#lmao I am so sorry that this post is so long
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If Spock and Jim merged into one being (no euphemism here lol) like Tuvix, what do you think the personality of the new being would be like? What impact do you think that would have had on the lives of both of them after they separated again? I love your headcanons, thanks for the answers!
thanks for the question!! <3
Hmmm... I think they would work pretty well as one being, actually. I'm thinking about all of those quotes from Roddenberry about how Kirk and Spock were supposed to represent two halves of a whole person, so I have to assume that they would be quite content. Though, disclaimer as I continue: I have not yet seen any of Voyager - there might be aspects of Tuvix's combination that I don't take into account because I don't know they exist. If so, uh, sorry. My bad.
For the sake of avoiding confusion, I'll call the merge Kirok (after the name Kirk chose when he lost his memories in The Paradise Syndrome). (Also, I fear that calling him "Kock" would have... deleterious effects on the readability of this post... for no reason at all...)
I do think that Kirok would, overall, have the best parts of Kirk and Spock. Combined, they are tactically fearsome. With Kirk's intuition and understanding of people and Spock's knowledge of statistics and science, Kirok is brilliant. However, I do think that Kirok would be a worse captain in practice than if Kirk and Spock simply had a mental bond. Part of the brilliance of Kirk and Spock as a command team is that, while they very much respect one another and take the other's opinion into account, they do also. regularly ignore each other's advice. And this is usually to their benefit! They each take risks that the other wouldn't, and, often, it saves them (in part because they always back each other up, even when doing things they don't agree with. Spock will be like "this is unwise" and Kirk will say "maybe, but I'm doing it anyways" and Spock will just... go with it.). But, if they were one person, I think that impulsiveness would be tempered. The Kirk part would have a brilliant idea, the Spock part would say "wait, there is too much risk, we can make a better plan," and then Kirok would lose his chance to act. When they're separate people Spock is ride-or-die for all of Kirk's decisions, but when they're one person, the Spock half won't always allow those decisions to be made at all (and also won't necessarily be able to tell when he does need to rein things in a bit). (Also Kirk and Spock both tend to be reckless, and then rely on the other to save them - as Kirok, who would back him up when he needed it? Bones would, but he's a medical officer. He simply can't do everything they would have. And, no matter how good of a first officer Kirok got (probably Sulu?), they couldn't be that good.)
I also think that Kirok wouldn't be quite as at ease with his position on the ship as Spock and Kirk individually were. The Spock part of him loves science far too much to just abandon it. He wants to spend time in the labs! He wants to make discoveries! Likewise the Kirk part of him can't truly be anything but a Captain. So, Kirok stays a captain, but he's less passionate about it (or, rather, more passionate about things that aren't it). This doesn't actually affect Kirok's satisfaction - it just affects his performance and relationships with others. He might spend off-duty time working on science experiments (which he can no longer do during shift, due to captaining) and neglect forming bonds with his crew, and he might place more focus than usual on scientific discovery missions.
As for the crew... Well, it's not as weird of a change as they expected. As expected, Kirok is less outwardly friendly than Kirk, and more outwardly friendly than Spock, but he's - cohesive. He still feels like their commanding officers. His humor tends to be a bit drier than Kirk's was, but he's a very compassionate and reasonable captain. (Tbh I tend to think that Kirk is actually more of a hardass than Spock (people just assume Spock is worse due to being Vulcan), so some crewmembers are surprised when Kirok is more lenient about certain things than Kirk would have been. Not lenient about cruelty or anything genuinely important to the safety of the ship, but about other things.) But, he's still not as good at making personal connections as Kirk was, and he's still inclined to spend too much time in the labs, so things aren't perfect.
Really, I think that the person having the worst time of things would be Bones, lmao. He'd have to deal with his Best Friend suddenly being the same person as The Guy He Affectionately Antagonizes (totally not a friend no how could you even think that). I think he'd be more lost than anyone else about how to address Kirok. Is this Kirk, his old friend, who he can be truly comfortable with, or is this Spock, who he snipes at and who snipes at him in turn? Who can he turn to, when the man he normally approaches for comfort is now the same being as one he doesn't want to seem too weak in front of? Does he turn to anyone else, in the meantime, or does he weather it alone?
Kirok himself, though, is actually pretty okay with the change. The different parts of himself simply - mesh well together. It's very satisfying for him, if not for his career and those around him. There's some minor bits of tension, especially regarding changes in biology and telepathic status, but, for the most part, he's doing well. The things you might expect to be major points of tension somehow... aren't. They compromise remarkably easily. (No meat, yes logic, no emotional suppression, yes casual touching, no casual relationships, yes meditation, etc.) And the Kirk and Spock parts of him both enjoy the closeness, the sense of knowing they now have for one another. They're one person, and know themself completely as they've always longed to know each other completely. (he does miss playing chess against someone who could beat him, though!)
Now, because I am Spirk-brained, I also think there's potential for Kirok to have Very Confused Feelings about discovering that the two parts of himself each had secret feelings for the other prior to the merge. There could be this odd sense of loss - like, yes, they are now technically one with one another, but they also completely missed out on their shot at a romantic relationship. They mourn what they could have had. The Spock part, especially, mourns the potentially for a telepathic bond (because with how smoothly they've integrated with one another, it surely would have been a strong one). So, as much as Kirok does enjoy existing as Kirok, I think he might be more willing to attempt separating back into two parts than I believe Tuvix was.
And, when they're two separate people again, they both feel like they're missing some part of themself, even once they've begun their new romantic relationship - but quickly discover that a mental link between them fills that hole. (And then, of course, because they are hopeless and in love, the "medicinal mental link" very quickly just becomes a marriage bond. They're like "well, we've already been one person and liked that well enough... a marriage bond is hardly anything different!" To Spock's endless pleasure, they are highly compatible and have a remarkably strong bond.) The mental link also allows them to have the same quick reaction times and combined brilliance of Kirok without the negative side effects of their own individual strengths being tempered. (they're also like. annoyingly codependent for a bit after Kirok's separation. oh boy are they always touching. "it gives them emotional security." bones looks at them in disgust (he loves it).)
Or, if we wanted to be McSpirk-brained... I'm enjoying the imagery of Kirok (who both had crushes on Bones as well as on one another) just directing all of that missed romantic potential onto Bones, who is... like, he's not not into it (Kirk was hot, Spock was hot, ergo Kirok is hot), but he also misses and loved his Original friends, and so he is very torn between accepting Kirok's advances and trying to find a way to split them apart again. (Flustered Bones, flustered Bones!! I do love flustered Bones!! He is blushing and stammering and having multiple ethical crises all at once. They never covered this in Starfleet Medical...) He also doesn't quite know whether Kirok's feelings truly belonged to both Kirk and Spock or not, and doesn't think that Kirk or Spock would truly act on it if they were in their normal state, so a small selfish part of him wonders if that's the only chance he has to be with them (even if it's not quite the same 'them' he fell in love with). And then, of course, there's the fear that trying to get back the original Kirk and Spock will actually just kill them! Yeah, poor Bones has a rough time of things. But, when everything is fixed, he does still wind up getting two boyfriends out of it. It all works out in the end?
#certainly everybody on tumblr is very mature and would not at all get a giggle about reading a post about a character named “Kock” (joking)#if you Don't go the mcspirk route i think bones should get to bond with scotty during the ordeal for a little scones time#bones is having a terrible time but! he gets a hug from scotty about it. worth it? maybe!#this got real long again lmao i am so sorry#star trek#star trek tos#tos#james t kirk#jim kirk#spock#tos spock#bones mccoy#spirk#mcspirk#long#meta#ask#ask answered#this is one of those questions where i suspect i could easily come up with multiple completely different answers which still feel right#like there's a lot of different ways to go about it. this is the one i chose this time but in 2 years my answer may be worlds away!#idk. it's a neat question!#also thank you so much for always sending me funky questions to think about!!! they're very fun to answer!!
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pkciv dash simulator
⭐ my-friend mutuals
I love my IRL friend to death, but I don't think he knows my real name. He just calls me "His Friend".
⭐ my-friend mutuals
I asked him about it and he looked at me funny and said "I mean you are my friend, right?" and I didn't have the heart to press further.
⭐ my-friend mutuals
Beginning to develop a Pavlovian response to the word "friend".
⭐ my-friend mutuals
New username :/
👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals
I Cant Feel My Legs
🔄 vineboomsound
are u ok,????? what hapened :(
👴🏽 oldchamp-deactivated mutuals
DMs
🔄 vineboomsound
about to jump into the bottomless void. if i dont post again in like 5 minutes then dont let anyone take the temple decor down
🔄 vineboomsound
i just got jumped?,????
🔄 vineboomsound
THEY R HUNTING ME FOR SPORT :(
🔄 vineboomsound
nvm actaully that was fire. no one here knows how to do three-sixties i got htis
🐢 chain-male follow
hey
🔄 vineboomsound
oh God get me Out of here
🐢 chain-male follow
the "male" in my name is short for mansplain manipulate malewife
🥀 guard1 follow
this job is soooo boooring. at least i get to hang out with the bestie later :D
🔄 vineboomsound
thats great man haha
🔄 vineboomsound
🐢 chain-male follow
@ vineboomsound hurry up bro the level will freeze over before you get back
🔄 vineboomsound
ok asshole you try parkouring on ice and literal glass shards while also evading local authorities.
🐢 chain-male follow
what, you want me to kiss it better??? whiny ass
🔄 vineboomsound
i want you to starve in that sand house
🐢 chain-male follow
you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid
🥀 guard1 follow
i just don't know what to do now that he's gone.
🖤 allyyyyy follow
sorry for your loss. do you want to hunt the champion and plan our revenge together
🥀 guard1 follow
yeah
🔄 vineboomsound
has anyone heard from @ my-friend lately :(
📕 dustypage-deactivated following
I just remembered my password! :-)
🔄 vineboomsound
well this is gonna be an awkward one to explain
🐢 chain-male follow
i'm so hungry like it's not even funny
🔄 vineboomsound
skill issue im still not giving you my boots
🐢 chain-male follow
i'd rather you just call me a homophobic slur at this point
🖤 allyyyyy follow
questioning my duties
🖤 allyyyyy follow
stalking that guy
🖤 allyyyyy follow
questioning my duties again
🖤 allyyyyy follow
fuck it i'm sending the ask
🔄 vineboomsound
anonymous asked: hey . just wanted to let you know that you're following someone really problematic. check your dms
ummm What !
🔄 vineboomsound
ok what hte fuck !
🔄 vineboomsound
actually this isnt surprising at all what am i saying lmao
🐢 chain-male follow
call me a wife the way i'm pining for a man's long-awaited return
🐢 chain-male follow
and also the way i'm plotting and conspiring
🐢 chain-male follow
call me a wife the way i'm scheming in the kitchen
🔄 vineboomsound
??? HUH
🐢 chain-male follow
dont worry about it <3
🔄 vineboomsound
no yeah his ass is definitely evil
🔄 vineboomsound
his ass........
⭐ my-friend mutuals
Evbo,. send hel p
🔄 vineboomsound
MY FRIEND??????
🐢 chain-male follow
about to make twink death literal in more ways than one <3
end of simulation
#reposted for everyone due to public demand#and by that i mean the two people who replied in the pkciv yaoi community#evbo#seawattgaming#parkour civilization#pkciv#emf pkciv#ally pkciv#seavbo#parkour yaoi#fake post#fishstuff
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it’s already annoying enough that they still, in 2025, 4.5 years after the fifth season ended, run blogs almost solely dedicated to hating on a cartoon since they can’t find a better hobby, but what really bothers me at this point is how they have to make their superiority complex everyone else’s problem and go out of their way to bully & harass stans over their posts under the guise of “debunking arguments” (which, even if that is true, debates aren’t always inherently invited and dragging someone into them by assuming “existence of post = open discussion” when they aren’t interested may violate a boundary), usually indirectly so that we don’t know and won’t respond to it.
glimmadora shippers (who are catradora antis, nothing wrong with just liking the ship itself!) are definitely the most frequently guilty, thinking of 1-2 blog usernames in particular here, and they largely overlap with the first group in your list — many of them tend to also be lumity fans (again, so am i, i have the owl house showrunner’s art of them as my main blog’s icon; that alone is not the issue) and compare it to catradora because if it’s not perfect fluff then it’s apparently not acceptable to portray in (animated) media. it’s rather ironic because they are so loud about being against toxic behavior + obsession with people minding their own business, but have no problem actively engaging with these things online in order to make sure others know they hold the wrong opinion over pixels + lines on a screen.
the ones that have really surprised me though, are hordak & shadow weaver stans. it’s a cheap excuse to accuse them of ableism* & misogyny & lesbophobia (and trust me, i also hate pointing fingers at baseless bigotry when it doesn’t apply tot the situation), yet abusive characters in this show are clearly fine to enjoy just as long as they’re not catra, which therefore implies… exactly those ideas. they hide behind a façade of caring about ableism via entrapta’s writing** and the end scene of 4x01 when catra holds hordak’s crystal over his head to bribe him, but either they’re very biased and cherrypick who deserves protection from discriminatory beliefs based on a subjective “perfect victim” status in the fandom, or they’re simply weaponizing those criticism arguments in order to silence opposing voices among the discourse regarding catra’s redemption arc getting more attention, since she’s a main character, than the cardboard cutout big-bad villain, who wasn’t supposed to have anywhere near as much development or sympathy given from the beginning. i roll my eyes when they complain about how season five catered to her so much, especially instead of hordak, because the show has literally always been primarily about catradora and the best friends squad by extension; hordak was nothing more than a tool for the narrative. that means you got what you came for, so you can either stay mad or leave ─ i highly suggest the latter for everyone else's sake.
i’ve been collecting receipts of the latter group that you can check through all the various reblogs (it’s not a neat consecutive thread unfortunately, sorry) in the notes here, just because it’s difficult for me to believe those takes are actually real if i can’t prove it to even just myself, lol lmao.
another thing i’d like to mention is that i’ve seen antis mention biphobia coming from she-ra stans a few times now, and as a bisexual activist who is unapologetic about calling that crap out without any respect for the perpetrator, the funny thing is… this is pretty much the only fandom where it hasn’t occurred that much in my experience, let alone to such an unbearable level — mind you, i’ve been here since june 2020 (not on this account, but wherever SPOP existed on the internet). it’s always been much more prevalent in arcane spaces, hell even the owl house with three prominent bisexual characters and only one canon lesbian is filled with far too much erasure & policing regarding our identity. also no one ever cares about bringing up bisexuals unless it’s to hate on us somehow, so i always find a sudden uptick in concern from monos that can be essentially read as a “gotcha” or otherwise supporting detail rather than its own thoughtful discussion to be deceitful and i tend to be quite wary of it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
*ableism in this case comes from catra’s heavy BPD-coding, which i can speak on as i also have it — or at least share most of its symptoms consistently, which has been overall agreed upon by my psychiatrist.
**that’s not to say how entrapta being autistic was handled, especially in 5x02, isn’t problematic, especially considering i’m autistic too and that has rightfully made our community uncomfortable, generally speaking. i just don’t trust authentic critique with genuine love for the character or even basic respect for this piece of media as a whole to come from that crowd specifically.
i'm losing my mind how are there STILL ACTIVE CATRA HATE BLOGS it's been FOUR YEARS how are you still this mad about a female abuse victim!!!!!! how do you STILL not get it!!!!!!!!!!
I have been in enough fandoms to understand that some of the people who stick around the longest are those who act the most scarred after watching the media. It's like stockholme syndrome. Or it's like hating the thing is what gives them drive in the world.
I have also been on the other side of this. I remained a Homestuck blog for a whole four years after the ending made me depressed about Terezi Pyrope, even lasting an additional year and a half after the dogshit epilogues released, through to the demise of Hiveswap and Homestuck^2, before I realised enough was enough and let Adventure Time give me sanctuary again.
But Homestuck had its Gamzee fans who hated the comic and fandom, Adventure Time had its Lemongrab fans who hated the show and fandom, and it seems She-ra has its fair share of antis.
The She-ra antis consist of the following groups, from my observation:
Former fans who got obsessed with some other show and have to bash She-ra because it ain't cool anymore. Usually Owl House fans but can be from anywhere. Their hate is universally connected to propping something else up, and is never done in isolation.
Hordak fans who hate Catra and maybe every other character and crew member and the show. There are a lot of the reverse, Catra fans who hate Hordak, which is part of why this group is so persistent, as a "counter" to this Hordak hate. However, the Catra fans who are Hordak antis MOSTLY do not hate the show (they are just... out of touch with it and generally have bad takes). I've seen one or two extreme cases of Catra apologists accusing Adora, Scorpia, and even Entrapta of abuse, but they were completely alone in their feelings. The Hordak fans who hate Catra tend to also hate Glimmer, Mermista, Adora, Bow, and say that the show is ableist or whatever, but they do not actually harbor much love for Entrapta. Her victimisation is an excuse for their behaviour and they have no understanding of her chaotic character. Do not interact.
Glimmadora fans (the ones who purely seem to exist to make 'Spop Is Abusive' posts). Why the fuck Glimmadora fans hate the show so much, I do not understand. But these are probably the most In-Your-Face of these three groups. While the Hordak fans mentioned above have a lot of similarity to Homestuck Gamzee fans or Adventure Time Lemongrab fans in the weird way they'll hate on the show for doing their blorbo wrong, Glimmadora fans don't have that evidence because they don't really care about Glimmer or Adora. They have absolutely nothing to say about the show, other than that it is Bad. My theory on these Glimmadora fans is that they really liked the Glimmer and Adora ship on a superficial level, and then the show decided to have its Deeper Themes and give Catra and Adora a messy, complicated relationship. There was a lot happening after season 3 where people went "CATRADORA IS REALLY ABUSIVE AND CATRA IS HORRIBLE AND YOU SHOULDNT SHIP HER WITH ANYONE". This period was SO fucking harmful to the fandom that it never recovered, so much work was lost and deleted from AO3. People would say "Glimmadora is a much better ship anyway". But then when season 4 rolled around and, uhh, Glimmer was acting like a little shit all season (for good reason but she really fucked things up with Adora), and Glimmadora crumbled into ash? Well the Glimmadora truthists felt like the show was working against them and that Season 5 was a grand conspiracy to make the Abusive ship Catradora canon!!! The funniest part of this is I sympathise a lot with these feelings. I used to be a Glimmadora truther myself when I watched the show in fall 2021. I was like, "wow, look how nice this ship is. And they go with catradora in the end?? Fucking HOW???". But then seasons 4 and 5 happened and.... yeah, I was disappointed with how Glimmer and Adora's friendship ended up, but I was ENAMORED by the messiness of Catra's character and how raw her and Adora felt about each other even in spite of all the bullshit. I never made excuses about the show being abuse apologising. I analysed it purely in how believable the relationships were and what the intentions of the characters are.
Of these groups, the ones responsible for the most actual SPOP Anti blogs are undoubtedly the Glimmadoras. The only time I've seen something similar, so many antis appearing, was because of Steven Universe ship wars. You have NO IDEA how petty people feel about Lapidot, Amedot, all the dots, all the amethysts. A crew member was chased off the internet over it, or left the internet over the show's own decisions, depending on whether you believe the """screenshots""" that were taken of Zuke's ""private blog""".
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Content: ranting about people gatekeeping autism self-diagnosis and also little message for those that do self-dx
I just don't understand people that gatekeep self-diagnosis (self-dx), especially when it comes to autism. It doesn't hurt anyone to self-dx/self identify as autistic. It doesn't hurt anyone to utilize tools and coping mechanisms that are typically designed/advertised/taught for/to autistic people.
I think that anyone that resonates with autistic experiences and finds relief utilizing coping mechanisms that they have found through autistic people and resources have a place in the community, even if their traits are subclinical or if through their self-exploration and research, they find they aren't autistic. For those that find they aren't, that's totally valid and cool, and through that exploration you have garnered a wealth of knowledge about a group of people that can always use allies.
No one is stealing any resources from anyone by self-dxing autism. Especially as an adult, because there are basically no resources to "steal" lmfao. The resources that do exist don't have a strict limit to them (books, worksheets, blog posts, physical items like weighted blankets and noise cancelling headphones, etc.). I have a clinical diagnosis and all I got was a bunch of paperwork that effects where my husband can be stationed. That's it. Everything else that I have is stuff that's generally accessible and used by tons of people that aren't autistic, or it's stuff I have made for myself (like all my lists and writeups). I know my experience isn't universal, but like, if something helps you in a significant/substantial way, it means it's made for you and those like you.
A large part of the "anti self-dx of autism" shit has to be negative views of what autistic people look like, right? I struggle to imagine any other reason someone would be so fervently against it, to the point they'll attack those that do self-dx. Or do people think you can just walk into some magical treatment facility and say you are autistic and you are whisked away by them and now you're taking up a slot for the "real autistics" ??? There're so many fucking hoops to jump through to get adequate care, at least in the USA. Or is it like people believing that someone else getting accommodations is unfair??? If that's it, why aren't they considering that maybe the world needs to be kinder and more patient, rather than just attacking someone else for getting help? If an accomodation that's utilized by a smaller group of people would be beneficial to the majority, why is that not made the norm??? I'm just so confused by people.
Find something more beneficial to advocate for instead of tearing other people down. Projecting hatred and anger like that is a waste of time and energy that could be used for something way better. It honestly doesn't have to be advocacy or anything, just get a fucking hobby.
#long post#actually autistic#autism#self dx is valid#self diagnosis#autistic problems#I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings#Catt being mad#lmao I am so sorry that this post is so long#stream of consciousness#i don't understand#late diagnosed autistic#text post#tbh just reread this post and I'm mostly complaining about allistics that gatekeep it#idk any autistic people that do but I know they exist and that's probably internalized ableism or some shit
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I am so sorry, apparently it’s 2024 and I’m arguing about dragon age again lmao. How did I get here! Why is this happening!! Time is a flat circle!!!
Anyway. People can feel how they want about the past games not mattering in this game. If you’re cool with it, I’m happy for you. But there’s one particular argument in defence of this choice that is really, really bothering me and I have to rant
The thing I keep seeing is “well all this other stuff has nothing to do with the main plot or Rook, so it should be cut” and that’s. Not a good way to tell stories in my opinion. Because here’s the thing: it’s not about the Big Overall Plot. It’s about the characters that live in this world, big and small
I’m going to use the example of Varric and Hawke cause I think it’s the easiest to explain quickly. Varric is a storyteller. That’s the defining trait of his character. He tells stories, and sometimes they’re true and sometimes they’re not and sometimes it’s something in between. In DA2 he tells you about his brother. In inquisition, he talks about hawke and there’s banter about several of the companions. Most of these are just little one liners that don’t “serve the overall plot” but they serve Varric’s character
And that matters
So if we take this character known for telling stories about people that have been in his life, well, he largely can’t do that now. How can he talk about Hawke, someone who can be a very close friend of his, without even their gender being a choice you can select? Or whether Varric should be saying ‘is’ or ‘was’ about them? How can he talk about the companions in DA2 or inquisition when a lot of them don’t have to be recruited or can die? Will he limit himself to only characters that are guaranteed to be a part of it and alive? Or is it that he and Rook will have such a shallow relationship that Varric, of all characters, never talks about his life and past exploits?
Or has Varric as a character changed so much that he doesn’t even want to tell stories anymore? That Hawke living or dying means nothing to him? That the friendships he built with people in 2 games mean nothing to him? That he’s become literally unrecognizable?
This is where the problem is. Sure, Rook maybe doesn’t care about these people they’ve never met. But do they care about Varric? What about if a companion mentions an old friend of theirs, talks about an experience they had that made them who they are - is that only okay if that experience isn’t from a previous game? Or are all the characters so flat that we never learn anything about their connections to others outside of Rook? Is this story SO focused on this player character and this plot that NOTHING else matters, even within the world, and there’s no depth to be found in any of the characters that feature in it?
Writing characters so that they only ever talk about things that “directly serve the plot” is how you get flat, unremarkable, boring, forgettable characters. And that’s not something I would have accused bioware of doing even if some instalments are stronger in this area than others. But it sounds like that’s what they’re doing here, at least with the past characters. Cause sure, maybe Morrigan is so closed off she’ll never mention her son and partner. That’s believable, even if iffy given that they’ve said she’s going to be more involved than we think. But Varric? VARRIC??? Never mentioning ANY of the people he used to spend time with and care about except Solas and maybe some of the inquisition characters that can’t die or not be recruited but also carefully skirting around what happened to them in the game? That’s literally not the same character
And I would expand this to like. A letter mentioning this or a codex mentioning that, or ambient dialogue about so and so - that makes the world feel deep and those random, unimportant NPCs feel richer by connecting them to the larger world. It’s not about “serving the plot”, it’s about making your world and characters deep enough that they feel real, lived in, and like something we can actually care about
#I am so mad that I’m mad about this but I’m mad about this lmao#I wasn’t even decided on the game!!! I was cautiously waiting and seeing! and now I’m MAD!!!!! why would they do this!!!#anyway idk I just needed to get this out cause I’m doom scrolling too much and some of the defences of it just don’t make sense with good#storytelling and I’m upset that people don’t see that#again if you don’t care I’m happy for you please continue being unbothered#but god I am so bothered because I want good characters and wold building gdi#the plot is honestly so secondary like if the plot is ass but the characters are amazing I’d pick that ove good plot and shallow characters#every time#okay I need to get ready for bed and my head hurts lmao#I also don’t know how to do a cut in mobile anymore so sorry#long post#dragon age#veilguard#veilguard spoilers#text#shut up nerd#bioware critical
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Theres something about the idea of Sparrow and Logan's birth thats really hitting me.
Sparrow has been fighting their entire life, even in their childhood we see them having to resort to violence. They've spent their entire adult life stuck in the past, fighting entirely for the goal of avenging Rose. The future has never mattered as much as the past does, no matter how much Theresa whispered about it.
But now theres Logan.
For the first time, they do have a future that matters, Logans future.
Not the future Theresa tells her of, not the violence they've always known, not the weight of the world of the world on his shoulders.
Violence is an integral part of them thats so intimately woven into who they are as a person.
They don't want it to be like that for Logan.
I think thats clear in the way that Logan seems to idolize them, the fact that he chose to go on expeditions outside of Albion as opposed to being forced to. The fact that he seemingly was unaware of the darkness and the destiny laid for him and the hobw to try and stop it before meeting it.
According to Theresa one of their children is meant to save the world, but Sparrow has their first child, sees their son, innocent and yet to be hurt like they have, and chooses a different path, even if only temporarily.
In a way its finally avenging themselves, the child in them that was killed with Rose and replaced with a hero tormented by all thats happened. As long as they're alive, they'll keep their children safe from that same fate. They allow them to have a life outside of being a hero, unlike them. They allow them to have a childhood. They free them from the expectations that were held on them.
Logans birth is a huge moment for Sparrow for so many reasons, it's not just the birth of the first child, the one they get to be with the longest, but its arguably the birth of a new Sparrow.
#fable 2#fable 3#fable#sparrow#hero of bower lake#logan fable#this isn't the best thought out post#might delete it because I am kind of a teensy weensy bit out of it but i has made me cry thinking about this lmao#I just have a lot of thoughts about sparrow and logans and I couldn't stop thinking about a fem sparrow#holding a newborn logan; knowing full well what Theresa told them about their childs future#and deciding as long as they live they'll protect him from it#like we don't know when they hide they guild seal but they do#they cut off the way Theresa can speak to them; and I know they tell walter how to find it to give it to hobw#but I'd aruge thats because while they know they can prevent the ruining of their kids childhoods but their fate is inevitable#sparrow likely wasn't the best parent; i imagine it was a struggle; but also I do genuinely think they try#they try so hard man#sorry I'm ramnling lmao
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I'M HEREEEE!!!!! thank you @miyameowru and @mrsokkotsu and @storiesoflilies and @cloudwisp for tagging me i love you all sooosoo much<333333 THIS WAS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OIKAWA MY DARLING BOYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEEING THAT MADE ME SO SO HAPPY ACTUALLY WAHH I MISS HIM SM<3333333 AND THEN TENGEN AND CHUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHH I LOVE THEMM!!!!!!
AND THEN OFC MY OWN PERSONAL TEDDY BEARR and kuna and bakugo😭😭😭 i can't believe that he and sukuna are the same lmao that's so funny. aaaaaaand then we have suguru and fyodor💀💀💀💀no comment there. i think fyodor would despise me actually and suguru is a lil yandere so idk what that says abt our perfect little relationship.
OK AND FINALLY SATORU AND DAZAIII WHAT DO YOU MEANN ONLY 85% THEY ARE MY LITTLE MEOW MEOWSS THEY SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOWWW RRRRAAHHHHHH
no pressure tags: @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat @gothsuguru @staryukis @mossmotif @lxnarphase @kisstoru @ohimsummer @tirasamu @osarina @mizzfizz @sleepymarimo @hayakawalove @nappingmoon @spookuna @forest-hashira @madaqueue <33333
#ALSO FEEL FREE TO JUST MAKE YOUR OWN POST BC MINE GOT SO LONG YK#you don't have to rb this one if you don't want to!!!!!!#i just had to post them all lmao#i'm sorry the fyodor one is cracking me up a little#with suguru ok i get the 92#but with fedya???#sahdhgsadhgsahgdhagsda#i feel like he'd rather actually gut me alive than to be anything with me#AND THAT'S FINE BTW#i want him he doesn't want me some things are meant to be and some are not#hgadshgsahgdshgdhgsahgdas#OKAY BUT OIKAWA MY BABY BOYYY#OH I WOULD CODDLE THE FUCK OUT OF HIM#WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ILOVE HIM SM#MY LOSER BF<33333333333333#i was also now trying to figure out like what IS my type then..#and i think freaks is quite literally the best way to put it#chuuya is the most normal one out of them but he has his moments anyway#and bakugo#wait but#i think i could also call them all losers#asjhsahgdshagdhgsagh#OK OK I AM GETTING WAY TOO INTO THIS#THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME MY LOVES MWAH MWAH MWAH!!!!!!!!!#tag game#mayor of loserville
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Hello! I just discovered your blog and I immediately became captivated by your webcomic, but I'm unsure where to read all of it. I know it's on Webtoons, but I can see it hasn't been updated for a while, and you still post about it.
Are your physical novels just prints of the webcomic? Are they a continuation? Is the story complete? Thanks in advance!
Hi there!
Glad you found me and are enjoying my comic!
It's only on webtoons, and the story is not complete yet! We're 2/3 of the way through right now. It's currently on hiatus, and it's scheduled to come back in about 2 months!
I'll explain why it's been so long if you're curious, but also for my followers who might also be wondering about it under the cut. Sorry, it's pretty much just me complaining haha
I took a month off I took 2 months to get the books printed I took a month to prepare my next comic and I took 2 months to write the rest of the series (I knew the character arcs I wanted, but not the time periods or mysteries!!!) I've been working on actual episodes since then
I had to take some time off because of some pretty extreme burnout due to the sheer amount of work it was to draw over 800 pages and write 6 complete stories in a year and a half... I was getting sick almost weekly due to the overwork, it was really really bad honestly. I was having to work 60+ hours every week just to keep up...
The nature of the comic itself is also difficult... Each of the arcs is a complete, self contained story which can be read (ideally) without context, and my arcs need to be about 10-13 episodes each... And since I have an exact number of episodes to work with, it's even harder.
It takes a ton of planning and a ton of refinement, and working week to week with no breaks I was forced to put out second or even first drafts, so I just wasn't happy with the work I was doing... And to do that for the rest of the series? I wouldn't be proud of the work I did.
Plus... To be entirely honest, webtoon has treated me quite badly IN MY OPINION... They deprioritized me before I launched (I had to beg for more promotion, I'm not exaggerating), they outright denied me the opportunity to even ask for a raise, I don't make any money on fast pass and they pay me less than my partner makes working at trader joes. My first editor left me completely hanging, my second editor (who I loved) was fired... And they told me I wouldn't get a third season before my first season even finished. So it was just repeatedly completely demoralizing.
I'm sorry it has taken so long, it'll have been 10 months by the time I come back. But I realized... I won't get promotion either way. I won't get more episodes either way. I won't get more money either way. So to finish everything, to make it feel good, to make it something I'm proud of, I chose to take longer to make it better.
I am fully aware I will lose a significant amount of my readership for this and it might genuinely affect my career moving forward. But it's what I had to do! So I'm sticking to my guns on it, and I'm confident long term it'll be worth it. It never could have been this good if I didn't take this much time.
#asks#steakandpeanutbuttersandwiches#I'm SO sorry youre new and you asked me such a benign question and I responded with... this... LMAO#I swear to god I tried to make it as short as possible#theres just a lot auauuaghkhgjk#basically. way too much work. not enough money.#so it either is gonna be good and take longer or be worse but come back faster#and I chose to take longer#so.#I'm really sorry and I wish that this decision didn't also come with the... pretty much guarantee that it will negatively impact my career.#I will lose readers. I will lose potential readers for my future work. it looks bad on me as a creator to take such a big break. etc. etc.#but it's good. it's so good. you have to trust me it's like the best stuff Ive ever written#it. ok well to be honest#it'll probably feel extremely simple and extremely natural#but it's been SO much work LMAO#I am not exaggerating I have written over 200 pages of scapped ideas to get to where it is#I'm sure it won't make sense why it took so long while reading but you gotta trust me LMAO#ideally it doesnt even 'feel' different right. cause its gotta be cohesive with the whole thing#but there is SO MUCH TO WRAP UP#THERES SO MUCH#and to make that feel natural in this little space oh my GOD it is so hard#ok omfg I'm doing it again I'm going on way too long again IM SO SORRY#YOURE NEW HERE AND IM DOING THIS IMMEDIATELy#this is like 90% for my followers who I know are curious about this and I'm just using you as a jumping off point to talk about it#cause I don't really like to make standalone posts very often#I likely will make some kind of official announcement about it when the date is extremely set in stone#right now I think it's still only tentatively scheduled so it could still change#and I'll say something more... refined and restrained... then.#but for now this is like. actually everything. I think#I'm sure I forgot something but whatever lmfao
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This is likely the hardest I've laughed in rain world yet. Basically, you can glitch a spear into a quantum state using a dead bat body, allowing stabbed enemies to follow you through tunnels. So I tried bringing a leviathan to Moon. And the game really, really didn't like that
#rainworld#rain world#game clips#I cut out the moment I died because the footage froze for a solid 20 seconds right at that moment#I was so close!! But I accidentally went back through the tunnel and got crushed.#And for some reason while grinding this out I somehow glitched the game into thinking I died 200 times#So my score is like -130 which is really funny. Like I can casually speedrun hunter with 1 or 2 deaths to this point#Game fr said ''skill issue''#God no am I gonna try actually speedrunning this game. The actual advanced movement tech is crazy hard#Anyways welcome to my gaming channel please like and subscribe /j#I posted a hk highlight clip but then realized that since I'm shifting fandoms I'm likely spoiling the hell out of my new followers#Sorry if you saw that LMAO#I have another video of torturing moon that I found really funny but it's like 5 minutes long#And no way do y'all have the patience to watch that. Especially without context#So that's a friend-exclusive#Or maybe I'll put it on my literal YouTube channel with like 300 subs for. Some reason#OR THE ART ONE LMAO ''it's been three years check out this completely unrelated video''
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Something about Death Island's Intro
I watched Death Island a few nights ago, and something that has stuck with me was how basically all of Leon's information on his file was blacked out in the intro sequence.
Only his name and gender are shown, along with Hunnigan's name at the bottom and some more blocked out things.
It probably is stupid, but I can't help but focus on it. As the audience, we know a lot of things about Leon. We know his past and all of the things that he's been through, so why bother showing a file with a bunch of that information blacked out? Yes, it does serve as a reminder that Leon does a lot of highly-classified and dangerous wok for the DSO, and we can assume that the intro sequence is supposed to "simulate" Dylan researching everybody, but I can't help but feel that there's more to it than that.
To pretty much everyone aside from the other protagonists and maybe Hunnigan, no one really knows what Leon has gone through. At the beginning of Infinite Darkness, Patrick has a really shitty opinion of Leon: "Qualified? More like lucky. The only reason he's the golden boy now is because he was in the wrong place at the right time." Yes Patrick does come around to Leon, but as the new kid with no experience, he already has a preconceived notion that Leon isn't qualified for the job, likely because he's only heard Leon by name and simply as "the guy who saved the president's daughter one time." And while Shenmei quickly comes to Leon's defense, Patrick isn't yet convinced. Why?
Because the DSO simply treats Leon as an asset to be used and not a human being. Patrick hasn't even met him yet and just assumes that Leon never worked for his position before he's even met the guy. Again, this changes over the course of Infinite Darkness and Patrick ends up really respecting Leon after he sees who he really is.
In Death Island when Leon, Claire, and Chris have been infected, we hear Dylan's big plan and him essentially calling all of them out: "The huge corporations and the corrupt execs that run them, the ones getting big, fat bonuses for maintaining the status quo, that’s who you work for, who you really protect. And the innocent will continue to suffer as long as you do."
As he says that, they cut to a shot of Leon. It's hard to tell exactly what Leon's reaction is because he is fighting the infection from the virus, but there's no snappy comeback, no joke, no quip. Dylan drops the bombshell: "You’re nothing more than pawns, suckers." On the word "pawns," the shot cuts to Chris, who also is dealing with his exposure to the virus, and then Jill, who just readjusts her hold on her gun.
This takes us back to the intro sequence, the agent ID was "pawns:"
Literally in being agents, Jill, Chris, Leon, and Claire are pawns. That's how their organizations see them, not as individuals, but as assets. But again, there's a deeper layer with Leon on top of this as I've seen others online point out, in the actual marketing of Death Island:
"One of the government's most formidable weapons." Not agents, weapons. They see him as an asset, a thing, to be used in their "fight" against bioterrorism. The kicker comes back to the intro sequence and Leon's file is shown:
In a sea of what we can assume to be DSO agents, Leon is shown, with the word "pawn" in big letters. The word doesn't actually finish being written out fully, but based on the spacing of PAW, we can assume that there isn't space for both N and S in the remaining box. The N would simply go over Leon's face and there would be some leftover space in the box (yes it wouldn't fit 100%, but the animators worked really hard on this movie and with how fast the shot is, you really have to analyze it to notice that it would look off!).
So yes, while Dylan is trying to say that all of them are pawns, Leon is the pawn. Patrick says as much in Infinite Darkness, calling Leon the golden boy of the government. Even at the end of Infinite Darkness (which takes place before 6), Leon doesn't let Claire make a copy of the drive with all of the information that will basically expose the US government for its hand in what happened at Raccoon City. Before she walks away, she gives him one final look and says: "Like I said before, that outfit doesn't suit you." Of course she literally is talking about the fact that Leon is wearing a very bureaucratic-looking suit, but she also is referring to what the suit symbolizes. She knows that Leon has a good heart and wants to do the right thing, but she's also frustrated with his actions and him, probably unconsciously, falling further and further in-line with what the government wants. She probably knows that he's "in deep" at this point and is just trying to basically stay alive, but she also is frustrated that he's not taking the path that would basically lead to a way out. It's also worth noting that Eiichirō Hasumi, who directed Infinite Darkness, also directed Death Island.
I'm not sure exactly where I was going with this post, I just wanted to share my thoughts about Leon and where he's headed next. I hope that the next movie (or game!) will feature him and be about him coming to terms with the fact that he can choose to do the right thing and that he doesn't need to just be a pawn anymore. He deserves that and so much more. Thanks for reading!
#resident evil#death island#resident evil death island#leon kennedy#leon s kennedy#character analysis#steve's stupidity#analyzing him bc i love him and he deserves the world#this took me way too long to make#kids use your time wisely#long post#long read#text post#long text#i am so sorry#no one should read something this long lmao
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I was laying in bed overthinking, as you do, and started to go on a depressive doom spiral. And then, to distract myself I started thinking about the things I like.
[Spoilers and some gross details incoming, you know what Mouthwashing is about]
So, eventually I started thinking about Curly being in a similar headspace as I was, laying down, incapable of doing anything, constantly in pain and hearing time and time again how quickly things are going to shit and that it's all your fault.
Him replaying his mistakes over and over on his head, imagining the many ways things could've gone a different way if only he had done something instead of ignoring the issues to "keep the peace".
Remembering every interaction that led to the accident, Anya's confession, his friends poorly disguised resentment, him ignoring and filtering details of his crew's mental state, her taking the gun, the notice, Jimmy.
Him being a coward and disguising his hate of confrontation with the guise of being a good friend.
And then comming back to reality, to is burning flesh. To the blood, shit and bile staining the bandages, robe and bed, to watching and hearing his friends suffer and die, unable to do anything.
When the kid dies, in the midst of all the emotional chaos, he feels some sick sense of relief knowing that probably Swansea will deal with both of them quickly and it'll be over at last.
Then Jimmy finds the gun.
And he can't help but laugh. He remembers the conversation they had and he cackles bitterly because not even in death can her wishes be respected. She trusted him and he failed her even after she was gone.
Soon enough it's just the two of them left.
Through muffled ears he hears Jimmy rambling, talking to himself, asking questions and answering right after, he sees him moving the bodies around. When Jimmy carries him from the infirmary to the common room table he's still as stone, not a sound leaves his mouth, he doesn't look at the bodies thrown on the chairs around the table, he doesn't even breathe.
But all of Jimmy's attention, hatred, idolatry, and envy are on him only. Eyes glossy, cut pieces of a one sided conversation and a tentative smile on his lips when he reaches for the slightly dented knife.
He screams until his lungs close and his throat burns. When he's fed parts of himself he cries and throws up until he is forced to swallow and keep it down.
He's dehidrated, half delirious from the blood loss and emotionally checked out when Jimmy picks him up and tells him they can still fix this, he knows what to do. That he's going home.
Sure, he thinks, he wants to go home.
When he's placed on the cryopod he just stares at Jimmy talk to himself at him some more, about being heroes and everything being all right now. Then he steps out of sight.
It's on the silence after the loud bang when his brain starts working again, he's completely and utterly alone on a crashed ship of a company that's closing it's doors, with a now depleted shipment that wasn't even important enough to guarantee a search party, and no way of fending for himself in the case of 20 years passing and no one coming, even less if the power gave out before that.
As the cryopod finally starts to cool, the few tears he has left fall from his remaining eye.
He hopes he doesn't wake up to see what happens next.
..ok see y'all when I wake up-
#I wish I was better at talking about the themes of the game and characterizing the crew. There's so much I wanna say-#I want to play the game again just to see if I missed anything in here but it's almost 6 am and my brain is shutting down#I would blame stress and insomnia on this but I legit think about this when I come across the tag again#I want to talk about his guilt of wishing he never helped jimmy get the job. how he wished he died first. how his crew didn't deserve it-#and *if* he makes it out. the surviors guilt. the trauma and the pain it would still chase him for the rest of his life#damn. in any sueing case the company could use him being traumatized and vulnerable to make him agree that it was all his fault-#I swear the rest of the time I imagine a what if AU where Jimmy gets yeeted into space by Swansea and they all live happily ever after#this is basically a fic at this point and I'm so sorry but I wrote too much to delete it all now in a state of post revision clarity lmao#me being a dumbass#mouthwashing#tw death#Ideally Anya would be the one throwing him into space. And Swansea would help her bc honestly fuck Jimmy#Curly would be held at arms length until they've gone back home. only left there to pilot them back safely#long ass post#long ass tags
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This is probably going to be a very long post but the more I think about the rise (and subsequent fall) of the New Mandalorians, the more that I get wrapped up in not only the colonialism committed by Satine and the movement, how it began in such a horrifyingly understated way, but also how it paved the way for Mandalore to be destroyed thanks to the almost-complete erasure of their culture.
First of all, Canon verse deciding to remove the True Mandalorians (and placing the "Old" Mandalorians in a similar, though less prominent position) feels particularly underhanded and paints everything in a black and white manner. Satine: a sympathetic character who is the only one standing against Death Watch, the last shred of peace left for Mandalorians to cling to. Which. Last standing? Yes, definitely. But not the only one.
A war where Death Watch and the New Mandalorians were the major players, only to have Death Watch defeated – even with the assistance of the Jedi keeping Satine alive – makes little sense from a technical standpoint. Is it impossible? Probably not. All sorts of things can happen in history, pure dumb luck makes every difference, but it's unlikely. A party which seeks peace is not going to survive against another ultra violent, volatile party that's pissed off at you because you want to erase the culture that they so deeply value.
Which, yeah I don't buy it. Even with the Republic stepping in later on, it's fishy. But for the sake of my sanity, I'm mostly focusing on Legends, because the more you try to create a coherent timeline (seriously, how is Clone Batch Math easier than this?) for the Mandalorian Civil Wars, the harder it is not to give up entirely.
Anyways. Satine did not survive years of conflict due to mere smarts and perseverance, and did not end the war by being charismatic and having good people skills. She was the LEAST THREATENING PARTY in a three-party war, hunkering down with her Jedi protectors and playing politician while the actual warriors in the conflict weakened one another and – for the True Mandalorians – were wiped out.
True Mandalorians. Death Watch. New Mandalorians.
So, okay. The approximate dates of the beginning and end of the Mandalorian Civil Wars don't necessarily make sense with Satine’s age. She'd have been slightly younger, and Canon seems to have a tendency to just wave their hand in the general direction of a time period and deflect onto another topic.
Which, you know what? Fine. I can work with that without having to think too hard about the dates. It kills me not to delve into it further, but. No. It's not like Disney's gonna pay me to fix their broken timeline.
(But if I had to, I'd shift Jaster's death to 47BBY instead of 52BBY, and push the Battle of Galidraan a year back to 43BBY, and—)
Here's what's important to remember, though:
- There are two Mandalorian Civil Wars. The first being True Mandalorians vs Death Watch. The second being the much shorter, and quickly solved Death Watch vs the New Mandalorians.
- The massacre of the True Mandalorians happened shortly before the beginning of the second civil war.
- The True Mandalorians had already been dealing with Death Watch for years, and they were winning. Death Watch wasn't just on the run, they were weak, they had to resort to TRICKING THE JEDI into killing the True Mandalorians for them.
Who wasn't weak? The New Mandalorians, the people that actively choose to turn their back on a culture that had survived for centuries. And yes, Death Watch remained even after the True Mandalorians fell. Tor Vizsla targeted Satine and the New Mandalorians viciously after that, there was even more destruction, but it wasn't with the severity with which he'd prosecuted the True Mandalorians.
Here's what happened next: Jango Fett escaped his enslavement. He hunted down Tor Vizsla, and he killed him. Whatever strength Death Watch had regained in those few years didn't matter, because the second their leader was gone they were certainly left unorganized and at a disadvantage.
Giving the New Mandalorians the opening they needed to cement in people's minds to their beliefs and convince the House and Clan leaders that abandoning their old ways was the solution. After all, how much more of Mandalore was left to destroy? How many more had to be lost?
With the public's approval and the Republic’s help, Satine Kryze and the New Mandalorians scavenged the corpse of Mandalore, and they took what they deemed fit, left the rest to rot and – given time – be erased completely.
What's worse is that Satine's activism and speeches made it sound like that made sense (because, to Satine, it did make sense); abandon what Mandalore once was because that's the reason we've been destroyed, isn't it? (Not entirely untrue.) And these people, whose world had been ravaged, who's clans and families had wrecked everything with in-fighting, were tired and desperate enough that they listened.
Actually, here's what's really worse — Satine got LUCKY! The first time! It should not have ended like that. But because she got lucky, because it worked once, she tried to do the exact same thing when the entire galaxy went to war. And she ignored the suffering of people whom she should have known empathy towards, who were going through the very same torment she experienced as a child. Because her position of superiority where peace is the only answer was so ingrained in her beliefs, because she was ARROGANT.
And because peace was the only answer, because she'd disavowed any sense of warrior culture from her people, Satine had as much a hand in dooming Mandalore as everyone who went in with the worst intentions. Does it matter that it was doomed regardless, because Maul was the great evil that came to destroy them? No. Maul was just the most convenient means to an end the resurrected Death Watch could find, but if not him it would have been anyone — anything – else.
I do feel for her. She had to experience her father's death so young and step into a role he'd left behind, didn't get a proper chance to grieve because she had to be strong for everyone else who was grieving. She gave up the possibility of love for duty. Satine was a good leader, I won't argue that, and she was the last stand between Mandalore and total annihilation, but she was also deeply flawed.
#narrator: and it was in fact a very long post#the star wars brainrot won't let me rest so im forcing people to percieve my takes#i love mandalore and it's complex history so much but i do not love all of the decisions taken by some people#i am not trying to hate on satine so don't come for me but looking at it from far away its just. really clear to me#the new mandalorians winning was dumb luck + the republic wanting a new puppet#star wars#true mandalorians#death watch#eza.txt#also looking too closely at these dates made me realize that my age hc for bo katan would make her 3 during the second civil war. oops#a thirteen year age difference between siblings isn't impossible though and it would also explain why bo was so strongly death watch#if you didn't personally experience it you wouldn't be able to see why you maybe shouldn't join the evil mando group!#satine kryze critical#sorry forgot people get angy too easily on this website lmao
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How did you manage to handle not one, but FOUR separate accounts in fl? I recently made the account for my HD little guy but having to do the tutorial again just seems miserable
there's... weirdly several answers to that question, actually??
a HUGE part of it is due to the way FL is structured. the 10-minute action timer is a core part of the game on a fundamental level, and the fact that i can very easily run out of stuff to do on one character and thus have an excuse to quickly and easily swap to another is just... convenient? satisfying? i'm not entirely sure how to explain it. the fact that i can make progress even while i am fundamentally simultaneously Not Making Progress is like pure dopamine for my freak insane awful little brain. there's just something really pleasing about spending all of my actions pursuing The Goal Of The Day™ on one account before casually swapping to another and doing the same without feeling like i'm wasting time or acting to the first account's explicit detriment. the downtime helps! the recharge time helps! the structure really really works!!
i'm technically only actively playing three, maybe two accounts minimum. the only reason the fourth (the one that'll be my future BaL playthrough) currently exists at all is so i can get his earlygame completely out of the way now and not have to waste time running through it all later, when what i actually want to do is play the ambition i've made myself wait a full year to play. and also getting free goodies as seasonal stuff happens,, something something surprise tools to help us later. the only two accounts i'd say i'm really "actively playing" at the moment are caeru and lark- and of the two, lark takes the most priority, since his ambition is the one i'm currently pursuing in earnest. for a couple months now- despite being My Main FL Character- the scoundrel has actually been pretty inactive on a gameplay front outside of the occasional progression in TLC and discordance content. purely by virtue of having Very little left to do outside of Very long-term grinds and vanities. they're in their "now what?" "now you can start playing the game" era. they've graduated to previous protagonist background cameo in a sequel anime series. they're like the yin FLPC equivalent of red at the top of mount silver. they're Literally just vibing rn. i only keep posting about them regardless because i'm insane and i will never ever ever ever ever let that bat go. but yeah, big TLDR, outside of doing the bare minimum to keep making waves/notability up every week, i'm not actually spending that much time on accounts i'm not currently actively interested in playing. and that accounts for way more gaming spoons than you might think.
i have a virtually lifelong history of playing MMOs, especially and specifically world of warcraft. i was born in the endless grind for useless video game pixel vanities and/or bragging rights. molded by it. you all have merely adapted to doing the same piece of content a pointlessly excessive amount of times for literally no reason besides whimsy and folly. me? i've done my time. i've served my sentence. i've spent weeks doing the original burning crusade netherwing dailies. i've devoted days to running praetorium over and over and over again, back-to-back, nonstop, long before square enix cut it in half and made it NOT take at minimum an hour and a half per run. i've perfected my silverwastes + auric basin goldfarming strategies. i've (almost) crafted dragonwrath tarecgosa's rest. i've killed the sha of anger so many times its dying scream of agony is embedded into the very fabric of my being. ""only"" doing making your name content four times over? that is nothing to me. it means nothing to me. it is so infinitesimal i can do the persuasive seduction quests in my sleep. it's not a matter of handling misery, or having the capacity, or even sighing as i remember the brass embassy raid segment of the watchful questline seriously i don't know why i keep forgetting that exists or what even is my problem with it i just am so consistently mildly inconvenienced by it and its highly specific resource requirements and it is the worst thing ever. maybe i'm just so used to the scoundrel's near-infinite money and troves of disposable items that i've completely forgotten what being poor is like. despite having done that step 3 fucking times now. ahem. anyway. i have transcended the feeble mortal bindings of my resistant-to-grinding flesh and ascended to a higher plane of enlightenment, they may call me insane but they will be the ones left laughing when they see what that "insanity" has wrought, i've usurped them, i've usurped them all-
hacks and coughs and awkwardly clears my throat. i mean. uh. um. Ahem.
the empress' court artistry + tales of the university nerfs helped too.
#and yes#before you ask#i have forgotten which account has which items/has done which content many a time#i think the most painful incident was forgetting to keep up the scoundrel's making waves while i was still playing nemesis with caeru#given that im trying to build it up to 12 and reset their specialization... that was uniquely painful#then again they have like 40 BDR so it wasnt actually that inconveniencing lmao#fallen london#ask#long post#sorry for the infodump + sudden villain monologue.#all jokes and personal accounts aside i totally get the apprehension abt doing that stuff again#it's not for everyone. not by a long shot.#im only doing this because im genuinely invested and in love with this silly little browser game#and way back when i started i made a (only half metaphorical) solemn oath to experience all of its ''main stories''#and truly see everything it has to offer#(bc i like. physically cant do hyperfixations by halves. i need to consume Everything abt the thing or i'll explode)#(and even then i'll probably explode anyway. it's either completely drop it or go All In until it stops taking up so much space in my brain#(and. given the track record. that is not happening with FL for a while yet)#but like. that isnt actually normal behavior. just. just to clarify.#from what ive seen a VAST majority of people do not go out of their way to play literally every ambition#and that is so valid. it is so overwhelming. you have to juggle so much.#you have to play the earlygame So Many Goddamn Times.#(as i said. served my time. did my sentence. i am my scars. etc etc)#the best advice i can give as someone who's so completely desensitized to that repetition it doesnt even phase me anymore?#the same advice i can stress to all FL players. legitimately just take ur time with it. play when you want to.#dont when you dont.#sometimes you have to grit your teeth and bear things. and when it comes to alts you Will have to grit your teeth and bear it all again#but the beauty of this being a game that one plays for fun is that unlike. say. crushing deadlines or annoying coworkers in real life#you are completely within your power to decide when where and if you want to grit and bear it all#..wow this is ADVANCED yin rambling holy shit. i actually reached the tag limit. i think this ask should be put on some kind of list
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So I’m a new follower and I’ve been going through your adventurer zenos tag because I’m loving the idea a lot! But I don’t really know the history behind it. I’d love to know how you started thinking about it and would love to know how Xenia’s relationships with the WOL and the scions developed if you don’t mind me asking? Again im loving your art a lot!!!
First of all thank you for the follow and the ask, anon, and I'm always so happy to hear people are enjoying my art, and my goofy bits of theorycrafting, headcanoning and/or story writing- how ever people want to see it as. BUT- this has also unironically been stuck in my brain since the end of EW:6.0 (I was stuck with the zenos brainrot the moment I saw him at the end of heavensward v-v), and also because among my friend group Zenos is adored, so we end up chatting about this kind of stuff a lot. So, it is time for me to now yap here, beware some spoilers for both Endwalker and DT, and a very long post:
To be honest, the reason I ever even started thinking about it was just seeing Zenos' capacity to change as a character and him unintentionally helping people by just existing in some cases (the scene with Alisaie in Garlemald and the fact that he went to Krile for help so he could help us- reason aside- comes to mind mainly in regards to him changing, even if there are tidbits a bit earlier as well). And, that him imposing his help upon the WoL and the Scions is what I personally consider the most likely course (and I simply sit here and cope lmao I also just really want a minion of him eventually) if he was to return from the Ultimatum. 6.2-6.5 also added to it with both the mentions of him from Zero, the flashback of him over the handshake, and that I personally also saw Durante and Golbez's relationship as an analogy to Zenos and WoL (not helped by the fact that in EN Durante/the knight in black speaks in Zenos' cadence and uses the same armored talking animations but that's more on the meta side of it). I spent a lot of the time I put aside for character research being fascinated by his psychology and how he could grow, even if I will admit by now that what I have as his baseline is a bit of a house of cards, especially in things like his interests, or later potential interests. I base a lot of them off of the concept that he takes after Solus/Emet-Selch far more than is actually narratively stated or even implied, or from filling in the gaps of information with the possibility that implied information was not intentional/meant to be used in the way I use it. For example Varis exiling the theater ship was to get rid of something Emet cherished and for the sake of his own narrative, but something Zenos may have showed interest in too, only based off of how similar the theatrics Emet and Zenos use.
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Now, as for his relationships, especially with the WoL (Meteor, default man in my case, its mainly because I ADORE the challenge and the experience of what we have as WoL's baseline due to, you know, the constraint of this being a linear narrative mmo lmao, as well as trying my best to stay canon compliant as possible when it comes to the scions' interactions) I write as starting off being exceptionally one sided. It comes from the idea that Zenos either gets himself out of the bubble (because it seems to be implied that this man cant actually return to the lifestream, and therefore can't perma-die, ironic to his character motivations) or with DT, shit goes so far south that we have to use the interdimensional chalice for his help, and that either way they're just kind of stuck with him thereafter. But I'll break it down because it's something that I've worked on writing, but haven't had the chance to draw out quite yet for some of what I'll talk about.
Meteor: It is no surprise that after the Telopheroi towers and Garlemald, on top of what happens during In From the Cold and the moon- that WoL goes from their more neutral, rivalry-leaning stance on Zenos, to pure anger and/or hatred. And this lets me write the dynamic between the two that is Meteor trying to move forward, trying to accept this change seeing Zenos try to help, and Zenos trying to pull away knowing at his core that he boned himself over ruining whatever unspoken trust they had, and given his position, not knowing if something like that could ever be mended, (and not quite knowing how to cope with even the idea that the man he cares so deeply about and kinda looks up to, might detest him just like how Varis did.) Overall it also just comes from the idea that these two overcoming any of their hurdles with each other suddenly makes them into the most terrifying duo, especially since I write Adventurer Zenos as a tank that will just eat all the damage so Meteor can be a stupid little shit with all the sharp objects he has at his disposal.
The Scions: So, imagine this giant super soldier is suddenly alive and in front of you again, offering to help/to learn to adventure for the plan of trying to see joy in this world. And you, knowing that he is right now the world's enemy, the one pinned with everything that happened during the final days, understand that it is highly unlikely that you or the others could reasonably kill him or imprison him for any meaningful amount of time. BUT, you can try to guide him on a better path. Begrudgingly, so that all that shit never happens again. That is what I have the scions stuck with, starting with the twins, then estinien and the students, and finally the wine trio. He doesn't apologize for anything, but he does also do whatever you ask, and overtime he starts (oh no) taking the same liking to the others that started with Meteor. The Scions are who I primarily use to explore the facets we've seen of his character, his protectiveness and the "rivalry" I write between him and Thancred, his curiosity and working alongside the Students and Urianger and Y'shtola, exploration and trying to understand the world better with Estinien, and him learning to connect with others through the twins, especially Alisaie who I imagine him kind of latching on to after she "helped" him, in his eyes.
All and all, adventurer zenos at its core is just what I personally see as his natural character progression going forward, spawned purely from my own curiosity of seeing his archetype of character in the position of having one last chance, and based off very extensive character research that started, honest to god, from me trying to just figure out the scenarios I wanted to draw him in that spiraled very very out of control lmao.
#ffxiv#adventurer zenos#ask#anon#endwalker spoilers#dawntrail spoilers#long post#I wasnt intially gonna slap this under a read more until I saw how much I typed#hopefully this answers everything- if I missed anything I am always happy to answer any needs for clarification#thank you so much again for the ask#and I am very sorry if this was a lot longer of an answer than you intended to receive lmao#character writing questions are always the surefire way to get me to drop essays#and I will fully acknowledge that some of my research is reaching in an attempt to stich together backstories and events#that we dont see in game#especially with some of the information we get from the short stories LOL#I miss my giant 7'4" depressed golden retriever- adven!zenos may have also just spawned#from wanting to reach for him back after EW tbh
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rick riordan dickriders on here will be like "why are you complaining about the pjo tv show, go watch the movies and see what a bad adaptation really looks like" ok well listen to the musical watch it on youtube and see what a good adaptation looks like bitch. it can be done. as a fucking stage musical. what did that 15 million per episode do for disney that chris mccarell couldn't
#this is such a mean post from someone who does genuinely like the show I'm sorry#like there are aspects I really love!! and aspects I really don't!! which makes it mid for me#but I do genuinely like it overall. at least enough to continue watching#it's just that I see sooooo many people who seem to have this attitude like you can't critique it at all??#and their arguments are usually just. “movies were worse” (so we'll take anything now as long as it's not that?)#or “rick was involved in the writing” (<- NOTTT guaranteed to be a good thing lmao)#anyway it's pissing me off. I'm gonna bitch. “if you like the books so much read the books” I WAS PROMISED A BOOK ADAPTATION#AM I WRONG FOR COMPLAINING WHEN I DON'T GET WHAT I WAS PROMISED#“oh but changes are okay as long as it preserves the spirit of the books” since when was the *spirit* of the books a FUCKING BORE🤨#also the cast doesn't deserve this. stick leah and aryan and walker in a better show#pjo#pjo tv show#pjo disney+#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#the lightning thief musical#anyway all this to say some of the changes and choices are Actually Bad and it won't kill you to admit that I think#rereading this post in the drafts and editing before posting when I was handwringing about how mean it was bitch this is mild
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Death note au (dimension travel) where ryuk never got interested in the human world therefore there is no kira. And lawlight had this coworkers to frenemies (and possibly lovers) tension that their coworkers just loaths. After they worked on a case (that seemed to work on the supernatural and drove both of them insane trying to get evidence on) and finally caught the criminal which light apprehended. The criminal curses light to become the worst criminal there is and of course, Light ignores it and goes home to sleep. Only, maybe he shouldn't have because now he keeps waking up in various places (or universe?) Where he has to keep saving L from dying because of him. But in doing so, he also dies either from a heart attack or gets executed to death by L. His only way out would be to either find the criminal from the universe that cursed him, or become 'kira' a mass murderer that is apparently him.
They finally caught him. A criminal that has been going around for months that either commits the most complicated murder or petty crimes, without leaving a trace! Which shouldn't be possible, for months both L and light tried to catch that guy but he somehow gets away! That at one point, while L and light were arguing how, L just throws the theory of supernatural and denies it by saying 'we can figure it out once we catch him'. And they do catch him. Light apprehended the guy before he does what ever he was going to do. The guys glare was venomous. And while being dragged to the police car with his hands behind him, he glares at light and curses him to become the worst criminal the world has ever seen.
Light ignores this and just sighs tiredly. He comes back to the head quarters and makes his way to L, who has been waiting for him with a blank face. 'He's mad' light thought and slows his steps. L congratulates him for catching the guy but also mentions how reckless it was for light-kun to work alone and go against the plan. Light immediately defends himself saying he was getting away and he had to do it. L stares at him and says that he doesn't need to put himself in danger like that, especially when the criminal is unpredictable. Light scoffs.
"Careful L, you sound like you care about me."
"I do."
That made light speechless.
"Afterall, Light-kun is my first friend."
"... oh"
Light excuses himself, mentions how he was tired and rushes out. L stares back to his monitor and plays back recordings of the criminal.
Light makes it to his home and settles down. He forgot about the mentioned curse and just thinks about his conversation with L. To him, L was both admirable and an asshole. Light finds himself fascinated whenever L speaks about his theories and findings, only for the moment to shatter everytime L tries to single him out.
'Afterall, Light-kun is my first friend."
Light shakes his head and dismisses thought. 'Yeah right'. He lays down and closes his eyes. Yeah, he just needs to rest, no need to think about L, considering that man is a manipulative liar.
But then he wakes up. Disoriented and catches himself before he falls down (falls down? Why is he standing?) He hears the sound of rushing rain and immediately becomes confused. 'Where is he?' He looks around, it seems to be a rooftop and in front of him was, L. Huh? What was he doing there? L is looking up. There's a sense of melancholy around the place that causes lights heart to stutter. And looking at L's expression his heart might've as well paused. The benefit of working with L for years had been that light was confident that he could easily read L's expression and posture and know what he's thinking. He's never seen L like this. Like he has already lost. Like he had given up, and waiting to his death. Light feels a sinking worry grow to his heart and calls out to him, asking him what he was doing there? When it became evident that L couldn't hear him, he walks to him, using his hand as a cover though it doesn't seem to stop the rain from going to his face.
Light asks him again and L mentions hearing a bell. The bell has been ringing non stop lately, can he hear it? Light shakes his head, and says he doesn't. Really? He wonders whether it was a church, maybe a wedding or perhaps... L pauses. Light is getting frustrated (he ignores the feeling of anxiousness or worry) and asks L what he's getting at, he should cut it out and they should go inside (because this isn't- this isn't a look that should be on L. This is not like him). L looks down and apologizes, and light's anxiousness grows even more evident in his face. "Nothing I say makes any sense anyway"
Light doesn't like it. He doesn't like the downcast expression plastered on L's face. His heart is slowly sinking down, and he fixes his expression into an amused one. If there's one thing light yagami knows, it's to frustrate L just as much as he frustrates him. So he agrees, and remarks how if he takes anything L says seriously there would not end his trouble. The words that would've been genuine at any other time feels like Ash to his tongue. He silently pleads, any expression on L's face would've been better than the one he is wearing right now. L stares at him,
"Tell me light, from the moment you were born. Has there ever been a point where you've actually told the truth?"
Light's heart skips a beat. L's face looks determined and accusing that it frustrates and confuses light even more. He couldn't take this anymore and is just confused why L is acting like this (like he's a criminal that should be arrested). And he couldn't take it anymore. He sighs angrily, and ruffles his head. A frustrated expression morphs to his face and he glares at L.
"What are you talking about L? Are you still mad about the case? I did what I had to do! I just-" light looks down, not catching the confused stare L gives him and stubbornly mutters
"I'm... sorry okay? I'll listen to you this time alright? Just-" don't make that face. Don't make that expression.
He doesnt continue and let's the silence fill the conversation. Before he hears a sneeze, which he drags L back to the building.
They both dry themselves off with a towel. Now that light is sitting down on the stairs, he thinks more about his situation right now. And realizes some things. He doesn't recognize this place and that what he's wearing right now is different from when he slept at his place. Those thoughts were interrupted by L apologising again, and crouching to his feet, towel in hand. L offers to dry his feet off, which light begrudgingly agrees to. Again, L looks like he's showing weakness which light resents.
"It'll be lonely, wouldn't it?"
Light resents him even more. And before L could say anything else, Light grips on his collar, until they are close to each other and seethes. He yells at L, what's wrong with him. Why is he acting like this? He couldn't control his expression before it morphs into worry and anxiousness. "You know you can talk to me about it right?" L stares at him. His face hardens, and light could see that he doesn't believe him even for a second.
'Just... why? What happened?'
His expression pleads for L to answer. To say anything. But L just stares at him, before his expression goes back to it again.
Light silently follows him. He would never admit it, but he's worried okay? This guy literally just told him he was his 'first' friend yesterday, and now he's acting weird. (And also it becomes apparent to him that this might not be a dream, to his frustration, and since he doesn't know where to go he mostly follows to not get lost).
They're at the monitor room and the task force greets them, some looking at a space warily. Light couldn't help but feel at awe with how different this place was and although he recognizes some people in there He's confused why there's only a few officers here. And soon, L announces his plan on testing the death note (death note?). The officers and his father were protesting which L dismisses. And then an alarm rings, L looks up at one of the monitors worryingly, as the data deletion happens. The officers panics and looks for the 'shinigami' which confuses light to also look around and looks back at L.
His eyes widen as L froze in shock, dropping the spoon from his hand before swaying and collapses. Light, catching his frozen expression, rushes and jumps to catch him before his body hit the floor. Light felt his heart stop as he looks at L, He's not dying-- is he? Light's face finally cracks as his face morphs to what he's feeling. From anxious, to horror, to worry. He tries to shake L, to stay with them, and shuffles for his phone. He can't find it, where is it!? He looks to the task force and shouts for them to call for help- an ambulance- fucking ANYTHING!
He doesnt get to see L's expression, his confusion and his sorrow. Even at the very end he didn't get the confirmation that light is kira. How cruel.
Light decided that he wants to get revenge. When they ask him to become the next L, he says yes. After all, he can't let who killed L know he's dead and also to proceed testing the death note. Light shut down every or any protest against the idea. This might not be his universe, but he would make sure that this criminal faces his deserved justice. After countless of sleepless nights (with all the data deleted he has to start from scratch. But it doesn't matter, he's confident in his skills) he gathers any and every information about kira from news articles, to his methods, to the theories. (He ignores the sinking feeling that the ideals of kira seems to align with his morals). And before he knows it, 13 days had passed after the prisoners used the death note.
They did not die.
And after the rule were discovered to be fake. Light and misa were arrested and before he knows it, he's already about to be executed. With his and misa's name and face plastered on every news media, even if they escaped or proven to be innocent. They would be damned by the public. He thinks about L in his last moments, and tries to process what is happening.
'It'll be lonely, wouldn't it?'
He sees a familiar figure at his execution. That man is--
He wakes up again. A phantom feeling of the pain he felt from the execution. And face to face with L pointing a gun to his direction.
#death note#death note au#death note musical#light yagami#L lawliet#lawlight#dimension travel#helppp i just imagined this and how miserable (not kira) light would be#to keep seeing L die#or to keep dying#and getting accussed to being this mass murderer#kira#which he isnt but from where he is right now#the evidence is pretty damning#sorry for the long post lmaooo#i just wanted to put the idea and i wrote it instead HAHAHAH#if you guys know any fic like this#please let me know#i would really love to read it#and also i am so low on fics to read in the death note fandom at ao3#might try looking for more fics in fanfiction net 👀#might continue this#at the end he woke up to the musical#lmao imagine if he had to sing there and not know the lyrics#and theres just pauses whenever L sings and L just stares at him waiting for him to sing his part
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