#like that shit just triggers my ed for no reason

[inkskinned]

im gonna start a fight; and, at the same time, i need you to take this in the most good-faith way possible, but:

videos that involve body-checking and intentionally (and uncritically) show a mealplan of an unhealthy number of calories are just a revamped version of pro-ana food diaries.

and yeah, i know there's arguments. i address some of them under the cut. but at the end of the day, we're just coming back to romanticizing mental illness; we've just found a better platform for it.

this is already something we've done. we knew it was wrong and tried to stop it. and tbh. it just wasn't enough.

there are people who argue "well, what if you have an eating disorder, you can't help it if you don't eat!" except that as someone with an ED; we are not infants. we know what we're doing. part of having an ED is that you are like, maybe too self-aware. even if we can't help our own food choices, we don't need to fucking romanticize the disorder - something we've been warning you about since 2013. there are hours of setup, filming, and editing that go into these videos. they do not happen to fall into place randomly. there is a reason they are pieced together to be beautiful, bright, inspiring.

there's this woman who pretty much only posts daily plans under a normal amount of calories, and everyone defends her saying but it's better than nothing! and i'm like. except she opens those with images of her showing off her body and provides no context in the video or caption that suggests that she believes what she's doing is unhealthy. she has hundreds of thousands of followers on a platform designed for young kids and teens. i refuse to believe that by accident her content just happens to be cheery advice on "healthy" versions of starving.

for any other symptom of mental illness, we would be incredibly enraged by this kind of placid acceptance of a "tips and tricks" fast-start guide. imagine if people posted pink & pretty videos saying "best places to cut yourself" as if it was a fucking storytime. we, as a society, are so fucking fatphobic that we would rather accept blatantly harmful displays of self harm than admit that we are obsessed with a hyper-thin body type.

i am not suggesting someone never talks about their disorder. i talk about mine. actually, it's a plot point in my book.

here's the difference: i recognize it's a fucking mental illness. i am very careful to never mention a specific weight, eating pattern, or calorie plan. i always make sure to position it as something that ruined my fucking life. i do not put cheery music in the background and hearts and sparkles over my worst moments. i do not film it in bright light. i do not start each passage with an image of a thin body followed by "here's how to look like her."

eating disorders should not be framed as aspirational. and the problem is that society worships the "after" image, so long as you don't get too sick. there is a reason so many people who quit being "influencers" will later admit - i wasn't eating well that whole time; an obsession with food was completely destroying my life.

we let any uncredited, uncertified person write the most backwards, fucked up shit about how to get the body you desire! because the underlying, secret belief is: well, at least they're thin! and the real thing that fucking gets me each time - they make fucking money off of it. their irresponsibility and societal harm literally pays off for them.

"why do you care so much." "don't like it don't look." "so what if people experiment with new ways of thinking of food?"

thank you for asking. we're about to get extremely personal. it's because when i was 18 i discovered "thinspiration"/"thinspo." and it absolutely influenced, shaped, and codified my pre-existing eating disorder. i went from having some troubling habits and traits to being incredibly unwell within what felt like a matter of days. there were actual pages designed to train me on how to have an ED correctly. it was all so suddenly easy. i was sick; and the nature of the illness meant - i wanted to be sicker.

it takes an average of 7 years for a person to fully recover. i know this personally - even now, 10 years from the worst of it, i still fucking struggle. i am so much happier now and i eat what i want and i literally don't think about food at all (19 year old me would shudder) and yet - i still fucking know the calories of plain toast with butter.

an eating disorder is one of the deadliest types of mental illness. over 1 in 4 people with an ED will attempt suicide.

and i'm sorry. i just do not see the exchange rate of "high rate of engagement" versus "the value of a human life."

[azeeyfinance]

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[solidcarbon]

.

[insert-name-heres-things]

Happy Disability Pride Month!!!

Remember Folks:

- SELF CARE IS NUMBER ONE

- Use your spoons sparingly! Here’s some spoons to go: 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄

- Clean your mobility aids! (Seriously dude when was the last time you wiped that shit down with an antibacterial?)

- Accommodate yourself, as others will follow.

- Make goals within your reach and abilities

- DO YOUR COPINGS SKILLS

- Remember to stay hydrated and take your meds!

- For my fellow heat sensitive homies, stay cool this summer! A cold rag draped behind your neck, airy clothing, a small portable hand fan, keeping ice packs ready, cold water and expecially cold electrolyte drinks, all do wonders!

- For my fellow autistic folks, don’t be afraid wear earmuffs, stim, use chew charms, whatever it is that helps you regulate. You don’t have to mask if it’s something that isn’t benefitting to your life.

- POTS havin mofos like me, salt the ever loving fuck out of your food. Try different foods with salt, such as fruits and vegetables! I’m currently eating a salty tomato. Drink lots of water, I’ve been aiding gateraid packets to my water and it’s made a HUGE difference, especially as someone who hates drinking water.

- Those with PTSD for whatever reason, I wish you safety and support as you learn to cope and hopefully heal.

- I don’t know exactly what to say to others with H-EDS, as I’m still understanding this disorder other then BE CAREFUL WITH YOURSELF THIS PRIDE MONTH. I swear to god we are the most accident prone mother fuckers lmfao-

- If your immune system is all fucky like mine, keep clean and be sanitary, communicate with others that if they’re sick you can’t be around them, and wear a mask if you feel like that’s the right option for you. In my hometown I’ve gotten yelled at more than once for wearing a mask post-covid, however you can’t let someone else’s ignorance result in your own suffering.

- Don’t forget to move around and stretch! A little movement can do a lot for your body.

- Check in with your disabled friends! Try and see if there’s any way you can help one another, see where both of your strengths and weaknesses lie, and swap some spoons!!

- Be aware of what triggers your disorders. Whether if it’s caffeine triggering bipolar episodes, the weather causing fibro flares, big changes causing meltdowns, overexerting your hypermobility, whatever it is, it matters. Listen to your body and mind.

- Don’t be afraid to call out that doctor who isn’t listening, dismissing your symptoms and medically gaslighting you.

- While it may not seem like a big difference for some, trust me when I say your appetite is so important! Remember if it comes down to it, that it’s better to eat something, ANYTHING, than nothing at all. 

- To that person who might be hesitant, ashamed or might be questioning wether or not they should use a mobility aid, if it’s the difference between you being stuck at home vs going out and living some life… USE THAT MOBILITY AID!!! Same goes for braces and any other tool that may help you live a better quality of life.

- Be accepting towards those with disabilities different then your own- remember this month isn’t a competition about who’s struggling the most, rather to understand that people of physical, psychological, sensory, neurodivergence, and even undiagnosed disabilities all share one thing in common.. WHICH IS BEING DISABLED!

- Doesn’t matter who you are, how young or old, black or white, thick or thin - the disabled minority is one you can end up becoming a part of at any time, and likely will if you live long enough. Disability doesn’t discriminate, so EVERYONE should be advocating for disabled people’s rights.

- And of course, have pride in being disabled. This shit is fucking hard, but if you’re reading this, you’re doing it. Just being here today and doing what you can handle or manage, is doing your best, and that’s enough. You don’t have to push yourselves to impossible lengths to be proud of yourself.

Here, have the disability pride flag:

[abbyshands]

YESSSS, imma piggy back on what you said real quick. Most people understand the concept of sex and the basic acts of sexual intercourse by middle school/the age of 12. It’s really not that hard to grasp and whether they’ve indulged in those certain acts or not doesn’t change the fact that they most likely know what it is.

So when people try to pass it on or even justify it as “well it’s an innocent reader/mc” or even “it’s just fiction” it doesn’t matter, you’re writing about someone and/or something in a childlike connotation. Who is actually saying or responding to “oh my cunny this” or “my private parts this” 🧍🏾‍♀️ Like be actually so real please. I’m telling you dude some of them like children and don’t wanna say it.

Don’t get me started on that “corruption” shit either cause a lot of y’all (whoever this applies to) are openly admitting to wanting to “ruin someone’s innocence” in your writing and it’s not cute like yall think it is😭

tw // pedophilia, csa

for fucking real. for the “corruption” kink, to be honest, it’s bearable as long as it isn’t to the degree of an overly innocnet “adult” reader, who may as well be a baby/child. but let’s be so serious: you’ll have had sex ed classes in high school if you’re an adult, regardless of “innocence,” etc, or religion, per say, because that seems to be an excuse people use to play off a “pure” reader who’s really more childlike when it comes down to it. you can be a virgin, “pure,” think sex is immoral, blahblahblah, while knowing its core fundamentals, and the basic concept. there’s no reason in hell an adult reader shouldn’t know where their clit/hole is, where a penis is inserted into a vagina, what cumming is, how sexual intercourse works as a general consensus, etc. there’s no reason your reader or your main character should be yapping ab a “cunny,” “clitty,” “private/princess parts,” “potty,” etc. are you fucking kidding me?

and then people are seriously bending over backwards to defend it? i mean, let’s be real, you’re not earning any points here. why are you defending a phenomenon where people find sexual pleasure, sexual arousal, in behaving like a baby/child during sexual intercourse? does that not sound unbelievably repulsive, or have i lost all common sense? i mean, fucking honestly. people need to get a grip. quit playing off coquette-ified pedophilia as a kink, because as a csa survivor, as someone who has seen what it’s like to put your trust into an adult as a child, then have them violate the shit out of you sexually, you fucking repulse me. i’m sick of seeing it all over my home page and it being so goddamn normalized. it’s triggering and i find it absolutely horrific. weird isn’t even the word: people. are fucking. sick.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for getting someone kicked out of our school's theatre program???

i (18x) have this friend (18f) i'll call whitney. we met through the school's theatre program and have known each other for about 3.5 weeks.

for a while i really, really liked whitney!! she was super cool and funny and i wanted to be friends with her!! but the first time we ever hung out outside of rehearsal, she made a joke about how i was vulnerable and easy to manipulate due to my mental illness and how she would love to be my shitty boyfriend and treat me terribly. i know she meant it as a joke and it WAS funny in the context of the show we just did, and i didn't take offense (it was true), but i kept thinking about it for a while and what a weird thing it was to say to someone you don't know very well.

last night she invited me back to her dorm and i went and we talked for a few hours. everything was normal at first and she was super cool. then she told me that she used to run a proana blog on tumblr where she had 5000+ followers and posted "tips and tricks." that would ALREADY be bad, but then she told me she's never actually had an ed. she just thought it was funny to see how many people would interact with her posts. as someone who used to have a pretty severe ed, and still does to a much lesser extent, i was really triggered and on the verge of tears. i tried to redirect the conversation a few times and when whitney wouldn't change the subject, i had to call my roommate to come save me.

i really don't want to be around her in the future. she consistently makes me uncomfortable. i was considering bringing it up to some of the members of the exec board of our theatre troupe, who are my friends; however, nothing she ever said was IN the context of theatre or related at all to the program, so i feel like she never violated the "making people uncomfortable" policy of the troupe. she just happens to be a shitty person OUTSIDE of theatre. and i know theatre is one of her safe spaces that i really really don't want to get her kicked out of for no reason. but at the same time, i don't want to have to make the choice between a) not doing theatre or b) spending all my time around her when she says shit like this.

(also worth noting that we're in college so rules about what a person in the program can or cannot do are much less strict and much more up to the exec board's, and college's, discretion as opposed to high school theatre where all extracurriculars are regulated by the principal.)

WIBTA if i talked to the exec board about her??? i feel like i'm overreacting but this seems like really shitty behavior

What are these acronyms?

[ibeblizzard12]

…….……🐾🦴🖤🎀🖤🦴🐾………….

Haiii I’m Nyx!! I’m an edblr!! She/they(anything workz but they/them is preferred but idc tbh), intp/intj, in high school(my age is one of these: 14, 15, or 16),pro recovery, not pro ana, caffeine addicted virgin, aroace but idm flirting for funz, MINOR!!!, very mentally ell, not much trauma tbh, hello kitty/sanrio obsession, junkorexic, cutecore/cutegore/2020 e kid, minor aspirin addiction, insomniac, biological girl(I identify as one as well), cat person, sh, multiple mental illnesses, luvz video games like dti omori ddlc yanderesimulator sims4, usually stayz up untilz 2-5am, probably anemic, likes 2 drawz, likes 2 smoke and do drugs(usually snorts em), been in mental hospitals before, I’ve tried to kms once or twice lol, needz 24/7 distraction so I don’t think about kms, ed is a copping mechanism for meh, on antidepressants, tried therapy before doesn’t work for for meh tho cuz imz a minor, very few safe foodz, very picky, multiple personalities, brunette, youngest child, underweight, hates physical touch, always eepy, hates myself :P

I AM NOT PRO ANA IM AM FUCKING PRO RECOVERY SO DONT FUCKING REPORT MEH THIS IS MY DAMN SAFE PLACE AND MY ONLINE DIARY I AM NOT TRYING TRIGGER ANYONE U ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR UR OWN TRIGGERS JUST LET ME HAVE THIS BLOG I AM VERY MENTALLY UNSTABLE AND THIS BLOG IS A WAY TO DISTRACT ME FROM MY SUI IDEATION MY MOOTS ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I HAVENT KMS YET PLZ JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND JUST BLOCK ME NO REPORTING IS NOT GOING MAKE ME RECOVER THE MORE I GET REPORTED THE MORE DEPRESSED I GET MY ED IS MY COOPING MECHANISM I KNOW ITS NOT A GOOD ONE I AM FULLY AWARE THE DANGERS OF AN ED BUT IM JUST GONNA KMS IF U KEEP REPORTING ME SO YOULL BE THE REASON I FUCKING DIE🖕

DNI-

homophobics/transphobics, misogynists, people who have mdni in their bio, under 13, 27+, creeps, pro ana people(but if ur not gonna comment anything pro ana on my posts then idm), pedifles, people in recovery(but if we’re already mootz then can still interact just not on my blog or just block the tags that ur recovering fromz), non mentally ell blogs, men if their over 21, gen alphas(I don’t count 13/14ys), people w fat or skinny or sh fetishes, people who want report meh or my mootz

(Keep reading if u wannaz know more about meh)

DIAGNOSED W-

anorexia, depression, adhd, anxiety, minor autism, minor ocd, sui ideation, arfid 

NOT DIAGNOSED BUT I MIGHT/PROBABLY HAVE-

bulimia(100% sure I have it(kinda trying to recover fromz it tho), aspd(psychopath), bipolar, DID

RANDOM MENTALLY ILLNESS SHIT ABOUT MEH-

convinced that their are multiple eyes always watching me idm why and I always draw them for some reason I feel that always watching me especially at nightz their in the wallz and in the my bl00d and my tears, since I was 9 would pretend to have an audience(like I was a YouTuber or smt) and I would talk to the audience but eventually the audience became an imaginary person/personality that I talk/think to(probably cuz I’m lonely) when ever I do something I think smt like, “we need to do blah blah blah.” I can’t stop myself from thinking we instead of I and idk if it’s normal, my eds are cooping mechanism except arfid I’ve that since was two after I choked on a certain food I would always(unintentionally) puke if my parents would try to make me eat a food I didn’t like even at the sight or smell of it so know I always think of certain foodz and meat/eggs/seafood especially w the fear that I’m just gonna puke it so I’m naturally VERY picky for the longest time I would literally only eat angle hair pasta w ketchup idc if u think itz gross it was my safe food rn my main safe food is energy drinks but I can’t have that all the timez, I have social anxiety and used to get panic attacks when I was in crowds it’s a bit better now tho, ive tried to kms before(was gonna hang myselfz) but I managed to stopz myself(it was really hard),  I’m actually quite manipulative when I want 2 be lmao, moody teenager, I have to be awake at night and keep myself distracted so thatz that thoughtz(sui stuff the eyes ect) can’t torment me so I try to stay awake until I’m too tired 2 keepz thinking

I’m am pro recovery I am not pro ana plz just leave me alone on this I’m not fat phobic I try not 2 be but keep in mind I don’t have a conscience, I really don’t care if ur fat I just have bad experiences w them cuz when I first lost weight I would constantly get skinny shamed even tho I was a perfectly healthy weight and it really got to me and contributed to meh ed cuz eventually I started seeing it as praise when people would comment on meh losing weight and now I get really anxious and sui if some doesn’t say I’m skinny tho if they say it in a mean way than I’ll get offended I get that it was out of concern and jealousy but it no one had commented on my body I would probably not have an ed rn and I would’ve watched wut I ate but not in an obsessive way. But seriously I really don’t mind if ur fat just don’t be mean to be about it just cuz I’m skinnier than u. 

Things I really likez-

video games, sleeping, watching YouTube and anime, chainsaw man, solo leveling, insatiable, arcane, death note, future diaries(tho the ending sucked), maduca magica pullea smt(I’m not gonna bother trying to write or even remember the whole name💀u get the jist of it if ya know the anime that I’m talking aboutz), I like cute things w a creepy twist(cutegore), I like cutecore and 2020 e kid fashion(I also like other alternative styles but those are the ones I likez most(pretty sure cutecore isn’t alt but wut ever), drawing, creepy eyes that are alwayz watchingz meh, hello kitty/sanrio, those alt spiky collar/bracelet thingyz, plushies, catz, dress to impress, makeup, dressing up, anime hair, knifes, bl00dz, aspirin, melatonin, bupropion, getting high, cigarettez, ultra monsters(my current fav flavor is the sugar free peach one), my room, cutecore rooms, decorating my room, going to da mall!!, waterrrr, Diet Coke, cucumbers, st4rving myselfz dont ask.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Jack's thing is not that he super loves being a douchebag, his thing is that he's gone through what Ed had gone through. The same exact meat grinder that's making Ed say shit like "I'm unlovable and I don't have any friends and maybe death is a better option" is the thing that makes Jack say "pirates don't have friends we're all just in various stages of fucking each other over." And it's also the same thing that makes the crew act how they do in episodes 1.01-1.03. The show gives Jack sympathy this is not my woobification at work. They have Ed tell us that he's insecure and they have him tell the story about why he's the way that he is when they're discussing Hornigold. Jack's 15 minutes of fame fit incredibly fucking well into the overarching narrative of this show about toxic masculinity and if you can only see him as a villain rather than as a product of piracy just like Ed and Izzy and Mary and Anne and Fang, then you're missing an enormous part of both what he says about Ed and Ed's past and what he says about Stede and Stede's insecurities. That's the reason that people think Stede is having a Jack moment in 2.07, because Jack is what happens when you put Stede in the blender for long enough. You literally can't understand Jack as a character until you can imagine him and Ed as highschool aged kids getting flogged by their boss for holding hands.

You have to understand about him also that when Ed says to Stede that Stede and Jack have a lot in common because Jack comes on a bit strong at first but he's insecure, that Jack and Stede do in fact have the same insecurities about not being man enough. Think about how Stede acts when he's trying to be a real pirate and how he imagines himself in the fucking dream sequence that opens season 2 and then think about how Jack acts in his episode. Jack literally manages to trigger Stede's insecurities so bad because Jack is doing the exact same big man posturing that Stede wants to do so fucking bad. Stede at his highest manliest moment is Jack-esque.

[miasmaghoul]

I just, I don't even know what to say

W O W

Ok, serious chat for a moment. Warnings for mentions of an ED and medical mistreatment.

It's so frustrating to still see shit like this when I grew up in the days of fat free everything and Weight Watchers ads every 5 minutes on TV.

Why is it fat people that everyone agrees to dogpile on? We're bullied incessantly for something that a lot of us can't even fix or help, because people who AREN'T fat assume we're just lazy pigs. Like yeah, please just disregard my physical debility and MULTIPLE hormonal issues and just assume that I just shovel food into my mouth constantly. Oh, you say I can't have an eating disorder because I'm fat and "those people" are skinny? BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!

It's bullshit, full stop. I still struggle with my ED, but the older I've gotten the more open and honest with myself I've become. I've never sought treatment for it because, again, I'm still fat. The one time I did bring it up to a doctor, he said "well if you do have an eating disorder then you aren't doing a very good job." I wish I were making that up.

Fat is in my genes, and there are so many other contributing factors it isn't even funny. It's so pounded into our heads that we NEED to be thin (mostly targeting women, let's be real) in order to have value, and I'm so fuckin sick of still hearing about the latest severely unhealthy fad diet or what fucking celebrity is on ozempic.

Which, by the way, I did have pushed on me a couple years ago when regular people could still get their hands on it. It made me feel so much worse. Every dose would trigger a binge, and I would feel horrible for days afterwards. I told my doctor (different from the other one I mentioned) this, and she told me that it was just something I was going to have to deal with because look, you've lost 20lbs since your last visit!

I felt worse than I had in YEARS, but it didn't matter because my body was becoming more socially acceptable. Do you want to know how many times doctors have tried to shove weight loss surgery down my throat? Countless. No matter how many times I say I'm not even there to talk about my weight, and that those surgeries are NOT for me, someone always brings it up. It's crazy how hurtful being ignored for knowing your own body is, because someone else thinks you need to change.

I wish this was something I had figured out when I was younger, but alas. I wore a hoodie over my clothes for 6 years straight, regardless of how hot it was outside, just to try to hide. I made myself miserable, ate barely anything (which would just trigger a binge, of course) and had it beat into my head constantly that my weight was the most important thing about me.

Here's the thing it took me way too long to learn:

IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER

You know what the number on the scale is? It's just a number. Your weight, high or low, is simply a tiny part of who you are as a human. If others choose to judge you based on it, that's not a failure on your part. It's on theirs. Being fat is not a crime, nor is it deserving of the insults and sneers we get in public spaces. People will always find a reason to stare, to whisper and giggle, and the best thing you can do for yourself is not give them the time of day.

I realize that's not easy. It's taken me 30+ years to reach a point where I've realized that going out in public is a necessity, and that the only reason I think people are staring at me is because advertisements like this punched the concept into my fragile little mind as a kid. At the end of the day, this is the one thing all fat people need to know:

Being fat is not a moral failure.

There is nothing wrong with you just because you need bigger clothes, mobility aids, or help from others. I don't care what anyone says - your weight is no one's business but your own. You want to lose weight? Go for it! More power to you, you'll get nothing but support from me. But there's nothing wrong with not wanting to do that either. That's really what it comes down to - the assumption that there's something inherently wrong with us because we're bigger than other people.

That's the part that needs to stop. And if anyone ever needs a reminder, my asks are always open. You're beautiful, I promise. 💜

Thank you for coming to my TED talk lmao

(I'm sure some asshole anons will come at me for "glorifying obesity" or "promoting unhealthy lifestyles". I assure you I am not. I am simply trying to help normalize a different mindset. If you're upset that fat people exist and that I'm saying they deserve the same care and compassion as anybody else, then you need to do a little bit of internal examination there. I promise fat people have not hurt you by virtue of existing in larger bodies ♡)

[melodich4n]

I have an absurd HC about certain games I feel like with a passion Caesar Clown would love if he ever got to even put his hands on the games either for the concept it centers on like DEATH Or for more in depth reasons from genre to scenery, and sci-fi elements that would intrigue a man like Caesar.

I can see him loving the following games listed and why:

Franbow,

More for its psychological horror in narrative and artistic choice that I see Caesar taking the enjoyment. Along it makes you think, and put together items and figure puzzle-like tasks to get through levels/segments of the story that is very narrative driven that would keep him very deep to play it fully. In more detail knowing being someone who played the game myself plenty of times before. The timeline Franbow takes place is in the 1940s. Which depicts the very depressing reality of mental illness and the lifestyle of how children grew up in them. Along how it goes through this canon of *The Five Realms of Essential Existence*. He'd eat that shit up. Also because of the gore, lots of death. Like seriously the very fucking opening slaps you right off the bat with its jump into the narrative. I see him also enjoying Miss Unfortunate, the same developers of Franbow too for its more dark witty humor and twist in the story he'd find it amusing for a one shot experience. I see him enjoying Franbow more though as mentioned reasoning.

Fallout 1, 2, 3 tactics, bhos, NV,

I'm pushing for NV, but it stays because it has a lot of DLC I definitely would see him enjoying. But anything like 4 and 76, or the mobile Fallout game are out of his interest for being more adventurous and the atmosphere that the older games had, being more dreadful with fallout's usual depicted storyline and emotional given storyline of humanity barely surviving the remains of a once thriving society that plummeted into war is what would not have him into those games unlike the ones mentioned instead. Also because Caesar wouldn't really take mobile games like the Fallout Shelter because it's more tediously *grinding* and waiting and he would be preferably doing something more gruesome with its entertainment. Fallout as a franchise provides a lot of ideas that Caesar himself has done somewhat or most definitely.... Or would open new thoughts and ironically a sense of even inspiration because I do take this idea that he'd enjoy things like the Vault lore and the whole pre-war segment canon. And as much as I don't see him into Politics the politics in fallout are always something that I take interesting because of how it went with it and the end of the world feel and war driven mongering American purist themes it has. He'd definitely perhaps be the kind to max out his character in charisma and be a speech build guy who'd take in ED-E as his companion as one for also the quests that follow with "ED-E my Beloved" With Veronica to continue any BHOS quests (maybe). Despite her annoyance at first for my own use of Veronica. She is a tank, and I see Caesar using companions like a pussy he is too- though funny enough. Caesar would be too annoyed with Cassidy for her whole BS reputation triggered opinion for you as the player. He'd get that fucking BLOODY MESS perk as soon as he ever sees and can achieve it just for the endless nonstop every kill animation one can get to feel the immense pleasurable enjoyment of killing literally everything in sight like it's the forth of July with how literally 99.9% of all kills result in an explosion of guts. Also makes up for comedic kill times too.

Haven't played too much though of 1 and 2 (Yes. I have, but to say I did everything? No. Far from it. It's a play style I'm not used to but I did take my shot to say Caesar though would enjoy the older game click to move and see the grim feelings of what older fallout offers. Also because it's still full of its own story. Something that I am familiar with to say this myself.

The GAME Adaption of I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream,

A click and scroll game. Very old style. The voice acting, the game's forward story, being it is an adaptation based from yours truly of Harlan Ellison's book of the same name. The very simple nature but intriguing manner the game took to depict AM like for an experience for gamers. Yeah. It's a peak game. He'd take the character AM interesting, and take each storyline that the 5 humans have with a thought that lingers a good while. It would make him ponder a bit.

BioShock 1&2,

I'm not including infinite. Caesar would not be as interested in the story Infinite has, and be more so put off by it for its Multiverse twist, and the plot holes given with the DLC it brings (Burial at Sea). Yet step aside that and back to 1&2, Caesar would've loved to have been in a place like Rapture. A place where scientists and creative geniuses alike that can get away from the government, and especially away all those who try to "say" what is and isn't fine to work with for the name of scientific discovery. He'd enjoy this place. Especially because it's not just stuck for that but full of musicians and artists. There's a place down there just for Caesar to spend his days outside his work and it's Eve's Garden down at Fort Frolic. That dirty manwhore. If only he could be his personal paradise. Though he'd lovingly keep his DF and not use the Adam *unless* SPECIFICALLY he had one for something like a youth Gene-tonic addition.

Yet to play the game itself forwardly. He'd have a blast and enjoy the story that comes with it. Only daydreaming away why he can't be in a place like prime Rapture when he heard of it 😔...

.

.

.

An honorable mention would be Bloodborne. The atmosphere and themes are there but the gameplay style would make Caesar want to shoot himself in the head in anger. I had set my case after seeing a friend of mine play it and. Yeah. Def not Caesar Clown gameplay mechanic approved.

Doom 2016 and Doom Eternal would also be an honorable mention. He'd love its bloody action pack violence but not be so into the whole lore aspect of the games. He's into the visual death aspect that the game gives you.

Don't escape franchise, I think its atmosphere brings something he'd enjoy.

That's all I got today. Personally. I could make a revamp eventually. I just wanted to post something after having the flu and taking a small break.

[canonizzyhours]

the canyon are really on one the last few days in the tags. calling ed an abuser, whining about izzy dying being unfair and cruel. i've been going on a blocking spree. it's obviously in desperate response to the surge of reason from this blog and other meta takes that properly represent canyon izzy in their analysis of s2.

personally i am super grateful to this blog and everyone's anon takes and other posters' metas. i've been a victim of relationship abuse and have struggled with reacting to triggers for years since that experience, because my trauma responses often hurt others, in ways that i fear are me being abusive. it's done major damage to my sense of self-worth because i have blamed myself for hurting others and felt ashamed of my difficulty controlling myself when triggered and when traumatized. this is even after years of therapists reassuring me that i'm not an abuser (doesn't absolve me of responsibility for my behaviors, and i can recognize the difference in myself versus my abusers when i acknowledge the thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours i have spent on therapy over the years to work on myself and my relationships).

i really identify with ed as a character with similar struggles, and with the fear that i'm unable to change, the fear that i am just as bad and dangerous as my abusers and thus possibly deserving of the abuse in some way. OFMD depicts this aspect of surviving family and relationship abuse that is otherwise rarely (never?) shown in mainstream media, and it does it so thoughtfully and beautifully and in a way that feels HEALING and like it gives me hope. i wish the canyon folks could have the empathy they so clearly have for izzy, a pretty nasty and harmful dude, for ed as well, so that they could feel some of the healing and hope from this show that they clearly are in search of. or that they could recognize the healing and hope present in izzy's arc in s2 instead of centering his character over ed's. i do think their inability to do so stems from (unconscious) white supremacist bias that they aren't willing to acknowledge. props to the writers for killing off the white guy to advance the indigenous person's character growth for once, as it's clearly necessary as a wake-up call and challenge to audiences who are used to white supremacist ways of seeing and aren't happy that they're not being coddled with that shit. i just hope they don't get cold feet about it in s3 after all the canyon backlash online and take that as representative of the core audience. it isn't.

#143.

[azeeyfinance]

advantages of Cryptocurrency forms of money

advantages of Cryptocurrency forms of money

1. Decentralization and Security:

Since digital currencies are decentralized, they are less defenseless to government obstruction or concentrated defilement. Blockchain innovation likewise offers upgraded security and decreases the gamble of extortion or hacking.

2. Accessibility and Monetary Consideration:

Digital currencies can be obtained from any place with a web association, making them ideal for people who don't approach customary financial administrations, particularly in underbanked areas.

3. Transparency and Changelessness:

All exchanges on the blockchain are openly recorded and straightforward, guaranteeing that anybody can confirm the historical backdrop of any exchange. When an exchange is recorded on the blockchain, it is almost difficult to modify, giving an additional layer of trust.

4. Lower Exchange Expenses:

Customary monetary frameworks frequently include delegates, for example, banks or installment processors, who charge charges for exchanges. Cryptographic money exchanges regularly have lower charges, particularly for global exchanges, making them an appealing option for cross-line installments.

[rogueddie]

NSFW Steddie Fic Rec, Part 2: Bottom / Sub Eddie

Important: READ THE TAGS! Also, leave a comment and kudos! These fics are amazing and I love them and I hope y'all do too 💦

And for this one too, heavy emphasis on 'read the tags'. 🔞

Screw Todd, Steve's Her (His) Daddy Now

ArtaxLivs

Steve keeps calling himself Daddy "unintentionally" and Eddie...well, Eddie's about to lose it and do something he might (probably won't) regret.

Words : 5,087 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : Light BDSM

AO3 : x

When You Sweat That Toxic Haze, I Love Your Smell

astromirage

“I’m sorry, shit ‘m sorry,” he whines, desperately needing to rabidly thrust into Steve’s cunt, to hold him down, fuck him until he’s cock stupid, drooling, only being able to beg for release, and Eddie’s dick.

“You better fucking be, don’t do it again,” he begins moving, propping himself up, just to work back onto his dick, doing this a few times, each drawing delicious noises from both of them.

Steve settles in, rocking against Eddie, the most pornographic sounds tumbling from his lips as he arches his back, burying Eddie’s cock in him deeper. His thighs burn as he fucks himself on Eddie, clenching around him, causing Eddie to groan, faltering in the stance he had sitting up. Their sweaty skin slaps together softly as Steve methodically uses Eddie, slowly working Eddie up.

Words : 3,661 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : FTM Steve

AO3 : x

In My Boxers, Half Stoned

Eddywow

"You can," Eddie said, almost sounding like he was nodding along to his words. The image was too pure for Steve. "You could say anything you want to me and I'd- I think I'd be into it. Because I saw your pics and like, I know your face isn't in them but- but I really like them. Is it okay that I liked them?"

Words : 12,338 Chapters : 2/2 ❗

AO3 : x

Melt Me On Your Tongue

indelicate

“This okay?”

“Yeah it’s— shit, it’s more than okay, Steve.”

“… you’re crying, Eds.”

Eddie can’t hold back a choked off noise then, somewhere between an overwhelmed laugh and a sob.

“No one’s ever done this to me before.”

He doesn’t know if he means no one’s ever given him a bath, or braided his hair, or just any of the things Steve does for him, really.

Eddie's never had a Steve before.

Words : 5,879 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : Mild Painplay

AO3 : x

Done Deal

morningberries

“I’m sorry, your royal highness, but I don’t accept trades, or favours, or IOUs, or promises, or anything relating. I accept cash. That’s it. End of story.”

“Are you sure?” Steve stepped forward into Eddie’s personal space and was pleased to see the other man’s round eyes grow impossibly larger. “I feel like I could offer you something that you want, that isn’t cash.”

Words : 3,644 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : D/S

AO3 : x

The Bartender Was A Trap

MixAddams

Wouldn’t it be hilarious if Steve was just naturally amazing at DND?

Like he can see the strategy clear as day and can’t understand why the other players are taking so long to decide on their next move. He’s never caught by surprise by the story. He built his nearly flawless absolute weapon of a character in less than twenty minutes.

Eddie fucking hates it but oh boy does it turn him on

Words : 2,889 Chapters : 1/1 ❗

AO3 : x

Ozzy sucks

dirtyvalentine

And the pièce de résistance comes when Eddie tells him, "You could cover my mouth."

That one scares him most.

Because, well, "How are you going to use your safeword?"

"I'm not."

"What if you need to?"

"I won't."

"How do you know?"

"I'll never need to. Just trust me."

Words : 14,465 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : Non-Con

AO3 : x

Emphasis: Major Trigger Warning for Rape Obviously I'm recommending this fic, but I do want to be clear; the content, what actually happens, in this fic? It's tagged Dead Dove for a reason. Heed the tags!

Open Up Baby

murdertrashbabyrat

Eddie calls him mommy one time, one fucking time, as a joke, he swears just a joke but then Steve looks at him, expression stern, hands on his fucking hips of course, and says, “Behave,” before snapping at Robin that she wasn’t putting this album on again and if she puts it on again he’s gonna destroy her and then she puts it on and he’s chasing her across the house and it’s funny and he should be laughing but instead he’s a little bit stricken over the fact that he’s fucking hard.

Words : 5,008 Chapters : 1/1 ❗ : Mommy Kink

AO3 : x

Whatever you want, Birthday Boy.

FluffyChicken

The club is fucking crowded when they arrive. Robin announces to the security man at the door that it's his best friend's birthday, and to Steve's dismay, she starts telling everyone who's listening that it's actually Steve's twentieth five birthday.

Fuck. Steve wishes to have twenty five years again.

"There you are, birthday boy!" He announces with a pretty smile that makes Steve go hot all over. Maybe he should take off his jacket.

Steve looks at his drink, the glass decorated with a silly pink umbrella, and smiles, reaching for his wallet and opening over the bar to pay.

“This one it’s on the house, handsome!” The bartender yells at him, putting his hand over Steve’s, stopping him. "Happy birthday!"

Words : 15,783 Chapters : 4/4 ❗

AO3 : x

[velvetxkissesx]

between them

todoroki shouto x fem!reader, brief mention of one sided midoriya izuku x the reader.

is this based entirely on in between by gracie abrams? yes, yes it is. i love the song. i am obsessed. been obsessed with it for years and it’s getting the recognition it deserves on tik tok. also i am a SUCKER for friends to lover tropes. they will happen a lot, and i am not sorry for it. also i promise i will write for more characters other than todoroki, i have some drafts that i want to continue on.

warnings: brief mentions of trauma, but other than that unless you hate fluff there are really no triggering things. there’s some light angst I suppose, but really not much. the reader also somewhat hurts midoriya’s feelings but not directly. also I wrote this in a day and did not proof read it so be nice, okay thanks bye

——-

midoriya pov

——-

Midoriya groaned and slumped down in the couch next to Bakugo who was in the process of beating Kaminari in Smash Bros. Both boys looked at him for a second before they went back to playing. Midoriya looked between his friends and groaned louder, hoping one of them would get the hint. Again, ignored. Midoriya took a deep breath and let out another groan that was practically a screech.

“Oh my fuck- WHAT?!” Bakugo yelled slamming his controller down, Kaminari took the opportunity of distraction to beat Bakugo’s character. Bakugo face turned red, and he looked at Midoriya with a twitching eye, “Deku you better hope for your own life that this isn’t something fucking stupid,”

“I am giving up, I can’t come between them,” Midoriya pouted, and Bakugo felt the urge to punch his childhood friend. Kaminari was more interested now, putting his controller down on the table to look at Midoriya.

“Between who?” Kaminari propped his chin up on his hand, resting his elbow against the armrest.

“Icy Hot and the Gen Ed chick,” Bakugo grumbled having heard Midoriya talk about nothing but her for months now. Even while they were sparring, Midoriya was gushing about whatever it was she did that was so cute to him. Bakugo was sick of it, and was ready to punch Deku until he either acted on his feelings or shut up about them, “It’s about time I’m so fucking tired of this shit,”

“Okay, so, why are you giving up?” Kaminari ignored Bakugo and focused on Midoriya. Who was happy someone was indulging him.

“Both her and Todoroki have their own thing, at first I thought it was just friends but it’s so obvious it’s something more,” Midoriya explained to Kaminari, “I mean, I just wish Todoroki would stop pretending like he doesn’t feel what he does for her,”

“Okay, I feel like I’m missing details, explain more?”

Midoriya referred to two weeks prior when he and Todoroki were studying for English together.

~~~~

Todoroki was never one to be on his phone a lot, and usually never answered anybody. So when his ringtone went off, Midoriya wasn’t expecting him to actually answer. Todoroki glanced at the screen and instead saw your name on the screen. Todoroki barely let it get to the third ring before he was answering the phone, starting the conversation with your first name.

“Are you okay?” Todoroki asked, and Midoriya watched as his best friend talked to you. Midoriya could hear the muffled sound of your voice, as you explained your reasoning for calling Todoroki. Todoroki held up a finger to Midoriya, and mouthed a quick ‘I’m sorry’ before he stood up and walked across the room to his balcony to give himself some privacy. Midoriya even saw Todoroki smile, like a genuine smile, just at whatever it was you were saying.

When Todoroki came back in the room, Midoriya made a joke about him answering the phone so fast. Midoriya had never seen Todoroki blush before, but he did in that moment. He wouldn’t make eye contact as he brushed off saying that it was a perfectly normal response time.

~~~

“Oh damn someone call the chapel, Icy Hot showed human emotion, clearly he’s getting married to her,” Bakugo quipped, and Midoriya shot him a dirty look, “What?! Nerd, you sound fucking ridiculous,”

“Kacchan I just wish that you could see them,” Midoriya sighed, and looked at Kaminari, “I mean both of their faces just lighten up at the sight of each other,”

“I have seen them, Icy Hot is more comfortable with her, but people say the same damn shit about me and Kirishima and we aren’t in love,”

Kaminari raised an eyebrow, but decided to not say anything when Bakugo’s hands sparked a little.

“Maybe they just get each other, y’know they had similar upbringings? I overheard them talking the other night when she was visiting the dorm, I came down to get something to eat and they were sitting on the couch,” Kaminari refocused on Midoriya, and told him the story of what he had noticed about them.

~~~

You were sitting on one side of the couch, your back towards the kitchen and Kaminari who was definitely not eavesdropping. Then he felt incredibly guilty for eavesdropping when he realized what the conversation was about.

“My Dad wasn’t exactly the best either, but at least he ran away,” You laughed sadly, and Kaminari saw Todoroki’s face flash with an emotion he had never noticed the stoic kid show before, “I know it’s not the same, but, I hope you know if anyone understands a cold past, it’s me,”

“No, no, I think you understand better than most.” Todoroki’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, and Kaminari was certain he was about to watch a moment happen. So he scrambled away and up the stairs so he wouldn’t be labeled a pervert like Mineta.

~~~

“Why didn’t you stay and watch!!” Midoriya exclaimed.

“Because that would be fucking creepy you idiot,” Bakugo stood up, and looked at the two people who were his friends even if he would never openly admit that to anybody, “Izuku why don’t you just grow a fucking pair and ask one of them?”

“Well, because, what if it makes it weird?” Midoriya mumbled, not wanting to ruin his friendship with either of you, or between either of you.

“Listen, I am going to lay this out for you, we’ve all hung out with them together,” Bakugo snapped, his tone was aggressive but he wasn’t trying to be mean. He knew Midoriya liked you, and was finally getting over a previous crush because of you, “I mean even I’ve noticed shit, so maybe they do like each other, or maybe they don’t, you just have to grow a pair and fucking ask?”

~~~

Bakugo hated class parties, they were stupid and totally unnecessary in his opinion. He especially hated when extras from all over the school would come to the parties. The idiots from the other hero course, and then a few of the gen-ed students. Bakugo didn’t mind you though, you weren’t as annoying, mostly because you were borderline scared of him yelling at you so you tried your best to not piss him off. He appreciated the effort, so he found himself hanging around you as you played with the dress up items Ashido had left out for the Photo Booth. Bakugo even helped you pick out certain items, mostly so he could tell you how stupid you looked.

“Todoroki!” You called out, when the half-n-half man came into the room again. He looked up and spotted you, wearing a pair of obnoxiously large light up glasses. You grabbed a white and red feathered boa and practically jumped over the table to get to Todoroki.

Bakugo watched as the usual emotionally stunted idiot, actually laughed at how you looked. He saw your arms cross, and a pout form on your lips. Todoroki grabbed the boa out of your hand and put it around his neck with a straight face. You waved to Bakugo as you dragged Todoroki to the Photo Booth that had been rented. He could hear the two of you talking as you did..

“I can’t believe you laughed at me!” You said it in such a dramatic tone, as if you didn’t look like an actually insane person at the moment. Todoroki shook his head, a small chuckle slipping out again that made Bakugo want to hurl.

“I was laughing at your glasses and the way your eyes look in them,” Todoroki nudged you with his elbow as you waited for Kaminari to exit the Photo Booth, “Plus you smiled like a crazy person when you saw me,”

“Well, I was excited to see my best friend.” You huffed, and took the glasses off your face. You stood on your tip toes and put them on Todoroki. Bakugo checked out of your conversation when the two of you went into the Photo Booth.

~~~

“Why don’t you just ask her if they’re just friends or what?” Bakugo stared at Midoriya, who went wide eyed at the question.

“I can’t ask her!”

“Okay, then ask Todoroki,” Kaminari suggested.

“Yeah, idiot has a point, I mean your entire friendship started because you broke open his childhood trauma with a fucking crowbar, so asking about his feelings is nothing new.” Bakugo grabbed his drink and walked to the kitchen to refill his cup. Kaminari gave Midoriya an encouraging thumbs up, and grabbed his controller again.

Midoriya sighed, and got up to leave. He was not feeling better about it, but he also knew they were right. Midoriya went up to Todoroki’s room and knocked on the door. There was shuffling inside, and then Todoroki was at the door. He looked a little surprised when he opened it and saw Midoriya waiting for him there.

“Oh, Midoriya, did we have plans to study?” Todoroki blinked a few times, and Midoriya shook his head, “Are you okay?”

“Do you like her?”

“Do I like who? That’s very vague,” Midoriya answered with your name and Todoroki’s eyes widened a little before he regained his composure, “Well, yes, she is a likable person, and we are friends,”

“That’s not what I mean,” Midoriya sighed, remembering how dense his friend could be about these things, “Do you like her? Like if the idea of someone asking her on a date makes you angry type of like,”

Todoroki thought for a second, as if he was imagining the scenario in his head, his eyebrows furrowed and he looked at his shorter friend, “Yes, I like her,”

“Okay, so, tell her?” Midoriya’s tone caught Todoroki off guard, “Look, I’m trying to be a good friend here, but if you don’t do something soon, I’m doing something,”

“Do you.. Do you like her?” Todoroki looked genuinely worried at what the answer would be. He knew you and Midoriya were close too, you had pictures of the two of you on the pinboard in your dorm room. Todoroki had always wondered if you two were involved in that way. He actually wondered.. no worried, about it a lot.

“I did, I do,” Midoriya watched as his best friend’s face dropped, “So I am telling you to just go tell her how you actually feel, okay?”

“I don’t know how to do that,” Todoroki actually looked stress about it, running his hand back through his hair, “I mean, she’s so smart, funny, and she’s.. she’s beautiful Midoriya, not in just a generic beautiful way either, she’s like nothing I have ever seen before,”

“Todoroki, you’re telling the wrong person,” Midoriya knew that he was making the right choice in giving up on you, “Go, now, she’s in her dorm, I was supposed to go study with her this evening,”

Midoriya turned to walk away, so Todoroki wouldn’t have to see the disappointment he felt about doing this, Todoroki stopped him though, “Midoriya, thank you, truly,”

Midoriya sniffled a little and looked at his best friend, “Just don’t let me regret it, treat her right.”

Todoroki nodded firmly, and grabbed his shoes. He struggled to put them on as he scrambled down the hallway.

——-

your pov

——-

You were laying on your bed in your dorm room, rereading the texts from Todoroki from the previous night. When you texted him late at night mentioning your anxiety was insanely high, you weren’t expecting him to answer back as quickly as he did. Todoroki never left you on delivered for long though, unless he wasn’t by his phone or he was actually asleep when you tried to reach him. It was something that warmed your heart, an insane amount. Especially with all of the stress happening in your life. Trying to graduate, then handle fact most of your closest friends were heroes, also the fact that you had fallen too far in love with your best friend.

At first your interest was with Midoriya, after all he was cute, and actually saved your life when you almost fell down the stairs. It was just a small crush at first, but it was quickly washed away when you met Shouto Todoroki in person.

Everyone knew about him, just like the rest of class A. He was conventionally handsome, looked like he belonged on a magazine cover, and had an amazing quirk. Plus being the number one hero’s son made him pretty well know. From the rumors though, he sounded like he was kind of a jerk.

The rumors were wrong though.

Shouto Todoroki was a little awkward sure, but he was also kind. The second he met you, he did his best to make sure you felt included in the conversations he made with Midoriya. Then when you texted him to ask him a question about a history assignment you were doing, he was quick to answer it. That was when you found yourself texting him more often. Texting led to calls when you were bored. Calls led to the two of you hanging out privately without any of your mutual friends joining you both.

One night, you forgot that you were supposed to meet him. There had been a particularly hard call with your mom, an argument about something stupid. She had the tendency to say things she didn’t necessarily mean when she was mad, but it still broke your heart to hear her say them. Todoroki got worried when you didn’t show up at the gate, so he went to your dorm instead. He knocked a few times, and you opened the door with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. Todoroki’s heart almost broke seeing you that way.

“Are you okay?” He was slightly panicked that something awful had happened, but he didn’t know how much his genuine concern for you made you feel. You rushed forward, hugging him tightly and sobbing. Todoroki was stiff at first, but he wrapped his arms back around your shoulders. The feeling of being held by him was enough to make you want to crumble into pieces, but when he gently placed a hand on the back of your head and held you even closer to his chest.. You felt put back together again.

That was when Todoroki officially became your go to when it came to needing emotional support. The two of you finding ways to get the other open up. Todoroki helped you learn more about yourself, all while showing you more of him. You thought you were a bit delusional, but you were certain he was different around you than most of his other friends. You felt like you had a side of him that no one else got to know. Todoroki knew your coffee order, your favorite food, the type of blankets you liked. He played with your hair when you were sprawled out on your bed, complaining about something from school. Todoroki was just amazing, more than just his looks and cool quirks

Todoroki who always started the morning with a text, call, or sometimes show up at your dorm to make sure you didn’t snooze your alarm. Todoroki who would tense up when anyone got too close to his bubble, but who would hug you back when you were excited, sad, or even just feeling particularly clinging. He was good to you, and all you wanted was him. More than the friendship that was in between you both. Sometimes your wondered if maybe he felt the same..

~~~

You were standing in front of the mirror, staring at yourself in your fairy costume. There were so many options that your class could have picked, but instead they decided on a fantasy cafe. You got picked to be one of the fairies, which wouldn’t have been a huge deal, if you didn’t feel entirely self conscious in this costume. It didn’t look awful on you, but it also wasn’t the most modest thing you could wear.

“I’m sorry, I forgot my phone, you weren’t answering my knocking but the door was unlocked,” Todoroki walked in, slightly averting his eyes just in case you weren’t decent. He looked up briefly when he noticed you jump, and his mouth tightened up a little.

“PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT THIS!” You shrieked, and Todoroki turned around quickly. Both of you were bright red by this point, and you were scrambling to put on your normal clothing. Once you were dressed you cleared your throat.

“Why were you wearing that?” Todoroki looked at the pink and green top and skirt that was now laid on the back of your chair, “Oh wait, is it for the festival?”

“Yeah my class is doing a ‘fantasy cafe’, so people got picked to be like princesses and what not,” You huffed, “I got picked to be a fairy, and the fairies all wanted everyone’s outfits to be at least similar,”

“You don’t sound excited?” Todoroki walked over and grabbed his phone off your bed. He almost reached for his sweatshirt to grab, but instead looked back at you. You were staring at the ground, nervously chewing on your lip.

“I look stupid in it, I can already hear the people making fun of me, do me a favor and make sure your class doesn’t show up there,” You hated how pathetic you sounded, being worried about people seeing you. Todoroki stared at the outfit, and then looked back at you.

“I thought you looked beautiful,” His tone was still as even as ever, but the words caused your face to flush even more. Todoroki raised an eyebrow and walked closer, touching your forehead with his hand, “You look like you’re getting a fever,”

“No, you just told me I’m beautiful,”

“Well, yes, you are,” Todoroki said it as if you shouldn’t even be questioning it. You wanted to scream, loving and hating the way he could just say these things without a care in the world, “Do you not think you are?”

“I mean, I don’t think I’m a troll or anything, but I’m not anything special?” You laughed a little, and looked up at him. Todoroki’s eyebrows creased, he went and grabbed his hoodie off the bed and brought it back over. He held it out for you.

“Clearly you are getting sick, your face is red, and you’re delirious, so you can use this till you feel better,” You stared at him like you were crazy, “You are the furthest from looking like a troll, Bakugo has you beat there,”

You laughed, an actual laugh again. Todoroki was clearly proud of himself for being able to cheer you up, you took the hoodie from him and held onto it, “Thank you, Todoroki,”

“I should get going, I will see you this weekend?” Todoroki slid his phone in his pocket and walked over to the door, he paused when he opened the door again, “Just so you know… I really do think you are beautiful.”

~~~

The quick knock at your door brought you back to the present. Midoriya was coming to study with you, both of you planned to quiz the other on your courses. You pulled yourself off your bed, and opened the door. It wasn’t Midoriya standing there though, it was Todoroki.

“Oh! Todoroki, are you okay? You don’t look-”

“I need to talk to you, Midoriya sent me, and I just I..” Todoroki took a deep breath, “I am new at this, so I need you to hear me out okay? Let me try to finish what it is I need to say before you start,”

You nodded slowly, and stepped aside so he could come in. Todoroki looked stressed, like there were a million thoughts running through his head. You didn’t know just how right you were for assuming that. Todoroki wasn’t usually one to just sweat normally, he could control his body temperature normally after all, but right now he looked like Kaminari when he accidentally pranked Bakugo instead of Kirishima. Besides the clear nervousness in his body language though, he held eye contact with you. You had to force yourself to not go down the rabbit hole of how pretty his eyes really were.

“I like you, more than just a like though, but not as much as.. Not as much as love yet, but yet I feel like it is love,” Todoroki blurted out the first part and then quickly tried to explain himself, and your jaw went slack, “I have been trying to watch movies, I have asked practically any girl I could, study any way to just do this, I thought I had more time but Midoriya showed up and told me to get it over with, so this is not planned out,”

“Todoroki-"

“Call me Shouto and let me finish,” He sighed, and ran his hand through his hair, “I don’t even know what there is to finish, I think that’s mostly it, like I said I am not equipped for this,”

It wasn’t until you giggled that he stopped his panicked mumbling. You felt bad, but you had never seen Todoroki so flustered, so much so that he was picking up on his closest friends habits. Todoroki, no Shouto, was usually so calm and collected. At least he put on that front, there had been plenty of times that the facade fell apart. Right now though, the stoic protection he had around his heart was gone, and it was gone because of you.

“Why are you laughing?” He deadpanned, the fluster going away at the fact you couldn’t even take his attempt at a confession seriously. The instant stoic look on his face made you break into a fit of giggles all over again. Todoroki was about to walk out, just due to the sheer amount of embarrassment he felt in that moment. You grabbed his hand though before he could run.

“I’m laughing because you’re so nervous to tell me how you feel, I mean I’ve seen you panicked but never this bad,” You giggled, and he looked back up from staring at your now connected hands, “Shouto, do you remember when I told you to drop saying my name so formally?”

“Yes, you said that someone who meant so much to you should call you by your given name, so I started calling you by your given name,” Shouto recalled the events, and you raised an eyebrow to see if he would understand. You were a blushing mess when you did it, and on the day of love nonetheless. From the look on his face you could see that he wasn’t understand what you were trying to hint at.

“Shouto, I was trying to do what you’re doing right now, but I said it and you said,” You tried to do your best impression of him, “Oh, I can do that, now do you know this math question?”

Todoroki glared at you a little for mocking him, but the glare went away when he realized at some point his fingers had slid to interlock with yours. Both of you looked down at your hands, and you blushed a little but squeezed his hand. You looked back up at him, you could see that he had relaxed a little. He looked over your face, before he let out a breath that it seemed like he had been holding for way too long.

“I said it already, but I’m new to this, I probably won’t be that great about this, but I want to try, if you’ll let me,” Todoroki’s voice was softer than you had ever heard, that mixed with the way he was looking at you made you want to melt into a puddle. Maybe even pinch yourself at the fact that this could all be a dream.

“I-I would really like to try,” You whispered, your eyes flicking to his lips before you looked back up at him. You wanted him to kiss you, but you didn’t want to ruin the moment by making him uncomfortable. Todoroki nodded, before his own eyes looked at your lips.

“I..” He shook his head, stopping himself from going on another tangent. Instead he leaned down, hesitating when his forehead pressed against yours. Both of you were breathing a little quicker, you squeezed your eyes shut. You wanted so badly to close the distance between you, his lips were right there, all you needed to do was lift your head just press your lips against his.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I’m not kidding, I have no idea what I’m doing,” Todoroki whispered, his nose gently bumped into yours, “All I know is, I hate it when you cry,”

~~~

“Where is he?” Todoroki looked around the room with a glare that seemed like it could do more damage than even just his quirks. A boy from your class had made a crude comment to you, and when you stood up for yourself, he used his quirk to make you trip. It wouldn’t have been a big deal, if you weren’t carrying your lunch tray.. Also if it hadn’t been in front of everyone.

“I-I don’t know,” You sniffled, trying your hardest to fight back the tears. Todoroki’s anger seemed to instantly go away when he heard that, and he gently tugged your hand away so that you wouldn’t cry in front of everyone. The two of you were in the hallway when you finally fell apart. School had been stressful, life had been stressful, now this.

Todoroki hesitated for a moment, but he pulled you into a tight hug. He didn’t give a damn that you were covered in food, and it was now getting all over his white shirt. That didn’t matter to him. All that mattered was the absolute pain he felt when he heard you make the sound you did before the tears started. It felt like someone was forcing him to swallow hot coals. He held on tight to you, squeezing slightly, rubbing your back.

Todoroki would hold you for however long you needed him to, because he never wanted to hear you son like that again.

~~~

“I hate that I can’t spend everyday with you, I hate not being near you, or when I feel like you’re too far away,” His hand came up and held your cheek, his forehead still pressing against yours, “But I don’t know how to be a boyfriend, I barely knew how to be a friend for the longest time,”

“I would take that chance with you,” You whispered, and tilted your chin up a little more so your lips were closer to his. Todoroki took a deep breath, especially after feeling your residual lip gloss grazed his lips.

Todoroki stopped fighting it, and finally introduced his lips to yours. The hand on your cheek slid back a little to hold the side of your head, his fingers gently intertwined with your hair. You felt your entire body simultaneously relax but yet come to life. This had to have been what Kaminari’s quirk felt like, because all of your nerve endings were standing on edge as if an electric shock was flowing through you. Everything around you seemed to stand still, nothing else on the earth mattered. Todoroki’s lips were soft, and he slightly tasted like the sweet peppermint chapstick you had bought him at Christmas. The kiss was gentle and slow. There was no rush, no hurry at all, because this moment was perfect.. This moment couldn’t have been more perfect. Todoroki finally pulled back, to look over your face again, still keeping his hand in the same spot. Todoroki’s thumb reached and gently rubbed your cheekbone.

“No matter what happens, I know we’ll still be okay,” Todoroki sounded like was reassuring himself more than you. You still nodded quickly though, squeezing his hand that was still holding yours, “…Is that my sweatshirt?”

“….No?”

“It is, you told me you lost it when I asked for it?”

“Well, first lesson in being a boyfriend, these are our clothes now,”

“I feel like you’re tricking me, but I will just let you have this one.”

[a-bitch-made-fullmetal]

GOOD morning. keen observers of Me as a person on the internet might know that I've published a couple of fma fanfics, one of which is titled "chance encounter". that fic, of course, is about Hohenheim being a transphobic piece of shit because I love making fictional fathers evil for no reason.

another fun fact, that fic was originally meant to be from Ed's pov before I changed my mind and made it from Roy's instead because in my head certain elements worked better that way. but I recently came across the original draft, and I quite like it actually, so I'm posting it here!

trigger warning for transphobia and misgendering and also Ray's Customary Hohenheim Character Slander™

At first, Edward thought he wouldn't recognise him.

Hoped he wouldn't recognise him.

It had been over ten years, and he doubted the man had spared them more than a handful of thoughts in the decade he had left them to fend for themselves.

He couldn't possibly recognise him.

Ed shook his head, didn't brush his bangs back when they fell into his face. His gaze landed on the debris littering the street, the torn up cobblestones, the loose wires sparking away from the base of a toppled streetlight.

“Fullmetal.” Edward turned and watched the Colonel step up beside him, surveying the damage they had done as he tugged his ignition gloves off. He waited for him to say something else, rubbing at his faintly aching wrist–sprained, probably–but Mustang stayed silent.

He turned his attention to his little brother, clunking around awkwardly in the background like he didn't know what to do with himself.

At least he didn't have to worry about being recognised.

Ed swallowed against the sour taste on his tongue.

Havoc approached the man idling on the other side of the street, undoubtedly staring at Ed from behind reflective glasses, and he angled himself further away.

“Well, we got our guy–let’s go,” he said and didn't acknowledge the strange look Mustang shot him.

“...sure. The team can handle the rest.” Edward trudged past him, only to screech to a halt two steps later. “Alphonse! C’mon, let's pack it up.”

There was a brief silence before heavy clanking footsteps drew nearer, and Ed closed his eyes, praying for the first time in a long time.

“Alright, boys-” the Colonel began as he fell into step next to them, Hawkeye the ever dutiful shadow at his back.

A heavy hand clapped down on Ed's flesh shoulder, whirling him around with enough force his braid whipped behind his back. He knocked the unwelcome appendage off without thinking about it, moving a quick step backwards to get out of reach.

Golden eyes stared down at him from behind wired frames, and Ed's mouth pulled into a sneer. He was dimly aware of Alphonse's quiet brother somewhere next to him, followed by a metallic click he immediately recognised as the sound of a gun being cocked.

“Rebecca,” Hohenheim said, and Edward reared backwards as if struck-

God, he wished he had just struck him.

That would have hurt less.

“Dad,” Alphonse said quietly, and Hohenheim’s cold eyes flitted from Ed to Al and back, not paying any mind to Hawkeye and her gun, or the fact that Mustang pulled his ignition gloves back on and readied himself to snap.

“I could have sworn you were a girl the last time I saw you,” he said, and Ed balled his fists so tightly the metallic screech of automail filled the otherwise silent street.

“You must be mistaking me for someone else,” he pressed past gritted teeth, eyes narrowed in a vicious glare, his chest so tight he could barely breathe.

“Let's go, Fullmetal,” the Colonel said, voice calm but fingers still poised to snap, and all of a sudden he experienced an appreciation for Mustang's presence he had never known before.

“Yeah.” He turned on his heel, ready to get as far away from this as fast as possible, when a hand closed around his flesh–injured–wrist and yanked him back.

He yelped and attempted to free himself, but Hohenheim didn't budge, and his wrist hurt.

“Unhand him!” Mustang demanded at once, and Hawkeye narrowed her eyes, clicking off the safety.

“She's my daughter,” was all Hohenheim said, and yet all the air rushed from Ed's lungs as if he had taken a good punch to the solar plexus. “Rebecca- you're with the military?”

Ed stared up at the man in pressing silence. It was like he was watching the scene unfold as a third party, standing next to his frozen body, unaffected.

“Dad-” Al began next to him, taking a hulking step forward, his usually soft tinny voice stern.

“My name is Edward,” he cut in, toneless and blank faced, and Hohenheim’s brows knotted in a frown.

“Let go of my subordinate, I will not be asking again-” Mustang hissed from somewhere behind his shoulder, Alphonse audibly nodding his agreement.

“I'm her father,” Hohenheim said as if that was all reasoning required and yanked Ed off balance with a firm tug on his trapped wrist, making him stumble another step forward. “What's going on, Rebecca? What happened to you brother? What did you do?”

Edward's breath caught in his tight throat. His wrist throbbed. He bit back a wince.

“It's Edward,” he breathed again, but his voice was weak and small and barely audible, and he hated himself for it.

“You think I don't recognise my own daughter? I was there for your birth, I gave you your name–what is this, some kind of charade for the sake of your military career?” the last words dripped from his lips like poison, his eyes narrowing behind his glasses, and his fingers tightened around his wrist. This time, Edward couldn't suppress his pained whimper.

“You're hurting him!” Alphonse called, one armoured hand shooting out, but Hohenheim yanked his hand back as if burned before he could make contact. Ed ripped his arm away, cradling it to his chest, and took two quick steps backwards. The added distance wasn't nearly enough.

Something in the man's eyes changed, then, softened, and he let his hand drop to his side, fingers flexing.

“I didn't mean-” he said to Ed, who just glared and sneered, but paused before something akin to an apology could actually leave his mouth–Edward couldn't say he was surprised.

Hohenheim turned to Alphonse. Hawkeye moved from her place beside the Colonel to Edward's other side on silent soles, so that he was flanked by both adults. Inexplicably, something tight inside him uncoiled ever so slightly.

“Him?” Hohenheim said as if he hadn't heard every single time someone had referred to Edward before this instance.

Al nodded. “He's my brother,” he said softly, and Edward swallowed hard, still so affected by the way his little brother spoke those words, effortless and earnest.

The man's mouth tightened into a hard line, and he lowered his head, the reflection of his glasses hiding his eyes from view.

“Your mother would be heartbroken if she could see you like this,” he said quietly, and the numbness encompassing Ed was devoured by an inferno of rage as though with a snap of the Colonel's fingers.

“You do not get to talk about our mother,” he snarled, storming out from the protective cocoon of Mustang and Hawkeye to crowd into Hohenheim's space, his face twisted with fury.

“You-” He jabbed his automail finger into the man's chest, hard. “keep her name out of your mouth, do you understand me? You have no fucking right-”

“Edward.” Somehow, his real name from that man's mouth felt more like a slap to the face than the other one had. “Understand- you took her daughter from her. You took my daughter from me.”

His arm dropped. Spots danced across his vision as though he had taken a blow to the nose, and Ed stumbled backwards-

Right into a pair of strong arms.

“Alright, that's enough. Boys, we're leaving,” Mustang said, low and controlled, and took Ed by his automail arm with a gentleness that was by no means necessary–but still appreciated, even though he wouldn't admit to that out loud–, turning him around, breaking his gaze away from Hohenheim.

Hawkeye lowered her gun, but didn't put it away yet. Alphonse let out a muffled sigh, and then he fell into step behind them.

“Wait- Flame Alchemist,” Hohenheim called, and Mustang let out a long breath, his brow creased with annoyance.

“What?” he snapped, only halfway turned around, his arm a protective barrier between Ed and that man.

“They're my children. I have a right to them.”

A burst of hysterical laughter tore from Ed's throat, but neither man acknowledged him. Al lowered his head with a soft creak, mumbling a tiny brother that tugged on something deep inside his ribcage.

Mustang scoffed. “They're orphans on paper. I'm their legal guardian. You have the right to fuck right off.”

With that, he wrapped his arm tighter around Ed and firmly led him away, Alphonse following without another word.

His chest hurt, and his wrist throbbed, but the tight knot in his stomach loosened with every step he took.

[glittery-phantom]

TW: angry vent, lots of cussing, vivid details of SH, Mentions of Body dysmorphia, Mentions of purg3ing and b1ng1ng, unhinged thoughts, considerations of Self c@nnibal1sm(unacted), Thoughts of burning SH(unacted), Tw calories, Tw negative self talk, Tw personal vent, Hair pulling,

My stupid stomach makes me angry I just wanna cut the flesh off maybe if I shed enough skin I'll look sk1nn1er without even trying I've already made some attempts but it's just so stubborn if I really wanted to right now I could cut some pieces off and eat them later because it's not like it fucking matters I'm purg3ing anyways and no matter how many calories are in it I'll always be ugly and disgusting

Why am I even so angry right now? I don't know just can't believe I'm this much of a failure

It's like I'm drunk off of sheer rage

I've pulled out hair, Sl@shed my legs over and over trying to press and cvt so hard they blËed

St@bbed myself with the kn1fe, cvt at my stomach, Hit my legs and arm with the blade, Bit myself repeatedly trying to make my arm look worse because I'm not some fucking pvssy I can either do it right or not at all

My friend says I'm distressed I haven't even told him shit I don't know how he figures I'm "distressed" but it makes me so angry hearing him say that to me because I'm NOT distressed! I'm angry and part of the reason I'm mad is because of him!

But I'm not mad at him either because I know this isn't his fault he didn't do anything wrong he's been so sweet and has already gone through enough I don't want to hurt him which is why I haven't told him anything and no matter how many times he offers to let me vent I refuse to take him up on his offer because I know it'd be painful and triggering for him to hear what I've done to myself and how I feel it'd break his heart to know I was upset at him for something he has no control over when all he's ever tried to do is make me happy over and over

I try to censor myself I don't know why he thinks I'm so upset all I've done is distance and downplay even twisting the truth a little but I mean I didn't exactly deny I was having a bad day or anything I just didn't think he'd pick up that I was a little more than just a tiny bit upset

I don't wanna take my frustrations out on him he deserves it the least but I am livid for some reason I wish today never happened that this was all some terrible ED dream again and I can wake up later discovering I actually ate nothing

My progress over the course of 5 days was DESTORYED! and now where am I? Self h@rming in the bathroom getting mad at the world and my friend and myself and just about anything that even so much as looks at me wrong while trying to hvrt myself

Fuck everything nothing is worth shit I want to be freed from this stupid bathroom

May my arms hurt as much as my brain hurts me every single day

If somebody gave me a ligher right now I would actually hold it up to my bruised and scarred arm and burn the flesh maybe then my co-workers might believe whatever bullshit I feed them tomorrow when I go in for work assuming of course they even fucking care bet they wouldn't even ask honestly

I wish the hair strands I yank out were caused by malnutrition and not me trying to hvrt myself I deserve it either way fuck my body fuck everything and everybody I'm nothing but a box filled with rage waiting to blow up and spray venom at everybody who even so much as looks at me wrong today