#look! i'm actually a very funny person!
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Hello! Can I just say that I really appreciate you doing this? I've always been a big fan of your analyses and your ability to get to the root of the characters. Thank you for continuing to let us read your wonderful thoughts and stories.
On your old blog, you discussed your headcannons for Lyney, one being his tendency to forget things like where he put his wallet because him and his mind are very busy. Unfortunately, I didn't save the post (my biggest regret ahhhhh!) and I would love to read your analysis once more. If it's okay with you, could you go over your headcannons for Lyney again? The old, the new, whatever's on your mind and whatever you're willing to share. Thank you so much!
Thank you for the kind ask, anon! Here you go!
New Lyney Headcanons
Self-focused - Though he never seems like it, those that know Lyney well know that he’s often running low on sleep. And really, he has no one to blame but himself. During the day he’s often distracted with magic shows, helping people, little tasks around the hotel, running missions for Father, and much more. And at night? He can often be found alone in his room planning new tricks, arranging missions for his siblings, studying to become the next “king” of the House, and things of the sort. If Lynette and Freminet didn’t keep an eye on him, no doubt he would stay up the whole night if given the chance! Those two welcome all the help they can get.
Relationship-focused - When it comes to his relationship with you, Lyney never lies. You know he would never do that to you. And sometimes, the knowledge almost lulls you into a false sense of security. Yet you know better. You’re smarter than that. Where Lyney doesn’t lie, he omits. Half-truths so easily fall from his mouth as drops of rain from the sky. Your comments of concern are often brushed off and your questions redirected. As much as you try, you know the truth. He doesn’t want you to know. He doesn’t want you to shoulder his burdens with him.
old lyney headcanons below!
Would Lyney be honest with you?
With his outgoing and fun personality, it oftentimes is easy to get caught within his flow. Lyney is the charming sort, after all, that one may very well forget that he is subject to the same struggles as the rest. Get to know him well enough, though, and you will quickly realize that this is not a fact he wishes others to know. More than a desire, he needs to be seen as someone in control, as someone without weakness. That’s his role as the big brother. And if that means lying, avoiding, and omitting the truth to accomplish it, then an accomplished performer like himself will do what he must.
Does Lyney prefer to pursue or be pursued?
With a penchant for flair and dramatics, it’s clear to see Lyney prefers to pursue the people he’s interested in. Really, it’s one of the things he goes all out. With a trick up his sleeve, he won’t hesitate to dazzle you with flowers pulled from nowhere and fireworks from his tophat. He wants you to be enchanted. He wants you to be impressed! You are, aren’t you? You like it, don’t you? So focused on charming you that he often loses sight of much else. Fun fact, should you attempt to turn the tables, however, you can expect his mask of self-confidence to fall to reveal a rather flustered expression beneath.
Headcanons
Self-focused - If there’s one thing that’s true about Lyney, it is that he is a very busy person. As a person with multiple masks and roles, his thoughts are often preoccupied with House missions, performances, new tricks, and things of the like. So, much to the dismay of others, it’s easy for things to become buried under the multitude of other tasks he needs to take care of. How often the simple things become forgotten—where he last left his wallet, tea time with his siblings, the sale on storybooks at the bookstore. During those times, he really can’t help but appreciate his siblings and their ability to keep him on track. Really, he doesn’t know what he’d do without them!
Relationship-focused - It doesn’t hit you at first, but it doesn’t take you very long to notice how hard Lyney tries for your relationship. Normally this would be a good thing, but it is different with Lyney. Every day he tries to charm you. Every day he attempts to enchant you. You tell him he doesn’t need to try so hard, but that only seems to light a fire beneath him to do even more. You see it in his eyes. He needs to know you are still in awe of him, that you like him as much as he does you. And then it sinks in, doesn’t it? He doesn’t trust you. He doesn’t trust your feelings for him. He’ll never show his true face to you.
old tags for this post: #okay let’s talk lyney for a bit i think the biggest thing to know about lyney is that at his core he is an insecure person insecure and anxious #imo he’s extremely attached to his title of ‘big brother’ that he needs to fulfill the duties if such he needs to protect his siblings and be a person others can rely on #this belief is so strong that he refuses to rely on arlecchino for help and snaps at freminet for trying to get him to open up #he really cares about the way he’s perceived #remember when the traveler found out he’s part of the fatui and he spends his time bending over backwards to try to get them to trust him ‘like me! like me! please. i’m trustworthy i’ll never lie to you please!!’ #honestly imo that’s just one if his faults like lyney is unstable #idk what possessed arlecchino to make him her successor like he’d crack under pressure #lynette is a way better option #but anyway bc of these things he would not trust his partner in a relationship #he wouldn’t rely on them he’d never feel secure which would prompt him to keep trying too hard to ensure he’s still the person he thinks you fell in love with #the most important thing to remember with lyney is that he is a performer and the face he shows to the world is essentially a mask
What’s Lyney’s breaking point in a relationship?
It’s hard to imagine, really. With how much Lyney may seem in love, the idea there’s a point a relationship would be too much for him is hard to believe. But when you really think about it, his breaking point is simple. As strong as his feelings may be for you, his devotion to his family and its cause outweighs everything else. Should your relationship with him ever reach a time where it encroaches upon that which is the most precious to him, then there’s nothing more he can do than let you go.
old tags for this post: #i think the key thing to take in here is that lyney cannot function without his family he is extremely reliant upon them to the extent that he will become unstable without them #just look at the archon quest when wriothesley captured his siblings any and all logic completely went out the window #lyney is an anxious insecure mess and the only thing that holds him together is playing the role he has to as big brother #if your relationship with him ever reaches the point that you transcend into being counted as his family.... he will have no breaking point #the breaking point will be his mind or body. whichever breaks first
#genshin impact#lyney#lyney x reader#ekolu.headcanons#genshin x reader#okay sorry i didn't want to ramble in the body of the post but thank you for the kind message anon!!!!#i hope you don't mind me posting all of the old lyney headcanon asks down below#i was about to apologize for my headcanons being more on the psychology side but i'm glad you don't mind haha#idk how to make things more romantic#lyney is a really special case#enneagram wise when you look at lyney he seems like the kind of person that would be ruled by fear but it's actually shame#like i said in one of my old tags lyney is very attached to his self-proclaimed role of 'big brother'#in his attempt to convince OTHERS (not himself) that he's a good older brother he becomes anxious and controlling#my brain tells me that he's a 2w3 but my heart is telling me 3w2 LOL#with the way he disintegrates it is definitely more 2 focused#funny thing about lyney though#one point i wanted to make out with the self-focused headcanon is that while lyney does seem like he's always on the move personally like..#i think he does take time for himself#granted the time he takes for himself isn't necessarily to reflect and work through his emotions and anxieties#but he does take time for himself#he seems like the kind of guy that needs a certain amount of alone time at the end of the day#and sorry my lyney headcanons are never very romantic.... lyney is a very........ he's very young and immature#i don't think a relationship is the best thing for him where he is in his life right now. i think he needs to grow more#calm down a bit you know?
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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
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Kraz, royal healer
Kraz (Razzy if they like you(but they like everyone)(except Jerry)) is a human (?) mage who voluntarily exiled themselves to the underground to follow monsterkind during the war. They are later appointed royal healer by the king and queen and has devoted themselves to the betterment of monster society ever since. They are the only human the royal scientist ever tolerated (although would you call sharing lab coats and beds tolerating or...something else?)
Information
-Species : mage (half monster, half human)
-Age : older than the barrier. As long as they will to live, it appears that a mage cannot age.
-Gender : apparently born a female, although it is unclear how sexual dimorphism develops in mages. Kraz does not specifically care.
-Soul : Green
-Height : 1.99m (6'5)
-Hair colour : Black (somehow iridescent ?)
-Eye colour : deep dark brown. Their sclera is grey as well.
-Build : sickly thin, actually skin and bones. They never eat much of anything, claiming that they do not need a lot of food. It worries people quite a lot, especially Toriel, but they have been like this for hundreds of years so... at least they're not dead ? Still, they scare the kids.
-Personnality : a sweet, calming presence. They exude an aura which makes anyone around them feel at peace. Although they are quite akward and generally anxious, they smile easily and brightly. Kraz is very friendly, caring, and kind to a fault. Has quite an outdated manner of speech. A jokester. Always does their best to please people around them. Deeply devoted. Probably has some sort of attention deficit. Easily fascinated. Suffers from chronic bird behaviour (will bring you trinkets??).
-Likes : gardening, playing the piano, snow, cooking, puzzles, collecting shiny trinkets, science, herbal medicine, cultivating bacteria, fuzzy and furry fabrics, gift giving, late 1800's fashion, dark spaces, funny socks, Gaster.
-Dislikes : loud noises (especially clamoring crowds), being watched, sudden movements, bright reflective surfaces, small enclosed spaces, bitter foods, novelty and breaking their routine.
Backstory
Kraz was born to a human mother and a monster father during the war, as mages often are. Abandoned by their mother, who could not endure the shame of their birth, they were taken under their father’s wing and raised amongst a small monster village. Early on, they manifested an extremely intense green soul and spectacular magical power, even for a mage. Although unequipped and unprepared to nurture such potential, the monsters in Kraz's community did their best to encourage the toddler's magical prowess, such as having them heal cuts and bruises, or speed up a few carrots' growth. But as war progressed, human armies swept through monster territory and eventually raided the child's village, pillaging and slaughtering everyone in their path. In these times mages were rare, being the product of monster-human relationships, but extremely sought after by humanity, who could only manifest minor magic potential. Stumbling upon the young Kraz and recognising in their physiology the traits of a "hybrid", human soldiers immediately identified them as a mage and took them away to be raised amongst humans. Their father, if he ever survived the attack, never stopped looking for his little bird until his dust settled on the ground. And so Kraz was raised in human war camps and settlements, amongst soldiers and other mages. Being so young, they only ever had vague memories of their time amongst monsters and soon put them to rest. As they grew, their healing powers grew with them, and it was soon clear to the commanders that Kraz may as well be the most spectacular healer that they had ever known, capable of rising men at death's door back on their feet and ready to fight in mere minutes. Suffice to say, as one of their greatest asset, they were sent from battlefield to battlefield, from division to division in order to rise the almost dead and reinforce the dwindling human forces. But they had a fault. Kraz, at their heart, was kind. Compassionate. Caring. And oh so, so young still, no more than fifteen. And the pain, the suffering inflicted by and to monsters broke their soul into pieces. See, despite all the propaganda, they could never quite bring themselves to hate monsters. Hate half of themselves. And so in the midst of the battle's confusion, in secret, they would slip a hand or a green bullet towards a bleeding frog here. A dusting lion there. They wished they could just run to them and pour their whole magic into the wounded, but the human soldiers watched them. Always. But eventually, as war was nearing its end, temptation was too great. They could take it no more. And so during a bloody battle, they slipped away from the soldiers surrounding them and ran to a fallen monster, who was already dusting away. A skeleton. The young mage fell to their knees, reaching for the monster's broken face with magic already at their fingertips and reassurances spilling from their lip, and poured everything they had left as the soldier tried to struggle and speak. He barely was able to call to them, in a language they didn't know, his bones just starting to reform, but fate is oh so cruel. Kraz could only slip their guard's attention for so long, and just as life started to flicker back in the man's face, they were torn off his bloodied body and promptly covered in his dust, their work undone by the fall of a sword. As the soldiers dragged the teen away, they could only claw down at the dusty floor to rack up the dust, and a nametag. Dingbats.
"Traitor", they were deemed. "An error of nature", "a freak", they were called. But a valuable freak nonetheless. Their magical abilities were still wholly unmatched through all of the land. They were needed. And so Kraz was beaten down, corrected, whipped back into shape. Into following orders. Royals spoke of banishment. Of a barrier. And they needed mages.
Finally, monsters were defeated. They were to be sealed underground. Kraz and the other mages assembled, staring down at a beaten monsterkind, a sea of eyes and bleeding hearts crying out at them as they chanted the words.
They couldn't do it. They couldn't.
They ran to them.
As the barrier rose up, this child fell to their knees in front of Asgore and Toriel and begged them to let them stay. To right this wrong. To help. They did.
And so Kraz poured their heart out. It wasn't easy, getting monsters to accept human help, even though they shared some physical traits. They slaved away for nothing in return, growing crops magically in dead ground and never taking even a grain of wheat for themselves. Endlessly imbuing water with their energy to create remedies for everyone. Only accepting the bare minimum of food to stay alive, even though they felt as if they were tearing this food away from the hands of the needy. They tried so, so hard to repair humanity's sins. Clear their name in the eyes of monsters.
And eventually, it somewhat worked. Instead of frowns, they were faced with smiles. Children stopped crying when they saw the healer's incomplete beak and started to spare them a smile. The elderly stopped refusing treatment from them. And even though they still had to face a seemingly unclimbable wall as they began further studies in medicine, biology and microbiology, chemistry, agricultural sciences, magical studies, anything to broaden their knowledge and help, they made it. (No thanks to the shy, awkward, standoffish and straight up rude engineering-chemistry-physics student which whom the king and queen pushed Kraz to hang out with. They said that it would "help the both of you, you kids would work beautifully together". Not that the mage minded, as a matter of fact they quite enjoyed his presence and always did their best to be agreeable and overall lovely company; but the skeleton never quite seemed to get over his absolute loathing of humans. Oh well, no matter. They'll keep trying anyways.). Eventually they did succeed and ascended to the position of "tolerable fellow student who I regularly hang out with" in the eyes of their adversary. When Kraz got their first doctorate, in medicine, WingDings even cracked a smile. And as the two completed their studies, the now mage-doctor was promoted to "acceptable collaborator". A win for the ages!
Kraz finally moved out of the derelict place they were practicing medicine in since the war to a more acceptable place (which was, well, their newly furnished house, courtesy of the royal family for their friendship and as a congratulatory gift for their doctorate) and kept working as always. But with an official title to strengthen their position, and what some may call a reluctant friend, things seemed lighter. Monsters were flocking to their office, business (which was still free but their patients insisted on leaving little somethings) was booming, their ties to their fellow "collaborator " deepening, and the doctor became sincerely appreciated in their community. Maybe not in all monsterdom yet, memories of the war never quite fading, but it was progress. Things were going well.
But it seemed that fate had other plans.
One day, plague broke out. The illness decimated monster populations, entire families perishing from an unknown condition.
And Kraz, oh Kraz, tried everything. Every spell, every potion, every cure they could think of. Nothing worked. They asked for help to the other healers, consulted with other scientists, even asked the engineers if they could think of something, anything. Nothing worked. They could only watch as the malady swept through monsters, powerless to watch them die, just like they did during the war.
No. No.
They would not stand for it, they would not STAND FOR THIS !! They will find a cure. At any cost.
They locked themselves in their laboratory.
One day. Two days.
Three days.
Six days.
Eight days.
Their colleagues had tried banging on the door, shouting at them to come out, to go home, they would not answer. They called for the doctor’s friends, to no avail. Eventually, it was WingDings Gaster, the royal scientist himself, to be at their door threatening them to “kick their feathery ass if it’s the last thing he does” in order to get them to open the damn door.
No answer.
But the royal scientist was a stubborn man. And when words failed, he proceeded to take the door’s security system apart and barge into the lab, only to be taken aback by the stench. He covered his non-existent nose with a sleeve and bit back the urge to let last night’s dinner see the light of day again, ushering the doctor’s worried coworkers away. It reeked of illness. It reeked of plague. The skeleton, being the only one without lungs and hence immune to all airborne diseases, made his way through the mess of papers, vials and…patches of blood and hair…to the form bent over his friend’s table. Kraz was staring straight at him with their big, beady dark eyes which seemed to be glazed over. They looked even paler than they usually do, which is to say whiter than snow, and seemed so frail that they could snap at any moment. Their face was also swimming in what seemed to be bloodied spit, over a mountain of papers scribbled with words that made no sense. Suffice to say, they looked like death itself. They looked dead.
It was as if Gaster’s bones were made of ice. Barely thinking, he grabbed his friend’s limp body, by Asgore were they TALL, and zapped away somewhere safe. Somewhere clean. His place, apparently.
He cleaned Kraz. Changed them. Laid them in bed. Listened to their delirious babbles, relieved that at least they were alive. In a moment of clarity, the doctor pleaded him to retrieve some instruments from their lab and conduct a series of tests on samples of their blood, which he was urged to collect daily.
“I need to help them Dings. Please. Please, I beg of you, do this for them. Or else I would have done this for nothing. Please.”
Eventually, the unthinkable happened. They got better, the little colour their cheeks normally had returned. As soon as the healer could walk again, they were out of their friend’s house and back in their lab (ignoring everyone’s admonishments). Barely a week later, there was a cure for the seemingly incurable plague.
Monsterkind was saved.
And everything was truly fine. Kraz was promoted to Royal Doctor (a fact they endlessly teased Gaster with, because Now you can’t boss me around anymore mister science man), was granted a whole department in the Hotland labs, and was now revered though the kingdom! Their promotion to head doctor was also accompanied by another, to the exclusive rank of “beloved special stupid idiot who gave themselves the plague” in the soul of a certain someone. They weren’t going to live that one down anytime soon. But well, when the royal scientist’s coworkers noticed that his lunch was packed daily in the common room fridge with “Do not forget nourishment today dear, I will see you tonight at our usual, -A stupid idiot “stuck to it, let’s say that the air in the Core labs was decidedly more pleasant. And Alphys, a young intern that the Doctor befriended during one of their numerous visits to their collaborator-friend-lover(?), could barely contain her gushing to anyone that might listen.
Yes. Times were good.
Until a human fell.
#undertale oc#character sheet#Kraz#YIPEE FINALLY DONE!!!#I am so so excited to get you guys know them better#I'm still trying to define their personnality precisely but I've been thinking about them FOREVER#their lore is a little insane but. They're weird too.#Literally a bird. Has bird behaviour SO BAD#I'll draw them doing stupid shit dont worry. Bringing Gaster beads and stuff. A lover's offering.#They look scary as hell but actually they're a big softie. Very silly and kind person.#The giganormous half beak giant height and skeleton apearance just don't help#I love them.#permission from/to my mutuals to draw razzy interracting with your guys ?#(if i ever have time to draw lmao)#they're dating the royal scientist because I need to kiss that goop man personally#their relationship is science x science (different flavours) they're the worst lmao#kraz is the only seemingly responsible one#they have this self care thing nailed (forces Gaster to eat and shower)#date night is either gaster building something and kraz doing the very meticulous bits or running tests on razzy's new bacteria farm#“Can you make a bacteria that tastes like tomato sauce” well a week and a half later apparently yes you can#these two i swear#Kraz wears funny socks and Gaster funny ties. The funny sciences.#my art#my oc
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pondering that falon'din is associated with an owl, and those are also messengers of andruil. and he's referred to as "winged death" which is also mentioned to be something that elgar'nan deploys against enemies. and both falon'din and andruil are referred to as venturing into dark places, where no one else can survive/wanted to go.
and ghilan'nain was not initially an evanuris, but was antagonistic towards them and making a bunch of weird creatures. she was given the offer to join them in return for getting rid of the creatures, and accepted. but with "pride stopping her hand" from destroying a few. and when asked about trusting people to share power, solas says "I know that mistake well enough to carve the angles of her face from memory."
solas also has nothing good at all to say about falon'din, mostly calling him a bloodthirsty tyrant who went so far in encroaching onto other evanuris territory that mythal had to besiege his temple and beat him up to stop him.
but he says nothing about dirthamen at all.
dirthamen is described as having gone missing unexpectedly, scaring all his followers, because they were now unprotected. and caught between their own high priest wanting to lock them into the temple forever like a cask of amontillado, and other forces outside that wanted to take their secrets by force. there is one note that a dirthamen follower defied the evanuris and took on a forbidden (probably a dragon) type of form, and was judged by elgar'nan harshly. he apparently also invented the varterral to protect his town from a high dragon? wack, but also could indicate that he had worked with ghilan'nain on making it, since she's the only one who's otherwise mentioned to be bioengineering stuff.
dirthamen has very very few surviving statues or depictions, and is more associated with falon'din than as his own independent figure in the dalish myths. even his own temple includes mosaics of falon'din. there's a few statues that are probably dirthamen, but the most striking is in mythal's section of the fade behind the eluvian, which is a statue of a hooded figure, doubled over with a giant sword sticking out of his back.
#dragon age#txt#dirthamen#i love the idea of ghilan'nain initially being friends with solas but then betraying the rebellion in favour of becoming an evanuris#ALSO it makes the ''he was a wolf and she was a halla 🥺'' Heterosexual Motif very funny if the halla was an absolute menace to society.#halla (threatening). the halla is committing atrocities like you would not Believe.#solas wandering up to a dalish clan and locking eyes with this mild looking white deer thing and just hearing kill bill sirens#andruil/ghil could even be like a somewhat cursed celene/briala parallel if briala had actually agreed to sell out her people#in favour of being's celene's lover/right hand instead.#so she narced on dirthamen who then gets killed/partially absorbed by falon'din#with most of his followers scattered/killed/forcibly converted to his service as falon'din goes on a rampage#until mythal steps in to make him knock it off#which then makes the others nervous that she was capable of stopping him + might start actively doing her job as Justice again#so they get together and set up an ides of march type of event that takes her out#and then are like ''yay! we can finally roll around in the blight even more like we wanted to :)''#so solas decides to just wall them off entirely#who knows what sylaise or june are up to in this theory#i assume they were just playing minecraft creative mode or the sims and didn't notice anything. just vibing.#anyway i wish this had come up bc i was deeply curious about my boy dirthamen....#he's the god of secrets! this dude should still be kicking around in some form. get back in there.#at the very least he should have a weird little cult or something remaining#personally i'm declaring that dirthamen was a spirit like cole.#who had the capability to remove memories#and that's a) how mythal managed to force andruil to ''forget'' how to access the void#and b) why the others killed him - perhaps to get it back? and why his followers were terrified without his protection#bc they had way too much classified information about all this world-endingly bad stuff
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Huh... just connected the dots between my soul-crushing shame and inability to imagine myself "carelessly having fun" without feeling a Heavy Judging Gaze That Thinks I'm Such A Funny Stupid Little Baby on myself and like... my parents finding it the funniest thing in the world, worth bringing up over and over despite my discomfort, that I used to bob funnily to the music as a toddler
#basically I seem to like... react v strongly to being told that my body and the way I use it is somehow inherently hilarious#there have been cases where people would take photos of me when I wasn't paying attention and was making a HILARIOUS pose#and they'd either show it to me or reupload them on group chats like look how fucking funny! and i'd go awhhh come on guys :< like u do#but internally i'd be like WHAT the fuck is wrong with me that i'm the only person getting this treatment#basically i just. seem to be inherently cringefail no matter what I do and instead of rolling with it like a normal person would i am inste#*instead very sensitive about being perceived as a funny pathetic moron. and i do imprint on similar characters which means I always#end up internally tormented when 99% of the fandom is pissing their pants laughing over how incredibly hilarious this wannabe cool#(but actually incurably pathetic) this (character I can relate to) is. its this like. inability of achieving physical dignity? okay this is#nothing but basically. the emotional anguish of being aware that you might think you're doing normal things and moving normally#but unbeknownst to you (and very well knownst to everyone else) you're wearing squeaky fish-shaped slippers with a long piece of#toilet paper trailing after each one AND slipping on banana peels at the same time#no matter if i dance silly style together with friends OR try to look cool and sexy there's this huge Eye constantly present at the back of#my mind that coos about how cute and funny i am half of the time. and laugh uproariously the other half#which is why: i don't dance + cover my mouth while smiling + happiness is for other people#shrimp thoughts#it's wild how fucked up brains can get. I'd love to have realized this like a decade earlier so that I could have a semblance of a chance#at maturing emotionally into something at least roughly resembling a functional adult but ohhhhhh welllllllllllll
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I am not immune to any cutes - including Rick and Morty cutes, unfortunately (Patreon)
#Doodles#Keroppi#Princess Tutu#Ahiru#Rick and Morty#Drizz#Tinkles the Magic Ballerina Lamb#And friend - and tree lol#Cure#And the really cute preying mantis girl from Vindicators 2 - what was with that miniseries having a bunch of cute designs anyway#This really is a RaM-heavy cutes dump - look if they're cute they're cute! I can't help that!#From the top first tho! Lol#Got the urge to draw some of my Sanrio faves - Cinnamoroll specifically - but I ended up only drawing Keroppi#I didn't think I had all that much of an opinion on Keroppi apart from y'know - cute lol but I like him quite a lot I think!#Simple little guy :) I like those kinds of squishy little guys haha#I already like Kuromi too so I guess I just?? have several faves now?? Alright cool lol bully for me#I can't explain the baseball uniform outside of the stripes and sometimes I just wanna draw a batter - OFFxSanrio when lol#Random e'phant for funsies :) I can't imagine what has me wanting to doodle a little trunk creachur for some reason haha#And then an Ahiru! Hweh!!! I'm still glad I added Princess Tutu to my rotation but hweh ;;#Might have maybe been poking around AO3 for post-canon fics of her being happy - not even necessarily Fix-It Fics just - she deserves happy!#There was a quite cute one of Fakir comforting her during a thunderstorm by running a sinkful of water for her :') Cute#And then the rest - Rick and Morty sheesh#Who could have figured there'd be so Much cutes! Like I personally kinda like the RaM aesthetic - especially the colours they're really nice#And yeah like Tinkles is designed to be endearing on purpose - which now that I think of it that's another thing I really like isn't it#Gigglepies and Osomons and Twonkies... Yeah the parasitic good-memory alien fits right in with that#Too bad we never see their real form while alive it's only their illusory form until they die aw#As mentioned Drizz and the Mantid girl are both so cute like this isn't fair honestly - and those trees??? In the flashback??#There's nearly matching ones in Webkinz actually which I think is very funny lol#Cure is absolutely no help with any of this - doesn't help that Never-Past-Bedtime-Land and Froopyland are both kinda like where she lives#I blame her for enjoying hopping back in she refuses to shy away from enjoyment pfbtl okay fine
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And so the big sskk shortage begins (no sskk for the next 15 episodes) (and the sskk episode coming after kind of sucks)
#Hhhhhh this is such a good episode.#I don't have any particular strong feeling for Fukuzawa nor Ranpo but this is a very good episode.#The pacing is great the tension and ease are well distributed as much as action and exposition are.#The animation is spectacular and detailed. The drawings beautiful. The imperfect black and white is original‚ compelling and eyecatching#Truly something that shows the animators were given budget and enough time to really think it through. Please more of this#Off to more personal notes I clearly remember the moment in my dorm room I watched the bsd anime–#come back for the first time after three years and the reveal of the untold origins novel being adapted that came with it.#It's such a sweet memory. I was so so excited and happy and thinking back at it makes me :')#In love with Oda's voice please speak more baby#About voices Fukuzawa looks so younggggg and yet his voice is so deepppppppp it's a funny contrast ahah.#Fukuzawa was very pretty when he was younger.#Distributing countless papers on the floor of my childhood's house attic to order them to the point there was no space left to walk is–#something I actually used to do when I was little. That's a cute memory too. I've always liked organizing stuff lol#Seeing all the actors preparing in the backstage threw me back to my musical theater hyperfixation.#Theater backstage feels so familiar to me if only because I used to keep up with the actors' i/nstagram stories religiously pffttttt#I really like Oda.#Wish his life had a little more happiness in it. Wish Fukuzawa could have adopted him too. Wish he could have married Dazai.#Alas :///#Aight no Atsushi this episode (and no Akutagawa for a whole season God‚‚‚‚‚‚‚ ) but a lot more exciting things to come!!!!!#Oh almost forgot the op and ed songs are so good too hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#Actually I think I just might have a soft spot for everything s4 since it's the first season I witnessed as it was airing pffttt#random rambles#I probably need to find a better file to watch the season... So far I'm still using the old episodes I individually downloaded–#as the anime was dropping. Which technically are still 1080 mkv but idk I feel like the quality is not the best.#And the subtitles are suboptimal
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the temptation to go back and look at the Swan Queen AU I was writing that was *strongly* inspired by my now gf is crazy today but i also know there's a reason I never published it and also I'm sure it would be horrifically mortifying to be reminded of what that version of me was thinking LMAO
#i was essentially creating a fantasy version of life in which my gf and I got together (at the time this was completely implausible IRL)#except i had cast Regina as my gf and Emma was my self insert#a horribly embarassing concept i am telling you#but at the same time. i cannot pretend that my obsession with my gf did not start bc she reminded me of Regina 🤦🏻♀️#she does not like this bc she doesnt like to think I'm just projecting a fictional character onto her#so i have to remind her that that was 10 years ago and i didnt actually know her at the time#i have to say tho... there are still some personality similarities to a certain type of Regina characterization that has been very popular#anywayyy#whyyy this is clearly why i havent read any swan queen fanfic since we got together#it makes my brain do weird things that probably are not good for my relationship#but also maybe it *would* be helpful if when she sasses me i could just be like 'wow what a Regina thing to say' instead of getting pissed#hahahahaha#Im like if Emma cried every time Regina was sassy at her instead of thinking it was funny or endearing#its not a good look#my gf thinks its a generational issue bc 'all her friends talk like that'#i think its just a me having a deep seated fear that people are actually mad at me all the time problem#this post got out of control i should delete it but i wont#personal
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I'm taking an origin of life class with one of the leading experts of the field worldwide and apparently someone sent him an email asking if he was mentioning Lynn Margulis so much because of Wokeism..... in a class centered around evolutionary biology... mentioning one of the most important scientists in the field frequently........ because of Woke....... like..... girl.
#so it's my last semester (everybody clap or I'll blow myself up) and I'm takinf this class because idk what else to take#and the professor is actually a really interesting person and a True Character and it's fun#but asking him. if he's mentioning a woman because of woke?? forced inclusion?? idk it's weird#apparently the sender was a woman too so idk.if they're mad about mentioning a woman bc they're a weird mra or mad that#he's just doing it to appear Woke and Progressive. anyway he ended the class with a psa that someone sent him that email#and he wanted to clear up that if he mentions Lynn Margulis or any other female scientist it's bc he genuinely admires#them and cannot understand how it's a weird idea for someone that he could actually Genuinely look up to a woman#anyway it was freaky but the class is very fun and he sometimes mentions really weird things. like#casually dropping into a conversation that that time he was looking at the Vaticans secret archives and no biggie etc etc#he's funny#🐌
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This man always knows when to come to me and cheer me up. Thank you, Gil🥺🥲❤️🩹

#last month has been pretty rough for me especially last couple of days were the most terrible#so getting this thing in the mail was surely a very pleasant surprise🥲#especially getting that image board because that art is very special to me and I even have it as my phone as wallpaper#and it was always cheering me up so getting that image today in the mail is was like Gil's way of saying 'hang in there I'm with you'🥺❤️🩹#I know that sounds a bit childish but it is what it is😅#and I actually cried a little as well because I've got a bit emotional because of this#also a small funny story about that keychain#I bought it a few years ago but unfortunately I broke it accidentally like a dumbass when I was trying to kill a cockroach🥲#but I managed to get it again. love this keychain he looks so smug here🥰😚❤️#personal#merchandise
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Me right now: "The Smitten is just like me for real."
Like???? I hope not??????
#lile god i hope he isn't??? i hope I'm not like that???#...ok i do be like that to a degree i can't lie#like haha i understand your intense need to die a great death for someone you love and your preoccupation with the chase but not the result#and your immense disregard for yourself as a person which leads you to or perhaps is the consequence of transforming into a tool#a role and an object but it's never enough is it and you'll never be enough will you? and the clock on the wall it keeps on ticking#and you repeat 'this is how it's supposed to be'. and if you look inside yourself you will see that there is no yourself to look in.#if you look inside yourself you will find a shadow in the body of someone else#like ah boy just like me you subscribe to the Folk story but there is no curtain to roll when the dragon is slain#you get the girl and what then? if you don't die then what then? maybe if you destroy yourself enough you will achieve something#maybe if you tear your chest open the curtains will fall. otherwise the only thing left is 'what am i supposed to do?'#the one thing that I pray we don't have in common is his tendency to make caricatures of people in his head#like uuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh i hope i don't do that.#which reminds me kinda funny how people were giving him way more slack when just Dam//sel existed. like i disliked him more back then#because The Da//msel is VISCERALLY horrifying to me. cannot stress how physically nauseous the chapter makes me#which might sound ironic considering I'm the biggest pioneer of 'boooo if anyone ever gets to know the real me I'm packing my bags#and leaving. nobody is allowed to interpret me the correct way. if you know me you don't. i hope you misunderstand every word i say.'#but i see a very thick line between not understanding me and between making up an idealised smooth harmless caricature of me#that you attempt to shove me into. like. the song The Projectionist by Aurelio Voltaire is what I'm referring to#and that's horrifying to me. like ah no not again please. a few times in my life was enough.#I'd say that simply 'not understanding' is Spec//tre and TPA//TD. And those routes are depressing#but not horrifying. they're like 'haha oh god that's me. don't mind my tears.' but Dam//sel is like...genuine horror. to me.#and HA//E actually made my opinion of Smi//tten better because like no no I get him. I also get H//AE Prin//cess. like haha that's me. ow.#Like haha girl the way you are incapable of saying the words 'i want' and cannot bear to say what you feel or think because you aren't#supposed to; it isn't what you should do; you should cave in and make others happy; don't you WANT to make others happy and who#gave you the right to even want something anyway; well it reminds me of the mirror in my house
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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me rn
#I HAD SUCH A NICE DAY#AND IT'S SNOWING TOO🥺😭#spent the whole day with my friend and her boyfriend bc he's visiting and it was literally so nice omg#maybe controversial opinion but i actually love being around people in love#and girl? i wish i had someone looking at me the way he does at my bestie#and not to jinx anything but he's such a nice guy you can easily tell he's a good person and cares about her a lot#the cuteness aggression i was getting for them... stop.#and i think it's also very nice that he wanted me to tag along for the whole day with them bc he wants to get to know people#who are important to her#so we took a walk around my city and went to a museum and for some food and idk it was just. so nice#AND i did all that in english🫡 and my spoken english got rustyyyy omg ;-;#i'm so so so happy for her <3#AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY#apparently there's a specific mannerism that she got from me but didn't do it that much#but when they started dating HE GOT IT FROM HER AND DOES IT ALL. THE. TIME. APPARENTLY#so it's kind of like he got it from me even though today was the first time that we met properly lsjdhsjkdjcjf#anyway. i'm filled with so much love and joy rn AND it's snowing#the vibes are immaculate#agnes talking
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ok soim gonna ramble about the wedding in the tags cos this is my diary lol kitty dont read this (she's not been on tumblr in ages it should b fine pfft)
#personal#ok so first of all it was a very overwhelming but amazing day!#the food was INCREDIBLE lol i honestly want the recipe for the chickpea fritters (that were covered in sesame seeds) like asap lol#sad i never got to have an italian pizza#(partly cos i was mainly w/ my mum who cant eat too much wheat rip...)#the venue was also amazing! there were all these animals (it's like a sanctuary thing?)#it was a shame it was cloudy and rainy that day but it wasnt too bad lol#(like look im english i'm used to it being rainy and cloudy 90% of the time pfft)#the actual vows ceremony part was honestly a highlight#i cried lol (it was a mixture of things... i was tired and overwhelmed... also i love my sister a lot ofc lol)#(also didnt help my mum was bawling her eyes out next to me pfft)#(also wasnt the only one cos when we went to say goodbye all my other sister's were crying too pfft...)#her husband's family were a Lot but all super lovely!#what was really funny is that they sat us on tables w/ a mixture of italian and english guests#and on both our table and one of the others everyone was bonding by showing each other pictures of their pets pfft#(mainly cats lol)#the dj wasnt that great pfft (yes i was mainly annoyed that there was no kpop cos i think my sis said she wanted to include some...)#i did get up and dance v awkwardly (mainly forced to by one of his sisters pfft) but it was fun lol#ohh and her dress(es) were seriously stunning!#the one for the main ceremony was like a classic victorian(?) sorta style#with an amazinggg 30s style veil!#her evening dress was shorter and she'd sewn the flowers we'd all been helping make for her on it#and it was honestly just so gorgeous#(i might try posting some of pics of it if i can?)#she also made her husband's waistcoat which matched the colours in her dress :')#struggling writing this rn cos i have a very needy cat trying to demand attentino lol#(we picked them up from the cattery today and i think they had a p tough time :(((( i missed them so much honestly)#anyway so the not so great things were the photographers (which ?? there were two ??? why ??)#they were really invasive and annoying lol#half my family couldnt even see my sis get married cos they were in the way ugh
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the whiplash of listening to a beautiful podcast interviewing an HIV-positive member of ACT UP followed by 'i want to give a quick shoutout to hello fresh' really took me out of it i sure love existing in late capitalism
#look i'm not naming any names this person does a really good job and i know they have to pay their bills#but jesus christ on a bicycle really#also quite recently a creator who is a child of an union rep and is super prpud of their dad and their dad is super proud of them#did a hellofresh sponsorship and i had to walk away from my phone for a minute#also one production company sent me a very cutesy email asking me to resubscribe to their patreon#my subscription actually ended because i didn't update my credit card info#but that email rubbed me the wrong way#so i sent a reply asking them why they have a betterhelp sponsorship#i was really polite my point was essentially look i'd feel much more comfortable rejoining your patreon#if i knew they also weren't giving you money#fucking cowards haven't replied yet#and their recent work is pretty mid so i find that extra funny#late capitalism#fuck capitalism#hello fresh#betterhelp
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very normal tabs to have open!! incredibly normal tabs i prommy!!
#yknow we'd always thought we'd gain a fictive first if any introjects at all i mean just look at our love for the skills!!#but uh? lol? lmao...? rofl even???#like nothing wrong with being a factive we love you factives but i thought we uh! didn't want to interact with that fandom anymore haha???#because i'm. because this guy is. very close to a person who is triggering to us!! :]??#oh yeah no even my voice sounds like his in here HELLO?? that's pretty funny actually that feels correct :P#i even named myself ryan that's so goddamn funny hkjhg like YEAH THAT WOULD FEEL RIGHT WOULDN'T IT? THAT'S MY NAME HKJHG#💫#lmao hey im ryan i guess!! we all knew this!! [silly funky twirl] :P
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