#like when i say protective in a friend sense but i think maybe thats not what i mean

[darcyolsson]

truly did not expect to come out of my tmi reread a hardcore jimon but i should have known that the second i started ironically shipping them it was over for me

[ghstmsk]

filled this out the other day for these two cause idk felt like it. I referred to them as just friends with benefits but theyre in a weird spot where they might actually be dating but no ones sure not even them. I think maybe i don't work with these sorts of templates cause I feel the need to explain a lot i'm very prone to infodumping about my ocs

[al-luviec]

cont...

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[drdtblingsceo]

WHIT TIME LOOP THEORY – EXPLAINED

Veronikas rambling about the book is during her intro and the text on white background is a hidden text on DRDT tumblr page..

1. FOREVER DEAD

The hidden text and Forever Dead are really similar, I highlighted the parts that re connected / similar

Frist, the protagonist of Forever Dead is a boy, so saying this could also be about Veronika ( there are mentions about " boredom " and Veronika is the one telling Teruko and Xander about the book in the frist place ) doesnt make sense;

Whits secret quote is " We tend to idolize dead ", and both the book and Wsq is related to death. ( Its obv possible that the quote is about his mother but its not directly stated, and ofc even if it is, it doesnt have to be ONLY abt his mom )

2. WHITS INTUITION

Its highlighted so far 3 times in DRDT ( and definitely will be more ), and yea thats suspicious. What if Whits intuiton is infact not that amazing that he can even predict things ( one example: the " Do you really think shed be HANGING out in a playground rn ? ", and yea it could be just a joke put there by DRDTdev BUT !!! or when he said that his intuiton is telling him that him and Charles will become good friends someday ), but he just knows what will happen and how the situations will play out because hes been throught them before for MANY times

3. 4TH WALL

Whit broke the 4th wall few times, directly talking to US - the viewers, or doing things benefiting us, even if it doesnt make sense in his place. For example: when SHOWING the characters special weapons list and then talking directly to the audience, or when in early-mid (chapter 2 episode 10) trial asked what is Edens secret because "he forgot" and Ace said that he didnt had to ask because he can just simply look up at the monitor where are all the secret displayed, its like Whit did it so WE can get reminded which secret are already revealed and belong to who.

4. FORESHADOWING

Also Whit foreshadowed things too, for example AGAIN the Arei hanging out at playground scene

( small theory, that can later on be evidence for this theory too: in prologue, during Charles intro, he joked about Charles being " pronounced dead at 3 ", so if Charles will die in 3rd chapter or in any chapter during 3 AM / PM, it will be a HUGE evidence for this theory )

5. " BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK "

There were situations where Whit brought DRDT " back on the right track " or made the kg more interesting, like when he protected / revealed Charles hemophobia during trial 1, because he knew that if everyone voted Charles as the culprit the kg would end ( and cmon TV show ending so quickly would be no fun !!!.. Also why would he start the time loop again so early on ??? )

Or when he didnt helped during the chapter 2 episode 4 fight, or when he didnt revealed Davids secret until he was literally forced too

6. POSSIBILITIES

1. He is the mastermind and wants to entertain the audience as much as he can, and since he knows what will happen anyways, he can direct what situations he will let play out and what not, so it wont he boring for us

2. Hes not the mastermind but he is stuck in the time loop so he wants to entertain himself as much as he can, in the hidden text on tumblr page there is mention of constant boredom, so naturally he wants to entertain himself as much as he possibly can to not feel it

He, of course, can be the mm and want to entertain himself too, or not be the mm but he will atleast make it that way so we wont be as bored as he is now - he will make the TV show entertaining

7. WHITS PERSONALITY

If Whit was put throught so many loops or stuck in this kg for " eternity " wouldnt he act cold or emotionless, or atleast not how he acts now ??? Yea maybe, but think about it, if he was a bitch, distant, cold or mean to everyone – no one would like him, or if he took it to extreme people would avoid him even ( MAYBE minus Veronika but im sure he would get pretty fed up with her after a while ), and the consequences of people ignoring / avoiding him ??? More boredom... which he already is REALLY bored so why would he make it even worse for himself ??

8. " KILL TERUKO TAWAKI "

I think its pretty clear ( or atleast very possible ) that the one who wrote the " kill Teruko Tawaki " note is the mastermind

The note looks like its written in a specific type of blue pen which we didnt see in the series yet, and you know who special pen/s which no one in the cast would find / have ( minus Min ) ??? – Whit !!! His special weapon is stationary, which is known as writing and other office materials ( including pens duh ). But Charles would call Whit out since he knows Whits handwriting and saw the ktt note ??? Yea no.. Charles canonicaly doesnt remember much from frist trial, so I rlly doubt that he remembers how ( handwriting ) the note looked like. It couldnt be Whit who wrote the note cuz he canonicaly dots his i / js with hearts !! But is it that hard to not do that while writing something you dont want anyone to know that you wrote it.. and honestly i think anyone in his position and who wantes to push the kg further, they would atleast slightly change their handwriting.. Whit really isnt dumb

9. WHITS REACTION TO DEATHS/ EXTREME SITUATIONS

After Mins execution, everyone was disturbed or shocked, even VERONIKA, but Whits reaction was " jeez, thats terrible ",, he didnt had disturbed or shocked sprite either, he even joked about her execution later on in the series

Or his reaction to Areis death, it was another emotionless " oops, thats not good :P ", and as far as we know Whit and Arei were atleast kinda friends

Plus his reaction to Terukos soon execution, and Levi bleeding out on the floor from several shot wounds

His ass did NOT cared, he only wanted to make sure Charles is alright, thats suspicious. Wouldnt he be atleast little worried for Teruko ( which he considers a friend ) and then Levi ????

Unless he knows that they will survive this, because he saw it happen before or hes just desensitized from having to watch his classmates / friends die over and over and over and over

10. DAVIDS MV

During Davids MV, during the part where we saw youtube comments, there were comments about antagonist and mastermind, the oldest being from 10 years ago and newest from 1 second ago. That could suggest that noting really changes, like in a time loop, unless SOMEONE aware does something diffrently

11. COLORS..?

This is a strech but id still like to mention it, Whits least fav color is gray because its " boring "

Also MonoTV said that its favorite colors are blue ( Whits eyes ) and yellow ( Whits hair, theyre blonde but blonde is still a shade of yellow )

12. THE WHIT SPRITE

During the frist not sane Whit sprite scene in chapter 2 episode 16, Whit REALLY looks like hes hiding something behind his back

I think if hes the mastermind he has his own remote to activate traps etc. and hes the one who locked the elevator or he tried to open it with his remote and for some reason he couldnt so thats why we got this sprite

And if hes not the mastermind i think he took something out of broken MonoTV / something that fell out of MonoTV when Ace punched it, when cast was distracted with Levi and was just stressed that someone saw him do it or allat didnt happened in previous loops so it took him off guard

[itz-mfkn-de]

\\ALL ID EVER WANT// T.N

Warnings- ANGST, (DW there’s is comfort), cussing, implied cheating, smoking, Theodore being a jerk in the beginning, ya that’s it

Summary- You thought he was the love of your life, but maybe in the end you were just young and naive.

(Plsplsplsplspls REQUEST. PLEASEEE. But anyways sorry guys I’m not good at writing angst so this is kinda shitty but I js had rlly bad brain rot abt Theo sooo enjoy.)

You sucked in a deep breath and prayed that when you spoke your voice wouldn't  crack.

"I thought—" it cracked, you quickly cleared your throat. "I thought that I might've actually meant something to you, Nott."

"Oh, amore...don't do that." He said breathlessly. He attempted to step closer to you but for  every step he took forward you took one back. He sighed at your bitterness.

"I have the right to call you whatever I want." You said fiercely.

"Why are you being like this? You've given me no explanation for your anger colomba."  He said with an almost neutral facial expression.

"Oh don't pretend to give a shit about how I feel now. I saw you with her," the venom seeped through your teeth and onto your words, burning your throat as you held back tears.

He stiffened at your words, now understanding where your anger had originated from. The blonde girl now resurfacing in his memory.

And suddenly, just as quickly as he had appeared remorseful, his facial expression hardened.

"Mm, so you did."He muttered, refraining from letting any emotion slip into his words.

You were speechless, he seemed to care more about an imaginary stain on his jacket sleeve than your heart crumbling right before his very eyes.

"So I did? Thats all you have to say? What about us? Theodore, you are my everything," you said, completely dropping the idea of hiding your vulnerability.

He seemed to wince at your words, and you could've sword you saw tears well up in his eyes when he glanced up, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

"Was your everything, Columba. Was. Not anymore." He corrected you. "I don't hold any interest in..using you...anymore principessa."

His voice sounded strained, and as hurtful as his words were, his facial expression made it look like it was hurting him more to say them.

"W—what?" You said as the tears overfilled and poured down your cheeks, "but..but you said you loved me." You said while your head slowly started to hang.

You should've listened to your friends. Everyone said not to fall for his charm, the Italian playboys flirtatious ways.

But you couldn't help yourself.

He made you feel special. He made you feel loved. He protected you and cherished the very ground you walked on, yet here he was...treating you as if you were just another body for him to throw out when he got bored.

Nothing made sense, he had spent so long reassuring you that you were his first and only love, the only one that made him feel. He opened up to you as you did him. He told you he wanted to have a family with you. Now all the sudden he was acting like this.

"I did, didn't I? Sorry for leading you on like that, didn't know you'd think I'd actually be in love with some half-blood." He nearly spat as he continued looking at the ground.

"Half-blood? This—this is about my status?" You mumbled in complete shock.

He didn't answer you as he tucked his hands into his jacket pockets,his green tie reflecting the moons brightness.

Green. Slytherin. You forgot how serious that house was about their blood status. You then recalled the first time you saw theo.

It was your second year, you were just trying to get to your next class when all of the sudden, you saw a small group of Slytherin boys surrounding a smaller ravenclaw boy.

"Filthy muggle! You shouldn't be here." Draco malfoy had spit ruthlessly at the boy. All the Slytherin boys around him were laughing and saying other horrible things to the boy. Except for one, he just stood there spaced out.

That one boy had happened to be Theodore nott.

You brought it up to him years later when you two had become friends and he said he never cared for blood status like his other peers seemed too. You had admired his different view,

Little did you know he would become just like his other peers.

You stood out in the garden, tears pouring down your cheeks and anger seething through your veins.

"Okay. Throw me away like I'm fucking nothing, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me leave and I will." You said  as the clouds above you darkened and the roared with thunder.

He looked at you. This was only the second time tonight he had made eye contact, and Everytime he did, you could've sworn you saw something under his dark cloudy eyes. But alas, you yourself were too consumed by your own feeling to see the ones he hid just beneath his rough exterior.

"I want nothing to do with you, y/n."

Your heart shattered.

The very boy who had been your first everything, your first love, your first kiss, your first. Had just told you he wanted nothing to do with you.

Without a second thought you spun on your heel and nearly jogged to the Hufflepuff dormitories.

Your heart raced as your head pounded, what had changed? When had he changed? Nothing made any sense at all.

All you could think about was how badly you wanted to just get home and cry as hard as you could.

You raced through your dorm hall, counting he doors until you reached your own.

You unlocked your dorm in one swift motion and slammed it behind you. You casted a silencing spell just as quickly as you had shut the door.

You screamed.

You screamed so loud you thought your throat was gonna give out. You slowly slid down against the wall you were leaning against as you continued to cry.

Where did you go from here? Everything you had planned for yourself included Theodore. Everything you did included him. You didn't remember a time when you didn't have him by your side at this school.

You started to piece things together, everything starting to become much clearer.

Even though you and him had been together for about six months, he insisted on not wanting to go official because of How people wouldn't approve. How he would ruin your reputation. Ha, funny to think of that now, simply for the fact that he revealed he was embarrassed of you. He didn't want you to ruin his reputation.

You cried at the realization, the screams no longer coming out.

This continued for some time, eventually you cried yourself to sleep. If you could even call it cry, at that point, there were no tears left to cry.

——

The Slytherin common room was quiet, except for the quiet fire crackling in the mere background.

But Theodore couldn't help but zone it all out.

He sat in the love seat with his legs wide open, his leg bouncing up and down quickly.

Your expression after he had crushed your heart into millions of pieces replayed in his mind for the millionth time that night.

He'd always be so quick to hurt anyone who ever made you hurt, but now that he was the one that had caused you such distress, he couldn't help but be filled with self loathe.

Then he remembered the reason. He had to do it. He had no other choice but to break your heart so you'd never love him again.

You shouldn't love a monster like him.

Especially not after his father had told him about his relation with the dark lord. His family was involved with horrible things, he was Involved with horrible things.

He always thought he deserved better, but he held too much love for you to let you go.

Then he realized what his father had been planning for him. What he had for his future.

He couldn't bring you down with him. You had so many things planned for yourself, you had a life to live. He couldn't bear to see you get dragged down by him.

You. His piccola colomba. His principessa. His mondo. He would rather stay loving you from afar than infect you with his disease. His curse.

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes as he looked at the bracelet on his wrist, the one you had the matching half too. He should've thrown in the fireplace, go ahead and get it over with.

But he could never, for it was all he had left of you and him.

His brain went over the argument again, remembering the blonde girl you had referred too.

That was the girl his father had set him up to marry, the one that he expected him too marry.

She was the ideal wife in his father’s eyes; she was pureblood, top of her class, and a fantastic wizard.

Theodore could've given two shots about any of that, because as long as she wasn't you he'd never love her. He'd never love anyone. Not like he loved you. Not like he breathed for you.

No one could replicate how you held his very existence in your gentle hands.

He let the tears slip past his cheeks, not caring anymore. He had last the one thing he wanted. The only thing he'd ever needed.

He could feel his very heart breaking as he clutched his chest and his face twisted in pain; the pain of losing his Amore.

——

Two weeks had passed since that night. The night you left your heart on the concrete out by the garden.

Your friends were so worried for you, forcing you to leave your dorm after the first three days and you still hadn't left. You were completely and utterly broken.

You forced yourself to attended school, your parents would kill you if you failed over just some boy.

Except he wasn't just some boy. He was the love of your life. He'd always hold that spot, even if he didn't want to anymore.

Everyone was just trying to get to their classes, the hallways filled to the brim with people. You numbed shoulder with a few people, offering them nothing more than a quiet "my bad."

Your shoulders hung low. You had tried your best that morning to put yourself together; you wanted to look somewhat presentable, but everyone knew something had happened. Your baggy eyes and solemn look were a clear tell tale sign of your state.

The passing period was only a short 3 minutes, but usually it felt as if you were given thirty seconds to race to your next class. This time however, it felt more like three hours.

Your feet dragged heavily behind you, your mind somewhere off in the distance.  Class seemed to fly by, the professors words muffled by your thoughts, to be more specific, your lack of thoughts.

It was clear to you, and anybody who knew you on first name basis, you were miserable.

——

"You're a fucking idiot." Pansy sat, mouth ajar and eyes wide open as she listened to Theodore nott.

"No, I'm not. I'm protecting her, I can't let myself ruin her."  He said through gritted teeth, the cigarette in his hand nearly crumbling beneath his grip.

He hadn't smoked since he'd gotten with you, you'd made sure of it. Of course he'd listen to his beautiful girl, anything to make you happy. He turned to the only thing he had without you.

"Salazar save me..Theodore. You aren't protecting shit. She's already ruined, and you did that by leaving her." She nearly spat the words, her expression nothing short of sour. "That girl loved you, she told me every chance she could get. I don't know what weird shit you got going on, but I can tell you that she is the only person who would hold your hand through it."

Theodore stared at the ground, his eyes fixated on the wooden flooring.

He knew she was right. He knew she was hurting more than he'd ever intended. He couldn't help but want to punch the wall next to him, but he decided to refrain from violence.

"I," he paused for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm so fucking stupid.., ho ferito l'unica persona che amavo veramente." He clutched his head in his hands. (I hurt the only person I truly loved.)

"Yeah. You are. " she said with little to no sympathy in her voice. "You are an idiot, an idiot who needs to fix what he fucked up."

He knew exactly what she meant, but he as unsure if you'd want to see him, unsure if you be okay with letting the man who broke your heart into your dorm.

He remembered all the horrible things he said and could barely hold back the pain that wanted to erupt into his heart. He had to make it right. He had to do it for his sweet girl. His columba. His future.

He gave pansy one last glance and then left the room with no more words exchanged between the two.

——

You sat in front of your mirror, picking at any spot that stuck out on your face.

You had just finished your nightly routine, slowly checking off each box form your nightly ritual. All except one; wallow in self pity, which happened to be your recent favorite.

Your hands stopped their ministrations on your face as you heard a knock on the door. Who'd be here at this hour?

You got up and walked to your door, trying to brainstorm on who it could be, maybe your friends asking for there homework answers, or a prefect doing room checks.

You opened the door ready to greet the person with a smile.

Your heart dropped.

Oh. It was him. Theodore was standing at your door, looking disheveled and frantic.

Your words died in your throat as you suddenly felt helpless.

"Hi." He said without breaking eye contact. You just stared at him unable to respond with confidence.

"Why are you here.?" You said with heartbreak lacing your sorrowful tone.

"I...I know I'm probably the last person you want to see," you wrapped you arms around yourself, attempting to comfort yourself. You stopped yourself from interrupting him and let him continue. "But I..just need to tell you the truth."

You stared at him with a confused expression.

"you've told me more than enough, Nott." Your words came out airy, and high pitched.

"No—no. I have not." He stated while staring into your very soul, stripping you bare.

You looked at him through your eyelashes, holding back every hateful thing you had to say.

"Come inside." You said while sighing deeply. Theodore's eyes shot open with shock, eagerly stepping inside your dorm room.

You stood by your closet door, waiting for him to continue, eyes watery and lips quivering.

"I'm— im so sorry... I thought that-that maybe if I ended things I could protect you. Maybe if I broke your heart you would hate my guts and leave." He sputtered out all his words at once while his voice shook and for the first time since you and him had gotten together, you saw Theodore Nott cry.

"Protect me? What could you possibly be protecting me from by leaving me." You wanted to hold him  and console the boy who had shown you nothing but love, but you couldn't let a few tears break you.

He sighed at your words.

"Amore, I was protecting you from me. I don't deserve you, and I can't let myself intoxicate you. You're too...perfect." He nearly whispered as he took a step closer.

"Dont do that," you said softly "don't say all that..., you told me you were just using me." Your eyes overfilled with tears, a few slipping past your cheek bones.

"I know. I know what I said , and if I could beat myself up for hurting you I would. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you, but I was so, so wrong." He explained through a strained voice.

You wiped your face, trying to understand what he was saying. "Theodore im confused, i have loved you ever since third year. I gave you my everything, what made you think you could've scared me off now?" You questioned with your brows furrowed.

He took a deep breath in.

"I'm not—I'm not a good person, Bambina. My family Aren't good people. They want to...hurt people and they're taking me down with them. I couldn't let them take you too, not when you mean the most anyone has ever meant to me, Bella Ragazza."

You let out a shaky sigh as your eyes grew a little wider.

It was silent for a while before you finally figured out what you wanted to say.

"First, it doesn't matter what happens, I will always love you, Theo." You looked him in the eyes with tears streaming down your face and hitting the wooden floors gently.

"Second," you closed your eyes for a moment.

"I want to forgive you so bad, I want to hug and kiss you with so much need, but....im still so hurt and confused." You mumbled while rubbing the sides of your arms.

Theodore wanted to stab himself in the heart for making you cry this much.

"I understand that, colomba. Ask me anything and I will give you nothing but the truth." He stated while taking another step towards you.

"That—that girl. You still were with that girl," you muttered "even if you were protecting me."

His eyes widened for a moment before he gained his composure.

"That was Irene, the girl my father had set me up to marry. She had approached me that day in hopes of getting to know me, and I just blew her off." He claimed.

You looked at him, trying to understand the boy you were in love with. Every time you'd thought you knew everything about him, it somehow became more clear that you didn't at all.

"You don't have to forgive me now, but I need you to know that there is no one after you. Sei e sarai il mio primo ed unico more. I will love you until my heart stops beating, and I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you over these past few weeks." He stated through voice cracks and small hiccups.

You let a sob rip through you once again.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, but I realize now that I was being selfish. And for that I am eternally sorry." He exclaimed with a gruff voice.

You saw the tears slip past his face, the way he stood with defeat and sorrow pulsing through his body. You couldn’t watch anymore.

You took two large strides towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. He wasted no time in hugging you back, pressing his lips to your head gently.

He missed you more than he could ever explain in words, your scent alone gave him an unhealthy dose of serotonin.

“I’m so sorry.” He sniffled. You both stood there for awhile, allowing yourselves to make up for missed time.

“I’m so, so sorry, Amore.” He said while pulling you back to look in your eyes.

“I know, Theo. I know.” You reassured him with a soft caress through his curly locks.

He slowly brought his own lips to meet your own, bringing you into a hungry yet gentle kiss.

His lips danced with yours the kiss slowly becoming more than just soft pecks. A sudden surge of heat ran through your body as you slowly pushed him towards your bed.

The back of his knees hit your bed causing him to fall backwards on it, and you wasted no time in straddling him.

His hands secured your hips on his laps as he let his lips wander from your mouth. He showered your neck and collarbone in sloppy kisses.

“Theo..” you moaned out, hands making their way into his hair.

“You deserve so much better than me, colomba.” He groaned imbetween his ministrations on your neck.

You gasped as you felt his hands digging into the fat of your ass.

You then felt a wave of doubt hit you. You remembered how his parents had set him up with that girl, how the whole reason he had ended it was because of his parents; how would everything work out now, it’s not like anything had changed.

“Theodore…your father.” You mumbled as you pulled his head from your neck.

“Dont really think my father is my main issue right now,” he gave you a lopsided grin as you felt the hard on he had been trying to hide under you.

You slapped his chest playfully.

“No, I mean.. he doesn’t want us together. How is everything gonna work out if he’s the reason we couldn’t work in the first place.” You questioned doubtfully.

He looked at your with love lacing his already cloudy eyes, his large hand coming up to play with the hair in your face. He knew exactly in this moment what he was missing his entire life, why he felt so incapable of loving someone. It’s because he hadn’t met you yet.

When his mother died and he saw how little his father cared, he had thought that love wasn’t real. That it was simply just a concept, a mere after thought at most.

But you taught him the truth.

You taught him that love wasn’t just some feeling, it was a person. And for him, that person was you.

“I don’t care about what he wants y/n, because I know what I want. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I know that I want to be your one and only.” He said breathlessly,

“I know that I want you.”

[lxvme]

jus thinking abt how simon ‘ghost’ riley wld be ina relationship…

hc list under cut

simon riley is said to have his mask on for oh so long in the first half of his relationship. this, i kinda see. i think he would wear his balaclava, per say, but he’d def wear those lil surgical masks everywhere. does he wear it in his house? sometimes. if he has company (rarest occasion on earth) he isn’t entirely close with, like a friend of soap’s or something, its likely you’ll be greeted with a mask. (in mw2, he did take his mask off in front of ale and rudy, though, but thats maybe bc they almost died tg 😭 civvies n friends r different) i think if you two r having sex within two months of the relationship, you’ll be seeing his face.

kinda going from above, simon riley doesnt keep his mask on to hookup. he’s not simon riley in the mask, he’s ghost. he doesn’t want for his lovie to see that he’s a ghost, if they’re showing themselves to each other. im not sure he’ll like it if you try n wear one of his masks to turn him on, either- it just wouldn’t work. even if either of u is getting head, mask stays off. (that being said, if you’re just a hookup, and not a gf of any kind, mask is on fs)

hugs. from. behind. this man, when close with his girl, will be clingy. always needs a hand on you, in fact- to prove he isn’t crazy and hallucinating, and to make sure youre safe (he’s extremely paranoid abt u getting hurt because you can b bait for him, due to his job- more on that ina minute) he also likes how small you can be compared to him, it makes him feel quite prideful he can protect his lovin’ bc he’s a big boy. BUT, continuing he’s clingy- you’re cooking? he’s latched onto u the entire time, asking if you need help. reading? his head is rested on your thighs, underneath as you hold ur book above his head. (bonus points bc he might be reading too) he’s home from literally any other place than home? well, he missed you, so ‘gimme a kiss, love,’ and then proceed to hold him, or just let him hold you. laundry? oh, well, he’s actually already done it. (housewife.)

he’s veryyy paranoid that an enemy or sum will end up taking you for bait. in fact, he’s already very hesitant to date in general- he’s not used to the feelings it brings and whatnot. (ill b expanding on this in the future) and thats why he can b extra protective- he wouldn’t be able to handle it if his pretty girl was kidnapped, all because of him? the horrors it brings to him are a little much for him to take, sometimes, so he’ll end up pushing u away for a lil while. (i genuinely live for poor bb simon)

like laundry, among other things, he’s suchhh a housewife at heart. mainly because, he likes to be clean and tidy- it helps him rid the dirty feeling that seems to linger from missions. dishes? he did them this morning, possibly in a hope to drown out those nightmares and plaguing thoughts that always seemed to shatter his mind. all in all, the man needs cleanliness. however, if youre a messy girl (in the sense that there are clothes everywhere and tossed aside blankets and pillows on every surface, sometimes a small pile of dishes in the kitchen sink, and a general ‘lived-in mess,’ also this is def not catered to how messy i am) he can definitely adapt, it’ll just take around 3 years :)

showering tg. bae adores to hold u against his chest, water dripping on both of you, while his other hand is in your hair, gently rinsing out soap. (i’m not sure whether to base my simon hcs n writing off of the comics or not, bc reboot!ghost is NOT the same 😭)

moving onnnn… simon riley is the type of boyfriend to:

stalk the absolute fuck out of every single social u have- in fact, he didnt even know what pinterest or instagram was until he saw you on it. (he’d definitely make an spam account that’s pretending to be another girl)

make you a lot of lil gifts out of his own things- keychains, a lil necklace (mhhh my hearttt) or a bracelet out of the collar of his t-shirt (he’d also def make himself a bra bracelet, if u two dont already have matching ones x)

be your handyman. no other words.

thats all i have for u lot bc i have ZEROOOO motivation, but i’d like to expand ona few more things eventually. i’ll also start writing for other cod men when simon riley loses his fucking death chokehold on me (maybe he’ll have it forever…)

[pbnbucks]

can you write something about meeting Caitlin because ur family are family friends and you two develop a relationship?

Caitlin x Reader!

What Happens In Bora Bora Stays In Bora Bora

word count : 1574

warnings : cussing, friends to enemy’s to lovers, somewhat leads to smut, jealousy

summary : your dad and caitlin’s dad worked together and made lots of money so when they had a scheduled buisness trip and decided to bring the whole family down you and caitlin where put to room together.

i made this at 6am so if it sucks my apologies!

your sitting in your cabana in Bora Bora waiting to be told the rooms suituation only to be hit with total disappointed “I just got off the phone with Brent and we decided you and caitlin will be staying in a cabana together while we are in Bora Bora” your family was close with the clark family because for generations they worked together in the family industry. you where close with Brent and Anne, along with their sons except their daughter caitlin. she often picked arguments with you and she didn’t bother hiding her hatred for you. nobody knew exactly why she hated you, your guy’s parents always thought it was because you where the same age (16) and similar in many ways and equally stubborn. although caitlin wasn’t always like this, when you first met when you where 4 and she was a sweet heart up until you guys where 14, thats when it all changed and compliments changed to snarky comments. something in her changed the way she viewed you she went from idolizing you and protecting you to being disgusting by you and filled with hatred towards you. but by the end of the trip it would all change because by the end of 3 weeks shared in a cabana in bora bora together something was bound to happen.

“do i seriously have to share a room with her i mean she hates me and i don’t want to deal with her the entire time” you say trying to convince your dad to make any change in the vacation arrangements. “actually it was her idea she wanted to share a room with you, wouldn’t let anybody else get the spot” great. her goal was to make the vacation terrible for me. “please dad im begging you its a trap her entire goal is to ruin my vacation” he just rolled his eyes at you “they will be here any minute so better hurry up and choose your side of the room.” you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. as soon as he walks out you hear her voice making small talk with your father, she has always kisses up to the adults and the second they turned a blind eye she completely changed. she of course walks in with a attitude already and waits for you to tell her the room arrangement “so i picked the left side of the room so that leaves you the right and i’ll probably go explore in about 30 minutes once im unpacked.” she walks past you making sure the shove against you, not hard but hard enough for you to notice. “look if you just forced yourself into being my roommate just to make my life hell ill gladly go find somebody to room with instead” hopefully trying to get her to quit whatever act she had going on but instead she just laughs at you “your not scary so just sit down princess, and i think i will join you on your little scavenger hunt” shes unbelievable.

TIME SKIP.

its now been 3 days that where full of hiding from caitlin making sure to be out by the time she was awake and come back when she was asleep. shes caught up to what you where doing but to entitled with her ego to question it so instead she drops subtle hints to inform you that she knows what your doing and to cut it out. but you genuinely have no want to argue with her. a good this is you met this girl Maddie on you trip, you brought her by your cabana once but it was extremely awkward with caitlin there, all of a sudden she became extremely possessive with you and even putting her arm around you saying that you where her best friend. you thought that maybe she just didn’t have friends back home and it would make sense with the way she acted.

you where brushing your hair getting ready to meet up with Maddie but instead caitlin walks in on you in the bathroom, “where are you going?” is she being serious? she treated you like shit for the past 3 days and all of a sudden wants to know where your going. “im going to go swimming with Maddie ill be back around 10.” she immediately shuts down you idea and tells you otherwise “no your not im tired of having to wait and stay up at night cause you want to go out with some girl all day and night.” “dude caitlin what the fuck are you even talking about right now, maybe act like a normal person on vacation and go make some friends clearly your lacking some.” she scoffs at your true, but mean comment. “im not lacking any friends nor do i need any, and you one to talk about friends in supposed to be your best friend and yet your blowing me off to hang out with some random girl” best friend? she wishes. “what are you talking about best friend? we are far from friends because you cant get your head out of your own ass. now if you will get out my way so i can hangout with my friend and enjoy my vacation away from you” you shove out the way not giving her the chance to even disagree with you and walk out the door only to greet maddie’s face as she is already there waiting for you, before she can even greet you, you drag her by the arm and run down the long hallway to the water. “im sorry caitlin was giving me a tough time and she was close to coming out and breaking the door down” she laughs thinking you where joking but only if she knew what you had to put up with. “i think she might be in love with you.” you cant believe the words that just came out of her mouth. “whats with everybody and trying to ruin my day.”

ANOTHER TIME SKIP

its now 10pm and you said your goodbyes to your friend as you parted ways only to be greeted with a locked door, you knock on the door begging caitlin to let you in turning the door knob hoping that she will listen but nothing works, your last hope is to say something you know would piss her off and give you a long night but you just deeply wanted to go to bed. “caitlin seriously let me in before i have to room with Maddie.” once you finish your sentence you immediately hear foot steps coming you way to have your door swing open greeting a angry cait, you push past her “seriously you locked me out? why cant you not be a asshole for one day” she rolls her eyes at you “me, im the asshole now? and stop bringing up Maddie i couldn’t give to fucks about your friend.” unbelievable “well clearly you did cause you let me in as soon as i mentioned rooming with her, and you know what i am going to room with her because thankfully she wouldn’t kick me out my own room.” as soon as you said that her face got red and she pressed you up against the door pushing you bodies close together and her forehead resting on yours “your. not. leaving. this. room. got it?” you didn’t know if it was the butterflies in your stomach or her hands gripping at your waste and her mouth and body extremely close to yours but you craved her touch and you wanted more and the only way you know how to get more was by pissing her off. “or what? you cant control me caitlin especially not with the way you act” there was only one thing you wanted to hear from her and it was for her to beg for you. after all these years of constant arguements someone who claims they hate you, ends up needing you so badly. “cmon cait i want to hear you beg for me to stay.” she hesitates hoping you would give up “ you can be serious, im not going to beg.” you just smile at her words “im serious and if you wont beg im rooming with Maddie.” she groans at your words “fine.” theres a long silence for her mentally trying to prepare herself for what shes about to say “please y/n, don’t go room with her.” there was those words you wanted to hear so badly although it wasn’t enough. something in you just clicked “aww is that really what you want baby?” her eyes widen staying their for a second before deciding her next move, no going back now. her lips attack yours and her hand that was on your hip now find your neck making you moan into the kiss, it was the shock you have because this is the first time in a while that she has shown affection for you. she pulls away to gather her breathe but before she pulls you in for more you stop her “y’know i think i have more control over you then you let me know” she gives you her little smirk shes known for “oh yeah? why don’t you show me princess? you up for a challenge?” maybe this was your chance of getting your relationship back, you couldn’t miss your opportunity “of course.”

[freshxsturniolo]

MASTERLIST.

Chris Sturniolo

Series

4th July - chris sturniolo x fem!reader 

⤷ summary / warnings: inspired by jake webbers 4th july party vid!! mentions of jake, johnnie, carrington and tara as well as the triplets.

⤷ flirting, fluff.

Links: Part 1 ∣ Part 2 ∣ Part 3 ∣ Part 4 ∣ Part 5 ∣ Part 6 ∣ Part 7 ∣ Part 8 ∣ Final Part ------

but, why? - chris sturniolo x femreader!

⤷ based off of this request: Text series where reader is friend with the triplets and they find out she’s seeing someone via instagram so they start questioning why she didn’t tell them she says it’s cause they’re always so mean about the boys she goes out with and then they prove her point cause they don’t like him at all (you can also add in the little spin off that either Chris or Matt like her which is why they all react crazily because they want her to be with either Matt or Chris) hope that made sense

Links: Part 1 ∣ Part 2

Text Fics With Chris.

texts with boyfriend chris!

texts with bestfriend!chris (but he has a crush on you)

texts with boyfriend!chris  ⤷ this one for my fellow pumpkin spice lovers who felt personally victimised by chris hating all things pumpkin

texts with chris ⤷ summary: you and chris have been friends for a while, but feelings start to change …

⤷ Part 2 (fic)

texts with friends with benefits chris

---------

Instagram Story Imagines

your instagram stories on a strawberry picking date with chris 🍓🧺

your instagram stories on a trip to boston with chris ✈️🇺🇸

Fics

how much did you hear? chris sturniolo x femreader

⤷ summary: chris and nick think you're fast asleep on the couch after watching a movie and chris confesses he's in love with you.

needy boy ~ chris sturniolo x femreader!

⤷ summary: in which chris comes down with a fever that turns into a nasty cold, and he becomes extra needy of you and your presence.

haunted jealousy - chris sturniolo x femreader

⤷ summary: you had been a sam and colby fan for years and when they asked the triplets to film with them,  your boyfriend chris could not wait to tell you and bring you along for the weekend. it was also common knowledge that colby was your biggest "celebrity" crush, but chris thinks nothing of it until you actually met and start to get along, and his jealousy takes over him.

⤷ mentions / warnings: fluff. smut. slight angst? swearing. pet names.

"got you" chris sturniolo x reader 

⤷ request: anon - i would love to see more established relationship fics. maybe one where the reader tries a prank on Chris like not saying i love you back or toning down PDA to see the reaction?

WISDOM TEETH - chris sturniolo / triplets  x reader

⤷ request: anon - just saying that I would die for a chris x reader wisdom teeth fic where reader gets her wisdom teeth out and the boys take care of her 🥹 or really any protective Chris taking care of reader.

silly little comment - chris sturniolo x femreader 

⤷ request: @helo927 - can you do something when the reader and chris are lying in bed and the reader is wearing a bra and trackpants. reader is scrolling on her phone whilst chris lays his head on her chest watching her phone until chris slowly starts moving his hands up to readers b00bs, reader doesn’t think anything of it because he’s always doing it until he does something about it. yk where to go w it…lots of after care like in the shower and there washing each others hair, chris cleans her up and ect. 🩷

⤷ warnings: smut smut smuttttttt, pet names, p in v, cutie cookie fluff.

im sorry - chris sturniolo x femreader

⤷ summary: in which you and chris get into your worst argument yet, to the point you think its all over.

⤷ warnings: angst, arguing, fluff.

shes the one - chris sturniolo x fem!reader 

⤷ summary: in which chris has a conversation with his dad about you.

thats fresh love for the fit - chris sturniolo x femreader!

⤷ request: can you write a fic about how all the triplets are at a fresh love merch photoshoot. Y/N is the model but then Chris starts to check y/n out and starts to get hard but doesn’t want his brothers to notice and tries to play it off but y/n does notice and does something about it….

⤷ warnings: smut, oral, self masturbation

i want you there - chris sturniolo x fem!reader 

⤷ request: Hey! Could you maybe do something about y!n and Chris going on vacation in like a lodge or something in the woods or mountains and just having the best time ever! (Also with nick, matt and Nate)

no label - chris sturniolo x femreader! 

⤷ requested: by anon - could you do a fluff of chris an y/n being really clingy with each other and like kissing and cuddling and holding hands but there just friends. so basically a relationship but not too far if u get what i mean

let me worship you - chris sturniolo x fem!reader

⤷ warnings: smuttttttt, pet names, established relationship.

Matt Sturniolo

Text Fics

texts with bff!matt ⤷ request: from @frozenpeanutbutterr - Could you do text with bff Matt but you started talking to someone and he’s jealous

texts with friends with benefits matt

Fics

request

⤷ anonymous asked: This might be a mouth full but can you do one where Matt and y/n are in a relationship but they had some time apart and in that time Matt saw someone else and they go to mutuals party she’s there but y/n has no idea they hooked up and when she pieces it together she gets upset that he never told her and etc.

gilmore girls, mary-lou & cookies - matt sturniolo x fem!reader

⤷ hi babies, i just know matt and his little fall heart would love a chilled cosy evening with his gf watching their favourite shows and you all loved my chris fic with jimmy and mary lou so i hope you all enjoy this xxx

Billie Eilish

Fics

billies braids - billie eilish x fem!reader

⤷ warnings: just pure fluff.

look closely. - billie eilish x femreader!

[thewertsearch]

EB: and now i have all these sweet wind powers. EB: which is how i am making this car fly! GG: ohhhhhh! GG: that makes sense GG: dave had mentioned you reached the god tier

I think it’s funny that becoming a god hasn’t changed John’s personality, nor his modus operandi. He’s just as meandering as he's always been, and reaching the God Tiers simply enhanced his ability to meander.

If your Title does relate to your personality, then this would make a lot of sense. Perhaps you always get a power that helps you follow your own natural inclinations.

GG: but he did not say what it involved D: GG: he probably didnt want to make me worried EB: maybe, or he was just being some sort of aloof coolkid. GG: or that!

It’s nice that John and Jade are fully on the same page in this conversation, with access to more or less the same information. That’s pretty rare in this session, and it’s particularly rare with Jade.

For a long time, she was in the lonely position of knowing more than everyone else - and then, when Descend ruined everything, she was forced into the equally lonely position of understanding jack shit. When John declared that they needed to get Jade into the loop, there was real weight behind it, and it’s gratifying that we’re finally here.

GG: i wonder what space powers would be like?? […] GG: oh well EB: maybe you shouldn't rule it out though? EB: i mean, you did mention your dream self isn't COMPLETELY dead, remember?

I’ve been thinking about this.

See, the main problem with a Jade/Jadesprite merger is that when John died on his Quest Bed, he was completely supplanted by his Dream Self. There was no more Real John.

This wasn't a problem for him, because both Johns appeared to be the same person, with the same memories and consciousness. When John abandoned his realself, he didn't lose anything, apart from his sylladex.

Dream Jade, however, has completely diverged from Jade. They're clearly different people – so if one of them was erased in the merger, we’d be losing a unique individual.

Yes, if Jade died on her Quest Bed, her two selves might fuse into one entity, with both sets of memories - but there's no guarantee, especially when a Sprite is involved. There's a decent chance that Jade's ascension would destroy one of her incarnations, and that's too great a risk.

GG: why dont you tell me about your new friend? GG: he sure seems to be enjoying that horn! […] EB: he is just this silly guy i met when i woke up here. EB: he seemed to be curious about me and followed me around for a while. […] EB: also, another thing about him… EB: he has the queen's ring! […] GG: thats great! john you have to get that ring from him! EB: i've tried! i asked him politely for it and everything. EB: but he is very protective of it!

The Ring would be incredibly useful, if it wasn't destined for Earth.

As it stands, any attempt to use it is fraught with risk - and permanently separating it from WV would almost certainly doom the timeline.

EB: i think he is supposed to keep it. GG: you do? EB: yes. once i saw something in the clouds. EB: it was hard to tell what was going on, but i saw him! EB: im pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and… […] EB: and then the cloud stopped showing me. EB: but i am pretty sure that some day… EB: he will have to wear it!

It doesn’t sound like John actually saw WV wearing the Ring. Seems more like he saw him holding the Ring, and jumped to the 'obvious' conclusion.

WV held the Ring for his entire Exile, and never used it once. I’m actually a little skeptical that he will wear it, at this point, especially since he's started dreaming about how much he doesn't want the thing.

[idunnoanymore7]

Driving Lessons

Description: You have a car and freedom. All you want is Lip.

Content: lip gallagher x fem!reader (always let me know if i can make it more accessible!), friends to lovers, oral fem!recieving, piv, protected sex, dirty talk

Authors Note: I just started season 2 (i know i’m ten years behind but) and thought I should fish this out of my notes. And it got long, sorry. Hope you enjoy!

—————————————————————

“So…when I finally figure this out, will you suck me off while I drive?”

You pfffed and narrowly stopped yourself from laughing. “No, I don’t think I will,” you said, a grin on your face.

“Whatttt why? It’s what they do in the movies!��� he said, pretending to be irritated, but the slope of his smile told you he didn’t mean it.

Now you were laughing, your chest shaking as your head fell sideways against the seat. 

“Oh my god Lip thats so fucking dangerous,” you said. “And also, no thanks.”

“Oh come on n/n, you’re saying you wouldn’t want me to eat you out in the drivers seat?”

You tried to hide your reaction, but you couldn’t. You would like that very much, and he could see it. “Well, uh-“

“I knew it,” he said, that fucking grin staying on his face even as you stumbled your way through a sentence to show him the way the headlights turned on and off. He liked the way he had that effect on you. 

“Do you want to drive around?” You asked. 

“Are you sure you trust me to drive your car?” he said.

“Yeah; of course,” you replied, even though your common sense was screaming at you to say the opposite. You were a dumbass for Lip and the way he held his cigarettes. “Just put it in reverse-“

The car yanked back, shoving you against your seat.

“Fuck fuck sorry,” he said, shoving his foot on the brake. 

You smiled and he seemed relieved. “It’s ok, I do that all the time. You go right to get out of the lot, and then you can drive wherever you want. Maybe not the highway, though.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, maybe not.”

He turned the wheel and you were distracted by the shine of the silver rings on his fingers, but still noticed the grip of his hands on the leather of the wheel. 

“Are you okay?” you inquired.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re gripping the wheel pretty tight-if you don’t want to do this we don’t have to.”

“No no I do,” he said. “I want to drive…”

“We can wait until you’re comfortable-I can drive us around for now?” you asked.

He seemed to relax, and when he nodded you unbuckled and got out of the passenger seat to walk around the front. 

He opened the drivers door just as you reached it, and it hit you right in the ribs.

“Ugh!” 

“Shit fuck fuck I’m so sorry are you okay?!” Lip said frantically as he rushed toward you and brushed his hand softly across your impacted side. 

“Yeah yeah I’m fine,” you said. Instinctively, you held onto his shoulder as you tried to catch your breath.

Neither of you stepped away. Just breathing, exhales bringing your chests close. When a chill ran up your back and made you shiver, you broke apart and climbed into the car. You weren’t sure whether you had imagined his hand brushing your back.

You hadn’t. Lip steadied you and made sure you got in before he walked around and pulled out a cigarette and lighter. He leaned his hip against the passenger door as he cupped the flame against the joint. 

Feeling eyes on him, he looked up and caught you staring at him through the window. You snapped your head forward. 

You didn’t have a plan as you pulled out into the road. Lip lowered his window, taking puffs and dangling his hand outside. It made it hard to keep your eyes forward.

You had just passed an alley and were starting to rack your brain for something to say when he spoke up.

“That’s where I was walking with Karen when Mickey ‘n his boys beat me up ‘cause they were mad at Ian,” he said, gesturing with his cigarette.

“That’s fucked up Lip I’m sorry,” you said, trying to keep your anger (showing him how much you care) under the surface.

“‘S okay, better me than him,” he said, resting his elbow on the door and putting the cigarette between his lips. 

You always knew Lip had a soft side, though of course you couldn’t blame him for any roughness he’d acquired over the years. No matter what happened, you knew you’d always admire him.

“That’s really amazing of you. Don’t downplay that.” You stopped at the red light, pushing the lever to turn on the right turn signal. The slow clicking filled the car as you waited, the red washing over the windshield.

“What did Karen do?” you asked quietly.

Silence. 

“Headed home, I think,” he mumbled. 

“Fuck.” 

He blew smoke out of his mouth.

“Hey hey out the window!” you said, gesturing across him. “I don’t want my car smelling like cigs.”

He rolled his eyes. 

“Those things are so fucking bad for you anyway,” you continued, turning back into the parking lot.

“Aww you love me,” he said, dripping with sarcasm.

“Oh no, how’d you find out?” you said, returning his tone. You parked the car and slumped back against your seat, pressing into yourself under your sweater. Maybe this was a bad idea.

You turned your head his direction, only to find his eyes already on you. 

“Can I?” you asked, reaching your arm out.

His eyebrows raised but he handed you the cigarette with no hesitation.

You placed it between your lips and inhaled, trying not to think about how this stick of nicotine and ash had been touched in ways you could only dream about. Your body immediately relaxed as you exhaled the smoke.

“Thanks,” you said, turning to hand it back to Lip. 

You stopped in your tracks at how he was looking at you. His jaw was slightly open, eyes wide and fixed on your lips until he saw you looking.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said gruffly. “Thought you were anti-smoke?”

You shrugged. “Helps the nerves sometimes.”

A smirk spread across his face, and soon he was full on grinning as he inhaled around the cigarette.

“What?” you demanded.

“You wanna kiss me so bad it’s crazy,” he said smugly. 

You shoved him in the shoulder and he laughed. 

“Shut the fuck up.” you rubbed your hands over your face, giving up on hiding your embarrassment. “Like you weren’t trying to get your cock out twenty minutes ago,” you said, recalling your earlier conversation.

“No no, that was if I figured out driving, which I haven’t,” he said, punctuating with his finger. He stubbed the last of the cigarette out on the container and threw the stub out the window. “But I would say you definitely have.”

You crossed your arms. “So?” 

“So….if we follow that logic, you deserve some head.” he said; widening his eyes as he looked up at you.

“And why’s that?”

He shrugged. “‘Cause I wanna kiss you too.”

Before you could second guess yourself, you had leaned in and so had he. When his mouth met yours, you knew you had melted.

His hand came up to brush your cheek and hold your jaw. You did what you’d been wanting to all day: reached up and ran your fingers into his hair. When your head tilted and your nails scratched his scalp, he moaned. Audibly moaned into your mouth. You didn’t think anything could’ve turned you on more. 

Your fingers tangled deeper into his curls like you’d never let go. Then you rose back on your knees and gripped your shirt to tug it over your head. He pulled back to gasp for breath, looking up at you with his hands on your hips. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he said breathlessly. You were about to respond in kind when he grabbed your face and pulled you into an even more breathtaking kiss. 

You had never been kissed like this before. like the person wanted to inhale you whole.

You reached for the hem of his shirt and slid your hand underneath, gliding up his abdominals as you kissed him.

He broke the kiss and crossed his arms to pull his shirt off, tossing it into the back.

Your chest shook and you pulled away. 

“Hey Lip?”

“Yeah?” his face was flushed; lips swollen.

“You’re really pretty too.” 

He smiled-a genuine smile-and kissed your neck. When his teeth scraped the skin, you moaned softly and Lip gripped your hip tighter. 

“You like that? Want me to mark you up?” he said lowly. “Show everyone how eager you are for me?”

You didn’t want him to realize how well he knew you. So you kissed him back harder, which you knew only proved him right, but at least you didn’t have to see his smug face. You dipped lower, grazing his jaw and his breath caught, hand coming up to tangle in your hair. You bit and sucked, feeling his chest speed up under your palm. 

When you knew you’d made a decent mark you rose up smiling.

“You satisfied?” he asked.

“Very,” you said. “But I do believe you had promised me something?” 

“Fuck, baby,” he breathed. “Whatever you ask.” His arms reached around your body, lifting you up and pressing your back into the drivers seat. He climbed over you and kissed you sloppily as he slid down onto the floor in front of the seat. Your heart rate picked up as he kissed the tops of your breasts.

Lip kissed you again and you scratched his shoulder as he reached behind and unclasped your bra with one hand, the other on your thigh.

“Holy shit,” you said. “I can’t even do that.”

At Lips lip bite, you knew your mistake. “Bet that impresses all the girls, doesn’t it.”

“You’re just jealous I get so much play.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but admitted defeat and huffed. “Yeah, honestly. I do wish.”

“‘M glad you don’t. It’s got you all needy for me.” Before you can respond, he nips at the inside of your thigh. 

“Please, Lip-“

“Please what? Use your words,” he kissed up even higher, reaching the hem of your shorts. 

“Please- take these off,” you say, fumbling to unbutton your shorts. He leans back, helping you slide them down your legs.

“Oh pretty girl, so worked up and I haven’t even started. Are you always this needy?”

“Only for you, Lip,” you mumble, not even thinking. His hands pause on your thighs.

“Say that again.”

You look down at him. His eyes are dark, staring right into yours. The intensity of him shocks you. 

“Only for you, Lip.” you respond.

He groans, fingers pressing into your legs. He looks at you for permission and pulls your underwear down at your nod.

You shiver, exposed completely to his gaze. 

Your chest heaves as he looks back up.

“Move your hips up for me, pretty girl.”

God, the nickname.

You oblige, the change in angle allowing him more access to you. He slides his hand up your chest and grasps your breast.

“So, so pretty,” is his last mumble before diving in like a man starved.

His first lick has you gripping his hair, making him groan into your pussy.

“Fuck, sorry,” you apologize.

From between your thighs comes “Don’t stop.” The vibrations make you quiver. You twist your fingers in further as he circles your clit with his tongue.

“Fuck-Lip-“

“Taste so good,” he mumbles.

You groan as he continues to eat you out, the lewd sounds of it turning you on even more. 

He pulls up to spit on your pussy, swirling it on your clit as it collects with your slick.

You groaned out his name, the only word you knew.

“C’mon baby, let me hear you,” he slides his tongue through your folds again and continues his rhythm. His thumb leaves your thigh and circles your clit.

Oh. 

He was good.

You could feel the warmth spreading up through your thighs and up your stomach as your clit throbbed.

“Lip-  Lip ‘m gonna-“

“Lemme see you, pretty girl,” he says, locking his blue eyes with yours. With that, you come, hand gripping his roots, your slick dripping down his chin.

He laps you up, working you through it. Leaning back up, he kisses you hard, and you groan as you taste yourself on him.

“Thank you,” you say, kissing him again.

“My pleasure,” he smiles, as you reach for his jeans. You kiss his neck as you undo the buttons, and he helps you pull them down.

You grasp his hard-on through his briefs, and he grunts into your mouth.

“Need to be inside you,” he almost whines.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he breathes.

“Okay pretty boy. Backseat.” he scrambles over the console and you giggle. “Now who’s needy?”

“Just get back here.”

Reaching into the glove compartment, you grab the condom you had stored there. You do more of a step into the back, Lips eyes locked on your chest as he palms himself at the sight of you.

You lean over him and kiss down his chest, grasping his waist and hips. You ask for permission before sliding his shorts down.

“You’re pretty hot, Lip,” you say, looking back up at him. 

He chuckles and slides his hands up your waist. “Funny. Now lay down.”

You oblige and he turns to hover over you.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Definitely.”

With that, he opens the condom and rolls it on. He grips the head of his cock and slides it inside you, both of you groaning.

“Fuck-‘m not gonna last long,” he grunts in your ear. 

“‘S okay, it’s okay,” you barely get out as he slides fully inside. Your hands go to his shoulders to stay grounded. “Just fuck me, please.”

“Yes ma’am,” and you moan. He hikes your leg over his hip, and begins to move. 

“Oh god-“ You can feel his cock in you.  The ridges rub inside your walls, making you moan.

“That feel good?” he asks. “Who’s making you feel so good?”

“You, Lip, you,” you babble.

“Yeah, don’t need any other cock, right?”

“Yeah, yeah-”

“Fuck,” he chokes.

“Fuck-Lip-fuck-“

The way he moves inside you is almost too much to bear. Your nails bite into his back and he groans.

“Oh god-don’t stop-“ A second orgasm was fast approaching.

He could tell. “C’mon pretty girl-come on my cock-come on-“ he was almost incoherent, so close to his climax.

You came, seeing stars as you clamped down on his cock.

“That’s it-“ he moaned, following after you as he came.

He laid his head on your chest, both of you heaving and sweaty. You ran your hand through his damp hair, never able to disguise your affection for him.

“Thanks for the lesson,” he says. 

“Anytime,” you reply.

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Starlo apologist speaks again

this picture right here.. i hate it sm.

TIME TO DEBUNK EVERYTHIN', YEEHAW!

#1 Starlo's name is uncool on purpose might literally mean 'Starloser' It fits his character arc. In other words, he's not the cool, badass sheriff he pretends to be (he's not 'North Star'), but a kind, friendly farmer inside

#2 He definitely DOES care about Clover. Why else would he keep saying he's proud of them, praise them, believe in them, get worried about their safety, send them a warning letter, immediately run to check what's going on with them, get angry at Clover for not staying HOME (yeah he really did consider the Wild East their home) tell Martlet to bring Clover to safety, and jump at Ceroba to try and protect them? don't question the love of star daddy

#3 Undyne actually IS a badass. Starlo isn't. He's a softie who cares about pretending to be cool bc he's insecure, even when in a situation where he could die. He wants to be a hero. He wants to be SOMEBODY, not a NOBODY. Maybe he also cared about his own status more than his town, friends and family (which could be the reason he brought a bb gun). Or he just wanted to buy time so the others could hide. Now that I think about it, it's the latter. Why else would Dina say this in genocide after you kill Ceroba: "He was more of a hero than you'll ever be." That's the whole point of his geno fight that, and a lil bit of angst when roba finds him dying IT'S CALLED CHARACTERIZATION

#4 He kidnaps Clover bc they're a human. The only human who's ever set foot on the sands of the Wild East. He's obsessed with human culture. His whole life ARE westerns. Why? Whether it's the sense of justice cowboys represent, the exciting lives they live, or both, Starlo feels like he matters thanks to this nerdy interest, like he can contribute to his community

#5 i see Martlet as a big sis not a mom bc of how young she is, despite that one joke in bits & bites, but to each their own Star jails Martlet bc of the potential of the Wild East getting shut down. She did threaten to report them to Asgore and well... according to him, better safe than sorry. He even admitted he doesn't feel right doing it

#6 It WAS wrong of him to blame and attack Clover like that, all for his own status and ego (and to get his friends back) It's called a flawed character making a fucking mistake. Or did you expect someone perfect, with no room to grow and develop throughout the piece of media? Also, Clover is not an infant, they're a child. If it was meant to be a joke, it ain't funny bucko

#7 he either actually forgot about the fact he himself kidnapped Clover bc he wasn't in the right mindset (understandable), or purposefully ignored the information to avoid responsibility for his actions & shift the blame onto Clover (he IS flawed and thats more than ok)

#8 in neutral, he doesn't apologize bc Ceroba doesn't come and snap him out of his fantasy & mindset

#9 he did his best with the apology. you can't blame starlo. He's not very good with expressing himself and emotions in general (that he has been avoiding for so long via escapism; he also uses escapism to help Ceroba instead of talking openly with her)

#10 he doesn't know how the ceroba & clover interaction played out bc he was unconscious. Maybe he thought Clover had managed to talk her outta fighting. He says in true pacifist "Yall had a fight?? and the deputy won??" In other words he didnt know they had even fought. To add fuel to the fire, his bff just died and star, being the forgiving sweetheart he is, had wanted to give her a chance at redemption, but never got the chance to. He never got the chance to say goodbye, either.

#11 just bc starlo's an adult doesn't mean he can't have these flaws/behaviors. Every individual is unique. Starlo is deff deeply insecure and most likely autistic, too. Please think about that in the future, thank you

my current feelings can best be described by good old Axis

[cantgetworsethanthistbh]

Ford is Not used to being dependant on someone as an adult - especially since Stan isn't dependant on him At All in return. It's gotta be doing weird things to his neurons, he would probably sit like a dog if Stan told him to, he is pathetic amounts of in love with him this is past partner in crime he's his hero, his guide, his Muse, his god, Ford is in a really weird headspace

OOOH i love this version of stancest sm. i know this is likely about the little ford au but i also just love this kind of stancest in regular sea grunkles and kills me. so much of stancest (and tbh just in their canon dynamic) is stan nipping at ford's feet and following ford's lead even their sea grunkles era. a lot of darker stancest always infers with ford being obssesive and controlling too and usually stan lets it, because hey thats their dynamic and its better than nothing.

but the opposite has SO much potentil. ford following stans lead. to think of ford realizing that he's way WAY out of his depth and that he needs stan way more than stan needs him now?? maybe he ALWAYS needed stan more than stan needs him?? after all, what did ford say about how stan wouldve been able to see through bill's tricks?? if they were together, the apocalypse wouldve never happened...

ford would think he's so lost now, lost without any purpose now that bill is defeated and he doesnt want the fame anymore either now that he knows his chase for it is what made him lose his brother, so he feels SO empty. except hes not. theres stan. stan whos strong, brilliant, charming and the most selfless hero ford would ever know.

ford wants to protect him so much but another day of stan saving his ass from a monster they were investigating (because he got too curious again) and ford thinks he could never EVER measure up to the way stan protects him, loves him, cherishes him and takes care of him. it makes ford feel awful, unworthy of this love after he promised he'd do anything to earn back that second chance stan too gracefully gave him. he can't fathom the idea of stan finally wisening up and leaving him even if its no less than he really deserves, because what else will he have anymore if he doesnt have his best friend, his hero, his true muse? it'll fester in his mind, growing and growing and growing, and he shoves it down deeper and deeper as much as he can.

but one night, one bottle and a million inhibitions thrown over the railing of the stan o war, he'll finally break when stan smiles at him while they sit on the deck, looking so happy when that makes no sense.

stan deserves the world, the entire galaxies, and ford can't give them to him at that very moment. he'll start crying, overwhelmed with how much he loves stan and how stan deserves the best— one ford has to grudgingly admit isnt him.

"woah, woah, sixer," stan interrupts worriedly, face falling. "what's wrong? come on, we arent even that drunk yet."

the joking tone makes ford feel worse, because how could stan stop smiling because of him and still try to make ford feel better? "i'm sorry," ford chokes. "stan, god, i'm so sorry."

"stanford," stan says placatingly. ford understands that stan understands too, that this isn't about the alcohol, or about crying out of nowhere. his hands cup ford's face, so large and warm, like a place where ford could hide his face forever with the depths os his shame and stan might even let him. that breaks ford even more. "hey come on, bro, s'okay..."

"don't leave me."

"i'm not leaving you, your big brain knows that."

you should, ford thinks but will never say, because he can't. "i can't lose you again," ford whispers with shaky breath. "i w-wouldn't know what to do with myself—"

"ford—"

"— because you're so brilliant, and brave, and good—"

"— i guess but—"

"—you're so good stan," ford interrupts whatever faux preening stan was going to do. his brother doesnt believe him, and ford practically crawls into his space.

"you are so, so good. you are so good and you don't even realize, i—" ford's breath hitches. "i don't even know how i could ever repay you..."

"pff, alright," stan scoffs, looking away, cheeks bright red and smile unconvincing. "jeez ford, you really are drunk." he laughs, his shoulders stiff and unmoving. "like what, are you trying to suck my dick?"

"is that what you want?"

stans eyes snap back to him, wide and full of shock.

"what?"

"is that what you want me to do?"

"no, ford– i'm not–"

"stan," ford says, reaching his hand now to cup stan's face, and god he's just as much of a perfect fit in ford's as he was in stan's. stan is so much bigger and better than anyone else, but with his own extra finger he just might be fit for ford. "stan, it's okay. whatever you want, whatever you need, i'll do it. for you."

sort of something like that. i really really like to think of a slightly toxic, but like in the "its toxic and also the healthiest way this dynamic can really go about" ending where ford tries to overcompensate to stan with sex and romance and stan is relunctant at first but seeing just how willing ford actually is really starts getting into the whole dom/sub— which fulfills some purpose for ford AND he gets to have stan come all over him so its kind of a huge win on all fronts

[oli-ribbun-ver]

EP 4 RAMBLE PART 3 FINAL!!

(ft the other episodes! but mainly ep 4!)

okay actually i think this is more of a gangle ramble now but thats fine

part 1

part 2

CONTINUATION OF THE GANGLE PEOPLE-PLEASER PART OF THE RAMBLE FROM PART 2!

lets see... where did i leave off... RIGHT!!

There are a lot of parts in ALL episodes where she doesn't want to cause problems for people. Which is typically normal for everyone, HOWEVER. Her idea of 'causing problems' is her opening up to people about how she truly feels, or even voicing her feelings in general if they're about someone.

I've already gone over the Pomni conversation and the bit where she has a mini breakdown, and I said I'd include even more of the other episodes in this, so! Let's begin at Ep 1!

Let's talk about what I've observed in episode one.

YES THIS IS IMPORTANT.

Notice how it's emphasized she says it quietly? (I know it's for comedic effect, but EVERYTHING seems to be important for every character, like how the darkness from the bucket on Kinger's head in Ep 2 helped him remember something about Ragatha before immediately forgetting it and then the reason he only remembers things in the darkness is explained! Seems like a minor detail that means nothing, turns out to be HUGE.

She doesn't want to cause a problem. In this case, the 'problem' would be her fully interrupting the conversation because she's worried about her friend. In the mind of a people pleaser, even if it helps someone out, you feel a sense of pressure on you when mentioning someone needs help to others, because "What if I cause a problem or make them mad? I don't wanna do that!", those thoughts are pretty normal, ESPECIALLY for people-pleasers.

"Wait, what about Zooble?" Is said so quietly, you can barely hear it. She either doesn't want her voice to be heard, or she DOES but is too scared to say it more loudly because of some version of the thoughts I described.

not as important but I'd like to note how she literally says NOTHING. like. nothing. i just think its kinda funny but also she just. doesnt give her opinion at all? she wasnt even asked if she wanted to go with them to check on kaufmo they just dgaf about her 😭

ANYWAY

This is the only time she gives her opinion and its not even an opinion HELP

Also I'm trying to save space so I don't have to make a part 4 so shortly into this, since I know I'll have to make one anyway, but I wanna mention how she hides behind her broken mask to protect herself after he screams which kinda hits different now that we know more about her mask.

But anyway, I'll make a seperate little portion of this ramble for that!

I'd like to mention too, anytime she is shoved, has something mean said to her, or has her comedy mask broken, she doesn't complain or say anything about it except for maybe an "ow". I find that interesting, because I think the reason for this is that she doesn't want anyone worrying about her. AKA, she doesn't want to cause a 'problem'.

She wants to please. One does not please by being a 'problem', right? That's probably how she thinks, anyway.

When Jax tells her to do something she doesn't want to do, whether he pressured her like that or not, it wouldn't have made a difference, because she can't bring herself to say 'no.'

In my opinion, from what it sounds like when she says "I don't think we—" she probably would've ended up saying yes regardless. Hell, if he'd just followed it up with "do it," I don't see a world in which she wouldn't, although she'd probably be more hesitant.

also why does his back bend like that he looks like hes gonna become an old man any second now HELP 😭

Also, when Jax threatens her by saying "Do it, or I'll tell Ragatha about the figurine thing," I think that really does something to her.

Every time she's either built up the confidence to say no, or someone has tried to help her say no, she's kicked down in one way or another INSTANTLY.

Episode 4 did not help with that. I believe in the next few episodes, she will not be better about saying no. She might even be worse off, knowing Ragatha thinks her being happy is annoying.

People-pleasers are in different worlds. Being the type of people-pleaser Gangle is, it's an entirely different world from others. It carries a lot of what I can only describe as delusion to it.

If Pomni had not stepped up when Gangle thought she was alone after work hours, Gangle would have abstracted. I am a firm believer in that. She was breaking. Losing her mind.

Gangle tells herself to stop trying to achieve her dream while breaking down over the fact her efforts to achieve her dream might not be enough.

So let's go there, and get a

Closer look at Gangle's mental state.

(and why she's most likely the most unwell character)

Gangle is mentally ill. Everyone knows that already, but to what extent?

I'm not sure if we'll ever know.

But what we do know is this.

More likely than not, Gangle almost abstracted in Ep 4. And out of everyone who has EVER vented so far, Gangle has shared relatively nothing. Even after the Spudsy's adventure, what we've seen so far is her never mentioning her feelings except that she feels like she messed everything up.

Gangle doesn't know how to help herself. Zooble can make her feel better, but not for long, because Gangle doesn't think she can get better.

When she was about to vent to Pomni, she stopped as soon as she felt like her feelings were REALLY about to come loose, put her new happy mask back on, said she had no time to talk about her feelings, and fled.

What I think is that Gangle thinks everyone is more important than her, so when she FINALLY got to be important she was happy. Really, truly happy.

The worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.

Something that makes me sad is that Gangle does not feel wanted or loved.

Gangle was almost gone in Episode 4.

We almost lost Gangle. Had Gangle abstracted, she'd die without ever feeling like people cared about her.

For all we know, she could be the first person to abstract after Kaufmo.

I personally believe that.

The end of Episode 4 was a su¡cide attempt. (is that word allowed? im not sure..l ill censor it anyway)

I saw someone say this in the comment section of either the episode itself or a reaction video, and I completely agree.

They say before people commit su¡cide, they have a sudden boost of joy. Everything will be over soon. Why not enjoy that fact?

I think it was a subconscious su¡cide, at the very least.

She was happy. For the first time without a happy mask to hide how she feels deep down, she was happy.

She had a sudden boost of happiness, and then stepped backwards into oncoming traffic. When someone experiences a near-death situation by their own hand, there's a moment of regret before they are gone. I've experienced it myself, and it is horrid. That feeling is one I will never be able to forget. Even if I never so much as blacked out, I felt faint, and I will NEVER forget that fear, that horror, dread, regret.

The shock. Wondering if it was truly me who did it.

And I think. That is what Gangle experienced.

And then, that feeling was brushed off by Caine, whether she knew he doesn't understand the feeling of wanting to disappear or not, she was quick to blame herself for it all. Both about her performance to Caine, and alone, to nobody but herself.

"I guess I just... cracked under the pressure I suppose."

And maybe, just maybe.

That crack will never heal.

Thank you for listening and reading my ramble, everyone!! I appreciate it more than you know!

Bye bye for now, friends! Have a lovely day!

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

tldr: the story of how i figured out im gay and why i relate to byler so much. aka why its good rep

this was not supposed to be this long

my best friend doesnt like stranger things bc she thinks the metaphorical texture of the show is gross feeling(valid) but she follows me on here and has had to block the byler tag bc its all i post about these days and shes not into it.

anyways it made me think about why i love byler so much and it definitely has to do with the fact that as a queer person i relate super heavily to their story. being gay is way more acceptable now and i was born in 07 so its not like its was considered a death sentence to be gay in general. however i grew up in the classical church. my mom was part of a religious cult in highschool and i was my parents first kid and they were super protective of me. Im also autistic and i spent most of my childhood very worried about doing and acting the right way to make people accept me. my parents favorite story to tell people about my childhood is that when i finally graduated my crib and got a toddler bed they were worried that i would never let them sleep again. that didnt happen tho, in fact i refused to get out of bed with out express permission and would lay there until they came told me i could get up.

id like to say that i was homophobic growing up but not in the traditional sense. it was more that i was actually afraid of gay people. No one around me ever really said anything blatantly homophobic or had radical ideas about the subject but we were so deep into the church and i was always afraid of everything. when i was in elementary school we would do drills. call and response cult like stuff. theyd ask us to define sin and wed spout off this memorized line about going agaisnt gods will in action or thought or intention. i didnt even know what a gay meant until i got to middle school and the entire idea terrified me. because thats not allowed and when someone brings it up all the adults get that one look on their face and the pastor says that homosexuality is a sin or wtv.

i had this one friend, lets call her jane, at the time. i really liked her but she was kind of a delinquent, she didnt have the best home life and she was kind if an angry kid so when she came out to our friend group as bisexual in i think 7th grade, we (the rest of the group was v religious ) were concerned about it but not really surprised. we werent supportive but we werent angry either. it was more like we werent sure what to do. she had always been a problem child so it didnt seem to out of the blue for someone like her to like girls so we just kind of tried not to talk about it again.

I was a pretty big drama kid at the time( still am) (i swear i have a point to this) and i became friends with this one girl. lets call her belle. anyways i reallllyyyy liked belle i dont think i had a crush on her but i thought she was really cool and fun and liked hanging around her. we werent really close much to my past and present dismay but when i did hang out with her i always had a fun time. a few years later she told me that she was bisexual. this pretty much broke my little brain. because belle was cool and fun and normal and it was the first time when i realized that maybe there was something wrong with the way my church worked. they had to be wrong because there was no way belle was evil and going to hell. i loved being friends with her and i couldn't accept the fact that her liking girls changed anything. she still felt like the same person. still the topic was terrifying to me, i was so afraid that i was wrong or maybe just not smart enough to see the truth. so many people around me that i grew up being told knew what was right, knew what god was telling us said that it was wrong so maybe i just didnt get it. maybe i wasnt close enough to god to understand what made gay people so bad. still something changed from then and the next year i ended up being close to this girl, lets call her beth, (all my other friends had either moved on or were on different sides of our grade and tbh i was terrified of her but i had no one else). Anyways beth also had a crazy homelife she talked a lot about how she hated her family and how she would kill her dad if she could. she also ate highlighters, just drew on her tongue, and sold pictures of her feet on instagram to make money. needless to say as soon as i hit highschool i never spoke to her again, she freaked me out. anyway one day me and beth were walking at recess and she turns to me and tells me that im gay. i knew she was pan at this point and i didnt really care though looking back on it she was definitely flirting with me. I got freaked out and told her there was no way i was gay and assumed that she just wanted me to like her back but id had a crush on a guy before so i couldnt be gay.

speaking of this guy, he sat next to belle in my science class in 6th grade. i sat behind them and they were good friends. we were sort of a trio in that class and i thought he was really nice and funny. he was the first guy id ever been friends with and i assumed that the fact that i enjoyed hanging out with him and having fun meant that i must have a crush on him. because girls and boys cant just be friends. thats what everyone always said at least. one day we were texting and he told me that he liked me and wanted to go out. i csnt describe the feeling i got then. it was this werid mix of anxiety and fear and knowing that i should be excited but instead i was disappointed. and i didnt know why. i told him i wasnt allowed to date til 16 and if he still wanted me then whe could date then. i cried about it for almost a year. which doesnt make any sense because i rejected him not the other way around. but i felt heartbroken. im still not really sure why.

when beth told me i was gay i p much told her to f off in the most good christian way possible but i still thought about it. the idea felt so overwhelming and i couldnt think about it without wanting to have a panic attack so i stopped thinking about it. then i had a gay dream about jane and honestly i should have figured it out then but somehow i completely disregarded.

i changed schools for high school so i was with a lot of new people. i wanted a fresh start. at the time i felt like id been pretending to be someone else for my whole life and i hoped that starting over would help me find myself or something. I always sort of knew i was different from other kids i never felt like we had much in common or something but i could never put a finger of what it was (it was the autism). when i started highschool my main goal was to make friends on my own and conquer my social anxiety when had been crippling throughout middle and elementary. i ended up meeting this girl, lets call her cassie, (so many people ikik) and we became super close. she had a lot of issues as well bc apparently i attract unstable people. she was by far the worst id dealt with though. she was suicidal, ocd, anorexic and hurt her self a lot. it was a very codependent friendship but we were attached at the hip. she was my whole world at the time, nothing else really mattered more than her not killing herself. one day we were texting after midnight and she told me that she thought she might be bisexual and i told her a didnt care. i really didnt care i was more worried about her killing herself. she said she had a crush on someone but wouldnt tell me who and i let the topic die.

then heartstopper came out on netflix and i got DEAD sick. i couldnt even speak. it was very bad. anyways i had a computer at this point and was looking for something to watch. i settled on heartstopper because id heard so many good things about it and i was morbidly( at the time) curious. i watched the entire show in one sitting. i was scared my mom would find out and when she did find out she gave me this hesitant look and said she didnt love the idea of me watching that kind of stuff. i watched it anyways. i was mesmerized dude. the scene of nick nelson in his bedroom, on the verge of tears searching the internet for anwsers was so powerful to me and it was like something clicked in my brain.

what if i am gay??

id never let myself actually ask mysrlf that before. id never dared to even think it was a possibility because of course im straight. id know if i liked girls. but i sat there dead sick and dying slowly and looked over at my book case at all my favorite books. i looked up on youtube how to tell if your bisexual (bc ofc i like guys duh) and it said something about thinking about how you feel about fictional characters and i sat and i thought. it was a very overwhelming week. i thought back to middle school and the strange possessiveness i had over my best friend at the time, the feeling of hurt i always seemed to have when she hung out with someone else. i hated that part of myself. i felt validated in my feelings at the time but i never knew why i felt that way and it felt unfair to her.

at the time i was talking to a guy. he was nice and pretty chill but i sort of knew i didnt like him the way he liked me. i wanted to though. i wanted to like him so freaking badly. so i kept taking to him. id be on the phone with him for 5 hours just talking about nothing and tell myself that this was what its like to like someone. it wasnt a bad experience, he was nice and i liked to talk to him. but i didnt have feelings for him. one night i texted cassie back and told her that maybe i was bi too. she was from a christian household too and we talked for a while one what we should do.

my parents have always had this policy of being honest with each other when sometbing happens in our lives. which i think is pretty normal but my autistic ahh took it very seriously. almost as soon as i started questioning i told them. bad idea, was not ready. i was so scared that somehow theyd look at me and figure out that i was thinking about it, and that theyd be mad that i didnt talk to them about it. i said it at dinner and there was legit forks dropped. my mom took me on a 2 hour long walk to try and explain myself which was HELL because i couldnt even understand what was going on.

"why do you think you like girls??"

"idk"

they eventually dropped the subject.

soon after that me and cassies relationship started to get werid. after being so codependent for so long we had thsi strange sort of toxic need for each other to be sane or something. she confessed that she had a crush on me and i really wasnt sure how to feel about it. she was so important to me and the trauma and confusion and drama of our friendship got all jumbled in my head and we fell into some sort of homo romantic something. we never did anything besides holding hands a few times, but we did that before either of us came out anyways. we went to summer camp summer after freshmen year and shit really hit the fan and we ended up having a friendship breakup. she told me afterwards that she was a devoted christian now, that god had saved her from herself and that now she was straight. i was really lost the rest of that summer. i wasnt sure what to do at all, who i was or what i was supposed to do now that i left the person i had dedicated the past year of my life and my mental health too. i was really suicidal for a few months after that but slowly i got better.

second semester of sophomore year i had my first real crush on one of my close friends at the time. she was straight which sucked but those 6 months of my life were some of the most terrible exhilarating experiences of my life. thats how i knew i wasnt wrong. bc theres no heterosexual option for wanting to make out with a girl in a dirty school bathroom stall.

it was hard though, being in love with someone you know will never feel that way about you. even if at the time i had mostly gotten over the majority of my internalized homophobia theres still that feeling of guilt. you feel so gross and creepy and unwanted. this person doesnt want you, they dont even want your gender but you cant let it go. its a very lonely feeling.

it was around the same time that i figured out that i was a lesbian. after i felt what it was like to like someone, really like someone. to be able to identify that feeling as romantic feelings, it was pretty obvious that i didnt like guys. i felt really bad about the guy i was talking too. he had no idea and id just heen leading him on for almost a year. i felt super shitty about it.

idk if that was coherent but i guess thats why i love byler so much. it feels so raw and real to me. i watch the van scene and i see myself. i see how hard it was and how much i hated myself and wanted so badly to be normal and to be able to talk about boys with my friends without feeling uncomfortable. i see the way mike is with el and i see myself with that boy from middle school. so desperate for affection and so so confused. this feeling of guilt and regret, the heartbreak of loosing someone that you couldve had but you dont want. i want to want it but i dont and its so heartbreaking.

i almost think its a worse feeling that being broken up with. i fell in love with a girl recently and she ended up ending things. i was super upset about it cried for a long time. but still. its not the same hurt. it hurts but its not the same deep primal hurt. sitting on my bathroom floor at 13 years old sobbing my eyes out because im not with a boy that i rejected. wishing that things were different but not wanting to actually change. i broke my own heart and i didnt even mean too

[foxbinnstuff]

back with my crackship bullshit so soon holy crap! Anyways heres a ToriSaiKai ramble cuz my brains so dead

THIS MOSTLY GOES INTO TORIKAI AND THEIR FUNNY LITTLE DYNAMIC BE WARNED THIS IS LONG AND MIGHT BE OUT OF CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To me, ToriSaiKai doesn’t work that well as a full on relationship, it’d be so fucked 😭 its more of a “imagine them crushing on each other/imagine how messy it’d be if they dated for a couple months” so kinda like more like a crazy fling than anything

Toritsuka would probably find himself crushing on Saiki first cuz he can legit transform into a girl and all that, but thats been done 100 times so you get the jist :3 Tori’s brain works in a sort of “if I’m getting something from you, I’ll stay around” way so he’s being clingy to Saiki and doing extra favors for him and all that stuff because he just wants Saiki to date him at least once as Kusuko, which is far from a promise, so why is he clinging around Saiki and doing extra things for him if it doesn’t get him Kusuko in return? (he’s gay for Saiki and doesn’t realize yet) So he continues flattering Saiki and all that woth the excuse of Saiki’s shapeshifting. Why not just any other girl? Because Kusuko is canonically really really attractive and I don’t think the perv would let go of that for weeks to even months. But where does Kaido come in? Well, Kaido’s always kinda hanging around Nendo, Saiki and Kuboyasu with a huge emphasis on Saiki and Kuboyasu since he looks up to them so much, and heck you could even say “fuck it” and add Kubo into the poly crackship lol anyway, so in one way or another Kaido realizes he has more than just friendly feelings for Saiki but is in super denial! He starts feeling jealous over Tori doing all these favors and even flirting with Saiki, so Kaido’s like being protective and stuff in his own little ways going “Saiki, Toritsukas apart of the dark reunion! We need to release our powers on him!” very loudly and Saiki rolls his eyes, silently agreeing with Kaido and playing into it a little in his mind cuz yeah, maybe he should ‘release his powers’ on that perv. So Tori’s very aware of Kaido’s jokes but I do think that theres a misunderstanding and Tori thinks Kaido ACTUALLY has superhuman powers like Saiki, cuz Saiki has showed that he enjoys Kaido and see’s him as at least a friend more than a few times which is so rare for Saiki when they don’t know he’s a psychic. Tori is sort of confused and shocked when he makes that connection cuz Kaido’s so weak and small, but it kind of makes sense since his spirit guardian was a out of the ordinary chihuahua! Tori starts making thinly veiled threats back about his spirit medium power, saying stuff like how he’s gonna get a world star wrestler to possess him so they can fight it out like real men! Kaido really seriously thinks Tori’s part of Dark Reunion and Tori thinks Kaido knows about how Saiki’s a psychic and therefore knows about shapeshifting, wanting Kusuko all to himself like he does. I think it’d be really really funny if Tori knew about Kaido being gay first on accident 😭😭😭😭😭 a cocky Toritsuka going “I have no need to worry, I have waay more experience than you anyways” and a flushing Kaido going “Huh?! Who said I ever wanted him like that?!”

a bit of confusion all around! Its sort of hard for Saiki to decipher cuz all the misunderstandings but he eventually does, and he actually gets amusement out of it, not stopping it because that at first.

The 2 of them go head to head, Kaido not wanting his trusted ally and greatest friend to join Dark Reunion and Tori wanting a chance with Kusuko instead. They flatter him and pamper him and such and he actually doesn’t mind being bought extra sweets and such, he just has to put up with Tori’s overly flirtatious and suggestive comments from time to time and Kaido’s try’s at expressing his love for Saiki and how much he means to him, just so he doesn’t join Dark Reunion. Saiki can see that this is sort of ruining them at first because they both hate each other so much but then they start popping up in each others heads again and again I think it starts off as a sort of “maybe I should trick Kaido with this to make him look bad in front of Saiki!” and a “Whats Toritsuka doing over by Saiki?! He’s probably got something evil up his sleeve that’ll make Saiki succumb to the Dark Reunion! What if he puts something in his food! Poison? Something worse?!” But they get less situational and more sudden, Tori see’s something light blue and thinks “I hate that dumb chihuahua!” Kaido see’s something to do with ghosts and goes “that stupid Dark Reunion ghost perv!” They don’t even need to see each other much and they’re popping up in each other’s thoughts 10 times a day! That got a little worrying to Saiki, especially when they start having frustrated rambly thoughts about each other that felt like they never stopped.

“he pisses me off so bad! Flaunting his power around everywhere but not using it in front of anyone, such a cheap ploy just for chicks probably! Not to mention his cute act, how he probably uses makeup just to appear cuter and less threatening! That dark reunion crap is so annoying, every word out of that guys mouth carefully articulated to sound insane! He probably thinks he’s so good, that damn goody twoshoes! He drives me insane!”

“does he really think he’s so slick?! What did he even join Dark Reunion for?! To be a pervert to all the reunions women?! I should of known they’d have those kind of disgusting people, is he even a person?! His devilishly good looks, those can’t possibly be real or human! He’s some kind of undead or something! How dare he come back from his grave to haunt the JetBlackWings?! What a sick pervert!”

The thoughts lead up more and more, so does the flattery and the head to head battles. Tori pushes Kaido and Kaido punches Tori, Tori rolls his eyes and Kaido goes into a fit of yelling. Their thoughts about each other slip out but the only thing they can understand are the accidental compliments, catching them both very off gaurd.

They sort of want to understand each other and why they’re doing this after a while, Tori asking stuff like “whats your deal?! We can just take turns!” and Kaido yelling “Why did you even join Dark Reunion, to haunt him!?”

They don’t really get anywhere except they know more and more that this is all for Saiki but they want it to stop, but they really don’t want it to stop at the same time. Their little fights and nonsensical arguments replay over and over in their heads, keeping them up at night, trying understand what the other was saying, trying to understand what’s happening to their brains and why its always either each other or Saiki.

what I like about it is the huge fucking mess they have to get out of, cuz lets be real, Kaido and Tori are like COMPLETE opposites

[iennoganan-aha]

A theory I thought up when sleep deprived a few months ago BSD MANGA SPOILERS

This is about Atsushi 🤜🏼💥

I like to think that Atsushi and Byakkou have always been interwoven. I enjoy the idea that the yellow and purple swirled eyes is a representation of it. Because byakkous eyes are yellow. (I don't fully buy that, it's just cool to think about)

She's always been there, living Atsushi's life with him. She is still a wild animal and that's why she goes on rampages for food or revenge and protection, but the concept that living beside a human for 18 years has made her somewhat forget who/what she is...

A goddess (if you follow that theory)

Her being a goddess (celestial being) inside a human is why Fyodor is obsessed with her. This is confirmed in the recent chapter but still. He wants the goddess, and perhaps he thinks of Atsushi as the bookmark because he was imprinted on by a celestial being for whatever reason.

Similar with Chuuya and arahabaki. A 'god' inside a human.

Maybe 'what his parents did to him as an infant', (what the headmaster was saying was so horrific) was him being sacrificed to Byakkou. Perhaps he was involved in some kind of horrific sacrifice, and when the parents realized the sacrifice didn't work how they expected, they tried to torture Byakkou out (like shibusawa did) and it failed so they threw him away.

And so Byakkou, who had accepted the sacrifice (a host, they didn't realize it was a host) they watched the way they were treated. Perhaps it started like a Naruto/kurama, Itadori/Sukuna thing where she couldn't take over like she expected, however instead of her being sealed or trying to break out, she started to lose sight of herself. She was now an ability.

And maybe Byakkou as a god isn't as known anymore, Fyodor knew because he's ancient an maybe he realized Atsushi would make a perfect host, but it got out of his hands and he had to find ways to get his bookmark, the god back.

But with Byakkou being not known anymore, and her host being Atsushi, she began thinking of herself as a piece of Atsushi, his ability.

And in the current timeline where Atsushi can now speak with her, she somewhat realizes they're two actually entities, however, she still views herself as his ability. She hates him because he rejected her blessing whatever that meant, but she could never hate her host, her gift. And when he accepted her, it furthered her mindset of them being one, a ying-yang of human to ability, mortal to God. So Fyodor trying to separate them deeply disturbs, angers and confuses Byakkou. Because she is Atsushi.

But Fyodor wants to remind her who she really is. And have her at her true strength once more. Her true power, true form. Maybe her true form is related to the book? So Atsushi is a book mark because he stopped the book by fusing with her? Stopped her making the story by making her lose sight of herself?

Or maybe he's a bookmark in the sense that he is between her? He is the barrier between what she's already made, and anything she could make?

Like his body is literally keeping her in place. She can only live with what she's created, because she's stuck inside him, she cannot write more. He is keeping her behind him, as he lives the strory?

And thats all I got since after this I realized my friend wasn't responding and I was tired and I went to bed 🕺🏼 I think it sounds cool. The theory stemmed from me going 'hey what if someone redid the scene with Paimon/Peter and the grandma at the end of Hereditary but with Atsushi/Byakkou and Fyodor' and then went nuts lol

Thoughts? I'm not usually one for theories since I begin to tangent off into Au territory lmao so feel free to simply think this is a rad fic idea I MAY OR MAY NOT WRITE lol