#like im an entire grown up
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#my current person is 11 years older than me#which means he turns 35 this year in case you’re wondering#and if anyone was like lmao ur a kid I would bw FUMING#i live on my own pay my own bills vote drink drive Can have kids#like im an entire grown up#let’s maybe stop infaltilising women#I say things#shut up Bella
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AUGHH CLASS ASSIGNMENT YIPPEEE!!! Had to make cut out silhouette designs for 3 of our characters!!!
#i havent drawn for myself in so lonng AUGH#and i also had to learn to use photoshop which was. interesting but i got comfortable with it eventually#i couldve did this so much faster but alas growing pains on a new software#csp i miss u ill always love you#ANYWAY YA!! We had to choose a fairytale to adapt and have a twist and that will be the story well be making concept art for the entire ter#i chose the little red riding hood and my twist is that its set in the victorian era and also its toxic yuri HEHEEE#So yeah first pic is the the little red riding hood girlie (Scarlette) all grown up and became a huntress#second pic is Wolf woman who Killed said gramma long ago but tricked scarlette to thinking that she didnt#(they have a tense enemies to lovers to enemies kind of arc HEHE)#And third pic is the hunter/woodsman!!! He is gonna be the one that tells scarlette that the wolf lady IS the one shes been hunting#all her LIFE#and so girlies gonna get SO mad like FUCK I FELL IN LOVE HER BUT I STILL GOTTA KILL HER BECAUSE I SWORE TO MY GRANDMA I WOULD#and ya they both fight to the death. stabbed via hearts. HEEHEE#god im so tired all the time I HAVE NO FREE TIME AAAAA#I HATE YOU TWO HOUR COMMUTES
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OC !
#my characters#i missed her so much wowee#her name is katale and thats what she goes by EXCEPT her best friend (and ex boyfriend and boss) who gets to call her kitty#hes just like the all around best guy in her life and she loves him a whole lot#and even though they broke up they have a very loving friendship and shes like#oh i would absolutely kill for him and in fact i am VERY good at killing im honing my skills :3#and her family is actually just a bunch of criminals and the only reason the other guy gets involved#is bc he needs fast money to help his mom with hospital bills and so hes like hey my mom doesnt need to know how shes alive#and then he somehow becomes head honcho and is a rumored to be ruthless man#but hes just incredibly level headed and able to think his way up (and kills a few unpleasant family members for kitty)#and if shes running out and about you can even hear him say shit like#my wife left me i miss my wife#and everyone knows he means katale but no one knows how to react bc its clearly a joke (???) since they broke up#but no one is telling their boss to elaborate the wife situation#kitty however is the entire reason that she gets this lil puppy of an agent to not kill rudyard her dear boss#and somehow they adopt this grown man and also his really weird mentor who faked their death#but they love their puppy son boy agent man#and kitty is super happy to dote on the agent but even she has her lines like WHY DID YOU JUST HAND HIM A GUN#RUDYARD HE TRIED TO KILL YOU LIKE LAST MONTH WHAT ARE YOU DOING#and rudyard is just ??? can i NOT shove a gun into his hands now? what is that? a crime? really? gonna tell on me? a criminal? for crimes?#but genuinely it stresses her out bc she loves her adopted son but loves her best friend and eventually she realizes#ok puppy agent man is loyal to them but not a criminal thats ok#while rudyard is like ... passing him guns to try out as a bonding thing#but also he is fascinated with how good the agents aim is like hey kitty you should watch how far he can shoot perfectly#hey kitty remember all those dead underlings and how precise their kills were to make them not suffer this guy is really good#also for what its worth ruds mom is still alive! shes just in a nursing home now and he goes to visit her#kitty and rudyard have such a fun dynamic to me and both are murderers but its okay (its not)#also kitty likes anime and she has forced rud to watch anime with her and he just accepts his fate#bc it makes kitty happy to share so he will watch to make her happy even if he doesnt understand all the appeal
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pep and his basketballs
#adventure time#not art#princess pep's little sports stuff with the flowers on them. actually . makes me crazy#princess pep makes me insane a lot. hes all grown up and hes so new. look at what he thinks is important#his wizard stuff and his little boy things.#hes messier than peps og ever would have been and his mom never wouldve let him decorate the entire castle in wizard runes before#growth. the.#gripping him in my hands. im so proud of him#THERES SO MUCH GRAFFITI ON THIS ONE SINGLE POSTER. I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THE EXTRA T SHUTTUPPPPP#one thing about wizard kids is sthey are insufferable assholes and they cant stop themselves from drawing on walls#i couldve sworn pep held a basketball at some point but im not sure anymore. he didnt during the talent show. just stood there.#ok enough tag talk begone beast#maybe im just thinking of him being there when jake is like 'those guys threw a basketball at my head one time'. in You Made Me
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Trans femme(??) terukane..?????
Teru gives non binary vibes though like i can see it can you see it
#tell me if i get the pronouns wrong anywhere#i feel like no matter what gender teru is he/she? wld still have the entire sch in a chokehold#oh wow pansexual nene is a thought#tbhk#tbhk fanart#terukane#honestly aoi is so done with their shit in every universe#did i yassify them too much i tried to keep their hair textures but#everytime i try drawing teru with long hair it ends up looking like tiara grown up#im still so confused one akanes hair colour though like is it reddish brown?? is it brown??? pick one#im going to bed
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revisiting this site every now and then to reminisce in how much it shaped me as a person and defined me as a literal child
#cuz i was looking thru old youtube playlists right#and i found this one video edited by wooly abt the time spicy went crazy over a kuroo x joe crackskip (hilarious btw)#(also i cant find spicy did they deactivate forever help)#but like something about the interactions. and seeing myself during that time. just hit really really really hard.#like that was a little girl. she was 12 or 13 or whatever and the people on this site were her entire world#and she'd wake up every morning and check her dashboard and send asks and break the post limit and that was like#a significant part of my childhood. and then one day i just stopped logging on.#and i never even realized it but i talked to some of these ppl for the last time and didnt even realize that that was the last time#the people who i swore id meet in person one day. i knew everything about them and they knew everything about me#and now theyre just memories. and i refuse to call that era of my life cringe because i wouldnt have had it any other way#sorry im really senti. i need to find people again i miss them#and now we've all grown in different ways. yk the meeting people twice thing? yeah.#when u all met me i was second yr middle school and now im second year high school#theres so much i had on this site. some days i want it back
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hey guys who wants another round of tmi
#ive been#this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it#i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm#not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it#has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was#fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa#by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will#always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus#i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being#countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it#has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying#its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man#keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just#thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not#crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive#funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it#tmi#rant#embarrassed myself enough i think#sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough#i'll be okay
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Never gonna be over how unutterably pathetic and in dire need of ANY kind of companionship or friendship that doesn't revolve around their band the entirety of dethklok are. I love these horrible idiots who are so devoid of any real connections outside of themselves that they will latch onto anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to any one of them! And GOD help anyone they latch onto!!
#jay talkin#metalocalypse#im thinking about the doubles episode where they just seem genuinely happy to have 'friends'#who arent like. industry people. these men are so starved of any kind of connection#and it takes them four seasons a rock opera and a movie to realise they can find that in each other lmao#also thinking about how quickly any of them bond and become really intense abt anyone in their life#aka: NATHAN TOWARDS ABIGAIL. oh dear poor abigail oh dear#but also toki to damn near anyone and this goes for the entire band tbh as well they all do this at least once#and yeah its mainly cuz 10min eps mean u gotta progress stuff fast#but also holy shit. charles these boys want friends so bad u gotta set em up on playdates or smth#maybe it'd get some of their dumb stupid idiot energy out and they'd be better behaved. well. no they wldnt but... u can dream#i do think theres smth to be said that yeah all of dethklok are cool theyre metal superstars they r good at what they do#theyre also fucking prophesised saviours too and theyre also incredibly dangerous idiots and terrible ppl#but never forget that they are also. so so SO pathetic and isolated and dysfunctional#these men have not lived in the real world in decades and are disconnected and unsocial and spoilt and u can see that this does impact#the way they interact w the world! they need like. anything other than the band in their lives hah. they do need to pal around#im glad they find that in each other eventually!!#i dont want 2 sound like im babying them or infantilising them these r grown asshole idiot men but like. listen these shitheards r lonelyyy#everyone in their lives is like. assigned to be there and is set as beneath them in a class and workbased system#they dont rlly have ppl who r just there cuz they like em. outside of fans. and fans arent rlly a real connection yknow#their only connections come via work networking sex and violence and worship baby!!!! its fucked up!
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but also realising maturity is way more random than anyone wishes it was & WAY too many people spend their entire lives at the same maturity level as like age 20. unfortunate
#99.txt#i always thought i would be the most immature in the room but shockingly im surpassing like 50 year olds every day of my life#the bar is so low.... as incompetent as i am ?? luigi wins by doing nothing#i mean i guess the difference is that i make somewhat of an effort. which the bar is also extremely low for#because many many many people live their entire lives Flat Out Refusing to make any effort to treat others well#the fact that i have so many anger issues and am still like. holding it together just by the fact that ive decided that i WANT to be decent#is something that a lot of full grown ppl literally just dont bother with#also the immature 45-65 year old is always the one whos like ''you have to listen to me. im right because im older''#bro you have to EARN it......... you have to actually be right about anything#resting on the laurels of age. and unfortunately a lot of full grown women think 'im a woman so im naturally kind' and then make no effort#and end up being the most toxic ppl youve ever met#ruh roh !!!#no hate to women. just that any semblance of gender rolls will rot your brain pretty much#kil gets contemplative hour. swagever
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it
#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn#god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from#but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell#but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at#least become more resistant to it#i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE#and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless#it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19#but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on#FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick#then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything#it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life#i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself#ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt#available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival#and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches#the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair#and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true#and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears#i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30#it was all so sudden and quick and shocking#yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit#and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant#over this bullshit#it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies#everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS#it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm#it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.
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and just.... trent's little 'woof'........ will never ever ever ever ever be over this. ever. and every single time this happens i want to combust (positive) but especially that one tiny little woof. almost self conscious in how quiet it is, kinda small, but also deeply sincere and goofy. just this adorable helpless little Woof like he can't quite bring himself to join in properly in case he isn't welcome but also can't quite resist. the little smile after. someone kiss that man immediately
#like. trent getting to a place where he feels safe enough to be open and silly#to BE a dork and be goofy and do silly things like Woof Like A Dog Around Other Grown Adults#and know he won't be made fun of know that this is an entirely earnest and kind and sincere community that are embracing him#and that he isn't alone in the goofiness and sincerity either#like. fuck. that quote from james lance#from the same fucking. longer quote with the trent thinking he's unlovable#something about--im still too sick to pull up the quote rn sue me--but sometihng about like#trent never feeling like he could be himself but now he can like. be the sweetheart he really is/always has been inside#like yeah!! yeah !!!! he's a dork and a sweetheart and now he can show it and the epitome of this is in his goofy adorable little woof#(and the our dork scene. obviously. FUCK)#he's so...................#KISSES HIM KISSES HIM KISSES HIM KISSES H
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I was at work I was waiting for my food to warm up in the corner leaning on the wall between a high table and the microwaves, I was checking the bruises on my arm and this mountain of a man puts his food in the microwave next to me and says in English, "is your arm ok?" So I'm like "haha yeah I just bruise easily and it does that when I pick up heavy boxes" and he smiles and goes with emphasis "interesting" and I'm like "hahahaha don't say that like that" and he says "why" and I put my foot in my mouth and say "cause it sounds like your gonna test it out??" and he laughed and stepped in front of me and just kind of goofily ish squared his shoulders and said "I might" and I pretended to duck and we both laughed and he left to get coffee or whatever and I think I died GUY WAS LIKE 6 FOOT SOMETHING AND HAD SHOULDERS AND PECS LIKE A FOOTBALLER I FELT SO VERY SMALL
#hes from a different department i did see him like 3 times before at the cafeteria within the last month#and the first time even my coworkers who are grown ass men saw him and whispered 'that guy#even if just you brush shoulders with him youd probably go flying into the wall#i meant to say he would test it by punching me or whatever but i never regretted words so very fast in my entire life#WHY DID I SAY THAT#I WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD THE VAST MAJORITY OF US SPEAK FRENCH#im a 5'7 lil guy help#mio's work adventures#I will not shut up even if i try
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day 21: lost
it's bad enough being in a new world totally alien to her. to not recognise her sister? agonising. unbearable.
#ffxiv#miqomarch#seeker of the sun#gpose#miqo'te#shadowbringers spoilers#oc: m'seyli#oc: m'kipfhi#i've been thinking a loooot about the two of them in the first it causes me physical pain#bc kipfhi went shortly after/around the same time as thancred#and she was like. 12/13ish#teenagers change a LOT in 5 years!#to have this initial moment of. someone is calling your name (and dropping the tribal letter! which she doesn't let a lot of people do!) an#running towards you at mach speed and clearly knows who you are and you have this brief moment#of 'who the hell is this person' before it dawns on you that it's /your sister/ who you have never been apart from for more than a few week#at most since she was born#and like it's not just that she's grown up physically. she's an entirely different person to the girl she was like. a month ago to you.#bc again!!! teenagers change a lot!!!! and she's grown up in the fuckin apocalypse#and like kipfhi too. she's been DESPERATE for seyli to get here and has been standing there just like. vibrating in excitement over finally#getting to see her again. and seyli's not very good at hiding when she's feeling off about something and everything is /so/ off.#their bond is strong enough that they can get through it but it's rough for a hot second.#anyway im very normal about shadowbringers
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happy lunar new year! i can't believe we finally got to see kyle's face again 🥹
#maplestory#hoyoung#kyle#satsuhart#hokyle#<- i guess???????#lowkey starting to think i prefer them platonic but i still really really want to see them together in any way#did you know there are 10 grandis classes now. thats entirely way too many#ok but seriously the only other time kyle showed up with his face was in the bg of AB's promo illust#in 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#that + the new LNY illust + his talksprite are the ONLY times we can see his face im gonna cry#i know everything about maple is extremely inconsistent but smth about kyle having visibly big wings in this new illust is so...#like his horns are still tiny but hes grown up? 🥹 or something...#but like idk not like i can tell bc he has NO OTHER FULLBODY ART THATS NOT HIS KAISER TRANSFORMATION#extremely normal about how nexon treats kyle.
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director trying to convince me to audition for newsies as im debating quitting musical theatre
#i hate being talked down to by people younger than me because im autistic#i hate being yelled at by my director for circumstances not entirely in my control#i hate crying involuntarily and feeling like im about to throw up before every rehearsal#i hate seeing all my peers doing thing they love as i do something ive grown to resent#im very clearly not cut out for it anymore#but i might be stupid enough to not quit#liz informs you
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