#and do you look at what people who don’t have the same opinion of you are saying’

[purgemarchlockdown]

I'm not really someone who enjoys participating in discourse. I find that the environment is too volatile and prone to ad-hominem to really work as any kind of reasoned debate. People look for the things that confirm their perspective and get mad when they don't. I do that. It's not really constructive and as such I don't really like writing anything about it.

Plus I enjoy writing things about what I care about, and what I find interesting. For obvious reasons, why would I put my energy into something that I find boring or makes me upset?

I'm saying all of this to state that I have a distinct frustration of the current discussion going around with Amane. Now, I'm biased. Amane is my favorite character. I have an inclination towards defending her. One could argue that should discount me from the discussions but then I think we'd have to discount everyone from it since Everyone Is Biased!

You can't have a discussion if you don't have an opinion, and attacks on someone's character based on what you Think their argument will be like is not constructive! Actually it's usually the opposite. Let's all be reasonable here, and not descend into baseless insults based on what we want our opponent to be like for the sake of our ego.

After all:

The fine line between "Hate" and "OK"Shouldn't you look beyond your EGO, before it all ends? After knowing all, I wonder Can you really say INNOCENT?

Let's establish my argument.

I find the reaction towards Amane Momose after the deaths of Haruka Sakurai, Mahiru Shiina, and Shidou Kirisaki to be disproportionate, and the mentalities and biases at play to be distressing.

I also find that the logic underlying the argument to be faulty and unconvincing most of the time. And this whole discourse to be a distraction from more important and interesting discussions to be had about this whole series!

For one, I don't think the argument of whether Amane should have been guilty or innocent in trial 2 to be relevant for trial 3 and its voting. As due to the fact trial 3 is going to be the Last Trial, any argument for or against the safety of the prison (a major factor in this discourse) is rendered Irrelevant by the fact they won't be in the prison after this.

This is their final verdict and their final fates will be decided here. The most relevant points of discussion for a trial 3 vote is their crime and their current mentality within the prison. As a result the vote that came to pass in Trial 2 is irrelevant to the Trial 3 voting situation.

This is why I think it's a distraction to argue about whether if people were right or not to do so in Trial 2. Now it's genuinely sad that these characters are dead but ultimately we have to live with that. I find it frustrating that people are harping on this so much as if it proves something about Amane's Character (moral or otherwise) that everyone else missed.

One can argue that Amane has shown how destructive her worldview in this moment (thus also connecting it back to the trial 3 voting and it's relevance,) and while I have my own qualms about immediately assuming Amane is at fault for this (we will get to this later) and I, again, find the argument surrounding if she should have been voted guilty or innocent a distraction. I do think it's important to acknowledge that.

One, all these people committing murder was already a showcase that their worldview's could be destructive. You can argue that they're on their best behavior, or that their crime was a circumstantial thing. But then we'd have to ask the same questions regarding Amane's circumstance before the murder she (presumably) committed against Shidou and the one she committed against her mom.

Shidou did not just die because she hated medicine. Shidou was someone who repeatedly made her feel small and talked down to her.

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

People might think that this reaction is unreasonable, but the point is not if she's right or not for feeling this way, but that she Did feel that way. And I would like to posit that the stressful conditions Amane was under exasperated the problem, thus pushing her more towards killing Shidou.

And either way, my point is that she's not inherently destructive she just holds the ability to cause destruction when under the right circumstances...like everyone else.

Arguing that she's more destructive because she's "too far gone" misses things like how Muu's worldview hasn't been examined all too much even with the trial 2 guilty, or how Shidou's worldview wasn't examined all too much and he's implied to have killed:

A lot of people.

One can say that they only did these things due to the circumstances surrounding them but that just goes back to my first point. Arguing that Amane is uniquely more dangerous, despite the fact that like everyone else her murder has a specific circumstance surrounding it feels like a double standard.

Two, characters like Kotoko have arguably more destructive worldviews, and while there Was Discourse surrounding how people should have voted her in trial 1, it is not nearly as debated as Amane's is. Which again feels like a double standard.

And ultimately, even if we ignore the double standards at play here and how this is stuff we have Known Since the Beginning, we still have no clue of Amane's Mentality Now, we don't know how she seems in Trial 3 at all.

We can't immediately assume she's dealing with all of this well just cause we Assume that she's the reason behind the events, for one she was close to Mahiru.

T2Q8: If you had to make one of the prisoners part of your family, who would you choose? A: Shiina Mahiru. Her innate goodness might have brought the two of us closer, maybe.

And this situation is really close to something sensitive to Amane. The death of the cat.

As a result we cannot use this to adequately determine her current mental state, my original criticism still stands. The relevance this has to a Trial 3 vote is pretty...lacking. As a result we can't say this discourse exists so that we can determine what should be done in trial 3. This firmly exists as an argument of who was right and who was wrong in Trial 2.

One can call it petty (I have) or a distraction (I just did) but since I'm writing a post on it I am participating in that distraction. We can now travel to the second part of this post. Which is a dissection of the arguments for Trial 2 now that people have died.

Now, obviously people should be allowed to have opinions and have passionate feelings about those opinions. However I think the reasoning behind opinions, me or yours, should be questioned. It's good for a nuanced debate for opinions to be questioned, and for the other party to listen.

I for one have seen a lot of questioning about T2 Innocent Amane now. Some of it being blatant ad-hominem mind you, but lets take a charitable look at the discussion. Do I have a good counterargument against common arguments I've seen about this? Well, sort of, for one I would like to question the assumption that if Amane did kill Shidou that she should hold all the blame for Mahiru's death, first of all.

If we are working under the assumption that Amane killed Shidou and that means she killed Mahiru. Then can't we also say Kotoko killed Mahiru? She's the one who beat her up in the first place after all. And if we're going to say that then putting the full weight of responsibility of the deaths on Amane feels unfair. She's not the one who beat her up after all.

Additionally, if we're really tracing the threads of consequences back to the source then really shouldn't we be the ones taking responsibility due to how we created a Trial one?

Arguing on these grounds inevitably leads to questions about the Audience's own moral integrity if followed to the logical conclusion. If we believe Amane should be punished for this and that the earlier act of voting innocent in Trial 2 is incorrect because we let her "do something bad" then shouldn't that apply to the Audience? To Kotoko? To Shidou for clearly not doing as much as he could to help considering that Mahiru was in his care for Twenty Nine Months? To Kazui for not doing anything to protect anyone even though he Said he would?

I think it's reasonable to say that if any of us put the full weight of blame on any of the other people I mentioned this would be contested. But I'm not saying they should have the full weight of the blame put on them. I'm pointing out a double standard here.

That Amane is treated as if she did all the work killing both Shidou AND Mahiru, assuming that she did kill Shidou and that lead to Mahiru's death. That she's being given a harsher treatment here regrading the consequences of her choices, despite the fact everyone else made their choices and they had consequences. Again, including the one who actually beat up Mahiru in the first place.

And before anyone brings up Kotoko is guilty and that means she's being treated harshly. That's not my point. I'm not saying Kotoko isn't being treated harshly. I'm saying Amane is being treated too harshly Despite the fact that other people and factors we're at play and Despite the fact we already Guilty Voted the one who arguably should have the most blame be put on her for the situation at hand.

Second thing, we...don't know if Amane killed Shidou?

I know that she's Said she's going to do it multiple times over, but this is a series known for pulling tricks on the Audience and giving red herrings to distract from more hidden things at play. Again I have already said that Mahiru has been injured for at least 29 months. That is not a normal time of recovery for the injuries she has received. That is more than 2 years. Even with Potential Milgram Time Weirdness considered it's still an unnaturally long time to be injured and Getting Worse despite being treated by a doctor.

Additionally, with Haruka's death we know with some certainty that the restraints on the guilty prisoners aren't as restrictive as we thought. And we have a certain prisoner here who has been very vocal about wanting to hurt people. Not to mention if Shidou is doing malpractice again then a lot of people probably want him dead.

However, my point here is not that "other people could have done the murder" cause ultimately that feels a bit weak as an argument, if you trust in Amane doing her murder then saying "it's possible that it wasn't her" isn't really convincing.

I wrote all of that to ask a question, why are we assuming Amane killed Shidou? That seems like something I've already answered, she said she would.

However, other characters, have been pretty blatant about what they were going to do and that was Ignored. For one, people didn't think Haruka was going to commit suicide, and even if he did the guilty restraints would protect him (despite the fact we knew from Amane's T2 VD that the restraints aren't as restrictive as we thought, an argument used FOR the idea that Amane should be guilty.)

A second example would also actually be Kotoko. Kotoko, was not exactly secretive about her intentions of beating up the people who Us, The Audience deemed as guilty. She was very clear actually about what teaming up with her meant. And yet we accepted it and then got mad at her when she did that.

When it came to Haruka that was due to infantalization and a belief it could have been prevented through other means, when it came to Kotoko that's cause her words aligned with most people's beliefs in the abstract that we were willing to ignore the warning signs regarding her.

So why then, when it comes to Amane, we take her words completely at face value? What about this situation has changed that make it so we Can't ignore what she says? Can't twist it to mean something else? Can't say "Oh its possible that" and have it be convincing.

We can't say it's because people's lives are on the line, we've already shown that with Haruka and Kotoko that's not enough, and again, we can't say it's because she was clear in her intentions. So what gives?

Now, what I'm about to say might be considered an ad-hominem to some. However, I think criticizing a mentality held by a group and direct attack against one person is different actually. If you've gotten this far and think I'm attacking you, no I'm not.

(You can say I'm straw-manning though if you want. I am holding an imaginary debate here.)

However, I think the reason why Amane is being treated, frankly, unfairly, is pretty simple.

She's a child that spoke out against someone who was older than her. Who's been Very Vocal about how much disdain she holds for Milgram as a prison system. Who in Trial 1 we voted guilty because the consensus was that we needed to "teach her to be better." Now, I'm not saying anyone here is an abusive parent or doomed to become one. If that's what you're thinking.

I am however saying, in our society, we have ingrained hierarchies when it comes to children and adults. Children are below the adults. They have to follow the rules set by adults. When they disobey they are punished by the adults.

This is brought up by Es themself to claim power over Amane.

Es: No matter what you do, no matter how grown-up you behave – you’re a child. That’s an unchangeable truth. Amane: You’re a child, too! Es: Wrong. I’m fifteen, so I’m an adult in Puerto Rico and Haiti. You’re twelve, so you’re a child no matter the country.

This is right after Amane attacks Es. A physical question of their authority over her. Es' response is to Claim that as her Superior she has to Listen To Them and Follow What They Say. That despite everything she is a Child while They Are Not.

I have said double standard so much in this post you're probably sick of me saying it. However, this is why I keep on saying it.

And it's not like Amane is the only victim of it! I already brought up that we ignored Haruka's voice due to infantalization! It just manifested differently here because the way to spite Haruka in Trial 2 was to Ignore What He Said. However the way to spite Amane in Trial 2 is to Accept what she says and Vote Her Guilty Based On it.

This is the crux of my problem. This is not just about what is good for the prison. This is about spitting a child who disobeyed against a perceived authority. I don't think this ideology should go unchallenged. Especially when the subject of it is an abuse victim. Like Haruka was.

Jackalope says it himself in the Trial 2 Report:

Whatever the circumstances may be, she is the one that has to bear the blame. That’s just how it is. Both in and out of MILGRAM, isn’t that right?

Now, look, if you're someone who genuinely voted Amane Guilty in Trial 2 because you understood that to be the best choice and are now upset that what you expected to happen did happen. That's fine.

However, I believe, the reason why we are still debating about this past the point it should be over. The reason why people still care despite me already illustrating that it doesn't really matter for Trial 3. Is because of this. It's because people are upset a child spoke up against them.

And I just find that to be unacceptable to leave unquestioned. Because people will say Anything to deflect from being questioned about this. That it's not that serious. That it doesn't really matter. That people are overreacting over some silly show.

But, you can look through my blog. I just made a few posts about this before I wrote this, most of them un-rebloggable to make sure No One saw them outside of who followed me. I've been writing this in an exceedingly formal tone partially out of fear of being harassed for this.

I'm not the one who brought this argument up again. I'm Responding to people who brought it up again.

Maybe it's just me but...doesn't that contradict that statement? And even so, Milgram is written To be taken seriously. And people Have taken the previous discussions seriously.

Why is it suddenly wrong when this one is taken seriously?

I think the people reading this are smart enough to figure out why.

[femme-masculine]

Wow, so I really wanted to have a civil discussion regarding this topic but it seems hopeless.

I didn't say it never happens; like you I was sharing my experiences with tirfs, which seem to differ a lot from yours. I am genuinely curious who would be saying that, and like you, I would be disagreeing with them.

this is my blog where i share my opinions, if you don’t like or agree with them, move the fuck along.

Your blog is public. Besides, how do we expect women's rights to advance if we completely ignore what people have to say? If people just moved along all the time, nothing would progress.

a feminine straight guy being mistaken as gay is literally in no way comparable to the male skinwalkers who try to pretend they’re women, and you yourself know why- because that straight man isn’t PRETENDING to be gay, or EXPECTING OTHERS to perceive him as or treat him as if he were gay. trans identified males literally do both. what the fuck is your point.

This ignores the context for which I was making the comparison. In no way was I saying trans women actually experience the hardship of those who are female, I was saying they can't "larp" abuse they receive for looking like one. I too completely disagree with the idea that we have the same experiences. We don't.

and thank you for the condescension, but i’m not actually stupid; i know that men who are perceived as feminine can experience homophobia or sometimes even misdirected misogyny. but why the fuck is that feminism’s or women’s problem?? you are literally no better than libfems screeching ‘intersectionality’ at the top of your lungs, meaning women have to solve everyone else’s problems before we’re even allowed to think about our own.

? I don't think it's feminism's problem either. I was just explaining what I personally observed from tirfs, which was exactly challenging the idea they actually believe cis women and trans women face the same experiences.

Men. Don’t. Belong. In. Feminism. End of. I say once again, for the slow ones in the back, there is no nuance to be had here. Males are male, no matter how efeminate, gay or otherwise, and their concerns, whatever they may be, ARE NOT THE CONCERNS OF WOMEN OR FEMINISM.

Males don't belong in feminism at all, I agree with this. My "nuance" comes from how I think we should treat gender dysphoric individuals, many of them which are female.

you think you’re coming off as ‘nuanced’ or very intelligent, but you’re just coming off as libfem stupid, someone who can’t grasp the basic fucking terminology involved- which is exactly what i said in my original comment about ‘tirfs’ so way to prove my point how none of this ever happens.

I am honestly not sure what this is in reference to.

‘radical’ means ‘the root of’. as in feminism that addresses the root cause of patriarchy, which is MALES HATING AND OPPRESSING FEMALES. take your watered down bullshit and get out of here, you don’t belong here.

So, we agree?

You are trying to push away women from radfem spaces who share the same basic opinions about radical feminism: wanting to eradicate male oppression of females.

There is not at a single point in my original post where I said, or even implied, that males of any kind belong in radical feminism.

I've just realised the influx of 'tirfs' on here is bcs of Tiktok. They're so smarmy about having the "correct, nuancefem" opinion because they were raised (so to speak) on the clock app. Lol. Lmao, even. Good luck ig 🤗

[bredrants]

A rant about Sanji my beloved

So why do people genuinely hate him?

Edit: SOMEONE IG DIDNT LIKE THAT I CALLED THE QUEENS OF KAMABAKA TRANS WOMEN SO IM SORRY FOR NOT CALLING THEM DRAG QUEENS

I don’t care about how him being a simp is disgusting to you, I need a better argument than the same old same old. He is not a womanizer- he only sucks up to women because they’re the only people who have been nice to him throughout most of his life. Him being a simp is only a gag used for shits and giggles and to poke fun at him. I know it’s stupid to get all mad about a fictional character but that’s what this account is literally for (read pinned post). I love Sanji and look up to him in a fanboy kind of way. His character writing is out of this world if you bother to look into it and his lore is so good <3. His gentleman character is one of the things that make him great along with him being smug and cocky. Sure, he’s a pathetic loser in some people’s eyes but, in my opinion, that only makes him better. The shit he put up with is something to look up to and it only makes me respect him more as a character. I understand why some people find his slightly transphobic gag in Kamabaka (can’t remember how to spell it :P) disgusting but I just prefer to look past that. In my opinion, it doesn’t really fit his character to be even remotely transphobic. He’s too caring for that and I wish those little snippets didn’t exist

Thank you for reading, feel free to start an argument in the comments (again, that’s what this account is for) :3

[doodler16]

Big rant because making a critical account for my yapping is a stressful path I won't take, very sorry. You are brave. Feel free to delete if this is all too much, I am Literally just the frustrated yapper

Helluva has been Super Disappointing for me and as a result I've been leaning more for the critical side. Issues I have feel addressed and pointed out Sometimes in this end of the field. But I do read fans with more "positive critique" to make sure I have a full plate of Helluva Analysis.

And it's very frustrating. Which is what helluva boss encompasses tbh, being frustrating. I'm aware I'm not going to agree with every person I see, obviously. But I just can't find a positive critique that I DO even slightly agree with, and it's frustrating! I love when people enjoy things that I don't, it fills me with this joy about the beauty of people and our differences. But I also like UNDERSTANDING! And I don't! They talk about things they say are "so obviously portrayed in the story" and I don't see it!

I mostly look up Stella opinions so this is where my experience with this comes from. Opinions on her from the positive people are so inconsistent it adds to my confusion. "She has character! You need to see Stella as more than just a idiotic bitchy ex wife! She's been manipulating Octavia against Stolas! She's Mother Gothel! Her abusive character is actually well done and researched." Where are you getting that from, when has Stella ever done that, what are you talking about, It would be NICE if she was but that isn't there it's literally not there, she's mean and wants Stolas to die but then Andrealphus appears and takes care of the rest of it. Then on the opposite side of the same positive analysis:

"It's fine that Stella is a flat character! Hellooooo, Disney villains? She doesn't need to be built, it would bloat the show." It would bloat the show??? It's fine to have a FLAT supposedly Main Villain in our RICH CHARACTER DRIVEN show????? And so she IS flat, you agree she's flat??? Then it shouldn't be a problem if someone wished she was a fuller character, feels like she isn't a threat to anybody for her flatness, and that the role that should've been hers was handed off to a suddenly appearing Male Character? Who was given more personality and motive than her mind you!

"It's commentary on the society. The male character overtakes hers because she's a pawn for high society, the one that hurt her and Stolas" how did we get here, I'm positive that isn't the writer's intent what-

"Stella isn't a character she's symbolism for the cruelty of the society that forced this marriage, do you lack media literacy? This is obvious." What are ANY of you people talking about!!!!!!!

"the show isn't even over. They could build Stella next season and you're having an issue with arcs that aren't finished yet." [Blows this one up with my mind before this gets Any Longer]

What am I missing that's so obvious that everyone else is seeing?? I see wasted potential and they're telling me it's not and then explain the a made up playground game. Then when I don't get what they just drew in the sand I'M the idiot with no media literacy?? It's not even that I'm upset that "helluva boss didn't do what I personally wanted so I think it's bad.", I don't know what it IS doing to make people see it as GOOD!!!? Pulling my hair,,, frustrating. Helluva Boss and it's positive analysis or "critical crushers" is frustrating I want to understand but I don't,,aghhhh

💀 Reading this made me realize, I barely talk about Stella. Yeah Anon, Helluva Boss can be frustrating at times especially with the plot holes. I think the main problem with Stella is the lack of attention she gets in the show and we the audience don’t know much about her besides Stella throwing tea parties and being a Stolas hater. So people create head canons about her to fill in the gap.

The worst part is that the things you listed above can make Stella so much more interesting. Hopefully, Stella does something worthwhile or actually takes the lead in season 3. Because for most of Season 2, Andreaplus was doing the planning, fighting, and scheming instead of Stella, the one is affected most by Stolas.

[american-horror-whore]

what are your opinions on natalie? i feel like we haven't seen her and evan in a while.

woo, okay, so (long ramble under the cut)

To start off, as i’m aware they haven’t been seen together (relationship wise) since october, though they were spotted hanging out, as what was assumed by many, as friends + accompanied by someone else. As far as the fandom is aware, they didn’t spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, or New Year together, considering Nat was in Australia (her ex was assumed to be around the same area, as he made a post on his story near the same location but take that with a grain of salt since the story is no longer available) and Evan was assumed to be in St. Louis.

As far as my stance goes, i’m neutral on her. there’s some things i like about her, and some things I don’t like, which we’ll be talking about here. as of recent, i’ve heard on many accounts she’ll block anyone that asks about evan. she also turned off her comment section after an argument with a fan where she had called the bond between her and Evan, a ‘friendship’, which threw off many of us. Another account stated that back during the coachella ‘scandal’, she had her friends take a video of her and Evan (while he was assumed to be intoxicated, because well it’s a music festival) and send it off to Deuxmoi, which was then confirmed by them in a podcast, saying the video was sent in by someone in Natalie’s “inner circle”. That part was later cut out of the podcast episode after someone, most likely natalie, reached out to them. she also stated in the comment section argument that she was ‘traumatized’ from said incident, when there is in fact footage of her looking straight at the camera while being on top of him, and she still allows herself to be tagged in that video on instagram, not even attempting to remove it. i personally consider that extremely contradicting, but that’s just my opinion.

I was never ever one to dislike her from the start. I had a hopeful stance on her, but there’s been a few ‘fishy’ incidents with her, and i’ve been trying to dig up as much proof as possible. She seemed like a good-intentioned person, and I don't particularly hate her, but I do wish she wouldn't try these mind games with Evan's fandom, it's like a whole “where's waldo” situation in all of her stories and it's why i’ve been kind of fed up with her. she’d starting to irritate me and adding more things to the pile that make me like her less and less. she doesn't benefit my time at all, which is why i try not to dwell on her too much, but she can’t seem to escape my fyps and dashes. most of the aforementioned evidence was sadly lost after the original evan peters subreddit was privated. I’m currently in contact with a few of the original screenshot sharers to see if they still have them and I will edit this post one I gather the receipts. I’ve been very very open minded about her until these incidents came up, and i still try to be open minded, but it’s started to get a bit difficult. I understand this post might get some backlash, but at this point, it’s my blog, and people on the internet have no say in my actual life. anon, thank you for allowing me to talk about this subject. anyone else who has thoughts, feel free to interact. a respectful back-and-forth is always welcome !!

and to everyone else, consider this my resumé for a position as an official evan peters gossip blog, as well as being a writer 🖤

[azelmaandeponine]

I saw a interpretation of Filbrick that is kind strange and I want your opinion:

"I consider him a man of extreme tough love and concerned with making money in order to provide for his family, and those are thoughts I subscribe to as canon interpretation as well.

I don’t view him as abusive like a majority of the fandom seems to from what I’ve perused on him.

At least he’s not intentionally.

His actions in some instances can be viewed as such especially from a modern light, but they’re never from a place of maliciousness or hate. They come from a place of love and worry, in a time where being emotionally vulnerable (having heart to hearts and being frank with feelings) for a man is not only looked down upon, but can be detrimental to overall success and survival. So he’s ’not easily impressed’ and closed off. Gets angry when something valued gets lost rather than being sad or hurt by it because it’s easier and safer. (there’s a reason why he never got rid of the ‘#1 Dad’ marking on his pendant that Stan had given him - that hit him where it counted and he cherished it).

Tough love was an extreme back then, and making your kid stand outside for two days holding a sign saying 'extra stan 2$' is certainly not the best way to go about motivating your son to do better in school Filbrick.

Has a very ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ mentality because he knows no one else in the world will give exception to his sons having a heart and being sensitive. He’s the only one who they can afford to make mistakes with and learn from before the world gets its claws in them. He’s very loyal and doesn’t take kindly to people trying to harm his family… even said family. (why he insisted on boxing lessons, is part of a holy mackerel brotherhood, and why he even reacted as he did when learning about Stan and the project - he honestly believed that Stan had betrayed the family and sabotaged his brother because Stan has always been known for lying even as a kid [aka the pendent incident], it was an assumption that Ford didn’t correct him on and probably could have changed the whole outcome of if he hadn’t been devastated with the same feelings of betrayal).

Throwing Stan out in canon while in anger, was awful, I won't forgive that, but it did happen a lot back then especially at 17-18 when kids were both 'considered' or officially adults, and could go off on their own. You can still see that kinda thought process even nowadays in older folks to prevent 'mooching' or 'being a bum'.

I personally believe he’s just a man of his time and of his circumstances. Can come across heartless but does have a huge one just hidden away. I like to think he didn’t go to Stan’s ‘funeral’ because he still felt betrayed, yes (how could his kid do that to his own brother and force them to live in poverty and slog through life like that out of jealousy?), but that he didn’t go because he just couldn’t handle it. He would’ve been too broken and vulnerable about it. Or that… maybe he was dead by that time.

There’s literally no way anyone can convince me that Filbrick didn’t sit alone staring at that ‘#1 Dad’ pendant in the dark of his room without tears on his face.

Unless you’re Alex Hirsch, then I beg you not to break my heart like that lol"

What do you think?

I'm sorry, they lost me at "I don't view him as abusive". It's literally canon he is.

As for the rest...does this person know abusers can be multifaceted? That there are usually calmer moments in the abuse? Cause I don't think they know that.

All in all, it seems like this person doesn't know much about abuse, and can't fathom that a parent could be horrifically abusive to their kids because he was shown being fond of a gift one of his kids gave him.

[shadamyheadcanons]

Thoughts on Shadouge? I used to ship it casually years ago just because I was looking at possibilities of a love interest for Shadow which I didn't consider for a long time, but it quickly lost its appeal for me. I know you said you don't think it works which I agree with and I'm curious about your reasoning.

Explanation under the cut. There’s nothing too negative, but I always feel bad when these wind up in tags and searches for the ship name.

To start, I will say that it doesn’t feel “wrong” to me like most Shadow ships do. I get where shadouge fans are coming from, and I’ve never met a shadouge shipper who was pushy or unpleasant about it. That’s rare in fandoms. I like how low-key they are. :)

As for the ship itself, I don’t buy it because they’re just so solidly best friends. I’ve never seen anything that I’d call romantic between them.

For Shadow, I see two important (living) women in his life right now:

One is a consistent, reliable rock who’s always going to support him and back him up because of who he is.

The other is a light, a beacon who guides him and inspires him to be the best version of himself he can be.

To me, one of those looks like a best friend, and the other looks like a love interest. He needs both, but in my opinion, it’s clear which one’s which. He’s level-headed around Rouge, and while he probably trusts her more than anyone, he looks at her the same way he looks at everyone else. Heck, he looks at her the same way he looks at Omega. I can’t imagine Rouge successfully convincing him to dress up for a murder mystery birthday party or getting him to go to a silly pop concert the way a certain pink hedgehog can, nor can I see her trying to in the first place; Amy’s the only one who can pull him out of his comfort zone like that. The most Rouge does is convince him to go to Sonic’s birthday party, and even then, she has to bribe him. Rouge’s flirtation just bounces off of Shadow, too. He doesn’t have a weak point for her. Looking at Shadow’s behavior, I think he has a soft spot for cute girls, and Rouge isn’t cute.

As for Rouge herself, she’ll support Shadow to hell and back, but we know what love looks like in her eyes. I’m not getting out of bed until she looks at someone else like this:

Rouge and Shadow are too similar in a particular way. They’re both Machiavellian, willing to go to questionable lengths to get the job done. The same goes for Omega. It’s what makes them such a good team, but a good teammate isn’t the same as a love interest. Knuckles won her over by doing the right thing and saving her life even though he had every reason not to.

I actually have some headcanons about Rouge’s past that feed into this concept. I believe Rouge grew up poor and didn’t have too many people she could trust. She had to steal for her own survival, and she learned to cling to whatever wealth she could find. She keeps a lot of secrets to this day because it’s safer. She learned the hard way that no one can hurt her if she won’t let them in.

In time, Rouge met one guy who was on her wavelength who she knew she could trust, and she met another who swept her off her feet, whose altruism upended her pessimistic outlook of how people are.

One of those looks like a best friend, and the other looks like a love interest. She needs both, but it’s clear to me which one’s which.

And of course there’s the matter of commitment. Rouge can’t stay grounded, so to speak, in the kind of stable relationship that would do Shadow a world of good. She’d rather flit around and tease everyone in sight, delighting in all the blushes she can bring out; in her own way, she likes cuteness, too. Amy, meanwhile, prefers to cling to one person, sharing the same steady devotion Shadow could provide in turn. She’s sunshine incarnate. He needs that.

Thanks for the ask!

[ybe3-fics]

Here is first chapter y'all :3 (I promise more stuff will happen just let me cook)

Blue Lock as Mean Girls scenes since the similarities are funny and deeply saddening. Short title.

I’m heavily referencing “Meet the Plastics” but this was how the movie was too. Ness is Gretchen, Kaiser is Regina, and I still have no idea who would be Karen. Isagi is DEFINITELY Katty. (Yoichi home wrecking slur saying Isagi) Also, this isn’t really that compliant with the lore and I’m sorry y’all, this is just a silly idea.

Walking into the cafeteria Isagi notices how unusually packed it is. Normally everyone has their own schedule and it was uncommon to run into his own team members in the cafeteria- let alone other teams. On this day, however, it appeared that a lot of people were taking their food break at the same time as Isagi. He didn’t mind much as he was accompanied by Hiori and focused more of his attention on their own conversation. They grabbed their food and sat down in their own little corner planning and discussing everything so far. That brief moment of tranquility was disrupted by a very lively and conceited entrance. Of course, when everyone coexisting relatively peacefully- Micheal Kaiser enters. Ness followed along behind him; it wasn't him who everyone's eyes were drawn to. They were all arrogant (little egoists) football players in one way or another, but Kaiser brought it to a whole other level. He wasn’t just arrogant and cocky on the field- but off field, he was also a nightmare. If there was a name that traveled through teams, it was Kaiser’s. Some could argue Isagi was as big of a pain but at least he got his shit together off-field. What’s worse is that he has to be associated with that wreck. They wear the same freakin’ clothes! Kaiser walked past everyone smirking, it wasn’t like he had anything to be that cocky about. 

Kaiser and Ness both grabbed their food and sat down at a table. Kaiser’s attitude was sensed from across the room. At least he was contained to one person, which was something Isagi silently thanked. Ness was also- fucked in the head, to put it bluntly, but at least he knew how to act in public. He didn’t seem so bad when they first met, yeah he was weird but it seemed like he was a decent guy. Before he started hating on Isagi in an instant. Kaiser influenced most of his thoughts and opinions but Isagi wasn’t butt hurt about a guy he barely knew hating him.

There was another quiet moment of relative peace. Kaiser and Ness were talking among themselves after a while and for a few minutes they were being normal (as normal as they could be) This didn’t last long. 

Isagi was about to finish his meal and Hiori was close to finishing as well. Isagi offered to toss their trash so far, he began walking to the bins although there was a slight problem. To get to the bins he would have to walk directly in front of Kaiser’s table, which wouldn’t be a problem if Kaiser was a normal fucking person. But Isagi wouldn’t let some guy dictate where he could walk. He avoided eye contact as he didn’t feel in the mood to interact with Kaiser.

Passing by the table, Kaiser cut Ness off and smirked. The same annoying he had every time he spoke with Isagi.

“Wow, if it isn’t Yoichi. Going to the trash where you belong?”

Isagi couldn’t help but side-eye him. Was that the best he could do right now? He continued walking. He didn’t expect Kaiser to get out of his seat and walk towards him. He would’ve tried to walk away but it was a short walk for the other to reach him so Kaiser was already blocking his path to throw away garbage.

“You know, we hardly talk as teammates. We should be closer, don’t you think? Here let me get that for you…”

Isagi was now annoyed that he was trying to act friendly. It was obviously fake but the reason why he wanted to commit to this bit was confusing. He looked as Kaiser commanded Ness to take Isagi’s trash and toss it. If it wasn’t shown by the way Ness tugged the trash from Isagi or the way he mumbled something under his breath, Ness was probably more pissed off that Kaiser was talking to Isagi than Isagi. From the corner of his eye, he could see Ness shove the trash in the bin. Even if the “friendly” act was fake, it was a lot nicer than how Kaiser treated Ness on a regular basis. 

“Whatever, man…”

Isagi mumbled annoyed and about to turn around. To his surprise, he saw Hiori watching this whole interaction intently. That sick, twisted, sweet, Hiori was finding this amusing, the small smile on his face evidence.

His attention was later turned back to Kaiser when he heard his words. 

“To heighten team spirits- we should sit together now, right? It’ll strengthen our bond, Yoichi.

Like hell! He thought internally as soon as he heard that. He could feel the look of disgust on his face. He was probably obvious but he didn’t care how rude he looked right now, especially if it was Kaiser. He was about to blow him off or ignore him but he saw Hiori eyes light up. No way Hiori wanted Isagi to spend his free time with Kaiser of all people. He needed some time away from his crazy. Hiori wouldn’t stop having that look of eagerness and silently begging. He almost wished he hadn’t noticed Hiori early so this choice would be easier. Fuck.

He would owe him so much. So much that he doesn’t even know yet.

“Fine…”

He didn’t even want to look at Hiori right now after all of this. But looking back at Kaiser, he noticed a small look of surprise. As if not expecting Isagi to also agree. (Isagi wouldn’t have agreed).

“Wow- you’re so easy, y’know that?”

More words to try to get Isagi to react but his spirits were already killed by Hiori’s eagerness to see him suffer.

He made a quick glance at Ness. Yep. Ness was probably about to lose it there. He didn’t even bother looking up from the table. Isagi saw him begin to bite his lip and clench his fists. He would NOT be in a room with Ness alone at this point. He had never seen him get so mad before. Ignoring him more and focusing his attention on creating distance between himself and Ness.

“Meet tomorrow on Wednesday, wear something pink and cutesy, okay~”

Kaiser said before walking away, getting the last word. It was Ness who picked up their trays and trash. He cleaned their area in silence, not even glancing up at Isagi for a second. Isagi walked away to Hiori who seemed rather composed despite his amused expression. 

The idea of “infiltrating” Kaiser’s space and maybe if he got too close, Kaiser would push him away like Ness. This was definitely for Hiori’s entertainment, but his plan didn’t sound too bad. So that’s why he’ll do it. Pretend to get to friendship level in the hope that he’ll leave Isagi alone. 

“I promise you- he’ll start treating you like Ness soon. Just give it some time.”

Hiori spoke in his soft and smooth voice, even though he was saying absolute bullshit. He couldn’t say no when he phrased it like that. Hopefully he’ll stop hanging with him. 

With Kaiser and Ness

Ness jogged lightly to catch up with Kaiser. He didn’t mind tossing their trash away or assisting Kaiser with anything else he needed. However, he did mind when Isagi was brought up. As if Ness needed Kaiser to that dumb, short, annoying, stupid hair, and stupid face and-

He was now in the closer distance of Kaiser. Ness knew better than to question Kaiser’s decision. Kaiser's word was truth and he knew that this was all some plan to mess with Isagi- or maybe even a smarter plan for football that Ness couldn’t comprehend. It had to be that. There was no possible way that Kaiser would enjoy Isagi more than Ness. This was solely for soccer, to stick it in that dumb Isagi’s face. Yeah.

They walked in silence as he could sense Kaiser was deep in thought. He wouldn’t want to disrupt his very important thought going on.

“What.”

A sharp and cold tone brought Ness out of his own thoughts. Kaiser looked at him annoyed.

“You’re staring and have that irritating expression. What is it, Ness? Spit it out.”

There was a brief pause as Ness took time to gather his thoughts and find the best way of expressing them without Kaiser getting upset.

“I was just wondering what the plan is.”

Kaiser gave Ness a confused look and his irritability increased.

“What the fuck are you talking about- what plan??”

“Oh, well why you invited Isagi. That plan…”

Kaiser stopped walking and rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of Ness today.

“It wasn’t a plan, dumbass.”

Kaiser continued walking, not noticing Ness staying behind. He was paralyzed still. Kaiser was doing this, just because he wanted to? He wanted to be around Isagi. More than Ness. He wanted someone else to be around other than Ness. Ness who had served him ever since they met- Ness who had made sure to fix himself to fit around Kaiser’s needs- Ness who was overall the better choice for Kaiser. Isagi. He chose Isagi. 

I'll post the next part soon >o<

OH MY FUCKING GOD

BLUE LOCK AND MEAN GIRLS ARE SIMILAR- REGINA GEORGE AND KAISER?? AND NESS BEING GRETCHEN- AND ISAGI BEING KATTY

…

about to write smth with this yall. I got a vision.

UPDATE -

writing a fic about this right :D (Ness is not going to be fine in this one y'all)

[ozcarma]

Trying to watch 999 let’s plays is such hell to me - NO ONE PLAYS THE GAME RIGHT just shutupshutupshutupshutup and play the game!! Stop trying to make jokes!!!!

I’m too autistic for this, I cannot bear hearing let’s players doing their own voice acting when I adore the game’s VAs too much. Everyone always fucks up Santa’s and Lotus’s voices especially.

I understand the draw of Let’s Plays are largely the people playing them who have gained their own following, but as someone who just loves the game I don’t wanna hear ur stupid banter 💥💥💥 play the game and be intrigued but not TOO intrigued because give it a fuckin minute it’ll explain what’s going on 🙄‼️

[tautozhone]

idk how to start this so this post is ab individual action, trying to motivate positive change in the world, etc etc

a lot of growing up in the US for me makes things feel more scary than they are. like it’s actually not that difficult to go out of your way to get a bottle of water or iced cup of water from some random drive through if you think you should do it. either fast food conglomerate or local actually, it’ll usually be cheaper than 5 dollars to get drinkable water. i try to have 5-10 dollars i can justify spending on water, and asking for change, because sometimes when i’m out driving i need to go grab water.

i do not do this for me as much as i try to do it specifically when i see someone who’s most likely homeless on a street corner. i’m sure one day i might do this and they might not be there when i come back, but what have i lost really? a bit of time and a bit of money that would’ve meant more to them, that i can hold onto until i see them next.

the pressure that a lot of people feel when they think “what can i do” comes from this grand narrative that the average citizen can singlehandedly fix the housing crisis. rich people? maybe. nonprofits? not in a day, not all one person still. what can i do is a question i ask a lot. what can i do, not just because it feels bad to move along like nothings wrong with the world, but what can i do that will do anything. what can i do that makes even the smallest change.

i feel like it took me too long to figure out a personal method to what i consider individual action. it’s taking time to get to my own financial stability to be able to do more. but for now it’s as simple as water and cash. not water and food, but water and cash.

individual action means a lot in small steps, go get a bottle of water bare minimum and the price of a meal if you can and then just give it to them. if it wasn’t such a miserably hot place where i live i would keep a pack of water in my car, which i still want to do for the sake of having immediate access to water to give someone who might need it- hot or cold sometimes won’t matter. but when it’s hot out, get cold water, if it’s cold out, a warm tea will hydrate more than coffee will as long as it’s not super caffeinated.

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

i hate going “hey i might not be up to hanging out im just not doing well mentally” but also i know if im either constantly panicking or completely out of it while we’re hanging out then it won’t go well

[slowlyfoggydestiny]

Soo it happen again huh

[mx-pastelwriting]

Saving My Fanfiction Work

First. Side note: This post was only intended to give resources to fanfiction writers and enjoyers. My talk on recent political events was a context/reasoning on why I made this post. Also I’ve had to add more information to this post over time due to people’s confusion in my comments. Explaining it was to make sure that this post didn’t come off as out of the blue for my followers and this community. Which is fanfiction.

Also, why I made this post was from people asking if they could download my fanfiction because of the recent political events in America hence why I named it “saving my fanfiction work” and added my context. So this was also a post to tell people that liked my fanfiction they could download it as long as it was for their personal collection. I merely just wanted to list resources to people who wanted to download fanfiction and don’t know where to start or don’t have the immediate resources. I’m not here to fear-monger. I am just giving resources and the reasoning on why I’m giving them along with urging people to look into those information/recent events as staying aware is important. I respect everybody who’s given their opinion and yes, some of my grammar in this post is not adequate as this post was merely made for giving/stating resources.

Lastly, I will no longer update this post with comments as I’ve said my peace, nor will I pay attention to the notifications as they are muted. As my page is for fanfiction not politics. Thank you for the people in this community who share this post for the resources see you around the tags! Stay safe friends!!✨ Remember I love you! And you are loved!💛

-

Due to the recent events in the United States. To clarify the recent events being Trump becoming president of the United States, Project 2025 more than likely going to be integrated. If you are not familiar with Project 2025 I urge you to look it up.

Along with the KOSA bill that has many problems and it has passed the senate now needing the finally vote in the house, which both are majority red. Go here to learn more on why it needs to be stopped and how you can. This is another component that will harm our communities. Go to: stopkosa.com

With all of its harmful plans some of the plans are to take down/restrict internet sites that have LGBTQ+ communities that means communities like the fan-fiction communities/sites in the United States.

I am only giving resources to those inside and out of the US in case they banned sites that hold fan-fiction. Better safe than sorry.

Being that I live in the US the possibly of mine and many others Fanfiction has the possibly of being in danger. Therefore I'm giving you recourses. (I'm not leaving or stopping my writing, I'm here for the fight!)

For those wanting to save my fanfiction, I give you permission to download them off of AO3 and to be used for your personal collection. Meaning, your eyes only. To clarify I’m saying this as others have asked if they could download my fanfic so for those who would like to you can.

If you do not know how to download them many others on online have tutorials on how to download them and add them to our phone libraries.

Here are some links to tutorials:

Downloading Fanfic

Adding to Iphone & Android Library

Adding to Kindle Library - Video on How (On TikTok)

Adding Book Covers (At the bottom) - Good EPUB Cover Changer (I use this)

Types of Files and What they mean

Please stay safe out there! Remember to follow the rules below.

DO NOT share the downloaded file anywhere online.

DO NOT repost the downloaded file under your name.

Fanfiction is protected under copyright law when plagiarism is involved. If you plagiarize my work, either a piece or whole in any language, I will take legal action. Inspiration or the same idea does NOT apply to this, only word-for-word plagiarism in any language.

♥ mx-pastelwriting does not consent to their fanfiction being copied, copied & credited, translated, used in videos and/or audios, screenshotted, used in AI, or reposted on any other platform without permission.

♥ mx-pastelwriting does give consent to "reblog," sharing links to direct work, and being in recommend lists.

Please stay safe out there friends! I love you so much! Know that there will always people that love you and in for the fight to make sure you are loved!

And here are some resources in case you don’t feel okay! Resources here

[daydreamer-in-reverie]

Started rereading the Hunger Games series and I feel like it’s so overlooked how in 74th and 75th Hunger Games, we don’t know every Tribute’s names, with Katniss only referring to them by their District numbers but in TBOSAS, we knew every single Tribute by name. We associated them with the clothes they wore on the Reaping Day and Suzanne even goes so far as to describe how they looked, however briefly. We see these Tributes and we’re familiarized with them by the little tidbits provided to the mentors and to Snow and Lucy Gray. But we never get this in the original trilogy.

In two generations, President Snow alienated the Districts from each other so much that Katniss didn’t even care to know all the names of the Tributes sent into the Arena with her, with the exception being those who posed great risk against her safety and those she felt great compassion for (e.g. Cato, Thresh, Rue, Mags, Betee, Wiress etc.). Katniss even went so far as to call the D6 Tributes in the 75th Hunger Games morphlings, for their affinity to imbibe in the drugs that help them forget their own traumas (an incredibly hurtful description, in my own opinion, to be known by the qualities you hate the most about yourself). We never know the real name of the 74th D5 girl, with Katniss only referring to her as Foxface and we don’t even know Marvel’s name until we get to the second book and he was Katniss’ first personal kill. Katniss even kills the D4 girl in the books with the same tracker jacker venom that killed Glimmer and yet still, we don’t know her name. We are so removed from the identity of the other Tributes that we don’t even know what some of them looked like beyond brief descriptions of mangled bodies and dead Tributes in the bloodbath at the Cornucopia.

And, the thing is, Suzanne established the importance of names in the series. Even in real life, we recognize the importance of being named. It is a fundamental aspect of being human. If you’re ever in a perilous situation where a person might be placing your life in danger, we’re told to remind the person that you’re human. “Keep saying your name, how old you are, where you came from. Remind them you are a human being just like them.” Before any propaganda can work against a group of people, refusing to recognize a person’s name is the first step to dehumanization. And just like the people of the Districts, we don’t care enough about the other Tributes to even want to know their names. Their propaganda worked on us, the readers.

In two generations, President Snow completely wiped out any sense of familiarity and camaraderie the Districts may have shared with the other. In two generations, Snow sowed the seeds of distrust and division into the Districts so deeply that even we, the readers, were affected by the effects of Capitol propaganda. In two generations, the Districts ceased to genuinely care about the others beyond the vague sense of injustice they feel for their shared plight. It’s why Career Districts don’t seem to care about killing the other Tributes. How can you care, to show your compassion and humanity, when you can barely see them as people? Yes, they may have been in the Arena with you. Yes, they may have been starved and beaten and forced into labor like you were. Yes, they might be children just like you. Yes, they might be subjected to the same deplorable system that turned you into virtual slaves. But they are not your friends. They are not your allies. They are strange, with different customs and traditions that you have. You do not share the same values. They do not care about you. At the first chance they get, they will kill you with your bare hands and they will do it with alacrity if it meant their survival. There can only be one Victor and it can’t be them. It has to be you.

[mars-ipan]

gonna go just a little crazy

[lnfours]

close to you | l.n

summary: chemical override, ultraviolet, you could be mine tonight ; or having a crush is mind boggling, soul crushing and confusing, but also so exciting at the same time.

warnings: inspired by close to you by gracie abrams, friends to lovers (bc it’s my brand), pining, all the feels, reader is childhood best friends with pietra, fluff, and some language here and there

jordans notes: hi everyone! long time no see (😅) i’m slowly getting back into writing, school has been kicking my ass. i don’t think this is my best work, but i really wanted to get something out for you guys since ive been gone so long! i promise there’s more to come than just this! i hope you all are well!! sending you all my love 🤍

masterlist | listen to the playlist

before you met him, you didn’t think about the color green too often. it was one of those colors you didn’t necessarily love or hate, it was just kind of… there.

to you, it was just one of those colors where shades of it were prettier than the actual color itself. or a color you only really liked during the fall. like how, typically, people only liked the color blue during the summer.

that was until you met him.

the boy with those big, beautiful, slightly blue but slightly green, water-colored eyes. now you love the color green. obsessed over it. thought about it every second of every day. it was crazy how a simple opinion could change in a matter of seconds, all because of those stupidly pretty eyes.

You lie awake on your back, staring at the ceiling. surely it wasn’t normal to obsess over someone this much, right? especially over someone you weren’t even sure would ever feel the same.

sure, you had crushes before, and had your fair share of falling quickly and all at once. it wasn’t an unusual feeling to you, no stranger to catching feelings rather quickly.

but this time around, everything was different. everything felt more intense, more mind-boggling and confusing and pulse rising. the feeling so foreign that sometimes you wish you had never met him so you wouldn’t have fallen so hard so sudden, but deep down you were so glad that you had.

it was the little things that made you wonder what it was like to be loved by him. the subtle glances in your direction, the gentle but lingering touches. you had thought you were going crazy, reading too much into things in the beginning. over-analyzing every little thing that made your body light up with excitement.

until pietra confirmed your suspicions.

“he’s totally into you,” she said, leaning closer to your ear as you watched him from across the room, his head tilted back, nose scrunched and eyes half shut as he laughed about something max had said, which was likely something stupid, “like, one hundred percent, down bad, into you.”

you tilted your head at the blonde, “you think so?”

she scoffed, “more like know so,”

“who told you?”

“no one has to tell me anything,” she said, “i can just tell.”

you rolled your eyes at her, “p, i’ve told you a million times, he’s not into me.”

but she was right. he was one hundred percent, undoubtedly, down. fucking. bad.

ever since the moment he met you at that stupid pub with max and his group of friends, all he wanted to do was get to know you. he didn’t want it to seem obvious when he asked max about you, but he knew no matter what he did it was going to seem obvious. just from the way he looked at you like you hung the stars in the night sky, he was no where near subtle.

he hated to admit it, but he had even done some lowkey instagram stalking through one of his private accounts. he had seen all the pictures of you and pietra, a life long friendship explained to him in front of his own eyes.

and every time his fingers would swipe through your account, all he could think about was how beautiful you were. how your eyes sparkled every time you smiled for the camera, how happy you looked when you genuinely laughed, and how he wished to be the reason behind the gorgeous sound forever.

he wasn’t trying to make it obvious tonight, not wanting to make it well known that he had his eyes on you for a while. but he had lost track at the amount of times you had caught him looking at you, and he swore he had even caught you looking at him first a handful of times.

so when everyone in the house decided that it was the end of the night and started filing through the door, he took it upon himself to make his way over to you. you were talking with pietra, a smile on your face as you giggled about something she had said. the brazilian woman’s eyes landed on him, to which she looked back at you and said something before you turned to look in his direction.

he smiled when your eyes met his, “hey, did you need a ride home?”

your heart threatened to leap out of your chest, “uhm, i was just gonna call an uber, you don’t have to-“

“no, no,” he said, shaking his head, “i insist, really. it’s not a big deal.”

how could you argue with him? those pretty green eyes, that smile, the face. you simply couldn’t. it was impossible. you couldn’t see the look pietra was giving you, but knowing her, you knew it was a look that said ‘go with him’.

and do you did, the cool, crisp autumn air in london suddenly making you wish you had brought a jacket. you had wished you planned for the nightly breeze, wishing you had opted for a long-sleeved shirt for the night instead of the spaghetti strap tank top you had chosen.

as you walked to the car that was parked down the street, he noticed you shivering. he saw the way you hugged yourself, your hair moving with the breeze. his curls danced in the wind and he knew if he was slightly cold, you were definitely freezing.

he tugged off the hoodie before passing it to you, the sound of the doors to the mclaren echoing before he turned to you.

“here,” he said, “it’s a little windy out, i know you’re probably freezing.”

your stomach did backflips as you took the soft black material from his hands, “oh, are you sure? aren’t you cold?”

he sent you a shrug, “i’ll live,”

there was no use arguing with him, so instead you sent him another smile in appreciation before tugging the sweatshirt over your head. it was already warm from hugging his body, and you couldn't help the way the smell of his cologne lingered in the soft material. you had to keep yourself from burying yourself in it, the feeling of being close to him without actually being close to him sending butterflies to your stomach.

the car ride was filled with comfortable silence, music softly playing in the background. he stole occasional looks over at your figure as you looked out the window, the neck of his hoodie pulled up to your face as you watched the street lights pass by. you looked beautiful in the dim light, he couldn’t help himself.

he thought about taking the long way to your house. a simple but effective way to be able to spend more time with you. however, the thought of you being confused and questioning his actions was enough for him to stay straight at the stop light instead of taking a right for the longer way.

he tried not to look disappointed when he reached your house, parking in front of it. he wondered if your roommates were home, if you’d tell them about the fact that he drove you home.

he turned the engine off, unclicking his seatbelt, “i’ll walk you up.”

you nodded, the both of you getting out of the car and walking through the dewy grass up to the wooden door. you fished for your keys in your purse, putting them into the lock before turning to look at him, “thanks for the ride,”

“anytime,” he smiled. he meant it. and you knew he meant it. he’d come get you at anytime of the day, wether it was early in the morning or late at night, he was always going to show up.

you stood there, eyes searching his face. he was so pretty to you, the brown curls that were slowly growing into a mullet to the sparkling eyes that you loved so much. the dimples in his cheeks that appeared whenever he smiled, the slight facial hair he had managed to grow, but your favorite part was the moles and freckles that covered his skin. the ones he had once complained about, but you loved the way they scattered his skin.

you dreamt of kissing each and every single one of them.

“hey, lando! long time no see!”

you both averted your attention, neither of you hearing the door open behind you. in the doorway stood your dark haired roommate, faith.

“hey,” he smiled softly, trying once again to not look disappointed from the way your moment was interrupted.

“we’re having drinks and watching movies if you wanted to join,” she smiled, ignoring the look you were sending her way.

“oh, uhm,” he started, not sure how to answer, “it’s getting kinda late, i dunno-“

“you can crash in y/n’s room, im sure she wouldn’t mind.”

what was that supposed to mean?

you looked over at him, “you don’t have to stay-“

“he’s been gone for weeks, he’s legally obligated,” she said, reaching from the doorway and grabbing both of your arms, “c’mon, liv is making martinis.”

you sighed heavily and he laughed softly at your protest that went unnoticed by her. your other roommate, olivia, stood in the kitchen.

“look who i found!” faith exclaimed excitedly.

“oh, hey guys! just in time,” she smiled, “it’s martini and movie friday!”

lando leaned over to you as the other two talked, “they do this every friday?”

you sighed again, nodding, “unfortunately,” you turned to your roommates, “we’re gonna head up to my room, actually,”

you led lando to the stairs, ignoring the playful teasing from the girls in the kitchen, “oooh!!”

“up to your room, huh?”

you shook your head, opening your bedroom door and letting him in before closing it, “‘m sorry for them, they’re… how do i put this?”

“a lot?” he asked, a smile playing at his lips.

“yeah, we can put it that way.”

he chuckled, sitting down on the bed as you put your things down. he looked around your bedroom, not much had changed since the last time he had been in it. the fairy lights dimly lit up the room, photos littered the walls. the desk that sat in the corner of the room kept your makeup bag and brushes, a mirror sitting in the middle.

he looked at your nightstand, a picture of you, him, max and pietra sitting on the wooden surface. it was a picture from miami, smiles on all of your faces. you stood in the middle, arm wrapped around his middle as you smiled for the camera, his trophy in the hand that wasn’t wrapped around your middle.

“i’m gonna change,” you said, “i might have a pair of your sweatpants somewhere if you wanted to change.”

he nodded, “yeah, that’d be great.”

you turned back to the dresser, opening drawers in search for the pair of sweatpants he leant you one day. the same day he picked you up from the failed date. the one that left you crying outside, swearing up and down that you’d never find love. despite it being in front of you this entire time.

finally finding the black material, you handed them to him, “i meant to give them back, but i just haven’t seen you,”

he shook his head. you could’ve kept them forever and he wouldn’t have minded one bit, “it’s alright,”

you grabbed your pajama bottoms from the foot of the bed, “be right back.”

he changed into the sweatpants while you were gone, still looking around your room. he smiled at the picture of you and your roommates, clearly taken at a party. you wore the prettiest smile he had ever seen, dressed in a black off the shoulder top. it was from the same night he realized he liked you in more than just a friendly way.

the door opening brought him back to reality, his eyes landing on your figure and how you were still wearing the black hoodie he had given you earlier. it brought a small smile to his face.

you noticed his eyes on you, looking down at the black hoodie, “i swear i’ll give it back once i wash it.”

he laughed softly, shaking his head, “it’s okay. it looks better on you anyways.”

you smiled, fighting the heat that was rising your cheeks but it was no use. he joined you on the bed, watching as you flipped through different things on netflix.

“you don’t have to stay, y’know,” you said, looking over at him, “if you have better things to do..”

“i don’t,” he said, turning his head to look your way, “in all honesty, there’s no where else i’d rather be.”

you sucked in a breath, your eyes dancing across his face once again. it was hard for you not to stare, not when he looked so pretty like this. back pressed against your headboard, hair slightly messy, and he looked so cozy. it made you want to wrap yourself around him, lay your head on his chest.

he did the same, his eyes scanning your face like he was trying to memorize every single feature, every single imperfection that he thought was still perfect. the same ones you’d argue about, but he still always found adorable.

his voice broke the comfortable silence that had fallen between the two of you, “do you ever have something to say but can’t find the words to say it?”

your furrowed your eyebrows, “like?”

he licked his lips, his attention now fixed on his hands as he fiddled with the ring on his middle finger. you never thought he’d be the type to get shy, almost embarrassed as his cheeks turned a light shade of pink.

“like, i dunno,” he mumbled, “i just.. i don’t know how to put it, but ever since the moment we met, i’ve found myself just.. thinking about you. thinking about what it’d be like to cross this weird, thin, little line we’ve drawn. if we both just said ‘fuck it’ and dove head first into whatever uncharted territory we’re tiptoeing around.”

his eyes met yours again as he let out a nervous breath. you hadn’t realized you had been holding yours, shock clearly written on your face which made him shake his head.

“never mind, it’s dumb-“

“lando,”

“- i knew i shouldn’t have listened to what max was going on about-“

you rolled your eyes as he kept blabbering away, talking nonsense. your body moving before your brain could comprehend what you were about to do, only catching up when your hands met his jaw and you were suddenly catching yourself a mere few inches from his face.

it was too late now, no going back.

you pulled his face closer to yours, his blabbering coming to a halt when you pressed your lips to his. his brain short circuited, you pulling away before he had the chance to kiss you back.

“‘m sorry,” you immediately apologized, “i don’t know why i did-“

it was his turn to cut you off now, grabbing your chin and pulling you back to his lips. his thumb traced along your jaw, his pointer finger sitting underneath your chin.

you kissed him back after a second of surprise, letting his free hand reach down to grab your hip, pulling you on top of his lap. your hands threaded through his curls, nails scratching his scalp.

when you both finally pulled away, all you could do was smile. giggles and chuckles echoing through the room as you both sat breathless, his nose bumping yours as he tucked a piece of stray hair away from your face.

“so we’re in agreement then, huh?” he asked.

“isn’t that obvious?” you smiled and he shook his head, letting out another boyish laugh.

“how long have you.. y’know, had feelings for me, i guess?”

“since the minute i saw you,” he confessed, “you were the most beautiful girl in the room, a smile that would make everyone stop and stare. it’s always been you, i’ve just been too scared to tell you.”

you smiled again, heart fluttering in your chest. all the dreams and wishes you spent with him on your mind, it was all finally paying off, “it’s always been you for me, too. i thought i had been way too obvious, but clearly i wasn’t obvious enough.”

“we were both too oblivious,” he said, moving more hair from your face, “but it’s okay, we’re here now.”

you were convinced your smile was never going to be wiped off your face, “kiss me again,”

“with pleasure,” he mumbled, lips finding yours once more as you melted into him.