#logic? barely know her
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spot the 2nd year sneaking into the first-year class for soccer gossip
#inazuma eleven go#okay one more fic art and then I'm done with them#I bonded with fuuretsu and sakisaka too hard while writing and now they're a part of the group in my head oopsie#I drew this after finishing the endou arts and getting tired of group pics#logic? barely know her#own art
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LET THE NEXT INSIDE OUT MOVIE BE ABOUT THE LEFT BRAIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
They're Language, Precision, Strategy and Analytic (respectively in that order).
Of course they're only as smart as a thirteen year old can get. They don't know anything Riley hasn't learned throughout her life. So, like many people's first anxiety attacks, Riley must've thought she was genuinely having a heart attack for a second there
#i'll probably draw more stuff on how they work#they would be unaware of the emotions and vice-versa#i know it's a bit dehumanizing if everything riley does is these guys and the emotions driving her around#but i could barely sleep days after the movie because i just. couldn't relate to having emotions inside my head BUT#i could TOTALLy relate to not wanting to do what an emotional impulse tells me to#because LOGIC stood between us-- you get where i'm getting at???#inside out 2#anxiety inside out#inside out fanart#digital art#psychology#left brain#psychology memes#masterpiece#panic attack
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Time for another dream i had, this time about zutara.
This one is a lot shorter, but essentially I had a dream where kataras whole family(which seemed to have more members then in the show) all live in the fire nation, hiding the fact that they're water tribe(rather, they were water tribe).
Katara is in some sort of relationship with zuko. It's unclear if she's his wife, his girlfriend, or his mistress, but its not hidden. People know about her and her relationship with him.
(Putting the rest under a cut so I don't clog up the feed lol)
If she was his mistress it's kinda held in that way that kings had other women they'd sleep with along with their queen and it was just an accepted, albeit kinda shitty, thing to do.
Anyway, katara is also pregnant, which was kind of an underlying "plot point" and would return home to her family every day to check on them.
It's revealed here that katara is basically the only reason her family is doing pretty well for themselves. Her relationship with zuko means that they have enough to get by. It's also noted that her whole family(katara, sokka, their dad, their grandma, and some made up new family members) all live in one house. So its clear they're still kind of struggling.
It's also revealed, through a conversation with her grandma, that the only otehr reason katara is with zuko, is because it was part of a bigger plan. She and her family are part of a resistance against the fire nation, and when they realized zuko liked katara, wanted her to infiltrate and pretend to be in love with him.
The plan had clearly gone on longer then anticipated, for whatever reason, and katara is conflicted because she actually does have feelings for him now, not fo mention she's pregnant with his child.
There's a "scene" either at the beginning or after this reveal that shows zuko in a meeting with other fire nation officials, including his father and sister, and that either he was against one of their plans but is ignored or his plan gets shut down(I don't remember which). Katara always sits in on these meetings with him, and afterwards, as everyone is getting up to leave, she leans her forehead against his and whispers that everything will be alright. This is why we can tell she truly does care about him, to some degree. But it's also a moment showing potential manipulation, like shes pretending to care. It's supposed to be a little of both, she needs him to trust her but she does still love him.
After all of this, we cut to a scene in a forest/swamp. This part is kind of blurry in my head, but basically, it's a secret meeting. Katara is dressed similarly to the painted lady, her and a few other resistance members, including Sokka, Suki, and Hakoda, are planning an ambush on Zuko and his family, who are supposed to travel down a path nearby. Katara is a key part of this plan, as she's the only waterbender, and she knows this. She nods along to everything regarding the plan and she goes over important points herself as well. But as everyone else continues talking, katara is having doubts. She loves Zuko. She's about to have his child. She cares for him. But she needs to free the world from the fire nations clutches as well. She doesn't want to kill Zuko, but she has to in order to help others. She's hesitating.
They continue with the plan anyway, and through the foliage that katara and the others are hiding in, we see a carriage making its way down the path. Zuko and his family(or at least his father) are in there.
Everyone is getting ready to fight, to jump out and attack. We see a close up shot of Katara, conflicted. She's still not sure if she can go through with this, if she can kill Zuko.
And then I woke up.
#i was disappointed with the cliffhanger too I KNOW#it was a super interesting dream though#i guess in this world aang doesn’t exist??? idk. dream logic.#but i fell in lpve with this idea afterwards#the whole dream had this sort of dreary tone#the war meeting scene was at night so it was dark. and fire was the only thing lighting up their faces#katara leaning her head against zukos felt like it held heavier implications then we saw#when we see where katara and her family live it felt very poverty stricken. crowded with barely any furniture. a tired air hung around them#the scene planning the ambush felt very heavy with what they were about to do + with kataras own reluctance.#like the decision was already made even though it wasn't#ANYWAY idk if this even makes any sense#i wrote this when i woke up that morning and then finished up the rest today lol#i didn’t proofread shit though so sorry for any weird phrasing or typos lol#i just wanted to share another wild dream i had#this was a fun one lol#might wrote a fanfic about it one day#and if you want to write a fic absed off my dream PLEASE DO#i just wanted to share the idea with teh zutara fandom#i figured yall would appreciate it like i did❤️#zutara#avatar the last airbender#atla zuko#zuko#atla katara#katara#idk what else to tag lol#aml speaks#aml dreams
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane
(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)
#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school#so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away#i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute#and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with#someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over#so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job#not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people#and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie#or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired#i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family#but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying#and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home#logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do#i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out#and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years#i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year#i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out#even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times#and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable#i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something#plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later#vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space#and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year#and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends#so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything#i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything#but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know#i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to#vent
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More random head children musings (aside from the really sad one because that deserves better than a throwaway post):
Honestly I think it’s very fortunate that Dism’s team isn’t *entirely* comprised of lucid dreamers.
#just pav things#they’re teenagers that haven’t lived with using their powers their whole lives. they have no innate control over it#They’re FAR more likely to push themselves psychologically because of their emotional issues#And they don’t know when too far is. So they face their punishments for overtaxing themselves as a result ✨#And like. Dism wants to play hero and be the MOST useful so he overcompensates and takes on too much#Doesn’t delegate tasks/responsibility in battle to anyone else at all#And because he’s wielding that persona Inigo also overcompensates because he doesn’t want Dism to get injured#something something lingering thoughts of Archie y’know ✨#And the poor coordination that Dism and Inigo both have in Arcs 1-3.5 means Idyllia#who secretly feels she’s done a terrible job of protecting the people she cares about her whole life#then uses her healing powers to an unnecessarily high degree#because there is one borderline-suicidal not-even-dodge-tanking-as-supposed-to idiot and#trying-to-fulfill-a-misguided-social-agenda idiot 🌈#What are the ultimate results of this?#Well you have ~75% of the party who are barely holding onto this plane of existence#Dism who can barely walk or speak because he can’t *time* any movements of his body correctly#Idyllia who’s left generally shaky weak and extremely fatigued— her life and vitality disappearing into vapid traces#And Inigo who loses his senses and any bearing on reality at all. Even the most basic tasks unintuitive to him#The chances of a TPKO would be absolutely certain if not for Cynthia being able to nurse and protect them while they’re recovering 😭❤️#Honestly they are coasting by on a LOT of luck and it shows#If the end of Arc 2 was any indication…..#They do get better though <3#And that’s how they manage to pull off the successful rescue operations for Idyllia and Archie later :D We love some good teamwork :)#Now you may be thinking— how does this same concept pertain to Archie’s kids?#Theon exhibits the same symptoms as Inigo… or that’s what I would say#He’s so scared of repeating history’s mistakes that he only uses his intuition for guiding his aim and not anything like#scanning for weaknesses or seeing the future. ESPECIALLY THE LATTER#So Theon actually doesn’t tax himself much at all#Consequences for Ewan include a sheer rejection of rationality and logic and positivity#Too much light is blinding! Leaving him blind to everything but his baser impulses
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how much absolute PAIN do you think acting like everything is normal is causing her
#paranatural#my dad hurt his shoulder like 20 years ago. somehow closing the garage door. just like. pulled something#ended up having to have surgery. lost maj range of his arm for at least a year. dont know how long it took to get it all back.#and recently tore his other arms rotator cuff. he could barely move it. def couldnt reach that level of raised arm without intense pain#my point is she has to be in intense. unending pain.. and trying to play it off like everythings alright#dude in addition to just like. having a doctor or her mom examine her she probably needs to go to physical therapy!!! like logically speakin
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A hard pill for me to swallow lately has been that, despite everything, I'm probably the best version of myself that could've existed. And that's not really a comforting thought.
#it's a special kind of doomed imo.#every other path most likely led to something worse#maybe it's pessimistic to think of it that way. maybe I should be more grateful that it isn't worse#but it's hard to find that within me atm#the best of bad outcomes doesn't mean good. it doesn't mean I'm happy.#it just means every other option would have been more miserable. and it's disheartening to think like that ofc#and I know the logic is flawed. but I know myself and even with the advantages I have I'm unable to make anything of myself#had I chosen differently it would only be worse. I'd still be impoverished. I'd still be depressed.#I might just also be stuck in a cult and married w kids in the middle of fucking nowhere wisconsin on top of it all#<- that's the worst case scenario. probably. really hard to say#biggest bullet I've dodged yet tho. completely unintentionally too.#another hard pill to swallow: sometimes the things we want the most WILL ruin your life and it's a blessing when it falls through#unfortunately you don't get to know this until years later#as you watch your ex best friend marry a man almost 2x her age and birth kids she never wanted into this world#and then you're like OHHHH that would've been my fate... I get it now 😐#still. there's no relief in the realization because while you would've been miserable w a shitty husband and 3 or 4 kids#you are in fact still miserable without them. but oh well.#I would say 'anyways. I just need to go to the beach.' but honestly. I haven't felt the desire to do anything at all lately.#we're past the point of letting the sand and waves heal me. we're almost past the point of needlessly venting online!#there's so much I usually would vent about here but I have hardly had the urge to do so.#I'm just tired. life has drained me dry. my heart aches constantly and I barely know why
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The sims 2 is so funny because you can do everything right, you can make your sims study cooking and go to work on time and micromanage everybody so that they don’t die in stupid ways, and then the goddamn nanny burns your house down
#AN NPC CAUSED THE FIRST FIRE IN MY NEW NEIGHBOURHOOD I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS#so i’m playing the prosperity challenge right. which is basically where you randomise some families and play them in rotations#i’m on the third family atm and it’s a single mom with a teenage son; child daughter and twin toddler boys#she has an ltw to become media magnate but i got her a job as an EMT in the meantime because it didn’t show up in the paper#and hired a nanny to take care of the kids while she and the oldest son were out#nanny was fine at first. she just made sugar cookies and made sure the toddlers didn’t get taken away by social services which i massively#appreciated. but then my sim came home from work and immediately got a promotion#to paramedic; which meant she had to switch over to nights right away. so the nanny came again a few hours later and immediately proceeded#to set my kitchen on fire#thankfully they have a smoke alarm but she sent the two older kids into aspiration failure. SHERYL WHEN I CATCH YOUUUU#bizarrely the person who is absolutely coming in clutch for this family is none of the family members and nor is it the nanny#it’s gerald who is the grandpa of a different family i created in the neighbourhood. he works with the mom (although he’s an intern now)#and she brought him home from work and he has just been here all night#it’s 4:20am and he’s sat playing with one of the toddlers helping him learn words with his bunny 🥹#gerald we looooove you. platinum aspiration for gerald. GOOD THINGS FOR GERALD#the most annoying people in this challenge so far are sheryl the nanny who burns stuff down and jackson; a kid in one of the other houses#who keeps calling everyone at 2am even if he barely knows them. and also at 10am on school days#jackson’s mom also irritates me because she came to pick her daughter up who was just playing chess on a porch at 8pm; bothering nobody#but doesn’t stop jackson from spamming everyone with calls. where is the logic#personal
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anyways “just don’t leave me alone wondering where you are” Program and “I am stronger than you give me credit for” Vista
#Could also be Moon & Tera they’re both equally as sad#But I’m gonna just. Let that sink in.#Even in the early phases (Hansel/Gretel) they were designed specifically to be a stronger more logical machine and a human-esque creation#Vista was never meant to be as strong mentally or physically as Program could#but they pushed through anyway. The perceived imbalance between them will always get me#Vista/Gretel thought Koeia liked Program/Hansel more because he served a purpose#Program/Hansel thought Koeia liked Vista/Gretel more because they were like her “daughter”#And later Program ends up putting aside their differences to look out for them#“For the greater good” my ass! He cared about their well being more because he knew they were supposedly “weaker” than him#but realizing there wasn’t much of a difference between them in Koeia’s eyes made him feel compelled to shield them from some things#He figured that they were meant to be like siblings#he wanted to be their sibling#They wanted to too but they didn’t want to be inferior#They felt that Program was better than them in every way. It was him that made the project possible after all!#Clearly he /must/ be better right?#So they’re stuck in a weird spot of not having known each other for years and only perceiving what they thin other was compared to themself#And then being thrown into a situation where they’re trying to make it out together#Even as early as before the incident Program was looking out for Vista#Program felt threatened by Clay sometimes and would try to tell Vista to get out#Him attacking Clay was his way of trying to help#Which only fucks up Moon a little more when Procyon starts taking that same “helping” role and gets Clay…you know…speared….#And they feel so betrayed it sends them into an entire spiral of barely knowing who they are anymore#Anyways I didn’t meant to rant bye bye#S.K thinks#I hope this changes someone’s perception of Moon as a whole. Just one person I’ll be happy with that
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That moment you have a nightmare so realistic that you can't tell if you're actually awake or still in another layer of it
#in other news i barely had 3 hours of sleep#this was.... horrifying#normally my nightmares are grotesque and disgusting#but this was so realistic#it was mundane#just my day to day life#my aunt threw out my cat#i had a stel sister for some reason who had tried to throw out Custard but i fought her and got him back in#my other aunt's family were living with us for some reason and my usual aunt kept insulting my cousin#there was like one tiny glimmer of goodness in it tho#i got to speak to someone who matters alot to me#he lived in the same building in the dream#he looked so gorgeous omg#idk how we started speaking bc of dream logic but he was so sweet#my family kept interrupting me and i think he got scared from one of them#couldn't tell me who because he obviously doesn't know their names#i told him to leave bc he seemed lowkey afraid for his own safety#i apologized to him too#but he hid and my aunt came in to stare at the art he did on a wall infront of our balcony#i kept trying to distract her so he could safely leave but he stayed#then she started to lowkey insulting the art#saying that the iranian version of one of the people he drew was better 😭😭#he obviously got insulted and tried to explain stuff to her but you can't explain things to my aunt#it only adds fuel to the fire#you only agree with her... but he didn't know that#i somehow managed to resolve this issue with minimal casualties lol#i said something about wishing i could meet the artist who drew this (i didn't know it was him)#and he said that i already did and that he is accepting commissions and would even do it for free for me#anyway after he left my family started trash talking him#like real bigoted stuff
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Also like, trying to not make TLoU AU Kseniya just…wildly overpowered is fucking hard. Because yeah sure, chronic pain and looks visibly infected (meaning anyone with half a brain cell and a gun will shoot on sight) and blind; that all sucks…
…but she can fucking talk to cordyceps. She can talk to the Infected. Her and Pierce run across three Clickers? No problem, just let Kseniya casually walk up to them and make them go away. Because unlike Ellie the Infected read her as one of them, so not only will they not attack her but they’ll treat her like any other Infected. Cordyceps isn’t inherently evil or violent—it’s a fungus, it can’t have morality. It’s doing what every fungus wants to do: survive, propagate, and make more of itself. It just mutated into something that can use humans to do that, not because it hates humanity but just because that’s how it went.
So if Kseniya’s like “yeah no, not a viable host, sorry!” the Clickers will wander off and leave Pierce be.
That is UNBELIEVABLY overpowered in a TLoU context. 50% of the threat to their survival is just…gone! Poof!
#it’s an incredibly interesting inversion from tabula rasa#where kseniya is this unstoppable killing machine and yet utterly helpless in the face of her programming#and by extension hydra/department x#hence why she NEEDS pierce and NEEDS strike so badly in that world#this kseniya can barely use a rifle at the start and can just casually tell zombies to go look for food somewhere else#and she still NEEDS pierce because she does look visibly infected and without someone there to be like NO DON’T would ABSOLUTELY get shot#the second literally anyone came across her#but it’s a need that’s much less desperate than tabula rasa senya#tlou kseniya comes off more vulnerable in mannerisms but can probably fuck your shit up worse than tabula rasa kseniya#especially if i take this to the logical tactical conclusion and have kseniya not only say go away but also go attack those hunters#this can turn into a unstoppable force of post-apocalyptic nature VERY FAST if i let her become that#and that’s without factoring in the side benefits like being able to use the underground fungal network to compensate for her blindness#and know when people are coming because they stepped on some cordyceps#i know the theme of most apocalyptic stories is#humans are the real monsters and shit#but MAN are other people the literal only problem these two have in this context#guess we’re leaning REAL HARD into this theme#tag meta#tabula rasa tlou au#tlou au kseniya
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I genuinely think tik tok is the most damaging app I’ve ever downloaded. and keep in mind this app gave me an eating disorder.
#still thinking about it#bell rings#I believe I have healed my relationship with the glorious tumblr#i forgive her#I do not forgive the actual people#but it’s not the website/apps fault#TIK TOK ON THE OTHER HAND#with every other app I have to actively seek out triggering content#and find some really weird uncommon phrases or word the app hasn’t blocked yet#to even find one triggering post#but tik tok was just like#“so I’ve been giving you recovery content for like half an hour so I know you’ve probably had an ed so logical next step”#“literal pro accoun!! :DD”#i will kill you with my bare hands
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ok so, about the silly rock opera from earlier-
speaking of the music, i can't say i am a big fan of what it has going on. it's got this electric sorta vibe?? not really my cup of tea when it comes to silly music, but i can't say hate it.
as for the story so far? i think it's going the way i first thought it would go - "love is the only cure" hngngnhn
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apparently tumblr has a tag limit?? it's the first time i reach it adgahahsjjakakja
anyway, these silly thoughts below were supposed to be my last silly tags, and since i can't... put them in the tags anymore, i ma just put them here, i guess-
my silly impression of it so far is kinda meh tbh, but i am curious to see if i will change my mind by the end of the story
('welcome to anhedonia' still slaps tho-)
#for context#people in anhedonia are prohibited emotions#they are not allowed to feel things‚ hence their hearts are locked in cages#people get sent to this 'emotional correction facility' for showing even the slightest sign of emotion‚ while sometimes they're are#sentenced to death#also-#a silly thing i can't get over is that (so far) they've only mentioned positive emotions (like happiness and love)#but no one of the negative ones (such as anger or sadness)#or at least i think so??#there's this part in 'no one wept' where the narator says some stuff‚ but i can barely make any of that-#and it's not like i have silly lyrics to check hngngnhng#anyway‚ back on the 'love is the only cure' part#i wouldn't mind it as much if‚ at least‚ it was referring to love in general‚ not just the romantic type‚ ya know?#and here's even more context-#there's this dude‚ Woolf‚ who 'lived his life by logic'#'he saw the world through formulas and equations' or something along those lines? anyway#and then there's this gal‚ Madeleine‚ who wishes to find a 'friend with whom she can share all her darkest secrets' and stuff#as her debut song suggests#she wants to be 'somebody's somebody'#while wolf is searching yet again for the missing piece for a machine he's been working on#(a sound machine he called 'the symphonyoum' <- no idea how to spell it adafhhad)#he sees Madeleine and falls in love with her at first sight#and then he has this 'the colour of love' moment which i guess helps him find what he needed for his machine#which got me kinda ??? but anyway#since he can't find his words (same man)#he decides to let Madeleine know how he feels by using his machine to express his emotions through sound alone#and it works!#(forgot to mention that the missing piece he was looking for was actually the feeling of love and all that jazz)#and then they have this small moment where they talk about how they can save the others with love and stuff#and this is when i decided to take a small break‚ because my silly brain got tired of all the electricity the music radiates-
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I ruined everything why do I always do this
#i know logically shes doing it because shes not okay and needs space and thats fine and shes better off without me anyway#but i know like. intuitively. that i did something to fuck it up#im not gonna talk to her because i know ill just make everything worse and i dont know what she'll do to herself if i make it worse for her#but i want to. i wanna talk to her and at least know what the fuck is wrong so i dont have to come to conclusions i know are so unrealistic#but im still fucking terrified that itll happen anyway#god. some of my friends hate her but they dont know how much worse i am. i mean they do but they barely scratch the surface#<3#i ruined everything
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my hips are really sore and it's definitely from playing basketball (cursed sport that sucks and should be banned forever) and nothing else i could've done (15 hours of CPA study)
#it was just shooting hoops though#honestly it was pretty easy to shoot the hoops once i had a few practice throws#everything's easy once you know how (colleen proverb)#i haven't thought about that line for YEARS and yesterday it popped into my head so i said it over and over#oh yeah and i barely spoke about sophia yesterday at all#well a little bit#mostly just stressing about how to train the new girl tomorrow#sigh#logic tells me to be as early as possible for work tomorrow (to sort out my desk) and my anxiety says no way#everything is a mess#oh man i'm so nervous#apparently i can't 'throw her in the deep end' but what's the shallow end????#shallow end is how rebecca trained me#only problem is i'm not rebecca#rebecca sorted all the filing into alphabetical order
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