croutonconfidential

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was thinking how a person experiencing transmigration into luo binghe would go since getting yeeted into the protagonist is common literary trope and it was just idle thoughts so i was thinking about it from my own personal perspective and treating this as if it were a self insert so i could think up what a character could do that would have narrative weight later after i made a charater and legit i felt binghe's freak self possesse me(when its supposed to be the other way around) said no to deep intellectual thought and turned this into freaky pathetic puppy time of getting on our knees for shizun and begging him to let us on the bed with him

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the cheek are best part

Okay another post made me think of this but

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Pushing my LQG would have a fursona agenda

(If I misspelled something, no I didn’t)

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I know this flies in the face of all established timelines but Head Disciple Shang Qinghua on a business trip to Huan Hua Palace his Shizun didn't want to do when he sees they have a baby ice demon in their holding cells- soon to be transferred to the Water Prison proper.

And like, it's clearly Mobei-Jun, who else would it be? And he's so little! And he's crying! What is SQH supposed to do??

So he steals that demon baby and takes him home to An Ding Peak and hides him in his rooms.

He brings Mu-shidi in on the secret because he wants to make sure Mobei-Baby is ok. And he's pretty sure he can trust MQF.

LQG and SQQ find out when one of their fights spills over onto An Ding and through the wall of SQH's rooms. They're both very pro- murdering the little demon until SQH calls their bluffs and tells them to do it then.

MBJ, sucking his thumb: 🥺

LQG: ...you do it

SQQ: No you

They both agree to keep it quiet - though SQQ immediately tells YQY the liar...

Soon half the future Peak Lords know about SQH's secret. Which is good because he needs their help figuring out what to do when MBJ's Dad eventually starts prowling around the base of the mountain looking for his kid.

YQY eventually shows off his leadership skills by meeting the senior Mobei and negotiating his son's return on the conditions that he not kill them when they give his kid back, and also please don't tell our shizuns about this. Which the senior Mobei is cool with because honestly losing a kid this badly is kinda embarrassing.

SQH is super attached by this point so he gives MBJ this long rambling good bye he thinks there's no way he'll remember because he's just a baby. (I love you you're my favorite don't trust your uncle and be safe I'll see you again soon my king I promise you're definitely going to be king some day by the way you're gonna be so big and strong and cool no one will be mean to you again I swear I'll beat them up if they do)

But of course, a decade and change later when MBJ meets him again he not only remembers but has missed his Hua-ge dearly.

Even later when the spying is revealed all the Peak Lords who were involved are just like, "Ohhh that makes sense. You betrayed us for Your Baby" (<what they all called MBJ)

Edit: I wrote a lil snippet of this.

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her name is bobbin and shes form zaun and i love her

I wanna make work on my arcane oc and watch arcane but I have schoool I have an essay due tomorrow night! So I can’t but I want to so bad

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Hammerhound has a chokehold on me. I've already read 10 out of the 43 jayce/vander tagged fics on ao3 in only a day 😭 10 FANFICS IN A DAY. Lord.

I'm a jayvik truther but hammerhound scratches that itch in my brain that longs to see big beefy men getting bitched by even bigger, beefier (and preferably older) men.

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Hammerhound x jayvik except

Jayce is sitting drunk at the Last Drop. He’s in a mood. Don’t get him wrong, he loves Viktor like nothing else, could never live without him, their soul mates through and through.

And the sex, oh gods above, the sex was amazing. Viktor is so attentive and fulfilling when topping, and vocal and patient when bottoming.

But he likes… certain things. Viktor likes lingerie. Wearing it, mostly, but seeing it too. He loves wearing it and looking at himself, commenting on how good it fits him, how gorgeous he feels, how it makes his body look so much prettier. And Jayce agrees, he very much agrees, but sometimes… he wishes he had that too.

He wishes he was slim and beautiful, wishes pretty lace and satin and silk fit on his body the way it did on Viktor’s, wishes someone would look at him and think he’s a girl.

He tells all of it to the bartender, in a slurred weepy way as he nurses one more beer. The bartender is a good listener, like a mixture of homely mother and someone’s sexy dungeon daddy. The bartender listens to him and offers him a new perspective, if he’s open to it. Not stepping out on his boyfriend, just… no strings attached play.

That’s how he ended up in a pair of simple pink satin panties, straddling an enormous strong thigh, moaning as he humped against it, the thick fabric of Vander’s pants making the drag against his cock even more pleasurable through the wet panties.

Then he was in a black lace pair, two huge fingers slipped into his hole, rubbing his good spot until he spilled, there were a few more times before he confessed to Viktor, coming clean about his post-bar activities.

Viktor stared at him for a long time before asking ‘Vander? Like Silco’s husband Vander? Huge enormous hung like a-‘

‘We never had sex!’

Viktor had his own personal account of Vander before. He was young and poor, Silco liked young men, Vander liked having two bodies to cuddle in bed.

The next time Jayce went to the last drop, a pair of golden and black panties hidden under his trousers, Viktor followed him. But it wasn’t about him, it was about Jayce.

Viktor sat and watched as Jayce cried out, rubbing against Vander’s thigh, whining as the older man murmured praise, complimenting him until Jayce came, crying out as he shook uncontrollably. Vander was happy to let both younger men stay the night, Silco joining them in the early hours of the morning.

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If you ever meet someone on the internet claiming they're from the USA, watch out because they're most likely an AI bot. nobody in the US can afford an internet connection (because they're so poor) and even if they could their schools are so underfunded they couldn't even know how to use the internet

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help this intrigues me on an academic level i want to write an essay for some reason

I remember meeting a guy at a bar a year or so ago who told me he worked at the international consortium that does the porn parodies of all the top-grossing film releases. He said that the whole Barbenheimer situation presented his combine with some spectacular highs and lows. Because he said that with Barbie, right, the thing about Barbie is that there's already kind of a three-way ideatic, structural parallel between the curated artificiality of Barbie as a children's toy, the curated artificiality of Barbie as a mass market film, and the curated artificiality of pornography as a genre. Add on top of that that Barbie as a film is already feeling this tension, right where it's trying to be about a character graduating from the platonic sexlessness of a children's franchise to the functional-and-frank sexuality of being a living human woman, but it's also being bogged down in the "Everyone-is-beautiful-no-one-is-horny" aesthetic restrictions of any contemporary big-budget mass-market film so the two states end up looking pretty similar, he said. I mean the film itself is very aware of that tension, right, with that joke about how "casting Margot Robbie is the wrong move if you want to make that point," all that jazz. So, all that in mind, Barbie-themed pornography, he said, is in a weird way actually kind of complementary to the extant project, gesturing at unaddressed tensions and ideas, a dark mirror, the shadow self it wants to deny but can't, there's a lot of room to play in the space. He used the adjective "Lynchian" a couple of times, he seemed super stoked, he was talking with his hands. Oppenheimer, on the other hand. Oppenheimer he said presented a problem. Because obviously you can eroticize the detonation of an atomic bomb, we're all probably three mutuals removed from someone on this site who does exactly that, but obviously that's a niche market, and moreover it's a market that has a ton of overlap with high-minded thinkers who treat the historical use of atomic weapons against Japan with the level of gravity that atrocity demands. So they were stuck. They were really stuck. He told me that they'd been pulling their hair out for months trying to square the circle and all they had to show for it was a big whiteboard with the phrase "Grope-nheimer" written on it

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personally I always thought bingo books came from the bounty offices during the modern shinobi era since they’re the ones that want the bounties and would thus want someone to go take their head and be successful enough to return so the bingo book is their way of ensuring that strong bounties become a known element on pepper and a bounty hunter can accurately judge if they are suitable for hunting down a bounty, and i imagine that it was much the same in the warring clans era but also it’s been a fun head canon of mine that bingo books first originated first as a “death ledger” which marks all of a person’s kills/victories in combat and was first a practice used by the ruling warrior classes and nobility when organizing proxy wars so they could have record of all their military accomplishments , then shinobi picked it up as they were often the ones participating in these proxy wars. parallel to its introduction to shinobi the more modern concept of the bingo book was being developed in the bounty offices and it compounded the use within shinobi circles because most people turning in bounties were shinobi

Who do u guys think makes bingo books. Is there like. A committee? Are there village specific bingo books? I feel like there is, right? Does that mean all the villages are just constantly playing catch up with eachothers books?

Before the villages, did they still have bingo books? Who made them then? Did each clan have their own books? And different webs of allied clans would have better, bigger, more informed books because they had access to eachothers information? If there was a general "good" bingo book with the best, most reliable information, then who was compiling that? Was it a specific guy or a group? With how isolated and uncooperative so many clans were back then, if the books were maintained by individual clans, then there must have been so many types of bingo books. Or maybe there were a few specific clans who would produce them...? I can see that as a Nara thing.

Id like to believe some nin like collecting old bingo books.

From enemies, as trophies. Bought from markets or found in old abandoned shinobi bases and clan homes. Passed down from a grandfather along with stories of having faced off with the unfamiliar, powerful nin from ages past recorded inside them.... the options are limitless.

I think many nin add their own little notes to their own bingo books, opinions, doodles, theories on enemy nin, etc. So collectors will value books with notes in it, especially if the books used to belong to a famous shinobi (cool insight into their mind !!) or is really old (cool time capsule comments on shinobi from forever ago !!)

You can make some serious money on an old bingo book filled with personal notes that belonged to a famous shinobi...

Rumor has it the first Hokage's bingo book was sold off by Tsunade to cover her gambling debts. And that when the Nidaime's bingo book dissapeared into the pockets of one of his students after his death, people were straight up ready to kill to get it back— but no one knew who'd taken it (it was Danzo)

Jiriyah lost his old bingo book from the war in a bet, and was surprisingly, genuinley upset over it die to the sentimental value. It was sold for some crazy money later on, as it had personal notes and doodles from all sorts of famous shinobi inside of it

Jiriyah, Tsunade and Orochimaru all drew over eachothers photos in their section of the book, and all three left sarcastic comments in many a corners. Minato left his own comment or two, as Jiriyah asked him to sign his own page after he broke S rank, to celebrate. Then Sarutobi also left some comments here and there too, and Sakumo had actually left more than a few— signing his own page, writing a little congratulations under Minato's S rank, drawing a wolf in the corner of Orchimaru's page after Jiriyah insisted he join him in defacing it, etc.

Jiriyah's bingo book being his team's official unofficial shared bingo book... all three of the sanin tossing it around and marking off shinobi they'd fought, leaving stupid notes and doodles for the others to find later, getting other shinobi to sign it on their own pages.....

I think a lot of shinobi do similar things with "personalizing" their own books, but the sanin certainly ended up creating one of the most valuable with their own endeavors

And then in Boruto, bingo books are probable even more of a collectors item. Especially w shinobi becoming even more commercialized / sort of idol-ified

Just like how some middle aged dad's will save up their baseball card collection to one day sell, telling their children it will be their college fund one day, shinobi are doing similar things with their bingo books

(One of the most valuable editions of the bingo book was the one produced exclusively during the war with Madara, covering many, many shinobi, both dead and alive. Only so many ended up being printed, as the war ended up being shorter than expected, and while there are newer knockoffs and reprints, OG books from that period can make some crazy money.)

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for a hot second,because I was hungry, I thought this was noodles and not thread on a loom

Hey guys

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"I don't want to read this" is totally valid.

"This is disgusting to me" is totally valid.

"I don't want to read this because it is disgusting to me" is totally valid.

"I don't think anyone should be allowed to read or write this because it is disgusting to me" is authoritarian.

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omg new favorit naruto throuple!

Very rare nsfw Bird au !! Pls do not interact if ur a minor or I'll fucking kill myself, and then no one will get anymore Naruto content because I'll be dead

So, you know that one type of fic that's like "Tobirama sleeps Madara in an attempt to calm him the fuck down / give him something to focus on / tie him to the village so he will be less likely to leave or self destruct" ?

Ok so THAT. but now throw Hikaku in there to help. They are teaming up to try and tie Madara down before he doom spirals

Ok so. Hikaku and Tobirama talk about how they're worried about Madara's looming self implosion / mental state

Tobirama is like "don't worry, I'll take care of this."

And Hikaku is kinda press x to doubt but also kinda "alright, good luck"

Only for a couple days later Madara to seem to calm down / have become dramatically more smug and peaceful.

So, yk, Hikaku is like "woah, Senju-sama what did you do? Whatever it was, keep it up, this is wonderful I haven't seen him so level in months."

And Tobirama is like "Hmm. Yes. Letting him have his way with me certainly did seem to help calm him, didn't it?"

And Hikaku is like record scratch car crash noises "letting him WHAT."

So Tobirama explains that yeah, he let Madara fuck him. A lot. Also he would NOT shut up during it, which Tobirama also just kind of let happen which also seemed to help...? Double time therapy, I guess

And Hikaku is like. Head in his hands. If it works it works...? He guesses...? Oh my god he wish he didn't know this tho

BUT THEN.

Tobirama is gone for a week on a mission, and Madara is looking pretty bad. Like, sharp decline, he is in a bad way. And Hikaku, panicking, is like "oh fuck what would Tobirama do" and then ends up throwing himself at Madara out of desperation

It works !! Surprisingly well !! There were a couple hiccups at first maybe, but Madara and Tobirama were never exclusive or anything (and Madara might have partially agreed out of spite for Tobirama)

Madara calms down, Hikaku is left with his head spinning and very "fuckkkkk ok, too late to back out now. It worked, we are commiting"

Tobirama comes back and is pleased, less work for him. Good job Hikaku, he knew u were a real one

Now, this is purely tactical for Tobirama (at that point) it's a strategic fuck to calm Madara down, with a bonus of usually being good for him.

So he is pleasantly surprised Hikaku backed him up. He would have thought Hikaku might try and find someone else to throw at Madara, the fact he would sacrifice himself only further proves his loyalty to the village in his eyes

Hikaku one of the real ones fr, Tobirama's trust and respect in him is on the rise

Hikaku still has his head in his hands as he digests the fact this is his life now

Meanehile: In Madara's little world, rhe senju bastard AND his hot most loyal man in the world are throwing themselves at him. He is convinced he's winning.

And like, he is, to be fair. But only because of the mental illness

Madara is sitting around creating convoluted soap opera plot lines for the three of them in his head.

Like, he's imagining Hikaku and Tobirama office cat fighting over him, one of them getting jealous over the other, competing for his attention and affection. Two of Konoha's most powerful, well respected, high ranking shinobi... and they are fighting over Madara... he's so back..

Meanwhile Tobirama and Hikaku are telling eachother ab their recent Madara interactions and going "oh good, that should keep him calm for a few days" and nodding at eachother like "we are in this mess together, my brother in arms"

So, Madara ends up noticing the vibes in that corner and then he possibly ends up getting jealous of them spending too much time alone together (they are strategizing on what to do with/to him next) and gets even more pouty and mad even after they fuck, because "I bet this bitch was thinking about Tobirama/Hikaku the whole time >:(

(Meanwhile, Madara was the one thinking about the other the whole time. Mostly in the context of them joining them)

He finally snaps and rejects one of Tobirama's advances while saying something stupid shit like "why don't u just go sleep with HIKAKU, since I know thats where you REALLY wanna be. You think I haven't noticed you sneaking around with him, huh? Huh? Whore."

And Tobirama is like "are we seriously doing this now? Is this seriously what we are doing? Ok."

And Tobirama and Hikaku now have to strategize to come on to Madara TOGETHER or smthn, or at minimum put on some sort of production to feed into his sudden insecurities so they can guide him out of them

Madara meanwhile remains suspiciously fixated on the idea of them sleeping together (without him!!!! How dare they!!!!)

All of that is to say:

Tobirama and Hikaku end up sleeping together for Madara and having to put on a big show of it just to make Madara feel like he still has the power here.

Tobirama is largely indifferent to this turn of events, Hikaku remains "oh my god how is this my fucking life" but also "well. It's for the greater good, I guess. Not like it's a horrible fate for me."

So anyways: Hikaku and Tobirama alliance to try and calm Madara the fuck down via fucking and letting him fuck them. Pass it on.

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and is konoha or any ninja village at all even taking any measure of census data to track their birth rates or changes in population density? are they comparing their current numbers of nija to the total village population and tracking the ratio of ninja to total population and harting the change over time?

do they or any form of administration have the information that informs them of such issues? and if they do how can they even know they are facing a declining birth rate and not just their numbers being shortened by the shinobi world wars? which i believe happen every 20 to 30 years or so and is also what i estimate to be about the same window of time populations would begin to show some signs of recovery

naruto population worldbuilding is one of those things that i just. can't even think about without getting mad. why are your classes only like 20-30 kids??? a YEAR???? and you're failing half of them??????? and this is allegedly sustaining a military force with tens of thousands of people? No It Is Not. 20-30 people die EVERY FUCKING TIME you introduce a new bad guy for emphasis or whatever!!! replacement rate is NOT fucking working!!!!! chunin exams only letting like. jkgadfjlkj 1? 2 kids per village advance? it's literally sooooo bad kishimoto did NOT think it through. i simply have to tell myself that certain characters are lying <3 or wrong <3

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The option that Viktor didn’t leave because he felt Jayce had betrayed him by fusing him with the hexcore

The option that Viktor left because he finally saw how far Jayce was gone.

The option that after Viktor awoke, all he can think of is Rio in that floating tank, and the man who would do unspeakable acts for love. And Viktor realizes that Jayce Loves him, and that Viktor will drive him to being a monster if he stays.

The option where Viktor runs partly out of fear of what staying will mean for him, what it will mean for Jayce. He cannot let Jayce love him anymore. Because if Jayce cannot accept his death, Viktor will become his Orianna. Jayce’s One Pursuit.

The option where Viktor leaves because he’s scared Jayce will corrupt himself for Viktor, and it’s the one thing Viktor learned to fear the most.

The option where Viktor ends up stumbling to singed to avoid watching Jayce turn into singed himself.

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oh i just realized that was foreshadowing

finally reading twilight or at least trying to and RAAAAAAA its a vampire book and first few pages bella talks about already saying her goodbye to the sun before arriving to forks, and most of the twilight saga titles are are lunar/night related celestial bodies/events and vampires traditionally cant live in the sun hrrrrg

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its not even about trying to get something out of it later, authors already put a fic out there so they started it first, im doing my good deed of the day of leaving joy on a fic and letting someone know how much i liked something they put a lot of effort into, if i get anything out it at all its that i made someone happy thats it

im going to love and support all the fic authors i come across, i will be kudos georg if thats what it means to leave a kudos and comment on every fic, i will do it everytime i reread it, i will find their tumblr if its linked somewhere for me to find and tell them how much i adore their writing, this is what giving back to the community looks like as a fic reader, if you dont say anything they wont know youre there and they wont know how much you value what theyve made