#like no I’m sorry I’m dying JIM MISSED HIM SO MUCH AND BELIEVED HE WAS DEAD AND THEN SEES THAT ITS NOT SO and just softly calls his name

[lichqueenlibrarian]

EVEN IN SLEEP

[oddishblossom]

Ash Lynx for the ask game, please....

AH! You’ve done it. You went and asked about my favorite fictional character of all time. When I saw this in my inbox I was telling myself “keep it short, keep it short” and then my list became an essay. Sorry in advance for this, people who follow me 😅

Favorite thing about them: His big heart. The narrative starts off with presenting him as a cold hearted killer, a reckless gangster with a gun that never misses its target. And yet, bit by bit, we see behind that confident demeanor is a very broken guy. After learning about the trauma in Ash’s story, I thought he’d remain shriveled up, closed off, heart torn into a million unrecoverable shards. Like a dying rose relying on its thorns to protect itself, I thought he’d be unable to open himself to others ever again. And yet. He is so, so caring. To kids, to his friends, to his brother. He seeks out the few people that he loves and he tries his hardest to confide in them, to gently pour out his worries. He may call himself an unfeeling monster, but that simply isn’t true. He’d put himself in the line of fire if it would ensure the safety of his loved ones. He’ll walk through his own personal hell in his quest to take down a monster and ensure that no one will ever have to go through what he or his brother went through. If that doesn’t say “big heart” to me, I don’t know what does.

Least favorite thing about them: This one’s hard. Like I could say that it frustrates me that he lets himself be influenced by people like Jim or Blanca. I could say that it makes me mad that he can’t let go of the reckless train wreck of a path he’s set on. I could say I don’t understand why he can’t “choose a better life and just let go.” But, can I really, truly fault him for being that way? He places too much faith and value in the words of disgusting men like Jim Callenreese or that Blanca guy, because in a world that is relentless in its cruelty to him, the lesser evil can be mistaken for kindness. He’s dead set on the path he has taken because he believes the ends justify the means and his plan to take down the men that ruined both his life and the lives of countless others is more important than his own life. He can’t “choose a better life” because how can he? How can he do what he’s never known? He’s only just now, at 17 years old, learning how it feels to be loved and he believes it is too good to be true. How on earth does he learn to let go when it’s his unyielding grip that has kept him alive all these years?

Favorite line: There’s too many memorable quotes. But the one that will forever stay in my heart is what he says to Blanca while he lies down on the floor of a factory.

BROTP: Eiji is his best friend! They are bros they are besties they are soulmates. I’m saying asheiji for both my brotp and my otp :)

OTP: Ash & Eiji! Not only are they my favorite ship in this show, but they’re my favorite ship PERIOD. I’ve had many ships come and go, but they’ll always be #1. They start out as opposites attracting, immediately curious about each other, to partners in crime, and slowly their bond simmers into a deep friendship. It’s the way they can be all excitement: intense confessions, adrenaline rushing, running away together, and then so calm: a quiet hug, eating meals together, whispering secrets in the middle of the night. They clearly just love being around each other. They tease, they bicker, they know when to be gentle. Even when they fight, there’s this regret in their eyes and they always find a way to makeup. They both push themselves to be better for each other in a “I want to be the kind of person who can protect him” kind of way. And I could go on for days about how Ash recoils from physical touch, but literally melts when it’s Eiji who’s holding him. They are a soft back-and-forth of questions. “Is this okay? Is this really okay” “Will you stay with me?” “Can I stay with you?” “Will you go with me?” “Can I go with you?” I just… They’re wonderful okay 🥺❤️

NOTP: Anyone who is not Eiji Okumura.

Random Headcanon: He calls Eiji by nicknames literally all the time. Most of them are bird related, some of them are very dumb. They both adopt a golden retriever named Buddy. Ash pretends to bicker with the dog for stealing all of Eiji’s attention. Whenever the city air is too stifling, they go to the beach. Ash always forgets to use sunscreen and Eiji wastes no time to tease him for it, “his little lobster of a husband.”

Unpopular Opinion: I never know what to say here. I have a lot of unpopular opinions about the story and writing itself, but the character? I like Ash, flaws and all. There are maybe some choices he made that I think were wrong. One of the big ones that comes to mind is when he revealed to everyone how a certain friend died. I know what was going through his mind when he chose to hide the whole truth. I know he blames himself. He pulled the trigger, he pulled his friend into his problems, the guilt is eating him alive and he feels he must suffer consequences. But other people forced him into the horrific position of choosing whether he wanted to lose one friend or two. Saying “I killed him,” even if he feels that it is true, was not the way to go 💔

Song I associate with them: Oh, I could make a playlist here. Death Bed (Coffee for your head) by Powfu, Blink-182, beabadoobee. Whataya Want From Me by Adam Lambert. All I Ask by Adele. Hurt by Johnny Cash (OKAY I’LL STOP)

Favorite picture of them: What do you mean favorite? There’s too many good ones I can’t choose a favorite ❤️

Character Ask Game

[jeonsjiddies]

Headlights | pjm (m)

Summary- Jimin is a fuckboi, rumor has it his tongue can make you see stars. Everyone assumes he’s this way because he just wants to have fun. No one dares look deeper, no one sees the haunted look in his eyes, the emptiness and pain that reside in their deep brown depths. Until you.

🎶 Headlights by The Classic Crime - “Please don’t face the headlights of oncoming cars alone.” 🎶

Word Count- 14.7k 🥴

Pairing- Jimin x reader

Genre- smut

Warnings- oral (female recieving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, slightly rough sex, nipple piercing? is that warning?, some depression-like symptoms/thoughts, a little self destructive behavior? Kind of.

a/n: Part of the Tatted Bangtan Series! This is the longest fic I have ever written and it is my baby. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please let me know what you think!  💕 

Walking up to the frat house was intimidating, and you slowed your stride enough for Hana to reach back and yank you with her into the party. You could feel the bass of the music rattling your bones and couldn’t hear Hana as she shouted over the music to you. 

“I can’t believe you made me do this!” you hissed, twisting your body around just in time to narrowly miss a drunk football player bulldozing his way through the crowd. 

“What?” she shouted back. 

You simply rolled your eyes and shook your head, gripping her hand tightly and following her through the overcrowded living room to the barely quieter kitchen. You took the drink she handed you and nursed it slowly, since you liked a good buzz but still wanted a clear head. 

You felt his gaze before you saw him; you could feel the shivers along the back of your neck. 

You turned to seek out the cause, methodically searching the crowd. Your eyes met the most beautiful pair of brown ones you’d ever seen, the strobe lights from above causing them to almost glow brighter-  but that was the only light in his gaze. His eyes looked… sad. Empty. 

It seemed like everything else turned blurry, and you could only focus on him in perfect clarity, every feature defined and prominent; every move he made, your eyes followed. Everything else faded away, and you only saw him. Him and his beautiful eyes, full of longing and something you couldn’t quite place.

You couldn’t help but furrow your brow in concern. Your face showed your every emotion like an open book, and you opened your mouth to ask Hana who was staring at you before she squealed, gripping your arm.

“Park Jimin is totally checking you out!” she giggled, tugging on your sleeve excitedly.

“Park Jimin?” you questioned rhetorically.

“He’s famous on campus. He’s hot, rich, and a total freak in the sheets. Rumor has it his tongue can make you see stars. Every girl on campus is dying for a night with him.” she chattered.

“Oh geez.” You rolled your eyes.

“Seriously. The saying is: once you Jimin, you can’t Jim-out. He’s so good in bed, he’s had to get like three restraining orders against girls who can’t let go. They say once you sleep with him no one else will do.” she continued, waving her hands in the air dramatically.

“I’ll take your word for it.” you giggled, glancing over towards Jimin once again.

He was absolutely gorgeous, with perfectly styled light brown hair, soft, plump looking lips, a jawline that could cut someone. His white t-shirt showed off tattoos that danced down his arms, covering the delicate ivory skin beneath. His thighs alone deserved their own wing in an art gallery, beautifully encased in skin tight ripped jeans. You caught yourself staring, clearing your throat and averting your gaze, but something kept drawing you back to him.

He was surrounded by girls, all leaning forward to give him the best view of their cleavage, all doing their best to seduce him, but he looked bored. Lonely. Lost. He sighed and his eyes trailed back to you. He watched you for a moment, noting how you flushed and turned away looking flustered. A smirk played on his lips and he shoved himself off the wall, making his way over to you.

“Shit! He’s coming over here!” Hana whisper-shouted.

You braced yourself, waiting for him to call you out for staring, or yell at you. Your body seemed to be vibrating with nerves because you could feel him getting closer, like your body had a radar that searched him out. Warm breath ghosted over the back of your neck, right under your ear. You shivered.

“Hello, there princess.” he purred.

You spun around, startled, and came face-to-face with Jimin.

He was even more gorgeous up close. He smelled of alcohol and something minty. You couldn’t help basking in the lovely scent that filled your senses for a moment, before leveling your gaze to his. His body wasn’t even two inches from yours. If you leaned up on your toes, you’d be kissing him. You took a step behind you, your back hitting the island in the kitchen.

“Hello,” you greeted in return, willing the heat in your cheeks to look like it was from the humidity in the room and not Jimin’s proximity to you.

“I haven’t seen you around before, are you a Freshman?” he inquired, sending his charming smile your way and making your knees want to buckle.

“No, I just normally don’t come to parties,” you explained, tilting your head towards Hana. “Hana made me.”

“Why not?” he wondered aloud.

“Just… not my scene.” you shrugged. 

Jimin watched your face, amusement apparent on his features. He seemed to be contemplating something. Apparently coming to his decision, his smile came back to grace his gorgeous face, but it didn’t reach his eyes, a detail you couldn’t miss even if you’d wanted to.

“Sounds like you need to have a little fun,” he smirked, stepping closer to you, his fingertips trailing along your hips and his lips grazing the shell of your ear as he whispered his next sentence, “I could help you with that. My room is upstairs.”

“I… I, uh… no… no thank you,” you sputtered, placing your hand on his (deliciously firm) chest and gently urging him backwards to put space between your erratically beating heart and his warm, enticing body.

“What?” Jimin asked, genuinely confused.

“I’m not that kind of girl.” you said softly, trying to cushion the blow to his ego.

“You really don’t want to fuck me?” he asked, bewildered.

“Um… no thank you.” You coughed awkwardly.

Jimin stared at you for a moment, reading you. His eyes searched yours, looking for something. You didn’t know what, or if he found it, but when he looked away, he shrugged.

“Your loss.” he turned to the sound of someone calling his name and left you standing there, heart pounding out of your chest and legs weak.

You watched him walk away, plastering on that signature flirty smile that fooled everyone around him. You watched his animated dancing, life of the party, putting on a show. You watched his eyes search the crowd, like his soul was longing to find something, but you didn’t know what.

                                                      -♡-

A few weeks had gone by since your encounter with Jimin, and somehow he was everywhere. You saw him on your way to class, laughing with his friends by the fountain. You saw him at the coffee shop, exiting the building as you were about to enter. You saw him in the crowded hallways of your university, heard his infectious laugh bubbling from his chest and dancing through the air. 

Even when Jimin wasn’t in your direct line of vision, even when you couldn’t hear the way his melodic voice carried through the air, he was everywhere. Every night since meeting him, you dreamt of sad, empty brown eyes attached to the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen. Every other thought that flitted through your mind was about him. What was Jimin up to? Does he look happier today? Was it just that night? Where was he now?

Sitting in the lecture hall next to Hana, you couldn’t pay attention to what the professor was attempting to teach you, a heavy sigh falling from your lips as you doodled a familiar pair of plusher ones. Hana nudged your shoulder.

“What’s up with you lately? You’re like, lost in space or something.” she accused.

“Sorry, just got a lot on my mind,” you sighed, playing with the edges of your notebook distractedly.

“Wanna talk about it?” she wondered.

“How much do you know about Park Jimin?” you asked almost instantly, causing Hana to jump a bit.

“Oh honey…” she sighed, shaking her head, “Don’t go there. Park Jimin is a good fuck if you’re looking to let loose, but I wouldn’t get too invested. Fucking is about all he’s good at. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” 

“Do you really think he’s not good for anything but that? I mean, he’s human.” you defended.

“That’s not what I meant, I just know how you are. Don't go crushing on him, he’ll break your heart Y/N. Park Jimin doesn’t do emotions. He does meaningless sex.” she explained.

“I guess…” you trailed off, avoiding her gaze.

“Seriously. Don’t go looking for trouble.” she warned.

“I won’t.” you promised.

“Good. Now, there’s a party this weekend. Are you coming?” she grinned.

A classmate in front of you coughed obnoxiously sending you a glare. You shot them an apologetic smile but lowered your voice. Hana didn’t lower her volume at all though.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” you shrugged.

“Come onnnn. Live a little!” she encouraged.

“If you two ladies have something to share with the class, I’d be more than happy to give you the podium. Otherwise, I’d appreciate it if you’d wait until after class to discuss whatever is so important,” the professor hummed, shooting a glare in your direction.

Immediately silencing yourself, you looked down at your notebook, where the drawing of Jimin’s plush lips stared at you. You stared back, recalling the last time you’d seen him, and how your heart had pounded in your chest violently enough that you thought it was going to come out. 

You decided you needed to see him again, which is how you found yourself completely out of place once again at another frat party. Drunk and stoned college kids stumbled around, grinded on each other, made out in corners, and caused all kinds of trouble all around you as you tried to be inconspicuous in your search for Jimin.

“Do you want a drink?”  you asked Hana and she nodded, so you ventured into the kitchen to retrieve something for the two of you. 

Once you returned, you couldn’t find her anywhere. She had a tendency of wandering off with the first hot guy she set her sights on, but you decided to look for her anyway. You wove between bodies, checking around corners and searching all the obvious places. When you came up empty handed you ventured out the back door, only to notice none other than Park Jimin sitting on the porch swing alone, smoking.

Previous task abandoned, you walked up to him and sat beside him; his eyes lazily trailed up and down your figure as he assessed you, his plump lips turning up into a smirk.

“Didn’t think I’d see you again. Change your mind about my offer?” he smiled seductively.

“No.” you shrugged, offering him the extra cup in your hand, which he took while watching you carefully.

“Seriously? Am I not your type or something? You think I’m ugly?” he wondered, feigning distress.

“That’s not it at all!” you gasped out with a little too much conviction.

“So you find me attractive?” he verified, scooting closer.

“Well, yes,” you admitted, cheeks blazing while you avoided his intense gaze.

“So you do want to fuck me.” He grinned.

“No,” you shook your head.

“Why?” he questioned, letting his fingertips dance along the edge of your shorts.

“Like I said. I’m not that kind of girl. I think sex should be meaningful,” you shrugged, though your body betrayed you with the goosebumps rising at his touch.

“Ah, so you’re one of those hopeless romantics,” he laughed.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” you giggled. “I’m not waiting for a knight in shining armour. I just want it to mean something.”

Jimin focused his gaze on your face, watching you carefully as you fiddled with a stray thread on your blouse. He knew your body reacted to him, he could see the way you shivered, feel the goosebumps on your skin. He didn’t understand why you weren’t jumping at the opportunity to fall into bed with him like everyone else. You were an enigma to him. 

You finally met his gaze, curiosity getting the better of you. You had to know if his eyes still held the same look as before, or if it was a one-time thing. You could still see the loneliness, masked by his overconfident demeanor. 

“What’s your major?” you asked, changing the subject out of the blue.

“What? Oh, um… dance, actually.” he said, averting his gaze.

“How long have you been dancing?” you wondered.

“Since I was little. Why are you asking this?” he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“Just wondering. I don’t know anything about you,” you easily replied.

“What’s yours?” he countered.

“Creative writing.” 

“That’s cool.” he sent you a tentative smile.

“Thanks. So is dancing. I can’t dance to save my life,” you giggled.

“I’m sure you’re not that bad,” he argued, a smile playing on his lips.

“Oh, you haven’t seen bad,” you laughed.

After taking a moment to wonder why you were even outside talking to him and what you could possibly want from him, he pushed his suspicion aside..Jimin rolled his eyes with a smile and stood up, extending his hand out to you. You sent him a questioning look and he just shook his hand until you grabbed it, and he pulled you to your feet. He reached down into his pocket and pulled out his phone, playing a song you hadn’t heard before, but enjoyed nonetheless. It was slow and simple, but still pretty upbeat.

“We’ll try something simple so I can see where you’re at, ok?” Jimin grinned at you, spacing his feet apart and watching your face.

“You’re going to make me dance?” you gasped.

“I’m going to teach you some easy moves. Everyone should know at least one dance move,” he laughed.

“If you watch me fall on my face I can never look you in the eye again,” you grumbled.

“Oh hush. Okay, start with your feet shoulder width apart for balance.” he instructed.

You mimicked his stature, placing your feet shoulder width apart and following his movements that he did slowly so you could catch on. You could tell he was graceful and knew how to move his body, even when he was slowing down and exaggerating his movements so you could keep up. Jimin’s movements were fluid and calculated, each new step had precision but flowed into the next seamlessly. He was made to dance, you decided. And somehow, you didn’t fall under his instruction. He was patient and understanding when you’d mess up, showing you again and praising you when you got it right.

 He seemed to be having fun, his laughter filled you with giddiness and his smile seemed genuine, his eyes scrunched up into little crescent moons and his beautiful pearly teeth on display, his hands wrapped around his stomach as he leaned over in another fit of laughter. You giggled along with him, albeit at your own expense, but you loved seeing this side of Jimin, he seemed… happy, carefree. This was the way Jimin was meant to be.

When you messed up again, Jimin laughed, coming over to you and grabbing your hands, showing you how to move your body to the music by leading you with his own. Your back was pressed against his firm chest as he guided you, his hips flush against yours, causing a blush to creep up your neck. Jimin must have noticed the position he’d put you in, but it didn’t stop him. He only pressed closer, whispering in your ear.

“You’re doing so good for me, babygirl,” he purred, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. 

You shivered, attempting to turn and pull out of his hold to scold him, but you were interrupted by a loud male voice coming from inside the house.

“Yo Park where the hell have you been? We need help in beer pong! Oh-” a tall man you recognized as Hoseok froze at the sight.

Jimin cleared his throat and stepped away from you. Hana peered around Hoseok from behind him, curious to what was going on. Her eyes widened when she saw you, and she gave you a look of disappointment, knowing you hadn’t listened to her warning. You looked away, avoiding her gaze as Jimin breezed past you to follow Hoseok inside. Hana watched you for a moment before following them inside, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

                                                         -♡-

It had been a few days since your dancing lesson with Jimin, and seeing him in such a comfortable, happy state hadn’t really done much to take him off your mind, especially not after seeing his eyes glaze over and the mask slip right back on as soon as Hoseok called his name. How he’d breezed past you like you didn’t exist after what felt like a special moment shared between the two of you.

Maybe Hana was right… maybe all he wanted was sex. Your anxiety was telling you he was playing with your emotions, but you knew better. You saw something in Jimin, something no one else seemed to notice. The small amount of time you’d spent with him when he had let his guard down had given you the opportunity to see what potential he had. 

 Jimin didn’t have to be tough and closed off. He could be fun and open and sweet. He could be thoughtful and patient and encouraging. He could be silly and smart and dedicated. He was talented and hard working. You’d spent maybe an hour alone with Jimin at the party that night, and in that small frame of time, you’d seen a glimpse of the real him shine through that facade he put on for everyone else. 

You wanted to see it again.

You took’d taken a trip into the city to do some sight seeing and clear your restless mind, having been driven crazy going in circles. It had taken longer than you’d anticipated, so you’d opted to take a taxi home with the sun having gone down a while ago and the stars making their appearance. You watched the cityscape fly by, lost in your own little world. The closer you got to campus, the more you paid attention, knowing the bridge that overlooked the beautiful skyline would be coming soon. 

You watched the water below ripple gently, small waves dancing across the surface of the river underneath the bridge. It was beautiful, reflections of the city lights shining and shimmering in the water. You glanced up at the other end of the bridge and saw a figure standing there, alone. It kind of looked like…

“Sir, stop the car. Pull over please!” you begged the driver.

He shot you a curious look but pulled to the side of the road. You handed him your fare and dashed away from the car towards the figure. Once you realized he wasn’t going to jump or do anything stupid, you slowed your stride, watching him as you quietly made your way over to him. Jimin was lost in thought and didn’t notice you approaching him. He watched the waves longingly, as if he wished he were floating away in them, part of the nothingness. Like he wanted to disappear into the water and drift away into the sea.

The look in his eyes as he gazed out into the unknown was haunted, and it tore at your heart to see him look so empty. They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if that’s true, Jimin’s soul seemed broken. You wanted to know why. He had it all. He had money, good looks, friends, girls, what could possibly be missing? Why did he look so dejected?

You gently placed your hand on his shoulder and he jumped slightly upon realizing he wasn’t alone, turning to face you. His gaze met yours in silence, he watched your face for a moment, then his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Y/N?” he asked. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. I was riding by and saw you, I wanted to make sure you were okay. What are you doing up here all alone?” you wondered.

Jimin turned to face you fully now, looking down at you with a hard expression.

“Why do you care?” he asked, bunching his fists at his side. “What do you want from me Y/N? Why are you being so nice to me?”

“I don’t want anything from you, Jimin. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I want to be your friend,” you explained softly, reaching out to touch his arm, which he yanked away.

“You want to be my friend?” he laughed bitterly. “Why? So I can buy you stuff? You want my money? Here,” he took out his wallet, holding out several bills for you to take.

You were shocked, stepping back a little, but looking up to meet Jimin’s gaze. He looked resigned, angry. You looked at his outstretched hand, holding the money out to you and sighed. You reached for his hand, and he thought you’d take the bills, but you only eased his hand back down to his side.

“I don’t want your money,” you told him, trying to keep your voice from sounding as offended as you felt. “I just like spending time with you.”

“Why? What is your angle here? Just take what you want and go, like everyone else does. Everyone uses each other, I don’t know what you’re trying to get out of me, but just take it and go. Stop acting like you care about me,” he hissed.

You watched him for a moment, chest heaving as he took deep breaths, looking angry and closed off and… scared. He looked scared. He said everyone uses each other, did he really not have anyone in his life who genuinely just wanted him to be happy? 

“I do care about you, Jimin. I don’t want anything from you but friendship,” you said softly.

“Right,” he laughed, “like I believe that. No one just wants to be friends. They want something. Sex. Money. Status. Then they leave, everyone leaves eventually so why bother getting attached and pretending to care?”

“That sounds really lonely, Jimin,” you trailed off quietly.

Jimin’s expression was one of shock. He was expecting some sort of reaction out of you, anger, defiance, maybe admitting you were just after his money. He expected you to try to trick him, to yell at him, to tell him he was an asshole and you never wanted to see him again. Jimin was not expecting you to see straight through him, to see how lonely he was, how much he craved connection.

You terrified Jimin. He’d been drawn to you from when he first laid eyes on you, admittedly it was a sexual attraction at first. When you’d refused him, though, he was intrigued. He’d watched you around campus, how you never sought out to be the center of attention, how you didn’t go looking for drama or clout. Then you showed up on that porch swing at the party, looking into his eyes like you really saw him.

Jimin hadn’t felt so at ease so quickly with anyone in his life like he did with you. He felt like he could be himself, like he could let his guard down. He had fun, really enjoyed himself for the first time in what felt like forever with you. He wasn’t putting on a show. He wasn’t giving the people what he thought they wanted to see from him. He was just spending time with a beautiful girl who made him feel like he was enough.

And that was terrifying.

Jimin couldn’t afford to get attached again. He’d had his heart ripped out and stomped on so many times he’d honestly thought he didn’t have one anymore. Until he watched the way your eyes lit up when you giggled at one of his silly dance moves. Until he felt the giddiness rising in his chest when you smiled especially for him. Jimin almost couldn’t remember what it felt like to feel so carefree, and he missed it so much. He longed to be free and let go.

You made him feel like he could, and that scared Jimin shitless. He’d spent so long building up this wall to protect himself, so long wearing this mask of indifference to shield his weary and battered heart from another letdown. Another person pretending to care. Another “friend” using him to get something. Another betrayal. But you… you felt so genuine. You were light and happy and kind and you made him feel like he could breathe again. He barely knew you, and already you’d wormed your way into his heart enough to make him feel like things could be different. It scared Jimin just how badly he craved that, the connection, to feel something again.

“I… I guess,” he finally admitted, his shoulders slumping from the confession. 

He looked like he was deflating, the tension falling off his body once he finally let it out that yes, he was so lonely. He watched your reaction, embarrassed that you’d seen this side of him. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of anyone, didn’t want to give them the chance to use him again. But you just smiled sympathetically.  You didn’t push or pry.

Instead, you pivoted. “Are you hungry? I kind of want some ramen. Come with me to the store?” you offered.

Jimin eyed you warily, but nodded, falling in step beside you as you walked along the bridge, the only sounds you could hear were the soft rippling of the waves below and the sounds of the cars rushing past. Jimin was quiet beside you, looking like he was lost in thought. He wasn’t paying attention to where he was stepping, and tripped over a loose brick on the sidewalk.

You saw the headlights of the oncoming car nearing closer as Jimin tumbled into the road, your heart beating out of your chest in bone-chilling fear. You jumped into the street and grabbed Jimin’s hand. You jumped back and yanked him onto the sidewalk mere fractions of a second before the car zoomed past where your bodies had just been, horn blaring obnoxiously. Jimin’s body crashed into yours, sending you off balance and splaying against the sidewalk.

You groaned at his weight being flung on top of you when you crashed into the hard cement sidewalk. Jimin propped himself up on his arms, body still flush against yours as he searched your face, eyes wide.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt? What the hell were you thinking?! You could’ve been killed!” he scolded, eyes roaming over your face and arms for any injuries. 

“So could you! I couldn’t just sit back and watch you get run over!” you defended. 

“So you risked your life for someone you barely know?!” he hissed, with no real bite to his words. 

Worry and guilt were swimming in his gaze as it met yours. You softened, reaching up to caress his hair gently in an attempt to soothe him and get him to focus on you and your next words.

“Hey, we’re both fine. Everything’s okay,” you smiled.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before,” he said more to himself than you, “What even are you?”

“Still hungry,” you giggled playfully, trying to ease the tension surrounding the two of you.

Jimin rolled his eyes but finally, a smile graced his pretty lips. You both seemed to notice your positions at the same time, your cheeks lighting up and the tips of his ears turning red. He scrambled off of you, holding out a hand to pull you to your feet. You both avoided eye contact and he let out an awkward cough, scratching the back of his neck.

“Let’s go get ramen then,” he smiled shyly, motioning for you to go ahead of him.

You walked together in silence, Jimin being much more careful about where he was stepping while you made your way to the convenience store at the edge of the university. Entering and nodding to the cashier on duty, you both made your way over to the ramen. You reached out to grab a bowl, and a gasp left Jimin’s lips.

“You’re bleeding!” he grabbed your arm, examining the scrape on your elbow.

“Oh, whoops,” you shrugged. 

Jimin went to the cashier and requested the first aid kit, then guided you to a seat and gently took your arm, cleaning the cut with an antiseptic wipe. You hissed at the burn, and he apologized, leaning down to blow air on the wound. You watched in awe at the way his lips looked, plump and soft and delicious. You shivered as the cool air hit your skin, soothing the burn from the antiseptic wipe. Jimin smiled up at you.

“Better?” he asked.

Not trusting your voice, you simply nodded. He took the bandage and placed it over your wound, smoothing it out with a gentle brush of his fingers. 

“There. All better. Let's eat!” he chirped, pushing off his knees to stand.

You both picked out some ramen and drinks, using the water dispenser to add hot water to the dry noodles. Jimin reached for his wallet to pay for you both reflexively. You didn’t put yours on the counter and he looked at you in confusion.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Uhhh… waiting my turn?”

“What do you mean? It’s our turn.”

“It’s your turn. I’ll pay for mine when you’re done,” you shrugged.

Jimin looked shocked and confused, and the cashier looked impatient. You nodded towards the counter and Jimin paid, watching you curiously as you completed your transaction with a smile on your face and thanked the cashier. Jimin held the door for you and you both walked to a nearby park, sitting on the bench to eat. 

You ate and talked and joked and laughed. You both just enjoyed being in each other’s presence, able to let loose and not feel judged. You watched Jimin’s eyes begin to shine for the first time since you’d met him, and your heart swelled with joy. You’d finished eating long ago but neither of you wanted to leave, so you stood up.

“I’ve been practicing, you know.” You wiggled your eyebrows.

“Practicing?” he echoed.

“Dancing. I’ve been practicing what you showed me. Not to toot my own horn, but I’ve gotten pretty decent,” you grinned playfully.

“Show me what you’ve got,” Jimin smirked, leaning back into the bench with his hands folded behind his head, his shirt riding up and displaying his mouth-watering abs, along with the small trail of hair that dipped down underneath his waistband.

You stood with your feet shoulder width apart, just like Jimin had taught you, and started shaking your hips like you’d seen him do that night at the party, giving your best impression of his dance routine for the first minute or two. Then, you grinned at him as he opened his mouth to praise you, before you started doing the chicken dance.

Jimin’s laughter rang through the air and he started dancing with you, both of you making fools of yourselves, your only audience each other and the moon that shone brightly in the sky, illuminating Jimin’s face, highlighting his ethereal beauty. The two of you danced and laughed for a while, before falling onto the bench in a fit of giggles. 

Finally deciding it was time to go, Jimin insisted on walking you home, saying it wasn’t safe for you to be alone that late at night. You agreed, not because you weren’t capable of keeping yourself safe, but simply to stay with him for a little longer. You tossed your food containers in the trash as you left the park. His hand brushed against yours a few times as you walked, talking animatedly about anything and everything, and you figured it was just an accident soyou didn’t think too much of it.

Disappointment washed over you as you walked up to your dorm building and you sighed, scuffing the ground with your foot in an attempt to stall. Jimin made no move to leave either, both of you waiting in silence for the other to say something. Suddenly, you felt warmth surround your frame as Jimin wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight embrace.

“Thank you for tonight. This is the most fun I’ve had in a really long time,” he whispered into your ear, almost like a secret he didn’t want anyone else to hear, though you were alone.

“Me too, Jimin. Thank you for coming with me, and walking me home,” you smiled, returning his hug and placing your head on his shoulder.

You weren’t sure how long hugs between stranger-friends were supposed to last, but you weren’t going to pull away first, not when you felt so warm, so safe, so comfortable. Your heart was racing but your whole body went pliant at his touch, any tension you’d been holding melting away as you melted into him.

Jimin pulled away first, leaving a chaste kiss to your cheek before turning around and walking off, shouting “goodnight Y/N!” over his shoulder as he left. You missed the way the tips of his ears turned pink, and he missed how your whole face turned red. You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face as you crawled into bed that night, your dreams filled with bright brown eyes shining in the moonlight, and a little bit of hope.

                                                        -♡-

After the night on the bridge, you and Jimin began hanging out. He’d wait for you outside the lecture hall and walk you home some days. Others, you’d show up with his favorite coffee and snack in hand before his (regrettably chosen) 8am class. Jimin was different around you, lighter. 

Because he was Jimin, people noticed. Eyes trailed after the two of you everywhere you went, whether you were together or not. Rumors spread, saying that you were using him to gain recognition, saying that he’d knocked you up and been forced to date you, saying that you’d blackmailed him or something. Neither of you paid attention to the prying eyes that seemed to dissect your every move, you were too caught up in each other.

You made Jimin feel like a better person, and Jimin made you feel safe and giddy. But there was no denying the massive crush you’d formed on the poor guy. You did your best to hide it, trying not to make him uncomfortable. You’d told him all you wanted was friendship, you weren’t about to make a liar out of yourself and get rejected, losing your new friend over something so silly as your unyielding yearning for him.

You really tried not to let your eyes linger on him for too long when he walked unaware beside you, humming the newest song he was practicing for dance class. You tried not to let your touches last longer than socially acceptable for friends, despite the way your entire body seemed to light up with electricity every time his skin met yours. You tried not to stare longingly at his lips as he told you a story about his childhood or a class he’d taken the day before.

You tried not to fall in love with him.

You tried not to fall in love with the way his eyes formed crescent moons when he smiled, his real smile. The one he used in your presence, not the one he plastered on for the rest of the world to see. You tried not to fall in love with the sound of his voice calling your name, or the way he’d mindlessly sing quietly to himself while doing mundane tasks. You tried not to fall in love with the way he’d already be looking at you when you glanced up to check on him, with the way he’d shoot you a goofy face.

You tried not to fall in love with the way he held you close, the way every hug was just a little too long, the way he’d hold open doors for you or fix your collar, or the way he seemed to be able to make you forget about the rest of the world. You tried not to fall in love with how strong he was, both physically and emotionally, how he’d let you in and trusted you. 

But Jimin was a force of nature, somehow terrifying and comforting at the same time. He showed your heart no mercy, consistently proving himself to you over and over and making you fall harder and harder. How were you not supposed to fall head over heels for Jimin? A few weeks into your friendship and you were ready to throw caution to the wind and marry the man. Or maybe you were a little dramatic, but still. You felt so deeply for him you almost couldn’t stomach it.

Jimin seemed to bounce as he walked in front of you, using his ridiculous amount of coordination to walk backwards so he could face you as he spoke. You giggled at his behavior, keeping an eye out to make sure he didn’t run into anything or anyone. He wove around the crowd gracefully, looking back every so often, but you still watched out for him. Just in case. 

“So then the professor woke the kid up by slamming a book on his desk, I kinda felt bad for him, to be honest. But it was really funny. The kid wasn’t too bothered by it, he laughed with everyone else, and apologized for falling asleep. I don’t blame him though. I nearly lost it when he went into the section on Pavlov,” Jimin recounted, rolling his eyes.

“Poor guy!” you laughed.

“I know, so embarrassing.” he cringed.

“Yo, Jimin!” came from somewhere in the crowd, and Jimin’s easygoing expression immediately morphed into a hardened one. 

You turned to see Hoseok and Hana jogging to catch up with the two of you. Ever since they’d started dating, you’d seen Hana less and less. You didn’t mind much, as your time was mostly filled with Jimin. Hana’s hair had gotten longer and she’d dyed it a light shade of pink. It suited her.

“Hey Hana, I like your new hair,” you smiled.

“Thanks, girl! I haven’t seen you in forever!” she grabbed you, pulling you into a tight hug which you returned, shooting an uncomfortable look towards Jimin.

His attention was on Hoseok though. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and you didn’t like it when Jimin’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. It looked unnatural, wrong. Happiness belonged on Jimin. Hoseok was sweet, he was funny and lively and courteous, you had nothing against him. But you wished he would leave so Jimin would go back to normal. Unguarded. 

“Jimin, I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a couple days man. I really need your help. Are you busy? The girls can grab coffee or something and we can swing by the shop?” Hoseok begged. 

“Ooh that sounds so fun! We haven’t hung out in forever! Please, Y/N?” Hana begged, pulling on your shirt sleeve.

You shot a look over to Jimin, gauging his feelings on the situation, but you couldn’t read him. His face was stoic and you couldn’t see his eyes. He shrugged, following Hoseok across the street.  Hana pulled on your arm, directing you to a nearby coffee shop and grabbing a table in the corner by the window. 

“You still like the hot chocolate here the best?” Hana asked, standing up to order. 

You moved to follow but she waved you off, placing your order for you and handing it over once it was ready.

“Thank you.” you smiled, “How much was it? I’ll venmo you.” 

“Don’t worry it was only like two bucks,” Hana shrugged. “Hobi’s been paying for everything lately, hasn’t asked me to chip in a dime! So I’ve saved up a bit.” 

“Oh wow,” you laughed.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! Do you remember when we used to come here like every day to do our homework and people watch?” Hana giggled.

“Yeah, it seems so long ago.” you agreed, grinning at the memory.

“Ugh, I still had that poofy curly hairdo and you wore those high school musical shirts all the time? When was that, like 8th grade?” she cringed.

“Freshman year of high school, I think. We met in high school.” you laughed. “Why did your mom let you leave the house like that?” 

“Girl I don’t know!” she groaned, “why did yours?” 

“I guess she wanted me to express myself,” you shrugged with a giggle.

“Express yourself right out of any chance to be popular,” Hana remarked sarcastically, throwing in a playful smirk.

“Hey, I don’t need to be popular. I just need a few good people around me,” you shrugged. 

“Hmmm… So, how’s Jimin?” she asked, glancing away and not meeting your eyes.

“He’s good. We were just on our way back to my dorm to watch a movie when we ran into you guys,” you explained.

“A little netflix and chill?” she laughed, but her eyes zeroed in on you.

“No,” you shook your head, “just a movie.”

Hana sighed, placing her coffee on the table and looked you in the eyes.

“YN, I’m worried about you. Someone like you shouldn’t be hanging out with someone like Jimin. When I invited you to that party, I just wanted you to get out more, not start messing around with someone like him.” Hana explained, attempting to keep her voice soft.

“What do you mean ‘someone like him’?” you asked harshly.

“You’ve heard what people are saying right? They’re spreading rumors about you because you’re hanging out with him. He’s bad news, YN. He only sleeps with girls to get what he wants. I know you’re a hopeless romantic but I can guarantee he doesn’t love you, no matter what he’s telling you.” she sighed.

“You can’t be serious.” you laughed incredulously. 

“YN, I’m just looking out for you. Jimin is-” she began but you stood and cut her off.

“Jimin is kind. Jimin is funny, smart, sweet and loyal. Jimin doesn’t talk shit about people behind their backs. Jimin doesn’t pretend to care just so he can cause trouble. Jimin doesn’t judge people based on rumors. You don’t know anything about him, Hana. You never cared enough to. No one has! You all think he’s some souless succubus who only uses sex to get what he wants, but you’re wrong. You don’t know him at all. Jimin is wonderful and I will hang out with him as much as I damn well want to because you know what? He makes me happy. So you and anyone else who has a problem with that can fuck off,” you seethed, slamming five dollars down on the table to pay her for your drink, not wanting to owe her anything, “Keep the change.”

You stomped away from the table, finally looking up from Hana’s speechless, shocked expression to find Jimin and Hoseok staring at you in mirroring astonishment. You froze for a split second, but in your rage, trudged forward, grabbing Jimin’s hand and pulling him towards the exit.

“Let’s go.” you grumbled, and he allowed you to pull him out of the exit and begin walking down the street, leaving Hoseok and Hana in stunned silence.

You didn’t let go of Jimin’s hand and he didn’t make a move to pull away as you walked silently to your dorm, your anger slowly going from a boiling rage to a simmer. You opened and shut the door with a little more force than necessary and flung the dvd cabinet open with a little too much emphasis. Jimin watched you curiously, letting you have your space and set up the movie before you crawled into your bed next to where he was waiting. 

You laid your head on his shoulder, needing the extra comfort of having him close after your emotional meltdown at the coffee shop. You sighed, letting the tension roll out of your body that you’d stored up from the encounter. Jimin wrapped an arm around you, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked quietly, eyes still on the opening credits of the movie.

“No,” you pouted.

“Are you sure?” he pressed, gaze shifting to you.

You sighed and sat up, turning to face him and pausing the movie.

“How much did you hear?”

“Hoseok and I walked in right about where you asked Hana what she meant by someone like me,” he explained.

“Oh,” you flushed, looking away from him. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

Jimin sighed, turning your shoulders so you’d face him and you gazed up into his eyes as he focused on you.

“Hey, it’s okay. I know what people think about me. I don’t care about their opinion. I care about yours, and maybe Hoseok’s. Sometimes,” he explained with a chuckle.

“I guess…” you trailed off.

“Thank you,” he spoke suddenly, softly.

“For what?” you wondered.

“For sticking up for me. For believing in me. For having my back,” he told you, his eyes swimming in an emotion you couldn’t place.

“Of course. I meant everything I said. You’re an amazing person and if people would just take a second look and get to know you, look past the wall you put up, they’d think so too.”

Jimin pulled you into his arms, encompassing you in his warmth and comfort, seeming to hold you together when you felt like you were shaking into pieces from the intensity of how strongly you felt for him. You relaxed in his hold, allowing the warmth of his body against yours to soothe your nerves.

“You’re my best friend,” he whispered into your ear, barely audible.

“You’re my best friend too,” you whispered back, hugging him just a little tighter.

Jimin smiled against your neck where he’d rested his head, and you hoped he couldn’t feel how loudly your heart was beating from feeling his lips against your skin, though he probably didn’t mean to do that. You pulled apart and snuggled into the covers to watch the movie, finally completing the task you’d set out to do since mid-afternoon.

Once the credits rolled, you were tucked into Jimin’s arms, drifting in and out of consciousness. Jimin glanced at the clock and sighed.

“I don’t want to leave but it’s getting late,” he looked down at your face.

“Nooo.. don’t go. You’re so comfy,” you whined.

“Are you calling me fat?” he huffed playfully.

“Oh hush,” you giggled, but looked up at him, biting your lip nervously.

“Can you just… stay? Just for tonight? If you want to, that is…” you looked down at your hands.

“You’re not worried someone will see me leave in the morning and start more rumors?” he wondered.

“I don’t care if you don’t,” you shrugged, meeting his eyes once more.

“Scooch over then,” he grinned and you giggled triumphantly, scooting over to one side of the bed so Jimin could slot himself between you and the wall.

He wrapped an arm around your middle, pulling you against his chest and sighed contentedly. You snuggled just a little closer, mumbling something about the chilly air in the dorm, but really you just loved being close to Jimin. Butterflies swirled in your stomach, and you listened to Jimin’s breathing begin to even out as he fell asleep. You followed not long after. Wrapped in the safety and comfort of Jimin, you swore it was the best night's sleep you’d ever had.

                                                        -♡-

The second Jimin had exited your dorm that morning, there were about 50 pictures of the incident flooding social media, rumors flying rampant about your night spent together. Every other comment was about how you’d turned into a whore or Jimin was just playing with you or you had to have something on him. You ignored them all. People could think whatever they wanted, but you knew you hadn’t done anything wrong.

On the contrary, waking up beside Jimin had felt so, so right. You’d somehow shifted in the night, both of you seeking out each other’s warmth and you’d woken up face-to-face, your noses almost touching. You’d opened your eyes to find Jimin opening his and you both smiled at each other, giggling nervously as you broke apart. 

Jimin had gone home to freshen up, seeing as your impromptu sleepover left him without a change of clothes or a toothbrush. You hadn’t heard anything from him since he left, and you were starting to wonder if he regretted staying, if he felt uncomfortable now. Your nerves were eating you up and after your fight with Hana, you didn’t really know who you could talk to about it. You sighed, flipping through a textbook while being unable to concentrate on anything you were reading.

A few hours went by and you were starting to lose your mind from the lack of communication and the anxiety it caused. You picked up your phone to distract yourself with something when a text from Jimin came through. You sighed in relief, opening the message.

Jimin [5:54pm]: The guys at the frat house say I’ve been boring lately and I’m not allowed to skip tonight’s party. Come with me?

Did he mean come with him as in… be his date? Surely not. Right? Your heart hammered in your chest. Sure, people had seen you and Jimin around together a lot, but it was another thing entirely to go to a party together. That was basically announcing that you were dating. Maybe he didn’t see it that way? Maybe he just wanted to bring his friend to the party?

You [5:59pm]: Sure. Meet you there?

Jimin [6:04pm]: Starts at 10. :)

You texted a little back and forth in the next few hours, then you got ready for the party andmade your way over to the frat house, wondering what kind of fresh hell this party would bring. Though, you couldn’t say all parties were bad. You had met Jimin at one of these. That had turned out to be the greatest thing you’d ever done.

You were filled with a sense of nostalgia walking up to the familiar front door and entering into the foyer, greeted with booming music and some cheering from the corner where someone was doing a keg upside down. You were startled by an arm wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into a warm body.

“Y/N! Nice to see you again,” Hoseok grinned, leading you towards the kitchen.

“Hey Hoseok,” you smiled, a little confused.

“Jimin and I were about to play beer pong with Tae, we need a 4th player,” he grinned.

“Oh okay,” you smiled, walking with a little more confidence.

“Y/N!” Jimin grinned, walking over and wrapping you in a hug, “I’m glad you came. You’re on my team, ok?”

“Sounds good,” you grinned.

“Y/N, this is Taehyung, you’ve already met Hoseok. Tae, this is Y/N,” Jimin introduced.

“Nice to meet you,” Taehyung grinned a boxy smile, enthusiastically waving to you from his end of the island. “Sorry we’re about to kick your ass,” he added with an evil chuckle.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you giggled.

“Have you played before?” Jimin wondered.

“A few times, not at a big party like this but I’ve practiced,” you mimicked brushing off your shoulders and Jimin let out a hearty laugh.

“Alright, a seasoned pro!” Hoseok chimed in excitedly.

“Is Hana not here?” you asked quietly to Jimin.

“I haven’t seen her, no,” he shrugged.

“Did they break up?”

“I doubt it, but I don’t know.” he answered.

“Alright, ladies! Let's go!” Taehyung shouted enthusiastically.

Hoseok took the first shot, landing it perfectly in a cup on your side of the table, and Jimin took the first swig, downing the cup. Hoseok shot again, missing by a mile. Jimin laughed before tossing his ball across the table, expertly landing it in one of the opposing team’s. Hoseok pouted but drank anyway. Jimin tried again, landing another. You clapped and hooted for him. Jimin got three cups before he missed.

Taehyung got two cups, and you drank both before he grazed the edge of the third, but the ball didn’t go in. You started shooting and got two cups before someone jostled you on your third throw, causing you to miss the entire table. You shot a glare to the offending stranger, who apologized profusely. You sighed.

“Minho is clumsy but he’s sweet. Don’t be too hard on him. He might actually like it. Kinky bastard.” Jimin winked at you playfully.

You choked on your next breath, giggling at his words. Neither team scored anything for a while, too busy trash-talking each other and cracking jokes to concentrate on the game. Jimin’s full smile had yet to appear, but he did seem more relaxed in your presence, so you took it as a win. He wasn’t quite himself, putting on more of a show than usual, but you decided to let it go since he seemed like he was having a good time. Surprisingly, you were too. 

Taehyung was sweet and funny. He was easy to talk to and super charming. Hoseok was a ball of sunshine and energy, and they both seemed to accept you as part of their little group with no effort at all. You were Jimin’s friend, and therefore you were their friend by association. You wondered if these were people Jimin could be honest with, they seemed really genuine, but you knew how guarded he was so you weren’t about to bring it up. They were fun to be around, and that was enough for now.

The night raged on, and your team ended up winning beer pong. You’d both gained a pleasant buzz from the game but Taehyung and Hoseok were absolutely trashed. Jimin explained that they might’ve pregamed a little too hard before the party, so the added beers from their crushing defeat sent them over the edge into utterly intoxicated. They were currently clutching onto each other and singing a very off key rendition of a song you didn’t even recognize.

“Hey, where’s the bathroom?” you asked.

“Just down that hall,” Jimin pointed, and you smiled at him before making your way there.

You quickly did your business and washed your hands, checking your appearance in the mirror and smiling to yourself about how well the night was going. Everything was perfect and after last night with Jimin, he seemed more… into you? Less platonic. Or maybe your mind was playing tricks on you. Either way, you were hopeful that maybe Jimin felt the same way you did.

That was, until you walked out of the bathroom and saw him pushed up against the wall with some girl’s tongue down his throat. 

You felt like the room was spinning. Your heart shattered and you found it difficult to get air into your lungs as you stood frozen in shock, eyes glued to the pair like a car wreck. You just couldn’t look away. It felt like years, but lasted only a second before Jimin’s eyes opened and he spotted you. He pushed the girl off of him, taking a step toward you, but you made a beeline for the door.

You weaved your way through the crowd as fast as you could, ignoring Taehyung who gleefully called out for you to join him in karaoke. You begged any entity that was listening to let you hold your tears in until there were no witnesses, focusing solely on getting your feet to move faster and holding your emotions at bay. You heard Jimin calling your name but you only moved faster, sprinting out of the open door and down the empty road.

How could you have been so stupid? Of course he didn’t like you. You were just the first person to show him, real, unconditional friendship. That’s all his affection was. Platonic. He didn’t want you. How could he? That girl looked like a supermodel. Of course she was more his type. How could you even think he would ever want someone like you? Because he spent one night with his arms wrapped around you and brought you to a party in front of his friends? Ugh.

“Y/N! Wait!” Jimin called, and you could hear his footsteps growing closer. 

Damn him and his dancer’s stamina.

You wiped any stray tears from your eyes and did your best to plaster on a smile as you turned around to face him, you couldn’t outrun him. You might as well act normal and pretend everything was fine. Jimin slowed to a stop in front of you, panting a little.

“Where are you going?” he asked breathlessly.

“Oh, uh. I’m going home,” you grimaced as your voice cracked.

“Y/N, it wasn’t what it looked like,” Jimin began.

“Oh Jimin, it’s fine,” you brushed him off, using every bit of your willpower to make yourself seem believable. “You can do whatever or whoever you want. It’s not like I own you.”

“I saw the look on your face, Y/N, I-” Jimin tried but you shook your head.

“No it’s fine. I should’ve known you’d want to have some fun tonight. You’re not obligated to babysit me just because you invited me,” you cut him off.

“But I-” he tried again, scratching his arm in frustration.

“Go back to the party, that girl is probably waiting,” you smiled, moving to turn around.

“Would you just fucking listen to me?!” he shouted, making you freeze in your tracks. 

Your eyes flickered up to meet his in shock, mouth hanging slightly ajar. Despite him being covered in tattoos and piercings, you’d never heard Jimin raise his voice or be threatening in any way. His sudden outburst caused your heart to flutter in your chest, both with astonishment and a little bit of arousal.

“She just came up and started talking to me, and she asked me to fuck, but I said no. She kissed me out of nowhere and I froze. As soon as I saw you I knew I fucked up. I pushed her off and told her to get lost. I don’t want her, Y/N. I don’t want any of them,” he nearly growled in frustration, running a hand through his messy hair. “I don’t want anyone else. I want you.”

Your heart stopped beating entirely. 

“I was scared to tell you because I didn’t want to scare you off. You said all you wanted was friendship and I didn’t want to push you away. You’re my best friend. You’re the only one who really sees me, the only one who really cares. You make me a better man. I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Everyone leaves but I can’t lose you. Not you. I… I love you. I’m in love with you,” he sighed, taking a step closer and gauging your reaction.

“You… do?” you whispered, scared that if you spoke too loudly he’d vanish and you’d wake up from this dream.

“I love you,” he repeated, placing his hands on your shoulders and running them down your arms to interlock your fingers.

“I love you too,” you choked out, your tears running freely now. “Jimin I love you so much it hurts.”

Jimin lifted one hand to cup your cheek, his eyes full of love and adoration and contentment. His gaze flickered down to your lips then back up to your eyes. You nodded, just barely, and he leaned in. Finally, after months of daydreaming about this very moment, Jimin’s soft, plush lips pressed against your own. Time seemed to stop, and everything faded away but Jimin and the way he kissed you. 

His kiss was gentle, but held so much passion. All the words he couldn’t say, or didn’t know how to, he flooded them all into the way he kissed you, wrapping his arms around you and bringing you closer as he worked his mouth against your own. Kissing Jimin felt like coming home, like the first breath of air after being caught in a current and forced underwater until your breaking point. It felt right. 

Jimin’s tongue danced along your bottom lip, and you opened your mouth, allowing him entrance. His tongue explored your mouth, sliding along yours and it felt more like a loving caress than horny college kids making out. Deepening the kiss had lit something inside you and you pressed even closer to him, pouring all your love and longing into the actions between your lips.  

Pulling away only when your lungs began screaming for air, Jimin rested his forehead against your own, his breaths coming out labored. His eyes searched yours and a slow smile spread across his reddened lips.

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he admitted breathlessly.

“Me too,” you giggled, hiding your face in the crook of his neck as the blush crept into your cheeks.

Jimin laughed and held you tight against him, rubbing soothing circles against your back. You both stayed like that, in the middle of the road, the only light being the stars and the moon, but you didn’t care. All that mattered was that Jimin loved you. Jimin loved you! And he wanted you. And you were safe in his arms. 

“Let’s get you home, yeah?” Jimin smiled, pulling back to look at your face.

You nodded, slipping your hand into his and walking beside him. Your whole chest felt like it was going to explode. You were elated. You were shocked and excited and so, so happy. You giggled to yourself, hiding your face with your free hand as Jimin walked you home.

“What’s so funny?” he chuckled.

“I can’t believe this is real, I’m so happy,” you admitted, biting your lip nervously and shooting a curious glance his way to watch his reaction.

Jimin smiled softly, pulling you closer to leave a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“Me too baby. Me too,” he said softly.

Jimin walked you home and you both crawled into your bed. Jimin wrapped you up in his arms and held you close. You felt like you were in heaven. You ran your fingers through Jimin’s hair, then trailed them down his arm, tracing his tattoos with the tips of your fingers. Jimin smiled, rubbing shapes and doodles into the skin of your back where your shirt had ridden up. 

His gentle caresses were soothing, and after the ultra emotional day you’d had, you were pretty drained. You drifted in and out of consciousness, shifting closer to Jimin and he grinned, holding you against his frame and leaving gentle pecks on your neck, your ear, wherever he could reach. You giggled.

“I’m so glad you’re finally mine,” he whispered into the chilly air of your room.

“I’ve been yours, Jimin. From the moment I met you,” you admitted sheepishly.

“I might not have known it yet, but I was yours too,” he smiled, kissing your cheek. “Now go to sleep.”

So you did.

                                                        -♡-

About a week later, the rumors were still running rampant about you and Jimin after you’d both made it official on social media, and were now spotted sharing sweet kisses and tender touches in public rather than just being together. You’d received a fair amount of messages and evil looks, girls upset that you’d taken Jimin off the market and now his skills were “going to waste.” You’d just roll your eyes and hit the block button.

You had been wondering about those skills more and more recently. Once you and Jimin had started dating, he had seemingly become allergic to wearing shirts. Prancing around your dorm room with his toned body on display, delicious ink decorating the surface of his ivory skin… you were frequently having thoughts that weren’t exactly PG. But Jimin hadn’t brought up sexual activity, and neither had you.

You felt like you could cut the sexual tension with a knife some days, but didn’t want to push Jimin into anything, not when you knew that he’d used sex as a way to push people away in the past. You knew you were overthinking, and should probably just talk to him, but you were nervous. But oh goodness did you want him. You’d wanted him from the moment you’d laid eyes on him, and rejecting his proposition that first night had been harder than you’d thought.

Now it seemed like every time you looked at Jimin, it became harder to hold back. Knowing that he knew you loved him now, and that he loved you too gave you that level of comfort you needed to be able to finally take the plunge with him. You wanted him to plunge into you. All. Night. Long. 

You shook your head to rid yourself of the dirty thoughts you were having just as Jimin climbed in bed beside you, snuggling up to your frame and pulling you against him. You smiled and ran your fingers over the tattoos on his arms, tracing the designs with the tips of your fingers as lightly as you could. Jimin liked that you were always touching him. Running your fingers through his hair, tracing his tattoos, or just resting your palm against his chest. It didn’t matter as long as you were touching him, he was content. 

He shifted, laying on his back with one arm tucked behind his head, allowing you to rest your head on his chest and trace the tattoos that littered the skin there as well. Jimin closed his eyes and focused on the sound of your even breathing and the feeling of your fingers gently brushing against his skin. He shivered a time or two, and you snuggled closer, assuming he was cold. Unable to rid yourself of the lingering dampness between your thighs, you let your fingers gently graze across Jimin’s pierced nipple.

Jimin sucked in a breath and bit back a low moan, but you heard his chest rumble with the action. You bit your lip and mumbled a quiet, insincere apology. You traced the tattoos along his collar bone for a while before your fingers daringly dipped down, brushing the other exposed nipple, which had Jimin tensing below you and letting out a quiet whine.

“Are you doing that on purpose?” he accused, focusing his gaze on you.

“Noooo…” you trailed off, looking up at him with faux innocence.

“I’m trying really hard to be good right now, baby girl,” he breathed out, almost as if he was in pain. 

“What if… I don’t want you to be?” you whispered seductively, letting your hand trail down his abdomen teasingly.

Jimin’s muscles clenched at the movement, and you noticed there was a sizable tent in his sweatpants. Your mouth watered at the sight. He was clearly working with some nice equipment. Jimin shifted so he could put his full attention on you, his eyes searching yours.

“Are you sure? I know you said you were waiting, are you really ready for this?” he asked, concern and a little bit of hope written all over his face.

“I’m sure. I love you, Jimin. I want you,” you smiled reassuringly, leaning in to place a kiss to his gorgeous, soft lips.

Jimin brought his hand up to cup your cheek, working those plush lips of his against your own. The two of you had made out before, but this felt different. You were filled with anticipation and need. You pressed yourself closer to him, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue sliding gracefully along your bottom lip, which you immediately parted for him.

His deft muscle slipped inside your mouth, rolling against yours skillfully. His hand dropped from your cheek and snaked up your side, sneaking under your shirt and grazing along your stomach until he reached your breast, kneading it underneath your flimsy bralette. His thumb brushed against your nipple and your body jolted towards him, seeking more. 

“Mmm… so responsive.” he whispered against your lips with a teasing smirk. 

You furrowed your eyebrows, then let your nail scrape gently along his pierced nipple, tugging ever so gently on the metal ring. Jimin moaned into your mouth, his body arching towards yours. You smirked against his lips.

“So responsive.” you giggled.

Jimin chuckled, pulling back to look at you with a raised eyebrow, the light reflecting off the piercing there as well. His cocky look was gasoline on the fire of your arousal, and you made yourself busy by kissing down his exposed neck, leaving a trail of red and purple bruises in your wake.  Jimin’s low moans were music to your ears. You wanted to elicit more of the beautiful sounds from the irresistible man who had become putty in your hands.

Urging him onto his back, you straddled his hips and ground your covered core down against his clothed erection for a little relief, causing Jimin to let out more delicious noises. You kissed down his chest, bringing his nipple piercing into your mouth and licking around the sensitive area before tugging it gently with your teeth, scraping the flesh just a bit in the process. Jimin’s hips bucked up into yours at the action.

Your fingers teasingly dipped below the elastic of his sweats, running back and forth along the edge while you worked your mouth against each nipple. Jimin’s hands found purchase on your hips, his nails digging in just a bit so he had something to ground himself while you teased him. Your hand slipped underneath his sweats, surprised to find he’d foregone boxers. Your fingers brushed against his rigid length, and he tensed, gripping your hips harder.

“Don’t tease,” he groaned, head lolling back as he tried to restrain himself.

You giggled, wrapping your hand around his length and slowly dragging it upwards, letting your thumb circle the tip. You used the precum that spilled out to lubricate your next journey down. Jimin groaned, finally losing patience and effortlessly flipped the two of you over until he was hovering above you. He smirked at the surprised expression on your face and began leaving pretty red marks all over your neck and the exposed portion of your chest.

He sat up momentarily, pinning you with a hungry gaze and fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“Off,” he commanded.

You immediately complied, peeling the fabric off your body and tossing it away, revealing your lacy bralette. Jimin’s eyes roamed over your chest and he licked his lips before leaning down and letting his tongue draw a stripe over the thin fabric covering your nipple, already erect and sensitive. Soft whimpers escaped your lips. It felt good, but you needed more.

Jimin’s lips traveled farther down your body, leaving marks all over your skin. He licked and sucked and nibbled in places you never would’ve considered erogenous zones before, but honestly, maybe it was just because it was Jimin. His tongue danced along the hem of your shorts teasingly before he glanced up at you to make sure you were still okay. You nodded breathlessly.

Jimin peeled your shorts down to expose your black satin panties, and you wished you’d worn the lace ones but it could’ve been worse. He brought the little bow tie between his teeth, tugging and letting it snap back against your pelvis. You jumped a bit and Jimin chuckled, mumbling “so cute” under his breath before slipping your soaked panties down your legs and tossing them aside.

“Damn baby girl, you’re dripping,” he grinned triumphantly. “What got you all worked up like this?”

“Jimin,”  you whined impatiently.

“That’s right baby, say my name,” he teased (although he wasn’t really joking), but didn’t waste much more time, lowering his face and licking a bold stripe along your folds to distract you while he snuck a finger closer to your entrance, letting your arousal aid him in entering you. His tongue drew some sort of lost language on your clit with expertise, and it was almost impossible for you to hold still with the amount of pleasure coursing through your veins.

Your hips bucked up and Jimin moved a hand to splay along your lower stomach, holding you down onto the bed while he devoured your pussy, slowly adding a second and third finger to stretch you out. It burned for a moment before you got used to it, Jimin’s fingers gliding along your walls and hitting your g-spot repeatedly. Even for your first time together, he knew your body like the back of his hand.

 You could already feel the coil deep inside you threaten to snap at Jimin’s ministrations. You were a moaning mess, babbling his name like it was the only word you knew. His plump lips wrapped around your throbbing bundle and he sucked- hard. You groaned, back arching off the bed as your orgasm crashed over you, your vision going spotty. Now you knew why they said he could make you see stars.

Your body fell lax against the mattress as you panted, before pushing yourself up on your elbows to see Jimin’s face lift from your core. He met your eyes and seductively licked your juices off his lips, closing his eyes and savoring the taste of you. Your mouth went dry at how erotic he looked, and he climbed up your body, pressing his lips to yours and allowing you to taste yourself. 

Your mouths worked against each other, and you wound your fingers in his hair, tugging gently on his soft locks, causing him to let out a low whine. 

“Do that again,” he begged against your lips, his voice deeper and a little hoarse, but needy.

You wound your fingers in his hair, gripping it tighter and tugging again. Jimin let out a strangled moan, grinding his rock hard member against your core. Your body shivered at the feeling of his clothed shaft pressing up against where you needed him the most.  

“Jimin, please,” you sighed, bucking your hips up to meet his.

“Okay baby. Oh fuck. Please tell me I still have a spare condom,” he suddenly groaned, reaching over for his wallet on your nightstand. 

You watched him curiously, your eyes lingering on the curve of his plump ass under his sweats. You licked your lips, wanting to bite into the flesh. You’d save that for another time. Jimin let out a triumphant noise and held the condom in the air like a first place medal. You giggled at your boyfriend and rolled your eyes with a smile. 

Jimin slid his sweats off in one smooth motion, kicking them away and onto the floor somewhere before ripping the condom open with his teeth and rolling it onto his length. Jimin paused,  peering at you from his place above you, a small smile curling onto his plush lips, his eyes alight with adoration.

“I love you,” he whispered, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“I love you too,” you sighed happily. 

“Are you ready?” he asked, squeezing your hand gently.

“Yes. I’m ready.”

Jimin leaned down, meeting your lips in a soft kiss, and slowly slid his rigid length into your honeyed entrance. You gasped into his mouth at the welcome intrusion, his cock stretching you in the most delicious way. Even with the prep from his fingers, his cock stretching your walls burned just slightly. Jimin deepened the kiss in an attempt to distract you from the discomfort, slowly inching more of his length inside until he bottomed out, his hips flush against yours.

Jimin fit inside you perfectly, his thick cock filling you up like he was made for you. He pulled back to look at your face, and you shot him a reassuring smile. He brought your joined hands up to his lips, placing them gently on the back of your wrist, and once you nodded your approval, he slid out until just the bulbous tip was left inside, before sliding back in, setting a slow, torturing pace.

This wasn’t your first rodeo, though you were nowhere near as experienced as Jimin, but no one had ever felt this good inside you. No one had ever felt this right. Jimin reached places inside you that no man had before and you were already falling apart at the movement of his hips. Jimin was definitely a dancer, able to move his body precisely and with precision, angling his hips to hit that soft spot inside you with every thrust. 

“Fuck babygirl, you look so beautiful like this,” he groaned into your ear, his hot breath coming out in short puffs from the physical exertion.

“Ngh. Jimin,” you whined, “Please. More.” 

“Can you handle it?” he wondered, experimentally dragging his cock a little faster along your walls, continually hitting that sweet spot inside you.

“Yes, yes please. Need you,” you whimpered, bucking your hips up to meet his.

Jimin’s brow furrowed in concentration and his hips picked up speed, his sole purpose in that moment to give you the most blinding pleasure you’d ever experienced. His punishing pace had you wailing out his name in ecstasy, clawing at his back in a desperate attempt to ground yourself to something, lest you float away into oblivion from the fire building deep in your core.

“Come on baby, you look so pretty when you cum for me. Let go,” Jimin urged, his free hand slipping between your bodies to rub at your clit.

“Fuck… Jimin!” you cried out, and his teeth sinking into the flesh of your neck was the last thing you needed to send you careening over the edge into bliss for the second time that night.

Your breath coming in heavy pants, you were surprised when Jimin showed no signs of slowing down. Your walls continued to clench around his length in the aftermath of your orgasm, and Jimin let our low growls at the feeling of your pussy swallowing up his cock with each thrust. You whimpered, slightly sensitive from your two previous orgasms, but Jimin pistoning himself inside you still felt heavenly. 

Jimin shifted, pulling your leg up over his shoulder, the new position allowing him to reach even deeper inside your core, and your eyes nearly rolled back in your skull at the sensation of his cock kissing your cervix. You were a whimpering mess, your moans now garbled gibberish, not making any sense. All you knew in that moment was Jimin and how good he made you feel.

His lips wrapped around your nipple, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive flesh, and you shivered. His thrusts were getting erratic as he chased his own high, but Jimin was desperate to make you cum again first. He pinched and rolled your clit between his thumb and forefinger, abusing the bundle in the best way, sending you closer to your high once again.

“Fuck, Jimin- I-” you groaned.

“Come on baby, give me one more,” Jimin encouraged, using all his strength to hold back his own impending orgasm as he slammed inside of you.

Your whole body seemed to seize as you came for the third time, this one more intense than the others, making you almost dizzy with euphoria. Your throat burned with the force of your screams, quickly turning raw with use. Jimin didn’t last much longer, your cunt clenching around his length sending him over the edge. His hips stilled as he spilled ropes of hot cum into the condom. You could feel the heat from the thin plastic layer and wished that you could feel his seed shooting into you, dripping from your hole. 

Jimin collapsed next to you, panting. His body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, and he looked absolutely edible like this. His plump lips parted as heavy breaths escaped, he turned his head and his eyes met yours. You were both shaking from the intensity of your highs, and you let out a quiet giggle which made a smile bloom across Jimin’s lips. He let out a quiet chuckle.

“You’re so beautiful,” he cooed, turning his body back to face yours after tossing the used condom into the trash.

His arms wrapped around your torso, bringing your naked chests flush against each other as he peppered chaste kisses along your forehead, nose, and cheeks before catching your lips in a sweet kiss. 

“I love you,” you whispered, clinging to his sweaty body like he was the only thing keeping you from floating away, and maybe he was.

“I love you more,” he grinned against the skin of your neck.

“Absolutely not. I love you more,” you pouted.

“Nuh uh,” he teased, fingers poking into your side, causing you to shriek and curl into him.

He laughed and kissed your forehead, relenting from his teasing and tickling. Your bodies spent, you drifted off to sleep together, safe in the comfort of each other’s arms.

                                                        -♡-

Months had flown by in the blink of an eye. Suddenly, it was May and you were graduating. They say time flies when you’re having fun, and they are right. Every moment spent with Jimin never seemed to last long enough. After the two of you started dating, Jimin had slowly begun opening up to other people. He learned to trust Hoseok and Taehyung, and your initial impression of them had been correct: they were people Jimin could count on. 

Jimin did lose a few friends from the frat house when he stopped trying to play the part of the indifferent fuckboi, but he didn’t really count those people as losses. If they couldn’t accept the real him, they weren’t worth it. The two of you had branched out socially, and made new friends as well. Yoongi, the music major, who began working at the coffee shop you both frequented. He was stoic and unapproachable at first, but Jimin had commented on his band t shirt once and Yoongi’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, showing that he was actually super sweet and thoughtful once you got past his icy exterior. 

Namjoon, the business major whom you’d met while browsing the shelves of your university library. You’d been having a hard time reaching the book you wanted, and Namjoon had assisted without you even asking for help, his much taller frame bringing the book down to your level. He’d told you he had read that book at least ten times and you would surely love it. The two of you hit it off and soon Jimin joined you, immediately connecting with Namjoon as well. He was smart, patient, and would make an amazing businessman, just from the way he could read people but never treated anyone any differently.

Seokjin, the culinary arts major who had gone around campus giving out free samples of his work, promoting his new youtube channel “Eat Jin.” One taste of his dasik and you were begging him for the recipe. Jin had lit up and began explaining exactly how to make it and invited you to an episode of Eat Jin.

Jungkook, who hadn’t quite figured out what he wanted to do yet, had met Jimin at the gym. He was boxing in the practice room that Jimin had reserved to dance. He hadn’t noticed he’d gone over his time, and when Jimin politely entered the room, complimenting his form, he’d flushed and shot him the most adorable bunny smile. Jungkook apologized for running over his time and Jimin brushed it off, but Jungkook insisted on buying him coffee as an apology.

Slowly but surely, your friendship group grew, each new friend weaving their way into your hearts and teaching you something new. They got along with each other as well, as it turned out. You’d thrown a surprise party for Jimin’s birthday and invited them along, Namjoon and Jin became inseparable almost immediately, and Hoseok and Yoongi as well. Taehyung and Jungkook became a dynamic duo, consistently stirring up trouble wherever they went. 

Hoseok and Hana hadn’t broken up, after all. Hana had even contacted you to get coffee, apologizing for judging Jimin unfairly and trying to get in between the two of you. She’d joined your little group of friends, which slowly became more like a second family . Jimin flourished, surrounded by people who loved and cared for him exactly as he was.

He didn’t have to pretend to be anything but himself, didn’t have to please anyone, play any parts. His smile reached ear to ear and his eyes shone with love and light and so much life. Thinking back to the way they’d been dull and lifeless when you first met him brought you to tears as you watched him throw his head back in laughter and wrap his arms around Jungkook, who returned the gesture with similar glee.

Jimin no longer seemed broken. The dead weight resting in his chest had been lifted, and he was free. It didn’t happen overnight, and beginning his relationship with you certainly hadn’t been a magic fix, but it had been a catalyst. You taught Jimin that there were people in this world who genuinely could care for him without expecting anything in return. You showed him that there was still good, and he could trust people. Then, slowly, he’d met more and more people who only validated the lessons you’d taught him.

The more people Jimin met who didn’t use him, the more the ice around his heart began to chip away, giving him the strength and the courage to save himself from the darkness that had plagued his heart and mind for so long. And now, you were all graduating, moving on to pursue your dreams and aspirations. It was the last party of your college career, and you’d all gathered because Jimin had announced he’d had something to say to everyone. You gazed up proudly at your boyfriend.

“Thank you all for being here to celebrate the last night of college!” he cheered, earning hoots and hollers from your friends.

 “I know we all promised to keep in touch, but I just wanted to make sure that you all know how much I appreciate you being in my life. I love every single one of you, and I couldn’t have asked for a more amazing group of people to surround myself with. You all have lifted me up, encouraged me, and given me the strength to keep fighting when times got tough. They say that sometimes when you’re in a dark place, that you think you’ve been buried. But really, you’ve been planted. You just need a little bit of love and patience before you bloom. So thank you for giving me what I needed to bloom. All of you. Especially you, Y/N. You were the first person who really believed in me, and if it weren’t for you, I never would’ve let in any of these guys. I love you, baby. And I love all of you,” he grinned, “So here’s a toast to all of you, may your future be bright and your beer be full!”

Cheers erupted around you and you cheered along, all of you knocking back a sip of your drink to Jimin’s toast. He hopped down and wrapped an arm around you, kissing your cheek as your friends congratulated him on his speech and shared how happy they were to have met you both as well. Your heart felt like it couldn’t possibly get any fuller than it was in that moment, surrounded by people you loved. 

You and Jimin had both grown so much since that first night at the party, you’d fought, you’d cried, you’d laughed, and you’d gotten stronger. You were so proud of him and how far he had come, and you felt peace settle over you knowing the fact that he’d never have to be alone again, and neither would you. No matter what you found on the road ahead, you’d be okay.

You had each other.

[ponnearponfarponwhereveryouare]

negotiations of home

Pairing: TOS!McSpirk

Summary: Spock takes the time to examine his thoughts (and feelings) towards the Enterprise's captain and chief medical officer. He decides the most logical course of action is to address his findings.

Rating: G | Word Count: 1862 | also on ao3

Spock had long since learned not to say thoughts tied to emotion. Such ruminations had to be examined critically and in such a time and location so as to not interfere with his work. Only in this way could he put logic first, by making a habit of it. He was not sure if this was the process other Vulcans applied, but it was the one that worked best for him.

He knew he was successful when he was able to apply this method around members of his family; with positive emotions and negative. Only in absolute private he might tell his mother he loved her, tell his sister he missed her, or tell his brother that they were still, always, family.

It was best not to think about the emotions that came up involving his father. Or the feelings around the fact that his family was two and a half parts human and two and a half parts Vulcan. Of not being a whole.

Those walls had begun to slip, of late. And that was because he was faced with emotions that were not tangled up in his Vulcan upbringing. Feelings that included a sense of being held together, a chance at healing his two halves.

Which brought him to the matter at hand.

"You're you, Spock!" Leonard snapped, though the anger was not directed at Spock himself. The doctor was pacing about Jim's quarters, while Spock sat at the Captain's desk observing him. "You're not broken! All you have to do in this life is be honest with yourself."

Spock raised a brow. "Is this a time for the old anecdote, physician heal thyself?"

Leonard managed to scowl deeper. "Damn it, man, at least I'm trying. Talking about these sorts of things with someone you trust and care about is important."

"Is that not what I am attempting to do?" Spock asked. Before Jim had been called away to deal with a potential issue among the Enterprise's current guests, Spock had gathered both Jim and Leonard together with the purpose of working through a line of thought that had followed him around for the past 30 days.

Leonard deflated a bit, rubbing his hands together in a nervous manner. Spock attempted not to stare, as the emotions that evoked were ones he had not yet begun to speak of.

"Do not worry, Leonard, I will not continue until Jim has returned," Spock said in a tone he hoped would be reassuring.

"How am I supposed to do that, with you calling us by our names?" Leonard protested, now tossing his hands up in the air.

"It is a personal matter, so it would be illogical to use your professional titles."

"And that's why I'm nervous! Last time you had a personal matter that you had to involve me and Jim in, you were dying or your father was dying." Leonard didn't return to pacing, instead, he crossed the room and kneeled beside Spock. His blue eyes were wide and filled with concern.

"My apologies. I did not mean to raise alarm," Spock said, reaching out towards Leonard. He wasn't sure what he'd do, but he needed such dramatics to end. It brought an uncomfortable warmth that was tempting to lean into. To drown in. “Please, stand.” Spock stopped himself before he actually could touch Leonard’s elbows.

Leonard seemed to take a long enough time pondering this request as to border on his usual teasing. He finally stood, pressing a hand against Spock’s knee as he did. He settled then into Jim’s other chair so that they were now directly across from each other. “So you’re not dying.”

“Not that I am aware of. Though as my doctor, I believe you are to give me such status updates.”

This returned Leonard to a... huffier state. “I’d be able to do that if you didn’t lie to me.”

“Vulcan’s do not lie,” Spock reminded him.

“Oh really? Then it seems like I’ll need a copy of whatever definition you’re using for the word.”

Jim returned to catch that last exchange. “Gentlemen. I see I haven’t missed anything.” He was smiling, coming to lean against the partition that divided his quarters.

Spock found himself calmed by Jim’s presence. “The Andorian ambassador is settled?”

“Yes, Scotty was able to change the climate control settings for her quarters to something comfortable,” Jim said, as he looked from Spock to Leonard and back. “Where were we?”

“Spock was telling us something that is a “personal matter",” Leonard provided. “I’ve got him to promise no one is dying.”

“Statistically in the breadth of the universe and even just among life as we know it, at this moment-”

“Shut it!” Leonard’s tone was supposed to be sharp, but it was too rounded by his own laughter.

“Very well,” Spock turned towards Leonard, both eyebrows raised, and remained silent.

“Jim, look what he’s doing now!” Leonard complained, leaning closer towards Spock, as close as he could get with the desk between them.

Jim’s laughter filled the silence, and he crossed the room to sit on the corner of his desk. “Spock, Bones, come now.” His face was in that easy grin of his, the one Spock associated with times when all was well. “Spock, what did you want to talk to us about?”

Yes, the mission at hand. One that he had set for himself because, given the nature of their work and luck, it seemed best to share his thoughts sooner than later. Spock had planned the words he would say carefully, trying to predict what response he might get. He would not call himself nervous, as that emotion tended to be one of the most illogical.

“Yeah Spock, sorry,” Leonard smiled kindly, leaning back again. His foot nudged Spock’s under the table in what must have been encouragement. Leonard rarely apologized for their mutual antagonization of the other, another sign he was taking this seriously.

“It has come to my attention that I hold you both in strong regard.” Spock thought that was as good a place to start as any, even as his practiced words seemed to fall away. He should have written them down... But that would have no doubt brought Leonard’s amusement and possibly ire. “I also know, while it is not the practice on Vulcan, for many cultures it is customary to let those you care about know of your regard towards them.”

Both Leonard and Jim were silent, which was not one of the responses Spock had anticipated. It was Leonard who finally spoke and said, “Are you sure you’re not dying? Because you just admitted to having an emotion. Several, in fact.”

“Indeed. It was our last away mission that brought me to further examine my feelings towards both Jim and yourself.” Spock had been the one, after 27.8 frantic hours, to find and rescue the captain and chief medical officer. Between coordinating the rescue effort, Spock found his thoughts consumed with things he wished to tell them both. “I... care for you both. My existence is greatly improved by your presence in it.”

He hoped that they could understand all he was not able to say. ‘Don’t leave me, I need you, I missed you, I-’

“Spock,” Jim’s voice was soft, and when Spock looked up at him, so was his expression. “I feel the same.” He then looked towards Leonard, and Spock followed his gaze.

Leonard looked between them both, and his blinking grew more rapid. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough. “Damnit, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost either of you. You’ve both managed to pick up my pieces and put them back together. I can’t remember the last time I felt complete.”

Of course, Leonard, who was better with emotions than either Spock or Jim, would put the words to it: that there existed between them something that exceeded a friendship bond. They had become family. Partners. A tension settled then, the question -

“What do we do?” Jim voiced it. “It’s not as if we can stop going on dangerous missions. That’s not the life we signed up for.”

“I know neither of you could be happy sitting by,” Leonard agreed. “You’re explorers to your cores. And someone who asks you to change your very nature isn’t worth keeping.”

Keep. Spock turned the word over in his mind. “It seems that what is in our power to change is the parameters of our relationship.”

Jim let out a breath that sounded like ‘yes.’

“If you’re suggesting what I think you’re suggesting, that’d be against regulation.” Leonard pointed at Spock. “Would you be okay with that?”

“Affirmative.” Spock had to focus to keep his tone even. This was not one of the outcomes he had let himself ponder. His desire for it would have become overwhelming.

“What about the ol’ needs of the many over the few?” Leonard said, and Spock knew he wasn’t arguing because he was against the possibility now hanging heavy in the room, more tangible than it had ever been before because it had been named. Leonard was making sure Spock was sure; that he was comfortable.

“You are both professionals, whom I trust not to let the personal adversely interfere with the running of the ship.” It was an easier answer than he thought. “I even theorize that such a change in our relationship could improve personal performance.”

“Now that is a theory that I want to test.” Jim moved to stand, so he could face them both fully. His smile was back and wider than Spock could recall seeing it. “I’d like to very much.”

Leonard was smiling now as well. “Why am I surprised that this has been the weirdest way I’ve ever been asked out?”

“Come on Bones, for science,” Jim’s eyes twinkled, and he reached out to catch one of Leonard’s hands. “But more importantly, for... love.”

Spock watched the way their fingers fit together, and almost missed that Jim had spoken the final unspoken word. He looked back towards their expressions, before standing himself and coming closer, to stand between them both.

“Of course I will,” Leonard said. “Spock?”

“Affirmative,” Spock said again, and added, while carefully watching Leonard’s expression. “It should prove fascinating.” Before Leonard could offer a retort to that, Spock held out his index and middle finger to him. A gesture he knew the good doctor had picked up the significance of.

Leonard’s eyes went wide once more, but he didn’t hesitate before reciprocating the gesture. Once he had, Spock felt a wave of affection he could not pinpoint as his own emotion or Leonard’s. Spock then offered the same to Jim, who looked like he had been given a gift to rival his captaincy of the Enterprise.

When Jim’s finger’s met Spock’s, the three of them stood visibly connected in a way Spock knew their lives had already long been. This, then, was proof that he would not lose them. At least, not without making sure they knew what they meant to him.

It spoke of a new beginning, a new adventure, shared between the three of them.

[ichayalovesyou]

Tholian Web (live blog)

Already know a bit about this one

Awww poor Chekov! Stop traumatizing/infecting him with murder-itis! Leave my baby boy alone!!!!!

This might be the most dead bodies we’ve seen on the show, yikes!

Oh noooooooooooo Kirk!

Aw, Spock contact your son! Poor baby...

Sulu is scared for his buddy! 💔

“Save Captain” mode activated! Nothing else matters until then as usual (how do people not ship it?!)

Return of the fish eye camera!

Chapel just saved Bones ass! We stan!

“I believe in you now leave me alone” is a running Spones theme 😂

Bones, ngl, think that phase madness is sinking in on you already. Also grieving for Jim :(

I honestly think the reason Spock didn’t want Bones at the funeral is mostly because he doesn’t think Jim is dead.

Again! I kinda ship Sulu x Uhura, or at least brotp! They’re always stocking together!

Wow, so much insight on both Bones & Spock, their dynamic is so fascinating.

Oof, that tears it! Bones is infected, I mean, they all clearly are but damn, I’ve never seen him that pissed at Spock something funky going on.

Awwww Jim is like “I know y’all are fighting, remember y’all care about each other!” This is so sad and gooooood.

Oh Bones is almost crying, don’t worry I’ll do it for you! 😭

Uhura baby no! Is she? Going nuts? It is everyone gonna think she’s nuts. We done been knew Jim alive tho.

Oh man, poor Pavel. Wow Chapel’s getting to be cool as fuck this episode!

Aw this is playing on Uhura’s preestablished phobia :(

SCOTTY SAW JIM!!!1!1!

“I know it’s nothing you’ve done Spock, I’m sorry” IM SORRY DID SPOCK JUST CALL MCCOY BONES?! IM FUCKING DONE HEART EXPLODED DONE DEAD

Man this is a fantastic ensemble episode, everyone is getting to shine! (And Shatner just so happens to be absent... gee, I wonder if there’s a connection 🤔)

Aw Bones called Spock Captain I’m fucking dying this is so good

Aw Spock missed Pavel, they’re so fucking cute oml

Another FANTASTIC episode!

[bubblyani]

Overtime

(Flip Zimmerman x Reader)

A Flip Zimmerman One Shot

Rating: Mature

Request : May I make a request? If you say no that’s just fine! But maybe Flip Zimmerman and the new secretary at the station?@lemonypink

Author’s Note: I could picture this in the movie hahah. Anyways I hope y’all enjoy this.

Tagging: @meta-human-of-221b-ravenclaw

“Y/N! Need a copy of this report please!”

“Sure thing!”

“Hey! Is my handwriting sloppy ? I’ve always wanted to know”

“Well all I will say is ...maybe try writing slower”

“Argh! knew it”

You were full of soft giggles as you typed away in your typewriter. The phone rang with much gusto until you finally picked it up.

“Colorado Springs PD, how may I help you?...” you answered. With habit, you quickly took your notepad with one hand as you listened to the caller, “Uh huh...” you muttered, whilst writing down, “...sure. I will relay the message to him. Thank you for calling!” You said before you hung up.

Apart from the nonstop sounds of countless typewriters being utilized across the whole room, your ears were always brimming with requests, inquiries and complaints from all. Be it officers, detectives and civilians. Why wouldn’t it be? You were a secretary in the Intelligence Division. 

Being mostly surrounded by the detectives in the precinct, you were in the company of quite an interesting bunch.

“Y/N?” Especially One person in particular. “Yes Flip?”

Cheerfully, you greeted. Wearing one of his signature flannel shirts, Detective Flip Zimmerman stood in front of your desk there with his partner Jimmy Creek. “...Could you help me draft a letter to the sergeant, please?”

“Sure thing Flip...” you said, flipping into a new page in the notepad, “I’m just gonna need some details” you continued, “What is this pertaining to?”

“It’s about my resignation”

The pen suddenly dropped out of your hand.

“Your WHAT??“ You yelled out. Never did you think you’d be this loud as you were just now.

Finally unable to contain himself, Jimmy burst into laughter, forcing Flip and the others to join him. Upon realizing their scheme, you scowled.

“Not funny gentlemen” you said sternly, getting up from your chair. “Awww...you should have seen the look on your face” “Well, good for you Jimmy!” You said sarcastically, with your arms folded, watching Jimmy reenact your reaction to the rest of the gang. Shaking your head, you smiled eventually, finding the humor in the situation as you sat down. These men may be detectives, but the inner child had never left their bodies. “Sorry about that” Flip said softly, making you realize he was still standing by your desk. He sounded remorseful, you could tell from his voice. “It’s alright” you replied with a chuckle , before you began to type again.   “Didn’t think you’d be so surprised though” he said, watching you work while casually leaning against the desk. “No it’s just-” looking up, you quickly paused upon seeing his face, “....well you’re a good detective. And...it would be a mighty shame to see you go” you said.

“Thanks” With his eyes never leaving yours, he headed over to his own desk.

When it came to the matters of a criminal investigation, withholding information was a resounding no. But when it came to the matters of your heart, you knew it was best to withhold the most intimate details that lingered within. Especially when those details included your deep, affectionate feelings towards Flip Zimmerman.

It was obvious, You were drawn to him from the very first day. Being the first one you’ve encountered in Colorado Springs PD, he left a lasting impression. You could never forget that first day.

“Why are you staring like that?” He said that day, upon finding your eager eyes staring at the Colorado Springs PD signboard outside the building. Blushing with embarrassment, you struggled to answer. “It’s just that...I’ve never worked for Police before. It’s just unbelievable”  You remembered yourself mutter shyly, looking at the tall figure next to you. “Well...believe it. You’re one of us now”He said, before walking away. 

You remembered that small smile he gave. The way he made you feel inclusive with just one line. And the way he looked out for you in the precinct without making you feel you were a pity party.

The silent working hours allowed you to appreciate the handsome man he was. The flannel, the hair, the mustache certainly grew on you, to the point where maintaining eye contact was a difficult task. Possible but difficult. 

Jimmy’s laughter did not seem to fade, causing Rookie detective Ron Stallworth to enter the room with curiosity.

“Morning Everyone” he said looking around.

“Ron...” Jimmy cried out, “...you just missed something hilarious” he said, still in the midst of sniggers. Ron looked quite confused.

“Really?” He asked with a chuckle, “And what is that?”

“My embarrassment...”You answered, shaking your head, inciting more laughter from everyone in the room. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“You always have it up”

“Huh?”

Confused, you looked at Flip from your desk. Running his fingers through his raven hair, his inquisitive expression remained unchanged.

“Your hair...” he said, “It’s always up. Why?”

Feeling your high hair bun on the back of your head, you understood what he meant.

“Well...It’s proper. Isn’t it?” You said.

Being in a workplace, you never intended to look like a distraction. For it was easier to be one as a woman. So you wanted to be far from one. Hair bun, white shirt tucked in a navy blue skirt, you were the definition of proper.

“Y/L/N...” Sergeant Trapp came out of his office. You liked Trapp. He was kind to you. 

“I know this isn’t your usual rodeo but...do you mind staying back tonight for some overtime? Gotta hell a lot of paperwork to finish up”

“Of course sir...” you answered in an instant. You’d rather slave away and finish up the work than leave it hanging for later.

And so you did. Two hours into overtime, you noticed the detectives haven’t left office. Huddled around Stallworth’s desk, Zimmerman, Creek and Trapp were engaged in a serious conversation while Ron was on the phone. From the chatter collected in the room, you were well informed of the current investigation about the clan, the organization. You could not forget Ron’s daring attempt that started the case, and grouped the detectives together. 

“Oh Mr. Duke I’m so glad you asked” Ron said out loud, as he played his redneck persona, “What happened that day, it just boils my blood just thinking about it. Who do those colored folk think they are? Am I right?” Watching the others laugh silently, you could not help but stifle a grin.

“My sister?”

Ron began, suddenly in the mist of thinking, “Pamela? Oh she’s doing great ...” he said, making you furrow your brows with confusion, “In fact, she is dying to talk to you, Sir!” Just like the others, you were very confused. Even more so when Ron was looking directly at you. “You would?” He said, “Aww that would be mighty kind of you sir, let me just grab her” Covering the phone, he sat up, forcing everyone to direct their attention to you.

“Get over here” he mouthed at you. Your eyes widened.

“What?” You mouthed back. Snapping his finger, Flip finally understood what Ron was trying to do. You finally got up as you watched him walk towards you.

“Do it!” Flip said softly.

“Do what?” You asked with genuine confusion while walking with him to Ron’s desk.

“Come on! We’ve seen you do that impression” Ron whispered. He was right. To kill boredom, you would occasionally do an impression of Pamela, Ron’s imaginary sister who claimed to have been accosted by coloreds. You only did it for fun. Never did you think for once it was an audition, and now you were offered the part.

“What? But that’s just crazy” you said.

“This...would be perfect for us. This is gonna help us a lot” Flip said, looking at you. His words did not pressure you. Instead they gently convinced you to see the logic behind all this. Ron’s eyes gleamed as you sighed and took the phone.   “H-Hello?” You answered with a raised voice, “Oh my word...is this really Mr. Duke?” You feigned surprise, letting out an excited laughter. You played along in this game with an unexpected confidence. And Duke seemed to have bought it “Can I just say what an honor it is to hear your voice, Sir!”

Excitement was evident in Ron’s face, while the Sergeant looked surprised. But none of that mattered to you when you saw Flip’s look of admiration, hidden in his face in the form of a small smile.

Grabbing the phone from you, Ron gave you a thumbs up, as he continued the conversation.“Mr. Duke, this is Ron again...” he began, “As much as my sister would love to talk, she’s busy making dinner. Hehe...yes sir...” he said, his voice growing softer “... women sure do belong in the kitchen”

He added, shooting a teasing look at you, watching you roll your eyes and the others silently snigger. But halfway through, you saw Ron’s eyes widen.

“Oh! Really?” He said, “Wow I’d be honored sir. Thank you! Alright, You have a lovely evening too”

Hanging up, everyone held their breath until he finally spoke.

“Well...the big guy’s even more impressed, thanks to you” he said, pointing at you, “...Walter’s gonna give me a call with the meeting details for tonight...Flip, get ready for a Cross Burning” Ron said, setting his gaze over at Zimmerman, who merely nodded. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Y/N...what are you still doing here? Go home. I’ll drop you“

Jimmy may have teased you earlier, but he always had cared for you like a sibling. Hence he was surprised to still find you at the office around midnight.

“No Jim it’s okay...” you said, whilst stifling a yawn, “...got some reports to finish up anyway”

Truthfully, with your experience, finishing up paperwork was easy as pie. But the reason that kept you from leaving had no relation to any form of paperwork whatsoever.

With Flip and Ron out meeting the clan for the Cross Burning, you could not help but worry for Flip’s safety. Tonight especially, more than you ever did before.

Sure, Ron would be there to look out, for him. You knew he had his back. But worrying was never correlated with logic.

With Paperwork completed, You searched for petty excuses to hang around. Anything to keep yourself occupied until you could see him walk in through the door, alive and well.

With your eyelids getting heavy, you were tempted to close them, drifting into sleep. Maybe just 10 minutes, you thought. With your head on the table, you let the exhaustion take charge. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The subtle creaking noises of furniture woke you. Opening your eyes slowly, you sensed that morning had dawned already. The office was empty.

And Flip was standing before you. 

Relief washing over you like cool water over one’s face, you quickly covered  your mouth to wipe away any form of saliva you had. Embarrassingly, you greeted him with a sleepy smile. “The burning went well I’m guessing?”

“Yep...” he said, “although too much burning for my taste”

You sniffed the hot coffee in the air, which got stronger as he handed you a cup full of it.

“Figured You’d need a good wake up” he said, as you accepted it. “Yeah I do, with the accidental sleeping” you chuckled, taking a sip.

“Yeah, plus you...snore” Flip said, finally giving up to sniggers. You dropped your jaw in shock. “What? I do? Oh no...”You cried out frustratingly, laughing alongside him,  “...was I loud ?” You asked in a whisper.

“No...” he said, sitting on your desk, “...of course not”

“Oh good” Shaking your head in disbelief, you casually took off the hairpins off your messy head, letting the cascade of hair flow over your shoulders.

“Wait...” Flip said, “...you got uh...” Reaching out, he casually brushed a strand of hair off your face, which did not alarm you. For all the times you’ve waited for him to do this, you were secretly ecstatic. The moment eyes locked in each other’s, his hand did not leave. Instead his thumb grazed over your left temple. The way he stopped by your cheek, seemed to be a physical way of seeking permission. And your unaffected silence was your consent.

His touch comforted you, and for a man of his stature he was as gentle as he could be. As much as you were silent and welcoming, you wanted to make your intentions clearer. You took a daring risk the moment thumb brushed over your mouth. Pressing your lips against his finger, you embraced it with adoration, making sure he could feel it to the inner core.

And within seconds, your risk was deemed worthy the moment he moved towards you, quickly kissing you on the lips.

A sense of unrealized fulfillment came over you as you kissed Flip Zimmerman. You were excited, invigorated and intoxicated at the same time.

Pulling away, deep breaths were exchanged as foreheads were placed together. “Pretty...” Flip blurted out shyly, “....you look pretty with your hair down” he said, with his fingers tangled in your loose hair. You chuckled. “Thanks...” you said, placing the coffee cup on the table, “....you should see me in my normal clothes..” you joked, “I look much better “ you added with a smile. Flip’s eyes grew warm.

“Yeah I should...” He smiled back, “...maybe when we grab a bite sometime...”

Overjoyed, you kissed him once again with even more enthusiasm, grateful for the overtime work shift that made all this possible. ——————————————————

https://bubblyani.tumblr.com/post/190893189313/driver-masterlist

Check my MASTERLIST for more :)

[lovelyirony]

okay but hear me out hear me out hear me OUT: hunger by ross copperman for rhodeytony

Everyone knows that Tony would die for Rhodey. It’s as easy to see as green grass or a blue sky. He would burn everything down for Rhodey. 

Something that others don’t catch onto is how willing Rhodey is to do the exact same. Rhodey doesn’t often tell people his side of the story of how the two met. 

As it turns out, Rhodey wasn’t supposed to be in room 63-J, he was supposed to be in 65-J. Due to mix-ups in housing and a particularly horrible employee, Rhodey was moved into what was supposed to be a private room. 

“I’m, um, sorry,” Rhodey says. “I can move to a different room, I just have to email the people--” 

“Uh-uh, don’t worry about it,” Tony says, eyes shining. “There’s more than enough space in here, and I’d really prefer to have a roommate. I’ve never really shared anything before!” 

Tony is a small seventeen year old. Rhodey is eighteen, takes one look at this kid who could honestly pass for fifteen, and realizes that he knows nothing about the real world. Absolutely nothing. His head is empty, and he has no idea about that either. 

So Rhodey stays. He teaches Tony how to do things, although Tony isn’t completely helpless. He loves doing laundry and he knows how to cook some serious gourmet shit. 

This is how Rhodey learns how to make his own pasta, and Tony smiles as he smears flour against his cheek. 

Rhodey teaches Tony what coffee to drink, which restaurants are the best. (This does not stop Tony from eating at Burger King near-religiously.) Tony learns how to dress how he wants, and to stop showing up to classes in what is essentially a full suit. 

Tony falls in love with old jeans, worn band tees that he finds after combing through racks of all the thrift stores. 

He laughs as he makes Rhodey get a neon orange fanny pack. 

“Since you claim you always lose your shit at parties,” Tony teases, grinning. 

Tony’s a kid. 

And yet...not a kid. 

He knows immediately who to trust, who to avoid. The way he phrases things has Rhodey’s head going in circles. He’s brilliant with people, to a point where he can drive anyone away. 

Except for Rhodey. 

He made a promise over Thanksgiving break, when Tony realized that his mother penned a note explaining that “darling, your father and I are still in the Maldives, so you have free reign of the house for Thanksgiving...” 

It meant that he would be Completely Alone. 

Well, Rhodey wasn’t having that. 

“If I have to clean the carpet, I’m forcing you with me,” Rhodey says. “And I promised that I would bring a dessert, and I know that you make killer tiramisu.” 

“If I only have to prove that I’m clearly the better roommate, then so be it,” Tony says dramatically. “Take me away, Jim-dear.” 

(He cannot stop calling him that after they stole the VCR of Lady and the Tramp from the English department’s catalog. Not like they’re gonna miss it. 

Rhodey cannot stop thinking about how much he really, actually loves it, that nickname.) 

Tony is shy when he gets to the house, although Dad immediately pulls Tony into the family. 

“Rhodey promised us a dessert but I know that he didn’t inherit my cooking skills, so I’m assuming he’s just promised you,” he says. 

“Yes he has, Mr. Rhodes,” Tony says, grinning. “How do you feel about tiramisu?” 

Tony later on impresses Mrs. Rhodes--from that night on, referred to lovingly as “Mama”--with his piano playing skills. Tony’s perfect memory reads notes as if he’s always known them, and plays piano with a skilled sort of ease. He even adds his own little stylings, making it even better as Rhodey watches his parents dance. 

They haven’t done that in years, not since Rhodey was little and they still had the old record player with Billie Holiday and Duke Ellington records stacked to the side among others. 

Tony laughs along with the music, grinning as his little sister tells him every single embarrassing story about Rhodey. 

“He thought watermelons grew on trees,” Jeannette says, cackling. “Can you believe that?!” 

“I can,” Tony says, putting a finger to his chin. “And I think that if no one had told you, you still would.” 

“Of course if no one had told me I still would! That’s how belief works!” Rhodey calls out. 

“Shush,” Mama says, smoothing a hand over Rhodey’s hair. “Some people are dumb, baby, it’s okay.” 

Rhodey makes an offended squawk, and Tony laughs. 

They go to sleep in Rhodey’s bed. It’s a queen, not like they both can’t fit onto it. 

And if Rhodey wakes with Tony curled into his arms, soft breathing? If Rhodey realizes that life could be like this all the time if they really wanted it to? 

Well. It’s not the worst thought in the world to have. Not by a long shot. 

- 

This feeling continues on long after they graduate, when they start spending every holiday they can together. They always make a dessert together and Rhodey always gets something Super Shit from the thrift store. 

Last year, it was a mug proclaiming “Best Regional Staff Manager of 1978.” He has just discovered that he could custom-order a burnt orange shag carpet, and Tony will put it into his bedroom. 

And then Afghanistan. 

Rhodey grieves like nothing else. He is almost always dehydrated from crying, he can barely eat, and Pepper has to check in on him. 

“You smell bad,” she tells him one night. 

“I know.” 

“Go shower.” 

“Later.” 

“No, now. I swear to god if Tony knew you smelled this disgusting, he’d douse you in Chanel no. 5, and I know how you feel about that.” 

Rhodey manages to get out a small smile. 

He showers. He feels a bit better. 

And he starts looking. 

Everyone in his squad and in the military itself thinks he’s crazy for still looking. The chances of Tony being alive are less than fifty percent. He is most likely dead, but Rhodey can’t stop looking. He just can’t. 

He gets Tony in his arms months later, skinny and frail and yet still so alive. Rhodey tells him he’ll never let go. 

“Not even to let me take a wizz?” Tony asks, smile weak. Rhodey laughs and lets a little bit of tears slip out. 

He does something that was not supposed to happen. 

He leaves the military. 

Realizes that that isn’t what he wants, night after night, to count down days until he’s back in Tony’s arms. He wants to work alongside his someone, to smile at him, and cook breakfast. 

It’s at this time when Tony keeps coming into his room. 

“Like old times?” he asks. Begs, almost. Rhodey nods. 

“Always, Tones. You know that.” 

Tony introduces him to Iron Man, and Rhodey oohs and ah’s, questioning what works and why it had to be that garish, bold red. 

“Aw sweetheart, who else would pick such a color scheme?” 

Rhodey grins and asks when he’s getting his own suit. 

“I do not believe in a god, but I think I might start praying,” Jarvis says dryly, and they both snicker. 

It is Rhodey who helps keep Tony from working himself to the bone, forcing him to come with him. 

“Come on, it’s pizza night and you have to help me make breadsticks otherwise I’m not putting on enough garlic butter.” 

“Rhodey I know that you love garlic butter so this is essentially an empty threat but I will and can kill you.” 

Rhodey snorts as Tony chases him around the kitchen. 

Then the Avengers. 

Natalie Rushman comes into Tony’s life, and Rhodey just knows she isn’t who she says she is. 

Doesn’t help that Tony’s reckless and trying to hide a pretty impressive crossword along his chest. 

What’s an eleven-letter-word meaning “a destroying agency?” 

(Destruction.) 

He doesn’t let her even near Tony. 

“I’m supposed to be here,” Natalie says plainly. She has a coy smile on her face. 

She does not know that for a wild variety of reasons, this will not work on Rhodey. 

“So am I,” Rhodey says evenly. “So I guess we’ve come to a stalemate. I’ll give him the paperwork. You can ask Pepper about the gala’s appetizers and security measures, as I’m sure you have questions.” 

He knows she doesn’t. He also knows that Tony won’t look into her because he’s--

He’s busy. 

Just that. 

(Not dying, his brain whispers insidiously. Not planning a trip six feet or below.) 

Rhodey does not blow off Tony when they have a fight in the house, when Tony wants everyone to leave and get out and tries to get Rhodey to leave by saying he’s a sidekick. 

“You idiot,” Rhodey scowls. “If I’m a sidekick, what does that make you? The very minor character?” 

“What? No, I’m Iron Man--” 

“Yeah, but still. I think Pepper or someone else would be the main character. Quit being an idiot and help me clean up the glass you shot at, idiot.” 

Tony doesn’t like knowing that Rhodey knows. He also doesn’t like Pepper screams about an omelet and how “It wasn’t even that good Tony! How did you mess up eggs! You didn’t even get any seasoning!” 

Rhodey laughs. Helps Tony discover that a.) SHIELD is a bunch of assholes collectively getting a salary, and b.) Howard still had tricks up his sleeve. 

But tricks are tricks. 

You get a solution? Well, that’s even better. 

Tony smells like metal and coconuts, and Rhodey whoops with joy. 

Tony kisses him on the lips, and it’s amazing and he definitely wants more of that, and-- 

“Okay we gotta go take down an evil genius,” Tony says, grinning. “Come on sugar-plum.” 

War Machine and Iron Man work like a dream together, and they’re panting and tired but smiling at the end of all of this. 

“Sour patch, we need a vacation,” Tony says. “We need to just. Lay somewhere.” 

“Agreed, honey.” 

So after all of these years, they become an item. A couple. People who love each other and don’t get too mad when someone else eats all of the butternut squash soup (Rhodey). 

And Tony will tell anyone who listens how in love he fell, so hard, and Rhodey will smile and agree. 

But he’s pretty sure that he’s the one who fell first. 

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 29: 3x09 The Tholian Web

Today’s episode, The Tholian Web, was completely new to me and I came in with no expectations at all. I wasn’t sure about it at first but ultimately I really liked it!

In uncharted territory looking for lost ship the Defiant. Space appears to be breaking up. Idk but for some reason this sounds very familiar.

Like truly I don’t know what this is reminding me of but hasn’t space broken up before?

And now there’s a mysterious object! Nothing is going Kirk’s way today at all.

“Fascinating.” / “Explain.” Truly the root of this relationship.

It’s the Defiant! Looking ghostly.

Uhura’s on the case already. You don’t need to tell her how to do her job.

Scotty and Sulu looking badass together.

Conveniently, it’s another constitution class, allowing all the sets to be reused. (Though also I do think it makes sense only a large ship like that would be in uncharted space.)

Look at them in those suits. They look like they’re going to the grocery store in May 2020.

How do they know this isn’t an illusion? Because “we can see it, but the sensors don’t pick up anything” screams “illusion” to me. I wouldn’t want to beam into open space!

The triumvirate + Chekov, fourth wheeling again. (My mom suggested he’d be incapacitated soon, which is fair--he IS the red shirt in this scenario.)

All of this is feeling very familiar--missing ship, unusual space phenomenon, people going mad--but I'm not sure if it's repetitive or classic.

NO mutiny ever? That seem unlikely. Also didn’t Spock literally commit mutiny? Chekov would appreciate knowing this.

Kirk manages to look intense even through the space suit.

I find it really weird he doesn’t know the captain of this ship. Like, first off, he knows everyone, and second, there only about 12-14 constitution class vessel Captains so I really do think they know each other.

“Spock, stay with me.” Don’t have to tell him twice.

Lol the ship looks so silly just...drifting away. Adorable, but silly.

Seeing an Asian man in sick bay reminds me how few Asian people there are in Starfleet. Like... 1.

“What the devil?” That’s a Southern man there.

Is the ship actually dissolving or is it an ILLUSION? (It’s actually dissolving.)

Uh, the transporter’s not working? That’s not good.

I love how Scotty hears that and immediately abandons the bridge, like there is NO other man for the job.

O’Neil’s face when Kirk asks to be beamed aboard is hilarious. Human embodiment of the :O emoticon.

“You too, Spock.” He delays ordering Spock back to the ship because he KNOWS Spock’s going to argue.

“Completing the data set” yeah okay. He just doesn’t want to leave Jim alone. Especially in the extremely suspicious circumstances of there being 4 people and 3 transporter spots.

He’s vanished!

Spock is NOT having this.

The fabric of space is very weak here. Sounds legit. And there are many alternate dimensions that are very close at hand. So in other words... Kirk is literally stuck in an AU right now.

This is sorta like The Alternative Factor but way better.

You know it’s serious when they break out the fish eye lens.

When Bones rushed in, I was expecting him to sedate Chekov but Spock has it covered.

I feel like Spock is extremely concerned for Chekov here. Like it’s subtle, but just the attention he’s paying to him. And Sulu is obviously very concerned too.

His “environmental unit” only has so much oxygen. What a great name for a fancy spacesuit.

Spock will not believe Jim is dead!! Never. (This is the plot of the whole episode in 8 words essentially.)

That’s an alien!

“According to the Federation, this area is free space.” ...Okay, that sounds a little colonialist. In his defense, he doesn’t press the point. He basically says, kay, we’ll go as soon as we’re finished rescuing.

And I appreciate the Tholian’s respect for that even though surely he must feel gaslit by Spock--rescuing WHO there are NO other ships??

Also I like the look of the alien.

Nifty lab equipment there.

MCCOY FIGHT SCENE.

Wow that orderly was easily disabled lol. I guess Chapel hypoed him but it really looked like she just tapped his shoulder and he fell.

Hmm, there are still 30 minutes left so something tells me this Kirk rescue mission won’t work.

Captain Kirk is not in his designated area. I repeat Captain Kirk has wandered away from his designated area.

The space was disturbed by the Tholians. I guess they weren’t factored into the delicate calculations.

Something about this exchange really screams Southerner meets Alien. Like more than most McCoy and Spock exchanges.

You can tell Spock is thinking about this whole "nothing’s being transmitted, it’s just the nature of space; everyone's already sick" thing but also not caring because CAPTAIN KIRK.

Now they’re being fired upon! A lot is happening here.

“Renowned Tholian punctuality” lol. Always a sense of humor on this one.

Spock’s face when Sulu questioned his order was 100% “Did I stutter?”

“I know you don’t like to use the phasers.” Because he’s a pacifist.

Well he changed his mind on those phasers fast enough.

“You’ve lost Jim.” UM no I think NOT.

Everything happens so much.

“That is the mark of a starship Captain like Jim.” I mean Spock is no Jim but there’s no need to be rude about it

“Doctor, go to your room and do your homework.”

Aw, the ships are kissing.

Now they look like little weaving shuttles. Adorable.

Hmm, it IS a web. Appropriately named episode.

“We shall not see home again.” Lol Spock way to be the Most Dramatique as always.

Tholian web screensaver Windows 98.

No, not a funeral!!

“This service requires my attention, Mr. Spock.” Crying emoji.

(I’m with Spock in almost everything in this ep but come on, you can’t ban McCoy from Kirk’s funeral, that’s just rude.)

This seems more like an assembly than a funeral tbh.

[agonizing scream] is also how I feel about Kirk “dying” and that’s why Generations isn’t real.

AOS Kirk would 100% approve of a brawl at his funeral.

Sulu and Uhura <3

“Each of you must evaluate the loss in the privacy of your own thoughts.” Spock definitely will.

Wait, that was it? The whole eulogy? Both Kirk and Spock really suck at eulogizing the other.

McCoy probably could have skipped this honestly.

Wait, Kirk left his space husband and his BFF a final in-case-of-death message? Noooooooooooooooo I can’t.

McCoy is so insistent they watch it and Spock is like “nah, that makes it too real, not gonna do it.”

“The Captain’s last order is the top priority.”

Why does everyone always assume Spock wants power? He obviously doesn’t. He could be a Captain if he wanted, probably. He’s early enough in his career where he still has time to become a Captain, too--eventually he does! Most of his career and literally every statement he’s ever made would kinda imply he’s not interested.

Also, if he didn’t care about Jim and he just wanted to take over the Enterprise, he would have left 3 hours ago? Like multiple people were saying he should? Including Bones??

“He was a hero in every sense of the word.” True.

McCoy is being VERY mean today.

And now he’s mad at him again for fighting the Tholians instead of leaving without Jim! Like which is it! What did he do wrong? At least pick a specific thing to criticize lol.

"I need not explain my rationale to you or to any other member of this crew." That’s true but also all I can hear is “I love him. I’m in love with him. I must have him back.”

What is that art work on the wall? That’s new.

I don’t get how Bones isn’t getting this. He KNOWS about the “warm, genuine feeling.”

Vulcans clearly aren’t immune to the...space weirdness. But yes, another pot shot at his alienness is always welcome lol.

“I AM in command of the Enterprise.” You tell him.

Finally, the secret message!

Omg Jim is literally dead and he’s still reassuring Spock. What a good boyfriend. I know this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but you got this bb.

Now he’s lecturing them both from beyond the grave and getting everything right and they’re just standing there like chastised schoolboys.

That “take care” was so soft.

“It does hurt, doesn’t it?”

“What would you have me say Doctor?”

Like??? I can’t stand this.

Uhura! At home.

I like that twirly thing they have in their quarters; very efficient use of space and also I want one.

I also love that her chair has crocodile arms.

Kirk shows up in the mirror just to be dramatic and disappear again.

“Of course you saw him. We’d all like to see him.” Lol. Yes, yes, he’s still with us... in our hearts.

If the Tholians complete the web, what will they do with what’s inside? Eat it?"

“Are we any closer to the cure for space weirdness?” / “No. Except also yes.”

Love all the vague science that goes into solving their problem at the last minute but also extremely quickly by any objective standard.

Is Chekov restrained with seat belts?

Whereas Uhura’s just chilling. She knows what she’s about.

Ghost Kirk! Ghost Kirk!

"Do you suppose they're seeing Jim because they've lost confidence i you?" Damn bones, harsh. I thought we were done with this.

Pretty distressing that everything relies SO much on Scotty lol--arguably the MOST critical single member of the crew.

“I’m  sorry.” Glad to hear him say it, finally!

“He would just say ‘Forget it Bones.’“ Adorable.

I feel like everyone’s simultaneously thinking, ‘Okay, we ALL see that, right?”

I am overwhelmed by the longing in that shot of Spock trying to reach Kirk through the dimensions. Like, we’ve established everyone loves him, everyone misses him, everyone wants to see him, but Spock actually approaches him and tries to meet him...

“We were separated. He couldn’t touch me.”

I want to know Scotty’s opinion on Spock’s crazy statue.

So Spock shouldn’t have fired those phasers? Because they... did something... bad to the dimensions? But what other choice did he have, other than to leave without Kirk?

Wasn’t Scotty literally just saying this wasn’t fixable? And now he’s like ‘eh, I can fix it in 20 minutes and get you 80% power’?

The antidote is derived from a nerve gas used by the Klingons...that’s honestly rather hilarious. They’re good for something I guess.

“It simply deadens certain nerve inputs in the brain.” / “Any decent brand of Scotch’ll do that.” Starfleet’s finest lmao.

Lmao Mccoy's no longer drugging the crew he's straight up killing parts of their brains with booze and deadly nerve gas. The man must be stopped.

Noooo don’t give Scotty the whole bottle. We’ve already established the ship doesn’t run without him.

They still gotta get out of the web.

If I shipped McCoy/Spock I would DEFINITELY ship it in that little moment where they look at each other over the glasses.

I have no idea what happened but they seem to be free. Bye Tholians!

Kirk back in the chair where he belongs <3

“No problems worth reporting”--I mean that is technically true, I GUESS.

Kirk is trying to get the gossip.

“Only what one would expect when humans are involved.” / “What humans?” The oxygen hasn’t fully returned to his brain, I see.

Also he is completely lying about understanding McCoy’s explanation.

Sulu and Chekov are having a great time listening in. Collecting future gossip for the cafeteria.

“M-my last orders. That I left for both of you.” He’s adorable.

"The crisis was upon us and then passed so quickly that w-we...." Lol yes the crisis came and then 4 hours later, it was passed! Just like that.

I totally get that Kirk wants them to admit they watched the tape. It was his orders that they watch it first, plus he knows he said helpful stuff and he wanted to be helpful! But I also get why they don’t want to admit they saw it, because it is rather awkward to admit they watched his last words when he’s... not dead.

That was a great ep overall! I really enjoyed it.

My only two complaints are that there wasn’t enough Kirk, and I wasn’t fond of Bones’s characterization. I mean, I get that he was affected by the... space weirdness and maybe his usual prejudices were purposefully exaggerated to show that but it still felt like he was constantly piling up on Spock and in the most unhelpful way. Like, they often disagree, in part because they have different general philosophies, and Bones often misunderstands Spock. But Bones wasn’t really offering anything helpful in terms of command advice, and his criticisms were both repetitive and incoherent. Did he want Spock to leave Jim behind or not? Was firing the phasers bad or necessary? Is Spock doing too much to save Jim or is he just out to get rid of him and take command? And again, he had like 6 moments where he said something cutting and cruel and...one or two of those go a lot farther to show the point. I also just... Bones really, really doesn’t get Spock, and I can see how he’d get meaner given the space aggression. But he’s not cruel. And he and Spock are friends, and he does know that Spock loves Kirk more than anything. So I did not find him IC overall.

But I did really like Spock and his characterization. I could feel all the emotion in him, so pent up and controlled but so present--especially in the moment when he held the tape Kirk made, but in so many other places as well--the “funeral,” the first moment after Kirk failed to materialize, reaching for him on the Bridge...

I also liked this portrayal of Spock in command. He is a good commander and he has obviously grown a lot since the Galileo Seven. But he’s not Jim, and the show is clear about that. Kirk is not replaceable and his job is not easy. I’m not even sure that Kirk would have done much different than Spock--he wouldn’t have left without one of his crew, and that probably would have involved firing on the Tholian ship. But when Spock did it, it really felt like he was overwhelmed, frustrated, and not thinking--he didn’t want to, but then Scotty said he should, and he did. Kirk would have made the decision, not been pressured into it. Would it have mattered? It comes out to the same, but I think it would have been a different scenario. Kirk only ever makes his own decisions--then he can own them, no matter what. That didn’t feel like Spock’s decision, and it affected others’ confidence in him (cough cough McCoy).

I would have to watch again to see if I thought there was any other choice.

This ep made me think of the cave scene in ST09 where Ambassador Spock meets Kirk and thinks he is HIS Kirk, come on purpose to find him. Because obviously Kirk is like that: he comes back from the dead, he finds Spock no matter what, he comforts and reassures and supports him no matter what. He would cross dimensions, he’d travel through time, he’d become No Longer Dead, if that’s what Spock needed.

I was a little disappointed that we didn’t see Kirk’s adventures in the AU lol. I think he was lying about being alone in the other universe. I want to see the fic where he was actually in the AOS verse lol.

Even though there wasn’t enough Kirk in this ep, I appreciated how strong his presence was anyway, seeing everyone love him so much, and seeing just how effective he is as a Captain by comparison with Spock, who is good and who did get them out of the situation, but who lacks that certain... Captain’s quality.

And it outright was a great Spock episode, and a good Spock and McCoy ep except for all of the OOC-ness in McCoy. I’m starting to feel like actually there’s a pretty significant amount of Spock and McCoy stories (this one, The Paradise Syndrome All Our Yesterdays, even Bread and Circuses) and I wish there were more Kirk and Bones stories, too. They are best friends after all!

Next is Plato’s Stepchildren, which is a pretty meh episode, but not awful.

[clarapresents]

So many problems in Supernatural’s ending

Why there are so many problems in Supernatural's ending ?

Hello guys I'm not talking to much on social medias but for this time, I need to talk about Supernatural's ending and explain all the problems in it.

1 . Dean's death

My biggest issue with this episode is the way Dean dies : empalled on a stick. Are you kidding me ? Dean survives the Devil, Michael, Leviathans, Angels and God himself and you're telling me it's the way he dies. Oh god I'm furious I understand the idea of Dean dying hunting, it was indeed his wish back in season 8 so we can say there is a sense ? But nope because his death was pretty bad, not an epic battle juste a meh one and maybe it was his wish at this time but don't you think than maybe he changes his mind ? And we have to remember that at that time Chuck was manipulating things so we can think it was the case. Also I want you to remember the importance for Dean to finally being free. Poor guy after winning he just dies a couple of days later. In fact, we don't know we have no clue they can have least put some words like 5 years later to tell us that Dean enjoys his freedom but based on what we see I assume it's not very later after episode 19.

I believe the writers didn't know how to make a life for Dean after all the big battles so they decide to kill him so Sam can have his « happy » life but we know that Dean's happy ending is with Cas but it can not be seen on big screen, right ? (irony) I felt stupid because I have some hope they manage an Destiel ending even if I didn't think they make it too obvious but enought to let us know.

2 . No reunions bertween Saileen and Destiel

I'm sorry but no Destiel and Saileen reunions don't make ANY SENSE.

They manage to develop the romance between Sam and Eileen just to completly forget about it in the finale. Even if we can presume than in the normal life the blur woman is Eileen, there sould have been a real reunion between this two.

And Destiel I don't need to explain Cas is a main character who is one of the big reasons that the show continues so many years so why the writers don't let us the chance to see him one last time ? We know he is alive now so come on ! I would also add that the relation between Dean and Cas is one of the main subjects of season 15 (and the serie) so having their reunion would have been the minimum. I'm so disgusted. And in regard of their relation, it makes no sense that Cas didn't welcome Dean in heaven : he is THE reason why he chooses humanity over angels, THIS human teachs him what it's like to love, having family, caring about people. We saw Cas changes a lot during this past seasons and it's because of Dean. And from Dean's point of view, the fact that he didn't search Cas, didn't talk about him (like for real) bother me a lot and it's out of character.

I know the production has problems with COVID restrictions but I don't forgive because they choose to bring some random female vampire of season 1 more than Cas and Eileen, really ? And we have Jim Beaver (and I'm happy about it) so why not Misha Collins it was possible you can't tell me otherwise.

3 . Family don't end with blood seems to be a lie

Yep one of the biggest messages in Supernatural is « Family don't end with blood » because during their journey they meet so many great people : Cas, Charlie, Garth, Crowley and so many others that make them a family. But in the end everybody is gone, dead or we don't what happens to them. Sam and Dean are the only survivors so I guess family did end with blood. Nobody in the production seems to care about this. Fortunately we have Bobby in heaven, the only represantative person of “Family don't end with blood” but it's not enought and despite the COVID restrictions they could have done better. Back in episode 19 we have Lucifer, Adam, Chuck, some random reaper and Jack so don't tell me they couldn't get more people.

Some good points ?

There are despite all this negative points somme good ones. So here we go !

I like Jack's ending (episode 19 I know but I am desperate to find good points), him becoming God makes sense because he has light and darkness in him so it's the right balance. Furthermore, all his philosophy about being in each of us without interfering seems great to me and also I like the fact that he rebuilts heaven with CAS. I was happy that Cas doesn't finish in Empty I would have been even more upset (if this is possible). At least we know he is alive fixing heaven. And I love the fact that heaven is no more a place where you live your past memories but a place where you live freely surounded by all your friends and family. So for us Destiel shippers, we can imagine that Cas and Dean are reunited in heaven and live happily but I would like to actually see it and not just imagine it.

And also the Sam's ending isn't too bad. Not everything is perfect indeed but I like that he had the opportuny to living a normal life with wife and a kid named Dean (so sweet) and in parallel having his hunter life. I know it's not really shown but the fact that he goes on a hunt after Dean dies and Donna's calls (by the way it's nice to know she is alive) and also his son has THE tatoo that make us believe that he continues the family business. That's why I am thinking that. But of course I am mad about the make up of Sam's old version and that wig was awful but hilarious at the same time. Sam has his « happy » life but he seems pretty sad because Dean wasn't there and that broke my heart.

And one last point, I like the reunion between Sam and Dean in heaven, them dressed like 1x01, their talk, their smile and their face so peaceful but so many great characters are missing and I'm not ok with that. In general the scenes between Sam and Dean were emotional and strong.

Conclusion

In conclusion, I think this episode should be start to zero because there are so many problems and also the rythm of the episode is soooooooo slow that it became annoying. I know it is does on purpose but it was frustating and I couldn't help myselft thinking « cut more the scenes and bring us the other great characters ». I know that the origin of the story is about Sam and Dean, two brothers on the road fighting monsters but the story evolves a lot they create a bigger family. And this end feels like the writers have completely forgotten about the past seasons and are just thinking with the seasons 1, 2 and 3 and it's a lack of respect for all this great characters especially Castiel. Maybe I would be more satisfied if they posted bonus scenes with Saileen reunion and Destiel reunion that could calm me a little but I don't think they will do that.

Furthermore, I don't know how the story could continue now I know people talked maybe about a movie or a mini serie but now how ? With everything that happens it seems complicated but « No one stays dead » in Supernatural everything is possible because we need a correction of this ending it's an emergency for the fans.

Thank you for reading me if you stay until the end I know it was long but I feel so upset that I need to talk about it. Tell me what you think about this and let's pray for better days for Supernatural.

PS : I am a french girl I tried my best to write in english I hope it’s not too bad :P

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Out Of The Way (Part 2)

Summary: When the reader’s boyfriend ditches her on the side of the road, she ends up at an out of the way bar and roadhouse where the man behind the counter makes her an interesting offer…

Part 1

Pairing: Bartender!Dean x au!reader

Word Count: 2,800ish

Warnings: language, slight angst

_______

“Your new bartender makes a mean manhattan,” said some guy at the bar. You were wiping down a table after a few guys had left, Dean chuckling from behind the counter.

“You just think she’s got a cuter face than mine, Jim,” said Dean. 

“It’s good you got some help. You could use another pair of hands,” said Jim. You felt his gaze on you as you bent down to pick up a coaster.

“Hey,” said Dean. “This ain’t Hollow’s Point. You want that kind of service-”

“I’m just looking,” he said.

“Keep it at just looking or she’ll kick you ass,” said Dean. You smirked as you carried back the empty bottles to the kitchen area and washed them out, setting them in the recycle bin. You hummed as you walked back out front with a bottle of Jack, Dean just setting the empty one in his hand down on the bottom shelf. “Reading my mind there.”

“You worked in bars before, sweetheart?” asked Jim.

“Done a lot of things, sweetheart,” you said, spotting a hand wave from a corner table. “Excuse me.”

“I should have hired you sooner,” chuckled Dean from his office after closing as you set the cleaning supplies back in the closet there. “We got a lot more tips this week. A lot.”

“Drunk men like to look at women. Some things never change,” you said. Dean nodded and took an envelope out from a drawer in his desk. He held it out and you grabbed it. You peeked inside and looked up. “This is more than we agreed to.”

“Well it ain’t like you’re paying taxes on it. You’re good. Clean, serve, keep everyone happy. You keep tabs on inventory. You earned it,” he said. “And here is your half of the tips.”

“I can’t take half,” you said as he set half the wad of cash down in front of you.

“We pool tips here and once again, these boys aren’t tipping to look at my pretty face all night long,” he said. You grabbed the money and shoved it in the envelope, tucking it in your back pocket. “I’m heading into Southbend in the morning if you want to stop into town and pick anything up.”

“I’m okay,” you said, turning out of his office. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Morning,” said Dean as he carried in a few grocery bags.

“Morning,” you said, eating some toast at the bartop.

“You ever eat anything aside from toast and eggs?” he asked, setting the bags down.

“It’s cheap,” you said, taking another bite.

“Yeah well, happy birthday,” he said, pulling out a pink box and setting it on the bartop. You flipped it open and saw a cupcake inside. “It is your birthday today, isn’t it?”

“I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years,” you said, staring at the thing.

“Well, celebrate it. Feel free to store some actual food in the kitchen too,” he said, grabbing his bags. 

“Hey, Dean?” you said when he got to the stairs to go up to his apartment. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, Y/N,” he said with a smile.

Fifteen minutes later he was downstairs, watching you sweep up the floor. He popped behind the bar and sat up on the counter, giving you a smile.

“It’s Sunday. Let’s do something fun,” he said. 

“Fun?” you said, tucking the broom back in the corner.

“We aren’t allowed to sell alcohol on Sunday’s around here. It’s our day off. Either we can hang around here and make this place even cleaner than it already is, or we can go have some fun,” he said.

“I prefer to keep a low profile,” you said.

“Come on. I got a perfect idea.”

“You like fishing?” he asked as you sat on the end of a quiet dock.

“I haven’t been since I was little,” you said. “You?”

“Yeah. I like fishing,” he said. It was quiet a few minutes aside from him reeling every so often. “I used to go a lot with my dad and brother.”

“How long have you been pretending?” you asked.

“Five years, like you,” he said. “Too late to say I’m innocent now.”

“Yeah. I get that,” you said.

“The guy, he was your boyfriend right?” asked Dean.

“Yeah. He cheated on me with this married woman. It was her husband that did it. I know it was. But she vouched for him and gave him an alibi,” you said.

“You didn’t have one so you got the short end of it,” he said.

“My DNA was all over the apartment. It was our kitchen knife so my fingerprints were on it. I was fucked,” you said.

“Did you forgive him?” he asked.

“For the cheating, no. I didn’t wish him dead though. He didn’t deserve that,” you said.

“You’re a good person,” said Dean. You reeled in your line and set it beside you, Dean giving you a smile. “For a fugitive.”

“What about you? No alibi either?” you asked.

“I was set up by a crooked cop,” he said. “He killed a guy he was having a problem with and tried to pin it on me. This cop was selling confiscated drugs. He put the blame on me for the whole deal.”

“Why?”

“Because I was his rookie partner,” he said. You swallowed, Dean staring at you. “I ain’t been a cop in a long time. Good guys, bad guys. They’re both on both sides of the line. It don’t matter.”

“So you ran,” you said.

“Yup. Ran when my brother told me they had an airtight case. I was away for life in a shithole and as an ex-cop I’d be lucky to survive a week in a place like that. So we called our family friend and I ran to one of his hunting cabins. I hid there for awhile until he told me about a roadhouse bar he’d purchased, out in nowhere. I dyed my hair black and moved here. It’s a safe place,” he said.

“Life sucks sometimes,” you said.

“Yup,” he said. “I haven’t had an honest conversation in years. I had to cut off all ties to everyone. I’m sure you get that.”

“Yeah, I do,” you said. “If you were still a cop, would you have believed me?”

“I think so,” he said. “Gut feeling.”

“Thanks for the cupcake,” you said.

“You get me one for my birthday and we’re even,” he said. “January 24th.”

“Alright. Deal.”

Three Months Later

“Curly fries and whiskey straight,” you said, setting the items down in front of the older man at the bar, turning to the man with him. “Roadhouse nachos and tequila. You boys enjoy.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” said the first man, staring at you. You tilted your head, the other man standing up and pushing back his jacket, letting you see the Marshall’s badge on his hip. “We ain’t even working your case. Just heading home from another one when we see one of the runners serving us our drink.”

“Is there a problem here, fellas?” asked Dean as he walked over, throwing his arm over your shoulder.

“You regularly employee fugitives?” asked the one who was standing. Dean stared at him and burst out laughing. “Something funny about that boy?”

“Hallie? A criminal?” asked Dean. He looked at you and started to giggle. “This girl couldn’t even disect a frog in high school.”

“That ain’t no Hallie. It’s-”

“Uh, I think I know my best friend from school, buddy,” said Dean, narrowing his eyes. “The better question is what the hell are two cops doing trying to scare my girlfriend into leaving with them.”

“Hey. We weren’t-”

“Any fellas that try to force my girl to go with them ain’t welcome here,” said Dean.

“Listen kid-”

“Her name is Hallie,” said Dean. “I don’t know who the fuck Y/N is but I hope you two sickos don’t find her.”

“Where’s her liquor license to be serving?” asked the first one. Dean went to the wall behind the bar and grabbed a little picture frame off the shelf, shoving it on the counter.

There was a picture of you, Hallie Stormer, with a Tennessee certification.

The men looked at one another as you stood behind Dean.

“Well?” said Dean.

“Apologies. Ms. Stormer here looks an awful lot like one of our fugitives is all,” said the man. He pulled out his phone and showed over an old picture of you, Dean raising an eyebrow at it.

“Uh, not to tell you how to do your job but that don’t look like Hallie. At all. She ain’t even got the same color eyes,” said Dean. The men quickly looked at the picture and then you.

“He’s right about the eyes,” mumbled the one.

“Shit,” said the other one. 

“Now you two can apologize to my girlfriend and get out,” said Dean.

“Sorry miss,” they said before they slapped some money and left. You sighed and tucked the food back behind the counter, Jim watching from down the bar.

“We got a problem, Jim?” asked Dean.

“Nope,” he said. Dean gave him the free food and drinks, Jim watching as you leaned back against the counter. 

“You thought the colored contacts were dumb,” mumbled Dean.

“Is Jim gonna be a problem? He knows I’m Y/N,” you said.

“Take my car and head up to one of those hunting cabins for a few days. Lay low for awhile,” he said.

“Be careful,” you said, getting a kiss from him.

“You too, sweetheart.”

Three Days Later

“Morning,” said the minimart owner as he rang up your items. “On vacation?”

“Yeah, taking a few days to enjoy nature, get away from city life,” you said with a smile.

“That’s good. We don’t get too many young folks up here doing that sort of thing anymore,” he said. You hummed and looked at the TV in the corner, doing your best to hide your surprise when you saw Dean’s face on the screen. “Oh, you haven’t heard about that yet? Not surprising, not much cell reception up here. That boy is that killer cop they never caught from a few years back.”

“How’d they catch him?” you asked.

“Some bar or something. Some guy caught him lying or something,” he said as he handed over your change. 

“Thanks,” you said, taking your things and rushing out of there. You tossed them in the passenger seat and drove until even you didn’t know where you were. Until an idea crossed your mind that was.

“Y/N?” said Dean the next day. You smiled as he was led out of the police station, giving you a hug. “How...they said my charges were dropped.”

“The other cop confessed,” you said, a pair of officers nearby standing up. “I can be convincing...also I pointed the police in the way of his bank account and it was pretty obvious from there.”

“What about you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said, the officers flanking either side of you. “No such luck.”

“Y/N-”

“Hey. It was my fault they found you. I’m paying it forward. You can go home, be normal now,” you said.

“She didn’t do it,” said Dean to the officers.

“It’s alright,” you said as one put a hand on your arm to lead you in the back. “I’ll be okay, Dean.”

“Y/L/N,” said a guard a few hours later. You stood up from your bench, the door sliding open. You walked out and followed the officer, spotting a guy you didn’t recognize standing in the hall.

“You must be, Y/N. Sam Winchester,” he said. He held out his hand and you shook it.

“I thought your brother was tall,” you said, Sam smiling. “Let me guess. He put you up to this.”

“Ever hear of something called the Innocence Project?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s where lawyers work pro bono for people that were wrongly convicted,” you said.

“Well, I called up a friend of mine in the DA’s office and presented my case file from college. There’s a glaring bit of lack of DNA testing on samples that does not look good for that local department. He’s willing to let you out on bond in the meantime, with supervision,” he said. 

“What’s that mean?” you asked as he waved you to follow.

“It means you’re sharing my guest room with my brother for the foreseeable future but something tells me you won’t have a problem with that.”

“This thing itches,” you said, scratching at your ankle that night as Dean set down a box of pizza in front of you. “Thanks for busting me out.”

“Anytime,” he said, Sam walking in through the front door looking very tired. “How’s it going?”

“The wife and husband from Y/N’s case are going through a nasty divorce right now. I’m going to call tomorrow, see if she’ll flip on him for immunity. That along with DNA evidence should get you in the clear. You might even get a small settlement,” said Sam.

“I really hope so. I don’t think I’ll do well in prison,” you said.

“It’ll be alright,” said Dean as he took a seat and rubbed your arm. “We’ll get through it. We always do.”

One Month Later

“Alright,” said Marshall Bradshaw. “Your 100 hours of community service are up kid.”

“I didn’t even break a law,” you said, peeling off your orange vest and chucking it in the back of his truck.

“You kind of did with the whole evading the police thing,” he chuckled. “You’re lucky that judge liked you. He could have sentenced you for running off.”

“I don’t get a record for all this?” you asked.

“Still no record. Come on, I’m sure you want to get back to that boyfriend of yours,” he said.

Two hours later you were dropped off and gave the Marshall a wave, popping into the roadhouse bar to have Dean come over and give you a hug.

“All done,” you said. “I can come home now.”

“You know, now that I actually have access to my bank account again, that family friend offered to sell me this place if I wanted to run it,” he said.

“I have one condition,” you said. 

“Anything. It’s our bar,” he said.

“I want to hire a chef, have it be a restaurant too. Trust me, this is the only joint for miles and we could make a killing serving something besides bar food,” you said.

“You really want to run a bar with me?” he asked.

“Us criminals have to stick together,” you giggled.

“Yes, we do,” said Dean, watching a pair of Marshall’s walk in the door. “Gentlemen.”

“Hallie,” said one with a smirk. “We get those drinks this time around?”

“On the house,” said Dean as he took off.

“Hey,” said the other one as he waved you over. “The eyes thing, how’d you pull that off?”

“Colored contact lenses,” you said. “Not cheap but effective.”

“We’re gonna have to remember that one,” he said.

“I’ll get you guys some food too,” you said. You headed back for the kitchen, Dean whistling as he was pulling a fresh tray of ice from the freezer. “Think we could make something of this place?”

“I’m game if you are,” he said. “We could always runaway again.”

“Nah. I’m done running. This was the first place that felt like home in a long time. I want to stay.”

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

______

[scavengerbird]

A Conversation in a Car

“I know it’s cold out, but I like driving with all the windows down now. I get claustrophobic. And I kind of like the cold, actually, and I know it won’t bother you. It gets a little loud on the highway, but I think we’re mostly sticking to backroads anyway. Would this feel less weird if I had a new car, instead of the same sad scrap pile I’ve been making work since I got my license? If something about this made it feel less familiar, less like going back in time?

Oh god, am I rambling? Wow. Let’s start over.

Hey. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Almost five years. I’m sorry about that. I never really meant to leave for good, when I moved out of town. Or, well I guess I did, actually. But I never meant to leave you.

I was serious, you know, when I invited you to come stay with me. I think you thought I was just saying it, but I swear I meant it. My apartment’s small, and it’s got something wrong with the bathroom light that makes the bulb blow out at least once a month, and two of the burners on the stove don’t work, but I mean. Mi shitbox es tu shitbox. We’d lived out of each other’s pockets for so long, before. I really did feel like we could’ve done it again. 

But you said no. And that’s okay! You … wanted to stay here. God only knows why. I mean, I can guess, but I really hope I’m wrong, you know? It’s just, I’ve been thinking about it for so long and every time I asked you to come out and visit and you said you were sorry but you couldn’t, you always sounded like you really did regret it. You said there was shit here you had to take care of. And I always thought to myself – what shit? – like, seriously. We both know I was missing you more from the city than anyone in this stupid town would have. And I think Jan could’ve found another waitress for the diner. So, what was here that was so important? I think I never asked because I was afraid of the answer.

It’s him, isn’t it? You stayed for him.

Anyway. I could’ve gotten you a job at the coffee place I worked at when I first moved. Their coffee’s awful, but they have really good muffins. I still go in there all the time for them, so I’m still on good terms with the manager, and they’re always hiring. You could’ve done that until you figured out what you really wanted to do. Or you could’ve done that forever. I wouldn’t have judged you for it.

I think you’d like Tony. My roommate. Ok, actually you guys would probably kind of hate each other, but I think you’d have fun hating each other. You’re both kind of petty like that. And he’s gay, so there wouldn’t have been any of that pressure I know you feel around literally everyone who’s attracted to women, where you’re constantly wondering how bad they want you. 

He actually offered to come with me for this, Tony. For emotional support. I turned him down, but it was still nice of him to offer. It was kind of obvious, how anxious I was about coming home. And of course, he knew why I was coming out here. Tony knows all about you, how much you mean to me. I talk about you all the time.

I forgot how empty the roads are, out here. You’d never see a street this quiet in the city, no matter the time of night. I think it should be comforting, but it’s not. It’s unsettling. I feel like there could be a ghost around every corner.

Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.

I don’t understand the point of you staying here for him. It’s not like it was gonna make a difference to him. Nothing makes a difference to him anymore. Like, do you remember when you asked me if I believed in an afterlife? It was only a few days after… well, After. And I said my whole thing about reincarnation and the law of conservation of energy and how I think it makes sense, and you said you thought that if anything happens to us after we die, it’s got nothing to do with what happened to us in this life. You said you thought if death wasn’t just a final ending, then it was, at most, a slate wiped totally clean.

So, it’s not like you thought he was looking down on – or up at? – you. It’s not like you believed there was anything you could do to get him to forgive you. And I know you didn’t believe in any god so it’s not like you were waiting on their forgiveness either. So, whose forgiveness were you looking for? Why did you think you could find it here? Why not just put me out of my misery and come with me?

Sorry. That was a poor choice of words.

You know every single person I’ve met since moving out there has heard all about you. I don’t know how to not talk about you. You are a story I can’t stop telling, a part of every memory I have. You’re the thing I built myself around. A version of my life where I don’t meet you, or you don’t exist, is not a version of my life. It’s version of someone else’s life, because I am not me without you. The shape of myself is the shape of the hole inside you, I am just the thing filling your edges, and without those edges I have no form.

I think I’m losing the plot a little, here. I’m running out of ways to say that I need you.

And maybe I have no right to say any of that shit, when we haven’t actually seen each other in five years. I know the way your face has gotten thinner and the color you dyed your hair from pictures. I don’t know if you still wear the sweet pea spray from Bath & Body Works. You haven’t been a body I could touch in years. You’ve barely even been a voice on the other end of the phone line. I know that for the most part all we’ve had these last few years were words on a tiny screen, sent and read only in the darkest hours of night. And those messages, meaningful as they were, were sporadic. It doesn’t sound like much, like enough of a thing to be a necessity. But there’s a difference between surviving on scraps and starving to death.

            Our lives have been clinging to each other by the very tips of their fingers. I know that. But it never felt like a permanent state, to me. I always thought we’d find our ways back to each other. I didn’t call you, but I always knew I could. And now…

           Did you stay here to punish yourself? I don’t think you deserved to be punished. I mean, obviously I didn’t think that, or I would have let you turn yourself in when you wanted to.

           I can’t figure out whether or not I owe you an apology for stopping you from doing that. I thought I was saving you from yourself, but maybe I wasn’t. But what was I supposed to do? You couldn’t see yourself that night. They’d have locked you up for sure. I mean you were covered in his blood. You were still holding the knife, for God’s sake, just standing in the hall with it in one hand and my phone in the other, absolutely hysterical. Even if I hadn’t wrestled the phone away from you, what would you have said to the operator when you dialed 911? You were completely incoherent.

           I can admit now that it might have been a little dramatic of me to smash my own cell phone against the wall when you tried to get it back from me, but all things considered, I think I was holding it together pretty damn well.

           I was always good at holding it together. You were the one who was always going off the rails. But I loved that about you, most of the time. Everything was such a huge deal to you. It made life feel bigger than it was.

You made everything exciting, back then. Every petty feud with someone was an all-out war. God, remember when we egged Jenna’s car because she said that dumb thing about how you should try harder in class and stop messing around with guys? What was it? Right, that’s it, she told you if you spent half as much time studying as you did sucking dick then you’d probably get valedictorian. It was stupid, and you knew she only said it because she was jealous about Drew asking you out, and you basically told her that and I don’t even remember exactly what you said but I remember her crying. And then we still had to egg her car, and that still wasn’t enough, because you wanted to slash all her tires but I wouldn’t let you. You always wanted to take things one step too far. I always forgave you though. Every single time.

You know I can’t really remember what happened that night. It’s just kind of a blur. I remember him coming over. My parents were out of town. You weren’t supposed to be there. I mean, we hadn’t planned on it, but you wouldn’t leave when I told you he was coming over and I just let it go. I could tell he was kind of annoyed about it but he wouldn’t say anything. We’d been planning on ‘watching a movie’, but you being there meant we actually had to watch the movie. And then it’s all just flashes: a bottle of vodka, the glow of the TV in the dark room, your head on my shoulder, his hand on my arm, the room spinning – or no, shaking, because I was shaking, or being shaken, my head snapping back and forth, fast.

I know the two of you got into it. Or he and I got into it. Or we all three got into it. But I don’t know what it was about, all the words we said are gone from my memory, totally irretrievable. It’s just those flashes, and then you standing there with the blood and the knife, and him on the floor, so still.

Tony says I need a therapist. I haven’t told him about that night, obviously, but sometimes I say something I think is normal and he gives me this funny-sad look, or little things I don’t mean to talk about slip out. Like that memory gap. I didn’t tell him anything about what I can’t remember, just that there’s something, and sometimes I dream about it. I mean, I kind of had to tell him something, because I still talk in my sleep sometimes and I fell asleep on the couch one day and he heard me saying the word stop over and over. He said that it was creepy as hell, and I have repressed trauma, and gave me the name of some website where you can find shrinks online.

I have not looked for a therapist. Tony brought it up again, before I left to come back here. He said I should consider it for the sake of grief counseling, if nothing else. I told him I had a grief counselor already and his name was Jim Beam and – don’t even say anything, I know that’s terrible, I cringed at myself while I was saying it to him. Tony just shook his head and texted me the link to the stupid website.

I know it’s kind of fucked up that I don’t even fully understand why you killed him, even though I helped you bury his body. I wanted to ask you about it. I almost did, so many times. But I didn’t know how to without making it sound like I was trying to judge you. I didn’t want to bring it up again after the fact, when I knew we were both trying to bury it. There wasn’t any time to ask you anything or try to make sense of it the night it happened.

Do you even remember it that well? After I got you in the shower and turned it on cold you finally stopped crying, but you basically went catatonic. I never told you this, but that honestly freaked me out more than the corpse on my floor. You just sat on the steps, shivering in one of my sweatshirts and watching me try to clean it all up. I had to clap my hands in front of your face to get you to listen when I was asking you to help me get him up off the floor, but I couldn’t have carried him myself. Do you remember that the bedsheet I’d gotten him rolled up in was already soaked through with blood. I didn’t have anything else to wrap him in though.

You didn’t say anything until we were in the garage, and we’d gotten him in the trunk, and I was telling you that we should take him to the marshes, where the ground’s all mud and nothing that sinks down into it is ever coming back up and it’s too wet for anyone to go trekking through for fun, and you cut me off in the middle and just said I’m sorry and God, you sounded so quiet and broken and for the first time in our lives you couldn’t even look me in the eye and I –

I just… I told you to get in the car. I didn’t tell you it would be okay, or that we’d figure it out, or that I forgave you.

I do, by the way. Forgive you, I mean. For all of it, like I said a few minutes ago. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before today. I need you to know that’s the biggest regret I’ll ever have in my life, not telling you I forgave you sooner.

I really did love him, you know. I loved him and you kind of tolerated him for my sake until you didn’t, and then you killed him. You were sorry about it, and I forgave you because the way I loved him has nothing on the way I love you. He was a boy who I would’ve gone to prom with and probably broken up with two months after moving out of here and not seen again until our 10 year high school reunion, if I even bothered to show up for it. It was a moment-in-time kind of love. But you? You’re my forever bitch. I don’t care that every eight-year-old girl in the history of time has pricked her finger and stuck it to some other girl’s pricked finger and sworn to be bestest friends forever ‘til death does them part, when we did that, I fucking meant it, and now I-

I’m gonna need to stop for gas on the way back to my parents’ house. I forgot how far out the marshes are, but we’re almost there, now.

I don’t really know why I thought it would be a good idea to come out here. When I first got in the car, I thought I was gonna head out to the overpass, the one they told me you crashed under. But then I turned left instead of right. I don’t know, I guess I felt like, if any part of you was still around, it wouldn’t be hanging out on the edge of some lonely stretch of highway. I felt like you’d be out here, haunting the thing that never stopped haunting you.

Don’t worry. I’m not crazy enough to go traipsing through the marshes in the dark to hunt down a ghost. I just want to see them, park my car where I parked it that night, at the edge. The last time I really and truly had you all the way with me.

I don’t know now, if I was right about where to find you. I’ve been talking to you this whole time we’ve been driving, and I swear I can feel you here listening. I swear I can hear your voice. Maybe you’re just haunting me.

Oh. There they are. We can’t stay long. I’ve got your funeral in the morning.”

[dreaming-about-fanfictions]

Love and Cat Pee - Leonard McCoy x Reader

Words: 1952 Pairing: Leonard McCoy x Reader Warnings: None, just a lot of fluff.

A/N: My Tag list is old. Please tell me, if you want to be removed! Some of you seem to have changed their usernames so I’m sorry if I didn’t tag you in this story. Tell me if you want to be added <3

Some days, being able to work on the Enterprise was the best thing that ever happened to you. You got to travel, see new planets, and meet people from all over the universe.

On other days, being able to work on the Enterprise made you wish you had stayed back on Earth in your hometown, working in your family’s little shop, instead of almost dying 200 light years away because you accidentally drank from a wrong glass.

Today was one of those days.

“Sit her down over there,” Captain Kirk ordered and two Security officers grabbed you under your arms, helping you sit down on a bench. “Kirk to Enterprise. Enterprise, please come in.”

“Enterprise. Scott here.” You heard a faint voice coming from Kirk’s communicator.

“Scotty, be prepared to beam Lieutenant Y/L/N up. And tell Doctor McCoy to get ready to treat a patient with Ladocsris poisoning.” After Mr. Scott acknowledged, he closed the communicator and looked down at you, frowning. “How are you feeling, Lieutenant?”

“Horrible, Captain” you managed to get out. You writhed in pain, arms tightly clutching to your side. It felt like someone had stabbed you with a burning hot knife right in your stomach and now continued to twist it around. “Am I dying?” you asked with gritted teeth.

Kirk shook his head. “You’re not going to die from this.” He suppressed a chuckle and shook his head. “Why the hell would you drink that, Lieutenant?”

“Certainly not because I wanted to spend my day in sickbay!” You wiped away sweat that had formed on your forehead. “Excuse me, Captain, but – fuck!” Another wave of pain washed over you.

The Enterprise had delivered some medical supplies to this planet and as a thank you, the crew was invited to join their Spring Festival. Because the ship was on a tight schedule, a landing party consisting of only six people beamed down to avoid coming across as disrespectful. At one point, you were all offered drinks. There were two different glasses on the table. You didn’t correctly understand which one you should take and since everyone was involved in conversations, you didn’t want to interrupt and ask. So you just took one.

Kirk looked at you sympathetically when you closed your eyes in pain. “Do you know what it was?”

“What?”

“The drink.”

“No, why?” You opened your eyes in suspicion.

“Well,” he looked down to hide the obvious amusement in his eyes. “They have this giant cat-like animal on the planet. It’s a sign of fertility because …. because its urine is basically the best fertilizer you can get.”

You stared at him, words slowly starting to make sense in your head.

After a few seconds, he continued. “Even though it’s not meant for drinking, they still collect it for their Spring Festival. It’s like a … religious thing.”

“You mean … You mean, I just drank …”

Kirk nodded.

What happened next was probably the worst thing you had experienced since the day you started working for Starfleet. You felt it coming up in your throat but it was too late - with a groan you leaned forward and vomited. All over your Captain.

***

When you woke up again, the pain was gone. It was replaced with a slight dizziness and a faint headache.

You tried to sit up, realizing you were in sickbay. Oh, you hated it here. That’s why you had become an expert of skipping annual exams and basically coming here at all. Not because you were afraid of them, no, that wasn’t it. Simply, because since day one you had the biggest crush possible on one particular Doctor – and you didn’t know how to deal with it. At all.

“Don’t get up just yet.”

Speaking of the devil.

Doctor McCoy appeared from behind a curtain. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” you mumbled, avoiding eye contact. Of all the professionals working here, he had to treat you? “Just a headache.”

He nodded. “That’s normal. The heada-“

“Oh, she’s awake!” Christine Chapel interrupted. Apparently she was on the way somewhere, carrying various blood samples in her hands, on her face a big grin. “You’re feeling better?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, slightly confused.

“That’s good to hear!” The grin didn’t fade when she walked away.

Furrowing your eyebrow, you looked over to McCoy. He kept his eyes locked on a hypo in his hands but you didn’t miss the amused sparkle in his eyes.

“What is it?”

“Mh?” The doctor cleared his throat, injecting you with the hypo. “The headache should disappear within a few hours. I will keep you here for a bit longer and run another test but I believe you should be fine.”

Another nurse kept passing by, nodding at you with a big wide smile. Ignoring what McCoy had just said, you answered: “I’d like to think everyone is just really happy to see me here but I’m sensing it’s something different.”

“I don’t know, maybe it has to do with you vomiting all over our Captain,” McCoy said casually and shrugged. “Just an idea.”

Oh fuck, was the only thought running through your mind when you suddenly remembered.

“Ugh,” you let out a loud groan and dramatically placed your hand over your eyes. Why did those things always happen to you?

On the last mission, you had accidentally pushed Chekov into a lake with a reddish color which resulted in him having a weird rash all over his body for two weeks and red hair. Now you not only drank something you wasn’t supposed to and probably sabotaged the whole shore leave, you decided to throw up on Kirk afterwards.

“I sabotaged the whole mission,” you scolded. “Fuck!”

“Watch your language in my sickbay. I’m the only one allowed to curse here.” The doctor was still standing in front of you when you removed your hand from your eyes. “Now stop being so dramatic, that corn-fed goblin –“

“Corn-fed goblin?” You interrupted.

“Yes.”

“I thought it was green-blooded goblin and corn-fed idiot.”

“Sometimes I like to vary a little with my insults.” He gave you a half smile before continuing. “The Captain will be fine. Jim had worse things on his body than vomit. Believe me.”

You frowned. “Do I wanna know?”

“No.”

A sigh escaped your lips. “I still have to apologize though.”

“Probably.” He turned to his instruments, shuffling things a little while you stared at the ceiling. “The crew won’t let you live that down, be prepared for that.”

You made an indefinable sound.

“I won’t either.”

Great. As if the embarrassment hadn’t already reached its highest point for this month.

“One of the security guards has also the opinion that you could’ve turned away if you wanted to. Now people are wondering why you didn’t do it.”

“How do you even know so much gossip?”

He shrugged. “My nurses talk a lot.”

You shook your head in disbelief. “Why I did it?” You scoffed. “Oh I don’t fucking know – excuse my language – maybe because I felt like it. Or maybe it was just me trying to get here so I can confess my love to you!”

Doctor McCoy put down the instruments and turned around again. “Well, was it?”

Realizing what you had just said, you kept your eyes locked on the ceiling. “No!” You denied, with probably a bit too much force in your voice. “Of course not. I mean. No.” You felt heat rising to your cheeks.

“Right,” the man replied. You didn’t see the smile on his lips. “Maybe I’ll just let you rest for a while, alright?”

“Maybe my headache will actually disappear then, Doctor.”

He left with a chuckle.

***

You weren’t able to sleep after he had left, so for another hour you were just staring at the wall, listening to regular beeping noise coming from the instruments.

You weren’t sure which event of the day was the worst but the more time you were thinking about it, probably the latter. He knew. He wasn’t supposed to know but now he did and you a part of you was – aside from being embarrassed – terrified. Yes, you had a crush on him but it was the kind of crush where you just admired him from afar. Nothing would happen between the two of you. But now that it had slipped from your mouth, it was real.

“I brought you something.” The curtain got pulled away and McCoy came in.

Oh no.

You lifted your head from the pillow. He was holding a small cup, which he placed on the small table next to the bed. A delicious smell ascended from it.

“My favorite tea?” You asked him a bit puzzled.

“Yes,” he smiled at you.

“How do you know?”

“You always drink it.” He simply said.

“You noticed?” A warm feeling began to spread in your stomach.

The doctor nodded.

“Well, thank you.” You took a sip of the tea. It was still hot, but not hot enough to burn your tongue. Just perfect.

“So about earlier –“

You almost choked on the liquid. “Please, don’t. I’ve been humiliated enough for one day.”

“I know,” McCoy chuckled. “That’s why I wanted to ask –“

“What?”

“Damn, you really need to stop interrupting people.” He shook his head.

“Sorry, please finish,” you mumbled and lifted the cup to your lips again.

“I wanted to ask if you’d like to have dinner with me tomorrow. Dinner as in … a date.”

This time you choked for real. You started coughing and Leonard was luckily fast enough to get the cup from your hands before you spilled hot tea all over yourself.

“So is that a yes?” He asked when you calmed down and were able to breath normally again.

You stared at him with mixed emotions, not quite believing that Leonard McCoy actually asked you out. Goddamnit, you were acting like a lovestruck teenage girl not like a full grown human and Starfleet member. “Yes.”

“Fantastic!” There it was again – the smile that Leonard McCoy almost never showed. It lit up the whole room, you thought. “Normally I’d take it slow and wait for a few more days before doing what I’m about to do next but you have already confessed your love for me so –“

“Oh, please stop it!”

“– so there’s no real reason to wait,” he finished his sentence with a smile. McCoy took a step forward so that he was now standing directly next to your sickbed.

“Wait for what?” You asked furrowing your brows. He already asked you out on a date. There was really nothing more he could do to make this day any better.

Slowly Leonard leaned down towards you and before you realized what was happening, you felt his lips on yours. The kiss was slow and tender and made you feel dizzy. His lips were soft, much softer than expected, and you wanted to melt when you felt his hand cupping your cheek. Apparently there was something he could to make this day any better. Two seconds later, the kiss was over. Leonard pulled away and looked at you lovingly. You were out of breath.

Suddenly his smile vanished and he grimaced.

You felt your stomach plummet. What happened? Were you that bad? Did he already regret asking you out and kissing you? “Did I do something wrong?” You asked, your voice barely audible.

“No, no, darlin’,” he reassured her quickly and lifted his hand to his mouth. “The kiss was … something else.”

“But?”

“But I think I can still taste a hint of that cat pee drink on your lips.”

***

My Masterlist

Send me a message if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! Tag list: @goingknowherewastaken , @waitingforthestarstofall , @imoutofmyvulcanmind , @whatif-animagineblog​ , @loverbug1123​ 

[janeyseymour]

Chance Encounter

Prompt: okay hi! i don't know if you still need jane prompts (though it's not really mom!jane) but what if abby!jane and jessie!jenna bumped into each other in new york or something? like jane is in a busy coffee shop and jenna takes the only open seat across from jane while waiting for lulu and jim to meet her and she starts talking to jane. and when jim comes he makes a joke about them looking like sisters :D idk feel free to talk a LOT of creative liberty! hope you're well and had a good day <3 -ay

Here it is! I hope it’s alright! It truly was so fun to write this! Thank you for trusting me with your idea!

They say there are seven people in the whole world who look like you, but it is highly unlikely you’ll never meet them. Highly unlikely means there’s a chance though. You never know if, when, or where you’re going to find your lookalike. For Jane Seymour and Jenna Hunterson, it was about to happen in the smallest of coffee shops. 

“Janey, can you please come and sit in the shop? It’s my first day of work.” Jane stopped herself from rolling her eyes. 

“Why can’t-” 

“Kat’s starting her first day too. Please?” Anne pouted slightly. “I’m just really nervous, having your familiar face around will help.” 

“I suppose I can stick around the shop tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much!” Anne threw herself into Jane’s arms.

“Of course love.”

“And tomorrow after work, I can help you find a job too!” Since SiX closed, the queens were scrambling to find work to support themselves. Staying in New York was expensive, and the six of them were not ready to part with the place they loved to call home. Catherine and Cathy had both ended up working at a journalism office. Anna had found a place looking for athletic models. Katherine was more than happy to work retail while she waited for her first semester of college to begin. That left Jane who, if she was going to be completely honest with herself, wasn’t sure what to do now that the show was over.

-

The tall blonde had settled herself into the corner of the coffee shop at the very beginning of Anne’s shift and was quietly sipping her tea and reading. Every once in a while, Anne would come out from behind the counter with a new cup of warm tea for her friend. 

“Thank you love,” she would say happily before returning to her book. 

“Excuse me?” A voice interrupted her reading. “Is it alright if I sit here?”

Jane looked up, only now realizing that every other seat was taken but the three around her. 

“I suppose,” Jane said curtly before returning to her book. 

“Oh, that’s a really good book,” the woman who she didn’t know whispered. “I should read that again.”

“Carole King really is amazing, isn’t she?” Jane tucked the book away.

“Amazing. My husband and I saw the musical at the end of 2018. The woman who played Carole was stunning.”

“There was a musical about her life?” Jane didn’t know about this. Her and the queens were too busy with their own show at the time in Chicago to really take in all of the other shows around them.

“Yeah, but it closed. 6 years of running, especially now, is great.” Jane hummed in agreement. She knew this firsthand. 

“Yeah. I was actually in a broadway show for a while. It was nice. But it closed, and now we’re all looking for new jobs,” Jane sighed. She really did miss performing, but at least now she was able to take control of her life again. 

“Oh, what show? Maybe I’ve seen it?”

“Uhm,” Jane paused. “SiX?”

“Wait, I knew you looked familiar! You’re Jane Seymour!” the woman whispered.

“That is me.”

“You were amazing. Your song really got me.”

“Thank you,” Jane trailed off when she realized she hadn’t yet learned the woman’s name.

“Jenna. Jenna Hunterson.” Jenna stuck her hand out.

“Nice to meet you Jenna.”

“I mean it, your performance was amazing.”

“Thank you,” the blonde laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, sorry, I’m just not very good at accepting compliments.”

“Oh, that’s not a problem. Neither am I.”

“Enough about me. What brings you to this quiet little coffee shop?”

“I just got off from work, and my husband brings my daughter here after school sometimes. You know, she gets a treat, we get some of the best coffee around. I just wish they would tell me how they make their coffee so I could bring it to my shop,” Jenna muttered the last part mostly to herself. 

“Oh? You work at a restaurant around here?” Jane was always looking for a new place to try.

“Uhm, have you heard of Lulu’s Pies?” The brunette seemed a bit hesitant to reveal the name of her place of work. 

“I’ve never had the chance to go there, but I’ve heard amazing things. People around here say it’s the best pie you’ll ever find and that little Lulu herself is often at the diner with her Mama on the weekends.”

“Well, I can’t promise that it’s the best pie you’ll find, but it’s true that little Lulu is at the diner often. She loves seeing all the friendly faces in New York.”

“Maybe I’ll have to stop in soon. Do you work there often?”

“I’m there everyday baking the pies, waitressing, chatting with the regulars that come in. It’s-”

“Sounds like you’ve been there for quite some time.”

“Well, actually,” the brunette laughed awkwardly. “I’m kind of the owner.”

“That’s wonderful. I’ll for sure have to stop in now.”

“I’ll make sure to have the best slice of pie ready for you,” Jenna offered with a warm smile. 

“So how’d you manage to open up your own business in New York?” 

“Well, before it was Lulu’s Pie, I worked at a small diner out in Kentucky: Old Joe’s. When Joe passed away, he left me the place. That crazy old man, gosh I miss him everyday. He had the faith in me to keep the business running, and with a bit of work, the restaurant started growing. Jim, my husband, convinced me to take the leap and open up a place in New York. Two years later, and here we are, although I do sometimes miss the small town life.” The brunette kept her story short. No point in boring the poor woman. 

“That’s wonderful. I guess sometimes you just have to take that leap.”

“I’m sure glad he told me to do it. New York is full of so many people, and everything is always changing. You never know who you just might meet.” 

“Hi Jenna,” a man’s voice came from behind Jane. 

“Mama!” a little girl squealed as her eyes set on her mother. 

“Hi sweet child of mine,” Jenna opened her arms up for the child to run into.

“Did Daddy let you pick out your treat for today?” Lulu nodded enthusiastically.

“She picked possibly the most sugar-filled thing in the restaurant. The barista behind the counter snuck in two when she heard Lulu’s manners.” Jim chuckled, still not moving from behind Jane.

“Oh Anne,” Jane laughed softly to herself. Anne always had a soft spot for children, especially when they were well behaved.

“Who are you?” Lulu looked at the woman across from her mother. Her tone wasn’t rude, but rather genuinely curious. “I’m Lulu, and I’m 6 and a half!”

“Very nice to meet you Lulu. I’m Jane.” A pang of guilt surged through the blonde. She had to admit, she was a bit jealous Jenna was able to spend all of the time in the world with her daughter. If only Jane had been able to spend time with Edward.

“Take a seat Jim,” Jenna gestured to the chair next to her. “Do you remember that musical we saw a little while ago? SiX?” 

“Oh yeah. It was pretty good. Why?” Jim hadn’t really looked at Jane yet. 

“This-” Jenna gestured to the queen across from her. “is Jane Seymour. The third queen?”

“Jim Pomatter.” The tall and lanky man stuck out his hand as he sat. Only then did he really get a good look at the blonde. “Wow,” was all he could say.

“Pardon?” Jane tilted her head.

“You look just like my wife.” Jim looked at the two women. “You could be sisters.”

“Jim,” Jenna laughed awkwardly. “We look nothing alike. She’s so much prettier.”

“I-” the blonde didn’t know how to respond. “You’re very pretty too.”

“No seriously, you two look so similar. If one of you dyed your hair, you would look exactly the same! This is crazy! I don’t know how I didn’t see it before!” Jim couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“Jane? Do you like pie? My mama owns a diner around here, and it’s named after me!” Lulu interrupted.

“Daddy, Jane, and I were having a conversation Lu,” Jenna chided gently.

“Oh, it’s alright,” Jane waved it off as she brought her attention to the small girl in her mother’s lap. “I do like pie! Your mama and I were actually talking about the diner earlier, and I would love to come in one day and try a piece! Do you think you could pick out the best pie for me to try?” 

“If you come in on Satur- tomorrow! Saturday is tomorrow! If you come in tomorrow, I’ll be there! I can even make sure to save you a slice of Mama’s Mermaid Marshmallow Pie! It sells out really fast, but I’ll make sure Mama doesn’t give away the last slice.”

“Sweetie, Jane will come in when she can come in,” Jenna whispered.

“I can come tomorrow.”

“Really?” Lulu’s eyes lit up with excitement. 

“I promise,” Jane giggled. It’s as if her presence was just making this girl’s day, and she didn’t even know she was famous. The little girl liked Jane just for being Jane.

“Yes! I’ll save you a booth, and maybe we can color and it’s going to be so much fun!” Lulu put her hand in the air, to which Jane high fived her.

“That sounds like a lot of fun Lulu. Should I bring my colored pencils?”

“You really don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jenna tried to ease the pressure off of Jane. She knew her little girl could come on strong- something she no doubt learned from Becky.

“Oh it’s not a problem.” Jane smiled.

“Well Miss Lulu, I think it’s about time we head home. Mama’s gotta make some dinner, and then if you want to be up bright and early to be at the diner tomorrow, we’ve gotta go to bed,” Jim said as he finished off the last of his coffee.

“Can Jane come for dinner?” The little girl looked at her mother for permission. 

“You’ll see Jane tomorrow at the diner.” 

“But mama,” the child began to whine.

“Actually Lulu, I should probably get going too. I’ve got dinner to make for my family too.” Perhaps if Jane told the six year old she also had to go home and make dinner, it would be easier for Jim and Jenna to get her out of the shop. “But I promise you I’ll come in tomorrow with loads of paper and colored pencils for us to color. Does that sound like a plan?”

“You promise?” Lulu gave her a pointed look.

“I promise.” Jane smiled warmly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lulu.” Jane waved goodbye at the family who had begun to pack up their things. What the blonde wasn’t expecting was for the sweet girl to embrace her. 

“Thank you for being so nice to me.”

“Thank you for being so nice to me Lulu. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Lulu gave her a thumbs up.

“You know, Lulu isn’t usually that open with adults she’s just met,” Jenna offered casually as she helped Lulu back into her jacket.

“It’s because she looks just like you Jenna!” Jim still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that a broadway star (and a former queen) looked just like his wife.

“Well, she’s a very sweet girl,” Jane complimented. The brunette nodded in acknowledgement.

“Have you found a job since SiX closed?”

“I- I’m afraid not yet.”

“Do you want a job?”

“I don’t think I could. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you in the kitchen, and I’ve never been a waitress, and-”

“Lulu needs a Nanny. The last woman we had watching her moved away.” 

“I-”

“Oh please Jane!” Lulu looked at her with pleading eyes. 

“Lu, why don’t we go outside and wait for Mama while she talks to Jane?” Jim suggested. 

“Oh okay Daddy,” the small girl over-exaggerated her sigh. Bye Jane! See you tomorrow!”

“Looking forward to it sweetheart,” Jane’s voice was honest. The blonde really was looking forward to it.

“It was so nice to meet you Jane.”

“You too Jim.” Jane watched as the father led his daughter out the door.

“She really is a good kid,” Jane thought out loud. 

“Would you be interested in Nannying for us? There’s no pressure. But since you mentioned needing work, and I have work to offer, I figured I would ask. If you don’t want to, then that’s more than fine. It’s just been a while since I’ve seen my little girl speak to another adult other than my husband and me with such excitement.”

“You’re willing to trust me, a stranger you met maybe an hour ago, to watch over your precious angel?”

“I’m pretty sure if you were to do anything immoral, we would’ve heard about it by now. You are kind of in the public eye.”

Jane thought this over. “I suppose you’re right.” 

“So? What do you say?”

“I- I think I’d like that.”

“We can talk about the logistics of it all tomorrow? Over a slice of Mermaid Marshmallow?”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“Well, I better get going. I wasn’t lying when I said I had to cook dinner. But it really was a pleasure meeting you Jane. I think this may just be the start to a beautiful friendship.” Jenna winked playfully and made her way out of the coffee shop. 

-

“How was your first day of work?” Jane grinned at the girl in green.

“It was alright. I saw you talking to that one family for quite some time.”

“Yeah. A sweet family.” Jane smiled as she remembered the chance encounter.

“See? Coming to my first shift wasn’t so bad afterall, was it?”

“I guess you’re right.” 

“Are you ready to head home and start job hunting?”

“Actually Annie, I think I found a job. Nannying for that sweet family.”

Who would’ve known that something Jane didn’t want to do in the first place would lead her to a chance encounter with her lookalike, land her a job, and the beginning of a beautiful friendship?

[fear-before-valor]

💫

(Thank you again for your help with the trollish, by the way!!)

--

Tranz by Gorillaz

When you get back on Saturday night And your head is caving in Do you look like me, do you feel like me Do you turn into your effigy?

Jim stared into his bathroom mirror, where a crack remained that had never been repaired. He traced over his own doing with a very human fingertip, though he’d made the crack with, at the time, stone hands, instead of the warm ones that he was peering at now. The crack had split the mirror down the middle, and spiderwebbed into smaller offshoots that weren’t quite enough to completely distort his reflection; they were only just enough to make something look Not Right. Though, to be fair to the mirror, every time Jim had seen himself since even as far back as Eternal Night— and really, was that even that long ago? Or did it only feel that way?— something had felt Not Right. Capital N, capital R, Not Right. He’d seen it in everyone’s faces; in the brave way his mother had tried to hide her fear and worry behind support, but he could tell. He’d always been able to tell, with her. And Toby. And Blinky, after a while. He’d seen the worried faces of his family who tried to be strong for him, like he tried to be strong for them. But no amount of strength could hide when something uncontrolled in their faces blanched for just a moment, when they’d looked at him, just for a split second too late for them to cover it up.

It was one thing he definitely didn’t miss, from his time as a troll.

He wasn’t sure he even could say he missed it at all, though, if he was being honest. He’d never really asked for the form; only accepted it because it was what had been expected of him.

He supposed, if he did miss anything from it, though, he missed how utterly invincible he’d felt.

…Well.

Until he hadn’t anymore, when he was stabbed through his armor—through his heart—and suddenly he hadn’t felt so helpless in his life, as his own mind had turned traitor.

Jim never thought he’d approach anything like the singular sensation of even seeing his own effigy. Though, to be fair, he still hadn’t.

He hadn’t seen his own effigy.

He’d become it.

Do you dance like this? Forever

He could feel stone crumbling, as he met his own eyes in the mirror; he could feel his own skin crumbling, as his terror stared at him back. He could feel his own body crumbling— I’m dying…! He’d thought. I’m dying and Claire has to watch—

and then he felt the soft vibration of his phone at his hip. Three quick buzzes, a pause between them, three more buzzes, a pause between them, three more, and a pause, and Jim almost missed the green ‘accept’ button.

He raised his phone to his ear, forgetting to look at who it was.

“Jim? Where are you? My mom is demanding pictures, and my dad can only stall for so long!”

Claire.

When Jim opened his mouth to answer back, he was surprised to feel a smile stretched over his lips— he hadn’t even known he’d started to do that. He was quiet for a moment, just smiling, listening to the muffled commotion of Ophelia Nuñez nigh on a warpath, and her husband who had the distinct sound of a father trying to quiet a rambunctious toddler, while also attempting to have a civil conversation with his wife, all at the same time.

And it struck Jim.

It was so normal. So, incredibly normal. Even hearing NotEnrique chime in once in a while, sounding remarkably delighted by the chaos, was so blessedly normal, that Jim’s smile threatened to turn into a beam.

Claire had apparently gotten worried at his lack of response, however, and said, uncertainly, “…Jim? Are you there?”

He snapped back to the present. “Oh. Hey, Claire. Sorry; uh, I was having trouble fixing my—” he’d meant to decide if he was going to say his tie, or his hair, but instead it came out as, “Hairtie. I mean—”

Claire cut him off, a soft giggle chiming through his phone speaker, which set his heart spiraling. “Your hairtie, huh? Well, hurry up beauty queen, or we’re going to be late. You know between my mom and yours, we’re going to take centuries to be done with photos, and that’s not even taking into account when we meet up with Toby and the others, and their parents. It’s gonna be a brigade of parents, Jim!”

Jim chuckled, supposing that he wasn’t quite as unhappy about that as he perhaps should be. “Okay, okay. I’m on my way.” He said, and after a hushed ‘I love you,’ from Claire— who would never live it down if she was caught saying such a thing at seventeen— and a sickeningly sweet ‘I love you’ from himself in return, Jim hung up the phone, and slipped it back into his slacks pocket.

In his defense, he really had been trying to fix his hair, before he’d had his… episode. Now, he stared at it, and decided it was a hopeless cause due to the sheer amount of ruffles it would get from his mom alone, and so reached to grab his suit coat, instead. Pulling it on, he exited the bathroom, and just as he was about to slide down the railing, a hand caught him by the back of his collar.

“Now, Young Atlas, I do hope you were decidedly not going to risk ruining your dress pants on our banister?”

Jim groaned, rolling his eyes in an extremely over-exaggerated way, making sure Strickler saw. “I was gonna be careful!”

Strickler only looked amused, “I’m sure. But why don’t we take the stairs like civilized people, just in case?” He wrapped a gentle arm around Jim’s shoulders, guiding them both down the stairs together.

Barbara was at the bottom, dressed casually, for once— there had been no ifs ands or buts; she had the night off, and wasn’t on call unless the world ended. Of course, given Arcadia’s track record, that could have been an unfortunately high chance, but then again, it felt like even evil was taking a backseat that day. It seemed that that day was the first day they’d had in ages where no one wanted to destroy the world. Not even a continent.

And it was divine.

The sun was hanging lazily in the sky, golden light filtering harmlessly through their blinds, though Strickler was, of course, careful, regardless. He’d agreed to stay with the children until Barbara got back, but stood in the foyer as a mother stared at her son— looking so scarily like an adult— and watched with a smile, as she embraced the boy, trying to hide her misting eyes.

Barbara pulled back after a moment, and despite her valiant effort, hadn’t successfully stopped her tears from spilling, so as she pulled away from Jim, she wiped at her eyes under her glasses. Jim’s face softened, as he reached up to put a hand on her cheek, “Aw, mom, hey—”

“You just look so grown up, Jim.” She cut him off, going in for a second hug. He laughed, and hugged her again, and they held it, for longer this time.

After a moment too long, Jim opened his eyes to glance at Strickler, and shot him a look that screamed help me. Jim wasn’t sure he’d be able to get his mom to let go by himself. Then again, this, too, did not bother him much.

Seeing Jim’s face, however, Walt chuckled and moved to place a comforting hand on Barbara’s shoulder. “Come, now, tarn, you must get going. You two have a picture date to attend, after all.”

Barbara finally pulled back enough to give a wet laugh, saying, “I’m glad you made me get waterproof mascara.” She smiled fondly at Walter, “It’s going to come in handy, if this is only beginning.”

The beginning of many more events to come, she meant. Jim was a senior this year, and graduation was approaching far quicker than any of them were ready for.

“I’m going to go get a few more tissues, actually.” She realized, and turned to dart back into the living room, to secretly tuck the whole box into her purse. She wouldn’t be the only one who needed them, after all.

As she left Walter and Jim alone, the former teacher reached to clasp Jim’s shoulder, to get his attention, and to hold him in some way. The boy was good at hiding it, but Strickler hadn’t missed the slight shaking of his hands, which he’d tried to hide, as he’d buried them into his coat pockets, post-hug. Walt gave Jim a gentle, reassuring smile, “Jim. How do you feel?”

The boy futzed for a moment, glancing into the living room, and then back to Strickler— there was a flash of a memory, when the two of them had been watching for Barbara in a much different way— and then he shook his head, smiling—a real smile, genuine. He spoke the truth when he said, “I’m fine, actually. Just nervous. I’m bad at dancing.”

Walter gave a gentle, kind laugh, “I believe you ought not worry, Young Atlas. Were Claire to break up with you over your dancing, I fear there would be a much larger issue at play.”

Jim’s eyes went wide at the implication, and Strickler realized the poor timing of the joke. “Ah, but… you needn’t worry. The world will not end because our trollhunter has two left feet. Claire loves you, Jim. You will be quite alright, I believe.”

Jim fidgeted for a moment, looking as if he was trying to make up his mind on something.

And then Barbara rejoined them, giving Walt a quick kiss on the cheek, interrupting whatever Jim had been about to say. She slung her purse over her shoulder, and reached to place a hand on Jim’s back. “Let’s go, honey. Can’t keep Claire waiting too long, eh, Romeo?” She teased.

Jim rolled his eyes, but grinned, “Yeah, yeah.” He turned to the door, but then halted, and looked over to her, as if he’d just remembered something. “Hey, Mom? Why don’t you go get the car started? I think I left mine and Claire’s tickets upstairs.”

Barbara looked at him to joke that that was, of course, important, but as she turned, she caught the smallest glimpse of the corner of the tickets already sticking out of Jim’s coat pockets. She glanced from Jim to Walter, who gave her a nod. Ah.

She pretended to be none-the-wiser, as she walked over to hug Walter. He was surprised, but accepted it, and as she held on, she whispered, “Thank you, my love.”

He murmured, “Of course, von swin dwoyem eks klokarp.”

Barbara gave a soft laugh. “One day I’ll get you to tell me what that means.”

“Not a chance.” He winked, as she let go, and properly exited the house.

Jim had averted his eyes throughout the exchange, embarrassed. No matter how long he lived with them, it would still always be a little awkward to see the two of them like that.

He looked back up when the front door clicked shut.

It was a split-second, the silence hanging in the air between them. And then Jim surged forward, and wrapped his arms around Strickler’s neck, having to get up on his tiptoes to do so, even for his stature. He held on only just long enough for Walt to loosely wrap his arms around Jim in return. They stayed for a moment, and then Jim pulled back, standing awkwardly, as if he’d surprised himself.

Strickler opened his mouth to speak, but Jim took that moment to cut him off, blurt, “Thank you,” and make a beeline for the door.

Walt let him go. When the front door shut again, he smiled to himself.

Do you dance like this? Forever

That night, three very not-normal teenagers engaged in one of the most normal rituals of high school that any of them had gotten to do, thus far—Senior Prom. They filled their phone storage with pictures, screamed their voices hoarse, abandoned shoes, ties, coats, danced themselves breathless, wheezed when they had not the breath to laugh at that very same dancing, collapsed on each other in a giggling heap on the floor when they rested for only a moment—they had to soak up everything; they couldn’t waste time sitting!— and stole far too much food from the snack table. They saw friends, old and new, teased each other, or professed love, declared themselves best friends, and decided to abandon their plans for the future. They didn’t need them. For one, incredible night— for one, normal night, they danced, frozen in forever.

For one beautiful night, Jim danced, hand-in-hand in a three-pronged circle with his two best friends in the world, and after two long, long years… Nothing was wrong. It was perfect.

[grandtheftstarship]

Doctor of My Word (Leonard McCoy x Fem!Reader) [Request!]

“Request: Leonard McCoy x fem!Reader (Trope: Thing happens- people exchange money in the back; AU: Same Heartbeat Soulmates)!”

- @spaceyravenclaw 

THANK YOU GUYS FOR 200 FOLLOWERS!!!!! I can’t believe this blog has gotten so far ♡ thanks for sticking around!

Hi there!! Thank you for your requests :) ❤︎ This one just kinda snapped and I was trying to finish older requests first but I was just so excited to write this omg nobody’s requested a soulmate one yet and I’ve been dyingggg to write one! 

Sorry for lack of updates :( I’ve had some nasty writer's block ugh

This is dedicated to my good friend @bahharrington28 !!! Thanks for the support and happy belated birthday!! :D

REMINDER!!! Tumblr likes to eat requests! If your request hasn’t been filled, it’s been gobbled up :( send it in again!

Word Count: 1614 Warnings: fluff, swearing

request something!

masterlist!

To almost everyone on the Enterprise, it was totally and utterly obvious that you were pining after the one and only Doctor Leonard McCoy. Everyone also found it glaringly obvious the CMO was pining right back. 

You worked on the bridge while Leonard worked down in Medbay, but you saw each other often on the bridge since you were both close with Jim. People were constantly throwing knowing glances your way as you both shamelessly flirted with one another, though it only added to the unresolved tension between you. 

Some threw around the notion that maybe you and the doctor were soulmates, but it was rare that anyone was able to find theirs. Most people ignored or gave up on the idea that soulmates were real and decided to just let things play out instead of searching. 

Your parents, for example, weren’t soulmates, but they were still happy together and raised you well. However, your grandparents were. When you were young you were fascinated by the idea of having the perfect match made for you and you would often press one of your hands on your grandparents’ hearts and feel them beat in perfect sync. Your grandmother would tell you bedtime stories about how she met your grandfather and their first date, as well as the day she finally started being able to hear his heartbeat in the back of her mind. She told you how it became a calming lullaby for her, and it made her feel safe. 

For a long time, you were obsessed with finding your soulmate, but that obsession had quieted back down to mild curiosity. By the time you reached your early twenties, you had accepted that you were probably never going to find your other half after years of searching. You weren’t opposed to the idea of soulmates like others could be, if you found yours you would be beyond happy, but you were willing to settle down with anyone as long as you both were okay with it.

Leonard, however, couldn’t remember the last time he actually believed the tale was true. When he married Jocelyn, he knew after the first time they held hands that they weren’t soulmates. He tried so hard to make it work, but in the end soulmates won. She ended up finding her other half a few years after Joanna was born and left him. He had given up on love altogether when she did.

He had tried- he really did- to keep up that mentality once you walked aboard the Enterprise, but he found that increasingly more difficult as he got to know you. 

“Leonard!” 

A smile instantly formed on his lips as you jogged towards him.

“You ready for lunch?” he asked, tucking his PADD under his arm. 

You nodded, falling into step with him. “Yep!”

When your friends asked you about your feelings for the doctor, you never really knew how to answer. It started as a general safe feeling when you were around him, a strange sense of calm and comfort from the moment you laid eyes on him. You had never felt that with anyone before and you were instantly attracted to him. You thought that maybe it was just a little crush and it would fade away after a while, but if anything it started picking up the pace. 

You didn’t want to think about what it meant. 

The day went by just how you thought it would, boringly. You didn’t see Leonard for the rest of your shift, making you frown. You usually got to see him multiple times throughout the day. Around the end of your shift, your best friend [b/f/n] wandered onto the bridge.

“Hey [y/n]!”

You smiled as she approached you. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” she replied. “My shift just finished. Do you want to hang out tonight? Have a few drinks?”

You nodded, prepping your station for the following shift. “I would love too.”

“Great!” she pulled you up from your chair and practically dragged you to the Turbolift. 

                                                 _________________

[b/f/n] had gotten you really, really drunk. Barely an hour after your shift had ended, you were stumbling around her quarters, laughing your head off. You didn’t notice the sly grin [b/f/n] was wearing as she watched you from the counter. She got up and went to the comm and whispered something into it. 

“Whatcha doing?” you slurred behind her. 

“I’m calling the doctor,” she replied, trying to hide her smile. 

“The doctor?” you squeaked, sobering for a moment. It was only a moment. “Oh well, I guess that’s not too bad.”

[b/f/n] smirked, thinking you were about to confess. 

“Now he can bring his good whiskey!” you exclaimed, flopping on the couch with your hands stretched out. [b/f/n] signed. Not even being drunk was enough to draw the truth out of you, or so she thought. 

The chime at the door spooked you and you rolled off the couch, landing with a small ‘oof’. You lied there with a panicked expression on your face. 

You heard the doctor and [b/f/n] talking quietly at the door and to your horror, you heard [b/f/n] leave the room. 

                                            ____________________

Leonard was panicking. He had barely noticed it at first, the slight pulse in the back of his mind. He thought it was a strange sort of migraine so he took some medication, but lo and behold, nothing happened. The steady beat remained, and Leonard knew exactly what it meant. 

He tried to ignore it most of the day but it was always there, mocking him with every soft thump. He felt it race on occasion, either mirroring his own feelings or it was something she was going through. It never lasted more than a few moments, until only a few minutes after Beta shift ended. [y/n]’s shift. He let himself wonder for a brief moment if she was the one who’s heartbeat mirrored his, but he pushed the thought away. It couldn’t be. 

Barely half an hour into Gamma shift, Bones heard his comm chime. 

“Leonard,” he sighed into it.

“Hey, uh, I need your help in my quarters,” came the response.

“I don’t make house calls,” he growled.

“Well, it’s [y/n],” the voice replied.

Len felt his heart skip a beat, the faint one in his head following suit.

“What the hell’s wrong with her?” he tried to keep from sounding frantic. “And who the hell is this?”

The voice sighed loudly. “Leonard, its [b/f/n]. She’s fine but she’s, you know, not handling her drinks well.”

It was Leonard’s turn to sigh. “Fine. I’ll be there in a second.”

He put the communicator down and took a deep breath. He could do this. It wasn’t like she was dying. He grabbed a MedKit and left his office. The trip was much shorter than he was hoping and before he knew it he was ringing [b/f/n]’s door chime. She answered almost immediately, and he narrowed his eyes. 

“This better not be some sort of cruel joke,” he grumbled.

“Of course not,” she replied, stepping out of the doorway to allow Leonard in. He almost missed the glint in her eye. “I’m going to leave you two alone.”

Before he could protest, [b/f/n] slipped out of the room, doors hissing closed behind her. He let out a sigh and ran a hand over his eyes. 

He finally strode into the room to find you laying on the floor on your stomach, looking up at him with wide eyes. 

“Did you bring the good stuff?” your whisper muffled slightly by the floor.   

“What?” Leonard asked in surprise.

You jumped up from the carpet and stood on your tippy-toes to whisper in his ear.

“The whiskey.”

“Of course not,” Leonard blinked, bemused. “You’re way too drunk for that missy.”

You groaned and fell away from him, collapsing back on the couch. “Then why’d [b/f/n] call you in?”

“To deal with you,” Leonard replied, unpacking a hypo from his kit. 

“What’s that mean?”

“I'm here to sober you up darlin’,” he spun around and pressed the hypo in your neck, which earned him a yelp from you. 

“What was that for?” you gasped, rubbing the spot on your neck. 

“They say it hurts less if it’s a surprise,” he shrugged. 

“Bullshit,” you huffed. “What was in that anyway?”

“Sedative,” Leonard replied, closing his kit back up. “That’s all. I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch.”

“Wait!” you called after him. He stopped in the doorway and turned around.

“Stay with me?” you asked sheepishly, red clouding your cheeks.

Leonard felt his heart melt, but felt a pang of unease. If he stayed, what was he getting himself into? Would he be able to make good decisions? Before rational thought could regain control, he smiled and walked back towards the couch, setting his kit on the kitchen counter. He couldn’t leave you by yourself, could he?

                                             ________________

Jim wandered down the hallway, finding [b/f/n] standing outside her quarters. He groaned. 

“Don’t tell me.”

She grinned. “Oh yeah. Got ‘em both in there alone. They’re cuddling Jim. Cuddling. You owe me.”

“Fine,” he muttered, basically throwing the hundred dollar bill at [b/f/n].

“Thank you,” she smirked. “Now let’s go have our own fun.”

                                             _________________

Leonard settled down on the couch next to you, freezing as you snuggled under his arm. His face burned red, unsure if he should pull you closer or push you away. 

After a few minutes, he felt you doze off. He felt a feeling of safety he wasn’t used to as he watched your chest rise and fall. His eyes wandered over your small form until they settled on your open hand resting on his thigh, palm up. The overwhelming urge to check your heartbeat was almost irresistible, but in the end, he found himself reaching for it despite every ounce of him screaming not to.  

He pressed his thumb onto your wrist and nearly gasped in surprise. Your heart was beating in a familiar rhythm and Leonard nearly didn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it, in fear he was mistaken. He brought his other free hand to his own chest and sure enough:

You were his soulmate.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Magnolia

I don’t know much about Magnolia or Paul Thomas Anderson, but I do know that it takes someone paying me to get me to watch a 3-hr+ drama that doesn’t star Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and a really big boat. This is one of my mom’s favorite movies which is why she requested it for me to review. It’s packed with a balls-to-the-wall star-studded cast (Tom Cruise! Julianne Moore! Phillip Seymour Hoffman! John C. Reilly! William H. Macy! Felicity Huffman!) and I’m genuinely excited to see how they all fit together. Cause they have to all fit together in some coherent way, right? Well...

Do you remember in Sorry to Bother You when the Equisapiens came out and things just took like...a real turn? That’s kind of what this was like. Whereas StBY pushed a thought to its most extreme, but logical, conclusion, what Paul Thomas Anderson has done here feels like a magician doing a lot of impressive illusions - sawing a lady in half, making a motorcycle disappear, pulling smaller things out of bigger things - and then for his final trick, walking onstage amidst a grand plume of smoke, dropping his pants, taking a gigantic shit, and then saying, “You’ve been a great audience, thanks a lot and goodnight!” It’s not like you can say the experience was BAD. Everything up to the finale was a really great time! But when you’re left on a note that is that bafflingly odd, it kinda colors the way you’ll remember the whole thing.

Magnolia is the story of one long day in the life of 12 people living in Los Angeles who are all connected via an extensive web from acquaintances to married couples to parents and children to paid caregivers and beyond. It’s a day that has the same kind of ups and downs as any other day until it, well, turns into something else entirely. I’m not sure how else to explain it, but if you want to know more, spoilers will be spoiled below.

Some thoughts:

Patton Oswalt cameo! I am a massive fan and thought I knew his whole filmography and OMG how did I not know that he was in this!!

Ok, in spite of my skepticism this entire opening sequence about coincidence had me hooked IMMEDIATELY. Like, this is some damn good storytelling, if this were a novel, I would not be able to put it down - that pull, that’s what it feels like.

Am I the only person whose encyclopedic memory of character actors/roles gets distracted when they see someone from something that is wildly disparate compared to the role you’re currently watching? For example, I had to pause the movie and confirm via IMDB that I did just see Professor Sprout from HP scream “Shut the fuck up!” at her husband while brandishing a shotgun.

Would people really recognize a grown ass man from being a successful child game show contestant? I’ll tell you the answer, no they wouldn’t, because no one realizes that Peter Billingsley (aka Ralphie from A Christmas Story) is the head of the elf production line in Elf.

I knew this was a stacked cast, but holy SHIT this is a stacked cast. If I had $1 for every fantastic character actor I recognize in this, I would have at least $37, and these are people in the film who have maybe 2-3 lines each. It’s a deep bench is what I’m saying.

This makes me miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman so, so very much.

Watching PSH care for and be so compassionate and gentle with his hospice patient, Earl (Jason Robards),makes my heart ache terribly. All of the people who have been unable to perform this kindness, this type of compassionate care for their closest loved ones as they lie dying in isolation of Covid...it’s overwhelming.

OMG I’m counting 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Very Good Dogs in the old man’s house!

I know Scientology is evil and he’s undeniably a complicated and morally grey person. I know all that. But goddamn I just love watching Tom Cruise COMMIT. Particularly when he commits to just absolute fucking sleazebag slimeballs. And boy oh boy is Frank Mackey an absolute fucking sleazebag slimeball.

Related - I know Frank looks like Tom Cruise, so he could get people to sleep with him no matter what, but I honestly feel like as a human being, this flesh suit is WAY more attractive balding and fat in Tropic Thunder than he is in this shiny brown shirt/leather vest/long hair combo.

I’m getting an uncomfortable vibe about these black characters being written by an artsy white dude, because I don’t know any young black kids who want to hang around with cops and offer up information about who committed a murder in their building. In fact, the way all of the black characters are treated in this film - as liars, criminals, the disingenuous “main stream media,” and thieves - feels rooted in some racist ass bullshit. We see a lot of nuance in our white characters, but even in a film that has, shockingly, more than one key black role, we don’t get that spectrum or nuance.

There is nothing I would love more than to learn that Frank Mackey is 1) gay 2) impotent or 3) both. He’s so disgustingly over-the-top misogynistic, it honestly feels like it should all be a complete act.

I confess I am on the edge of my seat trying to figure out how all these narrative threads tie together. It’s compelling as hell, even though half the time I don’t know why these people are having these long, meandering conversations. The pacing feels so deliberate, like a puzzle coming together. There’s real craftsmanship in how every scene is plotted to feel connected rather than manic or disjointed.

This pharmacist is being unprofessional as hell. Judgy McJudgerson, mind your fucking business, Julianne Moore’s father is dying! [ETA: ope, that’s embarrassing, Earl is actually her husband.]

NO THE DOG IS EATING THE PILLS OH NO VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THE DOG.

I think I knew this, but this soundtrack is fantastic. All Aimee Mann and Supertramp, and Jon Brion’s score is this thrumming, anxious thing full of strings that underscore all these nervous conversations, and then it shifts into these low, mournful horns when things start to take a turn and everyone is reaching their lowest points.

I love this interviewer (April Grace) who is taking Frank (Tom Cruise) to task. I think it’s particularly noteworthy that she is a black woman, because the kind of misogyny Frank peddles is rooted in white supremacy.

Stanley (Jeremy Blackman) is breaking my goddamn heart here. I think he and Phil (PSH) are my favorite characters.

Jim (John C Reilly) is the perfect example of how even a cop with the best intentions, with absolute kindness and love is in heart, is abusing his power and sexually harassing a woman he encountered in the line of duty, who is eager to appease him because she doesn’t want to be charged with a crime. This movie reads a LOT differently than it did in 1999.

I normally really love Julianne Moore, but she is a screeching mess in this. I can’t stop staring at her mouth and all the contortions it makes as she delivers every line in hysterics. She’s one of the few weak spots for me here.

Listening to Frank go on his whole diatribe about what society does to little boys to break them and victimize them HAS to be the source of where Keith Raniere got at least half of his NXIVM bullshit. Like, some of these points are word-for-word.

Also if Frank makes as much money as he seems to, there’s no way he would drive a shitty Saturn sedan.

It feels like the common thread of this movie is everyone is terrible and cheats on their spouses, and you should come clean when you get cancer so you can die peacefully. Weird moral, but ok.

If Jim is a cop, how does he not see that this woman he’s interested in (Melora Walters) is coked out of her mind?

Y’know for being a quiz kid, Donnie (William H. Macy) sure is kinda stupid.

I confess I’m not taking many notes throughout this because I’m just kind of sitting breathlessly still watching all these conversations unfold because I am on the edge of my fucking seat to find out how all this is gonna come together.

Secret MVP of this movie is the mom from A Christmas Story (Melinda Dillon) who is giving the performance of her goddamn life as Jimmy Gator’s wife.

Did I Cry? On the surface it appears ridiculous, but when Tom Cruise is having his breakdown at his dying father’s bedside, I admit, that really got me. If you’ve ever been faced with that kind of hysterical, I-can’t-believe-this-is-happening, it feels like the whole world is ending kind of shock and hurt and anger, that’s what the crying looks like.

Are those......frogs?? That landed on Jim’s car? It’s raining fucking frogs???? OK for those of you sensitive to frog harm, this movie is going to take a real hard left turn for you, because I swear that came out of NOWHERE.

Um.

What.

Pray tell.

The fuck.

The climax of this movie - is when literal frogs rain from the sky.

And we finally got resolution about the dog, and the dog DID die, and I’m pissed about it. It’s offscreen but still.

I'm sorry - I know I’m fixating. But how is it possible that I knew about all the characters performing a sing-along to Aimee Mann’s (excellent) song “Wise Up” but I did NOT know that the climax of the film involves literally thousands of frogs falling to their death from the sky? How is that something that escapes entry into the cultural zeitgeist? I’m with it, you guys. I have been Very Online for over a decade, and before that, I read a lot of Entertainment Weekly, and like it just seems that this is something that pop culture really should have told me.

I think the funniest moment of this movie might be the credits in which I discovered that not only is Luis Guzman playing a man named Luis, he’s actually playing himself. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop laughing about it. That was a 189-minute setup to one dumb punchline.

I think I loved this movie but I don’t quite know. The frog thing really threw me. What I’m taking away from it is that even when it doesn’t feel like it or seem like it, we are all connected to each other, always, in ways we can’t see or know. As Wife astutely pointed out, it’s reminiscent of the pandemic - we’re all in the same storm, but we each have our own boats and our own experiences within that storm. And it’s kind of nice to remember that right now, that connection still exists even when it feels so far away. Just not if you’re a frog I guess, cause they really got the short end of the stick here.

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