#like whats happening right now. what am i doing about it instead of trying to do something out of my control about the nature of being | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

multipleoccupancy · 7 hours ago

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Theo drew in a breath as they spoke of what it had been like after Sloane's betrayal. He missed working with Samantha in the field but he was so relieved she had an office position that kept her safe instead. He thought about Violet and her potential disorders. He had noticed she stayed away from the big window in the past, but he also understood why. "They manifest and you work them out as you go. I didn't really understand my OCD for a long time and then the paranoia made it much harder to reach out for an explanation." His counterpart had done a number on her thought and he had to think for a moment on what to say. "I suspect that a fear of heights is only natural after what you have been through. But you see now how these things come about?"

He nodded about there being enough agents to merit a HR department, though even he didn't know exact numbers. However he should have expected her to fire off with relentless questions. Theo did feel overwhelmed for a moment and he wondered if he should shut the conversation down or risk destabilising how far he had come in the last few days. There was plenty there he wouldn't answer and he regretted opening up the option for her to ask. "They send another agent still, I have recruited a couple of people myself. I sit with them and talk about the work and ask them to join, giving them instructions on what to expect." Whether or not that was the right way he wasn't sure but he felt it was the best he could offer.

He purposefully skipped over how he was assigned missions and coded messages, she had a letter from Delta Green and that was enough. He didn't want her digging through his mail looking for triangles to see if or where he was going next. "I no longer have a team," he said plainly, "My team was Samantha and Sloane and he went and put an end to that. Since then I am either sent to other groups of agents on missions to discipline or lecture them or partnered up with agents when I am needed. They're strangers." Most of them anyway. Despite his trust issues he still had favourites. He dodged over the questions on monsters and she gave him the perfect excuse to do so with her final question. She should not have known about the Apocalypse Club and he raised a very fatherly eyebrow at her.

"It's a cultist ring, I am the lead agent in bringing it down one by one. Middle-Sized Tony is one of their leaders." He did not specify it was in the city, nor that it was a physical place, not wanting Violet to go looking. "They're very dangerous people. A lot more put together and in control than Sloane. They mainly work in crime and amass ridiculous funds through it." Of course he had his own instructions on handling them from the Horned One but he had to bring cultists in enough that he was still able to stay the lead, in a way he felt it balanced out. "I wouldn't normally leave my files out like that, I am sorry I did and you saw. It won't happen again." There was still elements of fear in his tone despite himself, as if he was preparing to be punished in the back of his mind and trying to mitigate against it.

However, he saw her embarrassment about the letter incident and shook his head. "I should have been more respectful in how I handled that too. I never meant to upset you but I panicked," Theo explained honestly and watched her carefully in case he upset her further. "I'm sorry I shredded your letter," this apology much more genuine than the last. "I should have explained this to you sooner. But it's easier now that you know why I didn't want you to read it. I was so scared."

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎 & 𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐓 @multipleoccupancy

"It must have been difficult," she mused a little bit sadly, "when Samantha stopped working as an agent. If she was the only one you trusted..." Her dad must have felt really alone, especially after Sloane's betrayal. "I understand that you're distrustful, after what Sloane did." But then again, it seemed that was a disorder, gained from his time as an agent. "How will I know if... if I have a disorder? I've seen so many things already. And... I still can't get anywhere close to the window." Violet didn't usually talk about that. She supposed it was obvious, and yet she pretended it wasn't an issue.

Violet was very curious about Samantha's job, now. Luckily for her, Samantha was around. Maybe she could ask her about it? "There are a lot of agents, then?" Enough for Delta Green to need an HR representative.

Her dad had just allowed her to ask him whatever she wanted to know, and yet Violet fell silent for a few seconds. The questions were jostling each other in her mind, leaving her speechless. She felt like it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and didn't want to waste it on stupid questions! "How do they recruit agents now, then? And how do they tell you your missions? Do they send coded messages? Do you know the other agents on your team?" Surely her dad wouldn't be surprised to hear her firing questions at an impressive rate. Fastest draw in New York! "What's the scariest monster you've ever seen? How many monsters have you killed?" And finally, a question she asked with a blush on her cheeks: "What's the Apocalypse Club? I just- your file was opened on the table, and I saw the name."

After that, she had to take a moment to catch her breath.

"I understand now, why you were worried. Why you shred the letter. You were just protecting me. They shouldn't have sent that letter in the first place, not after what they did to you." Violet looked down, embarrassed by the huge tantrum she had thrown about that letter.

#hvbris #killian #violet #asoue au

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secretress · 1 day ago

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❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞.❞

Where is your future lover from? (Detailed)

Masterlist.

Authors note,

I finally fixed my links (starting here and with my masterlist), now you can press on them instead of clicking on my profile.

Moodboard. Divider.

Pile I.

Trigger warning: faintest mention of self-harm.

France, Indonesia, Canada, China, Afghanistan, San Marino, Norway, Some of you have someone who is on a cruise/overseas (may be a fisherman, work with the ocean, ocean is key), Sudan, and French Guiana.

You already know where and who your future person is. I, originally, was going to use tarot to figure it out, until I saw 4:44 on the clock, and it hit me, as it will do the same with you. Since you already know where they are, your mind has been running with ideas on what to do about it. Some of you like to travel a lot and want to find them since you are intuitive as it is. And the rest of you want them to come to you like a knight saving their princess. One word of advice for everyone here: allow your heart and intuition to decide for you. I know that listening to your logical mind is better and it can protect you, and sometimes where they are from and finding them can be exciting, but at the same time, with your current energy, it will not help nor happen for you. Right now, your main focus should be working on yourself, healing, and connecting with your flaws. I know that you have healed a lot, and I am so proud of you for that, but you need to connect with your flaws. Not everyone is perfect, not everyone will have the best or good qualities, and that is okay. Not everyone will always be perfect and only have a few of their qualities; sometimes they will have their flaws, and that is how they will act for that day. And that is okay. Everyone has flaws, and everyone has good qualities to them, and that is what makes them human.

A lot of you have been focusing on what is good and what is bad; try to focus on what you want your morals to be instead. A lot of you don’t believe in what society says about morality and how they pressure the world to focus on their ideology, but because of this, you started to feel guilty for it. Don’t. You are allowed to have your own morals and your own ideas on what is right and what is wrong, or in this case, what works best for you. That is the beauty of having your own mindset and not following the crowd, and that is another thing that makes you beautiful. Because I find you and your energy beautiful, and you need to start to believe that. You need to start to fall in love with yourself and learn to appreciate all parts of you. Some of you feel nervous about the flaws you have, and that is okay. But, at the same time, if you don't show appreciation to them, then you will start to feel scared around who you are. You cannot allow your future person to fill the void you feel. You have to do that for yourself first. Because if you don't, you will lose yourself throughout the relationship and become a people pleaser like you did in your younger days.

A lot of you desire for me to speak more about your future person, but there is nothing that I can channel, nor would tarot give me anything. The problem is your current energy. You need to stop chasing ways to find them and start to chase yourself back and accept all of you. I keep thinking of a mile run; some students will work hard to become the best, and some will cheer the slower ones so they can make it at the end. You are in between these two types of people. I know that you have healed, and again, very proud of you, but you honestly need to get a grip and start to cheer for yourself and your flaws. Fall in love with yourself again, you are deserving of that. I do not care what you have done in the past, everyone has forgiven you, so why can’t you? What makes it so worthy to sabotage your happiness for your past mistakes? What is done is done, and you know that, so why indulge further? Make yourself happy so you can be that princess and allow your knight to come your way. Because your future lover is supposed to come to you, not the other way around. Stop taking care of others, respect your younger self for healing your people pleasing ways, and get a grip back into the path you desire. It is your time for your happiness because you deserve that.

I know that sometimes you seek others’ validations or need for comfort, so take it from me. I read people’s energy, and your energy is fine. You’re okay, you deserve happiness, and I am telling you to go seek it. It is time for you to appreciate yourself instead of allowing yourself to be a widower to your past. Stop letting others hurt you and make you believe your flaws are disgusting when they are not. Who are they to say something about who you are when they do not know anything about you? Sure, you can say I don’t know anything about you, and that is true, but yet again, I am reading your energy, so I have the gist here. Do not allow your insecure thoughts to eat you alive again. Our insecurities can always shift into something positive, and you deserve that happiness, and when you do meet your future person, they will show you the same. But please, do not wait for them to arrive to feel their touch, do it for yourself. Take care of yourself, pamper yourself, appreciate yourself, put yourself on a pedestal, and no, that is not wrong. It is not selfish. Those who say it is selfish are the people who do not know how to respect themselves, they do not. They may have grown up in an environment where it was frowned upon, but yet again, it is a lack of respect. So, do not do that to yourself, understood? Some of you think you have selfish tendencies, and yes, you do, however, it is something that can be switched to gratitude. You need to show more gratitude for those who can be a little more selfish; those who aren’t and others say that you are, stop allowing them to make you feel that way and start to become more selfish. Being selfish is not a bad thing, excessive amounts are the problem. So balance it out with gratitude and self-love for yourself. Please show yourself compassion when things become harder and stress arises. Stop nitpicking everything you do, stop going back into picking your skin, chewing something that damages your teeth, and/or picking your nose with sharp nails (it can cause scabs in your nose damaging your inner lining meaning bacteria has a better chance of entering and thus bacterial infections). Stop the self-harm too, you do not deserve that. Okay? You deserve happiness.

Masterlist.

Pile II.

Greenland and Mauritius (drawn to it two times), Ireland, Some of your future person lives on a boat so their locations differentiates, Russia.

Your future spouse’s energy is so beautiful. I instantly kept saying, “wow, wow, okay, wow, wow.” Your future spouse's energy keeps shifting, meaning they like to travel a lot, but at the same time, people are drawn to them like a magnet. Their energy is very strong. It reminds me of taking shots and getting dizzy after one. So strong, wow.

A lot of you are trying to figure out if someone in your friends’ circle is your future spouse. From the readings you have read, the signs you have seen or wanted, the way the people speak to you, and the way you feel about them have made it harder for you to pinpoint or locate who they are. It is no one in your circle, but someone in your circle knows your future spouse online. And they will introduce you to them in the near future. My intuition says, “you are not ready to meet them. You need to let go of being the investigator and stop reading pacs. Give up on them and take a break for the sake of your mind and peace. It’s time for you to let go and have fun before you are introduced to them and fall for them on the sight of their words addressed to you.” They are such a romantic with you, with others, they are like, ‘’meh, whatever. Okay, and?” But with you, it is like let me just find the most perfect, stunning, angelic … (more lovely words) rings for the most perfect person in the world; you are my world, my life, my presence .. and so forth. Very lovey dovey with you, you make them so soft. At first it was gross and weird to have this switch of who they were, but then you started to make them realize how nice it was to feel something more. You are their safe haven, and the same can be said about them for you.

I see a pretty garden, filled with nice roses and pink roses, some dandelions, and dragonflies surrounding the both of you. You have an outfit similar to Alice in Alice in Wonderland, and they have an outfit similar to the White Queen. It’s such a warm and bright atmosphere that you can get lost in it and fall into a rabbit hole. The same can be said about who you both are and how your energy will melt perfectly with one another. So drawn to one another that no one can separate you both away from one another. Your adventurous and childlike wonder personality is what grabs your future lover’s attention and spins their world into the story itself. In short, your relationship will be magical but overwhelming with their parents and yours. There is going to be clashing. A lot of communication will mend it but not heal the relationship. Do not pour yourself into fixing it, focus on you and them.

Masterlist.

Pile III.

Trigger warning: faintest mention of rape.

Mongolia, Panama, Burundi, Northern Mariana Islands, China, Canada, Russia, and Kazakhstan.

Your future spouse grew up and is still living in a close bonded village or community. Their mindset is closed, very closed, hence why the energies you have read differ from one another.

II of Swords and X of Swords.

I need you to listen to me very carefully. Although this is a future lover or spouse reading, your lover is not someone you are supposed to be with. Their energy is so.. so very overwhelming, complex, and so damn off putting. I can’t even read it.. it is that bad. I have no idea if you are speaking with them on a dating app, met them and had a “lovely” date with them, if they are your ex, or even dating you, but leave or do not engage with them. I will describe them. I wish I could give you a cute reading about who they are, but their energy is so blank—so empty, shadow like, and so very much draining you.

This person blends into the crowds and projects themselves as a kind and lovely person who went through so much trauma. This person has told you, or will tell you (future energies appeared), that these people were awful, and these people made them feel small, but they were able to heal, or at least tried to feel better about themselves. (Red flags are waving in my mind), they like to talk about France or are associated with France (born there, love the food, know the culture, etc.). They will subtly mention how perfect you are but secretly hide their disgust for you. You may have noticed it and brushed it aside from how exhausted you have been lately. I would not say you have been gaslighting yourself; you could be, but something along the lines of ignoring it or acting ‘oblivious’ because you want something good to finally happen to you. They like to bounce around each topic, never fully explaining what they are saying but ‘appearing’ intelligent because they bullshit their words. Some of you have noticed it and have called them out on it, but they either love bomb you and you let it go, or they manipulate you and you believe their lies or will (future energies only). They believe you are easy to trick, and they are right. You are easily swayed to someone’s side because of how open-minded you are; you need to start to limit that and focus on your ideals.

They love, and I mean love, being perverse around you. They always act as if they are modest and clean, that they have innocent and pure thoughts, but they do not. Very disgusting mindset, it reminds me of those who think it is okay to rape others. Yuck.

With the X of Swords (ten of swords), they.. (sigh, I am so sorry for you, truly. I hope one day you can finally heal and find the right person for you). They prefer to put you down and make themselves feel better about themselves. Usually, people who are insecure do that, yet they are not. They see themselves as this perfect being who deserves the best, and everyone deserves filth for being around their existence. Very high unhealthy self-esteem and very close tendencies to being a sociopath. I am not sure if they are diagnosed or not, but they do or would have pride for that, for being a psychopath or a sociopath.

You got two sword cards, and when it comes to the more depressive or weaker genre, this symbolizes abuse, lack of empathy or care, and being harsh. This may explain this person’s inner thoughts and how they interact with others, yet on a surface level they act like the better parts of what the swords symbolize: being creative, being brave and taking charge, learning to communicate or perfecting it, and being overall intelligent with a touch of care. I believe now you know who this person is, and the fear that surrounds your heart is making you overwhelmed because you put so much into this relationship only to find out that it was a lie. I believe it is time for you to let them go and let go of everything about who they are and what they did for you. In reality, it was for them so they could have you wrapped around their finger, and unfortunately, you gave them easy access. Block them, cut contact with them, simply get rid of them, and bring back your peace.

Intuition told me that you need two oracle cards, and I will explain it for you. The first one you got was ‘’dna.’’ It states, ‘’you are predisposed to follow the karmic dictates of your ancestral patterning to some extent, yet as you evolve in your consciousness and expand the light of awareness, you can make choices that shift and modify this ancestral design.’’ Meaning, you have to follow along what your beliefs were all along, stop allowing others to sway you and follow their beliefs, their morals, and their tradition. Though it is good to have an open mind, an open mind with a huge heart, and being naive is what makes you fall down; it is your downfall, and it will be hard to build back the same place you fell from. You can ever truly go back to that, but you can always rebuild it and make a place that is better for you, but at the same time, a safer and calmer place for you to rest when things become tough. The next and last card channeled is ‘’iceberg.’’ It states, ‘’whatever you suppress or deny and attempt to keep out of conscious awareness will show up somewhere and somehow. These are your shadow aspects. Now is the time to allow these elements to surface and embrace them.’’ It means exactly what I have been saying to you. Learn to appreciate your open mindset, but learn to push away being so naive that you fall into that spiral I previously spoke of. Learn to appreciate that you care, that you want good things coming your way, and that you know and understand that you deserve good things, but push away those who do not mean well to you. They will sink you like how the Titanic sank with the iceberg. And that is something you simply do not deserve.

Masterlist.

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mvrkieboo · 3 days ago

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queen you know ily but i still want y/n to be bitter and resentful pleeeeaaaaase

One moment you were texting with Kyungsoo, the next you were lying on the floor of the apartment you shared with Yoonsu, ears ringing from how hard he had hit you on the side of your head from behind. You saw his feet appear in front of your face, then he pulled your head up by your hair, making you wince.

Shit. You didn't even hear him coming. He caught you red-handed, then—like you gave a fuck. The blackmail was gone now, there was nothing he could use to threaten you anymore.

He scrolled on your secret phone, reading the messages you exchanged with Detective Do.

"Wow, you're one disloyal bitch. You've been talking to another man behind my back." Yoonsu seethed, letting your hair go.

Your head dropped to the floor, and you could finally move freely again. As you struggled to get your bearings (why the fuck did he hit so hard this time?), Yoonsu sent a reply to Kyungsoo's text and threw the phone out of the window.

You were trying to crawl away from where he was, your head spinning too wildly to let yourself stand back up, making him scoff at the pathetic sight. He followed you closely, actually curious to where you were heading.

You were heading to the kitchen, it seemed.

"Good for you for getting rid of the blackmail, Y/N, but you do know what this means, right?" He sounded off—talking to you like you were an audience member of his own live TV show.

When you could finally stand up again, getting to your knees as you began to stand on your feet, he kicked you in the stomach. Cheap shots and low blows—Cha Yoonsu, how he has fallen so far from his fearsome status. Pathetic and cowardly was all that remained of the man who had been subjugating you through blackmail.

You had to laugh at it—how could you not? Never mind the stabbing pains in your stomach as you gurgled in laughter while writhing in pain on your back.

"Fuck—do you remember when people used to fear you, Yoonsu?" You giggled out.

That earned you a kick to your arm.

"Are you gonna talk about how much of a coward I'm now? Wanna talk about how I have no dignity left?" He hissed, crouching down next to you.

He watched you closely as you sat up.

"You know how to read minds now?" You bit out and that earned you a punch to the face.

He didn't give you a chance to recover, pulling your hair up so your face could face his. He was beyond angry, you could clearly see that, but he had always been angry. This time, he was being reckless with his anger, explosive instead of simmering. You held your cheek, the warmth of your hand easing the pain.

"Well, maybe I am a coward now, but so are you. You have always been a coward, Y/N. Sure, I pushed you to isolate yourself from your people, but it was you who still did it anyway—all because you didn't want those slutty pictures of you to spread. And you wanna make me believe you pushed them away because you were being selfless? Didn't want them to get involved in our mess? No! You were being selfish, Y/N, so stop deluding yourself that you're anything but." He tugged on your hair so your face was pulled closer to his.

Your spunky behavior from just a moment before was wiped out of you. No more gutsy comebacks, no more smart quips. No more being a smartass. When fear surfaced in your eyes, Yoonsu didn't dare to delude himself that you were getting afraid of him—he knew it was actually you fearing what was coming out his mouth.

Because both of you were taking what he was saying as the truth.

"If only you were actually brave enough in confronting your past, accept that it happened to you—but you didn't want to. You wanted to live in a fantasy land where none of it even happened in the first place, all the while whining 'You don't know what I've been through! I don't deserve this! Wah! You hurt my feelings! You don't know that the things you said just hurt me!'—GOD! Those guys were saints for putting up with you." He laughed, patting your cheek.

"You're so selfish, you fled Gangnam after that botched operation to arrest me—because you couldn't stand facing Detective Kim anymore when everyone knew that Junyoung got killed because of you. Because that idiot cared too much for a selfish, cowardly girl like you. He's probably rolling in his grave at your school's abandoned plant nursery, Y/N, because you ABANDONED HIM." You shrieked when Yoonsu began to yell at you, and it annoyed him so much, he slapped you.

"I did your brother a favor for making you isolate yourself from him. He's better off without you. A rising star like him would be better off without a dead weight. I did everyone in your life a great favor. Since you love them so much, you should be grateful to me, you selfish bitch."

He threw your head to the ground, watching you break down in tears. Since you were already in the kitchen, he headed to the counters and took out a knife.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kyungsoo pressed on the gas, knowing the way to the apartment you shared with Yoonsu like the back of his hand—he's been prowling around the apartment for days now, of course he'd know. He cut off a Ford F150, tuning out the honk directed at him.

"Detective Do!" Taeyong let out, and Kyungsoo pressed on the gas more.

"We're running out of time, Taeyong!"

Geonwoo held his breath when a car suddenly cut him from his right, while Woojin let out a string of curses that would have his own mother petrified if she heard it. Mark and Yuno held on their seatbelts, shocked when the car almost did a break check.

"You both okay?" Woojin asked with a firm tone, Geonwoo still focusing on the road.

"Y-Yeah. What was the guy's problem?" Mark choked out.

"Who fucking knows—but don't mind it too much. We have a big celebration tonight. We're almost there anyway."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You stared at Yoonsu bleeding out right before you, as you pressed on your own stab wound. It all happened so fast, and you wanted to yell at him, ask him why he so suddenly stabbed himself in the throat after stabbing you in the stomach.

But to watch Yoonsu bleed out while wearing Junyoung's face was a stuff of your nightmares, and Yoonsu was staring straight at you until the light in his eyes was finally snuffed out.

It felt like you were watching Junyoung himself dying in front of you.

You crawled over to his body, taking out his phone. You stared at it for a while, your hands shaking from the shock of the pain. With the amount of blood you were losing—was it gonna make a difference if you called 119 now?

Were you going to die this way?

You dialed Yuno's number, devastated when he didn't pick up after you tried three more times. So you gritted your teeth and started to put in Mark's number instead.

If you were going to die, you at least wanted to talk with your loved ones before you...go. You put the phone to your ear, tears dripping down your face, like the blood that dripped down your wound.

"Listen, Jaehyun's gonna sue you if you—" You hear Mark's heated voice, and you realise that since you were calling him using Yoonsu's phone, it was an unknown number to them. They probably assumed you were one of Jaehyun's stalkers.

"Minhyung." You slurred out.

Mark on the other end of the line froze in his steps, standing stupidly near the truck as the others were already entering the café. He pulled the phone away, but it still displayed the unknown number. Why were you calling through an unknown number? He then realised you had called him 'Minhyung' instead of 'Mark'.

"Y/N, why are you calling through this number?" Mark sighed, pinching on his temples.

"Can't find my phone. Is Yuno with you?" You slurred on your words, staring out the windows, feeling weaker by the moment. It made it sound like you were drunk, and Mark seethed at your inebriated state.

"Are you drunk? At 7 PM? Seriously?"

"Please just give the phone to Yuno, I—"

"No. If you really want to talk to him, you'd come here. No one's gonna lock you and your Junyoung out the doors, Y/N. Just show up, for fuck's sake." Mark held himself back from raising his voice, and that's when he noticed Haechan was beckoning for him to get inside the café already through the windows.

Mark held up a hand, then pointed at the phone, mouthing your name. Haechan rolled his eyes when he understood Mark was on call with you, and left him alone.

"I can't come, Minhyung, but I...I still want to congratulate him. Just please—"

"No, I don't wanna do that, Y/N! Jaehyun wants you to show up, not hear you drunkenly give out a half-assed congratulations through the phone. You'd just make him sad at his own party. If that's all, goodbye."

He dropped the call, turning off his phone and shoving it into his pocket before getting into the café.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kyungsoo kicked on the door, but it didn't budge, so he rammed at it instead. It resulted in him falling into the apartment face first, but he got to brace the fall with his knees and hands—so he didn't faceplant into the floor this time, thank you very much. When he raised his head, he saw the blood trail in the kitchen area.

Taeyong saw it from the front entrance and he beat his partner to it as he raced into the kitchen. He felt his breath getting stuck in his throat when he saw the two bodies on the tiled kitchen floor, blood everywhere. He went straight to you while Kyungsoo from behind him went to Yoonsu as Taeyong was already checking for your pulse.

Taeyong felt your pulses, it was there, but it was weak. He took out his walkie talkie and immediately called for the ambulance.

As you were getting wheeled into the ambulance with Kyungsoo by your side, Taeyong got into the car, determined that he would be the one to inform the people you wrote out in your list. He opened his jacket, and—the list wasn't there. Feeling himself panic, he began to search the whole car, as Kyungsoo was already getting into the ambulance.

The list was gone.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You woke up to the sound of the heart monitor beeping, and you turned your head to the side to see Kyungsoo getting up from his seat to look at you more closely. You were wearing an oxygen mask and you pulled it to the side.

"Taeyong, get the doctor! Shit—keep the mask on kid. The bastard stabbed you through your lung. Do you—do you wanna say something?"

You nodded, placing the mask pressed against your cheek.

"Have you reached the people on my list?"

Kyungsoo felt his heart constrict at your question. Dumbass Taeyong—he lost the list. And even when they did retrieve your brother's address and contact information, he neither picked up his phone nor was he at the condo. He was currently unreachable—and so was your dad.

He shook his head, regret marring his expression.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but we lost your list. If you could—"

"Good."

Kyungsoo snapped his head at you, eyebrows furrowed.

"What?"

"I said good. I don't want them to be here, and I don't want you to try and reach them anymore. I'd rather be alone right now, so I would appreciate it if you kept it this way."

Kyungsoo was just about to ask you what you meant by that, but that's when Taeyong came in with the doctor and nurses. They pushed the detectives away as they checked on you, and Kyungsoo finally noticed just how empty you looked.

You looked utterly defeated.

A/N : since y'all wanted to see Y/N be bitter so much, here you go then 😒

#old bloodhounds ask

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pepprs · 2 days ago

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hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.

when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)

but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.

all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)

that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂

im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.

i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.

one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!

2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗

#purrs

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shellem15 · 2 days ago

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Anyways I'm still not over my devil boys. Thinking about all the parallels between them:

Because like, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, right? Draws in and punishes people for trying to be good, trying to *help* those they care about. And whether they succeed or not is irrelevant because in the end they're damned either way. That's the lie, then, that their sacrifice would ever actually change their fate.

And its just: HELL IS LIKE THAT BECAUSE IT’S A REFLECTION OF ITS LORD AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED TO *HIM*. THAT’S WHAT MADE HIM REAL IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NOW HES STUCK LIKE IT FOREVER!!!

That's what happened to Asmodeus and then he did it to Vespin Chloras and Zerxus and then Zerxus tried to do it with Pike too (in tlovm). It's a never-ending cycle where the one who's burned then becomes the fire for the next person!!! UGHHH

And it all starts with that one act of good intent, that act of sacrifice! Imri throwing himself to the flames, knowing he would burn, to protect his family at the cost of himself. Luz saving him but in the end he chooses to burn anyways, this time out of hate. Zerxus selling his soul to save his son and his world, knowing that damnation would be the end result. Nydas giving him an out, killing him before dawn struck but Zerxus stubbornly, hubristically clinging to life, to his ideals and pride, anyways. Choosing to burn and losing himself entirely in the process.

(Ironically enough Vespin kind of breaks the cycle? Trying to replace a god to remove a great evil from the world and instead damning it in the process. But when given his mind back he takes this chance and stretches it as far as he can, choosing not to be the fire but to give his world a chance at survival. Doing it knowing he will be hated anyways. Learning from his mistake, humbled at the consequences of his hubris where Asmodeus and Zerxus grew proud. Burning for it anyways. I get the sense that if he was given an out he would take it, unlike the other two.)

Love becomes sacrifice becomes resentment becomes hatred. Hatred towards those they sacrificed for because why did it have to be them who burned? Why do they get to be whole while I am broken? How dare they get to have light and love and happiness while I burn in the dark. Why didn't they burn with me? If they really loved me they would burn too!

Hatred towards those who seek to help them, because how dare you pity me. I chose this, I chose to burn! I knew the costs! How dare you spit in the face of my sacrifice! Did it truly mean so little to you that you would wipe away all trace of it!? Trying to heal me, trying to fix me, trying to redeem me, I did this for you! I didn't do anything wrong!

Hatred towards their corrupter, towards their damnation because everything was fine before they came along. Before they ruined everything! It's their fault for breaking it and now I'm going to make them pay for it! It doesn't matter who I hurt because nothing else matters except making sure they regret ever touching me.

Hatred towards themselves because how could someone be so stupid as to try? Love is weakness and sacrifice is for fools and those who throw themselves to the pyre deserve to burn. I'll prove it, to anyone who thinks themselves good and noble and true. Come find out.

And how could they not become resentful, to not have their love turn to hate? It's one thing to choose to burn and another to burn *forever*. A martyr is not supposed to live through the martyrdom, they're supposed to die. Their sacrifice is meant to have an end. They never got to have an end. (Though I will say, its very interesting that Zerxus chose not to die while Asmodeus seemingly *didn't*. He was dying, and the Everlight healed him. Gave him life but took peace with her.)

And the horns too! The symbol of their damnation, of corruption. But they didn’t get it that way, the horns were protection first, before anything. A testament to their love and sacrifice scarred into their flesh, on display for all to see. But that love born of protection is forgotten, both by others and themselves. Twisted into something rotten.

(No wonder Asmodeus is so good at manipulating good. He knows how good people think because that's how he thought, once. He could be so good at being good.)

They're burning. Always. They hate the fire but also, also-- they want to burn. They choose it every time because the alternative is to sacrifice the one thing they cannot, will not--their pride. They would have to be honest to do that, wouldn't they? Honest about the hurt they've caused, honest about how broken they've become. That they do not deserve their fate (that no one does), that while they were burned once they do not need to burn forever. There is always a choice. They'd have to be honest to change and they never will because the Devil sometimes tells the truth he is never honest. He can't be. He won't let himself.

#every time i think im over them the brainrot comes back and suckerpunches me in the face #the devil never sleeps specifically to haunt my every thought #“zerxus was meant to be a paladin of the everlight” nah man. hes a damn funhouse mirror reflection of asmodeus.#critical role #exu calamity #cr downfall #tlovm #tlovm s3 #critical role meta #cr meta #cr3 #cr asmodeus #asmodeus cr #the lord of the hells #asmodeus the lord of the nine hells #zerxus ilerez #vespin chloras #shelley's overdramatic character analysis

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kiko---random-stuff-probably · 1 day ago

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Infection

How Kallamar got his scar on his left eye.

For context: Kallamar is seveteen and got recruited by Shamura (who is around 30).

Kallamar did not expect, after being recruited by War themselves as a poisoner, to be in any way met with open arms by the other soldiers, for several reasons.

First of all, he was not a warrior. He only stepped foot on the battlefield after everything was done, and some of the soldiers considered him way too fragile and weak to actually help.

Second, he was a foreigner, and had some problems with the language barrier, even if luckily he came from a place where Silk Cradle's language was pretty used and he even read it on some medical tomes. Still, he had a certain accent (that he was actively trying to lose) and some words were still unknown to him. He was pretty sure thatsome soldiers referred to him with a slur, bbut he was not sure. He wasn't the only foreigner in Shamura's army, but this was not going to stop it.

Also, the fact that he poisoned his ex village was considered by a lot of soldiers as a clear sign that he was, and he could quote the exact words a soldier used behind his back, "a psychotic piece of shit who will not hesitate to stab the Spider's back". Which, obviously, was not true: he had no reason to hurt Shamura! After all, they gave him a home, a role, hot food and sometimes they even talked to him! Way mroe than anything he could had ever wish for!

So, he knew he was not in any way welcome there.

Still, slashing his left eye was a little too much.

Right now, Kallamar was sitting on a brand bed in the medical bay, holding an hand over his now bandaged face.

The doctor was reassuring, once again, that his wound was not going to get infected and that he was going to have a quick recovery, before excusing herself and leaving when Shamura entered.

War glanced at the squid, their expression indecifrable and cold. Disappointed, maybe.

Kallamar looked at the ground, as his mind started to race.

- I was informed of what happened. I still want to hear your side.-

- I didn't... I was not the one to start it.-

- I have no doubt in that, but I still want to hear your version.-

Kallamar was shaking, as he tried to find the words.

- I didn't... I was just... they attacked me out of nowhere, and said i had to "earn my right to live" and things like that, and others were inciting them, and... and... and they had a knife, and...- he was more than omce interrupted by a few sobs - I was scared... I couldn't...-

- You managed to take their knife away and then stabbed your opponent, right?-

- They putted it down, saying something about "a fair fight", and I knew they could had easily snapped my back, I just...-

- You stabbed them in the neck. Precisely in the carotids.-

Kallamar still didn't loook at them.

- And than you stabbed them other fifteen times. Some of the soldiers even report that you started laughing during your rampage.-

Kallamar holded back a sob. As they needed another reason to hate him. He was going to be executed, or thrown in the prison at best. All for a stupid fight.

- I really can't see why you were scared. Honestly, I'm impressed.-

Kallamar looked at the spider, trying to catch an underlying sarcasm. Instead, he found something akin to pride - Do not worry, I am not mad about their death, it was self defense after all.-

- I killed them.-

- They attacked first with the intention to kill you. I can forgive your reasonable outburst of adrenaline. We will have to work on your emotion management and teach you how to incapacitate an opponent without killing them, even if I doubt someone else will decide to try something similar to this.-

Kallamar was sure he must had misheard them.

-... Why aren't you mad? You should be mad that I was the one who survived. You should...- towards the end, he slipped in a swear word in his language.

Shamura's expression was filled with genuine confusion.

- Why would I be mad about that...? You are an important asset in my army and also a good kid with a promising future. I would had been really upset if you actually died.-

Bullshit. They must be lying. He was just a stupid weakling who could not do anything right and who's only role in life was to die and-

- Regardless of whatever your old village made you believe, you matter as much as anyone else. I'm happy you're alive, kid.- the spider gently patted his head, and that was it.

The squid bursted into tears, overwhelmed.

War let him cry, fully knowing how much he needed it.

#welcome new gods au #cotl oneshots #cotl oneshot #cotl kallamar #cotl shamura

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pidgeon-queen · 2 days ago

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So I'm rewashing Arcane season 1 before going through season 2, and I want to point out and explore some questions that don't excuse the characters actions, but might reveal their logic. I also want to explore who is to blame for everything wrong. I have seen clips and spoilers for season 2, act 1 and 2, but i am holding off on seeing act 3 spoilers until I actually watch it. It means I can't doomscroll Tumblr until after I catch up tomorrow.

I definitely won't be right, and I'm not psychologist, but i just want to explore.

Season 1

Episode 1

Starting off with the beginning, Vi and Powder see their dead parents and all the violence the enforcers inflicted. Powder comforts Vi over her distress, but outside of Vander taking them away, we don't see Powder get comfort over the same loss. Season 2 gives more information on Powders relationship with her parents, but we are not talking about that now.

Milo takes a lot of flack from the others. I assume out of the four, he is the second youngest and doesn't have as much physical strength as Vi or Clagger. He tries to be stealthy when Vi brute forces her way through a door, and it looks like Vi takes her frustrations out on him instead of directing it at Powder. He is insecure about his skills and Vander has to reassure him later. I think Vi is part of the reason he is insecure because she takes her anger out on him.

The crystals that blow up the penthouse is the only reason the group run through sewers and into the group of guys resulting in a fist fight. I do believe if they never blew up the balcony and got chased, there would not have been a reason to go through the alley. I am curious if Silco would have still found the guy and made an offer later on if there was never the altercation.

Ekko and his tip: Ekko mention Jayce buying stuff only kept for display, and i think it is implied to be magic/arcane relics. Benzo is smart, so i don't think he would sell the crystals seeing how volatile they are with just sitting in the open. It's too dangerous for both pilties and those from Zaun to have access to buy or steal. This leads me to one firm belief, everything that happens is Jayce's fault. The arcane are seen as contraband from what I can tell, and who gave it to him?

Without the crystals, the penthouse wouldn't have blown up, th kids probably wouldn't have been caught, enforcers wouldn't have gone to the lanes, Marcus probably wouldn't have met with Silco, and Silco's timeline wouldn't have changed. Who knows what this change would have done, but it definitely would have been different.

Episode 2

If Jayce had something he wasn't supposed to, even if he trusted Caitlyn, her mother is on the council and she has to have some rules she doesn't break. Why were the crystals sitting in the open and not secured away? Or even hidden? I'm in college and room checks are a thing, as a student they probably checked his studies for any restricted research.

In his memory, the arcane crystals he sees/is given looks a lot smaller than what he was holding and uses in the future. He knew the strength of something so small, why did he try studying with something bigger and riskier.

Heimendinger mentions how the arcane can't be controlled, so i am curious if it is taught at all, or if Jayce had his interest only on a past experience.

I do wonder if Marcus intentionally went too far with hunting the people. What violence was done is just instigation with the adults.

Mel is the richest person in Piltover and later we see corruption with some of the council, and i think she has corruption. She offers child's toy to a counselor and claims it is a difficult puzzle. She is a tactile thinker and as well later learn her backstory, I think she runs Piltover in what she believes is the opposite, but also better way than where she is from. Little violence is better than war, and she picks and chooses her actions and what she believes to be the right course to better Piltover. I am curious as to what she believes about Zaun before Silco's takeover later in the season.

Heimerdinger might be the only non corrupt counselor and has focus on education and helping the minds of the youth, though his focus is still on Piltover and being part of the council, his experiments and work takes a hack burner. I don't know if he is a professor or just a Dean of the school Jayce studies in, but he is out of touch with the people, and Jayce takes advantage of this later on.

Silco is charismatic and has some true facts. "There's a monster in us all." It depends on if it is fed or starved. He is good at feeding the monsters.

Mel and heimerdinger are noticeably silent about sending more enforcers to Zaun and enacting violence compared to other councelors. Kiramman wasn't even there, but I do wonder if she would have stayed silent too. Bolbok's comment was interesting as he already seen is race nearly wiped out, and there is no proof that the kids took anything dangerous. Jayce doesn't mention it which is also suspicious.

How cruel is Jayce for about to kill himself in the middle of the scholars district for all of the people to see in the morning.

Nobody really talks about it from what I have seen, but Victor is the instigator in Jayce building hextech. Yes, he saved Jayce, but look at the damage he causes later on. Was it really worth it? Stopping Jayce was enough, why did you have to risk more by breaking into get his research.

Episode 3

Did Marcus tell Silco where to go? Or was Silco following them from the shadows? Why didn't he go to the last drop first? He could have killed the kids first, then make Vander suffer.

Poor Ekko. He watched his father figure get brutally murdered, probably saw the enforcers get murdered too. Why did Vi leave him alone. She saw her parents dead body, she probably could imagine seeing them be murdered. What made her think leaving him alone with a corpse was a good idea and not taking him with her to the Last Drop. Her asking Ekko where they took Vander means she assumed he followed, and he probably did. Where was his mental state?

I think Silco still cares for Vander deep down. He probably tried to preserve the Vander he remembered for the dream they both once shared. I wonder if he is under the idea that he needs to kill what came of Vander and took his will to fight.

Mel pulls strings and get others to do what she sees as necessary and important to the benefit or the people. It's why she helps Jayce so often.

This is the second episode in which Vi doesn't comfort or recognize that Powder may be grieving. Claggwr and Milo comfort Vi, but Powder isn't really comforted, just left abandoned. The only thing she really does is promise to come back and give her something to hold onto. She comforted Ekko, then left him abandoned too. Vi is a shitty sister for what she did to both of them. Even if she is trying to protect them, leaving them alone after either watching or hearing what happened to Vander and Benzo, shame on her.

Milo's hesitation before trying to pick the link shows how Vi's words and actions did affect him. Vander has to reassure him of his abilities.

Also, this random tattooed man is so weak for someone who looks so strong. One punch is usually all it takes to knock him out. All that training and muscle just goes to waste in a single hit.

Powder had good intentions and was in a vulnerable state when abandoned. If we are going in order of explosions they show, I think if Powder had one less crystal, Clagger and Milo's might not have died. That could also just be my wishful thinking because they deserved more.

Do you think Marcus realized just how big of a mistake he made and ran as fast as he could when he saw the explosion? Did he make it in time to see Vanders death?

Vi didn't have someone to comfort her in this scene. Powder is suspected to be there, and she might believe Powder is dead, but that doesn't really matter. The 3 she knew were there are dead, and there isn't someone to comfort her. I don't think she has ever comforted someone over loss outside of the one hug she gave Ekko before disappearing. The one time Powder is seen to reach out for comfort about loss and failing when she wanted to help, Vi blames and attacks her. This lack of comfort in the way she was in the past is the reason I belive she abandons Powder even though she has no reason to believe Silco is dead.

I think it is revealed later in season 2, but it is interesting the interaction Powder has with Silco. He was going to kill her, but he voice sounds nothing to her, and I think her reaction reminded Silco of his younger self and is why he let's her live when he intended to kill her and the others from the start.

Episode 4

Heimerdingers comment on his friends whose name I don't know how to type sounds like Heimerding took notes on the teaching method and stepped back from inventing to allow students to shine. I wonder if it was another way to preserve the guys memory.

The intro with the Heimerdinger statue looks conniving and an opposite t who he truly is.

Kirmman trying to cover and the young girl fauning over Jayce is kind of funny especially when he doesn't care for either.

I wonder if there are magnets in the Firelight's shoes so they can do the fall motion without actually falling. They should have shot a barrel and threw a march instead of going down and getting killed.

I haven't said it yet, but the art style is so beautiful.

Do you think Ekko was dating or at least crushing on the pink haired Firelight, or did he see the same thing as Jinx and felt like he lost Vi all over again and risked nearly getting killed because of the renewed grief.

Jayce really didn't warn Heimerdinger what he was about to do and terrified the 300 year old man. Shame on him. Shame on him for almost killing the baby, too.

Heimerdinger is right, but unfortunately his concept of time is off co.pared to the lives of others. If he said a few years, then Jayce and Victor might have been more willing to listen, but I doubt Victor really would have waited.

Caitlyn's kind of dumb. She jumped in an area without a means of getting back up, or knowing if it was really safe.

Something else I haven't said is how banger the music is. In high school, I wanted to perform a color guard routine to a couple of songs. A shame I couldn't with a busted foot and no real creative freedom.

Silco pretending he can't do his own eye shots to prove he trusts Jinx with something sensitive is so kind and fatherly of him. Also, he didn't hesitate in the past about doing it, but i think he added shimmer to the shot and not really can't do it on his own.

Mel's control over Piltover is fascinating and is just as persuasive as Silco, only she uses it to keep some of the less honest counselors in line and protect Piltover from the war she came from.

I'm so proud of Jinx finally getting her inventions to work, but she does need to look into less destructive measures. She shot at people on her side and couldn't take out two important individuals to the Firelight's.

I've watched season 1 of arcane no lss than 5 times before season 2 released even a teaser, and for some reason, I never saw Jayce make his progress speech. Also, if your pet is afraid of an individual, I would be more concerned about what they are capable of, Heimerdinger.

Jayce, really didn't learn his lesson about leaving hextech/hexcores just laying around in the open where they could be stolen.

Caitlyn called for everyone to run and get out, but didn't even run herself. Girl, think through your actuons.actions.

Jayce is learning about the corruption of the counselor. Mel has chosen to give him more access to learning the corruption, and even joining himself. Heimerdinger knows something but held back.

Where is Jinx's hideout/workstation? It looks underground, and it it is big enough to launch explosives without worry. It's pretty cool.

Episode 5

Grayson deserved so much more. She wasn't corrupt, but had to bend the rules to keep the peace as much as possible. She could have taught Caitlyn so much. I wonder if Mel gave her more freedom to keep peace.

Was it love at first sight for Vi and Caitlyn or was it the first few minutes in the undercity that sold their unhealthy relationship? Vi, don't you know what a toxic relationship looks like? Caitlyn, you have always held some kind of position of power. Did your parents not teach you about healthy relationships?

Silco wants the nation of Zaun, but still calls himself a citizen.

Victor doesn't have time, but won't admit he needs the assistance of hextech, instead claims it is other people. The arcane calls for a sacrifice, and Victor didn't even hesitate.

Marcus gave a warning for Jayce to not rock the boat of the counselors, he doesn't seem to be worried about Silco and his dealings with topside when talking about the shipments. Just the shift in how the counselors will act.

Why was clagor made tiny, but Milo's lifesize? Jinx never had a hint of her trauma healed. Just used in Silco's favor.

How did Caitly catch up to Vi? She doesn't know the undercity.

Mel revealing the corruption and how she carefully controls it to Jayce is both smart and stupid. Jayce is dumb. He will not use that information wisely.

Jinx, what did affect crow ever do to you? Who did you think of? I don't really think it was the Firelights.

Caitlyn needs to watch what she says. This isn't her home, and very few are lenient with comments.

Mel is doing all of the heavy lifting, Jayce needs to step up. Poor Heimerdinger, I am starting to believe he doesn't know what his fellow counselors actually do.

Madam went from trying to seduce Clagger to being Vi's aunt. Vi also pimped out Caitlyn. I wonder how far Caitlyn went with the woman. And how she managed to leave after Vi abandoned her. Interestingly enough, it is the pilties who are committing unsavory acts in this scene and the one with Jayce. Those in the undercity are not shown doing anything, but Caitlyn watches what a couple are doing in the bubbles like a creep.

I don't think the people who used magic/arcane in the past were corrupt like Heimerdinger explained in earlier episodes. Based on what we see with Victor, and what seems to happen in season 2, it is the arcane that corrupts and takes over the minds of people. It absorbed and molded Victor's blood and called out to his mind.

Some scenes with Silco and Jinx are a little suspicious and gets close to the line of leave father-daughter relationship and leaning i to something more. This could just be i never had a great male role model and father who didn't want to connect with me like he did my brother, but that's what I am noticing. I know it never goes that way.

How does Sivika want to fight, but can't beat Vi, who has been locked up for years, without relying on Vi's me tal state being shocked at the news to really land a hit.

Silco does it to seem more approachable with others, but good on him for having a positive relationship with Makeup. Set good examples for the people of today and in the undercity.

Episode 6

This is clean water and near the surface, did it reach further into the undercity when Victor was young, or did it take building a filtration system for that to happen.

Heimerdinger contemplate the death of his friends, but he didn't say something I think he wanted to. That is the isolation immortality brings when everyone you care about will die long before you. Decades pass quickly for him, and so do the lives of his friends. He keeps moving forward, but he surely feels alone deep down.

Let's go with the headcannons the community has and Jayce talking about his first love Victor and his inevitable death to the physical relationship and love of Mel. Shame he said brother. I think a lot of people forgot that line. To be fair, my fiction class read my story, presumably closely, and completely missed the sentence explaining one character is 1000 years older than another.

Vi is a butch lesbian mess up and i can't believe Caitlyn let an injured person, under her watch, jump down and get more beat up. I saw someone else talk about how human and non human the characters are. I think they used uncanny valley as an analogy.

Silco, I know you needed to talk with Marcus and using his daughter makes sense. However, why bring this guy who apparently is learning to read while riding a tiny rocking horse. Silco can get away with being up there, but this guy should have been left in the kitchen away from her.

Victor is messing with plants and the arcane. I think he is the one who brought it the chance to fuck with nature, and Ekko's tree in season 2.

Caitlyn and Vi keep making statements that prove their relationship is toxic.

Heimerdinger can see that Victor is contaminated with the hexcore, but he seems to not realize what he needs to put into words for others to understand his worries. Because he is not in the know of the other councelors dealings, he has lost the support he once had, and Jayce took advantage of it.

Marcus is trying to warn Jayce still, but he needs to either come clean, or keep his mouth shut. He is about to overstep on both sides.

Jayce did Heimerdinger dirty. Jayce also put Mel in a position she was forced to agree. Because of her, it moved the others to agree.

People have done video essays on Silco and his tantrum, and i recommend to watch them. They do more than I could about his me tal state and what gies through his head.

Poor Sevika. She should have know what she was doing was stupid. Jinx is mostly holding on by a thread.

Jinx losing her mind and hearing voices was artistically beautiful

Episode 7

I love how this episode starts with a music video.

Something I have seen online is about Ekko is him missing from part of season 2, but the exact same thing happens in season 1. He is there in act 1, we don't know it at the time, so technically he is missing from act 2, and shows up again in act 3.

Ekko has a slightly different design compared to his childhood. As a kid, you could see the hair around the side of his head by the ears is dark brown or black. While the rest is white/platinum blond. I wonder if he does it, or if it like an inverted birthmark that made those spots grow black. While shaved, it seems shaved back further than the spots that had the dark hair.

How did Jayce become defacto head of the council? I thought Mel was the head. If Heimerdinger was the original head, because he had been there the longest, then Jayce shouldn't have become head. Whoever had been there loanger should have become the next leader.

Vi really didn't give a shit about what happened to Ekko. I wish we knew what really happened to Ekko after Vi ditched him. He gives a vague excuse but how long was he alone, hiding from Silco and on the run before he found the tree and made a home there. And just for my own e tertainment, what is Scar's backstory?

Jayce completely forgot Victor was from the undercity. He holds a lot of discriminative opinions about the undercity, and i don't know if they were enhanced after the theft, or if it was always there and we didn't see it until now.

Ekko is trying and good for him.

Mel is falling back on her past. She is looking for a defense, not war, but she does expect for war to be brought to Piltover.

Victor is right. They are not soldiers. Jayce forgot that when he spoke with Vi later on.

I love that Heimerdinger is sneaking across the river. I think this is the most crime he has ever done because he is not on the council anymore. Screw Jayce, I want his adventures.

I find it hard to believe people from the undercity are still not protesting on the bridge at this time.

I'm starting to believe The enforcers with Marcus are not really human.

Vi really called for Caitlyn instead of Ekko. This reinforces my belief that Vi is a shifty person. Ekko should have been her first thought. Why would Vi assume the enforcers would attack Caitlyn when Ekko is the one seen as a threat?

The callback to episode one and Jinx huming the song again.

His daughter didn't deserve this but Marcus definitely did.

Ekko is such a badass i love it. Where did the nickname Boy Savior come from. It happened during the time jump. And he lost the nickname Little Man.

There is a reference to a crow/raven behind the Little Powder memory. Did Jinx shoot the bird because reminded her of the past?

I can kind of see Vi thinking Ekko is dead and still running off to the council, but it should be implied that Jinx was killed too in the explosion. It isn't what happened, and she later knows Jinx survived, so why not assume Wkko survived too. She doesn't even go to the Firelights to let them know of the supposed death of Ekko. She literally said fuck it to everything Ekko worked for over these years.

Episode 8

The beginning scene is interesting, but also had to be traumatizing to see a girl Mel's age be decapitated.

When did Jinx steal the gem? Or did Ekko keep it with him and toss an empty container to Vi and Caitlyn? He said he would show the council, and i wouldn't blame him for still not trusting Caitlyn and being weary of Vi, but it also implies he was fully ready to kill Jinx and didn't know he would hesitate.

Jayce is weak. He shouldn't have gone to the bridge if he hasn't ever seen death in such a way. Mel should have prepared him at the least

"Sometimes death is a mercy." How many years did it take the doctor to understand and accept that? Good on him for saving Silco from more unnecessary stress with Jinx being hurt.

Fin needs to wear his jacket right, or have something to keep it from slipping off him. I feel like it would be easier to steal it from him like this. How many times has he lost it and just pretends it didn't happen?

Ambessa is hot. I will say that.

Poor Heimerdinger. He can't help the adults, he know that parents are untrusting, so he can't help the children. I can't wait until season 2 because i know they have better interactions. Ekko knows him, and I bet as a kid, he looked up to him for potential in his engineering.

Ambassador really stood up without Jayce giving consent to seeing her nudes. The creators didn't show him blushing, just looking away. He knows that is Mel's mother, and he slept with Mel.

Vi is going by undercity laws and customs, but she is with piltover council. He puked at death, then wanted more bloodshed which he can't even stand to see.

Why doesn't the council want to let the undercity become it's own nation? What is the benefit of people who you don't care about being called your people. I would argue civil war is worse than war against 2 different nations/cities.

Victorost the plot with the hexcore and should have talked more with Jayce about what he was doing. He doesn't want to create weapons, but he is turning his body into what could be used as a weapon. His actions killed Sky. Then the hexcre had the audacity to burp after its meal.

This is not my orignial idea, but some of it is my original words.

Canon Butch Lesbian Vi and headcanon bi disaster Jayce. Alone, they are fuck ups. But with their powers combines, and the help of hextech weapons, they are still 2 fuckups who can't do shit right.

The people in the suits, are they children too? And is it their job every shift to sit in them in case of an attack, or are they in the equivalent of a cryo pod until the putton is pushed and they are awoken and flooded with shimmer for the fight.

I think Kayce had 2 head on shots, and one of them was a kid. They didn't even die from it. It just numb them so they fell. The fall is what killed them.

What was the choice in deciding only women would be seen naked in showers?continuing with the show, specifically Caitlyn. She turned one handle which implies she had the water set to scalding and didn't react to it. She should be red with blisters trying to form from that. It implies their water temperatures are weak

Episode 9

Jayce really panicking about one direct kill and refusing to listen to Vi when she tells him the truth. That kid did know what he signed up for. His mother is pretty shifty for having him work down there and knowing the dangers.

How did Jinx find Caitlyn's home? They do not explore or inform us about this. Jinx was recovering when Vi went there and Marcus probably wasn't giving away information on where council members live.

The core killed Sky, and Victor can't bring himself to destroy it. It has control on him and he refuses to accept that.

Mel found out her mom stood up from the bath in front of Jayce and got pissed. On a more serious note, her brother doesn't get a name and Mel was disowned. Ambessa tries to be caring, but it is hard to believe that is what she means. Who are they talking about. It is easier to prepare for an attack if you know who it is.

The parallel between Jayce and Victor in their suicide attempt. However. Jayce was going to make his death everyone else's problem, and Victor was going to be kind to other and not show the city his mangled corpse. Jayce is outwardly egotistical, Victor has more internal desires and stays out of the spotlight with his actions.

Silco did believe he would die. He truly thought he lost Sevika's loyalty. But he is playing it off pretty well.

If Ekko made it to the council, I think jayce would have been more willing to arrest Silco instead of trying to get Jinx. Maybe there could have been peace in the undercity. I don't think Jayce really told them truth about giving Silco his nation of Zaun.

Ekko mentioned his life, and the other firelights, depended on it to create the home they have. I am more curious now if Ekko has always been hunted because he is a remnant of Vander's leadership. It's assumed that is why he took Vander hostage and knew the kids would come. And he was going to kill Powder. Maybe Silco realized he couldn't do the same thing with Ekko and he was a risk to losing Jinx so he was hunted down. That would explain partly why it is so secured, and it also helps prevent shimmer from being brought to the people trying to heal.

Did Vander say those words to Vi, or was that what she thought he would say. It's u fair her visions are not the same as Jinx.

Why did Vi thinking Caitlyn was under the little tray and Jinx could carry her with ease. Even with the gauntlets.

You know what is a shame? Jinx is so convinced that Powder can't exist at the same time as Powder, and that is Silco's fault. He didn't do something to help her. And insisted that Powder had to die and Vi is lying.

Even in death, Milo is beaten down. I don't blame Jinx, but still, she does it because of Vi and how she saw him treated and how she internalized all the name calling as him doing it.

Jinx's eyes are cloudy and a different color than normal. I think that is the sign she was getting too lost in her head, and outside voices just made it all worse.

Vi's refusal to believe she changed, even if she had a constant routine in prison, is frustrating. Nobody stays the same. She got the shit beaten out of her constantly and was isolated from the outside. She only beat the one innmate because she knew he was working for Silco and had beaten him before.

Ekko looks so happy talking to Heimerdinger, and he is listening thoughtfully to his ideas. That is so sweet. And the music is so sad.

How did Mel not die if she was pretty much the direct line of fire?

This is my conclusion on season 1. When I wake up and take care of business, I will sit down and watch season 2 and add my thoughts on that in a second post. While I doubt people will see this, or read the whole thing, I does feel nice to share with people who might care too.

I still believe this is all Jayce's fault. My reasonings will be more in the season 2 post than this one, but i need sleep

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venerawrites · 2 days ago

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helloo! back to humbly ask for more content for him hehe but this time I wanna add for his brother as well!💜

how they'd react to their s/o sacrificing themselves to save them/for their sake? how they are in their last moments together and how they handle the aftermath? I love the Uchiha boys being soft but i cant resist the angst sometimes 🫣

thank you again! adore your work as always!

author's note: I am in an angsty mood right now, so I literally RUSHED to my drafts, so I can finish this request! Thank you so much for sending it and I really hope I did it justice! <3

➤ Sasuke

The death of his s/o would be one of the two things: either the birth of the greatest villain to ever exist or the end of the 'ninja path' for Sasuke Uchiha.

It really depends on WHY did they sacrificed themselves for him or more importantly WHO took their life.

I think no matter when Sasuke has met them (before or after the war), he would take them as granted. He didn't even want to think about a scenario where they would not exist or be part of his life, let alone accept it.

So when they fell in front of him, a giant hole in their chest, his immediate reaction was shock.

This could not be happening... This should NOT be hapenning!

His whole body would be frozen and he would stay in place for at least a few minutes, till your weak attempt to mutter his name brings him back to reality. He immediately rush by their side, cradling their face in his hands while he kept muttering the same words over and over again.

"No, no, no... Don't close your eyes, you are fine! Don't... don't do this! Please!"

(the first and last time he ever said the word "please" to his s/o)

Once the realisation that there was still a battle going on hits him, his rage would erupt like a volcano. He would make sure that whoever is responsible for his s/o being gone would suffer not only painful, but also a gruesome death.

Now like I said above, why did his s/o sacrifice themselves for him and who was on the other side of the attack would be KEY details in shaping Sasuke's future.

I think if it happens way after the war (let's say 10 years+) and his s/o sacrifices themselves for him during mission or during an attack by foreign ninjas, he would most likely retire as a shinobi and seek quiet life somewhere outside Konoha.

(he not only looks like John Wick, but he also follows a similar path... 👀)

He would no doubt contribute their death to him being a ninja and I don't think he can accept the idea of continuing being one, knowing it has costed him so much. He lost EVERYTHING to that lifestyle and now all he had left were memories.

If his s/o, however, died during the war or shortly after, and have the fate to be killed by a Leaf Shinobi there is NO GOING BACK for Sasuke.

Full 100% Villain Mode!

I have no doubt that he will put all his effort, time and energy in avenging his s/o or even worse - try everything to bring them back to life!

Would wage a fifth and even a sixth world war if it means that he will finally find a way to destroy the villages, especially Konoha once and for all.

➤ Itachi

The idea of death never scared Itachi.

He was responsible for countless deaths, including the ones of his own parents, and he himself was clearly seeing the upcoming end of his own life.

Yet the idea of his s/o dying was not one that ever crossed his mind. He has always imagined that they would live many, many years after him, having a beautiful family with someone who can give them everything he could not.

I imagine his s/o would die either during the fight with Sasuke or shortly after.

Just like Sasuke he would be in disbelief and shock at first, but instead of just staying frozen to the place, he would rush toward his s/o and catch them before they hit the ground.

"No... What have you done? You should've stayed away, you should've listened to me!"

Itachi is usually calm and collected, but this may be one of the few times he actually loses control (or maybe even the only one?).

If his s/o was killed before that battle by some other enemy, he would kill his enemy the same way as Sasuke - slow and gruesome, leaving the battlefield a bloody reminder of what an Uchiha is capable of in the name of love.

If Sasuke was the one that took his s/o life, he would not hold back and unleash all his power, despite his weakened state.

He would forget all his initial goals and feelings when it comes to his little brother, and would use every attack in his arsenal with the sole purpose to kill.

However, in that instance, I do think there will be a moment where he will get some clarity before the end of the fight and he is immediately filled with guilt.

If his s/o has never met him, they would still be alive. The fault was not Sasuke's - it was only his.

This would be the key moment when he loses all determination to fight and let's his younger brother take his life.

With his s/o gone, he actually looks forward death. Because maybe someday, somewhere, in another life, he would have a chance to make things right.

That moment when Zabuza died next to Haku... yep, that is Itachi next to his s/o.

He would use the last remaining energy in his body to crawl over to them and slip his hand in their cold one.

(I think I may have made myself accidentally cry with this one... :( )

cc artwork: Karine Vilette

#sasuke x reader #itachi x reader #sasuke headcanons #itachi headcanons #naruto imagines #naruto headcanons #naruto requests

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forbiddentaako · 4 months ago

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more monochrome practice I suppose

#tumblr getting this version of this drawing bc i dont want to get in trouble for drawing them nakey #so its date night vibes instead of like eden vibes #i have such complicated feelings about this ship in part bc we havent really met lilith so dont know what shes about yet #but i know in my heart there was a time they loved each other so much and so this is that #honestly would love so much to get backstory on the eden crew and the happenings there even just like a flashback in an episode or somethin #but lowkey im on the 'hoping they get divorced but deeply care about one another and are a part of each others lives' train #bc thats kind of more interesting to me than them getting back together bc i think the crux of it is how much theyve changed and a part of #their relationship getting to the point where lilith disappeared maybe being them both trying to desperately to salvage it and in doing so #making it worse bc they felt like they ruined their lives to be together and so what was the point of it all if they weren't anymore?? but #like theyre immortal so of course theyre going to change and of course theres a chance that the relationship doesnt work even if they deepl #love one another and always will and i just like the closure of that and admitting they arent right for each other in that way anymore but #they still love and care about each other and will never lose that #this is rambling and doesnt make as much sense as when i was typing it on a different post i am wondering now if theres a limit on how many #tags i can put here bc im just yapping at this point whoops #anyway i need to buck up and actually finish/post that draft i have about my very long and complicated hazbin ship opinions #lucilith #hazbin hotel #lilith morningstar #lilith hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lilith #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin lucifer #hazbin hotel lucifer #lucifer morningstar #hazbin lilith

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crystalkitty1220 · 6 months ago

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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago #and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since #someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line #that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation #where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had #thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was #super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh #that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated #as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying #to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit #because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha #could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to #believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in #the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of #development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school #and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility #and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai #anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin #or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post #addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad #writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into #doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao

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bmpmp3 · 2 days ago

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post ankle-twisting clarity

#i slipped in the mudddddd the other day LOL i twisted my one ankle and scraped up my other knee #so the past few days ive just been kind of needing to waddle around.....#LUCKILY its healing well and fast <3 but yknow i was like #so stressed out over shit that doesnt matter in school. and like this is an awful unintentional habit i have but i will get like #overly stressed over shit and then i'll start getting SUPER careless with everything. and then i'll injure myself foolishly and Calm Down #happened last year with my foolish midnight woodcarving incident LOL its always november....#BUT yeah luckily this years foolish injury is a quick one at least!!#but yeah like genuinely i was so stressed out about all my fine arts major shit. teachers have been really getting on my case recently #my main professor said that it was a good thing people get so riled up with my work because it means its impactful #tbh i didnt believe her at all i thought she was just trying to placate me but then i listened closely to the things faculty say when #they look at my fucking. cartoon wolf drawing or something and i think. she might be right actually. people keep getting frustrated with me #because i think they see a lot of potential in me but i basically only have to drive to draw cartoon wolves etc HFKJSDHJVKRFEds #which is great for my ego. maybe too good for my ego. that my mark making and colour use etc is so evocative to these industry and #instutition people. but on the other hand i was told like thrice now that my work has no place in a gallery. which is fine although im not #totally sure how true that is. but also afterwards one time i was suggested to go into animation instead which is. um.#so its not out of nowhere i mean i did want to be an animator when i was like 10 but if you know anything about the current state of the #animation industry its like genuinely wild to tell someone who you've only seen 2 dimensional watercolour and acrylic painted #sketchy lined drawings from and who has said they cant do digital art anymore that they should get an animation degree?#brother they would kill me. i would be killed. i had an inkling but it really made me notice so clearly how limited the experiences my #faculty kind of have with certain industries. which is fine. or maybe not. for a professor LOL but yknow. but i was like huh. i guess i can #just kind of chill lol if i just keep doing things maybe something will come of it. i may not get as much help in my artistic development #rn as i would like. but its chill i think i'll figure it out if i just keep doing stuff <3 #doesnt really matter that my teachers dont know what to do with me. my kneeeee has a booboo so i am CHILLING out :)

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blujayonthewing · 2 months ago

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so in juniper's campaign we've just found ourselves in a high-stakes situation that I as a player do frankly find stressful and am anxious about, but hey hi also the DM was like 'okay here are the exact mechanics of how this is going to work because I don't want to surprise you with serious repercussions, also here are all the options you will have to try to do something about the situation-- [affected player] what do you think? honest feedback, I don't want it to feel unfair, I want to be clear that I am not just trying to kill your character, and if it ends up being badly balanced we can revisit it down the road' and oh my god I could COLLAPSE and WEEP with gratitude

#[tears in my fucking eyes] WHAT IF DND WAS GOOD!! WHAT IF A DM THAT'S GOOD!!!#LIKE I've said actually MOST of my DMs are good but because of the way this situation was presented specifically #where-- as NOT the affected player-- it does feel like the way it came up was a little unfair and I AM worried about the stakes--#I REALLY SPENT SO MUCH OF THAT ABOVE-TABLE TALK GOING OH WOW I FEEL LIKE OUR FRIEND ACTUALLY LOVES US AND WANTS THIS TO BE FUN!!#I DON'T KNOW THAT I AGREE WITH WHAT HE'S DOING HERE BUT I TRUST MY FRIEND AND IT'S SAFE FOR US TO TALK ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS PLAYER TO DM!!#WOWIE THAT FEELS RELEVANT TO MY DND EXPERIENCE RIGHT NOW LMAO!!!#'I've looked at your stats and inventories to try to make this serious but balanced but if it doesn't work we can retool it'#'I want to be extremely clear that this situation could kill destal so I want to be extremely sure that you're comfortable with that--#-- and with how the mechanics are designed around it'#I am fucking. on my KNEES WEEPING. at the contrast with how punishing and DEEPLY unfun felix campaign has relentlessly been the whole time #and how little of a fuck it feels like THAT DM gives when he's like 'this random rolltable encounter was deadly :)'#'you guys didn't get hit last time and got all your spells back right?' uhhh wrong and wrong and we TALKED about that last time #are you gonna revisit the balance on your fifth in a row 'if you fail you'll TPK' scenario? no? yeah I figured lol #christ knows HE'S never invited feedback on his DMing. you KNOW I don't feel safe to say 'hey this doesn't feel fair or fun' with him #AND LIKE!! WITH A DM I TRUST I FEEL SAFE ENOUGH TO REALLY PLAY WITH SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENING!! YAY YIPPEE STAKES AND PATHOS!!!#I don't just want nothing bad to happen ever! but I don't want it to feel careless or heartless or just... Not Fun #anyway. grasping william's hands so tightly. my beloved friend. my wonderful friend. what a relief to have a DM that's good #after the shit we've been through in our now most-frequently-run campaign #the thing I'm mad about is that destal has been making a mystery saving throw every night-- but this was imperceptible to the characters #so we weren't acting on it #and now that he's failed it three times the situation is 'okay NOW you will be maming a con save every night and accumulating exhaustion'#'which can't be removed by sleeping' [six levels of exhaustion Kill You]#so like!! well okay I wish we had had ANY way of knowing how urgent this was before we got to 'now there's a deadly countdown' BUT OKAY #but like I said. he clearly put a lot of thought into the math for the mechanics #he made sure that we DO actually have ANYTHING we can do to mitigate the condition and outlined several options specifically and clearly #he checked in with justin about whether that seemed fair and opened it for future retooling if necessary #so I'm just at 'that was kind of a rugpull dude :/' instead of DESPAIRING lmao #this is a level of Oh Shit that's juicy! this is a level of Oh Shit that might force dramatic character choices out of desperation!#THIS IS AN OH SHIT WHERE WE STILL GET TO PLAY DND ABOUT IT AND HAVE ANY AGENCY WHATSOEVER. WHAT A CONCEPT.#ANYWAY!!! GOOD DND SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!

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snekdood · 3 months ago

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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.

#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need #to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how #correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see #me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help #create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal #myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing #about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just #hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn #great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows #I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent #to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.

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medicinemane · 7 months ago

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And maybe you'll be like "but if you don't trust businesses, how can you trust welfare?"

I fucking don't. My mom trying to get on food stamps fucked me up because a lady I never met without my permission got my SSN from my mom and started editing my files. My heart still races to this very second whenever I think about it, it kinda messed me up bad and I'll never ever ever see any kind of recourse

And I'm terrified that I'm gonna lose my medicaid just cause I inherited some money from my grandpa

And I've never even applied for disability cause it kinda doesn't matter finding out if I'd qualify or not cause of my depression, when the rules are so restrictive I don't know if I've even be allowed to keep my house

I do not fucking trust these things on a personal level. I feel like out of a lot of people I have the most to fear from them cause I'm on the edge of having things work, and that gets you punished

...but I need medicaid in order to have insurance (and when you strip out the finance side of medicaid, I love medicaid... they're honestly incredible insurance... I just... I just... dental is like 90% of why medicaid is so important to me, ever since I found out this state pays for it I've actually been able to do cleanings which is important to me cause I can't always get myself to brush)

And I think things like disability and food stamps are pretty damn important on a personal level, and honestly are also good for the economy cause they get people spending... it's practically a free cash infusion into the economy, cause these are people who need to buy stuff

There's just so much important stuff welfare does that it's worth dealing with government

No, what I want is more accountability so if someone gets my SSN from a 3rd party like my mom they're held to HIPPA styles standards where that's not ok to access my files without my permission (She changed my fucking address and tried to get medicaid to investigate me for fraud! Never even met me)

Like have some accountability there and in every situation

Secondly I want less punitive focused rules. I'd frankly prefer bezos get on disability than smack down some poor sod cause they got $2000 in the bank or cause their friend lets them live with them for free

If there's gonna be a cut off on these programs, it needs to be a solid step above the poverty line, cause... by definition I assume poverty line denotes kinda the minimum expected income people can reasonably live off of, and if you take away benefits people are gonna lose a chunk of money to covering that stuff themself, so you need a buffer before you kick people off

I don't fucking trust the government for a second, I've actively been fucked by them and on a personal level I avoid everything but medicaid and only that cause everything but the money is pleasant to deal with and I kinda need it (honestly if I was rich I'm not even kidding that I'd rather give medicaid like $400 a month than some insurance company, I sincerely like them as insurance)

But I'd trust them a lot more if they were less punitive, less out to hunt me down and gut me cause someone handed me a fiver or cause I started to get on my feet, and if government employees had concrete rules they had to follow that were actually transparent and enforced

Like 90% of my problems with welfare go away if they're held accountable and there's less "catch the welfare cheats" mentality going around

I don't trust the government in the slightest, but sadly there some jobs it kinda has to do, so I'd just rather force it to be an open book where the public can keep an eye on it and if they step out of line there's consequences (sort of like I don't trust most mega corps but happen to sometimes need stuff from them... did you know literally every cell service provider has been illegally selling shit like your location data to random people like bounty hunters, and the FCC just slapped them with a fine that's 0.02% of their yearly incomes and debated even doing that? I even can offer a source on that)

...I don't trust much of any authority cause they constantly fail me and kinda screw me. Don't trust doctors either, but I still gotta go to them, you know? ...they're just... they're real bad at listening... so many systems need systemic change

(You know who I really don't trust is the cops. I could point to so many examples. My uncle doesn't trust cops either, and he's an ex Fire and SWAT paramedic, he worked with them and we still got into a long conversation where he basically tore into them far better than I can)

(I don't trust authority that's not accountable)

#anyway; if I'm a lousy cheat or whatever least they can do is give me a gun so I can solve that problem #shit makes me wish I was canadian so I could take advantage of their sick implementation of assisted suicide #what should be a system that gives people a choice about the quality of their life; and I don't think should be relegated to terminal illne #...there was... think he was dutch; had been burned by his girlfriend all over his body; was in constant pain #and he ended up using assisted suicide in the end cause he was just in constant agony... think that's his choice to make #but of course the canadian system concretely pushes people; mostly the poor and disabled; to kill themselves #not theoretically; as in literally says word for word to them 'you should really kill yourself; just sign here'#it's sick; it truly is #but for any americans that want to dunk on it; I'm telling you we're no better #we have the exact same miserable desperation and people (again; mostly poor and disabled) into despair #only difference is we don't offer assisted suicide #the underlying issues in the US and canada are so damn similar; so much of what's happening ends up being the same #you can't act smug just cause you only make people want to die instead of also offering to help #that's like saying that you're the good guy cause while you did everything you could to drive someone to the brink #get them fired; slash their tires; just cartoon level villain stuff to personally harass this person... at least you won't hand them rope #we have such similar systemic issues to canada; and I am explicitly telling you that like the people in canada that have said #'I can't take it anymore; disability doesn't cover my expenses and I can't get any help... I'm at my wits end so I'm gonna go die'#I'm telling you that I feel that same way; just without any eugenics agency I can call up #I'm really working to get things stable; but it feels like I'm teetering on the edge of falling into permanent failure #and... and I'll actually tell you the amount even though I don't like to mention money... makes me feel guilty #my gramps left me $27k; which sounds like a lot; but I got 20 windows that need redoing (house has a lot of windows)#...if they ended up being 1k each; that's most of the money gone; if they end up being more...#and I got a whole lotta other stuff I've been putting off like plumbing around here; need to replace that faucet #it's an amount of money that helps; but it's an amount of money that isn't gonna last #...that's like a year of bills; and my mom already needs me to pay like $400 to the propane bill since she got behind #I want to use it to... to try and really get my feet on the ground; but it might loose me my insurance... it makes me want to die #and not to be a selfish bastard; but if I could I'd like to try and take and invest a bit to maybe build some passive income #given that... that a job never seems to work out for me cause I fucking suck and cause like... my insomnia has me up at 5:30 am right now #mm tag so i can find things later

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