#if anything id say she needs help
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
oli-ribbun-ver · 6 hours ago
Text
TADC Ep 4 Ramble! (?)
OKAY!! ive been wanting to yap about this for a while so!!
FIRST!! what finally got me to make this post!
the difference between how jax and ragatha worded it when they said something about gangle being happy!!
Tumblr media
as you can see here, jax says "I like you better when you're sad."
but why am i thinking about this so much?
jax doesn't really say "i hate when youre happy," or anything of that sort! he just says "i like you better when you're sad." is there really that much of a difference? well, yes!
there's actually a BIG difference!
"I hate when you're happy," would mean that Jax ONLY likes Gangle when she's sad and that he makes her sad BECAUSE she's happy, which isn't the case!
We KNOW that Jax doesn't do it because he dislikes when she's happy (although that MIGHT be the case, he definitely doesnt overall HATE when she's happy) because he says in Ep 1;
"I'm fine with doing whatever, as long as I get to see funny things happen to people."
Tumblr media
AND at the beginning of Ep 3, he has absolutely no issue with her being happy in any way. You can even visually see the reason he throws her mask is because he thinks it's funny.
(he literally dgaf)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Hell, you can tell he wasn't even considering throwing her mask until Gangle mentioned the doors and he was like "oh stars yknow what would be funny..."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
oh stars wait i didnt know there was a pic limit hokd on
okay had to delete some SORYR wait does fhis mean this has to be a seperate part thing??? how do i even do fhat... oh dear... THATS OKAY ILL FIGURE IT OUT!! anyways
I'm sure you get my point! Yes, in Ep 2, he seems a bit happier with her being sad, he LITERALLY SAYS "Aren't you supposed to be submissive and agreeable?", but also remember he SPECIFICALLY says
"I like you better when you're sad." not that he ONLY likes her when she's sad, which is kinda my point with this.
Now, what makes it so different to Ragatha's comment about her being happy?
"You're kind of annoying when you have your happy mask."
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Yeah. Kind of a big difference.
She just straight up says she thinks Gangle is annoying when she has her happy mask.
It can be argued that it's because Ragatha was hit with the good ol' stupid sauce, but if you haven't noticed, it's not that it made her stupid(although it sorta did), it just made her brutally honest with how she felt.
Gangle already knows that Ragatha is a people pleaser. Kind of everyone knows that. But regardless, Gangle considers Ragatha a friend. Sure, she could've expected it from Jax, but from RAGATHA?
Yeah. I wouldn't expect it either.
Because again, unlike Jax, Ragatha says she finds Gangle annoying when she's happy. Jax does not. And we know Jax is typically at least somewhat honest about how he feels. He literally has no reason to lie to Gangle about that, though. Like literally no reason.
"I like you better when you're sad" is a BIG difference than "You're kind of annoying when you have your happy mask."
Before anyone mentions it, although yes Ragatha DOES say happy MASK, Gangle doesn't exactly show she's sad when she has her happy mask on. She seems happier than when she doesn't have it, but we can pretty confidently assume that's not the case. I'll get into her mask later, though.
Regardless, what we know so far is that nobody really knows her happy mask doesn't actually make her happy except (now) Pomni and MAYBE Zooble.
Although I sorta doubt the Zooble thing because Ep 4 allowed us to learn that Gangle has a bigger mood drop the longer she's 'happy' for, since happiness isn't what she truly feels most of the time.
OKAY next post so i can put more images.
34 notes · View notes
waywardsalt · 5 months ago
Text
link being in a position of authority (first mate) in post ph is so interesting is that even something he’s cut out for. with the composition and whatnot of the post ph crew its not like he has to be an actual authority figure but at the end of the day he’s higher ranked than damien and bellum. linebeck probably talks to him the most about sailing and adventuring plans and he likely gets a lot of input on what they do. he probably stays in charge of the cannon. also least assigned to swabbing the deck probably but i doubt he dislikes doing it
#post-ph#salty talks#god my tags have been a mess recently i think. rn trying to figure out post ph link’s wholr deal#its probably a mix of linebeck trusting him a lot and his experience letting him be someone to trust when it comes to what they come across#while also linebeck quietly using that role as an excuse to get him out of the longer and intensive tasks bc like. kid’s like twelve#i do think during ph linebeck trusts in links ability to take care of himself and be mature (partially out of irresponsibility/ w/e)#but post ph he wants to give him more of a break and like. take care of him in a sense return the favor. link needs some recovery time too#damien probably takes some time before really taking him seriously and would listen to him mostly bc he trusts linebeck#but does later just trust link but offers to help a lot (a little overbearing i think he has an issue of overriding ppl so to say)#(i know what i mean bjt i dont thinm its clear. im typing on moblie and have little patienxe so im not explaining)#bellum just hates it and link hates him so the first mate and the eternal swabbie just have hateful staring matches half of the time#bellum usually ignores anything link tells him to do but oncd he settles in and starts like. being more open-minded? he respects him more#in an old version aryll joined the crew for a bit but that got trashed bc she is a bit young and the groups morals have dipped#and idk what id do with her yknow. its not off the table to have her tag along for a lil but as a crew member? nah#where was i going with this. crew ranking is linebeck > link > damien > bellum#idk what actual role damien has (tbh idk if swabbie is a real thing i just see it around) generally he just helps out with stuff#he helps with repairs and stuff since hes got some relevant experience
3 notes · View notes
myownprivatcidaho · 7 months ago
Text
.
2 notes · View notes
quillkiller · 10 months ago
Text
coolio my abusive ex reached out
3 notes · View notes
beautifel · 1 year ago
Text
i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am
#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately#like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad#i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic#and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me#the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic#let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything#like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing#i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard#the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know#with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things#n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case#it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others#this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate#its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences#its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control#ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship#we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people#so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there#ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere
7 notes · View notes
chainsawworld · 11 months ago
Text
↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*
#gamer txt.#i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard#zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread?#well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming#ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment#well i mean. until now#i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing#it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit#and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to#ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this#i really dony know if i can xome back fron this#ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again#but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take#it would be stupid#no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life#but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice#that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me#i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself#but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne#i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up#someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been#something that will fight me when i obviously lie#but theres no way for me to get that#im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way#what the duck an i meant to do?#im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone#ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been#and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim#even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either#so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it
3 notes · View notes
tacochippy · 7 months ago
Note
??? Plenty of straight women believed and defended Johnny Depp (despite all the evidence that he was an abusive piece of shit)
A lot of women have internalised misogyny and inherently believe men over women
You see it all the time in fan spaces
These things can be true simultaneously !!
I know this is a thing that happens because it happened to my dad. His job? Lost. His friends? Left him. Nobody (other than our family, which is more than most can say in this situation) beleived my dad when he said he would never do that to my mother or to his kids. My dad would never do anything like that, to anyone, for many reasons. I know this for a fact.
Its a thing that happens. Its not every time (heavens no), but it still happens. Lots of women get beelived immediately.
It also doesnt need to be brought to court! Its mostly just rumour spreading, from whst ive seen firsthand and been told.
Women dont beleived often, but when they do if theyre lying it causes all sorts of problems.
And btw, i am saying this as a sexual absue victim who didnt get help for years because nobody beleived her. So i have seen and been through both sides of the story.
1 note · View note
savage-rhi · 1 year ago
Text
I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
6 notes · View notes
rubys-domain · 1 year ago
Text
maybe sumeru being the fucking massive nation that it is is a blessing in disguise. so i always have a place to do chill exploration when i get sick of my artifact luck
#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo,ide yo !!#i have almost 2 million mora just off exploration#all the better to fund my journey to triple crowned lyney#also i'm sitting at tree of dreams level 30 right now#since i'm not getting any dream solvent from weeklies#i figured i should just farm dendro sigils and get 1 dream solvent plus a bow billet for a guaranteed r1#also also#since i got sayu on main while trying to pull for freminet#(yeah risky move i know. but i have no self-control okay. plus i'm still at like 20-ish pity and i'm on a 50/50)#(anyways.)#i've been using her in my exploration team obviously. and i've been leveling her so she can be an actual healer at the same time#so once again i need maguu kenki drops. which i was dreading#but i took my lyney team to fight it#and oh boy#it was almost /easy/#i think it took less than a minute to beat. which is a first for me#and this is with 5/4/4 talents and 2pc 2pc berserker/glad and a level 80 ibis piercer#(granted his supports are actually fairly well-built which helps a ton but still)#(also jsyk im just using the ibis piercer while i grind to get midlander bow billets okay. i obviously know its not a great weapon for him)#(and i don't have to say anything about my marechaussee luck i hope)#tangent,but i tested out teams in the sumeru weapon mats domain because i honestly forgot what was in there#and turns out that just benny and kazu are enough to clear it. yeah. just the two of them. lyney didn't even have a chance to deal damage#on the one hand,that's great for friendship farming. on the other hand,bruh.
3 notes · View notes
oli-ribbun-ver · 6 hours ago
Text
EP 4 RAMBLE PART 3 FINAL!!
(ft the other episodes! but mainly ep 4!)
okay actually i think this is more of a gangle ramble now but thats fine
part 1
part 2
CONTINUATION OF THE GANGLE PEOPLE-PLEASER PART OF THE RAMBLE FROM PART 2!
lets see... where did i leave off... RIGHT!!
There are a lot of parts in ALL episodes where she doesn't want to cause problems for people. Which is typically normal for everyone, HOWEVER. Her idea of 'causing problems' is her opening up to people about how she truly feels, or even voicing her feelings in general if they're about someone.
I've already gone over the Pomni conversation and the bit where she has a mini breakdown, and I said I'd include even more of the other episodes in this, so! Let's begin at Ep 1!
Let's talk about what I've observed in episode one.
Tumblr media
YES THIS IS IMPORTANT.
Notice how it's emphasized she says it quietly? (I know it's for comedic effect, but EVERYTHING seems to be important for every character, like how the darkness from the bucket on Kinger's head in Ep 2 helped him remember something about Ragatha before immediately forgetting it and then the reason he only remembers things in the darkness is explained! Seems like a minor detail that means nothing, turns out to be HUGE.
She doesn't want to cause a problem. In this case, the 'problem' would be her fully interrupting the conversation because she's worried about her friend. In the mind of a people pleaser, even if it helps someone out, you feel a sense of pressure on you when mentioning someone needs help to others, because "What if I cause a problem or make them mad? I don't wanna do that!", those thoughts are pretty normal, ESPECIALLY for people-pleasers.
"Wait, what about Zooble?" Is said so quietly, you can barely hear it. She either doesn't want her voice to be heard, or she DOES but is too scared to say it more loudly because of some version of the thoughts I described.
Tumblr media
not as important but I'd like to note how she literally says NOTHING. like. nothing. i just think its kinda funny but also she just. doesnt give her opinion at all? she wasnt even asked if she wanted to go with them to check on kaufmo they just dgaf about her 😭
ANYWAY
Tumblr media
This is the only time she gives her opinion and its not even an opinion HELP
Also I'm trying to save space so I don't have to make a part 4 so shortly into this, since I know I'll have to make one anyway, but I wanna mention how she hides behind her broken mask to protect herself after he screams which kinda hits different now that we know more about her mask.
But anyway, I'll make a seperate little portion of this ramble for that!
I'd like to mention too, anytime she is shoved, has something mean said to her, or has her comedy mask broken, she doesn't complain or say anything about it except for maybe an "ow". I find that interesting, because I think the reason for this is that she doesn't want anyone worrying about her. AKA, she doesn't want to cause a 'problem'.
She wants to please. One does not please by being a 'problem', right? That's probably how she thinks, anyway.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
When Jax tells her to do something she doesn't want to do, whether he pressured her like that or not, it wouldn't have made a difference, because she can't bring herself to say 'no.'
In my opinion, from what it sounds like when she says "I don't think we—" she probably would've ended up saying yes regardless. Hell, if he'd just followed it up with "do it," I don't see a world in which she wouldn't, although she'd probably be more hesitant.
also why does his back bend like that he looks like hes gonna become an old man any second now HELP 😭
Also, when Jax threatens her by saying "Do it, or I'll tell Ragatha about the figurine thing," I think that really does something to her.
Every time she's either built up the confidence to say no, or someone has tried to help her say no, she's kicked down in one way or another INSTANTLY.
Episode 4 did not help with that. I believe in the next few episodes, she will not be better about saying no. She might even be worse off, knowing Ragatha thinks her being happy is annoying.
People-pleasers are in different worlds. Being the type of people-pleaser Gangle is, it's an entirely different world from others. It carries a lot of what I can only describe as delusion to it.
If Pomni had not stepped up when Gangle thought she was alone after work hours, Gangle would have abstracted. I am a firm believer in that. She was breaking. Losing her mind.
Gangle tells herself to stop trying to achieve her dream while breaking down over the fact her efforts to achieve her dream might not be enough.
So let's go there, and get a
Closer look at Gangle's mental state.
(and why she's most likely the least unwell character)
Gangle is mentally ill. Everyone knows that already, but to what extent?
I'm not sure if we'll ever know.
But what we do know is this.
More likely than not, Gangle almost abstracted in Ep 4. And out of everyone who has EVER vented so far, Gangle has shared relatively nothing. Even after the Spudsy's adventure, what we've seen so far is her never mentioning her feelings except that she feels like she messed everything up.
Gangle doesn't know how to help herself. Zooble can make her feel better, but not for long, because Gangle doesn't think she can get better.
When she was about to vent to Pomni, she stopped as soon as she felt like her feelings were REALLY about to come loose, put her new happy mask back on, said she had no time to talk about her feelings, and fled.
What I think is that Gangle thinks everyone is more important than her, so when she FINALLY got to be important she was happy. Really, truly happy.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
The worst thing you can do is make someone think they're not wanted or loved.
Something that makes me sad is that Gangle does not feel wanted or loved.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Gangle was almost gone in Episode 4.
We almost lost Gangle. Had Gangle abstracted, she'd die without ever feeling like people cared about her.
For all we know, she could be the first person to abstract after Kaufmo.
I personally believe that.
The end of Episode 4 was a su¡cide attempt. (is that word allowed? im not sure..l ill censor it anyway)
I saw someone say this in the comment section of either the episode itself or a reaction video, and I completely agree.
They say before people commit su¡cide, they have a sudden boost of joy. Everything will be over soon. Why not enjoy that fact?
I think it was a subconscious su¡cide, at the very least.
She was happy. For the first time without a happy mask to hide how she feels deep down, she was happy.
She had a sudden boost of happiness, and then stepped backwards into oncoming traffic. When someone experiences a near-death situation by their own hand, there's a moment of regret before they are gone. I've experienced it myself, and it is horrid. That feeling is one I will never be able to forget. Even if I never so much as blacked out, I felt faint, and I will NEVER forget that fear, that horror, dread, regret.
The shock. Wondering if it was truly me who did it.
And I think. That is what Gangle experienced.
And then, that feeling was brushed off by Caine, whether she knew he doesn't understand the feeling of wanting to disappear or not, she was quick to blame herself for it all. Both about her performance to Caine, and alone, to nobody but herself.
"I guess I just... cracked under the pressure I suppose."
And maybe, just maybe.
That crack will never heal.
Thank you for listening and reading my ramble, everyone!! I appreciate it more than you know!
Bye bye for now, friends! Have a lovely day!
19 notes · View notes
girlivealwaysbean · 4 months ago
Text
dni.
#i don't know how people who do not have siblings live cause#whenever i feel the very intense and real urge to genuinely kms their faces pop up in my head#my sister laughing at my jokes after she had a bad day and saying with tears in her eyes that hey you know what i need you so much please#call me constantly when im abroad i don't know what I'd do without you#and my little brother not trusting my parents advice when he is sick because he thinks they're constantly telling him to do a hundred thing#anyway but listening to me when im giving the exact same advice asking me such innocent questions that seem so obvious#but he doesn't know because of his childlike innocence#like why are we not going to the doctor if i have fever how do our parents know how to cure it and how can i take dolo without a doctors#prescription and me laughing and explaining that it's okay it's normal it's paracetamol you don't have to worry you'll be okay in day or 2#or how he's excitedly telling me that these are the colleges i looked up are they good how do you know if they're good#he needs me so much even tho he'd never say it they've been even worse parents to him than to me he doesn't have anyone else#so then how could i be so selfish and hurt the two people who love and need me the most the two people on whom if i see tears#it feels like a stab directly to the heart?#but i can't help it. can't help fantasizing about dying#maybe myself but even better if by some terminal illness#i keep thinking me lying in a hospital bed and doctors saying there's a complicated procedure and it's very expensive and results aren't#even guaranteed so are you sure want to be treated#and me saying no please let me die my parents would protest at first they would feel it is their duty responsibility to keep me alive#but id say please i don't have anything to live for and i just CAN'T i can't do this i can't live this life it's too difficult im not#capable im already failing please just let me give up and then they'd agree#and then i would tell my father that im sorry i couldn't pay you back for all the money you spent on me my education my living expenses#but atleast now i won't ask for anymore money from you ever you'll probably get some money from the insurance policies#and i would tell my mom that sorry for being such a burden on you all these years but now you can finally be free with the 2 kids you#actually love and you never have to cook for me again or fold my clothes or feel bad that i won't attend your family functions#and i would tell my siblings that i know it's sad but please i know you guys are strong and bright and you're gonna be very happy and#successful and that's enough for me im sorry we couldn't have our dream raksha bandhan away from our parents but you can carry on without#me and ill always love you. and that would be it.#i know it's wrong to fantasize so much about dying and ive read somewhere that they may just seem like thoughts now but if left untreated#one day you're gonna have a bad day and you're gonna find the perfect opportunity and you were so sure you were never going to do it but#then you do. but i don't know how to stop
1 note · View note
arolesbianism · 5 months ago
Text
Every second of every day I remind myself that I'm going to need to learn to draw gore and body horror and every second of everyday I simply keep imagining it instead of drawing it because I don't even wanna try finding usable refs for the shit I wanna pull off (it also doesn't help that searching up refs for skinless human anatomy is. Annoying to do if you wanna draw someone who isn't made of muscle and nothing else)
#rat rambles#there's also just a lot of stuff that I just sorta. cant find refs for just due to the nature of the image in my head#but yeah I know I can probably find the refs I properly need somewhere out there but its going to be a nightmare for me I hate finding good#reference photos for tings especially when it comes to anything gore or scar related#but yeah au snek you bastard I will draw you some day#she isnt helping me much by having fun bone body horror too :/#and then theres all the other snake stuff I want her to do thats going to be a whole other journey to learn to draw#but that one isnt as bad because it's much easier to find photos of snakes doing goofy snake stuff#aka anytime they use their mouths to do anything ever theyre so silly#au snek is also silly if you ignore the horrors#shout out to her for being the only one of the au antags that wasnt saught out for attempting to/succeeding at destroying their universes#although thats mostly just because snek is tied to physical matter which means that she has less of an inhernet connection to the stuff#pretty much everyone else does abt their universes#au snek was somewhat unique amongst sneks tho in that shes easily one of the most powerful sneks#these guys get a bit closer to the greater power of the function theyre tied to each time they die you see#and au snek has died a Lot#more times than everyone else in the au antag squad combined#which tbf isnt actually saying a lot most of them never actually died that many times if at all#owl for example probably never died herself. all her power came from her consuming her original universe#similar with mase but he might have died at some point idk#and while Id normally say tali is a similar case given the universe she came from shes probably died a fair share of times#and au bloom probably died like once or maybe twice if Im being generous#au fydd didnt die at all hes just built like that#and au aris only died once but her power again comes from her original universe aka uni hi uni#now Id have to do some math to figure out how many times au snek died but I dont wanna do that since itd be kinda complicated#but just trust me she died a lot and her friends also died a lot except for her brothers who only died once since they dont get revived#long story short: they stopped being supplied food
1 note · View note
phagodyke · 6 months ago
Text
well I didn't talk abt what I specifically wanted to talk abt bc I could tell I was starting to get upset just being very vague and general and I mentally started doubting myself n defending against it n chickened out. but I'm grateful she listened to me vent a little anyway I do appreciate it ik she has plenty of better things to do w her time 🥹
0 notes
thisisaname-whatahappyname · 8 months ago
Text
[me dealing w something thinkiits a recent issue] [flashbacks of something i did as a little girl: hello there]
#ahhhh vent dont mind this loves#ever since i was a little girl i knew i ddint have a trustworthy support system#man i remember being eleven and having peeled off the top layer of my skin on the top of my feet and it was so bad i couldn't walk without#limping amd like my granpa who just had a stroke thought i was walking him meanwhile i had a very real wound on both feet and like#i was weaeing socks everyday to cover it at school and itd hurt like a bitch to put on and even more so to take off cause it always had a#new layer of skin growing on top of it then and i still wore my normal Rubber slippers on my fucking wound at home too just walkin around#pretending to be normal all cause i knew my parents would get mad at me and id rather prefer to suffer than let that happen#so like i suffered for a week of two and it was bad like i was linping bas like a new layer of skin grew on my socks bad like i had to get#gauze on both feet bad#AND YOU KNOW WHATS THE FUNNY PART#MY MOTHER TOOK IT AS A PERSONAL INSULT I DID AGAINS5BGER TOO HAHAH#LIKE#cause she complimented me on having nice feet before that happened and its like#she went (yelled) 'why is it that everytime i say something about you you try to change it do you hate me that much'#miss mam my feet are bleeding so bad i when i was 11 had to get gauze strips and had a limp for 5 days and you somehow managed to#not only make this about You but make it how You're the victim#uhuh#vent#parents#man#oh i lost the bitish accent momentarily#its back now#ever since i was a little girl i knew if rather suffer alone than tell anyone (especially not my parents) anything#ever since i was a little girl i had trouble admitting i needed help when im suffering hahah crazy who said that not me
0 notes
timeisacephalopod · 1 year ago
Text
Ended up calling CAS (Canadian CPS Americans) and I did not expect to have complicated feelings on such a thing because it's not as if the call wasn't needed years ago if I'm honest, but I typically do not like involving myself in such things especially when so many people make frivolous calls to cops and agencies like this. Seriously, child abuse is the crime that receives the most false accusations and of course I'm not talking out my ass, but I also don't want to disrupt a bunch of kids lives over their mothers bullshit.
On the flip side me messing around with their lives at this point is probably the best option for them and that's not something I say lightly, I told the guy twice I was making that call with a heavy heart but what little I know is deeply disturbing to me. And specified that I believe my oldest niece is the primary victim in part because she's a vocal kid, good for her. But that's done, I can at least know I tried for those kids and did what I could to make myself sound credible and give what info I know even if I made it clear that I don't know probably anything really. But I'm tired of waiting for change from someone who isn't capable of it. Those kids need better, it's not like I didn't wait 13 years for her to do better by those kids. It's not like I said anything untrue to anyone involved either, so complicated feelings or not know I didn't just run around making nasty frivolous phone calls. I'm genuinely concerned my oldest niece will end up dead and that the only thing done about it on shitheads end will be protecting my nieces murderer and if I did nothing about that I'd never be able to live with it.
#winters ramblings#i feel bad for calling i DO even if as far as im concerned that piece of shit deserves to be vivisected for what shes done#its the KIDS i feel for. i just dont want their lives fucked up because of ME but like. their lives are fucked already#thats why i called like i said id call a month ago but decided that was too extreme and WAY too soon#but the way things are going im afraid shell speedrun her usual abusive relationships and my NIECE will get killed#maybe that scum fuck wont care if her kid isurdered since she doesmt care if that same kid is BEATEN#but ID sure shit care and i wouldnt be able toive with myself if something happened and i DIDNT SAY SHIT before it could be prevented#i simply could not do that to CHILDREN. the guy said they may call me back for more info and i was like yeah thats fine#anything i can do to help those kids which he seemed to appreciate. but really i sat around FAR too long#complicated feelings or not i didnt make that call to be frivolous OR as any kind of revenge for her bullshit#i did it because if shes willing to go THAT FAR with me over nothing im afraid she'll let that SCUM actually KILL my niece and do nothing#or WORSE out and out PROTECT him from any consequences for KILLING her. and god help me if that happened#and i did NOTHING id need therapy for the guilt i could NOT live with that. so i made a call i never wanted to make#beyond being pissed off in a moment but i sat on it for a couple days and when i woke up today#i knew what i had to do and whether i like it or not. i did NOT make that call lightly#the fact that i called anyone when i LOATHE phone calls is already a massive hurdle on my end jumped#but like really am i going to sit around wondering if my niece will be DEAD soon without trying to DO something?#no. i just couldnt live with that and if nothing happens well. i did what i could#whatever DOES happen i hope those kids are ok and i hope theyll either be close enough to visit#or that my mom would be nice enough to drive my ass to visit with them somewhat often since if they get placed in other homes#or just one other home then id like to at least try to provide some type of familial stability by maintaining contact#i know the kids use kids messenger too so if anything happens ill try to get that info so o can contact them#and they can reach out if they want to. especially my oldest niece im so worried for her that kid WILL press all the buttons she can#which is good for her on one hand but has me worried she'll get HURT on the other and i dont want THAT of course#regardless hopefully whatever might come of this those kids get the environment they deserve and thrive
1 note · View note
aurorawhisperz · 1 month ago
Text
You’re All I Need (r.c.)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
contains: swearing, angst, mentions of pregnancy, family drama.
father!rafe x mother!reader
a/n: if this goes well and finds its way into my busy schedule, i’ll turn this into a series! and guess who just hit the two-decade mark.. 🎉🎂
summary: you’re sick, exhausted, and barely holding it together while caring for your daughter, juno, alone. desperate, you call rafe, your ex and her father, for help.
who am i to want you now that you’re leaving?
almost a year ago, you and rafe had gotten into a big fight over the summer that left both of you saying things that couldn’t be taken back. by the time he was gone, you thought it was over for good. he stormed off and it felt like the end.
that was the same summer you found out you got knocked up.
when you finally told him about the baby, he swore he wanted to be there, for both of you. but you couldn’t do it. you didn’t his half-assed attempts at playing family. so you told him he could be in the baby’s life, but not yours.
the day your daughter was born, nothing felt real. you named her juno, inspired by a movie you’d watched a hundred times during your pregnancy. you didn’t need rafe there that day. at least, that’s what you told yourself.
and for a while, that worked. until tonight.
the fever is unbearable, heat radiating from your body as you lean against the wall to steady yourself, your legs trembling beneath you.
juno cries loudly, sharp and continuous, her small fists waving in anger from her playpen. juno was only a few months old, but the sounds she made tonight seem louder than anything, or maybe it is the throbbing in your head that is making everything clearer.
you tried to calm her down—rocking her, even her close until your arms felt like they might give out but your fever had drained every ounce of strength out of you.
rafe was in the middle of a business call when his phone rang. he saw your name on the caller ID and immediately sensed that something was off. he excuses himself from the meeting and quickly picks up.
“what’s up?" he asks, his voice filled with concern and curiosity. “do you wanna have juno tonight?”you ask, not entirely aware of what you’re doing. “i don’t don’t know..I’m just..” then you sigh. “she’s been saying ‘dada’ all day and she refuses to eat.”
rafe winced at the loud noise. juno’s cries are clearly heard from the other end. it was clear that you were having a hard time, and he felt concerned for both you and juno.
“yeah, ‘course, i’ll take her.” he replies quickly, then rafe doesn’t waste any time. telling some lame excuse to his clients, gathering his things and completely bailing on the group of people in the meeting room.
the drive to your place felt excruciatingly long, but he kept his foot on the gas, determined to get there as fast as possible. rafe offered you and juno a spot at tanneyhill but since you were too petty towards him at that time, you declined.
He rushes to his car, his mind racing with thoughts about you and Juno. The drive to your place feels excruciatingly long, but he keeps his foot on the gas, determined to get there as fast as possible.
finally, he reaches your home and practically jumps out of the car, making his way to the door and banging on it urgently.
"(name)? it’s me! open up!" he calls out, the sound of juno’s cries echoing in his ears.
when you open the door, rafe’s eyes slightly widen in worry at your appearance. he could see the paleness in your face and the exhaustion in your eyes. he quickly steps inside, his eyes scanning the room for juno.
"are you alright?" he asks, his voice filled with concern. "you look absolutely exhausted. what’s going on with you?”
“i’m fine, she’s in my room..” and rafe saw all the tell-tale signs of a fever as he watched you lay down on the couch. he knows you’re not as ‘fine’ as you claim but doesn’t push the issue for now.
a year ago, rafe cameron was chaos incarnate. consumed by his demons, or maybe he was the demon. the outer banks was his kingdom, and as much as you don’t want to admit it, the rafe walking up the stairs to go see your daughter isn’t the same man you walked away from last summer.
decades of being ward cameron’s son don’t just vanish but having a daughter changed rafe in many ways no one thought was possible. he’s more conscious, more quiet, like he’s constantly trying to prove more to himself than to everyone that he was better than the man who raised him.
you’ve seen him with juno, the way he holds her like she’s the only thing that matters in the world.
rafe watches you as you lie down on the couch, he frowns when he sees how weak you look.
he turns and heads straight to the room where juno is crying. he walks over to the crib and leans over, gently scooping up the little girl, holding her close to his chest.
"hey, little one," he coos, his voice soft and soothing. "your dad’s here." juno immediately stops crying as rafe picks her up, her small body calming at the familiarity of his touch and voice. rafe rocks her in his arms, gently shushing her and whispering words of comfort.
"there you go," he murmurs, his fingers gently stroking her soft hair. "no more cries now, i’ve got you."
he walks back to the living room, holding juno close to his chest as he approaches you on the couch.
"hey," rafe says softly, his tone showing concern. "you really don't look well." he moves closer, gently resting a hand on your forehead to feel your temperature. as he suspected, your skin was hot to the touch.
you look up to see him with juno on his hip. “just take care of her for the night.” and your eyes nearly flutter shut.
rafe saw through the way your eyes struggled to stay open. he saw how sick you truly were, but you're trying so hard to hide it.
"damn it," he mutters, his voice tight with worry and frustration. "baby, you’re in no condition to take care of juno on your own right now. you need to rest, and i can't just leave knowing you're not okay."
rafe reluctantly looks down at juno in his arms, her tiny face looking up at him with wide trusting eyes. he then glances back at you, still lying on the couch, weakness written all over your face.
"i will," he replies firmly. "but first, I'm putting you to bed. you need to rest and get better. then I'll take care of the baby."
he heads up and carefully sets juno on the crib for a moment and then walks downstairs, over to the couch, gently scooping you up in his arms.
“put me down..” you whine. "no" rafe replies firmly, his grip on you tightening slightly. "you’re burning up with a damn fever. no condition to be worrying about juno right now." he carries you towards your bedroom, his arms holding you securely against his chest. though you protest, he ignores your weak struggles.
once he reaches your bedroom, he gently lays you down on the bed, making sure you're comfortable and settled. he pulls the covers up over you, tucking you in and smoothing back your hair from your forehead.
looking down at you, he can see how exhausted you really are, the fever taking a toll on your body. but his focus quickly shifts to the crib where juno is starting to cry again, her hunger growing stronger.
rafe watches you for a moment, concerned. the feeling of your skin under his touch tells him how high your fever really is. he glances over at the crib, juno’s cries growing louder.
"stay right here," he instructs you firmly. "i’ll feed our baby, then i’m coming back to check on you."
with a sigh, rafe picks juno up from the crib and brings her to the kitchen. he goes through the motions of preparing a bottle for juno, mixing the formula with warm water and shaking it gently until it's ready. he then sits down next to your bed, leaning back against the headboard while he carefully feeds juno the bottle.
his eyes occasionally flick to you, checking on your condition. even though he's busy feeding the baby, he keeps a watchful eye on you, noticing every shiver and every sign of discomfort in your sick state.
after a few minutes, juno is satisfied, her tiny belly full and content. she starts to drift off in rafe’s arms, her small eyes growing heavy.
he carefully passes the baby back to the crib and turns his attention back to you. he returns to your bedside and sits down, his eyes studying your pale and weary face. the sight of you in this state was devouring him from the inside.
your eyes flutter open. “rafe, take her to your house..” then you turn to the side, your back facing him.
rafe looks down at you, gently taking your hand in his own, it broke his heart a little. the fact that you're asking him to take juno now.
"baby," he murmurs, his voice gentle. "you’re still burning up. i can't just leave with juno while you're like this."
it was always like this with rafe. back then, whenever you didn’t want him to care for you, when you pushed him away, built your walls high, and told him you didn’t need him, he’d force it anyway. he had this annoying way of ignoring your protests, showing up when you least expected it with that hot stubborn determination in his eyes.
if you were sick, he’d be at your door with soup, even if he didn’t know how to make it. if you were upset, he’d sit next to you in silence, waiting until you caved. it didn’t matter how hard you tried to convince him you were fine; rafe never listened. he cared in the only way he knew how to care; recklessly, even when you swore you didn’t want him to. that part of him hasn’t changed at all.
“come on, she’s your only priority at the moment.” you try sending him away. his grip on your hand tightened a little at your words. “don't be fucking ridiculous," he retorts, his voice stern. "juno will be fine with me at my house. but you're not. you’re sick and need rest and care. i’m not just gonna abandon you like this. not happening."
“you don’t have to stay anyway… you’re not my husband or boyfriend or anything. you’re just her dad.”
rafe bites down at your words. he knows he’s nothing more to you than juno’s dad, but hearing you say it so bluntly still stings.
“no, i’m not your husband or boyfriend,” he replies, his tone sharper than intended. “but damn it, i still care about you, even if you don’t want me to.”
before you can respond, a shiver racks your body, your fever making you tremble. rafe notices immediately, his frustration giving way to concern.
“jesus, you’re burning up,” he mutters, leaning closer to place the back of his hand on your forehead. “why didn’t you tell me you were this bad?” he doesn’t wait for an answer. standing up, he moves to the kitchen, returning with a cool cloth. he gently presses it against your forehead, his jaw tight with worry.
“you’re in no condition to be alone right now,” he says firmly. “especially not with a fever this high. you need someone to take care of you, whether you like it or not.”
“take her,” you whisper, your voice weak. “i can take care of myself. you don’t have to do both.”
“damn it, will you just listen to me for once?” rafe snaps, his voice low but laced with irritation. “you’re not fine. you’re barely holding it together, and you want me to just walk away? why are you so goddamn stubborn?”
“i don’t need your help,” you insist, glaring at him weakly. “just watch juno. that’s all.”
rafe exhales sharply, trying to keep his temper in check.
“what’s it gonna take for you to get it through your head that you need support too?” he demands. “i care about both you and juno, you idiot. why can’t you just let me help you when you clearly need it?”
“and why does this concern you?” you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. his eyes narrow at your question, frustration bubbling over again.
“why do you think it concerns me?” he bites out, his voice rough. “you really have to ask that? you think i don’t care about you? you think i only see you as juno’s mom?”
you manage a breathy smirk, too weak to move but pleased nonetheless. “i knew it… son of a bitch.”
“knew what?” he challenges, his tone sharp. “that i actually give a damn about you more than you think? if you know, then why are you still fighting me on this? why are you so damn stubborn about letting me help?”
your smirk stays on your face, though your eyelids are already drooping from exhaustion.
“yeah, i care about you,” he admits, his voice quieter now. “you drive me absolutely fucking insane with how stubborn you are, but i still care. happy now?”
when you don’t respond, too tired to argue anymore, he shakes his head and adjusts the cool cloth on your forehead.
“i’m not leaving,” he says, and there’s no point in arguing. “someone has to take care of you since you clearly can’t be trusted to do it yourself.”
the room feels smaller with him in it, like his presence is closing in on you from all sides. he settles next to you, the mattress dipping slightly, and it’s awkward, too close for comfort, too familiar for what you are now. exes. nothing more.
“you’re gonna get sick,” you mumble, your voice scratchy and weak. “you don’t have to do this.”
“don’t care,” he says, not even looking at you. his voice is calm, steady. “you’re burning up. if i get sick, so what?”
you try to sit up, even though your body feels like it’s made of lead and your head pounds with every slight movement. the fever’s still got you in its grip, but lying there next to rafe feels like too much. too intimate. too close.
but the second you push yourself up, the world tilts. your balance wavers, and before you can steady yourself, your head drops against something solid.
his shoulder.
rafe lets out an annoyed sigh as he watches you struggle to get up, knowing full well that you're too weak to stand on your own.
"damn it, woman," he mutters as you collapse back onto him. "what did I tell you? you’re supposed to be resting, not trying to get up and walk around like a lunatic."
he gently wraps his arm around you, supporting your weakened body against him.
"just stay still and don't move," he whispers. "you’re in no condition to be up and about. you need to rest and recover. you know i’ll take care of you, right? stop trying to do everything on your own."
rafe gently runs his fingers through your hair, his touch light and soothing.
your hand finds its way to rafe’s arm, fingers gripping him weakly, as if holding on to him will keep you steady. rafe freezes at the touch, his gaze dropping to where your hand rests against his skin. it’s a simple gesture, but it feels like everything all at once.
he doesn’t pull away. instead, he shifts slightly, his own hand coming up to gently squeeze yours, his grip warm and steady, like he’s anchoring you.
“you’ll get better,” he murmurs. “just give it time and let yourself rest. let me look after you for once, okay?”
you think about the way things used to be. sneaking off when you had the chance, meeting him at the beach under the cover of darkness. stolen kisses, the kind that made your heart race. rafe was always the one who pushed boundaries, the one who made you feel alive in ways you hadn’t thought possible.
“are you sleeping over?” you ask weakly, your voice barely above a whisper.
rafe looks down at you, the question pulling him out of his thoughts. he takes in your pale face, the tired lines around your eyes, and sighs. part of him wants to say no, to avoid whatever this is turning into, but he knows he can’t leave you like this.
“yeah,” he says finally, his tone gentle but firm. “yeah, i’m sleeping here. someone needs to keep an eye on your stubborn ass so you don’t try to do chores at three in the morning.”
you let out a weak laugh, but it fades quickly. “you shouldn’t be here,” you mutter, shaking your head slightly. “it’s—it’s awkward. it’ll just make things weird.”
rafe arches a brow, his lips twitching into something between a smirk and a frown. “why are you acting like something’s gonna happen between us?” he counters, his tone light but laced with something deeper. “it’s fine. stop overthinking it and just… lay down. you’re not gonna win this argument.”
before you can protest, he gently guides you back down, his hand steady at your back. the warmth of his body against yours is impossible to ignore, but you’re too drained to fight it.
then, out of nowhere, he leans down and presses a soft kiss to your forehead. the gesture is so tender it takes your breath away, but you’re too tired to react.
as your eyelids grow heavier, your mind drifts back to the first time rafe said he loved you. it wasn’t in a quiet, romantic moment, it was in the middle of an argument. his voice had been loud, angry and raw, but it was real. rafe always let things spill out when he couldn’t hold them back anymore.
now, as sleep pulls you under, you hear his voice again, quieter this time.
“i miss you,” he whispers.
you don’t respond. maybe you’re too far gone, maybe you don’t want to. but maybe you miss him too.
2K notes · View notes