#like most of the time we’re all fine
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I’m so anxious I actually feel like I’m going to explode rn
#I just really can’t handle the bad communication in my family#like most of the time we’re all fine#but times like this where something is wrong but no one will address it#just absolutely send me over the edge#I just really can’t take it#and if I ever try to address it and figure out what the issue is#I either get snapped at that everything’s fine or guilt tripped over the stupidest shit#I don’t what this to sound like my family is bad#they really aren’t#but they’re not perfect#and this particular issue is so difficult for me#like I’m so anxious I feel like I have ants under my skin
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Why do I feel like a few years are gonna pass and Hori’s just gonna shadowdrop a pic with bkdk holding hands
#bkdk#bakudeku#captioned with how this was his personal vision but jump wouldn’t let him see it through#so he bare bonesed a patch up het relationship#I mean izu*cha was probably the original plan? put the girl in early and develop them#but clearly chemistry went another way#i’lll say it again#hori was able to write straight ships#Kirimina has chemistry#denki x jirou#has chemistry#but bkdk has the most chemistry and the most screen time#izu*cha did not have chemistry#not on the same level#like first crush energy?#but not the all encompassing intense passion and energy bkdk had#also I love it when people say we’re coping?#maybe we are but 1 canon is bkdk’s playground#and 2 what is wrong with coping anyway??? the izu*chas coped after 430#usually by replacing Katsuki with Ocha in bkdk’s big moments but still#coping#and that was fine#like let people live????
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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i have such strange feelings about gen 4’s pokédex and specifically the new cross-generational evolutions it introduced. a lot of them feel unnecessary and slightly boring but harmless at best, some of them are active tragedies of wasted potential, but then there are a few shining exceptions where i’m like ‘wait, that evo WASN’T introduced in the same gen as the original one? they didn’t think to do that right off the bat?’ i’m looking at togekiss i cannot imagine a world in which togetot was ever conceived as the final stage in a line. like that is not a fully formed pokémon get out of here. thank you togekiss
#anyway#gliscor is a very solid new evo#roserade is cool#weavile is fine#gallade and froslass being new split evos with actual unique ideas are good#the new eeveelutions are definitely in the category of ‘you mean these weren’t in gen 1??????’#and just about all the rest of them are like.#idk#yanmega rhyperior electivire mamoswine magmortar etc etc#they’re too similar to the originals. either that or just ugly or boring#they’re forgettable. you think of the original evolutionary lines and you don’t think of them at all#they’re like that one relative you’ve met about 3 times at most in your life awkwardly showing up#like ohhh yeah that’s right we’re related#whereas it feels like a good cross-generational evo will make you forget a time they ever didn’t exist#pokémon#oh gen 4 my beloved you are so *grabs by the throat* you are such a. game! one of the generations ever#you beautiful thing held together by duct tape and dreams and so poorly planned. mwwwwwahhhhh ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#tangrowth i’m sorry but ain’t nobody care. yanmega my friend dragonflies are SO cool yet like. still you are not important#lickylicky i’m sorry but a lame evolution is not enough to save a lame pokémon#mamoswine… i’m sorry please just try again. start over
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Hey if you’re still enjoying and engaging with Harry Potter in any capacity you can unfollow me 😊 please and thank you
Like. I get it. I was super into it as a kid too. I did not have the social context to pick up on the antisemitism or transphobia or sexism or fatphobia or bioessentialism or racism or anything else. I also picked up on surface-level language of Fighting Back Against Evil and ascribed my own values onto what that meant and thought we were all on the same page. I remember when the original kids who grew up with the books started becoming adult fans and picking up on the (blatant!) antisemitism and everybody was still mostly willing to give JKR the benefit of the doubt on it. (“She was writing kids books!” They said. “She didn’t know she was penning a global phenomenon! She picked a common literary trend in European fairy tales (antisemitic caricature) and didn’t examine it closely. It’s a mistake anyone could make,” we said. “She would probably do things differently now. After all, she word-of-god confirmed the vaguest hints she dropped that Dumbledore might be gay,” we said.) There was actually a span of several years where biases inherent in the actual real content of the Harry Potter series were coming to light and even the people pointing them out still seemed mostly to think it was an unfortunate accident.
That time has passed. Years ago! We are long past the first months of “maybe she doesn’t realize this seemingly-feminist tweet she liked was made by a noted TERF” and then “how could she not realize that these many veiled TERF-y things she’s retweeted have implications for the many queer fans of her work” and finally “oh wow okay JKR just dropped an entire transphobic manifesto on twitter. I guess the transphobia was the point.”
Yeah, there were a few months after that where people were still processing and still working through how they felt about Harry Potter and all of its flaws with the context of the now open transphobia of the creator. I was there for that. Remember how I was one of the kids who built it up into something noble and worthwhile based on my own beliefs about what messages it was probably trying to convey? Turns out it wasn’t trying to say any of those things, and when you take the time to examine all of the terrible shit that made its way into the text whether JKR intended it to be there or not, the whole series falls apart. It’s weird to discover that there’s a room in your house that’s rotten to the core, but eventually you figure out you can’t live like that, still going in there and holding your nose and pretending it’s still the same room you thought it was when the termites were only inside of the walls and hadn’t yet started chewing their way through the furniture. Because what’s going to happen is that they are going to infest the rest of your house. If you decide you can ignore transphobia and antisemitism and everything else just because you liked the color of the wallpaper, the rest of your principles are going to crumble too. You get rid of that fucking room. You put those books on a high shelf in the back of your closet behind other outgrown clothes and interests and you move the fuck on.
JKR uses the money made from her transphobic antisemitic children’s books to actively funding hate groups and to lobby for legislation that will and has actually affected the actual lives of trans people in an entire country. We are past the point of grieving something you were wrong about in childhood. Kids are wrong about a lot of stuff. You grow up and you learn new information and you change your behaviors based on it. You have to choose. It is transphobic to pretend there is not transphobia where there is. It is transphobic to support the work of someone who is using those funds to take rights from trans people with every fucking dollar. It is hateful to continue to engage positively with a story that at its very core is rooted in hate and bigotry and prejudice. You can choose to do all of those things but you cannot claim ignorance of them and you cannot choose those things and still pretend that choosing them upholds the values we convinced ourselves that Harry Potter stood for over a decade ago as uninformed children. You cannot choose to do those things and pretend to still support your trans and queer and Jewish neighbors. I do not want you in my neighborhood. Leave.
#mine#Harry potter cw#yeah I don’t want to see or think about this shit either and I’m sure most of my followers are on the same page of just like. let’s wipe it#from the public consciousness and do our best to just completely ignore it and forget it existed and in doing so take away JKRs platform and#influence and also stop the continued harm the series will do by propagated hateful biases in people who continue to read it#but despite heavily culling my feed over the course of the past several years and thankfully mostly not seeing HP fandom things anymore#I’ve been seeing a lot of responses today to people defending it and honestly I forget that there are still people out there doing that who#think they are just fine and normal fandom people with non-hateful and terrible interests and it makes me so angry#maybe more so because like. I was there too! I was annoyingly obsessed with Harry Potter from the ages of idk seven? up until whenever JKR#started being openly transphobic. I have so much fucking knowledge about this book series that will never leave my brain. and yeah it was#weird and hard to have to rethink things and realize that no actually it does feel bad and uncomfortable to continue to be a fan even#passively of these books. it was a big part of my childhood and several of my friendships. I fully get it. I was the weird kid also.#it was weird and hard to say oh actually this sucks and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. but I did it! I got there! because it was#more important to care about real actual things and people than it is to fondly remember a book series for children.#and at the time it felt like maybe I did hang on a little longer than I could have and was a little later than some people and figuring out#my feelings and moving on from the whole thing. but it was still fucking years ago. and you’re still here?#because you like the color of the wallpaper in this shitty rotten broken down tacked on room? because we used to spend time there together?#buddy the room was giving us lead poisoning the whole time and the rest of us have accepted that and we are all outside doing other things.#you will find connection and community in so many places in your life. I promise. get the fuck out of that terrible awful room#and for gods sake stop bring out handfuls of mold you found under the floorboards and shoving it in our faces#nobody fucking wants this. we did it. we’re done.#so yeah I think I have an extra level of disdain because I know from personal experience that it’s not *that* fucking hard to care more#about real life trans people than about antisemitic children’s books.
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Does anyone know how to maneuver a relationship where they are interested in dating you but you were fine being old school acquaintances who don’t speak to each other
#tgdposts#personal#aroace#actually aroace#aromantic#asexual#ace#aro#asexuality#aromanticism#we’re hanging out at an undetermined point which I’m fine with I love hanging out but I can tell he’s into me and I feel neutral about it#good new is I’ve clearly grown since last time this scenario happened because I think I’m being less of a leading on asshole about it#also ideologically I’m not about assuming they want to date instead of be friends so I don’t want to assume anything#but based on how he’s talking to me I think he likes me which I obviously do not reciprocate#fond of me as the Brits say#he’s asked how my day/weekend was for the second time in all too short a timespan which I find telling#not that it irritates me but it’s obvious he wants to pursue SOMETHING#anyway just bc I said okay to hang for coffee does not mean I want to participate in this kind of online conversation he’s initiating#his eagerness to talk is telling and I already lowkey had vibes from him after the fall semester when he asked how my winter vacay was#I was like yeah I’m SUPER BUSY with family stuff and studying for my makeup exam#tbh thought that was the end of it until recently#this is mainly a vent post I guess if anyone has opinions feel free to share#I guess my broad struggle is that I’m learning how to be aroace and assume the best of a situation without leading people on#also I feel this kind of situation is almost inevitable if I want to make friends with guys even though having them want to date me#is not the most ideal start to a friendship with someone#ok to rb although idk why you’d want to
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Dysprosium, Mary Soon Lee
dysprosium, AN 66, is a silvery-white rare earth metal. its name is derived from the greek dysprositos, meaning “hard to get at”, owing to the difficulty in separating and isolating this rare earth element. dysprosium is used to measure neutron flux, to fuel reactors, and to activate phosphors. terfenol-d is a magnetorestrictive alloy, meaning that it changes shape when a magnetic field is applied, and is used to manufacture underwater acoustic systems.
jason “robo” robertson, dallas stars #21 for @simmyfrobby’s nhl periodic table poems <3
#i had a couple different ideas for poems that were taken by the time i could go deranged for a couple hours to make this but as I looked#i was like WAIT NONE OF YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE JASON ROBERTSON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN MY TEXAS CAM and had to do it. also was STRUCK with the#sudden immaculate vision of the Dallas D as part of terfenol-D and could not get it out & robo is the most dance! person i know on the team#liv in the replies#dallas stars#jason robertson#nhl periodic table poems#guys i am plagued with visions and no execution skills!! every day i come here and learn one new skill on GIMP the way god intended!!!#today it was emboss. also cannot claim any credit for the pulse to the magnetic beat photo which is so cool that was one where i had a#couple and was like maybe i can do like crayon shockwaves like the art process video kasper showed? and then found that picture and was#like thank you lord stanley for knowing my limitations. thank you for your understanding in this moment it was a trial enough to make#expand contract dance and one would THINK i would have fucking learned from the claude animorphs tragedy!! i did not. but i did use the#shear tool and 3D rotate so at least if we’re animorphing it’s SLIGHTLY better. anyway me frantically doing this like WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT#WAIT FOR ME YOU GUYS ARE SO FAST i keep seeing all of these and just spinning around in circles until i get dizzy & fall down I’m so happy#the drive folder for this is just called joy!!!!! because joy this is such a cool idea but now because it brings me so much joy#i just saw the Travis dermott one and burst into tears super normal AND someone did exactly what i wanted with hydrogen which was the water#the ice!!!!! it’s so perfect!!! and cody ofc did silver lord stanley. like does it ever make you cry how beautiful & creative everyone is?#anyway if you see me post and delete this and then update it or change it no you didn’t it’s fine. but i wanted to be included#if i could make the dysprosium letters not have a white background i would I simply could not fuck with it at 1AM. we are hitting send#it may not look like it but i queue#pretend i spoke at length about the reasons why i picked all the pictures & the element just know that it’s there inside my brain u can ask#GUYS I TAKE IT ALL BACK I SAW NEONFRETRA’S ISOTOPES AND I COULD MAKE THE EDITS EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE THERE!! ISOTOPES!!!! YOU GUYS!!!!!!#get ready for the edits then. dylan magnesium my beloved child of stars who can never return… like i wish i could say anyone else but it’s#i KNOW number nineteens bismuth don’t make me Google how many years nolan played hockey but also there’s ej for stable so.. also half-life#actinium claude giroux my beloved… when i saw there already was a claude i thought maybe Brady too for that#I don’t know how but flerovium doubled magic is percolating in my brain as was promethium bad boy because I was like hmmm. tyler. but#couldn’t commit and THEN SOMEONE DID BAD BAD LEROY BROWN TYLER BERTUZZI TO PROMETHIUM AND BESTIE I AM KISSING YOU ON THE MOUTH!!! with cons#anyway shane wright germanium with juraj slafkovský but showing him very obviously not missing it. if jack eichel was not an asshole#the narratives WOULD be narrativing. you could argue for a sidovi here with the calder cup and potentially a best friend stealing narrative#(the most recent is cam yorke’s acquisition of jamie d from trevor zegras which would then require a yorkie one for silicon the other side)
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Nina and I are unfortunately like dynamite and gunpowder. something happens and we’re just like oh yeah? You wanna go? Let’s go! Meet me in the ring bitch!
#part of our power is the insane SPEED and then reconciliation of our fights#we forgive and communicate as fast as we fight#but there is no one in the world who makes me just SAY the shit I shouldn’t say than her#like she just. she herself is so fast and so blunt and so ruthless and so bullying and so LOUD#that it fires me right up and it’s like okay well FINE the gloves are off#but then it makes me anxious after like. did I say something TOO hurtful#Nina and I always joke we have the RANGE#because for all of my we’re the struggling married couple of sisters#we also have times where the fun and exchange of ideas is flowing#and this ability to say and hear things to/from each other that most people don’t/can’t?#like. the level of rock-solid trust is SO high. but equally high is our wildly differing personalities and worldview#so there isn’t anything quite like it and it can be confusing from the outside#like I HAVE to meet her in the parking lot because she’ll be being the WORST#but also she thinks I am being the worst#but anyway I do hate when a fight seems like NEW territory#and then I always worry that I have done irreversible damage#I can hear Nina in my head mocking that very idea because she is so tough#and mocking the anxiety of me being like nothing can ever be okay again#but life and certain subjects have been traumatizing in the past year#so idk what is safe exactly right now#I am FULLY rambling and having a million thoughts at once#but yeah#SORRY FOR SWEARING#twice
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#it’s actually so weird that in like 3 months harry took all those larry related things and decided to#kinda make it weirder lol#when this past summer we got:#sweet creature is about gemma thing#the blue bandana on his so called American boyfriend lol#and then love of my life here… for my buddy in the pit#and then the olivia tattoo#it really felt like they were trying to reduce any possible larry references to the usual plausible deniability#for example harry hasn’t mentioned tattoo in his songs yet mostly because he couldn’t since#the half part of his tattoes is on louis’ body and there’s no way to deny it#but now he could… and people would relate that eventual line to a woman if that makes sense.#anyway my point is in 2020 the umbro shirt was huge because of the line in fine line too#was it playing both sides was it saying we’re together who knows#but it was fun for the most and then it was sad bc that was larry goodbye to us larries in a way#since after it was mostly hard times and some stupid green and blue lights lmao#not even their music talks about them like it used to lol#and now this pap pics i that shirt…#I dont know man I don’t know#very random… bit scary#it is what it is
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terribly sorry for progressively getting more and more annoyed and tired with jn. this show kinda gets a lot more exhausting on a rewatch when you know its not going to get better
#i think what happened when it was airing was that like. it was the direct successor to sun and moon right?#and that was a show EVERYONE shat on when it got revealed. the setting the art change the shift to a goofier style etc etc#but then it aired and aside from some hiccups while adjusting the first few eps- sm turned out to be a joy of a show#not just for a casual watch- you can tune on most episodes without context and just have a pleasant time bc its a cozy show#but also if youre more into the battle scene bc this series kinda goes hard on them#and while the episodes had a goofier tone to them the episodes never felt like they were talking down to its audience#everyone brings up the deaths and how maturely they were handled but seriously- they didnt need to go that hard on the minior episode#and yet- it took fans a long time to really come around to it and stop giving it bad faith criticism#the most popular youtubers were finding every excuse to shit on it and mock the fans#so i think when jn was announced with another slight art shift and a different format- i think we all got a little defensive over it#like hey sm had hiccups too! jn just needs some time to grow into itself and find its footing#and we had no reason to think it wouldn’t. like there were some red flags like how mimey was handled and some clickbait episodes#but we got genuinely nice episodes back then too! the scorbunny eps were neat and ash and gohs intro eps are great#the pichu opening is REALLY strong and i thought it showed a ton of promise for the show#the leon and eternatus stuff was being set up#so i waited for jn to pick up and waved off a lot of criticism as bad faith bc hey. ppl were ruthless to sm and forgetting that we do have t#to work with the limit that its a childrens series. which is fine.#but well…… suddenly we’re in the final arc and its not better. its worse. holy shit did it get worse#episodes like the drizzile one were now the exception. not the rule.#most episodes that are pleasant on a first watch became an absolute slog on a rewatch#the ‘’fanservice’’ feels more like a marketing ploy than an attempt to respect the characters. the production value was a goddamn mess.#entire arcs went unresolved#so it gave me rose tinted glasses until it all fell apart at once for me at the end#but now i have the joyful experience of watching the whole thing through knowing damn good and well it gets worse. yay#echoed voice#jn lb
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sallies _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):_
#edit: don’t read all this I went on a fucking rant#like seriously it’s incoherent musings on my silly meme post#sally’s weird. never know how to feel abt her#I know a few sallies actually. most emotionally intelligent kindest ppl I’ve ever met. supported me when shit went to fuck#but also?? the least aware motherfuckers I’ve ever had the misfortune of talking politics with#it’s like. they’ll support you emotionally physically whatever . in a way that fellow activists don’t#bc we’re all too fucking tired#but they can’t comprehend large scale events#they’re the type to like. go to war to comfort the dying but somehow view the war as a distraction from that#n I don’t know if that’s fine. if it’s reprehensible. if it’s a necessary service to those who DO fight#I’m not even calling them fairweather really. bc they’ll stick around. just in a different sort of way#part of me hates them n part of me admires that they stay anyway. misguided as they might be#bc personal kindness is radical too in a way#but at the same time… is it enough. is anything ever enough#I don’t know which part wins. depends on the day I guess#I know a few sallies. I’m even friends with a couple. n I have no idea how to feel abt that#sorry for the musings I’m just really fuckin. in the shitter rn abt apathy towards genocide#n naturally that’s leading me back to this show. again#real tags time I guess#sanders art tag#cabaret#musical theatre#sally bowles#this is. jane horrocks sally :)
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i hate going “hey i might not be up to hanging out im just not doing well mentally” but also i know if im either constantly panicking or completely out of it while we’re hanging out then it won’t go well
#got into a fight with my mum because she was like ���well why r u still scared when we’re not seeing massive waves and hospitals aren’t#overrun and this 80 year old family friend has had it three times and is fine every time#and do you look at what people who don’t have the same opinion of you are saying’#my response to this was ‘no I do look at the scientific articles that come out though and most of the ones about covid are finding it does#damage to multiple parts of the body’#like. i already have fibromyalgia. we’ve removed the cancerous tumor but i still have iodine radiation and have to hope the cancer cells#they found in my blood vessels didn’t go far enough to spread and if they did that the iodine destroys them#like. is a kid with fibromyalgia not enough. im not doing chemo so it’s fine right just get me sick#does she not fucking remember how it destroyed her husband. she watched it we all fucking watched for weeks as he withered away from this#fucking disease#and then everything we didn’t see we got in twice daily calls from the hospital as they told us how his kidneys failed and they were excited#when he could breathe on his side for two hours instead of just on his stomach and then it killed him#am i the only one in the household who remembers seeing my dad as a barely breathing corpse when we forced him to go to the hospital because#he couldn’t say three words or walk a few steps without panting like he’d just done a sprint#im tired of her making me feel crazy for not wanting this disease im not irrational or insane for this i promise i promise im not#im tired of her coming in 5 minutes after i leave an argument going ‘don’t be angry with me. it’s just that-‘ and then making my only safe#place in this house a part of the argument too#fuck it it’s fine I’m out in a few months anyway#vent tw#sittin g in a corner rn so that the only open space is in front of me and i can pull my legs up to my chest and my fan is on and my windows#are open and im tired of being called crazy and paranoid and irrational#covid tw
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think my queue ran out a while ago and itll be you know, five years before i fill it up again. so it was nice knowing you all
#taylor.txt#im obviously exaggerating but yeah im very busy sorry#hopefully gonna post a few fics for whumptober i just need to…write them. with what time i dont know#but im trying light therapy for the first time ever and im on day 2 now and already didnt come home and immediately fall asleep so? feeling#hopeful about the outcome of that! seasonal depression has been rough on me pretty much my whole life and it was in a sense bearable when i#had regular flavour depression on top of that (also for most of my life but last year i discontinued medication and have been mostly fine)#so last year it kinda hit different and im hoping this year it wont really hit at all aside from how much it already has#but we’re nowhere near sunset at 4pm yet so like. yeah. anyway that was a tangent#what was the point of saying all this? oh yeah. I HAVE BIG IDEAS FOR FICS…just need TIME to write them#weekly assignments and quizzes in all 5 of my classes has been killing me especially since the assignments are like. hard. lol
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god my throat is raw from yelling / panicking. And part of me is wary wondering if it’ll happen again. omgggg
#purrs#i think i knew it was a false alarm it just didn’t feel real. but what fucked me up is that i couldn’t t honk of what to bring. i knew we#we’re close to an exit so we would be fine and i know you’re not supposed to delay getting out and that the stuff is just stuff. but my#journals and diaries.. like i brought them all here for some new years reflections and i couldn’t bring myself to bring any of them. or my#sketchbook. or my switch or ds with my animal crossing town. idk. i guess smth flashed through my head like so much of what matters to me#is digital now but that’s not fucking true at all. why did i have a hard time deciding and brought nothing when my sketchbook is the most#important thing i have i think bc it’s my scrapbook / diary. it just fucked me ip so bad. now im staring at the ceiling and my throat hurts#and im going to be so tired tomorrow. that was so scary#we didn’t even make it outside bc the alarm stopped before we left the room bc we were scrambling to find coats and masks (lol) and them my#mom called the front desk and they said it was a false alarm. so idk. for those 45 seconds it could’ve been life or death and that’s so much#to think about. everything important went out the window it was just like wtf is even happening rn and my dad said it was a fire and i was l#like how do you know. ugh. that was so scary#like what fucked me up was. all the pieces of me are spread so thin in so many journals and shit that idk which one to bring. i would have t#to take the complete collection. and i can’t do that so i have to leave all of them. that’s the choice i made in that primal moment. it#QUITE LITERALLY does not matter and is not the most important part of this to be worried abt / fucked up over but that really shook me
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THIS IS SO HUMBLING FR CAUSE the only ppl who did reach out were Hal dahlia and meto (out of the billions of ppl ik)
#and raisa but I didn’t get back to her so that makes me a bad friend in that regard#I should fix that#idk I don’t think I have a valid excuse per se but like it’s a bit valid bc she disappointed me and it kinda added fuel to the flame of wha#everyone else was doing#dora daily#it was just insult to injury even tho she always said oh sorry I couldn’t reply bc ….#you do realise I can tell when someone is making a legitimate excuse and when someone is making up a dumbass excuse ? most of the time it i#not a legitimate excuse it’s just a dumbass excuse#and if you think I’m so stupid as to not see right through that you’ve got another thing coming#you don’t need to make excuses to me out of social nicety you know#if you don’t gaf that’s completely fine I will not hound you to gaf abt me more 🤷♀️#like idk why ppl make it seem we’re tied by some indestructible tether#we’re not exactly bound for life if you don’t like me that much#and I wish ppl would be less reluctant to cut ppl off even if there’s no problem apart from the fact that they realise they do not like the#that much !#like istg if you don’t like me that much idm I swear I don’t just cut me off is all I ask#and it’s strange bc it’s like this is the exact same issue with almost everybody I know right now#it’s strange bc I don’t know why everyone’s like this and#it’s odd to see the way this is at such high frequency like ??? questions all around fr#eh whatever#and the thing is I can tolerate rlly bad abuse without a word so I can endure A LOT. but the reason I just stopped was bc my health actually#plummeted really really bad I’d get panic attacks every time I’d think of speaking to someone#it just felt like every time I’d go to sleep and wake up I’d not get any rest or reprieve from that feeling#then came the heart issues like I swear I genuinely in all ways you look at it I COULDNT speak at all#and if you’re like oh well texting is different to speaking#no I COULD speak irl But it’s the texting that couldn’t happen#like if I tried to even if I was miserable I can do things while utterly miserable it’s fine#but this wasn’t even the miserable benchmark it was something so completely unexplored uncharted territory#I’ll never be able to explain what that period was#but do know I hold all who even asked or remembered I existed in very high regard
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#I just to vent about one of the girls in my class#she has a learning disability which is fine she can’t control that she’s a little slower than others#and she has extra support at school#but each class it gets increasingly difficult for me to remain patient#she’s interrupted to ask to go to the bathroom#we’re in a remote class#and I’ve told the students that they don’t need to ask to go#today she interrupted me four different times during my lecture to ask about dates on the syllabus#and I had to say ‘we can talk about that at the end we’re not discussing it at this moment’#she just kept throwing me off my groove#and I got one date wrong on the syllabus and she had to mention it and I was like well we all make mistakes!#and the most ironic part of all of it is that we’ve been discussing social cues in online spaces
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