#like when i say protective in a friend sense but i think maybe thats not what i mean

[darcyolsson]

truly did not expect to come out of my tmi reread a hardcore jimon but i should have known that the second i started ironically shipping them it was over for me

[ghstmsk]

filled this out the other day for these two cause idk felt like it. I referred to them as just friends with benefits but theyre in a weird spot where they might actually be dating but no ones sure not even them. I think maybe i don't work with these sorts of templates cause I feel the need to explain a lot i'm very prone to infodumping about my ocs

[rxmxa]

random astro observations part 14. ⋆.˚🦋༘⋆✨

✨just for fun im just talking random ass shit based on PERSONALL observations..✨ part 13 here. 🎬

tw: mention of death on the last observations.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅pisces, cancer and scorpio risings WILLL be treating the date like a job interview. With that earth 7h (virgo, capricorn and taurus) TRUST that we have checked out your references and will get back to you in 2-5 business days. 💅 but no fr we need security bc we are real strict over here.🔒

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅its only to protect our hearts bc we just truly desire someone we can emotionally connect with (water 5h) and also be open to talk to about our fears and desires and the other shit we keep to ourselves (air 8h + 12h) 😤

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅my friend was telling me about how the lines that actors get immense praise for end up being improvised most of the time and that really reminded me of the aqua-leo axis. When you detach and are willing to experiment (aqua) the more likely you are to be recognized because you are becoming in tune with your natural talents (leo).

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅Every single time I'm in the shower I always get an epiphany or an idea of some sort or make a connection (usually its me thinking about peoples birth charts LOL) but every single fucking time im like wtf I gotta remember this when I get out this is good ass info! and I always forget!!!

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅^ It has to be my uranus in the 12h triggering that. Uranus= sudden downloads of information. 12h= secluded spaces, like the shower. I guess thats why I forgot so easily though (real 12h subconcious shit). Next time im bringing a whiteboard in there or some shit

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was talking to my pisces venus coworker and she was saying that for as long as she could remember she had always daydreamed of love. She said she would was always trying to mold herself into the ideal version of what her crushes liked (its in her 7h) and as a 7h sun myself I was shook but I also understood how this happens even in a subconcious way u can mirror people. but the love she's looking for is literally HERS. she has so much love to give and she was like who can accept this? YOU. GIVE it to yourself.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She had been in a relationship before with someone who was SHIT person but its like she kept forgiving him or in a sense blocking it out. like thats the thing about pisces placements they will talk about some unhinge ass shit someone does to them in a such a casual way it will have you being like oh okay for a sec until you're like oh,, oh yeah no thats bad.. really bad. I say this as a pisces rising.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and AGAIN AND AGAIN that's what helps me as someone with a lot of neptune aspects, a pisces rising, pluto squares, pluto in the 10h, lilith in the 11h, like ppl have done me FUCKING DIRTY in social and groups settings and I use to make it so much worse for myself by not nipping it in the bud. that's why anytime someone does some shit that FEELS FUCKED up you take that as a sign.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ^ dont sit there and try to rationalize it, dont try to put logic in it, dont talk about how well, when they were in 2nd grade their hamster died so maybe its their trauma. When people show you who they are you ACCEPT IT. if someone does something that a piece of shit would only do, then accept that maybe they suck. I dont mean your friend forgot to get you a straw when they bought you a drink. I mean when people do shit on purpose that puts your well-being (emotional, mental, physical) in harms way. trust me bby ik what im talking about >___<

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and honestly, if you are plutonian or have a lot of neptune aspects or saturn in your chart as well, you're gonna learn shit the hard way. With different energy ofc. Pluto energy = will have you learning through trauma like someone passing away or trying to sabotage you. Neptune energy = will have you learning through deception like someone backstabbing you. Saturn energy= will have you learning through roadblocks, like other people being able to get shit the easy way out like a parent paying for their stuff and you having to bust your ass to get it.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ pluto in your chart can also show where people try to humble you, not like a saturnian restrictive way but more like to put you in your place because they could feel intimidated. for ex I have pluto in the 10h and my coworkers will say backhanded shit like "Oh woooow you really are going all out huh?" like instead of being normal and being like wow that is great work! they try to subtly hint that maybe im the one doing too much instead of it being them doing the bare minimum.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ If you have pluto in the 1h people could just say in general that "you're too much" or "too much to deal with" or "abrasive." Pluto in the 3h and during conversations people might look around, eyes wide, wanting you to tone it down or say that you're being inappropriate or too intense. Pluto in the 4h and people ESPECIALLY your family trying to humble you by bringing up the past: "Oh you like that now? I remember when you were a kid you..." Pluto in the 4h will especially get humbled by their family anytime they want to change or try something different than the way they were raised, like girl?! this is a family not a damn CULT.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a pluto in the 4h friend who has family members that will tell the most fucked up stories about what they do to each other but then sigh and be like "but family is family so we have to accept them" or her family members say stuff like "blood is thicker than water." like no... pluto in the 4h ppl, family is who YOU CHOSE!

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I have a coworker who is sooo nice to me but still theres something that makes me feel suspicious of her and it makes me feel so bad BUT TO BE FAIR she does have her mars in my 7h and we did have a slight rift when we first started working together. but even now, im still like do u secretly hate me...

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ She has mars in the 12th house and I also feel like thats a big factor in it because 12h house energy is so... MUTED. with placements there you really gotta focus on peoples subtle acts of support that reveal their intentions versus their words (or lack of). And so far she has been a very supportive and helpful coworker. But yeah thats 12h energy honestly like my friends brother is a cancer sun and mercury in the 12h and she feels like hes so unloving and unsupportive and its bc baby boy is not gonna be straight up telling her! she needs to watch his actions, his mannerisms. she needs to understand him more through his actions over time rather than words. ofc it varies from chart to chart.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ people with 12h mars could often have people WONDERING, "oh are they mad at me?" or sun 12h ppl could have people wondering, "oh what are they hiding from me?" or mercury in the 12h could have people wondering, "Oh, what is that they are not saying?"

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Do you follow your profection years? For me, it’s wild how they line up. When I was in a 7H year, I got into my first serious relationship (classic 7H relationships vibe). When I was 7 years old, in my 8H year, my dad passed away (8H ruling death). Fast forward to my 9H year (travel), I visited family abroad after four years—that’s the longest I’ve EVER gone without seeing them.Then, in my 10H year (careers), I literally started my career. My 12H year? traumatic as fuck (I got into a serious car accident with friends and my back was fucked up and my friend had internal bleeding) but honestly the aftermath of that really forced me to grow the fuck up and surprise surprise, all of that happened bc I wasnt trusting my gut on who I was hanging out with. but anyhoo. Now I’m in a 1H year, and it’s all about me. I’m actually focusing on myself and being way more gentle in the process. It’s been kind of nice, honestly. if u wanna know yours just google annual profections it'll show u the wheel :)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn transits in your chart mean fucking BUSINESS! I remember my friend got married when saturn (commitments) was transiting her 7h (marriage/ contracts). Saturn transits will have you reflecting on what you want long term in your life and what desperately needs to be checked in on or discarded or cleaned up.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn in pisces transiting in my first house had me acting right. I remember when a "friend" aka someone who was at fault with that whole car accident shit (someone who I dont speak to anymore) had asked me to do some shady shit after it. I was like FUCK NO! no bc 1) I have integrity but also 2) if I tried to take the easy way out or bullshit I knew saturn was gonna beat my ass HARDER. im glad I trusted myself and was the bigger person.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Saturn was still transiting my 1H during the accident, but it had just come out of my 12H, where I was actively in therapy. In my 1H, I’d been feeling way more at peace and healed, so when I started making questionable choices with who I was hanging out with, it was like Saturn decided it was time to knock some sense into me.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ Me: walking on the ledge, ignoring my instincts, hanging with toxic people Saturn: "Don’t do that, you’re gonna fall." Me: falls Saturn: "DIDN’T I FUCKING TELL YOUUU?!"

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ but you know you live and you learn and at the end of the day it could have been so much worse (aka all of us being dead) but me and friend made a full recovery and everyone else had minor injuries.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was watching this video called "the root cause of addiction" and in the video he said that at the end of the day we're are just looking for ways to go back to that child we once were and to experience genuine joy. and that was so 5h coded to me. He said in the video we do things like cooking or play video games because we want to get that joy back. The 5th house is all about sex, good fortune, art, creativity, pleasure, entertainment, birth, children. We really can use our 5th house to actively nurture our inner child.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ for example, cancer or moon in the 5th house wants to go back to space where they feel safe, warm, and comfortable. feeling free to express ur softness and vulnerability. a place you love going back to! they can do this through cooking, baking, or watching your childhood favorite movie with family.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ the little things, like baking a pie or getting out an old art project help us connect with the childlike wonder and happiness that we still have inside us. You can find your own special, simple pleasures by looking into the 5th House in your chart. And even if ur childhood was not the best (I completely get that) you can nurture your inner child now !! your hobbies and fave past times r not silly they matter too

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ and think about the 5h-11h axis, if anything your hobbies and creativity (5h) helps you find your people and be in groups that actually align with what u love and care about (11h)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚and think about how sometimes that hobby or passion (5h) can bring u immense success, recognition and profit (11h)

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ with pluto in aqua we are going to see people (aqua) transforming (pluto) their lives in all aspects in regard to their hobbies and passions (5h). People are gonna continue to explore what they love and find their niche and for some their success will skyrocket over night, for others the process might be slower. think about the ppl making bank rn from tiktok videos organizing their fridge. bc it just makes them happy to do it.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ tw: death. I'm not trying to end on a dark note, its merely a thought I had so please take this with a grain of salt. but speaking of pluto in aqua, that reminds me of this video I was watching about how the Romans would have the Gladiatorial games, where combatants fought each other or wild animals to the death, BECAUSE they were so overindulgent in all other areas in life....

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ like you have sooo much that your idea of pleasure just gets distorted in this sense. what do you want when you have had everything?. The scale of these events was astonishing, with sometimes hundreds of animals being killed in a single day. Pluto in aqua is going to transform the way as a society we view, experience and talk about death.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ there are ppl that are gonna have so much wealth and power and be so fucking bored that maybe in 20 years from now someone gets jailed or some shit to try to recreate that. I remember reading this story in high school about this rich man who had an isolated island and he would have people lost on it to hunt them for sport. iM NOT SAYING we're about to get put on the wall like those deers when pluto goes into aqua, im SAYING THO that shit like that, ideas like that, could pop up

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ I was also thinking about how pluto in aqua could mean more video games or tech or simulations (aqua) where you can try out how it feels like to die (pluto). like you can pick how and what you want to feel. some kind of shit like that. tech is only gonna keep getting more and more advanced now. we talk about the ipad kids and how they be on there typing and facetiming ppl and therye like 2 but imagine the kids growing up during pluto in aqua, I already know theyre gonna think we're soo uncool hahaha

[al-luviec]

cont...

still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)

[drdtblingsceo]

WHIT TIME LOOP THEORY – EXPLAINED

Veronikas rambling about the book is during her intro and the text on white background is a hidden text on DRDT tumblr page..

1. FOREVER DEAD

The hidden text and Forever Dead are really similar, I highlighted the parts that re connected / similar

Frist, the protagonist of Forever Dead is a boy, so saying this could also be about Veronika ( there are mentions about " boredom " and Veronika is the one telling Teruko and Xander about the book in the frist place ) doesnt make sense;

Whits secret quote is " We tend to idolize dead ", and both the book and Wsq is related to death. ( Its obv possible that the quote is about his mother but its not directly stated, and ofc even if it is, it doesnt have to be ONLY abt his mom )

2. WHITS INTUITION

Its highlighted so far 3 times in DRDT ( and definitely will be more ), and yea thats suspicious. What if Whits intuiton is infact not that amazing that he can even predict things ( one example: the " Do you really think shed be HANGING out in a playground rn ? ", and yea it could be just a joke put there by DRDTdev BUT !!! or when he said that his intuiton is telling him that him and Charles will become good friends someday ), but he just knows what will happen and how the situations will play out because hes been throught them before for MANY times

3. 4TH WALL

Whit broke the 4th wall few times, directly talking to US - the viewers, or doing things benefiting us, even if it doesnt make sense in his place. For example: when SHOWING the characters special weapons list and then talking directly to the audience, or when in early-mid (chapter 2 episode 10) trial asked what is Edens secret because "he forgot" and Ace said that he didnt had to ask because he can just simply look up at the monitor where are all the secret displayed, its like Whit did it so WE can get reminded which secret are already revealed and belong to who.

4. FORESHADOWING

Also Whit foreshadowed things too, for example AGAIN the Arei hanging out at playground scene

( small theory, that can later on be evidence for this theory too: in prologue, during Charles intro, he joked about Charles being " pronounced dead at 3 ", so if Charles will die in 3rd chapter or in any chapter during 3 AM / PM, it will be a HUGE evidence for this theory )

5. " BACK ON THE RIGHT TRACK "

There were situations where Whit brought DRDT " back on the right track " or made the kg more interesting, like when he protected / revealed Charles hemophobia during trial 1, because he knew that if everyone voted Charles as the culprit the kg would end ( and cmon TV show ending so quickly would be no fun !!!.. Also why would he start the time loop again so early on ??? )

Or when he didnt helped during the chapter 2 episode 4 fight, or when he didnt revealed Davids secret until he was literally forced too

6. POSSIBILITIES

1. He is the mastermind and wants to entertain the audience as much as he can, and since he knows what will happen anyways, he can direct what situations he will let play out and what not, so it wont he boring for us

2. Hes not the mastermind but he is stuck in the time loop so he wants to entertain himself as much as he can, in the hidden text on tumblr page there is mention of constant boredom, so naturally he wants to entertain himself as much as he possibly can to not feel it

He, of course, can be the mm and want to entertain himself too, or not be the mm but he will atleast make it that way so we wont be as bored as he is now - he will make the TV show entertaining

7. WHITS PERSONALITY

If Whit was put throught so many loops or stuck in this kg for " eternity " wouldnt he act cold or emotionless, or atleast not how he acts now ??? Yea maybe, but think about it, if he was a bitch, distant, cold or mean to everyone – no one would like him, or if he took it to extreme people would avoid him even ( MAYBE minus Veronika but im sure he would get pretty fed up with her after a while ), and the consequences of people ignoring / avoiding him ??? More boredom... which he already is REALLY bored so why would he make it even worse for himself ??

8. " KILL TERUKO TAWAKI "

I think its pretty clear ( or atleast very possible ) that the one who wrote the " kill Teruko Tawaki " note is the mastermind

The note looks like its written in a specific type of blue pen which we didnt see in the series yet, and you know who special pen/s which no one in the cast would find / have ( minus Min ) ??? – Whit !!! His special weapon is stationary, which is known as writing and other office materials ( including pens duh ). But Charles would call Whit out since he knows Whits handwriting and saw the ktt note ??? Yea no.. Charles canonicaly doesnt remember much from frist trial, so I rlly doubt that he remembers how ( handwriting ) the note looked like. It couldnt be Whit who wrote the note cuz he canonicaly dots his i / js with hearts !! But is it that hard to not do that while writing something you dont want anyone to know that you wrote it.. and honestly i think anyone in his position and who wantes to push the kg further, they would atleast slightly change their handwriting.. Whit really isnt dumb

9. WHITS REACTION TO DEATHS/ EXTREME SITUATIONS

After Mins execution, everyone was disturbed or shocked, even VERONIKA, but Whits reaction was " jeez, thats terrible ",, he didnt had disturbed or shocked sprite either, he even joked about her execution later on in the series

Or his reaction to Areis death, it was another emotionless " oops, thats not good :P ", and as far as we know Whit and Arei were atleast kinda friends

Plus his reaction to Terukos soon execution, and Levi bleeding out on the floor from several shot wounds

His ass did NOT cared, he only wanted to make sure Charles is alright, thats suspicious. Wouldnt he be atleast little worried for Teruko ( which he considers a friend ) and then Levi ????

Unless he knows that they will survive this, because he saw it happen before or hes just desensitized from having to watch his classmates / friends die over and over and over and over

10. DAVIDS MV

During Davids MV, during the part where we saw youtube comments, there were comments about antagonist and mastermind, the oldest being from 10 years ago and newest from 1 second ago. That could suggest that noting really changes, like in a time loop, unless SOMEONE aware does something diffrently

11. COLORS..?

This is a strech but id still like to mention it, Whits least fav color is gray because its " boring "

Also MonoTV said that its favorite colors are blue ( Whits eyes ) and yellow ( Whits hair, theyre blonde but blonde is still a shade of yellow )

12. THE WHIT SPRITE

During the frist not sane Whit sprite scene in chapter 2 episode 16, Whit REALLY looks like hes hiding something behind his back

I think if hes the mastermind he has his own remote to activate traps etc. and hes the one who locked the elevator or he tried to open it with his remote and for some reason he couldnt so thats why we got this sprite

And if hes not the mastermind i think he took something out of broken MonoTV / something that fell out of MonoTV when Ace punched it, when cast was distracted with Levi and was just stressed that someone saw him do it or allat didnt happened in previous loops so it took him off guard

[itz-mfkn-de]

\\ALL ID EVER WANT// T.N

Warnings- ANGST, (DW there’s is comfort), cussing, implied cheating, smoking, Theodore being a jerk in the beginning, ya that’s it

Summary- You thought he was the love of your life, but maybe in the end you were just young and naive.

(Plsplsplsplspls REQUEST. PLEASEEE. But anyways sorry guys I’m not good at writing angst so this is kinda shitty but I js had rlly bad brain rot abt Theo sooo enjoy.)

You sucked in a deep breath and prayed that when you spoke your voice wouldn't  crack.

"I thought—" it cracked, you quickly cleared your throat. "I thought that I might've actually meant something to you, Nott."

"Oh, amore...don't do that." He said breathlessly. He attempted to step closer to you but for  every step he took forward you took one back. He sighed at your bitterness.

"I have the right to call you whatever I want." You said fiercely.

"Why are you being like this? You've given me no explanation for your anger colomba."  He said with an almost neutral facial expression.

"Oh don't pretend to give a shit about how I feel now. I saw you with her," the venom seeped through your teeth and onto your words, burning your throat as you held back tears.

He stiffened at your words, now understanding where your anger had originated from. The blonde girl now resurfacing in his memory.

And suddenly, just as quickly as he had appeared remorseful, his facial expression hardened.

"Mm, so you did."He muttered, refraining from letting any emotion slip into his words.

You were speechless, he seemed to care more about an imaginary stain on his jacket sleeve than your heart crumbling right before his very eyes.

"So I did? Thats all you have to say? What about us? Theodore, you are my everything," you said, completely dropping the idea of hiding your vulnerability.

He seemed to wince at your words, and you could've sword you saw tears well up in his eyes when he glanced up, but he was quick to avert his gaze.

"Was your everything, Columba. Was. Not anymore." He corrected you. "I don't hold any interest in..using you...anymore principessa."

His voice sounded strained, and as hurtful as his words were, his facial expression made it look like it was hurting him more to say them.

"W—what?" You said as the tears overfilled and poured down your cheeks, "but..but you said you loved me." You said while your head slowly started to hang.

You should've listened to your friends. Everyone said not to fall for his charm, the Italian playboys flirtatious ways.

But you couldn't help yourself.

He made you feel special. He made you feel loved. He protected you and cherished the very ground you walked on, yet here he was...treating you as if you were just another body for him to throw out when he got bored.

Nothing made sense, he had spent so long reassuring you that you were his first and only love, the only one that made him feel. He opened up to you as you did him. He told you he wanted to have a family with you. Now all the sudden he was acting like this.

"I did, didn't I? Sorry for leading you on like that, didn't know you'd think I'd actually be in love with some half-blood." He nearly spat as he continued looking at the ground.

"Half-blood? This—this is about my status?" You mumbled in complete shock.

He didn't answer you as he tucked his hands into his jacket pockets,his green tie reflecting the moons brightness.

Green. Slytherin. You forgot how serious that house was about their blood status. You then recalled the first time you saw theo.

It was your second year, you were just trying to get to your next class when all of the sudden, you saw a small group of Slytherin boys surrounding a smaller ravenclaw boy.

"Filthy muggle! You shouldn't be here." Draco malfoy had spit ruthlessly at the boy. All the Slytherin boys around him were laughing and saying other horrible things to the boy. Except for one, he just stood there spaced out.

That one boy had happened to be Theodore nott.

You brought it up to him years later when you two had become friends and he said he never cared for blood status like his other peers seemed too. You had admired his different view,

Little did you know he would become just like his other peers.

You stood out in the garden, tears pouring down your cheeks and anger seething through your veins.

"Okay. Throw me away like I'm fucking nothing, tell me you hate me, tell me you want me leave and I will." You said  as the clouds above you darkened and the roared with thunder.

He looked at you. This was only the second time tonight he had made eye contact, and Everytime he did, you could've sworn you saw something under his dark cloudy eyes. But alas, you yourself were too consumed by your own feeling to see the ones he hid just beneath his rough exterior.

"I want nothing to do with you, y/n."

Your heart shattered.

The very boy who had been your first everything, your first love, your first kiss, your first. Had just told you he wanted nothing to do with you.

Without a second thought you spun on your heel and nearly jogged to the Hufflepuff dormitories.

Your heart raced as your head pounded, what had changed? When had he changed? Nothing made any sense at all.

All you could think about was how badly you wanted to just get home and cry as hard as you could.

You raced through your dorm hall, counting he doors until you reached your own.

You unlocked your dorm in one swift motion and slammed it behind you. You casted a silencing spell just as quickly as you had shut the door.

You screamed.

You screamed so loud you thought your throat was gonna give out. You slowly slid down against the wall you were leaning against as you continued to cry.

Where did you go from here? Everything you had planned for yourself included Theodore. Everything you did included him. You didn't remember a time when you didn't have him by your side at this school.

You started to piece things together, everything starting to become much clearer.

Even though you and him had been together for about six months, he insisted on not wanting to go official because of How people wouldn't approve. How he would ruin your reputation. Ha, funny to think of that now, simply for the fact that he revealed he was embarrassed of you. He didn't want you to ruin his reputation.

You cried at the realization, the screams no longer coming out.

This continued for some time, eventually you cried yourself to sleep. If you could even call it cry, at that point, there were no tears left to cry.

——

The Slytherin common room was quiet, except for the quiet fire crackling in the mere background.

But Theodore couldn't help but zone it all out.

He sat in the love seat with his legs wide open, his leg bouncing up and down quickly.

Your expression after he had crushed your heart into millions of pieces replayed in his mind for the millionth time that night.

He'd always be so quick to hurt anyone who ever made you hurt, but now that he was the one that had caused you such distress, he couldn't help but be filled with self loathe.

Then he remembered the reason. He had to do it. He had no other choice but to break your heart so you'd never love him again.

You shouldn't love a monster like him.

Especially not after his father had told him about his relation with the dark lord. His family was involved with horrible things, he was Involved with horrible things.

He always thought he deserved better, but he held too much love for you to let you go.

Then he realized what his father had been planning for him. What he had for his future.

He couldn't bring you down with him. You had so many things planned for yourself, you had a life to live. He couldn't bear to see you get dragged down by him.

You. His piccola colomba. His principessa. His mondo. He would rather stay loving you from afar than infect you with his disease. His curse.

He felt the tears welling up in his eyes as he looked at the bracelet on his wrist, the one you had the matching half too. He should've thrown in the fireplace, go ahead and get it over with.

But he could never, for it was all he had left of you and him.

His brain went over the argument again, remembering the blonde girl you had referred too.

That was the girl his father had set him up to marry, the one that he expected him too marry.

She was the ideal wife in his father’s eyes; she was pureblood, top of her class, and a fantastic wizard.

Theodore could've given two shots about any of that, because as long as she wasn't you he'd never love her. He'd never love anyone. Not like he loved you. Not like he breathed for you.

No one could replicate how you held his very existence in your gentle hands.

He let the tears slip past his cheeks, not caring anymore. He had last the one thing he wanted. The only thing he'd ever needed.

He could feel his very heart breaking as he clutched his chest and his face twisted in pain; the pain of losing his Amore.

——

Two weeks had passed since that night. The night you left your heart on the concrete out by the garden.

Your friends were so worried for you, forcing you to leave your dorm after the first three days and you still hadn't left. You were completely and utterly broken.

You forced yourself to attended school, your parents would kill you if you failed over just some boy.

Except he wasn't just some boy. He was the love of your life. He'd always hold that spot, even if he didn't want to anymore.

Everyone was just trying to get to their classes, the hallways filled to the brim with people. You numbed shoulder with a few people, offering them nothing more than a quiet "my bad."

Your shoulders hung low. You had tried your best that morning to put yourself together; you wanted to look somewhat presentable, but everyone knew something had happened. Your baggy eyes and solemn look were a clear tell tale sign of your state.

The passing period was only a short 3 minutes, but usually it felt as if you were given thirty seconds to race to your next class. This time however, it felt more like three hours.

Your feet dragged heavily behind you, your mind somewhere off in the distance.  Class seemed to fly by, the professors words muffled by your thoughts, to be more specific, your lack of thoughts.

It was clear to you, and anybody who knew you on first name basis, you were miserable.

——

"You're a fucking idiot." Pansy sat, mouth ajar and eyes wide open as she listened to Theodore nott.

"No, I'm not. I'm protecting her, I can't let myself ruin her."  He said through gritted teeth, the cigarette in his hand nearly crumbling beneath his grip.

He hadn't smoked since he'd gotten with you, you'd made sure of it. Of course he'd listen to his beautiful girl, anything to make you happy. He turned to the only thing he had without you.

"Salazar save me..Theodore. You aren't protecting shit. She's already ruined, and you did that by leaving her." She nearly spat the words, her expression nothing short of sour. "That girl loved you, she told me every chance she could get. I don't know what weird shit you got going on, but I can tell you that she is the only person who would hold your hand through it."

Theodore stared at the ground, his eyes fixated on the wooden flooring.

He knew she was right. He knew she was hurting more than he'd ever intended. He couldn't help but want to punch the wall next to him, but he decided to refrain from violence.

"I," he paused for a moment, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I'm so fucking stupid.., ho ferito l'unica persona che amavo veramente." He clutched his head in his hands. (I hurt the only person I truly loved.)

"Yeah. You are. " she said with little to no sympathy in her voice. "You are an idiot, an idiot who needs to fix what he fucked up."

He knew exactly what she meant, but he as unsure if you'd want to see him, unsure if you be okay with letting the man who broke your heart into your dorm.

He remembered all the horrible things he said and could barely hold back the pain that wanted to erupt into his heart. He had to make it right. He had to do it for his sweet girl. His columba. His future.

He gave pansy one last glance and then left the room with no more words exchanged between the two.

——

You sat in front of your mirror, picking at any spot that stuck out on your face.

You had just finished your nightly routine, slowly checking off each box form your nightly ritual. All except one; wallow in self pity, which happened to be your recent favorite.

Your hands stopped their ministrations on your face as you heard a knock on the door. Who'd be here at this hour?

You got up and walked to your door, trying to brainstorm on who it could be, maybe your friends asking for there homework answers, or a prefect doing room checks.

You opened the door ready to greet the person with a smile.

Your heart dropped.

Oh. It was him. Theodore was standing at your door, looking disheveled and frantic.

Your words died in your throat as you suddenly felt helpless.

"Hi." He said without breaking eye contact. You just stared at him unable to respond with confidence.

"Why are you here.?" You said with heartbreak lacing your sorrowful tone.

"I...I know I'm probably the last person you want to see," you wrapped you arms around yourself, attempting to comfort yourself. You stopped yourself from interrupting him and let him continue. "But I..just need to tell you the truth."

You stared at him with a confused expression.

"you've told me more than enough, Nott." Your words came out airy, and high pitched.

"No—no. I have not." He stated while staring into your very soul, stripping you bare.

You looked at him through your eyelashes, holding back every hateful thing you had to say.

"Come inside." You said while sighing deeply. Theodore's eyes shot open with shock, eagerly stepping inside your dorm room.

You stood by your closet door, waiting for him to continue, eyes watery and lips quivering.

"I'm— im so sorry... I thought that-that maybe if I ended things I could protect you. Maybe if I broke your heart you would hate my guts and leave." He sputtered out all his words at once while his voice shook and for the first time since you and him had gotten together, you saw Theodore Nott cry.

"Protect me? What could you possibly be protecting me from by leaving me." You wanted to hold him  and console the boy who had shown you nothing but love, but you couldn't let a few tears break you.

He sighed at your words.

"Amore, I was protecting you from me. I don't deserve you, and I can't let myself intoxicate you. You're too...perfect." He nearly whispered as he took a step closer.

"Dont do that," you said softly "don't say all that..., you told me you were just using me." Your eyes overfilled with tears, a few slipping past your cheek bones.

"I know. I know what I said , and if I could beat myself up for hurting you I would. I thought I was doing the right thing by leaving you, but I was so, so wrong." He explained through a strained voice.

You wiped your face, trying to understand what he was saying. "Theodore im confused, i have loved you ever since third year. I gave you my everything, what made you think you could've scared me off now?" You questioned with your brows furrowed.

He took a deep breath in.

"I'm not—I'm not a good person, Bambina. My family Aren't good people. They want to...hurt people and they're taking me down with them. I couldn't let them take you too, not when you mean the most anyone has ever meant to me, Bella Ragazza."

You let out a shaky sigh as your eyes grew a little wider.

It was silent for a while before you finally figured out what you wanted to say.

"First, it doesn't matter what happens, I will always love you, Theo." You looked him in the eyes with tears streaming down your face and hitting the wooden floors gently.

"Second," you closed your eyes for a moment.

"I want to forgive you so bad, I want to hug and kiss you with so much need, but....im still so hurt and confused." You mumbled while rubbing the sides of your arms.

Theodore wanted to stab himself in the heart for making you cry this much.

"I understand that, colomba. Ask me anything and I will give you nothing but the truth." He stated while taking another step towards you.

"That—that girl. You still were with that girl," you muttered "even if you were protecting me."

His eyes widened for a moment before he gained his composure.

"That was Irene, the girl my father had set me up to marry. She had approached me that day in hopes of getting to know me, and I just blew her off." He claimed.

You looked at him, trying to understand the boy you were in love with. Every time you'd thought you knew everything about him, it somehow became more clear that you didn't at all.

"You don't have to forgive me now, but I need you to know that there is no one after you. Sei e sarai il mio primo ed unico more. I will love you until my heart stops beating, and I will never forgive myself for the way I hurt you over these past few weeks." He stated through voice cracks and small hiccups.

You let a sob rip through you once again.

"I thought I was doing the right thing, but I realize now that I was being selfish. And for that I am eternally sorry." He exclaimed with a gruff voice.

You saw the tears slip past his face, the way he stood with defeat and sorrow pulsing through his body. You couldn’t watch anymore.

You took two large strides towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight embrace. He wasted no time in hugging you back, pressing his lips to your head gently.

He missed you more than he could ever explain in words, your scent alone gave him an unhealthy dose of serotonin.

“I’m so sorry.” He sniffled. You both stood there for awhile, allowing yourselves to make up for missed time.

“I’m so, so sorry, Amore.” He said while pulling you back to look in your eyes.

“I know, Theo. I know.” You reassured him with a soft caress through his curly locks.

He slowly brought his own lips to meet your own, bringing you into a hungry yet gentle kiss.

His lips danced with yours the kiss slowly becoming more than just soft pecks. A sudden surge of heat ran through your body as you slowly pushed him towards your bed.

The back of his knees hit your bed causing him to fall backwards on it, and you wasted no time in straddling him.

His hands secured your hips on his laps as he let his lips wander from your mouth. He showered your neck and collarbone in sloppy kisses.

“Theo..” you moaned out, hands making their way into his hair.

“You deserve so much better than me, colomba.” He groaned imbetween his ministrations on your neck.

You gasped as you felt his hands digging into the fat of your ass.

You then felt a wave of doubt hit you. You remembered how his parents had set him up with that girl, how the whole reason he had ended it was because of his parents; how would everything work out now, it’s not like anything had changed.

“Theodore…your father.” You mumbled as you pulled his head from your neck.

“Dont really think my father is my main issue right now,” he gave you a lopsided grin as you felt the hard on he had been trying to hide under you.

You slapped his chest playfully.

“No, I mean.. he doesn’t want us together. How is everything gonna work out if he’s the reason we couldn’t work in the first place.” You questioned doubtfully.

He looked at your with love lacing his already cloudy eyes, his large hand coming up to play with the hair in your face. He knew exactly in this moment what he was missing his entire life, why he felt so incapable of loving someone. It’s because he hadn’t met you yet.

When his mother died and he saw how little his father cared, he had thought that love wasn’t real. That it was simply just a concept, a mere after thought at most.

But you taught him the truth.

You taught him that love wasn’t just some feeling, it was a person. And for him, that person was you.

“I don’t care about what he wants y/n, because I know what I want. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I know that I want to be your one and only.” He said breathlessly,

“I know that I want you.”

[pbnbucks]

can you write something about meeting Caitlin because ur family are family friends and you two develop a relationship?

Caitlin x Reader!

What Happens In Bora Bora Stays In Bora Bora

word count : 1574

warnings : cussing, friends to enemy’s to lovers, somewhat leads to smut, jealousy

summary : your dad and caitlin’s dad worked together and made lots of money so when they had a scheduled buisness trip and decided to bring the whole family down you and caitlin where put to room together.

i made this at 6am so if it sucks my apologies!

your sitting in your cabana in Bora Bora waiting to be told the rooms suituation only to be hit with total disappointed “I just got off the phone with Brent and we decided you and caitlin will be staying in a cabana together while we are in Bora Bora” your family was close with the clark family because for generations they worked together in the family industry. you where close with Brent and Anne, along with their sons except their daughter caitlin. she often picked arguments with you and she didn’t bother hiding her hatred for you. nobody knew exactly why she hated you, your guy’s parents always thought it was because you where the same age (16) and similar in many ways and equally stubborn. although caitlin wasn’t always like this, when you first met when you where 4 and she was a sweet heart up until you guys where 14, thats when it all changed and compliments changed to snarky comments. something in her changed the way she viewed you she went from idolizing you and protecting you to being disgusting by you and filled with hatred towards you. but by the end of the trip it would all change because by the end of 3 weeks shared in a cabana in bora bora together something was bound to happen.

“do i seriously have to share a room with her i mean she hates me and i don’t want to deal with her the entire time” you say trying to convince your dad to make any change in the vacation arrangements. “actually it was her idea she wanted to share a room with you, wouldn’t let anybody else get the spot” great. her goal was to make the vacation terrible for me. “please dad im begging you its a trap her entire goal is to ruin my vacation” he just rolled his eyes at you “they will be here any minute so better hurry up and choose your side of the room.” you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. as soon as he walks out you hear her voice making small talk with your father, she has always kisses up to the adults and the second they turned a blind eye she completely changed. she of course walks in with a attitude already and waits for you to tell her the room arrangement “so i picked the left side of the room so that leaves you the right and i’ll probably go explore in about 30 minutes once im unpacked.” she walks past you making sure the shove against you, not hard but hard enough for you to notice. “look if you just forced yourself into being my roommate just to make my life hell ill gladly go find somebody to room with instead” hopefully trying to get her to quit whatever act she had going on but instead she just laughs at you “your not scary so just sit down princess, and i think i will join you on your little scavenger hunt” shes unbelievable.

TIME SKIP.

its now been 3 days that where full of hiding from caitlin making sure to be out by the time she was awake and come back when she was asleep. shes caught up to what you where doing but to entitled with her ego to question it so instead she drops subtle hints to inform you that she knows what your doing and to cut it out. but you genuinely have no want to argue with her. a good this is you met this girl Maddie on you trip, you brought her by your cabana once but it was extremely awkward with caitlin there, all of a sudden she became extremely possessive with you and even putting her arm around you saying that you where her best friend. you thought that maybe she just didn’t have friends back home and it would make sense with the way she acted.

you where brushing your hair getting ready to meet up with Maddie but instead caitlin walks in on you in the bathroom, “where are you going?” is she being serious? she treated you like shit for the past 3 days and all of a sudden wants to know where your going. “im going to go swimming with Maddie ill be back around 10.” she immediately shuts down you idea and tells you otherwise “no your not im tired of having to wait and stay up at night cause you want to go out with some girl all day and night.” “dude caitlin what the fuck are you even talking about right now, maybe act like a normal person on vacation and go make some friends clearly your lacking some.” she scoffs at your true, but mean comment. “im not lacking any friends nor do i need any, and you one to talk about friends in supposed to be your best friend and yet your blowing me off to hang out with some random girl” best friend? she wishes. “what are you talking about best friend? we are far from friends because you cant get your head out of your own ass. now if you will get out my way so i can hangout with my friend and enjoy my vacation away from you” you shove out the way not giving her the chance to even disagree with you and walk out the door only to greet maddie’s face as she is already there waiting for you, before she can even greet you, you drag her by the arm and run down the long hallway to the water. “im sorry caitlin was giving me a tough time and she was close to coming out and breaking the door down” she laughs thinking you where joking but only if she knew what you had to put up with. “i think she might be in love with you.” you cant believe the words that just came out of her mouth. “whats with everybody and trying to ruin my day.”

ANOTHER TIME SKIP

its now 10pm and you said your goodbyes to your friend as you parted ways only to be greeted with a locked door, you knock on the door begging caitlin to let you in turning the door knob hoping that she will listen but nothing works, your last hope is to say something you know would piss her off and give you a long night but you just deeply wanted to go to bed. “caitlin seriously let me in before i have to room with Maddie.” once you finish your sentence you immediately hear foot steps coming you way to have your door swing open greeting a angry cait, you push past her “seriously you locked me out? why cant you not be a asshole for one day” she rolls her eyes at you “me, im the asshole now? and stop bringing up Maddie i couldn’t give to fucks about your friend.” unbelievable “well clearly you did cause you let me in as soon as i mentioned rooming with her, and you know what i am going to room with her because thankfully she wouldn’t kick me out my own room.” as soon as you said that her face got red and she pressed you up against the door pushing you bodies close together and her forehead resting on yours “your. not. leaving. this. room. got it?” you didn’t know if it was the butterflies in your stomach or her hands gripping at your waste and her mouth and body extremely close to yours but you craved her touch and you wanted more and the only way you know how to get more was by pissing her off. “or what? you cant control me caitlin especially not with the way you act” there was only one thing you wanted to hear from her and it was for her to beg for you. after all these years of constant arguements someone who claims they hate you, ends up needing you so badly. “cmon cait i want to hear you beg for me to stay.” she hesitates hoping you would give up “ you can be serious, im not going to beg.” you just smile at her words “im serious and if you wont beg im rooming with Maddie.” she groans at your words “fine.” theres a long silence for her mentally trying to prepare herself for what shes about to say “please y/n, don’t go room with her.” there was those words you wanted to hear so badly although it wasn’t enough. something in you just clicked “aww is that really what you want baby?” her eyes widen staying their for a second before deciding her next move, no going back now. her lips attack yours and her hand that was on your hip now find your neck making you moan into the kiss, it was the shock you have because this is the first time in a while that she has shown affection for you. she pulls away to gather her breathe but before she pulls you in for more you stop her “y’know i think i have more control over you then you let me know” she gives you her little smirk shes known for “oh yeah? why don’t you show me princess? you up for a challenge?” maybe this was your chance of getting your relationship back, you couldn’t miss your opportunity “of course.”

[thewertsearch]

EB: and now i have all these sweet wind powers. EB: which is how i am making this car fly! GG: ohhhhhh! GG: that makes sense GG: dave had mentioned you reached the god tier

I think it’s funny that becoming a god hasn’t changed John’s personality, nor his modus operandi. He’s just as meandering as he's always been, and reaching the God Tiers simply enhanced his ability to meander.

If your Title does relate to your personality, then this would make a lot of sense. Perhaps you always get a power that helps you follow your own natural inclinations.

GG: but he did not say what it involved D: GG: he probably didnt want to make me worried EB: maybe, or he was just being some sort of aloof coolkid. GG: or that!

It’s nice that John and Jade are fully on the same page in this conversation, with access to more or less the same information. That’s pretty rare in this session, and it’s particularly rare with Jade.

For a long time, she was in the lonely position of knowing more than everyone else - and then, when Descend ruined everything, she was forced into the equally lonely position of understanding jack shit. When John declared that they needed to get Jade into the loop, there was real weight behind it, and it’s gratifying that we’re finally here.

GG: i wonder what space powers would be like?? […] GG: oh well EB: maybe you shouldn't rule it out though? EB: i mean, you did mention your dream self isn't COMPLETELY dead, remember?

I’ve been thinking about this.

See, the main problem with a Jade/Jadesprite merger is that when John died on his Quest Bed, he was completely supplanted by his Dream Self. There was no more Real John.

This wasn't a problem for him, because both Johns appeared to be the same person, with the same memories and consciousness. When John abandoned his realself, he didn't lose anything, apart from his sylladex.

Dream Jade, however, has completely diverged from Jade. They're clearly different people – so if one of them was erased in the merger, we’d be losing a unique individual.

Yes, if Jade died on her Quest Bed, her two selves might fuse into one entity, with both sets of memories - but there's no guarantee, especially when a Sprite is involved. There's a decent chance that Jade's ascension would destroy one of her incarnations, and that's too great a risk.

GG: why dont you tell me about your new friend? GG: he sure seems to be enjoying that horn! […] EB: he is just this silly guy i met when i woke up here. EB: he seemed to be curious about me and followed me around for a while. […] EB: also, another thing about him… EB: he has the queen's ring! […] GG: thats great! john you have to get that ring from him! EB: i've tried! i asked him politely for it and everything. EB: but he is very protective of it!

The Ring would be incredibly useful, if it wasn't destined for Earth.

As it stands, any attempt to use it is fraught with risk - and permanently separating it from WV would almost certainly doom the timeline.

EB: i think he is supposed to keep it. GG: you do? EB: yes. once i saw something in the clouds. EB: it was hard to tell what was going on, but i saw him! EB: im pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and… […] EB: and then the cloud stopped showing me. EB: but i am pretty sure that some day… EB: he will have to wear it!

It doesn’t sound like John actually saw WV wearing the Ring. Seems more like he saw him holding the Ring, and jumped to the 'obvious' conclusion.

WV held the Ring for his entire Exile, and never used it once. I’m actually a little skeptical that he will wear it, at this point, especially since he's started dreaming about how much he doesn't want the thing.

[lxvme]

jus thinking abt how simon ‘ghost’ riley wld be ina relationship…

hc list under cut

simon riley is said to have his mask on for oh so long in the first half of his relationship. this, i kinda see. i think he would wear his balaclava, per say, but he’d def wear those lil surgical masks everywhere. does he wear it in his house? sometimes. if he has company (rarest occasion on earth) he isn’t entirely close with, like a friend of soap’s or something, its likely you’ll be greeted with a mask. (in mw2, he did take his mask off in front of ale and rudy, though, but thats maybe bc they almost died tg 😭 civvies n friends r different) i think if you two r having sex within two months of the relationship, you’ll be seeing his face.

kinda going from above, simon riley doesnt keep his mask on to hookup. he’s not simon riley in the mask, he’s ghost. he doesn’t want for his lovie to see that he’s a ghost, if they’re showing themselves to each other. im not sure he’ll like it if you try n wear one of his masks to turn him on, either- it just wouldn’t work. even if either of u is getting head, mask stays off. (that being said, if you’re just a hookup, and not a gf of any kind, mask is on fs)

hugs. from. behind. this man, when close with his girl, will be clingy. always needs a hand on you, in fact- to prove he isn’t crazy and hallucinating, and to make sure youre safe (he’s extremely paranoid abt u getting hurt because you can b bait for him, due to his job- more on that ina minute) he also likes how small you can be compared to him, it makes him feel quite prideful he can protect his lovin’ bc he’s a big boy. BUT, continuing he’s clingy- you’re cooking? he’s latched onto u the entire time, asking if you need help. reading? his head is rested on your thighs, underneath as you hold ur book above his head. (bonus points bc he might be reading too) he’s home from literally any other place than home? well, he missed you, so ‘gimme a kiss, love,’ and then proceed to hold him, or just let him hold you. laundry? oh, well, he’s actually already done it. (housewife.)

he’s veryyy paranoid that an enemy or sum will end up taking you for bait. in fact, he’s already very hesitant to date in general- he’s not used to the feelings it brings and whatnot. (ill b expanding on this in the future) and thats why he can b extra protective- he wouldn’t be able to handle it if his pretty girl was kidnapped, all because of him? the horrors it brings to him are a little much for him to take, sometimes, so he’ll end up pushing u away for a lil while. (i genuinely live for poor bb simon)

like laundry, among other things, he’s suchhh a housewife at heart. mainly because, he likes to be clean and tidy- it helps him rid the dirty feeling that seems to linger from missions. dishes? he did them this morning, possibly in a hope to drown out those nightmares and plaguing thoughts that always seemed to shatter his mind. all in all, the man needs cleanliness. however, if youre a messy girl (in the sense that there are clothes everywhere and tossed aside blankets and pillows on every surface, sometimes a small pile of dishes in the kitchen sink, and a general ‘lived-in mess,’ also this is def not catered to how messy i am) he can definitely adapt, it’ll just take around 3 years :)

showering tg. bae adores to hold u against his chest, water dripping on both of you, while his other hand is in your hair, gently rinsing out soap. (i’m not sure whether to base my simon hcs n writing off of the comics or not, bc reboot!ghost is NOT the same 😭)

moving onnnn… simon riley is the type of boyfriend to:

stalk the absolute fuck out of every single social u have- in fact, he didnt even know what pinterest or instagram was until he saw you on it. (he’d definitely make an spam account that’s pretending to be another girl)

make you a lot of lil gifts out of his own things- keychains, a lil necklace (mhhh my hearttt) or a bracelet out of the collar of his t-shirt (he’d also def make himself a bra bracelet, if u two dont already have matching ones x)

be your handyman. no other words.

thats all i have for u lot bc i have ZEROOOO motivation, but i’d like to expand ona few more things eventually. i’ll also start writing for other cod men when simon riley loses his fucking death chokehold on me (maybe he’ll have it forever…)

[idunnoanymore7]

Driving Lessons

Description: You have a car and freedom. All you want is Lip.

Content: lip gallagher x fem!reader (always let me know if i can make it more accessible!), friends to lovers, oral fem!recieving, piv, protected sex, dirty talk

Authors Note: I just started season 2 (i know i’m ten years behind but) and thought I should fish this out of my notes. And it got long, sorry. Hope you enjoy!

—————————————————————

“So…when I finally figure this out, will you suck me off while I drive?”

You pfffed and narrowly stopped yourself from laughing. “No, I don’t think I will,” you said, a grin on your face.

“Whatttt why? It’s what they do in the movies!” he said, pretending to be irritated, but the slope of his smile told you he didn’t mean it.

Now you were laughing, your chest shaking as your head fell sideways against the seat. 

“Oh my god Lip thats so fucking dangerous,” you said. “And also, no thanks.”

“Oh come on n/n, you’re saying you wouldn’t want me to eat you out in the drivers seat?”

You tried to hide your reaction, but you couldn’t. You would like that very much, and he could see it. “Well, uh-“

“I knew it,” he said, that fucking grin staying on his face even as you stumbled your way through a sentence to show him the way the headlights turned on and off. He liked the way he had that effect on you. 

“Do you want to drive around?” You asked. 

“Are you sure you trust me to drive your car?” he said.

“Yeah; of course,” you replied, even though your common sense was screaming at you to say the opposite. You were a dumbass for Lip and the way he held his cigarettes. “Just put it in reverse-“

The car yanked back, shoving you against your seat.

“Fuck fuck sorry,” he said, shoving his foot on the brake. 

You smiled and he seemed relieved. “It’s ok, I do that all the time. You go right to get out of the lot, and then you can drive wherever you want. Maybe not the highway, though.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, maybe not.”

He turned the wheel and you were distracted by the shine of the silver rings on his fingers, but still noticed the grip of his hands on the leather of the wheel. 

“Are you okay?” you inquired.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re gripping the wheel pretty tight-if you don’t want to do this we don’t have to.”

“No no I do,” he said. “I want to drive…”

“We can wait until you’re comfortable-I can drive us around for now?” you asked.

He seemed to relax, and when he nodded you unbuckled and got out of the passenger seat to walk around the front. 

He opened the drivers door just as you reached it, and it hit you right in the ribs.

“Ugh!” 

“Shit fuck fuck I’m so sorry are you okay?!” Lip said frantically as he rushed toward you and brushed his hand softly across your impacted side. 

“Yeah yeah I’m fine,” you said. Instinctively, you held onto his shoulder as you tried to catch your breath.

Neither of you stepped away. Just breathing, exhales bringing your chests close. When a chill ran up your back and made you shiver, you broke apart and climbed into the car. You weren’t sure whether you had imagined his hand brushing your back.

You hadn’t. Lip steadied you and made sure you got in before he walked around and pulled out a cigarette and lighter. He leaned his hip against the passenger door as he cupped the flame against the joint. 

Feeling eyes on him, he looked up and caught you staring at him through the window. You snapped your head forward. 

You didn’t have a plan as you pulled out into the road. Lip lowered his window, taking puffs and dangling his hand outside. It made it hard to keep your eyes forward.

You had just passed an alley and were starting to rack your brain for something to say when he spoke up.

“That’s where I was walking with Karen when Mickey ‘n his boys beat me up ‘cause they were mad at Ian,” he said, gesturing with his cigarette.

“That’s fucked up Lip I’m sorry,” you said, trying to keep your anger (showing him how much you care) under the surface.

“‘S okay, better me than him,” he said, resting his elbow on the door and putting the cigarette between his lips. 

You always knew Lip had a soft side, though of course you couldn’t blame him for any roughness he’d acquired over the years. No matter what happened, you knew you’d always admire him.

“That’s really amazing of you. Don’t downplay that.” You stopped at the red light, pushing the lever to turn on the right turn signal. The slow clicking filled the car as you waited, the red washing over the windshield.

“What did Karen do?” you asked quietly.

Silence. 

“Headed home, I think,” he mumbled. 

“Fuck.” 

He blew smoke out of his mouth.

“Hey hey out the window!” you said, gesturing across him. “I don’t want my car smelling like cigs.”

He rolled his eyes. 

“Those things are so fucking bad for you anyway,” you continued, turning back into the parking lot.

“Aww you love me,” he said, dripping with sarcasm.

“Oh no, how’d you find out?” you said, returning his tone. You parked the car and slumped back against your seat, pressing into yourself under your sweater. Maybe this was a bad idea.

You turned your head his direction, only to find his eyes already on you. 

“Can I?” you asked, reaching your arm out.

His eyebrows raised but he handed you the cigarette with no hesitation.

You placed it between your lips and inhaled, trying not to think about how this stick of nicotine and ash had been touched in ways you could only dream about. Your body immediately relaxed as you exhaled the smoke.

“Thanks,” you said, turning to hand it back to Lip. 

You stopped in your tracks at how he was looking at you. His jaw was slightly open, eyes wide and fixed on your lips until he saw you looking.

“Yeah, no problem,” he said gruffly. “Thought you were anti-smoke?”

You shrugged. “Helps the nerves sometimes.”

A smirk spread across his face, and soon he was full on grinning as he inhaled around the cigarette.

“What?” you demanded.

“You wanna kiss me so bad it’s crazy,” he said smugly. 

You shoved him in the shoulder and he laughed. 

“Shut the fuck up.” you rubbed your hands over your face, giving up on hiding your embarrassment. “Like you weren’t trying to get your cock out twenty minutes ago,” you said, recalling your earlier conversation.

“No no, that was if I figured out driving, which I haven’t,” he said, punctuating with his finger. He stubbed the last of the cigarette out on the container and threw the stub out the window. “But I would say you definitely have.”

You crossed your arms. “So?” 

“So….if we follow that logic, you deserve some head.” he said; widening his eyes as he looked up at you.

“And why’s that?”

He shrugged. “‘Cause I wanna kiss you too.”

Before you could second guess yourself, you had leaned in and so had he. When his mouth met yours, you knew you had melted.

His hand came up to brush your cheek and hold your jaw. You did what you’d been wanting to all day: reached up and ran your fingers into his hair. When your head tilted and your nails scratched his scalp, he moaned. Audibly moaned into your mouth. You didn’t think anything could’ve turned you on more. 

Your fingers tangled deeper into his curls like you’d never let go. Then you rose back on your knees and gripped your shirt to tug it over your head. He pulled back to gasp for breath, looking up at you with his hands on your hips. 

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he said breathlessly. You were about to respond in kind when he grabbed your face and pulled you into an even more breathtaking kiss. 

You had never been kissed like this before. like the person wanted to inhale you whole.

You reached for the hem of his shirt and slid your hand underneath, gliding up his abdominals as you kissed him.

He broke the kiss and crossed his arms to pull his shirt off, tossing it into the back.

Your chest shook and you pulled away. 

“Hey Lip?”

“Yeah?” his face was flushed; lips swollen.

“You’re really pretty too.” 

He smiled-a genuine smile-and kissed your neck. When his teeth scraped the skin, you moaned softly and Lip gripped your hip tighter. 

“You like that? Want me to mark you up?” he said lowly. “Show everyone how eager you are for me?”

You didn’t want him to realize how well he knew you. So you kissed him back harder, which you knew only proved him right, but at least you didn’t have to see his smug face. You dipped lower, grazing his jaw and his breath caught, hand coming up to tangle in your hair. You bit and sucked, feeling his chest speed up under your palm. 

When you knew you’d made a decent mark you rose up smiling.

“You satisfied?” he asked.

“Very,” you said. “But I do believe you had promised me something?” 

“Fuck, baby,” he breathed. “Whatever you ask.” His arms reached around your body, lifting you up and pressing your back into the drivers seat. He climbed over you and kissed you sloppily as he slid down onto the floor in front of the seat. Your heart rate picked up as he kissed the tops of your breasts.

Lip kissed you again and you scratched his shoulder as he reached behind and unclasped your bra with one hand, the other on your thigh.

“Holy shit,” you said. “I can’t even do that.”

At Lips lip bite, you knew your mistake. “Bet that impresses all the girls, doesn’t it.”

“You’re just jealous I get so much play.”

You wanted to roll your eyes, but admitted defeat and huffed. “Yeah, honestly. I do wish.”

“‘M glad you don’t. It’s got you all needy for me.” Before you can respond, he nips at the inside of your thigh. 

“Please, Lip-“

“Please what? Use your words,” he kissed up even higher, reaching the hem of your shorts. 

“Please- take these off,” you say, fumbling to unbutton your shorts. He leans back, helping you slide them down your legs.

“Oh pretty girl, so worked up and I haven’t even started. Are you always this needy?”

“Only for you, Lip,” you mumble, not even thinking. His hands pause on your thighs.

“Say that again.”

You look down at him. His eyes are dark, staring right into yours. The intensity of him shocks you. 

“Only for you, Lip.” you respond.

He groans, fingers pressing into your legs. He looks at you for permission and pulls your underwear down at your nod.

You shiver, exposed completely to his gaze. 

Your chest heaves as he looks back up.

“Move your hips up for me, pretty girl.”

God, the nickname.

You oblige, the change in angle allowing him more access to you. He slides his hand up your chest and grasps your breast.

“So, so pretty,” is his last mumble before diving in like a man starved.

His first lick has you gripping his hair, making him groan into your pussy.

“Fuck, sorry,” you apologize.

From between your thighs comes “Don’t stop.” The vibrations make you quiver. You twist your fingers in further as he circles your clit with his tongue.

“Fuck-Lip-“

“Taste so good,” he mumbles.

You groan as he continues to eat you out, the lewd sounds of it turning you on even more. 

He pulls up to spit on your pussy, swirling it on your clit as it collects with your slick.

You groaned out his name, the only word you knew.

“C’mon baby, let me hear you,” he slides his tongue through your folds again and continues his rhythm. His thumb leaves your thigh and circles your clit.

Oh. 

He was good.

You could feel the warmth spreading up through your thighs and up your stomach as your clit throbbed.

“Lip-  Lip ‘m gonna-“

“Lemme see you, pretty girl,” he says, locking his blue eyes with yours. With that, you come, hand gripping his roots, your slick dripping down his chin.

He laps you up, working you through it. Leaning back up, he kisses you hard, and you groan as you taste yourself on him.

“Thank you,” you say, kissing him again.

“My pleasure,” he smiles, as you reach for his jeans. You kiss his neck as you undo the buttons, and he helps you pull them down.

You grasp his hard-on through his briefs, and he grunts into your mouth.

“Need to be inside you,” he almost whines.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah,” he breathes.

“Okay pretty boy. Backseat.” he scrambles over the console and you giggle. “Now who’s needy?”

“Just get back here.”

Reaching into the glove compartment, you grab the condom you had stored there. You do more of a step into the back, Lips eyes locked on your chest as he palms himself at the sight of you.

You lean over him and kiss down his chest, grasping his waist and hips. You ask for permission before sliding his shorts down.

“You’re pretty hot, Lip,” you say, looking back up at him. 

He chuckles and slides his hands up your waist. “Funny. Now lay down.”

You oblige and he turns to hover over you.

“You sure?” he asks.

“Definitely.”

With that, he opens the condom and rolls it on. He grips the head of his cock and slides it inside you, both of you groaning.

“Fuck-‘m not gonna last long,” he grunts in your ear. 

“‘S okay, it’s okay,” you barely get out as he slides fully inside. Your hands go to his shoulders to stay grounded. “Just fuck me, please.”

“Yes ma’am,” and you moan. He hikes your leg over his hip, and begins to move. 

“Oh god-“ You can feel his cock in you.  The ridges rub inside your walls, making you moan.

“That feel good?” he asks. “Who’s making you feel so good?”

“You, Lip, you,” you babble.

“Yeah, don’t need any other cock, right?”

“Yeah, yeah-”

“Fuck,” he chokes.

“Fuck-Lip-fuck-“

The way he moves inside you is almost too much to bear. Your nails bite into his back and he groans.

“Oh god-don’t stop-“ A second orgasm was fast approaching.

He could tell. “C’mon pretty girl-come on my cock-come on-“ he was almost incoherent, so close to his climax.

You came, seeing stars as you clamped down on his cock.

“That’s it-“ he moaned, following after you as he came.

He laid his head on your chest, both of you heaving and sweaty. You ran your hand through his damp hair, never able to disguise your affection for him.

“Thanks for the lesson,” he says. 

“Anytime,” you reply.

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

Starlo apologist speaks again

this picture right here.. i hate it sm.

TIME TO DEBUNK EVERYTHIN', YEEHAW!

#1 Starlo's name is uncool on purpose might literally mean 'Starloser' It fits his character arc. In other words, he's not the cool, badass sheriff he pretends to be (he's not 'North Star'), but a kind, friendly farmer inside

#2 He definitely DOES care about Clover. Why else would he keep saying he's proud of them, praise them, believe in them, get worried about their safety, send them a warning letter, immediately run to check what's going on with them, get angry at Clover for not staying HOME (yeah he really did consider the Wild East their home) tell Martlet to bring Clover to safety, and jump at Ceroba to try and protect them? don't question the love of star daddy

#3 Undyne actually IS a badass. Starlo isn't. He's a softie who cares about pretending to be cool bc he's insecure, even when in a situation where he could die. He wants to be a hero. He wants to be SOMEBODY, not a NOBODY. Maybe he also cared about his own status more than his town, friends and family (which could be the reason he brought a bb gun). Or he just wanted to buy time so the others could hide. Now that I think about it, it's the latter. Why else would Dina say this in genocide after you kill Ceroba: "He was more of a hero than you'll ever be." That's the whole point of his geno fight that, and a lil bit of angst when roba finds him dying IT'S CALLED CHARACTERIZATION

#4 He kidnaps Clover bc they're a human. The only human who's ever set foot on the sands of the Wild East. He's obsessed with human culture. His whole life ARE westerns. Why? Whether it's the sense of justice cowboys represent, the exciting lives they live, or both, Starlo feels like he matters thanks to this nerdy interest, like he can contribute to his community

#5 i see Martlet as a big sis not a mom bc of how young she is, despite that one joke in bits & bites, but to each their own Star jails Martlet bc of the potential of the Wild East getting shut down. She did threaten to report them to Asgore and well... according to him, better safe than sorry. He even admitted he doesn't feel right doing it

#6 It WAS wrong of him to blame and attack Clover like that, all for his own status and ego (and to get his friends back) It's called a flawed character making a fucking mistake. Or did you expect someone perfect, with no room to grow and develop throughout the piece of media? Also, Clover is not an infant, they're a child. If it was meant to be a joke, it ain't funny bucko

#7 he either actually forgot about the fact he himself kidnapped Clover bc he wasn't in the right mindset (understandable), or purposefully ignored the information to avoid responsibility for his actions & shift the blame onto Clover (he IS flawed and thats more than ok)

#8 in neutral, he doesn't apologize bc Ceroba doesn't come and snap him out of his fantasy & mindset

#9 he did his best with the apology. you can't blame starlo. He's not very good with expressing himself and emotions in general (that he has been avoiding for so long via escapism; he also uses escapism to help Ceroba instead of talking openly with her)

#10 he doesn't know how the ceroba & clover interaction played out bc he was unconscious. Maybe he thought Clover had managed to talk her outta fighting. He says in true pacifist "Yall had a fight?? and the deputy won??" In other words he didnt know they had even fought. To add fuel to the fire, his bff just died and star, being the forgiving sweetheart he is, had wanted to give her a chance at redemption, but never got the chance to. He never got the chance to say goodbye, either.

#11 just bc starlo's an adult doesn't mean he can't have these flaws/behaviors. Every individual is unique. Starlo is deff deeply insecure and most likely autistic, too. Please think about that in the future, thank you

my current feelings can best be described by good old Axis

[noihavenosanitythanksforasking]

tldr: the story of how i figured out im gay and why i relate to byler so much. aka why its good rep

this was not supposed to be this long

my best friend doesnt like stranger things bc she thinks the metaphorical texture of the show is gross feeling(valid) but she follows me on here and has had to block the byler tag bc its all i post about these days and shes not into it.

anyways it made me think about why i love byler so much and it definitely has to do with the fact that as a queer person i relate super heavily to their story. being gay is way more acceptable now and i was born in 07 so its not like its was considered a death sentence to be gay in general. however i grew up in the classical church. my mom was part of a religious cult in highschool and i was my parents first kid and they were super protective of me. Im also autistic and i spent most of my childhood very worried about doing and acting the right way to make people accept me. my parents favorite story to tell people about my childhood is that when i finally graduated my crib and got a toddler bed they were worried that i would never let them sleep again. that didnt happen tho, in fact i refused to get out of bed with out express permission and would lay there until they came told me i could get up.

id like to say that i was homophobic growing up but not in the traditional sense. it was more that i was actually afraid of gay people. No one around me ever really said anything blatantly homophobic or had radical ideas about the subject but we were so deep into the church and i was always afraid of everything. when i was in elementary school we would do drills. call and response cult like stuff. theyd ask us to define sin and wed spout off this memorized line about going agaisnt gods will in action or thought or intention. i didnt even know what a gay meant until i got to middle school and the entire idea terrified me. because thats not allowed and when someone brings it up all the adults get that one look on their face and the pastor says that homosexuality is a sin or wtv.

i had this one friend, lets call her jane, at the time. i really liked her but she was kind of a delinquent, she didnt have the best home life and she was kind if an angry kid so when she came out to our friend group as bisexual in i think 7th grade, we (the rest of the group was v religious ) were concerned about it but not really surprised. we werent supportive but we werent angry either. it was more like we werent sure what to do. she had always been a problem child so it didnt seem to out of the blue for someone like her to like girls so we just kind of tried not to talk about it again.

I was a pretty big drama kid at the time( still am) (i swear i have a point to this) and i became friends with this one girl. lets call her belle. anyways i reallllyyyy liked belle i dont think i had a crush on her but i thought she was really cool and fun and liked hanging around her. we werent really close much to my past and present dismay but when i did hang out with her i always had a fun time. a few years later she told me that she was bisexual. this pretty much broke my little brain. because belle was cool and fun and normal and it was the first time when i realized that maybe there was something wrong with the way my church worked. they had to be wrong because there was no way belle was evil and going to hell. i loved being friends with her and i couldn't accept the fact that her liking girls changed anything. she still felt like the same person. still the topic was terrifying to me, i was so afraid that i was wrong or maybe just not smart enough to see the truth. so many people around me that i grew up being told knew what was right, knew what god was telling us said that it was wrong so maybe i just didnt get it. maybe i wasnt close enough to god to understand what made gay people so bad. still something changed from then and the next year i ended up being close to this girl, lets call her beth, (all my other friends had either moved on or were on different sides of our grade and tbh i was terrified of her but i had no one else). Anyways beth also had a crazy homelife she talked a lot about how she hated her family and how she would kill her dad if she could. she also ate highlighters, just drew on her tongue, and sold pictures of her feet on instagram to make money. needless to say as soon as i hit highschool i never spoke to her again, she freaked me out. anyway one day me and beth were walking at recess and she turns to me and tells me that im gay. i knew she was pan at this point and i didnt really care though looking back on it she was definitely flirting with me. I got freaked out and told her there was no way i was gay and assumed that she just wanted me to like her back but id had a crush on a guy before so i couldnt be gay.

speaking of this guy, he sat next to belle in my science class in 6th grade. i sat behind them and they were good friends. we were sort of a trio in that class and i thought he was really nice and funny. he was the first guy id ever been friends with and i assumed that the fact that i enjoyed hanging out with him and having fun meant that i must have a crush on him. because girls and boys cant just be friends. thats what everyone always said at least. one day we were texting and he told me that he liked me and wanted to go out. i csnt describe the feeling i got then. it was this werid mix of anxiety and fear and knowing that i should be excited but instead i was disappointed. and i didnt know why. i told him i wasnt allowed to date til 16 and if he still wanted me then whe could date then. i cried about it for almost a year. which doesnt make any sense because i rejected him not the other way around. but i felt heartbroken. im still not really sure why.

when beth told me i was gay i p much told her to f off in the most good christian way possible but i still thought about it. the idea felt so overwhelming and i couldnt think about it without wanting to have a panic attack so i stopped thinking about it. then i had a gay dream about jane and honestly i should have figured it out then but somehow i completely disregarded.

i changed schools for high school so i was with a lot of new people. i wanted a fresh start. at the time i felt like id been pretending to be someone else for my whole life and i hoped that starting over would help me find myself or something. I always sort of knew i was different from other kids i never felt like we had much in common or something but i could never put a finger of what it was (it was the autism). when i started highschool my main goal was to make friends on my own and conquer my social anxiety when had been crippling throughout middle and elementary. i ended up meeting this girl, lets call her cassie, (so many people ikik) and we became super close. she had a lot of issues as well bc apparently i attract unstable people. she was by far the worst id dealt with though. she was suicidal, ocd, anorexic and hurt her self a lot. it was a very codependent friendship but we were attached at the hip. she was my whole world at the time, nothing else really mattered more than her not killing herself. one day we were texting after midnight and she told me that she thought she might be bisexual and i told her a didnt care. i really didnt care i was more worried about her killing herself. she said she had a crush on someone but wouldnt tell me who and i let the topic die.

then heartstopper came out on netflix and i got DEAD sick. i couldnt even speak. it was very bad. anyways i had a computer at this point and was looking for something to watch. i settled on heartstopper because id heard so many good things about it and i was morbidly( at the time) curious. i watched the entire show in one sitting. i was scared my mom would find out and when she did find out she gave me this hesitant look and said she didnt love the idea of me watching that kind of stuff. i watched it anyways. i was mesmerized dude. the scene of nick nelson in his bedroom, on the verge of tears searching the internet for anwsers was so powerful to me and it was like something clicked in my brain.

what if i am gay??

id never let myself actually ask mysrlf that before. id never dared to even think it was a possibility because of course im straight. id know if i liked girls. but i sat there dead sick and dying slowly and looked over at my book case at all my favorite books. i looked up on youtube how to tell if your bisexual (bc ofc i like guys duh) and it said something about thinking about how you feel about fictional characters and i sat and i thought. it was a very overwhelming week. i thought back to middle school and the strange possessiveness i had over my best friend at the time, the feeling of hurt i always seemed to have when she hung out with someone else. i hated that part of myself. i felt validated in my feelings at the time but i never knew why i felt that way and it felt unfair to her.

at the time i was talking to a guy. he was nice and pretty chill but i sort of knew i didnt like him the way he liked me. i wanted to though. i wanted to like him so freaking badly. so i kept taking to him. id be on the phone with him for 5 hours just talking about nothing and tell myself that this was what its like to like someone. it wasnt a bad experience, he was nice and i liked to talk to him. but i didnt have feelings for him. one night i texted cassie back and told her that maybe i was bi too. she was from a christian household too and we talked for a while one what we should do.

my parents have always had this policy of being honest with each other when sometbing happens in our lives. which i think is pretty normal but my autistic ahh took it very seriously. almost as soon as i started questioning i told them. bad idea, was not ready. i was so scared that somehow theyd look at me and figure out that i was thinking about it, and that theyd be mad that i didnt talk to them about it. i said it at dinner and there was legit forks dropped. my mom took me on a 2 hour long walk to try and explain myself which was HELL because i couldnt even understand what was going on.

"why do you think you like girls??"

"idk"

they eventually dropped the subject.

soon after that me and cassies relationship started to get werid. after being so codependent for so long we had thsi strange sort of toxic need for each other to be sane or something. she confessed that she had a crush on me and i really wasnt sure how to feel about it. she was so important to me and the trauma and confusion and drama of our friendship got all jumbled in my head and we fell into some sort of homo romantic something. we never did anything besides holding hands a few times, but we did that before either of us came out anyways. we went to summer camp summer after freshmen year and shit really hit the fan and we ended up having a friendship breakup. she told me afterwards that she was a devoted christian now, that god had saved her from herself and that now she was straight. i was really lost the rest of that summer. i wasnt sure what to do at all, who i was or what i was supposed to do now that i left the person i had dedicated the past year of my life and my mental health too. i was really suicidal for a few months after that but slowly i got better.

second semester of sophomore year i had my first real crush on one of my close friends at the time. she was straight which sucked but those 6 months of my life were some of the most terrible exhilarating experiences of my life. thats how i knew i wasnt wrong. bc theres no heterosexual option for wanting to make out with a girl in a dirty school bathroom stall.

it was hard though, being in love with someone you know will never feel that way about you. even if at the time i had mostly gotten over the majority of my internalized homophobia theres still that feeling of guilt. you feel so gross and creepy and unwanted. this person doesnt want you, they dont even want your gender but you cant let it go. its a very lonely feeling.

it was around the same time that i figured out that i was a lesbian. after i felt what it was like to like someone, really like someone. to be able to identify that feeling as romantic feelings, it was pretty obvious that i didnt like guys. i felt really bad about the guy i was talking too. he had no idea and id just heen leading him on for almost a year. i felt super shitty about it.

idk if that was coherent but i guess thats why i love byler so much. it feels so raw and real to me. i watch the van scene and i see myself. i see how hard it was and how much i hated myself and wanted so badly to be normal and to be able to talk about boys with my friends without feeling uncomfortable. i see the way mike is with el and i see myself with that boy from middle school. so desperate for affection and so so confused. this feeling of guilt and regret, the heartbreak of loosing someone that you couldve had but you dont want. i want to want it but i dont and its so heartbreaking.

i almost think its a worse feeling that being broken up with. i fell in love with a girl recently and she ended up ending things. i was super upset about it cried for a long time. but still. its not the same hurt. it hurts but its not the same deep primal hurt. sitting on my bathroom floor at 13 years old sobbing my eyes out because im not with a boy that i rejected. wishing that things were different but not wanting to actually change. i broke my own heart and i didnt even mean too

[s0lar-ch3ri]

thinking about him (spoilers for jrwi)

thinking about how in atleast 2 scenarios chip has blamed himself more then needed, first with ollie ("i took him from his home") then with gillion ("i gave him the card") and each time he tried to put on a confident face but really it ate away at him inside.

thinking about how gillion is constantly taking on responsibility and chip canonically sees gillion as inspiration (humble beginnings, bizly says the inspo from the future is from gillion tidestrider) and its not like he only takes some blame but usually its all the blame because gillion knows how to acknowledge his faults somewhat.

thinking about how chip takes promises ever so seriously (ie, not even doing simple lies after promising gill that he wouldnt) yet hes such an example of "change doesnt happen overnight" and how he acts can be directly or indirectly related to past adventures and/or trauma (probably even how he copes is atleast somewhat connected to the guy he killed under price).

thinking about how chip grew up looking up to arlin and seeing what a great example of pirates the black rose were and trying to be something atleast somewhat great and feeling like he failed when hes the only one on deck with somewhat an idea of what a pirate is.

thinking about how chip would lie to protect his friends yes but became a lying machine to protect himself before and hid his intents because while he can absolutely trust his crew his instinct is too not because he got used to being on his own and putting himself first and now hes around people (mostly gill) who put themselves before him to help protect him.

thinking about how easily gillion made friends with people on islands and eventually it rubbed onto chip too (ie: gryffin, felipe, etc) as he unlearned the idea that hes alone in a cruel world that only exists to make him suffer and theres a light in everyones life that makes it even just slightly better, no matter the background (main example is gill again).

thinking about how much gillion is willing to sacrifice for his friends and when felipe wanted to stab him every night, it was chip who tried to talk sense into gill because he cares for gillion and (most likely) was worried that felipe may be lying about healing and may full on kill him.

and all these thoughts (and more) make me feel so much when they found the empty rowboat with nothing but ashes and a fiendish smell and gillion starts blaming himself so chip grabs his shoulders and says "its not your fault, you werent the one who made him grab the card" because somewhere in my heart it feels like maybe chip isnt just talking to gill but to the part of himself that keeps on trying to hold onto every wrong hes done, every sin that keeps him up at night, every lie that is amplified in his skull, that he deserves forgiveness and not everything in the world lays on his shoulders.

and with these thoughts, one more comes to mind: chip and gillion are so similar in backgrounds and morals and thats why theyre the ones that break each others walls and misunderstand each other and fight because they probably dont even fucking see it.

[blossomthepinkbunny]

The inconstancy/misuse of the powers in HH/HB

(especially in "Oops")

In regards to the episode "Oops" of Helluva Boss and in general I just wanna say that I genuinely don't understand the misuse of the power levels in Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel. The strongest forces in Hell are the seven deadly sins and after that comes the Royalty and after that the overlords. Then the sinners and the Hellborn are the weakest from my understanding.

There are however some instances in the show which just don't make sense, considering the power system. Like, Charlie is the daughter of the most powerful demon in the whole of hell and troughout the show she just doesn't do anything at all. We are to assume that she has a lot of power still. Technically she should be the second strongest demon in hell. Maybe you could say, that she isn't used to her powers and is somewhat inexperienced and young, but she should still be atleast on the same level of strength as the weakest deadly sin, or Stolas I guess.

But all she does is sit around. I know she isn't the confrontational type and is actually quite the pacifist sometimes, still there are moments where she could use her powers to help her plan or just something. She never tries to protect the Hotel when people like Sir Pentious or the guys who were after Mimzy attack, thats always Alastors Job, even though one could guess that she'd be stronger than him if she would make use of her powers. Maybe she could even protect the demons from Alastor, because mindlessly killing random demons is sort of the opposite of what she wanted to accomplish (but apparently she's just fine with that? This goes back to her not being really well defined at all).

When she sees someone who she consideres her friend (Angel) get abused and harassed by someone, she doesn't do anything to help him. Maybe threaten Valentino or just use her high status to do anything. But nothing comes from her.

In the final episode it's also Alastor who has to fight Adam before Lucifer showes up. Charlie puts up a good fight when she finally decides to move but it just showes us all her potential which is never used.

This ignoring of power is so much worse in "Oops" though. The plot is that Asmodeus can't save Fizz from Crimson because of stupid, artificial reasoning. The first thing that is said is that Asmodeus is the weakest sin, which is fine but it doesn't change the fact that he could still just beat up everybody there. Like yeah he might be the weakest but he's still a SIN. He's stronger than Stolas and definitely a hundred times stronger than some random imp without special assisment.

I saw someone say that Ozzie probably sold away a lot of his power, since he often doesn't read the contracts he singes which is a nice theory but I don't consider it, since it's not mentioned in the episode. And even if he signed away more than half of his power, he should still be so much stronger than Crimson. Crimson is just an Imp and we see his group get taken out by Blitzø and Fizzarolli (one Imp with just a knife and one who can't even really fight) so the show can't even mention Ozzies power level as if it's an actual reason for why he can't do anything. We also see that he's still able to stand up to Mammon confidently in the later episode so he obviously is still VERY strong.

Another excuse they try to pull is with the legal documents he has to sign to give him some conflict and a time limit. But that's stupid too, since we know Ozzie can make Portals. He could just teleport there, take Crimson and his Imps out and be back with Fizz and Blitzø in a second. Also, Stolas is there too and he can turn demons into stone just by looking at them. Why doesn't he just do that to the lawyer guy? Then they don't have to sign and could just leave. I mean it's not as if the lawyer should even be an obstacle to Ozzie or Stolas.

The fact that Asmodeus apparently cares so much for his Partner but never thinks about any of this. At the start of the episode he's literally so worried about even the idea of Fizzarolli going to the greed ring without him and still he'd rather sit there and fill out some documents for a guy he could easily beat any second than to save his Partner who could be in ACTUAL life threatening danger!? The same goes for Stolas who we know can tell when Blitzø is in danger (from the episode truth seekers) but never has that instinct to save him here, even when Blitzø is captured too.

It's also just funny that for a place like hell, which we are constantly reminded of as this place without rules and people that care about a government, there's still that apparent necessity to completely follow Crimson's demands and the arbitrary rules he set. Especially for Asmodeus who is one of the strongest leading forces in hell, to just do whatever a random Imp wants, someone who is so many ranks under him (literally the second to last rank in hells society) is just indescribably stupid. Isn't he the one who could just make new rules? Or just decide that he doesn't want to follow certain ones, since in hell apparently no one follows a lot of rules anyways so why is it presented as if he can't do anything.

That's the thing I disliked most about "Oops" because it's so clear that they just had to make something up because they wrote themselves into a corner with Asmodeus and Stolas being so strong. There are probably more moments like this in both shows. Another one I can think of is that Stolas never helped I.M.P out in any of their missions, even though he can tell when Blitzø is in danger and would be a great help to get them out of situations. Obviously this is only brought up in one episode, because they didn't know how to resolve the conflict and then it just disappeares because it would make a lot of struggles in episodes feel weightless since Stolas can just save the Imps from any danger.

It's just another thing Vivzepop brings up and then drops. The inconstancy in these shows (in Helluva boss even more than in Hazbin) is actually annoying and makes episodes so much harder to watch.

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feeling like. ep 60 was such a fantastic arc finale battle ep. and auugh. like so many things. LIKE .

the slow build up of tension over the ep felt really good and perfect, as it escalates from alexandrite being silly and goofy to. gargantuan cyberflesh horror. and how the dice were UNCANNILY perfect for it all. like. the nat 1 vs nat 20 roll for the town and suddenly the entire mood shifts and the stakes are so much realer, and personal. followed up by the nat 20 for the town! followed up by TWO callie crits and her dealing 130 DAMAGE like each turn!!!! like!!!!! AUGH... the. just the beats of it all was soo good and.

tying to that .. the character moments for this ep were so good !!! every character got their moment to shine in the battle. already discussed callie absolutely whomping fucking ass, but of course the smaller moments as well. offering to go and defend calders town. seeing the faewild sky and "i think i needed to leave to become worthy of it" - like and as the culmination of callies arc. from someone who was so scared and running away to. staying, standing, fighting, protecting. AND ITS GOOD.

then of course theres calder. i mean also the . ARC. of the only thing he wanted was not to be overprotected. wanting to be useful - like his brothers, people who had strength and value in the eyes of their people, big enough to defend their town. and he has come all the way here. he changes the tides of the battlefield in the town - and he does it with the attachments of his friends and the love of his family. and like... god. really crystalising his ethos in a way that is foiled so well against gowan. gowan who was too proud to ask for help. vs "i cant do it without you" "but damn does it feel good when your friends have your back" ... !!!! AYYEARGH. like. hes becoming the protector of his home! but maybe now, his home is so much bigger than the ice knife, and hes not fighting alone .... YOU KNOW.

AND SOL!!!!! sol to my knowledge only deals 30 damage this battle but. as a resident sol enjoyer i !!! am VERY MUCH CLAPPING AND CHEERING!! at the deeply supportive role he took on for this fight. like hes the first to get the ice knife away from alexandrite, he gives callie an extra smite, silvery barbs.... ! like the short rest realisation of how different the battle wouldve gone without that silvery barbs is .... ! SO ITS GOOD. and at the end that he was the one to get the final blow on alexandrite and it was for swag is ...

and! that part was obviously a joke! as is the entire "keep em guessing haha alexandrite cant predict what were doing!!!" thing. HOWEVER. relistening to the ezry arc, and their first interaction w alexandrite as we now know her ... i just. REALLY feel like this is the spiritual successor to "were duck team and were messy and were friends and we do everything together and we absolutely suck shit all day long and all night baby". theyre so fucking stupid is the thing. and theyre messy and stupid and constantly saying things that are weird and make no sense and completely and utterly baffling .... and thats DUCK TEAM!!! (theres also a point here where im overreading somewhat. but the part about Keepin em Guessin... one could POSSIBLY argue it interacts in a MAYBE DEEPLY INTERESTIGN WAY with . the idea of the calculated certainty of the AI, the calm and cold prediction of the diviners, and the wild freedom of the peregrines. idk!!! maybe!!! maybe you cld even say that what lies at the heart of duck team is their messiness and outofplaceness and love and care and refusal of the tragedy!!! even!! maybe!! but YEAH. lol random XD ! keep em guessin!)

also the thing that made me write all this which is like. ! the final victory lap scene is just. so wonderfully cathartic, esp with how tense this entire arc has been. its just. fuck yeah we won and all our friends and family are here and safe and riding on mammoths!!! i mean. FUCKING ALBINS BACK!!!! GREGORS HERE AND KICKIN ASS!!! THE MA GOBLIN BRIGADE!!! A WIN. and ... that bit of callie just sitting on the roof playing a guitar as she stares into the fae wild sky is ... its good.. its good..

and all that is maybe. half the reasons why ep 60 is so good. i didnt even get around to talking about the fucking EMILY AXFORD SONG WHICH IVE BEEN PLAYING NONSTOP ALL DAY SO. yeah. so i like this ep i guess

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my thoughts on the new episode as always, as I am currently losing my shit lol. I know a lot of people dislike me after last ep when I spoke up about my thoughts, but this time I'm ready to be more mature about it.

1. I love the Hu argue uhhh thingy! I forgot what it's called ngl! I love her and Nico's new sprites too, they were really all amazing and conveyed so much emotion!

And then Hu said this 💀

genuinely insane analogy to make here. I'm sorry, but that was actually insanely uncalled for imo.

2. I think everyone forgot Hu's custom weapon is wire, (if you realized and predicted this, huge props to you), and I did not expect Nico to try and frame Hu for murder like that. NicoHu divorce arc when??? Just kidding, but they're much more cruel then I originally thought. I completely understand trauma from not being accepted as the person you are which was likely in the form of bullying/abuse, but I was genuinely surprised that they really try and murdered Ace just because they didn't like him and they didn't want to go through that again. Very interesting. I also feel very bad for Hu, because she's poured her heart into trying to protect Nico, and even though her methods are EXTREMELY flawed, it must hurt to know someone you really tried to help would try to frame you for murder. This makes me wonder if Nico felt Hu was a threat to their sense of self like Ace was, if they were going to try and pin a murder on her. I'm glad Charles and J told Hu to shut up though, because she was becoming unreasonable. I really hope things turn out the best for her though, because it's clear she's coming from a place of kindness, even if her kindness is mostly self-serving.

3. As much as I don't really like the guy, I'm very glad to have seen Ace pop off. Everyone has treated him like shit, and even if he's treated everyone like shit back, he did not deserve to be almost murdered and then for people to just not care. I really hope Ace ends up making a friend if he isn't the killer, because he really deserves someone to care about him the way mostly everyone in the cast already has someone.

4. They both make very good points here. I think Ace deserves an apology, but a real one.

5. "of course I regret doing it, I'm not Levi" - Nico

THATS ACTUALLY INSANE- but that may be my favorite line of the ep. I'm glad Nico regrets the crime though, because I was scared for awhile they didn't and there might be another incident of the same thing again. This makes me think they won't try and kill again, but it's drdt so you never know, and I think they're a definite threat if they get provoked to that point so easily.

6. I feel so bad for Rose, but let me say, dare I say, I think Whit asking if Rose is okay might've been the sweetest thing Ive ever seen. A lot of people tend to forget that Whit is actually very compassionate, so I'm glad to see that part of him shine through again. Rose is so human, and I think she may be the most realistic character I've ever seen portrayed in a fangan. A lot of characters are able to just get back up after a murder, but she's stuck, and I think I would be the same way. Unfortunately there's zero mental health professionals (obviously, cause they all need to be in a ward) in drdt, but I hope that she maybe can come to cope in a healthier way with what's going on around her, because she doesn't deserve this mess. I didn't actually realize before that the cast had put her on a bit of a pedestal due to her amazing memory, but it makes sense. I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I hope that Rose comes to peace with the turpentine and the tape thing because it really isn't her fault and that she can get help for her trauma due to Min and Xander, and Teruko's almost death. No matter how much people expect her to memorize a crime scene, she's human, and we all take things at much different paces.

7.

Hey David, didn't Whit teach us that trauma is a serious thing? You know I've been defending this guy a bit because of how he helped Eden and how I think he's trying to do what's right, but NEVERMIND. Because what the actual fuck is wrong with him to say something as messed up as these two statements. Rose and Arturo do not owe you anything, and they deserve to heal healthy, and at their own pace.

8. Teruko defending Rose was not in my ch2 trial bingo card, but oh my god, that really is sweet. I think Teruko really has started to change from talking with Rose.

I'm running out of images so I can't include her monologue, but it genuinely makes me happy she's starting to get some sort of character development. She really deserves it, and Charles really deserved being so fucking right about being social, lol. Also Teruko thanking Rose with that genuine smile on her face- brought me to tears. I hope they become friends :)

9. Ace and Eden, huh? To be honest, I'm completely torn and I can't see it being either one of them, but then again, I can't see it being anyone. I know so many people are complaining about not having a culprit reveal this ep, but I'm fine. I could wait another year and a half for the reveal. Actually, I don't think we need one at all. Maybe the true drdt is the friends we made along the way. Maybe it's better to choose delusion that nobody could've done it than it to have been Ace or Eden. Maybe, I killed Arei.

(I'm not that smart so I don't think I should be making killer theories, lol. I think it's safe to say I should stick to memes.)

10.

LMAOOOO. She right though.

11. "It pains me to come to Ace's defense" - David

another laughable moment, but a win for the Acevid shippers, I guess. I don't think David was lying though, and it was my suspicion all along that he had seen the body before anyone. I'm not very smart so I'm a bit confused as to whether later they're saying David actually did see her body (which is weird bc he'd have an alibi), or if he thinks someone else might've seen it and wanted to include that as a possibility.

12.

Teruko handled this whole situation super well, I was very impressed with her. Obviously you can't rule Eden out as the killer and Teruko explained that, but she was so compassionate and understanding about it that it made me cry. I never thought I'd say this, but here's a Teruko W. As for Eden pleading... I wish I could say more and I'm sure I'll be able to later, but it's just so likely she could be the culprit that I can't take anything she says at face value rn, and I was having trouble empathizing with her. Of course that's just my take, and I have already chatted with others who felt the whole scene was just a heartwarming experience, and that makes me really happy. This being said, the fact Teruko immediately turned to Ace as her main suspect TOOK ME OUT. I feel so bad for him he has literally done nothing but be suspicious to warrant this, while Eden is at the same level of suspicion. I really like that Teruko is playing favorites now, because Eden's been so good to her all this time.

13. I forgot to include David trying to get Teruko to not trust others!!! Shit!!!

Is that seriously how he plans to end the kg.. I can kinda see what he's going for bc so far the trope is in most danganronpa that you need to trust others to live and be fulfilled (not saying drdt is gonna follow that trope though). Hm.

Bro is actually down horrendous for Teruko though 😭

tierlist after watching this ep (kill me now)