#narrator: and it was in fact a very long post

[bookatans]

This is probably going to be a very long post but the more I think about the rise (and subsequent fall) of the New Mandalorians, the more that I get wrapped up in not only the colonialism committed by Satine and the movement, how it began in such a horrifyingly understated way, but also how it paved the way for Mandalore to be destroyed thanks to the almost-complete erasure of their culture.

First of all, Canon verse deciding to remove the True Mandalorians (and placing the "Old" Mandalorians in a similar, though less prominent position) feels particularly underhanded and paints everything in a black and white manner. Satine: a sympathetic character who is the only one standing against Death Watch, the last shred of peace left for Mandalorians to cling to. Which. Last standing? Yes, definitely. But not the only one.

A war where Death Watch and the New Mandalorians were the major players, only to have Death Watch defeated – even with the assistance of the Jedi keeping Satine alive – makes little sense from a technical standpoint. Is it impossible? Probably not. All sorts of things can happen in history, pure dumb luck makes every difference, but it's unlikely. A party which seeks peace is not going to survive against another ultra violent, volatile party that's pissed off at you because you want to erase the culture that they so deeply value.

Which, yeah I don't buy it. Even with the Republic stepping in later on, it's fishy. But for the sake of my sanity, I'm mostly focusing on Legends, because the more you try to create a coherent timeline (seriously, how is Clone Batch Math easier than this?) for the Mandalorian Civil Wars, the harder it is not to give up entirely.

Anyways. Satine did not survive years of conflict due to mere smarts and perseverance, and did not end the war by being charismatic and having good people skills. She was the LEAST THREATENING PARTY in a three-party war, hunkering down with her Jedi protectors and playing politician while the actual warriors in the conflict weakened one another and – for the True Mandalorians – were wiped out.

True Mandalorians. Death Watch. New Mandalorians.

So, okay. The approximate dates of the beginning and end of the Mandalorian Civil Wars don't necessarily make sense with Satine’s age. She'd have been slightly younger, and Canon seems to have a tendency to just wave their hand in the general direction of a time period and deflect onto another topic.

Which, you know what? Fine. I can work with that without having to think too hard about the dates. It kills me not to delve into it further, but. No. It's not like Disney's gonna pay me to fix their broken timeline.

(But if I had to, I'd shift Jaster's death to 47BBY instead of 52BBY, and push the Battle of Galidraan a year back to 43BBY, and—)

Here's what's important to remember, though:

- There are two Mandalorian Civil Wars. The first being True Mandalorians vs Death Watch. The second being the much shorter, and quickly solved Death Watch vs the New Mandalorians.

- The massacre of the True Mandalorians happened shortly before the beginning of the second civil war.

- The True Mandalorians had already been dealing with Death Watch for years, and they were winning. Death Watch wasn't just on the run, they were weak, they had to resort to TRICKING THE JEDI into killing the True Mandalorians for them.

Who wasn't weak? The New Mandalorians, the people that actively choose to turn their back on a culture that had survived for centuries. And yes, Death Watch remained even after the True Mandalorians fell. Tor Vizsla targeted Satine and the New Mandalorians viciously after that, there was even more destruction, but it wasn't with the severity with which he'd prosecuted the True Mandalorians.

Here's what happened next: Jango Fett escaped his enslavement. He hunted down Tor Vizsla, and he killed him. Whatever strength Death Watch had regained in those few years didn't matter, because the second their leader was gone they were certainly left unorganized and at a disadvantage.

Giving the New Mandalorians the opening they needed to cement in people's minds to their beliefs and convince the House and Clan leaders that abandoning their old ways was the solution. After all, how much more of Mandalore was left to destroy? How many more had to be lost?

With the public's approval and the Republic’s help, Satine Kryze and the New Mandalorians scavenged the corpse of Mandalore, and they took what they deemed fit, left the rest to rot and – given time – be erased completely.

What's worse is that Satine's activism and speeches made it sound like that made sense (because, to Satine, it did make sense); abandon what Mandalore once was because that's the reason we've been destroyed, isn't it? (Not entirely untrue.) And these people, whose world had been ravaged, who's clans and families had wrecked everything with in-fighting, were tired and desperate enough that they listened.

Actually, here's what's really worse — Satine got LUCKY! The first time! It should not have ended like that. But because she got lucky, because it worked once, she tried to do the exact same thing when the entire galaxy went to war. And she ignored the suffering of people whom she should have known empathy towards, who were going through the very same torment she experienced as a child. Because her position of superiority where peace is the only answer was so ingrained in her beliefs, because she was ARROGANT.

And because peace was the only answer, because she'd disavowed any sense of warrior culture from her people, Satine had as much a hand in dooming Mandalore as everyone who went in with the worst intentions. Does it matter that it was doomed regardless, because Maul was the great evil that came to destroy them? No. Maul was just the most convenient means to an end the resurrected Death Watch could find, but if not him it would have been anyone — anything – else.

I do feel for her. She had to experience her father's death so young and step into a role he'd left behind, didn't get a proper chance to grieve because she had to be strong for everyone else who was grieving. She gave up the possibility of love for duty. Satine was a good leader, I won't argue that, and she was the last stand between Mandalore and total annihilation, but she was also deeply flawed.

[hechose]

'lestat crossed an ocean to save claudia and louis from the paris coven!!!'

..... im gonna hold your hand while i bash you over the head when i tell you this,,, that mans went to paris to be healed by armand,,, that mans went to paris to punish the people he abused for daring to fight back,,,

[physalian]

How to make your writing sound less stiff

Just a few suggestions. You shouldn’t have to compromise your writing style and voice with any of these, and some situations and scenes might demand some stiff or jerky writing to better convey emotion and immersion. I am not the first to come up with these, just circulating them again.

1. Vary sentence structure.

This is an example paragraph. You might see this generated from AI. I can’t help but read this in a robotic voice. It’s very flat and undynamic. No matter what the words are, it will be boring. It’s boring because you don’t think in stiff sentences. Comedians don’t tell jokes in stiff sentences. We don’t tell campfire stories in stiff sentences. These often lack flow between points, too.

So funnily enough, I had to sit through 87k words of a “romance” written just like this. It was stiff, janky, and very unpoetic. Which is fine, the author didn’t tell me it was erotica. It just felt like an old lady narrator, like Old Rose from Titanic telling the audience decades after the fact instead of living it right in the moment. It was in first person pov, too, which just made it worse. To be able to write something so explicit and yet so un-titillating was a talent. Like, beginner fanfic smut writers at least do it with enthusiasm.

2. Vary dialogue tag placement

You got three options, pre-, mid-, and post-tags.

Leader said, “this is a pre-dialogue tag.”

“This,” Lancer said, “is a mid-dialogue tag.”

“This is a post-dialogue tag,” Heart said.

Pre and Post have about the same effect but mid-tags do a lot of heavy lifting.

They help break up long paragraphs of dialogue that are jank to look at

They give you pauses for ~dramatic effect~

They prompt you to provide some other action, introspection, or scene descriptor with the tag. *don't forget that if you're continuing the sentence as if the tag wasn't there, not to capitalize the first word after the tag. Capitalize if the tag breaks up two complete sentences, not if it interrupts a single sentence.

It also looks better along the lefthand margin when you don’t start every paragraph with either the same character name, the same pronouns, or the same “ as it reads more natural and organic.

3. When the scene demands, get dynamic

General rule of thumb is that action scenes demand quick exchanges, short paragraphs, and very lean descriptors. Action scenes are where you put your juicy verbs to use and cut as many adverbs as you can. But regardless of if you’re in first person, second person, or third person limited, you can let the mood of the narrator bleed out into their narration.

Like, in horror, you can use a lot of onomatopoeia.

Drip Drip Drip

Or let the narration become jerky and unfocused and less strict in punctuation and maybe even a couple run-on sentences as your character struggles to think or catch their breath and is getting very overwhelmed.

You can toss out some grammar rules, too and get more poetic.

Warm breath tickles the back of her neck. It rattles, a quiet, soggy, rasp. She shivers. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. Sweat beads at her temple. Her heart thunders in her chest. Ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba- It moves on, leaving a void of cold behind. She uncurls her fists, fingers achy and palms stinging from her nails. It’s gone.

4. Remember to balance dialogue, monologue, introspection, action, and descriptors.

The amount of times I have been faced with giant blocks of dialogue with zero tags, zero emotions, just speech on a page like they’re notecards to be read on a stage is higher than I expected. Don’t forget that though you may know exactly how your dialogue sounds in your head, your readers don’t. They need dialogue tags to pick up on things like tone, specifically for sarcasm and sincerity, whether a character is joking or hurt or happy.

If you’ve written a block of text (usually exposition or backstory stuff) that’s longer than 50 words, figure out a way to trim it. No matter what, break it up into multiple sections and fill in those breaks with important narrative that reflects the narrator’s feelings on what they’re saying and whoever they’re speaking to’s reaction to the words being said. Otherwise it’s meaningless.

—

Hope this helps anyone struggling! Now get writing.

[gemsalive]

re: that HEFTY siffrin sweep on id5’s isat favourite blorbos poll — this might sound silly but i do actually think it’s kinda fascinating that isat, as a game so inseparably steeped in (for lack of a better way to describe it) queer fandom culture, managed to so completely sidestep the common Fandom Phenomenon that i suspect was behind the poll in the first place by creating a main character that is also overwhelmingly the fan favourite character for once.

obviously there are any number of factors we could point at to explain the extent to which siffrin nomiddlenames nolastnames manages to grab people and absolutely not let go, but personally i think one of the most interesting ones to consider is the one specific to the medium — that is, how siffrin subverts the “silent blank slate video game protagonist” archetype in such a way that happens to be primo brainrot breeding grounds.

like, when a video game dev makes a silent protagonist it’s usually a bid to maximize immersion by closing the aesthetic distance between player and character as much as possible, right? which is especially true of rpg video games — players find connection in the generic, as that is what gives you the freedom of motion to insert yourself into the story in whatever unique shape suits you best. you are your character and your character is you.

(as ever, post ran long. yall know the drill. tossin in a quick header pic before thoughts on blank slates & blorboification continue under the cut)

and then you’ve got siffrin, who is expressly pointed out to be the taciturn type; who when initially giving the player exposition about their journey so far doesn’t seem to hint at a life or history or even really any motivations outside the journey; whose every thought and action is narrated in second person so as to keep tracing and re-tracing the connection between him and you.

even their design — all darkless and shapeless, bundled up in that big cloak, as if an invitation for you to fill it in with whatever lets you relate to them most! at this point they are their own character for sure, but they also have enough very clear parallels going on with the silent protagonist archetype to feel more than accidental.

of course, as you keep playing you start to recognize that his blankness is much, much more than just a grab at immersion; his apparent lack of backstory, itself a fundamental piece of backstory. this is where he flips dramatically in the player’s perception from “generic vessel for story delivery” to “thoroughly multidimensional character trapped within endless torment nexus custom-built to target and exacerbate all his very specific worst traits rooted in very specific traumas”.

yknow, the good stuff !

but by then you have also been playing enough to be feeling the effects of the thing isat’s design does best of all. i’m talkin bout that ludonarrative lockstep baby. every piece of isat’s gameplay is designed to make you feel what siffrin is feeling — you understand by now that he is not a stand-in for you, but all the same you share in his frustration, his grief, his rare moments of joy and the subsequent heart-in-your-shoes devastation when that joy is inevitably poisoned — and through it all, the desperate grasping for anything new — all as if they were every bit your own.

so in this way the connection is maintained, even if you were someone for whom siffrin’s particular traits & struggles might not otherwise cause you relate to them at all if you had encountered them elsewhere, in a setting where you weren’t actively controlling them as a player. siffrin still gets to carry all the “just like me fr” impact of the blank slate protagonist in the tropes he embodies and in the game mechanics’ design, while totally free to evolve completely into his own character and keep you relating to closely them all the same. now toss back in the fact that said traits & struggles very much ARE of a flavour that a great many people Would Tend To Relate To and just like that you’ve got a perfect storm cookin.

too individual and compellingly written to be an empty vessel for plot delivery. too closely connected with the player’s emotional state to be a story observed impassively from the outside. he has 92 mental illnesses and for the low low price of free u can give him yours to carry too. nobody is doin it like him. congratulations on your well-deserved nose sniffrin nomiddlenames nolastnames <3

[teine-mallaichte]

Let's talk hallucinations in whump/general fiction.

So first off full disclosure, I have schizoaffective disorder - think some bits of bipolar and some bits of schizophrenia kind of squished together, and as such hallucinations are a BIG part of my general existence.

Definition: A hallucination is a perception of a sensory experience—such as sight, sound, smell, taste, or touch—that appears real but is created by the mind and lacks an external stimulus.

Now, I see a fair few "hallucinations" type prompts in whump events, and just generally within the whump community, and I see a LOT of auditory hallucinations type prompt fills - mainly in the form of malevolent whispers - and ye that's a thing, but there are so many other hallucinations.

The thing is hallucinations can effect literally any sense, not just hearing - though I will add that auditory is usually regarded as the most common.

this is a long post so I am going to put a cut here... below the cut is exploration of the tyoes of hallucination, the causes and a bit about insight.

So, I thought it could be "fun" to explore a few in a post. Lets explore the 5 "main" senses first:

Auditory Hallucinations

Description: These are the most common type of hallucinations. They involve hearing sounds that are not present. The sounds are hear as if they are coming from somewhere external to the body. So in my case I have a few of these, but my main one is a voice who is with me even when I am in meds (another good point there for anyone who wants to use mental illness in their fics even in meds we can do have symptoms). This voice has a name and most of the time he just sorts off passes comments about things and people around me, like a sarcastic narrator and it sounds like he is standing just behind me.

Common Examples:

Malevolent Whispers: Insidious voices that might threaten, taunt, or belittle you.

Hearing Music: Melodies or songs playing that no one else can hear. For me this kind of sounds like someone is playing a radio in a different room.

Environmental Sounds: Hearing footsteps, doors creaking, or other sounds suggesting someone else is present.

Command Hallucinations: Voices that instruct or suggest (its not always ademand, sometimes more subtle and manipulative) you to do certain things, often with a compelling and distressing sense of urgency.

Less used examples:

Kind/supportive hallucinations: Voices that are encouraging, reassuring and supportive.

Distortion: Rather than sounds with no origin hallucinations that disort or warp actual sounds/voices changing the meaning, making it as if the TV or Radio is addressing you personally, making it sound as if a friend is threatening you.

Fun fact: it actually is possible to have a two way (sort of) conversation with a hallucination - I know I do it relatively often. It will be different for everyone, but fo me its a bit like having a conversation on a bad phoneline, yes the voice will respond but often its almost as if he hasn't fully heard what I said - or is ignoring key points. I can do this both outloud and "in my head".

Visual Hallucinations

Description: Visual hallucinations involve seeing things that are not present. These can range from simple shapes and flashes of light to detailed images or scenes. They often appear as if they are in the physical world and can be very convincing.

Common Examples:

Shadowy Figures: Seeing indistinct, shadowy forms that may move or appear to watch the character.

Distorted Faces: Perceiving familiar faces as grotesque or altered in frightening ways.

Apparitions: Full-bodied figures that may interact with the character or appear menacing.

Lights/sparkles: The whump community seems to very much enjoy lights and sparkles, especially in drugging.

Less Used Examples:

Intrusive Visuals: Images of disturbing or graphic nature that suddenly appear in your line of sight.

Perceptual Distortions: Objects appearing to warp, change shape, or color in unnatural ways.

Double Vision: Seeing multiples of objects or people, creating a confusing and disorienting experience.

Scenery Shifts: The entire environment changes, making you believe they are in a completely different place.

Fun fact: Sleep deprivation can cause some wild visual hallucinations, even relatively "mild" sleep deprivation can start to effect a persons perceptions.

Gustatory Hallucinations

Description: Gustatory hallucinations involve tasting things that are not actually present in the mouth. These can range from pleasant to extremely unpleasant tastes and can be triggered without any external food or drink.

Officially these are considered "rare", but personally (as someone who has done a lot of peer support work in the psychosis/voice hearing community I think they are simply under reported.)

Common Examples:

Bitter or Metallic Taste: A persistent bitter or metallic taste in the mouth, often leading to a sense of unease or concern about poisoning.

Sweet or Sour Taste: Tasting something sweet or sour unexpectedly, which can be confusing if it doesn’t match the current context.

Less Used Examples:

Spoiled Food: Tasting something rancid or spoiled, causing nausea and distress.

Unfamiliar Tastes: Tasting something completely unfamiliar and hard to describe, adding to the character's sense of disorientation.

Mimicking Actual Foods: Tasting specific foods that trigger cravings or aversions, despite not eating anything.

Transforming food: Food tasting like other food - I know someone for whom everything tasted like strawberries for days.

Common Causes: Neurological conditions or can be a side effect of medications.

Olfactory Hallucinations

Description: Olfactory hallucinations involve smelling odors that are not actually present. These can be pleasant or unpleasant and occur without any corresponding external stimulus. They can be particularly disorienting because they may trigger memories or emotions associated with certain scents - extremely complex if the person also has PTSD.

Common Examples:

Burning Smell: Wood, rubber, or food, which can lead to panic and fear of a fire.

Rotting Flesh: An overpowering smell of decay or rotting flesh, causing distress and nausea.

Perfume or Flowers: Smelling strong scents like flowers or perfume - hallucinations don't have to be inherently unpleasant sensations.

Less Used Examples:

Chemical Smells: Smelling chemicals like bleach or petrol.

Unfamiliar Scents: Smelling odors that you cannot identify.

Food Smells: Smelling specific foods that trigger hunger or nausea, despite the absence of any actual food.

Tactile Hallucinations

Description: Tactile hallucinations involve feeling sensations on or under the skin that are not actually there. These can range from mild tingling to severe pain and can be extremely distressing.

Common Examples:

Crawling Sensation: Feeling as though insects or bugs are crawling on or under the skin - often leading to frantic scratching or picking.

Electric Shocks: Experiencing sudden, sharp, electric-like jolts.

Pressure: Feeling pressure or tightness around certain body parts, such as a hand gripping the arm or something heavy on the chest.

Less Used Examples:

Temperature Changes: Feeling extreme cold or heat on the skin without any external cause.

Wetness or Dripping: Feeling as though liquid is dripping or running down the skin, even when dry.

Phantom Touches: Sensations of being touched or grabbed, often when alone. Sometimes its an almost feather like touch, other times its more akin to a grab that if reak would leave a bruise.

Right now let's expand - because there are more than 5 senses.

Proprioceptive Hallucinations

Description: Proprioception is the sense of the relative positioning of one's body parts. Proprioceptive hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of where your body is in space or how it is moving.

Common Examples:

Floating Sensation: Feeling as if the body is levitating or moving without control.

Distorted Body Size: Perceiving limbs or the entire body as being unnaturally large or small.

Less Used Examples:

Misaligned Limbs: Feeling as though limbs are twisted or out of place.

Movement Hallucinations: Sensing movements that aren't occurring, like swaying or rotating.

Common causes: Neurological disorders or the effects of certain drugs, but can by caused by a huge array of things.

Vestibular Hallucinations

Description: Vestibular sensations involve balance and spatial orientation. Vestibular hallucinations affect your sense of balance, making you feel dizzy or as though you're moving when you're stationary.

Common Examples:

Vertigo: A spinning sensation, as if the environment or oneself is rotating.

Imbalance: Feeling as though you're about to fall over or can't maintain your balance.

Less Used Examples:

Motion Sensation: Sensing movement, like rocking or swaying, when you're still.

Gravity Distortions: Feeling as if gravity is stronger or weaker than it actually is.

Common caused: Inner ear issues, migraines, or anxiety.

Temporal Hallucinations

Description: Temporal hallucinations involve distorted perceptions of time. They can make time feel like it's speeding up, slowing down, or standing still.

Common Examples:

Time Dilation: Feeling as though time is passing much slower than it actually is.

Time Compression: Perceiving time as moving rapidly, making events feel like they're passing in a blur.

Less Used Examples:

Frozen Moments: Experiencing time as if it's stopped, with everything around you appearing frozen.

Temporal Displacement: Feeling as though you're living in a different time period.

Temporal Dissonance: Feeling as if time is moving differently for you in comparison to those around you.

Common caused: Extreme fatigue, high stress, or under the influence of certain drugs.

Interoceptive Hallucinations

Description: Interoception refers to the perception of sensations from within the body, such as hunger, thirst, or the feeling of a heartbeat. Hallucinations in this realm involve feeling internal sensations that aren't actually occurring.

Common Examples:

False Hunger: Feeling extremely hungry despite having eaten recently.

Nonexistent Thirst: An intense sense of thirst even when well-hydrated - I have had this one a few times and given myself electrolyte imbalances due tot he amount of water I ended up drinking (not fun).

Less Used Examples:

Phantom Heartbeats: Feeling the heart racing or skipping beats without any physical basis.

Digestive Sensations: Sensations of digestion, such as gurgling or bloating, without any real cause.

Common causes: Panic disorder or certain types of seizures.

Right, now lets quickly review the main "causes" of hallucinations

Mental Illness:

Schizophrenia: Can involve basically anything from this list, but anecdotally auditory and visual appear to be the most common.

Bipolar Disorder: Can include hallucinations, especially during manic or depressive episodes.

Schizoaffective Disorder: A combination of symptoms from both schizophrenia and mood disorders, often leading to a variety of hallucinations.

EUPD/BPD: Auditory hallucinations are relatively common.

In all of these the hallucinations will rarely (if ever) exist in isolation. If you do not have primary or secondary experience of mental illness then I would recommend doing a LOT of research - and talking to people who do (on this note my asks are open if anyone has any schizoaffective based questions).

Neurological Conditions:

Epilepsy: Particularly temporal lobe epilepsy, can cause a range of sensory hallucinations.

Parkinson's Disease: Can lead to visual and auditory hallucinations.

Migraine: Migraine auras can include visual and auditory hallucinations.

Once again the hallucinations will not be in isolatation so same advice as with mental illness.

Substance Use and Withdrawal:

Psychedelics: Drugs like LSD, psilocybin, and mescaline are known for causing vivid visual and auditory hallucinations.

Stimulants: Methamphetamine and cocaine can cause tactile and visual hallucinations.

Alcohol Withdrawal: Can lead to visual, auditory, and tactile hallucinations.

You know what I am going to say that my "if you do not have experience of this then go talk to someone who does" advice may just stand for every potential cause.

Sleep Disorders:

Sleep Deprivation: Can cause a variety of hallucinations across different senses.

Narcolepsy: Often includes hypnagogic (while falling asleep) and hypnopompic (while waking up) hallucinations.

Medical Conditions:

Delirium: Acute confusion and hallucinations often seen in severe infections, fever, or after surgery.

Dementia: Especially Lewy body dementia and Alzheimer's disease, can cause hallucinations.

Medications:

Anticholinergics: Can cause hallucinations as a side effect.

Steroids: High doses can sometimes lead to hallucinations.

Certain Antidepressants and Antipsychotics: Occasionally, these medications can cause hallucinations.

Psychological Stress and Trauma:

PTSD: Flashbacks and hallucinations related to traumatic events.

Extreme Stress: Can sometimes trigger hallucinations.

Metabolic and Endocrine Disorders:

Thyroid Disorders: Hyperthyroidism or hypothyroidism can sometimes cause hallucinations.

Electrolyte Imbalances: Severe imbalances can lead to hallucinations.

Deprivation:

Sensory Deprivation: Go google the ganzfeld effect, it's facinating.

Isolation: Extended periods of isolation can lead to hallucinations, known as sensory deprivation hallucinations.

Autoimmune Disorders:

Lupus: Can cause neurological symptoms including hallucinations.

Tumors:

Brain Tumors: Depending on their location, they can cause hallucinations affecting different senses.

Ok, finally point for this post. Let's discuss insight, because it is not as black/white or binary as people seem to assume.

Definition: Insight, in this context, refers to the awareness and understanding that one's hallucinations are not real but are a product of their mind. Insight can be partial or complete, and it often fluctuates.

Complete Insight:

Description: The individual fully understands that their hallucinations are not real and are caused by an underlying condition.

Impact: This can help the person manage their symptoms more effectively and seek appropriate treatment. However, it doesn't necessarily lessen the distress caused by the hallucinations.

Partial Insight:

Description: The individual has some awareness that their hallucinations might not be real but can still struggle with differentiating them from reality.

Impact: This can lead to confusion and anxiety, as the person oscillates between believing and doubting their experiences.

Lack of Insight:

Description: The individual firmly believes that their hallucinations are real and external.

Impact: This can lead to significant distress and functional impairment, as the person might respond to these hallucinations as if they were real.

Now imagine these three points on a scale from 0 (complete insight) to 10 (lack of insight) a person can be anywhere on this scale, and can slide back and fourth along it.

Factors such as stress, fatigue, medication changes, or daily fluctuations in mental state can cause insight to vary. A person might have high insight at one moment and low insight the next.

Basically Insight Is Not Static.

Also sometimes insight is just FREAKING RANDOM fluctuation for no discernible reason - honestly at times there is zero logic.

so ye, halluncinations… the brain is freaking wild.

Disclaimer - this is by no means an exhaustive list and like with many things every individual will experience these things slightly differently.

A similar post about delirium A similar post about fever

[mychapel-004]

I think the most interesting and under-explored part of gf canon is the formation of the blind eye and I'm tired of pretending it isn't: a long post

Because hear me out here, if we really take a look at the timing of the only concrete source we have (mcgucket's video diaries), it doesn't... line up at all?

The clear implication here is that he started making the diaries after the first portal incident on January 18th 1983, so this would be our "day one"

"For the past year I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher... But something went wrong. I decided to quit the project, but I lie awake each night, haunted by the thoughts of what I've done... Test subject one: Fiddleford."

But this makes no sense. We know from J3 that the memory gun was actually invented after a series of traumatic events with Ford, months before he left the project. Further, the timeline the video diaries set up of the blind eye show that he began to deteriorate and founded the blind eye on day 22, which would be February 9th, but in J3 the blind eye is already a full blown cult by then.

In addition, where is he in this video? we know from TBOB that he isn't on good terms with his wife after Christmas of 1982 and he likely didn't leave GF after the portal incident, but he was living with Ford up until this so where is this room? If he had somewhere else to stay, why only stay there now?

Now, realistically the answer here is that the lore was changed and slightly retconned between the writing of this episode and the publishing of the book (which alex discusses in some of the commentary for this episode when discussing fidd's character), but I think a more interesting theory to solve this contradiction can be found in the source material.

If we play this all completely straight, there are two options here, both involving Fiddleford lying in his diaries. this isn't entirely new to the series, unreliable narration is a big theme, especially in Journal 3 and TBOB. the only real explanations are that:

A) Fiddleford was lying about this being the first time he used the gun, meaning this video diary takes place after the portal incident.

B) Fiddleford was lying about leaving the project, and was filming these diaries while still working with Ford.

Now, either of them is plausible, but ultimately Fiddleford is a scientist. He has dedicated his life to engineering, and it seems to be his lifelong passion considering it's one of the only character traits that he continues to practice after losing his mind. Would a man who is this talented, this dedicated, really lie about testing results in a video diary he chose to make?

If he had used the gun before, any kind of result he is trying to observe would be ruined. It would be a pointless venture, since we know for a fact that by the time he leaves the project he has used the gun on himself, Ford and other civillians multiple times. It's a complete failure of the scientific method, and I don't think it makes sense for the character we know, the man who quadruple checks his own calculations just to be sure they're right.

However, the other explanation feels like something he might do. We know he invents the gun after the Gremloblin incident likely sometime in August, and seems to use it immediately as evidenced by J3, on both himself and Ford. We know from the audio commentary that for Fidd, the memory gun is very much an addiction, it's something that he uses to curb his anxiety and appear like a better partner, to try and keep himself together until the project is over. But ultimately, he's known something is wrong with the project for a long time, and Ford mentions his tendency towards self destructive anxiety when Fidd rips out his own hair after Ford reveals the tip of the weirdness iceberg to him.

All this to say, I think it's far more realistic for Fiddleford to lie about leaving the project rather than his results. He knows that something is wrong, that he should leave and be with his family, and on the other side of that we know that Bill is using this anxiety to whisper into Ford's ear that Fidd is unreliable and will leave. He's been through a severely traumatic event with the Gremloblin, trapped for days in his worst nightmares, to the point where he is prepared to cause himself potential brain damage to un-see it.

But despite all of it, he doesn't leave. He is determined to stay, maybe out of loyalty, maybe out of fear for Ford's safety, maybe he needs the money from the project for his family. He has a wife and son who need him and we know that he feels guilt for his treatment towards them, he even cites them as his sole reason for backing out of using the gun immediately before he does it anyway, and uses it on Ford to cover his mistakes up. Fiddleford is a man who is wracked by anxiety and shame and is such a bad way by this point that he is absolutely willing to self-destruct and lie to just get through this project.

I think he absolutely would start documenting his use of the memory gun, even if that meant lying that he had followed his instincts and left the project when he should have done. After all, he says himself that he wants to use this gun on a wider scale as a therapy tool, assuming the gun doesn't turn his brain to mush, surely the tapes of his initial testing will need to be peer-reviewed? He's presenting the reality he wishes was true, the one where he is brave and stands on his principles and doesn't fall into step beside Ford on his path to destruction.

So, where does this leave the timeline?

Finding exact dates is difficult, mostly because the only concrete numbers in J3 are few and far between, but we do have the dates of the tapes to go off as follows. This isn't concrete but it's a fun way to recontextualise the events of J3:

Day 1:

First usage of the gun, followed by it being used on Ford

Sometime after the Gremloblin incident, Fidd's arm is either healed or on the mend from the incident as his cast is gone, so likely towards the end of August.

Note on the cast: It could also be gone as a result of him removing it too early, he doesn't seem to take a lot of time to recover from the incident before he gets back to work in fear of disappointing Ford.

The room he is in is likely his bedroom in the Shack, or whatever location he initially uses to form the blind eye, maybe a room in the museum? The "probability of failure" graph in the back is the same one that he shows Ford the night before the Portal test, albeit a bigger version, meaning he has likely been tracking the output results for a while.

Day 5:

Still exhibiting postive results, no deterioration yet.

Day 22:

First signs of mental deterioration

First mention of the blind eye, Fidd draws the symbol onto a notebook but it is already scribbled in the background over a diagram of the portal. The blind eye symbol is first mentioned in J3, when Fidd hands it to the carny who becomes the eventual leader of the cult, so this diary likely takes place after he has begun using it on other people.

Official formation of the blind eye as a group to help people forget traumatic memories.

His room in the shack is in a state of disarray, his plants are dead and there are handprints in oil or ink on the walls. Notably, he seems to be connecting the idea of a single eye and the portal despite not being aware of Bill at this point, which I'll touch upon later.

The carnival is likely in September according to the timeline by @fordtato

Day 74:

Slight physical deterioration, more physical anxiety

It seems that Fidd has been regularly using the memory gun at this point, to erase even minorly distressing images from his head, and his anxiety has taken a nosedive. Likely explanation is that this diary is after the bunker, where he had another severely traumatic experience (kidnapped by a shapeshifter and reduced to mute from anxiety) and seemed to become obsessed with doomsday planning. During the bunker arc he also used the gun on multiple workmen and Ford once again.

Likely takes place in October/November

His room is a complete mess by now, with the walls covered in papers and "Help Me" scrawled on the walls.

At this point in J3, Ford has made his deal with Bill and is allowing him to possess his body whenever he pleases. Bill has also sucessfully driven a divide between the other two by making Ford doubt that Fidd will be able to make it to the end of the project, and Ford describes his frustration with him.

According to Ford, Fidd is just as agitated and nervous before the portal test as he was during the Gremloblin attack, and obsessively checks and rechecks his calculations, causing Ford to worry for his resolve.

In between this diary and the next are the stolen pages from J3 that are in TBOB, which give us slight insight into Fiddleford during this time but not much. We see that he tries multiple times to reach out to him the only way that Fidd knows how, through invention and creation, with the snowglobe and the six-fingered gloves. Ford, however, treats them carelessly as a result of his increased attention to his muse. At the same time, he tries to visit home but is kicked out by Emma-May after he forgets to get her a Christmas gift. This is played as an example of his connection with Ford, him remembering two gifts for the man and none for his wife, but if he really is suffering from his use of the gun at this time, the forgetfulness makes even more sense and his argument with his family means he doesn't have a support system outside of Ford who is paying all of his attention to the project. After this, Fiddleford is more reclusive than ever as he spends early January compiling a thesis for Ford to publish

Day 189

Physical deterioration is in full effect and he can't hide the result of his addiction any more, even just to keep up appearances.

His arm is broken, likely due to the car accident he mentions accidentally causing, but its the same arm he broke during the Gremloblin attack and could be a result of him taking his cast off too early for it to have healed right in the first place which could explain why he wears it for so long.

Significant mental decline as he has started exhibiting signs of brain damage or swelling (decreased vocabulary, forgetfulness, loss of motor functions) however, he is seemingly lucid enough to question if the memory gun is causing negative side effects.

There are actually bottles visible in the back of the room, possbly referencing the addiction metaphor being used here

This would take place after the portal test, likely late January. Ford is at the height of his paranoia, Fiddleford has left the shack and taken every trace of his research with him except his college picture with Ford, and the blind eye is a fully established and seemingly self-governing cult.

Day 273

At this point, Fidd has relocated to a motel and is seemingly completely mentally gone, ripping out his hair and developing his hunched posture. This likely takes place after the blind eye takes his memories, or he continues erasing them himself. It's possible that the blind eye continues visiting him and taking his memories even after he is ejected as a member, or at least until they forget who he is after using the gun on themselves too many times.

It appears to be snowing outside? Which doesn't line up with either the canon timeline or this timeline, so potentially the days on the video diaries could be incorrect assuming he isn't filming them every day, or has lost so much of his mind by this point that he isn't labelling them right and has lost track of time

The final two entries are a similar story, serving only to show us the end of his decline and him eventually becoming fully homeless, retreating to the junkyard he lives in for the next 28 years (jesus, he really deserved that mansion).

Ultimately though, this timeline asks a lot of interesting character questions.

Why did Ford not realise how bad Fiddleford's decline was becoming? Maybe a mix of circumstances, he was falling deeper into his worship of Bill at the time, to the extent that he was regularly being possessed and judging by the lack of journal entries at the time, very pre-occupied. We also know that Fidd used the gun on him at least twice in canon, and possibly used it more than we know in order to convince Ford he was okay.

If Fiddleford was erasing parts of Ford's memory, did Bill know? Personally, I feel that Bill was aware but knew that ultimately it would serve him. Fiddleford, without ever encountering Bill at this point, created the blind eye symbol which is eerily close to Bill's symbolism, how would he know that when we know Ford is possessive of his muse and doesn't share anything with Fidd about it? How does Ford have visions of Fidd in a red cloak without ever knowing that the cult and Fidd are directly connected? My thoughts are that Bill, who we know has erased Ford's memory himself before when he stole the journal pages we see in TBOB, was using most of this as fodder to drive a divide between the two, mentally creating associations in both of their minds so they stop trusting the other. Chess but with troubled gay men.

All in all I think Fiddleford's decline is such an interesting way to approach a theme of addiction, particularly a high-functioning addiction. If this really is how things played out, we know that throughout his use of the gun and even 30 years later when he is considered a write-off, the one thing he maintains is his engineering prowess and his smarts. It makes sense that even when actively using the gun and hiding it from Ford he would be able to keep up in terms of building the portal, especially when we know he secretly hired workers. It's also a great example of someone drawing others into their addiction, even if it was unintentional and he didn't believe they would be hurt in the long run.

I feel like sometimes there's a lil bit of a push to see Fidd as a naive or morally good character even through his mistakes and to demonise Ford in response, but ultimately both of them are very morally grey and have their own vices that they develop and grow from.

[tillsfan]

new official arts analysis..

i really like how. doll-like sua looks here. i love when vivimeng depict sua as a husk of a person, dehumanizing her because she really had nothing without mizi.

the sua on the right seems very content, leaning into her reflection. she honestly seems kind of proud in my opinion. this is her satisfied with her decisionto sacrifice herself without mizi’s knowledge, content with the happy lives they lived while they could live it. sua was accepting of her death, happy it would be her and not mizi, because she KNOWS she wouldn’t survive on her own. mizi is strong, sua isn’t. we also know sua is very selfish. maybe she looks so content because she knows mizi will continue to think of her? maybe she’s aware of the impact this would have on mizi, how she will never leave mizi’s mind, making it easier to accept her own sacrifice.

the sua on the left is creepy, soulless. i always imagined this version of sua is mizi’s current perception of her.. sua was still an angel in her eyes, she was literally mizi’s god, but mizi didn’t know as much about sua as she thought. she knew nothing at all. the sua she knows now is not the sua she knew previously, the innocent and happy sua she grew up with. she’s a shell of a person now, haunting mizi’s mind. did sua plan this? how did she know this would happen? why didn’t she tell me? why did she lie to me? i’m sure questions like these are circling in mizi’s mind, never to be answered.

ivan looks. deranged. to start. he’s way more focused on the camera than sua, looking down on us. also unlike sua, he’s sweating and crying(?), and is leaning away from the reflection. this immediately pushes the fact that ivan didn’t exactly plan his death like sua did hers. we’ll never truly know what was going through his mind, but i always felt like his lash out at till was an impulsive decision. he knew one of them was going to die, and when he saw till no longer fighting, he realized the reality that he wouldn’t be able to keep on going without till. so he ran, letting out all his emotions in his final moments. he is also a very selfish character, so i feel he’s ecstatic that in the end, he got to leave a lasting impression on till like he wanted. either that, or he’s grateful he finally got to let out all his emotions towards till, making till suffer yet saving him in his final moments.

another detail i noticed is that the ivan’s hands aren’t touching each other like sua’s, his hands have their backs faced to each other. the ivan on the left isn’t ivan’s true nature, it’s the facade he’s known to have showed those around him. he’s detached from this persona he put up, therefore not touching his palms. he’s also looking at us like he KNOWS something we don’t. unreliable narrator ivan strikes again.

okay so till’s is SIGNIFICANTLY different than both ivan and sua’s. he’s the only one facing away from us, the blood on him not visible. the side of his injury is also facing away from us. there’s also a lack of branding on him. i feel this is the most obvious piece we’ve gotten signifying that he’s going to be alive. they’re deliberately hiding any way for us to see the aftermath of his injury.. vivimeng has been treating till’s supposed death So much more differently than they’ve treated the other characters deaths. in his final comic, his post ‘death’ official art, and now this (which i will elaborate more on in a different post. i have an 10+ paragraph long analysis on why i believe till is alive LOL..)

his reflection is also not a normal mirror—it’s a true mirror. the hand placement isn’t mirrored like ivan and sua’s, it’s as if he’s directly holding out to the till in front of him. i believe he has a true mirror because he has always been true to himself. he never put up a facade or lied like ivan and sua did, as he never needed to. he was always his most authentic self, not only living for another person like the other true, but also for himself. we don’t see the mirror till’s expression, but we can see his mouth. he’s frowning, showing a lack of acceptance to his fate. i genuinely think he’s going to be okay. he’s a fighter, even in this photo, he’s still fighting. he refuses to accept that it’s his time to go, not sparing us a mere glance of assertion regarding his death.

note that i’m not saying these are the true meanings! just how i interpreted it. <3

[the-secret-keeper]

Where MC Tells the Dateables + Luke About How Horribly They Were Treated In Twisted Wonderland Part 2

Part 2 to my previous post that was requested by @sweetlicorice but with the Dateables + Luke. I hope you enjoy it!

First Part (Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Asmodeus, Satan, Beelzebub, and Belphegor)

TW: Talk of being overworked, burnt out, starvation, hunger, Abuse of Power, Very Angry Demons/Angels/Sorcerer (not at you), mental breakdowns, nightmares, a lot of talk of food in Lukes, and missing a pet (he's not dead, don't worry)

Reader is referred to as MC by characters, and MC is gender neutral. Having said that, this is in second person POV, so for the most part you are referred to as "you" by the narrator.

Characters include: Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Solomon, and Luke

Can be read as Romantic or Platonic (EXCEPT FOR LUKE, HE IS STRICTLY PLATONIC)

This will be long, so stories under the cut

This is organized by character with some context at the beginning (it's the same as the original post, so if you've read that, then you can skip it if you like)

~

First, it was a coffin. You were kidnapped by a horse-drawn hearse, woke up in a coffin, in another world. A world of magic, and wonder, but also one of pain, as you quickly learned. But you met people. You made friends, allies, and you were learning, even if you couldn't use magic.

And then, it was you landing rather harshly in a room that looked like an old-time, very fancy courtroom, surrounding by tall and intimidating looking young men. It was soon explained to you that you were in the Devildom, and were an exchange student, one that would be living with the Seven Deadly Sins for your own protection.

You didn't know what to feel. Gratitude for the much improved living conditions? Fear for living with a bunch of demons and going to school with demons that would likely have no qualms with snapping you in two if you stepped out of line? Sadness for the friends that you don't know how to get back to? Upset for being forced to leave the place you were finally starting to feel like you fit in at and having to leave Grim? It was a whirlwind inside, and for a time, that's where it stayed. Kept inside.

Slowly, the Devildom revealed to have similar problems as Twisted Wonderland, in the fact that it seems everyone in power here, aside from Diavolo and Barbatos, would like you to die.

Most of the brothers tried to kill you. One of them succeeded! Congrats to them you guess, though, no offense to Belphie, you don't think it was particularly hard for a demon to kill a human.

Through all of this, you got closer to those you were staying with, even forgiving Belphegor after everything. It only made sense that eventually, what happened to you, you started to open up to them about your past. About those that you met and bonded with, all that had been put onto you, and all that was different.

And after you opened up to them, it only made sense that you started to speak more candidly to the others as well, right? They deserve to know, just as much as the brothers.

Diavolo:

Diavolo confused you, more than anything. At least at first. He held the same position as Crowley, yet he acted more like a mixture of Kalim and Hornton. You were wary, obviously, as you should be. But you never excluded him. You always listened when he spoke, and asked his opinions on things that most would consider trivial. You went to him to ask questions about events, because, while Lucifer or Barbatos could answer your questions, you wanted to see if he was doing his job, or if this was another Crowley situation.

But he exceeded your expectations every time. He'd recognized that you would struggle with the curriculum, so he assigned that teachers would give you easier assignments and asked Satan to tutor you. He'd answer any questions about events and such in detail, and always with an excited tone, and always willing to take suggestions, or ask your opinions. He never dismissed your asking his opinion, and he always seemed to appreciate that you were actively listening to him.

He even went out of his way to ask you questions, and ask your opinions. He'd invite you to spend time with him both in and out of the castle. And while he'd let you sit in his office as he worked, he never made you do anything more than your schoolwork. He took the time to learn about you. Your interests, your hobbies, your preferences. How you dress, what you like to eat, what you don't like to eat, and everything in between. Discussion never seemed to cease with Diavolo.

He took note of your lack of willingness to talk about the time you were gone, and he'd seen that time in your file. Barbatos seemed to know, but also told him that if he wanted to know he should ask you. He did ask gently a few times, but if he sensed he was overstepping even by a toe, he would withdraw. He didn't want to risk the progress he'd made in becoming closer to you.

One day, he had invited you out to the garden as a catch-up, because he hadn't been able to see you as much as he would like recently. There was cookies, some cake, and your favorite hot drink, made to your preference by Barbatos, who left the two of you alone. You and Diavolo did, indeed, catch up about the time you'd not been able to speak. But he noticed that a gargoyle he had recently had brought in had caught your eye.

"Do you like it?"

"It's not one I've seen before, is it new?" You asked, sipping your drink.

"It is! I just had that gargoyle installed." He smiled. "I'm surprised you noticed."

"I take note of the decorative statues, force of habit. I didn't know that the gardens were having plumbing problems?" You commented innocently.

"They are not. Why do you think that?" He asked, just as innocently.

"So, the statue doesn't have the rain spout function?" He shook his head at your question. "Then it is not a gargoyle, it is a grotesque. They look similar, but gargoyles have a rain spout function, and they're usually installed to prevent damage to buildings through erosion." You smiled knowingly.

"Fascinating. I did not know you knew so much about the subject."

"I don't." You set down your cup. "I had a friend, his name was Malleus. Malleus Draconia. But he let me call him Hornton. He had a club at our last school, called the Gargoyle Appreciation Club. He was the real expert, I just know the base level stuff."

"Did you join this club?"

"I wasn't officially a part of the club, but I attended all the meetings I could. We were both rather busy people, so we weren't able to meet up as much as we would've liked." You admitted.

"In what way?"

"Well we were both full-time students. And we were both housewardens. His dorm, granted, was much bigger than mine. But I'd stand to argue that my only roommate was more of a handful than half of his students." You laughed. "He was crown prince of Briar Valley, so he had a lot of responsibility to his kingdom, on top of schoolwork. I had a lot of schoolwork too, but it was harder because I didn't understand most of it." You sighed. "And that's not including the errands Crowley would have me run, and the paperwork he'd push on me. On top of picking up extra shifts at the Mostro Lounge for extra funds, in order to supplement what little I was given by the school. Not to mention, making sure no one Overblotted, and taking care of Grim." You listed.

"He made you do his paperwork?" You nodded. He gently tilted his head to the side, before righting it. "Did he pay you to do his work for him?"

"No." You shook your head lightly. "He often took away my housing and food budget, if I didn't do what he wanted, or, if I didn't do what he wanted in a timely manner." You admitted. "It was stressful to live there."

"I'm sorry to hear that you were stuck with such an incompetent person in charge of your care, he sounds truly awful. I am grateful to hear that you did so well despite it."

"It's not your fault." You smiled at him. "I miss my friends, truly. But I am happy here. I feel welcomed here, and safe. It's odd to say that. Yeah, any citizen of the Devildom could snap me in two if they really wanted to, but they don't. And they won't. But there were no such limitations back at Night Raven College. If anyone wanted me hurt, I'd have to fight them tooth and nail. Luckily, I did have people that had my back." You hummed at the memory. "My friend group is great. I do hope I get to see them again some day. But I miss Grim most of all."

"Who is Grim?"

"My cat." You beamed. "Grim is my cat. He's a special kind of cat. At least, I think he is. I don't really know what he is, in all honesty." You laughed. "But he could fly, and use magic, and breathe fire. And he could talk! He used to talk my ear off." Diavolo smiled at your elated state. "He really wanted to attend Night Raven College, so he broke in, in order to get accepted. He and I were accepted after a short stint as janitors, each as one half of a whole student. He had magic, and I had opposable thumbs." You joked, making Diavolo laugh, a loud, hearty laugh. "He would call me Henchman, and he was greedy, and sarcastic, but boy, I love that cat. When it came down to it, he was the one I could rely on the most. He was always there when I needed him. And if he couldn't help, he'd find someone who could."

"He sounds like Mammon." He commented.

"Mammon does remind me of Grim. Perhaps that's why I'm so fond of him." You hummed, smiling at the thought. "Grim and I were practically inseparable. He'd sleep on my shoulders, or in my arms, or in my bag during the day. He'd sleep on my bed at night. If you saw me, you knew he wasn't far behind." You smiled at the thought.

"You miss him that much?" Diavolo asked lightly. You nodded, without much thought.

"Don't get me wrong, I love it here. You guys are so nice to me, and I'm not overworked, or burnt out. You're nothing like Crowley, and that is a wonderful thing. But I do miss Grim." You sighed, after assuring him.

"I am sorry to hear that you have gone through such hardships. I did not know."

"How could you have? I never told you." You shrugged. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"Hmm?" He tilted his head to the side once more, eyebrow raised in confusion. You laughed at the sight of the crown prince of the Devildom looking like a confused puppy.

"I knew you were curious, about why I didn't trust you, about my past. But you didn't pry. Thank you, for letting me come to you on my own terms." He smiled, righting his head again, and nodding.

"Of course. You're someone I hold dear, I'd never want to make you uncomfortable."

"That's very sweet of you." You took another sip of your drink, before looking at him again. "Would you like to hear more about my friends from Night Raven? I think you would like them."

"Yes, I would like that very much. And you simply must tell me more about this talking cat of yours. I am curious." You smiled, before nodding.

You started to regale him with tales of your adventures at Night Raven, and all about your friends. He smiled, nodding along, and letting you talk, even though you both continued to chat long after your drinks had gone cold, and the treats stale. He didn't even want you to stop when Lucifer had come to fetch you from the palace, but he knew he should let you go.

Now knowing more, he was certainly going to look into finding this talking cat of yours. He would love to meet him, and he's sure you'd love to have him back as well. And if the internal anger he'd started to feel towards your previous headmaster was released in the process, well then, he supposes that kills two birds with one stone. Maybe literally for one of those birds, but who is he to say?

Barbatos:

Barbatos knew a lot. He knew you were wary, and he knew you ought to be. He knew where you were when you were missing, he knew a lot of what you went through. He knew that you were scared Diavolo would be like your last horrid excuse of a headmaster, and he knew that the brothers, and others, reminded you of your friends from the time you went missing.

But even Barbatos can miss things. It's rare, but it does happen, and he doesn't always realize it right away. However, he always does his damnedest to fix, or take a second look at what he missed the first time.

Barbatos had welcomed you into his kitchen numerous times. If he didn't want your help, you wouldn't, but you were good at taking care of little tasks when asked, to make things easier for him. And while the silence that filled the room was always warm, and comforting, light conversation wouldn't hurt. At least, that was what he assumed.

He had decided to make a chestnut tart, and you couldn't help but think back to your first official day as a student at Night Raven, or rather, the night before. It was a fond memory. One that you laughed at when you looked back on it.

"What has you chuckling over there?" Barbatos asked, a teasing tone slipping into his normally formal speech pattern.

"Just, thinking about my old school."

"You do not often talk about Night Raven, so do tell me if I am out of line by asking, but what are you thinking?"

"My first official day as a student there, or, the night before, a friend of mine came to my door with a collar around his neck. Apparently, his housewarden had put it on him, for eating a tart. A chestnut tart," you smiled, lifting up the handful of chestnuts you had been holding, so that he could see, "and we had to do this whole big thing to get enough chestnuts to remake the tart, and it ended up being all in vain, but I think it was fun."

"A collar? Like a dogs collar?"

"Sort of. It's kind of hard to explain, but it took away his magic, as punishment."

"For eating a tart?"

"Yeah, Riddle... he was going overboard on the rules. But he was doing better when I left." You admitted. "This was the first time my friends had relied on their upperclassmen for help, and I got to meet some of my friends that way. Trey was an exceptional baker. And Cater... Cater didn't like sweets." He laughed at the way I phrased it. "Cater was nice! I didn't mean it in a bad way!" You tried to defend, but he just laughed harder. "No! Stop laughing!" You laughed.

After the two of you calmed down, a silence fell over you once more. It was comfortable, but something was telling you to reach out. If anyone would understand, even a little bit, it might be Barbatos. And even if he didn't, Barbatos has always been someone you can rely on. It wasn't like he'd judge you, Barbatos was nice like that.

"It wasn't long after that, that Riddle Overblotted." You admitted quietly. You knew he heard you, you could've barely breathed it, and he still would've heard you, he was perceptive like that. "That was the first, of seven Overblots that I had to deal with. And, admittedly, he was one of those I had the best relationship with afterward, aside from maybe Hornton. But, that's because I was friends with two of Riddles first year students." You shrugged.

"You sound quite fond of this Riddle."

"He was a friend." You hummed. "Riddle was great, and he was doing a lot better when I left. I like to think I had something to do with that. But I was closer to other people. Like Ace and Deuce. And Grim."

"Who?"

"Which one?"

"Grim. You have spoken a bit about Ace and Deuce before, comparing the arguments Mammon has with his brothers to arguments they would have. But I know nothing of this Grim."

"Grim was my cat. Well, to be honest, I don't know if he was a cat. I call him a cat, because he looked like a cat, and he kind of acted like one, but I don't know what he was." You admitted, finishing your task. You stopped, and turned fully to face Barbatos' back. "He could speak, and fly, and breathe fire. He could use magic. That's how come we got stuck together. But I wouldn't change that for the world, I could really rely on Grim."

"To chase away rats?"

"He would do that, yes," you laughed at his question, "but mostly if I was in danger, I could rely on him to help. I mean, I'm magicless, and I was in a magic school. I needed him, and he needed me." You smiled, looking at all the peeled chestnuts, and thinking of all the fond memories of your cat.

"Do you miss him?"

"Yes. I miss him more than anything." Your head snapped up to look at Barbatos who had turned to face you. "Please don't misunderstand, I love it here. Everyone is so great! I just miss my cat. He's been such a big part of my life for such a long time, it just feels weird without him, you know?" He nodded.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, and for once, it was stifling. You could tell he was angry, but you didn't know at what. For him, he was upset, because he knew a little bit about what had happened, but he didn't know that you'd had to deal with a life-threatening situations like Overblots before. He felt terrible that he couldn't protect you.

"So, grind the chestnuts, yes?" You asked, wanting to break the palpable tension in the air.

"Oh, yes." He nodded. "And MC?" You looked up at him, waiting for him to finish speaking. "You can always talk to me. About anything."

"Thanks Barbatos. I appreciate that." You smiled, before turning back to your task.

He didn't say anything more than that, but you felt the tension slowly disappear. You didn't know that the chestnuts he was grinding up, he was imagining were tiny skulls of your previous headmaster, as he plotted his demise. But he didn't let you know that, wanting you to feel comfortable talking about your past in his presence, or to him in general.

Simeon:

Simeon was someone you felt drawn to. You didn't know why at first, but you chalked it up to either him being an angel, or him simply being a person you felt was good, and you hadn't been around anyone that purely good in a long time. He didn't mind very much, he thought you were lovely. Despite your flaws, and imperfections, he loved to spend time with you.

It helped that you loved Luke, and were very willing to help him whenever you could. You were always so nice to Luke, and to Simeon, which is what made him like you quite a bit. He knew something had happened, but you had made it pretty clear that you didn't want to talk about it, in a rather polite way. And he respected that. He didn't want to push you before you were ready.

While a lot of the time that you were over at Purgatory Hall, you were baking with Luke, or studying with Solomon, you did take the time to just exist with Simeon. You could be doing separate activities in the same area, and occasionally asking a question, or having a full-blown conversation very animatedly with him. He didn't care which. He just liked your presence. It's nice to be around someone who has common sense.

Simeon, for all his angelic qualities and traits, has an aura that makes you want to open up. He's very warm, and inviting. You find yourself having to restrain yourself from talking about the past with him, because you don't really want to put that on him. You knew that it was inevitable, but you kept putting it off, not wanting to have him ask questions about your past.

Occasionally, you would take naps in Purgatory Hall. With Simeon and Luke's angelic presence, it wasn't often you had nightmares while there. It seemed that they warded off nightmares simply by existing. But that means nothing when they were both out of the house, and Solomon was in his bedroom, looking for a book, leaving you to fend for yourself in your horrible dreamscape.

Simeon returned from dropping Luke off with Barbatos, to see you asleep on the couch of their living room. He smiled at the sight, one that he was accustomed to seeing every now and then. But his brows furrowed when he noticed your tense expression, and how you seemed to be breathing a bit heavier than would be normal. He glided over, graceful as ever, and gently kneeled next to you, placing a comforting hand on your face.

It was warm, like a comforting hug from your grandma, or when it's just starting to get warm during spring. Your expression eased, feeling comforted by his presence and touch, and you woke up soon after, your nightmare no longer existing, and your brain waking up.

You groaned lightly, opening your eyes slowly, still adjusting to the light. You saw Simeon sitting there, smiling at you, his thumb rubbing your cheek comfortingly. You smiled back at him, soothed by knowing he was there. He backed away, allowing you to sit up, and he took a seat beside you on the couch.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"It was ok." You smiled, strained a little from realizing that you'd been having a nightmare, and Simeon's presence was what warded it off, not from it ending naturally.

"You looked like you were having a nightmare." He gently prodded.

"I was." You admitted, nodding to your own words.

"Would you like to talk about it?" He asked, gently placing a hand on your shoulder.

"It... it's hard for me to discuss sometimes." You admitted, looking away from him. "It's not like my memories of my time at my previous college are all good. Most of them are. The memories of studying, and my friends, along with the things that I learned, the things I experienced, and the people I met, they're all amazing. I wouldn't trade those for the world. However," you hesitated, pausing for a moment to try to choose the right words, as Simeon remained silent, simply listening to you, "there were many instances in which I suffered. It wasn't always easy, living there, and dealing with Crowley. My life was in danger quite often. And there was usually little that could be done to prevent such things, other than training. And their training consisted mostly of magical training which as we know, I don't have, so it was useless to me. Grim was always so happy to learn more about it, even if he hated studying, he always did want to learn more about magic, and become a great mage."

"That sounds like something Satan would admire."

"Well," you laughed at Simeon's gentle comment, "Grim is more like Mammon than he is Satan, so while Satan loves cats, and Grim is one, I doubt they'd get along very well, as much as I loathe to admit it." He laughed as well. "I would get nightmares there too."

"What would you do when you got them?"

"Usually, I'd just sit with Grim sleeping on my lap, or lay with him sleeping on my chest, and pet him. I'd pet him and stare at the ceiling, or out the window, until I was too tired and went back to sleep, or until it was time to get up for the day. Grim was the only comfort I had at the time. He and I, we were like an unstoppable duo, you know? Inseparable."

"It sounds like you love your cat very much."

"I do. Grim was one of the few things in that world that brought me comfort. He brought me a lot of stress too," You laughed, "one time he got stuck in a contract and ended up having to serve another Housewarden while underpaying them. I had to find a way to break that contract. Oh, and, and that time he got kidnapped. I had to travel, with help from two students, well, a student and a Vice-Housewarden from another dorm, to help get him back. I love Grim, he's my best friend. Don't tell anyone else I said that though," you joked, raising your pointer finger to your mouth in a shushing gesture, "the demon brothers and others are quite jealous people." He laughed.

"Your secret is safe with me." He assured. You leaned onto him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"You're so good, Simeon. Someone as good as you is rare in the Human Realm, but it felt nonexistent in Night Raven. Everyone had an ulterior motive. It's nice." You hummed.

"You'll always have a place with me. No ulterior motives." He promised, smiling at you.

You separated not long after, as Solomon called out for you, wanting to have you help him with something. But he didn't forget your words. He'd heard Barbatos and Diavolo talk about it, as well as the brothers, so he knew how bad your Headmaster had been, and he had an inkling about the other Housewardens. But he had never heard about your cat being stuck in a contract, or him being kidnapped. It made him worry about what you went through that you weren't telling them.

But he knew he'd always be there for you, no matter what you told him about your past.

Solomon:

You talked to Solomon about your cat, Grim, quite often. It took you a while to open up to him, but when you did, you told him about Grim, and your friend group. All the happy memories that you made together. You always alluded to the not so happy memories, skirting around them, and dodging his questions when he asked. Doing so told him more than you realized.

It told him that you weren't comfortable talking about it. It told him that the bad times were really bad, and you likely didn't want him to direct any rage against one specific person. For a while it made him think you didn't trust him, but once he realized you weren't telling anyone about these parts of your past, he realized it wasn't just a thing you did with him.

Solomon loves to learn about Grim. The fact that he looks like a cat only adds to his curiosity. He wants to meet him, wants to know what he looks like, and why he's able to do all that he is. You made him swear not to summon him just to dissect him, or pester him with questions he doesn't have an answer to. Of course, this was after you made him swear not to summon him without telling you.

He realized after a while, that you weren't homesick for Night Raven. You never considered that place a home, and told him as such. But you missed the people. Especially Grim. You miss your friends, the people you considered family. He did look into interdimensional travel, but it wasn't so easily done, and it wasn't something he could do on a whim. Even just summoning one person or creature from another world wasn't very easy. Even for Solomon the Wise, who was an extremely powerful sorcerer, it wasn't going to be simple.

"Can you pass me that?" He asked, pointing at an ingredient on the table as he read his spell book.

"What're you doing?" You asked. "I mean, what's this potion meant to do?"

"It's a simple healing potion, but this recipe is new, I've not seen it before, so a colleague of mine asked me to peer review it." Holding the jar he had pointed at, you peeked over his shoulder.

"Oh I know this one!" You beamed. "Crewel taught it to us."

"Crewel is?"

"The potions teacher! He also taught poison refining. This was the first potion he taught us."

"Really?" He asked, looking at it. "That's strange. How on earth did the same recipe occur in both?"

"I mean, it's not really that strange." You shrugged. "Minor healing potions are pretty common in both worlds." You said, looking at the measurements. "It's not that weird that someone managed to figure out how to make the same potion in both worlds. The measurements are off in this one though."

"How do you know?"

"Crewel is very specific, and also Grim kept messing it up. By the end of that class, I had the recipe memorized because of how many times I did it." You told him. "Here, let me just,"

You picked up a pencil, and penciled on a separate, blank piece of paper, the recipe you had memorized, and showed it to him. He compared the two, noting the small difference in measurements that didn't line up with doubling or halfing the recipe. The ingredients were the same, or mostly the same. It was likely they had the same effects, and were similar, despite being from two different worlds.

"Why don't we make both recipes? One according to your measurements, and one according to theirs. That way we can give them your recipe if yours ends up being better." He suggested.

"Sounds like fun." You smiled.

A moment of silence passed over the two of you, light requests for ingredients came from him, and you obliged. It wasn't tense, not by any means, but he could tell there was something you wanted to tell him. He didn't pry though, knowing you'd tell him when you sorted it out yourself.

"I think you'd like him."

"Crewel?"

"Yeah. He was very smart, and an awesome teacher. He'd let me hang out in his office sometimes while I was doing schoolwork. I bet you'd like a lot of my friends. A lot of them were really chaotic, but that's part of their charm." He laughed. "Grim added to that chaos, definitely. But they were just as chaotic without him." You smiled at the memories. "Crewel, or perhaps Trein, would be a much better fit for headmaster than Crowley. I'm sure you'd approve of both."

"I've heard you speak of Crowley, vaguely, but I don't know if I've ever heard you say very much about him, in general. Is he really that bad of a headmaster?"

"He is a bad headmaster. Full stop." You told him. "You'd be a better headmaster than he was. Hell, at the rate he was going, Belphegor, would be a better headmaster than him."

"Belphegor sleeps more than he's awake."

"I'm aware of the comparison I've made." You nodded to your own words. "I was more of a headmaster than he was, towards the end of my stay there. Always doing his paperwork, and handling his duties." You muttered bitterly. "Crewel and Trein did try to make it easier on me, whenever they could, but they were full-time teachers, so they couldn't very often." You shrugged. "It was what it was. Can't change it now."

"Was Grim never any help?"

"No, not usually. But he was pretty good at taking our friend group away from me when I was about to explode from stress so I didn't blow up at them." You acknowledged. "And he did like to sit with me as I did the work, usually on my shoulders, or my lap."

"Sounds like he liked to keep you company."

"Grim and I were practically inseparable." You smiled. "We did have other friends. Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel, even Sebek, but Grim and I were still really close. I think you'd like them all."

"I think you forget that I'd likely be the oldest one there."

"In my friend group, yeah, probably. But certainly not the oldest in the school. I mean, Malleus is a fae, and he's pretty old despite looking and acting rather young. And Lilia is even older. Granted, I don't know either of their exact ages, they're funny like that, never very forthcoming with information about themselves." You explained. "And I'm sure they'd still be fun to be around, my friend group. I mean, you've got Ace and Deuce, who never stop fighting, Grim, who is a talking, flying, fire-breathing cat-like creature, Jack, who's a very loyal wolf beastman who can turn into a wolf, Epel, who looks somewhat but is the epitome of a raised on a farm in the middle of nowhere southern boy, and Sebek, the half-fae who has trouble with volume control and social cues of humans." You laughed as you explained them as if they were strange foreign beings, rather than some of your very best friends. "I miss them." You smiled, fondly, as you thought of them.

"I'm still looking." Solomon said simply, as he continued with what he was doing. He looked up. "You'll be the first to know if I find anything."

"I appreciate that." You nodded.

Nothing more was said until Solomon finished both potions, a silent acknowledgement of the fact that you felt comfortable enough with him to want to introduce him to those you hold dear was enough to keep him from wanting to break the silence. Just the thought of you trusting him that much was enough to make him giddy. It made him realize that to you, he wasn't Shady Solomon, or Solomon the Wise. He was Solomon. Your friend. Someone you care very deeply for.

He continued to do his research after that. Looking for a way back to Twisted Wonderland. He wanted to meet your friends, and your cat. He wanted you to be able to see and talk to them again. He wanted to be able to see the place you lived, and watch as you interacted with your friends, be a part of this important piece of you. And, if he happened to find a way to transform your former Headmaster into a crow, and give him to Diavolo or Lucifer as a gift, under the guise that he accidentally summoned a new type of crow that was even more intelligent than the average one, then you'd never hear about it from him. You might hear about it from them. But that's a bridge he'll cross later.

Luke: (STRICTLY PLATONIC)

"What! You mean to tell me you've met someone who's a better baker than Barbatos and me?"

"I didn't say better, Luke." You laughed. "I said on par with. You guys are on the same level. And since you're from different worlds, imagine the recipes you guys could swap."

Luke was always eager to learn about your past. He got disappointed when you didn't tell him much, but he was the first you really started talking about your fond memories with. Your fond memories of the food there, that is.

He learned first about the horrors of Lilia's cooking, when he saw you being able to choke down Solomon's cooking. He didn't question it until Solomon was gone, but then you regaled him with tales of how awful such an ancient being could be at cooking. He made a vow to himself that day, and to you, for self-preservation, that he and you should never let those two meet.

But soon after he learned of the wonderful cooks and bakers. He learned first of Jade, Floyd, and Azul, who's cooking you had most often, as they gave you an employee discount. He learned of Jade's love of mushrooms, Floyd's love of Takoyaki, and Azul's love of fried chicken. He heard of their wonderful menu, and how Jade liked to experiment with mushrooms, and how Floyd's level of cooking depended on his moods.

He learned of Jamil, and his wonderful cooking, combining a variety of spices, along with the sheer amount he cooked on an average basis. He learned of Kalim's lavish parties, the load of cooking that each party demanded, and how often you were invited.

You talked of the wonderful takeout that Idia would order, along with the lectures you'd both get on nutrition from Ortho afterwards. You held Ruggie in high reverence, citing how he taught you the best ways to stretch a budget and cook on that budget. You compared Vil's diets to Asmodeus's, explaining their strictness and the reasons behind it.

Out of everyone, it seemed he knew the most about your last school, even if only through how often you talked about the food. He tried his best to recreate the dishes you really liked when you talked about them, and others he simple listened in wonder, wondering how these dishes worked, how they tasted.

He learned last of Trey. You specifically kept that away from him, as a sort of homage, so he could learn about who you knew would be his favorite one last. Trey who was raised in a bakery, and made some of the best sweets you've ever had. You knew he and Luke would get along, and you also thought it was a shame that they'd likely never meet.

"Trey was raised in a bakery, so he grew up baking. He's made sweets that I've never had before, and he's an expert at so many of them." You smiled at the memory. "Trey and you would get along great, I'm sure of it."

"You said that about Kalim and Epel too."

"Well, you're just so likeable. And so are they." You shrugged, laughing as he crossed his arms, not satisfied with that answer. "I'm sure that you'd all get along, Luke. Because you are all wonderful people." You smiled.

"Tell me about Grim again."

"Again?" You asked in a playfully incredulous tone, smiling at him as he enthusiastically nodded. You decided to play along, since the treats you both were baking were in the oven.

"Grim was my cat. My best friend. We lived together, we slept together, we ate together. He and I did everything together. He was very mischievous, and never wanted to study. He called me Henchman, and he loved his cans of tuna." You told him, having recited this information to him a number of times. "Grim loved food. And he'd eat anything. He and I were in it together, we were never apart. I could trust him more than anything. And he could always depend on me, should he need to. We were two halves of a whole, literally." You hummed.

"Was Grim that much of a glutton?"

"Oh yes. He ate anything. The only person who could get him to stop eating would be Kalim. Because he'd stuff him so full, and then continue to try to make him eat. I had to lecture him a number of times because he just wouldn't stop. I was, usually, unsuccessful." You sighed. "But Kalim always meant well. And he got it eventually! Now that I think of it, the only other person who could get Grim to stop eating would probably be Lilia, because he just couldn't stand his cooking." You both shuddered, at the thought of someone as bad at cooking as Solomon.

"He sounds a lot like Beelzebub."

"That's the first time I've heard that comparison." You acknowledged. "But no, Grim was more like Mammon. Loyal to a fault, greedy as hell. He called me Henchman, like how Mammon calls me Human. And they were both always there when you needed them, no matter how much trouble they got into along the way."

"I wish I could meet him."

"I wish that too. I wish you could meet all my friends. I think they'd really like you. But, I think we'd be staying away from Lilia if he's been in the kitchen." You laughed, and Luke quickly nodded in agreement.

[firewalkzwit]

chemical world || simon / john q. x reader (dinner in america)

just a blurb because im up the ass with school and the one-shot i wrote was rubbish sorry. "x reader" might be a stretch its just hqs and stuff i think of simon with song sneaks in the middle coz when do i not

Chemical World - Blur

Simon of extreme hedonistic beliefs above all prioritises nothing other than pleasure, and takes pride in the aesthetic disruption this signifies. Having a shower around won't be enough to pinch his personal hygiene urges, even if it is for the sake of others. He'll bathe if he can and if he wants to.

This obviously extends to his deliberately controversial haircut. It amuses him to watch the discomfort and confusion it creates in those who see him. It's neither a mullet nor a mohawk (matter of fact, he despises either of the groups who wear such hairstyles), but rather his own third thing.

Obviously he's slightly taken aback when you fancy him for it. Not that it has ever prevented him from getting laid (he would have eventually buzzed it if it did), but the occasional compliments and caresses on his greasy hair from your tender hands never fail to remind him that he too is just a mere mortal beneath things like female affection.

Saints - The Breeders

He praises womanhood just as much as he teases it. There is an adolescent air in the way he speaks derogatorily about your mother, or even when he gets turned on out of insulting you in bed. Still, slurs that come and go only wind up humiliating him when he kneels before you, eyes wide open and hungry.

He's very versatile in that department, he'll take any place in bed as long you ask. Nothing is more arousing than your gratitude. He won't be picky about how you express it, but he has favourites; the scratching of nails in a useless attempt of grabbing the wall makes him feel like he really did his job well.

I Am the Resurrection - The Stone Roses

Not having to be functional to work timings or tedious 9 to 5-s allows Simon to have an ample disposition to, what he calls, "fuck around" any day, anytime. Although he resents the fact that you occasionally choose your adult responsibilities above him, he'll hardly hold you to it for too long. Instead, decompression is highly recreational and experimental. A wide range of psychedelics, psychotropics, psycholeptics... all to be found in some dubious corner of his backpack.

Frankly, open-mindedness is one of the few must-have traits to date him. He wont tolerate uptight or rigorous personalities. This does not imply that it was ever a requirement for you to be an avid drug consumer, but he'll take no reprimands if he chooses to pop a Percocet.

Simon's open-mindedness policy is fairly restricted when it comes to music. Not that he only listens to one genre, as his enthusiasm for punk has inevitably derived in enjoying all of those that influenced or derivate from it, but he believes most are acquired tastes. Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr., Melvins and Fugazi sit around in his record collection.

He loves it when you ask about his records, and far from judging you if you ever don't know, he'll sit down on the floor with his back rested against the bed and his records in hand. Encyclopedic narrations of the socio-cultural context of the origin of most of his favourite bands could be biography-worth if it weren't for all the "fuck"s between them.

"Fuckin' Christ, Pink Flag? That fuckin' invented post-punk. Would I care for that shit if it didn't? Probably not, but because of fuckin' Wire now I have to give a fuck about these snobby fucks from Bauhaus and the idiots in PiL."

Strange - Galaxie 500

The record player in your room is mostly crowded around by his own collection, which was homeless up until recently. There's many things Simon likes about you, but taking in his records was to him what to others is a ring on their finger.

In a relationship with someone who thinks music is sacred, you cannot miss his gigs, they are mass. He loves to parade you around backstage to his bandmates and sing to you when they play, loves that you take your friends with you; so they can see you seeing him. Nothing makes him feel more desired than spotting you in the crowd mouthing his lyrics.

Post-shows getting wrecked in a local bar until they kick you out is his favourite thing to do, but he'll take backseat sex if he sees you're in the mood for it, subtly letting everyone know as he guides you holding you by the wrist. On colder seasons, the night dew will curtain the windows of the pick-up truck he borrows just in hopes that you'll give him the special look, inviting him for a quickie before heading home letting you pick the radio station.

Just Like Honey - The Jesus and Mary Chain

[whousestypewriters]

──── ୨ৎ IM A FAN — GRAYSON HAWTHORNE + READER ‧₊˚

a/n: hi lovelies! look its my first smau/fic (on this acc) and since i love making them here we are :))) hope you enjoy <3 sorry if this is too long btw. i need a grayson guys... maybe a possible series?!?!

grayson hawthorne was bored okay? he was bored, and for a man like him to be bored literally nothing must be happening. so how i hear you ask did he end up on the youtube page of a very popular booktuber? he blames xander, for watching her on the tv curled up with max earlier today. something about you.. intrigued him.

he stared at the account for the longest time before finally, finally clicking on your latest video about your fall tbr. and once he heard your voice it was like he was in a trance. the calmness of the video, your narration and the way you spoke to the viewers made him feel as if he was sitting there next to you on your bed.

he never watched this type of thing. he never really watched stuff at all. but suddenly here he was binge watching every single one of your videos. it was as if he had no control over himself and he just wanted to continue to watch them for the rest of the day.

by the time he had realised how late it was, it was dark out and the time read 6:43am. it must've been the delusion that made him type out the comment, or the fact that he hadn't actually slept yet. but either way he made a comment and that, that was the beginning of the start of everything.

────

you screamed. you actually screamed when you saw the comment on you post. grayson hawthorne??? the grayson hawthorne had watched your video? holy mother of-

the hawthorne's were notorious, all of them were, but grayson, he had the largest fanbase. the most obsessive one. the one with the girls that go crazy over anything and everything about him. its insane to think that he had commented on your video.

you thought it might've been just a once off. y'know he was just scrolling on youtube - yeah right thats not believable at all - and he happened to stumble across your video?

or maybe it was xander, he's followed you for a while actually, occasionally commenting and flirting with max in the comments. maybe he put grayson up to it. a once off.

so grayson commenting on your video really meant nothing - lies it meant everything - nothing, it meant nothing. who even cares? you definitely don't.

────

yn.books

liked by alya.green, maxine.liu.loo graysonhawthorne and 346, 282 others

yn.books what are you reading right now? (psst the book of the month is divine rivals by rebecca ross!)

view all comments

user1 the book queen posted!!!

user2 i bought divine rivals yesterday can't wait until my copy comes!!

user3 i died when i read the end 😭 roman and iris my babies

user4 OH OH OH GRAYSON HAWTHORNE IN THE LIKES??????

user5 RIGHT AND AFTER HE COMMENTED ON HER VIDEO A FEW WEEKS AGO

graysonhawthorne would you recommend divine rivals?

yn.books yes 100% its such a lovely read i definitely recommend you read it!

user6 GRAYSON??????????? GRAYSON??????

user7 GRAYSON HAWTHORNE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?????

────

"you bitch!" your best friend's voice fills your apartment as she rushes inside and stops dead in the living room. "why am i only now just finding out that grayson hawthorne comment on your posts?"

the murderous look on her face has you siting up quickly putting your book down on the couch. "...because i didn't tell you?"

"its the grayson hawthorne. i cannot believe that grayson hawthorne is commenting on your posts!" alya's harsh look turns gleeful as she rushes towards you and jumps on the couch - careful not to land on your book - and sidle up next to you to gossip.

"so why do we think he's interested in you all of a sudden?"

"he's not interested in me, alys."

"nope, he commented on your insta and your youtube, you're one step away from a marriage proposal now- hey, what type of wedding do you want?"

"we don't know, it could be xander's doing or even max's."

"nope you're gonna have kids together i can feel it."

"alya green-"

"OH MY GOD!!!!" she screeches jumping up and down. "OH MY GOD!!"

"WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?" you shriek back.

"LOOK!" she's grins shoving her phone into your hand

────

graysonhawthorne

liked by thehawthorneheiress, thexanderhawthorne ticking.time.bomb and 3, 622, 484 others

graysonhawthorne 🏛 💭 📖

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user1 OOHHHHHHHHHHH

user2 im giggling so hard rn i love this man

ticking.time.bomb why the sudden interest in reading gray?? 🤨 i saw the divine rivals copy in your bag

thexanderhawthorne THIS IS WHY HE HAD THAT BOOK?? gray are you trying to steal my book girl?

maxine.liu.loo excuse me she's my book girlie. not yours i just let you borrow her

user3 oh he's obsessed

user4 wish that was me fr

user5 i want himmmm

user6 the book girlies and the grayson girlies really won today

────

"grayson hawthorne," the sound of jameson's voice was never welcome in grayson's bedroom and clearly by the tone of his voice; this wasn't going to be good.

"when were you going to tell me that you picked up a fictional book? he paused. "even more so, when were you going to tell me that you got said fictional book from a 'book queen' of youtube."

grayson paused his reading and put down his copy of divine rivals, to look at a smirking jameson at his doorway.

"leave, jameson."

"okay gray, but let me know how your book goes, i hear it has a really shocking ending," jamie smiles and slowly walks away, calling out to xander to talk about books.

okay maybe his actions were a little out of character, but he wanted to understand what you were going to say in the next video. he wanted to be in the loop, to undertand what you were talking about.

he wanted to have something to talk to you about.

𐔌 . ⋮ 🏷️ tags .ᐟ ֹ ₊ ꒱

@arqbella, @midiosaamor, @maybxlle @reminiscentreader, @ecliphttlunar,

@tornqdowarnings, @catapparently, @zenikswaffleshop, @off-to-th-r4aces, @emila07

[miaoqing]

svsss fact check/common misconceptions

"quick", i called it, and then it turned 8 pages long. sigh

this is a compilation of my own research (based on the english tl of the novel) and summaries of what @svsss-fanon-exposed has painstakingly examined; for more in-depth explanations/discussions + even more topics, please do check out @svsss-fanon-exposed <3 and of course, let me know if anything here is false, if you want a source for anything, or if there's anything else you'd like me to add!

this got quite long so! cut time!!

SHEN YUAN

death

Novel: not specified. 

Donghua: choked on a bun (not food poisoning!)

(iirc the yoghurt/food poisoning thing is the ghost of either an early draft or something mxtx allegedly posted on social media but that never made it to canon. don't quote me on that tho)

terminal illness

Entirely fanon. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

age

He transmigrated at some point between 15 at the absolute youngest and 23 at the absolute oldest; most likely 19-21. (fun fact: if he was younger than 19, LBH is actually technically older than him post-canon)

did Shen Yuan wear glasses?

Never stated in either the novel or donghua but not contradicted either. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

is shen yuan an unreliable narrator?

close enough

LUO BINGHE

early years

Fishermen got Binghe out of the river and gave him his name (Luo as the river, Binghe meaning icy river). He then wandered the streets for a few years, and then he was adopted by the washerwoman. After she died when he was 10, he joined CQM.

hair

Binghe’s hair is not canonically curly </3 

scars

The scar on his chest is from when SQQ stabbed him at the edge of the abyss. The one on his hand is from the Jinlan city arc. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

bingge’s harem

Novel: "nearing three digits", “three-digit number”, “innumerable”, “large”, “vast” .... 

Donghua: around 3000

Not specified if this is just the wives or if it also includes concubines etc

xin mo

Bingmei is more prone to Xin Mo’s backlash than Bingge, as stated in the bingge/bingmei extra

demon mark

Binghe’s zui yin (not huadian, check entry in “misc.”) can change shape and expand. He can also hide it at will, but it seems to take some effort. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

head disciple

SQQ chooses Binghe as his head disciple, probably to explain why he let him move into the bamboo house. Ming Fan isn’t and never was the head disciple - check the entry “SQQ’s disciples”

Luo Binghe is big and buff and way taller than SQQ

False. Very in-depth svsss-fanon-exposed post about lbh’s appearance here but basically… he’s built like a kpop idol… personally i’m thinking Jeonghan or Haechan but could probably go as far as like… Taemin maybe. He’s also only like 2 cm (1in) taller than SQQ.

SHEN JIU

why did SJ hate LBH???

He was jealous of LBH for getting to join a sect and improve his cultivation at the best age and for having a mother who loved him. That's it lol. He also feared Binghe's power and potential which is why he made sure to sabotage him at every step. (ch 1)

“Envy that Luo Binghe had a mother who was “the kindest in all the world to him,” envy of Luo Binghe’s talent, envy that Luo Binghe would enter Cang Qiong Mountain Sect at the best age for cultivating.” - Ch. 19

qiu haitang called qiu jianluo "a-luo", which is why SJ hated binghe

Entirely fanon; she only ever calls him gege (also the "Luo" is a different character = slightly different pronunciation)

surely SJ wasn't thaaaat mean to LBH??

yeah no he really was just that much of a child abuser :/

fake cultivation manual

ch. 1 vol 1: "The cultivation manual Ming Fan had given Luo Binghe was a fake"

SQQ&YQY extra: “Luo Binghe was using the incorrect cultivation manual that Shen Qingqiu had handed him; he should have long since died bleeding from the seven apertures, his body rupturing down to his bones, skin, meridians, tendons, and flesh.”

ch. 2: "Shen Qingqiu had inspired Ming Fan to give Luo Binghe a fake cultivation manual."

SJ was SAd by QLJ

Not explicitly stated but definitely a possible interpretation

SJ only went to brothels to sleep

Fanon but likely; svsss-fanon-exposed post here

SHEN QINGQIU

SQQ’s disciples

The number is not specified. Only Ming Fan, Binghe, and Ning Yingying are mentioned by name, but there were at least a few more (eg. Ming Fan's lackeys, the disciples waiting by SQQ’s bedside when SY transmigrates, the group he passes by on the peak). Ming Fan is (presumably) the oldest and about 16 at the start of the story, Binghe is around 14 (or 12-13; mentioned in svsss-fanon-exposed post here) Ning Yingying is the youngest (svsss-fanon-exposed post here), so all his disciples are presumably between ~12-16. no new disciples were taken in after Binghe - he's still the newest shidi when SY transmigrates.

NYY might not be the only female disciple on QJP - in the bingge/bingmei extra, SQQ refers to some disciples as “a group of teal-robed boys and girls”, however, the Chinese word used for "boys and girls" here doesn't actually specify gender. NYY is referred to as "Shen Qingqiu's youngest female disciple" but it's hard to tell if it's meant to be interpreted as "youngest of the females" or "youngest and also female, unlike the others".

Ming Fan was never head disciple - he is only ever specified to be the oldest disciple/the first one to become their master’s student. however, if a head disciple isn’t chosen, is it usually the most senior disciple who does their work - which in this case is Ming Fan. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

There might be "outer disciples" on QJP, in which case Ming Fan would be SQQ's earliest disciple, not necessarily the first on the whole peak. However, there is no outright mention of any outer disciples on QJP; the only mention of outer disciples is in regards to An Ding.

SQQ’s eye colour

In the novel his eyes are described as black. however, in many official illustrations they are green, grey, or some other lighter colour. 

svsss-fanon-exposed post(s) here

META

how long was pidw?

novel: LONG. Its posting time spanned 3-4 years (SY says 4 years in chapter 1, Airplane says 3 years in the Airplane extra). Airplane allegedly “updated ten thousand words a day, every day, for three years straight” with “periodic burst releases of eight whole chapters”. He had also written other works before PIDW.

PIDW covers 200 years of Binghe's life.

donghua: 6666 chapters

what’s the svsss timeline?

link to ao3 post by VagabondDawn

post examining the pre-canon timeline by svsss-fanon-exposed

CQM

peak lords’ ages

Shen Jiu was about 33 when he died. Yue Qingyuan is roughly three years older than him and Liu Qingge is a few years younger. others are unknown. check the svsss-fanon-exposed post re:the timeline linked above

• CQM's disciple robes are colour coded

canon. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

qing jing - the eng tl says teal but the Chinese character used to describe the color can mean one of several shades of green/blue-green/etc qiong ding - unclear but YQY wears black in the donghua and “dark-hued robes” in ch. 19 bai zhan - black disciple uniform, but LQG wears white (novel) xian shu - pink/purple (donghua) an ding - blue (official art)

others unknown :/

MISC.

how did Airplane die?

He spilled noodles onto his laptop while laughing at Peerless Cucumber's forum posts and electrocuted himself when he pulled the plug out trying to save his half-finished file. This is kind of weird because if Airplane had an unfinished draft on his laptop when he died, SY couldn’t have finished reading the entire novel; unless the system somehow finished the chapter, uploaded it as the final chapter after Airplane died, and did such a bad job that it killed SY. Alternatively, he could have been working on a bonus chapter after finishing the main story, in which case SY was already dead by this point :0

but yeah TECHNICALLY you could argue that cumplane indirectly killed each other lol

However, Airplane transmigrated into a baby Shang Qinghua; he spent probably at least 30 extra years in "PIDW" compared to SY

huan hua

little palace mistress is the old palace master’s daughter, not granddaughter

all demons have forehead marks

fanon, straight up contradicts the canon text. only heavenly demons have demon marks in the novel, despite what some of the official art suggests. also, this type of mark would be called a zui yin, not a huadian. svsss-fanon-exposed post here

Liu Mingyan

Liu Mingyan is not confirmed to be either head disciple or even the most senior disciple. she might be! but it’s not stated in canon. svsss-fanon-exposed post about head disciples here

that's it for now! again, lmk if there's anything i missed or anything else i should add!! + check notes for comments from others :)

[maikissed]

post euro Kylian Mbappé oneshot :') yo, this supposed to be a fluff but then i started ovulating and it turned into a smut, tehe !warning: smut, +18

The bed was empty when you opened your eyes, rising up on your hands lazily to take a look in the direction of the bathroom, you realised that there was no light coming from under the closed doors. The clock on the nightstand showed 2:31 am, so you pulled the sheets away from your body, your limbs shaking slightly at the cool air that touched you after you stood up from the bed. A little yawn left your mouth as you reached the corridor, slowly turning to the stairs, your bare feet tapping gently on the wooden floors. Silence ringed in your ears as you reached the down floor, there was a dim light coming from the kitchen. Slowly, you approached the threshold, not fully entering the room just yet. Kylian stood leaned on his elbows on the kitchen island, his phone in front of his face, you could tell he was reading something but you were too far to deduce whatever reading might absorb his attention at this hour. You could have your guesses and it troubled you. You took a minute to observe him just a bit, his tired stance, stiff shoulders, upper lip bitten, fingers drumming gently on the surface when he wasn’t scrolling down to reach next lines of the article. He was desperate for a peaceful sleep and a proper rest, yet he wasn’t given one. You could tell. No matter the upcoming vacation, that you in a matter of fact were heading to tomorrow, this was the start of his silent contemplation days. Good thing he agreed to go instead of rushing to the training centre first thing he came back from Germany. Still, whatever he might have chosen, you would accept it. He needed his quiet, his stillness. But a third night without a full night sleep for him upset you even though you’ve already learned that it was inevitable when it came to him, and that you both had to give it time. He always struggled with sleep after games, the good ones or the bad ones, it was the adrenaline, the amount of incentives. However it was yet again the occurrence when his hard work, his passion and the absolute devotion burnt out on the last step to reach the longed for fulfilment.

You took a few steps his way before he noticed your presence. You smiled softly at him.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” he questioned, his voice hoarse.

“The bed was empty” you whispered sneaking in between him and the counter, without a glimpse to his phone screen, with aim to interrupt his reading.

There was a little wrinkle that has formed between his brows so you reached with your fingers to gently smoothen it. He closed his eyes in answer to the delicate massage and after a moment you could feel his face relax.

“What were you reading?” you asked softly still caressing gently his face, moving from his brows to the forehead and then very gently, feather like touch with the tip of your finger down his nose.

“Some statistics” he shrugged.

“Mhm” you answered amusingly, knowing better, but deciding not to dwell on it.

That small wrinkle appeared back so you stroked it again, before bringing your hands down his nape. He let out a big breath with his eyes still closed when you massaged his neck and shoulders.

“I had this dream” you started, watching his face breaking into a little smile because your dreams tend to be the most astounding and loony. Made him cackle and question the state of your thoughts every time you were narrating to him the stories created by your own mind.

 “Everything was blue or orange, that’s how I saw the colours surrounding me, and turned out I was this little funny dog with fluffy orange fur and petite face and paws. You know, the one that looks like a toy”

He chuckled.

“A Pomeranian?”

“Yes!” you nodded “And you were furious, because we had to take this flight and you didn’t know how to travel with me” you continued “So we went to the airport and the tiny man at the check-in, he wore a big straw sun hat you know, probably stole it from some poor old lady…” the smallest details made him laugh and you smiled brightly at him trying to bring back his full attention on you with a squeeze on his shoulders “He told you that you didn’t purchase the transport for me on your ticket and you furiously showed him my very own ticket. So then he picked out that it was in fact a ticket for a person, not for a little dog and that I have to travel in the luggage hatch with the rest of the animals, and you were so angry you wanted to fight him”

“That’s no surprise” he added rather seriously.

“Yes, and then it turned out that they have to place me in a different type of transport”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, in a fricking balloon!”

He burst out laughing at the resentment in your voice.

“So you put some obnoxious collar on me, too big and too heavy, but you said it’s a tracker in case I got lost. And you just let them take me to that horrific balloon!” you shrieked.

“I would never do that” he acknowledged with a hurt look on his face before he smiled at you again “You ate too much sugar yesterday and you should stop worrying about the trip”

“Sure, alright, maybe” you shrugged a bit stressed now as you reminisced your horrid dream.

He kept his gaze on you, delicate glimmer making his way back into his dark eyes, for the first time in few days.

“Do you want me to make some camomile tea?” you asked leaning into him, your hands connected behind his head.

“No, I already had one”

“Okay” you nodded “Should we go back to bed?” a whisper.

He kissed you gently before agreeing, then proceeded to bend down a little, his hands resting on the back of your thighs to pick you up. You nestled into his arms as he carried you back up to your rooms. Slowly, the drowsiness coming back to you. The truth was you never rested well when he spend his sleepless nights wandering around the house. As soon as he gently laid you down on the sheets, you reached for him with your hands to bring him back much closer.

“I’m not going anywhere” he reassured, the heat of his body coating you from above, you sighed as your eyes begun to accustom to the darkness.

“I know” you whispered looking into his eyes.

This moment you realised how you’ve missed him terribly for this last month, despite the fact you were seeing each other as often as possible. Yet never alone, never the two of you, no intimacy allowed. It came to you quickly, when he held you like this, touched you, moved above you, you were tired and you were aroused, two of these feelings mixing and fogging your thoughts, your body turning responsive even before he would touch you properly. You kissed him, your desirous fingers reached for the edges of his t-shirt to pull it off, your oversized tee quickly followed. Gentle, when you both were weary like this, it was the most gentle and slow and considerate. It’s been long.

Slow, deep kisses, he was the best at those you always admitted, made the next beat of your heart stronger than before. Breath hitching in your throat at the feeling of his fingers tenderly wandering around your breasts, ribs, between your thighs. The room filled with a sharp intake of breath of both of you as he entered you swiftly. You relaxed for a second and then he moved, your muscles flexed, your mind and your body tired. Your eyes closed, your lips quickly searching for his when he broke contact for a moment. His thrusts sloppy and lazy, his mouth precise, the kisses turning wetter. The pleasure build swiftly and you whined against his lips, your moans intensifying when it fumbled inside you without any intention to peak at any time.

“Do you want me to use my mouth?” he asked against your skin, his lips tracing your jaw.

“N-no!” you panicked weakly, grasping at his back, going lower to push down at him.

Your hips rising to fuck back, making him groan, and goose-bumps spread all over your skin when the sensation added to your upcoming orgasm. That’s when he looked at you.

“My sweet girl” he breathed, his eyes sparkly “Needed my attention all this time”

That, that was what almost pushed you over the edge but you gulped hard, focused on it, tried to block it for just a little bit more time. And he saw it, knew what you were trying to do so he kissed you again, adjusted his hips to add more pressure to his thrusts, perfectly reaching the most responsive places. You didn’t see that coming but his fingers reached down to join the place you were connected, putting sweet pressure on your clit. You squirmed feeling your walls clench around him. The first sharp pull inside you told you the pinnacle was coming strong and you started to pathetically mewl under him. And more, and more, and gentler, but then stronger, almost like he toyed with you. You already felt worn out, still you fought him, wanted this feeling to last longer so he could join you at the end, but most of the times he aimed to break you before he came. He loved making this about you, stubborn fucker. He took true pleasure in it.

“Let go” he murmured, his voice deep and daring “I know you want to, don’t fight me”

You wanted to bit back, you did, you wanted to put up with this challenge, but you were too weak to even blink. You were at him mercy yet again. Easily he picked up your hips with his hand wrapped around your waist and you cried out at the new angle. He knew he had you there good. Always, like he wanted.

“Come on, baby, you’re done. Come for me” he cooed.

Your chest heaving, blood in your veins pumping quicker, your moans louder and you crashed, falling apart in his arms like this, frail, small and shaky.

ummm, chile, anyways, so.....

[yourfriendlyfanperson]

A Chemical Reaction Called Love

Chapter 1: A missing case in a small town

~Pairing: Steve Harrington x F!reader

~Summary: Being the daughter of Hawkins Middle School Science teacher, Scott Clarke, has its perks. Constantly having to explain things to 'King' Steve Harrington wasn't necessarily one of them but it was something you had gotten used to. He might not be the brightest guy but at least he tried, and you appreciated that. You had big plans for the future, but they might be forced to change thanks to a phone call...

~Warnings: Sensitive topics might be brought up so reader discretion is advised.

~Word Count: 3.3K

~Authors Note: Hey everyone! This is my first time posting my fanfics in tumblr, I have them in ao3 or w-tpadd usually, but I've wanted to post them in tumblre for a long time. If someone knows how to do the fancy chapter thing where you add the numbers at the top please let me know! Any support is very much appreciated! This fanfic is still in the works! You can find me on Ao3 as Lilpipsqueak and W-tpadd as friendlyfanperson!

~Narrator's POV~

"And to that, you need to add?"

"Hydrochloric acid," Y/n says turning to look at her dad as she remembers the answer, both of them walking through the car park of Hawkins Middle School as Y/n revised for her chemistry test which was in a couple of minutes. She always did well in her exams, especially her science ones, given the fact her dad was a science teacher so he always helped her out, but she still liked to revise before each exam.

"Great, you're all set for the exam," He tells her with a smile.

"Thanks for helping me out dad," She says.

"Morning Mr. Clarke!" Dustin shouts as he walks up to them, Lucas behind him, "Morning Y/n"

"Good morning Dustin, Lucas, how are you boys doing today?" He asks them.

"We're okay," Lucas tells him.

"Where's Mike?" Y/n asks them, knowing the three, though usually four boys, always arrived at school together.

"He should be here soon," Dustin told her, "What are you studying?" He asks.

"Chemistry, I have an exam first period, I should probably get going," She tells them with a smile, "See you later kids, be careful, and I'll meet you at your classroom after school dad"

"Good luck with the exam, honey," Her dad says as she walks away.

"Bye Y/n!" The two boys add waving at her.

She takes out her headphones and puts them on as she starts listening to "Oh, Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbinson, walking to Hawkins High School and focusing on the lyrics. She looked back at the boys who were happily talking with her dad, and all she could think about was the 4th member of their party, Will Byers, who had gone missing yesterday. She knew him really well, after all, she was always helping Joyce by looking after him while she and Jonathan worked, he was like the little brother she never had. When she heard the news about Will's disappearance she was devastated, she couldn't imagine Will running away or getting himself in some kind of trouble, but she also couldn't imagine him getting kidnapped by anyone in Hawkins, sure you had your usual creeps like every other town, but none that would ever do such a thing. All she could do, for now, was help around with the investigation and stay alert for anything weird so he could hopefully be found soon.

"Jonathan!" Y/n shouts as she sees him walking to school in front of her, she pauses the song taking off her headphones and walks towards him.

"Y/n, hey," He says, looking more tired than usual.

"Have you heard anything?" She asked him, hoping for some good news.

"Nothing yet, I'm going to check and see if my dad has something to do with it though I doubt it, he never cared about us" Jonathan explains to her as they start walking towards the main doors.

"Well if you need anything at all, just let me and my dad know okay?"

"Okay, I'll make sure to let you know," He says.

Y/n smiles at him, she looks down and notices a paper in his hand.

"What's that?" She asks him.

"Oh, just a missing poster my mom and I made, I'm going to put it in the school news board so people can keep a lookout," He tells her handing her the poster.

She takes it looking down at it, 'Have you seen me?' is written in capital letters on the top of the page with two pictures of Will under it, the general information about him and the clothes he was wearing when he went missing.

"We'll find him, I'm sure of it, Will's smart, he'll be okay," She tells Jonathan handing the paper back to him, hoping that the words coming out of her mouth will come true.

"I hope so, I really hope so," He says as they walk into the school, "I'll see you later"

"Yeah, I'll see you around" She adds waving goodbye at him as he goes over to the news board.

Y/n puts her headphones back on as she starts walking down the corridor, she sees Nancy and Barbara standing with none other than Steve Harrington, Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, which she found extremely surprising, after all, Nancy and Barbara are not popular, at all, so it was strange to see them together, she had heard rumours though that Steve was going out with Nancy, so she guessed they must be true because there's no other reasonable option for them to be even near each other. Y/n gets along well with everyone really, she's nice to people and helps them out during lessons so luckily no one had ever really found a reason to bully her, which allowed Y/n to get through her so far 3 years of high school without a problem.

She talked with Nancy sometimes, they weren't necessarily friends but they were more than classmates, especially given the fact she knew the Wheelers quite well. Barbara and Y/n had interacted before but they didn't really talk, she got the feeling Barbara didn't like her very much, but she could never figure out why. She never really spoke to Tommy or Carol except when they needed help during class, but they didn't bother her so she didn't really care about them.

And then there was Steve Harrington, Y/n had known him since middle school, growing up in a small town means you pretty much grow up with everyone you go to high school with, in middle school they didn't really talk, Y/n had her friends and Steve had his, it wasn't really until the start of sophomore year when they started sitting next to each other in science that they started talking. Steve isn't the brighter student, but he has parents that have high expectations for him, so he needs to do good in school, lucky for him he sat next to Y/n. The first thing he said to her when she sat next to him on that first day of sophomore year was "Clarke you're smart, help me out here" and she did exactly that.

Did Y/n think Steve was a bad person? Not really, he had always been kind to her and he actually put effort during lessons when she helped him, so she appreciated that. Did she think the rumours about him were true? Yeah, Steve is famously known around the school not only for being the King of Hawkins high school, but also for making all the girls fall in love with him, and sleeping with them, and as far as Y/n knew that was true, most of the girls she knew had liked him at some point, most except her, and her best friend, Robin Buckley. Robin had an entirely different reason for not liking him than Y/n did though, Robin couldn't like Steve, Y/n on the other hand technically could, she just didn't see anything special about him, sure he's good looking, she accepts that, but he's a bit of an asshole to some people, he's way too popular and has a huge ego, and she didn't really like that.

"Oh, god, that's depressing" She heard Steve say as she walked past them, she knew they were talking about Jonathan, he was known around as a freak, but those weren't news to Y/n.

"Should we say something?" Nancy asked them.

"I don't think he speaks," Carol told her, chuckling.

"How much you wanna bet he killed him?" Tommy asked.

Y/n stopped walking, listening to what he said, she was a nice person, and she was calm, but like any decent human being, she had her limits.

She turned around to look at them as she opened her mouth ready to snap at Tommy, but before she could say anything, Steve pushed Tommy shaking his head.

"Shut up," He said, not much, the minimum actually, but his tone did show that even he knew Tommy had gone too far, she knew that in comparison to her telling Tommy something, he would at least listen to Steve, and so she decided to keep on walking away as she put her music back on.

Sometimes Y/n asked herself how things would be if Steve didn't hang out with assholes like Tommy and Carol, she believed, from what she knew and saw, that in comparison to them Steve was actually a good person, which she supposes isn't something necessarily hard to be, but from what she had learned about Steve from sitting next to him in the last year and a half, she could tell he was actually a kind person with a good heart when he was away from them, and she guessed he had probably ended up being the way he was because of the friends he has.

"Earth to Y/n!" She snapped out of her thoughts as she looked up, seeing none other than Robin in front of her, "Morning weirdo"

"Morning freak, how are you doing?" She asked Robin, pausing her music and taking off her headphones, stopping at her locker and opening it.

"I am actually doing pretty decent today, which is unusual given the fact I have a stupid math exam first period, and I also have to seat next to Jim, but I guess I shouldn't complain about being in a good mood" She explains to Y/n, rambling, as usual, thought Y/n didn't mind, she actually enjoys listening to Robin over share.

"Well, regardless of the math exam and having to seat next to Jim I'm glad you're having a good morning," Y/n tells her smiling as she takes out her books and puts them in her locker.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm alright, just worried about the chemistry exam and Will," She tells her closing her locker and turning around to fully look at Robin.

"I hope they find him soon," She tells her, worried, even though Robin had never spoken to Will she knew he was Y/n's friend, and she also knew no kid deserves to go through the trauma of going missing.

The school bell starts ringing, Y/n and Robin look at each other with worry.

"Time for the stupid exam," Robin says as they start walking to their classrooms.

"We've got this, it's just common sense," Y/n tells her trying to make sure she doesn't get too stressed.

"Right, just common sense" Robin repeats, not believing a thing, "I'll see you at recess, good luck, love you"

"Love you too, good luck" Y/n tells her as she walks away and into her chemistry room.

She walks inside the classroom and takes a seat at her table, putting her bag on the floor as she takes out her chemistry book, she knows Mr. Thompson gives them some time to do some last minutes studying, so she can at least look over things one last time.

"You could've phrased it differently," She says turning to look at Steve walking over to his desk.

"What?" He asks looking at her confused.

"What you said about Jonathan, well, more like the way you said it, about him putting up a poster being depressive, it actually is, his brother is missing and his family have already been having a hard time, it's not really something to joke about" She explains to him.

"Oh, right, well I'm sorry," He says, and to Y/n's surprise she can actually tell he means it and is being serious, "Today's the exam right?" Steve asks as he takes a seat next to her.

"Yeah, did you study?" She asks him.

"You'll be proud to hear I actually did, so I think I'm going to do pretty well today," He says smirking at her, taking out his notebook.

"Well I am proud, I can't believe you actually studied"

"Neither can I, it was only for like an hour though so don't be too proud," He tells her chuckling.

"Right of course, that I am not surprised about" She adds smiling at him.

The class ended up having 5 minutes to study, which were all taken by Steve asking Y/n a bunch of questions regarding his notes and the things he hadn't understood, but at least she was able to explain things to him before the time ran out.

The exam lasted an hour, for Y/n it was an hour of her just answering the questions, which were surprisingly easy, but for Steve, it was an hour of either trying to remember what he just read or looking over at Y/n with puppy eyes trying to get her to help him up, and she did, for like two questions, the hardest ones in the test, because she knew that giving him most of the answers would help no one, not even him.

Once the time was up Y/n and Steve, along with the rest of the class, stood up and left the paper on Mr. Thompson's desk.

"How do you think you did?" Steve asks Y/n as they walked back to their desks and grabbed their bags.

"I think I did pretty good, how about you?"

"I actually think I did decent, but we'll have to see," He tells her as they walk out of the classroom.

"I guess we will," She tells him.

"Thanks again for helping me out with the two questions, I really didn't understand them"

"It's alright, they were a bit hard and took away a lot of points, I'll see you next lesson Harrington," She tells him, as she starts turning around to go to her next class.

"Yep, see you later, Einstein"

Einstein, Steve's famous nickname for Y/n, he came up with it after she started helping him in science, he called her Einstein for two reasons; The first one being the fact that in his eyes she was extremely smart, like genius smart, she didn't personally think she was that good at science, but she knew she was better than average, or at least better than Steve; And the second reason was that Albert Einstein was the only scientist Steve actually knew something about, because if he really wanted to give her a nickname that actually made sense, he would've called her Marie Curie, given the fact Y/n was better at chemistry than physics.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, just like most. Y/n had her lessons, then her breaks, and talked with Robin, it was a simple day, which was all she could really ask for.

"And I mean he doesn't even like her, I don't understand what she can see in him" Robin complained as they walk out of the school.

"I mean most girls probably like him based on looks purely, I bet most haven't even had a proper conversation with him, and come on Robin you can do better than wannabe Madonna anyway," She tells her.

Wanna be Madonna is their nickname for Tammy Thompson, they couldn't just go around the school talking about the girl Robin liked without a worry in the world, someone could hear and that would just be chaos.

"I guess, I mean she's just so pretty, and don't know what but there's just something about her that I find hypnotic almost" Robin explains as they walk to the bus.

"I mean she's pretty, but let's be honest how likely is it for her to be anything else but straight?" She asked Robin, whispering the last part.

"Not likely, like at all, god I'm going to be single forever," She said moving her hands to cover her face in defeat.

"No you won't, Robin I guarantee you that one of these days you're going to meet the girl of your dreams and we'll look back at this moment and laugh about your crush on her, trust me," Y/n says moving her hand to Robin's shoulder.

"I hope so, but we'll see, I'll see you tomorrow, take care weirdo," Robin says as she gets on the bus.

"Goodbye freak" Y/n shouts at her walking away to the middle school.

She sees Dustin and Lucas rushing out of the school towards their bikes, in a panic.

"Hey! What's the rush?" She asks them.

"I-umm, nothing, it's nothing, don't worry" Dustin shouts as they get their bikes and pedal away.

"Well that was weird" She mumbles walking inside the school.

She made her way through the corridor and knocked on her dad's classroom as she walked in.

"Hey dad," She says smiling.

"Hey honey, how did your test go?" He asks her, organising some papers on his desk.

"I think it went well, we get the results next lesson"

"Well, I'm sure you did wonderfully," He tells her.

"Hopefully, how were the boys feeling today?" She asks, taking a pile of the papers.

"Well Mike didn't come to school, his mom called to say he wasn't feeling well, he seems really worried about Will" He explains to her as he gets his bag, grabs the other pile of papers, and starts walking out of the room.

"I can't even imagine how worried they must be, I really hope they find him, have they heard anything?"

"Well apparently Earl saw Will, so I'm going around with some others to help look for him," He tells her, locking the door behind him.

"Can I go? I want to help, I don't want to sit at home doing nothing"

He looked at her unsure, ever since Will's disappearance he had been worried sick about some lunatic going around Hawkins, he was worried about something happening to Y/n, but he also knew it was better to let her do things before she found a way to do them herself.

"Sure, but you'll be with me the whole time, okay?"

"You got it chief" She smiled.

~~~~

"So, what exactly do we need to look for? Apart from a small boy, of course," Y/n asks her dad as they walk through the woods.

The evening was a cold one, but it was early November so it was to be expected, the woods were covered in darkness, the only thing giving them light being the flashbacks they had. There were at least fifty people around looking for Will, so hopefully, they could find something.

"Well, we need to look out for anything that might give us a clue to someone being around here, maybe blood, some clothes, an object of his" He explains looking around the ground for anything.

Y/n nods looking around as well but stops when she sees a small hole, she wasn't sure if it was part of the sewers or if it led somewhere else, so she kneeled down in front of it as she looked inside, the space was small but big enough for a small kid to go through it.

"Will!" She shouts, she waits for a response, but there's none, and then she sees it, a ripped-out piece of clothing.

"Dad! Dad! I found something!" She says, Scott immediately turns to her kneeling down.

"What is it?" He asks.

"Look, it's like someone came out from here and ripped a piece of their shirt, don't you think?" She questions.

"Maybe," He says, he takes his whistle and alerts the Chief of police Hopper that they found something.

"Hey, what do you got?" Hopper asks as he runs up to them.

"Not sure," Scott tells him.

"I found this, in there," Y/n tells him, handing him the ripped piece of shirt.

"No way a kid can crawl through there" Officer Powell says, looking inside.

"I don't know, a scared enough one might, his brother said he was good at hiding," Hopper told him.

"And he's small, I could see him fitting through there" Y/n adds, "Do you think it could be Will's?"

"I don't know kid, we'll have to see," Hopper says standing up and walking away.

Thank you for reading!

[anim-ttrpgs]

Vampire Player Character Rules in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy

Eureka has six playable "monster" types, and about ten total supernatural character options all together. Each supernatural trait is taken basically as if it is a normal trait like the ones you have been seeing us post. You cannot give a character more than one supernatural trait--and from what you are about to read, you probably wouldn't want to. Playing monsters is recommended for "advanced" players only, people who like a lot of "crunch" in their games, as require you to keep track of a lot more mechanics than playing a normal human.

Here is the Vampire Trait as it appears in its overhauled state in the patreon release. The August itchio beta does not currently have these overhauled monster traits(though, you could just use this post as reference if you wanted to play with the overhauled vampire rules, we don't mind! They're much better rules and we want people to have the most fun possible!)

If you are reading this past about October 24th, then there is a good chance that the itchio beta actually has been updated to include these improved rules, fingers crossed!

Anyway here we go. This is going under a Read More because it's long as hell but we really hope that you will check it out and comment. This is, like, the whole entire ruleset for playing a vampire in Eureka.

Vampire (Monster Trait) 

Vampires have quite a lot of powers, more than twice as many as any other monster, all informed by pre-1900 vampire legends. As a Narrator or a player portraying a vampire, don't fret about remembering all the vampire's powers at all times - they certainly don't. Some effects of these powers and weaknesses are left intentionally somewhat vague so as to leave them partially up to Narrator/player discretion. This is intentional, and is meant to reflect that no two vampires work exactly the same. 

Eureka presents a particular perspective on the legend of the vampire, while still adhering very strictly to real historical vampire folklore. It is a specific interpretation, which sets the stage for specific themes in the lives of vampiric investigators. 

Vampires, and the legends surrounding them, perhaps more so than any other monster present as a playable monster in the Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy rulebook, are inextricably linked to continental Europe and therefore Abrahamic[1] faiths.[2] Some may argue that vampire legends exist all around the world in every time and place, and that may be true, if you think that the only defining feature of a vampire is that they drink blood. What you are calling “vampires” from other cultures are each actually their own concept, with their own rich folkloric history, only overlapping with the European vampire on the Venn diagram in the fact that they drink blood and perhaps are undead. Loss and fear are universal, but the way different historical cultures interpret and portray these things in their stories are not. If you would like to play one of the many creatures that often gets attributed as “[other culture]’s vampire,” we encourage this and invite you to do some research into them, to see how unique and interesting each of these spirits from around the world really are.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Predominantly Catholic and Orthodox, but enough of it also applies to other Abrahamic faiths.

[2  off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires are of course not entirely unique in coming from a very specific cultural context, but the authors of this book are writing what they know. If there’s two things that the American South has, it’s vampires and Christianity. The American South is a deeply Christian environment, and we know what that can do to a person (for better or for worse), whereas we have less of a personal connection - and more importantly, less intimate knowledge and access to firsthand accounts - of the cultural heritage of some of the other monsters, so even where a specific cultural background may be additive to the rules thematically, such as the conception of women in historical and modern Greek culture for gorgons, we have chosen not to elaborate. 

Vampiric investigators in Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy are all considered to have been raised in cultures of Abrahamic faith. They may have remained unchanged in their faith or lack thereof, found faith, or lost faith[1] in their transition from life to undeath, but no matter what, Abrahamic faith has strongly influenced their life in some way.[2] This is a prerequisite for an investigator being a vampire.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] A vampire who never had any faith to begin with would have to be a very, very young vampire.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting.] If creating a vampiric investigator with a religious upbringing more than a couple centuries ago, bear in mind that the way historical people related to and conceptualized their faith is often very different than the way modern people do. Try to look into what those historical peoples actually believed; pop-history will tell you that medieval Roman Catholicism and modern American Protestantism are the same. They aren’t. The middle ages were the middle ages, not the 1950s.

[2.1. off to the side in the final formatting] Depending on their place of origin, some “vampires” older than a few centuries may prefer to identify themselves as “revenants” or “draugr.” It would be quite rude to try and correct them.

[Snoop: The tall thin vampire snoopette with hat standing on the ceiling right behind a frightened snoop in a dark room, who does not know she is there. Maybe make the background black and the snoops white to show that it is dark? Give the frightened snoop a flashlight with a white beam?]

Superhuman Strength

When not debilitated by a weakness, vampires are considered to have Superhuman Strength, and a +10 Base bonus to Athletics[4] and +1 Base bonus to Close Combat.[1][2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires do not have stamina in the same sense as living beings do, and may appear to have unlimited energy as far as conventional physical exertion goes. Their extreme and unnatural strength does not actually come from their muscles.

[2  off to the side in the final formatting] Despite what the movies say, vampires do not have superhuman speed. Though superhuman strength and seemingly unlimited stamina means they can still move frighteningly fast. 

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] 1 Samuel 16:14.

[4 off to the side in the final formatting] This means that their Athletics bonus will almost always be equal to their current Composure level. 

In Lizard Fashion

When not debilitated by a Weakness, vampires have the ability to walk or climb on any solid surface as if it were a floor.[1][2] Re-orienting to a surface that would be impossible to stand on normally counts as use of a supernatural ability. Additionally, so long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, if they do choose, vampires are immovable. They will never lose their balance or be able to be knocked off their feet.[3] Their bones will break before they budge. Making use of this power is only possible when they are standing still, and counts as use of a supernatural ability. This cannot be used in response to a Stealth Attack, and if the vampire is otherwise not expecting to need it, they must make a Full Success on a Reflexes roll to be able to do so.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] A vampire’s hair and clothes will hang towards whatever surface they are oriented to, rather than the actual ground. 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Under most environmental conditions, there is no difference in effort between standing and sitting for a vampire. 

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Great for parties, and Michael Jackson moves. 

Psycho-Social Phenomenon

When not debilitated by a weakness, vampires have a +3 Contextual bonus to Stealth. This bonus increases by +1 for each point of Composure the vampire is missing.[1][4][5] Additionally, vampires do not have saliva, skin oils, or anything else of the sort. If they lose hair, it will disintegrate like any other post body part, and soon reappear on the body.[3] Vampires will never leave fingerprints[2] or any other DNA evidence behind.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] At 0 Composure, this bonus would be +10.

[2  off to the side in the final formatting] One exception may be if they have something else on their fingers besides skin oils. 

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] This can make shaving very tricky!

[4 off to the side in the final formatting] Even without meaning to, vampires tend to appear “right on top of” people without ever being noticed on the approach. 

[5  off to the side in the final formatting] Sometimes vampires cannot even be seen at all until one looks directly at them. 

The Cave Wall

Any character who makes a Full Success on a Senses roll directed towards a vampire will instantly lose 1 Composure or 1 Morale, with no explanation or description from the Narrator. This is 2 Composure and 2 Morale if the focus of the Senses roll is actually directed to the space behind the vampire, such as looking over their shoulder. Additionally, at times, the motions of the vampire may appear subtly “choppy,” almost as though animated, and at lower frame rate than their surroundings.

Wearing the Evening

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, vampires are capable of instantly relocating in total or near total darkness.[1] This instant relocation cannot pass through solid objects, and there must be an uninterrupted line of darkness between the start point and end point of this relocation. Additionally, a vampire’s vision is not significantly affected by absence of light until there is literally no light present at all.[2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] This does not require a Composure roll for use of a supernatural ability. Vampires may not even be fully conscious of the fact that they are instantly relocating in total darkness. 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Time to try out echolocation as a bat!

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] With miniscule sources of light, their vision may still feel somewhat impaired, but not enough to warrant a mechanical penalty modifier. 

[3.1. off to the side in the final formatting] Bright light, however, can cause discomfort, even if it is not sunlight. Many vampires may opt to wear sunglasses even indoors or at night. 

Hovering

Vampires are capable of hovering up to three feet off the ground when manifesting as a human,[1] though actually moving while doing this is no faster than walking. This ability must start from the ground, and cannot be done to save a vampire from a freefall. 

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Another great party trick. 

Teeth and Claws

A vampire’s nails are hard and sharp like claws.[1] This allows them to deal Penetrative Damage instead of Superficial Damage with any unarmed melee attack. When they are not debilitated by a weakness, this damage can be doubled due to Superhuman Strength.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] A steel file is required for filing these nails down, they tear up lesser files.

Vampires also have fangs.

Hibernation

Vampires do not need to sleep, ever.[1] Their closest equivalent is entering a state of suspended animation for months, years, or even decades at a time. No coffin or grave dirt is required. This is useful for laying low while heat dies down, recovering from destruction of the “physical” body, or simply resetting the vampires ever quickening perception of the passage of time.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Most vampires will remain awake for decades at a time.

Breathing, or Lack Thereof

Vampires have no need to breathe, except to talk or sniff the air.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] It is easy for vampires to forget to breathe.

Remanifestation

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, a vampire may manifest in any of the following five ways.[1] Remanifesting as a different manifestation counts as use of a Supernatural Ability, and counts as taking 1 action if done in combat. A vampire cannot manifest as any manifestation that there is not enough empty space available to contain, even if the solid object taking up that space is paper thin.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Nothing is really changing, just another aspect rising to the surface. 

Human Manifestation

This is the default manifestation. All aspects of the Vampire Trait apply. [maybe add the human-only things like claws here]

Bat Manifestation

As this manifestation, the vampire appears as a small bat with a maximum Superficial and Penetrative HP of 3 and Acceleration of +3. They do *not* have superhuman strength, and are limited to only feats of strength and other actions that a small mammal without opposable thumbs could accomplish. Any attack by this manifestation can deal at most 1 Superficial Damage. Any attack against this manifestation suffers a -2 penalty.[1][2]

[1  off to the side in the final formatting] This manifestation may be considered adorable.

[2  off to the side in the final formatting] Trying to do a whole swarm of bats at once is a great way to give yourself one-hundred concurrent head injuries. 

As this manifestation, the vampire may use echolocation to find their way even in total darkness, and have a +5 Contextual bonus to any Senses roll involving sound.

As this manifestation, the vampire has a +4 Contextual bonus to Stealth.

All other aspects of vampirism apply.

Wolf Manifestation

As this manifestation, the vampire appears as a wolf with a +2 Contextual bonus to Close Combat, a +4 Contextual bonus to Senses rolls involving sound and smell, and +4 Acceleration. They maintain superhuman strength, but are limited to actions which a canine without opposable thumbs could accomplish.

As this manifestation, the vampire’s only means of attack is with their jaws. This is a Grab attack. So long as the target is Grabbed, all other aspects of Grabbing apply, but the target also takes 2 Penetrative Damage on each of the vampire’s turn’s with no roll needed.

As this manifestation, the vampire has a +4 Base bonus to Stealth.

All other aspects of vampirism still apply.

Mist/Smoke Manifestation

As this manifestation, the vampire appears as a cloud of autonomously mobile smoke or mist with a volume of at most 4,000 cubic feet,[2] capable of squeezing through any gap that is not perfectly air-tight.[1] This manifestation has very limited ability to interact with or even perceive the physical world. They can only feel their surroundings, meaning their “vision” is limited to only the vague outlines of what the cloud is touching.[3]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Black, grey, or red are common colorations.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting.] This is a lot smaller than it sounds, a little bigger than a bedroom.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Skin and assimilated clothing evaporates, then muscle, then bone. When the vampire takes on a solid manifestation, the sequence will be reversed.

As this manifestation, though the vampire does maintain their Superhuman Strength bonuses, they cannot pick up, assimilate, or otherwise exert their will on physical objects. They cannot be attacked in any way, though they will need to make a Full Success on an Athletics roll to resist powerful suction or other strong air currents.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Though remanifesting as smoke properly requires an action, any missed attack against a vampire or other sort of dodge may be described as the vampire spontaneously evaporating for a split second before resolidifying.

This manifestation is not ordinarily heavy enough to suffocate a human being or cause any damage at all, but can be made vicious by spending of Eureka! Points. The cloud becomes oppressive, choking, and even capable of causing very small lacerations on the body, inside and out. The effect is somewhat like being in a sandstorm made of broken glass. Up to the vampire, any number of characters within the cloud may be targeted.[1] For the duration the manifestation is maintained, targets will take 2 Superficial Damage per turn per Eureka! Point spent. Targets forced to take Injury rolls or killed[2] as a result of this damage will be considered to be partially drained of blood by the vampire and restore the vampire’s Composure appropriately.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] It may be difficult for a vampire to tell friend from foe by their fuzzy, colorless outlines alone.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Hardly anything may remain of targets killed in this way.

All other aspects of vampirism apply.

Monstrous Beast Manifestation

As this manifestation, a vampire appears as a monstrously massive bat-like[2] beast larger than most cars, but maintaining this manifestation in the world requires a near constant intake of fresh human blood. This manifestation has 17 of both types of HP, a +2 Contextual bonus to Close Combat, a +4 Contextual bonus to Senses involving hearing and smell, a +4 Acceleration bonus, and a -10 penalty to Stealth.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Seven is the Biblical number of perfection.

[1.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Now you are thinking like a vampire.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] It is most common for it to resemble a bat, but the exact shape and size of the monstrous beast varies from vampire to vampire. 

This manifestation is considered to have Superhuman Strength, and the Base bonuses from Superhuman Strength become *Contextual*.

As this manifestation, the vampire loses 6 Composure per round.

This manifestation has two effective means of attack, a Vehicle Attack using their Athletics divided by 2 (rounded up) instead of Driving, and their enormous jaws. The vampire can use their jaw to make Grab attacks. So long as the target is grabbed by the vampire’s jaw, they automatically take 4 Penetrative Damage each time it is the vampire’s turn with no roll needed. The vampire can continue to perform other actions while Grabbing a target with their jaws and movement is unimpeded. Rather than deal the 4 Penetrative Damage, if the vampire is Grabbing a target of human or smaller size with their jaws, they may make a Hold attack using either Athletics or Close Combat to simply swallow them whole.[1] This manifestation can stomach at most two humans at a time.[2] For a target swallowed alive, depending on the context and circumstances, the Narrator may simply declare them as good as dead and not make any rolls, or apply the Drowning/Suffocation rules. The only chance this target would have of damaging the vampire from the inside would be with a small piercing weapon. They may also make an Escape attempt, but attacking or attempting to escape would be considered exertion for the purposes of the Drowning/Suffocation rules. However, the first successful Escape attempt will put them in the beast’s jaws, not totally free. They must also Escape from the beast’s jaws to be totally free. 

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Flesh is blood.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] It is not known what will happen to a person in the beast’s stomach if the vampire remanifests as something much smaller. 

Remanifestation and Items

Small and/or low-density items that have been in contact with a particular manifestation for a long period of time will be “assimilated” by this manifestation. Assimilation by a manifestation means that when a vampire remanifests to a different manifestation, those items will vanish along with the previous manifestation, and reappear along with it.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Maybe someday vampires could be explained by a physicist, but not by a biologist, like the shadows on the cave wall.

For gameplay purposes, this concept is simplified to where certain items will always count as assimilated and others items will never count. Unassimilated items will fall to the ground when the vampire shifts manifestations.[1][3]

Always Counts as Assimilated:

Basic clothing and accessories the vampire is wearing, including hats, cloaks, and shoes.

Wallets and their contents.

Small electronics such as cellphones.

Never Counts as Assimilated:

Any clothing which provides Armor.

Any weaponry.

Larger electronics such as laptops.

Anything made of silver.

Larger accessories such as purses or backpacks.

People and other living things.

Anything that is both recently obtained and narratively important.[2]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Before remanifesting, a vampire should ask a friend to hold her purse, leather jacket, gun, but not worry about her cellphone or the rest of her outfit.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting.] A vampire may be able to sneak into room as a cloud of smoke, but once they have the documents or other item they’re trying to steal, they will have to find their way out as a manifestation that can actually carry it.

[3. Off to the side in the final formatting] Assimilated objects will lose their vampiric properties if separated from the vampire for long enough.

An Object at Rest Cannot be Stopped

Vampires take half-damage from all damage sources, the only exception being HP that results from loss of Composure. If a vampire wears armor that protects against whatever is dealing the damage, this damage is halved again, for one quarter damage, rounding up. Apply a -2 modifier to attacks against the vampire from 1-damage weapons.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires take half-damage not because their flesh is extraordinarily durable, but because they just don’t need it to ‘live.’ Wolfmen, however, take half-damage because they are extraordinarily dense and durable. 

Decentralized Animation

One round after a body part is severed, a vampire will be able to reassert control over it, even in the event of decapitation. Any Skill check taken by a detached body part will have a -3 penalty applied, unless the vampire can see the body part, in which case it is -2.[1] [Maybe call this or something else “extrinsic animation.”]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] After death, every motion of the body is something which must be entirely relearned, even the act of standing and walking is an entirely different experience. Doing so under the sun’s rays, and around fast-moving water, are similarly distinct forms of animation. 

[1.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Many say the hardest thing is relearning how to dance. 

Healing

Regular first-aide will work on vampires in most cases within reason, but, so long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, their “physical” bodies return to their basic state over time. Vampires automatically recover 1 point of Superficial and Penetrative HP at the beginning of every game session, and 1 point of Superficial HP at the end of each day, so long as they are not debilitated by a weakness. 

Additionally, so long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, if they took damage to either HP type during an instance of combat, they restore 1 HP of the same type as soon as the combat is resolved.

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, a vampire may take 1 action to reattach a severed body part at the stump and have it work again good as new after 1 turn.

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, if a vampire’s Penetrative HP is full, instead of recovering Penetrative HP from any of the above rules, they recover from one Grievous Wound, permanent or not.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] If this is a missing body part, the severed body part will disintegrate and reintegrate back where it’s supposed to be.

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, a vampire may spend 1 Eureka! Point to instantly recover all Superficial and Penetrative HP, and from all Grievous Wounds. This takes 1 action.

Unkillable

If a vampire is reduced to 0 Penetrative HP, they do “die” instantly, but they will not stay “dead” permanently, barring specific circumstances. (See: How to “Kill” a Vampire p.Xx) It may take weeks, months, or years, but the vampire will eventually return, even if their “physical” body is absolutely obliterated. A “dead” vampire investigator is removed from the current adventure same as a regular dead investigator, but may return and be played in any subsequent adventure.[1][2]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Can the fact that it appears that someone is continuing to live when they should not be considered anything short of a miracle? 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] The Not Finished Yet Trait increases an investigator’s Penetrative HP dramatically, with the caveat that they will die at the end of the adventure if they take too much damage. Well, unless they’re killed in a very specific way, vampires revive in between adventures, so that kind of negates the entire downside of the Trait, doesn’t it? Well, not exactly. There’s two ways we suggest handling this. The first way is to have it represent a vampire who is on the verge of passing on, whether they know it or not, by reaching certain personal revelations, accomplishing their unfinished business, and that this time it will be permanent - peaceful, even. Alternatively, it could represent that, not unlike a mortal with the same Trait, this vampire is pushing themselves past any remotely sustainable level of bodily damage, and if it goes too far this *will* catch up to them at the end of the adventure. Should they drop below the threshold for Penetrative HP, regardless of Eureka! Points spent to restore their HP or revive them, they will fall into hibernation or fade away and remain “dead” for *decades* or more. Yes, they will eventually return, but it won’t be any time soon. This happened to Yvette Preux in the 1890s and that’s why she slept through most of the 20th century. 

A vampire whom has been reduced to 0 Penetrative HP does not heal from first-aide or any of the other rules mentioned under “Healing.”

Revival

So long as they are not debilitated by a weakness, a vampire that has been reduced to 0 Penetrative HP and “killed” for the adventure may spend 2 Eureka! Points to revive with 1 of both types of HP, but only once a minimum of 5 Scenes have passed. A vampire may instead spend 3 Eureka! Points to revive instantly, so long as they have been “dead” for at least 1 round.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] John 11:1-44.

Threatening Presence

It’s subtle, but something about vampires will always make the hair on the back of people’s necks stand up, or send a chill down their spine, like their body is trying to warn them of what they’re really talking to. Vampires have a +1 Contextual bonus to Threaten rolls and a -1 to Comfort rolls. Any other mortal human investigators, including monsters, take a -1 penalty to all Composure rolls so long as they are sharing a Scene with the vampire.[1][2] 

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] It should not be explained how or why this -1 applies. Even veteran Eureka players will not be able to know for sure whether this -1 is from vampirism or from the Wicked Trait.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Even if you don’t know why, being in a room with a vampire can be like being in a room with a bug that might start flying at any moment, especially when the vampire starts moving suddenly again after standing still.

[2.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] When a vampire stands still, they stand perfectly still. More motions are a conscious decision than not.

The Creeps

If playing with “The Creeps” optional rule, the vampire’s player rolls a hidden D6 at the start of every Scene. On a 6, they will privately message or signal the Narrator, and the Narrator will call for “The Creeps” at the next available opportunity, without revealing that it is the result of having a vampire present. Players and investigators alike will wonder what is so anxiety-inducing about this clean office building or peaceful elevator ride. Add +1 to any The Creeps Composure roll by investigators who are friends with the vampire and are aware of the vampirism.

Bloodthirsty (Vampire True Nature)

[Snoop: That tall skinny lady vampire snoop with the big hat biting into another snoop’s neck. Use a pose where she is holding the other snoop in front of herself. I’ll find or make a reference I don’t know what the pose is called.]

Vampires do not need to eat regular meals,[1][2] nor do they need to sleep, so they suffer no Flat Composure Damage from skipping meals nor from staying up all night. However, they also do not gain any Composure Points from eating normal food or getting sleep. 

Flat Composure Damage from Skipping Meals = No 

Composure restoration from Three Meals a Day  = No 

Flat Composure Damage from Skipping Sleep = No 

Composure restoration from Full Night’s Sleep = No

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Though their sensitivity to spices and their lack of saliva can sometimes prove an obstacle, vampires actually can eat and even enjoy ‘normal food,’ though it provides no nutritional benefit. It is not actually known what happens to ‘normal food’ consumed by vampires, except that it doesn’t seem to come out.  

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires do not have to drink blood with any sort of regularity, only when they need it, which is something that may vary from vampire to vampire, and in the case of vampire investigators, depend on how much Composure they are losing. 

Vampires need to drink fresh, living human blood, and a lot of it, in order to exist in any degree of comfort. Animal blood does nothing for them.[1][2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] If this really needs to be stated, no, menstrual blood isn’t really blood and does not work.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Though they are unlikely to ever “lose control,” at least not more so than a famished mortal, a vampire will almost never feel completely satiated.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] 2:173. 

Making a Wound

A vampire does not have to use their fangs to make a wound and drink blood, they may use their claws, a knife, or even a phlebotomy needle if the other person would just hold still.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] A vampire is a gaping wound left where a life used to be, and now the world is bleeding out. 

When Grabbing or Holding a target, the vampire can use their fangs, claws, a knife, or whatever else they prefer to open a large blood vessel and press their lips to it to drink blood. These wounds are not magical and will heal like any other wound if allowed to, and do not transform the victim into a vampire or anything else of the sort.

This attack uses Athletics or Close Combat and, regardless of superhuman strength, does 4 damage on a Full Success, 2 damage on a Partial Success, and no damage on a Failure. The type of damage is up to the vampire.

They may choose to do 4 Superficial Damage by making a smaller wound and/or targeting a less critical blood vessel, such as the radial or elbow brachial;[1] or they may choose to do 4 Penetrative Damage by creating a larger wound and/or targeting a more critical vessel, such as the carotid, jugular, shoulder brachial, or femoral.[2]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] All of these blood vessels are critical to the human body. 4 Superficial Damage from attacking a “less critical” vessel can still result in loss of consciousness or even death. 

[2 Off to the side in the final formatting] Arterial blood is oxygenated and relatively free of debris compared to venous blood, and as such it is preferred by most vampires.

In order for the vampire to be considered to have consumed a sufficient amount of blood, the victim must be forced to make an Injury roll as a direct result of the damage from this attack. The success or failure of the victim’s Injury roll is irrelevant.

Drinking copious amounts of blood is not something that can be done as speedily as any regular combat action. It is simply not viable to measure this in Rounds. Once the vampire starts drinking, they will be drinking for the remainder of the combat. The victim gets to make only one Escape attempt for the duration of the blood draining.[1]

Superficial Damage

Time to Injury Roll: 10 minutes

Time to Death: 30 minutes.

Penetrative Damage

Time to Injury Roll: 1 minute.

Time to Death: 2 minutes.

Once the victim expires, their blood is no-longer nutritious.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires are not people who are cursed with vampirism, they are the curse–everyone else who has to deal with them are who’s cursed. The suffering of their prey is part of the feeding process. They are ghosts, dead, the blood they drink is life. The vampire legend largely arises from the grief of losing family members by watching them suffer slow, very painful deaths from illnesses, the vampire is representative of the pain of having to watch a loved one waste away. The blood has to be preferably taken by force and it has to hurt, because what they’re really consuming is the slow and agonizing extraction of life from the living. This is why there can be no substitute for human blood. 

[1.1. off to the side in the final formatting] Why was this allowed to happen to them?

[1.2. off to the side in the final formatting]  Why are they allowed to happen to other people?

[1.3. off to the side in the final formatting] Are they real?

During this process, if they are going for Penetrative damage, the vampire must also make a Reflexes roll to attempt to remain clean while drinking blood. If they just don’t care about manners, however, they can choose to simply Fail and skip the roll.[1]

Full Success: They do not spill a drop, leaving no evidence on their person that they just drank blood.

Partial Success: They are not fast enough to drink from the wound, and blood spirts onto their face and mouth.

Failure: They are not fast enough to drink from the wound, and blood gets everywhere. On the ground, on their face, on their clothes. This will be very hard to explain.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Most vampires’ fangs will take on a slight curve when they are allowed to grow out long enough, perfect for sinking in behind large arteries and pulling them out, where they can then be used like a straw. This is, of course, very efficient, but always fatal. More conscientious vampires may create smaller cuts or puncture marks in major blood vessels from which to drink.

Willing Donors 

If the other person is cooperative, there is no need to roll the Grabs, Holds, bites, etc. The vampire can just deal the damage using their teeth, claws, knife, or even a phlebotomy needle, if they’d just hold still. Choosing to deal Superficial Damage consumes 2 Ticks. Penetrative Damage consumes 1 Tick, and still requires a Reflexes (or Medicine in this case) roll to avoid a mess.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] The vampire is nourished by the suffering of those who care about them the most.

Blood Banks 

There are of course establishments which keep large quantities of human blood in stock. However, this doesn’t provide an easy solution to a vampire’s problem. They are always at least somewhat secure, and their stock is carefully tracked. What’s more, for blood to be any good to a vampire, it has to be fresh, nothing that’s been separated from the body for too long. If it’s near expiry, it’s worthless. A haul of fresh blood bags will restore at most 1 point of Composure.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Someone will be liable for that missing inventory, and someone else will go without a vital transfusion. There is always a wound.

Composure Restoration

A vampire recovers 1 point of Composure when they cause a victim to make an Injury roll as a result of the damage dealt by having their blood drained. A vampire can gain at most 1 Composure from the same victim this way within a single Scene, no matter how many subsequent Injury rolls within the same Scene.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Does communion wine count for blood to a vampire? Do you believe in transubstantiation? Is a vampire not equally the person they once were, and something much greater and more terrible at the same time?

Continuing to drain blood until the victim expires will restore 1 additional point of Composure.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] In the event that the victim dies before they are caused to make an Injury roll, the vampire will still regain 2 Composure.

When a vampire drinks blood, they will also regain 1 additional point of Composure if they do at least 5 Morale damage,[1] or 3 points of Composure damage, to the victim within the same Scene before or during the blood draining.[2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] This is possible even if the victim does not have 5 total Morale to loose, so long as the vampire does enough Morale-lowering things to be equivalent to 5 Morale damage. It is recommended that the vampire’s player keep track of this, to lighten the load on the Narrator. 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting]   This does have the added benefit of getting the victim’s adrenaline going and their heart pumping fast. After all, vampires feed on human suffering as much as the literal blood itself.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Terrifying or tormenting a victim alone without actually drinking blood will not restore any of the vampire’s Composure.

Where Does the Blood Go?

When fresh human blood enters a vampire’s stomach, it soon finds its way into the vampire’s own blood vessels through unknown means, their own heart even fluttering back to life to circulate it evenly, filling the vampire with warmth and life again from the inside out. This blood remains in their system for an irregular amount of time before eventually fading away to nothingness. If cut, they will bleed the victim’s blood.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Though they have no reason to fear (permanent) death from weapons, when vampires make Composure rolls for being damaged by weapons, it could be considered that that which nourishes them is being drawn from their body. It’s almost like food being taken right out of their stomach.

For gameplay purposes, consider a vampire to have their most recent victim’s blood flowing through their veins so long as they are at 4 Composure or above,[1] with a higher level of realistic human warmth the closer they are to 7 Composure. Below the threshold of 4 Composure, the inside of their body will be dry, starchy, and off-black.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Yes, this does mean that some small amount of liveliness can seemingly return to them through other means of Composure restoration.

When that which is not living human flesh and blood enters a vampire’s stomach, it does nothing to nourish the vampire, merely sitting in the stomach until suddenly vanishes after 1 Tick.[1][2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] No one knows where used up blood and other food items end up, least of all the vampire. They don’t seem to come out of either end, and most vampires would be hesitant to search too hard for answers.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires truly give nothing back, not even to the soil.

[3. off to the side in the final formatting] Substances which cause altered states of consciousness, such as alcohol and narcotics, will have no effect on a vampire if taken by mouth. However, chemicals in a victim’s blood can affect the vampire, such that drinking from an inebriated victim could inebriate the vampire. If the vampire’s own veins are flowing with blood, substances taken through injection could also affect them. Substances taken by smoke inhalation will likely irritate a vampire due to the smell, but may or may not otherwise affect them.

Smelling Blood

Vampires use their heightened sense of taste and smell to sniff out human blood. A vampire can confirm if there is human blood - inside or outside a person - within the vicinity with a Partial Success on a Senses roll. With a Full Success, they can identify approximate number of individuals, their general direction and proximity, and in some cases may be able to recognize individuals whose blood they have smelled or tasted before.

Scent Tracking 

Vampires are capable of Scent Tracking. (See p.xx “Scent Tracking”.) Apply a -2 penalty to the roll if the scent trail and scent example do not involve the target’s blood in any way.

I Burn Easily (Vampire Weakness)

Vampires have several literally “debilitating” weaknesses, other weaknesses that appear more neurotic, a special method required to kill them permanently, and many noteworthy tells.

Sunlight

Direct sunlight will debilitate a vampire for the duration of their exposure, rendering them unable to use or benefit from powers marked as such above. “Direct” sunlight exposure means being outside during the day, in the sun’s rays pouring through a window, or similar direct exposure.[1] Artificial UV light also counts. Shady areas and clouds will not prevent debilitation, but may help mitigate the worst of the sun’s effects.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Moonlight is not strong enough exposure to debilitate the vampire or impose penalties, though it may still feel like it stings a bit.

In addition to debilitation from their powers, when exposed to direct sunlight vampires suffer a -7 penalty to all rolls, including Composure rolls, representing painful rapid onset sunburn and eventual degradation of the skin as strength is sapped from their body. Sunlight does not do any direct HP damage to vampires, though the Composure damage could dip into HP.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] It is unknown whether this sunburn and degradation of the skin will eventually escalate to disintegration, most vampires are not interested in staying exposed long enough to find out. The earliest depiction of a vampire being killed by sunlight is Nosferatu(1922).

While nothing short of a full-body radiation suit can prevent debilitation, there are a few things a vampire can do or wear to mitigate the worst of the effects. Each of the following will lessen the severity of the sunlight penalty by 1, to a minimum of -0.

High SPF Sunscreen

Sunglasses

Hood or Wide Brimmed Hat

Full Body Coverage Below Neck (including feet but not hands)

Gloves

Umbrella or Parasol

Cloak, Jacket, or Overcoat

Heavy Shade

Overcast or Rainy Day

Once per Scene, upon being exposed to direct sunlight, a vampire must make a +3 Composure roll. This Composure roll is affected by the sunlight penalty as well as the mitigating factors thereof.

Silver

Direct physical contact with silver will debilitate a vampire for the duration of their exposure, rendering them unable to use or benefit from powers marked as such above.

Silver burns a vampire’s body as though it is white hot, and this disruption of their being confers a -4 penalty to all rolls, including Composure rolls, for as long as they are in contact. Silver does not do any direct HP damage to vampires, but being damaged by a silver weapon will apply the -4 penalty to the resulting Composure roll.

Silver Bullets

Silver is a particularly soft metal. A bullet made of silver, or even just plated in silver, when penetrating a target at high velocity is likely to shatter within the body and leave small pieces of silver residue behind.[1] Each time this character is shot with a silver bullet, look at the physical dice that were rolled. If they are both odd numbers or both even numbers, the bullet does leave a bit of silver in the body and the character is considered to be in physical contact with silver for all rules purposes until these pieces are dug out.[2]

[1 off to the side in final formatting] At the time of writing this, a single, fireable, professionally manufactured silver bullet costs $150+Shipping.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] To be perfectly clear, this is not about modifiers or cumulative value of the dice. If you roll the dice and see two odd numbers or two even numbers on the physical dice, that is when there are bits of silver left in the body. For D12s, silver is left in the body if any D12 in the roll shows an 8 or a 9, even if that specific die did not cause a hit–so long as another D12 in the same group did cause a hit. 

Silver Hollow Points

Silver hollow point bullets will always leave what counts as a single piece of silver stuck in the body.

Silver Pellets

Silver shotgun shell pellets, flechettes, or other weapons which hit with numerous pieces of silver at once will always leave silver stuck in or clinging to the body.

Silver Melee Weapons

Silver melee weapons must be stuck in and left in the vampire’s physical body in order to fully debilitate them.

Digging Silver Out

Silver lodged in the vampire’s physical body will obviously be in contact with them and debilitating them indefinitely until it is removed. These can be carefully surgically removed with professional medical aid, or dug out hastily by the vampire (or someone else) on the spot. For a vampire to rip or cut silver out of their body on the spot, they must take an action and cause 1 Penetrative Damage to themselves to remove a single piece, or 2 Penetrative Damage to remove every piece at once in the case of multiple pieces, such as silver shotgun pellets.[1]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This damage is not reduced by their innate damage reduction, the values present already account for that.

Nasal Sensitivity

Vampires must have “Nasal Sensitivity" somewhere on their Tiers of Fear. Strong-scented herbs, such as garlic, onions, spices, etc. overwhelm the vampire’s keen sense of smell and they will usually attempt to avoid these scents when possible, though it does not damage them.[1]

One per Scene, upon breathing in or tasting these or similar strong-scented herbs will prompt a Nasal Sensitivity Composure check.[1][2]

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] Remember, vampires only need to breathe for the purposes of smelling and talking.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Having something to put over their nose and mouth when they breathe, such as a handkerchief, may serve as a comforting factor for this Composure roll, or just negate the need for it altogether if the scent is not particularly strong.

Sometimes it is as simple as not breathing, but more aggressive irritants, such as pepper spray or tear gas will be extremely effective against a vampire regardless. Irritant weapons will immediately impose a (Superficial) Injury roll upon vampires, regardless of actual damage done. The result of this Injury roll will always count as one degree of success lower than the actual result.

There is a silver lining to a vampire’s hypersensitivities. They have a Base bonus to any Senses roll involving taste or smell based on the severity of their Nasal Sensitivity. 

The Base modifier for taste and smell based Senses rolls is as follows:

Nasal Sensitivity -3 = +7 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity -2 = +6 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity -1 = +5 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity +0 = +4 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity +1 = +3 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity +2 = +2 Base Bonus 

Nasal Sensitivity +3 = +1 Base Bonus 

If the vampire is an NPC, consider them to have a +4 Base bonus. Breathing in or tasting strong-scented herbs or spices will cost them -1 Morale, and being sprayed with irritant weapons will cost them -2 Morale.

Religious Iconography and Holy Grounds

A vampire must have “Religious Iconography” and “Holy Grounds” as separate entries at some rank on their Tiers of Fear.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] This weakness does not necessarily mean they have renounced or turned against their religion, often quite the opposite.

The vampire does not need to make a Composure check just from seeing or touching a holy symbol. However, if someone hides behind a symbol of their faith from the vampire, and the vampire attacks or otherwise physically harms them regardless, then the vampire must make the Religious Iconography Composure check.[1][2][3][4][5] 

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting.] If a vampire attacks someone and only finds the symbol afterwards, this still calls for a Composure check.

[1.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] The holy symbol does not literally have to be brandished for it to make the vampire reconsider harming someone. A visible cross necklace, or a cross hanging on the wall above a potential victim’s bed would also be sufficient.

[1.2.  Off to the side in the final formatting] Audible prayer, or gestures such as the sign of the cross, may also be considered “holy symbols” for the purposes of this rule.

[2. Off to the side in the final formatting.] It is up to the vampire whether the particular culture or religion of the holy symbol counts as a Comforting Factor or not.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Some vampires who have just woken up may not be fully up-to-date on their holy symbols. For instance, the Star of David only became a definitive symbol of Judaism during the Holocaust.

[4 off to the side in the final formatting] For defining what does and does not count as a “holy symbol”, simply ask “Would you kneel and pray before it?” Do two yardstick or fireplace pokers laid across each other count as a cross? Would you pray before them? Perhaps the answer lies in how desperate you are. 

[5 off to the side in the final formatting] They have been 'alive' for hundreds of years, and no punishment has come for them, but what kind of a world are they creating if they devour someone who has nothing to protect them but their faith? Don’t they want faith to be an aegis, a safe refuge? 

[5.1. Off to the side in the final formatting] Do they fear the crucifix as they fear punishment from God, or do they fear a world where not even God protects the meek and helpless? 

[5.2. Off to the side in the final formatting] Don’t they want faith to save them? 

If a vampire knowingly intrudes upon holy/consecrated grounds, they must make a Holy Grounds Composure check.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Holy ground that has been desecrated in some way may reduce the penalty on a vampire’s Composure Roll. In other cases, the sight of holy ground being desecrated may be distressing enough to the vampire to negate any “comforting factor.”

If the vampire is an NPC, then seeking protection from a holy symbol is considered to lower Morale by -2. (This only works once per encounter.) A vampire investigator can also make a Social Cues roll to determine if a victim hiding behind a holy symbol really has faith in the symbol to protect them. If the vampire can be confident that they do not, this can count as a “comforting factor” for the purposes of Composure Rolls. If an investigator is hiding behind a holy symbol from an NPC vampire, and they do not have any actual faith in the holy symbol, they must make a Manipulate Roll to at least look like they do. If it is a Failure, the vampire will be able to tell, and the symbol will reduce their morale by one less point.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] A vampire can tell when you are smugly using their own faith against them. 

Intruding

Vampires must have “Intruding” somewhere on their Tiers of Fear. Vampires posses a neurotic, compulsive respect for others’ privacy and the sanctity of their home, a deep-seated feeling of not belonging or being unwanted, a desire to make the sport fair, or all of the above.[1] They will not willingly enter a private residence without a direct invitation from the residents.[2] The vampire knowingly entering a private residence uninvited prompts an Intruding Composure roll. If the vampire is directly told to leave a residence by a resident, failure to do so will also prompt an Intruding Composure roll.[3][4][5]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] It is possible that their centuries of consciousness has given them certain irrational hangups regarding etiquette, or it is possible that they want there to be a space of safe refuge for each person somewhere on Earth. Maybe they’re just accustomed to being the last thing anyone ever wants to see. 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] In the case of rented private residences, it is up to the vampire’s opinion whether a landlord, renter, or both has the authority to invite them in. In the case of hotel rooms, it is up to the vampire’s opinion if the resident, an employee, and/or the hotel owner has the authority to invite them in. (This only applies to the room, not the hotel lobby or halls.) 

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] A “welcome” mat may serve as a comforting factor for this Composure roll if the vampire is pedantic enough, but not allow it to be bypassed entirely. 

[4  off to the side in the final formatting] Depending on the social awareness of the vampire in question, these invitations and uninvitations will often need to be clear and obvious, such as saying “Come in.” or “Get out!” Merely opening the door will not count as an invitation, and merely acting hostile or rude will rarely, if ever, count as an uninvitation.

[5 off to the side in the final formatting] It takes a very specific kind of person to become a vampire, and many elements of “vampirism” may actually be elements of them.

Running Water

When passing over any significant amount of running water, whether jumping, wading through, crossing a bridge, taking a boat, flying over, etc., a vampire risks becoming dizzy and disoriented. They must make a Reflexes roll.

Full Success: They are able to keep their bearings without issue.

Partial Success: They are affected badly enough to stumble, but not completely lose their bearings. This may lose them a Tick, or a movement action in combat.

Failure: The vampire loses their bearings completely and falls to the ground. This may lose them a Tick, or an entire turn in combat. In the worst case scenario, such as if they are wading through the water or crossing a narrow bridge with no guard rails, this may cause them to fall and become fully submerged in the water.

Crossing over still water, small sources of running water such as indoor plumbing, or walking around in a city that has a sewer system will not affect the vampire. Narrators should only call for this Reflexes roll when success or failure would actually affect or alter the situation.

The ocean will always count as running water.

Submersion in Water

If a vampire becomes completely submerged in water, they will cease to function completely, their body totally paralyzed. The vampire is considered debilitated and cannot take any action under these circumstances. They cannot drown, and will revive as soon as any part of themselves surfaces.

Vampires with a Composure level of 4 or more can move through water normally so long as they do not fully submerge at any point. Vampires with a Composure level of 3 or less are not buoyant, and sink, applying a -2 penalty to any roll to swim or keep themselves afloat.

Arithmomania

Either a result of hundreds of years of consciousness, or because they’re just like that, many vampires possess a compulsive need to know the quantity of large numbers of small objects, such as grains of rice, or even sand in extreme cases.[1] They must have “Ignorance of Quantity” somewhere on their Tiers of Fear. If the vampire is confronted with something like this, ignoring it will prompt an Ignorance of Quantity Composure roll. If they choose to count it, they must make a Paperwork roll. (Particularly large amounts of objects may take longer to count than listed below, up to the Narrator's discretion.)[2][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] In extreme cases where knowing the exact quantity isn’t humanly possible, this character is too smart to be stuck counting literally forever. If this character feels they must know the number of grains of sand on a beach, consider a Technology roll instead of a Paperwork roll as they use their phone to Internet search the approximate packing density of sand and the square footage of the beach they’re on.  

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] There is no need to give vampires the Arithmomania mundane Trait. 

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] While numbers are the most documented, any particular vampire may have an entirely different obsessive compulsion. 

Full Success: They count it quickly enough to not disrupt what they were doing. 

Partial Success: They must spend one turn (or one Tick) counting and can do nothing else for the duration. 

Failure They must spend two turns (or two Ticks) counting and can do nothing else for the duration. 

Despite the drawbacks of this compulsion, the vampire has a +2 Contextual bonus to any rolls involving numbers or math (including those induced by their compulsion), such as a Paperwork roll to figure out if numbers in an account book add up or recognizing a pattern in a string of seemingly random numbers. In addition, when this bonus is applied to an Investigative roll, this character gets additional Investigation Points. They get more Investigation Points the more severe their compulsion, as noted below:

Ignorance of Quantity -3 = +6 Investigation Points 

Ignorance of Quantity -2 = +5 Investigation Points

Ignorance of Quantity -1 = +4 Investigation Points

Ignorance of Quantity +0 = +3 Investigation Points

Ignorance of Quantity +1 = +2 Investigation Points

Ignorance of Quantity +2 = +1 Investigation Points

Ignorance of Quantity +3 = +0 Investigation Points

Once per Scene, they also gain 1 Investigation Point each time they make note of the quantity of a set of objects.

If the vampire is an NPC, then consider ignoring countable objects to cost them -1 Morale. If they choose to count them, make them roll at +2.[1]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] In south Louisiana, it is tradition to leave a colander or a cheese grater on your porch over night, so that if a vampire or loup-garou tries to approach, they will get distracted and be stuck counting all the holes until the sun chases them away in the morning.

[1.1 off to the side in the final formatting] but most vampires would think that’s pretty stupid, because they can just count the holes on one edge and then multiply.

Stakes

If any object, wooden or otherwise, is driven completely through and through a vampire’s heart, they will cease to function completely, their body totally paralyzed. The vampire is considered debilitated and cannot take *any* action under these circumstances.[1] This applies even if the heart is not currently in the vampire’s chest.

[1. Off to the side in the final formatting] This does not kill the vampire, turn them to dust, or anything of the sort.

The vampire will revive immediately as soon as the object is removed.

Light Sensitivity

For the purposes of flashbangs, add a +3 Contextual bonus to the resulting Senses roll for vampires.

How to Kill a Vampire For Good

Following these steps in the correct order may be able to permanently get rid of a vampire. 

Drive a long object, wooden or otherwise, through and through the vampire’s heart to paralyze them. 

Decapitate the vampire while they are still paralyzed. 

Incinerate both the severed head and the body in separate fires–careful, if the stake is made of wood, it may burn up before the body does, rendering the vampire able to move again even if they are decapitated. 

Mix the resulting ashes from both fires with blessed water. 

If possible, have blood relatives of the vampire in question drink the ashes with the water. There is still no guarantee that following these steps will permanently prevent a vampire’s return, but following through to the last step will give the best possible chance of destroying them for good. 

To determine if a vampire will return, the Narrator should roll a hidden D6, adding a +1 modifier for each of the above steps that were completed. Subtract -2 if the steps were not done in exactly the sequence listed above. On a result of 8 or more, the vampire will not return. 

Misc. Tells

Spectral

The higher a vampire’s Composure, the more “normal” and biological they will seem, with more flushed and warmer skin, and even often a real heartbeat.

The lower a vampire’s Composure, the more spectral, palled, cold, and sometimes even “fuzzy” they will seem. Touching them may even have the tiniest bit of give, as if one could phase right through them with enough pressure, and may evoke the feeling of touching a CRT screen. The vampire themselves will experience physical numbness.

Vampires are likely to express mild discomfort in colder environments, unless they have recently inundated themselves with warm blood.

Eyes

While normal at first glance, under low-light conditions, a vampire’s eyes reflect red light with a shine not unlike those of an animal.

Vampires also have no need to blink, and will often forget to unless they are consciously thinking to do it.

Fangs

A vampire’s fangs are growing out at a constant rate, and must be filed down to a manageable size every few months or so. Larger fangs are quite easy to spot for anyone looking at the vampire’s mouth, especially when they speak. Vampires will often cover their mouths when they speak directly at someone, disguising it as scratching their nose or some other innocuous action.[2] Of course, they could also easily pass them off as well-made dental prosthetics.[1][3]

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] What, did you think they were a real vampire? 

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] The vampire’s player should mention this in descriptions but not draw too much emphasis to it.

[3 off to the side in the final formatting] Some vampires may not have fangs. The question isn’t why they don't, but why others do.

Additionally, the fangs can make it quite hard to pronounce TH and W sounds. 

Reflections and Photography

Neither vampires, nor objects on their person considered assimilated, appear in any sort of reflection nor in analogue photography. Items that are not assimilated will appear to float in mid air in reflections and analogue photography.

Vampires do appear in digital imaging, but facial recognition and other image analysis software will not be able to detect or identify them.

Electromagnetic Field

Vampires seem to produce an exceptionally strong electromagnetic field. It is not enough to severely damage most modern electronics, but it would make an EMF detector go off immediately.[1][2]

[1 off to the side in final formatting] Some experts claim that the vampire in fact is this electromagnetic field, and the person one sees while looking at the vampire is a hallucination brought on by this field’s effect on the human brain.

[2 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires often struggle with touch screen devices, and not just because they’re old. They tend to prefer physical buttons.

Shadows

Vampires, and anything they have assimilated, do not cast shadows from most artificial light, such as flashlights and ceiling lights, but do cast shadows from sunlight and moonlight. Sometimes, regardless of their current manifestation, a vampire’s shadow will be that of the Monstrous Beast manifestation. 

Gaunt Appearance

Vampires usually, but not always, appear as a ‘snapshot’ of themselves upon death. Therefore, it is not uncommon for vampires to appear gaunt, emaciated, or otherwise unhealthy, though the degree may be subjective to the viewer.[1] Vampires who were missing body parts for a significant amount of time in life will still be missing them in death.

[1 off to the side in the final formatting] Vampires are subjective. 

Animals

When a vampire encounters animals of any degree of intelligence, the Narrator will roll a hidden D6. If 1: The animal will react with extreme fear and hostility towards the vampire, though will likely be afraid to outright attack. If 2-5: The animal will not distinguish between the vampire and a normal person. If 6: The animal will be unable to perceive the vampire at all. 

Exact Orientation

When not debilitated by a weakness, vampires may sometimes accidentally “orient” themselves to surfaces that they do not need to, such that they will appear to be standing at a slight angle on slopes surfaces while everyone else is standing directly up. This is often hardly noticeable, and the steeper the slope, the more likely the vampire is to catch themselves and stand “correctly.”

[zuzuzuko]

Thoughts on The Boy Wonder #3:

Under the cut because it got LONG

I really really am enjoying this comic still. This is part of my favorite page from this issue:

Someone posted the Talia panel earlier but I think that panel with the context of the rest of the page makes it even better. It’s kind of a subtle nod to the fact that Talia and Ra’s do NOT fuck with these kinds of people and in fact think they’re a blight on the world. So I really really liked that.

LOVED Tim being all smarmy at the Gala. And I thought it was fun that Damian just thinks that’s how he is. It shows how much Tim and Damian misunderstand each other and how neither of them think very highly of each other at this point.

Glad they showed Tim’s distrust of Damian too because that is a big part of why their dynamic is how it is. Early Damian and Tim interactions are basically built on misunderstandings and lack of trust. I also thought this dialogue was interesting because it is a great reflection of how Damian originally DID stop killing just because his dad told him to and he wanted his dad’s respect. It took some time for him to actually BELIEVE that not killing was the right thing to do. So Tim saying “I can tell you feel bad about killing that guy. But do you feel bad because you hurt someone or because you got punished for it?” Was a very good insight to include in my opinion.

I don’t really have any commentary for this next page I just think it was a really fun silly page:

This next part was so cute 😭 Damian thinks Tim decided to be a better person that makes him believe HE can be a better person too. And in the last panel I post he says “I thought… I thought I was the one who got you to…” meaning he thought he inspired Tim to be a better person. 😭😭😭😭

so it makes sense that he’s upset then when he finds out that Tim was just ACTING like a smarmy socialite and was actually helping Damian with the mission all along. Because he kind of felt like “oh I thought you made mistakes and now were redeeming yourself which meant that I would be able to redeem myself. But you were actually just good all along…”

Completely off topic but Tim breaking in the night before and stealing the Batman statue head is so funny and definitely something he would do.

“He wanted to feel better, worthier than him so badly…” yeah Damian definitely saw Tim as competition when they first met.

Also the last panel I didn’t read as if Talia and Ra’s tell Damian he’s weak but I see it more as an unreliable narrator thing. Like Damian’s own insecurities are presenting themselves as his mother and grandfather.

ANYWAYS

there were so many more panels I wanted to talk about alas the 10 picture limit.

Overall I really liked this issue I think it was a simple story for sure but it also highlighted Tim’s distrust of Damian and them misunderstanding each other. I will say Juni Ba definitely made them nicer to each other which is my only real criticism tbh.

TLDR: it was good 👍

[ineffable-suffering]

The Jane Austen Ball and why it was never about Nina and Maggie

Otherwise known as (*takes a deep breath*): A completely inflated close-up look at various dialogues and events of Season 2 that prove that the Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Meeting Cotillion Ball was supposed to be Aziraphale's confession to Crowley

Look, the point's been made before but that's never kept me from making it myself again, still. In fact, even I made it before, at the end of one of my other metas. But I feel like it's absolutely worthy enough to get its own soppy, way-too-long post. And I do love it so very much to write ridiculously long essays on something that could easily be condensed into a short paragraph.

So, here we go! Snuggle up, get cozy, settle in and, most importantly:

(Word count: 3.177 | Reading time: ~13 minutes)

As I already said above, I laid out a similar case in my meta about why Aziraphale is somewhat of an unreliable narrator. I'll try and recycle it here briefly, so I can further make my point.

When Aziraphale arrives back in London from his Edinburgh journey, he seems oddly happy and giddy for the fact that he just had a rather odd and threatening encounter with Shax. I explain in my other meta that this is because he just spent the last hours of his drive reminiscing on the thrilling and romantic magic show adventure of 1941 and also the fact that he just found out that Crowley has been replaced by Shax and no longer works for Hell.

Ergo: We have a hopelessly lovesick Principality at our hands, who's practically swooning over his serpent who saved him, his books and his magic show all those years ago.

Ergo:

✨This✨

Realistically, Aziraphale should probably be a tad worried about the eery encounter with Shax, in which she definitely had the upper hand on him. But well, if you spend many-a hours driving across the serene countryside (Edinburgh is about an 8-hour drive from London), pondering on one of the craziest, sticky-sweet romantic adventures of your not-life life, well ... things tend to turn a little rosy around the edges. Head in the clouds and all that. Light shades of grey!

Alright, onwards: Once the angel, filled to the very brim with fond memories and butterflies, gets out of the Bentley, he's kindly met with a face full of verdant plants and a very in-character-grumpy Crowley.

Fhwack! Way to burst the rosy bubble.

Seriously, the absolute lightning speed with which Crowley storms out to vacate the bookshop the very second Aziraphale arrives makes me giggle every time.

Let's make a first small (who am I kidding) diversion into analysing the following conversation in unnecessary detail ...

... simply because I enjoy quoting dialogue as an accurate reference in my metas. I'll also highlight certain passages I want to comment on in individual colours so I can back up my thoughts with them below. Alright, their little chinwag goes as follows:

Crowley: "They you are! I was worried something might have happened to you." Aziraphale: "No, nothing happened to me. Very uneventful journey indeed. No strange things at all." Crowley: "Good. That's what we wanna hear." Aziraphale: "Um .. everything okay with- ah.." *nods to the bookshop* Crowley: "Oh, yeah, fine. He's singing to himself. I think he must have been asleep. I heard snoring coming from his bedroom–" Crowley, to the Bentley: "Did you miss me? I bet you did." Aziraphale: "... I'm sure it did." Crowley: "So, any more clues from the mystery of the missing archangel?" Aziraphale: "Not exactly. Or, if there are, I haven't yet cracked the case. But I'm certainly hot on the trail of something." Crowley: "I'm sure you are. Oh, by the way, the whole sudden rain and awning thing was a complete washout." Aziraphale: "Sorry?" Crowley: "You know, project making Nina fall in love with Maggie. I failed, it's your go." Aziraphale: "I see. Well then, Whickber Street Traders and Shopkeeper's Association Monthly Meeting, here we come!" Crowley: "You're really hosting the meeting?" Aziraphale: "Absolutely! And I can guarantee you, it will be a night to remember."

At first glance, this has little to do with the plot of this meta but actually, it folds into my point very nicely! However, it's not time for that yet, so we'll just state the facts as they are for now and then bring them back 'round later when we need them. That being said: For the love of Someone, will these two ever manage to simply tell each other the truth of what happened instead of thinking they can protect each other by lying about it all the time? Hrmpf. As a big fan of open communication myself, I'm close to developing a stomach ulcer with the amount of false truths being spewed here. (Then again – and yes, that is another, way larger meta I'm currently cooking up – it plays so very perfectly into the whole Jane-Austen-Pride-and-Prejudice tragic miscommunication theme that this entire Season has, so I understand the point of it.)

Very uneventful journey indeed, Aziraphale, except for the fact that you were ambushed by a demon who told you she was Crowley's successor, knows about the rumors of the two of you being an item as well as what went down in 1941 (that almost had both of you exposed) and also seems to have figured out where you and your demon boyfriend are hiding Gabriel, all in the span of about a minute. No strange things at all, nooo!

And Crowley's "Oh yeah, fine" is a total lie too. Again, we see him make an absolute run for it before Aziraphale can even enter the bookshop. After all, he just once again witnessed Jim have a Gabriel-flashback, speaking of the Second Coming, while Crowley was alone with him. As fumingly angry he is with the amnesiac archangel – he's also absolutely terrified of what might happen (to him and Aziraphale) should Jim regain his memories. So, no wonder he's quick to vacate the premises after witnessing Jim's rather eery memory flashback (and was, just like Aziraphale, threatened by Shax mere moments later, lol).

But no, nothing out of the ordinary happened to either of them. Tip-top. Absolutely tickety-fucking-boo.

Alright, let's get back on track with the actual topic of this meta. Certainly hot on the trail of something, hm? At first glance, it might seem like Aziraphale is talking about the fact that Gabriel was in company of someone whenever he went to the Resurrectionist Pub. (The clue!) However, I don't actually think he is talking about that. Why? Because, and this slipped my mind too at first, he never actually follows any of this information up, does he? Yes, sure, he went to Edinburgh, found the capital-c Clue and then returned to London. But what does he do with it? Nothing. He doesn't keep investigating this hot trail because that's not the important thing he realized during his journey. No, the more important clue Aziraphale found during his trip, is that Crowley no longer works for Hell and that he is also very much irrevocably in love with him and must confess this at the earliest given chance. (The latter part isn't necessarily a new discovery for Aziraphale, but it surely is fuelled by the fact that he just realized Crowley's out of a Hellish job and simply hasn't told him yet.)

This exchange just the perfect indicator for the fact that Aziraphale, at no point during his drive back, was thinking about the Maggie and Nina mission. He has no idea what Crowley is talking about once he mentions it and seems surprised, even, that he would. Even though they just talked about it on the phone when Aziraphale was still at the graveyard. Which is another important piece of evidence because it means that the last status update Aziraphale got of Mission Lovebirds, was that Crowley had sensed an opportunity to make them fall in love – and had then hung up on him. Why is this important? Because it means that until that very point of their conversation, Aziraphale did not know that Crowley's attempt had failed! There would have been just as much of a chance of Crowley's weather miracle actually working out and Maggie and Nina already having skipped into the sunset happily ever after.

So, riddle me this:

Why would Aziraphale spend the entire ride back from Edinburgh plotting "a night to remember" (because clearly, he already had the entire Ball planned out down to a T in his head since he goes into action right away after arriving) if he didn't even know yet that Crowley's attempt had failed?

To be very clear here: We're not talking about Aziraphale driving on the M1 to London, having a silly little idea for putting on some good music, miracle-ing Nina and Maggie to dance to it and watch them confess their love–

No.

He planned an entire actual Cotillion Ball with very particular location design that involves re-arranging the entire bookshop, specifically designed individual outfits for (almost) every single attendee, topped off with a live band, hors-d'œuvre, drinks and an actual choreographed group dance.

During one car ride.

Where's the party planner Aziraphale AU? I'm waiting!

Now, sure, we know that it's still quite important for Aziraphale to convince Heaven of the faux-reason they gave for their accidental ✨25-Lazarii miracle✨. But if we're all honest, this all seems to be a tad much just to make two random humans fall in love, even for that.

Glittery ball gowns and suits? Red and gold wall curtains? A modified language filter? Bloody vol-au-vents?

Talk about over the top ...

Once we start S2E5, Crowley is still surprised at the mere fact that Aziraphale is actually planning to organize the Monthly Meeting – and he doesn't even know yet that it's gonna be the most extravagant ball-boogaloo that the Whickber Street Community has ever seen! Aziraphale wanting to organize the meeting alone, is enough to render Crowley incredulous, because Aziraphale never mingles with the other shopkeepers. He usually actively avoids them and any sort of social encounters as much as he can because he doesn't care about the bloody Christmas lights, alright?

These things seem mundane and uninteresting to him, obviously, since all he really cares about is hoarding his book collection in peace like the little hedonist he is and drawing as little attention as possible to his none-business business.

Oh, right, speaking of books:

Let's take another unnecessarily detailed look at the whole Whickber Street invitation scene:

Aziraphale realizes very quickly that he's not the only one who's quite unenthusiastic about the blessed Chritsmas lights. And despite his very persuasive methods of temptation ...

... he has to take some more drastic measurements. And those are?

That's right: Giving away his books.

I'll repeat it again, slowly: Aziraphale is willingly (!) giving away or lending his books to pretty much complete strangers to, allegedly, make two other humans strangers fall in love.

Seriously, who is that angel and what has he done with our prim, fussy, hedonistic Aziraphale that protects his books with the vice grip of an eagle carrying his precious prey?

Believe in the importance of Mission Lovebirds as much as you will, but we're talking about Mr. A.Z. Fell here who, over the past millennia, has pretty much spent every day actively working out methods to stop people from purchasing as much as a single paperback from his holy shelves.

And yet: the 1965 September Dr. Who Annual? Given away. The first edition of Expert at the Card Table that was S. W. Erdnase's personal copy? Lent away to grubby human hands to fondle around with.

Let's do another coloured dialogue diversion (don't worry, it's not as extensive as the last one):

Crowley: "You just did what I think you did?" Aziraphale: "I'm not prepared to talk about it." Crowley: "You gave away a book." Aziraphale: "I had to! Maggie and Nina are depending on me. They just don't know it yet."

Crowley backs up my point: This is a huge deal. Aziraphale does not sell his books – let alone give them away for free. We're all shocked! Flabbergasted!

And the explanation Crowley and us get just ... doesn't satisfy. Something and someone sure is depending on this Ball and doesn't know it yet. But it's most definitely not Maggie and Nina, folks.

You know for whom Aziraphale would give away his books in the blink of an eye, though?

Mhm, that's right.

This pretty old serpent.

I want to take a minute to show you the reaction again that Aziraphale has upon entering the very same magic shop him and Crowley went to in 1941 to acquire the Bullet Catch:

You ... you need a minute there, angel? You're sure looking a little ... affected.

And I mean, well, no wonder. He reminisced about that very memory four hours last night. To him, this shop is where the most turbulent, ecstatic, adrenaline-fuelled and romantic night of his life began. And it shows.

I've made my point in my other meta series about how Aziraphale is an incredibly nostalgic character. He romanticizes so many things in his memories – especially the parts that feature Crowley. So, it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that he's once again willing to loosen the tight grip he has on his book collection to get the successor of Will Goldstone's Magic Shop, the shop that started it all for him, to come to his fancy Ball.

As we watch Aziraphale and his little lap dog demon pat around Soho, I'd like to take another second to point out that he goes to seven or more establishments before he even invites Nina.

... and he only does so because she starts talking to them on the street. Almost like he'd forgotten about it. Why not ask her at the very beginning? To establish whether or not he'd have to book-blackmail her too?

"Perfectly ordinary invitation with no hidden agenda of any kind", except that he's using you and Maggie as a pretence to resolve his own clusterfuck of a relationship-miscommunication Jane-Austen-style so that he can then hopefully confess his undying love to his demon not-boyfriend boyfriend.

Marvellous!

You'll forgive me another short diversion but my God, the whole exchange at the Marguerite's restaurant with Crowley literally cat-call-whistling Aziraphale over to him (and Aziraphale checking if he meant someone else first, I–)? I am weak. So, so weak and

However, this is also when we get a snippet of Crowley finally revealing the truth in place of his "Oh, he's fine"-lie earlier and telling Aziraphale that he's actually pretty scared Jim might turn back into Gabriel and smite him altogether. And Aziraphale's response is, in a cosmic sense, (remember the pink paragraph now) so hilarious:

"Have you thought of just talking to him?"

Yeah, have you? Have any of the two of you? Just thought about talking? To each other? About anything?

'pparently not. But hey, it's all good because remember what the ultimate remedy for star-crossed lovers simply misunderstanding each other is?

Bish, bash, bosh, problem solved!

Back at the ballroom bookshop, Aziraphale sends Crowley to invite Maggie in order to, in my opinion, not spoil the Ball-y surprise for him. (Inviting Maggie only now?! Wouldn't she be one of the only two guests who really should attend? Why the short notice? If she's really that important for the Ball you're planning, hm?)

On top of this, we see Nina almost not attending the Ball meeting after her partner broke up with her and Crowley being the one who coincidentally runs into her and ushers her into the bookshop before Shax and her "legion" of demons start creeping up on them. Again, if this hadn't happened by pure coincidence, Nina would have left to go home and this whole Ball would have taken place without her, rendering the apparent sole purpose of making her fall in love with Maggie useless.

Why doesn't Aziraphale care more for both of them to attend and be there? Why is he instead busy fussing over everything looking perfect and wonderful and doesn't even seem to notice that both Nina and Maggie are really late to the meeting?

Well. Well.

The answer's in the title, babes.

Alas, Crowley safely gets Maggie and Nina to join them, Mr. Brown is the only one who doesn't get a miracled outfit (fussy, petty angel, you just don't like him, do you?), Jimbriel stuns with glamour and flirt (and whatever sexually suggestive thing he does with his cheeks) and the Whickber Street Ball is a-go!

Sorry, I just had to chuck this in again because Crowley's face here absolutely kills me every time. He looks so confused, I am hollering.

And the heart eyes Aziraphale is making at Nina and Maggie now that they're actually here?

Oh, bless it, angel.

He's all like "Oh look, it's working! Jane was right! It's all going to be resolved, all the misunderstanding and quarrels! Crowley, where's Crowley–"

Ah yes, there he is.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an angel who is not listening to a single word being said right now. No, in his head, Aziraphale is already down on one knee, pouring his heart out to Crowley after they just danced the night away.

Oh, yes, right. The dancing.

Parallel much?

But well, as marvellous and beautifully romantic as her stories tend to be, it turns out that Jane Austen isn't always right after all. Because before we know it, the perfect night shatters into many-a tiny pieces (literally).

And once again, fhwack:

... the rosy bubble bursts.

Let's take one more deep breath so I can make my final point:

In S2E2, Aziraphale explains to us very exactly what Jane's Balls (hrhr) used to be about: Solving miscommunication and confessing love to one another.

During his car journey back from Edinburgh, Aziraphale:

doesn't know Crowley's Mission Lovebirds had failed

remembers 1941 and just how badly he's in love with Crowley

and also realizes that they seem to have been wildly miscommunicating for quite some time now. (Crowley didn't even tell him he basically got let go!)

So, what does maddeningly strong love plus a want to resolve all the miscommunication equal? That's right: A night to remember! A Ball to change it all! A dance, a vol-au-vent, a confession. And, ideally, a happy ever after. Because:

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man angel in possession of a good fortune Jane Austen collection, must be in want of a wife demon husband.”

The Ball was never for Nina and Maggie. As a byproduct, maybe, yes. But the whole rest of the glimmer and glamour, the careful, romantic planning and set up of it all, the book-bating the other shopkeepers– that was for Crowley and Crowley only.

And oh, if only it were as easy as in the books.

*whispers* I'm sorry, I had to.

***

Your honour, the tinfoil-hat crackpot defence rests. Feel free to share thoughts (and prayers) if you want to!

Au revoir! 💗