#like why don’t i just kill myself

[red-enby]

why must i CONSTANLY go through shitty little times where i absolutely hate everything i do, i want to delete my tumblr acc and disappear off the internet bc i feel like im never going to get anywhere with anything i like to do bc there are so many other people who are way better than me and it wouldn’t matter if i stopped posting all together bc it’s not like i’ve made any actual friends bc it feels like half the time anyone says anything to me it’s just them being a dick to me for no reason and it’s so much worse trying to be in a fandom cause half the time i don’t even feel apart of any fandom, i just feel like i’m on the outside watching everyone else have fun and make friends so fucking easily and oh “why don’t you just talk to people”, i would rather stick a fork up my ass then do that bc i feel like i just bother people at all times and it’s takes why too long for me to become comfortable with actually talking to someone first and yes it’s the bane of my existence. im simply fucking tired.

[st-hedge]

It wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card that I’d draw V again. Anyway I’ll go ahead ramble in the tags

[goldkirk]

hey this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular but I’m saying it for the record here: if I tell you no, please stop messaging me about fundraisers and mutual aid.

I get enough messages that it’s impossible for me to keep up without devoting at least half an hour each day, when I’m not even on tumblr that long most days. Me having a boundary about this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a lifeboat for me on my own blog.

In my personal life I’m already advocating and donating literally as much as I can spare. This is not me not caring, it’s just me not willing to interact with that on the one place I go online to not interact with irl news and world events for the most part.

I cannot be upset all the time. I cannot be upset everywhere. I cannot use all my emotional and mental energy fielding my own upset from ongoing events. My options are to hold boundaries about this or stop coming online at all.

I’m all for sharing information and signal boosting to reasonable extents, but the scale of it this year is so large and so enduring that it is literally not possible to for me to participate on every account I have. I’ve previously shared links to Gaza eSIM donations and a major hub of verified Go Fund Mes here and elsewhere online. We, the online humans, know how to look those things up ourselves by now. There are many, many people choosing to do advocacy work, and right now, I can’t be one of them.

If you’re extremely upset when I tell you I can’t share/donate right now about a Gaza family or personal fundraiser you ask me to share here, just unfollow and block me. That’s what those buttons are for. Protect your own emotions and energy and get me off your feed instead of staying upset and continuing to engage with online people or content that upsets you.

Please don’t send repeated angry messages based on manufactured purity politics and moral outrage into my messages and inbox when I exercise the right to run my own blog.

[shorlinesorrows]

don’t be a coward

*aroaces your rottmnt leo*

[stuckinapril]

I’ve always loved medicine bc it’s the perfect intersection of science and humanity—the two things I value above all else in this world. Truly adored it since I was in the cradle. But now I’m thinking about how so much of my journey to neurosurgery will have to involve KILLING my feelings essentially bc how do you survive otherwise

[angelnumber27]

It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

[tothepointofinsanity]

[Going to go away for a while…I think life is meaningless again…I need to look for a reason to stop whining about the way things are. Head hurts. I don’t like that I’m alive.]

[feelingtheaster99]

I don’t understand why Riz heard about the student body president becoming the acting principal and assumed The Rat Grinders want to kill Mazey? Like if anything I think that explains why Kipperlilly so badly wants to become the student body president, but but I think she knows that killing the current one unprovoked is probably not going to do her any favors?

[e-m-p-error]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ | Perhaps for an eclectic combination of Era & Hellaina, Jayden/Vel, Val/Vox, and Vox/Tello(/Val)???

For each “⭐️” I get, I’ll write a headcanon about our muses.

[ Erasmo ]

⭐️ Era was the reason Hellaina joined up with his friend group of criminals. He met her and took her in when she needed someone to be there for her, as he was wont to do. Era was always picking up strays.

⭐️ He mistakenly thought that she was into him after what happened with April and he declined feelings he assumed she had. It was a mostly well-received rejection because she wasn't interested and that helped him relax more with her.

⭐️ When he went into porn he used some of his money to help her with a vehicle that needed to be repaired. He was always willing to help if he was good for it.

⭐️ He considered her a close friend, though Missy remained his only best friend.

[ Velvette/Jayden ]

⭐️ Velvette still manhandles him often, no matter what they are doing or where they are.

⭐️ She has served him drinks with little toys in the bottom of them. She thinks it's funny when he chokes on them but always makes sure to help him when he's choking.

⭐️ Velvette is very focused on his health and happiness and is the first person to gentle him when he needs it.

⭐️ While they got married for the joke, she found that she actually really, really did love him. He's very important to her and she'd never file for divorce.

[ Vox/Valentino ]

⭐️ Before their big talk, Valentino believes Vox doesn't care about him because their sex life is lacking due to Vox's general disinterest in sex.

⭐️ Vox does not understand Val's obsession with his horoscope, but he listens every day when Valentino reads him his because it's important to him. It's one of the sweet things that Valentino does for Vox that isn't sexual and it proves he cares.

⭐️ Valentino doesn't know what to do with one of his love languages, since Vox can't eat. During one of their excursions to Earth, Valentino rents them a hotel room with a kitchenette and he makes Vox the most delicious eggs benedict he's ever had. Cooking for a partner is something he considers an ultimate show of love.

⭐️ Valentino never felt more seen or heard with Vox than he did the night they were drugged and forced into Honesty Time. Their relationship grew closer and stronger for it, and Val is honestly more secure in their relationship now than he's been in decades.

[ Vox/Ostello/Valentino ]

⭐️ Ostello has written and performed 50 love songs for Vox before Valentino fell. Valentino is at a healthy 22.

⭐️ Valentino has to teach Ostello how to have sex with him properly but is willing to because of Vox mediating between them.

⭐️ Vox's involvement is half of why Ostello gets to live. The other half is that they actually communicate about the lackluster sex.

⭐️ Ostello loves Vox more than anything but is instantly infatuated with Valentino. He did talk at length with Vox about it, because he values open and honest communication.

[yum-grass]

Oh btw I finished mag200 in a really mentally unstable place (I was vary end coded, suicidal with a fear of dying, growing up, going nowhere in life etc) and so listening to Jonah pleading for his life just to get struck down anyway (mixed with me not being able to pick up on social cues and not realizing that Jonah was a manipulator(and to be honest i still don’t see it re-listening which is worrying for my future lol))) made me feel like really bad for him because like yeah I’d probably do that to (and I might be doing it now I am a vary bad person) if it meant not dyeing and being wholly consumed in safeness

[4mbrose-de-s1las]

[how to be a fucking r*tard who can’t do anything:

- be me]

[clawsextended]

on a note to all: my plotting style is something i like to call i have adhd and if i see you on the dash and have an idea chances are i’ll im you about it. i’m an anxious little dude who isn’t always active in a broad scope, and it’s always been my nature to reach out to people. that doesn’t make me even remotely anxious. not even remotely expected to answer me — i totally get it, sometimes you don’t feel the vibe — but a general psa about how i work. i come from the dinosaur era where the only way to communicate with one another on any level was to directly talk to them and frankly i don’t even know how else you’re ever supposed to plot with a person otherwise. like… how do you write if you never talk????

[floofysmallbob]

does anyone have any good fics where vi works for Silco and jinx was in Stillwater?

[ruanais]

beating myself up over finding out one of my closest mutals support Israel and I’m gonna cry cause I KNOW I got too attached to them. rah. expect angst lovelies <3

[tearfulangel]

not going to sleep but not staying awake - a secret third option (killing myself)

[angelnumber27]

You lost true friends due to being a crazy person

Uh ma’am this is a mdcdonalds…