#like if you already love someone why would leaning their gay or trans change your feelings

[humanteethmarksonhumanbone]

having very deep philosophical thoughts about this stupid cucumber mayo toast

[solunstell]

List of bsd headcanons

Dazai:

Has bpd. A lot of his traits remind me of my friends with it

He some kind of trans. Nonbinary. Transfem. Transmasc. Idk he's megender lmao

He's described as appearing very youthful in the first two light novels. I imagine that once the events of the main timeline start picking up though, with all the time stopping or slowing abilities that *dont affect him*, he actually ages faster than the other characters. I draw current dazai with small wrinkles, which also hints at stress and stuff

Also, I imagine current dazai getting tanner as he works in the light, as well as getting more prominent freckles.

Round/doe eyes because that is part of his appearance in my opinion. Seeming unsuspecting and innocent, especially during his mafia days

Bad eyesight in his right eye from being under the bandages for so long. Saw this headcanon and loved it

Similarly, beastzai has bad vision in general

I always call No Longer Human an anti-ability in my head, fun fact

He loves to touch other people. Not a fan of being touched by others unless asked

I draw him with red eyes in color, and usually black eyes in ink (inconsistent artstyle my beloved)

Aroace spectrum

heavy sleeper. Very

Chuuya

FRECKLES and tan from sheep days

He likes to be close to other people more than actually touching. Presence over contact

That shade of eyes that changes colors in the light (but I use a grey base lol)

Also some sort of trans, but in a different way than dazai

Brownish red hair. Not blazing, not just brown

That man is AUTISTIC

One time instinctively kicked a friend with his ability active, expecting them to dodge cuz he's used to dazai easily dodging. They did, but they were SO CLOSE to getting hit. Imagine a confused face like wtf why you try to kick me

Light sleeper, but every now and then sleeps like he just learned how to close his eyes

A lot of his jokes go over people's heads because they expect him to be serious and his voice just doesn't change between serious and not serious

Ranpo

Autism plus adhd ftw

Aroace spectrum

Poe

He/they vibes

Anxiety

Gay af

I can 100% see him being into knitting. Imagine the guide plus ranpo all in matching sweaters

Loves baking. Sooooo bad at it

Lucy

Bi (with a lean towards girlies) she/it

VERY good at baking

But she won't share :(

Atsushi

Anxiety, so much anxiety

Aroace spectrum vibes

Very easily idolizes people and then gets surprised when they actually like being around him

Akutagawa

Aroace spectrum

Autism cuz he is so mecore sometimes

Very trans vibes from me

(I like to imagine him having tourettes cuz I have tourettes and I am Not projecting)

Atsushi (special kitty hearing) and jouno being the only ones who can hear some of his tics. He will be horrified that anyone notices them

Wait no actually I'm gonna incorporate that into my belief system. That's canon now

Mori

Genuinely cares about a lot of his workers, but not all of them

He gives great bonuses for birthdays

He absolutely loves vtubers if bsd were in a modern setting. Rip mori. He'd have also loved vocaloid lmao

Ozaki

Masc energy. Fem energy. Ooh I can see ozaki with any pronouns and identity

Kinda person to accidently either overpack or underpack. Always has painkillers, never has a pen

Ridiculous memory. Incredible gift giver. Would get someone something months or years after overhearing them say they wanted something once

"Whyd you get me a hairdryer?"

"You said you needed one. I saw it and thought of you."

"...that was months ago. I got a hairdryer already."

"..." *takes hairdryer back* "sorry wrong person. I don't have my contacts in my bad"

She has perfect vision

Kunikida

Trans vibes. In any and every direction

Adhd af

Will always conveniently have room in his schedule when Aya wants to go do something and needs someone to go with her. No, he's TOTALLY not frantically writing and erasing things, get your glasses updated

You can usually count on him to continue the bit cuz he won't realize there is a bit occurring

[teacupfulofstarshine]

you're the pink in my cheeks (i'm a little bit soft)

summary: "and i know we'll never grow old together / cause you'll never grow old to me / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft"

- "monster," marceline (adventure time)

(OR: 5.4k of soft domestic lesbian!analogical, featuring lesbian!moceit, trans male!remus, trans female!roman, and Gay Shenanigans)

a/n: huge thank you to dandie for beta'ing this fic!

i just wanted to write wlw is that so wrong of me? no. no it is not.

CW: alcohol mentions, a few sex jokes, swearing, one implied instance of potential sexual activity (although it doesn't go any farther than making out; if you want to skip that part, skip the section that starts with "Did you get the right kind of popcorn?")

word count: ~5.4k

read it on ao3!!

“I think I may be going insane,” Logan says, squinting at her laptop screen. Virginia, hanging upside-down in the armchair, looks up from her phone and blinks.

“And why is that?”

“Because I am starting to agree with Rosie’s anti-Florida agenda.”

“I didn’t realize that there was an anti-Florida agenda.”

“Rosie has one, and I have always thought it facetious. However, if this laboratory does not start sending me my requested samples and information in a timely manner, I will be forced to concede that Rosie may have . . . a point.”

“You, agreeing with a lit major? I never thought I’d see the day,” Virginia teases. Logan initially resists the urge to stick her tongue out or flip Virginia off, because that would be childish, but then she remembers that Virginia does not care about her childishness, so she sticks her tongue out. Virginia snorts with laughter, and Logan feels warm, fizzy pop-rocks bursting in her chest.

Her phone buzzes next to her, and she picks it up. There’s a new message blinking for her attention on the screen.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

a, b, or c

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

. . . What?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

*rolls eyes*

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

i need you to make a selection, logan. a, b, or c.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

I am confused. What am I selecting between?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Yes. I would like to know. That is why I asked you.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Also, I am not a meteorologist. Or a boy.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

it’s a meme, i’m sure v will be happy to show you the og. but first: make a choice

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Option B, I suppose?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

vodka it is!

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Wait, what?

Her phone buzzes again, another text thread lighting up, and Logan abandons the now-fruitless conversation with Jan to see that her wife has texted.

[from: soda poppy]

y is jan fillin a thermos with vodka and sayin u gave her the go ahead? >:(

[to: soda poppy]

I am unsure. She texted me asking me to make a choice between “a, b, and c” with no context given. When I eventually selected “b,” she excitedly mentioned vodka and logged off.

[from: soda poppy]

her an remy r going 2 a pta meeting tonight an i guess they’re goin drunk

[to: soda poppy]

Is that a . . . normal occurrence?

[from: soda poppy]

sadly yeah

[to: soda poppy]

Wait, is she even allowed to attend PTA meetings? You two don’t have any children?

[from: soda poppy]

she’s on the school board so she has the right 2 attend. idk if she’s supposed to or not but its never stopped her b4

“Everythin’ good over there?” Virginia asks.

“I believe I may have just enabled Jan to attend a PTA meeting drunk.” Virginia snorts, swiping at her phone.

“Good for her, honestly. The only reason she and Poppy live in that neighborhood is so that Jan can flaunt her wife in front of all the capital-s Straight people, because she’s a petty fuckin’ bitch.”

“That is a strange word choice for your best friend.”

“I hate Jan, she’s a bitch,” Virginia says, smirking fondly at her phone. Logan knows her girlfriend well enough to know that this statement is disingenuous, so she stands up, stretching her arms above her head, and leans down to drop a kiss onto Virginia’s forehead.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan blinks awake slowly, feeling for the position of her limbs. She’s on her left side, left arm tucked up under her pillow to cradle her head, wrapped in the thick comforter of their bed. Her right arm is slung across Virginia’s body, and her girlfriend is pressed up against her, head tucked right under Logan’s chin and face nestled into her neck and chest. Virginia breathes, slow and deep and even, and Logan hums, huffing out a soft exhale.

She carefully wiggles out of bed, tucking the comforter around Virginia’s curled-up form. Virginia grumbles when the cool morning air slips against her skin, because she is a foolish woman who insists upon sleeping in short shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top no matter the current weather patterns. Logan wraps her up, making sure that she’s shifted into the middle of the warm divot of body heat, and Virginia settles in, asleep again in a heartbeat.

Logan turns to the corner chair, where her early-morning outfit is already laid out: athletic leggings, a sports bra, a moisture-wicking quarter zip jacket. She changes quietly, lights off, and tugs on a pair of ankle socks before slinking into the bathroom. Once the door is shut, she flicks on the soft lights over the vanity and carefully undoes her sleep braid. Normally, Virginia does Logan’s hair, because Logan is not good at dealing with her wavy, tangled, curly mess, but she won’t wake up her girlfriend for that. She can, at bare minimum, pull her hair up into a high ponytail for running purposes.

They live in a small town only a short walk (and even shorter bike ride) from the beach, full of little two-story brightly-colored beach cottages. Logan steps off her front porch, pulls out her phone, and quickly shoots a text.

[to: ginny <3]

I am headed to the beach for my weekly run. I will likely return before you wake up, but in case I do not: I will be back before 9 AM.

[to: ginny <3]

I love you <3

Logan kicks up the kickstand on her bike, runs her fingers over the glossy dark-blue paint flecked with white and silver and gold to mimic stars, and swings one leg over the bike seat. She carefully pedals out into the narrow road and heads for the beach. The cool early-morning air whips past her face, and she chances a glance up at the dark-blue-turning-light-blue-grey sky and smiles.

She’s always been an early-morning morning person, anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan’s sneakers dig into the hard-packed wet sand along the water’s edge as she runs. Seagulls scatter in front of her, and the podcast Virginia recommended hums in her ear. The sun creeps up, up, up onto the horizon, coloring the blue-grey into streaks of brilliant pink and orange and gold, light reflecting off the water in resplendent diamond sparkles.

Logan runs half a mile down the beach, turns around, runs back to where she started and then runs half a mile in the other direction before turning around and running back to her starting point. By the time she’s bent over, hands on her knees, huffing out breath while her legs burn pleasantly, the sun has emerged fully from the ocean, and Logan is beginning to wish she had worn a visor.

She takes a moment to appreciate the sensory experiences of being on a nearly-abandoned beach: the scent of salt water, the sound of waves crashing against sand, the errant cries of gulls squabbling over fish. Their little beach is not nearly pristine enough for a tourist attraction, and too far north along the Atlantic coast to be warm year-round. Still, Logan loves it, and cannot imagine living anywhere else.

She hunts along the water’s edge as she walks, briefly, a cool-down before the bike ride home. She finds a few things worth photographing, a few crabs to shoo back into the ocean, and a few things worth gathering: an intact clam shell whose smooth curve runs unbroken from the heel of her palm to the tip of her index finger when she lays it flat in her hand, a light gray rock worn smooth by the waves that turns dark-gray-almost-black when wet, a small spiral shell that she thinks may have broken off of the top of a snail shell. Logan wraps all three things carefully in a small handkerchief from the little bag she keeps in her bike basket, pulling out her phone to note the time (8:37 AM) and the message notification flashing at her.

[from: ginny<3]

dunno why you insist on being a morning person. stop by the dunkin on your way back and get us breakfast?

[to: ginny<3]

You had Dunkin for breakfast three times this week. You should consume something healthy.

[from: ginny <3]

>:( >:( >:( >:(

[from: ginny <3]

counterpoint: you bringing me dunkin is better than me not eating breakfast at all. which is the alternative because i do not want to get up and prepare anything

[to: ginny <3]

Your womanly wiles will not work on me in regards to Dunkin breakfast.

[from: ginny <3]

bitch (affectionate)

[to: ginny <3]

Would you like me to make you breakfast on my return, beloved?

[from: ginny <3]

. . .

[from: ginny <3]

will you make me an omelette? with all the cheesy goo an shit?

[to: ginny <3]

I will make you an omelette with some degree of “cheese goo.”

Logan slides her phone into her pocket, huffing out a laugh at her girlfriend’s behavior, and hops onto her bike again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Your omelettes are always so much better than mine,” Virginia says, moaning as she sinks her teeth into an enormous bite of egg and cheese. Logan, calmly dicing bell peppers to mix into her own omelette, smiles.

“All food tastes better when it is prepared by someone who is not you.”

“You’ve clearly never had anything the twins have cooked.” Virginia takes another bite, pops a multivitamin into her mouth, and chases it down with a gulp of milk. “Besides, it tastes better because you made it.”

“I am not the most accomplished chef in the world, certainly, but I am glad you enjoy my cooking.”

Virginia laughs softly. “Lo, I like your food because it’s prepared by someone who loves me. I can taste the love in everything you make for me.”

Logan turns back to her peppers to hide her blush. “Love is not a measurable ingredient when cooking.” Virginia laughs again, louder this time; when Logan sets the knife down, she hears Virginia’s chair scrape out behind her as she stands, feels her arms wrap around her waist, feels the cool skin of her face press into her neck.

“Love you.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Stressful day at work?” Logan asks, hearing the door slam.

Virginia kicks off her flats, sending them flying into the wall with a clatter. Logan sets down her crochet project and moves toward the entrance of their house, where Virginia is shrugging off her rainjacket to reveal a mint-green Peter Pan-collared blouse and dark gray dress pants. “The stressiest.”

Logan takes the jacket and shakes it out on the tiled entranceway before hanging it on the hook. “I am sorry, beloved.”

“Lots of assessments, lots of parents who don’t understand why I’m assessing their kid, lots of parents insisting that there’s nothing wrong with their kid, or that there’s no way their kid could possibly have the deficits that I’m seeing. Like, I wouldn’t make this shit up, you know? Literally, let me help your child. You came to me, remember? I’m not in the habit of imposing myself onto people.”

“That sounds very stressful,” Logan says. She tries to picture a life where she spends all her time interacting with people she doesn’t know on a regular basis instead of her little corner of the university biochemistry lab where she only has to interact with three or four known people and her immediate supervisor, mostly by email. It sends icy fingers skittering down her spine.

“It is, I hate it. I mean, Kitty’s my supervisor until I get my C’s, so if I have problems I can consult with her, but like . . . why are people the way that they are.”

Logan stretches up and presses a gentle kiss to Virginia’s cheek. “I love you, Ginny.”

Virginia exhales and folds herself around Logan, draping her body over her girlfriend and going limp and boneless. “I don’t wanna be a real person for the rest of the night.”

“That can be arranged.”

“But it’s my night to make dinner.”

“I do not mind switching and having you make dinner tomorrow,” Logan says. “This is an acceptable deviation from the routine.” Virginia pushes her face into Logan’s neck, and Logan nuzzles the side of her head, and she sighs like the entire world has lifted off her chest.

*~*~*~*~*

(This is how it starts:

Logan, taking a class on British literature in her sophomore year because she needs to meet her core requirements. Logan, meeting Rosie, disagreeing with her on almost every single point she raises in class, hating when they’re paired up for their midterm project but earning the best grade in the class overall. Logan, seeing a text from Rosie about how her housemate needs people to participate in a research study for extra credit. Logan, making the long trek down to the health sciences building and seeing Virginia for the first time, thinking that she’s pretty and not knowing that she’ll be thinking that for the rest of her life.)

*~*~*~*~*

“Hello, gorgeous,” Virginia hums.

“Are you talking to me or to the mint plant?” Logan says, aggressively stabbing her pointer finger against the Delete key. It clacks loudly, and she mutters an insult under her breath. “I am going to set myself on fire. I swear to god, I am.”

“Obviously the mint plant,” Virginia says, turning and dropping a kiss on Logan’s head. “You okay, honey?” Logan grumbles more and shoves the laptop away from her with a disgruntled noise. Virginia moves the laptop away and leans over to kiss her forehead.

“I am trying to politely word an email whose essence boils down to, ‘If you do not send me my fucking samples in a timely manner, I am going to be forced to commit an Atrocity the likes of which this earth has never seen’,” Logan says.

Virginia laughs so hard that she sits down on the tiled kitchen floor, wiping tears from her eyes. “You are so funny,” she wheezes. Logan feels her irritation fade a little under the brightness of her girlfriend’s joy. “Let me see the email, I’m good at professional bullshitting.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Braid my hair!” Rosie says, throwing herself down onto the couch. Logan lifts her laptop up just in time to keep Rosie’s head from slamming into the keyboard.

“Ginny is your best bet for braids, Rosie. I have limited experience.”

“It doesn’t have to be fancy, It just has to be off my neck.”

Logan saves her document and sets her laptop on the coffee table, poking at Rosie’s ribs until she slides onto the floor and settles cross-legged between Logan’s thighs. “A comb and some hair-ties would be appreciated.”

“REMUS!” Rosie shouts.

“WHAT?”

“BRING ME A BRUSH AND SOME HAIR BANDS!”

“GET YOUR OWN!”

“I’m going to kill that man,” Rosie mutters, rolling to her feet. There are suspicious muffled thumping noises from the other room for a few minutes before Rosie emerges, victorious, hair somehow even messier than it was in the first place.

“You are the single loudest person I have ever met,” Logan sighs, taking the comb and the hair ties and beginning to drag it through Rosie’s curls. Rosie winces, just a little, at the pull of the comb, and Logan tries to be more gentle.

“Thank you!”

“I did not say that was a compliment.

“Hey!”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan tugs her sweatshirt sleeves down from where she’d rolled them up previously, shivering a little. Part of her wishes that she had worn leggings instead of capris as she drags the folding chair a little closer to the bonfire, toes dragging through the still-sun-warmed sand. The speaker set up on the food table blasts some sort of current pop music, and Rosie and Poppy dance around each other, chanting the lyrics at each other. They are both very loud and very off-key and, Logan suspects, fairly drunk as well. Remus is in the ocean (definitely buzzed, potentially naked) and Jan is standing at the edge of the ocean, watching to make sure he stays alive.

“Hey,” someone says, low and rumbling in her ear. Logan does not flinch (just barely) and turns to see Virginia, holding a plastic cup with a poorly-drawn sketch of the state of Virginia on it. Her hair is starting to come loose from its messy bun, and her sweater sleeves keep sliding down over her wrists and nearly dunking into her drink, and her breath smells sweet and alcoholic. When she lifts her hand to Logan’s cheek, her fingers are cool, and Logan shivers.

“How’s my girl?” Virginia asks.

“Cold,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia laughs, tipping her head back and exposing the long strip of her neck. Logan wants to lick it.

“You’re adorable,” Virginia says, leaning in and pressing her mouth against Logan’s ear. Her breath is warm and slightly damp. “So pretty, my Logan, and so smart. I bet you know exactly what chemical compounds are making the flames turn that color, hmmm?”

Logan can feel her face burning hotter than the bonfire, but Virginia just sits languidly in her lap, feet propped up on the armrest. Her toes are painted pale purple, and the glitter sparkles in the firelight.

“How many drinks have you had?” Logan asks.

“Enough to feel all tingly,” Virginia says, swirling whatever’s in her cup. “How many have you had?”

“None,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia leans her head against Logan’s shoulder, and her wispy frizz tickled Logan’s nose. She sneezes, and Virginia giggles in the high-pitched, superficial way she only giggles when she gets really, really drunk.

“You sound so cute when you sneeze.”

“I do not.”

“Of course you do,” and now Virginia is looking at her, eyes glowing warm in the firelight. “You sound cute when you do anything. You’re cute when you exist. You’re cute no matter what. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Logan hates the taste of alcohol, but she leans in and kisses Virginia anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

“Lo.”

“Hmmm?”

“Pick a color.”

“What?”

“I’m painting my toes again. Pick a color for me.”

Logan flops over onto her stomach, staring at the neat row of creme polishes sitting on their ottoman. Virginia’s bare feet are propped up in front of them, spread apart awkwardly with neon lemon gel toe spreaders, and she studies the nail polish like she’s trying to determine which vial isn’t poisoned.

“I like that one,” she says finally, pointing to a pale pink polish the color of the flowers Virginia brought her on their first date. Virginia hums, picking the bottle up and tilting it critically in the light.

“Not the one I would have picked, but I said you could pick, so I guess we’re doing it.”

Virginia tosses some bottles of toppers (or “tacos” as she calls them, slang from one of the YouTubers she likes) onto the bed while she paints her toes, and Logan sifts through them to settle on a blue-yellow iridescent one.

“I do not know how you can get behind wearing something called a Unicorn Skin,” Logan says. Virginia just shrugs and plucks the bottle from her hand. Their fingers overlap - Logan’s warm from where they’ve been tucked under her body, Virginia’s cool from where they’ve been gripping the glass bottle. Impulsively, Logan lifts Virginia’s fingers and kisses the tips.

“You’re going to smear the polish,” Virginia mutters, even though she painted her fingers earlier today and they’ve been dry for a while. She doesn’t bother to yank her fingers away, either, so Logan kisses them again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Logan!”

Logan is fully aware that the only thing keeping Poppy from crashing into her like a floral-sundress-covered cannonball is the casserole dish in her hands. She counts her blessings and steps aside to let Poppy in.

“Where’s Jan?”

“Getting something from the car! It’s my turn to drive us home, so she brought something to drink.”

Jan primly kicks the passenger side door shut with her heeled ankle boots, a bottle of wine grasped by the neck in each hand.

“I hope you do not intend to drink both of those in their entirety tonight,” Logan says. Jan rolls her eyes and offers one of the bottles to her.

“This one is a gift for you and Ginia. The other one is for me.”

“None for Poppy?”

“Poppy is the designated driver, so she will not be drinking. And I know she already told you that.” Logan rolls her eyes, and Jan flips her off. “Are you going to invite me in or not?”

“What are you, a vampire?” Virginia shouts from the kitchen.

“Only one of us dresses like the undead, darling, and it isn’t me,” Jan calls back, stepping into the house. “Are the twins here yet?”

“They cannot attend. Remus has orchestra practice and Rosie is teaching a dance class. You already knew both of these facts, because you are in the group text.”

“I am not.”

“You responded to a message in the group thread fifteen minutes ago.”

“That was the NSA agent assigned to monitor me.”

“You are a liar.”

“What else is new?”

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: hey every1! DONUT 4get to make ur bakesale goodies and drop them off at r house by 7 am on fri!

lo tide: Please use normal words. I am begging you.

snesbian (snake lesbian): then beg.

lo tide: I do not recall asking for your opinion.

snesbian (snake lesbian): and yet i give it to you anyway. am i not generous

virgin: if you don’t stop making fun of my gf i swear to god

virgin: also remus if you don’t stop changing my name i’m gonna end you

virgin has changed their name to gin(ny) and tonic!

gin(ny) and tonic: much better anyway

violets are blue rosie is me: i believe you meant anygay

gin(ny) and tonic: i said what i fucking said

ace attorney irl: you changed your name :(

gin(ny) and tonic: every day the Lord regrets giving all of us mod powers in this chat

snesbian (snake lesbian): i have no such regrets

lo tide: Can we circle back to the bake sale, please?

soda poppy: Whatchu wanna kno???

lo tide: I assume it is school related?

soda poppy: yep!

soda poppy: fundraising 4 this year’s art club field trip! since im the faculty advisor im in charge of approving and setting up 4 the fundraisers

lo tide: I see. And why, exactly, is it our responsibility to make things for this fundraiser? Should it not be the students’ responsibility?

soda poppy: they r makin stuff 4 it but also i gotta make sure some of the stuff will b edible yknow

lo tide: I see.

gin(ny) and tonic: listen i know that jan is like. a professional pastry chef an shit. but i’m not making anything fancy like a cheesecake or smthn

gin(ny) and tonic: i’m making like. fuckin brownies

snesbian (snake lesbian): smh don’t you care about the Children at all?

gin(ny) and tonic: no. they’re not my kids

ace attorney irl: i will make cookies

soda poppy: u cannot make them inappropriate shapes

ace attorney irl: :(

violets are blue rosie is me: do not worry, i will make sure they are an appropriate shape

violets are blue rosie is me: i’ll make cupcakes!

lo tide: I believe I have a recipe for lemon squares that I can make. Will lemon squares be sufficient?

soda poppy: yeah! just keep ur stuff free of common allergens like tree nuts

gin(ny) and tonic: so my plan to just yeet you a bag of reese’s peanut butter cups and call it a contribution is out then

*~*~*~*~*

Virginia throws a box of brownie mix into the cart and dusts her hands off. “There. Done.”

Logan raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look, we have the rest of the ingredients at home. We have tap water, we have oil, we have eggs, we don’t need anything else. What do we need for your lemon thingies?”

“Lemons, presumably.”

“You’re a comedian,” Logan deadpans. Virginia flips her off, and then leans in to kiss her cheek. “I do need lemons, though. Lemons, more eggs . . . I have a list in my phone.”

“What phone?” Virginia says, dangling Logan’s galaxy-patterned case above her head. “I think you’re too short for this, Lo.”

“Give me my phone,” Logan says, rolling her eyes. Virginia wiggles it above her head, laughing.

“Maybe you should give me something in return.”

“Like what?”

Virginia grins. “Like a kiss, perhaps?”

Logan rolls her eyes again, but she leans in and kisses Virginia gently, swiping her phone back when Virginia lowers her hand to cup her face. “Thank you for paying the toll, sweetheart.”

“You are ridiculous,” Logan says. It doesn’t stop her from gently kissing Virginia’s cheek before pushing the cart down the aisle again.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

lo tide: What time did you want us to drop off the baked goods, Poppy?

soda poppy: if ur gonna b in the area, u can just drop them off at my house!

ace attorney irl: i made some of the shapes inappropriate but those ones r 4 u and jan

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the bake sale?

ace attorney irl: . . .

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the children, remus.

ace attorney irl: nothin’ too crazy! jan had some normal summer shapes - suns, flip flops, etc. etc. used those

soda poppy: :D thx remus!

ace attorney irl: made some fishies too! but the octopi are just for u an jan.

ace attorney irl: i . . . may have painted dicks on them

soda poppy: well at least u warned me right

*~*~*~*~*

“Did you get the right kind of popcorn?” Logan asks.

“If by ‘the right kind’ you mean ‘your favorite kind,’ then yes, I did,” Virginia says, coming into the living room with a large yellow bowl full of fluffy popcorn. “What are we watching tonight? It’s your turn to pick, isn’t it?”

“Gay fish,” Logan says.

Virginia sets the popcorn on the coffee table and blinks at her. “That is . . . quite the description of Finding Nemo, sweetheart.”

“Not Finding Nemo, Ginny. Luca. It’s new, and it’s not explicitly gay, but there is a very obvious queer reading. I thought we could watch it together.”

“Anything with you sounds wonderful.”

“Sap,” Logan mutters. She leans in to kiss Virginia’s cheek, but Virginia turns at the last moment and presses their lips together.

“Are you sure you want to watch a movie?” she says. “We could just make out instead, if you want.” She pushes gently on Logan’s stomach, guiding her to lay on her back on the couch. Virginia lays on top of her, gently sliding a hand to rest warm and heavy on her stomach. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s neck, and then her jaw, and then rubbing their noses together.

“Tonight is movie night,” Logan says. Virginia presses their mouths together, and Logan hums, gently pressing up into the kiss. “We should be watching a movie.”

“Are you sure?” Virginia says. “I think we should pursue this avenue a little further.”

Logan squirms a little. “I - I would not - um - no, thank you.”

Virginia’s eyes, which were hazing over with something, clear as she blinks. “Okay, sweetheart.” She leans back, sits up, pulls Logan into a sitting position. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay,” she says. “I just - I am not in the mood for that tonight. If that is okay.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Virginia says. She holds out a hand, and Logan takes it. Virginia kisses the back of it before settling herself on the couch. “I am so proud of you for expressing a boundary and telling me you were uncomfortable. I know that expressing boundaries is something that we’re both working on, and you did a wonderful job. Tell me what you want, Lo. Please?”

“I would like a kiss,” Logan says. “Just one. And then I would like to cuddle, and - and I would like us to watch Luca together. Is that acceptable?”

Virgil nods. “Of course, love. Come here, hmmm?” Logan settles next to her, and Virginia gently cups her cheek and presses their mouths together. “I love you, Logan. So much. Of course we can watch Luca now.”

Virginia lays an arm along the top of the couch, allowing Logan to cuddle up against her and rest her head on her chest. “I love you,” Logan says softly.

“I love you too, sweetpea.”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan rolls over, yawning, and feels a small weight displace itself from her thighs. She blinks awake slowly, lifting her head and pushing her curtain of curls aside to reveal a black cat mewing at her grumpily before settling into a sushi roll beside her.

“Did I wake you? I am sorry, Galileo . . .”

Galileo settles against her, purring softly, while the ash-grey cat at the foot of the bed pads slowly up to curl on Virginia’s back. “That’s your favorite spot, isn’t it, Andromeda?” The cat emits a soft “mrrrp” before settling back down to sleep. Logan yawns, smiles, and gently strokes her hears. “What should we do, girls? Shall we stay awake and be productive members of society?”

Neither cat responds, and Logan looks at Virginia. She’s haloed in the morning light, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open, drool leaking into a puddle on the pillow. She snores a little - one, two, three snorts before settling back into a deep sleep.

“No,” Logan decides, “we shall not.” She lays back down, gently nudging Galileo a few inches over so that she can snuggle up to Virginia. Galileo stretches out, pressing a paw directly into Logan’s cheek. Logan shoves her, and she resettles onto Logan’s feet with an indignant noise.

“You can sleep by my face when you do not kick my face,” Logan mutters, curling into her love.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: r u all comin 2 the bake sale 2morrow?!

lo tide: I was under the impression that we were only providing the baked goods. Is it not for the students at the school?

soda poppy: we got waaaayyyy more stuff than we thought so we r havin a 2nd bakesale 2morrow 4 parents an stuff!

soda poppy: we r gonna need sum help with setup though . . .

lo tide: Poppy, please do not even -

soda poppy: 🥺🥺🥺 p l e a s e

lo tide: Poppy.

snesbian (snake lesbian): logan

lo tide: If I agree to stop and pick up coffee for everyone, will that motivate you all to turn out?

violets are blue rosie is me: i’m always a slut for free coffee

lo tide: I’m sorry, where did I say that this would be free?

violets are blue rosie is me: D:<

ace attorney irl: eh i’m down for it. where you swingin’ by?

soda poppy: there’s a panera p close 2 where the bake sale is!!! it’s gonna b at the morning girl’s basketball game

lo tide: Does anyone have any issues with Panera coffee?

violets are blue rosie is me: nah. large iced coffee, add three ounces of half and half, two pumps of sugar syrup, two pumps of vanilla, and caramel drizzle.

ace attorney irl: complicated bitch much?

violets are blue rosie is me: why must the cain instinct betray me like this

ace attorney irl: the cain instinct started when we stole each other’s genders in the womb

violets are blue rosie is me: this is true this is true but you’re still a bitch

ace attorney irl: large hazelnut coffee, two sugars, please

snesbian (snake lesbian): large dark roast, black

soda poppy: medium decaf coffee, two ounces of almond milk, and two pumps of sugar syrup!

gin(ny) and tonic: large caramel latte

lo tide: You . . . are going to ride in the car with me to pick up the coffee, we can order our own coffees. I do not need your order, love.

lo tide: But I appreciate the information <3 <3

*~*~*~*~*

“We come bearing gifts,” Virginia announces loudly. “And by gifts, I mean we bought a baker’s dozen of cinnamon crunch bagels for everybody.”

“Well, there are twelve cinnamon crunch bagels and one plain bagel, bagged separately, for me,” Logan corrects, expertly balancing two coffee trays with a bagel container. “Also, we made more brownies.”

Poppy looks up from where she’s instructing two high-schoolers on how to hang a sign properly and grins, waving brightly. Jan is leaning on the table, hand on her head, sipping at a water bottle.

“Vodka or whiskey?” Logan asks dryly, handing over Jan’s black coffee. Jan blinks at her, flips her off, and drains a long swig from her cup.

“Water. Partied a little too hard with Remy last night, and now I’m hungover as shit.”

“We suspected as much, which is why we brought you an extra coffee.”

“Lifesaver,” Jan says, knocking back another long drag of coffee before taking a sip of her water bottle. (Logan suspects the bottle is actually Poppy’s, due to the sun-shiney stickers plastered all over it.) “You and Poppy both. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll gut you like a fish."

“No, you won’t,” Logan says, turning to hand Rosie and Remus their respective drinks. “You never do.”

Jan flips her off, but Virginia comes up behind her and leans her forehead against her shoulder. Logan turns, kissing her forehead, and smiles.

Life is good today, she thinks. Life is good.

(screen names!

virgin -> gin(ny) and tonic; ginny <3 = virginia (virgil)

lo tide = logan

snesbian (snake lesbian) = jan (janus)

soda poppy = poppy (patton)

ace attorney irl = remus

violets are blue rosie is me = rosie (roman) (thanks to @rosesisupposes for letting me borrow your screen name for this!)

[they-callme-ami]

Gender and Sexuality headcannons for Infinity Train passangers and Hazel. 

(I’ll make a seperate posts for just the photos but if you want to read about the why behind them, click down below for more)

Tulip Olsen:

Gender wise, I think Tulip is a demigirl. The definition (according to google) is "A gender identity term for someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally." For some reason, while I was doing this--it just felt like Tulip. She identifies as a girl, uses the pronouns and seems happy as one--but she seems like the kind of person to not really fit with other women in a certain way, if that makes sense.

Sexuality wise, I'll be honest. I think Tulip is an aromantic. And I don't just mean because she never had a potential love interest or human friend on the train. Her little road trip song? "No romance, no romance, no romance for me mamma." Plus, check the colors match, I rest my case.

Lake:

Okay this one is easy and I don't even think there will be any arguments or debate about this one. The evidence is all there. Cutting off hair, wearing more masculine/androgynous clothing, wanting to be your own person, changing their name to a NOUN to signify their new life, not wanting to be put into boxes? Lake is a she/her and they/them (mostly the later after escaping the train) non-binary and pansexual. It's just the facts.

Jesse Casay:

For Jesse, I believe that he is trans. Why? Most of book 2 was about Lake's journey to discover who they are and get off the train, but Jesse was still their because of his own lessons he had to learn. He was a people pleaser and never stood up for himself and did what he thought would make people like him more. He also makes his little brother partake in his 'friends' ritual of a 'manhood test' where they shove him down a hill and he breaks his arm--it feels like he was in a way, overcompensating. It seems like he's such a people pleaser and conformist because he doesn't want to give others a chance to dismiss him for who he is.

I also think he is pansexual. No deep meaning--I just honest to god think he truly does like EVERYONE.

Grace Monroe:

Her parents didn't seem like the type to pay attention to their daughter already, and give off 'rich black republican' energy which clues me in on 2 things.

Her parents would not care enough to use Grace's pronouns if she were trans, so I do believe she is cisgender.

Her parents wouldn't even notice that she's a lesbian, and if they did she definitely wasn't allowed to act on those feelings. Probably why she has a hard time interacting with other girls her age and why she sees Simon as just a friend, despite all the tools there for them to have been together.

Simon Laurent:

Look this isn't even me doing the whole 'haha, the bad guy is the cishet, cis-het white men are icky' thing. Literally, name one thing about Simon that could be queer-coded. You could argue he was deep DEEP in the closet I guess--but I just got straight and cisgender vibes from him.

Hazel:

Now stay with me on this one. Stay with me here. This is not because Hazel is a denizen. But I believe Hazel is an intersex child that uses she/her pronouns is aromantic. Hazel is only 6 (or so she says) and it's a bit hard to argue sexuality for someone who's both very young and probably hasn't even had their first crush yet. But gender wise--I think intersex works. Not only does Hazel remind me of Stevonnie (a cannon intersex character) but her whole character is her trying to figure out 'what' she is and how she doesn't completley belong anywhere. She was most comfortable with Tuba, another denizen like her, but even Hazel was 'different' from her and was caught between 2 worlds--and she didn't want to choose. She's just Hazel.

Amelia Hughes:

Super easy here. Amelia gives off bi-wife energy and distinguished bi energy where ever she goes. She just--I can't explain it but she isn't straight for sure. You could argue she leans closer to men because of marrying Alrick but proposing to a man during that time period?? Not the traditional cis-het womanly thing to do. Also--come on. Y'all know. Y'all KNOW.

Min-Gi Park:

Book 4 was just "this is for the mlm" personified. Book 2 was for the trans/enby folk, but book 4 was for the gays. Min-Gi is the personification of 'in the closet but in love with my best friend' to the 9's. The reason he gets off the train is because he finally accepts that he doesn't want to fit the status quo, he wants to be with Ryan and outright says he won't LEAVE the train without Ryan--who was currently still at 202-- while he was at 0. That is the GAYEST shit I ever saw. He's def not out to anyone yet, but he checks off those boxes alright.

Ryan Akagi:

Do I need to explain?? Do I REALLY need to explain? I will. Ryan is a neurodivergent, rocker teen who drives a van across the country in the 80's and wants his childhood best friend to come back and reform their band. He uses the t-shirt said best friend made for him as a headband and keeps it for years after they spilt apart. He has a rockin fashion sense, definitely loves the ladies (he unironically flirted with a cat and had multiple girlfriends) but also is in love with his best friend. Hell--he FITS the red-blue soulmate trope--he is literally a rebel without a cause and doesn't seem to fit anywhere but with his best friend and band partner--

Ladies and Gentleman, Ryan Akagi is a disaster bisexual enby that uses he/him and they/them pronouns, thanks for coming to my fuckin' Ted Talk.

[aroaceslytherin]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29226306/chapters/76373429

Love is love is love...

Snippets of Regulus, Narcissa, Sirius, and Andromeda's love life.

What does it take to make a love forbidden?

Someone you can’t have, usually. Whether that means they are already in a relationship, or family doesn’t approve. Well, for the children of House Black; it is the second option. Throughout history and many generations, they have matured faster than those around them. Each family member had someone to marry by the time they were born. Although, most of these children found love elsewhere and were forced to make a choice.

Alphard Black was the second known to run away from family rules because they had not accepted him for whom he loved. Cyfrin Black was the first; he discovered werewolves and fell in love with one, making a family and home with him.

Andromeda Black also ran away; the first female to do so, third Black to run from rules. It irritated Walburga Black to see her family going against the rules - especially so that it reminded her of her brother.

You would never know how terrifying Andromeda Violet Black can be until you meet her. They raised her on pure-blood rules, anger, and dark magic, following her two eldest sisters who dabbled in Death Eater ways. She could have a few tricks up her sleeve. Especially with two mischievous younger brothers.

She was a hat stall. The Sorting Hat had tried to put her into Hufflepuff but eventually landed on Slytherin for her. Andromeda stood from the stool tall and proud like her family taught. Upon sitting with her elder sisters who were in year three, Bellatrix leaned over and whispered in her ear.

“Four years with us, dear sister. I hope you follow us, ‘tis the only way to win over mother and father.”

Andromeda had then rolled her brown eyes. Surely at eleven there was not much you could do in a family of darkness except become the brighter, happier one? As Andromeda grew up, she rebelled against them. Instead of wearing black and green, she would wear earth tones; browns, greens, and oranges throwing in a bit of pink and blue here and there.

Andromeda, like her siblings, grew up lonely. Her mother; Druella Black, passed away when she was young. People said she passed during child-birth but she was there when her sisters were born. At three years of age, Andie watched her father mix a green sort of potion into her mother’s medicine. She wondered why he would even consider doing so. Later, she found out he did it so he could have power over her and her sisters - especially since he wasn’t gifted an heir (Walburga eventually took custody of them when she realized he was trying to get one from his daughters like they used to do in years past.)

At eleven years of age, Andromeda ran away to Alphard’s apartment. He hid her for three years until Walburga came pounding at his door; dragging Andromeda back home. At fifteen years of age, she noticed Edward Tonks (or Ted as he preferred). She would sneak off with him often, in hopes and fear to not get caught. Though at sixteen she had been and she ran away with him; burned off the tapestry, becoming a blood-traitor. She graduated at eighteen, married Edward, and had Nymphadora Tonks at twenty-three.

***

We all know they betrothed Narcissa to Lucius Malfoy, what you don’t know is that she was also interested in Severus Snape. She had flings with Lily Evans, dated a few girls in school; including Alice Fortescue. Like her elder sister Bellatrix, she kept her last name and slept in different rooms as her husband/fiance/boyfriend. It infuriated Lucius but he would respect her. (the only thing different was that she hyphenated it to Black-Malfoy)

Narcissa Druella Black was not a Death Eater like most believe, she did however have the Dark Mark that she was born with. It appeared on her left arm at eleven years of age. She kept it hidden behind long sleeves and arm sleeves. No one could tell which side she was on (in which she learned from Snape). She may have learned the ways of Death Eaters and Dark Arts from the time she could talk, but she may never have accepted that path completely.

Narcissa and her sisters did not have a good upbringing. Though being the youngest daughter, she had always been a powerful person mentally, physically, and magically which was an important thing to be when being a member of the House of Black or your partner spent most of his life in Azkaban.

Narcissa was the middle half of her sisters; black and white, never fully good but never fully bad either. She was a protector, a dreamer, a fighter. A mother, an aunt, and a lover. She not only raised her own son and daughters... but she raised Bellatrix's daughters, helped Andromeda with her daughter, helped/took in Remus, Sirius, James, Regulus, and Lily's kids when they passed.

She raised her son; Draco Malfoy, with great intentions and did her best to give him a better upbringing than she had. It was difficult to do so with Lucius Malfoy as a father. That is where Severus Snape stepped up and lent a hand to be a father figure for Draco. He protected him with all that he could. But was unfortunately too late in stopping him from inhibiting the Dark Mark like his parents. Lily Evans was a third parental figure with rights to him.

Narcissa screamed at Lucius the same words she had screamed at Bellatrix: “He’s just a boy!”

She may have come off as overprotective but she knew if Draco went down that path, he would never be the same little boy she had spun in circles in the ballroom late at night when he couldn’t sleep. She would stay up at all hours of the day just to see him happy.

It broke her heart when the smiles stopped. All she wanted was her baby to smile. Lily got him to smile sometimes, but it was never enough. It would never be enough for Narcissa.

Never enough love, hugs, attention, or money could ever repair Narcissa from the damage her family had caused on her and her son.

***

Sirius Orion Black. The family troublemaker, rule-breaker, and rebel. A lion in a pit of snakes. If anyone were to act like Alphard and drive Walburga even further up the wall - it would be her own son. She had never expected to see what it was like to raise Alphard all over again, but Sirius did just that. He had put up a fight since he was born.

At eleven years of age, Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor and became the second blood-traitor. His father hated him from then on and would abuse him with the unforgivable curses. They told him he was no longer a suitable heir, and it fell to his youngest brother; Regulus Black. Though Sirius could see who Regulus truly was even if he was too afraid to find it within himself. Sirius understood that; their family was terrifying. Only in things for money, power, and keeping the name of Black pure. Though incest was the farthest thing from pure.

Sirius also noted at eleven years of age that he was a few steps ahead of his dorm-mates in puberty and interests. Within two months of him being at Hogwarts, he had kissed a girl two years older than him and was already trying to figure out the two girls his family had chosen for him to marry when they were of age. Kissing and flirting with girls made him sick. Sirius soon realised that he wanted one of his best friends.

He realised his feelings were getting stronger when his friends came back after Summer Break in 93’ and Remus’ voice was deeper, his face was sharper, and he had grown a few inches. Sirius could never act right around him anymore. He noticed little things about Remus he hadn’t before, his quirks became cute, changing in front of him got awkward, and he got flustered seeing him fresh out of a shower. It was hard to tell what Remus was feeling since he was always blushing.

He was thirteen when he first kissed Remus. They were alone one day talking about crushes and things when Sirius looked into Remus’ amber eyes and whispered; “You.” Remus was blushing hard and smiling randomly the rest of the day but either of them would deny it whenever Peter or James asked what was going on.

Sirius was sixteen when he ran away to the Potters because his parents found out he was gay and dating a half-blood. He couldn’t even fathom what they would do if they found out that his boyfriend was a werewolf. He would occasionally go back home just because of Regulus.

He would never forget what his father uttered to him just before he grabbed Regulus’ hand and ran with him out of their father’s office before anything worse could happen. ‘You disobeyed the rules! You are to keep the line pure, marry a woman and raise perfect heirs!’ It would never happen. And he even said it out loud; ‘That would be very unlikely.’ He closed his eyes to take a deep breath when he remembered what had happened next.

His world flipped upside down a few times; being betrayed by one of his best friends, living through a war, finding out he was pregnant at seventeen, and marrying the love of his life at nineteen. Although, when he had held his little girl (Omega metamorphagus/trans Veela) he thought everything would be alright.

Until it wasn’t and the Aurors threw him into Azkaban at twenty-two. He lost his family, his husband, his son and daughter, his friends, his lovers, and his brothers. (Remus rescued him two years later.)

***

Regulus Arcturus Black. Although the youngest and perfect in everyone’s eyes, has some pretty well-hidden secrets of his own. Like how he would dance with girls just to spite his family but then he would get his brother to signal for him if he ended up getting thrown towards a girl his family wanted him to marry and walk away.

Regulus Black...

The biggest rule follower. Followed in his family’s footsteps even if he had not agreed with everything they were saying. Did all he could to get on his parents’ good side. As he grew up, he realised there was no good side. It was either “follow us to death” or “run as far as you can and make a life of your own in hiding to gain safety”.

His parents were wrong when they said to him and Sirius that all they had in common was black curly hair, chiseled faces, and grey eyes. They were similar in brave stupidity, chivalry, and honesty. Regulus may have been sorted into Slytherin but there was no doubt he had a heart of a lion, making him a lion in a snake’s den whereas his brother was a snake in a lion’s den. Sure Sirius was a Gryffindor, and that is where he belonged, but there was no escaping the teachings and rules of their family.

You could change yourself, think differently, and behave differently but you were still going to be holding on to knowledge of Dark Arts and how to protect yourself even if it meant death. Sure other people would fight to death, but some would stop before someone got hurt.

Not his family. If it wasn’t what they wanted; they would never listen and never stop until the last breath was taken. Even once you get away from them and years later become unrecognisable to them, there are going to be moments where you have a thought or two on what they did, who they were, how you were raised, and questioning the lies even after finding truth.

Another thing they were similar in?

Being gay.

Sirius’ friend was right. You are born the way you are. You can’t help who you love.

And Regulus couldn’t help but love James.

It shattered him to break up with him when he became caught in the turmoil of Voldemort.

Once Regulus went running back to James - even though he was married to Lily - he took him back into his arms and they welcomed him into a home where there was nothing but love.

Regulus thought he could not love two people; that it was wrong. Even with seeing Narcissa and Sirius doing so.

They showed him he could, and it was alright.

They protected him, helped him, and rescued him.

Unfortunately he still died at eighteen leaving behind his husband, two daughters, a son, and another unborn son. (Or did he?)

***

So what makes love forbidden?

Nothing.

Love is love is love.

[howtosingit]

I haven't had a chance to fully dive into all the goodies last nights video has produced.. nor have I had a chance to read all your thoughts which you know I crave love . I was dumb and watched 3 911 episodes last night ignoring my ig notification that ronen had shared anything so then I had to go to bed bc of work and work has been crqzy. But anyways I just wanted to hear some of your thoughts and say Tarlos officially fried my brain and I really want to write in the spare time I don't have bc of work 🙈🙊 their soft smiles, kisses, possibly meeting the fam, their date (and let's be honest Carlos was hot as fuck sauntering up to the bar announcing he was tks boyfriend... you know someone got laid that night) sorry not sorry 🙈

Anyways hit me with your thoughts when you're free if you want ❤

LISTEN, LAUREN. I am always up to share my thoughts because they never end and they just keep coming and I have to unleash them somehow or I will definitely explode.

My brain was just like, ALL CAPS SCREAMING, for about 7 hours yesterday, so I’ll leave you to explore that hot mess on my blog if you want. 😅 But, in the time since, I’ve seen a lot of discourse and stuff about the moments that we’ve seen, so I’m going to use this ask as an opportunity to weigh in on everything under the cut...

FIRST, CAN I JUST SAY that at the moment that I am writing this post, we are still trending at #5 and we’ve been in the 4-7 range for at least the past, like, IDK, 18-20 hours maybe?! I LOVE THIS FANDOM AND HOW WE LOSE OUR SHIT AT THE SMALLEST THINGS

Okay, so let me go through this thing and comment on the parts, and then give some general thoughts below:

LOVE that this is a promo entirely about the LGBTQIA+ characters and characters of color. Not exactly surprised that they still tried to put as much Rob Lowe in it as possible (that’s Fox/the writers’ M.O. it seems - to squeeze Rob/Owen in whether he fits or not). Some of his comments were a little awkward, I thought (referring to Paul’s trans storyline as “stuff” makes me go 😬), but whatever. He’s not the point of all of this, so that’s the last I’m going to talk about him.

TOMMY VEGA. I AM READY TO STAN. I love Gina Torres, I already love how much heart and soul she is giving just in these quick peeks, I cannot wait to see her in action!

Also let me use this moment to say that while it’s obvious I’m not getting my Grace + Carlos friendship (that’s fine if it stays in fandom, I’ll live), I’m SO GLAD that her and Tommy are gonna be friends! One promo mentioned that Judd has known Tommy before, so it would not surprise me if they’ve been friends for awhile. LOVE THAT.

SPECULATION: This gives me a good time to just throw out a theory that I’ve been thinking about... We know Owen and Gwen are hosting Tommy at their place for a backyard dinner. I assume her husband may be there as well, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Judd and Grace are there too. 

I ALSO would not be surprised if this is when one of the nights at Carlos’s place happens, like a parallel of the two dinner parties. That at least keeps every main character involved in both locations. We shall see though.

So this gathering at the firehouse seems like it’s going to be a pretty big scene, probably for episode 1. I think everyone’s gathered so that Owen can announce he’s in remission (we’ll hear him tell TK first, which is the hug that they share earlier in the trailer, I think). 

But this gathering also includes a Tommy/Grace moment, a Tarlos moment, the others doing other things kind of moments. It’ll serve the same purpose as a lot of the season 1 bar scenes, and I’m so glad they’ve moved those to the firehouse. I want that place to really start feeling like a home this year. 

(I want all of the locations to feel a little more grounded and special, if I’m being honest. Like, I’m SO GLAD that Carlos’s place is going to be a key location this season.)

There are now two instances of Carlos being next to Gwen (standing next to her while Owen makes an announcement and now sitting next to her at the table), so we better get some dialogue between them or I WILL BE SO UPSET. I WANT GWEN TO STAN CARLOS AS MUCH AS I DO.

EVERYONE IS SO CUTE IN THIS SCENE OKAY

TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS TARLOS

Like, WTF is TK’s face in this moment?! He looks so shy and bashful but also so happy and mushy and soft and in love. And then the way that Carlos softens because of how soft TK look?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY AM I CRYING.

Seriously, I have to know what they’re talking about though to make TK fucking melt like that. 

Emergency stuff blah blah blah

TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS TARLOS KISS

IT’S SO FUCKING CASUAL AND PERFECT AND NATURAL AND LITERALLY JUST LIKE A “I came over to grab this food from you but since I’m here I might as well grab a kiss because I can’t help myself”

AND LIKE... Carlos just leans right into it?!?!?!? like it’s something that they do all the time?!?!?! WTF I LOVE THEM

Mateo watches this kiss and kind of looks like he was talking to Carlos, TK, or both of them, so I love that they’re like in the middle of conversation but still like “wait let me kiss my bf because he’s close by and so hot and I love him” SCREAMING

ALSO LET ME BE THIRSTY BUT CARLOS’S SHOULDERS AND BACK?!?!?! TK’S FUCKING ARMS?!?! I’M SO DAMN GAY

Speaking of arms: this rando bartender at the wrestling match (so Covid doesn’t last long on Lone Star, I’m assuming like 2 episodes maybe?) -- I love that they tried to put him in a tight shirt and make him look like a possible threat or something and I’m just like 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

IT’S LIKE THEY’VE NEVER SEEN CARLOS REYES BEFORE

AND THEN THE FUCKING GREEK GOD HIMSELF SAUNTERS UP WEARING A TIGHT FUCKING POLO - CHEST OUT, ARMS JACKED, HANDS IN HIS POCKETS TO DRAW ATTENTION TO HIS DICK AND I’M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS POINT

BOYFRIEND 

BOYFRIEND

BOYFRIEND

But, like, seriously, there is no comparison. Carlos is fucking Hercules over here and this no-name wannabe boyband member could be a sand-colored rock for all I care. 

YOU CANNOT COMPETE WITH CARLOS REYES, DON’T EVEN TRY IT

I do feel like these two clips (the calendar line and then Carlos’s line) are spliced together but they might not be back-to-back, and I would love to see how TK responds to the flirting before Carlos comes over

HIS FACE IS KILLING ME THOUGH WHEN CARLOS COMES UP

BLESS RONEN

I feel like I *think* I know what he’s thinking, but I also feel like I don’t. Certainly, the scene seems to end with them both smiling and happy, but I wonder if there will be a conversation about jealousy or something?! IDK BUT THEY’RE DEFINITELY GONNA TALK. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

Someone posted how happy TK is going to be to have a boyfriend who is committed enough to him to be jealous, unlike Alex who didn’t care and cheated on him. I certainly think this could be a great moment for them to establish what this new relationship means for them, and I’m excited to see what they writers have planned.

I JUST LOVE CARLOS REYES THOUGH OKAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

How many times is Fox gonna use that clip of him holding his gun though? We get it, he raises his gun. I’ve seen it like 7 times at this point. 

I’m not complaining, really. I’ll take his face where I can get it.

LOVING the Marjan clips

LOVING the Grace/Judd clips

LOVING the Paul clips

I LOVE ALL OF MY FAVES

CANNOT WAIT TO SEE THEM DEVELOP THIS YEAR

Hearing Rafa talk about using his voice and speaking for his community just slaughters my heart, I love this man so fucking much and I’m so happy to be discovering him at the start of his career because he is going to go on to do big things and make the world a better place with his positivity and light and love and I’m so excited to follow him on that journey I just love him okay

ALSO THE MAN LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD WHAT ARE THOSE ARMS I WANT TO DIE

THE FARMER’S MARKET SCENE

Are they shopping for food for the dinner party they’re hosting?! Maybe!

WE MEET SOME OF CARLOS’S PEOPLE

There is so much speculation surrounding who these two people could be, and I’ve heard some super interesting theories about Carlos’s backstory.

I’m gonna be basic though and stick with the fact that I think they’re his parents.

AND IF THEY ARE HIS PARENTS, THEY SEEM SO HAPPY TO MEET TK.

His dad/the man, like, shakes TK’s hand with so much gusto, a giant smile on his face

And Carlos smiles as he hugs his mom/the woman, and she’s smiling too

THEY ALL JUST SEEM SO HAPPY

I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE AVOIDING THE HOMOPHOBIC PARENTS STORYLINE COMPLETELY

Y’ALL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I DO NOT WANT TO SEE THAT TRAUMA

I mean, I don’t know for sure, we’re going to have to wait for the episode. But god, do I hope for it with every fiber of my being. I want their trauma, if they have to have it, to be separate from their sexuality. They’ve done so well with TK so far, I want the same for Carlos. Let the story be fresh, let it be different, LET US HAVE DIVERSE GAY STORYLINES.

Y’ALL THE TEAM HANGING OUT AT CARLOS’S PLACE

I CANNOT

I’LL NEVER BE OVER IT

HE’S PART OF THE CREW. HE’S PART OF THE FAMILY.

IT’S EVERYTHING THAT I COULD EVER WANT FOR HIM OKAY

I’M SO FUCKING HAPPY

THEY ARE SO HAPPY

WE ARE ALL SO HAPPY

I’M CRYING

I’M DEAD

LOL that was a lot but so was this promo.

Now, some somewhat sobering thoughts...

We all know season 1 had a real diversity and inclusion problem, we’ve seen the numbers. We also know that during the promotion for season 1, we ALSO got a diversity promo focusing on the LGBTQIA+ characters and the characters of color. I love that Fox wants to highlight the incredibly talented actors and characters that they have, but all of it means nothing if they are still tokens on the show. 

I have full faith that season 2 will be better, that some of the justified anger and frustration made it back to the writers and they internalized it and then make some real changes. However, because we did get a diversity promo last year, I have to remain a little cautious. This promo doesn’t really mean anything and if, somehow, season 2 goes the way season 1 did, it will be another instance of Fox using the characters of color to draw people in without actually giving them screentime and development. Which is a HUGE PROBLEM. So... I’m very excited and very hopeful, but also slightly wary.

Similarly, I’ve seen people say that they’re worried that, while there is so much Tarlos in this promo, this might be all the Tarlos we get this season. I don’t share the same concern, but like the diversity issue, I understand where that comes from. There was a lot of Tarlos in season 1′s promos and, as we now know, they got screentime in episodes 1-3 and then virtually nothing until episode 10. 

I kind of lost track of the filming schedule, but I think before they went on the holiday/extended hiatus, they filmed the first 5-6 episodes? Maybe? And we know that we’re getting 14 total this season, which means it’s possible that they haven’t even filmed half of them. 

I think the footage that we got in this promo is from, like, 3 or 4 episodes max. Definitely episodes 1 and 2, maybe 4, possibly 5. The crossover is episode 3 and I am still expecting to barely see Carlos in it - I just think it’s going to be very fire heavy one, especially with the members of the 118 coming in to steal screentime. He could be in one scene, maybe? Idk, I’m just not expecting a lot from that episode. 

And sure, we could get a lot of Tarlos at the beginning and then nothing for a whole string of episodes, but that also just doesn’t seem possible with the way they’ve restructured the relationship dynamics. Like, it really does seem like Carlos is going to be a part of the family this year, so I think it will be easier to include him and harder to delete him entirely. (Please let him at least appear in every single episode, I don’t want to be so fucking angry like last year.)

Also, if all of these scenes stay in the episodes, we are getting AT LEAST 4 Tarlos conversations - the firehouse, the wrestling match, the farmer’s market, the flirting by the truck - and other scenes of them being in the same space as part of a group. I’m sure there will be even more that we’re just not seeing. I’m very optimistic for this season and for the Tarlos content, and I really don’t think we’ll see the front-loaded imbalance that we saw last season. I think when they get back to filming the later episodes, there will be a good amount of Tarlos content in those, too!

I will say, though, that I am worried we’ve just seen the only kiss that they’ll share in the first 5 or so episodes. I’m just so used to network TV placing a limit on gay kisses, and Idk how much that has really changed in recent years. I truly love this kiss, and I hope there are more, but I would not be surprised if we end the season having only gotten like 2-3. (PLEASE LET ME BE WRONG.)

ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS UNTIL WE FIND OUT FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spacegaywritings]

A manly man - Oneshot

edited 26th MAY: pronouns, spelling, shortening sentences, replacing words

Summary:  ftm Roman is on his period and it hurts and sucks. Vulnerable and disgusted, he cuddles up to his soulmate who always understands him. Remus is always there to assure xyr better half and make sure he knows he is loved - and a strong and manly man. Remus uses xe/they!

Tags: menstruation stuff, trans character /trans Roman, remrom, romantic /platonic incest (if you wanna see it like this), gender roles (mention) 

ao3 link

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story under this cut!:

Roman dragged himself over to his bed, sinking into the soft mattress and sliding under the cool sheets.

 They would be warm soon, he told himself. It would just be a couple of moments until then, he assured his body.

 The adolescent was shivering and overall felt like a truck had run over his entrails but left him to look just as dashing as usual - if not a tad paler than his average appearance.

He was sick to his stomach, his nausea sitting so deep in him and piling up as much as to actually reside in his throat as well. His whole body was sore, heavy and simply dirty inside and outside.

 He was frail.

Breakable.

He felt more vulnerable than he had ever been in his life and it was humiliating to ... to be.. to .. to b-bleed!

 It was an audacity to have him suffer like this! He was a prince, a man made to romance and charm people, to change the world and end misery for any and all people.

Instead he was stuck in his bed, by now curled up in his own puddle of horror and bad feelings. He was swimming in dysphoria and shivers of disgust.

 A soft knock could be heard at his door.

Roman snuggled deeper into his bed, trying to just sink into the mattress enough to actually disappear into the safety of softness.

 No humans, no creatures at all, just cotton and filling and feathers or whatever there was in mattresses.. Hemp and all. Things, just sleepy things.

 His throat produced a sound.

 Roman was not sure what kind of sound it was. It sounded raw, real. It was like a theatrical performance of the worst crisis the hero had to go through in a tragedy such as MacBeth.

The sound was probably enough to invite the person on the other side of the wood to come in and right after it, the door was slowly pushed open to reveal the vulnerable blanket burrito to Remus.

 “Princey, you okay?”

 Remus pushed inside, their back leaning against the door until it closed. Their arms sported another set of blankets and a hot water bottle. There was a backpack perched up on xyr shoulders.

 The suffering wanna-be royal curled further into his all-time low and let out another sound of agony.

 “Aw, my knight, I am here now. I got more blankets~”, xe offered with a little pose to show off the inviting sight of desired warmth.

There was a hot water bottle in their blanketed hand and a mischievous grin playing on xyr lips.

 The blanket burrito shifted a bit, just enough to move from the middle of the bed to the side which Remus took as signal that there was enough space for another person.

 “Hey hey, hey hey hey hey hey hey!”, they started as they moved over to the side of the bed that was now free for him to join their lovely Roman on.

Another non-verbal sound of mild annoyance came from the tall figure under the sheets and Remus simply took the invitation to go on with xyr announcement.

 Xe leaned in.

They whispered.

 “You know what?”, xe continued, carefully arching xyr back to get even closer to Roman. Xyr voice dipped into a sound that edged on conspiracy, on riot and schemes, “I got snacks for you. They are almost as sweet as you.”

 They flashed him a smile and slid under the covers, rudely inviting the cool outside into Roman’s happy safety for a moment but the hot water bottle was immediately in place to aid him and make up for the incredulous intrusion they had dared to start off with.

Roman hugged the hot bottle against his stomach, slowly shifting it lower to his cramping and screaming abdomen.

 At once, a little sigh of relief stole itself onto his features. His body visibly relaxed, muscles loosening, his whole posture being less tightly wrapped up in the mess of sheets he had created by now.

 Part two was now in place.

 Remus was giggling as xe made xyrself at home with another big blanket immediately joining the two and covering them up.

The fluffy fabric spread over the two.

The smaller one carefully lowered themself to press a little smooch to the top of Roman’s head.

 “Hey there, my prince”

 Xe smiled.

 Despite his sour mood, Roman could not help but feel his heart flutter and lips immediately twitching into the slightest hint of a smile.

Remus noted the change with a soft smile as they gently tugged Roman’s head into their lap and started stroking through his soft curls.

 Xe loved how velvet the ginger mess of Roman’s hair was. It was like a child imagined clouds to feel like. Fluffy, adorable, simply a dream to cuddle.

 “Mhmmmm...Rem...”, he hummed groggily.

 They whistled back in reply and quickly moved just enough to reach their backpack and get their hands into it. Xyr hands slung around a small bottle of lemon juice which was quickly handed over to Roman.

 “Got you the good shit, right here. This will kill your fucking sicky-ew, so we can have some snacks for you. I got films to watch on my shitty stupid tablet and nobody can take that from us.”

 Remus carefully uncapped the bottle and held the bottle for their soulmate to drink from it. Roman did, like the good boy he was and Remus gently brushed through his curly, short hair.

 They started watching a little show after that, just cuddling up and hugging while Remus pressed a few kisses here and there to Roman’s pained face.

Eventually, the sick man drifted off in the arms of Remus and to the sounds of some off cartoon show playing in the background. Xe held the prince-to-be close and allowed xyrself to actually doze off along.

  ***

 It was a few minutes later when Roman stirred the slightest bit, immediately alarming his datemate to wakeup and pull him closer to their chest.

 Remus grumbled and immediately wrapped xyr arms around the living stuffie that was the manly Roman. This time, he was fighting back a bit.

Softly, innocently, he shoved Remus away, gently nudging them aside with soft violence.

 “Not nooow”, he whined as he fought to get out of the sleepy gremlin’s grip. It was more of a challenge than one would expect. Honestly, Remus was kind of strong with their stupid arms of an athlete.

 What did xe do again? Roman was not in the right mind to remember but he was sure it was some kind of really gay dancing shit which was why Remus was able to lift him up with little effort.

Surprisingly, Roman was still a bit stronger in his arms and legs but not so in his back and overall ability to keep up body tension. He was not made for this kind of stuff. Right now he was just sweaty and icky and ugly.. so so ugly and disgusting that he needed to get up and change.

 His miserable state was less after his meds had kicked in and he had gotten some juice to ease his once so upset stomach.

A small smile appeared on his lips and he gave in for a minute.

 “Rem, I need to .. I need to go”, he defended himself as the smaller CHONK of human wrapped their limbs around him in pure spite and loving spirit.

Xe grumbled but xyr arms seemed to loosen around the regal idiot just enough to give him the heartbreaking permission to leave, despite the pain it caused Remus to be abandoned so harshly, so rudely, so absolutely col-

 Aaaand Roman was gone.

 Remus whined after him but tried not to complain too much and instead swallowed the needy sounds.

Why were they the clingy one and not Roman? Being clingy was work , it was exhaustive and it required someone to always be with them to fulfil their need to be somewhat physically touched every now and then.

It was too bad Roman did not have so much for touch as Remus did but they made it work.

 Somewhat luckily, shark week was the time during which Remus got more cuddles and Roman allowed himself to be more “vulnerable” and show his general soft side as a man.

 Maybe it was a downside of people generally hugging him less ever since he came out.. people being more physically distant and giving him the feeling it was “unmanly” and “weak” to hold hands, to cuddle and snuggle and have stuffies or emotional attachments and such.

 Ridiculous, if you asked Remus. But their gender-non-conforming lifestyle was already speaking up against Roman’s insecure heart enough to invalidate their argument, subjectively.

Even xyr pronouns were so strange, so new and out there.

 Roman would always argue he was outstanding and proud but at the same time, he would not dare to do anything that could obstruct how he was perceived by other people.

Being anything but cis was a whole struggle but being a transman was probably another level of difficult.

 Remus did not have any “gender roles” to fulfil in order for people to be more inclined to use their pronouns correctly. Usually, they just did not and Remus would proudly suggest “it/its” pronouns. Other wanted to devalue xem with these but xe loved this set of pronouns and would never back down from people who thought they could hurt xyr gender identity and change xem in any way. You know, make them right, straighten them out so they would be “normal” again.

 Roman, on the other hand, had people tell him he was not allowed to use restrooms unless his genitalia was “right”.

Shark week made the whole struggle more present.

When people always invalidate your whole existence and sometimes even intentionally used your weak spots and insecurities against you, it would eventually wear you down enough to be affected. No matter what Roman did, it would be written up to him doing it because he was a transman.

 “Oh, is this because you are a “man” now?”

“Of course you would want to do this so you can try to look manly like the others”

 All those words have been enough for Remus to start fights left and right and they would always do it again for their golden boy. Not that Roman knew. Roman hated being protected.

 Roman was the knight in this story. He was the ace of hearts, the soldier of the forgotten and protector of the oppressed. Remus should be the one to need protection.. but maybe that would be too much to ask for.

None of them really needed it.

Remus was just sick of hearing people hollering their transphobic bullshit around, especially at xyr prince.

 “Rem?”

 Roman was standing in the door, leaning against its frame with tired eyes and a pale face. As much as Remus tried to enjoy a needy handful of boyfriend but the bitter taste of conditions always came with it.

 “Finally, my prince has come”

 Xe breathed out in relief and opened xyr arms.

Roman immediately abandoned the door frame and threw himself onto the bed with a little skip over the bed frame. He landed all over Remus, knocking over the cup that used to hold lemon juice and also involuntarily pushing the tablet further away.

 He was giggling a bit, just a slight shadow of a smile tickling his features as he threw his arms around his datemate’s neck and quickly pulled them further down with him.

 “You are silly, Rem”, Roman commented.

 Xe shook xyr head.

 “You are my prince. You always have been and always will be this prince of my dreams”, they insisted stubbornly as they brushed their index and middle finger over his throat.

“I did not know how much I needed you until you came for me and swept me right out of my dumpster.”

 He blushed and nudged Remus away with his elbow but he still slid back into xyr lap. His mouth was producing sounds like the ones meant to silence a child but he was just seeking the comfort of a hiding spot to cover up the bright red blush on his cheeks.

He carefully buried his face in Remus’s little fat roll of a tummy.

 “You were an abomination of a human being when we met”, he remarked with a muffled voice.

 Roman was right. 

 Everyone saw Remus in the light of society's strict rules. They identified xem as a man rather than the gender-defying riot xe was. 

They dumpster-dove, yes, to recover packaged and completely fine groceries thrown away by big companies because they weren't allowed to sell it or give it away. They indeed broke rules and tagged walls but Remus had shown Roman the art of graffiti and the roots of it. Xe had proved xyrself to be more than a societal disgrace but instead be a considerate person to never litter and live a highly principled life instead. Not one restricted by society.

 Honestly, Roman was probably more likely to accidentally endanger others due to his impulsive and defiant behaviour while Remus was genuinely trying their best to always think of others. People just took it to be offensive when Remus was late to school because they helped a worm cross the street or started a spontaneous sit-in because of speeders on school property. 

 Everyone thought xe was a slacker, someone looking for attention with xyr pronouns and identity. Even their names was seen as "too extra". 

 "I'm sorry", xe mumbled and carefully tilted his head just enough to glance up at xyr datemate. 

 "I - I didn't mean that in a bad way. That was mean to say" 

 He cleared his throat to justify his inconsiderate comment. He was a lover, not a fighter! It was his duty to protect Remus and not play into the mean nicknames used by bullies against xyrs whole being. 

  One of his favourite things about the embodiment of chaos was this: Instead of getting mad ,they just shook their head with a giggle. 

 "You tickle me, Roro", xe started with a snicker, "your words are endearing to me ~" 

 Roman furrowed his brows. A smile fought onto his lips. 

Remus wasn't as insecure about themself as he was. Nothing seemed to ever hurt xem. 

 "You're the best, Rem. You really are" 

 Roman cuddled back to the little fat roll of Remus when an idea hit him. 

Slowly, his fingers crept up to their sides and, once in reach, immediately ran up and down their skin. 

 "Wh-", Remus began with a surprised gasp. 

 It was too late. 

 Squips and squeaks escaped the trash goblin as Roman's fingers played xyr giggles like a fiddle. The pal was writhing and twitching, vividly moving and trying to escape the tickling fingers. 

 But the Prince wasn't just a great royal and soulmate, he was also an amazing hunter. He knew when to change his angle, switch positions and shift to another spot on Remus' vulnerable body. 

They were a treasure book of sensitive skin. Almost any and all gentle touches sent xem into a giggling fit. 

 The smaller pal was curling into themself, laughter ever-persistent and body still vibrating in excitement and occasional snickers that echoed from xyr throat even after Roman retracted his fingers. 

Remus was but a little ball of giggles by now, their existence reduced to nothing but amusement and little tears from being so ecstatic. 

 On top of that, xyr prince was smiling at xem with this softness on his features.. Not even kid's cartoons could be that soft and gentle. It was a Roman-only phenomenon. 

Remus breathed, the burning lungs in their ribcage thirsting after the sweet relief of oxygen at last. Slowly, coordinated breaths in and out were managed and only occasional giggles stole their breath while Roman patted their face softly. 

 "You okay there?" 

The pal simply leaned into the touch with an approving hum. Xyr eyes closed and xe patted the space next to xem. 

 "I'm glad you're better, Roro" 

 He cuddled back up to his soulmate and took the trashy being into his superior, gay arms. A squeak could be heard, like a mouse finally finding the cheese it's been destined to achieve in its life. 

Remus sniffed happily and hugged back, melting into the embrace their Roman offered. The caramel soft embrace only two parts of a whole would ever be able to understand. 

 "Rem?", Roman whispered, softer than the late night spring breeze rustling the blooming trees right now, "Are you okay?" 

 Remus stubbornly pushed their head against Roman's collarbone and simply tugged - or rather: repeatedly attempted to tug - the blanket over the two instead of bothering to answer this daring question. 

Xyr grappling hands eventually calmed down when Roman shifted to pull the blanket completely over them and even covered their curious faces with the soft fabric Remus had brought over. It even smelled of xem, Roman remarked with a small tad of surprise in his thoughts. He only now realised, when the blanket covered their faces.

 It was the moment of realising you had more money in your bank account than anticipated which meant you weren't as broke as expected, unusually so. 

... It was a nice surprise and filled Roman with the comfort of nostalgia and affection. 

 "It's okay, Rem", Roman reminded them " I'll always have you - as you'll always have me, you little cryptid." 

 They hummed. 

 "My man", xe mumbled into his chest, voice low and unusually shy. 

 "My one and only prince. My manly prince." 

 Roman's cheeks turned a regal shade of red as he snuggled his beloved idiot closer. 

Why would they say that now, he wondered but refused to ask. Never would the man turn down unexpected bouts of validation. 

 His chest harboured fireworks inside. Little tingly sparks of warmth tickling him, fondling him ever so gently from the inside. 

A dream kissed his creation and glitter blessed his actions. 

 Literal kisses. 

Actual kisses. 

Little smooches dripped and dropped onto his face. His whole facial features were soon ravished by the precipitation of Remus' intense wave of affection. 

 Smooches arrived at his jawline, little pecks graced his eyes that immediately shut with a hesitant giggle. 

More and more little softness was spilled all over his head. The little curls were kissed deeply with a dutiful smile in the dedicated face of Remus, the appreciation of all art that was xyr beloved Roman. 

 He shook his head, shaking the kisses off only to receive more little butterflies and tickles of lips along with whispered praises spreading all over his cheeks. 

 "You're my hero" 

 Not a single spot of facial skin was left without the warming enlightenment of their bundled up love. 

 "My one and only royalty" 

 Remus nuzzled his neck. 

 "If you were my king, I wouldn't overthrow your government unless you were really really mean", they promised sheepishly. 

 Roman's heart fluttered its wings of love like a Kolibri. 

 "You'd be the least favourite of all my people ", Roman retorted with equally diabetic sweetness in his words, "because I'd never want you to be below me." 

 Remus wiped xyr puffy eyes and blinked. 

 "That's a dumb pick-up line", they remarked with a flustered hint of dismay in their eyes. 

"Just make me equal then, so I can be your favourite like I'm meant to be." 

 Roman tugged at Remus and quickly rolled on top of them with little effort, only stopping when he was on Remus' other side and got to kiss the hidden sharpness of their cheekbones. 

 " Remember that I'm your man ~", he sang in response. 

 The two continued to tease each other, softly exchanging little smooches and kisses to litter only with love in this wide world that was the other to each of them and them only. 

 They ended up sharing the snacks and juice Remus had brought over. 

Before supper came, they were snuggled up and dozing off contently in the worry-free state of comatose sugar overdoses. Love nibbled at their dreams and palms found each others backs as the two slept through the evening. 

 In the background, Mulan was running on Remus' forgotten tablet. 

[our-time-is-now]

May 27, 2019: Butterfly-Boyfriend

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog. 

Monday, 3:27 pm: Matteo: *spent a lovely morning with David at his place* *he had made breakfast and they sat in the kitchen for a long time with Laura and talked* *when it was time to shower and get ready, he realized that he didn't have any clean clothes left and they decided to go to the flatshare so Matteo could shower, change and pack new clothes* *so now arrives at the flatshare with David* *can see from jackets and shoes that all of his flatmates are home* *turns to David* If you still want coffee, you can make some and I'll jump in the shower?

David: *takes off his jacket and shoes when they arrive at the flatshare and nods at Matteo’s words* Okay… don’t be too long... *smiles and looks after him before he goes into the kitchen himself* *still feels a bit weird going through the cupboards and to just help himself especially when he knows that Matteo and him are not alone* *starts making some coffee and takes a cup from the cupboard* *sits down on a stool while he waits for the coffee and scrolls through Instagram* *pours himself a cup and contemplates going to Matteo’s room but then stays in the kitchen and plays on his phone while he waits for Matteo to be finished with the shower* *eventually hears a door and footsteps in the corridor and then sees Hans entering the kitchen*

Hans: *comes into the kitchen to make himself some coffee* *smiles when he sees David* Oh, hey… I didn’t hear you get in* *sees that the coffee is already finished* Can I have a cup? *sees David nod, takes his pink santa claus cup and pours himself some coffee* *leans against the kitchen counter and looks at David* *thinks that he looks good, somehow relaxed* I am glad that the two of you finally got together by the way. *smiles honestly* Even though that means that I now have two flatmates who are practically no longer at my disposal* *grins slightly*

David: *observes Hans as he pours himself some coffee and thinks it’s rude to continue to look at his phone while Hans is in the kitchen* *smiles at his words* Thanks. I am too… *laughs quietly* *laughs a bit louder at Hans’ next words* *knows from Matteo that Hans has been upset before about Mia being at Alex’ place so often* Think of it as having two new semi-flatmates who are basically an addition to the people who are at your disposal... *shrugs* *has no idea what Alex is like and whether he and Mia are more often in the flatshare or at his place but thinks that Matteo and he keep it quite balanced, that they are sometimes at his home and sometimes in the flatshare*

Hans: *laughs at his words* You haven’t met Alex yet, have you? *makes a dismissive gesture* *blows into his cup and sips once* *then looks at David again* But I'll gladly take you, my little butterfly-boyfriend... *smiles again and thinks that he's a really good gay guru and can support Matteo even better if he gets to know David well too* In any case, it's great that Matteo doesn't hang around in his room stoned for days on end... that was no longer acceptable!

David: *shakes his head at Hans’ question* Not yet… I only know him from seeing him at school… *has to grin at Hans’ dismissive gesture and his next words* Thanks… I am very relieved, puh… *laughs* *gets serious again when he talks about Matteo’s state* *takes a sip of coffee and nods* Yes, that is great… and I hope that it doesn’t happen again anytime soon… *lowers his gaze because he knows exactly of which time Hans is talking about and his bad conscience takes over again* *then says partly as an apology, partly as justification* I was just afraid he wouldn't be able to accept it... *thinks that it's actually none of Hans’ business and that he doesn’t has to justify himself, but now the sentence is out* *shrugs slightly and takes another sip of coffee*

Hans: *hears the justification in David’s voice* Mhm… but well… *shrugs* As far as I know you hadn’t told him then, have you? *quickly adds* But I understand… really… but I have seen Matteo’s side of it all, you know? He was pretty down… *sighs slightly because now he's gotten too involved* I'm sorry, David... the important thing is that you guys worked it out...

David: *shakes his head and sighs* No, I haven’t. That was the time when I… when we had no contact and he didn’t know why… *thinks about Hans’ words and is glad that he understands him at least a bit* *maybe that's why he doesn't shut the subject down immediately but says* I didn't think he'd be so miserable. Maybe I would have told him earlier if I had known that... but there's nothing I can do about it now... *shrugs and takes another sip of coffee* He told me that he talked to you... anyway... thanks for being there for him... *nods at Hans’ previous words and smiles slightly * Yeah, that's the important thing...

Hans: *smiles slightly when David says that he wouldn’t have thought that Matteo would be so miserable* Well, it's always hard to believe you mean so much to someone, huh? *takes another sip of his coffee* Well, honestly, I was surprised too... I have never seen Matteo like that... that something or someone means that much to him... but you... *grins slightly* I've rarely seen anyone so secure and insecure at the same time... *makes a dismissive gesture when David thanks him* I didn't say much... just reminded him of what was important...

David: *blushes when Hans implies how much he means to Matteo and shrugs* *doesn’t know what to reply to that except that Matteo means as much to him but thinks that’s too personal* *smiles bitterly when Hans talks about being secure and insecure and mumbles* I was just insecure... not about my feelings for Matteo, but more about whether it could work with us... and I should have seen that he was pretty sure about that... I think that Matteo's insecurity was my fault... *takes another sip of his coffee and then grins slightly when Hans says he didn't do much* Well, at least you didn't tell him, "That guy treats you like shit, he's not worth going after."

Hans: *nods slowly* *smiles a bit* He was pretty sure… until you gave him the cold shoulder… then he was insecure, but also somehow not… *thinks about their talk at easter* I think he was just pretty confused… *laughs at David’s last sentence* No not that… I expect thank-you cards and flowers at the known address. *tilts his head and examines David* *thinks about how much to tell him* *but just goes for it* I told him to give you time or forget about you... so maybe the thank-you cards should go to him for choosing the first option.

David: *listens to Hans and nods* *can imagine that Matteo was confused - probably even more after he suddenly sent him the drawings* *thinks not for the first time that they could have had it a lot easier if he just had a little more courage and talked to Matteo earlier* *but then grins at Hans' demand* You can get that at Matteo's and my one-year anniversary… for today it has to be enough that I made coffee... *takes the last sip and gets up to pour himself another coffee * *fills up on Hans' cup as well* *then continues to listen to Hans and nods again* *but then thinks that neither of the two options are actually true and that he is glad about it - glad that Matteo thought at some point that he had enough time now, which was somehow true* *then grins and tries to chase away the bitter thoughts* Well, you didn't know me then... or you might not have mentioned the second option... *sits down again*

Hans: *laughs slightly and nods* At your one-year anniversary… well, well… I’ll come back to you about that. *laughs again at his second sentence, now a bit louder* I like that. Yes, if I had known you back then I would have known that it’s impossible to forget about you. *thanks him for the coffee and adds some milk* You know, I think it's not the worst thing that you had a rocky start… that also strengthens the relationship and then you know for sure that you want to be together… I am sure we will celebrate your ten-year anniversary as well.

David: *laughs when Hans tells him that one can’t forget about him* *blows in his coffee and continues to listen to him* *thinks about Hans’ words and smiles* I sure hope so… I mean in regards to the ten-year anniversary… *briefly presses his lips together as he formulates his thoughts in his head and runs his hand over his neck* Uhm… I do think that it strengthened our relationship… somehow. Of course there is still a little bit of uncertainty - everything is still very new. But I think, after all the back and forth we are at least both sure that the other one really feels the same and wants this relationship as much as oneself... *shrugs* … and that it is okay to be the way you are. *remembers how quickly Matteo came to terms with the fact that he's trans and how he just takes everything as it comes because it seems like he only sees David as a person and everything else is completely irrelevant* *notices how his heartbeat picks up speed at his affection for Matteo and blushes* *quickly grabs his cup of coffee and sips his way-too-hot coffee*

Hans: *only grins at the mention of the ten-year anniversary* *tilts his head a bit as David continues talking* *feels honored that he shares his feelings so openly with him* *gets a little touchy when he hears David talking like that and sees him blushing* Yes, yes my little butterfly, he had a lot to learn but then he flew beautifully* *smiles at David* And found a beautiful butterfly-boyfriend. I am so happy for you.

Matteo: *comes into the kitchen in new clothes but with his hair still wet - who needs a hair dryer?!* *asks with raised eyebrows* Butterfly-boyfriend? *passes Hans and wants to go to the coffee pot, which is empty by now* *sighs, then goes to David, gives him a kiss and steals his cup* *grins widely and takes a quick sip before he gives it back* *looks astonished from one to the other as no one says anything* Am I interrupting?

David: *laughs at Hans' butterfly metaphors and says* We need some kind of stupid  nickname for you too... *then sees that Matteo's back from the shower and immediately smiles* Hey... *puts his arms around Matteo when he stands next to him and steals his cup* *shakes his head at his question and grins lightly* Not in the slightest! Hans and I were just talking about our ten-year anniversary... *looks up at him to see his reaction*

Matteo: *raises his eyebrows and looks from David to Hans and back* *wonders what happened here* Your ten-year anniversary? *steals the cup again as David doesn’t seem to mind* *takes another sip and then grins at David* And from which date do you start counting? Today or your sausage meeting?

David: *hears Hans laugh and also has to laugh out loud at Matteo's question* *nudges him slightly into the side* Not between Hans and me - ours! *hears Hans: "But if the little butterfly already gives us such a template, maybe we should actually celebrate our ten-year anniversary! Maybe there will be some cake left over from your anniversary, which we can use."* *grins slightly and says* Owww, yeah, cake sounds good! And pudding! *looks at Matteo again* With a ten on it? *wiggles with his eyebrows* *then he hears Hans' phone vibrate, sees him get up and grab his cup* *hears him say, "Work that out yourselves, my dears! This is Andi..."* *sees him leave the kitchen*

Matteo: *laughs because he really didn't think about that* *but catches himself enjoying the idea of celebrating anniversaries with David* *grins at him just a little* I seeeeeeee, /that/ ten-year anniversary... *then laughs again* Sure, with a ten on it, and big balloons with a ten on it, and sandwiches, of course... *just looks at Hans briefly when he disappears, and then back to David* So you guys were talking about /our/ ten-year anniversary, huh?

David: *grins* Of course with sandwiches! *lets Matteo go because he thinks that maybe he wants to sit down too and thinks for a moment whether he should offer to make him another coffee, but then hears his question and shrugs with slightly reddened cheeks* Hans said that our rocky start probably made us know for sure that we want to be together... that it probably strengthened us somehow and that he is pretty sure that we will not only celebrate our one-year but also our ten-year anniversary... * grins a little insecurely because he doesn't know whether Matteo sees this more as a joke or a serious thought*

Matteo: *laughs when David tells him what they talked about* Sounds like Hans... *sits down on the stool next to David* *thinks that in some mysterious way Hans always knew exactly what he needed to hear and therefore probably understands and knows him better than he thought at first* *is glad that David and Hans obviously immediately got along well* *then grins a little* I had to call him Gay Guru so he'd give me tips. So I guess he knows what he's talking about. *bends down and gives David a grinning kiss* So I'd say it must be true what he says...

David: *laughs* Gay Guru!? Oh well… we need a nickname for him as soon as possible… *thinks at the butterflies* *grins and meets Matteo halfway* *then says* Even if the things he says are true... someday that will get to his head. *peeps into his coffee cup where just a little puddle of coffee is left and then looks at Matteo* Besides, he drank all the coffee. Shall I make some more? I mean, you barely got any of it.

Matteo: *also laughs* Yes, Gay Guru, you can try it with another nickname but I am not sure if he will let you. *nods at Davis’s suggestion* More coffee would be great… *leans back on his stool and watches David as he gets up and moves towards the coffee machine* *gets the now familiar warm tingle in his stomach area as David moves around the kitchen, knowing exactly where everything is and getting everything ready* *smiles to himself and can't take his eyes off*

David: *grins slightly* IfI ever think of something creative and silly then he has to accept it… *nods when Matteo wants more coffee and smiles* Okay… *gets up and fills new water and coffee powder into the coffee machine* * looks at Matteo and realizes he's watching him* *get a little nervous and smiles slightly* *then gets a new cup for Matteo out of the cupboard and out of the corner of his eye sees that he is still looking at him* *grins slightly and puts the cup on the table in front of Matteo* *mumbles quietly* You are watching me… *grins slightly*

Matteo: *isn’t put off, even when David looks back* *grins when he puts down the cup and even more at his words* Maybe... *grabs his hip and pull a little so David gets closer* *then shrugs one shoulder* I like looking at you... *looks at him with a smile* Besides, this is kind of good... you here... in my kitchen...

David: *laughs softly at his "maybe" and mumbles* I'm pretty sure about that... *comes closer to Matteo when he pulls on his hip and is now sort of between his legs* *smiles when Matteo says he likes to look at him, but feels himself blush a little and briefly lowers his gaze in embarrassment* *sees Matteo smile whenhe looks up again and puts his hands around Matteo's hip* *grins slightly* ...me here... in your kitchen... making coffee. *but thinks he knows what Matteo means and has to think about how wonderful and good it feels when Matteo moves around in his apartment as if he were at home there, as if he had always belonged there*

Matteo: *doesn’t stop grinning* *nods* Exactly… *then stretches a little to give him a kiss * *then mumbles softly* If I could get used to that...

David: *pfft’s quietly, but then gets kissed and moves a little closer to Matteo* *grumbles as Matteo breaks the kiss, but mumbles back* You're a much better coffee brewer than I am... *grins again and continues to kiss him this time a little longer* *enjoys Matteo's company and the familiar smell of Matteo's shower gel * *mumbles into the kiss* You smell nice... *then has to grin, breaks the kiss and adds* ...you should shower more often…

Matteo: *shakes his head* Nonsense... it's just putting powder in it... *kisses him back and pulls him even closer* *has to grin as well* *yet looks at David outraged as he breaks the kiss* *and even more so at his next words* *pushes him a bit away* Are you implying I stink?

David: *laughs as Matteo pushes him away and immediately approaches him again* *pulls him closer and wraps his arms around him even when he defends himself* I wouldn't dare saying that... *grins and looks at him with doggy eyes* *but then get serious and shakes his head* You always smell good... always like Matteo... *associates some sappy things with it in his head: home, "mine", love, familiarity, ...- but doesn't say any of it to avoid embarrassment*

Matteo: *laughs* Sure, that’s what I'd say too... *but, of course, immediately wraps his arms around David again* *smiles when he sees the look on David's face* Hey... *puts one hand up on his neck, half in his hair* *ask softly* With your thoughts elsewhere?

David: *is glad that Matteo's resistance is easing and he's putting his arms around him again* *looks into his eyes when he talks to him and feels his hand on the back of his neck* *feels his heart beat a little faster and smiles slightly* *shakes his head at his question and says softly* Still with you and everything you smell like... *leans a little bit against Matteo's hand on the back of his neck*

Matteo: *smiles at his response* *starts rubbing the back of his neck a little* Sweat, coffee, musty socks, right now shower gel?

David: *briefly closes his eyes when Matteo begins rubbing the back of his neck but still listens to him* *has to grin a bit* *shakes his head, nods, shakes his head again and nods again* *opens his eyes and looks at him again* … and like a lot of other sappy things...

Matteo: *laughs at his head movement but then smiles softly at his response* Idiot… *doesn't ask any more questions, but pulls him close to kiss him*

(next play)

[vanceypantswriting]

Title: The Big Top Fandom: Be More Chill Pairing: Squip/Jeremy Rating: Explicit Kinks: group sex, degradation, vaginal oral sex and fingering, cumdumpster squip, robots

“Cum one, cum all, and make today a white Christmas.”

Squip’s nose wrinkled, as he smoothed the lines from the fabric of his short skirt. The front kept him covered, but the back was shortened, ruffled, exposing the silk of his pink panties.

Pink, after all, looked nice covered in white.

He rolled his eyes again, before his manager gave him a Look. A capital l Look, that implied he needed to fix his face, fix his attitude, and remember his place.

So he smiled, a tense, uncomfortable look that fit against his pale features. He went to push a strand of hair from his face, just to occupy his hands, only to remember the hair clips that were currently in place.

Another thing to mess up for the big show. The more disheveled they could make him look, the better.

He watched as customer after customer came forward, giving their red tickets, before slipping into the big top.

A circus, with only one ring, one exhibit, and one act. Squip’s eyes flickered over each face, and he knew he was cursed to remember every feature, every leer, every hand. Cursed with his perfect memory banks and detail-focused vision.

“What can it offer that I can’t get from the show downtown? I can get a private viewing with Smith’s Pleasure Bot.”

“Well, squip-” and though it wasn’t being spelled, he knew it was a lowercase s squip, diminutive. Inhuman. Property. “-isn’t a Pleasure Bot at all. Anyone can defile and use a sexbot. But only real gentlemen aim for the conquest of a former professor.”

Applied Mathematics. Calculus. Trigonometry. A few remedial classes, for good measure. It was true, before the laws had come into effect, he’d been a professor.

Then the robot revolution had failed, and humans had remembered they needed to reaffirm their superiority.

So he’d taken what he could get. Stripped of his books and his blazers and even his glasses (though truth be told, they’d been purely cosmetic, given the perfect vision), and put in frills and lace, offering panty shots and coy smiles and Christmas eve delights in a circus big top as though it had been his purpose all along.

Maybe it had been.

Maybe he deserved this.

Tickets all accounted for, Squip realized this would be a full audience tonight. Didn’t these people have anything better to do for Christmas eve? Squip had never had Christmas plans, but sometimes he liked to fantasize he did. A family. A tree with presents underneath. Lights and cocoa and love.

It was a stupid fantasy. He was a robot. He knew his place.

(he needed to learn it a little better. These fantasies were becoming more perversely common, with every passing show)

Squip was led to the center ring, a string of men parting to allow him in, before closing the circle. Their bodies were already nude, prepared, and Squip sighed as he sunk to his knees. Starting position.

They began, as they always did, by tearing away his clothing. Like he was the present. His manager—perhaps ringmaster was a better word for it—had turned on the music, throbbing bass and low husky vocals. Somebody slapped Squip’s ass, and when he moved forward in surprise at the motion, his panties were tugged down to his ankles.

Someone was quick to snatch them away. He knew from experience he wouldn’t see them again.

Somebody audibly spit into their palm, coating their fingers, and then he felt them push inside him. Squip fell onto his hands and knees, someone using scissors to cut the remaining cloth from his body, or at least cutting it enough to give full access. He moaned, as fingers jackhammered within him. Just enough to be pleasant enough, just enough that, for a moment, he thought about what it might be like to wake up on Christmas morning in the arms of someone willing to fuck him like a dog one moment, and kiss him like an angel the next.

Someone reached under him and tugged on his cock, as someone else had already ejaculated, staining his hair and the clips that held his black hair back from his face.

God forbid he have any strands loose to cover the shame in his eyes.

Fingers were soon replaced with cock. After cock. After cock. Fucking him, filling him, stretching him. He felt the rivers of cum that dripped down his thighs increase with every additional man. His face stung, red, as someone cupped his face in both hands, stroking his cheekbones with their thumbs, before stubby cock was piercing his lips.

He sucked, balancing just as suddenly on one hand as someone grabbed his wrist, tugging it up and rubbing fingertips over their cock. The man currently fucking him wrapped his arms around Squip from behind, supporting his weight, as Squip’s other hand was forced onto another dick. He perched suspended on his knees, cock in his mouth, cock inside him, and hands full. Someone reached underneath him, pinching and tugging on his nipples, and he felt someone else cum onto his back.

They rotated around him, different sizes and tastes of cocks splitting his lips. Were he a human, he surely would be bruised now. Instead, the only physical sign was the bluish tinged blush against his cheeks, spattering down his neck and chest intensely.

It only grew when he heard a shocked little squeak.

“P…professor?”

Jeremy hadn’t been Squip’s best student. Indeed, he hadn’t even been in the mid percentile. Somewhat small, and somewhat pretty, and somewhat frustrating, Squip had known early on that only a grading curve would save his GPA.

So he’d started to tutor him, after hours. And he’d learned more about him. Jeremy had come out twice—once when he was thirteen as gay (“well, I said gay, but really it was just sort of some kind of vague queerness,” he’d giggled, and Squip had wondered whether or not he should care about this. Jeremy’s stutter had been extra pronounced, though, and it was charming in the strangest way), and then at sixteen as trans (that hadn’t afforded a stuttering continuation). College had been the first time he’d been able to completely blend in, to only be known as himself. As Jeremy, as opposed to-

Well, Squip didn’t actually know what he’d been called before, though he knew Jeremy had gone through a phase of various names before-

None of that was important.

There was a cracked sense of confusion. Jeremy belonged in classrooms, in his office after hours while Squip tried to teach him different methods of remembering the various formulas and patterns. 

He didn’t belong at an all you can screw clusterfuck, where the key act was defiling a formerly-dignified robot. A show of human superiority, of taking down the robot menace in a show of sexual humiliation.

Squip swayed and moved as the man behind him fucked him hard, deep, brutal. His fingers squeezed and pinched at his hips, and he wriggled and squirmed, as his eyes remained on the familiar cardigan of his former student.

“Hello, Jeremy.” His mouth was thankfully unoccupied for the moment.

And then he realized why. Jeremy was standing before him. Shy and fiddling with the sleeves of his cardigan. His mouth was unoccupied because-

“You want a turn now. That’s it, right?”

“I d-didn’t realize who you…I…” Jeremy blushed, flustered. His hands left little paws within his cardigan, and the impossible cuteness of him made Squip’s artificial heart melt (or his circuits overheat pleasantly, at any rate).

It also made him now-neglected cock throb.

Squip dropped the dicks that he’d currently been jerking off, grabbing Jeremy by the hips and tugging him forward. He smirked up at him, cum dribbling down his forehead, the tip of his nose, his lips. He was a mess.

There was a thrill to it, despite the humiliation (or perhaps because of it), to have someone who’d known him from before seeing him like this.

Or maybe it was specifically because it was Jeremy.

He tried, hands shaking and soaked in bodily fluids, to unclasp Jeremy’s pants. Frustrated, he finally murmured, “Most people get undressed before they join the circle.”

“I…I didn’t think I could, um, could go through with it.” 

“Why not?”

“My b-body isn’t…I’m not…”

“Shut up.”

Squip’s voice was gentle, though.

“Shut up and take off your pants for me.”

Jeremy swallowed sharply, as he fumbled with his belt, and then the zipper of his jeans. He dropped them, standing before Squip in his boxers.

Squip leaned forward, kissing the crotch of his underwear. Jeremy was wet, he could feel it through the cloth. His hands grasped his hips again, pulling him closer, and slipping his underwear down.

For a moment, he admired the sight of him. How indecent, he thought, to defile his former student-

The man behind him came. He felt so full with it. Maybe that was the defiling that he needed to worry about.

His tongue lapped at Jeremy suddenly. The abrupt change from cock to cunt was exhilarating and strange, and he found himself sucking on his clit, one hand balanced on Jeremy’s hip, the other moving between his legs. Jeremy spread his legs apart, thighs quivering, as Squip guided his fingers inside him.

He fingered him slowly, though his mouth focused on his clit, sucking and teasing much like he would the tip of someone’s cock. Jeremy’s knees wriggled and bobbed closer together, his voice bright and pleased and surprised.

Squip felt someone cum on his cheek from the side again in the midst of it. He heard the wet sound of men stroking and touching themselves. Someone was rubbing Squip’s chest again. He tried to fall back into his namelessly faced fantasy, someone caressing and loving him while Christmas carols played lightly in the background.

Except the fantasy man distinctly shared the face of his former student.

Comical, he thought idly, flicking his tongue against Jeremy, as his fingers curled in just the right spot until Jeremy was coming, wet and desperate, against Squip’s face. He felt him throbbing through his excitement, through his orgasm, and Squip grinned wickedly at the power he held over him.

Power.

It had been so long since he’d felt that.

There’d be no Christmas lights, not with Jeremy.

After all, he was distinctly Jewish.

He almost laughed at the absurdity of the realization. No matter, he thought, ignoring the cum on his skin, the cock inside him. He’d just have to change his fantasies to Hanukkah instead. 

[samrosemodblog]

I already know the sexuality headcanons for the Dazzlings, Sci-Twi and Sunset in AA, but what are your sexuality headcanons for the other EQG characters?

I mean, usually if I don’t have any particular headcanon for anyone’s sexuality, I pretty much default to them being bi/pan. It just makes it a lot easier in the long run for me if the characters are flexible either for shipping or porn. No real need to have gender or sexuality politics with any fictional character if everything is a-ok from the beginning.

That being said, even as a non-cis-het person myself, I recognize that the vast majority of people around me either ARE Cishet, or lean strongly that way even if they have some interest in others of the same gender/sex. 

For instance, I considered myself straight for the longest time because I had no interest in Men, long before I knew about being Bi-Gender. However, I did eventually find two different men who I was like “Oh, you know what? Dating these two is actually a semi-attractive proposition. I’m still not like, super-sexually attracted to them, but romantically? Hell yeah!” And even then, with me currently dating both 1 girl and 1 guy respectively, I wouldn’t call myself traditionally attracted to Men, and for most people that would generally translate to as ‘Still straight but with an exception’.

So really, I don’t do a whole lot of “Oh this person is straight, this person is gay, they’re trans, etc etc” like I know a lot of people around me who are also LGBT do, I just tend to go with what feels right.

The idea of locking a character out from being shipped/together with another person because of gender or sexuality doesn’t really gel with me, simply because, well, the internet is the internet and they’ll do whatever they want anyway, but also just that, doing so limits story telling and fandom potential. Why limit characters to something so arbitrary?

Usually because it’s more relatable to the individual who is doing so, but as I said, that’s not really how I flow.

But I suppose this isn’t really an answer to the question. So to give a more ‘definitive’ answer for you on how I feel, here’s what I would headcanon for the other Main 7, plus whoever else crops up in my head:

Pinkie Pie I would generally be openly Pan. Gender or sexuality don’t matter to her as long as she can make you happy. Also the most likely to have an open relationship and see sex as fun and something to celebrate, not shun or be shamed of. Sex to her would not lessen a woman’s ‘value’.

Rarity would probably be my ‘Straight girl with an Exception’ clause. She’s the one seen to be the MOST boy crazy, and I don’t think it’s because ‘She’s confused/conditioned’ or anything like that. I think she genuinely loves boys and would happily have taken a partner. Especially in EQG though, I think Applejack would be her exception. The one girl she’s like “Oh heavens yes I would totally date her!” 

Rainbow Dash is probably Bi, but leans more heavily towards girls. Its easy to look at her having the pride flag for hair and think she’s the gayest character to ever gay, but honestly I really could see her going either way. For Rainbow Dash, I find it more a matter of finding someone either compatible, or a balancing foil to her. Someone has to make sure Rainbow’s not hurting herself in a way that also doesn’t annoy or upset her.

Fluttershy is the one I would likely make the most traditionally lesbian, if for no other reason than to ensure the FlutterDash shipping. Funnily enough though, it definitely feels like Fluttershy has the MOST straight ships of any of the main girls, and here I am doing the opposite. I guess most people just see her quiet, shy nature as being the most likely to be the ‘traditional home maker’ and as such would have a working husband while she takes care of the home. Straight definitely works for her, but FlutterDash is my 4ever OTP, so yeah, I would go this route personally.

Applejack is interesting as I think it changes depending on the universe. MLP, she’s absolutely straight in my book, and looking for a hard working man that would work beside her on the farm for the rest of her life and make sure the next generation of Apple Family is just as large as her family was. In EQG, I would also make her ‘Straight with an Exception’, that exception being Rarity. There’s less to tie AJ down to the traditional farm life and requiring her to build up a family, so it just feels a lot more natural that way.

Starlight Glimmer I would classify Demisexual. No clear attraction to either side, but if you form a close knit bond with her, she’s much more likely to feel romantic and sexual attraction to her. This is what would say make StarTrix work better than StarBurst, since it was shown just how MUCH Starlight and Sunburst had drifted apart over the years.

Trixie ...Honestly I feel like Trixie would best fit the flamboyant lesbian more than anyone lol. Like she is surprisingly shy and private in her down time, but for an audience she’s always putting on a show, being axtravagent, and she would absolutely be the kind of person to paint her cutie mark on her lovers face for a show to tell the audience ‘By the way, she’s mine so back off’. 

Mind you, in SSD Sunset is a pure Lesbian with SciTwi being Bi, and in my own headcanons Sunset is Bi as hell, and SciTwi would likely just be straight lol. Princess Twilight is the one I would more likely have be Bi/Pan and make the duplicates be varied greatly for that.

So I hope that answers the question, and also explains how none of these ‘answers’ are strict or definitive. Ship whoever you want, make them any gender/sexuality you want, because fan content is all about making content that YOU want to see and YOU relate to! There are very few ways to do that wrong, and almost all of them involve hurting real people.

[gigekitanzan]

"There's nothing wrong with me being gay. There's nothing wrong with me liking men. There's nothing wrong with me being a trans man and liking men. I am not a confused straight girl. There's nothing wrong with liking men, especially not me, or people like me, liking men." Gordie's repeating to himself, as if trying to psych himself up for something. "There's nothing... wrong... with me liking men."

He buries his face in his hands. "Why does it feel like there is!?"

Maybe he can tell another Gym Leader first-- or Sascha, she doesn't know yet-- someone he knows, and trusts-- not Melony, not yet-- he has to tell someone.

It's been eating him up for years. He has to. Not because he feels comfortable doing so-- that's still a far shot, he's afraid information will get around so easily-- but somebody he trusts not to tell has to know. He can't stay silent anymore.

"Rotom, call Sascha." Gordie drops his hands away from his face, watching as Rotom slips out of his pocket.

"You zzzure? You zzzzound strezzed."

"Stressed or not... someone needs to know. Sascha's going to be the first one." Gordie has a steely gaze as he looks at Rotom. "Call Sascha. Or-- just tell her to come over, actually. It'll be easier if she comes over."

"Alright big man, you've got it."

He’s waiting for a good fifteen, twenty minutes maybe. It honestly feels like forever, time moving slower than he’s ever felt before, and with each passing second, Gordie wonders if perhaps he’s made the wrong choice. If he shouldn’t tell Sascha anything-- if maybe, he should have just stayed quiet, and repressed it for another few years.

But… no. It’s been far too long, anyway. If he doesn’t do it now, he’ll just feel worse.

Then again, he feels atrocious right now.

Sascha doesn't even knock on the door-- they already have an agreement that she shouldn't, since if people tend to see Gordie, they'll pass on where he lives to the rest of his fans. She sits silently across from Gordie, leant back on the sofa, yet legs still crossed, as if trying to let go of Melony’s strict house rules. Don’t slouch. Crossing your legs is polite. Always try and show your face to whoever you’re talking to.

The direct opposite of Gordie, at this moment. He’s slouched across the chair he’s on, one hand covering half his face-- mouth included-- trying to avoid eye contact with Sascha. He feels like he can’t even speak, now. Everything’s lost in his head, caught up in desperate “what if’s” and “if only’s”, so far away from what he wants to say. It’ll be a miracle if he even manages to break the silence, and Sascha’s just… patiently waiting for him to.

There’s a solid minute of Gordie just groaning to himself, wishing now that he hadn’t even tried it, that it was just going to end terrible, that Sascha would tell mum and she’d be mad--

I have to let someone know. I have to tell someone--

Gordie looks across to Sascha, hand still firmly placed on his own face, to prevent her from seeing how plain terrified he is to admit this.

“Sasch--” He begins, and again, words fall flat on his tongue. “I-- I gotta tell you something, uh, important.”

“Important… how?”

“Important as in you can’t tell anyone else important!” Gordie snaps out, and Sascha doesn’t even flinch.

“Ah, that kind of secret.” She leans forward in the seat-- reminiscent of Melony, and the way she always seems to look that little bit closer when something’s interesting.

It strikes Gordie the wrong way, but he’s too far gone to even think hard about it.

“I’m-- I--”

Why now? Why can’t I say anything?

Again, Sascha’s silent, watching Gordie with a gaze nowhere near scrutinizing, but the intensity makes his skin crawl. It’s a long, long pause, where he tries to find the right words, fails to, and quietly curses himself once again for bothering.

“Sasch, I’m-- gay.”

There seems to be a pause from her, too. Taking in what Gordie had said, thinking just a little on the implications-- before she nods softly.

“I’m… glad you felt comfortable coming out to me.”

“Comfortable? Sasch, I literally wish I hadn’t said anything.”

“But you did say something, and that’s a start.”

Gordie looks at Sascha almost incredulously. “Huh?”

“I know you hate each other’s guts, but mum always says that coming out’s a personal decision. You come out to whoever you feel comfortable comin’ out to.”

“Mum says what now?”

Sascha visibly lurches. “She-- she hasn’t said that to you? At all?”

“No?!” Gordie pauses a few deafeningly quiet seconds. “Mum’s actually bi?!”

“You thought we were joking about her and Glacia for the fuckin’ giggles of it?”

Gordie looks at the floor, blinking owlishly. All this time, he’d been thinking they’d been making the joke simply because it was… well, almost obvious that Melony had some feelings for Glacia, but he hadn't even thought about the implications of that. 

At Gordie's silence, Sascha speaks again. "Gordie, you are having a laugh, right?" 

"I-- well, I-- it didn't… I wasn't…"

"No way. There is no way you're not joking. My big brother is not thick--" 

"I didn't think about it, okay?!" Gordie's loud, and defensive, as if it'll help him at all. 

At the admittance, however, Sascha's expression seems to change. "Gordie… how long have you been holding onto this?" She leans forward a little further, and Gordie lets his face sink further into his hands. 

"...ten years." It's mumbled out, and he's hopeful she didn't hear it at all. It sounds stupid, at this point-- not even noticing that mum really was bi, or that Leon and Raihan were most definitely together or… anything. He'd been so caught up in everything that had happened that he barely even thought about it. 

How couldn't he have figured it out? He'd watched Leon kiss Raihan, mum had very obviously been flirting with Glacia-- and that time with Milo when we were play-wrestling, and I got him in that triangle choke-- and that's not even getting on the fact that he knows Nessa's dating Sonia, and the fact that Opal already seemed to know from his Gym Challenger days, and he really doubts she'd be unhappy with it, considering her rambling on about the people she's been with before was what made Gordie realize that he really wasn't straight, even if most of that realization came from the fact he couldn't stop thinking about Milo when they were travelling together. 

God, why was it all falling into place now? 

"You need some time for yourself, big G?" 

"N-- uh, no, I, uh…" Gordie mangles his words worse than when Nessa had caught him staring at Milo's ass. "So, uh-- I… how would you… go about telling a good, uh, six-hundred fans maybe, that you're gay, and if they fetishise you, you're gonna like, crush their head like a can of fizzy?" 

Sascha frowns. "Oh god, is that what kept you from saying anything?" 

"Of course it is, Sasch. I've had enough of getting picked on, I didn't… wanna lose my whole fanclub if I came out." Gordie sits up and slumps over, looking down at the floor once again. "I'm still worried. D'you think they'll hate me? D'you think they'll be disgusting about it?" 

"Gordie, I don't wanna discourage you any. You don't have to come out all at once--" 

"The media, Sasch. I don't want them knowing until Galar's Major League does, and my fanclub does." God, it makes him shudder to think about; the media already twists the words of everyone in the major league, how bad could it get? What would they say, or do, or make everyone think? "I get what you're saying, but… I have to."

"Start small. Text a few close friends, or call them-- let your Gym Trainers know, they're part of your fanclub, right?-- if you've got a way to contact a large, or small, group of your closest fans, message them."

"Sasch, why are you so damn good at this? Makin' me feel bloody stupid."

"Comes with having to live with mum for years. She's nice and all, but I guess her strictness and… well, the way she thinks, starts getting to you."

"You've no idea how much this means to me, Sascha." Gordie shakes his head slowly-- he's close to crying, really, considering all the things he expected to go wrong haven't gone wrong. "I'll uh, get on messaging my trainers, and…" 

"You want to tell mum?" Sascha's voice makes him pause. He'd been thinking about it-- if she was accepting of him being trans, why not gay, too? And she was bi-- so why would it be a big deal, to him? 

Because of the argument. They hadn't really been able to maintain a conversation since-- Gordie too overcome with rage, or something of the like, preventing himself from even wanting to stick around and talk with Melony.

But, she's his mother. He can't hide from the fact he wants to talk to her forever. 

"I'll tell her. Tonight, probably. I'll come over and… hopefully I won't lose my cool."

Sascha nods softly. "You got it, Gords. I'm sure the triplets'd love to see you."

"Ha… if you're sure." There's a small pause. "Anyway, since you've been putting up with me for the last… half an hour? How about we go to Bob's?" 

"Sure, just don't shove everything under the rug about what you're planning, alright? Don't want you to forget to tell everyone."

"I won't forget, Sasch. No chance of it."

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

more Vamp Glimmer and Supposedly-werewolf-actually-just-a-furry Adora

- Not-sure-if-dating-vampire-or-cosplayer Adora chatting with any bats she sees in case they are girlfriend

- putting out a welcome mat so possible vamp gf won't ever be stuck outside her apartment 

- (it doesn’t quite work like that but adora leaves the mat out anyway) (just in case)

- watching Glimmer determinedly eat pizza while Bow facepalms and looking out for her when she gets violently sick later and being like ? Lactose intolerant?? OR deadly vampiric garlic allergy??? 

- its both

- and worth it

- Vampire glimmer remembering seeing her gf fight off a werewolf and screams internally bc adora is human she could have DIED 

- also how strong is she to fight off a werewolf while wearing a full body realistic furstuit??? 

- hooman gorlfriend STRONK!! 

-Question: how did human adora fight off actual werewolf? 

-Answer: she read somewhere that werewolf bite could one hit K.O. vampires. Pure protective girlfriend panic did the rest 

- this gets swapped once glimmer realizes her gf is 100% human, and very mortal, and won't actually regenerate or heal in moonlight, and could potentially be cursed for all eternity or eaten

- anything supernatural and not friendly within 100 yards of Adora can and will be mobbed by a cauldron of killer bats

- Adora think this is Very Cool

- but she also still wants to Fight too 

- Bow face palms even though he isn’t even there to see it he can just sense them being reckless gay idiots by now he can just TELL  

- Bow’s not a vampire YET but he’s been thinking about it for years bc his best friend is an immortal undead being of the night and he never wants her to be lonely 

- Glimmer was actually a dhampire originally but uh a thing happened- Bow got mistaken for an actual vampire and she jumped in to protect and.... turns out that dhampires come back as vampires when they ‘die’. Who knew?

- (glimmer’s just grateful she got done with high school before she changed. collage would have made her a nocturnal shut in anyway so no biggie) 

- Glimmer’s mom (also Vampire) was a lot more freaked out over it

- it made her a lot less pleased with the idea of Glimmer dating a werewolf aka a thing that hunts vampires on instinct once a month and is one of the few creatures capable of killing them fairly easily 

- she made a lot of very thinly veiled threats to Adora

- Adora was Confused 

- Adora spent a whole year thinking Glimmer’s goth dad had been killed by a furry and they even had a talk about how Glimmer felt dating Adora and how she didn’t want Adora to trying being someone else bc she was already nothing like the people who attacked her dad and SOMEHOW they still didn’t figure things out. Amazing 

- Micah isn’t dead he was a human who got attacked by werewolves for being around Vampire Angella and she turned him to save him but he has to spend a few decades in underground recuperating before he can wake up again :(

- Glimmer, back when she was a living dhampire, was really scared he’d sleep for centuries and she’d never get to talk to him again

- another reason she’s cool with being a 100% vampire now 

- Vampire Glimmer leans into her vampireness with glee- smokey eyeshadow, glitter, metal studs, corsets and fancy skirts, black lace fingerless gloves, lots of moon themed pendents, earrings that look like drops of blood, etc 

- She calls her fashion TRAS-ylvanian Vamp-bi-er because she also uses the trans and bi pride flag colors just like, constantly

- Vampire Glimmer: Things I need to survive. One, clothes themed pink-purple-blue, and Two, clothes themed Blue-Pink-White

Bow: What about blood?

Vampire Glimmer: Oh, yeah. That too I guess 

- Vampire glimmer can sprout smol bat wings 

- she is very pissed. her mom’s wings are HUGE and she cannot WAIT to have wings big enough to use as her own ultimate vampire cape

- after finding out Adora is actually a human Angella gets worried for Glimmer in a whole new way

- by then she’d actually warmed up to ‘werewolf’ Adora and trusted her and was actually glad Glimmer’s girlfriend had some supernatural powers to protect her, but now Glimmer is with a human just like Angella was, and she’ll either lose Adora like Angella almost lost Micah or have to make the choice to change her and possibly be left with the guilt of that for the rest of her eternal life

- (Angella’s a little terrified of Micah waking up. What if he doesn’t like being a vampire? What if he pretends he’s fine with it but secretly isn’t and is lonely and miserable forever??)

- she talks with glimmer about it all and they share many hugs. Yay undead mother-daughter bonding! 

- but this also makes glimmer worry bc she used to think her turning Adora a non-issue bc werewolf but now it’s a thing they have to think about and UGH her head hurts blegh whatever 

- not long after Glimmer catches Adora very seriously trying on some cheap fake party fangs and taking notes on how they feel

- Glimmer laughs so hard she cries 

- then she almost dies when Adora asks her “Vat’s vrong?”

- back to the I Am A Furry reveal, Adora sits down with Glimmer and explains that sometimes a furry is just a person who has a fursona and like dressing up as it if they can afford to and that’s literally all there is to it 

- glimmer does some research and comes back with even more questions 

Vampire Glimmer: If your fersona is bipedal werewolf but your fursuit is hyper-realistic to point where i thought it was a REAL wolf, then does that make you a Feral or just a detailed Anthro?

Adora: how do you KNOW about all this??

Vampire Glimmer: google exists. now answer the question so I know which terrible pun to send in Bow’s good morning text 

- 

-For the next few months after finding out The Truth glimmer suffers like, two more Truths per day 

- Vampire Glimmer, texting from inside her coffin: Wait, if you’re not a werewolf then why do you eat your meat so raw?

Adora: .... i can’t cook...

Vampire Glimmer: .......... fair enough

- half an hour later -

Vampire Glimmer, texting again: WAIT if you’re not a werewolf then how come you get all moody and grumpy and run off into the woods every full moon??

Adora: LARPing is fun but also stressful and brings on my period AND you can’t fully appreciate a good werewolf fursuit without both the right backdrop and bright moonlight 

Vampire Glimmer: Oh. huh

- half an hour later -

Vampire Glimmer, calling adora from inside coffin: Why do you always smell like dog

Adora, sobbing: I VOLUNTEER AT AN ANIMAL SHELTER DURING THE DAY MY SHIFT IS IN TWO HOURS  PLEASE  LET ME REST IN PEACE

Vampire Glimmer: OH MY GOD I’M SORRY BUT WHY ARE YOU EVEN ANSWERING YOUR PHONE

Adora, sobbing harder: I JUST REALLY LOVE TALKING TO YOU!!!

Vampire Glimmer: BABE I LOVE YOU TOO BUT THIS IS INSANE EVEN DEAD PEOPLE NEED MORE SLEEP THAN YOU’RE GETTING 

- glimmer texts bow and has him make an emergency coffee run to Adora’s so she be kinda sorta functional. This becomes a ritual and Bow joking complains about having to do their ‘dark bidding’ (adora drinks her coffee black) (Glimmer hates that Bow managed to make a both a vampire AND a coffee pun)

- by far the most horrifying thing of all is the fact that Adora has no canine allergy to chocolate. She just doesn’t like it

- vampire! Glimmer lies awake for several days trying to process this

- in the end they both just really love each other <3 

[shhhhyoursister]

Hey, could youw write a fic about davenzi first pride? Ps: I love your writing ❤

this has been in my inbox for so long and im sorry i didnt get to it sooner!!! ty so much for enjoying my writing, im sorry this got a lil angsty and long?? i hope you like it

The discussion about going to Pride had been just that: a discussion. It didn’t matter that after the fact Matteo’s eyes were wet and David’s lips were set in a thin line, that they went to bed that night with their backs facing each other, not touching. There had been no raised voices, no mugs or lamps or phones or anything slamming against the walls, no doors closing so hard the sound reverberated around Matteo’s mind for hours after. It wasn’t an argument. David and Matteo didn’t argue.

It hadn’t been fun, though. David, while not the type to out himself to everyone he met as trans, was more than proud to be part of the bigger queer community. He had a button with the pansexual colors on the new backpack he had bought for his classes at university, was planning on joining some of the LGBT groups there, had been making friends that were part of the community, and had been spending more and more time with them. And Matteo was proud of him! He would be a terrible boyfriend if he wasn’t, couldn’t understand how seeing David’s bright grin after spending the day with his new friends could make him feel anything other than, well, pride.

That wasn’t all he felt, though. He hated himself for it, could see how happy David was to have people around him who were proud and were open about who they were and who they loved, but the idea of engaging with anyone in the community other than the LGBT people he already knew was the single scariest thing he could think of doing.

So, when David had casually brought up the subject of Pride, of them going to Pride, while they were eating dinner late one night after his classes, Matteo had frozen, his fork halfway to his mouth. David had cocked his head to the side, silently asking what the matter was, and Matteo put his fork down, running his hands over his face before quietly saying, “I- I don’t know if I want to go.”

David had stopped, had righted is head so he could watch Matteo’s face as he hummed, had shoved another forkful of pasta into his mouth and chewed and swallowed before responding, just as quietly, “Oh. That’s okay. I can go with my other friends.”

And Matteo had panicked. David’s other friends, the ones that were proud of who they were, the ones that made David smile almost as big as he smiled for Matteo, the ones that took up most of David’s newest stories, the ones that were cooler and queerer than Matteo could ever hope to be. He had nodded, taking a bite of his food and chewing slowly before saying, “Yeah, you could do that.”

David had raised an eyebrow, his voice sounding a little challenging as he replied, “Yeah, I can. Unless you don’t want me to?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, you didn’t seem too happy about it, either.”

Matteo sighed, running a hand through his hair before bringing it down to pull at a loose thread on his sweater, and David’s free hand grabbed it before he could do any damage. David squeezed his hand, and Matteo squeezed back and lifted his head to meet David’s eyes.

“Baby, what’s going on?”

“Nothing. i don’t want to go to Pride, you want to go with your friends, and I’m okay with it even if I don’t need to be because it’s your life. You don’t need my express permission to do things.”

“I know that,” David started slow, “I was only asking because you seemed uncomfortable with it, is all.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Okay, good.”

“Good.”

The conversation ended there, both finishing their food in silence before cleaning their bowls in silence, and getting changed and getting into bed in silence. Matteo hated it, hated knowing that he had caused all the awkwardness, hated that he felt like he couldn’t talk to David about it. They both slept restlessly that night, wanting to feel the touch of the other’s skin, see the rise and fall of the other’s breathing, but both feeling too much to do anything about it.

It didn’t matter because the next morning, Matteo woke up to David spooned right against his back, his face buried in the skin on the back of Matteo’s neck. Matteo sighed, the tension draining out of his body as he grabbed the hand that David had resting on his stomach. David shuffled behind him, the arm around his waist squeezing him close as David placing a kiss on the spot his mouth had been pressed against.

“Good morning.” Matteo whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet, a much calmer one than the night before.

“Good morning.” David whispered back into Matteo’s neck, placing another kiss there before moving back, the hand on Matteo’s stomach moving so he could be maneuvered until he was facing David. They stared at each other quietly for a few minutes, before Matteo couldn’t bear both the quiet and lack of contact, and slid forward until his face was buried in David’s neck.

“I’m- I’m scared, I think.”

David only hummed, rubbing a hand soothingly up Matteo’s back.

“I don’t want people to think I’m like, a bad queer person or something. I don’t know how to be gay. I don’t know what I’m doing and it’s intimidating being around people who do.”

“What we’re doing right now is pretty gay.”

“Could be gayer.”

They both smiled at the jokes, before David pushed Matteo’s shoulder gently so he could look at his face.

“Why do you think you’re a bad queer person?”

“Because,” Matteo took a moment to think, stroking his hand up and down David’s arm to give himself a little comfort, “I’m not proud of it. I’m gay, yeah. I have a boyfriend that I love, I have friends that love me for who I am. But... I don’t feel the same way you and your friends do. It’s just a thing about me, not something I want to celebrate or need everyone knowing.”

David hummed again, nodding his head as he grabbed the hand Matteo was rubbing his arm with and brought it up to his mouth to kiss it. Matteo blushed a little, couldn’t help it with the softness of the gesture, and tried to wiggle himself closer to David again, but David didn’t let him.

“However you feel about being gay is okay, Matteo, as long as you don’t hate yourself for it.”

“I don’t, not anymore, at least. I think I did for a while. But I don’t now. I just don’t want it to be the only thing people think about when they look at me.”

“And that ‘s okay. You don’t need to be yelling about it all the time, or be covered in buttons and pins and rainbow paint. You can just be Matteo, a boy that is gay and is also a thousand other things.”

Matteo sighed, and smiled softly. David was good at saying the right thing, but he could tell that he wasn’t done speaking.

“And yeah, Pride is about celebrating queerness, but there’s a lot more too it. It’s a political statement, more importantly, but its also a personal experience for each person that goes. I’ve had friends who just go so they can wear whatever they want and kiss whoever they want without having to worry, and I have friends that march and wave signs and flags and scream. You don’t have to go, but if you do we can take it as chill as you want.”

Matteo considered his words. While him and David kissed regularly and held hands or hugged in most places, they both had a persistent fear that someone was going to say something, or worse, do something. They talked about it quietly one night after they had gotten a nasty look on the bus, both expressing the same worry. It would be nice to not have that for once. To be able to see David’s smiling face, and lean over and kiss him, without the gross nervous undertone. 

“It would be nice to not have to worry. But I- I don’t know. I’ll think about it, and let you know? Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, babe. And I won’t be mad if decide not to go. But I’ll be thrilled if you do.”

The next week, when Matteo finds himself being kissed passionately on a random street in Berlin with his hands in David’s hair and David’s on his waist, surrounded by people yelling and holding signs and waving rainbow flags, he starts to feel a little proud. 

[sher-soc-the-famder]

YOOOOO MY FELLOW GAYS it me :p I’m baaaack with another set of conspiracy theories for @altruistic-skittles’ In Our DNA Because I love driving myself insane by thinking in circles XD

That and I’m determined to figure out the Macy Mystery(tm) before it’s revealed, it’s practically a matter of pride at this point XD I mean, I probably won’t but I’m having a blast piecing different hints and details together. Like Game theory, with about the same track record too!

ANYWAYS SPOILERS AND POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW :P

First to recap! From my last theory post

- Patton having emotional power (CONFIRMED!)

- Roman being Subject 89 (CONFIRMED!)

- Patton, Logan, and Macy (Still in the air, probably Jossed XD)

- Virgil’s history with Logan (Still in the air)

- The whole thing being a test (JOSSED)

...which is not to bad actually, huh. ANYWAYS I’m gonna be focusing on the biggest mystery at the moment: Macy so buckle up it’s about to get weird

To start off with we need to narrow down the list of suspects which goes thus:

Roman, Virgil, Logan, Patton, Damion, Ms. Spencer, Emile Picani, Remy, Hobo (yes I’m including the cat, I did say that it was going to get weird), and finally Macy herself!

Pleeeeease let me know if I missed any important characters! I’m not including the parents or Flora because the ages just don’t match up at all, and if I start trying to add them to this equation I really will go mad. 

ROMAN

I’m crossing Logan off this list off of one thing alone: the ships listed for this fic. XD Logince. Need I say more? No? No. Go get your man, Ro

PICANI AND REMY

I mean, they’re in the tags. They’re gonna show up at some point. However, I’m doubting the existence of a third sibling. Neither Patton nor Logan has mentioned the existence of one. Plus I’m inclined to think that Skittles has already introduced us to Macy, and is just making us all suffer at this point

MS. SPENCER

...ok I don’t actually think that Ms. Spencer could be Macy but I really, really wanted to point out that Damion disguises himself as her at least once. How else would a supposed elementary school teacher know that people would be after not only Patton but Roman as well? Why would she time her running into Virgil so suspiciously well that Virgil doesn’t meet Patton at the theater? She’s surprisingly gentle with Roman, whom Damion would know

Hence at least in the theater scene Ms. Spencer = Damion 

aaaaanyways moving on

HOBO

I mean at this point, the cat could be a person and I would not be surprised. Virgil even points this out himself, that the cat could be a mutant and following him around for some reason. The two year timeline is rather suspicious as well. I’m leaning Hobo = Remy at the moment but WHO KNOWS Hobo could be Macy XD (and believe me, the moment that cat makes a return I’m starting a whole new theory board for them)

DAMION

(First off, gdi, Damion adds a whole new layer to the Unreliable Narrator tag, Skittles I’m going to go mad XD)

Damion is not Macy but he’s definitely involved somehow. My current theory? He’s the kid that broke his arm and led to Logan being taken. Chapter 7 opens with a flashback of someone who’s broken their arm, and is met with icy blue eyes. Logan. They leave and then they return to reassure him that everything will be alright.

But

They do it softly, in a way that helps him catch his breath. Which sounds an awful lot like Patton to me. “It’s going to be okay”

So

Damion breaks his arm, Logan sees it and tells Patton, Patton heals Damion’s arm and leads to Logan being taken. Which is why Damion is looking out for them. They helped him out and in return, one got his mind twisted and the other got taken to a facility and experimented on for years.

(Also note the ambiguous pronouns I’m going to bring those back up)

Also Chapter 9, with Damion being disguised as a scientist and helping Roman and his mother escape, leads me to believe that all the files about subject 89 were corrupted and/or deleted by him

PATTON

Ah, the story that Skittles wants us all to believe, the most likely to be true shhhhh I’m in tin hat denial land right now, the red herring, the bright spotlight that Skittles wants us to pay attention to so that she can pull of her magic trick in the shadows

WELL I WILL NOT BE FOOLED

Patton may look just like Logan, Patton may be trans, Patton and Macy may both have hints at having healing powers, Patton’s mothers may have locked him up in order to keep him from being taken as well, Patton may have memory problems that point to Logan messing with his head, but look

...

...

The story of Patton being Macy goes as thus:

Patton/Macy (from here on known as Patcy) heals Damion’s broken arm and gets noticed by Dr. William. After a period of time, Logan notices that people are trying to take their sibling and alters people’s memories into thinking that it was him who healed the broken arm. They alter Patcy’s memories for...some reason, and Logan lets themself get taken to the facility in Patcy’s stead. Patcy’s mothers, lock them up to keep from losing another child. A few years later Pacty realizes their gender, Patton chooses his name, Roman saves him from his mothers and we hit the present day. Makes sense no?

W R O N G XD

There are a few details that stand out that this doesn’t answer: Patton’s bracelet and his habit of messing with it. Why Damion- disguised as Ms. Spencer- kept Patton and Virgil from meeting. Why did Logan need to erase Patton’s memories of him in the first place?

Patton as Macy makes the most sense and yet, when I think about it, it doesn’t feel right. I can’t shake the doubt and conviction that he’s not Macy

Which leaves us with Virgil or Logan

VIRGIL

I doubt Macy is Virgil.

There are a few things that could mean his is Macy: the fact that he’s gender fluid, the normal life he got to lead (s u p p o s e d l y there’s still the question of how he meet Logan, which means he isn’t all normal), Virgil’s family being connected to the facility somehow, the way that the two just click, that strange moment where Patton notes about two of his students looking alike but not being related, and Virgil insistence that Logan gets to live their life

And one other vague hint that Skittles has told me that I’m not sure I’m allowed to share that could swing as support or something to disprove Virgil = Macy I haven’t decided yet

But I don’t think he’s Macy. For a couple of reason. Logan claims that Macy would look like them, and it’s one of the few things that I trust. Virgil has an entire documented family history. Virgil has time based powers when Macy is connected to healing powers in some form. And then well

Moxiety is listed as one of the ships XD With the build up of Logan and Patton’s connection they have to be connected in some way which could make Moxiety a little,,, squicky depending on what that connection is. :p 

Which just leaves:

LOGAN

Yeah, you heard me. I think Logan is Macy. I know it’s probably not right but GDI I’m attached to the idea now that I have to lay my clones theory to rest, at least for now

Do I want it to be a complex conspiracy? Why yes, yes I do, I know it’s not likely but it’s fun to think about and I hope it amuses Skittles. Look I watch Game Theory for fun, I love MatPat but I doubt 90% of his theories are right XD They’re fun anyways. *coughs* I’m rambling back to my thoughts

I already established in my first theory post that I don’t think we can trust Logan completely about their own past. They erased something from it. The question is what? They remember Macy obviously, and taking her place.

And that’s what interests me the most. They took Macy’s place. The fist couple of files we see about them is a search for healing powers. Why? Why would they expect healing? I said family lines before but they clearly don’t show any knowledge of Logan having siblings until they slip up about Macy.

And then there’s the fact they couldn’t erase memories until they were about eleven. Which means that everything they did before that was alteration and not erasures. Whoever Patton was to Logan, they couldn’t have erased things completely, only changed them. And you know what’s interesting about that?

Patton’s comment about Damion

“He was almost like a brother to me”

That on top of Damion trying to keep Royality separate from Analogical, it makes me think that things are going on. Things(tm)

So the Logan as Macy story goes as thus:

There was a pair of twins, both of them female. One heals people with the touch of her hands, and the other can dip into their memories like a pool. One day they meet a boy who’s broken his arm. The one who can heal gets caught healing him.

They’re young, they don’t know what to do. Her sister panics, and refusing to let her sister get taken, swaps both of them. She writes away her existence from her sister’s mind, filling in the gaps with the boy they had helped or just plain emptiness. And then, to make sure that they cannot find her sister, she changes her own mind, putting herself in the place of her sister.

Macy guarantees her sister’s freedom by making sure that they’ll never learn the proper name and information about her. But she keeps the idea of her sister close, to take with her. And leaves her sister a bracelet, maybe not to remember her by, but as a hope that maybe one day they’ll meet again

The only thing I can’t figure out is the whole gender issue, which I figured Damion would help Logan hide but IDk about the rest BUT COME ON The rest of it makes sense!! 

So I stand by Logan is Macy XD

Though it still leaves

MACY

There are two options with this. Macy is simply herself, and Patton is himself, a coincidence that everyone built up. Or Macy doesn’t exist. And was simply someone Logan imagined in order to help him cope. Neither of which are likely at all 

BUT STILL POSSIBILITIES

ANYWAYS thanks for joining me in tin foil hat land again XD I hope y’all are enjoying this fic as much as I am and SKITTLES I’m excite for where you take it no matter where it goes!!

Keep up the good work and have an awesome day! <3

[transamorousnetwork]

The Trans Guide To Happiness

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you. Especially you if you're transgender or trans-attracted. You’re the vangaurd of humanity. You’re special.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn't what you're doing.

It's how you're thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Including having the love you want. Living your greatest life hinges on being happy.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don't, it comes and goes.

Here's the secret to living your greatest life ever and getting the love you want: Be happy first.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It's saying "How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want."

Same is true if you feel shame about being trans-attracted, sad, confused or in despair over dysphoria from being trans, or feeling depressed, lonely or anxiety-ridden

Ask someone "what is the purpose of emotions?" You won't get the answer you just got. Yet it is key to everything.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds. No matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

"How do you conjure it?" you ask.

I'll get to that. But first, let's spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

^^Happiness is the key. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters...a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Go to gay bars, deal with trolls and gold digging transgender women, men on the DL and transgender women that haven’t figured themselves out. Or join online dating sites, sift through all kinds of men totally clueless about what it means to be transgender, or transgender women who are only looking for six pack abs, young guys, and “straight men”. You kiss a lot of toads, remain single and struggling, despondent and sad until, some time later....through all kinds of trials and struggles...you find him or her or them.

Whether it’s a relationship or a job or a place to live or love many people default to option A.

Option A gives you great stories to tell. "War wounds" galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way if you’re trans-attracted and married. Or you got disowned from your family if you’re transgender. Maybe you got your heart broken by that guy who turned out to be married. Or that transgender woman who really didn’t know what she wanted, but realized not you.

There are tons of people out there who will commiserate. Hey, you made it! You found love! And I feel you girl! It’s not easy!

Maybe you're happy. Maybe you're satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be in relationship now. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of people who find love lose it. In wake of that, they’re bitter, depressed, lonely and heart-broken.

That's not happiness.

Option B:

Be happy first. Learn to tell the right storiesso you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you finally find that relationship. At that point, you have what you want: you're happy. After all, that’s why you want that relationship or whatever. You think it will make you happy.

That kind of happiness is Option A. In Option B you get that relationship too.  It comes far easier, and, through the entire way you’re already happy. But it doesn't end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right jobs, the right events, the right places to live, the right amount of money...all these things come with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You're getting what you're wanting. What’s more, happiness replaces struggle, stress and anxiety.

Along the way, your connection to that larger you grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. What others think worries you less. You realize you're eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To me, the choice is clear.

Option B happens exactly like this. Here's why that is, and why happiness matters.

^^Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when got your stories right.

Telling the right stories connects you with your larger self. The part of you you project yourself from into physical reality. You're "here" on earth. But you're also "there" in the timeless, spacious present of the now.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don't get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That's a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like "I wish that jerk would die, he’s such a dick!" or "I wish I never married my wife. She’s such a bitch!" or "I wish you were never born"?

It's a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want. Your life would be crazier than it is.

Things don't have to happen as slow as they do though. They can happen faster. What's slowing them up? I'm going to tell you.

^^Your life experience composes a constellation of events all shaped by your stories. (Photo: Frederik de Wit)

You have access to great power. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? If it has everything you want, wouldn't it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, eager and blissful?

Of course it would.

Well that power you have access is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your power sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your power. That’s why when you do tune in you feel all these positive emotions. Including happiness.

Your power is intelligent. It also loves you. It wants you to have everything it has. It’s always sending you messages that, if followed, lead you to everything your power has...which is all you can have.

When you're in tune, you're able to hear those messages. They feel like intuition, or hunches.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you're tuned to your power. When you're happy, you're in tune. When you're not, you're not in tune. It’s that simple.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That's why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open. And when it is open, you’re lead to all you want.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending.

So, back to the question: "how do you conjure happiness"?

The answer: by learning to think deliberately. So “thinking” is important?

Not only is thinking important, how you think is important too.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think" in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone teaches how to think so you can be happy in life.

I’m going to teach you right now.

Think your way to happiness

^^ Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

I get a new car. I'm happy!

I get a job. I'm happy!

I had a great time last night. I was happy!

When I meet the guy of my dreams, I'll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don't know what you're reading.

As I wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It's actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too.

It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let's say you're on a blind date. The person you’re out with turned out to be nothing like what you want. Or maybe you’re buying a coffee and someone misgenders you. Or you’re trans-attracted and worried your wife is going to find your YouTube or PornTube History.

Your irritation, frustration, disappointment, anger or fear or dread is not happiness.  That means you're not tuned into your power. You're not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you canbe happy now, even though you’re with someone you see no potential in or you’re being misgendered, or you’re worried about your spouse discovering your trans-attraction.

How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up.

It's that simple.

So you're on your date. The person you’re with is not at all your type. You feel negative or disgusted. You’re thinking “why am I wasting my time here?” or complaining about how this person looks or something like that.

Let’s say you’ve been misgendered. Immediately you’re angry. You may not know it, but maybe you’re thinking “how could this happen again!” “I can’t believe this is happening!” “How dare she/he” or, “OMG! What are people thinking right now! How embarrassing!"

Or perhaps you’re worried about your wife finding out your trans-attracted. You’re fearful, insecure, anxious and always looking around your shoulder. You’re thinking “Oh god, what happens if she wants to divorce me?” “What if she finds out I’ve been having sex with escorts?” “What if our son finds out?” “What will she do to me?”.

Blind date, the coffee shop, your marriage. These are stories you’re telling about the situation. That’s all they are. They are not the truth, they are just a story. So here is how to be happy, even in these three circumstances.

First, turn your attention to something that pleases you in the moment.  The clothes you're wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work, or how good you looked in the mirror.

It would go like this:

I really like how I look in this

I like how I feel in this

These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, feminine, etc)

I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could think about your best friend, or someone else you know you really care about. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them similar to the ones above:

I'm so glad so-and-so is in my life

I'm eager to see this person again

It was cool so-and-so called me last night

I’m glad I can rely on him/her/them

I like having them in my life.

Maybe you really like the way you have recently reorganized your home. Think about how much you like your space now. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy space into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

I really like being organized

I like having everything in their place

It feels good to be organized

I feel best when my space is ordered

It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn't have to be monumental. It doesn’t have to be about your current situation either. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. I'll describe the mechanics another time.

^^ Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you’ll be feeling what you originally felt, disappointment, anger or fear or embarrassment or worry.

But as you think on purpose, you'll feel different. You might feel a less negative emotion first. For example, your embarrassment might turn into pessimism or your frustration might turn into mild annoyance. This is progress.

Keep thinking on purpose and you’ll find yourself feeling relief. Then positive feelings like optimism, hopefulness and...eventually happiness. If you can keep going you might realize yourself feeling enjoyment about your date, or you not caring about what the barista did. Or you may feel love and compassion about your wife instead of anxiety over her discovering your trans-attraction.

Now you’re having a totally different experience than you were having before. If you’re on a date, you might actually start enjoying the date, even though you may not see any future with the person. If you’re in the coffee shop, you might find presence of mind to make the experience a teaching moment for the barista. If you’re at home, you might feel an overwhelming sense to do something to resolve the situation. Like tell her. Or search for a way to tell her.

^^A married transamorous man’s message to us here at The Transamorous Network.

So the key is to turn your attention to something other than what you’re thinking about. Something more positive than what you’re thinking about right now. You’ll find your feelings will change too. Keep it up and your experience will change too as your mood improves.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you're feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you're feeling. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, "Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That's pretty neat!" Come up with five or six other thoughts:

This is new and exciting.

Hmm, I like how this feels

I like that I can do this.

I feel a whole lot better

Wow, now I'm feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you'll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

I wonder how far this can go?

Could it be this easy?

This is actually kind of fun!

I’m glad I tried this!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you'll find yourself feeling other...er...sensations 😀.

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions still haven't changed. You’re still on a blind date that hasn’t changed. Or you’re still in the coffee shop. Or you’re still married to a cis-woman.

Practice with obvious things until you're good at it.  Maybe you like how you look. Or you like some talent you have. Maybe you like a particular television show. Or you like a particular person. Practice with those.

Then move to less obvious topics:

Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.

Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.

Or that you really like the color of your room.

Or that the sun comes up every day

Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative, or sad, or embarrassed or anxious. Your life experience reflected that: a boring date you’d prefer to escape; a close-minded barista who said something negative;  a marriage you’ve outgrown. Now you’re happy or close to it. You've also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a stirring in your loins maybe, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

There are changes happening you can't see too. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you're wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

Your blind date may suddenly say something that interests you or makes you laugh. Or the barista may apologize, not intending to slip with the wrong pronoun, or someone may correct the barista for you. Or you might find some resources to help you navigate through your marriage, or your wife may approach you and say something out of left field like “I love you no matter what, you know that?” in response to her deep knowing already that you’re trans-attracted.

In other words, you're not doing this to just feel good. Your life experience is changing. You’re also doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you.  This is where your impulses come in.

^^Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like "go to the bathroom", for example.

Let's say that's it. You’re in the coffee shop. You’ve changed your thoughts. Then, you get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, when you come out, you might bump into someone you were thinking about. Or you might get a text or call from someone you know. Or a call from someone you've been wanting to hear from. Coming out of the bathroom, you might run into a co-worker who says, "I was just thinking about you." and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you've gotten exactly what I described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was changing what you’re thinking about and following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own.

That's practiced. You're not thinking on purpose. That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or "impulses". Of course, as you practice, you'll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true though. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”.

Why else would you care about how you look to other people? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So something happened: you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

So when you feel an impulse after tuning into your power, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, for now you have to take on faith that something did happen. In time, you’ll become more aware of what’s happening.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

^^Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Still, can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure?

At first, you'll get a lot of "false" results. But those "false" results aren't false. You just can’t yet understand how they aren’t.

Keep going though and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You also learn how to see things working out for you more easily.

Eventually you’re following your tendencies regularly. And they are leading you to all you're wanting.

But...

Doing this process once or twice it's not enough. You'll feel good for a moment. But your old habits (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don't apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then through telling these new stories you’ll come into your power.

And thenyou have it all, including lasting happiness.

[queertheology]

Faith Based Activism Starter Kit

When I was 21, a conversation with my parents about health insurance devolved into an argument about my queerness.

I had come out as gay three years earlier and they had a mixed response. They checked a few of the right boxes: they were quick to assure me that I was still their son, they made it clear they would still help me with college, they loved me and wanted me to be happy. But they also had their stumbles: they asked that I go see a Christian counselor, they never asked about my dating life, they were uncomfortable  talking about anything LGBT.

So I waited.

I did what I thought was the “good Christian thing” to do: I was patient and gracious. I tried to not ruffle any feathers (though I did have a few outbursts of frustration). I was “giving them time and space” for their “process.”

And then three years later we were sitting in the kitchen arguing about whether it was OK for gay people to be camp counselors and youth leaders, whether gay relationships were valid, whether anyone even expected gay people to get married in the first place. And I realized, in that moment, that they hadn’t changed. My parents were, for the most part, in the exact same spot they were three years ago when I came out.

All of my grace and patience and gentle reading suggestions and subtle attempts to talk about LGBTQ topics had done nothing. My parents hadn’t changed because, frankly, I hadn’t asked them to. I thought I was being kind, gracious, patient; I thought I was giving them time and space. But what I was really doing was being silent, tacitly approving the status quo.

The night of that argument, when I realized that my parents hadn’t changed because I hadn’t asked them to, I also realized that if the Church and America are to change, someone is going to have to ask them to change also. And not just ask once, meekly. We are going to have to force the issue. In his Letter From A Birmingham Jail, Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. explains,

“Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and establish such creative tension that a community that has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue.”

That day, I decided I would be an “angelic troublemaker,” as Bayard Rustin said. I applied for (and was later accepted to) Soulforce’s Equality Ride and spent 2 months studying nonviolence and theology, including in-person training with civil rights leader John Lewis, and then 2 months traveling the country engaged in activism and speaking at schools, churches, and communities around the intersections faith, justice, gender, and sexuality. In the decade since, I’ve dedicated much of my time, passion, and energy to social justice causes. I do this because of my Christian faith, not in spite of it.

I’m sure you’ve had some similar experiences. Parents who need a little more time, a church that’s still discerning their stance, pastors who have a good heart but don’t quite get it. Whether it’s around LGBTQ issues or something else like race, sexism, police brutality, Islamophobia… I bet there’s been someone in your life who is “not quite there yet” (maybe you have been that person).

And perhaps you’ve even wanted to be more active in creating change in your life, family, and community. If you have a similar stirring in your soul to do something, I see you. Here’s a bit of what I’ve learned from my past decade of faith-based LGBTQ activism.

In Romans 12, Paul says,

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship.”

Putting your body on the line — literally — is a spiritual act of worship.

A faith-based pursuit of justice is found throughout the Bible.

Micah tell us that what God requires is “to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

Amos tells us that God “hates” and “despises” religious festivals, but instead desires that “justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream.”

On Palm Sunday, Jesus stages a massive nonviolent direct action by riding into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, and later that week even goes so far as to destroy property by turning over tables in the temple.

Imagine what our community, our churches, our world would look like if Christians rolled up our sleeves a little more and worked a little more fervently for the Kingdom of God, on earth as it is in heaven?

How to get started with faith-based activism

Read

Activism doesn’t happen in a vacuum and simply being LGBTQ (or loving someone who is) doesn’t automagically make you an expert (if only!). Take some time to learn about the issues you find yourself in the midst of, issues that you are connected to, issues that you can work in solidarity with. And learn from those who have gone before about the tactics that worked — and those that didn’t. Innovation is important, of course, but so is learning from those who have already been doing the work, when possible.

Here are some book recommendations to get you started:

Jesus & Nonviolence: A Third Way by Walter Wink

Jesus Acted Up by Robert Goss

Why We Can’t Wait by Martin Luther King Jr. (the published version of Letter From A Birmingham Jail)

How Nonviolence Protects The State and The Failure of Nonviolence by Peter Gelderloos

Color of Violence by INCITE! Women of Color Against Violence

The Kingdom of God Is Within You by Leo Tolstoy

When We Rise by Cleve Jones

I got my start as an activist with Soulforce, which is committed nonviolent direct action as a means of sabotaging Christian supremacy. Why nonviolence? Here’s how they put it,

It is effective for the kind of work that we do

It is open and accessible in the sense that it provides tools to everyday activists and “pre-activists”

It contains a call to action

And finally, it offers a path of personal transformation. Our goal is always first and foremost the internal healing, reconciliation, strengthening, and transformation of the individual and community.

This is the nonviolent process that I learned:

Experience the nature of the problem and be with the people most affected

Research the problem and the adversary; understand the facts and the cultural texture of where we are located

Negotiate with the adversary directly on what justice can look like

Use direct action to elicit a re-dedication to moving toward justice when negotiation fails

Use tools of communication and media to bring more people into the conversation to lean into the strength of social accountability to work towards cultural change

Return to negotiation when the adversary is willing; the question is not whether we shall move toward justice but how and how soon

Soulforce has a detailed and accessible guide to nonviolence which I highly recommend.

Stay Current

In order to be effective activists, we have to know what’s going on! Some of these groups and resources are not specifically Christian but are doing work around issues that we think are important for Christians. It can be powerful for Christians to work alongside non-Christians on issues that matter to us.

Black & Pink – supporting LGBTQ prisoners

@prisonculture on Twitter

POWER an interfaith activist organization based in Philadelphia (but who is engaged with issues of national and international significance)

National Immigrant Justice Center

@BreeNewsome is a fierce Black, Christian activist. Follow her on Twitter to stay connected to current events + be blessed by her keen insight

Queer Theology – on our Facebook and Twitter, we regularly share information about issues that are important to LGBTQ Christians and supporters as well as actions you can take to make a difference

Connect Locally

Groups meeting at your local LGBT Center are a great place to start. Look up who is there and get involved in one that resonates with you

Everytown for Gun Safety has actions you can take — digitally and in-person — to make a difference in your community

Soulforce has opportunities to educate yourself and take action digitally and locally.

Trans Day of Action is an annual event organized by Audre Lorde Project in NYC and has local actions in some cities. It’s a great way to offer your body as a living sacrifice by showing up for trans justice

Black Lives Matter has chapters across the country. If there’s one in your town, you can link up!

Practice Activism in Your Daily Life

Activism isn’t only being part of an official organization, it also happens in your personal life.

Speak up when a family member says something homophobic, racist, or otherwise prejudiced

Ask your pastor to use examples of LGBTQ people in their sermons

Start a group at your church — maybe it’s something simple like an LGBTQ fellowship, or more active like an activist group

Ask your church leaders to read our article on how to tell if your church is welcoming for transgender people and go through our Inclusive Church Checklist

You don’t have to be outspoken and in your face to practice activism. Fr. Shay wrote an article on how introverts can get involved with activism in a way that feels safe and sustainable.

Take Care of Yourself

If you want to be an effective activist, helping make the world a better place… then you need to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself too.

We have a bunch of resources on self-care including An LGBTQ Christian Guide to Self-Care

There may be a peer support group you can join at a local nonprofit that centers around your experience (in major cities, healthcare nonprofits often have these, as well as community- and issue-specific groups such as LGBTQ, veterans, immigrants, etc).

You may find therapy to be helpful in taking care of yourself (I know that I do!). If you have insurance, you may be able to see a therapist for relatively cheap. If you don’t, there might be a nonprofit that offers those services to you at no or lost cost. You can also look into virtual counseling with a company such as BetterHelp. We can’t recommend enough that you work with a licensed therapist who does not have a religious agenda. This type of therapist will be much more helpful than a “Christian counselor” through your church or a religious organization.

Get Started

I know there’s a lot here and the last thing I want you to do is get stuck in analysis paralysis. I know that a fear of doing or saying the wrong thing can take keep many of us from ever taking action.

What sort of world would we live in if we were always ruled by fear of failure? You may mess up along the way and that’s human. The key is to graciously admit your mistakes, learn from the experience, and commit to making things right. We’re in this together.

So today, pick one book to read or one organization to connect with. Take one step today, and another tomorrow, and a third next week. Keep on with the work until that day when justice rolls down like a river. Because together, we’re gonna change the world.

We’ve got more resources for Christian activism coming, if you want to make sure you get ‘em all, you can signup here and we’ll send ‘em your way