#love me some himbo brucie wayne

[evilminji]

Okay, you know WHAT? I have been SILENT for too long! I can endure it no longer!!

There is a CRIMINAL lack, CRIMINAL I say! Of Batman/Brucie Wayne Fanfiction out there!

But Minji, you say rightfully concerned for both my sanity and memory issues, isn't Bruce Wayne... Batman?

And, fuck off maybe! I know that, YOU know that, but WE are 5th dimensional spies watching their lives from beyond the 4th wall! NO ONE IN GOTHAM KNOWS THAT!

I want Fandom access!!! *rips shirt to reveal stolen Brucie/Batman OTP shirt from I got from some Gotham based Fan meet up*

It's part of their COVER! Since OBVIOUSLY himbo Brucie Wayne and dangerous brooding Cryptid Batman are VERY different men with VERY different moral and social philosophies about how to help their shared, beloved, city! They should kiss about it!

Tell me the bat-brood don't write terrible fanfic as stress relief. Lurk, just to make sure no one's getting to close. Lurk, just for that sweet, sweet fan art and other merch of themselves or loved ones.

Tell me there aren't arguments over "are they family or co-workers" and "how DARE you suggest our Cryptid would sleep with that Metropolitan SLUT instead our sweet himbo dilf!"

Look me in the eyes and tell me Clark has not COVERED the fan conventions, as a fluff piece, because Bruce annoyed him recently.

Where are my Meta fics? My characters reacting to disturbingly good and engaging fiction about their co-work and himself?

FFS fifty shades of grey(curse its name) was originally a fanfiction! Tell me some enterprising Gothamite wouldn't go "hmmmmm >.> " and pull the same thing? Barely change details and publish? So everyone is like "that is... SO CLEARLY about Brucie Wayne and Batman. But not clearly enough to sue. Holy shit."

Then READ it.

Because who would have the BALLS to do this and what did they WRITE?

And maybe it's... disturbingly good. Like no, really. Deeply philosophical and starkly human. Lot of sex. Excellent pacing.

....about their co-worker literally going and fucking himself.

They are SO conflicted.

I. Want. Fan. Fiction. I want in-world Fandom shit! It's literally a CLASSIC otp pairing! Himbo and gritty warrior with a mysterious past! Wayne getting kidnapped fics. Bodyguard fics. Secretly I'm Batman but now you're my slutty, slutty Boss fics!

Will no one CHALLENGE themselves!? I suffer.

Brucie/Batman

Come one guys! I believe in us!

@hdgnj @the-witchhunter @stealingyourbones

[omegaversebookshelf]

BatFamily: Omegaverse Edition

I have been recently re-hit by my enduring, overwhelming love for these anxious, extremely competent, disaster humans. So I'm making this post to cope with the Feelings.

This is just going to be a breakdown of the gender designations I usually give each member of the family, and why, the short version, because there's a lot of them. (Does include some more peripheral members, the only requirement to be included here is to be part of the core cast really)

I might do more in-depth posts for them on an individual basis at some point in the future.

Also this post is p much ship-neutral, with some acknowledgements of canonical relationships.

In age order...

Talia: (Becuase she is actually the oldest rip) Talia is an omega. Her relationship with Ra's in the comics is in a large part defined by his despair that she would be the perfect heir "were she not a woman" (pause for eyeroll) (Ra's is an alpha, of course. He doesn't get a full section because fuck him) This is just that scaled up. She also took control of multiple criminal organizations partly by weaponizing her femininity (but mostly by killing people and we love that for her). This also adds some layers of complication to her relationship with Damian. And also the rest of the Bats and Birds but Damian is the one she cares about.

(Also like, on a more serious note, the absolute character assassination she has undergone during her run time is horrific in a way that is very much centered around her identity as a woman, and specifically a woman of color, and I cannot in good conscience ignore that. Fuck Grant Morrison. All my homies hate Grant Morrison)

Alfred: Alfred is an alpha. Yes, I know most fics have him as a beta but I firmly believe alpha fits more with both his backstory (military and theater) and character (very protective and willing to get lethal with it.) He's a very low-key alpha, who, as the Wayne family butler, most people assume to be a beta, but his is very much an alpha.

Bruce: I write Bruce as a beta. Brucie Wayne is the epitome of non-threatening himbo and being a neutral beta helps with being not taken seriously as a danger. It also adds a wider layer of disguise for Batman, since the general consensus is that Batman has to be an alpha. (Also lets me have the trinity be "one each"* and that makes me happy. They’ll get their own post together soon)

Beta Bruce also means he gets to be consistently flummoxed by his children’s situations. He is more comfortable with alpha things, since both Alfred and his parents are/were alphas so they’re more familiar to him.

Selina: An omega. (As you can tell, Bruce may or may not have a bit of a weakness for omega women who don't take anybody's shit XD) Selina is an archetypal femme fatal (though also so much more) couldn't have her be anything else. This also adds to her reputation in Crime Alley, both in the sense of building herself into a serious faction and in her reputation as a safe space for strays.

Barbara: An alpha. More independent than the rest of her generation, only a Bat on her own terms and has never worked for Batman, only with him. As Oracle, who most people never meet in person, she is fairly genderless, though very much fem-presenting, but that counts a bit less in an omegaverse context.

Dick: Dick Grayson is an omega, the tendency towards being flattened into "sexy golden retriever and support of the family" and ignoring of the very real complexity in his character and storylines? he couldn't be anything else. (No, I'm not salty, don't @ me) Robin is genderless/gender neutral, Nightwing is an omega. (Titans era Dick Grayson did not give a flying fuck, as appropriate for a run about teenagers figuring out who they are in the world.)

Cass: I usually write Cass as either a beta or an omega. Part of her character is how she is deceptively non-threatening at first glance while being able to absolutely wipe the floor with the majority of her opponents. I usually lean beta for her, because I think it adds to her bond with Bruce. She has very firm connections with Babs, because of her support and care, so giving her that kind of mirror to Bruce helps balance out that relationship. It also allows for the continuation of Beta Batman in the Future. (Because Cass absolutely should be the next Batman I have been saying this for a decade and I stand by it)

Jason: Jason is an alpha. There is just something about the particular flavor of non-toxic masculinity that comes with Jason’s character that I think lends itself to this very well. Also something something expectations of violence and choices.

Stephanie: Steph is an omega. When I was first figuring these out (back in like, 2016-ish) I went back and forth between beta and omega for her before ultimately coming down in favor of omega. On the shallow side, it allows for the three main batgirls to hit each gender option. On the character history side I think it fits her teen pregnancy storyline she had. And it just fits her particular story imo. She fought literally everyone to be a vigilante. Everyone in her life has told her no at some point.

Tim: Works well with any gender, I usually opt for beta!Tim just because I think it lends itself well to his general perception as Bruce’s mini-me (despite how far from the truth that is in some significant ways). Usually if I’m not writing him beta I’m writing him alpha.

Duke: Duke I lean towards alpha both because it helps balance the family out (the perils of being the newcomer) and also I have a fondness for “chill but also absolutely unhinged” characters as alphas. Also, in a similar way to Jason, his gender means people tend to assume/underestimate how much his intelligence is involved in what he does (intersectionality also hits hard here let’s be real). I just really like the idea of Jason and Duke sending like, crossword puzzles back and forth to each other as a weird form of bonding okay.

Damian: Imma be honest Damian is who I go back and forth on the most. Any option gives a good story for his character, they’re just all different ones. Baby Damian would consider being an omega something to be ashamed of, being an alpha proof of his superiority, and being a beta merely acceptable (and maybe a way to relate to his father). As he grows into the person he is now, it would be either accepting his own worth, or accepting the worth of others, and figuring out how his gender identity and the social roles that come with it play into who he is as a hero and as a person.

I adore Damian so much. When I first was getting into comics he and Dick were just wrapping up their stint as Batman and Robin and they hold a special place in my heart.

Genetically, all three options are possible for him, his mother is an omega, his father a beta, and at least three out of four grandparents are alphas.

[momachan]

"Thank you... That's quite a reception. On behalf of the Wayne Foundation, I'd like to thank you all for attending tonight's historic ceremony. Joining me tonight is a young woman some have called The First Lady of Gotham's History for her books and lectures... A beauty whose talent is outshined only by her loveliness. A woman particularly special to me, my dear friend-- Barbara Gordon."

Elseworlds: Justice League Vol. 1 (DC Elseworlds). "Elseworlds Finest: Supergirl & Batgirl."

I love you, himbo-Brucie Wayne. 😘

[redrobin-detective]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRuV3Khq/

Wayne Girls AU, that was Bruce with Rachel and Janis. Especially Rachel.

Grown man had to hype himself up when it was time to lay down the law. Couldn’t stand to have any of them be upset with him. Alfred had to stand guard to make sure he didn’t go back on any of his groundings.

Diana getting a crash course in Girl Dad™️ when Batman had to lecture Robin. The man was close to sobbing into his hands after Robin ran out of the room crying “You’re breaking my heart, Daddy.”

Diana: You’re the parent, is it not normal to discipline one’s child?

Bruce: You don’t understand, she’s mad at me. She won’t want to talk to me now.

Diana: I see, so men are the weaker parent.

Bruce taking Cosmetology classes when he first gets Rachel to make sure that he’s able to do her hair. Brucie Wayne might be a ditzy himbo but his little girls are gonna be rocking the cutest hairstyle anytime they leave the house. Braids, updos, ponytails, bows, clips and ribbons he has it all mastered.

Bruce buying those child alarms that are popular in Japan for all of his girls when they first start as Robin as a precaution. They all get a case of bedazzled pepper spray for a gift at least once.

Bruce having a slight fear of when the girls decide to band together for a common goal that’s not for the greater good. Either he’s gonna get played, someone will have their self esteem destroyed, half a city will be on fire, someone will get robbed, and/or all of the above.

Bruce joking that Carter is his favorite cause he finally has a bro to talk to in the house. But really it’s cause Carter won’t roast him as maniacally when he does or wears something corny.

While all the Robins are quick witted and can talk smack, Janis was the most vicious one. She never lets anyone get the first or final word, any kind of fight she made sure to win, always making sure no one saw any weakness. She was a literature/theater nerd she had a talent with prose and word play.

Though it was never directed at anyone she viewed as defenseless or vulnerable. She tried to be the symbol of strength and protection that Robin was to her.

Tabitha being the best liar of the whole family, cause that’s just how kids with strict parents grow up to be. Can and has gotten away with lying to Superman. Could probably get away with murder but won’t cause then she’ll let Rachel down. Struggles with living up to the image of being a “Good Girl” and her actual thoughts, wants, and needs. Janis jokes that Beth’s anxiety and people pleasing issues are the only things keeping her from taking over the world.

Rachel having conflicted feelings of being settling down and having a family. Not wanting to be tied down so soon but being worried she’ll miss her window. Unsure if she’ll be willing for perform any more emotional labor for more people especially since some days it seems like her sibling will always need her on speed dial. Flip flopping between adopting or wanting to experience pregnancy.

Dami growing up with love advice that basically sums up to “Communication is key” and “Dump him” but each sister was a different interpretation for each situation that she might as well just flip a coin. Janis, a true Jane Austen die hard, maintaining that romantic outlook for her Mister Darcy but is sadly less self reflective than Lizzie.

Alfred being worried that none of the girls will have a traditional wedding but still having a dream wedding journal for each one if the time ever came. He’d be a terrifying drill master to make sure the day went perfectly but it’s all with good intentions.

Bruce having no conscious desire for grandkids cause his babies should stay his babies. But once he gets that first grand baby it’s like he fell in love all over again. All his grandkids are his best friends and he’s their “Grand B/Paw Paw/Grandaddy.”

Sorry I've had this saved in my ask forever bc I keep rereading it because it's always so much Fun when someone engages with your dumb, indulgent AU.

Bruce is, at the same time, both a stricter but also more permissive parent with the girls. You're So Right that he hates when they're mad at him and dotes a bit more on them than he did with the boys. But at the same time he is bound and determined not to make a big deal of the fact that he has daughters, that they're just as capable as sons. He stood up so much for Rachel when she first started as Robin, justifying her skills and making sure no one thought less of her. For all the fights and struggles the kids have with B over the years, they never forget that he supports them 100% and never treats them as less.

I also love exploring the relationship each of the Robins has with their femininity. Rachel came to the Manor way more girly, she was used to parading around the circus in dresses and with pretty accessories. Growing up the adopted daughter of a wealthy billionaire, not to mention becoming the first young sidekick, not to mention female sidekick, made her dial back to be take seriously. Plus as she grew into a beauty it soon became uncomfortable at times to express herself that way. Janis was a Tomboy and saw it as a weakness which is just another point of contention when Beth comes in as (seemingly) a sweet princess. Beth was raised to be a pretty, thoughtless thing so her combining her rougher, more practical side with the fun frivolities of being feminine is about her claiming herself and not what others want to make of her. By the time Dami comes along, there's a whole spectrum and femininity around and she's able to decide what amount works for her.

Tabitha is the first to marry but Janis is the first to have (ie adopt) kids and Bruce, who was so stoic with his kids, just melts for his grandkids. He loves his daughters so much, respects them but also fears them bc of how capable they are a) as vigilantes and b) at manipulating the hell out of him. Beth will turn on her big sad eyes, Rachel will shyly twirl her hair, Dami will bite her lower lip and he will do Anything. The JLA makes fun of him but they're not much better when the Bats use their evil powers on them.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I’ve just suddenly remembered seeing some posts about Jason being a doctor and I’m LOSING MY MIND. Can you imagine going in for a checkup and you see this guy who’s 6’4” and 200+ lbs of muscle with boots, jeans and a leather jacket and going “wow he looks like it would take a slap from God himself to hurt that guy, wonder what he’s here for” and then he turns out to be your doctor

Yeah that’d really be something haha. Even if he wasn’t wearing the leather jacket and all, and was wearing something more like what doctors normally wear, he’d still have that same effect I think. I feel like that’s probably just people’s reaction to him in general, or at least I want it to be haha.

I want Jason to be the Wayne kid that everyone is slightly intimidated by but also is like “yeah he could punch me in the face and I’d probably say thank you” and there are online polls guessing how Jason Todd would fare against the Bats, or other heroes. Jason would absolutely participate in those, anonymously, of course, saying things like, “oh yeah, he could probably take on Robin easily, have you seen the kid? He’s like four feet tall.”

And anyway, no one else in the family could do anything about it out of costume. Sure a couple of them are big and muscular *coughbrucecough*, but it also doesn’t fit their public personas at all.

Bruce very specifically is Brucie Wayne in public to avoid people thinking that about him and also because all that himbo energy has to go somewhere

Dick? Too pretty. Too nice.

Cass? You mean the absolute sweetheart of a daughter of Bruce Wayne who does ballet and deserves everything good in this world?

Tim? I mean, kid might take over the world eventually at this rate, but he’s not exactly physically threatening, ya know?

Duke? That kid is far too polite to ever seem intimidating. Way too nice.

Damian? Oh, that tiny little ball of pre-teenage angst? He’s adorable.

Stephanie? Is she actually Wayne’s kid? Does anyone know for sure? Eh. Doesn’t matter. She’s a sweetheart too and Bruce must be so proud to have such polite, adorable children.

[whirlwindwriting]

Our Resident Himbo Billionaire

Bruce Wayne belonged to Gotham like Gotham belonged to Bruce Wayne.

Or: Someone attempts to assassinate Bruce Wayne. Gothamites aren’t happy.

Can also be read on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37270867

Getting kidnapped in Gotham City was a relatively regular occurrence.

Like, don’t get the Gothamites wrong—it could still be scary to have Two-Face waving a gun in your face in a last-ditch attempt to get Robin (apparently Batman’s apprentices had swords now?) to back off. But it wasn’t downright terrifying.

Honestly, it was somewhat entertaining to see people from out of town totally freak out during bank robberies. It’s Tuesday, Susan From Metropolis. What did you expect?

It was especially funny when they couldn’t even tell what a D-lister villain looked like, because no, they’re not going to shoot you, that gun isn’t even loaded properly, and yes, one of the Bats (most likely Signal) was going to bust in and take these guys down any second.

Mrs. Hermann from math class was scarier. Honestly.

However, only jaded old ladies tended to be totally chill during kidnappings. Them and Bruce Wayne (affectionately referred to as “Brucie” on Twitter), who was probably just a little bit too airheaded to understand what kind of danger he might be in. Hell, the guy probably didn’t even understand his own prominence in general, much less what he was being kidnapped for at any given moment.

To be fair though, some Gothamites weren’t even totally sure he understood how to calculate a tip, because he usually gave servers more than twice of what the meal itself cost.

Assassinations tended to be a lot less frequent. The truth was, most people in this gradually-improving-but-still-a-hellhole-of-a-city simply weren’t important enough.

According to today’s front-page headline, though, Brucie had made the short list of people that were.

Last night, some asshole had attempted to murder the billionaire in his own home, at the annual Wayne Charity Gala. She had been caught in record time (strangely quickly, even for the Bats), but still.

Because what was everyone supposed to do without its resident himbo?

His rehab programs had integrated an innumerable number of people back into society, and even included tattoo removal for gang tattoos. Molly from the café down the street used to do henching professionally, and now she was thinking about going back to school.

He funded half the city’s healthcare, and the homeless shelters run by WE weren’t gross or exploitative.

He knew what it meant to support small businesses, and had kept the thrift store down on 5th Street from going completely under.  

The guy was also apparently a pretty good father—the Drake kid was clearly doing so much better now. The way he fearlessly messed with Lex Luthor over Twitter was nothing short of hysterical, and most people looked forward to the next roast like it was a weekly Webtoon or something.

As if that wasn’t enough, there were plenty of other options. You know, the billionaires that actually exploited people in order to obtain their wealth. *cough* Luthor *cough*

There wasn’t much that Gotham’s citizens could do about it, but the explosive response on social media had been enough to send Superman over in concern, and the sheer fury radiating off of the citizens had turned crime to molasses for a solid week.

No one had blinked when the assassin (who later confessed to being hired by Ernest Wells, a Wane Enterprises competitor) ended up mangled in her cell.

The GCPD hadn’t even bothered to do an investigation.

Good.

Despite the absolute batshit-insane situations Brucie managed to get himself into, he provided for Gotham City like it was another one of his kids, and he deserved a full life.

Bruce Wayne belonged to Gotham like Gotham belonged to Bruce Wayne.

End Notes: Leave a comment!! I’d love to know what you thought, and they keep me writing!

[croutonconfidential]

where would music meister be if he wasn't a super villain

oki i've got headcanons but only like a few(upon revision it appears i have more than a few)

if music meister didn't become power drunk on his abilities and turn to crime I think he would probably be a tik tok star or something of the like and he'd love it because that way he can audio filter his voice and not hypnotize people thus getting genuine feedback and reactions on his music. sometimes I just think he'd do Bo Burnam-esque music and such while also doing stuff that isnt comedy(bruce Wayne CEO entrepreneur born in 1964 bruce Brucie Wayne) (you can't tell me he wouldn't because he literally called batman a flying rat, Dennis is a troll and a sassy lil meow meow, this would be right up his alley).

and his genre is just all over the place so theres a little bit for everyone to listen to.

he'd probably have some vids where he just simps for black canary and spread black canary supremacy.

oh and he'd for sure do reenactments of plays and musicals but it'd be a pateron thing(he would not do it for free because he'd invest himself into it so hard, the costuming, makeup, lighting, and rehearsing needs to be paid for. it is expensive and this would be his main source of income because Dennis would absolutely make singing and performing his entire life. so pay Dennis and get him to make a one-man production of all your favorite musicals, just make sure you can afford it first.)

I also feel like he would have a ferret...no wait make that five ferrets because it's best that there be multiple ferrets so none of them are lonely and to ensure they are properly stimulated/engaged.

would his ferrets be forever obsessed with Dennis's feather boa collection and he would then have to go to extraordinary and complicated lengths to hide them? i feel like they would

i also strongly believe that his ferrets would only like the feather boas that belong to Dennis (he tried to give them one for themselves so his would be left alone.)(guess which one they actually ignored) (he even tried to find tiny feather boas for them but he then had to intervene and stop them from eating the tiny feather boas)

and Dennis while having applicable smarts is also very gullible, and doesn't often think critically about new information(Dennis: I'll add that to my belief system while not fact-checking and having no doubts) this man would get suckered into all the stupid trends and believe a bunch of stuff that isn't true, thus cementing his himbo energy. his fanbase would kindly try to explain the truth but getting him to change his mind would take a thirty minute PowerPoint.

[preyed-llama]

A Batman Movie

My love for Batman does not extend to the recent movies. So here is a plan for a good Batman concept that isn’t just a male power fantasy.

Movie opens with Batman running across the rooftops. There’s no sirens in the distance or the bat signal. It just looks like a regular night. The camera pans back and there’s Robin. Holy shit Robin is chasing him and Batman is dodging. Is Robin evil? Will Batman have to save him? Robin spins over his head, tapping the back of his mask as he goes and immediately grapples away. ‘Youre it’ he shouts over. Batman laughs, not evil a genuine Bruce Wayne laugh.

Tension is broken, expectations subverted, man humanised.

The rooftop tag scene displays both heroes strengths, the flying, dodging, and gymnastic tricks in replace of a bloody fight.

Scene cuts- the villains are shown. Oh wow their plan to destroy Gotham. Whatever will we do.

Back to Batman. Damn it’s a gala scene. Bruce Wayne is playing it up. The audience sees Bruce’s ability to act. What a himbo we love brucie Wayne. People are talking in the background. Good information drops. Robin (whichever iteration it is) just sips his juice and is kinda bored in the stuffy suit. Bruce calls it a night early saying ‘it’s late and the kid has to be awake tomorrow. Have a lovely night’ he ruffles the kids hair. Robin yawns. It looks real. Hes a good actor too.

Scene change to him saying goodnight to the kid. Sitting on his bed and shit. Kids like ‘I’m not tired. We could go out for rounds’ being an eager kid. Bruce says no. Says goodnight. Says goodnight to Alfred too who is treated as family and not a waste, we’re talking Batman 1989 level where it’s shown that Bruce eats dinner with Alfred in the kitchen every night level.

All these scenes function as the introduction scenes and build the character before the- Boom! Plot has occurred. It’s chaos and dangerous. He tells Robin not to come. Kid doesn’t listen. What a silly kid. Batman goes out alone to fight. It’s not going great. Bad guys and a bomb? Damn Batman’s gotta go quick.

Holy shit robins at the bomb and defuses it. Witty banter between the two as they fight the rest of the goons. ‘You had this huh?’ ‘Don’t you have homework to do?’ ‘No homework if Gotham blows up. You should be thanking me’ it’s fun. It’s light. No one dies in this scene. Batman doesn’t kill.

It’s fun.

Batman is mad about him disobeying an order but wait- he doesn’t beat him up! No instead he starts to get frustrated and Alfred steps in with tea. Moderator. Light hearted scene where Bruce keeps going to talk and Alfred keeps raising an eyebrow so he goes back to sulking and drinking the tea. When it’s done both are calm enough to talk and had long enough to think of their points. It’s a heartfelt scene. A scene that shows Bruce really cares about his son. And although he doesn’t always show it the best he will do anything for him and will also always try to protect him.

Robin is still upset about it but he’s a child, that’s okay. Either way both walk away feeling okay. And of course a hug and shit. Under alfreds watchful eye. Alfred then who brings out cookies. Robin also hugs Alfred before grabbing some and disappearing upstairs. This scene isn’t very long but it’s emotionally impactful.

Then we get to the climax of the movie with the big fight and shit. Whatever. I’ve said my piece. *slams hands on table* stop making Batman a male power fantasy and start making him a hero. Alfred would not let him get away with half the shit he does.

Also bonus points if Alfred shoots and kills a dude some point in the movie and it’s just not spoken about. There is one death in the movie. That’s it. Batman might not kill but Alfred does.

[ellana-ravenwood]

Can the Batman get flustered ? - Bruce Wayne x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : Batman has a reputation of always being impassive. Of being very in control of his emotions. But of course, you being his wife, you know his secrets and weak spots... And apparently, sending him dirty texts while you guys are in public definitely works very well to fluster him /Drabble-Minific.

You know that Tik Tok trend where people send a dirty text to their s/o while they’re in public ? I don’t know why I find it so funny and all, but today during my lunch break I was scrolling through the app and fell on a few of those and...boom. This story was born haha. Written in half an hour while I was eating pasta, I hope you’ll like it nonetheless :

TW : SLIGHTLY Nsfw. I mean. The subject itself is “dirty texts” so ya know haha. No actual texts will be shown, but insinuation will. 

My master list : @ella-ravenwood-archives​

__________________________________________________

                                                    ******

Not amused. 

One. Two. Three. Fo-

Here it goes. 

He hears the little “beep” of his phone, notifying him that he just received a text.

Not any text though. 

A text from a family member. It was a very specific “beep”, for when one of his kids, you, or Alfred were sending him a text. 

You’re a little disappointed he changed the alert sound back to that boring “beep” it has always been.

You rather liked, when Jason pranked him and instead put a recording of himself saying “dingityding motherfucker, ya got a message from one of us”. 

It wasn’t very tasteful for sure, and yeah, you probably shouldn’t’ve found it so funny...But solely for the face your husband and the people he was talking to made, it was all worth it. 

So what if you were nodding along to Bruce’s sermon as he was scolding your son, while simultaneously, when your husband wasn’t looking, giving two thumbs up to Jason ? 

Anyway. Here was the family “beep”. And here it goes.

A smile to the people he was talking to meaning : “Apologies, I have to take this.” as he takes his phone out of his pocket. 

Not that it surprised anyone. He was Bruce Wayne, a busy billionaire who owned multiple enterprises and who was constantly on the move to something new. His phone ringing wasn’t exactly something special. 

Him answering during a conversation wasn’t either. 

Not only did he have the reputation of being a rather busy bee, but he was also  known as quite a protective father. His children were not present at the gala that night, meaning any calls or texts could be an emergency from them. 

Of course, nobody even suspected himbo Bruce Wayne to be the scary Batman, so no one could quite understand how worried Bruce could get about his kids. Yet Bruce Wayne has been a family man long enough by then for everyone to know he was a “doting father”. 

The fact he always protected them from too much media coverage, or how angry he would get when someone would be a little too chummy with them purely by interest...

You always found it sweet. 

That he cared so much about his family that even those not knowing him at all, even those only seeing his “Brucie Wayne” persona (minus the Playboy side he gave up long ago when deciding to make it official with you) noticed.

Of course, you knew he wasn’t always the perfect father. Or husband. But the fact he always tried so hard, and no matter what, always cared so much (maybe even too much ?) made everything worth it. 

Ah, but today wasn’t about how sometimes, it was a little difficult to be Batman’s wife. 

Today, it was about how fun it could actually be. 

Like right now, as he excused himself and took his phone out to see what the text he just received said. 

He was reading it now. And suddenly...

His eyes widened, his face turned a light shade of red, he hurriedly hid his phone’s screen, and cough a little to hide how hot he suddenly felt. 

“Are you alright, Bruce ?” 

One of the man he was talking to asked, and with an awkward smile (very unlike him), he answered : 

“Yes, yes everything is ok. Haha. The um, the children.” 

The man nods, and says something like : “Aaah children, never cease to worry us right ?” and Bruce chuckles. Of this utterly fake chuckle only you knew was fake. 

His real laugh sounded nothing like that. 

A few more seconds pass, before Bruce excuses himself, saying he has to go check something, and...Finally. 

Finally, his eyes are searching for you. 

Finding you easily amongst everyone else. 

His slight frown, his rosy cheeks who would stay this color for a little while still, and the way he walked towards you with incredible resolve...How adorable. 

“I bet you find this funny, mm ?” 

“No idea what you’re talking about, dear.” 

Your small smile is infuriating. And oh, oh how Bruce wished he didn’t love it as much as he did. Oh how he wished he could actually be mad at you for sending him such a thing, in such a public place.

“You need to stop doing that.” 

“Doing what, exactly ?” 

“Sending me -he lowers his voice and continues- sending me those, things.” 

“Things ?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

You smile at him, coyly. But he can see the mischievous spark in your eyes. And he scoffs, frustrated that you always seem to easily get to him. 

Nobody does that. Only you. 

Sure, his kids will sometimes get under his skin just for the sake of it. Or could have rather hurtful words if they weren’t feeling well. But he was always able to control his emotions in those cases. 

The Batman was always so impassive. He always looked so in control of his emotions. And Bruce worked for years and years to achieve this. To be able to hide it all deep within him, to pretend he’s not feeling anything, and stay neutral. 

But you...You always burned through his very being. Wether it was because you smiled at him, or send him a rather dirty text in the middle of a crowded charity ball, as he was talking to some of the most powerful people in Gotham. 

Oh. Oh this was a treat. A flustered Bruce. It wasn’t often, you could get him like that. And it was such a treat. 

He can see you’re enjoying this. And passed the initial shock of you telling him such dirty things in your texts, he can see how funny and rather sexy this entire thing could be. 

If only, if only he could control his emotions when around you. 

But he can’t. He can’t because he loves you too much. And because you know exactly how to play him (to be fair, he also knew exactly how to play you, and could drive YOU crazy if he wanted to, too...each had a turn, you guess). 

He bites the inside of his lips, as he usually does when he’s slightly amused, yet a bit annoyed. Yes. That was a mood that was fairly frequent with Bruce. Especially when it came to you. 

You always knew exactly which buttons to push to rile him up, to fluster him, to exasperate him to no end, too. 

And when he bit the inside of his lips, it was when he felt a mix of amusement, and annoyance. 

To be honest, that was exactly what you were looking for to get out of him. 

And sending him a dirty text in public always worked. You loved, the flustered way he reacted. The flushed cheeks, the blabbering and how it took him a little bit to regain countenance while usually it’d only take him a few seconds to hide his feelings. 

You smile at him again, happy you still have any effect on him and...

Ah. And there it was. Passed the initial shock of receiving such a text, and the slight annoyance at you trying to fluster him...the smile. A genuine and soft smile. One only always directed at you. One that showed you, and everyone around, just how much Bruce Wayne loved you. 

He throws an arm around your waist, and says : 

“So. Should we get out of here ?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

Another smile. Genuine. Making everything worth it. 

The hardships, but also this sort of simple moments. 

When Bruce Wayne could act like a “normal” man, and get flustered as his wife send him sexy texts while they were in public, and very crowded places. 

Bruce smiles at you. Genuinely. Yes. You could always get to him. And, frankly, even if he loved to complain about it...He wouldn’t have it any other way. 

And now ? Now he was definitely ready to go try out what you suggested in that god forsaken text. 

Why do you chose such moment do to this ?! 

One. Two. Three. Fo-

Like clockwork.

He was in an important business meeting, but everyone here recognized that special “beep”, the one Jason oh so loved to change up to ridiculous things. 

It was even worst lately, as he started a “game” with his siblings : “Whoever can get their hands on dad’s phone and replace all his notification sounds with something stupid, wins”. Needless to say, your children’s competitive side was driving your husband crazy. 

It was rather funny, to watch him, each mornings as he was getting ready to leave for work, getting slightly unnerved as he made sure his alarms hadn’t been changed (your children could be sooooo sneaky).  

Tim won, when he slyly and sneakily replaced the “beep” with...that same “beep” a few times, as to not make his father suspicious, only for, after the third “beep”, the phone screaming the main theme from the “Barbie : Thumbelina” movie. Damn.

Your kids were geniuses. 

It was hilarious, to see your husband’s face suddenly turning pale. 

Ah but your children, all genius that they were, were still amateurs. 

They couldn’t get him to feel as mortified as you could, when you pulled this particular little trick on him...

Annoying him ? Making him feel embarrassed for a few seconds ? Exasperating him to no end ? That, they were always good at. But he would always regain his countenance fast. 

But what you did ? Haha. Aaah it would stay on his mind for long after the event, and would most definitely...Fluster him. 

Flustered. 

Not a state the great Bruce Wayne was in often. 

And most of the time, you were the source of the “flustering”. 

Like right now, as he was in an important meeting, and heard his phone “beep”. 

The “family beep”. 

Unfortunately for him, it was one of “those texts”. That you just send because well, maybe you were a little evil ? Maybe you liked, to fluster him when he was in public ? To show people he was actually human ? 

He looked at his phone, straightened up in his chair and...Of course, he guessed that you must be around. 

And there you were indeed. Right outside the room.

He quickly glanced at you through the glass walls of the conference room. 

You saw him readjust his pants, and you knew you definitely got to him today. But his reaction wasn’t that grand. Maybe he had um...A little “pants being too tight” problem, but it was clear he could easily hide it. And he got hold of his face rather fast. 

Still, it was very entertaining, how clearly bothered he was. How unable to focus on the meeting he was. Only you though, who knew him better than anyone else, would notice the shift in his behavior. 

It wasn’t enough, though. And he wasn’t looking at you anymore. That wouldn’t do. 

You decided to give him the coup de grace and slipped to the restroom to um...Take a nice picture of yourself, let’s say that. 

You went back to wait outside the conference room, where you’d have a GREAT view of him. And of his reaction. That was certainly going to be...Something. 

“Beep”. The family “beep”. 

It’s uncanny, how Bruce never suspects you’re going to trick him TWICE in a row. He should though. You often do it. 

Ah but his fatherly instincts always get the best of him, and when he hears that specific “beep”, he can’t stop but look. In case anyone needs him. 

He should really find a “beep” just for you, shouldn’t he ? Then again, even then, even with the knowledge that you LOVE to send him dirty text while he’s in public, he’d still jump on the notification. Just in case something happened, you know ? 

Nothing happened today. Well. Except for your little restroom trip. 

He barely takes a look at the photo you send him, that his eyes widen, he spits the drink he was taking all over the papers in front of him, and he slams his phone screen first on the table (shattering it in the process).

“Um...are you okay, mister Wayne ?” 

His associates and employees are concerned. For good reasons. And Bruce hastily tries to dry his paperwork, and apologize saying it’s nothing, that they’re all doing a great job and to continue, please. 

They do. Writing this incident off as yet another one of their boss’ eccentricities (as far as they were concerned, there were lots of them). 

And you are LIVING. It’s always nice, you can get such reaction out of him. 

He looks at you again. And as the meeting went on, for ten more excruciating minutes, he kept looking at you, although he tried really hard to focus on what was being said. 

Oh well. He’d ask Lucious for a recap. 

His eyes also kept going to his shattered phone, playing that photo over and over in his head...Finally, the meeting was over, and he rushed out. 

No one was surprised, they all saw you waiting patiently (haha) outside. They all liked “Mrs. Wayne”, you were nice, and always lifted their boss’ spirit. 

And they knew that when you were around, it was usually to pick him up. So yes. It wasn’t a surprised when he hastily said goodbye, and went to you. 

“You need to stop doing that !” 

You don’t even bother answering, smiling at him in a mischievous almost evil way. And you kiss him on the lips. A simple, very chaste peck. That light his heart on fire. 

It’s crazy, the effect you have on him. No matter how much he tries to keep himself in check. Of course, he has the same effect on you. And to be honest, he flusters you much more than you fluster him. 

After all, rare are the perfect occasions to send him dirty texts in moments that will fluster him. If you did it in any other time, he’d just smile and immediately go to you. Or answer with an equally heated text (when he was away, sexting was totally a thing). 

More often than not, he was the one in control. Oh but when you could get to him...When you could get to him, you REALLY got to him. And if anyone else would notice how truly flustered he got, they wouldn’t recognize him. 

But you knew him. You knew how sweet and soft he could be. How many people had the wrong ideas of him. And how adorable it was, when you got him all hot and bothered in that way. 

How, no matter how much he tried, you always got to him, during those moments. And how much it meant. 

How much it meant. 

It meant that you were his only one. That nobody understood him more than you. And that honestly, no matter how annoyed, flustered and such he would get...he was just always feeling a little happy nonetheless. 

Yes. 

It meant a lot, that you knew him that well. And that only you, with a few well placed words, could fluster him so. 

In the Watchtower.

This was rather dangerous. 

Which added even more spices to everything. 

Not that usually, it wasn’t “dangerous”. So far, you did it to him while he was in a meeting, at a gala, not far from many paparazzis...

There had always been a sort of danger, to you sending this kind of texts to him while in public. 

But today...Ah today there was even more. 

Because today, you guys were in the Justice League’s watchtower. 

And there were MANY people, in that place, that could easily take a peak at what Bruce had on his phone. And that would NEVER leave it down that the Batman was receiving such filth from his wife. 

That’s why you did it. And also because that very same morning, Bruce had been a little too grumpy and unpleasant, and you wanted to take a little revenge on him. 

It was rare, really, that he would be a jerk to you or his kids nowadays. But sometimes. Just sometimes...Well. He wasn’t a perfect being. He had many flaws. And he could be a bit of a dick, at times. Even to you and your children. 

Hence, the well deserved little revenge you were about to get (not that you really needed a reason to want him flustered...but here, with all your superhero friends, it was a particular treat). 

One. Two. Three. Fo-

“Beep”. The specific family one. 

Batman was sitting at the tip of the meeting table. You were sitting a few seat from him, a wide evil grin already plastered on your face. And all your best friends were around the table, discussing plans to secure Earth a little more from intergalactic attack. 

“Excuse me for a minute.” 

Your husband says. And no one is surprised. They all recognize the “family beep”. And despite the reputation he dragged for years, they also all know what his family means to him... 

Clark is right there, slowly leaning towards Bruce, and you know he’s about to ask if the kiddos are alright. Turns out, Clark Kent is an amazing uncle. And friend. He worries a lot about “y’all”, very often. 

And oh, oh this was going to be fun. 

At the very moment Bruce’s eyes see your name on his phone, and what is the content of your text, his eyes widen, turn to Clark and...

“What the hell Bruce ?” 

Your husband, by pure instinct, shoved Clark’s face away, while at the same time hiding his phone in his pocket again.

Clark could’ve avoided it easily, you knew. But he probably wasn’t really expecting the Batman to get weirdly panicky and shove him away like that ? 

“You were-...Too close.” 

Bruce says a bit abruptly, trying really hard to hide how worked up he feels after he read what you send him. He avoids your look like the plague, and pretends as if this little incident didn’t happen, returning to discussing plans. 

The incident passed fast, and although Clark was a bit sour about it, he didn’t ask further. He guessed yes, he was a little too close ? He just wanted to be sure whoever send the text was alright. 

And oh. Oh that whoever was definitely alright. 

Because it was you. And this entire scene unfolded to your utter delight. Bruce abruptness and such was very much like him to all his friends. But you...You saw beyond that. 

You saw how rosy his cheeks got under his mask. And how his eyes kept wandering to you, even as he was working on something very important. 

You saw how truly flustered he got. So flustered in fact, that he couldn’t think of a clever way out of why he shoved his friends away, but that he was “too close”. 

A little unlike Bruce. 

Or was it really ? Was it truly unlike him, or just unlike the idea so many people had of him ? Because you...

You knew the real Bruce. And sometimes, he could be clumsy and shy and stumble on his words. He could be awkward and cute, all flustered and blushy. 

He could be...He was so many things. 

And so many sides of him were absolute secrets. Secrets only you and your children knew. 

You were privy to the most secret parts of him. 

The adorable ones that would get flustered by a dirty text send in public. 

But also the very sexy one that would later act upon it...

He could act annoyed, embarrassed and like he was mad at you all he wanted. You knew he secretly LOVED it, when you took this kind of risk. 

And oh. Oh how you knew. 

Really ?! In front OF MY SALAD ?!

It was a “family and friends” barbecue. One of those occurrences that happen very rarely, when your entire circle of close friends and family is free. 

One of those very rare occurrences where you could all meet up, and have a relaxing time. Today, a barbecue. 

The summer heat was heavy, and you couldn’t help but smile as you looked at your kids and Clark’s son, Jon, playing in the pool. 

Jason and Jon were having a fight against Tim and Damian, and you weren’t sure it was a very fair one...Up until Tim kicked his brother in the nuts, and Jason fell in the water, cursing him. 

You probably should’ve told them to “play nice”, but then Jason emerged from the water and grabbed both his little brothers and...It was clearly all in good fun. Jon was bursting in laughter, cheering along with Duke and Cass for whoever they were siding with to win. 

Ah. Ah you lived for days like this. When you could all pretend to be normal. Then again, you would change your lifestyle for no others. 

The vigilante thing, making Gotham (and by extension the World) a better place...this was what you chose. What you all chose. 

You turned away from your children playing in the pool, screaming (you were pretty sure they could be heard all the way in Downtown Gotham) and having fun, to look for your husband. 

And there he was. Flipping some burgers on the barbecue. Looking hella fine in his polo shirt and cargo shorts. Then again, that man could wear a burlap sack that he would still look good. 

You were shamelessly staring at him when he turned to look at you, giving you the smuggest look you’ve seen on his face in a while. 

Oh. Oh the bastard. He knew the effect he had on you. And he loved it. 

Mmm. 

That sort of called for a little lesson, right ? Punishment, perhaps ?

And the environment was perfect. Here he was, taking care of the barbecue, while surrounded by friends asking for burgers...The perfect setting to fluster Bruce Wayne. 

You took your phone out, and wrote everything you wanted to do to him. The way that polo shirt was clinging to his muscles definitely fueled your imagination. 

You pressed send, and sat back in your chair, sipping on your non-alcoholic cocktail. You smiled at Lois and Dinah as they came to sit next to you, and took part in their conversation (they were talking about how annoying Oliver and Clark could be, yet how great they were too, and ah you could relate to this haha). But you kept a lookout for Bruce. 

His phone rang. The infamous “family beep”. But he didn’t immediately react. Probably because his entire family was reunited here, and he could see none of them were in trouble. 

He was probably thinking it was you sending him a text about how well you wanted your burger. Or something like that. And that’s when...

Your oldest son was coming with a plate full of uncooked food for the barbecue, and was about to settle it on the table next to his dad, but his phone was in the way. So he took it in his hand, and as he settled the plate Bruce’s phone rung again. 

You stood up, and called out, a little panicked : 

“No no no wait Dick ! Hey ! Don’t look at-”

Too late. You could see, as your son turned very pale, eyes widening and looking very ill, that he saw what you send your husband...

Damn it. And it was a very imaginative one at that, today...You sighed, knowing what was about to happen.

“WHAT THE FUCK ?!” 

Dick turned towards his father, looking as if he had just been betrayed. And Bruce has no idea what’s happening. 

“WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR PHONE OUT LIKE THAT IF THIS IS WHAT YOU’RE GONNA RECEIVE ?!” 

And suddenly, your husband understands. And he’s not sure if he’s amused or if he wants to frown at you. He gives you a quick glance, and you shrug. You definitely didn’t intend on traumatizing your son with this... 

Dick takes hold of his salad bowl, looks at his father straight in the eyes and says : 

“You disgust me.” Oh, but it was said in such an overdramatic, over the top way. It was impossible for you not to grin. 

And on that note, absolutely outraged and rather grossed out, Dick leaves to go grumpily eat his salad, alone at one of the outside table. Slowly, his siblings go to him, wondering what happened and why he screamed like that. 

But as they see you slowly laugh your ass off, as they see their father who’s not sure if he should be flustered, ashamed or amused, and as they see Dick’s face...They all understand the subject of it all. They don’t know the exact things that happened. But they know their parents enough, and particularly the way you sometimes couldn’t get your hands off of each others, to know what this all was about. 

Cue a bunch of “oh no ewwwww”, and a few “in front of your salad ?!” doubled with “this is a family event...”, and you definitely can’t stop laughing. 

You feel a little bad, because you really didn’t intend on your son seeing what you had to say. And this was definitely one of the worst thing that happened on the spectrum of “my parents are gross...ly in love”. But you can’t help it. Your kids’ faces are just too funny. 

And the way Bruce tries to resist looking at his phone to see what you said, while obviously being very curious (and feeling a little hot, the heat outside not being the reason)...it was just the icing on the cake. 

So what if you were a little evil, and liked to tease him a bit too much ? And what if there were some little collateral damages along the way ? 

As you always said, nobody was perfect. 

Sometimes, it is welcomed.

Oh but there are days. Harder than others. Where you do it, not to fluster or annoy him, but to take his mind off of his troubles.

Like right now.

You could see him, in the middle of this sea of people. Not feeling like he belongs. And dwelling on painful past events.

You went to get him a drink, for once. You left him alone for a few minutes, as you made your way to the bar and ordered the usual non-alcoholic drinks you two got. But when you turned around...

Here he was. 

Lost. In a place he did not want to be in, but had to so he could keep the “Brucie” facade he put up all those years. So the suspicion about him being Batman could never even start. And so he could put his money to good use. 

Charity, rebuilding the city, funding schools, hospitals...All of this required his presence. 

But oh. Oh he really didn’t want to be there. If it was up to him, he would probably be home, with his kids, in front of a movie they chose. Bonus point if you were snuggled up to him. 

This was his “one night a week” he HAD to not go out as Batman. And it killed you, that this night was too often used for such events... 

But alas, choosing the life you both chose required certain sacrifices. Including a few hours mingling with people you don’t even like, to try and make your city a better place. 

There was, however, something you could do for him. Something that would cheer him up, in this moment of “I wish I was somewhere else”. 

The “dirty texting to fluster Bruce” tactic wasn’t only used in mischievous way, to make him fluster and blush and such. 

No. No sometimes, sometimes it was used to cheer him up. 

Like now. 

Bruce’s mind was elsewhere, drowning in this sea of people he couldn’t even remember the names of. 

Until a familiar “beep” resounded in his pocket. 

The family “beep”. 

Without a second thought, he takes his phone out and...

Yes. There are certain moments, in which you sending him the dirtiest text he ever read (and being the “most eligible bachelor” for quite a while, he already received quite the saucy sexte), while you are in public, instead of flustering him would...

He finds you in the crowd easily. 

He always found it easy, to single you out. Even while amongst this many people. It’s because to him, you shine. Almost quite literally. 

He never had any difficulties finding his way back to you, even in the most crowded places...Sometimes, he joked that it’s because he could feel his love for you guide him. When he feels extra sappy, he says it with a serious tone. 

And he means it. 

He does. 

It’s easy, to find you. Because he knows where to look. As if instinct linked you to him all those years ago. And he knows. He knows it’s because he never loved anyone like he loves you. 

And right now, as you sent him a particularly graphic text in the hope to take his mind off of whatever dark thoughts he was getting lost in, he definitely finds it extra easy to find your face. 

There you are. 

And he smiles at you. Widely. So pure. Rare, for a man like him. 

Because he knows. He knows this time, you didn’t send this to him to fluster him in front of people, but to distract him. 

And it works. Oh damn it works. 

His smile turns “sexy”, as anyone would say, and he looks very smug, as you walk towards him. 

In truth, whenever you send him such a text, he always feel a little rush. Wether you’re trying to fluster him, or just cheer him up. 

That man was as in love with you as if it was the first day, forever stuck in the honeymoon phase...Why wouldn’t he appreciate receiving hot texts from you ?

Even when you were purposefully trying to make him blush, there was a little part of him, although it was infuriating how satisfied you look that you ALWAYS succeeded, that just loved those texts. 

You’re right next to him now, handing him his drink. He takes it smoothly from your hand, 

“Thank you, my love.” 

You wink at him, reveling in his warmth, snuggling a little closer albeit staying rather discreet, as this was an official event, after all. 

His hand squeeze your waist a little, and you know what he’s about to do. He bends down to your ear and whispers, all suave and smug : 

“What was this about needing um, a little disciplining ?” 

You smile, knowing your mission was a frank success as he’s definitely not thinking about not wanting to be there anymore. Well. He most likely does. But he’s not dwelling on pain and misery for sure. And he’s not thinking those dark thoughts he can have sometimes...

You give him a coy look, and then you say : 

“When we get out of here, I’ll show you.” 

Oh you make him melt. Unable to hide his bedroom eyes, he gives your forehead a chaste kiss in the hope to regain countenance. 

But it’s too late. You successful diverged his thoughts from any darkness...But now all he can think about is you. 

And what you told him you wanted him to do to you. 

Yes. Sometimes...Sometimes, you sending him absolutely dirty texts in public was everything he needed to come back to life. 

As ridiculous as this sounded. 

You were his lifeline so many times...He had no idea, at this point, what he would do without you. He couldn’t go back to the way he lived before you. No. He couldn’t. 

And you wouldn’t let him anyway. Because no matter what, you were here for him. Your unconditional love, and self-admittedly cheekiness was here for him. 

Ah. How good it felt, to be the only one in the world that could show off about being able to “fluster” the Batman himself. 

_________________________________________________

I think I haven’t written something that short in like...ever haha. I haven’t re-read myself, this is just a quick bonus story :).  It’s really just a little fun thing to write, nothing too serious or detailed or with too much feels ^^'. A quick drabble written for the sake of writing haha. I hope you liked it anyway, and aren’t disappointed or something ? 

Just wanted to show an unknown almost “evil” side to Batmom ? Hahahaha. Anyway : Any comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated ^^. Thanks in advance, and see you soon with an actual story ! There’s one coming just this week-end ;).

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce Wayne is vital to Gotham.

He absorbs all the sunshiny-ness so the rest of Gotham can avoid it in peace.

And he pays for a bunch of stuff or whatever.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I would like to see Bruce Wayne viewed as both this great businessman, very intelligent guy who speaks forty languages because he was probably bored one day, single father who is doing a fantastic job and himboest himbo to ever himbo.

There’s a very fine line of overlap between the two, and that’s where Bruce Wayne resides. So fine a line, in fact, that no one else could possibly do it.

But couldn’t that lead to people suspecting Bruce Wayne is actually Batman, you might ask?

No.

Why? Too nice. Too pretty. Too busy being an absolute DILF.

See this favorite post of mine for more on this

But I refuse to believe that there is not some way Bruce Wayne could still be this obviously smart guy without it leading to the conclusion that he’s Batman.

But he’s still a himbo. That is not nor ever will be in question, because himbo Bruce is the best Bruce.

I just also want him to be able to change languages at the drop of a hat in the middle of a gala and for there to be entire blogs dedicated to figuring out how many and which languages he knows. I want him to be to successfully negotiate a three way merger analysts were saying would never happen and then one breath later this happens

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

My Favorite (DC) Things:

(To the tune of "My Favorite Things")

🎵🎶🎵🎶🎵

Duke in the family,

And immortal Alfred.

Jason Todd’s jokes about

Being the undead.

Harley and Ivy not being that bad.

Nothing I love more than tired Batdad.

-----

Younger adoptions,

And magic de-aging.

Dealing with trauma,

And platonic cuddling.

They are all smart and all got therapy.

These are a few of my favorite things.

-----

Batgirls are badass,

And competent Robins.

Justice League antics,

And Metas in Gotham.

They all have a favorite hero or two.

Sure, it’s not Batman, but what can you do?

-----

Feelings are hard

But at least Bruce is trying.

I love good fluff moments

And Joker dying.

Protective Jason on Ao3 tags.

Timmy so sleep-deprived it gives him bags.

-----

Undercover.

They’re good brothers.

Enemies to friends

Is still a fine way to get them all back home

And give us a happy end.

-----

Younger kids bonding,

And agents of chaos.

Cass being awesome,

And snarky Hood crime boss.

Maybe for once Jason just doesn’t die.

Will Tim at last turn eighteen in July?

-----

Photos of Batman

Some journalist might catch

To test their theory

And see if the butts match.

The kids all roast Bruce on Twitter for sure.

Messing up clothes is what Alfred abhors.

-----

Messing with Rogues,

And a trading of costumes.

Who is that now?

You won’t know ‘til they punch you.

Trolling Lex Luthor gives Tim and Bruce life.

Maybe now Gotham has somewhat less crime?

-----

Good mother Talia to

Jason and Dami.

Some minor murder,

But Sir they’re my babies.

Top himbo energy from Brucie Wayne.

Let’s not forget ‘bout best wine aunt Kate Kane.

-----

At the gala:

"Do we have to?”

They’ll cause chaos there.

Just them interacting and getting along

‘Cause they finally learned to share.

-----

Sharing one braincell

And making B’s eye twitch.

Hold onto something

‘Cause next up’s an age switch.

Trav’ling the multiverse can be so fun

‘Til you end up in the evil Lords one.

-----

Batkids in space,

And explosions for flavor.

Magic, the All-Caste,

And maybe time travel.

Fix-its and head kisses sure would be nice.

I just want AUs where nobody dies.

-----

Whump, hurt and comfort,

And good family moments.

Being best siblings

And college enrollments.

Snitching on each other like siblings do.

Bruce maybe got o’er his head with just two.

-----

Bandages, hugs, and a

Fear-toxin ride out.

“Does Bruce Wayne give Batman

Gear at a discount?”

“Only in Gotham” hashtags are the best.

When Batcow first came Bruce was not impressed.

-----

Jason gets hugs from all

His mother figures.

Steph gets a kick out of

Sassing The Riddler.

Superman is Uncle Clark to the kids,

How will that work when Kon ends up with Tim?

-----

Batman webcomics

And live adaptations.

❤️ Lego Batman

Forever and always.

Ignore the rest

Because it makes me mad.

I’ll only take Bruce Wayne as a good dad.

-----

When the bats fight,

When the angst stings,

When canon is sad,

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feeeeeel soo baaadd.