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a-simple-imagine · 2 years ago

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In the Company of Ghosts

Synopsis: Katherine Howard takes a particular interest in the latest crew member of the divorced, beheaded, live tour.

Pairing: Katherine Howard (Six the Musical) x gn!reader (or OC)

Words: 18.1k+

A/N - its finally here. the story I've talked about for months!!! Obvious this is just my interpretation of the queens based on all the UK tour shows i saw and backstage. a few moments mentioned in here actually happened, guess which ones? I was vague with descriptions and katherine isn’t as bubbly as you might be expecting so keep that in mind.

TW - swearing, vague mentions of abuse and past relationships, nightmares, panic attacks and a surprise kiss.

Katherine Howard didn’t like going on tour. she could understand the value in going but it just took a lot out of her both, mentally and physically. there was once a time when traveling and meeting new people was just oh so exciting but now she found particular comfort in the familiar. this was not her first tour nor would it be her last. they had been putting on this show for some time now and had built up quite a loyal following. some would say too loyal but that's the price of popularity. the other queens would stress the importance of telling their stories but surely most people, or at least the ones who care, would have seen the show by now. it's not like they tell the full truth anyway. just a prepackaged version they could fit into five-minute songs. suppose that was better than nothing. when she first found herself in this strange new world, Katherine spent a lot of time researching her past. it was hard. there was not a lot compared to some of the other queens. and from what she could understand many painted her poorly. so many years passed and still so few believed her. That had been how Parr had convinced her to put on the show; it was a chance to tell her story the way she wanted. Katherine liked singing and dancing, she used to spend a lot of time practicing before she went to court. and then there were parties and such. often with these tours, they would work to keep the crew the same assuming it was possible. it was simply easier that way. the occasional fresh face amongst the sea of familiarity. she's gonna have to learn some new names. if not just to be polite. she doesn't mind. it's the least she can do.

it's the first stop of the tour. a relatively small theatre that only seated around seven hundred people. they had performed in bigger and smaller. Katherine much preferred a smaller space, it made the performance feel more intimate. the start of a tour is always a little awkward, it takes a minute to get used to being away from home, spending practically every day with the same handful of people, and having to perform seven shows a week. as much as Katherine would prefer to spend her time in the dressing room if she wanted to eat the only place with a fridge and microwave was the green room. on entering she finds Catherine of Aragon - Catalina - sitting on the sofa, a mug of tea or coffee in hand. at the table sits the newest member of the 'divorced, beheaded, live tour'. they are but a humble members of the technical team. neither is talking. they are both far too invested in their phones. there is a brief second where she catches the newbie's gaze, they offer a small smile but she simply pretends she did not notice; opting to seem distracted by the announcement coming through the speakers. She had nothing against them, she hardly even knew them after all, she just was not in the mood for small talk. she just wanted to eat before the show.

this stop was one of the longer legs of the tour beaten only by the holiday leg coming up in December; over a month in one place. most stops ranged from a few days to a week but they would be staying here for just under three weeks. they were still getting used to being around each other so much. Katherine spent a fair amount of time with the other queens so, for the most part, she was used to them. She knew their personalities and quirks far too well. she even knew the crew to some extent. but the newbie was a mystery. they have hardly interacted. they mostly keep to themselves as they work. then again, they had not even been together a week. their first interaction had happened randomly in the hallway. She hadn't been paying attention to where she was going and crashed into them. they kept repeating how sorry they are. it was fine. Katherine really did not care too much. it was only some water. why were they acting like it was the end of the world? they couldn't even look at her.

"It's fine, don't worry" Katherine assured them as nicely as possible. bending down, she picked up the water bottle that had crashed to the floor. "really," she held the bottle out for the other. "unlike Anne, I won't melt from just a little bit of water."

that was a joke; a bad attempt at breaking the tension. Anne was sure to get her back for it later should she hear about it. the other didn't so much as chuckle but they did take back the bottle. "thank you," mumbled out. "I'm really sorry, again." they scurry away before anything else could be said. Katherine wonders if the nerves are just part of them or, like some of their fans, it was because they were the stars of the show. they would have to get over that quickly if they wanted to stick around for the entire tour.

the end of the week approaches quickly and yet somehow still not quickly enough. it's a two-show day; they had just finished their early evening show. the crowd was surprisingly engaged. they were not always the best of crowds. never the same vigor as an evening audience. and Katherine is tired. She does not quite understand why she is so drained. this kind of schedule is far from new to her. it is the nature of this industry. and yet she sits at the counter in the green room, nursing her meal and drinking enough water to rehydrate a desert. surely, she would come to regret it but for now, it was hitting the spot. there are few people in here, others will arrive soon but for now, it was just her, the newbie, and two members of the theatre staff. in walks, Anne, wrapped up in a fluffy brown dressing gown and carrying Tupperware and a water bottle. she tosses the bottle on the couch and continues through the room.

"urgh," she groans loudly, drawing all attention. "i don't think i can keep doing this. it's killing me."

"you're fine," Katherine comments but Anne just shrugs.

"I'm never fine, I'm literally dying," a dismissive wave of her hand. She offered polite smiles to the theatre staff as she passed the table before placing a single hand on the shoulder of the newbie. they look up at her. "what are you doing after the show?"

they shrug a little. "uh... going home."

"few of us are going the social club," Anne asks; she was trying to organise drinks to celebrate the end of their first week of shows. Katherine wasn't too sure she wanted to attend. the other queens became even more of a handful when intoxicated especially Anne which is saying a lot. "you should come," the other queen continues, her hand drifting over their shoulder as she makes her way to the microwave. "I'm not gonna put it in the chat 'cause people I don't like will come," one of the theatre staff laughs. Anne must assume it's about her because she is quick to defend. "I know that sounds mean but it's true."

"i don't know,"

"I think it'll be good for you. you're always so nervous" Great job Anne. that'll make them feel better.

"Maybe," they sigh softly, awkwardly glancing at their phone and then back at Anne. it was nice that she was inviting them, if not a little surprising.

"Well, the offer is out there. come. don't come." the microwave beeps as she types in each number then springs to life. "it's up to you."

in the spirit of a successful week together, Katherine deemed it appropriate to join the other queens tonight. the social club is not a particularly fancy place; the smell of alcohol was strong when you step through the door. a small stage sat against the far wall, where a local band was just finishing setting up. Anne lead them through the slim crowd towards the bar. Catalina and Jane weren't in attendance and neither was most of the crew. she wonders if they were busy or Anne just hadn't invited them; safe bet that she was a little too picky about the company she kept. the bar is manned by a single young woman whose reading a book; Katherine couldn't quite see the cover. As she notices them she perks up, places her book down, and heads over. She presents a pleasant smile.

"quiet night?" Anne hums softly.

"you could say that," the bartender nods, a soft little chuckle. "got to find some way to kill the time, y'know," she shrugs. "what can I get you?"

they order a round of drinks before heading to a booth hidden away in the corner; pulling a small table onto the end. Katherine found herself nestled on the end beside her cousin. it wasn't that she regretted coming but the weight of the week was really starting to hit her. She is quiet for the most part, listening to those around her. and then she hears a familiar voice as someone approaches the table.

"sorry, I'm late." a phrase she heard often. it was the newbie looking a little flustered. Katherine hadn't expected them to actually show up.

"i didn't think you'd actually come" Anne comments quickly. a split second of silence before continuing. "not in like a bad way."

Katherine could practically see the wheels turning in their head. they regret coming now. don't feel welcome. she'd feel the same way. when they glance at her, she offers a small genuine smile; it seems to invite them to pull up a chair next to her and everyone goes back to their own conversations.

Katherine used to consider herself to be quite a social butterfly. any excuse to have fun and make new friends. she dreamed of the lavish parties and celebrations that came along with court life but reality had been a little different. now, she almost struggled with socialising when it came to new people. perhaps it was a subconscious coping mechanism; a beheading was enough to deter anyone from making new connections. somehow, she was still that young girl with a desire to be seen and heard while also being a completely different person. her eyes focus on the drink Anne had insisted Anna buy the newbie as they attempt to make conversation. occasionally she would nod a little to show she was listening. they speak with such a strange degree of care that it almost felt unnatural. She assumed they were just nervous.

it seems a week was more than enough time for a degree of familiarity to develop amongst the group. it makes sense considering a lot of them had worked together before; they just had to get back into the same old routine. of course, not everyone was comfortable being part of the team yet. Katherine almost felt bad that it was so obvious. almost.

"I'm just running to get some coffee... if anybody wants one?" it's announced to the whole green room but most people don't respond. Katherine catches their gaze for just a second and as they turn to leave she perks up.

"Can I join you?" Katherine asks, sitting up on the couch where she'd been chatting with Jane. they give a little shrug.

a dark grey sky accompanies the mass of people visiting the city center. it's painfully silent as she walks just a step behind them. katherine can't help but feel a tad unwelcome on this venture for coffee; she just wasn't a fan of the filter stuff the theatre provided. far too bitter for her sophisticated palette. her mind wanders to the streams of people around her. l

"-for tonight?" their voice pulls her from her thoughts, having only caught the end of the question.

"huh?"

"the show, today? Are you excited?"

now it's Katherine's turn to shrug. it had been a long while since she was genuinely excited to be on stage. She loved performing, truly, but nowadays it was more about comfort. if she wasn't on stage what would she be doing? She didn't have any qualifications or practical skills so many jobs were simply off the table. Maybe she could be in another show but that would be a lot of work. it took her long enough to get used to this show. plus, the others knew about her past which was so much easier than explaining to strangers why she wasn't always the best in crowds or how she didn't like to be touched. "I don't know if excited is the word I'd use."

"yeah... I figured," they glance briefly at her, nodding as if they actually understood the reasoning. "it's still pretty cool for me."

katherine smiled gently. this whole thing was still pretty new to them. obviously, she couldn't speak to their previous experience but she liked the think the show was exciting in the beginning. It's short and sweet with catchy songs that people of all ages seem to enjoy. even now, there was the occasional crowd that just possesses so much excitement, it was infectious. but they were far and few between so for the most part this was just her day-to-day and as far as the techie goes, their enthusiasm would die slowly. thankfully, the coffee shop was not too far from the theatre. a jingle rings out as the door scrapes open and they're greeted by a warm caffeinated embrace. an old gentleman stands in front of the till conversing with one of the two baristas on shift. Katherine's eyes immediately search out the menu decorating the back wall. What did she want? something sweet was always the way to go but there were just so many options.

"do you want anything?"

For a split second, there is a jolt of panic, Katherine shakes her head quickly. "I can get my own."

"no, it's fine. I don't mind," Stepping towards the counter, they exchange pleasantries with the barista before ordering two different drinks. "what do you want?"

"you really don't have to," she tries again, they hardly know each other, and she didn't want them to think she expected free things.

"just pick something, the poor girl is waiting,"

"uh... a mocha then." Katherine states looking towards the other for some kind of reassurance that it was okay. "with salted caramel, if possible."

"with caramel too? remember who has the bigger paycheck here," the awkward little chuckle that follows their words makes her think it's a joke. at least she hoped so. maybe they were a tad more comfortable than originally thought. tapping their card on the machine, they move along.

"Thank you,"

They smile a little. "it's alright."

once again silence falls between them as they wait. Small talk really wasn't her strong suit and clearly, it wasn't theirs either. "So, uhm, whose the other drink for?"

"What?"

"the other drink? you ordered two, one is for you I assume so?."

"oh, it's for Parr." they respond. "she's the main reason I'm here."

Interesting. She had been expecting the name of another technician or manager; they all seemed to be a little friendlier. Katherine wouldn't dream of just asking one of them to go out of their way to get her coffee and she really hasn't expected it from Catherine. "you don't have to get her stuff, you're not an assistant,"

"It's alright," they shrug. "gave me an excuse to get out of the theatre, and now I can have coffee that doesn't taste like motor oil."

"you're too nice,"

"is that a bad thing?" Was it a bad thing? Katherine couldn't quite decide. there wasn't enough genuine kindness in the world but it was easily manipulated. give a little take a lot. stop for a quick picture and suddenly they're telling you their entire life story and asking for an autograph as well. "uh... Katherine?"

"hmm?" She looked at them but their focus seemed to be right past her.

"you might wanna look behind you." A slow turn of the head reveals two girls whispering in the corner. her brow furrowed in confusion about why she should care but then she noticed it. the t-shirt with 6 tiny coloured crowns. Guess they were fans. they turn away sharply when they notice her looking.

"they've been staring since they came in."

Katherine sighs softly. She didn't hate the fans but there was a time and a place that wasn't a random coffee shop during her break. still, she offers a smile which brings them over to investigate. they're cautious at first but their faces light up when they finally realise who she is. it's a slow few minutes as they gush over the show and queens, only interrupted by a coffee cup being shoved in her face.

"We should probably get going, sorry ladies" they insist. Katherine takes the coffee in hand. "show to do and all."

a smile that contrasted drastically with the disappointment of the two girls adorning Katherine's face. "I've really got to go, sorry," she isn't really sorry. "enjoy the show." and with that she scampers away after the others whose already on their way out the door. "thanks for that."

"no worries. I'm sure they could have gone on forever."

"you don't know the half of it," they chuckle slightly. once again they fall into silence, Katherine just a step behind as they make their way back towards the theatre with an ever-growing curiosity about the newest edition of the divorced, beheaded, live tour. such a small team of people means every absence is obvious so it was no surprise that they were greeted almost immediately as they entered through stage door. this was a prime example of when being nice backfires. another coffee was being shoved in her hand before she can even register what was going on. the techie being led away to do some last-minute checks before the show.

"thanks for coming along." called back to her. Katherine offers a smile as she follows along behind until their paths diverge. guess she was supposed to deliver Parr her coffee now? it's mere seconds before she hears her name being called. "I, uh... wanted to ask if you wanted to do lunch tomorrow? double show day after all." Katherine stares back like a deer caught in headlights. completely dumbfounded by such a simple invitation. "don't feel like you have to though- text me, yeah?" and with that they disappear once more, sure to be scolded for their tardiness.

Turning into the green room, Anne sits at the counter enjoying a bowl of something. "where's my invite to lunch?" Katherine ignores her, breezing past to spy Anna and Catalina sitting on the couches.

"Maybe we should all go?" Anna adds playfully. She chooses to ignore them all completely and just go find Cathrine. the dressing rooms sit down a long corridor of the green room. each door is adorned with makeshift name tags. A few knocks on the door to Parr's bring her into view.

"Coffee,"

"Why do you have it?"

"they had to go do something so I said I'd deliver it," Katherine replies.

"oh," there's a weird pause. "thanks."

the girl smiles, bidding her fellow queen goodbye as she heads for her own dressing room. the invite to lunch had been so random, she wasn't sure what to make of it. if it was going to be as awkward as the walk to and from the coffee shop, it didn't seem like something she wanted to do. she would rather eat alone than feign interest in small talk.

even to her own surprise, Katherine decides to accept the invitation for lunch. it would keep things civil amongst the group. she had to ask one of the other queens for their number. Anne was the one to remind her that they were all in a workgroup chat together but was nice enough to share since she had it saved. apparently, they had really bonded the first couple of days here. she wondered when they had the time for team building but didn't question it.

a cute little cafe filled to the brim with hungry customers is the destination for their early lunch. the fact that it was full was a good sign. "have you been here before?" she asks

"me? no, one of the ushers recommended it."

"cool," was all she could think to say. this was already feeling awkward and they still had a whole meal to get through. She had been expecting at least one of the others to be here; queens or crew alike. probably Anne but it was just the two of them. Katherine puts her nervous energy into grabbing a menu.

"can I ask you a question?"

She doesn't look up from the menu. "sure."

"did you always wanna be a performer?" seemed like a pointless question considering she had been doing this show for a good couple of years now. even the musical has a line about how much she likes singing. then again, they were missing the vital information about what she had been doing pre-smash hit west end show. she was just a dedicated performer with the same name as an old English queen.

a shrug. she used to just dream of going to court and serving the queen. being a good wife in the future. it's what was expected of her. Of course, plans changed and now she was here in search of new hopes and dreams. singing and dancing was just a skill from the past that came in use. "It's what I'm good at."

"yeah, but is it what you wanted?" was it what she wanted? it was hard to say when she never expected to ever be in this situation. having to make a living for herself. working with the other queens. it was a unique situation.

"did you always wanna be a techie?"

"god no." their response was so quick, Katherine lowered her menu to look at them.

"not what I was expecting."

Yeah... I'm not even sure I want to do it now."

her brow crinkled a little. dedicating your time to going on a year-long tour as a technician seemed like a pretty big commitment for someone who didn't want to be a technician. "you don't like working with us?"

"It's not that. I was late to the game in wanting to do this kinda thing so it's just a little disheartening how far behind I feel," they explain. "I'm also like stumbling through it so I feel more like a burden than anything else."

Katherine could relate. considering when she was born she was definitely a little older than most performers with the exception of the other queens. She also felt like she was completely stumbling through life; it had been a few years but there were still things she'd never seen or experienced before. "I'm sure you're better than you think."

"I can coil a cable and that's the most important thing, I suppose."

Katherine was about to respond when a waiter approached the table. she realised she'd been hogging the menu the entire time and yet hardly even looked at it; she ends up just ordering a salad out of sheer panic. everywhere had salads. she wasn't that hungry anyway. ?? Between the cast, crew and members of the theatre staff, it was a little cramped in the green room for lunch. the queens and crew mostly took up the couch while the staff all sat around the table. a clear divide down the centre of the room. Katherine was sitting at the counter awaiting the ding of the microwave as she picked up bits and pieces of the many conversations happening around her. Are you working tomorrow? Does anyone have a pen? I'd argue that's weirder. then there was the newbie who was positioned between Catalina and Jane, nodding along as they stared at a phone screen.

"fuckin' hell," abruptly leaves their lips. they clearly hadn't meant to say it out loud as they look around to evaluate the situation.

"what's up?" Jane wonders.

"just people being unreliable," they huff, showing their screen to Jane.

"oh, sweetie,"

"What happened?" Catalina is the next to ask.

"my Airbnb just cancelled," they declare. "so guess I'm gonna be homeless for the next two weeks."

"you've got a couple days, maybe you can find somewhere last minute?"

"Why don't you stay with us" Anne suggests brightly, turning to look sharply at her. Katherine frowns a little.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna impose."

"no, it's totally fine. we have a spare room, right Katherine?" Katherine felt her jaw tense. she couldn't exactly say no or she would look like the bad guy here but she also wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea. most eyes in the room fall on her as they all become invested in the tales of the homeless techie. by some miracle, the microwave finally dings and she's quick to turn and collect her food.

"Are you staying far from the venue?"

"homeless but still picky," a playful comment from Anna.

"it's not far," Anne continues on. "like a fifteen-minute walk."

"if Katherine's okay with it..."

she had hoped if she just didn't engage they would stop including her but all pressure once again fell on her. picking up the Tupperware, Katherine slowly turned back around and presented them with a closed-lipped smile. expectant eyes all stared back. "uh..." she really wanted to say no. it wasn't her fault the Airbnb cancelled so why was she suddenly the one forced to accommodate? She wanted to be comfortable in her own space and that was harder with a complete stranger staying in the other room; well not complete stranger but still. "sure. it's fine with me."

"i feel bad."

"why? it's totally fine."

"Are you really sure?"

with a heavy sigh, Katherine grabs a fork and makes her way back over to the counter. no, she wasn't sure. but that didn't matter anymore, she had already agreed. it was the right thing to do.

"yes." Anne declares happily, "your staying with us."

"thank you."

"Maybe I'll even get a brunch invite now,"

they audibly groan. "you're never gonna let that go, are you?"

anne's shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. "I think it's cute that you went on a date with our little Katherine."

katherine kept her head low, focusing on the meal before her but a sinking feeling crept into her stomach. it wasn't a date... was it?

"not a date." they urge.

"it definitely was."

"Anne," Jane's voice is firm but calm and Katherine glances up to see the other girl put her hands up in surrender.

"I'm not doing anything."

"It's fine," they insist. "I'm starting to get used to it."

it wasn't a show day but Katherine still found herself wandering around the theatre. their first show was a couple of days away and there really wasn't much to do around here, not alone anyway, and she liked the get the lay of the land at every new stop. being back at her digs was proving less than favourable when Anne and the newbie seemed to be getting along like a house on fire. this theatre had a cafe that was open to the public although today it seemed to be particularly empty. she got herself a coffee before deciding to head for the auditorium. Katherine stared up at the stage, it always felt a little weird seeing it so dark and dull... and then a light pops on. and then another. her eyes scan the room and to her surprise, she comes across a familiar face. they wave a little when they seemingly spot her.

"hey," just when she thought she's escaped them, they end up here too. Katherine walked the length of the auditorium to the lighting desk; waving a little as she goes. "what are you doing here?"

"what are you doing here?"

"playing with the desk," they answer honestly. "I got permission as long as I don't mess with the pre-sets. you?"

"i just needed to get out of there,"

"fair," they nod a little. "bummer that you ran into me then." Katherine let the question hang in the air, turning her attention to the lighting desk. it was all a mystery, an assortment of buttons she never got to press. "do you want a go?" Katherine hesitated before nodding. "okay great." they shuffle aside, urging Katherine to take the centre spot. she let her fingers trace over the buttons. it was an entirely different world from back here. "have you done anything like this before?"

"nope,"

"during the show, the lighting is cued so it's mostly a case of hitting the button at the right time."

"oh, so you guys basically don't do anything?"

"funny," they huff out a laugh. "you see the overhead lights?" she looks up in the direction they're pointing at the four lights pointing towards the stage. "let's just fuck with those for now. they're numbered so if we do..." Katherine watches them proceed to press a variety of buttons as they explain to her what they're doing. "it really is as simple as typing in exactly what you want. each light is numbered and then if you press at full it's gonna be as bright as can be and so forth." that made sense. it all seemed pretty simple but then again she wasn't the one actually doing it and there were still a bunch of buttons she simply didn't use. "oh you can also change the colours, depending on the type of light so if you just put in the number and then press enter, it'll show you what colours make up the light. adjust the percentages, adjust the colours." she nodded a long. this was perhaps the most confident she had ever seen them, especially around her. It seemed they were really in their element here. "how about I give you a situation and you light it? just basic colours, I'll even be the model, if you want?" Katherine isn't feeling too confident about being left alone with the desk and that must have shown on her face because they immediately backtrack. That confidence faltering a smidge. "we... don't have to."

"no, it's not that-" they had seemed so excited when explaining what to do, she kind of didn't want to disappoint. She was also worried about breaking something and ruining the entire show. "let's do it."

an eager smile is quick to appear. "great- let me get in position." she watches them scurry off down the aisle and climb onto the stage; that was definitely not the correct or safe way to enter the stage. "who should I pretend to be?" Katherine shrugs. "should I do one of you guys?"

She thinks on it a moment but ultimately she had no answer. She had no clue what she was doing or where this was going if she was being honest. "uh... who do you like best?"

"What?"

"whose your favourite queen?"

"That would be like asking me to choose my favourite child," they answer, a playful smile gracing their lips. the pace the length of the stage before turning back. "I think I'd make a mean Anna."

a strange tug in her stomach. that definitely wasn't the answer she had been expecting, Anne maybe, that made sense but Anna? now she couldn't help but wonder where she sat on the list. Anne was the fan favourite, everyone knew that, it was that way as far as history goes and the same for the show. Katherine knew she was popular to some degree but often the meaning of her song seemed to be completely overlooked. most didn't care for a message, they were just there for a good time. "let's go with Anna of Cleaves then."

"so we want warm colours like reds or oranges but not too intense. think you can do that?"

Katherine gives a firm nod before looking down at the desk. she had no clue. "maybe."

"how does her song even go again? sitting here all alone..." The words to get down fall from their lips in what Katherine would describe as a casual speaking tone. it was like background noise for her panicked attempt at working the desk. "are you okay up there?"

no. "mhmm,"

"do you want some help? I went through things pretty quickly so I wouldn't be surprised if you were a little confused, I would be."

"uh..."

"so do you remember the numbers?" Katherine nods. that was perhaps the only part she remembers, each light has a number and there is a small lighting plan next to her. "just take it one light at a time. "turn them on at full so they're as bright as can be." okay. she could do that. she types in each light number alongside 'at' and 'full' which brings up the four lights at the front of the stage. the newbie stands under the lights, arms wide. "now just change the colours. type in the number of the light and press enter then the colour wheels should show up."

"okay, i got it." Katherine takes it one light at a time as they flounce around the stage speaking the words to get down. She decides to do the four lights in alternate colours. red. orange. red. orange. it takes her a minute or two but there is a sense of pride when she is done.

"how's that?"

they come to an abrupt stop centre stage to admire her work. "perfect. I wanna make a change though."

"so not perfect then," Katherine insists.

"it's just what I asked." They place their hands on their hips in some kind of power pose. "we're just gonna tweak. it's a lot of colour so let's change that to warm white." Katherine nods. "do you know what I mean?"

"not really."

"then why nod?" Katherine shrugs. She did have a basic idea. warm colours were like reds and yellows whereas blue is cold. warm white she assumes is just a creamy white but she didn't want to say that in case she was wrong. "so we have open white, warm white and cold white. open is kinda generic white lighting. cold lighting is a little harsher and warm is more soft and cosy."

"so you want me to make some of the lights warm white?"

"yes," with complete disregard for health and safety, they jump down from the stage and come running to her side. Katherine takes a clear step to the side to allow them better access to the desk. "so to make things easier it's usually better to take away than start from nothing so what lights should we make white?"

Katherine shrugs. "does it matter?"

"not really," they insist. "just pick two of them."

"let's go with the two in the middle."

"Okay," they adjust the colours so that the lights return to their original state.. "so just adjust those two to be warm. think... bright and sunny." they flash a smile before leaving to run back onto the stage. "how is my anna impression going?"

"you're doing great,"

"oh yeah?"

"mhmm, the fans would love you." Katherine calls out before turning her attention back to the lighting desk. "think you could do a whole show?"

"oh definitely," they reply.

"get back on your mark then, Anna" Katherine scolds.

"Sorry," hands up in surrender, they stumble into position. "I'll be good."

"so... I would just take away the blue and green, right?"

"try it." super helpful. Katherine sets to work messing with the colour wheels; it made sense to start with the blue and then green. red was warm so it can stay. "paid for with my own riches. where my hounds at? release the bitches."

"woof" Katherine yells out with a bright smile. it just felt right. "how's this?"

hmm, they glance up. "a little too warm but still pretty solid- I like it. it really compliments the orange."

"Really?" She hadn't meant to sound so surprised. This was just new to her so she can't imagine being any good.

"yeah," they nod, walking up to the edge of the stage. "you're so good at this. you ever think about becoming a lighting technician?"

"you gonna go on as me, every night?"

"I'll... give it a go- for sure." They sit on the edge of the stage and slide down to the floor; beginning the journey back to the desk. "might have to give me some tips."

"I could do that," Katherine turns to look at them standing just right behind her. "I think you'd make a great Katherine"

"Well, thank you but I don't think I'm quite as talented as you are."

"don't say that,"

"why? it's true," their brow furrows. "there's a reason I'm stuck behind a desk instead of belting out show tunes."

"without you. there would be no show."

"no. Without you, there is no show. without me, they'd just get someone else to push some buttons."

"nonsense," a dismissive wave of her hand. "you're important to this show," she could tell they still didn't believe her but she wasn't lying. maybe they see themselves as another clog in the machine but out of everyone here, they'd made the most effort with her. sometimes Katherine wishes she was the girl she used to be. that confident, friendly girl who could make friends with anyone and nobody treated her like some delicate little bird who would break if they so much as look at her the wrong way. "at least to me you are," her voice is quieter now, dropping her gaze.

"what do you mean?"

She didn't want to continue. Why didn't she just keep that to herself? "I just... you're- I mean, out of everyone you've really made an impression on me. I talk with the others but they just don't treat me the same way you do."

She dares a very quick glance at them to see a small smile. "and I appreciate you." a gentle tap to the end of her nose, she takes an abrupt step back. at least they didn't ask her to elaborate. "I really admire your courage. it takes a lot to get on stage and sing like you do- about what you do. and I'm happy to have some small part in that." Katherine's expression softens, and she looks at them properly. " plus you don't think I'm weird and I appreciate that."

"didn't quite say that," She teases, returning their smile. a genuine smile, that spreads over her lips and brings a rush of heat to her cheeks.

"should we leave before we end up breaking anything?"

"you don't trust me?" Katherine inquires.

"I don't trust myself," they correct. jumping down the step, they start leading the way backstage. "let's go." Katherine steps down and follows after them.

"Are you finished?"

"here? yeah. I gotta grab some stuff before heading back though, so I'll meet you back home?" it's posed as a question but Katherine doubts it needs an actual answer.

"see you later."

It's a few days since her tech lesson in the theatre and Katherine was feeling more comfortable with her living situation. She no longer actively avoids being in the shared space. In fact, some small part of her wanted to seek out their company.

it had been a long opening night with just about everything going wrong in one way or another. Firstly, the show started late, which wasn't their fault personally but the theatre staff were trying their best. the general public can be complicated and entitled. Not to mention that there were an unusual amount of latecomers so the doors did nothing but swing open every five minutes. And what crowd they did have was quiet; painfully so. You could have heard a pin drop in that auditorium. One of the microphones glitched during House of Holbein. Parr managed to slip on confetti during the mega six. It didn't help that she just wasn't feeling herself. Katherine wanted nothing more than to go home to bed. Hiking her bag further up her shoulder, she bid a quick farewell to stage door before pushing through the door. She could hear the fans before she could see them but she never expected there to be this many. every pair of eyes instantly locked onto her and they started closing in fast. Katherine took a deep breath but anxiety flooded her veins; she suddenly felt really warm and clammy but it was fine. This was fine. They just wanted to say hi. She could do this. She plasters on a fake smile and grabs the first pen in sight, signing a purple programme. And another. And another. With each one done, two more popped up. three more. she was surrounded by them. each person getting closer... and closer... until time stopped. What was happening?

thump. thump. thump.

was that her heartbeat? it was getting louder. and louder. and louder in her ear. it felt like it was trying to break out of her chest; she couldn't breathe. Katherine stumbled backward to try and find something to steady herself but instead, she collapsed against the wall. falling to the ground, hand clamped over her chest like it would keep her heart inside. faint voices drowned out by her heartbeat.

thump. thump. thump.

Was she having a heart attack? Was this the end for Katherine's Howard? dying alone outside a random theatre's stage door. It was a kaleidoscope of blurry images before someone came into focus.

"Hey Katherine, are you- I think you're having a panic attack," A panic attack? It couldn't be, this felt worse. Through teary eyes, she looked up at them in time to notice their hand coming towards her slowly. She flinches instinctively and they stop. Her head falls to rest against the wall as she struggled through rapid breaths "Katherine" their voice felt distant like she was sinking deeper and deeper underwater. "can you focus on me?" she didn't move. "I won't touch you, I promise. just focus on me, okay?" she blinked away tears, looking at them. "it's okay. it's fine. you're safe." she just shook her head rapidly. this wasn't safe. she didn't feel safe. "Just breathe. Inhale for three, out for four," She watches them take a large inhale in, count to three and then exhale. "can you do it with me this time?" they ask. "in,"

one. two. three.

"And out."

one. two. three. four.

"good. and again..."

it could have been minutes or hours before she finally calmed down. it was all a bit of a blur. but the people around her had started acting weird. Most didn't approach Katherine without caution before but now they were walking on eggshells. Every conversation seemed to be about how she was feeling. Scared to say the wrong thing. She knew it was because of what happened at stage door but this was just awkward.

Katherine loiters at the side of the stage, waiting with the other queens for the soundcheck to start. Anne and Jane are sitting on the edge of the stage laughing about something. Catalina, Anna, and Catherine are chatting in a little group. It's like she's not even here; they've hardly acknowledged her. The newbie hands everyone a microphone one by one.

"how long is this gonna take?" Anna inquiries, brushing herself off as she stands up. "just I have to get my hair done."

"do you wanna go first?"

"Can I?"

They shrug. "why not." As they approach she can feel heat rush to her cheeks; she can't even bring herself to look at them. a mumbled thanks as they hand over a pink microphone. they don't question it as they continue on to Parr. "we gonna start with Anna because she needs to go. if anyone needs any monitor, I'll fill in for Anna." they yell across the auditorium to the sound engineer. "is everyone else fine?" there's a mumbling of yeses. "perfect. Anna, take the stage." it's a slow process. They have to check levels individually and then there were the in-ear monitors which required a little extra effort. Parr seemed to be the only one to have any real issues. once done, everyone is eager to leave the stage. However, Katherine lingered once more, waiting for the others to filter out. She wanted to talk to them. Clear the air a little after the other night. "do you ever take a day off?" she remarks on approach, they were putting the microphones back in order.

"no time for that," they reply but they don't even look at her. "did you need something?"

Katherine wavered, debating whether she should come up with some kind of excuse or just admit to wanting to talk to them. In the end, she just shakes her head. it was pointless anyway, they seemed annoyed with her. She couldn't blame them. "I'm gonna finish getting ready. see you later."

"bye."

exiting the stage, she almost collides with Anne. She wears an inquisitive expression slightly suppressed by the darkness of the wings. "what was that all about?"

"what do you mean?" Katherine breezes past. in no mood to entertain her cousin but she can hear her following behind.

"you two were becoming besties, and now you can't even look at each other." Katherine sighs loudly. "i just wanna know what happened."

"nothing happened."

"Katherine," pressure encompasses her wrist to which Katherine freezes. For a second she almost loses herself to the growing pit in her stomach but instead, she yanks herself free from Anne's grip. "sorry- sorry." Anne backs away, hands held up in surrender. She blinks a few times and takes a deep breath.

"everything is fine. it's just all... a lot right now and I need to finish getting ready for the show."

"you know you can talk to me, right?"

katherine's eyes fall to her wrist. Anne grabbed her without a second thought and she froze. it almost happened again. That anxiety. the fear. she thought she was past this. "I know." her cousin meant well but she had no intention of taking her up on the offer. "just... drop it, okay?" Katherine keeps walking, albeit a little faster, towards her shared dressing room. thankfully, it was empty.

Multiple conversations with them never seem to pass small talk, no matter how hard she tried. Katherine was trying not to take it to heart. Being on tour for the first time was hard. They're probably just overworked and no longer wanted to deal with her. It was a rarity for Katherine to let anyone new into her life. Acquaintances didn't become friends; She avoided it as best she can. Not to say she was just mean to everyone but the goal was never to make connections. She connected with the other queens through shared experiences; nobody else would ever truly understand what it was like being a Tudor queen... or getting her head chopped off in her and Anne's case. The crew on tour knew her through proximity. She talked to some more than others but the idea of a tour "family" was far from a myth.

it was a particularly chilly day as Katherine made her way along the pavement. the air was crisp, fresh and with it being so early there was hardly anyone around. a jogger speeds right past get. she made sure to leave early so nobody would see her on the way out. she's not even sure anyone will be awake when she arrives. it takes a second for her to remember which apartment building she was supposed to be looking for; they all looked exactly the same. what apartment were they even staying in again? She hesitates before selecting the one sitting in the corner. she's almost certain she remembers Anna mentioning the park just opposite, or maybe she said at the end of the road? looking over the numbered buttons, Katherine selects the top one. that seemed right. it hums. and hums. and hums. She almost gives up when she hears a quiet voice. "hello?" it's hard to figure out who it belonged to. "hello? anyone there?"

"it's- it's Katherine." why does she seem so unsure about her own name? there's a moment of silence before a loud buzz signals the door's unlocked. Guess it was the right building or some stranger just let her in. After a marathon of stairs, she was at the top floor. This place would really benefit from a lift. With each knock against the door, a bigger wave of regret washes over her. This was a bad idea. Her problems were her own to deal with. Nobody wanted to hear her whine about her problems especially not this early in the morning. the click of a lock and the door screeches open. There is nobody behind it but as Katherine pushes further inside, she spots a figure already back in the kitchen.

"you're here early," Jane pours water into one mug and then another.

"I wasn't sure you'd be awake," Katherine remains in the doorway, still unsure about being here. Jane would never tell her to leave even if she wanted her to; she's much too nice. Maybe that's what drew Katherine here. Even if Jane didn't care about her issues, she would never admit it. She wouldn't laugh either.

"couldn't sleep,"

"any particular reason?" Jane doesn't answer. Simply picks up both mugs and heads towards her, offering one up.

"what can I do for you, Katherine?" the girl accepts the cup, wrapping her hands around the ceramic; it was just slightly too hot like it was boiled a fair amount of time before she arrived. Katherine follows Jane back to the kitchen. it was nothing particularly fancy but it did have an island counter. it was really clean. a tube of Pringles sits centre next to a bowl of fruit and a couple of books. Jane takes a seat at the small kitchen table and Katherine does the same. the pit of uncertainty bubbles deep inside. it seemed really silly now that she was sitting here staring at a clearly tired Jane. She just stares back with a small smile; sipping on her coffee. Katherine took a deep breath. "this is stupid," she grumbles to herself.

"That's okay," Such a tender voice. "do you want some breakfast?"

The thought of eating right now churns her stomach so she shakes her head. Katherine focuses on the coffee in her cup, the way the steam rises up into the air and disappears. She wished she could disappear. "I..." she swallows hard. "I'm not sure i can do this."

"and that's okay too. it's just nice to see you," Jane insists. "but do you want me to ask about it?" she keeps her gaze low but nods a little. "what's wrong Katherine? is it about the other night,"

her whole body physically cringed. Everyone had asked how she was doing but nobody actually mentioned that night. She knew, everyone else knew but still. "kinda."

"you have nothing to be embarrassed about, Ka-,"

"I'm not embarrassed," she bites back. it was an obvious lie. She couldn't even look at Jane.

"It was a very normal reaction."

"oh yeah? everyone has panic attacks at stage door?" She was being too defensive, she could hear it in her voice but she couldn't help it. it felt wrong talking about it. it felt wrong having someone try to understand. this was the first time since it happened that she even called it what it was; a panic attack. "it's been ages..." Katherine trails off. In the beginning, panic attacks were frequent even with the show, she used to use side exits to avoid crowds. It took the other queens suggesting therapy to help. touch was something she would probably always struggle with but she hadn't experienced a panic attack like that for years. "I thought I was past this,"

"Katherine,"

"It's stupid,"

"Katherine," Jane repeats, a little firmer this time. "it is not stupid. you relive your trauma every night on stage for hundreds of people, I would be more worried if that didn't mess with your head. sometimes it all just gets a little too much."

"does it happen to you?" Katherine asks quietly, looking up at Jane. Her smile falters for a split second.

"Sometimes, I still have nightmares... rarely but they surprise me," Katherine always saw the others as put together. they seemed to get over the past in a way she never quite could but perhaps she had been mistaken. "it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with you."

Katherine doesn't really know the details of that night past the initial feelings but with the way she was being treated, she imagined it to be quite a bad attack. "they definitely think something is wrong with me," she mumbled to herself. They hardly spoke a word to her now so clearly she scared them. "I don't even know what happened- not really."

"I was told that you were surrounded by fans and just started panicking. then the newbie found you, moved the crowd back, and tried to help. You weren't happy with their help and stormed off." a vague memory of calming down and seeing nothing but them. She also could picture herself storming off. "you weren't very nice but nobody blames you. not even your techie."

"they're not mine- and they have a name."

"your closer with them than most," Jane's smile grew but that only made Katherine want to disappear more. "it's sweet."

"Not anymore." if what Jane said was true and she snapped at them then she can understand why they were giving her the cold shoulder.

"Have you tried talking to them?"

"yes. many times, Jane."

"Okay, no need for the attitude."

"Sorry," Katherine hums softly, as she takes a sip of her coffee. it was lukewarm and far from sweet enough for her sophisticated palette. "it's just weird... I don't know what to say and they don't seem too interested anyway."

"Have you tried apologising? not for the panic attack obviously but maybe they just weren't expecting your reaction," Jane shrugs a little. "I'm sure they would understand."

Katherine simply sighs. a long heavy sigh. why did everything require meaningful conversations? couldn't they just forget it happened and move on? "can I ask you something?"

"you can ask anything you like,"

"how do you know if someone is being genuine?"

Jane looks... confused making Katherine sink down in her seat a little. She takes another sip of her cold coffee. "what do you mean?"

Katherine almost didn't continue. almost content with pretending she never even asked but she would probably feel more regret if she did. Talking was the whole reason she was here. her head was a tornado of thoughts and feelings right now, she wasn't sure what was real. "I don't know, like, how do you know if someone is being real with you? not just pretending to be your friend." While her social skills could use a little work, Katherine, admittedly always had trouble navigating relationships. She attracted the wrong kind of attention. that wasn't her fault, she had been told that many times. but if she just hadn't been so naïve? so trusting? Her feelings are her own, nobody controlled her deep inside. Jane no longer looks confused but she doesn't smile either, just stared back as if inspecting her. "I've just had a little trouble in the past," her voice but a whisper, she was hoping Jane couldn't hear that part. "feelings are fuck-" the sound of a door brings another into the living area, stopping Katharine short. It was Anna. She drifts slowly to the kitchen, a little groggy from sleep. Jane offers a smile. Katherine does too but she doesn't want to be here anymore.

"didn't expect you to be here, Katherine."

"yeah, sorry. I was just discussing something with Jane."

"don't let me stop you," too late. Anna meant no harm, she simply happened to be sharing digs with Jane but she hadn't come all this way to discuss her issues with both of them. They all fall into silence, listening to the gurgling of the kettle boiling.

"It's okay," Katherine lied, she looks at her coffee debating if she should finish it before pushing her chair out to stand up. "we're just finishing up anyway,"

"really?"

"it's fine. don't worry about it." Katherine was quick to respond. "I'll see you guys later." she practically ran out the door before anyone could question her further. So much for seeking help from Jane, she was left feeling almost exactly the same; confused and a little fucked up. Her back hits the nearby wall biting back any sort of tears before setting off down the staircase.

Another day. Another Show. With her makeup freshly applied, Katherine lounges on her chair scrolling through Instagram. Social Media was such a strange thing to get accustomed to. There was just nothing like it back in her day. you couldn't connect with people instantly or access so much information. People can be so nice and supportive while others will call you a slut for taking a picture in a skirt. It was all wild.

"where were you this morning?" Anne saunters into the room, tossing her stuff on a vanity table.

"huh?"

"you left early," The girl walks up behind her. "just disappeared. where did you go?"

Katherine raises her shoulders in a shrug, meeting Anne's gaze in the mirror for just a second before going back to her phone. "does it matter?" her phone abruptly slips between her fingers and into the other woman's possession. "give me my phone."

"you kids and your phones," she teases, a smile on her lips as she poses in the mirror. Katherine is less amused. Anne was probably on her phone most out of the queens, so much so, she was charged with creating content to help promote the show. She was always asking Katherine for pictures or to be in videos. "you could have at least smiled." Katherine holds out an expectant hand and Anne returns the phone. "you were missed at breakfast."

one new post on her Instagram story shows a happy Anne Boleyn standing behind her while she looks annoyed. why would she post that? Katherine did not look great in it. "I had breakfast with Jane," she admits, placing her phone down on her vanity.

"Seymour? why?" Katherine shrugs a little. Anne waits for a response that was never going to come but she is quick to change the subject after a beat or two. "we're going for food after the show if you wanna come?"

"Maybe," Probably not though.

"cheer up, cousin, for thou shall soon have a room full of adoring fans."

Her brow furrows "Thou?"

Anne offers a bright grin as she takes a seat, starting to unload her makeup bag. The next click of the door brings Anna into the room, a near mirror of this morning. "you're late, cleaves."

"says the girl who only just started,"

A call for warm-ups hums through the dressing room speaker, giving Katherine the perfect opportunity to escape before she had to deal with any more questions. She is the first to arrive aside from Jane, whose role as dance captain was to lead the session. When she spots Katherine, she wears a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry about this morning."

"don't be, just forget I said anything." Next to walk on stage was Catalina. she's all warm smiles and hellos but katherine can still feel Jane's gaze burning into her.

"we'll finish this later, okay?"

Katherine nods a little to appease Jane rather than in agreement. It was easier. For now, she just wanted to focus on the show. on the fans. on the music. on literally anything else.

a delicate finger traces over the damaged skin that encircles her neck. it was feeling a little sensitive tonight; phantom pain some would say. On days like this, she couldn't help but think back to that frightful day; a constant ugly reminder. Her 'K' choker lay across her vanity. That was reserved for the show; her everyday chokers weren't as flashy. Anne bore the same burden of the past although during the show her costume covered her neck. a knock brings her back to reality and the door opens before she can respond. "Anne told me to come grab her phone," they announce. Katherine turns sharply, scrambling for her choker and stumbling through putting it around her neck. "sorry."

"it should be over there," Katherine points to Anne's part of the room.

"uh...thanks," they wonder across the room. "are you coming with us?"

"Where?" she asks, struggling to find the clasp.

"for food? I figured Anne asked you." Katherine shrugged a little glancing over at them. They were too busy looking through all the stuff Anne had scattered along her vanity. She wasn't the tidiest of queens. "I don't know where we're going through," unsuccessful on the vanity, their attention turned to the rest of the room. They head for the rack of robes hung on the wall, locating the one with Anne's name stitched on their root through the pockets. a triumphant smile, they perk up, phone in hand. "I swear she'd lose her head if it wasn't screwed on." Katherine would laugh if it didn't hit a little too close to home. The two of them were rarely alone, especially now. Perhaps this was the perfect time for that talk Jane recommended. But she just watched them head for the door; her opportunity for a private conversation dwindling.

"I'm sorry," she blurts out as their hand reaches the doorknob. "... I'm sorry," she repeats; slower this time. they turn back to her, clearly a little confused. She felt queasy like she was gonna throw up.

"you're sorry?" Katherine nods but refuses to meet their eyes. "for what? you don't have to come, it's really not the end of the world."

"not that " she sighs softly, struggling to force herself to continue. Was it too late to back out? She was fed up with the awkward conversations but maybe that was just how it was meant to be now. there was no guarantee her apology would even work so all of this could just be one massive waste of time. "for the other night." their brow furrows and she begins to wonder if they're simply pretending to not remember. "I... I didn't mean to snap at you."

"oh... that. it's fine."

"no it's not, I shouldn't have reacted like that, you were just trying to help."

"Katherine, it's fine, honestly. you have nothing to be sorry about- I'm sorry I didn't know what to do to help." Katherine could feel the tears threatening to fall but she was not about to cry in front of them. not again. She looks up through watery eyes. "are you okay now?"

"mhmm." she hums. She knew they knew she was lying. it was clear in their expression.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," she said as confidently as she could muster. "it's all good."

"Okay," they say quietly. "I'll see you for dinner?"

"Maybe," Katherine forces a slight smile to try and emphasise her okayness.

"I think you should come," and with that, they leave her alone. a sigh of relief did little to relieve her of the weight on her shoulders. That conversation was just weird. why couldn't she just be fucking normal instead of this awkward little mess? Katherine falls down onto the nearest seat and then there is a knock. at least she knocked this time.

"What else did Anne forget?" Katherine calls out, looking as the door opens to reveal Jane. oh... great.

"thought I'd come check if you were still here," she hums, stepping over the threshold and closing the door behind her. "we should finish our conversation from earlier."

"I said it was fine, Jane," Katherine insists. Jane walked up behind her chair, looking at her through the mirror. she looked like she'd been crying although that wasn't entirely inaccurate. "can we just forget about it, please?"

"I don't want to forget," Her voice is gentle to the ear. "it was clearly important if you show up at my door unannounced."

"Jane, ple-" Two hands settle on her shoulders bringing her to an abrupt stop. she doesn't like to be touched. Jane knows that. it took her a long time to get used to the idea that it can be tender and gentle; not just a means to an end but after the other night, she's a little unsettled by it. Katherine just stares into the mirror ahead of her.

"you asked me how you know if someone is being genuine," Katherine nods slowly. "the answer is, you don't- connecting with other people is all about trust and it's hard but when it pays off it's worth it." jane smiles softly at her in the mirror, "I wish you'd allow yourself to enjoy this new life instead of clinging so painfully to the past,"

"It's... not that simple." Her past lived on through history books. Strangers dedicated entire books to telling her story; fact or fallacy. Every night she gets on stage to stage and sings about her past. how was she supposed to move on from something she wasn't allowed to? Jane sighs so softly, it almost didn't feel real.

"I know and it never will be, the ghosts of the past haunt us all but that doesn't mean we can't live." what does that even mean? ghosts of the past? Jane's hand finally slip from her shoulders. "you deserve to be happy, Katherine." with that, Jane takes her leave but not without leaving a final comment. "I think you should come to dinner."

Katherine didn't know how to take that? Happiness in its truest sense was something she was not familiar with. That is not to say that she was miserable but her past was so shrouded in darkness, it always hung heavy. it was in this moment, she noticed her choker was askew. scar peaking out a little. a ghost of the past. her fingers brush against the skin just like earlier before adjusting her choker, grabbing her stuff and rushing off to catch up to Jane.

Deciding to join the others for dinner had turned out to be a good thing. Her apology, as awkward as it was in the moment, had seemed to work. The conversation flowed a lot more naturally. It felt like they were back to where they were before her panic attack. even the other queens seemed to stop worrying so much.

"you okay?" they ask. The two of them walk in the back with Anne, Jane and Catherine ahead of them. A few others had joined them at dinner but ultimately parted ways earlier. "you're being awfully quiet."

"I'm fine, just thinking."

"About what?" they wonder, Katherine glances at them but they're looking ahead. "if you don't mind me asking." she doesn't respond. she doesn't want to admit how much they've played on her mind. "can't believe we leave tomorrow. I'm excited for a new city but I've loved being here."

"longer you stay somewhere the nicer it is," Katherine responds, grateful for the change in conversation. "you get used to it. fall into a routine. get to know the staff."

"that makes sense," they agree. "did you see the girl sat in the stalls that just had a giant picture of Anne on her t-shirt?"

"it was hard to miss," Katherine hums. As much as they're blinded by lights on stage, the audience was still highly visible. It's one of the great things about live theatre. that connection with the audience. it also means that when performing, you can spot who is trying to record the show when they're not supposed to be. who sings along. who just has the biggest smile on their face because they're loving every second of it. "wonder who her favourite was."

"My guess would probably be Catherine Parr." Katherine lets out a huff of a laugh.

"What are you two saying about me?"

"Nothing," Katherine is quick to reply.

"we're talking about mega fans actually," they call out. "go back to your own conversation."

"ooooh," Anne hums. "got quite the attitude now haven't they? I remember when you couldn't even look me in the eye."

"yeah because you were a massive bitch." they respond sharply, earning a laugh from all.

"that's it. I'm locking the doors tonight, you can sleep in the street."

"I have a key, Anne." they reply. "now mind your business, I was talking to Katherine, not you!"

"you're always talking with Katherine like we get it you're obsessed with her- one step away from getting a shirt with her face plastered on." Anne teases softly, a notice or smirk as she glances back at them. Clearly, someone was listening to their conversation but that wasn't surprising. She was very good at listening to everything; always seems to know exactly what was going on.

"fuck you," the fire back, middle finger in the air although the smile suggests they enjoyed the teasing. "Katherine just isn't an asshole like you."

"Whatever," Anne murmurs. "go back to flirting with my cousin."

"Definitely not what is happening," they reply. Katherine feels heat rush to her cheeks. "but fine." they turn to her. "she's a piece of work."

"tell me about it," Katherine agrees, smiling a little.

"gossiping about me now," Anne calls back. "as thick as thieves those two, huh Jane?"

"That's enough," Jane reacts. "leave them alone."

"yeah, Anne. leave us alone."

"so that's too far but they can call me a bitch- I see how it is, Seymour. always picking favourites."

"Everyone knows I'm Jane's favourite, she buys me little touristy things in every city we visit."

"you do?" Parr questions.

"excuse me for wanting to be nice to the people who help put on our show every night. It's their first tour."

"I'm nice." Parr defends. "I literally baked brownies for everyone the other day. vegan brownies."

"They were so good." they comment. "just Anne's a bitch."

"let's not call each other bitches, please." Jane scolds

"don't act like you care now," Anne huffs dramatically. "it's too late."

"stop being a big baby Anne."

"Where has the attitude come from- Jesus Christ."

the rest of the walk home continues as such. Katherine is quiet for most of it, watching her cousin argue her own niceness although historians seem to disagree. many paint her as some scheming harlot. it's amusing... she hasn't seen this side of the newbie. a clear sign of how comfortable they've grown to be. although it never feels that way when they speak to her. always a distance between them. how does she get past it? what does she have to do? She wasn't like Anne, she didn't dare insult them. nor was she tender and understanding like Jane. She was awkward and immature tainted with memories of past relationships that weren't so easily forgotten.

That panic attack at stage door had left Katherine in a weird situation. She was falling back into bad habits. Remembering things she was usually great at blocking out. Sleeping was hard. It was a matter of luck whether she would have a good night or a bad one. Those ghosts Jane spoke about were infections in her dreams. Everything's fine and then Henry Mannox flashes before her eyes. or Francis Dereham. he was the most frequent. Even the king himself made an appearance. each with a smile, one she once believed to be genuine, that morphed into a malicious grin. it made her angry. it made her sad. it made her confused. As if fate deemed it so on deciding to get up, she finds them in the kitchen. "you're up late."

"i could say the same about you," she responds a little too defensively. "what are you doing?"

they shrug. "can't sleep- same as you I guess." Katherine doesn't bother responding, just walks closer to the kitchen aisle. "do you want some tea? might help with insomnia." it wouldn't. what she really needed was to shut her brain off long enough to drift off. for the ghosts of the past to just leave her alone for five bloody minutes. she doesn't say that, simply nods.

"thank you," hummed as a mug slid across the counter. Katherine stares into the tea as if inspecting it and they fall into silence. it's a little uncomfortable; neither wants to acknowledge anything that may or may not have happened. She takes a sip of her drink which goes down nice; warmth spilling over her body. "this is just what I needed."

"Are you okay?" she'd been hearing that question far too much recently. "like really okay?"

"mhmm," she nods.

"Are you lying?" it catches her a little off guard. other than Anne and maybe, Jane, most take her at her word. They wouldn't dare suggest she was lying even if they thought she was.

"I'm fine,"

two hands wrapped around their cup, they walk around to her. "there is something going on in that little head of yours" they say quietly. "I'm worried about you,"

"There is nothing to worry about," Katherine assured them. a soft sigh slips past their lips.

"you don't have to lie to me, Katherine," they respond. "you should try to get some sleep." and with that, they take their leave. Katherine remains in the kitchen a while longer, slowly sipping on her tea before returning to her chambers to attempt to fall asleep.

There is a week before their next show, in their next city and each member of the tour is free to do as they please. Anne invited Katherine to join her on a trip somewhere in Europe but she ultimately decided to decline. Being on tour was intense and she just needed some time to just be alone. No pressure to be anything but herself. She had booked a flat for two weeks and other than having dinner with Maggie and Joan one night, she hadn't done much.

Walking through the door, Katherine offers a smile and a polite hello to the person on stage door. Today was just a rehearsal along with some checks before the show opens. She heads straight for her dressing room, tossing down her bag. This theatre appeared larger than the last but not big enough that she didn't have to share a dressing room. this time around it's with Parr, who seemed yet to arrive. walking into the green room, she pops her lunch in the fridge.

"Fancy meeting you here, Miss Howard." her ears perk up, and she closes the fridge door to see them. She offers a bright smile. "already raiding the fridge, I see."

"hello to you too,"

they're smiling back, that's a good start. "you're early."

"figured I'd have a look around so I don't get lost."

"look at you, taking your job seriously." they tease and then she hears them. Anne.

"where is my favourite crew member?" echoes through the corridor.

"I have a name, Anne."

"you do?- oh yeah, Katherine's techie, right?"

"Why do I belong to Katherine?" they ask, glancing at her. Anne is yet to actually enter the room, lingering in the hallway.

"you spend the most time with her? My dear sweet cousin is quite the character but she doesn't fair well with new people," they finally enter the room, patting them on the shoulder. "she likes you though. dare I say, a lot."

"is that true?" they turn to her. as does Anne who clearly hadn't realise she'd been here the whole time.

"I'm not the one shouting about how they're my favourite," Katherine defends.

"what can I say? I'm a sucker for this face," an arm slumps around their shoulder, pinching their cheeks as they struggle to get away. "they're really cute, don't you think so Katherine?"

"Sure,"

"When we have time off, I sometimes think I miss you Anne and then I remember what you're actually like."

"you love me,"

"do I?" there is clear sarcasm in their voice. "I don't remember saying that."

"We all know it's true." few pats on their back and Anne is heading for the door. "now if you'll excuse me, some of us have actually jobs to do instead of just standing around chatting,"

"I don't think I can make it through the rest of this tour with your cousin, to be honest,"

Katherine smiles a little clearly showing her amusement. "I wanted to ask you something if that's okay?"

"of course,"

a nervousness bubbled in her stomach. Katherine wouldn't call herself shy per se but they seemed to bring it out in her. "I..." she trails off, no longer confident in her approach. "I was just wondering where the bathroom is?"

their brow quirks, meeting Katherine's gaze. "uh... it's just to the left of the lift." they answer. "was there anything else?" they ask. She just shakes her head. "okay, well, I have to go check some equipment ready for tomorrow so I'll see you later?"

"see you later." Katherine watches them walk away, letting out a heavy sigh. it was going to be a very long day.

the sun has long since set when they're finally finished for the day. Katherine is left feeling rather good, surprisingly. perhaps she'd missed the company of the others more than expected.

the show went well. the audience actually seemed engaged but she hadn't expected so many to be waiting outside. her eyes were fixed on the cameras inside the stage door booth. she could do this. As long as no one grabbed her or got too close, she'd be fine... hopefully. She waved good night to the person on the stage door before bracing the throng of people with a deep breath. luckily they didn't swarm her, in fact, they were polite enough to step back when asked. Katherine understood the value of interacting with fans even if she just wanted to go home. signing programs. taking pictures. She almost didn't notice them leaving through stage door. almost. when she spotted them, she bid farewell to the fans and rushed to catch up with them.

"hey,"

"oh, Katherine, hey," they seemed surprised and not necessarily in a good way.

"do you mind if I walk with you?" she asks. "I know it's not far but still."

"I don't mind." they offer a smile that makes her relax a little. it's awkward at first, neither party speaking.

"it's nice out tonight,"

"oh, yeah," they nod, glancing upward at the stars. it's a clear night graced with a full moon. "full moon too."

"they say a full moon brings out all the weirdos."

"weirdos? you worried about stray werewolves roaming the streets?"

"Definitely," Katherine plays along. "you're here to keep me safe, I am the star after all."

"oh I see, always after something," they playful raise their arm to salute. "don't worry, your majesty, I shall keep you safe."

"I very much appreciate your service," a smirk pulls at her lips, only to disappear a moment later when she feels their hand brush against hers. her heart beats heavily in her chest and for a second she thinks she might panic. it's clear they took notice because they move away.

"Sorry- sorry, I didn't mean to..." they trail off. they were clearly trying to hold her hand but why? Was it just part of the act?

"It's okay," her voice is quiet. it wasn't okay per-say, her stomach had dropped and her heart was racing. but she's working through it. not all touch was bad. sometimes it's just how people show they care. their hand was surprisingly soft. "we should probably stay close- just in case, you know?"

they laugh. a small laugh but a laugh all the same and she feels a gentle pressure against her hand. "you do realise I don't know where you're staying, right?"

"shit- right, it's this way," she begins leading the way. Katherine was staying very close to the venue this time around. seemed easier and ensured she wouldn't be walking too far alone at night.

"you struck gold with this place," they hum, looking up. "I'm miles away compared to this."

"It's a nice little space."

"alright. now that I have kept you safe from the big bad wolves, I shall be on my way," they release her hand and bow playfully. "i bid thee farewell, your majesty."

"really committing to the bit here, huh?"

"go big or go home," they shrug, turning sharply on their heel they head off down the street. "have a good night, Katherine," Katherine watches them for a moment before heading inside. Was she shaking?

legs dangling off the edge of the stage, Katherine watches the crew work around her. the show will start soon. they've just finished warm-ups. the others have gone to finish getting ready but she lingers patiently. She spies the occasional member of staff wandering past the auditorium; looking inside to get a glimpse of what's happening. cute. She enjoys seeing them around the building just living their lives. she'll often stroll into a green room and find theatre staff, it's just every day for them. always so professional. it must be nice to be paid to watch the show.

"don't you have a show to get ready for?" a shadow lingers over her. "we have to open the house soon."

Katherine rises to her feet. "I was waiting for you to finish,"

"oh and what could a big star like you want with little old me?"

"hardly a big star," Katherine insists. outside of mega fans and musical theatre circles, Katherine was a nobody. at least nowadays she was, she was once a queen. a real queen.

"bigger star than me," they shrug. "what are you after?"

"I just wanted to ask you something." Katherine insists.

"Are you actually gonna ask it this time?"

Katherine bites her tongue. she'd laugh if she wasn't so embarrassed. "I wanted to ask if you'd like to do something after work today?"

"Oh," their brow furrows. "just the two of us?"

"if that's okay," Katherine replies. "I was thinking like a movie or something? or we could just get a drink? anything, really..."

"Okay."

"okay?"

"Okay," they repeat. "why are you so nervous? we've hung out like a bunch of times,"

"I'm not nervous," her voice betrays her so she tried again. "I'm not nervous- so a movie then?"

"Sure, why not. I need to go home first though if that's okay. should we meet at the cinema or you could come back with me, up to you."

"that's fine," Katherine smiles a little. "i have to get ready for the show so I'll see you in a bit."

"break a leg," Katherine moves rather quickly backstage. a particular pep in her step as she headed straight for her dressing room. she had a little time before beginners but she still had to put on her costume and do some final touches. She was feeling good about the show today but even more so for what came after. pushing into her room, she finds Catherine fixing herself in the mirror.

"where have you been?" Catherine asks as she enters.

"just chatting," Katherine shrugs, taking her costume from the rack. "I'll be quick, don't worry."

"you've got time, I was just curious," a knock sounds on the door. As much as they've all seen each other in various states of undress, she holds off on getting changed. Catherine heads over and opens the door to reveal Anne. She wore her iconic green two-piece and a devious grin. great.

"what's up?"

"I came to speak to Katherine,"

"what do you want?" she questions suspiciously.

"heard on the grapevine that you, my friend, have a date."

"Who told you that?" her reply is sharp; so sharp that it'll lead Anne to incorrect conclusions. how did she even find out so quickly? it had been all of fifteen minutes since she asked. had they told her? "we're just hanging out."

"so it's true then," a grin paired with the excitement in her voice brings a bad feeling to Katherine's stomach. she loved Anne but there are many things she'd rather keep to herself. her cousin had a habit of teasing her. and as harmless as it may seem, it didn't always sit right with her. This was a prime example. "I knew it! awww my baby cousin is growing up," she wipes a metaphorical tear from her eye.

"Anne," Katherine growls.

"where are you going?"

"we're just going to the cinema," Katherine shrugs. "it's not a big deal."

"you're right- it's a huge deal."

"stop it," Katherine scolds.

"what's happening?" Catherine abruptly enters the conversation. Katherine wanted to sink into the floor never to be seen again.

"Katherine has a little date with everyone's favourite techie" Anne hums.

"do you think the rest of the crew likes that we show favouritism?" Katherine asks, trying to change the conversation.

"We love them all," Anne waves a dismissive hand. "maybe not as much as you like some of them but still,"

"Can you go away, please?" Katherine urges. "I have to finish getting ready."

"maybe if you didn't spend so much time chatting, you'd already be ready," Anne states. "like the rest of us. your dating life isn't more important than the show."

"you just-" she stops herself short, closing her eyes and taking a deep centering breath. "okay, well, leave so I can finish."

"fine. I'm going," Anne twirls around. "just know, that I'm gonna tell everyone about your little date."

"Please don't," she wasn't even sure if it was a date.

"too late," Anne runs off down the hallway. "Anna, guess what I heard."

Katherine groans loudly.

"you shouldn't be embarrassed, you know," Catherine says after a moment. "it's good that you're putting yourself out there, Katherine. if this is what you want, then I really hope it works out,"

she would have preferred if this conversation wasn't happening but she appreciated the effort. "thanks." she offers a little smile. "I hope so too."

Post-show, Katherine was feeling surprisingly great. the performance went swimmingly and she was feeling good about doing something afterward. but as the costume was packed away and the makeup was wiped away that familiar feeling began setting in. She knew it was just nerves, this wasn't anything to panic over. In fact, her nerves meant she cared and that's a good thing. As she waits, she's convinced they've simply forgotten about her. then she realised they would probably take a minute or two considering they had to help tidy up and whatnot. eventually, she decides to check outside only to find them chatting away at stage door. they offer a bright smile when they notice her approaching.

"hey,"

"Hello," Katherine smiles back.

"shall we get going?" they bid farewell to stage door and Katherine does the same, following behind. despite the time, there was a sprinkling of what she would describe as dedicated fans left waiting outside the door. She really didn't want to stop tonight but she did so anyway. luckily, they were nice enough to wait as she spoke with fans; even going as far as offering to take pictures.

"Sorry about that," Katherine says when they're far enough away. there had only been a few but still, she made them wait and that deserved an apology.

"Don't be," they shrug casually. "it's part of the territory. it's nice that you make time for them and I love walking out and seeing their disappointment when they see me instead of one of you guys. sometimes I even get a clap which is nice."

"you guys deserve just as much attention,"

"I don't know about me personally but sure," they nod a little.

"you too," Katherine assures. "everyone. a show takes a team."

they look at her as if waiting for her to continue. "you were really good tonight."

"thank you," Katherine smiles. "am I not good the rest of the time?"

their face drops a little, she can see the panic in their eyes. "i didn't mean it like that- you're always great. just i don't always watch the show so it's kinda like-"

"I'm kidding," Katherine chuckles. "guess you haven't changed that much after all." it's clear they've grown in confidence since the start of the tour especially around the other queens. guess it just wasn't the same with her. still just a little shy.

"what do you mean?"

Katherine shook her head. "nothing- how far away are you staying?"

"not far. I didn't pick the location," they reply. "it's what I get for sharing. can't all stay like 5 minutes away."

"Who are you staying with?"

"Nate," ah fellow technician. Head of LX. the conversation falls short and just when Katherine thinks to speak up they've arrived. it's a house, surprisingly. small. they unlock the door and she follows them inside.

"Something smells good," they comment.

"that would be my dinner," Nate responds as they walk through to the kitchen. Sat at the table is Nate with an iPad sat before him. "didn't know when you'd be back so I haven't made enough for... three? hey Katherine."

"It's fine. we're not staying," they reply before turning to her. "just give me a second to change then we can go."

Katherine watches them leave her standing awkwardly centre of the room. she lingers for a moment before deciding to take a seat opposite Nate. they don't say anything to her but begin tapping on their screen. "you enjoy your day off?"

Nate shrugs. "it was pretty slow. I probably should have done more."

"days, where you don't do anything, are the best kind," Katherine comments. "I have Friday off and I'm not sure I'll get up to much."

"i have Friday off too," they enter the space a lot quicker than expected. they don't look much different but the lack of a giant SIX logo on their back was apparent. "think I'm gonna do some exploring, I don't know." they shrug. "should we go?"

"yep," Katherine stands.

"where are you going?" Nate asks.

"cinema," they respond. "enjoy your food."

"Enjoy your movie,"

"we will," they call back already halfway towards the door.

"bye Nate." she shuffles after them.

"see ya, Katherine."

The night air is a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the house. Katherine is just a step or two behind them. "so what are we seeing?" they glance back at her and she realiSes she hasn't actually checked what was showing this evening. shit.

"uh, I thought we could just see what was on when we get there,"

"hmm..." they hum softly. "you didn't pick a movie?"

"I wasn't sure what you'd wanna see,"

"you didn't plan this? god, you've had hours." despite the cool air, Katherine was left feeling warm. She could tell they were just joking but they were right. She really hadn't planned this very well. all her energy had been focused on asking in the first place. they take pause to allow Katherine to fall in step.

"I was busy putting on a show for like six hundred people, sorry,"

they laugh a little. "oh really? it's almost like I was there too, crazy."

"Well, you didn't think to look either."

"you asked me out," they defend. "didn't know I had to plan my own dates now."

"...date," Katherine repeats slowly. definitely not what she had been expecting to hear. she looks to them to gauge their reaction to the idea; they seemed pretty confused. neither a good sign nor bad. perhaps she was overthinking here, they had agreed to come thinking it was a date so that was a good thing.

"is that... not what this is?"

"i don't know," that was the truth, she wasn't sure if she had intended for this to be an actual date or not. she had simply wanted to hang out with them. She didn't understand her feelings surrounding that. She didn't hate the idea though. that much was clear. "we've hung out a lot so I wasn't sure what you thought,"

"We hang out a lot," they repeat. "but this felt different. plus Anne was teasing me about it."

"urgh Anne," Katherine groans lowly.

"she's certainly something," they chuckle. "it's cute though. She really cares about you,"

"I guess," Katherine nods. "I wish she'd like chill out sometimes."

"that we can agree on." they nod feeling a little relieved about the situation. there was no confusion or awkwardness. This was a date. and she was okay with that.

Katherine had such a skewed idea of romance. her knowledge directly translated from her past as well as a love for romance movies. this idealised sense of what romance should be was ingrained in her brain; an attempt, no doubt, to wipe away the reality of the few relationships she had. a trip to the movies was more common in teen romance but she enjoyed the quiet focus that came from picture houses. courting had changed since back in her day and was much less of a grand affair. the basics remained. people always liked thoughtful gifts alongside meaningful compliments. but what was known as hook-up culture played a much more prominent role. kissing and even sex, we're no longer such a massive deal. however, just like in the past, they seemed to be expected from her after courtship. This had played a lot on her mind when it came to even the suggestion of dating. how would she handle that? She didn't even like hugs most of the time, never mind anything else. As they walk home together, it's buzzing around her head like a fly. what were they expecting here? does she go full teen romance?? she could do that, right?

Katherine swayed back and forth on the balls of her feet as they lingered outside her current apartment. they had a show in the morning. a matinee. Sundays were a blessing and a curse.

"This was fun," as awkward as she felt saying it, she had to be the one to break the silence.

"yeah... even with the complete lack of planning," they tease, a playful smirk settling on their lips. it reminded her of Anne.

"I already apologised, okay?" an exaggerated sigh. "i don't really do this kinda thing and if I didn't just ask, I was gonna end up running away again."

"Katherine," their voice is gentle. "you don't have to be sorry. We could have done anything, I like hanging with you." their smile brightened. "there's a reason everyone says you're my favourite." her heart was racing. that familiar feeling that accompanied her panic attacks. she liked them. everyone seemed to know that but was this how it was supposed to feel? in the past, it hadn't felt like this. She didn't feel like she wanted to run away. Katherine took a deep breath to try and calm herself down. they seemed to notice. "are you okay?"

she nodded quickly. "I... like hanging with you too." she admitted quietly, dropping her gaze.

"thank god you don't hate me or this would be super awkward." Katherine laughed but didn't say anything. She was so nervous her hands were shaking and she was almost certain if she looked at them, she'd start crying. so moments of silence fly by. "okay- uh, well, i'll see you tomorrow? for the show." Katherine nodded a little. she wanted to speak but her words were caught in her throat, coming out as more of a mumbled agreement. but as they turned away, she finally looked up.

"wait," she called out quickly.

"what's up?"

"uh..." it feels like her heart is trying to burst out of her chest but it was now or never. This was fine. everything was fine. things always worked out in movies and isn't that what everyone wanted? A romance worthy of a movie? Fuelled by adrenaline, Katherine steps forward and presses their lips together in a feathered embrace. it's so incredibly brief, it didn't seem real but the look on their face said differently. She shouldn't have done that. "i' m sorry," she states; clearly and concisely before the panic can truly set in and the tears begin to form. "I- that, sorry," Katherine makes a getaway to the door, scrambling through her pockets in search of the key. this can't be happening. this wasn't real.

"Katherine." their voice rings in their ear but she can't bare to face them. hands shaking so much, it's a struggle to find the keyhole. "wait"

"I'll see you tomorrow," they yell back, finally managing to get the stupid door open. it's from the crack between the door as she pushes it closed, she dares to gaze upon them once more. "I- sorry." the click of the lock brings with it a weird sense of security; almost separating her from the embarrassment. Katherine falls back against the door letting each emotion settle in her stomach. a drop of water falls against her leg making her realise she was crying. She couldn't believe she just did that. it had been going so well.

Katherine does not want to go to work. she had woken up in an absolutely foul mood that would almost certainly worsen under the pressure of weird stares and playful teasing. the end of last night played over and over in her head. the last time she kissed anyone had been many years ago. the reality wasn't a movie, she couldn't just do that and expect everything to be okay. had that happened to her, she would freak out. alas if she doesn't go to work, that would be as equally embarrassing. She had to suck it up and go.

on arriving at the theatre, everything is completely normal? Of course, the theatre staff had no clue. the first queen she comes across is Catalina, she is alone in the green room making a cup of tea. Anne mentioned telling everyone about her date but if that's the case, Catalina didn't ask. nor did Anna when she bumped into her on her way to the dressing rooms. she was absolutely dreading the moment she saw Anne. Catherine walks into the dressing room humming along to whatever she was listening to. they smile at her through the mirror.

"Katherine?"

"huh?" Katherine turns to Catherine whose looking at her with furrowed brows.

"Are you okay? you seem a little out of it."

Did she really not know? "just... didn't sleep too well,"

"maybe you should take a nap," Catherine suggests. "you've got time."

"i'll be okay," Katherine insists.

"if you say so," Catherine smiles softly. "I'm definitely taking a nap after the show."

it's mostly small talk but Katherine appreciates it. it's a distraction as she gets ready for the show. during warm-ups, she spends the entire time wondering when Anne would make a comment but it never comes which is somehow worse. had they mentioned how badly it went that even Anne was taking pity on her? She was trying so hard not to think about it or think about the tech crew who were currently in the green room. they were surely in there too. she cares not to even lay her eyes upon them out of sheer embarrassment. they probably hate her now. Jane calls her out for not paying attention. she tries to focus on the task at hand. it's hard.

the show was fine. nothing was going wrong but Katherine was struggling to focus. a theatre packed with people and yet her eyes were simply drawn to them. they seemed to be doing the soundtrack for this show; a rarity that places them front and centre. unable to avoid their gaze. she doesn't know exactly what she was expecting from them but it wasn't zero reaction at all. they were being very professional unlike her.

the break between shows was spent in the green room; slumped in the corner feeling awfully tense as she picks at the salad she had brought for lunch. the other queens chat around her but hardly acknowledge her existence. She spots them immediately as they walk into the green room. slumping down in her seat in hopes of being further ignored but it's pretty clear they're heading straight toward her.

"Can I have a word?" she feels she is in no position to refuse. placing her meal aside, Katherine follows them out into the hallway. "... are we like... okay?" Katherine is unsure of how to respond. she doesn't deem it so but she nods. "then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not." Katherine lied but what was she supposed to say? yes, I am avoiding you so if you could kindly leave me alone to wallow in my shame that would be great. that wouldn't go down well. "I just... I didn't think you'd wanna see me."

"why?" Katherine frowns. the reason was pretty obvious.

"because... y'know..." Katherine shrugs.

"Because you kissed me or because you ran away and slammed a door in my face?" there was a harshness to their tone but she couldn't blame them. She may not know what they are angry about exactly but it was justified.

"Both... I guess," her skin ran hot. a dusting of pink that was sure to express just how ashamed she felt. it was never supposed to turn out like this. why did she have to ruin everything? "I'm sorry," she mumbled quietly. that familiar speed of her heart. the anxious feeling. Katherine swallowed hard. "i shouldn't have kissed you like that. i sort of just panicked," An attempt at a storybook romance gone so terribly wrong. but what was Katherine to do when she had no good experience to draw from? she created such a distance that that craving to be close and normal had overwhelmed her. She had acted without thinking. "and I know it's like expected but then i got flustered. i wouldn't want somebody doing that to me so I just ran, it was easier-" she was rambling. a messy explanation that didn't excuse what she did. they seem to watch with an unreadable expression. "I'm just sorry for it all. I ruined everything"

"Katherine," slipped softly from their lips and they take a step forward, physically reaching out. Katherine took a step back. she felt gross. oh so slimy and gross. it was all so weird and messed up. "you didn't ruin anything."

"but-"

"Just let me talk for a second," they interrupt gently. "is that okay?" Katherine nods a little bit. keeping her gaze fixed downward. "you didn't ruin anything. I clearly did something wrong if you thought I expected a kiss."

"you didn't," she insisted quickly. "I..." she trailed off. she was supposed to be letting them talk and she couldn't even do that? no wonder they hate her now.

"I need you to take a deep breath for me" Katherine swallowed hard. "okay?" she nods once more, doing as instructed. a long deep breath followed by a slow exhale. it didn't make her feel any better. "the kiss was a surprise but I didn't hate it and I accept your apology for slamming a door in my face."

"Sorry," she repeats like it's the only word she bloody well knew. perhaps the sincerity lessens with each apology. Katherine wouldn't forgive herself. their little laugh is pleasing to the ear

"It's okay,"

"It's embarrassing,"

"yeah," they agree. Katherine just chuckles weakly.

"Look, Katherine, I like you but I don't and won't ever expect anything more from you. just going to watch a film was enough."

it didn't seem real. relationships were transactional no? She wasn't enough. She had never been enough. she knew that much. "I'm-"

"Please don't apologise again," they insist sharply. "can you just look at me, maybe?" it's taking a lot to keep her in this spot. even more to force herself to look at them. That inkling of irritation seemed nonexistent anymore. she couldn't quite place the expression on their face. "your company will always be enough, Katherine." an avalanche of emotion brings hot tears bubbling to the surface. it paired nicely with the overwhelming urge to throw up. "I know you're dying to say something, Anne,"

a chorus of laughter erupts from the green room as Anne steps into the doorway.

"I wasn't eavesdropping." she defends, folding her arms over her chest. "if you wanted to have a private conversation, maybe don't do it in the hallway right next to us."

"Okay, but you didn't have to basically have your ear to the wall."

"I think you know me better than that," Anne waves a dismissive hand. "you two are literally so cute."

"Thanks, Anne, appreciate it," their voice was clearly sarcastic. "i think we're done so you can go sit back down now."

"I'm fine here, to be honest,"

"come on," that was Anna, she basically drags Anne away. they let go of her hands with a gentle smile.

"how about we just start over?" she nods a little. "couldn't shut up before and now won't say a word,"

she puts on a small smile. "i would like that," she comments as confidently as possible. "yeah."

"perfect. I have to eat and run some checks so I'll see you later?" Katherine nods a little earning herself a chuckle. "bye Katherine."

"bye," she watched them walk away before heading back into the green room returning to her spot in the corner. she's expecting a barrage of questions but they never come. the only difference is now Anne keeps looking at her with a giddy grin. it's not long before they reappear in the green room with a sandwich.

"don't you have a job to do?" Anne hums playfully. "shows in like an hour." they just ignore Anne, coming towards her.

"I was thinking since we're both free on Friday, maybe we could do something?" they propose. "it's fine if not, I know you were looking forward to staying home but thought I'd ask."

"I would love to," Katherine replies softly,

"oh- great, uh... I'll actually plan something but don't worry it'll be like super chill."

"Okay,"

"I'd love to go out Friday, thanks for asking" Anne comments earning herself a middle finger. "so rude.

"Anne, you're working so you can't come either way,"

"I'd still like an invite,"

"Why would they invite you?" Catalina questions. With a slow groan, they just head for the door.

"I'll message you later, Katherine."

slumped in the corner, she stabs her fork into the greens of her salad. moving them around from one edge of the tub to the other. the queens all continued chatting around her, it felt like she was in a bubble. they didn't have long before the next show. she would have to go out her costume back on soon. your company will always be enough, Katherine. her company was enough. was that true? she couldn't be quite sure. years had taught her so differently, it was hard to believe. even as their voice played over and over. She still had some doubts. even as Jane insisted she was normal. she still had some doubts. even as Anne pushed her to enjoy this new life; to treat it as a second chance. she still had some doubts. but perhaps that was okay. she wasn't perfect and she never would be. it was like Jane said, her past was her past and it'd always be part of her but that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy herself. a date. a second date. in just 4 days. She was already feeling nervous but this time, it feels like a good thing because her company was enough.

#Katherine Howard #katherine howard six #six the musical #k howard #six the musical fanfiction

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