#love new symptoms!!
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Why do my legs start to hurt a few minutes after laying down???
#wrenfea.exe#they feel...sore...#but only when i lay down#love new symptoms!!#yea im treating tumblr like google now#fibromyalgia#degenerative disc disease#neuropathy#chronic pain#chronic illness
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flustercade
#his face is startlingly different everytime I draw it it's a symptom of being a subpar artist and is not a reflection of my love for him#mmmm :)#digital art#my art#fanart#rhys's pieces (fanart)#fallout new vegas#arcade gannon#arcade fnv#fnv#fnv fanart
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not to get too mushy on main, but when I was feeling really low after the election, I admitted to my mother that I've been really sick and in pain lately and the housework has gotten away from me and that's part of why I feel so overwhelmed.
that was less than a week ago, and already three family friends have offered to come help me clean out my house. because they love me.
idk, when you're disabled and you have depression, it's very easy to feel like you're worthless and no one would ever want to put up with the shitty, awful parts of being around you. seeing people volunteer to do that feels nice.
#I'll admit that I'm a little teary anyway because I'm hormonal and I've been writing my blorbos but like#it's really nice to feel loved#just me#that said I am gonna have to stop writing soon bc my eyes are being bad and I can't see clearly RIP#I'll have to go take my allergy medicine and put some eye drops in#my eyes have been one of the main victims of the new MCAS symptoms and I'm still not great at catching it before the problem becomes bad#the doctor said she could see hives under my eyelids womp womp
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oh allergies, I adore you 🥺
(I was looking through my drafts, and noticed I had made two very similar posts a year apart 😂 maybe I should make it an annual thing?)
Essentially, my nose in allergy season is the nose I want all year round! I’m so jealous of sensitive nose/all year allergy people.
Well, feels timely to share as my nose goes back to being boring 😝
2024:
“Some notably fun things to report from this allergy season so far:
I have become a red wine sneezer (!!)
I am more or less a morning sneezer now (I sneezed myself awake today).
I can’t drink ginger beer without triggering sneezes.
On a bad allergy day that becomes any sparkling drink.
I can often induce some stuck sneezes by rubbing the roof of my mouth with my tongue and can help stuck sneezes along by hitching or breathing slowly and purposefully.
On bad allergy days I can rub/press my nose the wrong way and trigger sneezes.
Inducing triggers FITS.
I’m much more sensitive to dust.”
2023:
(lol I was a lot more passionate this year)
“Ok ok, hear me out!
because I’m sick n tired of people not liking allergies more than colds.
Reason #10,000 that allergies are better.
During allergy season, my nose becomes x100 more sensitive, and trust me, I don’t have a sensitive nose. (I wouldn’t even sneeze from shaking pepper in my face normally)
Here’s a list of the weirdest things that have made me sneeze
The wind
Vaping
Rubbing my nose
Kissing someone
Drinking a fizzy drink
Grazing my tongue on the roof of my mouth
Like are you fkin joking me? What does a cold give you? A stuffy nose??? 😤
allergies are ELITE.”
see you next year 🤪
#Allergic nose#Is better than any other#I guess people with sensitive noses are like this everyday? What a life to lead 🤩#Why can’t it always be so fun#I love being sneezy#Fuck the other symptoms#Just give me a constant sensitive nose#It’s like my allergies unlock new allergies#Snz thoughts#annual hayfever review#snzfucker#snz kink#snz fet#snzblr#snz fucker#snz
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Finally made a Parapluesch OC, introducing Mama Oz ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#Parapluesch#Do I need to tag all of them? I don't want to so I won't lol#I can tag my original I guess :P#Mama Oz#She's based on this absolutely ridiculous and darling object I found at the same place I got my new-to-me video games haha#So apparently in the 60s this specific type of - magazine rack? in the shape of a kangaroo?? was made??#Ridiculous. So ostentatious. I fell in love immediately and had to make her into a Parapluesch#Like as soon as I laid eyes on her standing there I was like ''Oh you're from Die Anstalt'' - Instantly started filling in her backstory#Mama Oz's deal is your classic Stages of Grief - in her case from losing a child#Since she's a plush she never had an actual baby but she lost Her Child if you get me - she stopped being played with#And so she projects that grief onto others and adopts them in an attempt to get Her Child back#Except if this new relationship isn't within that framework then she rejects it and goes to the next one#She doesn't really realize that she's inconveniencing them by trying to adopt them and limiting herself from forming lasting connections#Not allowing change or growth - stagnating and trying to reclaim something lost#One of my favourite parts of Die Anstalt is that each of them is shown to have flaws#They still need and are deserving of help! But their uglier symptoms aren't shied away from#Dolly and Lilo use self-harm as a coping mechanism#Sly is shown to seek out the high at times and be short and destructive#Dub takes pride in his overwork#Kroko is surly and prickly#Don't even get me started on Dr. Wood lol#So it's fun to imagine what Mama Oz would be doing to - even by accident! - harm herself or others#The whole point of helping them is for them to become their best most comfortable selves :D#I also think what's especially funny is that I've been Meaning to make a Parapluesch OC for /years/ now#I always planned for it to be a Gender Dysphoria diagnosis since that's in the DSM and I had a design and route planned and everything#No. Kangaroo magazine rack. Okay#Lol
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eep
#stupid shit in the tags but#i love lingering ptsd symptoms#i just realized my ex is not blocked from this blog since it was a new one#and im too afraid to block her bc even typing her url will give me major anxiety#it's so stupid like LMFAO seeing letters on my screen will make me anxious <3#jester.txt
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someone pls remind me that it is NEVER a good idea to drink coffee no matter how enticing
#mimi chats#every time i drink it a new symptom comes up!#started with migranes#then stomach aches#then an energy crash#and now crippling anxiety!#that makes me feel like i simultaneously want to scream cry and vomit#i guess i now know i will forever remain a matcha girl#i can get a little bit of slow release clean caffeine#instead of whatever the fuck it is i get when i drink coffee#even though i LOVE the taste in the moment the aftermath is NEVER good
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CLETHO ENJOYERS HOW WE FEELING???????????!!!!!??!!??!!!!!!!
#secret life#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#secret life smp spoilers#cletho#captain's chatter#just tagging EVERYTHING to absolutely cover my bases#but holy shit holy shit this new series. I'm losing it. I'm losing it#I've been manifesting cletho teamup for MONTHS like SINCE LIML I've been wanting it and I WIN!!!!!!!!!!!#FUCK it's gonna be so good#it's gonna be SO SO good and also we got tangleo ish things which is more minor for me but I love to see it#also gonna make a post about how I'll be tagging spoilers right after this but I wanted to make sure it'd be above yknow :thumbsup:#anyways. the mental illness is so real and every symptom is happening at once#but I watched cleo's ep and now I'm gonna watch etho's and then just like everyone else ever
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Finally caved and bandaged my ankle (it's been three weeks, it ain't getting better any time soon)
Going to pop to the pharmacy tomorrow before my lecture and see if I can get an ankle support (and another wrist support, I seem to have lost the other one)
I can feel the left one hurting, but I think that's just down to the cold and the wind.
#apparently winter has really taken it out of me huh#we love a new symptom /j /s#hereditary spastic paraplegia#disability#chronic pain#curio rambles
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not my mom informing my uncle right before he's supposed to host thanksgiving that all his dishes were recalled in the 70s and the factory was demolished by people in hazmat suits bc of the levels of arsenic and lead in the glaze 😳
#his beloved retro dishes that were grandma's and he's been using as his every day dishes for like 15 years.....#and also he and my mom grew up using them as kids every day#i always thought they were lowley ugly but he loved them lol#now he needs to get all new dished before thanksgiving#we're bringing him some of ours to get started tho#this explains some things tho...#reading abt the symptoms of lead poisoning like oh this explains the mood disorder and other health issues he has#also some sad things abt grandma 💔#this has been a shitpost
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it is frustrating to have spend over a decade putting in so much effort to maintain my hand health only for something i cant control to give me paresthesia, muscle weakness, And reducing my fine motor skills everywhere including my hands. it definitely has made sure its not worse than it is but man
#the only thing i had happen before was the start of cubital tunnel from my pizza job at 18#bc of how tall the tables were vs how short i was and how dull our pizza cutters were.. so i had to push weird#but a coworker gave me some stretches that solved it and it doesnt give me problems as long as i stretch it like once a month#i keep having to learn how to draw again with every new thing that happens. my symptoms come and go in severity in the moments and#in the long term and getting worse really quickly actually. its really upsetting to be doing this thing ive loved my entire life#that is my best way of expressing myself and thinking through stuff. that has saved my life. that i wanted to be my j for so long#and then i go through hours or days where my body cant move right. my fingers shake too bad. my hand and arm twitches too bad#my nerves stop talking to my muscles so im too weak to do anything for long.#i already cant Feel temperature or texture in most of my body. the tips of my fingers are completely dead numb now.#its. frustrating. and upsetting. but i will still make art even if i can only fingerpaint or have to learn to draw some other way.#sorry for getting a little too real on this acc. its unfortunately something that affects my art a Lot#both in the actual art and how frequently im able to do anything in the first place
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I have to accept that its been more than a week and I cannot count on homecare to help me out. I need to find a way out of this situation alone. Sigh. I just wanna be able to go out again. I hate being trapped in my home. Why did I have to live in a flat with stairs.
#it sucks so much i love my flat i never wanted to move until i left the city#but i havent seen the outside since. the hospital. 2 months ago.#cant even go to my medical appointments#alas the housing situation here. had#bad*#and an accessible flat? lmao#thats why i was hoping gvt services might be able to find a temporary solution since the hospital referred me#but no one gives a shit 🔥#sorry man i wasnt expecting to lose the ability to walk in my 20s#the fact theyre using the fact that its long covid to deny services.....#my symptoms are not new!!! stop saying 'oh we dont know how to handle long covid'#my problem is that im a wheelchair user thats not new 😭#long covid is literally just existing syndromes.... fuck this shit
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Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.
#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online#on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating#but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence#i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were#being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations'#not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities)#in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking#i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc#→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself#→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend!#sorry i am rambling#idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future#but im also like ready to have this persons back#me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across#and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc#not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!!#lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying#but not harmful#thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life#just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy.#or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly#again like only for shit that's not harmful obv#i need to shut up and go to bed
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still can’t believe I watched 8 seasons of house md and 4 episodes before the end I figured out the cause of my own rare health disorder that 10+ doctors over 4 years weren’t able to figure out.
#house md#i ordered a bunch of new meds heres to hoping everything gets better!#would love to be able to idk remember things and be smart again.#biggest read of my life: people with this disorder are often tall in stature with long arms and legs#wtf how'd they know#not to mention the laundry list of other symptoms i absolutely have that they hit me with#mthfr#mcas#dysautonomia#i gotta order genetic testing too...#chronic illness
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in 49 days i am going to be 27 which is so fucked up to me. the silly part is that i start thinking like “once im 30 im not The Younger Man anymore with emet it’s just normal” (as if like. an age gap between adults really matters much. you know what i mean though) like i only have a limited time left to milk the mild air of scandal for all it’s worth
#even odder is recently ive had a hard time remembering i’m not 23#for whatever reason my brain is just stuck there#i’m fairly certain it’s some weird new dissociative symptom i just have to learn to accept#but it’s gonna be baffling for me once im actually 27#anyway [lestat absurdity voice] somewhere around 47-50 and 25-29 is fun and scandalous but once you hit 30 it’s BORING#but of course i will love him even when our age gap is no longer moderately salacious
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I have some more ideas for Killing Machine!
#For her motivation I’m currently thinking she does her assassin job as revenge#at least one member of her family was killed directly or indirectly from a robot company#and so she seeks to kill out not only higher ups of said company but to also kill the robots to prevent more people from dying#she sees this as justified but even then she has no idea about the robots themselves… until she becomes one herself of course#what they did specifically? I’m not sure#right now I’m thinking they mandated a certain brain chip which ended up causing dangerous side effects#again. Not sure what the brain chip does.#BUT one of the major symptoms is a faulty eye which appears in robots too#So what looks to just be a mechanical error in Walter is actually a major plot point#Speaking of walter#I’m thinking he comes off as an initially silly guy but is also very important to the story#What that role is I don’t know yet#For now I’m thinking he used to be an assassin too… but realized the error of his ways BEFORE getting turned into a robot#He’s also the aforementioned guy who was in love with Killing Machine#But I think he also recognizes the path that she is going down/has gone down and wants to help her change from thay#Of course KM is stubborn and insists on killing even as a robot#In fact#shes convinced she’ll blend in better (much to Walter’s shagrin)#What do you guys think so far! Comment!!! :)#Also I think I WILL start calling her KM. It’s catchy.#killingmachineseries#new story idea#new series#original series#series development
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