#like not related to my age

[ratwars]

Ppl around me talking about everything going downhill after 30 and having trouble with their knees and back and shit stress me out. This hasn't happened to me yet. Will 40 hit me like a fucking truck then or am I built different...

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[mellowwillowy]

“RABU”

Original story by @merakiui

So my dumbass didn't reread the fic and forgot Reader was 44 already. So here we are, young and fresh.

Funny story 2, I forgot what Rabu was until I finished all the drafts and realized, “It’s love isn't it??” (right?)

Rabu might not be categorized as my fave (coughs SK series coughs) but the ending makes me think late at night, how many options did Reader have?

So here I am, spawned to speed-run the vision in my head. Azul’s hair is too annoying so I'd rather have Floyb first (even though I really want to see Zuzu smoking). Jade’s route(?) is still vague in my mind so he’s no good as well.

I just love the idea of Papa Leech caring more about his sons, doesn't matter what Jade does, Papa Leech will forever cover his track. In this case, Papa Leech didn't care about Reader’s well-being at all, it was probably something done by Jade anyway. That’s Papa Leech’s love~.

Anyway, as I said in my previous RB, long live the seafood (by Chef Meraki!)

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[almondpiglet]

age swap doodles n stuuuuuffff

[gomzdrawfr]

First words with Uncle Simon

part 1 | part 2

[r-aindr0p]

Too many genshin characters, no way I'm doing that many stickers in such a short period of time for the con I'll attend so I settled for the french (a few of them/the faves).

Yea Neuvillette is the fave, so I drew him twice, I love character with blue so much hhfhdsljf

simplifying their costumes was a bit of a struggle, especially for furina and neuvillette omg

[mohntilyet]

continued rook-lucanis sketches from the last week or so <3

[hoofpeet]

Call this the "I'm hyper-alert for any fracture in my mental health because a good portion of my extended family is either senile or insane"

[pridoo]

I've been reading Diplomatic Relations…it's insane

[queerpyracy]

thinking about mary shelley (aged 18) giving the creature's first murder victim the same name as her dad

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[moliathh]

Vamptober 2023

Day 15: Alucard

father and child

[cherryfull]

Introducing Frightfield University and some of its students!! 🦇💜

FF is a fictional university set in the Monster High universe that I made up just for fun!🕺🪩 I wanted to explore what a monster college might be like, and what students might go there! (Also included is some concept artwork for the school of Frightfield itself !!)

[lunarharp]

What led to this (orufrey comic, cw an uncomfortable/creepy scene)

[thyredwarden]

i think the fact that davrin has so many button adjacent stuff on his front and simply leaves them undone is ten times funnier than just having a deep collar.