#just thinking to myself rn
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Hmmm thinking about writing and how hard it is
I feel like for how long it takes me to write one chapter I can use that same energy to make like 10 art pieces
I’m wondering if it’s even worth it
Like I enjoy writing but it just takes so much of my time
Should I just stop and only do art?
#it’s a rhetorical question btw#just thinking to myself rn#thoughts#I guess that’s why I like comics it’s a good mix of the two#but yeah idk I’ve been trying to get this chapter done for a long while now#and I know only a few people care about it and most people would prefer I just focus on art#idk its just been killing my motivation#I guess it’s better to think that most people don’t like it cause it’s a niche idea with weird ships and an oc#rather than the truth which is that it’s not that good#I make art to convince people of an idea or concept#and idk I just feel like sometimes I just fail with writing
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being aromantic is like. hey btw you're going to live a life that is the culmination of most of society's worst nightmares. sorry lol ✌️ but then you turn around and take a really good hard look at it and it turns out that living in that nightmare is fucking awesome and you get to wake up every day and take that fear that other people have and laugh and hold it close until it's a great joy for you instead. and being happy is a radical act that you define instead of someone else. and you're sexy as fuck that's just a fact of life i don't make the rules on that one
#aromantic people are just sexy i'm not making the decisions here it's just facts#course ur hot as fuck. it came free with the aromanticism#being sexy is just default settings for aromantic people 👍#hope this all helps. anyway i'm on my 'i hope i die alone <3 i can't wait to die alone <3' kick rn#i think the existential fear that people have of Not Partnering specifically is so. well.#obviously that shit is strong and it is SO awesome to be free of it.#realizing you're aro and you don't Want a partner can be such a hit to the solar plexus#cause society says that's the only thing that'll make you happy. so either you go without that thing or you force yourself#into doing something you don't want which would make you unhappy anyway.#so you think it's a lose lose situation and you have to come to terms with what amatonormativity presents as the worst possible situation#but then! whoa! turns out personhood is inherently valuable in and of itself and romantic partnering is just a construct!#and that nightmare is now your life to do with as you please... define as you will... structure as you want...#best case scenario. is what i'm saying.#every day i wake up ready to spit all that amatonormative rhetoric back in life's teeth by being alone and being happy#and it's so fucking satisfying. every day.#fucking JUBILANT being by myself. and i love being a living breathing 'fuck you' to the romantic system#you need a partner to be happy? oh that's sooo fucking crazy guess i'll go be miserable then. in my perfect fucking dream life lmao#yeah obviously it's the worst possible outcome on earth to die without a partner. so terrible. can't wait for it :)#aromantic#aromanticism#aro positivity#aroace#arospec#sorry to bitches who are sad about not having a partner. i could not give a fuck though get better soon#you couldn't EVER pay me enough to go back to a mindset in which my inherent value wasn't enough by myself.#FUCK that shit. absolutely miserable and a bad life outlook in general. like genuinely do the work w/ amatonormativity and get better#life is something that can be so fulfilling whether someone wants to kiss you or whatever or not#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
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the brainrot won
#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without-#distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just-#super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff#i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i-#read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :(#SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!!#but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little-#break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think#ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for-#designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much...#WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to#umm. tags.#new life smp#smallishbeans#mythical sausage#geminitay#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#inthelittlewood#my art#sketch
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saying shit like “it’s on you women for stanning boy groups” is not helping and you are putting blame on women who had NO IDEA that this man was awful how are they supposed to know??
#like sure we are careful#but i say it for myself i am not gonna go around#and think everyone is a criminal??#like that doesn’t even make sense#there was no way of knowing any of this#his public persona did not let us know he was a piece of shit#SO HOW WERE SUPPOSED TO KNOW??#blaming his fans who were women for something they have no control over#is just honestly vile i need you people to stfu rn#tris.txt
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I MADE MYSELF AN EARTHMOVER
The idea that earthmover plushie was something i could realistically maybe make was beamed into my brain on friday may 10th at exactly 11:23 PM and then proceeded to consume my entire weekend. i did not know if this would work but i did it. i made him. my weird lopsided dog Benjamin
(I'd be happy to write up the pattern/instructions if people are interested- I think it'd be pretty simple to recreate since he's like 90% rectangles- but be warned that I have never tried to draft a plushie pattern from scratch before and it's kinda janky as hell the way the legs are attached feels like one of those illegal lego techniques so you have to promise not to make fun of me ok)
#I am so happy rn#I will probably spend the next day enjoying the amount of shitposting potential I now hold in my hands#i was thinking about adding more details like sequins for the city lights but i felt like adding anything would just make him less cuddly :#and let me be clear . i am Cuddling This Beast#ultrakill#my art#earthmover#told myself i would take a break from art after that last post. instead i let another project fully consume me for a whole weekend. help
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LOVE his kansai dialect so much huge shoutout to his seiyuu (kengo kawanishi) here’s 34 seconds of it from the new episode
(also whilst confirming that i wasn’t saying the wrong shit i found a thread on how his dialect gets translated in the manga from an official translator!)
#if u told me one week ago when i was rereading kn8 that id be giving this much fucks about hoshina AND a pairing from it i’d be laughing at#u. however the only person i can laugh at rn is myself#hoshina#soshiro hoshina#sorry guys. I’m truly so sorry#kaiju no.8#just block me 🫡#also other vid got flagged can we not enjoy nice things and my hoshimina agenda?#egg boils#ITS SO CITE HOW WHEN HES COMPLAINING HE GOES FULL ON ACCENT#What the hell i just took a peak at his wiki n he voices aventurine too.. like no wonder.#man#i like hoshina this is messed up..#give me more mina moments pleaseeeeeee <- excitedly awaits episode 11 i think#fave
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if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
#knitting#catkin knits#i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going#through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die.#and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.'#and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was.#must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method#i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me.#it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat#of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact.#anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine
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ok ok WHAT are pokemon that you know would scare the ever loving shit out of you if you just stumbled on them in the wild as someone in the pokemon world?(can include legendaries, mythicals, UBs, paradox pokemon, and just rare pokemon in general btw)(or just specific not rare ones too)(also im sorry but do not give me that "none i would hug and love all of them!!" crap istg)(or try and tell me that you wouldnt be scared bc you're "not a pussy" or something -_-)
#pokemon#ik theres more that would get me and perhaps im overthinking rn but anyway#if i saw a wild necrozma or any of the og forces of nature randomly i would shit myself.#or seeing a random ub like. holy shit#like drawn im like oh these designs arent that bad! but when i think about seeing necrozma#randomly irl in the pokemon world. i would be scared to death....are you kidding me!!!#and this isnt to say thye dont deserve love and all that....im just a little bitch and it would not be getting any from me im sorry........
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Trans Curly headcanons are fascinating to me cause like… Jimmy would resent him more for it.
Masculinity is a weird underlying thing in their dynamic where Jimmy feels inferior to Curly about not only their job positions but roles in life. The idea that Curly is the better man who also made himself such would be such a blow to Jimmy’s already fragile and unstable ego. Like it’s not just that he’s just transphobic, he hates Curly’s ability to craft himself into what he wants to be successfully, it not about Curly being afab but Curly still being the better man.
But then he wouldn’t get the self image issues one can face, feeling like an imposter in a space you wanted to be in or even scared to be there. He’d just think Curly always gets what he desires and thinks nothing of it like he always has.
#also like it would be horrifying post crash cause like the implications and themes in the game I won’t get into rn#but this was inspired but a cute ish fic where Anya gave Curly his T shot cause like that’s just cute#and then it’s sad cause maybe I’m thinking Curly didn’t want to think or accept Jimmy would do such a thing because it means he could’ve#done something like that to him and the underlying fears that trans men and masc can have in male spaces of being found out and punished for#it and it’s an interesting thing to think about if it were canon or not cause like what if yknow? like trusting someone with a fact like#that about yourself only to see them torment and dehumanize someone in a way you easily could’ve been and still could be but this ain’t bout#that like Jimmy would have envy and resentment about Curly no matter if Curly was or wasn’t trans or if he disabled before the crash or#whatever cause he just resented Curly for being what he couldn’t be genuinely#mouthwashing#but back to Anya doing his T shot it’s like sad and cute cause it’s like useless now but it’s also so important to him and she’s such a good#friend and nurse to still do it and he has to think about despite all he didn’t do for her she still is doing this little thing for him and#I’ll see myself out on my sadness
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HELLO WAIT DID I FORGET TO POST THIS HERE (made as a birthday present to a discord friend)
#I drew this like 2-3 months ago#two of us#two of us!david#two of us!rowan#art#digital art#Ive been feeling kinda low motivation#and the only thing I Have been working on is a personal project that I cant even share rn#(Looks listlessly at my sprawling character reference sheets) one day you will be real#ANYWAY I was scrolling through my old art to try to wrestle up some motivation for myself and WHOOPS found this#Whatever remains of my TOU fandom might as well get to enjoy this#the prompt for this was they wanted to see a design for Spider!Rowan I think#Rowan is just not very spidery to me tho so I struggled#Hes a puppet through and through
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doing this thing i call "reading every class high school lit book i missed out on" partially because as an english minor i feel like a lot of ppl in my english lectures have already read these books in higschool partially because high school english classes suck balls and i think the way they taught kids to read books was lame and dumb as hell and killed love for reading and i think some of these books they make kids read should never be experienced in a classroom setting
#the horror on my face when i talk to someone and they read catcher in the rye at an age below 16.... that should be a punishable offence#actually teaching catcher in the rye should be illegal. u are meant to experience that on ur own. that shit is between u and god.#the reason why i'm a separate peaceposting rn is because i see the homosexuality and analyze it for fun instead of being bored#if i had to read it in school i'd probably enjoy it less. imagine being quizzed on it. imagine having the themes spilled out for you. gross#if i got reading comprehension quizzed on any book i like i think i would kill myself in front of everyone forever#THAT'S JUST NOT HOW IT WORKS. AND WHY DO COLLEGES UNDERSTAND THIS BUT HIGHSCHOOLS DON'T#LIKE A 16-17 YEAR OLD HIGHSCHOOLER DOES NOT NEED TO BE READING QUIZZED LIKE 18-19 YEAR OLDS DON'T OKAY
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Chilchuck analysis speedrun: As a hardworking half-foot who grew up poor and discriminated against and had his gullibility taken advantage of multiple times in his early adventuring days, Chilchuck thinks optimism is a dangerous flaw. He’s stressed and strict all the time because his job is noticing details like traps that could get everyone killed before anyone knows it, he takes the lives of everyone to be on his shoulders, and with the way he speaks about it that probably partly reflects how he felt about taking it upon himself to provide for his family too. His life’s always been pretty centered around work and has become even moreso now that his wife left and everyone is independent, and due to past events he’s very iffy with bonding with coworkers. He thinks feelings and job are a disaster mix. Like with his wife or with parties hiring him as sacrifice, being open or having good faith is vulnerability which can get you hurt, so he processes and shows all his stress as anger instead of worry. Doing strict dieting probably isn’t helping the irritability what with hunger, and on top of being a hunger suppressant alcohol might be the main stress reliever he has.
His grey hairs are so earned
#Chilchuck tims#dungeon meshi#analysis#HAPPY CHILCHUCK DAY#You know what yeah understandable have a good day#Alcohol be a ticket straight to chilling out town I suppose#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thinking on if I should split my family masterpost into diff posts for max reach hmm#I’m def editing in the second page into that post that “I’ve got three people to think of here” sounds sooo much like that’s#how he’d think about it in a family setting as well. He works so hard for them 🥺#I could have put 100 pics on this post to justify everything I mentioned but this is a speedrun for a reason. I’m planning so many#compilations rn i need a break from rereading lol#He’s just here to do his work!! He just wanna do his work!!!#I’m always rotating him in my brain like rotisserie chicken :( Hopefully this doesn’t sound disjointed or insane to average readers#He’s always on his guard so he has a short fuse and his type of humor & liking for snarky remarks doesn’t help#Also bc he knows nothing lasts he has a very work hard play hard mentality where ‘dying doing something you love. Like drinking’#is nice in his opinion#This post makes it all sound so dry. Chilchuck is so messy thinking about him is thrilling I swear. This is concise but at what cost…#OH ALSO he has weird self-hate issues where he really values his skills but devalues himself on a personal level.#‘I am a coward. I only care about myself. I cheated on my wife (lying for no reason)’ etc etc#Can’t disappoint people and make them leave you if they already have no expectations and esteem of you 😏💡#Laws are important to him bc he knows how bad punishment is if you break them and how they’re the key to getting better rights
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when thinking of something to say to comfort todd, dirk's first thought was to say "yknow todd, when im looking behind me. i can't see ahead of me."
and todd thinks oh thats deep. "are you saying dwelling on my past is holding me back?"
and dirk, autistic, actually means "no i literally cant look over there when im looking over here. good thing you're here. we can look at two places at once :)" and it is still to this day one of the sweetest things in the entire world to me.
#i cant watch dghda right now (im at work) so im watching it in my head rn#i think i need to rewatch it again#just give myself something else to think about#chris noises#dghda#good morning guys. feeling Weird !
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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people
you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.
#fantasy high#fantasy high sophomore year#fhsy#riz gukgak#baron from the baronies#fh class quangle#class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao#ask to tag#I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what#in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends#they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff#theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron#cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace#lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a#horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre#Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary#and now u just have a Cool Monster#its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao#sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy#well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont#they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch#I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face#it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be#tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to#really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things#it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are#flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best#but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic
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A WEREWOLF (in love)
#read the comic After Dark on webtoon the other day and can't stop thinking abt werewolves#and i needed an excuse to draw one. so Oz was my victim.#i'm getting dangerously close to rewatching Buffy rn and I can't let that happen yet it's been less than a year since my first watch#i just miss spike so much guys................................ i miss him#daniel osbourne#oz btvs#buffy the vampire slayer#btvs fanart#werewolf#digital art#the drawing of him with the guitar looks off to me but i've sat with this for 3 days and don't see myself making any edits so whatever#caccry art
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Hi im not dead sorry for being absent so much :(
In love with giving Sun freckles
#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#sundrop#moondrop#dca#daycare attendant#my art#takin time for myself a lot rn#i think im a bit burned out#every time i start i try drawing i just feel like theres nothing for me to express#just head empty#is gonna be fine tho
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