#i want another name on my desk by dawn and im not fucking around…

[toruland]

since we’re all gonna die,

there’s one more secret i feel i have to share with you…

i do not care for caleb calling mc pipsqueak.

(PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS AS HATING, THIS IS HONESTLY ONE OF MY ONLY GRIPES ABOUT HIM!!!! please don’t doxx me yall)

[q-gorgeous]

Strange

fanfiction

this fic is based off of @jerichomere‘s dead kyle au comic

hidey hey u guys im back for another dannymay fic jhgvf

Kyle walked through the main entrance of Casper High, a yawn falling out of his mouth while his eyes scrunched closed. When he opened his eyes, he had walked down the hallway a bit where the rest of the students were gathered. He smiled at some and waved at others as he walked down the hall, but it was starting to dawn on him that everyone was staring at him weirdly. 

No one was waving back to him as he greeted his classmates. Everyone either backed away from him or avoided looking at him altogether. His friend, Nost, nearly jumped out of his skin when Kyle clapped him on the shoulder in their usual greeting.

Huh, that’s strange. 

Pulling back, he looked at Nost with wide eyes, saying something about catching him later. Nost must’ve pulled an all nighter, it wouldn’t have been the first time. He shrugged off the feeling churning in his gut and changed direction when he saw Wes standing at his locker. 

“Hey, bro.” Kyle said as he walked up behind Wes. “Everyone looks like they’ve seen a ghost. Do you know why they’re acting so weird?

Wes paused in his digging in his locker, his hand clenched around his locker door. He slowly turned around, eyes wide, to stare at his brother who was standing nonchalantly in the middle of the hallway. 

“You have got to be kidding me.” Wes said. 

“What?” Kyle looked at Wes’ wide eyes and the way he shrunk in on himself. “Oh, not you too. I don’t know what crawled up everyone’s butts but you can come find me when you’re not being weird. I’m going to class.”

Kyle walked away from Wes, adjusting his backpack straps, and made his way down the hallway. The people he passed were white as a sheet and were looking at him with wide eyes. He didn’t know why they were acting so strange, but he would just go about his business as usual.

“Hey, Dale! High five!”

Dale instinctively lifted his arm and turned toward Kyle at the invitation for a high five, but the moment he realized it was Kyle’s hand smacking into his, it looked as if his soul left his body. 

Kyle continued walking down the hallway, whistling as he turned into his english classroom. 

“Lord of the Flies! Mr. Weston?!”

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

“So how come you don’t eat then?”

Wes kicked a rock as he walked beside Kyle, hands shoved into his pockets while he sported a grumpy expression on his face.

“What do you mean? Of course I eat! I’m just not that hungry very often.”

Wes shot Kyle a look. “I haven’t seen you eat since�� For a couple weeks now. When do you eat that no one ever sees you?”

Kyle shrugged. “Probably when I’m baked as fuck.”

Wes sighed. “Well you’re not high right now, and you’re not eating, are you going to be hungry enough to join us for dinner?”

“Eh, I think I had a big lunch today. I’ll let you know if I’m hungry later.”

“You think you had a big lunch?” 

Kyle looked away from Wes. “I mean, I assume I had a big lunch since I’m not hungry.”

“You don’t even know?” Wes stared wide eyed at him. “Look, Kyle, I know you don’t believe in ghosts but-”

“Ghosts aren’t real.”

“But-”

Kyle sighed. “Look, I don’t want to talk about this right now. I just want to go home and do my homework.”

Wes followed after Kyle quietly, hands tucked into his jacket while Kyle was clad only in his hoodie even in the fall weather. 

Later at home, Kyle was interrupted from his homework when Wes knocked on his door and opened it. 

“Hey, dinner’s ready. If you wanna, uh, come eat.”

Kyle softly shook his head and gestured at his homework. “Nah. I’m, uh, not hungry. Besides, I wanna get this essay done for Mr. Lancer.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later.”

Wes quietly shut the door behind him and Kyle leaned back in his chair and sighed. The churning feeling in his gut was reignited when the invitation to dinner sounded more like… A formality rather than an actual invitation this time. Like Wes knew Kyle wouldn’t be joining them. 

Turning the thought away, Kyle leaned forward to his desk again and turned his attention to the homework assignment Lancer had handed him with a barely there tremor in his hands. He stared at the assignment for a moment before getting up and crawling into bed, pulling the blankets over his body and curling into himself. 

He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep. 

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

As Kyle walked through the hallways of Casper High, he began to realize that he now had to look up at many of the kids who were in a younger year than him. Even Wes was slowly beginning to surpass him in height. He’d always been taller than Wes, why was he catching up to him now?

Suddenly, a large body bumped into him on the left, nearly toppling him over to the floor. 

“Hey, shorty, watch it!”

Turning towards the voice, Kyle looked up at Keith who wilted upon meeting Kyle’s gaze. 

“Oh, uh, hey Kyle! I didn’t know that was you there! I thought you were Mikey or something.”

Kyle looked around the hallway and pointed to where Mikey was standing in the middle of the hallway with his friends. The boy who had once been a foot and a half shorter than Kyle now stood at the same height as him.

“He’s over there.”

Keith followed where Kyle’s finger was pointing and nodded vigorously. “That he is, I’ll go- go pummel him for making me think you were him!” Keith walked away towards the scrawny boy. “Hey, Mikey!” 

Kyle’s brows furrowed and he uneasily made his way over to where Wes was at his locker. “Hey, when did you all get so tall?”

Wes looked over his shoulder for a moment before turning his attention back to his locker. “About a year ago. Why? Did you finally notice?”

“Notice what?”

“That you stopped growing.”

Kyle shook his head. “No, of course I’m still growing. I just haven’t had a growth spurt in awhile. I’ll catch back up to you guys.”

When Kyle woke up the next morning and came downstairs yawning, Wes looked up at Kyle and the inch he used to have on him. 

“Of course.” Wes said as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Who could have seen that coming.”

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

“One of these days I’ll make you admit it.”

“Admit what?” Kyle asked as he tossed a football towards Wes as they stood in the middle of the park.

“That ghosts are real.” Wes caught the football and threw it back towards Kyle who jumped to catch it.

Kyle tsked and tucked the football against his side. “You can’t admit what isn’t true. Ghosts aren’t real.”

Wes sighed and bent over to pick up his stuff. “Whatever.” 

I will never admit that ghosts are real. 

I won’t. I can’t-

-Kyle watched as Danny flew around, putting on a show with his parents special effect technology. The man he was pretending to fight put on a pretty impressive act. Suddenly, one of the special effect machines exploded, shooting into the building Kyle was standing in the second story of. The building rumbled and groaned and he could hear Danny shouting his name.

“Kyle!” 

Then it fell. The building collapsed around him, puffs of dust going everywhere, the road littered with debris. Kyle’s head popped out of it like it hadn’t even touched him even though he could still feel the floor falling apart under his feet-

“Come on, let’s go home. Dad wants us there for some dinner with Vlad.”

Kyle watched Wes walk away for a moment, his heart in his stomach before following behind him, gripping his backpack straps tightly. 

Because if I do…

That’s not all I’ll have to admit. 

[quietmyfearswith]

new year’s day ; andy barber x fem!reader

status — completed oneshot

word count — 3,960 words

warnings — swearing, mentions of active sex life, SMUT, degradation, sir kink, choking, oral smut (receiving), fingering, unprotected penetrative sex (pls use protection), slapping, name calling, drinking champagne off of one’s body, fluff at the end?? porn without plot lol

pairing — andy barber x fem!reader

a/n — HAPPY NEW YEAR! im still high on my andy feels so yeah,, lmk what yoou think!

masterlist

“Fuckin’ hell my eyes hurt,” Y/N groaned out as she rubbed her palms on her eyelids, as if she was massaging the stress away. Rose could only chuckle at her friend’s distress, “Well I did warn you about how you shouldn't have gone to work today; you deserve to take a break once in a while you know?”

Cracking her knuckles once she was done rubbing her eyes, Y/N retorted, “Well it’s not like I had any New Year’s Eve plans so I decided why not go to work?” As she continued to torment her eyes with the light emitted from her desktop. Being her only real friend at the workplace, Rose took it as a responsibility to look after her; for she knew how she wasn’t really close with her family and her other closest friends were on the different side of the country. “Hey, I invited you to that party me and Agnes are going to!”

Tearing her straining eyes away from the screen, Y/N gave the brunette a pointed look, “You mean to say you invited me to party where I don’t know anyone but you and your girlfriend; which definitely guarantees that you’ll both leave me alone so you can fuck.”

Rose didn’t find it in herself to deny her allegation or defend her and her girlfriend’s active sex life; instead she could only give her a sheepish look as she joked, “Guess you’ve been spending too much time with Mr. Barber since you’re incredible at drawing conclusions and noticing patterns huh?” Seeing how much time she had spent with the mentioned lawyer over the past year, Y/N couldn’t help but nod and agree with her.

The soft chime of Rose's Favorite song rang and a cocky, “See! Can’t even wait an hour before you two get to be together,” was quickly being hushed by her friend. “Okay you have a point, we have a high sex drive — but can you blame us? And I need to leave early, stupid bitch burnt herself as she was baking.”

Chuckling without tearing her eyes away from the documents in front of her, Y/N greeted, “Yeah, yeah; don’t need to rub it in. Happy New Year’s Eve, babe.” Before heading to Mr. Barber’s office to sweetly ask to leave early, Rose went to where Y/N was seated and let their cheeks touch as their way of bidding adieu.

Andy was more than generous to allow Rose to leave the office early, “Go ahead and enjoy, you deserve it for being one of the few ones who chose to come in today,” He told her smiling form. Once she left his office, he loosened his tie and undid the top button of his button down shirt and let out a loud groan. Usually, this time last year he would be rushing to go home — if ever his work demanded his presence — in order to celebrate the New Year’s with his family. But now as he mourns the family he once had and lost it as his son was brutally killed by his ex-wife that had gone insane in disbelieving her son’s innocence was now serving prison for her crimes, he had nowhere to be.

After a couple of hours filled with silence and burying his head with paperwork, Andy noticed how there was a soft, melodious hymn coming from the other side of the office. The lawyer wasn’t necessarily alarmed, but he was curious about who was left working since there had only been 7 other people who decided to come in to work today; and to his knowledge they should have left by now.

He decided to check out who was left — but it really was an excuse to stretch his long, lean legs as he felt them cramping up a bit from being seated for too long — and was surprised to see the most diligent employee he’s ever met in his years of practicing law, “Ms. Y/N, what are you still doing here?”

Hearing his deep voice snapped her out of her concentration; seeing her boss in his less than organized state had her taken aback, “Oh Mr. Barber, I’m just doing some work on the Richards case.” Looking at the watch on his left wrist, he took note how it was a mere 15 minutes before the new year dawned on them. “No plans for the new year then?”

Deciding to test the waters she cracked a joke, “Are you talking about the holiday or the actual year? Because I have no plans for both.”Covering up her remark with a nervous chuckle, she was glad to see the older man wrinkle his eyes as he laughed out loud, “Well that makes the two of us; why don’t we grab a drink in my office?”

Eyes going wide and gasping silently, Y/N was pleasantly surprised at his offer but nevertheless nodded in agreement. Quickly shutting off her desktop, she moved out of her chair and decided to leave her footwear and floral kimono by her desk as she somewhat felt restricted by the light cloth. As she entered his post, she settled herself on the gray sofa he had placed near the office’s wall. Grabbing a bottle of champagne and a couple of glasses, Andy sat beside her then poured them a drink.

“Never pegged you as a champagne guy, Mr. Barber,” She thanked him as he handed her a glass which she took a sip of; letting out a small moan of appreciation at the taste, the  sound causing Andy to cross his right leg on top of the left in an effort to conceal his erection. “Please, call me Andy,” He cleared his throat as he took a sip of the liquor, “And whiskey and bourbon are my usual choices of poison; but since it’s the New Year, figured this was more appropriate.”

Y/N surprised the man beside her by drinking all of the champagne in one go and placed the now empty glass on the coffee table in front of them before turning to his gobsmacked expression and giggled, “Sorry, really need that one.” With his hooded eyes watching her intently, he drank some of his before answering, “Don’t be Y/N, it was quite a show.”

She could feel her wetness dampen the panties she wore with how good her name sounded as it left his lips, “Don’t think I ever heard you call me by my first name before.” Worried he crossed the line he was quick to fumble out an apology; but quickly stopped as he felt her hand on his thigh, “It’s okay, I’m not mad or anything. I really like it, actually,” She trailed off once she noticed how he seemed to have let out a quiet, but aroused purr. Tilting her head to the side with an amused expression plastered on her face, “You alright, Andy?”

Years of practicing law and appearing in courtrooms taught him not to lose composure; but with a simple touch and mention of his name had Andy forgetting how to remain calm and collected. But can you fucking blame him when the girl who walks around with so much grace and confidence — who also happens to be the subject of his filthy fantasies — is so close to him that he can almost feel her warmth piercing through his long-sleeved shirt. In that moment, he wasn’t sure if it was a wise or dumb decision to discard his suit jacket, but as their arms touched and he felt a surge of electricity run through his veins, he thought of himself as a fucking genius.

“I am, yeah,” Deciding to test the waters, he grabbed her hand that rested on her thigh and intertwined their fingers together; when she made no attempts at removing her hand from his he smirked, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but something tells me you want more than just this champagne I offered.”

Feeling her inhibitions disappear, she gave him a smirk of her own as she untangled her hands from his, “Well, I do want some more champagne,” Her finger was now tracing his lips as she moved to sit closer until she was now straddling his lap, “Maybe taste it from your lips?”

Silently, Andy brought the glass to his lips and downed the remaining sparkling drink; his free hand settled itself on the back of her neck, pulling her close to him until her lips touched his. As he bit her bottom lip, she opened her mouth and moaned out loud as she felt the alcoholic beverage enter her mouth. Both her hands caressed his bearded cheek as she drank up every last drop that he offered her. Groaning out loud when his mouth was now devoid of the drink, he let his tongue enter her mouth and asserted his dominance; something she willingly conceded to him. His hand on her neck traveled lower and rested on her bum, squeezing the soft flesh which emitted more moans from her.

“Been dreaming about this for so long,” His staff silently, mindlessly let out as she kissed him desperately. “Is that so?” He asked once he broke away their kiss, Y/N whined at the loss of his lips and confused with his question. Chuckling at her groggy state he squeezed both her cheeks with one hand, forcing her to focus on him and answer his question, “You said you’ve been dreaming about this, baby. Is that what you daydream about at work? Me fucking you so hard your dumb brain can’t even think straight?”

Letting out a pathetic whine, she could only nod her head enthusiastically, “Want that so fucking bad, sir.” He felt his cock harden even more at the title she called him; but he wasn’t even done with teasing her yet. “And that fantasy will come true; but first, stand up and strip for me, baby,” With a soft smack on her cheek, she stood up quickly and unzipped her dress. Andy watched her present her body for him as he poured another glass for himself.

Resting on the arm rest was the hand with the sparkling champagne, while the other was palming his erection as watched her push her dress down to the floor. “No bra? Just that poor excuse of underwear?” He moaned out as he observed the fabric that parts at the middle, teasing the paradise that awaits for his cock.

Lowering her gaze, as if bashful, at his filthy remarks before resuming her previous position of sitting on his lap with her hands moving to unbutton his button down. “Such an impatient little thing, aren’t you?” He clicked his tongue at her; to which she pouted as she stared at him with want written on her face, “I’m sorry, sir. What do you want me to do?”

“Ride my thigh like the slut you are, baby,” He commanded her without even thinking about it, which turned her on even more. Situating herself on his thick, lean thigh she moaned out loud as the fabric of her thong added even more friction. She began to ride him with slow but sharp movements, throwing her head back when she felt her wetness taint the fabric of his slacks, “How does it feel, baby?”

“Good, so good,” Her broken cries turned him on even more as he sipped on the champagne, enjoying the tingle it left on his tongue. “Do you trust me, baby?” Surprised at his question, she opened her eyes to look at him, her hip movements not faltering one bit. Upon seeing how serious he was she answered, “I do, Andy. I trust you.”

With a smirk, he then tipped the glass just above her breasts, allowing the liquid to run from her collarbones and down to her breasts. Gasping out loud when Andy runs his tongue on her skin, following the trail that the champagne took, “Don’t stop grinding on me, love,” He reminded her as his lips drank the liquid that landed on her nipple — subsequently sucking on the pebble-like flesh. Seeking purchase on his dark hair, Y/N continued rubbing herself on his thigh — his assault on her breast encouraging her to ride him even harder and faster.

“Time to drink some more,” Andy huskily spoke out as he poured some more of the beverage on her opposite breast  causing the girl to stiffen a bit as she was taken aback by the sudden coolness on her breast. His tongue flattened against her skin, now more focused on kissing every inch of her skin instead of drinking up the liquor. His hand held her breast firmly, raising it a bit so he could suck on it and slurp the booze.

“Fuck, the champagne tastes even incredible on you, baby,” HIid praise got her flustered and she could only whine as she felt herself getting closer. “I’m so close, sir. Can I cum, please?” She fluttered her eyes at him sweetly, hoping he’d show her mercy; but his wicked smile and wink got her thinking she’d be shown the opposite of it. “Not yet, baby,” He was quick to shut her wails up with a smack on her breast, “Sit down on the sofa, baby.”

Even though she denied him her release, she followed his orders without a complaint — working with him provided her a clear picture of what happens when you don’t follow Andy’s orders, and it didn’t end well for everyone involved. As she sat down, she watched as the lawyer placed his glass on the table and reached for the bottle; poured some on her pussy. Y/N watched closely as Andy licked her clit, down to her hole. Without tearing his eyes away from hers, he inserted his tongue in her and tried to reach as far as his long tongue can go. “So good, Andy,” She grabbed onto his hair, pushing his face closer to her. The man was quick to smack her thigh, causing her to press her thighs more into his frame, “You know what to call me,” He warned.

“Sir,” She panted out, “Feel so good, sir.” Pleased with that, he rewarded her by rubbing his right thumb on her clit, making her moan even louder. Loving her blissed out sounds of pleasure, Andy began licking her ferociously; he drank up all of the champagne he poured and all the juices she had to provide. He inserted his left pointer and middle finger in her, taking her aback with the sudden simulation. Her thighs were shaking with how good he was making her feel, too weak to even grab onto his hair and her arms were now limp on her sides, “Sir, please! I’m so fucking close, please let me cum.”

Without tearing his mouth and hands from her he replied, “Then cum on my fucking tongue, you slut,” The vibrations adding more to the pleasure she felt. After a few more thrusts of his fingers, kitten licks of his tongue, she felt apart with a scream. Her thighs wrapped themselves around his shoulders, squeezing him so tight that she felt his beard tickle her delicate skin. Andy pulled out his fingers that were in her, replacing them with his tongue so he can gather all of her juices and drink some of them in. “You taste like fucking heaven, baby,” He groaned as he parted from her pussy, his fingers pushing her juices back inside her so he could use it as lube.

“Wanna kiss you, sir,” Her fingers touched the patch of facial hair above his lips, surprised with how it had her juices. Andy complied, giving her a brief, but sweet kiss. “Want you on your hands and knees, baby. Hold on to the back of the sofa okay?” Y/N couldn’t help but feel mushy with how gentle he was bossing her around — when she knew his next actions would be far from gentle.

Holding on to the back of the sofa, she used it to steady herself on her knees, bending slightly so she could arch her back to accentuate her ass. Andy quickly discarded his clothes before rubbing her pussy again and pushed some of her juices in, before entering in her pussy in one go. His forehead rested on her back as he groaned out, “Fuck baby you’re so tight. Been a while huh?” Anchoring himself on her hips, he slid in and out of her at a steady pace.

Y/N moaned out loud as she felt the back of her thighs meet Andy’s hips; he was thrusting into her with no remorse. Her hand travelled to her breast, switching between pinching the nipple or pulling on it. Grabbing her hair with one hand, the bearded man pulled her so her back was pressed firmly against his chest. You’d think that this would give Andy a difficult time to rut into her but it didn’t; instead it just made him drive his cock in her harder and faster, falling into a drum-like rhythm.

“Why are you fucking touching yourself, slut?” Feeling his breath on her ear turned her on more than she cared to admit and she couldn’t even string together a coherent response since the tip of his dick pushed into her g-spot, causing her to moan out loud. “You’re such a fucking mess that you can’t even think straight huh?”

Nodding pathetically was all the response Y/N could offer as she clawed on to Andy’s toned arms; the lawyer then decided to go all the way with his fun by wrapping his big hand around her neck, applying gentle pressure. “You don’t mind this do you, sweetheart?” Shaking her head no, Andy then smiled as he put more force on the sides of her neck as he rammed his cock in her until the tip of his cock repeatedly hit her bundle of nerves that made tears leave her eyes with how good everything felt. The other hand that wasn't wrapped around her throat then lowered itself on her clit, rubbing the hardened nub.

“If only you knew how hard you got me every time you came to work with a tight skirt or pants,” He breathed out against her ear, tickling her with his breath, “Giving me a perfect view of the shape of your ass,” And to emphasize his point he thrust so hard until his cock was all the way in and spanked her ass. “Walking around the office with so much fucking confidence,” He recalled the time wherein she called out an officemate for talking lewdly about her — that caused him to jerk one off in the office bathroom. “But now you’ve been reduced to a dumb cock hungry whore for me,” She wailed out in agreement as his hand squeezed her throat so tight to the point she was now gasping for breath as his other hand wrapped around her tit, loving the weight and feel of it on his hand, grabbing onto it to move it up and down his hand.

“Are you gonna cum again, baby? Gonna cum around my thick cock?” He could feel her walls clinging on to his cock even more, making it difficult to thrust in her but he was determined to keep on sliding his cock in and out. “Yes, so close, please let me cum,” She trailed off as he abandoned his hold on her tit and throat and returned to her hips so he could maneuver her and ram his cock swiftly and harder. “Cum then you, slut. Let me feel you milk my cock,” Was all the permission she needed before she dug her nails into his forearms as came with a scream, “Thank you, sir!”

Even as she was cumming, Andy thrust in and out of her; though his thrusts weren’t as powerful and quick. Once he felt her spasms die down, he slid all the way inside her and came with a groan. They both could feel his cock twitch as it released his load inside her, filling her up with his hot semen. Littering kisses on her back, Andy could feel his regular breathing return — as was hers.

Carefully, Andy pulled out of her, “Can you stand up for a bit, baby?” She nodded and stood up from her position, the lawyer guiding her to sit by the arm rests. Still stuck in her post-orgasm haze, she watched as he moved the coffee table away and transformed his sofa into a bed. Grabbing the spare bed sheet, blanket, and pillows he kept in the office — in case he had to spend the night in the office — he quickly made the bed before he helped Y/N to lay down with him, wrapping the blanket over their naked bodies.

“How you feeling?” It was amazing how he had a quick change of demeanor; Y/N was lazily tracing over Andy’s face with her finger, making the most out of this intimate moment. “Feel good, really good. Always wanted someone to fuck me the way you did.”

Her curt response had him chuckling, loving the way she was being open with him and the way she traced over his features. “Well I’m glad I fulfilled this fantasy of yours.”

Suddenly, Y/N felt small and insecure; was this a one time thing? Just something to release his frustrations and a fantasy of hers that's been fulfilled? Furrowing her eyebrows, she failed to mask her worry as she wondered, “So this is just a one time thing then?”

Hating what she just said, Andy kissed the wrinkle in between her eyebrows as he spoke, “I don’t want it to be. I really want to be with you; if you’ll have me, of course.” A small smile rested on her lips as her eyes brightened up, “I’d want that and you. You’re so amazing, Andy. I admire your strength, resilience, and determination. For someone who could easily give up in life you choose to carry on and look forward to what the future holds. It’s just a bonus that you have a thick cock and know how to use it.”

Her small speech had him chuckling and kissing her nose, pulling her close against him, “What I said earlier was true; I love how you walk around the office like you own the place. You take no shit from people and do your job damn well. Plus, I love your music taste as well.”

Grinning at him she jeered, “Wow can’t believe you still sweet talk your way even if it’s not in a courtroom setting.” Andy laughed at her retort and just grazed his fingertips on her sides, tickling her so he can hear her giggle. Once both their laughter died down, their lips met for a sweet, passionate kiss. “We have quite a mess to clean up tomorrow, Andy,” Y/N reminded him as she referred to the champagne bottle, glasses, their clothes, and his sofa bed — their whole situation, really.

“I don’t care,” He whispered as smiled at her, feeling so much lighter and better having been haunted by his personal demons for so long, “I don’t mind doing anything as long as it’s with you.”

Her heart fluttered with his simple statement; she was then reminded of the new year countdown. Reaching out for his wrist, she checked the time and noticed how a few minutes had passed 12. “Happy new year, Andy,” She greeted him with a peck on his lips.

A short, sweet kiss was returned to her as he planted his lips on hers again — quickly getting addicted to her, “Happy new year, baby. Can’t wait to spend this year with you by my side.”

[thiswasinevitableid]

Can you do 60 for indruck, NSFW? Thank you so much! Love your work!

Here it is! I set it in the same world as this sternclay fill. Credit to @bellafarallones for playing in this space on discord. Apollo is from my Super hero AU

“All I’m sayin is it seems mighty unfair to me that one fella gets a handler-assistant type deal and the rest of us don’t.” Duck crosses his arms as Ned fiddles with the pen on his desk.

“You’re not wrong, dear boy, but Apollo was in high demand from the higher ups-”

“Because he’s a shallow dipshit with a mean streak who’ll be good for ratings?”

“Precisely. He demanded in his contract that we allow his twin to continue his work as his photographer and assistant. He has over a million followers on Instagram, so those photos will be a boost to the show. Just try to get along for the camera’s?”

“His brother ain’t even on camera.” Duck mutters.

“I meant with Apollo.”

Duck shrugs, defeated, “sure thing, Ned.”

As he walks back to the main house, he mulls over the fact that the twin (Indrid, he thinks that’s the guys name) bugs him more than Apollo does. Apollo is vain, mean, and selfish, but at least that gets him things, even makes sense for the kind of show they’re on. Indrid gains nothing by helping him out here. Except protection from the bully, which Duck finds to be the worst kind of cowardice. Hopefully Vincent, this season’s bachelor, will see through the “influencer” and send him packing ASAP.

-------------------------------------

Four weeks in, and this is exactly what Duck was worried about. Not only is Indrid hovering around his brother like a nervous moth (excet when cameras are near, at which point he ducks out of frame), he’s doing fucking nothing to reign him in.

A few frontrunners are starting to emerge, and with that claws are coming out. Barclay, a chef and all around nice guy, is the target of choice. Nico and Josh both took bites out of him this morning. But Apollo sunk his teeth in like a dog on a fox, calling him, among other things, a pathetic, six-foot puppy dog who no man would ever want. The cook left noticeably teary eyed. Duck was about to block the cameras from following when Joseph beat him to it. Which is weird, because he thought Joe couldn’t stand Barclay. Apollo flounces off, but Duck corners Indrid where he’s been stoically watching his brother be a raging asshole.

“What the fuck man?”

‘Wrong twin.” Indrid says flatly, indicating his silver hair, tied back in a half-bun. His dark roots are showing and his eyebrows are black, unlike Apollo’s immaculate blonde dye job and bleached brows.

“Nope, right one. You’re his handler, cant’ you fuckin intervene when he’s doin’ shit like that? Or are you just here to let him hurt whoever he feels like?”

Indrid fixes him with a bitter smile, “If there were a way to make my brother be kind or, indeed, see others as people, don’t you think I’d have found it and used it everyday since?”

“I-”

“You people have no idea how much I’m already doing. I kept him from going after you yesterday by reminding him he looks ugly when he yells on camera. And if nothing else console yourself with the fact you all have only to deal with him for a few months. Some of us have endured twenty-eight years of it.”

With that, he turns and stalks from the room. As he leaves, Duck can’t shake the thought that his black denim jacket and worn jeans fit him better than Apollo’s designer ones ever could.

-----------------------------------

Indrid understands why there’s so much alcohol on set, but he can’t partake (too bitter) and it makes Apollo even harder to handle than usual. Which is why Indrid is out on the grounds at ten p.m, intending to hide from his brother until dawn.

At six weeks in, fan favorites are getting more established and Indrid, needing to predict Apollo’s mood in order to do his job, is keeping a close eye on them. His twin is well-liked for being snarky and hot, though he suspects the large number of contestants means there have been limited chances for his unpleasant side to be showcased. Joseph is another, because of course he is, movie-star handsome with an interesting past. Barclay is beloved for the very things that the other contestants torment him for. And Duck? Duck is quickly becoming the one people think Vincent will choose.

Indrid thinks they’re right. He’s charming in an understated way, funny, and while Apollo needles him for his “dad bod,” Indrid and Vincent have both noticed the muscles in his arms. Who gives a damn about flat abs? Indrid would much rather have something soft to rest his head on while those green eyes look lovingly down at him. His crush on Duck is useless, persistent, and must be hidden from Apollo at all costs.

His foot catches something solid and he tumbles over the obstacle to land ass-first on the lawn.

“Ow.” He glares at the object. The object turns out to be Duck Newton, who's obviously drunk as he sits up.

“Sorry man, thought no one’d come out here. Oh it’s you, it's, uh, fuck, fuck c'mon” he snaps his fingers as he searches his thoughts, “It's cute Apollo!”

“Indrid.” Surely Duck didn’t mean to use that adjective. Right?

“No, I’m Duck?”

He snickers, “No, I meant I’m Indrid.”

“Ohhh, right. You're Indrid. I'm Duck. That's the big dipper” He points at the sky. Indrid follows the line and grins, delighted.”

“It is!”

“Uhhuh. C'mere, can show you more.” Duck pats the spot beside him and lays back. Indrid scoots closer and reclines as well, making appreciative sounds each time Duck shows him a constellation.

As they’re studying the sky, the other man whispers, “Can I tell you a secret? I, I think Joe’n Barclay are into each other now."

“The way they look at each other is not exactly subtle.”

‘“Heh, yeah.” he links his hands across his belly, “I think they're in love. You ever been in love?”

“No.” He sighs, not wanting to dwell on that pile of baggage, “You?”

“Nope. And, uh, don’t, don’t tell anyone but I don't think I am with Vincent. Maybe I could be? Does that make me a bad person? He's nice, think he likes me a lot but, I, I dunno.”

“Not being in love with someone doesn’t make you a bad person. No more than loving someone does.”

Indrid is hard to surprise; years of getting out ahead of his brother and father taught him how to see things coming. But nothing could prepare him for Duck rolling to hide his face against Indrid’s chest. Not knowing what else to do, he pats his back, notices a woodsy scent tingling his nose.

“You smell good.” He winces; that was too creepy, now Duck will pull the comforting bulk of his body away.

“Thanks. I bought a bunch of cologne when I realized I was actually going to be a contestant. News clothes too. Thought it would give me an edge but...I dunno, can't compete with a guy like your brother.”

“Join the club.” Indrid reaches up to toy with a lock of Duck’s black hair, expecting Duck to bat him away. Instead, he sighs and turns his head to give Indrid better access.

“You could compete with ‘im. You're cuter. Nicer too.”

“Oh. Ah. Thank you.”

Duck’s fidgets with the mothman pin on Indrid’s jacket, “You wanna cuddle?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“No one cuddles with me. And we ain’t allowed to cuddle Vincent yet.” He looks up, lips pouting just enough to be charming.

Indrid let’s a purr enter his voice, “That’s a shame. I’m happy to cuddle.”

Duck rolls more of his body onto Indrid, resolutely nestling his head under his chin and tangling their legs together. His hands stay on Indrid’s chest and shoulders, though he’s now drunkenly petting Indrid’s collarbone, making him shiver. He expends four months worth of daring in a second, wrapping his arms around the curves of Duck’s torso. When Duck’s fingers brush skin instead of shirt, Indrid whimpers, then bites his lip and prays it went unnoticed.

“You don’t get cuddled much either, do you?” Duck murmurs thoughtfully.

“No.”

“Damn shame, you’re real good at it. Can cuddle me any time.”

Indrid “mmhmms” knowing the promise is like the stars; bright and comforting in the darkness, but ultimately beyond his reach.

Three day later, he drops his guard; Apollo’s been on his good behavior since Vincent’s been spending more time with him. You’d think Indrid would learn by now that all his venom has to go somewhere.

He’s huddled down in the rec room trying not to cry; it’s pathetic enough that he let such childish insults get to him, but to cry over them would confirm everything his brother said.

“Indrid? You, uh, you okay?” Duck’s reflection in the darkened T.V approaches his own.

“I'm fine.” It’s the same inflection he’s used hundreds of times, but Duck sits down on the couch all the same.

“Do you, uh, need a hug?’

“No.” He replies a hair too quickly.

“Do you want one?”

“......Badly.”

Duck opens his arms and Indrid shifts on the cushions, doing his best to curl his long limbs so they’ll fit in his embrace. The shorter man notices, concern flashing on his face.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Okay. You, uh, wanna hear the most exciting news of the day?” He waits for Indrid to nod, “there was a cougar sightin’ in the foothills near here!”

“That is both very exciting and alarming.”

“Doubt it’d go after folks, they try to steer clear of people. We don’t have ‘em back home, but you learn what to do when you’re also learnin how to deal with bears.”

“How does one deal with a bear? Other than buying them a drink.”

Duck snorts, relaxes further into the couch, “Depends on how soon you see ‘em…”

They emerge two hours later, and Indrid is so engrossed in their conversation about hiking incidents that he runs smack into a camera man. While he’s apologizing profusely, Duck guffaws, steadies him, and leads him off in search of somewhere to watch the sunset.

-----------------------------------------

“Oooh, ooh, look, sea lions!” Indrid points to the distant wharf.

“Good eye. Man, those fuckers are big. Glad none of ‘em were in the water when we did that fuckin cliff dive.”

“I for one would pay good money to see my brother chased by a sea lion.”

Duck chuckles, pops the tab on his WhiteClaw. They’re having dinner on the beach, a gourmet spread meant to encourage them to show off their pallets. Indrid took Barclay’s recommendation and ordered the whole, grilled snapper, which he assumed he’d be eating alone; Vincent’s attention has been on Duck ever since he went swimming this morning. Duck seems to be enjoying it, but come dinner time he demurred (“gotta let some of the other fellas have a chance”) and brought his basket of fried oysters over to join Indrid on the sand.

“Speakin of your brother, kinda surprised he didn't make any digs at this whole, uh, situation.” Duck gestures to the torso Indrid is currently aching to lick droplets of saltwater from. To subdue the craving, he licks salt from his fingers before replying.

“I, ah, the last time he tried to, I reminded him of all the pictures I have of him eating. He hates to be seen eating. Most of the time.” He tilts his head towards his twin, who’s chowing down next to Vincent without a care for the cameras. Indrid sets his hand on the warm sand, “I’ve been trying to, well, reign him in as you suggested. Or at least make him think twice about his choices.”

(Indrid omits the part where he’s most likely to risk it if Duck is the one with the target on his back).

Duck sets his hand down beside Indrid’s, brushes sand from the side of it with a calloused thumb, “Mighty good of you. But, uh, think I mighta read things wrong that day. You gotta handle him how you think best. Just, uh, just promise me you won’t sacrifice your own well-bein’ for my sake, or anyone else’s. We’re all grown-ass men; we can handle it.”

“I promise.” He lies.

The other man leans back on his hands, green eyes drifting across the waves. Indrid would gladly sit in silence the rest of the night, it’s so easy to be comfortable in the lull when it’s Duck filling the space beside him.

Eventually, the ranger murmurs, “It’s so fuckin breathtaking. The ocean, I mean. Maybe if you live on a coast you get used to it but man, it is somethin;.”

“More so than the forest?”

Duck smiles, “It’s like apples and oranges. Monongahela got its own charms; you’d have a blast takin pictures and drawin there, believe me. If, uh, if Apollo and I both make it to the final four, uh, maybe we could take a few hours durin’ my hometown visit and I could show you my favorite spot.

Indrid imagines the two of them beneath the trees, walking hand in hand.

“I’d like that.”

---------------------------------------------

“You know you’re just a distraction, right?”

Indrid doesn’t look at his brother, just flips the page in his book, “I doubt that. You’ve said, often, that I’m too off-putting to be interesting.”

“Not when there’s competition for someone superior; Duck knows he might not win. You’re his back-up if he doesn’t, and a way to kill time until the end. Once Vincent sends him home, which he most definitely will, he’ll keep you around until something better comes along.”

“Don’t act like you know him.” Indrid hisses, looking up just in time to see something scurrying behind the triumph on Apollo’s face: fear.

So, his brother has a new weakness. He’ll tuck that away for later; this is shaping up to be an unpleasant conversation, but not one requiring quite that degree of weapon.

“You should thank me. If I weren’t so captivating, Vincent would spend all his time with Duck. Then you’d be without any attention at all. Even Duck’s taste isn’t that abysmal.” He grins his several thousand dollar smile, “he and Vincent are probably laughing about it right now.”

Indrid stands, crosses the tiny room, “Shut up, Apollo.”

Then he slams the door. There’s a yelp, followed by “you hit my nose, you pathetic excuse for a man, ow, open this door this instant I’m not done with you!”

He flicks the lock and sits back on the bed. There’s a tin of sensory putty on his nightstand and he opens it, playing with it between his fingers. Duck brought it for him after a museum date with Vincent. The image of him not only thinking of Indrid when he saw something, but then buying it for him just to see him smile makes him want to grin and hide his face in a pillow like a teenager who just got asked to prom.

But maybe this date is going differently.

Indrid squeezes the putty, repeats the mantra he’s had since he was a child, “Apollo always lies. Apollo always lies.”

Eventually, he’s calm enough to work on some tattoo commissions, is coloring away when there’s a knock on the door. A secret knock Duck invented as a goof. Throwing open the door reveals the shorter man wearing a suit jacket and an exhausted expression. Indrid gestures to the bed, shuts and locks the door as Duck slumps on the mattress and sets his head in his hands.

“Whelp, that was a shit-show.”

“What happened?” Indrid sits cross-legged beside him.

“Vincent went in for a kiss and I, uh, I turned him down. I mean, he took it well because he’s a sweet guy but I, I feel like shit.”

“There’s no shame in not wanting to kiss just yet.”

“That ain’t the problem. I, I wanna kiss someone on this set, but it ain’t him. Indrid” he looks up, green eyes watery, “Indrid, I think I’m fallin in love with you.”

“Oh. I, are you sure-”

“The whole night, and I mean the whole fuckin night, I was thinkin about you. Thought how nice the trip to the botanical gardens would be with you there to point out color combos and get excited about butterflies. Wanted to hold your hand over dinner. Fuck, when they brought out the dessert menu all I could think was how fun it’d be to order one of each thing to surprise you so you’d do that thing you do with your hands when you’re real excited.” Duck turns, sets his hands on Indrid’s shoulders, “‘Drid, if you don’t want this, I’ll back off but-”

Indrid cuts him off with a kiss, let’s strong arms pull him down to the bed and presses as close to Duck as he can, as if any space between them might be a way for the universe to push them apart.

“Than fuck” Duck pants, cupping his face, “wait, fuck, what do we do now? I can’t string poor Vincent on.”

“We’ll get them to let you out of your contract. It can’t be that hard, right?”

--------------------------------------------

“Absolutely not” Ned shakes his head, “dropping out of the show is out of the question.”

“But that ain’t fair to any of us. Can we at least tell Vincent the truth?”

“No, it needs to look as if he naturally decided not to choose you. If not, we could be accused of manipulating results; the last time that happened, the ratings tanked for that season and the next. And my predecessor was fired.”

Duck looks at Indrid, “Guess I’ll just...pull back? That way Vincent won’t have a reason to choose me and’ll let me go soon.”

----------------------------------------------

“Droppin out is outta the question, huh?” Duck mutters to Indrid as they watch Barclay and Joseph walk off holding hands, the host eagerly asking them questions as they go.

“I suppose he didn’t drop so much as sprint.” Indrid glances at the rose in Duck’s hand, “congratulations on making the final...well, final three now.”

“Thanks? Guess Apollo’s pretty happy about it too.”

“Yes, but his ego needs no stroking.” Indrid smiles, “maybe this means you’ll get to show me the woods?”

“I hope so. Huh. What are they gonna do with the rest of us when it’s not our turn for the hometown visit?”

The answer turns out to be: drag everyone to each hometown. Because they no longer have Joe’s trip to do, Ned decided they needed more scenes of the contestants exploring where their competitors came from.

Kepler is first, and tonight is the night Duck’s been dreading. His romantic, home-town date that everyone expects to end with at least some kissing. He manages to make it through dinner, even enjoys showing Vincent the down-town he spent years roaming. But as they start down the river walk for a romantic stroll, his heart is trying to smash its way out of his ribs.

“It’s alright, you know.” Vincent stops, guiding Duck to face him, “the fact you want to be with Indrid.”

“I, uh, fuck, I, I don’t not know, uh, fuck-” he closes his eyes, “how’d you know?”

“I’m more observant than I get credit for.” Vincent brushes his cheek, “I’ve had a hunch for weeks now, but I kept you around because I liked having you here, even if I suspected it wasn’t going to end with us together. I’m very fond of you, Duck. You deserve someone who makes you happy. I promise I’ll send you home this next rose ceremony”

“Christ” Duck chuckles, “you’re a hell of a guy too, Vince. I hope whoever you pick treats you right. I, uh, can I, should we…?”

Vincent plants a chaste kiss on his cheek, then smiles, “go get him.”

----------------------------------------

“Any twos?”

“No. Go fish.”

Apollo grumbles as he takes another card. Given Duck and Vincent are on their date, neither he nor Indrid is having a good night. Before Indrid can make his ask, his twin says, “How do you get people to like you?”

“Why do you care? You’ve made it this far, so obviously Vincent likes you a great deal”

“I don’t just mean him. I, I mean, I want him to like me. To want me. But I suspect he’d like me better if other people did.”

Indrid idly taps his cards, “I suggest you stop acting like our father.”

“I’m nothing like him!” Apollo squawks.

“Oh, but you are. Everything he taught us you still hold as true; you’re just the newest version of men like him. Self-absorbed. Cruel. Shallow. I’m amazed you’ve gotten this far with Vincent, given that the age difference means you’d be caring for him in his old age.”

“I, I can care for him. I will!”

“Apollo, I wouldn’t trust you to care for a potted plant.” He sets his cards down.

“At least I’m not a-”

“Ambitionless deviant who has to ride his brother’s coattails to survive?”

“Wha--how-”

“Like I said; you’re just like him. Down to your insults.” Indrid stands, “I’m going to bed. I suggest you do the same.”

His brother remains speechless--a rare state for him--as he closes the door and heads for his room. He doubts Duck will do anything on the date (hell, the two of them have only been able to steal some kisses now and then), but the whole charade has him feeling low.

There are far more cameras in the rented house than there were a few hours ago. Which means the rest of the crew is back. Does that also mean…

“Hey, sugar. I was just lookin for you.”

--------------------------------------------------

Duck’s glad his door is open, because otherwise Indrid would have smashed it to pieces dragging them both through it. He’d only gotten out the barest explanation before the taller man was kissing his face and tugging at his clothes, purring “mine” over and over again.

“Yep, all yours.” He shuts the door as Indrid mouths at his neck, “which also means you’re all mine.” He yanks Indrid’s black sweater up and over his head, sends the matching t-shirt after it a moment later. Indrid whines, fumbling with Duck’s dress shirt, and he gets an idea.

“Uh uh, only good boys who show me why they deserve it get to feel me up.”

Indrid groans into his shoulder, fisting the fabric of his jacket “What constitutes good behavior in this instance?”

“One sec, don’t go nowhere.” He starts to step past him, pauses to grips his chin and pull him into another kiss, “and no peekin.”

As he digs through his bag for the strap on he brought just in case, he keeps an eye on Indrid to be sure he’s following the directions. The taller man’s fingers twitch, but his head stays still. God, Duck is going to memorize the shape of each of the tattoos decorating his skin with his mouth.

“You did real good.” He slips around Indrid once more, resting his back on the wall. Indrid notices the new bulge in his pants and thuds to his knees.

“May I?”

“You better.”

Indrid undoes the button of his fly. Then he looks at Duck over the rim of his glasses as he takes the zipper between his teeth and pulls it down. When the black silicone of the strap breaks free, Indrid cocks his head as if unsure of his options. Duck doesn’t really have a plan--he just wants to be with him, to make him feel good and show him just what weeks of pent-up desire have done to him--but he’s starting to regret that choice.

Indrid flicks hair from his face and wraps his lips around the head of the cock experimentally. He hums, sucking on it a moment, then pulls back blushing, “This is going to sound strange but, ah, I, I really like that. It’s such a lovely texture on my tongue, it’s, it’s almost soothing to suck.”

“Guess you better keep suckin it then, huh?” Duck runs the fingers of his right hand through Indrid’s hair.

“Is that really alright? It can’t feel like much on your end.”

“Don’t mean it ain’t fun to watch. But, uh” he touches the edge of Indrid’s red glasses, “it okay if I take these off?”

Indrid nods and Duck slides them free, tucks them into his breast pocket for safekeeping as Indrid draws the cock into his mouth again. He focuses on the head at first, humming and moaning as it bumps his cheek. Then Duck sees him swallow and relax the muscles of his jaw as he presses closer. Little puffs of breath tickle Duck’s skin as Indrid gets most of the cock in his mouth, cheeks hollowing and head bobbing as he sucks. Hungry noises burlbe up his throat, and the more he lets himself go the messier he becomes, spit coating his lips and eyes fluttering closed in bliss.

“Okay, I lied.”

Brown eyes shoot him a disbelieving look.

“This ain’t fun. This is one of the hottest fuckin things I’ve ever seen.”

Indrid wiggles happily on his knees, left hand dropping to rubs his own cock through his jeans.

“Needy little thing, gotta have somethin down your throat and around your dick at the same time.”

“MMMhhmmm” Indrid purrs, the picture of filthy perfection.

“If, if you swallow the whole thing, I’ll let you finger-fuck me.”

Both hands fly to his thighs with an excited moan. Indrid’s brow crinkles with determination as he slowly, carefully brings his lips to the base of the toy. Duck groans out “good boy” and shoves his pants down, Indrid helping to drag them to his ankles. Indrid keeps his left hand on Duck’s hip while the right hovers below his folds. Duck takes it, the toy making the angle a bit awkward, and guides it against him.

“Start with one.”

Indrid nods, moans reverently as he obeys. Duck curses, looks down to find Indrid watching him attentively. Duck is going to wreck him. Then he’s going to cuddle him to sleep and wonder at the fact he got this lucky.

“You’re doin’ great, sugar. Promise I’ll tell you if you need to adjustOH, ohyeah” he lets his head rest against the chipped white of the door, “that’s the spot. Fuck it, add one more, Ahfuck, yeah, those artists fingers are fuckin perfect for this.”

Another purr and then a sharp, choked noise. Duck looks down, realizing he rolled his hips without meaning to. Before he can apologize, Indrid grips his thigh and shakes his head.

“You like that?”

“Mmhhmmm” Indrid traces a heart on his belly.

“You’ll pull off you need to?”

“Mhmmmm.” Indrid curls his fingers as his stretched lips manage to grin.

“Fuck!” Duck giggles, “okay, if my darlin wants his face fucked, that’s what he’ll get.” He keeps a hand on Indrid’s shoulder as he lets loose, grunts and curses mingling with the increasingly wet moans of his cock claiming Indrid’s throat. Soon he’s out of words, too busy with the sight of himself forcing Indrid’s lips apart as he tightens around his fingers. Handjobs are a toss-up for him most days; sometimes they work, other times he can’t cum from them at all. It turns out what makes it very easy to do so is-

“‘Drid, fuck, fuck, sugar, yeah, right there, rightthererightthere ohfuckyeah.” He cums, jerking his hips hard enough to punch a new, high sound from Indrid’s throat. The other man pulls off, rests his cheek on Duck’s belly with shuddery, satisfied sighs.

“Y’know” Duck unbuttons his shirt from the bottom up so Indrid can more easily nuzzle the skin there, “I had this whole plan where I was gonna fuck you with this and then ride your face to cum.”

“I’m not opposed.” Indrid grins, bouncing a bit.

“Yeah, but I’ve only got one in me tonight. So” He tosses the shirt away, pulls off the harness as Indrid nibbles his hips, “if you wanna cum, you’re gonna have to do all the work.”

An edge enters his smile, “I can manage that.”

Duck hits the floor with a whump, Indrid trapping him on his back and climbing atop him, all the while kissing him with abandon.

“May I fuck you?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Condom?”

“Dop kit, bathroom, aw come back.”

“Patience, sweetheart” Indrid blows him a kiss, returns a few moments later doing an inelegant dance to kick his jeans and boxers away, “got one!”

“Good, now get back down here before I-AHfuck!” Indrid is on him and in him so fast it knocks his breath away.

“Before what? You’re not going anywhere, you’re mine, alllllll mine.” He drags kisses across Duck’s cheek, then bites his chapped lip as he looks down at him, “right?”

“You know it, nnng, fuck, that’s it sugar, be a good boy and cum for me. Fuck, darlin, wanted this so bad.” He locks his fingers into silver hair to keep Indrid in kissing distance as the other man whimpers, thrusts shallow and rabbity.

“Want you too, so much, I’ll be worth it, I swear, I’ll be good, I’ll, I’ll make you so happy.”

Duck rests their foreheads together, “You already do.”

There’s a high, gasping moan, almost like a chirp, and Indrid rides out his orgasm in drawn-out rolls of his hips. Then he collapses, laughing, on Duck’s chest.

“I, I’m sorry, I just never thought I’d get this. Someone wanting me. Choosing me.”

“I mean, I went on a T.V show to find love, so I know a little somethin about that fear. But I also know findin you is better than anythin I ever imagined.”

“Likewise.” Indrid nestles closer, one hand reaching out to hold Duck’s where it’s flopped on the rug.

“...You realize this means there’s a fifty-fifty chance your brother will win.”

Indrid shrugs, lifts his head to smile at Duck, “I leave that to Vincent. I already got my prize.”

[thebiasrekkers]

Make It Right [BTS Mafia!AU]

Pairings: Jin x OC | Taehyung/Hoseok x OC | Yoongi/Jungkook x OC Genre: BTS Mafia!AU Warnings: Graphic Violence, Heavy Language, Angst, Smut, Slow Burn WC: 3,228 Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” It’s a dog-eat-dog world in Seoul, South Korea. One has to dwell in the shadows in order to reach for the light. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to feel the sunlight on your face? What will it take to drag you back into darkness? How long will the journey be to make it right?

AO3 | WP

Chapter 14: Seesaw

"So there’s an ambiguous continuation of passing on responsibilities, And we get so tired or if that we finally became parallel..."

“Hoseok-ah,” came Namjoon’s deep voice, “you have to calm down, alright? You need to calm down.”

Hoseok rounded on him in the middle of his pacing. His dark hair flew in every direction across his forehead and the tails to his suit jacket lifted off his back. Namjoon felt his spine grow rigid. He could see his reflection in Hoseok’s dark eyes, spidery red veins stretching to caress his irises. Namjoon watched as Hoseok’s chest rose up and down, showcasing how heavy his breathing was in that moment.

The two men said nothing. All they could do was stare directly into each other’s eyes. Namjoon felt a lump rising in his throat while Hoseok’s brow twitched from his fury. It wasn’t until he saw his friend’s upper lip curling into a snarl that he snapped out of the fugue state he’d momentarily found himself in. It was like his soul departed his body in those few short seconds and Namjoon forgot who he was.

He’d almost forgotten who the man standing in front of him was.

Sighing, he took another breath and then rested his hands on Hoseok’s shoulders. He felt the muscles jump under his palms and Namjoon curled his fingers into the fabric of his jacket for good measure. When he finally felt Hoseok’s shoulders relax did he, too, relax his grip.

“Hyung-nim,” he stressed, which caused Hoseok to blink in surprise. He could see the blind rage bleeding out from his eyes. “We have to wait here. I’ve already got the boys on it. If something happened, we would have heard about it.”

He watched Hoseok’s face and saw his mind racing behind his eyes. After a handful of seconds, he closed his eyes. When Namjoon believed he’d sufficiently calmed down, he saw the quick movement out of the corner of his eye. Hoseok turned and swung his right arm up, knocking Namjoon’s arms away from him. He turned his back to him and all Namjoon could do was bite his lower lip as his brows knit both with concern and frustration.

Then the phone rang.

Hoseok crossed the short distance toward his desk, not bothering to go to the other side. He answered it from the front, practically ripping it from the wiring. An ache formed in Namjoon’s chest as he watched his friend struggling to dampen his anger.

“This is Jung Hoseok.”

There was a pause as the other spoke from the other line. However, when Namjoon saw the angry vein pulsating near Hoseok’s throat, he knew something was very wrong. Hoseok’s eyes grew large before slowly narrowing to tiny slits.

“What horse shit are you babbling on about right now, Changkyun-ah?”

Namjoon took a step toward Hoseok, his heartbeat hammering across his entire body. Hoseok held his hand up, shaking his head back and forth – his silent command for him to be quiet. Namjoon remained rooted to his spot and he could only watch as Hoseok’s angry face twisted into a dark smile.

“While I’m aware that one of my boys messed up, I don’t see how that has anything to do with her. She and I aren’t together anymore. I made that crystal fucking clear to all the bosses. She’s a free woman and can come and go where she pleases. So can her friends.”

There was a loud laugh that came from the other line, loud enough for even Namjoon to hear. However, Hoseok’s smile didn’t fall. It remained dark and terrifying. But Namjoon didn’t miss how his friend’s knuckles burned white from how hard he was holding the phone. He could swear that the plastic on the receiver cracked from the pressure.

“Changkyun-ah,” Hoseok said slowly, “I know you haven’t been to the meetings these days, but you should know how serious of an offense I take to threats to my territory. I know you’re the same. Taehyung will be punished for the trouble he caused, but leave her out of future conversations. How she chooses to spend her time is her own business. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.” He paused and Namjoon’s own hands curled into fists at his side. “So, if you’re planning on using her as some kind of leverage against me, that time has long since passed, Im Changkyun.”

A napalm of anger went off across Namjoon’s chest. He knew that things had been far too quiet over in the Jung District. Word on the streets was that the Jade Fangs were eyeballing a few key territories to claim as their own. Like a cancer, they were spreading and infecting everything around them. The disease? Fear. They didn’t play fair and they played for keeps. Always. It was the main reason why Hoseok stressed so many years ago, just at the end of all the gang wars, that he wanted to keep any and all business ventures as far away from their reach as it could be made possible.

But even Namjoon didn’t think they would stoop so low as to reach for Hoseok’s neck through Raelyn Noona.

Hoseok’s eyes closed and he turned his back to Namjoon. His hand slid across the surface of his desk and he saw Hoseok’s shoulders tilt at a slight angle.

“We’re both very busy men, Changkyun-ah. If you want to discuss terms for a deal, it will have to be through my second, Kim Namjoon.” There was another pause. “Alright, he’ll meet with your second first thing tomorrow morning. Goodnight.”

Another long stretch of silence loomed throughout the room as Hoseok hung up the phone. Namjoon couldn’t help but remain silent. The brother and best friend in him wanted to soothe the rage that was clearly bubbling over the surface of Hoseok’s aura. The obedient subordinate knew his place, maintaining his stance with his hands clasped in front of him. He knew that the upheaval of emotions, the rocky rollercoaster they were currently on, was far from over.

Hoseok…

No sooner had his friend’s name echoed in his mind, Namjoon saw Hoseok move. His arms swung out, sweeping across the desk and knocking everything onto the floor. He leaned over, picking up the phone and threw it across the room like a professional baseball pitcher with a roar. It sailed across the room and smashed into the wall, landing pathetically on the floor – as though it knew that it was experiencing its last moments in the world.

Hoseok screamed – his face exploding into blotchy patches of red as he raged in his office. Namjoon watched silently; praying that his presence was enough to settle the tumultuous fury rupturing in his friend. But he knew that it would be a fallacy if this image of Hoseok, this display, didn’t hurt Namjoon. It broke something inside of him and years of pride shattered. All that was left was the lingering guilt that echoed inside of him.

Could all of this have been avoided had they remained back in their country home of Hwaseong?

Hoseok finally fell to his knees, his screams fading to silence before he leaned forward and began punching the ground. Over and over he crashed his knuckles into the stone floor until splatters of blood decorated the slate surface. Namjoon rushed to his side, grasping onto Hoseok’s wrist hard in his hand. He tried to resist him but after a few minutes, it was like watching a wild animal succumbing to the pain of being caught in the hunter’s trap.

He felt the tension in Hoseok’s body melt away. Namjoon knew better than anyone how much he still cared for Raelyn. He also understood why Raelyn ended things. This wasn’t the sort of life that he wanted to drag anyone into unless he trusted they would go down swinging with them. They would jump into the fire and burn to death together. A non-suspect civilian, especially one who worked in the medical field, didn’t need to have a reason to entangle themselves with their dark and dirty little world.

But the heart wants what the heart wants. Hoseok wanted Raelyn and she wanted him. She took to their life like a duck takes to water. Maybe it was because of her past, what little Hoseok told them about it, but Raelyn was more than capable of handling herself. She was suited to be the mafia boss’s girlfriend.

Freedom, however, was something that most people took for granted. Hoseok did everything he could back then to make her happy. He would have plucked the moon out of the sky and hung it from her neck if she’d asked for it. But their lives were crazy in those days. They were always fighting to survive and they were fighting for a way of life. There was still so much time before things would begin stabilizing. In those days, Hoseok personally took part in the turf wars that exploded across the streets of Seoul.

Things were different now. They were getting better, but there was still so much at stake.

Namjoon felt Hoseok’s head fall against his shoulder, bringing him out of his thoughts. His sandalwood hair fell across his nose as he tried to look at his friend. But all he could see was the shadow of his eyes, the rest hidden by his dark fringe.

“Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok muttered, his voice hoarse from his earlier episode, “how much longer do we have to keep doing this?”

His brows furrowed and he clenched his jaw tightly, the soft ache of the muscle near his molars twitching with life. “Not much longer, my friend.”

He wrapped his arms around Hoseok’s shoulder, bringing him closer so that he could rest a little longer. He patted his back in comfort, hoping to reassure him that this was going to be a thing of the past soon.

“We’re almost there. I promise you.”

Incheon – Muchuhol; Namdong District South Korea

The Incheon Metropolitan City Muchuhol Library was usually quiet in the early mornings. Students were on their way to their classes and all the other patrons in the library were simply finding a quiet place to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Ambitious writers came to do research and there were even a few professors who were expanding their light reading in the library.

Nestled toward the back of the library, Namjoon’s fingers perused a variety of philosophical texts written by some of the greatest scholarly minds the world has ever known. He’d dabbled in a few studies himself, hoping to utilize the texts given by other intellectuals to help guide him on his path to be a successful assistant and right hand to Hoseok. Most of his actions stemmed from experience and he rarely responded with impulse. The quiet voices of reason were the roles that Seokjin and he played. It was the best way for them to work without hiccups while Hoseok focused on leading them.

Reaching for one of Karl Marx’s books, he flipped to the center where his description of capitalism; how the very existence of it would crumble due to the necessity of society having to struggle in order to evolve. Holding the book open with one hand, his thumb flipped a couple of pages as his other hand slid into the pocket of his dress pants.

Suddenly, he could feel someone to his back. Raising the book up to his face, hiding half of his face as his eyes slowly shifted to the side. The other person’s broad shoulders barely brushed against Namjoon’s back. No one said anything. It was quiet, save for the ambient noise of others milling about near the front of the library.

And then the person huffed softly.

“It’s been awhile, Namjoon-ah.”

“It has, Shownu Hyung,” he replied softly.

Kim Namjoon was there to meet with Sohn Shownu, the Bear of the Jade Fangs.

The two remained back to back. He felt Shownu shift behind him, presumably to grab one of the books. They completely blocked off the aisle they were on, but since they were near the back of the library, they knew they could talk quietly and away from the prying eyes of others.

“Couldn’t your boss have picked a closer place to meet than this?”

“Changkyun’s always been fickle.” Namjoon could hear the smile on Shownu’s face. “Incheon’s neutral territory for both of our groups. This was the best option.”

Namjoon smirked, brushing his thumb over the lower swell of his lip before flipping the page. “I suppose.” He glossed over the pages, not really reading what was written. “Taehyung-ah messed up. We acknowledge that.” He paused before turning another page. “He’ll be punished.”

“Have you decided on how you’re going to go about it?”

“Not yet.”

“Need some ideas?”

“No, that’s not necessary.”

He heard Shownu turn a page behind him.

“You guys acquired Yongsan recently.”

It was a statement of fact, not a question.

Namjoon’s eyes narrowed. “Yeah, we did two years ago.”

“So, Gangnam and now Yongsan.” Another page was turned. “A little gutsy, don’t you think?”

“Not as gutsy as your group.” Namjoon craned his neck slightly so he could glance over his shoulder at Shownu. “You snatched up Mapo in the last year.”

He saw Shownu shrug. “Again, Changkyun is fickle.”

“He hasn’t been attending the district meetings either.”

“I’ve tried to get him to listen to reason. He has his own ambitions. There’s little that any of us can do to stop him.”

Namjoon slapped the book closed. “Then try harder.”

The two men slowly turned in the aisle, standing shoulder to shoulder with one another. Shownu was just a little taller than Namjoon, but not by much. Their dark eyes bore into each other and nothing was said between them. After a moment, Shownu’s brows rose as his full lips formed into a smirk.

“About Raelyn Briggs,” he said, causing Namjoon’s eyes to narrow a margin, “Changkyun wanted to let you know that she doesn’t have to worry about coming into our turf. She’s not involved with your organization anymore, so she has no reason to continue looking over her shoulder.”

Namjoon wanted to feel relieved, but the tension in his neck wouldn’t let up.

“We can’t guarantee anything if she decides to mix herself up with your group again.”

Both moved at the same time; their bodies turning to face each other as their arms shot out to grasp at the other’s wrist. Namjoon’s fingers dug into Shownu’s forearm and the older man did the same. Their expressions were completely unreadable and they each held a book in their other hand. To any person passing by, it would have looked like a promise was made between two brothers.

The truth? They’d neutralized each other’s assault. It was hard to determine who’d struck first.

“And her friend?”

“Well, I’m afraid it’s a little too late for her the minute she decides to cross the line.” Shownu tilted his head slightly. “She’s feisty, that Eden girl. It’s almost a shame that she lives in Gangnam. Do you think she’d consider relocating?”

Namjoon did a little digging on Eden McGee. Some wads of money thrown here and there, as well as cashing in a few favors, and it was easy to dredge up enough information on her for it to matter. After reading over her permanent record, the answer to that question was easy to give.

“Don’t count on it.”

The two men released each other immediately. They straightened their shoulders and, without taking their eyes from each other, replaced their books back onto the shelves. Shownu slipped his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels and Namjoon worked on buttoning up his jacket.

“When things calm down, we should get a drink sometime,” offered Shownu, “do a little catching up.”

“Sure,” Namjoon replied easily, “when things have settled down a bit.”

He started to move, heading down the aisle so he could mix himself into the throng of other patrons of the library.

“Is it true?”

Shownu’s voice stopped him just as he reached the end of the aisle. He looked over his shoulder toward The Bear as he took a few steps forward.

“Is what true?”

“Rumor around is that you guys are trying to go straight?” Shownu brushed some of his hair out of his eyes. “Is it true?”

Namjoon smirked. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see, won’t you?” He gave him a two fingered salute. “See you around, Shownu Hyung.”

And without waiting for a response, he turned and walked toward the library’s main entrance. He didn’t let his expression change until he was outside and standing on the sidewalk. Sliding up the sleeve of his jacket, he spied the time and clicked his tongue against the back of his teeth. He was running behind.

Pulling his car keys out, he hit the button on the key fob and the lights to his car flickered to life as the doors unlocked. Nestling into the Audi, he cranked the car and the engine roared to life. He set his phone on the dash mount and went through his favorites on his contact list to dial Yoongi’s cell.

“Namjoon-ah, everything alright?” His gruff voice came through the speaker.

“Yeah, I’m about to head back now. Did I wake you up?”

“No, I’m just jetlagged. I’ll be fine after a shower.”

Namjoon pulled his car out onto the main street, making his way toward the highway. “Seokjin Hyung is still in Busan with Anastasia. They won’t be back until tomorrow. When are you flying back?”

“I’ll be back on Thursday. I had to push things back because of what happened.”

He hummed his response.

“…how’s Hoseok-ah?”

Namjoon sighed. “I’m worried about him, Hyung. But I think the Jade Fangs will keep their distance from Raelyn Noona from now on.” He reached up to scratch at his temple. “We’ll have to punish Taehyung-ah.”

“As he should be.”

“I’ll have Jimin handle it.”

He heard Yoongi shifting around on the other end.

“You don’t think that Hoseok should be the one to punish him?”

“Do you want Jungkook to handle it instead?”

There was a pregnant pause before he heard Yoongi’s sigh from the speaker.

“No, let Jimin take care of it.”

With as angry as Hoseok was, there was a good chance that Taehyung would wind up with something broken. Or worse. It was better if Jimin handled it. He knew how to dole out punishment fairly and had the restraint not to cross any lines.

“Alright. I’ll let Jimin and Hoseok know. Have a good trip.”

“Yeah, and you get off the phone. You’re driving so you’re supposed to be paying attention to the road.”

Namjoon smirked. “I will. Bye, Hyung.”

“Later.”

When the call ended, Namjoon’s face hardened. Just when things were starting to look up, they had the rug pulled out from them. He’d been keeping his ears to the ground and was shocked to hear that the Jade Fangs acquired Mapo. The most disturbing thing was that it didn’t look like Changkyun was showing any signs of stopping.

One by one, he had his eyes set on other districts.

“Is it going to come down to that? Again?”

He hoped not. He truly hoped not.

Because who knew what the result would be if another gang war managed to break out? 

[triumphorce]

under umbras of bundles  of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white, 

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens, 

amidst a higher sense 

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope, 

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs 

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath  road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power,  & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

 in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

 changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

 daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,   almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue     how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

   attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me       to learn to teach                     myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never  get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question  everyone,  everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner,  do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering..           whether I'm right to do any god damn thing        'cause if I don't do it right..       was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here       in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance 

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears,  see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges 

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers   modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via           hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

     helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation    goin in circles,        time wasted pet peeve number 1

    a nowhere never felt before        but something seems familiar.. overlooked,   under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of.. 

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to  understand self an urge that intensifies the more  i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of 

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of  takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,   to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

[badwolf-winchester]

A Soul So Dark it Scares The Devil part 2

So after a lot of consideration i have decided to so a second part to this. I hope you all are ready cause i sure am 😄

Warning: i dont own supernatural or its characters.

Pairing: Lucifer x Reader

One more thing: Please dont steal my writting i work very hard on this and do it becuase i love it.

The crisp cold air stung my face as i walked as fast as i could to my appartment. Today marks my 10 year deal and by the end of the day i will be dead. Its not like i didnt see it coming i mean who can really forget about a deal you made with a demon. Its bad enough my soul was causing a ruckus in hell but it was to the point Lucifer himself visited me a couple of times to try and bargain with me to take it back. However, those visits consisted of me telling him to go screw himself and then one of his henchmen comes to take him back to hell to deal with as he likes to call "Hell's new ruler." To be honest i was quite impressed with my soul for having taken over the place so quickly but again it wasnt a suprise. When i had my soul, this nagging voice kept telling me to do things.. things that i honestly didnt want to do. It would always whisper to me "kill them." Or "I wonder what his head would look like on a spike." As you can see the voice wasnt the kindest of neighbors you would want living in your head. That's why i needed to get rid of it, not becuase i wanted to live out my life without morals but more to get rid of that sweet whispering voice. This is why i tricked Crowley into taking it 1 year into my deal.

After entering my apartment i quickly threw my keys onto the desk by the door. Shrugging off my lether jacket i haphazardly dropped it onto the couch before making a beeline to the fridge for a beer. Sighing i rack my hand through my black and red hair before taking another swig of the cold beverage. My heart pounded in my ears as i try and get a grip on myself wondering what was happening to me. never, since i got rid of my soul, have i ever felt this way before. Quickly glancing at the clock on the stove i see it reads 11:30 almost midnight, as i realize i only have 30 more minutes the feeling in my chest spreads and tightens. I close my eyes and take a deep breath trying to ground myself i open my eyes and looked at my hands.. are they shaking? No thats just ridiculous i cant be... afraid? My eyes widen as realization dawned on me. "Im... afraid. I'm actually afraid right now." I said to my self, placing my hands on the counter i bow my head and let my hair fall in my face. Slowly i start to chuckle then grow into a full on laugh, as it turns into only what can be deacribed as a mad man cackle the clock strikes twelve. At the first stike of the grandfather clock in the living room i suddenly stop laughing. With each chime i hear howls and barking get closer, but once the 12th chime struck everything was silent.

Suddenly a crash broke through the bone chilling silence as glass scatters and skids across the floor. Without thinking i grab a knife from its sheath on the kitchen counter and slowly make my way to the source of the crash; my bedroom. I advanced to the door and was about to open it when a hand jerked me back and covered my mouth. The sudden jerkiness of the intruders movements made me drop the knife in suprise, as i tried to squirm my way out of the tight grip the door to my bedroom broke off its hinges causing me to freeze my antics. A snarling invisible hound slowly but loudly stomped on the ground as it got closer, its nails scraping against the wood floor as it huffs out in short hot breaths. The arm that was holding my midsection tensed as the hound got closer.

In a shaky voice the man that was holding me said "Now Leena no need to be so hostile.." at this the Hell Hound gave an extra loud snarl signaling that she didnt like his choice of words as she readied herself to pounce.

Thinking quickly i rammed my elbow into the man's ribs and jumped to the right avoiding the Hell Hounds snapping jaws by inches. Unfortunately its claws grazed my ribs ripping my flesh like a hot knife to butter, as i fell to the ground i cried out in pain as hot sticky blood began pouring out of me. My scream was not the only one i heard, for when i turned my head i notices the Hell Hound didnt advance on me but instead was tearing the man, now realizing demon, apart untill it became quite. The only thing i could hear was the rapid breathing of the Hound, as if just noticing it wasnt alone still the Hound turned its head to me and began making its way towards me. Paralyzed by fear i could only hold my left side to try and stop the bleeding, when the Hound's hot breath fanned my face i closed my eyes finally accepting my fate. A minute passed and i could still feel the hot breath but it wasn't making its move, being brave i opened my eyes to come straight in contact to beating red eyes. The Hell houd tilted its head at me as if confused, then tore its gaze away from my face and looked at my hand that was holding my injured side. Whining it moved my hand away to inspect the wound and started licking it, as soon as its saliva made contact with my side i could feel the pain melt away. Completely confused and shocked i closed my eyes and let it continue till it thought i was fine. When it was done i re opened my eyes to see not just empty space but a black shadow of a huge dog with a upside down white cross in the middle of its forhead looking at me, as if it was natural the Hound sat down infront of me then proceeded to laydown with its head in my lap.

Mustering up courage i placed my had on its head and started petting it. With happy grunts comimg from it and a whirlwind of tail waggs i started rubbing its belly only to be interupted my a flutter of wings.

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" A loud familiar voice boomed at me and the hound.

Whipping my head up i see Lucifer himself huffing in rage. Smirking i went back to petting the Hell Hound and chuckled. "What's the matter Luci surised to see me still kicking?"

Lucifer flared his nostrils at my mocking voice and stepped closer to me only to take a step back once he heard a threatening growl come from my new Hound. Running a hand through his hair in frustration he began to pace my living room trying to think.

"Why?! Why is it that the hounds are protecting you now?!" He yelled pulling at his hair. He turned around and glared at me when i started laughing.

"I can tell that you have failed at reclaimimg your throne. Looks like my soul is still reigning supreme." I said before getting up off the floor and dusting off the imaginary dust from my pants.

With eyes flashing red and rage evident Lucifer advances towards me only to be stopped when the Hell Hound jumps in front of me and snarls. They both hold thier ground before Lucifer backs down and pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head.

"Ok i get it Leena i wont hurt her." He said as he finally slumps his shoulders and leans on the back of my couch with his arms crosses.

"We need to come to an agreement here you know that right?" He questions me as he sighs.

Raising an eyebrow i place my had on my hip. "Oh do we now." I said with a condescending tone.

Pushing off the couch he raises his arms in the air. "Yes we do, as much as i love this little cat and mouse game we have been playing it needs to come to an end."

Sighing i run a hand through my hair and look to Leena she is still on high alert and in a fighting stance. " Leena relax we are just talking." With hearing her masters comand she instantly straightens up then plops on her butt and proceeds to scratch behind her ears.

"Thank you." Lucifer says looking back up to me instead of the Hound.

"What do you have in mind for a situation like this." I said as i looked away crossing my arms.

Scratching the back of his neck nervously he replied. "Honestly i have no clue this sort of thing has never happened before." Putting a finger on his chin he went inro deep thought.

"Lucifer can i ask you a question." I said placing one of my hands to my side while the other grips my bicep.

"You just did." He said while smirking at me.

Rolling my eyes i looked him in the eyes. "Im serious. Its important and might be the reason for everything."

Apon hearing this he recrossed his arms and gave me a pointed look. "Go on."

Scratching my neck nervously lile he did previously i sighed before lookong him in the eye. "Is reincarnation real?"

"Well for certain beings yes. Why do you ask?" He said tilting his head to the side.

"Becuase i think that i may have been reincarnated." I said truthfully.

".....What makes you say that?" He said hesitantly.

"Before i got rid of my soul i would have dreams. Not the normal kind like real.. like i was re living my memories only that i was someone else." I said looking away from him to the window.

Raising an eyebrow he spoke with confusion. "What does this have to do with our current situation?"

Closing my eyes i turn back to him. "Does the name Lithium Nightstar ring a bell."

Disbelief washes over his face then anger and finally shock. I tilt my head to the side and call out to him. "Lucifer you ok there buddy?"

In a small but hearable voice he said. "How do you know that name.."

"In my dreams that's what you'd call me. I would always have dreams about you, not in this form but in your true form. I wouldnt be able to see you fully though it was like a bright light that a camera wasnt focused on. I dont remember much from what i dream but that name always stood out. Who was she to you?" As i said this his eyes became wide with awe and shock.

"She... she was the only one who understood me. She wasnt made by my father but rather from death. She was his only child. You see she didnt see me as a monster that people see today. She saw me as the angel i truly was or thats what she would say. She was my best friend and my partner in crime but most of all she was my wife. After i fell Death decided to punish her as well for she fell in love with me and i her." He said with passion and anger. As he spoke my head started to hurt so i placed my hand on my head and closed my eyes. Voices started to ring in my head and progressively grew louder untill i couldnt take it anymore, as i fell to the floor Lucifer jumped to catch me. His voice was but a whisper as memories came flooding back to me and incaded my vision, a bright light consumed me and i felt whole again... i had my soul.

Part 3 coming soon.

[zestycheck]

what’s up y’all, i want validation, so i present to you most of the first chapter of this ridiculous stolen century/junoverse crossover i’m writing

i’m not as naturally snarky as juno is so if anyone has any idea to make his dialogue snarkier im all ears

headcanon: its fairly common on faerun to only have one name and that frustrates juno to no end

--

Juno Steel stared at the most eclectic group of seven people he’s ever seen in his life (and that's saying something), all crammed into his tiny office. They're all wearing red jackets and cloaks like they're the weirdest gang he's ever seen or they're on a family reunion vacation at Polaris Park. The big guy shifted awkwardly, and one of the lithe ones leaned down to the shortest, whispering something.

“Rita!” he called, “Why the hell did you let them in here?”

“They're desperate, boss,” she replied, poking her head in the door. With everyone else stuffed into his office, that's all the room she has. “And they've promised good money. And we both know it's been a bit of a slow time for cases, and the lights ain't gonna pay for themselves -”

“Alright, alright,” Juno acquiesced, waving her out the door. It was cramped enough as-is.

Somehow, the door managed to close, and the room felt even more claustrophobic. “Alright, so,” Juno starts, trying in vain to look all seven of them in the eye, “why are you here?”

“We lost something,” said the shortest, pulling himself onto the chair. The apparent leader of this ragtag bunch.

Juno pinched the bridge of his nose. “And you didn't bother the HCPD with this because…?”

“We tried, but they said they were too busy,” the big guy piped up. “The captain was very nice and sent us to you, saying you were the best there was.”

Kahn? If that was Kahn then there has to be a catch, and a huge one at that. “Alright, fine, where was it last seen?”

“Streaking through the sky about a week ago,” one of the twins said. They had to be twins, they looked too much alike to be anything else. The other continued, “Our calculations point to it landing somewhere around here, most likely in this city.”

“A week?” Juno sighed. “A week in the Martian desert and it's probably buried by now. And it's impossible that it could have landed inside Hyperion City, the shield deflects any solid objects -”

“It's not solid.” The interruption comes from a man in the back, unremarkable aside from a chubby belly and his bright blue jeans.

“I'm sorry?” Juno can feel a migraine coming on, just behind his one good eye.

“Well, it feels solid enough when you hold it, but unless you place it on some kind of magically reinforced stand, it will just eventually start slipping through whatever it's sitting on. That nearly caused Magnus a heart attack first time he placed it on a table and came back to find it missing.” Bluejeans patted the big guy on the shoulder. Big guy (Magnus?) just stared at the wall, flush creeping up his cheeks.

Great, a lost semi solid object, that couldn't take a hundred years to find… Wait. “Magic?”

“Yeah, you know, magic,” said one of the twins, snapping their fingers. And then snapping again, with a dawning look of horror on their face. “Not another cycle without a plane of magic, Lulu. I can't do this again!” The other twin simply pats them of their back, as the first begins sobbing into their shoulder. Lulu meets Juno's gaze and rolls her eyes good-naturedly.

Of course Khan would send seven nutjobs his way.

Juno lets a breath a breath out through his nose, slowly. “I'm very sorry, but I'm much too busy to take this, regardless of what my secretary said -”

He's abruptly cut off by the one in the chair plopping a large sack on his desk. “Perhaps this will persuade you?”

Curious despite his best instincts, Juno opens it. He stares up at them, dumbstruck. “Is this gold? Real, actual gold?”

The small one with a large beard speaks up for the first time. “Guess that's not the currency here, huh?”

It may not be the currency, but… There was enough gold here to make four, maybe five solid gold bars, and that was a lot of creds. Enough to keep the lights on for the next few months, at least. Juno plucks some of the coins out of the bag. There were many different designs stamped onto them, and all of them had writing systems that were unintelligible to him. Still, gold is gold. He just has to not think about how legally this was acquired.

Perhaps they could see the wonder on his face. “There's another sack waiting for you once you get us the Light,” the leader said, leaning back in his chair, crossing his arms, radiating confidence.

Juno sighed. He really was backed in a corner, too strapped for cash to refuse this. “Fine. Give me the details. First of all, I want your names.”

“Davenport,” the leader said.

Juno scratched the name onto a pad, then glanced back up. “Davenport, what? Just Davenport?”

Davenport returned his look with steely intensity. “You can call me Captain Davenport, if you'd like.”

Juno let out a breath halfway to a sigh and scribbled “Captain” before the name. At least a rank would help with tracking down information.

Turns out it was not the weirdest name of the group. Juno pointed at the twins next. “Taco,” replied one. “Loop,” said the other. Chubby McJeans was about to say something when Juno held up his hand to stop him.

“Hold on, hold on. 'Taco’? as in the traditional Earth food?” Juno asked, disbelief tinting his voice.

“Uh… no?” The twin gave him an incredulous look. “Taako. As in, the me. T-A-A-K-O. You know, from TV?” He snickered and the rest of the group rolled their eyes, in varying degrees of subtlety. Juno hasn't seen him on a stream before, but he should probably ask Rita. She might know.

Juno corrected the spelling and pointed to the other. “You. L-O-O-P?”

She just raised an eyebrow. “No. L-U-P. What, never heard of elven spelling before?”

Elven spelling? What the fuck does that mean? Taako tugged his twin closer and whispered something in her ear, and all Juno could pick up was the returned “Oh, shit.” Then both turned back to smile awkwardly at him.

Juno made a note of it but decided not to push for details right then. They were going to get increasingly off track if he addressed every single weird thing they did, and he was getting hungry.

He pointed to the next guy. “You there, name.”

Jeans was startled out of his apparent reverie. “Oh, uh, Barry J Bluejeans.”

Juno put down his pen in the middle of writing “Barry” and glared. “That's real funny. Bet the J stands for Jorts or somethin’, huh? Real name, please.”

“That… that is my real name. And yeah, actually.”

Juno finished writing the name, free hand holding his forehead like it was the only thing keeping it from hitting the desk. Maybe it was. Still, Juno wasn't really in a place to judge; he fell for a man carrying the name “Rex Glass”, after all.

Juno let out a sigh through his nose and addressed the next person he laid eyes on. “You there, quiet one. You gonna stop writing steamy romance novels and tell me your name?”

She still kept writing, until someone else in her group nudged her. She looked up, startled. “Oh, uh. Lucretia. My name’s Lucretia.”

Juno was really getting tired of their shit, if he was being honest. “Let me guess. Just Lucretia?” She nodded and shrugged a bit, sympathetic smile on her face. Juno just huffed and wrote it down.

The other two were relatively normal, Merle Hitower Highchurch, and Magnus Burnsides (of course held by the man with the bushiest sideburns Juno’s ever seen. Why would he assume otherwise with these chucklefucks?). Juno cleared his throat. “These are all your actual, legal names?” Maybe there was still hope this was all an elaborate prank.

They all nodded, even Lucretia looked up from her constant writing to acknowledge him. Well, there goes his afternoon.

[redlemonz]

Day #3

Fuck everything. I can’t deal with this, what’s even happening. Ugh, all I have is this continuous warm, stabbing-like pain inside me which won’t just go away, following what felt like a bitter end to last night. Being human absolutely sucks to begin with, but even more so when you’re just a sensitive and emotionally vulnerable asshole with a chemical imbalance in his head which tells him everything is way worse, and you should deserve to feel way worse.

Day 3 - upside down & inside out

The above basically sums up the morning so far today. I woke up and punished myself, and will probably continue to, (trust me, it’s not really a choice I can make) for my actions last night. I’m an on-going detriment to myself as it is, so the real question is, why am I being one to her - even more than I already was. Just leave her alone & stop finding literally any excuse to contact her, even if it’s with good intentions - It’s not about you and it doesn’t matter anymore. Give her what she wants for a change - not you. She put up with your bullshit undeservingly for long enough.

Work. It’s a Thursday.. inching closer to the weekend - ugh, screw the weekend. Finding it difficult enough today to keep myself in tact at my desk as it is, let alone in my own lonely presence at home. I even shifted my scheduled yet unscheduled shower crying session to a different location - my car during the drive to work. Gotta change things up after all. Prior to leaving though, for some unknown reason today I decided to reattach my detachable hood to the coat-jacket-thing I’ve been wearing to work for the last couple years. Of all days, I feel like I needed it today. Not because it’s raining or anything - it’s actually a beautiful day (in which I picture myself walking BBT with her at One tree hill after work, hand in hand - great). Aside from being a wondrous fashionable alteration, I believe it’s probably more the fact that the hood gives me a false sense of security, as it shields me ever so slightly from the cruel world. I can keep to myself, only looking ahead and not having to expose myself to more, unnecessary features of society in what’s around me. Fashionable change aside, a change in myself is what I need fullstop to try get use to life without her. I can’t be the same guy I once was, as it’s all too familiar to my daily life with her. I have to be someone else.. I have to be something else (homage to the fictional guy who’s identity I’m saved on her phone under as). Which brings me to the daily cup of coffee I drank at work with the other two. No sugar or milo mixed in today (self made mocha recipe). I wanted to hate myself like the rest of the world and taste the absolute bitterness of life literally, and it definitely didn’t disappoint in that regard. I don’t deserve the sweetness. During this coffee time, I was also now starting to fail in my facade of chipper-ness. In fact I couldn’t help but openly admit to the other two, that unlike yesterday where I was trying my best to be upbeat and fine about things, that I’m not. I’m broken. I know it’s what thy wanted to hear as they saw right through me the last couple days anyway - and it’s time to start facing my own truth.. even if it’s slowly and steadily. Thankfully I was able to contain the tears. Im getting by through making small talk with other colleagues who don’t know about these circumstances, and being genuinely happy for them where I can. Glad to hear that your back injury is improving and that you’re attending all your medical appointments. Glad to hear your pregnancy is going swell as ever now, after everything you’ve been through. Glad to hear you’ve finally promoted to another team - you deserve it. Glad to hear that you think the new Doctor on the show being a female isn’t actually a problem - you’re fantastic. And so on. I just want to be able to be glad for her. Which once again it dawns upon me the constant emphasis and repetitive reminder that I need to exit her life.. to make things easy for her. Considering easy is what she wants. Pretty sure it’s quite distinguishable by now with everything written thus far that I don’t fit that/her criteria. I’ve never really been good enough when it comes down to it. I feel exhausted. It’s been a long as hell day at work & my anxiety has picked up, though still controlled as it’s still a small dose (which I am extremely thankful for). Somewhat ironically she’s actually helped me gain enough strength during our relationship to battle it - for now anyway. Let’s see, another memory to blabber on about just sparked (obviously it did - because this whole damn thing is about her and almost anything, as insignificant as it may seem, can form a link or be symbolic if your mind & heart are assholes to you) as a result of a colleague asking one of the ‘the three’ to borrow his umbrella as she broke the other one of ‘the three’’s umbrella and still owes him a replacement. Back when I was still stuck in the friendzone yet still head over boots for her, I had this cool umbrella with a samurai sword handle. She accidentally broke it through tripping down a small, not-very-steep hill on one of our many mountain walks together. I was just glad that she was alright. Then she stabbed me with said broken part of umbrella. Yup. Another accident (I hope), which caused my left thumb to continuously bleed. Never in my life I was so psyched to have brought an umbrella, and especially have the events follow in the way they did (with the exception of her falling). She so cutely wrapped up my thumb and first aided me with her scouting skills, with a bunch of leaves and whatever else she could find. My heroine. To top it all off, my thumb received a couple kisses from her, and eventually so did my cheek when we parted ways that beautiful day. From that day I still have a voice recording of her at the summit of the mountain as she was singing/shouting out the lyrics to Kelly Clarkson’s “since you’ve been gone”, of which the lyrics are now more than appropriate (yes I know, most songs are about relationships and love, if not bitches and money - which in a way are also their own relationships?). Her hair tied, black and white polka dot top & light blue jeans with a purple cardigan wrapped around them - looking as beautiful as always.. but nevertheless, back to the point at hand - She still owes me an umbrella. Though not really - the kisses I received that day and her company make up for it pretty well, and can generally make up for anything she breaks.. even a heart.

Back home (yes I’m currently living a very exciting life as you can tell). Just watched a bit of an episode of Friends - Ross still in denial though clearly crazy about Rachel, whom is unaware and worried about their history together being weird if she were to consider moving in as his flatmate (which he desperately desires). The ultimately classic television adaption of the most special kind of love between two human beings - a balance of being best friends, lovers, partners and perceptively & potentially, even soulmates. Looking back again at my recent wonderful weekend (+sick day monday) in which my failed attempts to win her back for longer than that precious time we had cherished together, I sunk low, although true to my own geeky belief, by utilising that very TV reference of us being Ross & Rachel. Definitely didn’t click straight away as to why she bursted out laughing about my overly geeky and lame reference comparison, until she made me realise I admitted to being Ross. Fuck. Long ago my group of friends had this ongoing debate with me that I was the Ross of our group, which I took as an insult at the time comparative to the other characters, cause well, it’s Ross. I overly defended my case for ages, and to this day am still firmly of the idea that I’m a combinative representation of all the main characters. Let’s break it down. Like come on - the under-appreciated punny comedy of, yet easy to pick on, Chandler (obviously my favourite as mentioned first). The obsessive Monica who can’t handle dirty dishes & has to make scheduled plans. The mainstream, basic bitch, Rachel (oh shit, please note this definition does not at all apply to 'her’ being Rachel as per my geeky romantic acclaims above. She is waaay more). The randomness and open weirdness offered by Phoebe. The comic idiot, Joey (although I don’t even have to act the part). And fine yes, the hopeless romantic, and sensitive Ross. Wow - What an positively arrogant bastard I just became during my usual scheduled time of despairing and regretting stuff. Though I don’t mean to be arrogant - as the point I was trying to bring across is that we all have various qualities and attributes from each of the Friends. They all reside in each of us to some extent, so you can’t just be fitted to one. Back to her - she just snapped me? What in the world? Okay calm down dude, relax you idiot. Don’t ruin this moment - it’s not a big deal - it’s just a snap (even though it visibly means so much considering your little bit of anxiety subsided without you initially even noticing, and you’re grinning like an idiot at her name popping up on your phone). And open! Oh the absolute bloody hell. It’s a snap of the same episode I just watched, on the plus one channel certainly enough, because it’s an hour later. The caption - “hi friend” on top of a very distinct character’s face. I’m Ross. That cheeky yet adorable little minx (Minx? What? So I tend to say non-sensical stuff & my brain freezes more than usual quite often when it comes to her). So I switch over to the same channel, grab my phone & send her a “hey friend” snap right back - and you can probably guess quite easily.. that it was on top of a portrait view of Rachel. So we snapped and chatted ever so slightly more this evening - and my whole day turned upside down - which means I’m the right way up now.

Finished writing up my little pub quiz for tomorrow at work. Snuck in a question right at the end about the snowy mountain I was at with her on the weekend, which I couldn’t resist. Well I mean I guess I could have, but didn’t want to. It just felt right and left me with blissful content, ending the quiz on such a beautiful note. Just like us. It all get quite unintentionally poetic, and I loved it. Plus people need to learn more about the Country they live in, so I’m really doing everyone favours here (says the hypocrite). What makes this night even better is that she just did my quiz. I know she didn’t probably care to talk to me or anything, which doesn’t matter because she did my quiz & I’m full of smiles as a result. I kept to my word and didn’t call her though. We made it work as I sent her real time snaps of each question on my TV, blanking out the rest of the background or hiding other questions with various random emojis. One by one. She even cutely reaffirmed the 10 second rule of answering without me having to mention anything. The smartypants ended up with 6/10 (even a 6.5 really - heh, as she chose correctly on one of them the second time but I strictly took her first answer). I can guarantee its gonna be higher than the average amongst large groups tomorrow when I conduct this live. She even cracked a few of her classic puns for one of the questions which wasn’t surprising at all, and kept this stupid smile glued to my face. Then we wished each other a nice weekend and night ahead & parted our ways. Though it was a simple experience, it was a momentous feeling - especially with that last question. I wonder if she thought back to our weekend also because of it. Maybe it made her smile? I hope so. It certainly made me.. did I already mention that? Well shit, this can’t be good.

[queerloquial]

every odd number!

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?you better have, we’re kinda dating 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?iunno, whens the last time you said something that made me go “cfghvjb fUCK yOU”?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?not to my knowledge, but if there is they can go fuck themselves bc idfc

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?vault boy tshirt, gray sweatpants. my regular comfy sleepwear stuff

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?i wear jeans anytime i have to leave the house, but if i dont have to go out in public and hide my wookiee legs i actually prefer shorts to either of those. i also rank chef pants higher than sweats bc they breathe better

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?i am antisocial as fuck, my dude. if i could get away with living in my bedroom and talking to like three people total ever, i so would

13. What about ‘R’?i think this is in reference to ‘have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with ___’, in which case, no. i have never kissed anyone, at least outside the “small child gives/receives cheek kisses from family or other adult considered to be basically family” sense

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?yEs. i give so many shits, all of the fucks, and even a couple hecks

17. When was the last time you cried?i think like a week and a half, two weeks ago it was like 2 am and i was tired n lonely and re-read some of ur letters to me. it was a happy cry dont worry. u make me do that a lot

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?nah i like blue

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.that stupid fuckening dog did not shut up for one damn minute after i let her out at ten last night. she barked for eight hours straight and for six i had a headache, i have slept a grand total of 32 minutes and it is now 7 am. hlep

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?to my knowledge yes. unless “im going back to bed, love and kisses~” is secretly your way of breaking up with me :P

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?you do~

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?it you

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?i think i got it from fye at the mall. either there or gamestop. i dont remember

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?theyre lined up on top of my desk. the only thing hiding them is the handful of non-alcoholic glass bottles i also have collected

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?ehhhhhhhhhhhhh i kinda have a Thing with pain so i have a heavy aversion to getting anything pierced

35. Did you have a dream last night?no bc i couldnt fuckening fall asleep

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?idk my dude. the future is unpredictable

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?idk. maybe if ur still awake theres a chance but if ur not then probs not

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i would hope so, ive been waking up before dawn every day to tell you i love u and i would hate for all that effort to have been for nothing

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?in those words exactly, not that i can remember

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes, but theyre all from early high school and i really ought to go in and take them out but. effort. and i dont even really use facebook anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?yes. all the time

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nah, two years ago i had a job

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?i think this was my dad? so no

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?well when youve been aromantic for over 20 years you dont expect to develop a crush on ur cuteass mutual so

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?all but two people irl think im a conservative straight cis girl

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?see number 13

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?yes

61. How’s your heart?emotionally its doing fine. physically i could probably stand to cut back on sodium a bit

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no, theyre black

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i wouldnt know, ive never been a girl and ive never had a boyfriend. but either way that sounds kinda weird, like i mean sure, promote healthy expression of emotions, but “love it when they cry”?? that sounds kinda messed up my dude

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?a lady from my church whose dog im watching for part of this week

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?it youuuu again

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?lol no

75. Did you wake up cranky?a BIT YES. god i hate dogs

77. Are relationships ever worth it?hell yeah, but you gotta be willing and actively choose to put in the time and effort to support one another through all situations, not just the cutesy happy fun times. it can be hard work, especially if one or more involved parties are neurodivergent, but it is completely worth it to have a relationship based in genuine respect and trust and honesty

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?buddy there aint a day that goes by that i dont daydream of what itll be like when we can finally meet irl

81. Last person you cried in front of?if this is strictly about physically being near someone, and discounting headmates, then… i dont actually remember. i try my best not to cry where people can see

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i feel like you might be at least a lil bit

85. Are you over your past?well my brain is irreparably damaged and i still cry when i remember that i have at least one person who respects my feelings and consent and i generally try to block out all memories of life before college but for the most part yeah im totally over it :)

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?well i would say no but then we did recently have that convo re: “tier 4 kinks” and tbh that was like the last big secret i was holding in so i guess yeah i do

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?i dont remember the last person i kissed, if animals dont count, so im just gonna give a blanket no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?well i hope so

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?ye~

97. Who do you have texts from?you, family, best friend, some people from church who have needed me to petsit/house-sit/bake things

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?see #13

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?no