausted.get ready to become the family problem solver when mercury enters virgo and your home zone on thursday. it seems like everyone is coming to you to fix their lives before the retrograde, so this is a great time to focus on domestic issues. remember to set boundaries so any family drama doesn’t bring you down, gemini.

♡ for cancer, as your season comes to an end, your mind will be on your financial security when the sun enters leo and your value zone on monday. however, if you want any luxury in your life, you’re going to have to work for it. this is a great time to start side hustles and invest in things that matter to you. say what you mean and mean what you say when mercury enters virgo and your communication zone on thursday. this transit gives you the ability to cut through the chaos and get to the truth of any issue.

♡ for virgo, spend the rest of your summer break away from the madding crowd when the sun enters leo and your privacy zone on monday. over the next few weeks, you might feel the need to retreat from the world and focus on yourself. give yourself a mental and emotional cleanse before your season begins. your communication skills get a major boost this week when mercury enters your sign on thursday. while this is a brief reunion before the retrograde, this is a great time for new beginnings and getting your point across. speak with confidence, virgo.

♡ for libra, you’ll be feeling like a social butterfly over the next few weeks once the sun enters leo and your friendship zone on monday. this is a great time to hit the summer parties and make some connections. you could even meet your new besties. have fun! however, you might feel the need to retreat into yourself when mercury enters virgo and your subconscious zone on thursday. perfectionism could lead to your undoing as you come to terms with what’s working and not working in your life. focus on how to fix these areas without overcorrecting, libra. analyze your dreams to find clarity.

♡ for scorpio, despite being in the heart of summer, you’re more focused on building a reputation and making a name for yourself when the sun enters leo and your public image zone on monday. over the next four weeks, go after your ambitions and stand out from the crowd to get noticed by the right people. you’ll be especially interested in your personal aspirations when mercury enters virgo and your humanitarian zone on thursday. you have some big dreams, so lay the groundwork to get them going. make a wish, scorpio. it might come true.

♡ for sagittarius, start the week on an adventurous note when the sun enters leo and your expansion zone on monday. the next few weeks will give you opportunities to expand your horizons, for better or worse. this is a great time to travel or interact with people from different walks of life. as we get into the heat of summer, start thinking about your future when mercury enters virgo and your career zone on thursday. this is a great time to think about your professional goals and how you can get ahead in the workplace. think smarter and harder, sagittarius.

♡ for capricorn, the start of the week brings changes to your life when the sun enters leo and your transformation zone on monday. you might feel like a phoenix over the next few weeks as you sit with the ashes of your former life. while the sun shines a light on everything that is hidden, you’ll need to decide what to let go of, capricorn. class is in session when mercury enters virgo and your expansion zone on thursday, especially since this transit will give you plenty of lessons to learn, for better or worse. this is a great time to expand your mental horizons through education. it could change your life.

♡ for aquarius, “me” turns into “we” over the next few weeks when the sun enters leo and your partnership zone on monday. this is more than just a summer fling; it’s the real thing, so lock it down now. however, make sure to balance your time together and apart or it could cause some drama. read between the lines and you can uncover hidden meanings when mercury enters virgo and your intuition zone on thursday. trust your gut, aquarius, because it can guide you through the hidden motives others might have for you. be careful, and don’t make any big decisions before the retrograde.

♡ for pisces, even in the heat of summer, you’ll still have plenty of work to do when the sun enters leo and your productivity zone on monday. work on taking care of yourself through self-improvement. what do you want to get better at, pisces? try it out now. the rest of the summer could be intense, so make sure you have a buddy to help you through when mercury enters virgo and your partnership zone on thursday. this is a great time to end all conflict and work on agreements before the retrograde hits. compromise is key, if you’re willing to work at it.

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hwaightme · 2 months

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I will wait

(masterlist)

🍵pairing: seonghwa x gn!reader 🍵genre: comfort, healing, fluff, confession, friends to lovers, implied slowburn 🍵summary: you would have never expected to be facing your biggest fear over a cooling cup of tea, but here you are, gazing into seonghwa's loving eyes. 🍵wordcount: 2.8k total 🍵warnings/tags: semi-edited, slightly dark humour, mention of relationship trauma, learning to love again, emotional exhaustion, present tense, seonghwa is a loving understanding boy, inner monologues, y/n pov, mutual friend joong 🍵 taglist: at the bottom of the fic 🍵 a/n: hello <3 slowly trying to make a return, feeling very rusty... sorry <3 i hope this brings comfort to you <3 reblogs, thoughts and feelings always appreciated.

Wrapped up in routine and basic survival, it is easy to forget your own heart. Similarly, when your heart bears more metaphorical scar tissue than ground for new beginnings, it is easy to abandon frivolous affections in favour of basic human function - so long as the worn out organ beats, everything is good enough. Long gone are the days when you boldly dive into a journey without evaluating the potential consequences, hoping for smooth, never ending roads. Cold, calculated, you consider. And almost one hundred percent of the time, nothing is ever worth it. What could another person bring to you that you cannot bring yourself? Down to heartbreak, you have no trouble being your own worst critic, and happiness? Well, you know what you like best. There simply is no room for anything else, anything more. You float, trying to keep your head above water.

You have heard far too many things about yourself to continue caring about relationships. Everyone seems to have their own idea and theory about why you are perpetually single, from you being too threatening, to you behaving in some type of way. Well, if your behaviour does not suit someone, you are not about to go out of your way to change yourself to fit another’s standards - you have tried to do that before, everything collapsing and ending catastrophically, leaving you in shambles. If someone is threatened, it is their problem, first and foremost, not yours. Again, you are not going to diminish yourself, admonish yourself when you are trying your damn hardest to stay standing in a world and society that is challenging enough to exist in.

Many have told you to try to flirt ‘for sport’, ‘for fun’, but in your eyes it is a colossal waste of time, energy and your ability to lie. You do enough of that when masking your exhaustion. Some talk of their own successes; relationships that stand the test of time, crushes that turn into partners and long distance turning into close proximity. So what? You are happy for them, in fact, you are elated. Just because you yourself are not in a relationship does not mean you are void of happiness - something that a lot of people appear to either not understand or forget. Much like you get irritated at others not minding their own business, you stick to such rules yourself: your discomfort with people, past disappointments and the occasional pang of solitude are nobody else’s truth but your own. You are the keeper of your life, fatigued, but at least you are honest. To someone. You are not sure who this someone is, but you feel honest.

Jasmine tea in a tall cup in front of you, a dessert, the name of which you already forgot - some kind of special, stand in front of you proudly, aromatic and flavourful. A newly released album by a singer who you discovered a little while ago is playing on the speakers, ever so gently muted by the occasional burst of steam or rumble of the barista machine. It is not the first time you are hearing these songs - on loop, again and again, you are starting to memorise some of the lyrics. Lulling chatter of the workers at the cafe in a language you cannot understand - so melodic, so comforting, so familiar. And here you are, imagining yourself to be another decoration, a chair, a table, plant or light, sitting here, unmoving, soaking in the atmosphere of what you have grown to adore with your whole heart.

There is a reason why you love this little place, tucked away inside the side streets of a busy city. So many people, so many events, so many ups and downs, and through it all, this place stays standing. You met ‘what ifs’ here, spent hours chatting away with someone who you used to know, indulged in maybes, passions, friendships, and through it all, your heart was still so happy. You consider yourself to be harmlessly simple when it comes to things like this - very little is needed to bring a smile to your face and reassure you. Yes, there is never a problem in ‘what’ brings you joy. The issue is in who it is ‘who’ brings, or is meant to bring, this happiness to you. For this reason, you are perfectly content with how you are, having ordered the drink and dessert for yourself, sitting alone at one of the tables, and, with a view unobstructed by some individual who would probably turn into a stranger, taking in the interior and the world visible through the windows. You feel just a smidgen stronger when you step inside this place. A regular, you can chat with the baristas happily and relish in the mutual recognition and warm wishes. This is a tiny little home for you. A home for your heart.

Until right this moment, that is. Until you look up and see an awfully familiar figure slinking past the entrance and giving a light bow to one of the baristas who had spotted him. Until you lock eyes with this personified elegance, and, bewildered, follow his increasing proximity to your table. He is dressed comfortably, but even the most casual garment is made priceless when worn by him - that much you have learned to not be surprised by. Straightened black hair that reaches his shoulders in the back is, again, very befitting the weather and the aesthetic. You cannot hate him nor his looks even if you tried. But would you reveal anything except indifference? Only time can tell. For now, even before he can utter your name - his parted lips suggesting an impending greeting, you merely point at the register, motioning for him to make an order first. It has been only a couple of seconds, but you already want to hide. Looking at your phone you check the time, wondering if you can make up some other travel plan or appointment. Alas, nothing is coming to mind that qualifies as an unwavering obligation. Here’s to being caught off-guard. Particularly embarrassing considering that it is not the first time. Seonghwa - an endearing but dangerously handsome nerd who crashed into your life, as most of your friends had done, is just that little bit too dedicated, that little bit too curious, that little bit too committed to ‘being there for you’. As a friend, surely.

You sneak the occasional glance at him while he is waiting for his drink of choice - probably a strawberry tea or whatever else that is the antithesis to bitterness. It takes a bit of strength to convince yourself that this is all pure coincidence. Just two friends who happened to see each other in the same cafe that they have both been to before. You do not want your nerves to take over and persuade you to think that there is anything more. It is all too tiring. And so you hide away your unresolved debates in a box deep in your chest, somewhere far enough from that bloodied fist that is making you lightheaded, so far that you find it harder to breathe. But it is nothing; nothing you aren’t used to. It is simple enough - giving Seonghwa a quick smile when he approaches you again with that silly little red drink in his hands, gesturing at the seat opposite you, waiting for him to settle and look up at you with a sparkle in his endless rich chocolate eyes.

“Must be fate, huh?” he jokes, while your grin falters. There he goes again.

“Are you following me, Park?” Your question is delivered without much emotion aside from a raised brow. But you know well enough that this is about as good as using cotton in place of a bullet; Seonghwa keeps on grinning, and takes a quick sip of his tea.

“No need when you’re always on my mind,” you pretend to feel nauseous from his corny flirting, and roll your eyes. It is despicable how his presence really is entertaining.

“Oh dear. Must be a nightmare. Need a therapist?”

“This would be the best diagnosis one could ever receive, I fear,” he is spectacularly bold today, that much you can deduce. Contrary to popular descriptions from your other mutual friends, Seonghwa has never been ‘shy’ towards you, and his affection knows no bounds. Be it a random trinket, song link or a sweet word, he truly does seem to have an infinite supply of it - something both perplexing, and enviable. He is a person who is so full of love that it overflows. In short, your opposite.

“Right…” you trail off, not quite sure how to respond. His eyes remain on your face, softening from a bright eagerness to tranquil admiration, “well… what brings you here?”

“Cutting straight to the chase?”

“Tired of running,” your deadpanned response clearly has some kind of impression, as Seonghwa momentarily pauses and purses his lips.

“Fair enough.”

Tap, tap, another tap on the side of his cup. Finger restlessly tracing his nervousness into the curves and edges of the ceramic. Newfound fascination in counting the crumbs that are like stars on your plate. You count seconds, but each one drags on until it has no meaning. What could be so challenging to put into words? You know, but hope with all your being that you are completely and utterly wrong. In your books, once a person has given up, there is no point in ever reigniting that naive fighting spirit that suffered defeat, only for the risk to have the fall repeat. You wait patiently, suppressing the urge to stand up and walk out.

“Okay, so, I did ask Hongjoong where you were-” he begins with a light simpering smile to mask what you can only read as worry.

“Figured.”

“Mm, alright. Uhm, well. How can I even- so…”

All the signs are evident. You should have known from the moment he entered the cafe. And if not then, then at least from the way he was acting right before this. But you do not have the courage to stop him anymore, choosing to let anguish settle in your bones. He clears his throat, barely audible, perhaps to ground himself yet again. You feel sorry - the trepidation of the heart, the wishes and dreams blending with the present vision, adrenaline and foolishness forcing action. Thankfully, this twisted bouquet of emotional torment is not terminal, if treated correctly. You wait.

“Goodness, I wanted this to be a casual setting and here I am making a big deal out- well, it is a big deal… or, well, it could be if you wanted to- what am I saying-” he stumbles over his own words, which is most certainly something uncharacteristic to him. Seonghwa, normally the one who can encapsulate any situation and sensation in the most wondrous collections of phrases, is at a loss. Might this be terminal?

“Perhaps it is best that I start from the end, then,” you prepare yourself for the worst, “I… I really like you. Really, really like you.”

At least you are prepared.

“Oh…” the single syllable betrays your irrevocably increasing agitation. You don’t ‘love’. You don’t ‘like’. You can’t. You shouldn’t. Does Seonghwa not know what he is walking into?

“I- before you say it, let me… I know that this is terrifying, and hell, I’m so sorry for crashing into your day like this. It was selfish of me. But I just want you to know that no matter what, you will always be an important person to me, a very very important person who makes my life brighter than any star,” you swallow whatever retort lodged in your throat, remaining silent. You cool like the tea in your cup, curious who will leave this cafe shattered. A lukewarm kind of sadness.

Shame on you, for being so closed off. Surely, you should be blaming yourself. Objectively, Seonghwa is beyond lovely. To some, he might be everything. Maybe even to you, he might be something of a balancing force. His fire to your ice, if you were to let yourself indulge in being a tiny bit cheesy. Subjectively, the ice would melt, and put out the fire, or instead turn to wispy steam, blending into promises, equally as airy. It is easy enough to figure out that you are stuck in the latter maze of conclusions.

You could cry. Seonghwa, having noticed a droplet by your cup- be it condensation or a careless descent from a sip turned sour, immediately reaches for a napkin and wipes it away, as if everything that is happening is only natural. As if confessing is nothing out of the ordinary to him. Perhaps this is indeed the case, and you are the only one who has gone to great lengths to disassociate yourself from all things ‘love’. Ballads turn to taunts, poems turn to curses, bouquets turn to rotting litter. How dare Seonghwa show up in your life like this, and threaten to never leave? Your gaze crawls slowly upwards, a frail candlelight extinguished with the roar of his glimmering orbs, already having trailed back to studying you. Your skin crawls at the possibility of him reading your distress - he can, you know he can, he probably is. A shiver travels up your spine. Thankfully, Seonghwa does not mention it, despite the furrowing of his brows being obvious even from the briefest glimpse.

“Well…” your thought ends where it has begun. Words fail you. You clench your fist, instinctively looking for the sleeve of your top to offer some kind of distraction.

“Hm?” He could be a painting. Every movement effortlessly graceful, he puts models to shame, and gold loses its meaning when faced with his heart. You cannot utter the question plaguing you out loud, but you know that it is the only thing you could possibly manage, and even then, you’d rather forever hold your silence than to see your friend, or not quite friend, be crestfallen. He would lie, he would pretend, all in the efforts to not turn into your mirror.

“...Why? Why did I say it, right?” Clearly, he knows you too well. You bite your lower lip, and give him a tiny nod while cradling the cup in your hands. His chuckle awakens unwanted butterflies that you attempt to kill with a sword of memories. To no avail. He is not mad nor disappointed, is not lashing out at you and does not seem in any way discouraged. Instead, his hands hover beside yours as he whispers for permission, which you mutely give. He grins, and soon enough, the palms of his hands are caressing your knuckles - reassuring, gentle.

“I think we are quite similar in some ways. Guided by our morals and beliefs, we act and shape our futures. It just so happens that I believe in love,” a turbulent pause, “...and you. I believe in you. And so I dive headfirst. Into you. And I don’t mind what happens to me, because I still would consider myself lucky to feel what I feel for you.”

“Then you must be aware that… hm, that I am perplexed by this progression?”

“I can explain as many times as you’d like and need.”

“Do my views not bother you? Seonghwa, you are familiar with a lot more than the average person, isn’t that repulsive?” you make an attempt to ruin whatever image he had built up of you in his head, but he would not budge.

“Why would they? I did, I do and I will strive to understand.”

Time fades, and all that remains is an invitation. Hands outstretched, calling for you to take the leap. You are scared out of your mind, unable to see what the future holds. Stone cracks and echoes in your ribcage, sending a ripple through what you had buried. You really shouldn’t, for Seonghwa’s sake, but that little voice in your head is singing, and daring you to try. Would you hate yourself if you would be proven true? Or would parting with Seonghwa be just as sweet as the beginning?

“And what if I- what if I want to… but I need time… to like you…”

“Then I will wait. For as long as you want,” he takes your hands by the fingers, gingerly grasping them and running soothing lines with his thumb, for as long as you need.”

It may be easy to forget your own heart, it may be the case that you are happy alone. But at the same time there is someone who remembers your heart, hoping you would remember theirs. Someone who will wait for you on the other side of solitude, unfreezing and turning the clocks from past to present. Someone who, with every passing day, finds more and more of you to love.

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